I think we consider history and absolutely expect her to try. I'm sorry but I couldn't associate with my sister after that. I could treat her like a distant cousin and see her at large family gatherings only. 🤷🏾♀️
Wow, the entitlement... I once got paid and the guy gave me cash instead of a check, so I had a "wad" in my pocket. Went out later, no time to stash my cash at home, and when I gassed up, one of my "friends" saw my wad and started broadcasting it to everyone. I said I just got paid and didn't have time to go home beforehand, so stfu and stop broadcasting it to the entire neighborhood. Suddenly, everyone wanted to go out to eat instead of just hanging out. Yeah, I saw where that was going. Ended up going to this bbq place. Right when we were being sat, I said I had to "wash up", and told the waitress, "If you don't mind, a separate check for me, 'cause I probably have to leave early". No prob. Oh, you should see everyone loading up on the mozz stix, onion-blooms, etc., which I refused to touch, if only to avoid the "Well you had some, too!". Multiple beers all around, except for me, who only had my usual coffee. Wellp, they were gonna stay for dessert, but I said I had to take off because I had an early day tomorrow. _"But we didn't get the check yet!"_ "No prob, I got it covered..." and motioned to the waitress. Yep, I got *MY* check! Gave her like a 30% tip for being a sweetheart about it. I'm guessing they thought I already covered *their* check so far? 'Cause they started ordering desserts like it was going out of style. I'm like "Kbye." and they just had their snouts in the trough and mumbled some half-hearted "kbye"s. I went back like 2-3 days later for a to-go order, and the same waitress saw me, and she got all wide-eyed and open-mouthed, then waved at me to stop and almost ran over to me. She didn't expect to see me (I admit, I did want to go back there for more than the to-go, and find out what happened, and got my wish). Anyhoo, she said that when they all finished rooting around the table, they pretty much expected everything to be covered *except* for their desserts which they piled on after I already paid up my own check. When they saw their actual total, they all almost collectively shaat all at once. _"There has to be a mistake! I thought he paid for it!"_ etc. When she explained what I said about leaving early, and how I had my own check, they were *furious!* Whatever I paid for mine, theirs was over twice as much per-person. And they expected *ME* to, what?, "treat" them? Surprise! Leeches...
I assume you’re no longer friends with them? Man some people are entitled. Imagine saying I just got paid and them assuming you will pay for their shameless orders.
@@camitd I'd been working there a few months, wasn't really the socialising type as I knew I was there only temporarily, so I'm guessing maybe they saw "sucker!" and wanted to pal around while the getting was good. Honestly, I can't even recall the names of half/more of them. And that doesn't bother me in the least.
What a crappy friend you are. Refusing to treat your group? What did you need to money for anyway? I bet you would just have wasted them on silly things like food for yourself,rent and electricity 😂😂😂
@@joeschmo622so they basically thought that you a virtual stranger was going to pick up the bill? Did the waitress tell you what happened when it dawned on them that they had to pay for their own bill?
"Be a better person than this..." OP is a better person. She has reason and is merely letting her sister face the consequences of her own choices. Sister went out of her way to betray OP in the worst way for no reason at all.
Also include to the group of friends, "by the way, the woman who snooped is going through your things when she gets a chance to for blackmail or abuse. Good luck with that."
Story 1: I love how people are so generous with other people’s forgiveness. OP’s parents are idiots. Why should OP forgive when the sister hasn’t actually apologised?
I get what you're saying. But for me personally, forgiveness isn't about letting toxic people back into your life, or helping someone you want nothing to do with. It's about letting go of the anger and hate. Because anger and hate can eat you up inside. It can tear apart your life, because it shows through. The negative feelings, when never let go of, can warp who you are as a person. It's just not healthy for people to forever hang onto negative emotions. Forgiveness is choosing to let go of the hatred and anger, and move on with your life. From there, you can chose to reconcile or not as you see fit. That said, when most people in stories like these want forgiveness, what they really want is to be allowed back into your life. Sometimes this is the right decision, but not always. Sometimes it's permission for someone to keep treating you badly. And whether it's a good decision or a bad one, its a decision that cannot and should not be forced on you. Because it is your decision, and only you know what you will and won't regret in the future. And even if you were wrong about what you will and won't regret, you make that choice, because it is the best for your at the time.
@npreba Yeah,if OP doesn't want to forgive the selfish sister,then she doesn't have to. Literally nothing is lost by not forgiving sister Sister will use forgiveness as a free pass to do whatever she wants and expect no repercussions because she'll think that she will always be forgiven. People like that do exist, whether any of us like it or not
Nor has she even made contact with OP. She’s showing that she’s still immature by using her parents to try and get what she wants from OP. Granted if she even knows. She may be expecting the parents to look after her and they don’t want this.
"You masqueraded as poor..." The mask slipped when they complained about you covering the bill. They're not upset that you "acted poor" by not being stupid with your resources. They're angry because they somehow feel entitled to your money. Those aren't friends, ghost them and continue living your lives as you always have.
You cannot force someone to feel what they don't. Mom and step-dad are massive aholes. OP being polite and civil to the new members of your mother's family is the most they can expect of you and your sister towards these strangers. If you do develop a close relationship that's a bonus, but they should not expect or attempt to force it from you.
Which is where I disagree with the ESH commenter. I’m hoping the therapist helps the adults see their bs otherwise OP and Skye will cut all ties once they turn 18.
That last comment was high. OP doesn’t owe these kids anything. The parents just suck at blending their families and want their minor son to fix their mess.
"You cannot force someone to feel what they don't" Absolutely true. And most especially you cannot force LOVE which is what the parents are insisting on.
@Nico6th Exactly. OP didn't choose the stepfather or date him for however long. She didn't sign any paperwork or make an oath to be with him until death. That was all on mom.
Story 2: OP's friends are immediately showing that they are all greedy money grabbers not worth being friends with. They immediately prove why OP doesn't talk about money
@@nancyomalley6286 Yeah and the nerve to basically demand you to pay off their student loans. The only appropriate response to that would be to ask when you adopted them. Because your not their parent. They also don't remember borrowing the loan money. Yes I have money and no I don't flaunt it. But that has zero to do with your student loans. If you want me to pay them that's fine but then you would just owe me. You would just have to pay me back. If I paid your loans for free everyone would want me to and then I would be poor.
Story 3: NTA. Exactly! You’re a child. And a child one and only obligation is to grown into an adult. Honestly you being so sweet and loving with your actual siblings is nothing short of a blessing. Your Mom is a lier and delusional if she thinks her saying “I do” was you agreeing to anything and your Stepdad is manipulative.
Which I feel the therapist got a glimpse of when OP finally got a chance to speak. Neither OP nor Skye signed off to any of their relationship. And I doubt the mom can provide any proof
Story 2: OP should respond to each of her “friends” with “the way you all are acting right now, like money grubbing idiots, is exactly why I didn’t tell you I have money. Thanks for showing me your true colors.”
Story 3: the last commenter pissed me off. Where did babysitting come up? I think the commenter is a stepparent who’s stepchildren won’t dance to his/her tune. Commenter: YTA OP: NTA Any relationship between step siblings is on the parents because the step siblings are ALL children. OP is 16 now and was 13 when they married, OP is NOT being selfish nor are he and Skye being mean to the steps, they just don’t see them as siblings! OP and Skye have no "obligation" to be siblings to the steps and George is being whiny and demanding about his kids so mom gets upset. George and mom should back off a bit or they are only going to be able to claim George’s kids as their children.
They would have been so mad if she tried to help because, “You aren’t paying for anything and you don’t even live near them.” You know they would have torn her apart if she offered to help.
Well mom is not a winner. She’s a baby mama, now her daughter lives with her and is a baby mama too. She could at least meet people at the wedding. Social anxiety? Please. Convenient excuses for someone who thinks the world owes you understanding. My mil says the same garbage
Story 2: Your personal finances are no one else's business. Their entitlement is insane. Not a single friend of mine knows whether I live paycheck to paycheck or if I had billions.
Yup, You did what? So what else have you stolen? Empty your pockets since that will be easier to do than searching a room that you spent however long on your call in to make sure everything is still there. 🖕 😂.
I know my best friend's financials and I still wouldn't ask her for money. I appreciate her helping me with groceries when I was flat broke but to expect her to help me would be disgusting behavior and asking her would be disrespectful.
Not only that, she sat down to eat, pulled out documents and they all yelled at the hosts. Absolutely not. I would have thrown all their stuff outside and took their plates . If they refused to leave after that then we would have been fighting.
I was thinking that too. If I had someone do something like that to me they wouldn’t get a meal from me. Especially if they don’t apologize. Others made a valid point to demand the so called friend to empty out her pockets before she left. If she has no problem snooping, taking peoples files, sharing personal info, what’s to say she wouldn’t help herself to anything else in the office?
I don’t get the hate for the MIL. If she lifted one finger she would have been overstepping. One commenter failed to understand is YES DIL should have spoke up if she wanted her to participate as if she doesn’t have a whole bridal party 😒
Story 1: It's telling how the sister is aware enough of her betrayal to avoid darkening the OP's life even while living close by, but the parents just had to ruin things. Story 2: Ah, a classic case of 'money talks, wealth whispers'. It is NOT a betrayal to live frugally and down to earth. It is a betrayal to go through private information of your host while a guest in someone's home. Compounded by them then directly insulting the host and inciting more rude behavior in others for the 'crime' of not allowing themselves to be taken advantage of. Story 3: Excuse me? did this PARENT just attempt to make a child adhere to the terms of the parent's wedding contract to force family bonding? I never knew people could sink so low. Bonds are earned and grown naturally, not demanded. Demanding only grows resentment and rebellion. Story 4: Why is it always the extroverts who blame introverted/socially awkward people for not being able to read their minds and perform to their high standards in situations? Utterly absurd. The bride said they didn't expect much contribution to the wedding, so the OP didn't stick her nose into it. And now she is blamed for not being involved enough? Plus, this oh-so social family all stayed away from the OP's side of the family the entire wedding, didn't even try to show concern or empathy for the side that only came with single-digit people? Dreadful red flag there. Story 5: The food on the menu during a party or social gathering is not an indication of the normal eating habits of a household. That nosy parent made assumptions to be rude about just to stir up drama. They should try out for the Olympics with the kinds of leaps they can make.
Story 2: "equal share" my ass, they don't do your job or lived your life so why would they be allowed to spend your mone? It doesn't matter how much you make your money is none of their business, just like that Karen had no right to go through your stuff steal it and show everyone. If you have to literally pay for them to be your friends then they're not worth being around, find yourself some friends that don't Snoop around your papers then shame you for not giving them money.
Last story: OP did nothing wrong. Teenage sleepover menus consist of pizza for supper and donuts or breakfast pizza for breakfast. Mom is way out of line. OP said they usually eat healthier but donuts for a special occasion is just fine.
@@lorilancaster5917 No some moms have no impulse control when it comes to snacks sweet or otherwise so they don't allow their kids any so they don't have to keep control and they don't want other people giving these kids snacks or they start asking for them.
The ytas on story 4 are unhinged. Telephones and social media work 2 ways, as do social interactions in person. The onus was not entirely on op to make that effort.
I think OP leaving the engagement party early without even making up an excuse is letting e eryone know she has zero desire to socialize. After that would you pick up the phone and say HI?
@@kylaluv8453 at a wedding? Yes. I would, despite my own social anxiety, for my kids sake and to not be a rude c*nt. Unlike plenty of others apparently.
@@kylaluv8453 I didnt fucking stutter. People can need to leave early for any of a thousand different reasons. Mental health is an extremely valid one. And yes. Yes I would say hi "even after that". Because I'm not a stupid egotistical c*nt.
Story 4: NTA. She should put on a show with all that projecting she’s doing. Hun, none of what you described is abnormal and is at worst on your Son. People don’t always socialize at weddings, traditions vary on who pays for them, some people don’t even want help planning, and ANY of this could have been changed or altered at any point by not just expecting you to read their minds and intervening in someway.
OP was one of about 8 for the groom’s guests. DIL is one of many. The DIL should have told her husband or grabbed her parents and included her New MIL. It is also very common for Bride and Groom to separate while greeting others. The Bride’s family also could have been more inclusive. If the couple wanted help why didn’t they ask?
She is not an AH for her behavior. She doesn't like to socialize so she kept to herself. She is not obligated to be friendly with anyone. BUT she is a huge AH for expecting others, especially her DIL, from feeling snubbed. OP has put zero effort into creating a relationship with her DIL. And DIL is not anymore obligated to socialize with OP or make her feel liked, accepted. I have major social anxiety. I am fully aware I come off as rude and snubby. If someone doesn't like me for that reason, I fully understand. OP's behavior made it quite clear she had no interest in doing anything or be part of anything. OP showed who she was and the DIL respected that. We know cause OP not once complained that her DIL didn't ask or even try and include her in the planning. Meaning OP was quite happy to just show up.
@@kylaluv8453if everyone explained why, and the explanation is reasonable. Why be annoyed at a small event, doesn’t she have anything better to do than worry about every guest who leaves a party? If op has a severe allergic reaction to some food at the party, would she still be TA for leaving after finding out?
The wedding story. Nta. Op is in a no win situation. Op lives 4hrs away from them If op would have tried to get involed with the wedding then she would have been accused of being an overbearing mother-in-law. She doesn't try to push her way in there and waits for them to let her know that they want her to help then she's in a hole for not being involed.
What gives you any indication that OP would have been overstepping if she just said "If you need help with anything I can do, just let me know" I wonder if OP even puts effort to even talk to her new DIL. The entire wedding and reception, did she not approach her DIL and say anything? Did she just sit at her assigned seat and wait? She left the engagement party after 1 hour. She hasn't made any attempts to even great her son's in laws? OP is not obligated to socialize or even help out with anything. BUT DIL and DIL family are also not obligated to like or socialize with OP. That is were OP is the AH. She actively ignored everyone and then is but hurt they are not happy being ignored.
@@juliearmfield2634 Exactly, but how do those not living in her head know that? They don't. They just know that OP left her son's engagement party early and not even trying to be social. Most individuals would be all like, " what the hell is her problem? Do we stink? " I am just like OP, the difference is I am fully aware that my behavior will be perceived as negative. So, I don't get but hurt when someone thinks negatively of me cause I declined 5 invites in a row or barely speak 2 words when introduced.
@@garybicknell2135 Did DIL and family leave OP's party after just one hour? Did DIL and family go and sit off by themselves and made no attempt to socialize with another person there? I know when I do those things I look absolute unapproachable. So I take 5 deep breaths, grit my teeth, and say HI to the person closest to me. I usually look for something nice they are wearing like jewelry or a watch and compliment them on it. All the while my head is screaming "run, run, run". 80 % of the time it works and I have small conversations. Both my kids are extremely social just like their father. I know how I looked to others. So at no point did I get upset that others think negatively of me while I was giving off, "I don't want to be here vibes".
Extroverts ALWAYS blame introverts for being rude. That is before you add in the social anxiety issues. A lot of people have NO idea how to approach an introvert. Going up one or two people at a time to say hello does wonders. An introvert approaching a group of people is too much for many people.
The "you're supposed to love them" requirement is way out of line. You're supposed to be politely civil to them is reasonable, anything more than that is optional.
those parents are just so off base, relationships and love happen organically over time, by forcing the relationship they could place resentments and distance between the children
@@mbyerly9680 the parents are just poisoning the relationship, we don't know what the future hold, in a decade one of the step siblings could be OPs best friend, as their relationship matures, but with the parents pushing that will never happen
She picked them not her kids. She should count her blessings her kids aren't being mean and nasty to them. Just be glad there decent to them. That's what extended family gets and they are extended or ad ons
Oh shut up to the person who's telling him that Charter unite the family he is a child. That is not his job. Number one number two people who try to force this lose every time. All that's doing is making you resent the kids and preventing any chance of you getting close with the kids. Let things happen naturally if they don't happen you deal with it if it happens you'll be happy. I'm surprised the therapist hasn't told them by now that everything you're doing is the worst thing you can do when you try and blend a family. And to that idiot who is telling you need to be the glue the bonds it all seriously. Your statement is dumb as the parents behavior. Don't let anybody guilt you. Maybe show some of these answers back to your parents. Cuz they are doing it 100% wrong. And to even think that you would feel more for kids that just came in their life then your sister has been in your life for how long has gone through everything with you. It's just ridiculous
Last story, Dad says tell the other Mom that her son is banned from your house if she can't understand "FUN". And tell everyone on social media that story so she can get some heat for having her head up her butt for the warmth.
Blended Family Story: OP is a kid and under absolutely no obligation to facilitate the decisions of adults that were taken without so much as asking for OP's opinion or worrying about OP's feelings. When you use your authority to make unilateral decisions you are rolling the dice on other people's enthusiasm and cooperation and in the immortal words of Qui Gon Jinn: "Whenever you gamble, my friend, eventually you lose."
Story 1: NTA. You can be the bigger person by not talking to or about her. After all if you have nothing nice to say don’t say anything at all. THAT is how you will be the bigger person.
@@lorilancaster5917 agreed she was living her life, didn't rock the boat with her sisters relationship with the parents, understood the parents wanting to be in their grandparents life. She already is the better person
Please tell me how a woman who was never engaged, never planned a wedding and never married is supposed to MAGICALLY know how the mother of a groom should act. DIL needed to use her words and she chose not to. She didn't discuss her wants with either OP or her fiance. Nope. It's just "read my mind" and "fuck your social anxiety"! You know, because DIL clearly never made an effort to get to know OP or learn how social anxiety can affect a person. Poor DIL. She's not only going to be sorely disappointed in life when she learns people cannot read her mind, but that HER aloofness will make it hard for her to have empathy for and thus develop healthy relationships with anyone other than her family.
Story 1: recommendations like that heavily affect you good or bad, and your parents think you're going to put that kind of trust in the woman the tried to get you married so she can stay the side piece until she got pregnant and had to confess? You respect that they stay in contact with your sister, that's all they deserve from you, and if she struggling then tell then the go after the guy she ruined your relationship for, there's his kids. You made yourself clear your parents can't guilt trip you enter forgiving and pretending she didn't betray you.
And they should be afraid of what OP will tell those they expect her to go to recruit her sister. OP would likely scorch the earth making it to where sis would need to flee the state.
The last thing they should do is ask OP to give a good word about her sister. That’s a good way for OP to scorch the earth to where sister would need to leave the state with her tail between her legs
S1. You're being set up. She moved closer to you on purpose. Her landlord is kicking her out because she hasn't paid rent. She & parents planned this so you'd feel guilty & let her move in with you so they don't have to do anything. Sis wants your husband again. She hates for you to be happy. Stay strong & good luck
I am guessing that the woman who snooped in her office does that on a regular basis so that she can gauge the financial situation of whoever owns the house she is invited to. That way, she can get a free pass at every gathering.
Story 2 NTA: This is why people with money, never run around declaring they are wealthy or rich. I a guy friend (he's gay) is wealthy (early tech business). When women find out he's wealthy they will fall all over themselves to hit on him or when his new neighbors near his vacation home found out they tried to be friend him, but when that didn't work, they told everyone he was wealthy and he had to sell, because people were showing up asking for money for this or that. He lives overseas with his husband and when people start asking about money, he gives them 3 warnings and then cuts them off.
Cheating sister story : Absolutely NTA OP. No is a complete sentence. She is your parents' problem, as they raised her to be such an awful person. They want you to help her because they do not want to have to do it themselves. That's all. Your mental health is a valuable thing that you should be entitled to conserve. Let your crappy ex step up. You do not have to. NB OP, make sure your children do not go to the same school as your sister's children, or you will see her and be reminded of that horrible time every day. Also, she will try sidling up to you for what she can get every day. Stick to your guns, OP. You deserve your peace of mind. Let your parents sort it out. They raised her.
S1: NTA. Sick and tired of people always trying to tell someone to forgive when in so many of these cases, the person hasn't even made the effort to apologize for their behavior. S2: NTA. Stories like this are the reason why people don't tell others that they have money. Certain people start getting greedy and making demands. S3: NTA. Why is it that parents never seem to learn that when you try to force a family to be blended, all you do is push your kids further away? And shut up to the commenter who thinks OP should be forced into this clearly toxic dynamic S4: NTA. For some reason extroverts seem to think that introverts not having social anxiety is somehow them being cold. They also seem to have a problem with expecting people to just read their mind and know what they want without actually talking to people. S5: It's a sleepover. Of course the kids were going to want to eat something different. The mom sounds like a health nut.
So let me get this straight, your sister cheated with your fiancee and had kids by him and now her and your parents want you to help her out? I just hope that you told them in no certain terms to F.O.
Right? I personally think people shouldn't remarry if they have minors anyway. I'm incredibly biased. My mom married her affair partner when I was 5. Her and I were punished for years. Me for 30, her for 29. I'm so done.
Story 2: congrats op, you've learned who's actually your friends. Unfortunately it doesn't seem like any of your current group actually were, but that's life.
Oh my God with my granddaughter sleepover I brought over two dozen donuts you know there was two left. That's what you give kids for sleepovers that's fine it's exciting for them. These neurotic mothers need to go away.
Even when some of my friends or family have money, I NEVER thought it was my money to do with as I want. I appreciate when they don't mind doing potlucks or go to less expensive places so that I can afford to be included. But this level of entitlement is awful. OP needs real friends instead of whatever these people are.
You're a good person. My family had some money. Unfortunately, because my grandparents were assholes we "shared" our financial information for years. My current issue is that because I had worked at a bank, I understand privacy stuff. My cousins don't and have shared my brother's and my financial stuff with their mom. My cousins are in their 30s they should know better. My aunts had the audacity to lecture me about my "privilege" after my grandpa died. They both received $1,750,000. My mom got 1/3 of our home (long story) valued at $448,000 and $255,000 from the sale of grandpa's house. The judge decided mom didn't owe the debt from her divorce $1,150,000. When my mom was on her deathbed, less than a week before her death, we learned we needed a new furnace and water heater. The cost was $7,400. Mom's asshole ex-husband "demanded" my aunts buy them for us. They refused because I didn't have a job. My trust advisor said my brother could get the money from his account. The trusts were for college and reasonable living expenses. Funny how they agreed those things were necessary in November in Minnesota. The day after mom died, my aunts offered to pay for half of her burial $4,500 total, not each, if we'd sit down and talk to them so they could tell "their" sides. We refused. Then the oldest said, "If you're strapped for cash, I'll pay you $1,000 for your grandparents' wedding, china." Naturally, that was refused too. Granted, this was all communicated through my mom's ex-husband because I wanted nothing to do with my aunts. Last September, my aunts sent a letter filled with lies. They tried to explain a golden parachute because they clearly think I'm stupid (I went to culinary school, not a "traditional" college). My mom was offered one when our family business was sold. It was $500,000. She was told she couldn't take it because it'd take from her sisters' portions. Mom lost her job. Her sisters didn't work there. They also looked up what our house is worth on Zillow and told us to sell it. I've lived in 9 houses and 3 apartments in my 35 and a half years. As much as I hate our hovel, I'm not moving. Talk about overstepping. It got so bad that I blocked my mom's ex-husband on my phone. Eventually, my brother will probably, too, since he's clearly still talking to our aunts who also won't leave us alone. I wish they'd show up at my house so I can call the cops on them. They send cards every month. If they send flowers on mom's would be birthday again I'm going to decline the delivery. So done.
Story 1. Be the 'BETTER PERSON' is code for 'LET THE OFFENDING PERSON STILL WALK ALL OVER YOU!' Forgiveness is up to the 'OFFENDED' party and cannot be forced by others. Op in this case needs to lay down the law to those pressuring to stop or there will be low/no contact on them. There was one comment that op could use to 'recommend' her sister for a job, it said what sis did. LOL.
4:13 how's that expression go, money talks, wealth whispers. or as I put it that rich stay rich because that doesn't throw their money out every open window they see. NTA The only upgrade I'd buy is an upgrade the the security system and maybe a safe with a lock.
If people get mad when they find out you are rich they are not your "friends". People who invade your privacy and read your financial documents are criminal.
Story 2 those “gimme dats” were never your friends, gimme dats are everywhere and usually undercover until someone in their orbit has a good turn of luck or they find out you have money. Gimme dat people are closely related to the Ididnt donothin people, you can’t tell just by looking but eventually you’ll hear the song of their people 😂😂
1. "What part of telling people about a homewrecking relative that I haven't spoken to in years is supposed to make anyone I know want to hire her?" 2. OP should send all her 'friends' a group text including ALL the abuse and demands for money, ending it with 'this is why I didn't tell you, and this is why I'm blocking all of you.' 3. OP didn't mention a part of the wedding ceremony where he took vows to his stepsiblings, so no. If the mom doesn't check herself, all she'll have are the stepsiblings. 4. DIL needs to learn communication, because a lot of DILs would have killed for a MIL that let her do her thing at her own wedding and not raise a fuss. OP did what she could with her nerves but sounds like she'd have been open with more if she'd been made welcome. 5. That boy's mom needs a chill pill, and def should have explicitly said something if she had dietary expectations.
14:00 NTA I suffer from major social anxiety. I miss hanging out with my friends. Quite frankly, I would have introduced myself to the other family, explained my social anxiety and then retreated. I would not have monopolized my sons time for an hour. But I don't think she is an a-hole.
Wedding story: As an extrovert with introvert family and friends, AND extrovert family and friends, NTA. Lord. Why did no one go up to OP and say hello? Two families are blended now, it's the respectful thing to do to say hello to the mother of the groom! D: Even if it's just a hi and bye! OP did nothing wrong, she did about as much as she could handle given her social anxiety, and honestly bless her son for checking in on her. Poor guy, though, being put into a rock and a hard place. He should have called his wife out for the non-communication. Relationships are two-way streets, y'all.
11:00 that's not his job. People have to go with their own pace with grieving and how they do things in their own situations and family. Sure he can try but he also doesn't have to. You can still be a good person without trying to unite a family he doesn't like too much. People just have to go at it at their own pace to know what fits them in life and not try to fix what was broken before with something new just because your family
Story 1 in just buffled at amount of adult able mided/bodied people that can't deal with their own problems. She has 60 days to find new place and had even more to find job, she is not victim of some tragic house fire, people deal with it every day.
The "blended" family story. While I am sure that there are some blended families that do live happily ever after. I'm beginning to doubt that it's as common as Hollywood would have us believe.
The worst way to get someone to like someone else is by forcing it. Because that means they are actively engaged in fighting against what you want to happen. Step-siblings become siblings over time and exposure if they become siblings at all. In the absence of bullying from one set or pressure from the parents it's hard for decent people to live with one another for a protracted period of time and not become some degree of family.
Story 1: I just…idk how someone sleeps with their siblings partner, has children with them and then, after being caught, not only wants forgiveness, but then expects handouts too… Like basic rule; you sleep with your siblings partner, you’re in the wrong and you’re a bad person. Op is NTA and did nothing wrong.
Excuse me, but how many stories do we read about the MIL pushing her way into wedding planning. If the Bride & Groom don't reach out asking, its rude to push in. At worst, I'd say ETA for failure to properly communicate. And from my experience most extroverts simply can't, or won't, understand introverts and their needs and will assign insult and injury to their actions.
We’re friends! Your money should be our money, and our money should be….um. Or Everything was fine until we found out you could have brought our friendship but didn’t.
Story 2: theres a difference between frugal and cheap. And OP is not cheap. Theres a reazon when people with money and financial literacy dont flaunt it. Because of oppritunists.
Exactly. There's a reason why people that have sudden massive windfalls, like the lottery, end up miserable & broke again very quickly, same opportunistic pos.
Whoa, The Gold diggers I guess screaming in the second story. I mean who goes around snooping through someone’s personal finance documents and then being so mad that they think they owe you some thing financially? Well congratulations looks like those friends of show you who they really are.
Extrovert mad that introverts are introverts. NTI. You tried to stay out of the way but that was not good enough, they require you to be as socible as them. Thats why it was best to leave the party early, and probably should have skipped the wedding. There is no winning unless you become like them.
OP was self-centered at her son’s wedding, for not inserting herself into the last minute prep time? Let the caterers do their thing, you’ll just get in the way. Let the venue folks do their thing. Let the photographer do their thing. You’re the mother of the groom, and honestly you’d just get in the way. Chat with anyone you feel like chatting with. Leave the Venus after you’ve had enough, so you aren’t being hangry at people. If they expect more than that, they can show you on the contract where it says so. What contract? Exactly.
Last story: I’m a doctor and yes of course a lot of sugar isn’t good for anyone. But having a couple of doughnuts when you’re having a sleepover is perfectly fine. OP didn’t do anything wrong. That’s what makes life fun, you stay up late playing video games, eating pizza and drinking soda, in the morning you have a couple doughnuts and some hot chocolate and then go back to your well balanced schedule. If a “mother,” wants to deny her child of that, then I don’t think she’s a very good mom.
The wedding story....perhaps people do not understand that introverts (sometimes), do not understand the "normal" social rules. As one of those people, I can only understand how I feel. I often do not understand why some find my actions rude because, to me, they are not. If you expect something from me then tell me......if I don't say HI and you find that rude then say hi to me and I'll reply. Why do you expect others to preform to your expectations when we don't KNOW what you want from us? (ex. we don't think it's rude when you don't talk to us)
This! Add to the fact that she said this is the first wedding in the family. She doesn't know the etiquette for the situation. I have a similar but reverse story where after my wedding my SIL was mad I didn't ask her to be involved. First of all it was my first time doing anything wedding related, I had no idea where to start, second of all I started out by asking her to look into two things, and gave her an overview of what I wanted theme wise. She never looked up the things I asked about, and instead started sending me ideas the opposite of my theme, but that I knew were on her Pinterest wedding board. My mom had told me early on in life if any of her kids got married we were on our own. So I did it all myself and my SIL has been mad at me ever since. As some one who doesn't ask for help because I'm used to being on my own (and an extreme introvert) I was stressed out of my mind. But since she ignored my first couple of asks...what was I supposed to do?
The wife knew that mom in an introvert. Why didn't her family went over to talk to mom. She also lived 5 hrs away, how much can she help with the wedding?
The last commentor of the blended family story I'll bet a 1000 dollars is exactly like the mom and would or has done the same. I hope to god they get the reality check they sorely need
What the actual fuck? So just because OP has money, her friend is asking her for 50K to repay a student loan??? Why do people think that it is the responsibility of those who have money to financially support them??? My god, the entitlement is strong in that group indeed. That is why you see people who you never knew in your entire life suddenly appearing out of the woodwork and licking your boots the second they find out that you won the lottery. When you are rich, everyone wants a piece of you - not exactly you, but your money. They see you as an ATM that can spout endless cash for their materialistic needs.
![Noob To Max With DRAGON REWORK In Blox Fruits [FULL MOVIE]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/LnBMOinoOvA/mqdefault.jpg)
“Being the bigger person” is another way to say “be a doormat”.
How do we know the sister won’t try to take OP’s new man?
I think we consider history and absolutely expect her to try.
I'm sorry but I couldn't associate with my sister after that. I could treat her like a distant cousin and see her at large family gatherings only. 🤷🏾♀️
“Why did you tell us you tell us you had money? You could have helped us out!”
OP: “And that’s exactly why I didn’t tell all of you.” 😑
'your rich, we are you friends you should pay our bills and spoil us' op 'i am not your parent'
“They told me to be the better person”
Well, OP is the better person. She didn’t sleep with her sisters fiancée.
Well, technically she did 😂😂😂😂
@@hellefur7861but presumably first.
Story 2. I'd die of embarrassment before reading other people's documents. Some people have no shame.
Wow, the entitlement... I once got paid and the guy gave me cash instead of a check, so I had a "wad" in my pocket. Went out later, no time to stash my cash at home, and when I gassed up, one of my "friends" saw my wad and started broadcasting it to everyone. I said I just got paid and didn't have time to go home beforehand, so stfu and stop broadcasting it to the entire neighborhood.
Suddenly, everyone wanted to go out to eat instead of just hanging out. Yeah, I saw where that was going.
Ended up going to this bbq place. Right when we were being sat, I said I had to "wash up", and told the waitress, "If you don't mind, a separate check for me, 'cause I probably have to leave early". No prob. Oh, you should see everyone loading up on the mozz stix, onion-blooms, etc., which I refused to touch, if only to avoid the "Well you had some, too!". Multiple beers all around, except for me, who only had my usual coffee.
Wellp, they were gonna stay for dessert, but I said I had to take off because I had an early day tomorrow. _"But we didn't get the check yet!"_ "No prob, I got it covered..." and motioned to the waitress. Yep, I got *MY* check! Gave her like a 30% tip for being a sweetheart about it.
I'm guessing they thought I already covered *their* check so far? 'Cause they started ordering desserts like it was going out of style. I'm like "Kbye." and they just had their snouts in the trough and mumbled some half-hearted "kbye"s.
I went back like 2-3 days later for a to-go order, and the same waitress saw me, and she got all wide-eyed and open-mouthed, then waved at me to stop and almost ran over to me. She didn't expect to see me (I admit, I did want to go back there for more than the to-go, and find out what happened, and got my wish). Anyhoo, she said that when they all finished rooting around the table, they pretty much expected everything to be covered *except* for their desserts which they piled on after I already paid up my own check. When they saw their actual total, they all almost collectively shaat all at once. _"There has to be a mistake! I thought he paid for it!"_ etc. When she explained what I said about leaving early, and how I had my own check, they were *furious!* Whatever I paid for mine, theirs was over twice as much per-person. And they expected *ME* to, what?, "treat" them? Surprise!
Leeches...
I assume you’re no longer friends with them? Man some people are entitled. Imagine saying I just got paid and them assuming you will pay for their shameless orders.
@@camitd I'd been working there a few months, wasn't really the socialising type as I knew I was there only temporarily, so I'm guessing maybe they saw "sucker!" and wanted to pal around while the getting was good. Honestly, I can't even recall the names of half/more of them. And that doesn't bother me in the least.
Genius
What a crappy friend you are. Refusing to treat your group? What did you need to money for anyway? I bet you would just have wasted them on silly things like food for yourself,rent and electricity 😂😂😂
@@joeschmo622so they basically thought that you a virtual stranger was going to pick up the bill?
Did the waitress tell you what happened when it dawned on them that they had to pay for their own bill?
"Be a better person than this..."
OP is a better person. She has reason and is merely letting her sister face the consequences of her own choices. Sister went out of her way to betray OP in the worst way for no reason at all.
She's already a better person since she never helped anyone cheat.
Also include to the group of friends, "by the way, the woman who snooped is going through your things when she gets a chance to for blackmail or abuse. Good luck with that."
Story 1: I love how people are so generous with other people’s forgiveness. OP’s parents are idiots. Why should OP forgive when the sister hasn’t actually apologised?
I get what you're saying. But for me personally, forgiveness isn't about letting toxic people back into your life, or helping someone you want nothing to do with. It's about letting go of the anger and hate. Because anger and hate can eat you up inside. It can tear apart your life, because it shows through. The negative feelings, when never let go of, can warp who you are as a person. It's just not healthy for people to forever hang onto negative emotions. Forgiveness is choosing to let go of the hatred and anger, and move on with your life. From there, you can chose to reconcile or not as you see fit. That said, when most people in stories like these want forgiveness, what they really want is to be allowed back into your life. Sometimes this is the right decision, but not always. Sometimes it's permission for someone to keep treating you badly. And whether it's a good decision or a bad one, its a decision that cannot and should not be forced on you. Because it is your decision, and only you know what you will and won't regret in the future. And even if you were wrong about what you will and won't regret, you make that choice, because it is the best for your at the time.
Talk about selfish,entitled, manipulative and delusional liars
@npreba Yeah,if OP doesn't want to forgive the selfish sister,then she doesn't have to. Literally nothing is lost by not forgiving sister
Sister will use forgiveness as a free pass to do whatever she wants and expect no repercussions because she'll think that she will always be forgiven. People like that do exist, whether any of us like it or not
Nor has she even made contact with OP. She’s showing that she’s still immature by using her parents to try and get what she wants from OP. Granted if she even knows. She may be expecting the parents to look after her and they don’t want this.
@@alanalirkaniHer sister needs to forgive herself and stop looking for it in OP.
"You masqueraded as poor..."
The mask slipped when they complained about you covering the bill. They're not upset that you "acted poor" by not being stupid with your resources. They're angry because they somehow feel entitled to your money. Those aren't friends, ghost them and continue living your lives as you always have.
You cannot force someone to feel what they don't. Mom and step-dad are massive aholes. OP being polite and civil to the new members of your mother's family is the most they can expect of you and your sister towards these strangers. If you do develop a close relationship that's a bonus, but they should not expect or attempt to force it from you.
Which is where I disagree with the ESH commenter. I’m hoping the therapist helps the adults see their bs otherwise OP and Skye will cut all ties once they turn 18.
That last comment was high. OP doesn’t owe these kids anything. The parents just suck at blending their families and want their minor son to fix their mess.
"You cannot force someone to feel what they don't" Absolutely true. And most especially you cannot force LOVE which is what the parents are insisting on.
Op should ask their mom to show where exactly on the marriage paperwork OP's signature is.
@Nico6th Exactly. OP didn't choose the stepfather or date him for however long. She didn't sign any paperwork or make an oath to be with him until death. That was all on mom.
Story 2: OP's friends are immediately showing that they are all greedy money grabbers not worth being friends with. They immediately prove why OP doesn't talk about money
"Why didn't you tell us you were rich?"
"Because I knew you'd be begging/DEMANDING money from me. And I was right"
@@nancyomalley6286 Yeah and the nerve to basically demand you to pay off their student loans. The only appropriate response to that would be to ask when you adopted them. Because your not their parent. They also don't remember borrowing the loan money. Yes I have money and no I don't flaunt it. But that has zero to do with your student loans. If you want me to pay them that's fine but then you would just owe me. You would just have to pay me back. If I paid your loans for free everyone would want me to and then I would be poor.
Story 2: imagine being broke AND entitled. 😂😂
thats a lot of people
That's an alarming number of so called adults nowadays.
With audacity
Story 3: NTA. Exactly! You’re a child. And a child one and only obligation is to grown into an adult. Honestly you being so sweet and loving with your actual siblings is nothing short of a blessing. Your Mom is a lier and delusional if she thinks her saying “I do” was you agreeing to anything and your Stepdad is manipulative.
Which I feel the therapist got a glimpse of when OP finally got a chance to speak. Neither OP nor Skye signed off to any of their relationship. And I doubt the mom can provide any proof
@@lorilancaster5917 also by pushing the parents are destroying any chance the step will become closer
Story 2: OP should respond to each of her “friends” with “the way you all are acting right now, like money grubbing idiots, is exactly why I didn’t tell you I have money. Thanks for showing me your true colors.”
Story 3: the last commenter pissed me off. Where did babysitting come up? I think the commenter is a stepparent who’s stepchildren won’t dance to his/her tune.
Commenter: YTA
OP: NTA
Any relationship between step siblings is on the parents because the step siblings are ALL children. OP is 16 now and was 13 when they married, OP is NOT being selfish nor are he and Skye being mean to the steps, they just don’t see them as siblings! OP and Skye have no "obligation" to be siblings to the steps and George is being whiny and demanding about his kids so mom gets upset. George and mom should back off a bit or they are only going to be able to claim George’s kids as their children.
OP is five hours away and low income, what exactly did she expect? Any other time a mil asks, reddit considers it overstepping.
They would have been so mad if she tried to help because, “You aren’t paying for anything and you don’t even live near them.” You know they would have torn her apart if she offered to help.
Not to mention social interactions are a 2 way street. The onus isn't exclusively on op for not introducing herself, they didn't either!
I don't know how much people do you need to plan a big party. Also, @@lwolfstar7618is absolutely right
Why is it social awkward people are seen as aloof and overbearing people are only being nice?
Well mom is not a winner. She’s a baby mama, now her daughter lives with her and is a baby mama too. She could at least meet people at the wedding. Social anxiety? Please. Convenient excuses for someone who thinks the world owes you understanding. My mil says the same garbage
Story 2: Your personal finances are no one else's business. Their entitlement is insane. Not a single friend of mine knows whether I live paycheck to paycheck or if I had billions.
OP was only an AH for not having a safe to keep those documents. And that’s a light score. However with everything else, all the former friends fault.
I bet she didn't even have an actual business call. I think she was trying to find something to steal till she found those papers.
Yup, You did what? So what else have you stolen? Empty your pockets since that will be easier to do than searching a room that you spent however long on your call in to make sure everything is still there. 🖕 😂.
The nerve of all of those idiots, especially Snoopy McSnooperson. How she lives has nothing to do with them.
I know my best friend's financials and I still wouldn't ask her for money. I appreciate her helping me with groceries when I was flat broke but to expect her to help me would be disgusting behavior and asking her would be disrespectful.
She's an AH for snooping but I'm baffled why you let her sit down to eat????
Not only that, she sat down to eat, pulled out documents and they all yelled at the hosts. Absolutely not. I would have thrown all their stuff outside and took their plates . If they refused to leave after that then we would have been fighting.
I was thinking that too. If I had someone do something like that to me they wouldn’t get a meal from me. Especially if they don’t apologize.
Others made a valid point to demand the so called friend to empty out her pockets before she left. If she has no problem snooping, taking peoples files, sharing personal info, what’s to say she wouldn’t help herself to anything else in the office?
For real though. Id have sent her packing immediately.
For real though, id have sent her packing before her arse could even hit the seat.
Last supper 😅
The wedding story: OP is an introvert, her son's in-laws are extroverts. Son is doing a piss poor job of explaining that, if he's even trying. NTA.
I don’t get the hate for the MIL. If she lifted one finger she would have been overstepping. One commenter failed to understand is YES DIL should have spoke up if she wanted her to participate as if she doesn’t have a whole bridal party 😒
Story 1: It's telling how the sister is aware enough of her betrayal to avoid darkening the OP's life even while living close by, but the parents just had to ruin things.
Story 2: Ah, a classic case of 'money talks, wealth whispers'. It is NOT a betrayal to live frugally and down to earth. It is a betrayal to go through private information of your host while a guest in someone's home. Compounded by them then directly insulting the host and inciting more rude behavior in others for the 'crime' of not allowing themselves to be taken advantage of.
Story 3: Excuse me? did this PARENT just attempt to make a child adhere to the terms of the parent's wedding contract to force family bonding? I never knew people could sink so low. Bonds are earned and grown naturally, not demanded. Demanding only grows resentment and rebellion.
Story 4: Why is it always the extroverts who blame introverted/socially awkward people for not being able to read their minds and perform to their high standards in situations? Utterly absurd. The bride said they didn't expect much contribution to the wedding, so the OP didn't stick her nose into it. And now she is blamed for not being involved enough? Plus, this oh-so social family all stayed away from the OP's side of the family the entire wedding, didn't even try to show concern or empathy for the side that only came with single-digit people? Dreadful red flag there.
Story 5: The food on the menu during a party or social gathering is not an indication of the normal eating habits of a household. That nosy parent made assumptions to be rude about just to stir up drama. They should try out for the Olympics with the kinds of leaps they can make.
Story 2: "equal share" my ass, they don't do your job or lived your life so why would they be allowed to spend your mone? It doesn't matter how much you make your money is none of their business, just like that Karen had no right to go through your stuff steal it and show everyone. If you have to literally pay for them to be your friends then they're not worth being around, find yourself some friends that don't Snoop around your papers then shame you for not giving them money.
Things were equal contrary to their belief. They’ve made the friendship transactional and who needs friends like them?
Last story: OP did nothing wrong. Teenage sleepover menus consist of pizza for supper and donuts or breakfast pizza for breakfast. Mom is way out of line. OP said they usually eat healthier but donuts for a special occasion is just fine.
The mom sounds like one of those health nuts, who don't want their kids on sugar because they can't control themselves around sweet things.
@@velvety2006thinking she’s a beige almond mom?
@@lorilancaster5917 No some moms have no impulse control when it comes to snacks sweet or otherwise so they don't allow their kids any so they don't have to keep control and they don't want other people giving these kids snacks or they start asking for them.
OP #1's sister, "I'm pregnant with your fiance's baby. Please don't be mad." UwU
Story 1: NTA.
Let the sperm and egg donor help their golden child and her kids since they worried about their well being.
yea why can't they move where the sister lives to help her and the kids?
The parents think OP needs to "be the better person"? She already is the better person given that she has committed no wrongs in this.
Exactly. By sleeping with her sister's boyfriend, the sister is a far worse person than OP.
The ytas on story 4 are unhinged. Telephones and social media work 2 ways, as do social interactions in person. The onus was not entirely on op to make that effort.
I think OP leaving the engagement party early without even making up an excuse is letting e eryone know she has zero desire to socialize.
After that would you pick up the phone and say HI?
@@kylaluv8453 at a wedding? Yes. I would, despite my own social anxiety, for my kids sake and to not be a rude c*nt. Unlike plenty of others apparently.
@kylaluv8453 Sorry but be happy she stayed an hour
@@kylaluv8453 I didnt fucking stutter. People can need to leave early for any of a thousand different reasons. Mental health is an extremely valid one. And yes. Yes I would say hi "even after that". Because I'm not a stupid egotistical c*nt.
Story 4: NTA. She should put on a show with all that projecting she’s doing. Hun, none of what you described is abnormal and is at worst on your Son. People don’t always socialize at weddings, traditions vary on who pays for them, some people don’t even want help planning, and ANY of this could have been changed or altered at any point by not just expecting you to read their minds and intervening in someway.
OP was one of about 8 for the groom’s guests. DIL is one of many. The DIL should have told her husband or grabbed her parents and included her New MIL. It is also very common for Bride and Groom to separate while greeting others. The Bride’s family also could have been more inclusive. If the couple wanted help why didn’t they ask?
She is not an AH for her behavior. She doesn't like to socialize so she kept to herself. She is not obligated to be friendly with anyone.
BUT she is a huge AH for expecting others, especially her DIL, from feeling snubbed. OP has put zero effort into creating a relationship with her DIL.
And DIL is not anymore obligated to socialize with OP or make her feel liked, accepted.
I have major social anxiety. I am fully aware I come off as rude and snubby. If someone doesn't like me for that reason, I fully understand.
OP's behavior made it quite clear she had no interest in doing anything or be part of anything. OP showed who she was and the DIL respected that. We know cause OP not once complained that her DIL didn't ask or even try and include her in the planning. Meaning OP was quite happy to just show up.
@@kylaluv8453if everyone explained why, and the explanation is reasonable. Why be annoyed at a small event, doesn’t she have anything better to do than worry about every guest who leaves a party?
If op has a severe allergic reaction to some food at the party, would she still be TA for leaving after finding out?
The “bitter idiot” comment has strong projecting vibes.
It's probably the mom or stepdad
@@ixxieangelit's someone whose Brady Bunch fantasy didn't go they way the expected
@@ixxieangel or a fellow cheater
stepparent who did not get the free babysitting they were promised out of the new spouses kids lol
@@ixxieangel Yep. Poor OP. I hope as soon as he's old enough and gets his own place, he takes his sister with him.
The wedding story. Nta. Op is in a no win situation.
Op lives 4hrs away from them
If op would have tried to get involed with the wedding then she would have been accused of being an overbearing mother-in-law.
She doesn't try to push her way in there and waits for them to let her know that they want her to help then she's in a hole for not being involed.
What gives you any indication that OP would have been overstepping if she just said "If you need help with anything I can do, just let me know"
I wonder if OP even puts effort to even talk to her new DIL. The entire wedding and reception, did she not approach her DIL and say anything?
Did she just sit at her assigned seat and wait?
She left the engagement party after 1 hour. She hasn't made any attempts to even great her son's in laws?
OP is not obligated to socialize or even help out with anything. BUT DIL and DIL family are also not obligated to like or socialize with OP.
That is were OP is the AH. She actively ignored everyone and then is but hurt they are not happy being ignored.
@@kylaluv8453 from the post she wasn't trying to snub them She's just extremely shy and has social anxiety.
@@kylaluv8453 So she's an AH for doing exactly what the people calling her out did? fuck that noise.
@@juliearmfield2634 Exactly, but how do those not living in her head know that? They don't. They just know that OP left her son's engagement party early and not even trying to be social. Most individuals would be all like, " what the hell is her problem? Do we stink? "
I am just like OP, the difference is I am fully aware that my behavior will be perceived as negative. So, I don't get but hurt when someone thinks negatively of me cause I declined 5 invites in a row or barely speak 2 words when introduced.
@@garybicknell2135 Did DIL and family leave OP's party after just one hour? Did DIL and family go and sit off by themselves and made no attempt to socialize with another person there?
I know when I do those things I look absolute unapproachable. So I take 5 deep breaths, grit my teeth, and say HI to the person closest to me. I usually look for something nice they are wearing like jewelry or a watch and compliment them on it.
All the while my head is screaming "run, run, run".
80 % of the time it works and I have small conversations. Both my kids are extremely social just like their father. I know how I looked to others. So at no point did I get upset that others think negatively of me while I was giving off, "I don't want to be here vibes".
Extroverts ALWAYS blame introverts for being rude. That is before you add in the social anxiety issues. A lot of people have NO idea how to approach an introvert. Going up one or two people at a time to say hello does wonders. An introvert approaching a group of people is too much for many people.
I get the feeling had Op socialising with them they would have found something else to complain about
Exactly! If someone is alone leave them alone. It's funny how the others were gossiping and criticizing her but said she was rude.
Other than respect, siblings do not have an obligation to their mother's husband or his children.
The "you're supposed to love them" requirement is way out of line. You're supposed to be politely civil to them is reasonable, anything more than that is optional.
those parents are just so off base, relationships and love happen organically over time, by forcing the relationship they could place resentments and distance between the children
I would say politeness, not respect. Respect is earned.
@@mbyerly9680 the parents are just poisoning the relationship, we don't know what the future hold, in a decade one of the step siblings could be OPs best friend, as their relationship matures, but with the parents pushing that will never happen
I give everyone respect until they show they don't deserve it.
“Be the bigger person.”
Actual mean, ‘Lie flatter, doormat, so we don’t have to be so uncomfortable while walking all over you!’
Cheating sister story- OP, tell your parents that because they wouldn't drop it, they will no longer see you or your kids. Consequences!
She picked them not her kids.
She should count her blessings her kids aren't being mean and nasty to them. Just be glad there decent to them. That's what extended family gets and they are extended or ad ons
Oh shut up to the person who's telling him that Charter unite the family he is a child. That is not his job. Number one number two people who try to force this lose every time. All that's doing is making you resent the kids and preventing any chance of you getting close with the kids. Let things happen naturally if they don't happen you deal with it if it happens you'll be happy. I'm surprised the therapist hasn't told them by now that everything you're doing is the worst thing you can do when you try and blend a family. And to that idiot who is telling you need to be the glue the bonds it all seriously. Your statement is dumb as the parents behavior. Don't let anybody guilt you. Maybe show some of these answers back to your parents. Cuz they are doing it 100% wrong. And to even think that you would feel more for kids that just came in their life then your sister has been in your life for how long has gone through everything with you. It's just ridiculous
Last story, Dad says tell the other Mom that her son is banned from your house if she can't understand "FUN". And tell everyone on social media that story so she can get some heat for having her head up her butt for the warmth.
People like that need putting on the back foot. "Oh I'm really sorry! You didn't tell me your child has an eating disorder!".
Blended Family Story: OP is a kid and under absolutely no obligation to facilitate the decisions of adults that were taken without so much as asking for OP's opinion or worrying about OP's feelings. When you use your authority to make unilateral decisions you are rolling the dice on other people's enthusiasm and cooperation and in the immortal words of Qui Gon Jinn: "Whenever you gamble, my friend, eventually you lose."
Story 1: NTA. You can be the bigger person by not talking to or about her. After all if you have nothing nice to say don’t say anything at all. THAT is how you will be the bigger person.
But but faaaamily.......
And OP is the bigger person for not fighting with them for wanting a relationship again with the cheating sister.
@@lorilancaster5917 agreed she was living her life, didn't rock the boat with her sisters relationship with the parents, understood the parents wanting to be in their grandparents life. She already is the better person
@@vaseline69Heck, by not cheating, she's already a far better person than the sister.
Please tell me how a woman who was never engaged, never planned a wedding and never married is supposed to MAGICALLY know how the mother of a groom should act. DIL needed to use her words and she chose not to. She didn't discuss her wants with either OP or her fiance. Nope. It's just "read my mind" and "fuck your social anxiety"! You know, because DIL clearly never made an effort to get to know OP or learn how social anxiety can affect a person.
Poor DIL. She's not only going to be sorely disappointed in life when she learns people cannot read her mind, but that HER aloofness will make it hard for her to have empathy for and thus develop healthy relationships with anyone other than her family.
Story 1: recommendations like that heavily affect you good or bad, and your parents think you're going to put that kind of trust in the woman the tried to get you married so she can stay the side piece until she got pregnant and had to confess? You respect that they stay in contact with your sister, that's all they deserve from you, and if she struggling then tell then the go after the guy she ruined your relationship for, there's his kids. You made yourself clear your parents can't guilt trip you enter forgiving and pretending she didn't betray you.
And they should be afraid of what OP will tell those they expect her to go to recruit her sister. OP would likely scorch the earth making it to where sis would need to flee the state.
The last thing they should do is ask OP to give a good word about her sister. That’s a good way for OP to scorch the earth to where sister would need to leave the state with her tail between her legs
totally agreed, OP was nicer than a lot of people justifiably would have been with her acceptance of the parents supporting the sister
The second sotry... this woman went snooping and looking at personal documents!?! The hell dump these friends, they are not real friends.
really should have updates. There are so much reddit channels now and the best ones have updates because it's frustrating not knowing the outcome.
S1. You're being set up. She moved closer to you on purpose. Her landlord is kicking her out because she hasn't paid rent. She & parents planned this so you'd feel guilty & let her move in with you so they don't have to do anything. Sis wants your husband again. She hates for you to be happy. Stay strong & good luck
Something I've often wondered but never bothered to look into it, is a donut, piece of cake, pie, etc any worse than a lot of kid's cereals?
I am guessing that the woman who snooped in her office does that on a regular basis so that she can gauge the financial situation of whoever owns the house she is invited to. That way, she can get a free pass at every gathering.
As a mil it’s hard to judge how involved to be. If you try to hard to be involved your considered pushy if you step back ppl act like you don’t care.
Story 2 NTA: This is why people with money, never run around declaring they are wealthy or rich. I a guy friend (he's gay) is wealthy (early tech business). When women find out he's wealthy they will fall all over themselves to hit on him or when his new neighbors near his vacation home found out they tried to be friend him, but when that didn't work, they told everyone he was wealthy and he had to sell, because people were showing up asking for money for this or that.
He lives overseas with his husband and when people start asking about money, he gives them 3 warnings and then cuts them off.
Cheating sister story : Absolutely NTA OP. No is a complete sentence. She is your parents' problem, as they raised her to be such an awful person. They want you to help her because they do not want to have to do it themselves. That's all. Your mental health is a valuable thing that you should be entitled to conserve. Let your crappy ex step up. You do not have to. NB OP, make sure your children do not go to the same school as your sister's children, or you will see her and be reminded of that horrible time every day. Also, she will try sidling up to you for what she can get every day. Stick to your guns, OP. You deserve your peace of mind. Let your parents sort it out. They raised her.
S1: NTA. Sick and tired of people always trying to tell someone to forgive when in so many of these cases, the person hasn't even made the effort to apologize for their behavior.
S2: NTA. Stories like this are the reason why people don't tell others that they have money. Certain people start getting greedy and making demands.
S3: NTA. Why is it that parents never seem to learn that when you try to force a family to be blended, all you do is push your kids further away? And shut up to the commenter who thinks OP should be forced into this clearly toxic dynamic
S4: NTA. For some reason extroverts seem to think that introverts not having social anxiety is somehow them being cold. They also seem to have a problem with expecting people to just read their mind and know what they want without actually talking to people.
S5: It's a sleepover. Of course the kids were going to want to eat something different. The mom sounds like a health nut.
Story 1: those parents are insane. OP is already a better person and much better off living her life completely separate from her insufferable family.
Be the better person!
Oh, no. Absolutely not and now see how bad I am able to get.
be the better person = be the better doormat
@@vaseline69100% this!
OP is already a better person for not helping her sister's SO cheat.
So let me get this straight, your sister cheated with your fiancee and had kids by him and now her and your parents want you to help her out? I just hope that you told them in no certain terms to F.O.
Nta cheaters gonna cheat now they gotta reap what they sow
Story 3: Somone needs to explain to the mom that she is the one who said "I do", not her children
Right?
I personally think people shouldn't remarry if they have minors anyway. I'm incredibly biased. My mom married her affair partner when I was 5. Her and I were punished for years. Me for 30, her for 29. I'm so done.
Agree Op mom is batsh!t crazy if she thinks Op has a parenting role
Story 2: congrats op, you've learned who's actually your friends. Unfortunately it doesn't seem like any of your current group actually were, but that's life.
Think of the kids: okay… I’ll tell the kids exactly what they did. Every conversation, every time.
Story2 girl dump that whole group they are bad friends
Story 1:
OP = NTA
*OP’s backstabbing **_"sister"_** Made Her Own Bed, NOW she must lie in it !!!*
How dare she snoop. Prosecute her. Keep out of the group. They arent friends. You were equal they are so rude.
Story 2: OP is not the A-hole. I'd drop the whole greedy group.
Oh my God with my granddaughter sleepover I brought over two dozen donuts you know there was two left. That's what you give kids for sleepovers that's fine it's exciting for them. These neurotic mothers need to go away.
Story 2 those are clearly not friends just users. Proving exactly why they don't need to know.
Even when some of my friends or family have money, I NEVER thought it was my money to do with as I want. I appreciate when they don't mind doing potlucks or go to less expensive places so that I can afford to be included. But this level of entitlement is awful. OP needs real friends instead of whatever these people are.
You're a good person. My family had some money. Unfortunately, because my grandparents were assholes we "shared" our financial information for years. My current issue is that because I had worked at a bank, I understand privacy stuff. My cousins don't and have shared my brother's and my financial stuff with their mom. My cousins are in their 30s they should know better.
My aunts had the audacity to lecture me about my "privilege" after my grandpa died. They both received $1,750,000. My mom got 1/3 of our home (long story) valued at $448,000 and $255,000 from the sale of grandpa's house. The judge decided mom didn't owe the debt from her divorce $1,150,000.
When my mom was on her deathbed, less than a week before her death, we learned we needed a new furnace and water heater. The cost was $7,400. Mom's asshole ex-husband "demanded" my aunts buy them for us. They refused because I didn't have a job. My trust advisor said my brother could get the money from his account. The trusts were for college and reasonable living expenses. Funny how they agreed those things were necessary in November in Minnesota.
The day after mom died, my aunts offered to pay for half of her burial $4,500 total, not each, if we'd sit down and talk to them so they could tell "their" sides. We refused. Then the oldest said, "If you're strapped for cash, I'll pay you $1,000 for your grandparents' wedding, china." Naturally, that was refused too. Granted, this was all communicated through my mom's ex-husband because I wanted nothing to do with my aunts.
Last September, my aunts sent a letter filled with lies. They tried to explain a golden parachute because they clearly think I'm stupid (I went to culinary school, not a "traditional" college). My mom was offered one when our family business was sold. It was $500,000. She was told she couldn't take it because it'd take from her sisters' portions. Mom lost her job. Her sisters didn't work there. They also looked up what our house is worth on Zillow and told us to sell it. I've lived in 9 houses and 3 apartments in my 35 and a half years. As much as I hate our hovel, I'm not moving. Talk about overstepping.
It got so bad that I blocked my mom's ex-husband on my phone. Eventually, my brother will probably, too, since he's clearly still talking to our aunts who also won't leave us alone. I wish they'd show up at my house so I can call the cops on them. They send cards every month. If they send flowers on mom's would be birthday again I'm going to decline the delivery. So done.
Story 1. Be the 'BETTER PERSON' is code for 'LET THE OFFENDING PERSON STILL WALK ALL OVER YOU!' Forgiveness is up to the 'OFFENDED' party and cannot be forced by others.
Op in this case needs to lay down the law to those pressuring to stop or there will be low/no contact on them.
There was one comment that op could use to 'recommend' her sister for a job, it said what sis did. LOL.
She's already the better person by not being someone's affair partner.
4:13 how's that expression go, money talks, wealth whispers. or as I put it that rich stay rich because that doesn't throw their money out every open window they see. NTA The only upgrade I'd buy is an upgrade the the security system and maybe a safe with a lock.
If people get mad when they find out you are rich they are not your "friends". People who invade your privacy and read your financial documents are criminal.
Story 2 those “gimme dats” were never your friends, gimme dats are everywhere and usually undercover until someone in their orbit has a good turn of luck or they find out you have money. Gimme dat people are closely related to the Ididnt donothin people, you can’t tell just by looking but eventually you’ll hear the song of their people 😂😂
Story 2: NTA. These are not friends, they are leeches.
i never understand why people feel entitled to other peoples money
You can't force love and no one is obliged to be a sibling just because someone else gets married.
1. "What part of telling people about a homewrecking relative that I haven't spoken to in years is supposed to make anyone I know want to hire her?"
2. OP should send all her 'friends' a group text including ALL the abuse and demands for money, ending it with 'this is why I didn't tell you, and this is why I'm blocking all of you.'
3. OP didn't mention a part of the wedding ceremony where he took vows to his stepsiblings, so no. If the mom doesn't check herself, all she'll have are the stepsiblings.
4. DIL needs to learn communication, because a lot of DILs would have killed for a MIL that let her do her thing at her own wedding and not raise a fuss. OP did what she could with her nerves but sounds like she'd have been open with more if she'd been made welcome.
5. That boy's mom needs a chill pill, and def should have explicitly said something if she had dietary expectations.
Family: Be a better person--
OP: Well I'm *not* so deal with it!
14:00 NTA I suffer from major social anxiety. I miss hanging out with my friends. Quite frankly, I would have introduced myself to the other family, explained my social anxiety and then retreated. I would not have monopolized my sons time for an hour. But I don't think she is an a-hole.
Wedding story: As an extrovert with introvert family and friends, AND extrovert family and friends, NTA. Lord. Why did no one go up to OP and say hello? Two families are blended now, it's the respectful thing to do to say hello to the mother of the groom! D: Even if it's just a hi and bye! OP did nothing wrong, she did about as much as she could handle given her social anxiety, and honestly bless her son for checking in on her. Poor guy, though, being put into a rock and a hard place. He should have called his wife out for the non-communication. Relationships are two-way streets, y'all.
"Be the bigger person" i.e. "be exactly the shape and size of a doormat".
11:00 that's not his job. People have to go with their own pace with grieving and how they do things in their own situations and family. Sure he can try but he also doesn't have to. You can still be a good person without trying to unite a family he doesn't like too much. People just have to go at it at their own pace to know what fits them in life and not try to fix what was broken before with something new just because your family
OP communicated she has social anxiety and she doesn’t have to force herself to speak to strangers. Ew!
Story 1 in just buffled at amount of adult able mided/bodied people that can't deal with their own problems. She has 60 days to find new place and had even more to find job, she is not victim of some tragic house fire, people deal with it every day.
The "blended" family story. While I am sure that there are some blended families that do live happily ever after.
I'm beginning to doubt that it's as common as Hollywood would have us believe.
Who goes take aphonecall and goes through their friends financial paperwork? Criminals that's who.
The worst way to get someone to like someone else is by forcing it. Because that means they are actively engaged in fighting against what you want to happen. Step-siblings become siblings over time and exposure if they become siblings at all. In the absence of bullying from one set or pressure from the parents it's hard for decent people to live with one another for a protracted period of time and not become some degree of family.
Story 1: I just…idk how someone sleeps with their siblings partner, has children with them and then, after being caught, not only wants forgiveness, but then expects handouts too…
Like basic rule; you sleep with your siblings partner, you’re in the wrong and you’re a bad person.
Op is NTA and did nothing wrong.
Excuse me, but how many stories do we read about the MIL pushing her way into wedding planning. If the Bride & Groom don't reach out asking, its rude to push in. At worst, I'd say ETA for failure to properly communicate. And from my experience most extroverts simply can't, or won't, understand introverts and their needs and will assign insult and injury to their actions.
Agree it’s a doomed if you do doomed if you don’t
Cousins do the clean up at family weddings not the mother of the groom
First story; NTA. You are already the better person. You already know that if you tried to help her, that she'd try and get your current husband.
We’re friends! Your money should be our money, and our money should be….um.
Or
Everything was fine until we found out you could have brought our friendship but didn’t.
Story 2: theres a difference between frugal and cheap. And OP is not cheap.
Theres a reazon when people with money and financial literacy dont flaunt it. Because of oppritunists.
Exactly. There's a reason why people that have sudden massive windfalls, like the lottery, end up miserable & broke again very quickly, same opportunistic pos.
Whoa, The Gold diggers I guess screaming in the second story. I mean who goes around snooping through someone’s personal finance documents and then being so mad that they think they owe you some thing financially? Well congratulations looks like those friends of show you who they really are.
communists and jealous people
Nta. Why are they snooping? She also stole from you. Dump the golddigging friends. Do not give them a dime.
Extrovert mad that introverts are introverts.
NTI. You tried to stay out of the way but that was not good enough, they require you to be as socible as them. Thats why it was best to leave the party early, and probably should have skipped the wedding. There is no winning unless you become like them.
OP was self-centered at her son’s wedding, for not inserting herself into the last minute prep time? Let the caterers do their thing, you’ll just get in the way. Let the venue folks do their thing. Let the photographer do their thing. You’re the mother of the groom, and honestly you’d just get in the way. Chat with anyone you feel like chatting with. Leave the Venus after you’ve had enough, so you aren’t being hangry at people. If they expect more than that, they can show you on the contract where it says so. What contract? Exactly.
Last story:
I’m a doctor and yes of course a lot of sugar isn’t good for anyone. But having a couple of doughnuts when you’re having a sleepover is perfectly fine. OP didn’t do anything wrong. That’s what makes life fun, you stay up late playing video games, eating pizza and drinking soda, in the morning you have a couple doughnuts and some hot chocolate and then go back to your well balanced schedule. If a “mother,” wants to deny her child of that, then I don’t think she’s a very good mom.
7:13 That’s none of their business how much money you got in your pockets
Wtf in the wedding story. How is op the AH for being a guest? Because she's the husband's mom?
The wedding story....perhaps people do not understand that introverts (sometimes), do not understand the "normal" social rules. As one of those people, I can only understand how I feel. I often do not understand why some find my actions rude because, to me, they are not. If you expect something from me then tell me......if I don't say HI and you find that rude then say hi to me and I'll reply. Why do you expect others to preform to your expectations when we don't KNOW what you want from us? (ex. we don't think it's rude when you don't talk to us)
This! Add to the fact that she said this is the first wedding in the family. She doesn't know the etiquette for the situation.
I have a similar but reverse story where after my wedding my SIL was mad I didn't ask her to be involved. First of all it was my first time doing anything wedding related, I had no idea where to start, second of all I started out by asking her to look into two things, and gave her an overview of what I wanted theme wise. She never looked up the things I asked about, and instead started sending me ideas the opposite of my theme, but that I knew were on her Pinterest wedding board.
My mom had told me early on in life if any of her kids got married we were on our own. So I did it all myself and my SIL has been mad at me ever since. As some one who doesn't ask for help because I'm used to being on my own (and an extreme introvert) I was stressed out of my mind. But since she ignored my first couple of asks...what was I supposed to do?
The wife knew that mom in an introvert. Why didn't her family went over to talk to mom. She also lived 5 hrs away, how much can she help with the wedding?
Story 2: OP knew money makes people wierd and how dare someone go snooping. Get rid of them
I laughed way too hard at 'Cheating McBabyDaddy.' 😂😂😂
The last commentor of the blended family story I'll bet a 1000 dollars is exactly like the mom and would or has done the same. I hope to god they get the reality check they sorely need
What the actual fuck? So just because OP has money, her friend is asking her for 50K to repay a student loan??? Why do people think that it is the responsibility of those who have money to financially support them??? My god, the entitlement is strong in that group indeed. That is why you see people who you never knew in your entire life suddenly appearing out of the woodwork and licking your boots the second they find out that you won the lottery. When you are rich, everyone wants a piece of you - not exactly you, but your money. They see you as an ATM that can spout endless cash for their materialistic needs.
YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED TO MONEY BC YOU ARE IN PROXIMITY OF SOMEONE WITH MONEY.