That YTA comment in the first story is BEYOND insane. Given all the other examples provided by OP, what makes that person think this is a situation that is solvable within this clearly dysfunctional family unit? Any of the people giving OP crap about being a single mother fail to understand that if she stayed with this goofball, she'd be a single mother with two children, not one. The update really makes that clear. Single parenthood may not be easy, but it's better than what's in store if she stays married.
and the update just justify that you comment that she all about the " numbers," and if they sign a prenuptial agreement, why does she care about his wallet.
I live hundreds of miles away from my MIL and feel for my BIL's wife who has MIL invading their space all the time. My mom said I should be nicer to MIL but I just can't stand her childishness. She has the weirdest logic. She also doesn't understand boundaries.
@lorilancaster5917 yeah it's like, Normal MIL: Here's a casserole, I'm going to buy everything for the nursery, plus make a baby blanket, oh I brought you a nursing pillow that was on sale, and the special car seat should be coming in the mail. Don't forget to put your feet up and let him do some of the work! OP's MIL: I used the slave wages from my mediocre job to buy matching jewelry for me and my son. You're having my first grandchild? That's cute. I only brought over enough homecooked food for my (not pregnant) son to eat, I hope that's OK. Also, I think now's the perfect time for him to quit his well-paying job with health benefits to work next to me for peanuts, because I'm his mommy! Oh, he's got student loans and no claim on your house, so you can kick him out at any time and be better off financially? That sounds just like a chip off the old block!
That YTA comment in the first story is riduculous, as if being a single mother is the worse fate for a woman, at least single mothers don't have to deal with toxic MILs. The husband seems to have abandonment issues, as OP says, his mother neglected him as a kid and now that she is on her "boy mom" bs and is giving him the attention she should had given him as a kid, he is clinging to her. Sadly, if he refuses therapy, there is nothing OP can do.
I Think that the MIL, IS VERY JEALOUS,that Her son won't have e ANY MORE time for Her,when the Baby's born. It's Very telling that This woman neglected Her son when He was younger,but to give up a job with benefits, and ONLY Work at minimum wage, is down right dumb.
There is a desperate need to make women believe their lives will be worse without men, even when real life proves that is far from true much of the time.
That commenter is the type that thinks moms who stay at home are lazy mooches sucking the lives out of their long-suffering husbands, and moms who go out and work are selfish "feminists", ruining American society, driving men to find wives in countries with more "traditional" women. Can't win.
Considering he literally isn't taking any care or interest in his wife or unborn child and apparently not even their finances, she's already a single mother.
@@ashh4929 Well his mommy comes by with special food just for him, while his wife is focused on preparations for their kid. It seems like he is jealous of his unborn kid.
The YTA comment from the first story made my blood boil. The internet hates women and mothers. She’s not mad because she has to go to work CLEARLY because she said she will figure it out on her own and plus she said she would only be staying home for a year if her husband hadn’t done what he did. She’s mad because her man child of a husband turned their whole lives upside down to go hang out with mommy full time. Telling him she won’t tolerate it is putting it in words that he will understand. willing taking a $10 pay cut and jeopardizing your family’s future is borderline insane.
Hell there's somebody in the comic thread for this video I think one of the ones that had more than 60 comments. The dude was going out of his way to defend the husband and say that she's in the wrong and his points made no sense
AITA is so pretentious. The competitive cousin named their kid the same thing! She’s a psycho! We all know that she did it maliciously. WTF is the YTA?!
As a standalone event she would be an AH but the context of OP’s relationship with her cousin and the way they were so secretive about a common name is what makes her NTA. The whole “what if your son brings a friend with the same name” argument is ridiculous and overreaching lmao
Former teacher here: the punishing the whole class for the mistake of the few is a tactic used when teachers dont have the support not are allowed to hold them accountable. Its not fair to those that listen. So its the easy way to deal with and demonstrate what happens when you dont do whats told. Again not fair. I made these mistakes at the beginning of my career but I learned. The best way to go about this: for recess: i sit everyone down then the ones that listened/behaved i send them off to play. For Parties: i line up the class call the ones that listened to one/2 tables and set them up to play/have fun snacks/do special activity; the other kids must read quietly or they have to stand there and watch or have heads down those are the only options for them. I also if a large part of the class was misbehaving and a select few was listening i send the good ones to another class to be apart of the fun and activities there with the caveat that they will be sent back if they act up, the remainder of the class does nothing but sit in silence and restart timers every time someone talks or acts up. The kids check each other on this one because they want to do something and not sit in silence.
Youre wrong, this make the good kids correct the bad kids because they don't want to be punished. It is a methode that works. It is creating bonds between the kids. A class with individuals that act like loose sand, the only thing that does help is stick them together. The teacher has one shot at this and she took it.. complain if it happens more often.
@@paulinadeboer3604 the good kids can't (AND SHOULDN'T HAVE TO) "correct" the bad kids. do you think the bad kids are gonna give a fuck if the good kids are mad at them? they literally won't care
How could anyone even survive on a $13 hr wage especially with actual family to support, its definitely better to just end that marriage and do it alone or find a real partner! The update definitely made that the perfect choice, now it can bury its face in mommies lap and play "mommies good little sweet boy" and be financially crippled and dependent on it.
Divorce. Husband is God damn insane, and there's no work he can do anytime soon to get back to where he was before he quit. Op has a baby coming, she doesn't need her man to revert to another baby.
7:12 Petty kindness would be purchasing a few baby clothes items (thrift store even), nothing actually sentimental, and having OP put her son's name on them. Then at the next family get together gift these to her cousin as hand me downs, stating, "Friends gave this for my little so-and-so, but he's outgrown them. Since you named your son after mine, isn't it great that I can pass these along to his sequel? Adorable!"
Group punishment breeds resentment and causes bullying- those kids are gonna get fed up with being punished for nothing and the trouble makers are going to be facing angry classmates
@@juliearmfield2634that is NOT what they will learn. They are fucking kids. They are gonna keep acting out but now there’s more trouble makers because kids don’t listen to ppl that they hate.
S1: Gigantic NTA, and I approve of OP's sharp fangs! Meatbag mommy-boy is the one taking things too far, OP is rightly holding him accountable. He has no right to call himself a husband.
That YTA is out of pocket. She did communicate, she laid out what the costs would be and he still did it. I couldn't imagine quitting a job with healthcare in a country with no NHS type system, let alone take one that cut my income by half and not being able to get by off it.
1. nta. there’s being close with your mom (my mommy and i are extremely, incredibly close!!), and then there’s being close with your toxic mom and treating your wife and unborn child shittily because of it.
"Shittily." First time I've ever heard/seen the adverbial form of that word. You, my lady, are brilliant! It's wonderfully refreshing to see someone using the language not just properly but elegantly on the internet. You have my undying respect😊
The story about the good girl getting punished with her classmates. Back in the 90s, my teacher was out and all except seven of us showed out. When the teacher came back, those that didn’t have the work done that was supposed to have been done got 0s and letters sent home explaining why. They were given the option to make up all the work after their parents met with the teacher. As for the seven of us that behaved, we were sent on a fun day and given an ice cream party as a thank you for being well behaved while everyone else was doing the makeup work. The teacher in the story should probably reassess her approach.
You do know that we only have the daughter;s word on it that she behaved, right? Not saying she is lying but we should not just remove that possibility
Story 3: Collective punishment only works when you’re punishing a collective. This class isn’t a collective, they’re individuals. You’re punishing kids who have no power to stop their rude classmates behavior *for* that behavior
I used to do this when I was a teacher. It worked wonders because the peer pressure of the good kids to the kids who misbehave was amazing after 2 times the misbehaving kids got their acts together.
@@AliciaCaley-ru5dp If that’s true then I’m guessing you’re the exception, not the rule. I had teachers do this in school, and it just meant that anytime one kid started talking everyone would start talking. The good kids couldn’t really do anything other than watch, since the troublemakers had their own friends and didn’t care about the good kids opinion
@AliciaCaley-ru5dp True, but it only works if the peer pressure applies to the disruptions. Worse case is having the good kids hate tou and then act up themselves. Or start fighting with the bad kids and making a situation much worse.
Story 1 - NTA NTA NTA. The top reasons for divorce: Financial, religion, children (having them or not), and in-laws. I didn't believe it until I finally got married and understood firsthand the damage your mentally unstable in-laws can do to a marriage. If your spouse doesn't have a spine against their toxic family, your marriage doesn't stand a chance. The only reason I'm still married is my husband put me first. If your life is harder WITH a partner.... It's probably time to move on. This is not a man thing.... I think all spouses have a responsibility to protect their partner from ALL toxicity that comes from their own family. Your partner shouldn't have to endure another families abuse. I view it as: you disrespect my husband, you disrespect me. If my MIL came to MY house with food for my husband (and none for me), she would be kicked out of my home. Lastly, bringing a life into this world is no small thing. This man took income from his child (along with health benefits) and he didn't even consult with his wife. "So who cares, you have to go back to work. Big deal." Spoken like someone who has NEVER had kids. I went back to work and I was pumping breastmilk under my desk, while my body slowly healed from a major surgery. I wanted to die and suffered major PPD. This woman saved up money HERSELF so she could be there for their child. Meanwhile the father gave up everything just to please his toxic mother. And all he has to say is.... Why are you making this such a big deal? 🤦♀️ If he doesn't see the gravity of this situation, there's no fixing that.
Man, I make more Money working at Jack and the Box than that guy would make working with his mother. Hell. I've maid more than that for the last three years.
For the story with the class punishment: I remember in third grade I was such a teachers pet. I got the best grades and I was very polite because my parents were both teachers. One time my classmates were being rowdy and she said everyone would get a conduct mark and chewed us out. Before I left that day she pulled me aside and apologized. I remember I went that entire year without any conduct marks and I was so proud of myself.
I goes LOL at the YTA comment on the first story. Have fun being single mom? Of course she will, at least she has 1 less baby to take care of. Does the commenter think that staying in the marriage raising 2 babies with MIL breathing down her neck will make her happy?
1: It’s weird how the MIL couldn’t give less of a crap about her son when he was a child, yet now when he’s all grown she’s up his nose all the time. It’s like she wants to destroy his life as much as she can. Is she jealous of OP and wants to prove that he really “belongs” to her? I wonder if she’ll still want him around all the time once OP isn’t in the picture anymore.
Surprisingly common, and absolutely appalling. She can't see him over and above what he gives to her. She doesn't get upset when he is left at home alone so why should he be? Etc. I also think it might be jealous and misogyny "I had a rough time when my kids were young why should she have it any better? Women these days always...." heard it so many times before.
That woman (& her son) have _serious_ issues. I'm very happy that OP was in a position to GTFO. I just hope she's able to control how much timethe child is exposed to that woman, I wouldn't want her to have anything to do with them AT ALL.
@@KyrieChiiif OP didn't own her house and wasn't married I'd tell her to skip state and make it incredibly hard for him to claim paternity. Not like she'd get much child support anyways from hubby's $13/hr job. Hopefully MIL will give her enough ammunition to get a Restraining order for OP and baby.
I had one class like Story 3 when I was in primary school. A few people were really disruptive. The teacher was overwhelmed (with hindsight school admin should have given her more support). Then one day she gave us a whole-class punishment like this and after that EVERYONE hated her. I was a good kid and had previously liked her, and while I didn't start being disruptive, I just disengaged and stopped putting my hand up and was just sort of passive or said "I don't know" when she called on me. After that, things in the class got much worse; instead of a few disruptive kids, she had a few disruptive kids plus the rest of the class who hated her. She quit half way through the school year and to this day I'm not sorry. It was her job to manage the misbehaving kids not ours; we were their victims too and it wasn't ok to punish us for her failure. There is no faster way of losing people's respect than going on a power trip.
Story 3: Collective punishment always just made me think "what's the point of behaving if I'll be punished anyway." And when trachers said life's not fair, it just made me lose respect for those adults for contributing to things being unfair.
Unless there were 1000 kids in the class it wasn't even close to 99% More like punishing 5% because of what 95% did! AND we don't really know if OPs daughter wasn't one of them? We only have her word on it and the teacher, unlike OP, WAS there! If seen to many examples of the "my kid would never do x, and then see proof that they DID do x " to just take their word on it ..true she could be innocent ..and she could not be! Maybe the teacher could clarify this? But I doubt either OP nor his wife would ask!
What is with the YTA comment on story 1? I mean, husband just deliberately, by his own choice, put his family that he CHOSE to have in a worse financial situation to please his mom. He had no other reason to do it. OP is supposed to be a SAHM but even if that weren't the case, his choice means she has no choice BUT to work, and likely won't get any time to heal from giving birth or bond with her baby. And her husband FORCED that on her, after assuring her he wouldn’t. She needs to leave him ASAP. She certainly won't be any worse off on her own and may even be better. I could see hubby leaving a better paying job for a worse one because health issues were putting himself or others in jeopardy, but "because mommy wants me to work with her in her final years" especially when she's only 60 and unless something goes dreadfully wrong has another 30-40 years of life left, is not a good reason. There's no guarantee his SAHW now turned SAHM is going to be able to find a good enough job to compensate for the sudden income loss. And she wants to actually raise her child.
Also as his mom gets older it's likely she'll need financial help with medical bills and stuff especially since her job doesn't come with any benefits. Longterm it would be better for her to have a son with a job that has better benefits and pay. 🙄stupid seems hereditary and that apple didn't fall far from the tree.
i mean she kinda could have seen it coming, someone, who is so hung up on one-upping you this was pretty predictable. best is shrugging it off and just call the kid junior or give yours a fun nickname
Group punishment story: YTA. The wife is right. I was the well-behaved kid and absolutely hated getting punished bc other kids did something wrong. I still remember one day when a substitute teacher decided to punish the whole class bc a couple of kids were misbehaving-- rather than just punishing those kids. I slammed my book and said "This is Bullshit!" the substitute was shocked and started to ask me what my problem was but I gave her a death glare and she shut up. I'd never had an outburst in class before so my classmates were shocked. She was assigning extra homework which I refused to do because I knew it wasn't going to get checked as she wouldn't be there the next day and if the teacher asked for it, I'd tell the teacher it was bullshit and that I wasn't misbehaving and wasn't going to let myself be punished for others' behavior. Teacher didn't know about the extra homework and the kids who actually did it were annoyed the next day. But yeah, punishing kids who didn't do something wrong is a surefire way to lose the respect of all of the kids. Teacher sounds like she doesn't know how to handle kids at all if she's sending kids to the office instead of finding ways to get them to behave. She doesn't have their respect or ability to get them under control. That's her failing.
Story 3: Why is the entire class paying for the others problems. And Op called her a Karen?! And when will it stop? If the children keep misbehaving, then what? The extra homework would piss me off.
I would be a Karen by going to the Principal and also the district Superintendent. Honestly, the OP’s daughter might as well misbehave since she is getting punished anyway. What is this guy thinking? He sounds like an idiot.
Right? It’s ridiculous. Collective punishments didn’t work back then, and they don’t work today. I hated my teachers for doing this to us. Way to make kids hate school.
She isn’t “crazy”. She’s trying to reestablish dominance, because she doesn’t want him to have you and the baby as his 1st priority. Narcissistic mother
My Dad was one of those parents who thought the teacher was always in the right, even though he was working away and hardly ever took part in my school events. My Mum heard my side, took the time to ask around and defended me when she felt that I was in the right. My Dad still shits on any idea I have and bullshits about things he doesn't even know about, even things dealt with in my own profession (that isn't even remotely similar to his,) if I even voice an opinion or tell him about my day. I still don't understand why i try and tell him anything, but if I need help with something, I will 100% go to my Mum, not him. He does wonder why I don't involve him in more of my life.
Then let mommy have him. Divorce him and file for child support. Take your half of the $26000 before he tells her about it too. Then they can be happy together.
I recall having to stand on the wall at recess because the rest of my classmates wouldn't settle down. But I was allowed off the wall after five minutes because I was the only not being noisy. Kinda sucked that I had to at all. I wasn't the type to misbehave in school. I agree with the one comment about separating the kids that were acting out for the party. Send them to the library for study hall or wherever in-school suspension is held for the duration of the party. It really isn't fair to the kids that behaved.
Say the name and add 2 at the end. One branch of my family is so prolific and yet extremely conservative and repetitive in the name department. Even nicknames get used again, it makes genealogy very so fun as everyone is a cousin of some degree but with so many of the same names it's hard to sift through.
If the teacher can point out each individual student that did something she is unfair. Why should all get punished for the acts of a few. Unless they expect the student to monitor themselves and each other
Story 2: NTA I would call her baby Half-NAME. These comments are trash. Why would cousin pick the exact name that you picked for your kid ONE YEAR LATER? Op thinks the competition is over, but it's still going STRONG.
@@lindah3803I have an idea for a nickname for the cousin. Say OPs sons name is Connor. Cousins son could be called Connor jr. since he was named after him.
Yeah, I agree. OP really isn't upset about the name as much as the silly game her cousin played. Also, what it represents as a possibility. As in "My Bobby is better at this than your Bobby". Like, the cousin slso skipped on a middle name just to OP's son.
Story 1: If she has family, she needs to move back in with them. If they live in another state, better. If they are in another country, the best because that mother in law will seek to make the baby her own.
OP owns the house they have been living in and in any divorce she gets to keep it because his name was never added to the deed and he signed a prenup, so the numbers lady was smart enough to protect her own property in case of a divorce. Accountants know all about that sort of thing. She told us she's an accountant in the update.
first story: *hysterical laughter* love the update. OP is holding all the cards, I'm glad she's protecting herself and baby. wow guy was married to a keeper (owned the house, was paying off HIS student loans, had a sizeable savings) and he chose his loser AH narcissist mom instead.
Last story: there is a difference between not having a particular interest in your family's culture / choosing to raise your kids in the culture where you live and ACTIVELY BARRING THEM from experiencing ANY of that culture at all. like sure, do a western wedding, have a sweet 16, don't celebrate certain holidays, whatever. but to demand your family serve 'american food' (whatever that means) when you come over for dinner and to ban your kids from participating in cultural celebrations?? at least one of those kids is 16, that is more than old enough to choose if they wanna go to grandma's for lunar new year or whatever. there's probably missing reasons here and i don't quite get the op and parent's decision to refuse the party invite just bc she's not doing the cultural coming of age (unless the sister is demanding they airbrush out all their asianness for it) but damn the sister has some issues. she's teaching those kids to be ashamed of their roots. unfortunately very common in immigrant families to either push very hard to keep their culture alive in their household or push very hard to assimilate. sounds like the parents went one way and sister went the other.
I'm betting the OP is male, hence why they accept it, many of those cultures and traditions are all about empowering men. The sister however sees it for what it is, alot (not all) of eastern cultures view women as property, child bearing things, cleaners and careers for older relatives. The coming of age ceremony for a girl in many of those cultures is litterally "ok look, your now old enough for us to sell you to the highest bidding male we can find regardless of your feelings". Most other ceremonies are also about putting women down or having them do all the work while the men get to have all the fun. Also if the cultures so good, why did the parents flee from it, my bet, money. I also bet the sister fled far and fast because when she turned 16 they tried to persuade her to get married to someone from the old country but she shot them down because she has rights were she is, that would also explain why she refuses to let any of that culture near her children, she fears they'll do the same to her daughters.
@@Dilligaf-m7s a sweet 16 party is usually just a load of teen girls been loud and playing silly games and geberally been teen girls. It is not a debutants ball, that is what your thinking of, those are very similar in that the idea was to find a suitor. However they differed in that the girl got to choose her suitor (parents needed to approve), there was no exchange of cash/goods for the girl with the parents. They are also generally not done anymore except for in certain places, and they are then very much not about getting the girl married anymore except in very limited places (and that is not socially acceptable anymore either). Arranged marriages are very much not accepted in the west, hell outside of high society they never accepted for well over 1000 years (high society only accepted them as a means to keep "noble/royal" bloodlines).
@@cgi2002 yes that is what they are now. Sorry you can’t say because that’s what they are like now that’s not what they were. Oh and a dog is still a dog even if you spend years calling it a cat. Changing the name doesn’t mean that’s not what it was.
@@Dilligaf-m7s yes thats what they are now, i agree, but it became a "sweet 16" thing by massively changing what it was, it basically is a whole seperate thing. A debutantes ball was a formal affair with lots of rules were young women were dressed up all pretty to be "presented" to young men and their families as potential brides to be, that tradition still exists as i said, just to a lesser degree. A sweet 16 however is a complete spinoff, it threw away basically all the traditions that went with been a debutante and essentially became the 16yo having a party with her friends, no men are invited to "court" her (unless she wants them), there is no social aspect for the parents really, its all about the birthday girl. Also worth noting most girls don't even have a full blown sweet 16th either, they just have a 16th birthday party, there is no real cultural requirement for a sweet 16th, its very much upto the child if they want one. Now the far eastern versions have in many cases become less about selling off the daughter (its still unfortunatly common enough that there have been laws passed to prevent it in western countries and charities that operate to rescue young women from it), but many of the traditions that existed in that version still exist in the current version, as the cultural values behind it have not really changed. There is still a major push from older relatives for young women to get married and start pumping out grandchildren as soon as possible as thats "the done thing". There is also often with some framilies a push from extended family to marry daughters to relatives still in the old country to get them passports.
Story 2 NTA, I would totally go ahead and play the game the redditors suggested. It’s a win win. Her blood will boil and Op will forever look like the sweet auntie who always has nothing but nice things to say about her cousin and her child who she named after op’s son ☺️😌
ikr, who wouldn't want asian food! Besides, most "American" food is a lot borrowed from Spanish, Italian and German roots (i.e. pizza, hamburgers, chili) that we've tweaked and made our own.
I hate whole class punishments. My kid was very well behaved and had incredible anxiety about them as they would be on their record. Its just not fair.
Last story. I still have some resentment towards one of my teachers in high school. One day my senior year, we got a substitute teacher with instructions to work on homework/project, so that's what I did while the rest of the class acted like monkeys. The next day, the teacher gave everyone including me a detention, the only one I ever got in high school. When I protested showing my progress on my project, all she said was, "you should've stopped your classmates from misbehaving. You still have to serve detention." I stopped participating in her class and did the bare minimum for the remainder of the semester. When she asked me about it, I said. "You gave me my only ever detention in my high school career," and left. She never bothered me again as I had a great reputation with the rest of the high school teachers
The Mrs. was paying his student loans. Now that he is working with Mommy Dearest, HE can have fun paying those loans off himself with a minimum wage paying job. And no health benefits for a year. So health care for him will be out of pocket,🤣
Why are people trying to say single motherhood is so bad when she's ditching a useless Mama's boy? And she doesn't have much to worry about. The house is hers and a nice prenup is great.
Bad class story: I hate this kind of punishment were the whole class is punished for the bad behavior of a few kids, IT DOESN'T WORK, AT ALL is just unfair to the kids who behave correctly and it tells them that it doesn't matter if they follow the rules because they will get punished too. I was the quiet girl in my class, i didn't behaved badly but some of the boys (and girls, but mostly boys) in my class did, the whole class got recess taken away a lot and the principal come to our classroom to scold us multiple times. You know what happened? Nothing, the same people in the class keep acting up and we just lost learning time because the principal took like, half an our to scold us (her rants where long). And for those saying that this punishment brings "social consequenses" because the troublemakers get ostracised from the group, no they don't, they form their little friend group and keep making jokes during class. At least in my class that's what happened, we just got annoyed at the boys who misbehaved but they never got bullied or left out (and if they did, i didn't noticed because they keep doing the same crap during class).
My elementary school had multiple outbreaks of disruption and chaos, because the teachers who followed the incompetent teachers’ playbook would instill collective punishments even if just one kid acted up. The smarter teachers learned not to do that, the less smart ones ended up quitting or getting fired as a result.
If the rest of the class is going to act up, and you're going to be punished along with them whether or not you behave, I don't see a lot of incentive to behave. There are ways she can punish only the kids who acted up.
My cousin named his son the exact same name as my son. First, middle and the last name shares the first 2 letters. Basically Bob Bill Smith & Bob Bill Smithson. Just the final nail in the coffin of ridiculousness from that part of the family. No one owns names but come on really?
The teacher punishing the entire class explains a bit why she sucks. Some people aren't good at the jobs they do. Her reading an essay before a holiday, instead of creating an interactive class also sounds awful. Most kids need stimulation.
Last Story: Gee, I can't begin to imagine why a woman might opt out of an Asian culture. I mean, they're so open and understanding and women have so much freedom... /s
Last story - if you value Asian culture over American culture, perhaps don't emigrate to the US. My family emigrated from England to California when I was a toddler; guess what? We adapted and celebrated things like the 4th of July and Hallowe'en.
They communicated and made a strong plan. He then took a unilateral decision. The yta is so wrong!!! Also he shot himself in the foot with that loan too lol!!!
Collective punishment story: The problem with this kind of punishment is that it relies upon the well-behaved members of the group being able to apply pressure on the misbehaving members to change their behavior. In classrooms with rampant behavior problems, the well-behaved kids are the ones with the *least* social capital. They lack the power, singularly or as a group, to influence the actions of their misbehaving peers.
Final Story: NTA. The comments called Op out for making assumptions but made a slew of them. After suffering through American traditions for the sake of the sister and her kids FOR 16 YEARS - while also having her shun their events in return - they are right to say NO MORE. Where is the respect? Where is the reciprocity? They support every time and she does not.
Why should any of them attend the American Sweet 16, when little Miss I'm Not Asian won't allow her daughter to attend the Asian "Sweet 16". She's spent a long time crapping on her family. OP should talk with her niece. Explain why they are distancing themselves. Let her know that she can come to them. Hopefully one day her kids will go to OP and their grandparents for information on that part of who they are. I can see the sister having a total fit if her kids end up marrying an Asian. Especially if they include Asian wedding traditions in their day.
$20,000 for delivering a child? What are you delivering. Not even delivering baby Jesus would be this expensive. USA is butt crazy expensive. In my country most deliveries including all check ups in the most expensive hospital in the country and this is C-Section and hospital stay comes to around $2000 most expensive
First story: Boy, he is gonna have real fun with child support as he is now under employed. The judge might set his obligation at what he was making as opposed to what he is currently making. Sucks to suck my dude.
teacher making everyone pay for a few bad apples? again, everyone did not do wrong. the kids who did wrong have that teacher so messed up she is taking it all out on everyone. not fair. send the bad kids to office while the others party
Bet money as soon as OP is out of the picture mommy drops her baby boy. She reads like a classic narcissist, once there's no competition she won't care. Or she'll target OP with grandparent's rights bs.
@@lorilancaster5917 That's cause the baby is a threat to the attention she gets from her son. Once OP leaves and she feels more secure, she'll look for someone else to get that fix from. A lot of narcissist stories go that way
Last story: As someone who has immigrant parents and relocated to a different country at such a young age, I am completely with the OP and the parents. Like yes family and you should always support everyone, however for people who had to essentially give up their way of life for better opportunities you cannot erase their culture and then be upset when they aren’t receptive. I understand the sister may have been bullied or may just acclimated to America effortlessly but erasing her culture essentially meant she was erasing her family’s identity because without culture and social background who would we be. Yes let your daughter have a sweet sixteen but if your culture also has a rite of passage and you don’t acknowledge that, don’t be upset that your family are not welcoming because you are essentially saying their way of life is wrong.
Story #2: In OP's situation, being a single mom is the easier option. The husband won't be any help with the baby's needs and will be mad that it's getting more attention than him. He would be little to no financial help. Especially if you balance his lowered salary, his debts, and the fact that she can get child support from him. She already has enough money get through the first year or so and stay home. And no more toxic mother-in-law. Sounds more "fun" than staying with a mama's boy if you ask me!
Story 1: NTA, he is your husband and you are pregnant, his mothers concerns need to come second to you and the baby. Heck even if there was no baby, he should be putting your needs above his mother's. He sacrificed your families financial future by quitting his job and taking a job that pays almost half what he was making before, for no other reason than "Mommy told me to". And that doesn't even touch the loss of benefits, which could easily cost you and him $100,000 in the first year of your child's life (assuming the baby is born healthy).
My substitute teacher mass punished the entire class one time and when my teacher got back from her leave she was furious she let all of the students off of any punishment she talked to the principal about it and about all of the students that the substitute had sent to the office or written up she told them that she never wanted that substitute to teach her class again and bought us pizza as an apology.... I liked her
@@lorilancaster5917 once I got into higher grades it wasn't an issue but kindergarten-fifth the school just let anyone be a substitute and they didn't vet anyone properly there was even one who hit a student in my grade for chewing gum or something stup!d idrr
Last story: OP said they were Asian culture. But doesn't specify which part of Asia. Their "root" culture could very easily be one of many that abuses and mistreats women, which would EASILY explain why she vehemently denies it. I would absolutely refuse to associate with a culture that might treat me like I'm a 2nd or 3rd class citizen due to something I have zero control over. It's always nice to recognize where you came from, but living in America and trying to remain an Asian immigrant instead of an Asian-American citizen is kind of arrogant and asinine. Overall I there is much needed information missing, my vote is still ESH.
Oh God. As a mother to a son I cannot imagine treating my son like this. These women are totally rediculous. Yeah the YTA comment is stupid. Be a grown up and communicate just like hubby did with you. Peer pressure sure is something. If the other kids would not laugh at each other, they wouldn't misbehave as much. What exactly is American?
That YTA comment in story 1 is crazy. Talking about how OP needs to communicate and is just mad she has to work. Husband didn't communicate when he halved his income and nuked the medical benefits. And OP is right to be mad. I'd be livid if me and my partner made a plan I saved for, just for him to screw it up because he wants to be a mama's boy. He can go cry to his mommy, OP's NTA.
Last story: Thing about asian culture - it's still very not-pro-woman (less in Korea, Japan, more in China), very sexist (same), very biased as education/background/"elder" respect ( in all very bad), so safe to say, that sister just want to break from it fully, maybe she went too extreme in some part of it, but hey, maybe he just doesnt want kids to be subjected to it at all
First story: if she's not getting paid on maternity leave then she can get Medicaid and all her hospital bills will be paid. She also will get snap and WIC. The services are available in all 50 states.
Story 3: YTA. Your Daughter wants to complain to all relevant parties to fix what is an injustice on her part. This is how you use “Karen”ing productively.
Agreed. That teacher is just incompetent if she goes for the all purpose cop-out of collective punishments. I bet she would punish a good student for fighting back against a bully. She seems like the type who follows the lousy teachers’ playbook by the letter.
Teacher story, yes, it sucks that the good student is also getting punished but speaking of somebody who worked with kids, their behavior has increasingly gotten worse as the years go on.
Last story: NAH. My wife and her parents are immigrants. Her sister was born in America. My SIL is a Cuban American, notice how the first part is Cuban. My SIL grew up pretty average white American but still participates in cultural events, like her Quinceanera. My daughter is half Cuban, but we still plan on having her be a part of her Cuban heritage. I'm sure that if my daughter rejects that side of her family my wife would be incredibly hurt.
Cousin with the same baby name: This is 100% again competition Let's say OPs baby is called John, cousin now has a "better John" .... OPs John spoke his first word with 9 months? Oooh, but cousins John did it a week before 9 months. OPs John learned reading in first class? Cousins John was already reading books with 500 pages in kindergarten ....
RE: Teacher 1) a teacher should know the difference between Disinterested (Unbiased) and Uninterested (not having a care for) students! 2) Punishment for all. WRONGO DU MAXAMI - it is a lesson that behaving is not profitable and for chumps, especially since the children who behaved have no authority to STOP the other children from misbehaving.
Story 1: OP is obviously NTA but I feel horrible for his ex. His mother who caused him childhood trauma has now contributed to the reduction of his finances and the end of his marriage. Something tells me that she will abandon him once more after his divorce when he will be desperate and vulnerable. He would lose his chance to be a better parent to his child and knowing how assertive OP is, she will likely seek full custody because she wouldn't want her stbx-mil in their child's life. Gosh, I feel so bad for him. He is TA but wow.
Story 1: Of the $26,000 thousand saved, $23,000 of that was OP’s contribution? Yeah, OP, leave this guy. You’ll be okay without him. Pay no attention to commenters like the YTA on this post. With a baby on the way, it’s not enough to just have a job, you need a job that will allow you to help support your family. Your husband took a job with his mother that paid him $10.00 less per hour and offered no medical benefits. This man is not partner and father material😒 Story 2: Oh, OP, your cousin has some major insecurity issues, as is evident by her giving her son the same name that your son has. I know it’s hard, but try not to be bothered about it. She’s living in her own little hell because she’ll never think that she’s as good as you are. Just try and keep your distance from her as much as you can😢 Story 3: This is why teachers are leaving the profession in droves!😢 Story 4: Maybe OP’s sister feels that the root culture disregarded her as a female🙁
Taking the party is kinda reasonable because this mixture of children may be the issue and safety factors in. But…you are taught to try to avoid group punishment in teaching programs, it is not considered ideal. So the homework and loss of recess and giving a test during that time seem unreasonable. Also why can teacher not work with other grade level teachers to send the “good” kids off to another teachers classroom and hold the other kids. When you create punishments like this you are creating a culture of having students monitor each others behavior that is NOT a child’s job.
OP's MIL is absolutely cringy how she wants to insert herself in her son's life 😳 OP......you're doing a good thing by divorcing your husband. Being a single won't be fun, but you'll be better off 👍 I wish you all the best and congratulations on your new bundle of joy 😊
1 NTA who the hell leavss a job that pays 23HR to 13hr?! 2) NTA why would name ur baby the same name as someone else in the family? My cousin have variations of the same name so we at least know who people are referring to. Also, these comments are ridiculous.
My sister in law did this. She named her son the same name as my 18 month old son. The jokes on her, though. Her family calls him by his middle name and not his first. It drives her crazy! Now he doesn't listen when his mom calls him by his first name, only when she calls him by his middle name.
![Seungmin "그렇게, 천천히, 우리(As we are)" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kAzmhLHePqU/mqdefault.jpg)
First husband is a literal thrall to his mother.
YTA vote was mother in law.
I have never felt as bad for someone who is clearly TA as I do OP's stbx. He has just messed up his life.
@@AzulakayesAgreed. He f*d up.
or someone who believes it does not matter how unhappy you are if you are married you stay that way
That YTA comment in the first story is BEYOND insane. Given all the other examples provided by OP, what makes that person think this is a situation that is solvable within this clearly dysfunctional family unit? Any of the people giving OP crap about being a single mother fail to understand that if she stayed with this goofball, she'd be a single mother with two children, not one. The update really makes that clear. Single parenthood may not be easy, but it's better than what's in store if she stays married.
that’s probably mommy in law 🤣
Yeah that's the mommy
No, that the adult on reddit they can read between the lines.
She wouldn’t even be “mother to two children” she’d be the “nanny” or “roomate” while dear old hubby and baby go back to MiL to be raised.
and the update just justify that you comment that she all about the " numbers," and if they sign a prenuptial agreement, why does she care about his wallet.
Mothers who want to be married to their sons are so f*ing creepy.
And the jewelry was so cringe
And here people think I'm weird because I want mine out of the house living their own lives....I would like to have some peace again....lol
I live hundreds of miles away from my MIL and feel for my BIL's wife who has MIL invading their space all the time.
My mom said I should be nicer to MIL but I just can't stand her childishness. She has the weirdest logic. She also doesn't understand boundaries.
@lorilancaster5917 yeah it's like,
Normal MIL: Here's a casserole, I'm going to buy everything for the nursery, plus make a baby blanket, oh I brought you a nursing pillow that was on sale, and the special car seat should be coming in the mail. Don't forget to put your feet up and let him do some of the work!
OP's MIL: I used the slave wages from my mediocre job to buy matching jewelry for me and my son. You're having my first grandchild? That's cute. I only brought over enough homecooked food for my (not pregnant) son to eat, I hope that's OK. Also, I think now's the perfect time for him to quit his well-paying job with health benefits to work next to me for peanuts, because I'm his mommy! Oh, he's got student loans and no claim on your house, so you can kick him out at any time and be better off financially? That sounds just like a chip off the old block!
a.k.a. boy moms
That YTA comment in the first story is riduculous, as if being a single mother is the worse fate for a woman, at least single mothers don't have to deal with toxic MILs.
The husband seems to have abandonment issues, as OP says, his mother neglected him as a kid and now that she is on her "boy mom" bs and is giving him the attention she should had given him as a kid, he is clinging to her. Sadly, if he refuses therapy, there is nothing OP can do.
Incels have been groomed to believe it. Big cope.
I Think that the MIL, IS VERY JEALOUS,that Her son won't have e ANY MORE time for Her,when the Baby's born. It's Very telling that This woman neglected Her son when He was younger,but to give up a job with benefits, and ONLY Work at minimum wage, is down right dumb.
There is a desperate need to make women believe their lives will be worse without men, even when real life proves that is far from true much of the time.
@@andynieuwenhuis7833if not the mom, the jeweler that made the cringey mother son adult jewelry. If MIL mellows out, they’re out of a job
That commenter is the type that thinks moms who stay at home are lazy mooches sucking the lives out of their long-suffering husbands, and moms who go out and work are selfish "feminists", ruining American society, driving men to find wives in countries with more "traditional" women. Can't win.
Story 1: OP will be much better off as a single mother at this point.
Better for her physically, mentally, and financially. Maybe OP can work from home when the baby is born?
Considering he literally isn't taking any care or interest in his wife or unborn child and apparently not even their finances, she's already a single mother.
@@ashh4929 Well his mommy comes by with special food just for him, while his wife is focused on preparations for their kid.
It seems like he is jealous of his unborn kid.
The YTA comment from the first story made my blood boil. The internet hates women and mothers. She’s not mad because she has to go to work CLEARLY because she said she will figure it out on her own and plus she said she would only be staying home for a year if her husband hadn’t done what he did. She’s mad because her man child of a husband turned their whole lives upside down to go hang out with mommy full time. Telling him she won’t tolerate it is putting it in words that he will understand. willing taking a $10 pay cut and jeopardizing your family’s future is borderline insane.
Hell there's somebody in the comic thread for this video I think one of the ones that had more than 60 comments. The dude was going out of his way to defend the husband and say that she's in the wrong and his points made no sense
Read it again, they saved the money!
I'm sorry but the cousin absolutely did that out of spite. NTA at all.
AITA is so pretentious. The competitive cousin named their kid the same thing! She’s a psycho! We all know that she did it maliciously. WTF is the YTA?!
As a standalone event she would be an AH but the context of OP’s relationship with her cousin and the way they were so secretive about a common name is what makes her NTA. The whole “what if your son brings a friend with the same name” argument is ridiculous and overreaching lmao
Former teacher here: the punishing the whole class for the mistake of the few is a tactic used when teachers dont have the support not are allowed to hold them accountable. Its not fair to those that listen. So its the easy way to deal with and demonstrate what happens when you dont do whats told. Again not fair. I made these mistakes at the beginning of my career but I learned.
The best way to go about this: for recess: i sit everyone down then the ones that listened/behaved i send them off to play. For Parties: i line up the class call the ones that listened to one/2 tables and set them up to play/have fun snacks/do special activity; the other kids must read quietly or they have to stand there and watch or have heads down those are the only options for them. I also if a large part of the class was misbehaving and a select few was listening i send the good ones to another class to be apart of the fun and activities there with the caveat that they will be sent back if they act up, the remainder of the class does nothing but sit in silence and restart timers every time someone talks or acts up. The kids check each other on this one because they want to do something and not sit in silence.
HE QUIT IS JOB?!?!?!? IM SCREAMING OH MY GOD. THATS INSANE!!!!
And for what? So he can be near mommy who will likely retire in a couple of years? Hope it’s worth losing your wife and baby over!
WHAAAAAT!!??? What a moron.....
If you punish children who have not acted up, there is no reason for the child to behave.
And I bet the teacher didn’t contact the misbehaves kids parents. Just did a group punishment instead. I’m betting the teacher has tenure
Youre wrong, this make the good kids correct the bad kids because they don't want to be punished. It is a methode that works. It is creating bonds between the kids.
A class with individuals that act like loose sand, the only thing that does help is stick them together.
The teacher has one shot at this and she took it.. complain if it happens more often.
@@paulinadeboer3604 the good kids can't (AND SHOULDN'T HAVE TO) "correct" the bad kids. do you think the bad kids are gonna give a fuck if the good kids are mad at them? they literally won't care
@@paulinadeboer3604Why should the children be checking each other? That’s why they have a teacher….and a principal. 😂
@@diamcoleand the kids who act out give zero craps about the behaved kids.
How could anyone even survive on a $13 hr wage especially with actual family to support, its definitely better to just end that marriage and do it alone or find a real partner! The update definitely made that the perfect choice, now it can bury its face in mommies lap and play "mommies good little sweet boy" and be financially crippled and dependent on it.
And no insurance!
Divorce. Husband is God damn insane, and there's no work he can do anytime soon to get back to where he was before he quit.
Op has a baby coming, she doesn't need her man to revert to another baby.
7:12 Petty kindness would be purchasing a few baby clothes items (thrift store even), nothing actually sentimental, and having OP put her son's name on them. Then at the next family get together gift these to her cousin as hand me downs, stating, "Friends gave this for my little so-and-so, but he's outgrown them. Since you named your son after mine, isn't it great that I can pass these along to his sequel? Adorable!"
Group punishment breeds resentment and causes bullying- those kids are gonna get fed up with being punished for nothing and the trouble makers are going to be facing angry classmates
Or it might teach them that it's hurting themselves more in the long run by acting like fools being disrespectful like they are
@@juliearmfield2634that is NOT what they will learn. They are fucking kids. They are gonna keep acting out but now there’s more trouble makers because kids don’t listen to ppl that they hate.
Good. Kids need to learn that their actions negatively affect others around them, and that their peers won't stand for ir
@@GonkygongSo little kids prone to their emotions are going to do an adult's job? That's asking for fights to happen.
Story 1 + Update: NTA. I’m glad you had all your crap together.
seems someone had bit of insight if the future when the husband refused the therapy suggestions
S1: Gigantic NTA, and I approve of OP's sharp fangs! Meatbag mommy-boy is the one taking things too far, OP is rightly holding him accountable. He has no right to call himself a husband.
That YTA is out of pocket. She did communicate, she laid out what the costs would be and he still did it. I couldn't imagine quitting a job with healthcare in a country with no NHS type system, let alone take one that cut my income by half and not being able to get by off it.
1. nta. there’s being close with your mom (my mommy and i are extremely, incredibly close!!), and then there’s being close with your toxic mom and treating your wife and unborn child shittily because of it.
And we know that when the baby is born, he’ll abandon the baby to cater to him mommy. OP may need to keep her lawyer on speed dial.
"Shittily." First time I've ever heard/seen the adverbial form of that word. You, my lady, are brilliant! It's wonderfully refreshing to see someone using the language not just properly but elegantly on the internet. You have my undying respect😊
@@scibear9944 hehe thank you!
The story about the good girl getting punished with her classmates. Back in the 90s, my teacher was out and all except seven of us showed out. When the teacher came back, those that didn’t have the work done that was supposed to have been done got 0s and letters sent home explaining why. They were given the option to make up all the work after their parents met with the teacher. As for the seven of us that behaved, we were sent on a fun day and given an ice cream party as a thank you for being well behaved while everyone else was doing the makeup work. The teacher in the story should probably reassess her approach.
You do know that we only have the daughter;s word on it that she behaved, right?
Not saying she is lying but we should not just remove that possibility
@@robertx8020No, OP said they talked to the teacher and teacher confirmed that OP’s daughter was NOT one of the kids who misbehaved.
@@arwenevenstar0761 Ok, fair enough! Missed that part
Story 3: Collective punishment only works when you’re punishing a collective. This class isn’t a collective, they’re individuals. You’re punishing kids who have no power to stop their rude classmates behavior *for* that behavior
I used to do this when I was a teacher. It worked wonders because the peer pressure of the good kids to the kids who misbehave was amazing after 2 times the misbehaving kids got their acts together.
@@AliciaCaley-ru5dp If that’s true then I’m guessing you’re the exception, not the rule. I had teachers do this in school, and it just meant that anytime one kid started talking everyone would start talking. The good kids couldn’t really do anything other than watch, since the troublemakers had their own friends and didn’t care about the good kids opinion
@@AliciaCaley-ru5dpyou were a shit, lazy teacher, is all you had to say there
@AliciaCaley-ru5dp True, but it only works if the peer pressure applies to the disruptions. Worse case is having the good kids hate tou and then act up themselves. Or start fighting with the bad kids and making a situation much worse.
You just know once OP leaves her husband and he's back with Mommy Dearest, his mom is going to drop him again.
And he’ll likely try to get his old life back but receive a harsh reality.
yep, once she's "won" she'll move on to the next challenge.
Story 1 - NTA NTA NTA. The top reasons for divorce: Financial, religion, children (having them or not), and in-laws. I didn't believe it until I finally got married and understood firsthand the damage your mentally unstable in-laws can do to a marriage. If your spouse doesn't have a spine against their toxic family, your marriage doesn't stand a chance. The only reason I'm still married is my husband put me first.
If your life is harder WITH a partner.... It's probably time to move on. This is not a man thing.... I think all spouses have a responsibility to protect their partner from ALL toxicity that comes from their own family. Your partner shouldn't have to endure another families abuse. I view it as: you disrespect my husband, you disrespect me.
If my MIL came to MY house with food for my husband (and none for me), she would be kicked out of my home. Lastly, bringing a life into this world is no small thing. This man took income from his child (along with health benefits) and he didn't even consult with his wife.
"So who cares, you have to go back to work. Big deal." Spoken like someone who has NEVER had kids. I went back to work and I was pumping breastmilk under my desk, while my body slowly healed from a major surgery. I wanted to die and suffered major PPD. This woman saved up money HERSELF so she could be there for their child. Meanwhile the father gave up everything just to please his toxic mother. And all he has to say is.... Why are you making this such a big deal? 🤦♀️ If he doesn't see the gravity of this situation, there's no fixing that.
"I respect your teacher for punishing a bunch of innocent kids for literally no reason."
Wtf is wrong with this kind of person?
Man, I make more Money working at Jack and the Box than that guy would make working with his mother. Hell. I've maid more than that for the last three years.
For the story with the class punishment: I remember in third grade I was such a teachers pet. I got the best grades and I was very polite because my parents were both teachers. One time my classmates were being rowdy and she said everyone would get a conduct mark and chewed us out. Before I left that day she pulled me aside and apologized. I remember I went that entire year without any conduct marks and I was so proud of myself.
Story 1: Wait WTF? HE WHAT?!!!!!
Just WTF
I goes LOL at the YTA comment on the first story. Have fun being single mom? Of course she will, at least she has 1 less baby to take care of. Does the commenter think that staying in the marriage raising 2 babies with MIL breathing down her neck will make her happy?
1: It’s weird how the MIL couldn’t give less of a crap about her son when he was a child, yet now when he’s all grown she’s up his nose all the time. It’s like she wants to destroy his life as much as she can. Is she jealous of OP and wants to prove that he really “belongs” to her? I wonder if she’ll still want him around all the time once OP isn’t in the picture anymore.
MIL only wants her son to herself because he's with OP. She just wants to take away from OP 'just because'
Surprisingly common, and absolutely appalling. She can't see him over and above what he gives to her. She doesn't get upset when he is left at home alone so why should he be? Etc.
I also think it might be jealous and misogyny "I had a rough time when my kids were young why should she have it any better? Women these days always...." heard it so many times before.
I wonder how she'll really like it when her "baby" has to move back in and Mommy dearest is stuck with his bills.
MIL will try to take OP's baby so she and her son can play mommy and daddy with THEIR child.
That woman (& her son) have _serious_ issues. I'm very happy that OP was in a position to GTFO. I just hope she's able to control how much timethe child is exposed to that woman, I wouldn't want her to have anything to do with them AT ALL.
@@KyrieChiiif OP didn't own her house and wasn't married I'd tell her to skip state and make it incredibly hard for him to claim paternity. Not like she'd get much child support anyways from hubby's $13/hr job. Hopefully MIL will give her enough ammunition to get a Restraining order for OP and baby.
I had one class like Story 3 when I was in primary school. A few people were really disruptive. The teacher was overwhelmed (with hindsight school admin should have given her more support). Then one day she gave us a whole-class punishment like this and after that EVERYONE hated her. I was a good kid and had previously liked her, and while I didn't start being disruptive, I just disengaged and stopped putting my hand up and was just sort of passive or said "I don't know" when she called on me. After that, things in the class got much worse; instead of a few disruptive kids, she had a few disruptive kids plus the rest of the class who hated her. She quit half way through the school year and to this day I'm not sorry. It was her job to manage the misbehaving kids not ours; we were their victims too and it wasn't ok to punish us for her failure. There is no faster way of losing people's respect than going on a power trip.
Story 3: Collective punishment always just made me think "what's the point of behaving if I'll be punished anyway." And when trachers said life's not fair, it just made me lose respect for those adults for contributing to things being unfair.
Punishing the 99% because the 1% did stupid shit is exactly what makes students stop caring. As a teacher, that teacher was just being lazy.
Unless there were 1000 kids in the class it wasn't even close to 99%
More like punishing 5% because of what 95% did! AND we don't really know if OPs daughter wasn't one of them?
We only have her word on it and the teacher, unlike OP, WAS there!
If seen to many examples of the "my kid would never do x, and then see proof that they DID do x " to just take their word on it ..true she could be innocent ..and she could not be!
Maybe the teacher could clarify this? But I doubt either OP nor his wife would ask!
@@robertx8020the teacher said she wasn’t
100% just laziness. Collective punishments are the worst.
@@robertx8020well, they did ask, which you would know if you had listened before commenting.
@@mysteryfan15 Assumption much?
Maybe I missed it?
But I guess we can't all be little miss perfect /s
What is with the YTA comment on story 1? I mean, husband just deliberately, by his own choice, put his family that he CHOSE to have in a worse financial situation to please his mom. He had no other reason to do it. OP is supposed to be a SAHM but even if that weren't the case, his choice means she has no choice BUT to work, and likely won't get any time to heal from giving birth or bond with her baby. And her husband FORCED that on her, after assuring her he wouldn’t. She needs to leave him ASAP. She certainly won't be any worse off on her own and may even be better. I could see hubby leaving a better paying job for a worse one because health issues were putting himself or others in jeopardy, but "because mommy wants me to work with her in her final years" especially when she's only 60 and unless something goes dreadfully wrong has another 30-40 years of life left, is not a good reason. There's no guarantee his SAHW now turned SAHM is going to be able to find a good enough job to compensate for the sudden income loss. And she wants to actually raise her child.
Husband must have made his own account.
Also as his mom gets older it's likely she'll need financial help with medical bills and stuff especially since her job doesn't come with any benefits. Longterm it would be better for her to have a son with a job that has better benefits and pay.
🙄stupid seems hereditary and that apple didn't fall far from the tree.
Or Mommy Dearest!
Story 2. Call her kid Junior
i mean she kinda could have seen it coming, someone, who is so hung up on one-upping you this was pretty predictable. best is shrugging it off and just call the kid junior or give yours a fun nickname
Group punishment story: YTA. The wife is right. I was the well-behaved kid and absolutely hated getting punished bc other kids did something wrong. I still remember one day when a substitute teacher decided to punish the whole class bc a couple of kids were misbehaving-- rather than just punishing those kids. I slammed my book and said "This is Bullshit!" the substitute was shocked and started to ask me what my problem was but I gave her a death glare and she shut up. I'd never had an outburst in class before so my classmates were shocked. She was assigning extra homework which I refused to do because I knew it wasn't going to get checked as she wouldn't be there the next day and if the teacher asked for it, I'd tell the teacher it was bullshit and that I wasn't misbehaving and wasn't going to let myself be punished for others' behavior. Teacher didn't know about the extra homework and the kids who actually did it were annoyed the next day. But yeah, punishing kids who didn't do something wrong is a surefire way to lose the respect of all of the kids. Teacher sounds like she doesn't know how to handle kids at all if she's sending kids to the office instead of finding ways to get them to behave. She doesn't have their respect or ability to get them under control. That's her failing.
Story 3: Why is the entire class paying for the others problems. And Op called her a Karen?! And when will it stop? If the children keep misbehaving, then what? The extra homework would piss me off.
Op's daughter will grow.up knowing her father is a pansy and won't stand up.for her! Its ridiculous to punish the ones who didn't cause trouble.
I would be a Karen by going to the Principal and also the district Superintendent. Honestly, the OP’s daughter might as well misbehave since she is getting punished anyway. What is this guy thinking? He sounds like an idiot.
The kids in this generation literally can’t READ GIVE THEM THE EXTRA HOMEWORK
Right? It’s ridiculous. Collective punishments didn’t work back then, and they don’t work today. I hated my teachers for doing this to us. Way to make kids hate school.
@@Sugieb Your parents said the same thing about your generation
Story 3: Why would I bother behaving if I'm gonna get punished anyway?
She isn’t “crazy”. She’s trying to reestablish dominance, because she doesn’t want him to have you and the baby as his 1st priority. Narcissistic mother
My Dad was one of those parents who thought the teacher was always in the right, even though he was working away and hardly ever took part in my school events. My Mum heard my side, took the time to ask around and defended me when she felt that I was in the right. My Dad still shits on any idea I have and bullshits about things he doesn't even know about, even things dealt with in my own profession (that isn't even remotely similar to his,) if I even voice an opinion or tell him about my day. I still don't understand why i try and tell him anything, but if I need help with something, I will 100% go to my Mum, not him. He does wonder why I don't involve him in more of my life.
Then let mommy have him. Divorce him and file for child support. Take your half of the $26000 before he tells her about it too. Then they can be happy together.
23k of that was her savings. So why she'd give him half? Since they had prenup and she had the papertrail to prove it.
I recall having to stand on the wall at recess because the rest of my classmates wouldn't settle down. But I was allowed off the wall after five minutes because I was the only not being noisy. Kinda sucked that I had to at all. I wasn't the type to misbehave in school. I agree with the one comment about separating the kids that were acting out for the party. Send them to the library for study hall or wherever in-school suspension is held for the duration of the party. It really isn't fair to the kids that behaved.
Say the name and add 2 at the end.
One branch of my family is so prolific and yet extremely conservative and repetitive in the name department. Even nicknames get used again, it makes genealogy very so fun as everyone is a cousin of some degree but with so many of the same names it's hard to sift through.
My great great grandpa named one of his sons after his brother. Same first and middle. It's wild.
Don't be with a momma's boy, they only need you until after the baby is born.
If the teacher can point out each individual student that did something she is unfair. Why should all get punished for the acts of a few. Unless they expect the student to monitor themselves and each other
Story 2: NTA I would call her baby Half-NAME. These comments are trash. Why would cousin pick the exact name that you picked for your kid ONE YEAR LATER? Op thinks the competition is over, but it's still going STRONG.
Cousin picked that name to get under OPs skin. Eventually a nickname will emerge for both kids.
@@lindah3803I have an idea for a nickname for the cousin. Say OPs sons name is Connor. Cousins son could be called Connor jr. since he was named after him.
Just call the cousin #2.
Yeah, I agree. OP really isn't upset about the name as much as the silly game her cousin played. Also, what it represents as a possibility. As in "My Bobby is better at this than your Bobby". Like, the cousin slso skipped on a middle name just to OP's son.
@@lorilancaster5917 That's an idea. Sister definitely wouldn't like it.
Story 1: If she has family, she needs to move back in with them. If they live in another state, better. If they are in another country, the best because that mother in law will seek to make the baby her own.
OP owns the house they have been living in and in any divorce she gets to keep it because his name was never added to the deed and he signed a prenup, so the numbers lady was smart enough to protect her own property in case of a divorce. Accountants know all about that sort of thing. She told us she's an accountant in the update.
I think the YTA comment in the MIL story is a mamma’s boy himself.
It's probably OP'S Momma's Boy husband posting
first story: *hysterical laughter* love the update. OP is holding all the cards, I'm glad she's protecting herself and baby.
wow guy was married to a keeper (owned the house, was paying off HIS student loans, had a sizeable savings) and he chose his loser AH narcissist mom instead.
Last story: there is a difference between not having a particular interest in your family's culture / choosing to raise your kids in the culture where you live and ACTIVELY BARRING THEM from experiencing ANY of that culture at all. like sure, do a western wedding, have a sweet 16, don't celebrate certain holidays, whatever. but to demand your family serve 'american food' (whatever that means) when you come over for dinner and to ban your kids from participating in cultural celebrations?? at least one of those kids is 16, that is more than old enough to choose if they wanna go to grandma's for lunar new year or whatever. there's probably missing reasons here and i don't quite get the op and parent's decision to refuse the party invite just bc she's not doing the cultural coming of age (unless the sister is demanding they airbrush out all their asianness for it) but damn the sister has some issues. she's teaching those kids to be ashamed of their roots. unfortunately very common in immigrant families to either push very hard to keep their culture alive in their household or push very hard to assimilate. sounds like the parents went one way and sister went the other.
I'm betting the OP is male, hence why they accept it, many of those cultures and traditions are all about empowering men. The sister however sees it for what it is, alot (not all) of eastern cultures view women as property, child bearing things, cleaners and careers for older relatives. The coming of age ceremony for a girl in many of those cultures is litterally "ok look, your now old enough for us to sell you to the highest bidding male we can find regardless of your feelings". Most other ceremonies are also about putting women down or having them do all the work while the men get to have all the fun.
Also if the cultures so good, why did the parents flee from it, my bet, money. I also bet the sister fled far and fast because when she turned 16 they tried to persuade her to get married to someone from the old country but she shot them down because she has rights were she is, that would also explain why she refuses to let any of that culture near her children, she fears they'll do the same to her daughters.
@@cgi2002😂😂😂 you do know that is exactly what a sweet 16 party is don’t you. Or is it because it is an American thing it’s different?
@@Dilligaf-m7s a sweet 16 party is usually just a load of teen girls been loud and playing silly games and geberally been teen girls.
It is not a debutants ball, that is what your thinking of, those are very similar in that the idea was to find a suitor. However they differed in that the girl got to choose her suitor (parents needed to approve), there was no exchange of cash/goods for the girl with the parents. They are also generally not done anymore except for in certain places, and they are then very much not about getting the girl married anymore except in very limited places (and that is not socially acceptable anymore either). Arranged marriages are very much not accepted in the west, hell outside of high society they never accepted for well over 1000 years (high society only accepted them as a means to keep "noble/royal" bloodlines).
@@cgi2002 yes that is what they are now. Sorry you can’t say because that’s what they are like now that’s not what they were. Oh and a dog is still a dog even if you spend years calling it a cat. Changing the name doesn’t mean that’s not what it was.
@@Dilligaf-m7s yes thats what they are now, i agree, but it became a "sweet 16" thing by massively changing what it was, it basically is a whole seperate thing.
A debutantes ball was a formal affair with lots of rules were young women were dressed up all pretty to be "presented" to young men and their families as potential brides to be, that tradition still exists as i said, just to a lesser degree. A sweet 16 however is a complete spinoff, it threw away basically all the traditions that went with been a debutante and essentially became the 16yo having a party with her friends, no men are invited to "court" her (unless she wants them), there is no social aspect for the parents really, its all about the birthday girl. Also worth noting most girls don't even have a full blown sweet 16th either, they just have a 16th birthday party, there is no real cultural requirement for a sweet 16th, its very much upto the child if they want one.
Now the far eastern versions have in many cases become less about selling off the daughter (its still unfortunatly common enough that there have been laws passed to prevent it in western countries and charities that operate to rescue young women from it), but many of the traditions that existed in that version still exist in the current version, as the cultural values behind it have not really changed. There is still a major push from older relatives for young women to get married and start pumping out grandchildren as soon as possible as thats "the done thing". There is also often with some framilies a push from extended family to marry daughters to relatives still in the old country to get them passports.
Story 2 NTA, I would totally go ahead and play the game the redditors suggested. It’s a win win. Her blood will boil and Op will forever look like the sweet auntie who always has nothing but nice things to say about her cousin and her child who she named after op’s son ☺️😌
She actively bared her bass culture from her family and kids now she's reaping what she sowed
ikr, who wouldn't want asian food! Besides, most "American" food is a lot borrowed from Spanish, Italian and German roots (i.e. pizza, hamburgers, chili) that we've tweaked and made our own.
I hate whole class punishments. My kid was very well behaved and had incredible anxiety about them as they would be on their record. Its just not fair.
Last story. I still have some resentment towards one of my teachers in high school. One day my senior year, we got a substitute teacher with instructions to work on homework/project, so that's what I did while the rest of the class acted like monkeys. The next day, the teacher gave everyone including me a detention, the only one I ever got in high school. When I protested showing my progress on my project, all she said was, "you should've stopped your classmates from misbehaving. You still have to serve detention." I stopped participating in her class and did the bare minimum for the remainder of the semester. When she asked me about it, I said. "You gave me my only ever detention in my high school career," and left. She never bothered me again as I had a great reputation with the rest of the high school teachers
The Mrs. was paying his student loans. Now that he is working with Mommy Dearest, HE can have fun paying those loans off himself with a minimum wage paying job. And no health benefits for a year. So health care for him will be out of pocket,🤣
Second story. The best thing to do about her naming her kid after yours is to not care. It will drive her crazy!
Why are people trying to say single motherhood is so bad when she's ditching a useless Mama's boy?
And she doesn't have much to worry about. The house is hers and a nice prenup is great.
Bad class story: I hate this kind of punishment were the whole class is punished for the bad behavior of a few kids, IT DOESN'T WORK, AT ALL is just unfair to the kids who behave correctly and it tells them that it doesn't matter if they follow the rules because they will get punished too.
I was the quiet girl in my class, i didn't behaved badly but some of the boys (and girls, but mostly boys) in my class did, the whole class got recess taken away a lot and the principal come to our classroom to scold us multiple times. You know what happened? Nothing, the same people in the class keep acting up and we just lost learning time because the principal took like, half an our to scold us (her rants where long).
And for those saying that this punishment brings "social consequenses" because the troublemakers get ostracised from the group, no they don't, they form their little friend group and keep making jokes during class. At least in my class that's what happened, we just got annoyed at the boys who misbehaved but they never got bullied or left out (and if they did, i didn't noticed because they keep doing the same crap during class).
My elementary school had multiple outbreaks of disruption and chaos, because the teachers who followed the incompetent teachers’ playbook would instill collective punishments even if just one kid acted up. The smarter teachers learned not to do that, the less smart ones ended up quitting or getting fired as a result.
His debt prices keeps rising? No he's giving the money away vs paying the debt off fully
If the rest of the class is going to act up, and you're going to be punished along with them whether or not you behave, I don't see a lot of incentive to behave. There are ways she can punish only the kids who acted up.
My cousin named his son the exact same name as my son. First, middle and the last name shares the first 2 letters. Basically Bob Bill Smith & Bob Bill Smithson. Just the final nail in the coffin of ridiculousness from that part of the family. No one owns names but come on really?
The teacher punishing the entire class explains a bit why she sucks. Some people aren't good at the jobs they do. Her reading an essay before a holiday, instead of creating an interactive class also sounds awful. Most kids need stimulation.
My teacher did that almost every one in my class sucks teachers deal with to much crap at this point
Last Story: Gee, I can't begin to imagine why a woman might opt out of an Asian culture. I mean, they're so open and understanding and women have so much freedom... /s
Last story - if you value Asian culture over American culture, perhaps don't emigrate to the US. My family emigrated from England to California when I was a toddler; guess what? We adapted and celebrated things like the 4th of July and Hallowe'en.
They communicated and made a strong plan. He then took a unilateral decision. The yta is so wrong!!! Also he shot himself in the foot with that loan too lol!!!
Collective punishment story: The problem with this kind of punishment is that it relies upon the well-behaved members of the group being able to apply pressure on the misbehaving members to change their behavior. In classrooms with rampant behavior problems, the well-behaved kids are the ones with the *least* social capital. They lack the power, singularly or as a group, to influence the actions of their misbehaving peers.
Final Story: NTA. The comments called Op out for making assumptions but made a slew of them. After suffering through American traditions for the sake of the sister and her kids FOR 16 YEARS - while also having her shun their events in return - they are right to say NO MORE. Where is the respect? Where is the reciprocity? They support every time and she does not.
Why should any of them attend the American Sweet 16, when little Miss I'm Not Asian won't allow her daughter to attend the Asian "Sweet 16". She's spent a long time crapping on her family. OP should talk with her niece. Explain why they are distancing themselves. Let her know that she can come to them. Hopefully one day her kids will go to OP and their grandparents for information on that part of who they are.
I can see the sister having a total fit if her kids end up marrying an Asian. Especially if they include Asian wedding traditions in their day.
$20,000 for delivering a child? What are you delivering. Not even delivering baby Jesus would be this expensive. USA is butt crazy expensive. In my country most deliveries including all check ups in the most expensive hospital in the country and this is C-Section and hospital stay comes to around $2000 most expensive
First story: Boy, he is gonna have real fun with child support as he is now under employed. The judge might set his obligation at what he was making as opposed to what he is currently making. Sucks to suck my dude.
teacher making everyone pay for a few bad apples? again, everyone did not do wrong. the kids who did wrong have that teacher so messed up she is taking it all out on everyone. not fair. send the bad kids to office while the others party
Bet money as soon as OP is out of the picture mommy drops her baby boy. She reads like a classic narcissist, once there's no competition she won't care. Or she'll target OP with grandparent's rights bs.
I don’t know. Sounds like she really doesn’t care about the baby and more about her man baby.
@@lorilancaster5917 That's cause the baby is a threat to the attention she gets from her son. Once OP leaves and she feels more secure, she'll look for someone else to get that fix from. A lot of narcissist stories go that way
Story 3. Collective punishment is against the Geneva convention for a reason
🤣So is 'torturing' a teacher...are you for real?
Last story: As someone who has immigrant parents and relocated to a different country at such a young age, I am completely with the OP and the parents. Like yes family and you should always support everyone, however for people who had to essentially give up their way of life for better opportunities you cannot erase their culture and then be upset when they aren’t receptive. I understand the sister may have been bullied or may just acclimated to America effortlessly but erasing her culture essentially meant she was erasing her family’s identity because without culture and social background who would we be. Yes let your daughter have a sweet sixteen but if your culture also has a rite of passage and you don’t acknowledge that, don’t be upset that your family are not welcoming because you are essentially saying their way of life is wrong.
Story #2: In OP's situation, being a single mom is the easier option. The husband won't be any help with the baby's needs and will be mad that it's getting more attention than him. He would be little to no financial help. Especially if you balance his lowered salary, his debts, and the fact that she can get child support from him. She already has enough money get through the first year or so and stay home. And no more toxic mother-in-law. Sounds more "fun" than staying with a mama's boy if you ask me!
I would love to hear more stories from you
Story 1: NTA, he is your husband and you are pregnant, his mothers concerns need to come second to you and the baby. Heck even if there was no baby, he should be putting your needs above his mother's.
He sacrificed your families financial future by quitting his job and taking a job that pays almost half what he was making before, for no other reason than "Mommy told me to". And that doesn't even touch the loss of benefits, which could easily cost you and him $100,000 in the first year of your child's life (assuming the baby is born healthy).
My substitute teacher mass punished the entire class one time and when my teacher got back from her leave she was furious she let all of the students off of any punishment she talked to the principal about it and about all of the students that the substitute had sent to the office or written up she told them that she never wanted that substitute to teach her class again and bought us pizza as an apology.... I liked her
Wow! When I was in school no substitute dared to punish students.
@@lorilancaster5917 once I got into higher grades it wasn't an issue but kindergarten-fifth the school just let anyone be a substitute and they didn't vet anyone properly there was even one who hit a student in my grade for chewing gum or something stup!d idrr
Last story: OP said they were Asian culture. But doesn't specify which part of Asia. Their "root" culture could very easily be one of many that abuses and mistreats women, which would EASILY explain why she vehemently denies it. I would absolutely refuse to associate with a culture that might treat me like I'm a 2nd or 3rd class citizen due to something I have zero control over. It's always nice to recognize where you came from, but living in America and trying to remain an Asian immigrant instead of an Asian-American citizen is kind of arrogant and asinine. Overall I there is much needed information missing, my vote is still ESH.
Oh God. As a mother to a son I cannot imagine treating my son like this. These women are totally rediculous. Yeah the YTA comment is stupid. Be a grown up and communicate just like hubby did with you.
Peer pressure sure is something. If the other kids would not laugh at each other, they wouldn't misbehave as much.
What exactly is American?
First story 1 guy is having cold feet about being a father. This is why he is letting mommy do this. NTA.
Last story:
Maybe the sister is sick of a misogynistic culture, therefore refuses to put her child through it.
That YTA comment in story 1 is crazy. Talking about how OP needs to communicate and is just mad she has to work. Husband didn't communicate when he halved his income and nuked the medical benefits. And OP is right to be mad. I'd be livid if me and my partner made a plan I saved for, just for him to screw it up because he wants to be a mama's boy. He can go cry to his mommy, OP's NTA.
11:25 Incompetent teacher. There is no excuse for the teacher punishing everyone and not punishing the troublemakers. It’s exactly why I hated school.
Last story: Thing about asian culture - it's still very not-pro-woman (less in Korea, Japan, more in China), very sexist (same), very biased as education/background/"elder" respect ( in all very bad), so safe to say, that sister just want to break from it fully, maybe she went too extreme in some part of it, but hey, maybe he just doesnt want kids to be subjected to it at all
First story: if she's not getting paid on maternity leave then she can get Medicaid and all her hospital bills will be paid. She also will get snap and WIC. The services are available in all 50 states.
Story 3: YTA. Your Daughter wants to complain to all relevant parties to fix what is an injustice on her part. This is how you use “Karen”ing productively.
The op is literally stupid. The teacher is an idiot. And the commenter who says have a family day is a pathetic apologist.
Agreed. That teacher is just incompetent if she goes for the all purpose cop-out of collective punishments. I bet she would punish a good student for fighting back against a bully. She seems like the type who follows the lousy teachers’ playbook by the letter.
Op isn’t wrong
Teacher story, yes, it sucks that the good student is also getting punished but speaking of somebody who worked with kids, their behavior has increasingly gotten worse as the years go on.
Last story: NAH. My wife and her parents are immigrants. Her sister was born in America. My SIL is a Cuban American, notice how the first part is Cuban. My SIL grew up pretty average white American but still participates in cultural events, like her Quinceanera. My daughter is half Cuban, but we still plan on having her be a part of her Cuban heritage. I'm sure that if my daughter rejects that side of her family my wife would be incredibly hurt.
This teacher has poor skills.I hate this group discipline as children learn to not bother.Might as well go with the badly behaved.
Cousin with the same baby name:
This is 100% again competition
Let's say OPs baby is called John, cousin now has a "better John" ....
OPs John spoke his first word with 9 months? Oooh, but cousins John did it a week before 9 months.
OPs John learned reading in first class? Cousins John was already reading books with 500 pages in kindergarten ....
RE: Teacher
1) a teacher should know the difference between Disinterested (Unbiased) and Uninterested (not having a care for) students!
2) Punishment for all. WRONGO DU MAXAMI - it is a lesson that behaving is not profitable and for chumps, especially since the children who behaved have no authority to STOP the other children from misbehaving.
Story 1: OP is obviously NTA but I feel horrible for his ex. His mother who caused him childhood trauma has now contributed to the reduction of his finances and the end of his marriage. Something tells me that she will abandon him once more after his divorce when he will be desperate and vulnerable. He would lose his chance to be a better parent to his child and knowing how assertive OP is, she will likely seek full custody because she wouldn't want her stbx-mil in their child's life. Gosh, I feel so bad for him. He is TA but wow.
Story 1: Of the $26,000 thousand saved, $23,000 of that was OP’s contribution? Yeah, OP, leave this guy. You’ll be okay without him. Pay no attention to commenters like the YTA on this post. With a baby on the way, it’s not enough to just have a job, you need a job that will allow you to help support your family. Your husband took a job with his mother that paid him $10.00 less per hour and offered no medical benefits. This man is not partner and father material😒
Story 2: Oh, OP, your cousin has some major insecurity issues, as is evident by her giving her son the same name that your son has. I know it’s hard, but try not to be bothered about it. She’s living in her own little hell because she’ll never think that she’s as good as you are. Just try and keep your distance from her as much as you can😢
Story 3: This is why teachers are leaving the profession in droves!😢
Story 4: Maybe OP’s sister feels that the root culture disregarded her as a female🙁
I agree and that is fine but when she starts going off at others about wanting nothing to do with it at all then she reaps what she sows. Simple
@@Dilligaf-m7s If she was able to tolerate him, then she’ll be okay🙂
Im convinced redditors just outright ignore context to stories at this point, some of these comments are outrageously stupid
Taking the party is kinda reasonable because this mixture of children may be the issue and safety factors in. But…you are taught to try to avoid group punishment in teaching programs, it is not considered ideal. So the homework and loss of recess and giving a test during that time seem unreasonable. Also why can teacher not work with other grade level teachers to send the “good” kids off to another teachers classroom and hold the other kids. When you create punishments like this you are creating a culture of having students monitor each others behavior that is NOT a child’s job.
OP's MIL is absolutely cringy how she wants to insert herself in her son's life 😳 OP......you're doing a good thing by divorcing your husband. Being a single won't be fun, but you'll be better off 👍 I wish you all the best and congratulations on your new bundle of joy 😊
1 NTA who the hell leavss a job that pays 23HR to 13hr?!
2) NTA why would name ur baby the same name as someone else in the family? My cousin have variations of the same name so we at least know who people are referring to. Also, these comments are ridiculous.
When referring to cousin’s kid just put Little in front of the baby’s name.
My sister in law did this. She named her son the same name as my 18 month old son. The jokes on her, though. Her family calls him by his middle name and not his first. It drives her crazy! Now he doesn't listen when his mom calls him by his first name, only when she calls him by his middle name.
1 story...Dude baby trapped her. He knows it's harder to leave with a kid.