If you take a child with food issues to another persons house, you should ALWAYS bring the child's food. There are so many ways the food could turn out differently than what the kid likes, even if you make it 100% clear how the kid likes it. Plus, it leaves the burden of making two separate meals for one person to do all on their own.
Also the stress of being in new places adds to the likelihood of extra issues. The sister should have hosted her family rather than expecting someone else not to misunderstand her needs.
Spaghetti with Butter melted on it is not exactly the most extravagant dish that can be done a million different ways it's... spaghetti (the pasta type) that's been cooked w/ butter on it... not much to it then that?
@unholyheretik There can be a lot of ways to mess up spaghetti with butter. Some people may use spaghetti for pasta just like some use Coke for any soda. What doneness of the pasta is correct? Al dente might be undercooked for the child or just right. For a picky eater, these may matter. What about thin spaghetti? What about brand?
It's buttered spaghetti and OP had said, they'd provide. I think OP is completely clueless, what "autistic" can mean, probably only knows about Sheldon Cooper type people. So yeah OP is an ignorant doofus.
@zombiechicken7114 The host did make the food. I also use different shaped noodles when I make spaghetti, so I understand why the host didn't think it would bother the kid. The sister could have made the fettuccine if it couldn't wait. If you know your child is that picky, always have a backup just in case.
@vincentlucario5450 Yes there are, thank you so much for reminding me. As I said in the response to the other comment, I use different noodles when I see why OP wouldn't have thought it was a big deal. Her sister could have made the fettuccine if it was that big of a deal.
Story 1: They are married! He should be able to trust that his wife was taking birth control and not getting pregnant on purpose. Reverse it with the husband getting the wife pregnant again her wishes and no one would be telling her it's fault for not being on BC. He agreed to sex while she was on the BC and by removing it is no different than a man removing a condom after the woman agreed to sex with only a condom. Responsibility means making sure there is some kind of BC which he did by agreeing to the wife being on the pill.
Not necessarily. Married or not, if he knew she wanted another child and he didn't, whether she was on BC or not, he should have protected himself long-term. Extended BC for a woman is about 10 years depending on the type of BC. It's chemicals. Synthetic hormones. That can affect a woman's body and system over time. If he was adamant about not wanting more kids, he should have gotten snipped and clipped. BC isn't one-sided and just solely on the woman. He had a BC choice as well.
@@HunnieSuckle24 and they together decided that she should be on BC. If it was having an effect on her then she should have discussed it with him and they should have decided on another BC. My husband and I decided on me being on the pill after our first was born. It started having negative effects and I TALKED TO MY PARTNER and I told him that I was going off the pill and we decided that we would use condoms. That is his wife and he should be able to absolutely trust that she won't deceive him. She didn't have negative effects from the pill, she stopped using it. It's no different than a man removing the condom or poking holes.
@@muppetsrule1143 Once again, she wasn't letting it go so HE should have ALSO OPENED HIS MOUTH to discuss alternative protection for himself. It's not one-sided. That should have told him something. Now, he's probably financially on the hook for a kid he doesn't want and the kid will be known as the reason his family is broken.
@muppetsrule1143 Bullshit. As a woman AND a mother, if my husband were pressuring me to have another child when I KNOW that I didn't want another one, I'd take every precaution possible to prevent that. She didn't agree to not having a 3rd child. They argued, he said it and she went silent. She never agreed. I'm not saying she's not wrong but he left himself open to this.
Story 1: The OP and wife presumably discussed their birth control options, and decided she would be the one in control. They were (until recently) presumably in a trusting relationship, and he trusted her. I agree that random hookups / non-committed relationships the guy should take precautions on his side too, but blaming one half of the committed couple is pretty bad.
Really? My parents used both condoms and the pill until they decided to try. This was over a year into their marriage. People are crazy to not blame him too. No, she shouldn't have lied, but the burden of prevention shouldn't be hers alone.
@@christinebenson518 So if a woman gets pregnant because the guy pokes holes in the condom it's her fault too because she didn't use her own birth control? To me that's a wild take.
@@christinebenson518To blame the husband means you are blaming him for trusting his wife. So are you saying he never should have trusted her when she told him she was using birth control? This was maliciously planned out by the wife yet you and people like you want to give some of the blame to the victim???
@@ariefraiser140yes everybody's blaming him for trusting his wife that's exactly what he needs to be blamed for because he should never have trusted anyone other than himself to prevent his own reproduction and when he decided to put that trust into his wife he needs to understand that that other person AKA in this scenario his wife might go behind his back and make decisions he's not happy about He's not bad he's stupid
@@evanjones2059 it's not victim blaming to point out that they made a mistake that led to them becoming a victim. And to answer your question... Yes id blame her to an extent as well for trusting him solely with her reproduction.
Last comment on 1st story, while valid I disagree with them for one simple issue. Assuming they agreed to her taking birth control then her going off it without his consent is tantamount to him stealthing her, it's reproductive coercion plain & simple. Him getting snipped without her agreeing to it, which given her want of another child she most certainly wouldn't, would also be seen as disrespectful & inconsiderate of her feelings. So that kinda negates their argument. He was in this position cuz they agreed to it then she unilaterally decides to baby trap him by going off her bc.
I agree that dropping birth control is wrong, but I still believe OP is still responsible for not getting snipped, simply because birth controls fail. If he is not using a condom or other birth control methods, that’s his fault for getting her pregnant, and then the ball is in her court about abortions. If the situation is that her pills failed, which can be due to numerous factors, ie, storage, hormones, sustained use, factory error, etc, and she is anti-abortion, would he still force her to abort? Bottom line is that if you fuck someone while you are fertile, you run the risk of getting (someone) pregnant. If he doesn’t want kids, he should make himself sterile.
@@sup9441What a garbage opinion. So by that logic, if he's wearing a condom and it fails, he has zero responsibility because she wasn't also on a pill? Or if a guy didn't get a vasectomy because he wants kids IN THE FUTURE, it wouldn't be 100% woman's fault for lying and stealthing him? Please, for everyone's sake, do not reproduce.
The last story had me rolling. "Are you stupid?" I mean I can't blame the kid for asking that, as the answer was yes. I get its a rude question and that should be explained to the 6 year old, but she's not wrong.
my niece had a similar situation when a family friend was doing the same to her when she was about 12, she asked could someone phone an ambulance as she suspected Babs was having a stroke
And to be precise, she didn't call that woman stupid. She asked whether she is stupid. It's a fine line. And if you behave stupid, it's totally fine to ask, whether you are.
It ain't a rude question if the girl realy want to know.. and really what aduld talks that way to a 6 year old. Btw she did NOT call the woman she asked if she was.. and the reason why she gave also.
I mean I think she handled well seeing as how she was being talked to in a very condescending tone. Even younger kids don’t like being talked down like that
Re: The sleeping arrangements. NTA 1) Not everyone you sleep near is going to make a move on you. 2) The guy was definitely a creep. A non-creep who was just phobic would have suggested sleeping with his own sister, who was present. Since siblings sleeping together is very normal. Suggesting he sleeps with another girl he's not related to as a solution is deeply suspicious.
3. This one is hilarious to me. She tries to ice out the one parent because he is a man so the other parents ice her out where he is concerned and she is all mad about it. YTI and you reap what you sow. They were supportive of you in the past because, as often is the case, your prejudice was hidden from them as they only knew you in a contained environment. Once outside forces showed you as toxic they started separating.
I mean, I don't get what her problem is, she said she wanted a separate group chat, so obviously there would be separate play-dates arranged, too! I don't know how she didn't make that connection when she tried to exclude him!
Story 3: Tell me you're sexist without saying you're sexist. "He's not allowed because he's a man!" I'm glad the other moms stood up to her BS, she wouldn't have even been ALONE with the guy, it was a GROUP.
Op nta, it’s a clear boundary, you people are wrong. Reddit is sexist and they should really stop acting like they care about men just like in the third story. I mean in numerous stories these people has proven multiple times of their misandry. Otherwise the fact that they are defending men as opposed to always berating them and acting like everything is there a fault is just making them look like the biggest hypocrites you’ve ever seen
If the mother has the right to make the sole decision on keeping the baby the man should have the sole decision to not support it or have anything to do with it.
Absolutely. In the same way a woman has the right to abort a child the man might want, if she wants to keep the child he didn’t want she should have no expectation that he is involved in anyway. She sounds like a manipulative crazy person.
The wife has 100% choice to get pregnant, keep it or abort it but the husband has to step up against his will. No say so. Good for him to divorce & state that any child support on the unwanted child will come from the other children's college funds because the wife made a completely selfish decision.
She is TA yes but if the guy had taken a single ounce of responsibility there would not be another kid, don't want more than 2? Get a vasectomy or wear protection during sex, he did neither. Birth control pills are not 100%. He is also TA for just leaving it up to his wife to prevent pregnancy.
Story 3: YTA, in all honesty, true single dads have it hard enough in life. Not only are females weary against them but add a child to the mix and they can get a lot of grief to it. This one dad moved to a new state for his job, and enrolled his elementary school daughter in school. He tried to get to know the other parents, mostly mothers, and most were weary of him and didn't want to include him because, he's a man. Heck he even got CPS called on him for being "Inappropriate" with his daughter. They found nothing and backed off. He dug deeper and one of the mothers admitted another was concerned he was "touching her" inappropriately because one time after school when he picked up his daughter he kneeled down to hug and kiss her on the forehead. OP doesn't even know the single dad but she is ready to judge him? If he was a female she would have welcomed her with open arms. And now she's pissed because she was excluded from a child playdate when the same guy she wanted to exclude was there. Don't dish it out if you can't take your own sentiments.
Story 3: YTA, so his kids have to suffer? All because you have some trauma, involving your Ex? He is a single dad (assumed since he is the only one doing drop offs) looking to socialize his kids, not find a new GF/wife. The whole goal of "mommy groups" is to make sure the kids can socialize out of school, and to give parenting advise when stuff hits the fan.
"Why doesnt this parent group ignore someone I requested them to ignore for no good reason?! They used to be so supportive!" What in the world did i just read/hear oh my god
#3: So it's rude to exclude YOUR kids but 100 percent okay to exclude those other children because they have a single parent dad instead of a mom? YTA, lady. Your psychoses are not other people's problem. Especially kids.
What the hell is wrong with her?? The fact that he is FATHER taking such good care of his child means that he is probably NOT dangerous like some random stranger on the street.
I once read a book (yeah, I know it's fiction, but it resonated greatly with me, those words that were said) whereby, after several years of coming out of a bad relationship, dating here and there, and going on with life, the women met a guy, who (according to the book, seems like the genuine good guy, great guy for her) and when she started with comparing things he does and what her ex would have done, or did, he straight up told her bluntly, '' look, I am interested in you, and I want to have a long term relationship with you, I am not one for hookups, and I am way past the age of playing games, but if you want a relationship with me, and you are coming into it, with the intention of comparing everything I do or say to your ex, then it is better we end it now, cause, I will not stand to be a substitute or play a game where I have to tip toe around you and not make you see me as your ex, then, we might as well end this here. I am not your ex, get to know ME, and not see me as him or a comparison to him'' It is good to be wary, of others as a mom, but, where does it end??, when it cost you your friendships, your trusted people, your allies???, as a mom, she needs to step up a tad more, and realize, that, being strong or stronger herself is the best possible outcome for her kids I am saying that, as someone who went through every kind of abuse you could possibly name, and think about, and some you can't, as a child/teen, and I am today a mum
Gay guy in a sleepover story: If i was this mans sister, i would be so embarrased if i saw my brother acting like this. The brother: I can't sleep with a gay guy! He is atracted to men! What if he tries something! Also, brother: I, a straight guy, should totally share a bed with a woman! I won't try anything! Why are you uncomfortable? I'm not a creep! I know that is not okay to call internet people that you don't know a creep, but The brother had a lot of audacity to imply that OP is a creep because he is gay whole also acting sus himself. Also, why no one made him share a bed with his sister? She was there, there is no reasson for him to share a bed with a woman he isn't related to.
Because OP realized what he was planning and went straight to threatening to throw him out on the street if he didn't stop complaining. Then OP and his sister decided he should sleep on the floor without an air mattress for his audacity. What I wanna know is, why didn't the guy's sister suggest that? Or did she bring him with her hoping he and his crush would get some "alone time"?
Wow the double standards in S1. She'd baby trapped him and broke his trust. That's vile and while it's her body, her choice, OP has the choice not to be involved with the child. Also Reddit the word in story 3 is misandry. She is being sexist towards a man for being a parent.
@@velvety2006 And then throw a whole "don't you trust me" and "vasectomies sometimes don't always work" argument when he brought up the paternity test. We've seen it before in stories where the OP DID get snipped but his wife still ended up pregnant.
How does a woman baby trap herhusband that she already has 2 kids with? You're reaching. Yes the wife was wrong, but OP should have been using condoms too.
Redditors are a special brand of stupid, claiming that OP should have also used protection. Have they not heard of women poking holes in condoms to baby trap men?
But if this story were reversed and the husband insisted on her going thru the pregnancy because he wanted a 3rd child, the commenters would've been on him like flypaper.
Story 2: Just saying…not gonna lie…as someone who has worked in a restaurant as a server…A LOT of people just call different pastas “spaghetti” because of the chef boyardee canned food…and also think that foods like lasagna are named lasagna for other reasons outside of the actual pasta and call everything “pasta” so I can understand the confusion…which is why if you are bringing your kid to someone’s house for the first time and they have specific dietary needs…bring the food with you…it saves you and the host time from dealing with a cranky child
Whenever I make spaghetti,it will be fettuccine, linguine or rigatoni. Depending on the sauce I make. If someone requests spaghetti,then they're getting linguine or fettuccine. If you're wanting regular spaghetti, you best say so.
To throw myself under the bus, I always thought Spaghetti was the name of the dish and not the name of the noodles. I assumed the noodles themselves had some fancy Italian name like all those other shaped noodles
Grew up eating spaghetti made with elbow macaroni, sometimes the spirals. It was super special if we got actual spaghetti pasta. Agree with it's how you make the dish not the shape of pasta used.
I had a friend years ago that was angry because she was pregnant for the third time and they had agreed to stop at two. He was going to get a vasectomy, but chickened out. She was furious with him and thought he was entirely responsible. I asked her if she knew he hadn’t had the vasectomy. Yes. Did she use some other form of birth control? No. Did she willingly have sex (not forced or coerced)? Yes. Then it is half her fault. That baby is now in college and is an awesome person. That being said, OP should have been able to trust that his wife was using BC. He believed she was. So guys, protect yourselves. Even if she is using it, BC can fail (I was conceived when my mom was on the pill). He didn’t want more kids, so he could have had a vasectomy to make sure. Even that is not 100% effective. But now it is too late and he is a bit of an AH for blaming the innocent child. Whether he wanted it or not, it’s here now and does not deserve to be treated this way. There should be a DNA test and if positive, the state can force child support.
Last story, My mom got a message from my school about me using ""big"" words. My mother told the teachers and the principal to read a dictionary. Just like I do. I still have that dictionary. It's about 7 inches thick
So I like how in the first story the victim gets blamed. If she has a choice to get rid of it, I think he should have the exact same option in life. She knew exactly what she was doing, and she decided to face consequences alone.
story 1 those comments basically saying op the idoit for trusting his wife. and now he has to be the bigger man because..... why exactly the logic is sound she wants the baby she now responsible
Story 3. Yta. Well well it's okay for Op to exclude the dad and his kids from the group but when the group says no this isn't right and they exclude her this is so unfair they're so mean.
@@KadeStringer2.0she has every right to not want to be in a group chat with a man she doesn’t but she doesn’t get to dictate what the group is doing with the man. She’s being a hypocrite and quite frankly sexist
@@KadeStringer2.0She definitely is an idiot. She can’t have her cake and eat it too. The other mums get it she doesn’t want to be around a man. So her and her children aren’t included in activities anymore. I also don’t get her complaining about him being a stranger but not even attempting small talk to see if they could be friends. Her kids will suffer because she discriminates against half the population.
Op is nta, it’s called having boundaries, due to trama. And the fact that you guys are calling OP sexist is laughable considering how Reddit is sexist. It’s even more laughable in most of their stories where they act like they care about men’s rights where I most stories they clearly don’t.
You do know that in a lot of states in order to get a vasectomy while married you have to get PERMISSION from your spouse so miss me with that responsibility bull.
"OP should have been taking precautions despite his wife telling him he was on birth control!" You wouldn't blame a woman who got pregnant because a man lied about getting a vasectomy. Its no more appropriate to do it in the other direction
I never used baby talk and that kid is exactly like my son. She was completely right, the mom should apologize for talking to a 6 yo like a baby. Good on her…let that girl grow up being strong and straight forward.
But he’s already had two kids, now the third he’s just going to abandon? Op is married, if he didn’t want anymore kids, he should have gotten a vasectomy.
"This is your opportunity to be better than her..." No. NO. That just rewards the mother for her terrible actions. Actions that really ought to be criminal, reproductive coercion is disgusting.
Talking to a child like an infant is a really rude thing to do. I can't even imagine talking to an infant in such a ridiculous way. If you wants a child to grow up using proper pronunciation and grammar start speaking to them properly from the beginning. A three month old infant may not pronounce "Hello" correctly but when they try and end up saying "Ehlo" when meeting someone, one is strongly reminded how much a infant can learn at that age. So by 6 years old a child has every right to be offended by an adult spewing gibberish at them.
I completely agree with all your points, furthermore I have read a study that reportedly proved that baby talk had a negative effect on their development.
Talked to my kids normally, from when they were born till now, cause my thoughts were always, if a child can mimic your ''baby talk'' then they would be able to mimic your normal speech pattern My kids pronounced their words perfectly when they were able to, at the age they should When kids reaches the age of comprehending speech patterns, or understanding words, or the meaning of the words, why should I treat them like an idiot? ..... of course that was/is ''my'' prerogative
Playdate mom I would like to introduce you to Mr consequences of your actions. also I'm 100"% sure there is another group chat that discusses how insufferable she is
Nta. To a lot of normal not snobby people, spaghetti just means pasta. If you need a specific kind of food for YOUR KID who has a food quirk or sensory issue, either host or bring it with you. Its not fair to force your host to go with cold dinner because you could be bothered to grab a frozen food for YOUR PICKY CHILD
Or just GET A BABY SITTER. When you are a guest at someone else's house there is a limit to how HIGH MAINTENANCE you can be and there is nothing wrong with eating spaghetti with butter but if it is the ONLY thing a person will EVER eat then something is SERIOUSLY WRONG.
Some kids with food issues really will starve rather than eat anything outside of their safe foods. In those cases, you bite the bullet, do what you can and give them vitamin supplements.
My daughter loved egg noodles with butter, peas, lima beans, mushrooms, and parmesan cheese. That's one of the few things that I could get her to eat when she was sick. She didn't care for spaghetti sauce until she was five, but did like the noodles with butter and hamburger...
I bet if the dad in story 1 claimed he got a vasectomy but really didn't in order to have another child against his wife's wishes, the commentors wouldn't be calling the wife the AH for not using her own birth control. And for those saying the kid will grow up felling unwanted by it's father; it is unwanted by it's father. That's on mom and her lies, not dad.
I feel bad for the baby but this is all on the mother. She destroyed a family because she just had to have a third child. Maybe her next husband, if there's a man foolish enough to marry her, will be a good father to the baby.
Story 1: So…what those “YTA” commentors are suggesting is…Op should do EXACTLY what his stbx wanted…? Take care of a baby he didnt want…? No…just…no. Op is NTA, does it suck that this kid is going to grow up seeing it’s siblings getting more? Yes, and you know who’s fault that is? Op’s wife and her sister. Actions have consequences. (PS: vasectomy’s arent 100% either, his wife said she was on BC, if she didn’t then Op would be TA for not using protection)
Oral contraceptives have a 7% failure rate, even when taken 100% properly. He *caused* the pregnancy, regardless if she was taking BCP or not. He should've taken precautions.
@@michellestevens8343 And sometimes vasectomies are botched, so clearly OP is TA because he didn't have the good sense to not trust anybody, not his wife, not even his doctors, and should of practiced pure abstinence to be free and clear of judgment. /s
@@fantym-1 No. She caused the pregnancy. We know this because we don't have to rely on misapplied statistics, my little science illiterate. Y'see she wasn't getting pregnant while on birth control and then ~ _magically_ ~ she became pregnant when she willfully sabotaged the whole ordeal by failing to mention to her hubby dearest that she's no longer taking the birth control. Almost as if this wasn't a matter of rolling 100 dice and coming up with 7 kids and it was a matter of taking contraceptive and _not_ taking contraceptive. She lied to him by omission. I'm sure if he was given proper knowledge that his wife was going to betray him he might've even gone so far as to just not sleep with her wholesale considering the fallout. So. No. NO. He did not cause the pregnancy. She did. By herself. By her own selfish actions.
How many stories have we heard of condom and pill use and they BOTH fail? That's a 1 in 1m chance. A vasectomy has better chances of failing which is 1 in 2000.
And could’ve taken an Uber back to his sister’s with or without her. But either he was lazy and wanted a bed to himself and acted like a creep in hopes of achieving this or he’s an actual creep.
For survival reasons alone, I think parents should encourage children to try a variety of food. The child has to learn to cope with not being in ideal situations...even if they are on a spectrum. You just never know
For an autistic kid, trying a food they don't like can feel like how you'd feel if someone cooked a dog turd to kill the bacteria and then set it on a plate and asked you to eat it. It's not just "not an ideal situation", it's absolutely intolerable.
An autistic child trying to eat something that causes sensory issues is like you trying to drink bleach, and most autistic children who are forced to eat develop eating disorders, or they will literally starve themselves it's safer for the children to foods the child has deemed safe.
Agreed. My brother wasn't made to eat fruits and veggies growing up. He never eats fruit and only eats veggies 1 meal a week. Thanks, mom, for not making him eat them.
Story 1 the comments About how he should have gotten vasectomy. Im sorry WHAT?! That's such a f'd up take. Do we blame women when they get stealthed? The answer should be no. They were in a marriage, trusting your spouse to not stealth you should be treated as normal. Should he have gotten one? Probably, but 1: not everyone is comfortable with elective surgery. And 2: it's completely irrelevant to the fact that his wife absolutely violated him. Fact is, even if he wore condoms, she would have poked wholes in them.
If you, as a male, don't want another child then YOU, AS A MALE, take responsibility to ensure that you do not contribute to the making of a child. It is lazy and irresponsible for him not to do his part, whether that means abstaining from sex, using condoms or getting a vasectomy. It's GROSS that he made a decision that affected both of them and then left the birth control up to his wife and cried foul when she got pregnant anyway. It takes 2 people to make a child, it should be the responsibility of both people to prevent conception.
If the mom in the parent group intends to avoid men altogether she's in for a rough road, since approximately half the population is composed of males.
The story about OP excluding the dad is the reason why I’m so protective of all of my brothers because there’s people that villainize men sometimes. Sometimes it’s justified don’t get me wrong but times like this is where I’m like no.
The first story is the prime example why I don’t trust birth control. What the ex-wife did was disgusting, but of course, according to Reddit, everything is always the men’s fault and he should’ve gotten a vasectomy. Newsflash, people could not want other kids without giving a freaking vasectomy. Please tell me the first post is not being sexually biased without tell me it’s not being sexually bias. In the Mom chat story, Reddit just stop. Stop acting like you care about men with your history of misandry. Especially in the first story where it’s already proven your bias as well as other stories. Also the whole, “your trauma is your own” where other stories always say accommodate traumas and enable it, like what. Jesus Christ, pick a side and stick with it otherwise you’re just making yourself look like a hypocrites
I would be on dad's side more in the first story if he was also using some sort of birth control. According to the way he told the story, his wife was the one who stopped using birth control. It takes 2 people to make a child, it should be the responsibility of BOTH to prevent conception. His attitude about this being her fault entirely is gross.
@@hrobinson9701 did you miss the part where she baby trapped him? And even if he did why does that matter, he said he did not want any more kids but did the wife listen? No.
@@Symphonia30 It would have been A LOT harder to "baby trap" him if he was more concerned about preventing conception than he was about his personal satisfaction while having sex. No where in his story does he say ANYTHING about he was doing to ensure there was no third child. That was as much on him as it was on his wife!
@@hrobinson9701 are you honestly victim blaming? Since when do men have to have to vasectomys nor be on birth control not to want more kids. And even if that was the case pregnancy is preventable, the fact is the wife lied. So are you saying he should step up for a kid that he does not want? Your basically enabling women to baby trap people
I like how you're so willing to ignore the nuance just to make the woman the bad guy alone. Like there could never be a possibility where both people contribute ( one definitely more than the other) but both contribute to the issue. I think that you are unwilling to see how it is wrong for a man to completely rely on the woman he's in a relationship with to prevent pregnancy and then on top of all that to not take any accountability when it doesn't go the way he wants Don't get it twisted though I rhink that the ex should not have tampered with her birth control without discussing it with him but you cannot genuinely just ignore the other side of it. And then your comment about she baby trapped him and he said no but she didn't listen is a perfect example. When what he really needed was to listen to himself about not wanting kids and get a vasectomy not put it all on his wife. Had he done that we wouldn't even be having this conversation
This is a technique used by the Media regularly to put words in someone's mouth and it rubs off on people who watch. Asking a Question is not making a statement, yet with such propensities I will often turn the question into an Either/Or e.g. Are you genuinely that stupid, or do you just think I am?
I think it's mainly because birth control isn't 100% and she could easily forget. A sure way to 100% (if he does all his check ups) guarantee no chance of pregnancy is to get snipped.
@@Ashbrash1998missing one pill isn't gonna get you pregnant. I took BC for a medical issue and to regulate my cycles. I stopped taking it after religiously using it and it was STILL in effect months later.
Story 1: You do NOT ever baby trap someone. Women want to have the right to get or not get an A, men should have the right to be present or not. If you baby trap someone, they shouldn't have to pay for the child. Her selfishness is punishing not only this baby but the siblings. You shouldn't rely on your spouse for birth control? Wtf. So if your partner goes on birth control you should just not trust them and assume their word means nothing? What a horrible marriage that is that your partner's says they are on birth control but you can't trust their word and need a vasectomy to ensure you boundaries are met. No wonder the divorce rate is ridiculous.
Well said. I predict that, when OP's 2 kids hit their teens, they'll hang out with certain friends who are part of a bad crowd, gravitate toward loser crushes, only, to become parents, marry the deadbeats, and drop out of high school, move into public housing in unsafe neighborhoods, work minimum wage jobs, have additional kids, by 18, and not only make their mother give up the child support, in order to pay for baby supplies/necessities, baby-related expenses, and maternity/pregnancy expenses, but also use their mother's house as their own daycare center, take turns making her third kid their free babysitter, turn his/her room into a nursery, make her sister their free chauffeur, and her mother, their free housekeeper.⚠️
I gotta say nta for 1st op. The dude had an agreement with the stbx wife about how many kids they'd have. She decided to say screw that, and now she can be a single mom of three. Op should definitely look into vasectomy and keep the condoms handy with any future partners, though.
Well said. And if/1st OP's first two kids become parents at 16, 17, and/or18, and not graduate from high school, his STBX-wife will not only have to get used to them making her third kid their live-in babysitter/housekeeper but also get used to them making her third kid's room into a nursery, and moving their loser crushes in on her.⚠️
I'm going against the grain here. I wouldn't want my contact info given out either, regardless of gender. OP obviously has some severe trauma and she's not stable. She needs LOTS of therapy and possibly even meds.
@@laargboolag9147 I agree with that part UNLESS she had no problem for the other 'mom's' having her info w/o asking because that would make her a hypocrite! And she is still TA for not wanting the man around anyway
@@laargboolag9147 that wasn’t the issue she had, the issue she had was based on gender. Would you still agree if it was based on another immutable characteristic? What if it was based on nationality, race or orientation?
Sis should’ve been more specific or have the dinner at her place. It’s HER girlfriend, not OP’s. They’ve never met this little girl before. Are they supposed to read minds or something?
@@momo382844 They're supposed to follow clear instructions. "Buttered spaghetti" means actual *spaghetti*, not just random pasta. I can't believe OP didn't realize substituting a random other pasta when she agreed to make spaghetti would be a problem.
@@ettinakitten5047 Sis or Her Mom should have cooked the meal, then. OP has never met this child before the dinner. They aren’t going to know all the bells, whistles, and triggers of someone they never met. It’s the mother’s responsibility to pack a back up snack in case emergencies.
The food story… NTA. When I hear spaghetti all I know “long noodles” and I get the wheat grain ones. Cmon people. Don’t blame OP because “omg my disabled kid is waaaay more important”
@@FinnishLapphund They never should have made OP responsible for that. What if she got the wrong brand of spaghetti or the wrong flavor or the wrong kind of butter? Or the wrong kind of uncrustables? Too much to possibly go wrong. Best to just bring the safe food yourself.
_"Are you stupid?"_ is *NOT* the same as _"You are stupid."._ The kid's 6yo, so who in her right mind would talk to her as if she's 2yo at best? The kid's blunt, and asked a legit question to someone who was acting like an idiot.
Exactly... the child ASKED a question... she didn't make a statement. And frankly with the way the older woman was acting it was a legit question. Now at 6 I'm going to give the kid some slack on her phrasing, and not knowing that you really shouldn't ask those kinds of questions. No apologies on either side, but you need to try and explain to the daughter on why that is considered rude in polite society without making her feel bad about asking that question... Good luck with that. Mine were flat out smart a$$es at that age... and would have said "lady I'm 6 not 2 and I'm having dinner not "num nums", now please excuse me" And I would have laughed too.
Oh please, it IS calling someone stupid. It's a rhetorical question. It's couched that way it is, so the speaker has deniability if they are called on it. Now, it's a separate question whether or not the mom deserved it, but everyone knows what the kid was doing.
@@mysteryfan15 the kid was SIX, nuances aren't real clear to them at that age. She asked a QUESTION. At 6 if they think you are stupid they say it... you are stupid, god you're stupid. That is a 6 yr old calling some one stupid. Now an Adult asking that question is flat out calling another adult stupid, but trying to be sly about it that I would agree with. I don't care how advanced the child's vocab is or not, but at 6 most do not flat out state an adult they have never met before is stupid, they will ask though. Cause that's what children do, they ASK questions.
Reminds me of a couple times when a group chat has expanded to include a new person without adequate discussion, consent, and preparation from the rest of the group. I know it typically works like an older social convention ("can this person come join us? you have thirty seconds to voice an objection" kinda stuff), but in previous social conventions we didn't have the potential for the new guy to get access to months of records of private communication because now he's got permission to read whatever we were writing before he got here. Same with a time when a dear friend told her brother about the fanfic we were writing together -- including some of the more "mature content" whumpy details -- without asking me first. I didn't even know him at the time, and I explained that I wasn't comfortable with that move. (My friend instantly realized what I was getting at and apologized profusely, and ultimately I got to know her brother and he's pretty cool.) There's always something a little difficult when there's overlap between carefully curated online personas and real-life details, especially when it's about content that many people would get offended by in one way or another. See also: the Facebook guy not grasping why people would ever want to separate their real-life identity from the things they discuss online. The guy just doesn't get the point of personas.
Parents group story: The fact op can't put two and two together to make four is mind boggling. I love how she completely ignores the fact that the situation, which occurred between her son and her, where her son was upset because he was being left out is probably exactly what led to the dad asking to be part of the group. I get it I don't like strange men having my number but it's not an excuse in this situation if it's that big of a deal get a text now account so he doesn't have your personal but stop being such a nagging B!
Just because you dont want more kids dont mean you need to get a damn vasectomy they clearly agreed in the wife getting birth control after that you should trust your spouse to keep their end of the deal at that point if it fails it fails but it didnt she just didnt take it this aint OP fault blaming him is taking blame off the person who wanted the baby in the first place
For story 1: what that is called is coercive rape, she violated his consent, she had agreed to be on birth control and while he shouda wrapped it or snipped it, hindsight is 20/20 and the only one legally culpable is his now ex wife, would it be nice if he provided for the unwanted kid he involuntarily sired? Yes, but it's not about nice or not at this moment, he didn't have the option of aborting the baby that was conceived by the assault perpetrated by his ex, he didn't have the choice to not have the kid.
He did have the option to take responsibility for his reproduction he just chose to push that responsibility solely on someone else which leads to situations like this.
In I believe the second story. The OP is absolutely *NOT* the arsehole. *IF* you have a child who is a picky eater regardless the reason i.e. just being a picky eater, or having Asperger's/Autism/being neurodivergent, or having some sort of medical condition. As the parent it is *YOUR* responsibility to bring the food that you know that your child will eat.
I suffer from Asperger's syndrome MYSELF and no way have I EVER been as full of Bullcr@p and the br@✝ in this story. If parents have kids that are that high maintenance (its CHEMICALLY exactly the same just shaped differently) then either LEAVE THE BR@T$ at home or help out in some way, maybe sending a pack of noodles to make sure there is no misunderstanding OR TEACH YOUR KID NOT TO BE A BR@T.
2. ETI. I mean spaghetti does mean the stringy pasta. Though obvious is not always obvious until its obvious. Ultimately the parents should not have had OP create a dinner when they know their kid is that picky.
Yeah OP YTA. This Dad is doing nothing by joining the group so his kids can have playdates. Your wanting to exclude him are wrong and when you tried you and your kids got excluded instead. It isn't like the dad is trying to do anything bad to youm get more therapy before you make your child lose out on more activities with friends because of your attitude.
If both adults agree that the female is on birth control and then it turns out she was lying that doesn't make the male adult an AH, it makes the female a damn monster
@@LovestarVGC if he was, it would have been mentioned in the story. The story would be ‘found out wife poked holes in/tampered with my condoms’, not ‘found out wife went off BC’
If your kids are picky, the parents should bring their own food. It is NOT OPs fault for fixing the wrong food. She doesn’t have an autistic child and she doesn’t know how things are. The parents are the idiot.
Story 1: everyone saying the husband should have gotten a vasectomy or taken responsibility is forgetting that most couples discuss what form of birth control they want to use! They were fine until wife decided to stop her birth control. She disregarded his feeling over her own desires. I do feel sorry for that poor baby though. It’s heartbreaking to think of all the pain and hardships they will go through because of the wife’s selfishness. I hope the husband has a change of heart regarding that precious child. 😢
That is pure BS. Op sucks for trying to take his anger out on the TWO INNOCENT. That is evil. That threat can and should be used against Op. Op is also dumb as dirt. Not only Op would have to 18+ years of back child support, that would include interests, taxes and legal fees. That child has the power to legal revenge at Anytime. Not only that Op soon to be ex-wife has testicles in a jar. He better hopes she doesn't use that power f him over. That threat show he has no problem of threatening to use the kids, to get his way.Even taking his anger out on them. Child support cases only care about money and the child. Not the conception.
He was not proactive. You don't want kids EVER? Don't relay on someone else. Get a vasectomy. So what if she had used protection and had accidentally got pregnant? The point is leave no room for mistakes.
@@lalvarez5151once again I'm going to guess you're a woman therefore you believe that the snip is 100% new flash its not she was a c u n t for what she did and he has every right to walk away from her he'll still pay child support but nothing else and that is solely her OWN FUCKING FAULT
@@lalvarez5151 There is a big difference between getting accidentally pregnant while on birth control and getting off of birth control behind your partners back to intentionally get pregnant. The former is an accident, the later a break of trust. And a couple decides together what kind of birth control they use. At least they should.
I rarely hope for someone to have cheated, but I really hope OP1’s ex did so at least there’s a reason to give the kid for the different treatment. Bc seeing your dad love your siblings and not you only bc they were born before you will be traumatizing. Mom and baby need to go from the delivery room to the therapist office stat. Don’t pass go, don’t collect $200
6:45 yeah, that’s silly. Bring your child’s food when your child has such needs. This goes for simple, pickiness to severe allergy. You are the parent, you are responsible you are neglectful and ridiculous to expect anyone else to feed your child in their specific manner.
Those last Story 1 comments are just victim blaming. "You should have been on your own birth control." Nonsense. He should have been able to trust his wife not to baby trap him. Those are the general norms and values you have in a marriage.
Story 1: You are and aren’t the AH! I don’t blame OP for anything he said other than, his derision for his own child. His wife, went behind his back, his wife lied to him about bc, his wife did all the things. His child had no choice in any of this. Please don’t hold this against your own child. They are a true innocent.
I’m so tired of the vasectomy argument. Same logic can be said about woman should have had a hysterectomy if they didn’t want someone to tamper their birth control. OP was violated into being an unwilling participant. It’s his ex’s fault for the way the baby’s relationship with the father.
Do you know how hard it is to get a doctor to go for that? Spoiler alert: extremely. However, she 1000% in the wrong for her actions. It's not ok when men pressure to have more babies, and it's not ok when women do it either.
@@BrainWitchSiv exactly the point. Sure the procedure is easier for men but should be blamed for the entire situation. It’s not even full proof in most cases. She probably would have used that window of time to get herself pregnant with assurance nothing would happen
@@Wander85942which of the two is more brutal is irrelevant. None of the self righteous slime in rhe comments should be demanding anyone should have surgery, regardless of gender. If it were acceptable to do so, there are many people id be berating for not having an elwctive head amputation.
Story02. I am the mother of an authistic child. My kid is not that picky, but if she was I'd bring her food everywhere... sometimes it is a specific brand that its not avaliable and other people will not figure out that milk chocolate from Nestlé is not a subtable substitute for hershey's for an authistic kid but cookies icecream from Ben and jerylry's is...
Agree and people tried to blame him because she was on birth control which is BS because had she asked him to get an vasectomy he would have done so after some thought
1st story: NTA. Wife could be charged with r@pe depending on the state/country they are in. I do agree if you got a penis and don't want kids, get snipped, but that is not the point of the post. 2nd story: NTA, if you bringing an autistic kid over, be super specific about things. don't give wiggle room for misunderstandings. Mom group story: YTA, the comment about what a boundary is and isn't covered it nicely. Last story: NTA, the brother either double standard ahoy, or wanted to creep on the sister.
Story 1 in theory he can charge r@pe but in practice there's no way. Seeing the uphill battle I've seen trying to get people to take SA against boys seriously, there's no way a baby trap will be considered
Story 1, someone else in the comments here pointed out that she could very well have tampered with his condoms as well if he was using them. I don’t know if he was, but I wouldn’t put it past her.
"this wouldn't have happened if OP took responsibility" NO absolutely NOT, the situation shouldn't have happened at all but the wife lied and baby trapped him, those comments blaming OP then turing around and blaming men are absolutely ridiculous
I don’t blame him for his anger. I would blame him for ostracizing the third child while being a good dad to the other two. Babies aren’t burdens or mistakes. They’re human beings and the way they’re treated will affect how they treat others. He already divorced his wife but he can still be kind to the baby.
@@KCohere33 If this were a case of OP going to a house party, getting drunk and willingly sleeping with someone unprotected or him, and his wife, willingly being irresponsible by neither of them using protection I would 100% agree with you. But in this case, OP had no consent in the making of this child. That alone absolves him of any guilt of raising this child.
Story 3: I read that story. The Op commented that the mom passed away. The Dad had to uproot him and the kids to the new area for a better work opportunity. The kids are in grief therapy but are doing better.
St. 1 - Tricking people into having children they do not want is despicable. This is 100% divorce worthy. However, OP - wear a damn condom. Take responsibility for your own birth control. You did NOTHING to prevent this baby from coming.
S1: If there were any justice in this world, the wife would be facing felony charges. OP is absolutely right to hold her to account for her premeditated betrayal. If the baby is going to have a hard life, that's on mom. She can end her pregnancy, she can adopt. OP erred by not taking his own precautions, but that certainly doesn't mean he's at-fault. The Reddit Misandrist Brigade can eat concrete.
Pasta shape changes the texture, so yeah they are different. I can ignore it most of the time, as an adult autistic, but I totally understand a child having a harder time. But there are some times that I'm not eating a certain pasta shape, full stop, will make something different. That said, parents should have brought a back up meal or hosted themselves. Best way to make sure there's safe food is to make the food.
She DIDN’T call Julie stupid, she just said “are you stupid…?” Completely different especially from a child. Child should NOT apologize and if anything that rude woman needs to apologize in the other direction - for infantilizing the young woman and HER rudeness. The child was not rude or mean. She was just a bit candid to a dumb, self important woman-child. Tell that “adult” to pound sand and then eat it.
I'd prolly be like, "I'm not punishing you because you genuinely didn't know better and she _was_ being a condescending jerk...but in the future..." Still NTA
Story 2 nta in my family pasta and spaghetti have always been used interchangeably. Recipe calls for a specific shape? Fuck that we're just gonna grab whatever was cheapest per pound or use whatever was in the pantry. If you have a super picky kid, then feeding them is your responsibility.
2: That would be like me not telling someone I'm vegetarian and showing up to a dinner party complaining when they don't have a veggie option. 3: Women complain about men not being as involved in child care and then ask involved Dads to not be around so much because it makes them uncomfortable. It's a Catch-22. Don't be involved: You're a deadbeat/weekend Dad. Be involved: Moms/women feel icky because a man exists near them/their kids. I hope someday society can get over this.
2:39 maybe the waste of flesh of a wife should have thought about this before commiting reproductive coersion. She kmew damn well he didnt want a third and went out of her way to make it happen behind his back. But as usial, the women are always blameless in Reddit's eyes.
Actually since the mother has the right to decide to keep the child on or not I would say the responsibility falls more on the mother. Bc with great power comes great responsibility. There are circumstances to each situation. But this wife went behind his back and lied on purpose. She didn't say hey I don't want the pill so put on on a condom. No she hide that part
Why is Op supposed to be the bad guy, when she lied to her husband? She is the bad guy and she needs to live with the cosequences. You have heard of cases where a husband uses protection, and the wife sabotages it right? If she would lie about that, she would have no problem sabotaging condoms. If she wanted more childeen, she should have been honest She made a lifebdecision without her husband who will now have to pay for it The fundamental fact is his wife broke his trust, so she is totally wrong. It is BSbputting it on OP when she lied. As a parent you need to stop making decisions for slefish reasons, becasue they affect not only you but your family. Also why does the injured party always need to be the bigger person? How about the guilty party take responsibility for her actions and live with the consequences without getting to be bailed out by the wronged party?
@@bshaker7716 well she could have told him she was gonna stop taking birth control and maybe then he wouldn't have gone there raw. What if it was he who told her he was gonna use protection knowing she's not on birth control and when she was not aware he went raw and she fell pregnant would that scenario be the same? When she would have wanted to abort but he said no would it have still been ok for her to do despite him wanting the child?
Daycare story, I think the fact that OP couldn't handle being in a *group chat* with a man says a lot. Yeah sure, don't invite random strange men over to your house or leave your kids alone with them, that's unfortunately common sense. But you honestly can't handle communicating over *text* Anywhere Near a man who takes his kids to the same daycare as you??? When he's literally done nothing to you but made small talk before??? That's the OP's problem to cope with, not a reasonable boundary. YTA.
Story 1: if a man does that to a woman, it's Stealthing, considered grape, and punished as such. If a woman does it, it's the man's fault for not keeping it in his pants, and he needs to man up and pay for it for life. In fact, the media encourages this undet "my body my choice" The YTA too: "you're bad for not wanting the kid and treating it as separate" Also the INFO and ESH comments "well you should have had a vasectomy. Sure what she did was wrong but it's men's fault!" He TRUSTED HIS WIFE. BTW there is a birth control pill for men that's been in the works bur guess who's protesting it? Women's groups because they fear "men will lie about being on the pill" HMMMMMM.
Also the pill is not being protested, it's not allowed because of the laws on medication (such as that medicine is supposed to protect the person taking it from medical issues, and technically it's not the male being in danger because of pregnancy) and those laws are old and hard to change
If you take a child with food issues to another persons house, you should ALWAYS bring the child's food. There are so many ways the food could turn out differently than what the kid likes, even if you make it 100% clear how the kid likes it. Plus, it leaves the burden of making two separate meals for one person to do all on their own.
That's my thought!
Also the stress of being in new places adds to the likelihood of extra issues. The sister should have hosted her family rather than expecting someone else not to misunderstand her needs.
Spaghetti with Butter melted on it is not exactly the most extravagant dish that can be done a million different ways it's... spaghetti (the pasta type) that's been cooked w/ butter on it... not much to it then that?
@unholyheretik There can be a lot of ways to mess up spaghetti with butter. Some people may use spaghetti for pasta just like some use Coke for any soda. What doneness of the pasta is correct? Al dente might be undercooked for the child or just right. For a picky eater, these may matter. What about thin spaghetti? What about brand?
Than why did OP agree with the dinner, no is also an option?…
If a child requires a separate meal, then the parent should provide that meal. You should not expect the host to supply.
It's buttered spaghetti and OP had said, they'd provide. I think OP is completely clueless, what "autistic" can mean, probably only knows about Sheldon Cooper type people. So yeah OP is an ignorant doofus.
Except when the host knew it and said they would do it!!!
@zombiechicken7114 The host did make the food. I also use different shaped noodles when I make spaghetti, so I understand why the host didn't think it would bother the kid. The sister could have made the fettuccine if it couldn't wait. If you know your child is that picky, always have a backup just in case.
@@frozenpiper2sis said “spaghetti”, there are noodles called spaghetti. Doesn’t take a scientist to figure that out.
@vincentlucario5450 Yes there are, thank you so much for reminding me. As I said in the response to the other comment, I use different noodles when I see why OP wouldn't have thought it was a big deal. Her sister could have made the fettuccine if it was that big of a deal.
Story 1: They are married! He should be able to trust that his wife was taking birth control and not getting pregnant on purpose. Reverse it with the husband getting the wife pregnant again her wishes and no one would be telling her it's fault for not being on BC. He agreed to sex while she was on the BC and by removing it is no different than a man removing a condom after the woman agreed to sex with only a condom. Responsibility means making sure there is some kind of BC which he did by agreeing to the wife being on the pill.
Not necessarily. Married or not, if he knew she wanted another child and he didn't, whether she was on BC or not, he should have protected himself long-term. Extended BC for a woman is about 10 years depending on the type of BC. It's chemicals. Synthetic hormones. That can affect a woman's body and system over time. If he was adamant about not wanting more kids, he should have gotten snipped and clipped. BC isn't one-sided and just solely on the woman. He had a BC choice as well.
@@HunnieSuckle24 and they together decided that she should be on BC. If it was having an effect on her then she should have discussed it with him and they should have decided on another BC. My husband and I decided on me being on the pill after our first was born. It started having negative effects and I TALKED TO MY PARTNER and I told him that I was going off the pill and we decided that we would use condoms. That is his wife and he should be able to absolutely trust that she won't deceive him. She didn't have negative effects from the pill, she stopped using it. It's no different than a man removing the condom or poking holes.
@@muppetsrule1143 Once again, she wasn't letting it go so HE should have ALSO OPENED HIS MOUTH to discuss alternative protection for himself. It's not one-sided. That should have told him something. Now, he's probably financially on the hook for a kid he doesn't want and the kid will be known as the reason his family is broken.
@@HunnieSuckle24 No. He's not at fault at all. She's 100% at fault and if this was reversed NO ONE would be telling her that it's her fault.
@muppetsrule1143 Bullshit. As a woman AND a mother, if my husband were pressuring me to have another child when I KNOW that I didn't want another one, I'd take every precaution possible to prevent that. She didn't agree to not having a 3rd child. They argued, he said it and she went silent. She never agreed. I'm not saying she's not wrong but he left himself open to this.
Story 1: The OP and wife presumably discussed their birth control options, and decided she would be the one in control. They were (until recently) presumably in a trusting relationship, and he trusted her.
I agree that random hookups / non-committed relationships the guy should take precautions on his side too, but blaming one half of the committed couple is pretty bad.
Really? My parents used both condoms and the pill until they decided to try. This was over a year into their marriage.
People are crazy to not blame him too. No, she shouldn't have lied, but the burden of prevention shouldn't be hers alone.
@@christinebenson518 So if a woman gets pregnant because the guy pokes holes in the condom it's her fault too because she didn't use her own birth control? To me that's a wild take.
@@christinebenson518To blame the husband means you are blaming him for trusting his wife. So are you saying he never should have trusted her when she told him she was using birth control? This was maliciously planned out by the wife yet you and people like you want to give some of the blame to the victim???
@@ariefraiser140yes everybody's blaming him for trusting his wife that's exactly what he needs to be blamed for because he should never have trusted anyone other than himself to prevent his own reproduction and when he decided to put that trust into his wife he needs to understand that that other person AKA in this scenario his wife might go behind his back and make decisions he's not happy about
He's not bad he's stupid
@@evanjones2059 it's not victim blaming to point out that they made a mistake that led to them becoming a victim. And to answer your question... Yes id blame her to an extent as well for trusting him solely with her reproduction.
Last comment on 1st story, while valid I disagree with them for one simple issue. Assuming they agreed to her taking birth control then her going off it without his consent is tantamount to him stealthing her, it's reproductive coercion plain & simple. Him getting snipped without her agreeing to it, which given her want of another child she most certainly wouldn't, would also be seen as disrespectful & inconsiderate of her feelings. So that kinda negates their argument. He was in this position cuz they agreed to it then she unilaterally decides to baby trap him by going off her bc.
This exactly.
I agree that dropping birth control is wrong, but I still believe OP is still responsible for not getting snipped, simply because birth controls fail. If he is not using a condom or other birth control methods, that’s his fault for getting her pregnant, and then the ball is in her court about abortions. If the situation is that her pills failed, which can be due to numerous factors, ie, storage, hormones, sustained use, factory error, etc, and she is anti-abortion, would he still force her to abort?
Bottom line is that if you fuck someone while you are fertile, you run the risk of getting (someone) pregnant. If he doesn’t want kids, he should make himself sterile.
Also the fact that she NEVER TOLD HIM that she was off her meds so that he can use protection.
But he was supporting her while he thought it was an accident and birth control failed. He only stopped when he found out that she did it on purpose.
@@sup9441What a garbage opinion. So by that logic, if he's wearing a condom and it fails, he has zero responsibility because she wasn't also on a pill? Or if a guy didn't get a vasectomy because he wants kids IN THE FUTURE, it wouldn't be 100% woman's fault for lying and stealthing him? Please, for everyone's sake, do not reproduce.
Story 3 "why arnt fathers more involved? WAIT NO NOT LIKE THAT!"
LMAO what a weird take from op.
The last story had me rolling.
"Are you stupid?" I mean I can't blame the kid for asking that, as the answer was yes. I get its a rude question and that should be explained to the 6 year old, but she's not wrong.
my niece had a similar situation when a family friend was doing the same to her when she was about 12, she asked could someone phone an ambulance as she suspected Babs was having a stroke
And to be precise, she didn't call that woman stupid. She asked whether she is stupid. It's a fine line. And if you behave stupid, it's totally fine to ask, whether you are.
It ain't a rude question if the girl realy want to know.. and really what aduld talks that way to a 6 year old.
Btw she did NOT call the woman she asked if she was.. and the reason why she gave also.
Timestamp?
I mean I think she handled well seeing as how she was being talked to in a very condescending tone. Even younger kids don’t like being talked down like that
Re: The sleeping arrangements. NTA
1) Not everyone you sleep near is going to make a move on you.
2) The guy was definitely a creep. A non-creep who was just phobic would have suggested sleeping with his own sister, who was present. Since siblings sleeping together is very normal. Suggesting he sleeps with another girl he's not related to as a solution is deeply suspicious.
I’m really betting he wanted a bed to himself and wanted to play the uncomfortable creep card. However you could be correct that he’s a creep
Either he can't trust himself with his sister, or she can't trust him ...
@@Fete_Fatale lol,
That (!!?)... requires more questions, than the answer, fourfold....
3. This one is hilarious to me. She tries to ice out the one parent because he is a man so the other parents ice her out where he is concerned and she is all mad about it. YTI and you reap what you sow.
They were supportive of you in the past because, as often is the case, your prejudice was hidden from them as they only knew you in a contained environment. Once outside forces showed you as toxic they started separating.
I mean, I don't get what her problem is, she said she wanted a separate group chat, so obviously there would be separate play-dates arranged, too! I don't know how she didn't make that connection when she tried to exclude him!
Or, she’s been driving them up the wall and they’ve been hoping for an excuse to ditch her?
@@susankaempfer8427there definitely is that vibe of OP being high maintenance,
Story 3: Tell me you're sexist without saying you're sexist. "He's not allowed because he's a man!" I'm glad the other moms stood up to her BS, she wouldn't have even been ALONE with the guy, it was a GROUP.
She is a sexist. I don't understand how she will raise her boys with such an attitude.
@@Azulakayes I worry for their teen years when they might start showing interest in girls.
Those kids won’t have much of a social life with OP as their mom.
Op nta, it’s a clear boundary, you people are wrong. Reddit is sexist and they should really stop acting like they care about men just like in the third story. I mean in numerous stories these people has proven multiple times of their misandry.
Otherwise the fact that they are defending men as opposed to always berating them and acting like everything is there a fault is just making them look like the biggest hypocrites you’ve ever seen
In her defense, her ex physically and probably sexually abused. She needs a lot more therapy than she's had.
'The street's there you can go sleep there instead' amazing.
If the mother has the right to make the sole decision on keeping the baby the man should have the sole decision to not support it or have anything to do with it.
Absolutely. In the same way a woman has the right to abort a child the man might want, if she wants to keep the child he didn’t want she should have no expectation that he is involved in anyway. She sounds like a manipulative crazy person.
The wife has 100% choice to get pregnant, keep it or abort it but the husband has to step up against his will. No say so. Good for him to divorce & state that any child support on the unwanted child will come from the other children's college funds because the wife made a completely selfish decision.
Story 1) I hope that the wife gives the baby up for adoption. He doesn't deserve the crap show he's being born into.
You're right the wife shouldn't have lied about birth control and cause this entire situation
That would be for the best. A clean slate, instead of being burdened with growing up as a trap.
Maybe don’t lie
She is TA yes but if the guy had taken a single ounce of responsibility there would not be another kid, don't want more than 2? Get a vasectomy or wear protection during sex, he did neither. Birth control pills are not 100%. He is also TA for just leaving it up to his wife to prevent pregnancy.
@@joanned8172though with her being so keen on another kid, she'd likely poke holes in the condoms anyway.
Story 3: YTA, in all honesty, true single dads have it hard enough in life. Not only are females weary against them but add a child to the mix and they can get a lot of grief to it.
This one dad moved to a new state for his job, and enrolled his elementary school daughter in school. He tried to get to know the other parents, mostly mothers, and most were weary of him and didn't want to include him because, he's a man. Heck he even got CPS called on him for being "Inappropriate" with his daughter. They found nothing and backed off. He dug deeper and one of the mothers admitted another was concerned he was "touching her" inappropriately because one time after school when he picked up his daughter he kneeled down to hug and kiss her on the forehead.
OP doesn't even know the single dad but she is ready to judge him? If he was a female she would have welcomed her with open arms. And now she's pissed because she was excluded from a child playdate when the same guy she wanted to exclude was there. Don't dish it out if you can't take your own sentiments.
Story 3: YTA, so his kids have to suffer? All because you have some trauma, involving your Ex? He is a single dad (assumed since he is the only one doing drop offs) looking to socialize his kids, not find a new GF/wife. The whole goal of "mommy groups" is to make sure the kids can socialize out of school, and to give parenting advise when stuff hits the fan.
"Why doesnt this parent group ignore someone I requested them to ignore for no good reason?! They used to be so supportive!"
What in the world did i just read/hear oh my god
I think OP was using them as a trauma support group. Somehow, she forgot the group was about the kids, not her need for therapy.
#3: So it's rude to exclude YOUR kids but 100 percent okay to exclude those other children because they have a single parent dad instead of a mom? YTA, lady. Your psychoses are not other people's problem. Especially kids.
What the hell is wrong with her?? The fact that he is FATHER taking such good care of his child means that he is probably NOT dangerous like some random stranger on the street.
@@Zurroundyep especially a father that actually got custody of his kids.
I once read a book (yeah, I know it's fiction, but it resonated greatly with me, those words that were said) whereby, after several years of coming out of a bad relationship, dating here and there, and going on with life, the women met a guy, who (according to the book, seems like the genuine good guy, great guy for her) and when she started with comparing things he does and what her ex would have done, or did, he straight up told her bluntly, '' look, I am interested in you, and I want to have a long term relationship with you, I am not one for hookups, and I am way past the age of playing games, but if you want a relationship with me, and you are coming into it, with the intention of comparing everything I do or say to your ex, then it is better we end it now, cause, I will not stand to be a substitute or play a game where I have to tip toe around you and not make you see me as your ex, then, we might as well end this here. I am not your ex, get to know ME, and not see me as him or a comparison to him''
It is good to be wary, of others as a mom, but, where does it end??, when it cost you your friendships, your trusted people, your allies???, as a mom, she needs to step up a tad more, and realize, that, being strong or stronger herself is the best possible outcome for her kids
I am saying that, as someone who went through every kind of abuse you could possibly name, and think about, and some you can't, as a child/teen, and I am today a mum
Gay guy in a sleepover story: If i was this mans sister, i would be so embarrased if i saw my brother acting like this.
The brother: I can't sleep with a gay guy! He is atracted to men! What if he tries something!
Also, brother: I, a straight guy, should totally share a bed with a woman! I won't try anything! Why are you uncomfortable? I'm not a creep!
I know that is not okay to call internet people that you don't know a creep, but The brother had a lot of audacity to imply that OP is a creep because he is gay whole also acting sus himself. Also, why no one made him share a bed with his sister? She was there, there is no reasson for him to share a bed with a woman he isn't related to.
Because OP realized what he was planning and went straight to threatening to throw him out on the street if he didn't stop complaining. Then OP and his sister decided he should sleep on the floor without an air mattress for his audacity. What I wanna know is, why didn't the guy's sister suggest that? Or did she bring him with her hoping he and his crush would get some "alone time"?
@@TailsFan “We can have alone time. I like to use toys. Tell me, do you enjoy a tennis racket to the nuts? That’s one of my turn ons”.
Wow the double standards in S1. She'd baby trapped him and broke his trust. That's vile and while it's her body, her choice, OP has the choice not to be involved with the child.
Also Reddit the word in story 3 is misandry. She is being sexist towards a man for being a parent.
i wonder if she really wanted a third kid and op got snipped if she would not just cheat and try to pass it off as his
@@velvety2006 And then throw a whole "don't you trust me" and "vasectomies sometimes don't always work" argument when he brought up the paternity test. We've seen it before in stories where the OP DID get snipped but his wife still ended up pregnant.
How does a woman baby trap herhusband that she already has 2 kids with? You're reaching.
Yes the wife was wrong, but OP should have been using condoms too.
Redditors are a special brand of stupid, claiming that OP should have also used protection. Have they not heard of women poking holes in condoms to baby trap men?
But if this story were reversed and the husband insisted on her going thru the pregnancy because he wanted a 3rd child, the commenters would've been on him like flypaper.
Story 2: Just saying…not gonna lie…as someone who has worked in a restaurant as a server…A LOT of people just call different pastas “spaghetti” because of the chef boyardee canned food…and also think that foods like lasagna are named lasagna for other reasons outside of the actual pasta and call everything “pasta” so I can understand the confusion…which is why if you are bringing your kid to someone’s house for the first time and they have specific dietary needs…bring the food with you…it saves you and the host time from dealing with a cranky child
Whenever I make spaghetti,it will be fettuccine, linguine or rigatoni. Depending on the sauce I make. If someone requests spaghetti,then they're getting linguine or fettuccine. If you're wanting regular spaghetti, you best say so.
To throw myself under the bus, I always thought Spaghetti was the name of the dish and not the name of the noodles. I assumed the noodles themselves had some fancy Italian name like all those other shaped noodles
@@FrostLordOni I was raised on spaghetti being the dish,like mac n cheese. Wasn't till I was out of the house that I discovered all the pasta's.
Grew up eating spaghetti made with elbow macaroni, sometimes the spirals. It was super special if we got actual spaghetti pasta. Agree with it's how you make the dish not the shape of pasta used.
I had a friend years ago that was angry because she was pregnant for the third time and they had agreed to stop at two. He was going to get a vasectomy, but chickened out. She was furious with him and thought he was entirely responsible. I asked her if she knew he hadn’t had the vasectomy. Yes. Did she use some other form of birth control? No. Did she willingly have sex (not forced or coerced)? Yes. Then it is half her fault. That baby is now in college and is an awesome person.
That being said, OP should have been able to trust that his wife was using BC. He believed she was. So guys, protect yourselves. Even if she is using it, BC can fail (I was conceived when my mom was on the pill). He didn’t want more kids, so he could have had a vasectomy to make sure. Even that is not 100% effective. But now it is too late and he is a bit of an AH for blaming the innocent child. Whether he wanted it or not, it’s here now and does not deserve to be treated this way. There should be a DNA test and if positive, the state can force child support.
Last story, My mom got a message from my school about me using ""big"" words. My mother told the teachers and the principal to read a dictionary. Just like I do. I still have that dictionary. It's about 7 inches thick
So I like how in the first story the victim gets blamed. If she has a choice to get rid of it, I think he should have the exact same option in life. She knew exactly what she was doing, and she decided to face consequences alone.
story 1 those comments basically saying op the idoit for trusting his wife. and now he has to be the bigger man because..... why exactly the logic is sound she wants the baby she now responsible
Story 3. Yta. Well well it's okay for Op to exclude the dad and his kids from the group but when the group says no this isn't right and they exclude her this is so unfair they're so mean.
Op isn’t wrong
@@KadeStringer2.0she has every right to not want to be in a group chat with a man she doesn’t but she doesn’t get to dictate what the group is doing with the man. She’s being a hypocrite and quite frankly sexist
@@KadeStringer2.0She definitely is an idiot. She can’t have her cake and eat it too. The other mums get it she doesn’t want to be around a man. So her and her children aren’t included in activities anymore. I also don’t get her complaining about him being a stranger but not even attempting small talk to see if they could be friends. Her kids will suffer because she discriminates against half the population.
@@Sosodefkid exactly, all she did was prove how much harder the dads do have it as opposed to the moms
Op is nta, it’s called having boundaries, due to trama. And the fact that you guys are calling OP sexist is laughable considering how Reddit is sexist. It’s even more laughable in most of their stories where they act like they care about men’s rights where I most stories they clearly don’t.
You do know that in a lot of states in order to get a vasectomy while married you have to get PERMISSION from your spouse so miss me with that responsibility bull.
Agree and the issue isn’t the type of birth control but that she stopped and lied about it
"OP should have been taking precautions despite his wife telling him he was on birth control!"
You wouldn't blame a woman who got pregnant because a man lied about getting a vasectomy. Its no more appropriate to do it in the other direction
I never used baby talk and that kid is exactly like my son. She was completely right, the mom should apologize for talking to a 6 yo like a baby. Good on her…let that girl grow up being strong and straight forward.
15:04 I adore it when you start laughing while reading. I enjoy hearing the humor in your narrations.
Story 1 ESH IS CRAZY! The victim blaming in Reddit is crazy
I like how the comments in the first story still try to find a way to blame the guy. Double standards.
Right got to love the victim blaming. These same people that say you can’t tell a person what do with their body.
But he’s already had two kids, now the third he’s just going to abandon? Op is married, if he didn’t want anymore kids, he should have gotten a vasectomy.
Agree .
If it was an accident ok the 2 are to blame ...
She did it on purpose ... why blame him for not having à vasectomy here ?
@@TelManothHexperaxif someone doesnt want a cumpet, they should get a snip
Still a deadbeat dad.
"This is your opportunity to be better than her..."
No. NO. That just rewards the mother for her terrible actions. Actions that really ought to be criminal, reproductive coercion is disgusting.
Talking to a child like an infant is a really rude thing to do. I can't even imagine talking to an infant in such a ridiculous way. If you wants a child to grow up using proper pronunciation and grammar start speaking to them properly from the beginning. A three month old infant may not pronounce "Hello" correctly but when they try and end up saying "Ehlo" when meeting someone, one is strongly reminded how much a infant can learn at that age. So by 6 years old a child has every right to be offended by an adult spewing gibberish at them.
I completely agree with all your points, furthermore I have read a study that reportedly proved that baby talk had a negative effect on their development.
@@Samqdf Especially when the child starts to mimic the baby babble and it's reinforced by adults babbling back.things like "Oh. such a widdle cutesy."
Talked to my kids normally, from when they were born till now, cause my thoughts were always, if a child can mimic your ''baby talk'' then they would be able to mimic your normal speech pattern
My kids pronounced their words perfectly when they were able to, at the age they should
When kids reaches the age of comprehending speech patterns, or understanding words, or the meaning of the words, why should I treat them like an idiot? ..... of course that was/is ''my'' prerogative
Ive never talked to any child like a baby even babys they are just small humans and i talk to them like i would to any other human.
Playdate mom I would like to introduce you to Mr consequences of your actions. also I'm 100"% sure there is another group chat that discusses how insufferable she is
That's the one they made with the dad in it, the one OP herself suggested they make.
@@TailsFan should we have a sweepstake on how many peoples phones she is saved as Karen?
@@vaseline69 PFT, I dunno, maybe everyone that was against his exclusion, including the dad himself?
Nta. To a lot of normal not snobby people, spaghetti just means pasta. If you need a specific kind of food for YOUR KID who has a food quirk or sensory issue, either host or bring it with you. Its not fair to force your host to go with cold dinner because you could be bothered to grab a frozen food for YOUR PICKY CHILD
Or just GET A BABY SITTER. When you are a guest at someone else's house there is a limit to how HIGH MAINTENANCE you can be and there is nothing wrong with eating spaghetti with butter but if it is the ONLY thing a person will EVER eat then something is SERIOUSLY WRONG.
Buttered Spaghetti: What an absolutely horrible diet for a child.
Some kids with food issues really will starve rather than eat anything outside of their safe foods. In those cases, you bite the bullet, do what you can and give them vitamin supplements.
My daughter loved egg noodles with butter, peas, lima beans, mushrooms, and parmesan cheese. That's one of the few things that I could get her to eat when she was sick. She didn't care for spaghetti sauce until she was five, but did like the noodles with butter and hamburger...
Trust me - can be VERY hard to convince an autistic child, or an autistic adult for that matter, to try new foods. Source: I'm autistic.
I loved them as a child. They taste like heaven.
I bet if the dad in story 1 claimed he got a vasectomy but really didn't in order to have another child against his wife's wishes, the commentors wouldn't be calling the wife the AH for not using her own birth control. And for those saying the kid will grow up felling unwanted by it's father; it is unwanted by it's father. That's on mom and her lies, not dad.
I agree. The repliers are misandrists reaching for any reason to vote the man as wrong.
I feel bad for the baby but this is all on the mother. She destroyed a family because she just had to have a third child. Maybe her next husband, if there's a man foolish enough to marry her, will be a good father to the baby.
mom story lady was literally being sexist, and not one comment called it out
Story 1: So…what those “YTA” commentors are suggesting is…Op should do EXACTLY what his stbx wanted…? Take care of a baby he didnt want…?
No…just…no.
Op is NTA, does it suck that this kid is going to grow up seeing it’s siblings getting more? Yes, and you know who’s fault that is?
Op’s wife and her sister.
Actions have consequences.
(PS: vasectomy’s arent 100% either, his wife said she was on BC, if she didn’t then Op would be TA for not using protection)
Vasectomy has better rates than any other contraception. So even if she was using her BC the risk of pregnancy was greater.
Oral contraceptives have a 7% failure rate, even when taken 100% properly.
He *caused* the pregnancy, regardless if she was taking BCP or not. He should've taken precautions.
@@michellestevens8343
And sometimes vasectomies are botched, so clearly OP is TA because he didn't have the good sense to not trust anybody, not his wife, not even his doctors, and should of practiced pure abstinence to be free and clear of judgment. /s
@@fantym-1
No. She caused the pregnancy. We know this because we don't have to rely on misapplied statistics, my little science illiterate. Y'see she wasn't getting pregnant while on birth control and then ~ _magically_ ~ she became pregnant when she willfully sabotaged the whole ordeal by failing to mention to her hubby dearest that she's no longer taking the birth control. Almost as if this wasn't a matter of rolling 100 dice and coming up with 7 kids and it was a matter of taking contraceptive and _not_ taking contraceptive.
She lied to him by omission.
I'm sure if he was given proper knowledge that his wife was going to betray him he might've even gone so far as to just not sleep with her wholesale considering the fallout.
So. No.
NO.
He did not cause the pregnancy.
She did. By herself. By her own selfish actions.
How many stories have we heard of condom and pill use and they BOTH fail? That's a 1 in 1m chance. A vasectomy has better chances of failing which is 1 in 2000.
You are ok to exclude a father but they aren't ok to exclude you? Karma is lovely.
Could have tried switching beds to the girl who was banking with his sister. But he didn't suggest that, such a creep.
And could’ve taken an Uber back to his sister’s with or without her. But either he was lazy and wanted a bed to himself and acted like a creep in hopes of achieving this or he’s an actual creep.
Story one. Why couldn't that crazy woman be happy with two healthy children why is three the magic number?
I have no idea and they could just wait a few years and take care of grand children if they can’t life without babies
Why couldnt the brother sleep with his own sister? He wasn't even supposed to be there.
For survival reasons alone, I think parents should encourage children to try a variety of food. The child has to learn to cope with not being in ideal situations...even if they are on a spectrum. You just never know
For an autistic kid, trying a food they don't like can feel like how you'd feel if someone cooked a dog turd to kill the bacteria and then set it on a plate and asked you to eat it. It's not just "not an ideal situation", it's absolutely intolerable.
An autistic child trying to eat something that causes sensory issues is like you trying to drink bleach, and most autistic children who are forced to eat develop eating disorders, or they will literally starve themselves it's safer for the children to foods the child has deemed safe.
Wow willful ignorance much
Agreed. My brother wasn't made to eat fruits and veggies growing up. He never eats fruit and only eats veggies 1 meal a week. Thanks, mom, for not making him eat them.
Story 1 the comments About how he should have gotten vasectomy. Im sorry WHAT?! That's such a f'd up take. Do we blame women when they get stealthed? The answer should be no. They were in a marriage, trusting your spouse to not stealth you should be treated as normal. Should he have gotten one? Probably, but 1: not everyone is comfortable with elective surgery. And 2: it's completely irrelevant to the fact that his wife absolutely violated him. Fact is, even if he wore condoms, she would have poked wholes in them.
also if she really wanted a third kid what would keep her from cheating and trying to pass it off as his
If you, as a male, don't want another child then YOU, AS A MALE, take responsibility to ensure that you do not contribute to the making of a child. It is lazy and irresponsible for him not to do his part, whether that means abstaining from sex, using condoms or getting a vasectomy. It's GROSS that he made a decision that affected both of them and then left the birth control up to his wife and cried foul when she got pregnant anyway. It takes 2 people to make a child, it should be the responsibility of both people to prevent conception.
@@hrobinson9701 SAY THE MISANDRIST POS IGNORING THAT TRUST IS IMPLICIT IN MARRIAGE!
BROKE IT AND IS ON THGE ONE WHO BROKE IT!
@@hrobinson9701 So if a woman gets pregnant because the guy pokes holes in the condom it's her fault too because she didn't use her own birth control?
@@hrobinson9701please go take several seats. You’re just plain wrong.
If the mom in the parent group intends to avoid men altogether she's in for a rough road, since approximately half the population is composed of males.
The story about OP excluding the dad is the reason why I’m so protective of all of my brothers because there’s people that villainize men sometimes. Sometimes it’s justified don’t get me wrong but times like this is where I’m like no.
The first story is the prime example why I don’t trust birth control. What the ex-wife did was disgusting, but of course, according to Reddit, everything is always the men’s fault and he should’ve gotten a vasectomy. Newsflash, people could not want other kids without giving a freaking vasectomy. Please tell me the first post is not being sexually biased without tell me it’s not being sexually bias.
In the Mom chat story, Reddit just stop. Stop acting like you care about men with your history of misandry. Especially in the first story where it’s already proven your bias as well as other stories. Also the whole, “your trauma is your own” where other stories always say accommodate traumas and enable it, like what. Jesus Christ, pick a side and stick with it otherwise you’re just making yourself look like a hypocrites
I would be on dad's side more in the first story if he was also using some sort of birth control. According to the way he told the story, his wife was the one who stopped using birth control. It takes 2 people to make a child, it should be the responsibility of BOTH to prevent conception. His attitude about this being her fault entirely is gross.
@@hrobinson9701 did you miss the part where she baby trapped him? And even if he did why does that matter, he said he did not want any more kids but did the wife listen? No.
@@Symphonia30 It would have been A LOT harder to "baby trap" him if he was more concerned about preventing conception than he was about his personal satisfaction while having sex. No where in his story does he say ANYTHING about he was doing to ensure there was no third child. That was as much on him as it was on his wife!
@@hrobinson9701 are you honestly victim blaming? Since when do men have to have to vasectomys nor be on birth control not to want more kids. And even if that was the case pregnancy is preventable, the fact is the wife lied. So are you saying he should step up for a kid that he does not want?
Your basically enabling women to baby trap people
I like how you're so willing to ignore the nuance just to make the woman the bad guy alone.
Like there could never be a possibility where both people contribute ( one definitely more than the other) but both contribute to the issue.
I think that you are unwilling to see how it is wrong for a man to completely rely on the woman he's in a relationship with to prevent pregnancy and then on top of all that to not take any accountability when it doesn't go the way he wants
Don't get it twisted though I rhink that the ex should not have tampered with her birth control without discussing it with him but you cannot genuinely just ignore the other side of it.
And then your comment about she baby trapped him and he said no but she didn't listen is a perfect example.
When what he really needed was to listen to himself about not wanting kids and get a vasectomy not put it all on his wife.
Had he done that we wouldn't even be having this conversation
Rolling my eyes.
Maybe I'm too literal but asking "Are you stupid?" isn't the same as concluding stupidity.
My thoughts exactly.
This is a technique used by the Media regularly to put words in someone's mouth and it rubs off on people who watch.
Asking a Question is not making a statement, yet with such propensities I will often turn the question into an Either/Or
e.g. Are you genuinely that stupid, or do you just think I am?
ahh yes, its somehow ops fault, good old reddit. he trusted his wife, thats why he didnt get snipped
Of course when in doubt, blame the man.
I think it's mainly because birth control isn't 100% and she could easily forget. A sure way to 100% (if he does all his check ups) guarantee no chance of pregnancy is to get snipped.
@@Ashbrash1998missing one pill isn't gonna get you pregnant. I took BC for a medical issue and to regulate my cycles. I stopped taking it after religiously using it and it was STILL in effect months later.
@@drunklink350 men can easily get a Vasectomy these days. It's not always on the women. Sex will always be a "two person tango"..
@@HazbinHotel_fan21it’s actually not.
If people can't tell women to get their tubes tied or have a hysterectomy then no one has the right to tell men to get a vasectomy
Story 1: You do NOT ever baby trap someone. Women want to have the right to get or not get an A, men should have the right to be present or not. If you baby trap someone, they shouldn't have to pay for the child. Her selfishness is punishing not only this baby but the siblings.
You shouldn't rely on your spouse for birth control? Wtf. So if your partner goes on birth control you should just not trust them and assume their word means nothing? What a horrible marriage that is that your partner's says they are on birth control but you can't trust their word and need a vasectomy to ensure you boundaries are met. No wonder the divorce rate is ridiculous.
Well said. I predict that, when OP's 2 kids hit their teens, they'll hang out with certain friends who are part of a bad crowd, gravitate toward loser crushes, only, to become parents, marry the deadbeats, and drop out of high school, move into public housing in unsafe neighborhoods, work minimum wage jobs, have additional kids, by 18, and not only make their mother give up the child support, in order to pay for baby supplies/necessities, baby-related expenses, and maternity/pregnancy expenses, but also use their mother's house as their own daycare center, take turns making her third kid their free babysitter, turn his/her room into a nursery, make her sister their free chauffeur, and her mother, their free housekeeper.⚠️
I gotta say nta for 1st op. The dude had an agreement with the stbx wife about how many kids they'd have. She decided to say screw that, and now she can be a single mom of three. Op should definitely look into vasectomy and keep the condoms handy with any future partners, though.
Well said. And if/1st OP's first two kids become parents at 16, 17, and/or18, and not graduate from high school, his STBX-wife will not only have to get used to them making her third kid their live-in babysitter/housekeeper but also get used to them making her third kid's room into a nursery, and moving their loser crushes in on her.⚠️
"Mom's" group story: OP is using her trauma as an excuse to be sexist. YTA
And uses these moms as therapists instead of actually seeking therapy.
I'm going against the grain here. I wouldn't want my contact info given out either, regardless of gender. OP obviously has some severe trauma and she's not stable. She needs LOTS of therapy and possibly even meds.
@@laargboolag9147 I agree with that part UNLESS she had no problem for the other 'mom's' having her info w/o asking because that would make her a hypocrite!
And she is still TA for not wanting the man around anyway
@@laargboolag9147 that wasn’t the issue she had, the issue she had was based on gender. Would you still agree if it was based on another immutable characteristic? What if it was based on nationality, race or orientation?
3:50 then she should tell him that she is going to stop using the pill
Story 2: this catering for people's kids are getting old. Are kid, u know how your kid wants it, BRING SOME WITH U
Op should’ve said she wasn’t going to cater to that.
Sis should’ve been more specific or have the dinner at her place. It’s HER girlfriend, not OP’s. They’ve never met this little girl before. Are they supposed to read minds or something?
@@momo382844how much more specific could she have been?
@@momo382844 They're supposed to follow clear instructions. "Buttered spaghetti" means actual *spaghetti*, not just random pasta. I can't believe OP didn't realize substituting a random other pasta when she agreed to make spaghetti would be a problem.
@@ettinakitten5047 Sis or Her Mom should have cooked the meal, then. OP has never met this child before the dinner. They aren’t going to know all the bells, whistles, and triggers of someone they never met. It’s the mother’s responsibility to pack a back up snack in case emergencies.
The food story… NTA. When I hear spaghetti all I know “long noodles” and I get the wheat grain ones. Cmon people. Don’t blame OP because “omg my disabled kid is waaaay more important”
But OP served Farfalle (Bowties), there's no way you can confuse a butterfly shaped pasta with a long thin spaghetti shaped pasta.
@@FinnishLapphund They never should have made OP responsible for that. What if she got the wrong brand of spaghetti or the wrong flavor or the wrong kind of butter? Or the wrong kind of uncrustables? Too much to possibly go wrong. Best to just bring the safe food yourself.
@@FinnishLapphundlots of people use spaghetti as a umbrella term
@@FinnishLapphund it’s a pasta, it’s a red sauce. It’s spaghetti pasta
My family uses all types of noodles when doing spaghetti
_"Are you stupid?"_ is *NOT* the same as _"You are stupid."._ The kid's 6yo, so who in her right mind would talk to her as if she's 2yo at best? The kid's blunt, and asked a legit question to someone who was acting like an idiot.
Exactly... the child ASKED a question... she didn't make a statement. And frankly with the way the older woman was acting it was a legit question. Now at 6 I'm going to give the kid some slack on her phrasing, and not knowing that you really shouldn't ask those kinds of questions. No apologies on either side, but you need to try and explain to the daughter on why that is considered rude in polite society without making her feel bad about asking that question... Good luck with that.
Mine were flat out smart a$$es at that age... and would have said "lady I'm 6 not 2 and I'm having dinner not "num nums", now please excuse me" And I would have laughed too.
Thank you I posted asking before I saw your post because I was thinking the same thing.
Oh please, it IS calling someone stupid. It's a rhetorical question. It's couched that way it is, so the speaker has deniability if they are called on it.
Now, it's a separate question whether or not the mom deserved it, but everyone knows what the kid was doing.
@@mysteryfan15 the kid was SIX, nuances aren't real clear to them at that age. She asked a QUESTION. At 6 if they think you are stupid they say it... you are stupid, god you're stupid. That is a 6 yr old calling some one stupid. Now an Adult asking that question is flat out calling another adult stupid, but trying to be sly about it that I would agree with.
I don't care how advanced the child's vocab is or not, but at 6 most do not flat out state an adult they have never met before is stupid, they will ask though. Cause that's what children do, they ASK questions.
OP is right about giving her phone number to a man, or anyone else, without her permission
Reminds me of a couple times when a group chat has expanded to include a new person without adequate discussion, consent, and preparation from the rest of the group. I know it typically works like an older social convention ("can this person come join us? you have thirty seconds to voice an objection" kinda stuff), but in previous social conventions we didn't have the potential for the new guy to get access to months of records of private communication because now he's got permission to read whatever we were writing before he got here.
Same with a time when a dear friend told her brother about the fanfic we were writing together -- including some of the more "mature content" whumpy details -- without asking me first. I didn't even know him at the time, and I explained that I wasn't comfortable with that move. (My friend instantly realized what I was getting at and apologized profusely, and ultimately I got to know her brother and he's pretty cool.) There's always something a little difficult when there's overlap between carefully curated online personas and real-life details, especially when it's about content that many people would get offended by in one way or another.
See also: the Facebook guy not grasping why people would ever want to separate their real-life identity from the things they discuss online. The guy just doesn't get the point of personas.
Parents group story:
The fact op can't put two and two together to make four is mind boggling.
I love how she completely ignores the fact that the situation, which occurred between her son and her, where her son was upset because he was being left out is probably exactly what led to the dad asking to be part of the group.
I get it I don't like strange men having my number but it's not an excuse in this situation if it's that big of a deal get a text now account so he doesn't have your personal but stop being such a nagging B!
Just because you dont want more kids dont mean you need to get a damn vasectomy they clearly agreed in the wife getting birth control after that you should trust your spouse to keep their end of the deal at that point if it fails it fails but it didnt she just didnt take it this aint OP fault blaming him is taking blame off the person who wanted the baby in the first place
For story 1: what that is called is coercive rape, she violated his consent, she had agreed to be on birth control and while he shouda wrapped it or snipped it, hindsight is 20/20 and the only one legally culpable is his now ex wife, would it be nice if he provided for the unwanted kid he involuntarily sired? Yes, but it's not about nice or not at this moment, he didn't have the option of aborting the baby that was conceived by the assault perpetrated by his ex, he didn't have the choice to not have the kid.
He did have the option to take responsibility for his reproduction he just chose to push that responsibility solely on someone else which leads to situations like this.
he could have gotten a vasectomy and wore a condom...
In I believe the second story. The OP is absolutely *NOT* the arsehole. *IF* you have a child who is a picky eater regardless the reason i.e. just being a picky eater, or having Asperger's/Autism/being neurodivergent, or having some sort of medical condition.
As the parent it is *YOUR* responsibility to bring the food that you know that your child will eat.
I suffer from Asperger's syndrome MYSELF and no way have I EVER been as full of Bullcr@p and the br@✝ in this story. If parents have kids that are that high maintenance (its CHEMICALLY exactly the same just shaped differently) then either LEAVE THE BR@T$ at home or help out in some way, maybe sending a pack of noodles to make sure there is no misunderstanding OR TEACH YOUR KID NOT TO BE A BR@T.
Story 1, maybe not the case here but imagine how much EVEN MORE irony would be getting piled up if it turned out that the OP IS NOT EVEN THE FATHER.
2. ETI. I mean spaghetti does mean the stringy pasta. Though obvious is not always obvious until its obvious. Ultimately the parents should not have had OP create a dinner when they know their kid is that picky.
Yeah OP YTA. This Dad is doing nothing by joining the group so his kids can have playdates. Your wanting to exclude him are wrong and when you tried you and your kids got excluded instead. It isn't like the dad is trying to do anything bad to youm get more therapy before you make your child lose out on more activities with friends because of your attitude.
Op should get a vasectomy or wear protection. But other then that, NTA. That's all on the ex, SHE PLANNED IT
"But other then that" imply ETA not NTA.
We don’t know that he wasn’t wearing protection
If both adults agree that the female is on birth control and then it turns out she was lying that doesn't make the male adult an AH, it makes the female a damn monster
@@LovestarVGC if he was, it would have been mentioned in the story. The story would be ‘found out wife poked holes in/tampered with my condoms’, not ‘found out wife went off BC’
@@LovestarVGC If he was, she definitely sabotaged it.
If your kids are picky, the parents should bring their own food. It is NOT OPs fault for fixing the wrong food. She doesn’t have an autistic child and she doesn’t know how things are. The parents are the idiot.
Story 1: everyone saying the husband should have gotten a vasectomy or taken responsibility is forgetting that most couples discuss what form of birth control they want to use! They were fine until wife decided to stop her birth control. She disregarded his feeling over her own desires. I do feel sorry for that poor baby though. It’s heartbreaking to think of all the pain and hardships they will go through because of the wife’s selfishness. I hope the husband has a change of heart regarding that precious child. 😢
The comments in the 1st story sounds like victim blaming to me.
Because it is.
That is pure BS. Op sucks for trying to take his anger out on the TWO INNOCENT. That is evil. That threat can and should be used against Op. Op is also dumb as dirt. Not only Op would have to 18+ years of back child support, that would include interests, taxes and legal fees. That child has the power to legal revenge at Anytime. Not only that Op soon to be ex-wife has testicles in a jar. He better hopes she doesn't use that power f him over. That threat show he has no problem of threatening to use the kids, to get his way.Even taking his anger out on them. Child support cases only care about money and the child. Not the conception.
He was not proactive. You don't want kids EVER? Don't relay on someone else. Get a vasectomy. So what if she had used protection and had accidentally got pregnant? The point is leave no room for mistakes.
@@lalvarez5151once again I'm going to guess you're a woman therefore you believe that the snip is 100% new flash its not she was a c u n t for what she did and he has every right to walk away from her he'll still pay child support but nothing else and that is solely her OWN FUCKING FAULT
@@lalvarez5151 There is a big difference between getting accidentally pregnant while on birth control and getting off of birth control behind your partners back to intentionally get pregnant. The former is an accident, the later a break of trust.
And a couple decides together what kind of birth control they use. At least they should.
I rarely hope for someone to have cheated, but I really hope OP1’s ex did so at least there’s a reason to give the kid for the different treatment. Bc seeing your dad love your siblings and not you only bc they were born before you will be traumatizing. Mom and baby need to go from the delivery room to the therapist office stat. Don’t pass go, don’t collect $200
First story blaming the dad. If the roles were reversed. And he didint use a condom or something sort of birth control they would be claiming its s/a
Agree and it wasn’t an issue about the type of birth control they used but that she stopped using and lied about it
6:45 yeah, that’s silly. Bring your child’s food when your child has such needs. This goes for simple, pickiness to severe allergy. You are the parent, you are responsible you are neglectful and ridiculous to expect anyone else to feed your child in their specific manner.
Story 2- NTA. The Op did a simple mistake and confused the food names. The sister and gf sound insufferable. Hopefully she never invites them again
Story 1: this is sexual assault.
Those last Story 1 comments are just victim blaming. "You should have been on your own birth control." Nonsense. He should have been able to trust his wife not to baby trap him. Those are the general norms and values you have in a marriage.
Agree the issue is she broke his trust
Story 1:
You are and aren’t the AH! I don’t blame OP for anything he said other than, his derision for his own child. His wife, went behind his back, his wife lied to him about bc, his wife did all the things. His child had no choice in any of this. Please don’t hold this against your own child. They are a true innocent.
I’m so tired of the vasectomy argument. Same logic can be said about woman should have had a hysterectomy if they didn’t want someone to tamper their birth control. OP was violated into being an unwilling participant. It’s his ex’s fault for the way the baby’s relationship with the father.
Agree .
It wasnt an accident , she did it on purpose and that the end of the question on who is responsible for it .
Do you know how hard it is to get a doctor to go for that? Spoiler alert: extremely.
However, she 1000% in the wrong for her actions. It's not ok when men pressure to have more babies, and it's not ok when women do it either.
@@BrainWitchSiv exactly the point. Sure the procedure is easier for men but should be blamed for the entire situation. It’s not even full proof in most cases. She probably would have used that window of time to get herself pregnant with assurance nothing would happen
@@BrainWitchSiv and I know how difficult the procedure is because I helped my mom when she had to have one. The recovery can be absolutely brutal
@@Wander85942which of the two is more brutal is irrelevant. None of the self righteous slime in rhe comments should be demanding anyone should have surgery, regardless of gender. If it were acceptable to do so, there are many people id be berating for not having an elwctive head amputation.
Story02. I am the mother of an authistic child. My kid is not that picky, but if she was I'd bring her food everywhere... sometimes it is a specific brand that its not avaliable and other people will not figure out that milk chocolate from Nestlé is not a subtable substitute for hershey's for an authistic kid but cookies icecream from Ben and jerylry's is...
Nta. The mother caused all this. The mother is soully to blame
Agree and people tried to blame him because she was on birth control which is BS because had she asked him to get an vasectomy he would have done so after some thought
Story 1 is another example of "why the fk do men even want a stay at home wife??? There's women that are okay msking a paycheck. "
1st story: NTA. Wife could be charged with r@pe depending on the state/country they are in. I do agree if you got a penis and don't want kids, get snipped, but that is not the point of the post.
2nd story: NTA, if you bringing an autistic kid over, be super specific about things. don't give wiggle room for misunderstandings.
Mom group story: YTA, the comment about what a boundary is and isn't covered it nicely.
Last story: NTA, the brother either double standard ahoy, or wanted to creep on the sister.
Story 1 in theory he can charge r@pe but in practice there's no way. Seeing the uphill battle I've seen trying to get people to take SA against boys seriously, there's no way a baby trap will be considered
Story 1, someone else in the comments here pointed out that she could very well have tampered with his condoms as well if he was using them. I don’t know if he was, but I wouldn’t put it past her.
🤣 I love Katie’s response.
"this wouldn't have happened if OP took responsibility"
NO absolutely NOT, the situation shouldn't have happened at all but the wife lied and baby trapped him, those comments blaming OP then turing around and blaming men are absolutely ridiculous
I don’t blame him for his anger. I would blame him for ostracizing the third child while being a good dad to the other two. Babies aren’t burdens or mistakes. They’re human beings and the way they’re treated will affect how they treat others. He already divorced his wife but he can still be kind to the baby.
@@KCohere33 If this were a case of OP going to a house party, getting drunk and willingly sleeping with someone unprotected or him, and his wife, willingly being irresponsible by neither of them using protection I would 100% agree with you. But in this case, OP had no consent in the making of this child. That alone absolves him of any guilt of raising this child.
It’s probably the wife or sister
I blame him for not taking charge of his own contraception
@@vaseline69 Well, if a man pokes holes in his condoms he gets 4 years of jail. If the woman lies about contraception she gets child support...
Story 3: I read that story. The Op commented that the mom passed away. The Dad had to uproot him and the kids to the new area for a better work opportunity. The kids are in grief therapy but are doing better.
St. 1 - Tricking people into having children they do not want is despicable. This is 100% divorce worthy. However, OP - wear a damn condom. Take responsibility for your own birth control. You did NOTHING to prevent this baby from coming.
S1: If there were any justice in this world, the wife would be facing felony charges. OP is absolutely right to hold her to account for her premeditated betrayal. If the baby is going to have a hard life, that's on mom. She can end her pregnancy, she can adopt. OP erred by not taking his own precautions, but that certainly doesn't mean he's at-fault. The Reddit Misandrist Brigade can eat concrete.
It's called reproductive coercion, and it illegal in some places
@@kp2223yeah and it's also super hard to get charged with and actually face penalties for he would need cold hard evidence not just hearsay
@@Lillypop93 Her sister gave him all the evidence.
Pasta shape changes the texture, so yeah they are different. I can ignore it most of the time, as an adult autistic, but I totally understand a child having a harder time. But there are some times that I'm not eating a certain pasta shape, full stop, will make something different. That said, parents should have brought a back up meal or hosted themselves. Best way to make sure there's safe food is to make the food.
She DIDN’T call Julie stupid, she just said “are you stupid…?”
Completely different especially from a child.
Child should NOT apologize and if anything that rude woman needs to apologize in the other direction - for infantilizing the young woman and HER rudeness.
The child was not rude or mean. She was just a bit candid to a dumb, self important woman-child.
Tell that “adult” to pound sand and then eat it.
I'd prolly be like, "I'm not punishing you because you genuinely didn't know better and she _was_ being a condescending jerk...but in the future..."
Still NTA
Story 2 nta in my family pasta and spaghetti have always been used interchangeably. Recipe calls for a specific shape? Fuck that we're just gonna grab whatever was cheapest per pound or use whatever was in the pantry.
If you have a super picky kid, then feeding them is your responsibility.
2: That would be like me not telling someone I'm vegetarian and showing up to a dinner party complaining when they don't have a veggie option.
3: Women complain about men not being as involved in child care and then ask involved Dads to not be around so much because it makes them uncomfortable. It's a Catch-22.
Don't be involved: You're a deadbeat/weekend Dad.
Be involved: Moms/women feel icky because a man exists near them/their kids.
I hope someday society can get over this.
2:39 maybe the waste of flesh of a wife should have thought about this before commiting reproductive coersion. She kmew damn well he didnt want a third and went out of her way to make it happen behind his back. But as usial, the women are always blameless in Reddit's eyes.
Actually since the mother has the right to decide to keep the child on or not I would say the responsibility falls more on the mother. Bc with great power comes great responsibility. There are circumstances to each situation. But this wife went behind his back and lied on purpose. She didn't say hey I don't want the pill so put on on a condom. No she hide that part
Why is Op supposed to be the bad guy, when she lied to her husband? She is the bad guy and she needs to live with the cosequences. You have heard of cases where a husband uses protection, and the wife sabotages it right? If she would lie about that, she would have no problem sabotaging condoms. If she wanted more childeen, she should have been honest She made a lifebdecision without her husband who will now have to pay for it The fundamental fact is his wife broke his trust, so she is totally wrong. It is BSbputting it on OP when she lied. As a parent you need to stop making decisions for slefish reasons, becasue they affect not only you but your family.
Also why does the injured party always need to be the bigger person? How about the guilty party take responsibility for her actions and live with the consequences without getting to be bailed out by the wronged party?
Story 1 totally NTA though im pissed about the pregnancy part but he's not in the wrong.
How? Did he have a failed vasectomy?
@@bshaker7716 well she could have told him she was gonna stop taking birth control and maybe then he wouldn't have gone there raw. What if it was he who told her he was gonna use protection knowing she's not on birth control and when she was not aware he went raw and she fell pregnant would that scenario be the same? When she would have wanted to abort but he said no would it have still been ok for her to do despite him wanting the child?
@@tassiedarroux1675 HE wanted to rawdog her KNOWING there is no 100% contraception...would he FORCE her to abort HIS cumpet in that case?
@@tassiedarroux1675if men want sex and don’t want kids they should get a vasectomy
@bshaker7716 so she has no fault whatsoever for lying about being on birth control?
Story 3: Excluding OP and her kid is wrong, but excluding this dad and his kid isn't? How did OP type that out without her hypocrisy screaming at her?
Daycare story, I think the fact that OP couldn't handle being in a *group chat* with a man says a lot. Yeah sure, don't invite random strange men over to your house or leave your kids alone with them, that's unfortunately common sense. But you honestly can't handle communicating over *text* Anywhere Near a man who takes his kids to the same daycare as you??? When he's literally done nothing to you but made small talk before??? That's the OP's problem to cope with, not a reasonable boundary. YTA.
Story 1: if a man does that to a woman, it's Stealthing, considered grape, and punished as such.
If a woman does it, it's the man's fault for not keeping it in his pants, and he needs to man up and pay for it for life. In fact, the media encourages this undet "my body my choice"
The YTA too: "you're bad for not wanting the kid and treating it as separate"
Also the INFO and ESH comments "well you should have had a vasectomy. Sure what she did was wrong but it's men's fault!"
He TRUSTED HIS WIFE.
BTW there is a birth control pill for men that's been in the works bur guess who's protesting it? Women's groups because they fear "men will lie about being on the pill"
HMMMMMM.
Also the pill is not being protested, it's not allowed because of the laws on medication (such as that medicine is supposed to protect the person taking it from medical issues, and technically it's not the male being in danger because of pregnancy) and those laws are old and hard to change
Story 1 is rape according to the law. How freaking gross what she did.