I only have one advice for women, learn how to love yourself first. Then everything will unfold in the best way for you. Mirror a man's behaviour, if he is avoidant, avoid him, especially if you have an anxious attachment style
That's hard to do but yes. Your desire is to be with them every second, but when they need space you have to give it to them. Don't smother them and they will come back around when they're ready.
@@ekmackenzie dear, I suggest to do inner child work, connect back to your heart, your emotional needs and learn how to take care of them. There are many practices such as self love affirmations that you can do ❤
But should men not learn to love themselves first? The sad thing about this is that everything should be done to please the avoidant? Why should anxiously attached learn to leave avoidants alone yet still be ready for the avoidant who will never ever say yes unless they are in full control?
5 signs an avoidant loves you... from my own experience: 1. All of a sudden he/she will ignore you, all communication will cease and you will wonder if he/she is alive or dead. 2. When you are with them you can tell their mind is somewhere else. They are always moving on to the next thing even when you are right in front of them. 3. You can't bring up any emotional topics, ever. 4. They will make you feel alone... and eventually you will be all alone. 5. They always come back. Usually acting like nothing is wrong... it may be a few days, a few months or a few years yet they always come back. Remember: They love you 🙄
For more than 5 Years I was in a "relationship" with an avoidant. I ended it two months ago and i am so happy now! Everyone notices ! My advice...run don't walk! Seriously. The constant pushing and pulling..awfull, we deserve better ladies ! Take care of your happiness! ❤
I'm delighted to hear that you feel happy and fulfilled after making the decision to end a relationship that wasn't right for you. Thank you for sharing that with us :)
Was you guys living together what was the most complicated thing about him in the realtionship I am studying Advodiant men was he a fearful or dismissive avoidant Great step
Yes, go no contact if the avoidant is low effort and treating you casually. If the love is real, then time and distance will make them feel the loss and fear losing you.
I have been no contact many times because of low efforts and no investment. He always came back after little time ( one time after 3 months) but the relationship structure never changed. I am tired of all this struggle but I love him.
Yes, I avoid avoidants since I became more "secure" (after being anxious and attached). Beginning of anxiety became an ally for me, I'm like "ok, so that's my sign to back off and observe from far the whole situation". If it's just a crisis or a new situation, I act better and calmly. If it's afterall an "avoidance" situation, I take my ass away from their sight.
Why not just stay away? To my experience a relationship with an avoidant goes nowhere. At loooong trip of setting yourself aside and pleasing. And the day you stop you are DUMPED. So why not just run in as soon as you know you are dealing with an avoidant? Why should the world adjust to avoidants? Why are avoidants not supposed to work on themselves to be in a relationship? Anxiously attached are always yelled at. Should work on themselves. Learn to hold back. Then why not avoidants?
I'm so happy I've realized relationships beyond business are a complete lack of time people refuse to be happy and satisfied within themselves and thus cannot be satisfied with others.
1. If he's taking care of details (remembering small details). 2. Take Care of You and Be VERY Careful especially when at his place/with him. 3. Makes efforts on what you ask of him. Otherwise, no effort equals no love 4. Small attentions ( compliments you, etc) 5. Remembers what you SAY! When dedicated to you he will REMEMBER!
He did all of that and I still didn't think he really loves me. We just broke up on Christmas eve and that's when I started seeking help on this channel. I see so many mistakes I did, and I'm so sorry that I didn't give him space he needed. I'm anxious attachment style, of course I didn't know that when we were dating (almost 2 years). I started no contact almost immediately, but I have no hops that he will reach out to me.
Don't believe these are all the things a women suppose to do watch old 1930s movies men never chase a women but I will say I've done all those things and guess what?? She left awesome aye 😂
So, just keep looking for crumbs? No thank you. Stop trying to read between the lines. Walk away, you deserve better. I feel bad about avoidants, but if they're not making the effort to change their attachment style, especially after late 20s max 30, it's on them and you guys deserve better. Life is too short to spend with the wrong person. You'd rather be happy alone than be sad in a half assed relationship. Love yourself first.
Wasted few years of my life with avoidant, and all Ive got from that is depression. Never I will do same mistake again. Avoidant has no clue about respect, other partner's feelings and responsibility. They only care about their comfort zone and they will never let you in it. Or they will let you in just for so long you start to feel OK, just to break your heart over and over again.
As someone who tends to be avoidant I can say without malice that avoidants tend to be self-centered assholes. I was with an avoidant for 18 months and it was all about him. I chalk it up to a painful and expensive lesson. I’ll never date another one!
Hi I am studying Advodiant men they are very interesting and challenging men I must say could you tell me if he ever said he love you or wanted to marry you what a strong walk on your behalf ❤
yeah... always talking in the "I" and "me" form, never talking about "we" or "us". He lives his life and you just need to keep up. His terms, his goals, his wishes, all about what he wants. Obsessive (financial) mindset. They're so scared of people hurting them they push them away, only for the other party to end up exhausted and leaving. In the end the avoidant can say, see how they hurt me, see how they ended up leaving, see how people cant be trusted. Dear avoidants, do the work, you cant expect others to fully take on the burden of not triggering you into full flight mode.
I had no idea that the guy I was becoming close with - as friends - that he was an avoidant. He would do exactly all the 5 things you mentioned Alex. But we never talked about being more than friends. We were friends not friends with benefits or anything. I felt that it was going well and I was just enjoying his company. But then a little situation and misunderstanding took place between us and all of a sudden he went super silent. And when I approached him about it, he just told me he "got busy" (sure he did.....) So I stopped talking to him and 3 weeks later, he showed up at my house, (after a few drinks) and told me that he was afraid that I was getting feelings for him....after our chat, I just asked him how he felt about me and he told me that he was developing romantic feelings for me. Ahhh, so there's the truth. But then he kept telling me that he doesn't want to be in a relationship and that he's bad at them (he's had really bad relationships in the past). I honestly didn't think so at all with all the time I spent with him.... And then he told me that he doesn't think men and women can be friends, so I told him 'ok, we don't have to be friends', but after I told him we can go separate ways, he said 'no no....' Well as time went on, I noticed that he put up walls with me and then he just drifted away and I haven't heard from him since. I'm honestly sad that I lost a closeness with him - but I'm not going to chase after a man who self proclaims himself to be 'bad at relationships'. Thank you for your advice in this video, it explains his behaviour and how he is a lot.
It's very sad that this kind of akways men never seek help or specialized psychological support. Once a person understands why he/she does certain things it gets easier to correct behavior if one wants too.my ex was an avoidant too. He ghosted me, now he came back 10 months later kinda saying he is sorry. As a rather anxious person, I cannot go back to the same uncertainty and lack of communication again 😢
@@mrs.h9621 you’re so right. He’s been through counselling but I don’t think he went long enough or actually dealt with whatever he needed to deal with enough so to heal. Too bad tho, he’s a good man. A broken one - but still good
I think avoidants are like that. Mine did all the five things Alex said. After expressing the beginning of deep feelings, he began the slow fade. He was more comfortable being just friends. He would do anything for me, but his fears got the best of him. Eventually, he found a new relationship that I think was safer. Kind of sad.
#1 yes, he remembers many small details of what I like--diet Coke with plenty of ice, anything with caramel but not chocolate, etc., and brings me those especially when I'm having a stressful day. #2 when visiting him, he kennels the dogs (one is very anti-social). when riding in his truck, he automatically turns on the seat-warmer for me, plays my kind of music if we are done talking, or turns off the music if we start talking again, adjusts the cab temperature for me and not necessarily for him. #3 has fixed my cars in many ways, installed a bidet for me, fixed other plumbing problems. #4 compliments me and brags about me to others within my hearing. and has told me he appreciates my talents. #5 definitely remembers what I say, very personal stuff, and will repeat back to me if he thinks I need to hear it again, all in a very comforting way. I do give him space to re-energize because his job demands a lot of emotional energy. I used to feel left out and needed reassurance. Now, I understand him much better and I have trust in his friendship and love. He has said that he feels he can trust me, too. awwww, so sweet!
If you are not misdiagnosing or over diagnosing, One day you will realize you should have walked away as soon as you found out they were avoidant. The sooner the less pain.
What if this guy was seriously hurt several times throughout his life and it wasn't his choice to be this way? Is he not deserving of the effort if he is a good man that loves you? You are the problem for men in this situation. It's your choice where to spend your time, but don't you dare think that a man in pain isn't worth the time and effort for someone else....
You cant say no one has time for this. You are only speaking in regards to you dont have the time for this. Most people do not take the time for a lot of things.
Dude, you know your shit for sure! The dopamine-in-the-brain breakdown you did in another video also nailed it: Challenge generates dopamine, the love hormone. A guy who wants you “will have this flow of hormones that he can’t control”. He only becomes distant “because there’s a lack of challenge, and a lack of dopamine”. That explains the centuries of advice to women, use the power of the void (I Ching), otherwise known as playing hard to get. No challenge, no dopamine, no love. And it’s even worse with the avoidant. Unfortunately, girlfriends, we’ve got to become experts at playing the game.
That's only going to work if you love playing mind games and it will last a lifetime, and attract a toxic person. I will never and never have played hard to get. I have too much faith in my ability to not need to do so. Plus, it's gotta be exhausting if you're naturally not into games.
As an avoidant person, it doesnt mean we dont really like you. We like you but we just avoid you necause we dont want to get in deeper cause we always thought of the negative things (from past relationships) and we dont want to get hurt again. So i distant myself from him
So you begin dating someone, and the guy becomes attached and falls in love with you. Only for you to turn around, oh I was hurt in past relationships I am breaking up. Avoid the Avoidant.
Thank you so much for this video. The guy I’ve been seeing shows all of the signs you mentioned. The only thing is, two months ago he blocked me for no apparent reason. But one thing I’ve learned from you is to keep my distance as well. Thank you, again,Alex. You are the best!
Girl move on. When someone is blocking you they are showing you what you need to see. Don’t allow yourself to be strung out for years waiting on someone to be what you want them to be.
He loved me! He did all of these things. Damn it! He loved me and I thought he didn’t. I broke up with him and didn’t know until I saw the look on his face when I told him I was leaving the relationship. I gave us both some space afterwards and then tried to talk to him but he only responded twice then ghosted. It's been 6 months since we last spoke. I'm crushed. I love him. This sucks 😭
I'm so sorry to hear this! you will get through this but take this time to focus on yourself and surround yourself with people who love and support you ❤️
Look at u blaming urself for not being a mindreader. His behaviors were inconsistent and narcissistic. Sweetie love urself more. Love is healthy and consistent. Anyone who doesn’t want to lose u will make sure u have no doubt and learn your love language. It has to work both ways. I relate to u.
My law of attraction always works with you guys! 😂😂 Because whenever i need some console or advice, then you and love advice tv come up with a video. 😂😂 Thank you! It heals me! 😌😌❤️❤️All your videos are amazing! 👏👏 You all are doing a great job! 👍👍
Alex I absolutely love your challenge. I worked with pick up artists for a couple years and I absolutely hate the pick up psychology and field. You are a refreshing and intelligent change for me to gain knowledge from ❤
Wow! I now realize my boyfriend is an avoidant, but he does all of these things and more. So I do know that he loves me and that’s very encouraging. He also talks about our future and says we instead of I but just not hearing the words and the compliments is hard but I feel a lot better now, so thank you so much Alex.❤
Yeah I can relate...mine too is an avoidant... Never compliments me, never says he missed me, never says i love u even by mistake 🙄 but shows it in his actions..now I understand why
Avoidants can send a message if one asks but he won't do it consistently. He does it when we ask because he wants us to leave them alone. Whats the use of asking for the basic?
This is the video that helped me the most with feeling secure. My partner is very busy, but for reasons to do with how he responds in emotional situations, I believe his busy is self manufactured partially from avoidant triggers. He does everything on this list and I suspected these were signs, but you're one of the only coaches I've found at youtube who was able to validate this for me.
I'm glad you found a video that helps you feel more secure in your relationship. If you recognize yourself in your partner's avoidant behavior and it seems to contribute to his busy schedule, it's an important first step toward understanding and potentially improving your relationship.
@FrenchRelationshipExpert he's always been a workaholic even when we were friends. I came to suspect he was avoidant because of the way his vulnerability shifted once we agreed to date. I don't specifically think I trigger him, more like he just works a lot to have somewhere to escape when he's overwhelmed with anyone in general. I don't want to write a long response, but we've been working towards the middle ground. 👍
I strive to not put my happiness and fulfillment all on them. It's so unfair. I'm happy and fulfilled with or without him. But I am happier when he is close to me physical. I appreciate quality time above all else.
Thank you for sharing this information. I needed to hear all this because I was about to give up on my roommate/best friend. Knowing all this helps me to know there's hope. ✌️💛🦋
I can definitely detect my patience waning in life... I am filled with, and consumed with, rage and grief. I desperately want to die, I can no longer bear the darkness... I AM SO FUCKING exhausted and depressed. 44 years of hell and trauma, that's been my entire life, so far...
I've been through this and I realized that what I wanted to die, is all those things leading me to the darkness, not me. There's always light after darkness, hold on, accept what caused rage and grief , accept that you couldn't do anything better, have mercy on yourself, you will be fine, nothing lasts, not happiness and good nes, not darkness either. Live to see new light. God bless you.
I'm a male dealing with a female who tends to ne avoidant while i tend towards anxious, but that is not the only reason i know just how you feel, it simply happens to be the most pressingly current thing i feel that way about
This was extremely helpful. My person does all of these things, yay me! We're in a semi long distance relationship because of his work. Years ago I never would have thought that I could be okay with the time apart. It actually enhances our relationship and gives us the space we both need to be independent yet partnered. When he has to work out of state, it's usually for a few weeks to a month. If he has to be gone for a longer period of time, we'll break up the time and I'll fly out to visit for a couple of weeks. This is probably the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. 😂
I was married to an avoidant for almost 20 years, divorced in 2018. I'm sure that he loved me in his own way, but he did not display most of these signs. My BF is not as "restrained" as my ex but I've always felt like his actions are more caring than my ex's. What's interesting are the expectations... I've been with BF for 5 years - one of my friends gets upset: How come he hasn't said "I love you” and why are you not living together? I explained that his actions speak the loudest: although he's not a cuddly, mushy guy, he is attentive about the little things. I think that's more important than grand gestures. Sometimes it's not always easy, but we're both pretty satisfied with what we have.
Smh, an avoidant is ghosting me as we speak lol. Had the nerve to stop by my house when I was at work , cut my grass all neat and professionally and then completely ghosted me lol. He was so kind to me though, took me on great dates even expressed his feelings but, I'm 6 months out of an 8 year relationship so I'm not trying to be in a relationship. I think me shooting him down pushed him away. He got ghost twice and this last time was the longest. He cut off all intimacy and all. I just assumed he had another relationship but according to our mutual friend that introduced us, it's nothing like that. I'm tired of the back and forth. He better snap out of it soon because I do like him but I'm ready to move on.
I'm sorry to hear this.I know Coach Alex would love to help you through this. I would highly suggest you book a coaching session with him so he can know a little more about your situation: www.frenchrelationshipexpert.com/coaching/ -FRE Team
The thing is we're both avoidants 😅, and he shows these signs but I don't think I've been expressing my feelings or thoughts to him enough. Slowly but surely figuring things out.
I pretty much knew my relationship with my DA was over when I had to beg her for something simple as loving and respecting me the way I love and respect her. I'm in Day 43 of NC after going four months before that. I have no intentions of returning this time.
My guy did all those things and more but he ended things out of the blue. Literally, we had the best time one day and the next day he went silent. Day after that he ended things. "I'm not ready for a relationship. I can't ask you to wait...." Seriously, WTH?
The worst you can do is to please an avoidant according to what they say they want. They often use their fear to create more effort from you but then they push you away. Don't chase them, they are grown-ups and need to work their stuff out. You are not their mommy.
I had an avoidant once. We dated 3 yrs. He never told me that he loved me, but he surprised me by taking me to a jeweler to pick out a wedding ring. He didn't tell me that he loved me and he didn't propose. I told him I couldn't find a ring that I liked because I didn't want to marry him and felt like we weren't right for each other. I never saw him again and had no regrets.
It sounds like you made a difficult but ultimately healthy decision for yourself. It's important to prioritize your own feelings and needs in a relationship. Trust your instincts and continue to prioritize your own happiness and well-being.
They will leave for any reason at any time. Then call u insecure who needs reassurance too offen as a result of his neglect in the relationship. Do u want that?
I'm an avoidant I gave her a spare wolly jumper to keep warm . I drop her dinners off full of vitamins and minerals Take her ro appointments, I enjoy spending time with her . However When i visit her crib i stop for an hour, I don't message back for days. I avoid emotional actions. Cuddles etc She tried a cuddle once , I pulled back. I felt guilty.. I knew I was wrong.
I just went through this with this grown Gemini ♊️ man over the last 7yrs. But there’s another ex I found out he’s doing the same things with. I’m good in this… it’s traumatizing to the other person connecting to them.
It’s a tough relationships. They need to heal those parts and understand why they do what they do. Need awareness and healing otherwise it’s painful. Takes work on both parts
Absolutely, relationships can be challenging, especially when there are underlying issues that need to be addressed. It's crucial for both partners to have self-awareness and be willing to work on themselves and the relationship :)
He showed all those signs when we were together but had a stressful event in his life recently and decided to leave because “it was getting too much for him” i was so hurt i blocked him but if idk if he’ll try to reach out someday
Hi there! I'm so sorry to hear about this! I know Coach Alex would love to help you through this but he needs to know a little more about what you're going through in order to help you. I would highly suggest you book a coaching session with him using this link: www.frenchrelationshipexpert.com/coaching/ -FRE Team
If someone is feeling really emotionally invested, this distance can actually affect them a lot more, because they are afraid of losing something important to them.
Thanks you we fonte talk anymore but when i Saw this video i can rmtell you when je was with me i have all the 5 signs..its feel good to know that..even we fonte see each other
He won't tell me he loves me. But he tries to please me. And tried to give me what I want and makes me happy. He remember things I like. I feel love from him. But he won't say it.
I told him I loved him but he doesn't respond the same, he say he wants his freedom but yet all the things you said he has done very good things, he has had 2.broken marriages, but Eve runtime we together we laugh we talk for hours, what should I do let him go, move forward, what ?
Hi there, I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. I hope you can book a coaching session with Coach Alex so he can hear a little more about your situation so he can give you proper advice on this. www.frenchrelationshipexpert.com/coaching/ -FRE Team
Disagree if it’s not in your nature… they are unbalanced in oxytocin and serotonin… so they will only reach you for dopamine…. Once it’s done…. The cycle restarts. It’s in there nature but not in yours.
@@sitizauyahahmad8631 he will not change but you need to be very clear of your boundaries. Talk to him and ask him to verbalized when he needs is space and explain that you need to have him communicate his needs instead of running away…. Long process…. But if you don’t feel good you have to be careful and get out of this situation. I’m telling you…anxiety, depression can get you.
What if he's pulled away but you know he's the one and you've only known him for a very short time we had the best time together but something was clearly bothering him!
I am so scared of telling him how I feel for fear he will want to bolt. I know he loves me and he knows how I feel about him. Just wish he could just say something ❤ he does text me when he gets home safely after our dates 😊
We need to stop normailsing teaching people how to love an avoidant, how to make the avoidant safe in their avoidance, how to diminish yourself to keep a person in your life who wants to run from intimacy, problems, issues, difficulties, emotions, love. We need to start making this behaviour not ok and showing the avoudant persin that they need to get help or leave people alone. We enable this behaviour and now it's just normal for someone to be avoidant and for everyone else to make them comfortable. We beed to start as a society making these people know that this behaviour wont be tolerated and they either need to heal or really be alone.
I knew Im going to hurt people at early age so I didnt get involved into any relationships until 32. Then I said few therapists that I avoid relationships to not hurt other people because probably at some point I will want to withdraw. Therapists says that I should not be scared of breaking up as its normal for relationships to start and end at some point and ending relationships is not hurting people. So I started to get involved now and as I expected I want to break up after 1,5 year, but at the same I am afraid to break my partner heart. I wish I can get courage and follow the therapists advice thats its not really hurting others and is normal. At the same time I see so many comments that people got hurt by brrak ups. So who I should trust then? 🥺
Never get involved with an avoidant. They break your heart - they don't love you - I made that mistake twice with the same person. Don't just walk away - run away from it as fast as you can. You will never get the intimacy you want with them. Don't walk around eggshells around them to feel like you'll trigger them. Mine remembered what I said etc whatever - it's not a sign of love - they dismiss you and discard you. That's what this person did to me.
Hi! Great content. I am not sure, but how can I differentiate between a narcissist and an avoidant? This is confusing. Please help me understand this. Thank you.
Hi there avoidant individuals tend to avoid social situations due to a deep-seated fear of rejection and criticism. They may feel inadequate or inferior to others and prefer to minimize social interactions to protect themselves from potential emotional pain or embarrassment. In contrast, narcissistic individuals have an inflated sense of self-importance and a strong need for admiration and validation from others. They lack empathy and may exploit or manipulate people to fulfill their own desires, believing they are superior and deserving of special treatment. While both avoidant and narcissistic personalities involve difficulty in relating to others, the underlying motivations and behaviors differ, with avoidance stemming from fear and narcissism from a grandiose self-view
@@FrenchRelationshipExpert perfect analysis and explanation of the differences between an avoidant vs a narcissist. Wish I could like your reply 1,000x because it's spot on.
Coach Alex, thank you for being so helpful for women. My boyfriend and I are long distance. Currently, he's travelled to a vacation spot with his family and I wasn't able to go. I found that he's active on Tinder... which tells me he's planning to have sex while he's on the trip. This rips my soul apart. Is there ANYTHING you can suggest for situations like this? Where you are secretly aware your boyfriend is seeking for a sexual encounter abroad? My heart is broken. Is this normal??? :(
I'm so sorry to hear about this! It't not ok for your boyfriend to have a tinder profile abroad, this is very disrespectful to you and your relationship with him. You can confront him about this tinder profile and see if you guys can work through this.
I am with an avoidant in a “casual” relationship. But he’s not seeing anyone else and always makes an effort to see me and spend time with me. He does all the 5 things you mentioned. I’ve learned to curb my anxious tendencies and it’s helped me a lot too, and knowing he cares even though he doesn’t say it has brought a sense of peace. I just want to know if I can still express my feelings to him without pushing him away?
Your needs will always go unaddresed.Because expressing them will be stepping on eggshells.(So it is either you live unfullfilled with him or you quit)You always feel empty.They make you think you are anxious even if you are not, because having your needs met in a relationship and arriving at a comprise is the bare minimum they cannot give, you are not asking for much, and yet you have to act okay.Dating an avoidant is like getting used to pain, and no one ever gets used to pain.They can only change if they want to.And ooo...even you suppressing your needs does not guarantee he will stay; because one day he can just wake up and feel like he is getting too close to you and just ghost, out of the blues, and you will be left feeling like a lunatic who needs to check themselves into a mental institution and blaming yourself for stuff you had nothing to do with.
Being secure is expressing yourself in a respectful way, life is only once, trust me you need to fulfill your own happiness, the avoidant will fulfill his, do not live in fear, there are millions of people on earth there is one there for you !
@@jtthigah3100it’s not painful if you recognize they have a mental disorder, don’t take it personally, they love us in their own way. Learn to love yourself,
lol I literally just pressed send on a message to a man I met a month ago on a trip. We exchanged emails and I haven't heard from him in a month.. the precedent was set as keeping in contact as friends though...I was worried waiting that long meant that he was not interested or maybe I was being impatient.... I feel guys struggle more than females in long distance because they dont get an instant reward for all the hard work communicating! lol I suppose will see if he responds or how he responds lol Thanks so much for being available for support!!! stand by! 😅@@FrenchRelationshipExpert
Hey Alex! I have an avoidant ex who Im trying to fix me relationship with, and she told ne recently that maybe we should stop talking for my own good because she has nothing to offer me! And all this happened when I asked if she wanted to hang out! Every time I ask to hang out, there’s always an excuse and Im finding out that she didn’t know how to say no! Im heartbroken and don’t know what to do!
Hi there, I know Coach Alex would love to help you with this but he would need to learn a little more about what you're going through in order to help you through this. I would highly advice you book a coaching session with him by using this link: www.frenchrelationshipexpert.com/coaching/ -FRE Team
Coach, please take a minute to answer me, what does it mean if my DA ex liked a story I posted (It was a picture of myself) during NO CONTACT? Will he try to reach out in your opinion? We've been in NC for more than 3 weeks.
Hi there! If he like'd your story post during no contact then technically he broke No Contact by liking your story post. The chances of him reaching out is high.
This is great for women, but how do men engage with an avoidant woman? Is it the same 5 signs or is it more complex for the female side? I have been separated from my avoidant wife for going on 7 years now...I haven't moved on because that was my typical response in the past, but now I am in uncharted waters and need guidance as to what I should do next...how can I figure out if she still loves me or not? If she doesn't my heart is healed and I can take that but I also don't want to discount her side and what she may be feeling...I can't tell if she does or not...anyhow, thanks for considering my question.
I only have one advice for women, learn how to love yourself first. Then everything will unfold in the best way for you. Mirror a man's behaviour, if he is avoidant, avoid him, especially if you have an anxious attachment style
That's hard to do but yes. Your desire is to be with them every second, but when they need space you have to give it to them. Don't smother them and they will come back around when they're ready.
What are ways to learn to love yourself...I struggle with that due to a bad childhood
@@ekmackenzie dear, I suggest to do inner child work, connect back to your heart, your emotional needs and learn how to take care of them. There are many practices such as self love affirmations that you can do ❤
Great advice!! 111
But should men not learn to love themselves first? The sad thing about this is that everything should be done to please the avoidant? Why should anxiously attached learn to leave avoidants alone yet still be ready for the avoidant who will never ever say yes unless they are in full control?
5 signs an avoidant loves you... from my own experience:
1. All of a sudden he/she will ignore you, all communication will cease and you will wonder if he/she is alive or dead.
2. When you are with them you can tell their mind is somewhere else. They are always moving on to the next thing even when you are right in front of them.
3. You can't bring up any emotional topics, ever.
4. They will make you feel alone... and eventually you will be all alone.
5. They always come back. Usually acting like nothing is wrong... it may be a few days, a few months or a few years yet they always come back.
Remember: They love you 🙄
This is crazy 😂😢
Same weird feeling...🤣🤣🤣💨💨💨
6. They are called avoidant for a reason. So you can avoid them .
Lol yep
Why does it hurt me so much to avoid my avoidant though
For more than 5 Years I was in a "relationship" with an avoidant. I ended it two months ago and i am so happy now! Everyone notices ! My advice...run don't walk! Seriously. The constant pushing and pulling..awfull, we deserve better ladies ! Take care of your happiness! ❤
I'm delighted to hear that you feel happy and fulfilled after making the decision to end a relationship that wasn't right for you. Thank you for sharing that with us :)
I sooooo agree. Been therw too.
Was you guys living together what was the most complicated thing about him in the realtionship I am studying Advodiant men was he a fearful or dismissive avoidant Great step
Avoidant people can be so loving but also so scared of intimacy 🙄
So then it's your job to make them feel safe.
You got the point 🌹
💯💯😂
Yes, go no contact if the avoidant is low effort and treating you casually. If the love is real, then time and distance will make them feel the loss and fear losing you.
on radio sillence
So true , it worked with mine
I'm going no contact thank you for your comment it has helped me. As I have the no effort type who dosnt see my worth
I have been no contact many times because of low efforts and no investment. He always came back after little time ( one time after 3 months) but the relationship structure never changed.
I am tired of all this struggle but I love him.
Dealing whith avoidants..I became avoidant! Peace to us all!
😂😂
Yes, I avoid avoidants since I became more "secure" (after being anxious and attached). Beginning of anxiety became an ally for me, I'm like "ok, so that's my sign to back off and observe from far the whole situation". If it's just a crisis or a new situation, I act better and calmly. If it's afterall an "avoidance" situation, I take my ass away from their sight.
Dang! 😂
Lol 😂 good luck 😂!
😅
Let's be distant. You don't have to prove yourself. Take your time! Give him all the space in the world.
I can relate... though the time apart is hard, but in the end it's worth it.
Maybe he won’t get bored and want others or is that just him using the talk about it only to create a safe or distanced space so He won’t get hurt
Why not just stay away? To my experience a relationship with an avoidant goes nowhere. At loooong trip of setting yourself aside and pleasing. And the day you stop you are DUMPED.
So why not just run in as soon as you know you are dealing with an avoidant?
Why should the world adjust to avoidants? Why are avoidants not supposed to work on themselves to be in a relationship?
Anxiously attached are always yelled at. Should work on themselves. Learn to hold back. Then why not avoidants?
@@Hesteforstanddkif it’s avoidant behavior, i run. I avoid them like the plague, Yuck
@@Hesteforstanddkditto. Hate putting these avoidants on a pedestal
Men's love is mostly expressed through his actions ❤
I'm so happy I've realized relationships beyond business are a complete lack of time people refuse to be happy and satisfied within themselves and thus cannot be satisfied with others.
1. If he's taking care of details (remembering small details).
2. Take Care of You and Be VERY Careful especially when at his place/with him.
3. Makes efforts on what you ask of him. Otherwise, no effort equals no love
4. Small attentions ( compliments you, etc)
5. Remembers what you SAY! When dedicated to you he will REMEMBER!
He did all of that and I still didn't think he really loves me. We just broke up on Christmas eve and that's when I started seeking help on this channel. I see so many mistakes I did, and I'm so sorry that I didn't give him space he needed. I'm anxious attachment style, of course I didn't know that when we were dating (almost 2 years). I started no contact almost immediately, but I have no hops that he will reach out to me.
Check✅ on everything, I know he cares about me but it’s difficult because there is a family involved.
@@carlel121, same here🥺
Don't believe these are all the things a women suppose to do watch old 1930s movies men never chase a women but I will say I've done all those things and guess what?? She left awesome aye 😂
@@mellyzagarrember you didn’t fail him, he failed to tell you what he needed.
So, just keep looking for crumbs? No thank you. Stop trying to read between the lines. Walk away, you deserve better. I feel bad about avoidants, but if they're not making the effort to change their attachment style, especially after late 20s max 30, it's on them and you guys deserve better. Life is too short to spend with the wrong person. You'd rather be happy alone than be sad in a half assed relationship. Love yourself first.
Wasted few years of my life with avoidant, and all Ive got from that is depression. Never I will do same mistake again. Avoidant has no clue about respect, other partner's feelings and responsibility. They only care about their comfort zone and they will never let you in it. Or they will let you in just for so long you start to feel OK, just to break your heart over and over again.
That's cave man behavior. A 5 year can show you that they love you better than this.
As someone who tends to be avoidant I can say without malice that avoidants tend to be self-centered assholes. I was with an avoidant for 18 months and it was all about him. I chalk it up to a painful and expensive lesson. I’ll never date another one!
I do agree with you. It's very difficult to be with an avoidant...
Hi I am studying Advodiant men they are very interesting and challenging men I must say could you tell me if he ever said he love you or wanted to marry you what a strong walk on your behalf ❤
yeah... always talking in the "I" and "me" form, never talking about "we" or "us". He lives his life and you just need to keep up. His terms, his goals, his wishes, all about what he wants. Obsessive (financial) mindset. They're so scared of people hurting them they push them away, only for the other party to end up exhausted and leaving. In the end the avoidant can say, see how they hurt me, see how they ended up leaving, see how people cant be trusted. Dear avoidants, do the work, you cant expect others to fully take on the burden of not triggering you into full flight mode.
I had no idea that the guy I was becoming close with - as friends - that he was an avoidant. He would do exactly all the 5 things you mentioned Alex. But we never talked about being more than friends. We were friends not friends with benefits or anything.
I felt that it was going well and I was just enjoying his company. But then a little situation and misunderstanding took place between us and all of a sudden he went super silent. And when I approached him about it, he just told me he "got busy" (sure he did.....) So I stopped talking to him and 3 weeks later, he showed up at my house, (after a few drinks) and told me that he was afraid that I was getting feelings for him....after our chat, I just asked him how he felt about me and he told me that he was developing romantic feelings for me. Ahhh, so there's the truth.
But then he kept telling me that he doesn't want to be in a relationship and that he's bad at them (he's had really bad relationships in the past). I honestly didn't think so at all with all the time I spent with him.... And then he told me that he doesn't think men and women can be friends, so I told him 'ok, we don't have to be friends', but after I told him we can go separate ways, he said 'no no....' Well as time went on, I noticed that he put up walls with me and then he just drifted away and I haven't heard from him since.
I'm honestly sad that I lost a closeness with him - but I'm not going to chase after a man who self proclaims himself to be 'bad at relationships'.
Thank you for your advice in this video, it explains his behaviour and how he is a lot.
Thank you so much or watching! I'm happy this video was able to provide you some insight on this topic!
It's very sad that this kind of akways men never seek help or specialized psychological support. Once a person understands why he/she does certain things it gets easier to correct behavior if one wants too.my ex was an avoidant too. He ghosted me, now he came back 10 months later kinda saying he is sorry. As a rather anxious person, I cannot go back to the same uncertainty and lack of communication again 😢
@@mrs.h9621 you’re so right. He’s been through counselling but I don’t think he went long enough or actually dealt with whatever he needed to deal with enough so to heal. Too bad tho, he’s a good man. A broken one - but still good
I think avoidants are like that. Mine did all the five things Alex said. After expressing the beginning of deep feelings, he began the slow fade. He was more comfortable being just friends. He would do anything for me, but his fears got the best of him. Eventually, he found a new relationship that I think was safer. Kind of sad.
Exactly! Almost On the same page with you girl So confusing but right now he just got back talking to me, I said we're just friends.
#1 yes, he remembers many small details of what I like--diet Coke with plenty of ice, anything with caramel but not chocolate, etc., and brings me those especially when I'm having a stressful day. #2 when visiting him, he kennels the dogs (one is very anti-social). when riding in his truck, he automatically turns on the seat-warmer for me, plays my kind of music if we are done talking, or turns off the music if we start talking again, adjusts the cab temperature for me and not necessarily for him. #3 has fixed my cars in many ways, installed a bidet for me, fixed other plumbing problems. #4 compliments me and brags about me to others within my hearing. and has told me he appreciates my talents. #5 definitely remembers what I say, very personal stuff, and will repeat back to me if he thinks I need to hear it again, all in a very comforting way. I do give him space to re-energize because his job demands a lot of emotional energy. I used to feel left out and needed reassurance. Now, I understand him much better and I have trust in his friendship and love. He has said that he feels he can trust me, too. awwww, so sweet!
He is not an avoidant obviously 😂
Yes he is not an avoidant. He is just the quiet type.Avoidants are selfish can't fix anything for u. Its none of their business..self absorbed
If someone isnt ready for you then its as simple as that.
Someone can not be ready but still a good person and with time you can create more...
If you are not misdiagnosing or over diagnosing, One day you will realize you should have walked away as soon as you found out they were avoidant. The sooner the less pain.
Seriously no one has time for this kind of behaviour. Relationships should be easygoing or if not then stay single till u find a mature guy
If I listen to you, the world is beautiful and there is peace everywhere...
Sometimes, people get lucky and find their journeyman... I agree it's wise to be prudent 🍀
What if this guy was seriously hurt several times throughout his life and it wasn't his choice to be this way? Is he not deserving of the effort if he is a good man that loves you? You are the problem for men in this situation. It's your choice where to spend your time, but don't you dare think that a man in pain isn't worth the time and effort for someone else....
You cant say no one has time for this. You are only speaking in regards to you dont have the time for this. Most people do not take the time for a lot of things.
@@Forever_broken1they have to change your mindset. If you go around thinking everyone will hurt you and that's what you will get.
Dude, you know your shit for sure!
The dopamine-in-the-brain breakdown you did in another video also nailed it:
Challenge generates dopamine, the love hormone. A guy who wants you “will have this flow of hormones that he can’t control”.
He only becomes distant “because there’s a lack of challenge, and a lack of dopamine”. That explains the centuries of advice to women, use the power of the void (I Ching), otherwise known as playing hard to get.
No challenge, no dopamine, no love.
And it’s even worse with the avoidant.
Unfortunately, girlfriends, we’ve got to become experts at playing the game.
thank you for the support!
This is so true! When I was hard to get, mr. avoidant was after me!! But once I let my guard down, he was gone.
That's only going to work if you love playing mind games and it will last a lifetime, and attract a toxic person. I will never and never have played hard to get. I have too much faith in my ability to not need to do so. Plus, it's gotta be exhausting if you're naturally not into games.
As an avoidant person, it doesnt mean we dont really like you. We like you but we just avoid you necause we dont want to get in deeper cause we always thought of the negative things (from past relationships) and we dont want to get hurt again. So i distant myself from him
Go to therapy !
So you begin dating someone, and the guy becomes attached and falls in love with you. Only for you to turn around, oh I was hurt in past relationships I am breaking up. Avoid the Avoidant.
Time to heal yourself before you continue dating other people or you put toxic behaviour on people who don't deserve it.
Yes this is past pains also childhood trauma
It takes time when you hit the nostalgia phase, just take things slow and rebuild the trust.
Thank you so much for this video. The guy I’ve been seeing shows all of the signs you mentioned. The only thing is, two months ago he blocked me for no apparent reason. But one thing I’ve learned from you is to keep my distance as well. Thank you, again,Alex. You are the best!
Thank you so much for watching! I'm always happy to help!
Girl move on. When someone is blocking you they are showing you what you need to see. Don’t allow yourself to be strung out for years waiting on someone to be what you want them to be.
He loved me! He did all of these things. Damn it! He loved me and I thought he didn’t. I broke up with him and didn’t know until I saw the look on his face when I told him I was leaving the relationship. I gave us both some space afterwards and then tried to talk to him but he only responded twice then ghosted. It's been 6 months since we last spoke. I'm crushed. I love him. This sucks 😭
I'm so sorry to hear this! you will get through this but take this time to focus on yourself and surround yourself with people who love and support you ❤️
Look at u blaming urself for not being a mindreader. His behaviors were inconsistent and narcissistic. Sweetie love urself more. Love is healthy and consistent. Anyone who doesn’t want to lose u will make sure u have no doubt and learn your love language. It has to work both ways. I relate to u.
He would have left eventually. Move on, sis.
An avoidend is giving me too much anxiety and therefore it's the opposite to love for me. Especially if he's not making any effort to change it.
I'm sorry to hear this!
My law of attraction always works with you guys! 😂😂 Because whenever i need some console or advice, then you and love advice tv come up with a video. 😂😂 Thank you! It heals me! 😌😌❤️❤️All your videos are amazing! 👏👏 You all are doing a great job! 👍👍
Thank you so much for the support! I really appreciate this!
Honestly if you are emotionally avoidant stay alone donot inflict the void you have inside onto someone that could fall in love with you .
1/careful with details 2/effort on what you are asking 3/careful with you 4/small attention 5/remember what you say
Thank you so much for watching!
Alex I absolutely love your challenge. I worked with pick up artists for a couple years and I absolutely hate the pick up psychology and field. You are a refreshing and intelligent change for me to gain knowledge from ❤
I appreciate your comment. I try my best :-)
Wow! I now realize my boyfriend is an avoidant, but he does all of these things and more. So I do know that he loves me and that’s very encouraging. He also talks about our future and says we instead of I but just not hearing the words and the compliments is hard but I feel a lot better now, so thank you so much Alex.❤
Yeah I can relate...mine too is an avoidant... Never compliments me, never says he missed me, never says i love u even by mistake 🙄 but shows it in his actions..now I understand why
Avoidants can send a message if one asks but he won't do it consistently. He does it when we ask because he wants us to leave them alone.
Whats the use of asking for the basic?
then they call you crazy or impatient😑 feels like a game
This is the video that helped me the most with feeling secure. My partner is very busy, but for reasons to do with how he responds in emotional situations, I believe his busy is self manufactured partially from avoidant triggers.
He does everything on this list and I suspected these were signs, but you're one of the only coaches I've found at youtube who was able to validate this for me.
I'm glad you found a video that helps you feel more secure in your relationship. If you recognize yourself in your partner's avoidant behavior and it seems to contribute to his busy schedule, it's an important first step toward understanding and potentially improving your relationship.
@FrenchRelationshipExpert he's always been a workaholic even when we were friends. I came to suspect he was avoidant because of the way his vulnerability shifted once we agreed to date. I don't specifically think I trigger him, more like he just works a lot to have somewhere to escape when he's overwhelmed with anyone in general. I don't want to write a long response, but we've been working towards the middle ground. 👍
I strive to not put my happiness and fulfillment all on them. It's so unfair. I'm happy and fulfilled with or without him. But I am happier when he is close to me physical. I appreciate quality time above all else.
I have the impression I became a psychologist… so I can understand him.
Thank you for sharing this information. I needed to hear all this because I was about to give up on my roommate/best friend. Knowing all this helps me to know there's hope. ✌️💛🦋
Thank you so much for watching! I appreciate this support!
starts at 3:21
Thank you so much for watching!
I am here and I have subscribed. THANK YOU! I know an Avoidant--- MORE than ONE.
Thank you so much for watching! I appreciate your support!
I can definitely detect my patience waning in life...
I am filled with, and consumed with, rage and grief.
I desperately want to die, I can no longer bear the darkness...
I AM SO FUCKING exhausted and depressed.
44 years of hell and trauma, that's been my entire life, so far...
I've been through this and I realized that what I wanted to die, is all those things leading me to the darkness, not me. There's always light after darkness, hold on, accept what caused rage and grief , accept that you couldn't do anything better, have mercy on yourself, you will be fine, nothing lasts, not happiness and good nes, not darkness either. Live to see new light. God bless you.
And for me 22 years...
I'm a male dealing with a female who tends to ne avoidant while i tend towards anxious, but that is not the only reason i know just how you feel, it simply happens to be the most pressingly current thing i feel that way about
This was extremely helpful. My person does all of these things, yay me! We're in a semi long distance relationship because of his work. Years ago I never would have thought that I could be okay with the time apart. It actually enhances our relationship and gives us the space we both need to be independent yet partnered.
When he has to work out of state, it's usually for a few weeks to a month. If he has to be gone for a longer period of time, we'll break up the time and I'll fly out to visit for a couple of weeks.
This is probably the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. 😂
Thank you so much for watching! I hope this video was able to help you!
I was married to an avoidant for almost 20 years, divorced in 2018. I'm sure that he loved me in his own way, but he did not display most of these signs.
My BF is not as "restrained" as my ex but I've always felt like his actions are more caring than my ex's. What's interesting are the expectations... I've been with BF for 5 years - one of my friends gets upset: How come he hasn't said "I love you” and why are you not living together? I explained that his actions speak the loudest: although he's not a cuddly, mushy guy, he is attentive about the little things. I think that's more important than grand gestures. Sometimes it's not always easy, but we're both pretty satisfied with what we have.
Smh, an avoidant is ghosting me as we speak lol. Had the nerve to stop by my house when I was at work , cut my grass all neat and professionally and then completely ghosted me lol. He was so kind to me though, took me on great dates even expressed his feelings but, I'm 6 months out of an 8 year relationship so I'm not trying to be in a relationship. I think me shooting him down pushed him away. He got ghost twice and this last time was the longest. He cut off all intimacy and all. I just assumed he had another relationship but according to our mutual friend that introduced us, it's nothing like that. I'm tired of the back and forth. He better snap out of it soon because I do like him but I'm ready to move on.
I'm sorry to hear this.I know Coach Alex would love to help you through this. I would highly suggest you book a coaching session with him so he can know a little more about your situation:
www.frenchrelationshipexpert.com/coaching/
-FRE Team
Alex Cormont your voice is so calming... 😌
Thank you so much for watching!
@@FrenchRelationshipExpert you're welcome! I will try to watch all your videos and learn!
The thing is we're both avoidants 😅, and he shows these signs but I don't think I've been expressing my feelings or thoughts to him enough. Slowly but surely figuring things out.
I pretty much knew my relationship with my DA was over when I had to beg her for something simple as loving and respecting me the way I love and respect her.
I'm in Day 43 of NC after going four months before that. I have no intentions of returning this time.
I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through! We're here for you❤️
My guy did all those things and more but he ended things out of the blue. Literally, we had the best time one day and the next day he went silent. Day after that he ended things. "I'm not ready for a relationship. I can't ask you to wait...." Seriously, WTH?
The worst you can do is to please an avoidant according to what they say they want. They often use their fear to create more effort from you but then they push you away.
Don't chase them, they are grown-ups and need to work their stuff out. You are not their mommy.
I had an avoidant once. We dated 3 yrs. He never told me that he loved me, but he surprised me by taking me to a jeweler to pick out a wedding ring. He didn't tell me that he loved me and he didn't propose. I told him I couldn't find a ring that I liked because I didn't want to marry him and felt like we weren't right for each other. I never saw him again and had no regrets.
It sounds like you made a difficult but ultimately healthy decision for yourself. It's important to prioritize your own feelings and needs in a relationship. Trust your instincts and continue to prioritize your own happiness and well-being.
Good share
Thank you Alex for all your support!🙏
Thank you so much for watching!
Wow... thanks for the second signs of avoidant. I was confused about him.
I am here for you. Let me know if you have any other question?
They will leave for any reason at any time. Then call u insecure who needs reassurance too offen as a result of his neglect in the relationship. Do u want that?
It doesn't matter, because they always leave in the end anyway.
I'm an avoidant
I gave her a spare wolly jumper to keep warm .
I drop her dinners off full of vitamins and minerals
Take her ro appointments,
I enjoy spending time with her
.
However
When i visit her crib i stop for an hour,
I don't message back for days.
I avoid emotional actions. Cuddles etc
She tried a cuddle once , I pulled back. I felt guilty..
I knew I was wrong.
Not the cocktail, lawddddd
thanks for offering insight - great shirt.
Thank you so much for watching!
Yes he is, that's why I don't want to ruin ...
i cant tell you how much this video has helped me. spot on, on every 5 thhings
Thank you so much for your support. It means the world to me!
Thank you for this video Alex! ~Blessings.
Thank you so much for watching!
Thank you because I don't understand his behavior... so thank you so much
You're always welcome!
Conflicted got all five got blocked on social media and won’t talk to me since resign from the job.
Gracias from Bogotá!⭐️
After watching your video, I think my guy is an avoidant 100% . Do you have videos about how to interact with a avoidant guy? 🙏
Thank you so much for watching! I appreciate your support!
I just went through this with this grown Gemini ♊️ man over the last 7yrs. But there’s another ex I found out he’s doing the same things with. I’m good in this… it’s traumatizing to the other person connecting to them.
I'm so sorry to hear about this!
Geminis are the bosses of avoidant behavior
@@lisaolivia5652actually not at all mine was clingy
It’s a tough relationships. They need to heal those parts and understand why they do what they do.
Need awareness and healing otherwise it’s painful. Takes work on both parts
Absolutely, relationships can be challenging, especially when there are underlying issues that need to be addressed. It's crucial for both partners to have self-awareness and be willing to work on themselves and the relationship :)
This is very true advice. Thank you
Thank you for your comment, i'm glad you found the advice helpful!
Thank you from the depth of my heart!!!!!!!
Thank you so much for watching! I truly appreciate this!
Thankyou so much sir for this video, for sure its great . I needed to hear this coz is my current situation
I am happy to assist you. Let me know if you need anything else?
He showed all those signs when we were together but had a stressful event in his life recently and decided to leave because “it was getting too much for him” i was so hurt i blocked him but if idk if he’ll try to reach out someday
I'm so sorry to hear about this! I hope this video was able to help you through this.
This is so true.
Thank you for the tips.😊
Thank you so much for watching!
I love ur accent!!
Thank you so much!
Stop taking them seriously…
What do you mean?
@@FrenchRelationshipExpertthey probably mean don’t take them so personally
Thank you so much sir it's my current situation 😢
Let me know if there is any topic for the next video you want me to do?
@@FrenchRelationshipExpert how to have patience during distance from the partner
He called off the wedding because he is not happy and says it’s better for us and wants to stay together what am I supposed to do
Hi there! I'm so sorry to hear about this! I know Coach Alex would love to help you through this but he needs to know a little more about what you're going through in order to help you. I would highly suggest you book a coaching session with him using this link:
www.frenchrelationshipexpert.com/coaching/
-FRE Team
Are they only affected with the distancing if they really like the person? but if not, they won't care?
If someone is feeling really emotionally invested, this distance can actually affect them a lot more, because they are afraid of losing something important to them.
Thank you Sir ❤
Does distancing affect the avoidant only if they like the person? but if not they wont care?
This depends on your situation but yes, this may have an effect.
Thank you for this video!
The FREE masterclass link takes you to a paid page??
Thank you so much for watching! I deeply appreciate this!
Thanks you we fonte talk anymore but when i Saw this video i can rmtell you when je was with me i have all the 5 signs..its feel good to know that..even we fonte see each other
He won't tell me he loves me. But he tries to please me. And tried to give me what I want and makes me happy. He remember things I like. I feel love from him. But he won't say it.
Maybe it's not in his nature. If everything else is perfect then you will have to deal with it :-)
He can only say it when he feel it be patient use slots if emotional communication they will learn from you
I told him I loved him but he doesn't respond the same, he say he wants his freedom but yet all the things you said he has done very good things, he has had 2.broken marriages, but Eve runtime we together we laugh we talk for hours, what should I do let him go, move forward, what ?
Hi there, I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. I hope you can book a coaching session with Coach Alex so he can hear a little more about your situation so he can give you proper advice on this.
www.frenchrelationshipexpert.com/coaching/
-FRE Team
Stop loving him and he will love you … period
It's not that simple but it can help :-)
He ignored my message for 2 weeks. What should I do? Give him space?
Disagree if it’s not in your nature… they are unbalanced in oxytocin and serotonin… so they will only reach you for dopamine…. Once it’s done…. The cycle restarts. It’s in there nature but not in yours.
@@sitizauyahahmad8631 he will not change but you need to be very clear of your boundaries. Talk to him and ask him to verbalized when he needs is space and explain that you need to have him communicate his needs instead of running away…. Long process…. But if you don’t feel good you have to be careful and get out of this situation. I’m telling you…anxiety, depression can get you.
@@sitizauyahahmad8631 Yes....What's funny is the silent treatment, which DA love dishing out, drives them crazy when you do it to them.
What if he's pulled away but you know he's the one and you've only known him for a very short time we had the best time together but something was clearly bothering him!
I'm so sorry to hear about this!
I am so scared of telling him how I feel for fear he will want to bolt. I know he loves me and he knows how I feel about him. Just wish he could just say something ❤ he does text me when he gets home safely after our dates 😊
We need to stop normailsing teaching people how to love an avoidant, how to make the avoidant safe in their avoidance, how to diminish yourself to keep a person in your life who wants to run from intimacy, problems, issues, difficulties, emotions, love. We need to start making this behaviour not ok and showing the avoudant persin that they need to get help or leave people alone. We enable this behaviour and now it's just normal for someone to be avoidant and for everyone else to make them comfortable. We beed to start as a society making these people know that this behaviour wont be tolerated and they either need to heal or really be alone.
How can we tell if he’s avoidant, or just an a**hole?
It's tricky, that's why there is private coaching to talk about every details :-)
Awwww he loved me 👀🥺❤
It's good sign!
An avoidant and 100% dedicated to you dont go hand in hand. They litrrrally cant handle dedication.
Thank you for your insight on this!
He treats me different when w are out. He cling to me. I feel love from him.when he goes home hes a diffrnt person
I'm sorry to hear this!
Very Interesting.. Thank you Alex ❤
Thank you so much for watching! I appreciate this!
I knew Im going to hurt people at early age so I didnt get involved into any relationships until 32. Then I said few therapists that I avoid relationships to not hurt other people because probably at some point I will want to withdraw. Therapists says that I should not be scared of breaking up as its normal for relationships to start and end at some point and ending relationships is not hurting people. So I started to get involved now and as I expected I want to break up after 1,5 year, but at the same I am afraid to break my partner heart. I wish I can get courage and follow the therapists advice thats its not really hurting others and is normal.
At the same time I see so many comments that people got hurt by brrak ups. So who I should trust then? 🥺
I am love it
Never get involved with an avoidant. They break your heart - they don't love you - I made that mistake twice with the same person. Don't just walk away - run away from it as fast as you can. You will never get the intimacy you want with them. Don't walk around eggshells around them to feel like you'll trigger them. Mine remembered what I said etc whatever - it's not a sign of love - they dismiss you and discard you. That's what this person did to me.
I'm so sorry to hear about this! Thank you for sharing this with us.
Hi! Great content. I am not sure, but how can I differentiate between a narcissist and an avoidant? This is confusing. Please help me understand this. Thank you.
Hi there avoidant individuals tend to avoid social situations due to a deep-seated fear of rejection and criticism. They may feel inadequate or inferior to others and prefer to minimize social interactions to protect themselves from potential emotional pain or embarrassment. In contrast, narcissistic individuals have an inflated sense of self-importance and a strong need for admiration and validation from others. They lack empathy and may exploit or manipulate people to fulfill their own desires, believing they are superior and deserving of special treatment. While both avoidant and narcissistic personalities involve difficulty in relating to others, the underlying motivations and behaviors differ, with avoidance stemming from fear and narcissism from a grandiose self-view
@@FrenchRelationshipExpert perfect analysis and explanation of the differences between an avoidant vs a narcissist. Wish I could like your reply 1,000x because it's spot on.
Coach Alex, thank you for being so helpful for women. My boyfriend and I are long distance. Currently, he's travelled to a vacation spot with his family and I wasn't able to go. I found that he's active on Tinder... which tells me he's planning to have sex while he's on the trip. This rips my soul apart. Is there ANYTHING you can suggest for situations like this? Where you are secretly aware your boyfriend is seeking for a sexual encounter abroad? My heart is broken. Is this normal??? :(
I'm so sorry to hear about this! It't not ok for your boyfriend to have a tinder profile abroad, this is very disrespectful to you and your relationship with him. You can confront him about this tinder profile and see if you guys can work through this.
Why do you councillors always relate avoidance to men, my wife is a massive avoidant???
Women can be avoidant to... avoidance applies to both men and women.
Well, he's in love then. 🤷
Thanks for watching!
I am with an avoidant in a “casual” relationship. But he’s not seeing anyone else and always makes an effort to see me and spend time with me. He does all the 5 things you mentioned. I’ve learned to curb my anxious tendencies and it’s helped me a lot too, and knowing he cares even though he doesn’t say it has brought a sense of peace. I just want to know if I can still express my feelings to him without pushing him away?
I think it will push him away. Why would you change a situation if you think it's going great?
Your needs will always go unaddresed.Because expressing them will be stepping on eggshells.(So it is either you live unfullfilled with him or you quit)You always feel empty.They make you think you are anxious even if you are not, because having your needs met in a relationship and arriving at a comprise is the bare minimum they cannot give, you are not asking for much, and yet you have to act okay.Dating an avoidant is like getting used to pain, and no one ever gets used to pain.They can only change if they want to.And ooo...even you suppressing your needs does not guarantee he will stay; because one day he can just wake up and feel like he is getting too close to you and just ghost, out of the blues, and you will be left feeling like a lunatic who needs to check themselves into a mental institution and blaming yourself for stuff you had nothing to do with.
Being secure is expressing yourself in a respectful way, life is only once, trust me you need to fulfill your own happiness, the avoidant will fulfill his, do not live in fear, there are millions of people on earth there is one there for you !
@@jtthigah3100it’s not painful if you recognize they have a mental disorder, don’t take it personally, they love us in their own way. Learn to love yourself,
Do the same signs apply to female avoidants as well?
Yes this can apply to women too 😊
Are all the rules the same for long distance relationships??
Yes! Give me details or a question and I can help!
lol I literally just pressed send on a message to a man I met a month ago on a trip. We exchanged emails and I haven't heard from him in a month.. the precedent was set as keeping in contact as friends though...I was worried waiting that long meant that he was not interested or maybe I was being impatient.... I feel guys struggle more than females in long distance because they dont get an instant reward for all the hard work communicating! lol I suppose will see if he responds or how he responds lol Thanks so much for being available for support!!! stand by! 😅@@FrenchRelationshipExpert
Is this the same for a woman avoidant?
Yes this could be.
Hey Alex! I have an avoidant ex who Im trying to fix me relationship with, and she told ne recently that maybe we should stop talking for my own good because she has nothing to offer me! And all this happened when I asked if she wanted to hang out! Every time I ask to hang out, there’s always an excuse and Im finding out that she didn’t know how to say no! Im heartbroken and don’t know what to do!
Hi there,
I know Coach Alex would love to help you with this but he would need to learn a little more about what you're going through in order to help you through this. I would highly advice you book a coaching session with him by using this link:
www.frenchrelationshipexpert.com/coaching/
-FRE Team
I think you meant "caring," not "careful" 😊
Yes, thank you :-) I need to do better but it's difficult when it's not your first language :-)
I know, it's not mine either. I study French, so easier for me to get what you meant :) Great job anyway :) Thanks for your work!
I broke up with him yesterday
I'm so sorry to hear about this!
Then there's the "Dismissive avoidant"..I don't recommend it! stay away 😬
What if the avoidant your seeing does all of these things but is still seeing other women..it's confusing
Thank you so much for your comment! Is your goal to be with him or to get him to only see you?
I wan't him to only see me and have a relationship with him..but he does all these things and is a player.
Coach, please take a minute to answer me, what does it mean if my DA ex liked a story I posted (It was a picture of myself) during NO CONTACT? Will he try to reach out in your opinion? We've been in NC for more than 3 weeks.
Hi there! If he like'd your story post during no contact then technically he broke No Contact by liking your story post. The chances of him reaching out is high.
This is great for women, but how do men engage with an avoidant woman? Is it the same 5 signs or is it more complex for the female side? I have been separated from my avoidant wife for going on 7 years now...I haven't moved on because that was my typical response in the past, but now I am in uncharted waters and need guidance as to what I should do next...how can I figure out if she still loves me or not? If she doesn't my heart is healed and I can take that but I also don't want to discount her side and what she may be feeling...I can't tell if she does or not...anyhow, thanks for considering my question.
I would recommend checking out Apollonia Ponti on youtube! She has videos about how to handle an avoidant woman on her youtube channel 😊