I am the cool aunt. When the siblings' kids ask me to do something the parents would not approve of, I explain that their parents have given me their trust that I won't do anything against their rules. If I do, I won't be as involved in their lives. Even as tiny kids, they understand that boundary.
I had an acquaintance who had all sort of activities growing up. She graduated first of her class in medical school and is now in her ophthalmology residency. I think listening to the kids is the most important part. Are they enjoying themselves and thriving? Go for it.
Vegetarian wants a personal chef. What is she going to do if future kids are not vegetarians? Oh, she is going to force them to be like she is trying to force OP now? Is that the type of person you want to have kids with? NTI.
I'm going with ESH. It just doesn't take that much more time to saute/stir fry some meat protein on the side or some extra veggies because I want my family happy and healthy. If an extra hour in the kitchen, especially if I like cooking, gives me a week full of peace and shows love and consideration to my partner, I'm with it. If you're a team, sometimes one member of the team gets more playing time. These two are not on the same team.
Vegetarian story, NTA. Your wife is acting so entitled and controlling. You're already doing her a big favor making her meals for her. DO NOT HAVE KIDS WITH HER, not until you figure out why she's on this power trip. She's treating you like crap. And what if your kids don't want to be vegetarian? What an asshole.
My thing with making kids strictly vegetarian/vegan or strictly omnivores is why push your food choices on to kids. They'll know what they like so give them both. Someday meals are with meat someday it's a plant based or meatless meal. There are work around for this that both parents can have their way and the kid can be exposed to other foods. People confuse me.
@@QuayHollywoodExactly this. My daughter was one for a number of years, and during that time she would never try to push her lifestyle onto others. She would occasionally offer to me certain things, I would respectfully decline, and that was that. Militant veggies/vegans are the absolute worst.
Noooooooooonononononono, nono. Your house, *your* mortgage. You want me to pay half, you put me on the deed as partial-owner. Split the other bills, but not for property.
Last story: That girl is abusive and at 16 jesus. I really hope this isn't her personality and a case of she's being treated like this at home because that's fixable. The part about it being her personality is not.
And to boot he is in his normal weight scale for his age and height. He is still growing so Any atempt to loose weight could stop his growth and/or get his hormones of track (as if it isn't wack enough 😅).
There’s no indication that the kids are unhappy with their extracurriculars. My kids enjoyed theirs, and they dropped and picked up new ones every few years. There’s nothing wrong with extracurricular activities.
@ I agree. Unless the OP is lying, it doesn’t seem like the kids are pressured. I used to tell my kids that no one is perfect, but they should strive for A’s. If they get B’s that’s fine but don’t strive for B’s because they can easily slide to C’s. I was pretty lucky- I had no issues with their schedules or my standards for their grades. I wouldn’t say I was a tiger mom- but I had a similar mentality to the OP and my kids are adults now. They’re both doing well and we’re close as ever. My daughter actually told me that she didn’t realize that she had a privileged childhood until going out into the world on her own and seeing how limited so many of her friends’ experiences were, growing up.
Hm, enough extracurriculars to really leave them about 2 hrs of sleep a night if they want to do well? She is the epitome of an Asian mom who will literally kill their kid by exhaustion. Have you actually heard how many extracurriculars her kids have?
@@dumbidea1007 Pia is constantly overstepping boundaries, and that was just the straw that broke the camel's back for OP. Per OP Pia has made several comments about OP and her husband not being good parents.
For story 2 I think it would be different if the kids were complaining or didn't enjoy the extracurriculars. But that doesn't seem to be the case. I let my son pick out his activites: cub scouts, soccer, basketball, and swim lessons (that one is more required for safety). For the most part they don't overlap with each other, so he does have plenty of time to relax even after hw.
He's paying half the bills including her mortgage and she is making him feel indebted to her. She's building equity in a home and he's getting what exactly? A place to live? He could get that in an apartment without the nagging and manipulation. I find it screwed up that she has already decided that their future hypothetical children will be following her dietary choices as if he and they will have no say in the matter.
Story 2: I don't agree at all with how those parents are overbooking their kids, but that being said, outside of cases of abuse no one should ever criticize someone's parenting on front of the kids. It's unacceptable and she deserved to be hit back over it. Talk to the parents privately if you have concerns.
If the kids don't want to do it, they could always use their voices and say so. You never tell a parent their parenting wrong unless they're actually damaging their kid. If anything, she's teaching her kids to be able to manage a busy life. You know, like adults do?
Just because you don’t have the capacity to cope with having several interests doesn’t mean that these children don’t. Too many parents are happy to let their kids run feral, it’s good to hear about parents who care enough to help their children try different things and broaden their experiences.
I can conclude in the second story that both OP and that one girl has issues in the second story but mostly he should not be telling OP how to parent her kids she was clearly overstepping because of her own issues. But I do agree Op should not make her children so busy to the appointment have a life
The sad part is Op sounds like a tiger mom. If the kids are at school all day...come out at 3pm and sleep early, but need to do homework, atwhat point can they rest and be kids? Those kids are going to get burned out.
@@vincentlucario5450 look, of course Op is going to say that. When the SiL asked the kids the Op flipped out. The kids did not answer themselves. If the kids are 10, go to school 7-3pm, sleep early and have so many activities at what point do they have breathing room? They also need to do homework for each class and that is what...2-4 hours? They have almost no time for rest That Op sounds like a Tigger mom. I know many kids with similar parents and they resented them because they had no childhood. The op wants to keep them busy most of the time, but at what time do they rest?
16yrs old 5'10" and 170lbs. If even OP thinks he's overweight and he's not, then hit the gym, pick up a sport or do some outdoor activities to tone up and/or build muscle. She definitely crossed a huge line and her constant nagging will lead to an ED.
As a kid, the very thought of extracurriculars would make me a walking shell of mental exhaustion. I got signed up for plenty and never stuck with any of them for more than a week. My parents gave up, eventually. School alone, especially high school, was enough to exhaust me to the point that I needed to sleep for a couple of hours when I got home.
The story about the kids having a lot of extracurriculars: those commenters don't seem to have things backwards because I never heard a kid with a structure schedule will fail to schedule themselves in adulthood. It's usually the other way around: kids with no set schedule will fail to do so in the future lol
13:59 first off what you not gone do little lady is call my son fat in his own home. Second y'all are 16 why the heck are y'all talking about marriage and kids?
My kids used to love going to their sports etc dance classes, and now they don't like them. And I'll let it be, because I think I'll do more damage to our relationship if I don't listen to them. I'd never force them to do anything..
@minnarosenqvistmr I'm not a parent, but that sounds good. My parent never pushed me to do anything, but whenever I get involved in something I'm interested in they encourage me to go for it and do my best.
@blackrex828 it's great to see another person understand it, because I'm not at all happy with pushing kids to be perfect or try to get them to be like their parents. It's damaging,and one thing I've learnt after becoming a parent, is that being supportive is much better for us&them.. so happy that you had great parents! I didn't,so maybe that's why I'm a bit more relaxed with my parenting style .
The 2nd story, I think that the aunt to be was overstepping. Yeah, it's alright to give your opinion, but she kept on it. Like I see where OP is coming from. I'd rather my child be in an after school program, like playing a sport than being at home playing video games for hours on end. I also agree that more than one extracurricular is a little much, don't want to burn them out but she was basically telling OP and her husband that they were terrible parents for having these after school activities. Anyways, unless the kids are being hurt or they (the kids) speak up and tell mom and dad that they are too tired from their after school activities, then maybe she should just butt out. OP is NTA. The last story, yeah, teenagers can be kind of blind when it comes to love. But what OP's son needs to realise that besides his relations with his gf being toxic and abusive, if she really loved him or cared about him at all she would be able to look past his weight and just be supportive. And I'm his weight really isn't that bad, but even if it were, the gf needs to shut her trap about it or break up with him. And I agree with that one commenter that he should see a counsellor or therapist. OP is NTA. And I hope his son gets out of this relationship soon.
1: NTA. Sounds like she baby trapped OP because of his inheritance but OP was unwilling to bend for the life she wanted. She wanted OP to cater to her while also taking care of everything (work, household chores, child rearing, etc.). The life the new partner is "getting to live" is due to her actually putting in an equal effort. She takes care of the house and children. 2: NTA. The activities are likely not back to back. They have different times scheduled and it does not sound like OP is forcing them to do them but encouraging the kids to have activities, ones they've chosen and enjoy doing. That is GOOD parenting. They will learn time management, responsibility, and other skills by having these activities. Piya isn't even a SIL yet but is sitting there spouting advice about child rearing when she doesn't have children?
Story 1: Seriously those “ESH” commentors need to shut the hell up. Op’s Ex just wanted him as a cash cow and is now upset Op realized what she was doing and got sick of her crap. NTA Op
Kids being busy story: OP is concerned about the SIL's childhood trauma in relation to her kids when OP is literally doing the exact same thing. SIL is jealous. OP is living vicariously and not letting them be kids.
You and a lot of people are missing the part where she said the kids are enjoying the activities, which is fine. If they like it then it’s not a problem, but if they don’t like it that’s a different story.
Let parents parents their kids without judgement. We may not agree with the parents but it's a case of their children, their ways. A non-parent has no place telling you what to do. Kids are well fed, good home, good parents, good schooling. So why fault find
I hate when people say you have to have kids to understand how to raise kids. Because if that is the case, I know a lot of parents who have failed miserably at raising kids, but still have like six of them. If you would like to say having kids can better give you a better perspective then I can agree with that.But just because you have kids doesn’t make you the end all be all. Just like any situation somebody outside of your issue or circumstances might have of you that you might not like or agree with, but it doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
Piya story, ETA. I get that Piya's been annoying but it doesn't sound like she's trying to be mean. Her undermining your rules is a no no, and you need to put the kibosh on that, but she has a legit concern that you're keeping them too busy. Do the kids all want to do these things? Or did you give them a choice?
The start of the story explicitly has the OP say "hopefully some of these hobbies stick" and "right now, they enjoy everything but this could change". Meaning the children are allowed to drop activities or replace them. OP just hopes they keep one and develop it into a lifelong passion, academic pursuit or scholarship. That, combined with the wide variation and difference in amount of the hobbies described (Soccer, piano and karate for the eldest. Classical dance, art and swimming for the middle. Classical singing and basketball for the youngest.) shows that those practically HAVE TO be personal choices. They might've been encouraged to pick out activities and have at least a minimum amount. But beyond that it doesn't seem forced. At least not yet. The only obligation the kids have beyond the normal chores and homework is the once a week math tutoring the OP described. So, 3-4 days a week the kids have an hour or two of activities after school. Seems like a perfectly healthy schedule to me.
For all of these people saying when do the kids get to be kids: Who do you think these kids are in these classes with? Other kids, so doing things that they like with their peers.
You mean the classes they aren’t allowed to talk in or do anything besides school work? Maybe they want to read or play video games. Maybe they want to go outside and run around. Maybe they want to just nap! Saying “they have classes to be kids” is like saying to an adult “you have a social life cuz you talk to your coworkers”
It's about having downtime and learning how to entertain yourself, problem solve, have an imagination, be bored. Rest, stress management and emotional regulation. Not having time to do this makes anxious adults who don't know how to deal with free time with no structure. Rest is just as important as learning. This is backed by science. Also you are only a kid once for a very short time, some of my favourite childhood memories happened when I was free to do what I wanted, that kind of freedom doesn't exist when you're an adult so it's best not to take that away from them. (Freedom also in the sense of not having to worry about adult problems) OP seems to be placing a heavy burden on their kids, if you don't do x amount of activities you're going to fail as an adult, they don't sound like they'd even hear their kids if they wanted more downtime because they're too focused on not raising "failures".
Seconds: my question is would she really plan to marry someone who has yet to meet her ideal weight? Far more likely she would ditch him for the first easy to manipulate thin guy that she meets.
As long as op allows the kids to have down time or change or end the extra curriculars as they exprsss the need, its fine. The aunts back story sounds identical to op!
The cool aunt story, everyone is skipping the part where OP said her kids ENJOY the activities, and by the way she wrote it, it seems they’re on a schedule and it’s not one after another. I don’t see the problem if the kids like it, as long they enjoy it then it’s not an issue. If the kids say they didn’t like it then that’s a different story but it seems the kids like it.
You know it's funny how everybody always criticizes parents for being so tough about schedules and education and things like that however if you look at Japan and China That's How most parents raise their children and that's why Japan and China are leading the world in a lot of technological fields and why Asian folks in general are a hell of a lot smarter than the rest of the world.
As someone with ADHD, a strict schedule is important for me to function. That and clocks. The biggest danger of time blindness isn't being late, it's being so caught up in your work you forget to eat.
@GreenKnight1982 this going to sound weird but there was a period of my life that I scheduled around playing a video game. Since there were 4 maps I didn't like playing on, whenever they were the maps in rotation, I would spend that time doing chores because I couldn't play for at least 2 hours. This was always on the weekends.
I think he said he films some of them by drone or camera. Cause I remember at some point the visuals were messed up or not like his usual, and he said it was cause of technology issues. I don't know if it's still the same, but yeah, that's the extent of my knowledge on the backup. They are VERY cool.
Thats not snapping back, 2nd story. What is wrong with the commenters. Snapping back is when you tell someone to mind their own effing business you barren w3mch. My kids, my business. Or something equally foul mouthed. People really think that saying i want good habits and success for my children is such a bad thing. Id love to know how many children the commwnters have? You dont go to a shoemaker for tips on farming...know what i mean?
Story 2: it’s a bit odd that OP is keeping the aunt away until she “heals” when she literally has the same exact past as OP, and is arguably dealing with it in a more reasonable way than overcompensating for her lack of childhood extracurricular by over scheduling her own kids
Your ex tried to manipulate you to get what you wanted. The gold digger found out the gravy train has left. Your current relationship has zero to do with your ex.
S 2: Notice how OP thinks she didn't do a thing wrong and it was all on the aunt? So much so that they broke off contact? How about OP is a tiger-parent and is more concerned about her image than the kids.
Story 1-YTA Jeesh just buy a different house, why you buy her dream house that is near HER parents? That is plain weird. Does your new wife know that was your ex's dream house? So you leave her because she wanted to be a stay at home mom. Now you get with a new woman, let her be stay at home and buy the house she wanted? Sorry but op sounds vindictive. You could have bought ANY house. Why buy the one house she wanted near her parents? Any adult that can think ahead would know that would cause resentment, why even put your kids through that?
Yeah I get you want them to have good habits but do those kids have any downtime? They are doing back to back activities on top of school work. One bad grade shouldn’t feel like the end of the world. That’s too much pressure.
I agree with this but it also depends on what the actual schedule looks like. It could be each activity is 1-3 days a week scattered then weekends free or most activities on the weekends and 1 or 2 of them throughout the week. It's literally missing info will tell us who the true Ahole is but no matter what pia is the ahole for badmouthing op and her husband's parenting and especially in front of the kids. Someone said it in another comment that if the kids aren't being abused then someone should mind their business.
I call bs on the update lol. The mom herself said she puts the kids in activities because she wasn’t as a kid. I think she made up the update to “appeased” the comments with a I said “sorry”, but she was still in the wrong. Also, as a teacher of burned out kids, don’t overstuff your children schedules.
@@Symphonia30OP is the AH, her kids have no life, she even has them doing school on the weekends like extra math classes for no reason other than because OP wants it. She’s overcompensating times 100 because she felt she was lacking. OP has over scheduled her kids and it’s ridiculous. That one commenter was right those kids have more classes etc then I did as a full time student with a full course load when I was in college. There’s no reason kids between 5-10 have more school work than college kids. OP is awful and her kids will grow up to resent her.
1st - I disagree, OP is the AH. The underlying tone of this story is one of petty revenge. He divorced his wife so to get back at her he bought the house him and the Ex wanted and is giving wife #2, the life wife #1 wanted. He probably never mentioned this to wife #2 because #2 would probably divorce him if she knew wife #1 is living rent free in OP’s head. #2 - OP is one of the biggest AH’s I’ve listened about. First she completely disregards everything commenters said to her regarding her failing her kids by never letting them just be kids and then goes off the deep end by claiming FSIL is obsessed with her children, can’t be around them until FSIL seeks professional help all because FSIL said she had jealous feelings that the kids were allowed outside activities and her parents never allowed her. OP is unhinged. I wonder what happens to any of the kids if they fail to meet OP and dad’s expectations? Horrible parents.
A nice house will always be a nice house, Wife #1 could have had a nice life in the nice house but she chose to be a lazy layabout instead so Wife #2 gets to enjoy the SAH life instead, it’s pretty simple to me: as a woman I say OP is NTA for dropping an ungrateful layabout who wouldn’t even keep her part of the SAH deal
Just because he divorced his 1st wife doesn't mean he's not allowed to buy the house anymore.. Heck the ex wife could have bought it after the divorce, too, but she's lazy and broke.. 🤣 🤣 🤣 But I agree on story 2... she's a POS tiger mom..
Get over yourself that has nothing to do with petty revenge just a different event. The ex is just jealous that she did not get the life she deserved or wanted simple as that. You sound like one of those man hating Redditors
First story: OP has resentment against his ex because she wasn't the type of SAHM he expected her to be. Let's see if his new partner lives up to his expectations.
Yeah, but he offered to pay for someone to do the housework and the ex refused. If she doesn't want to do the traditional housewife stuff and doesn't want strangers in their home and also doesn't want to work, what the fuck does she want?
I am the cool aunt. When the siblings' kids ask me to do something the parents would not approve of, I explain that their parents have given me their trust that I won't do anything against their rules. If I do, I won't be as involved in their lives. Even as tiny kids, they understand that boundary.
I had an acquaintance who had all sort of activities growing up. She graduated first of her class in medical school and is now in her ophthalmology residency. I think listening to the kids is the most important part. Are they enjoying themselves and thriving? Go for it.
Vegetarian wants a personal chef.
What is she going to do if future kids are not vegetarians? Oh, she is going to force them to be like she is trying to force OP now? Is that the type of person you want to have kids with? NTI.
I'm going with ESH. It just doesn't take that much more time to saute/stir fry some meat protein on the side or some extra veggies because I want my family happy and healthy. If an extra hour in the kitchen, especially if I like cooking, gives me a week full of peace and shows love and consideration to my partner, I'm with it. If you're a team, sometimes one member of the team gets more playing time. These two are not on the same team.
@@notconvincedgranny6573she’s trying to be captain, op is trying to be good at their role.
Vegetarian story, NTA. Your wife is acting so entitled and controlling. You're already doing her a big favor making her meals for her. DO NOT HAVE KIDS WITH HER, not until you figure out why she's on this power trip. She's treating you like crap. And what if your kids don't want to be vegetarian? What an asshole.
My thing with making kids strictly vegetarian/vegan or strictly omnivores is why push your food choices on to kids. They'll know what they like so give them both. Someday meals are with meat someday it's a plant based or meatless meal. There are work around for this that both parents can have their way and the kid can be exposed to other foods. People confuse me.
@@QuayHollywoodExactly this. My daughter was one for a number of years, and during that time she would never try to push her lifestyle onto others. She would occasionally offer to me certain things, I would respectfully decline, and that was that.
Militant veggies/vegans are the absolute worst.
Noooooooooonononononono, nono. Your house, *your* mortgage. You want me to pay half, you put me on the deed as partial-owner. Split the other bills, but not for property.
Last story: That girl is abusive and at 16 jesus. I really hope this isn't her personality and a case of she's being treated like this at home because that's fixable. The part about it being her personality is not.
And to boot he is in his normal weight scale for his age and height.
He is still growing so Any atempt to loose weight could stop his growth and/or get his hormones of track (as if it isn't wack enough 😅).
There’s no indication that the kids are unhappy with their extracurriculars. My kids enjoyed theirs, and they dropped and picked up new ones every few years. There’s nothing wrong with extracurricular activities.
No there's nothing wrong with extracurricular activities... being a tiger mom tho is instant AH and pos territory
@ I agree. Unless the OP is lying, it doesn’t seem like the kids are pressured.
I used to tell my kids that no one is perfect, but they should strive for A’s. If they get B’s that’s fine but don’t strive for B’s because they can easily slide to C’s. I was pretty lucky- I had no issues with their schedules or my standards for their grades. I wouldn’t say I was a tiger mom- but I had a similar mentality to the OP and my kids are adults now. They’re both doing well and we’re close as ever. My daughter actually told me that she didn’t realize that she had a privileged childhood until going out into the world on her own and seeing how limited so many of her friends’ experiences were, growing up.
It’s more about how she went from zero to a hundreds in a second
Hm, enough extracurriculars to really leave them about 2 hrs of sleep a night if they want to do well? She is the epitome of an Asian mom who will literally kill their kid by exhaustion.
Have you actually heard how many extracurriculars her kids have?
@@dumbidea1007 Pia is constantly overstepping boundaries, and that was just the straw that broke the camel's back for OP. Per OP Pia has made several comments about OP and her husband not being good parents.
OP in story 1 should be glad all of his assets were in a trust or else his ex could've taken him for everything.
Food story. NTA she's just entitled. Leave her she's not worth it.
Failure: OP wasn’t implying she was failure, OP was saying she WOULD be a failure as a parent. Totally different.
For story 2 I think it would be different if the kids were complaining or didn't enjoy the extracurriculars. But that doesn't seem to be the case. I let my son pick out his activites: cub scouts, soccer, basketball, and swim lessons (that one is more required for safety). For the most part they don't overlap with each other, so he does have plenty of time to relax even after hw.
He's paying half the bills including her mortgage and she is making him feel indebted to her. She's building equity in a home and he's getting what exactly? A place to live? He could get that in an apartment without the nagging and manipulation. I find it screwed up that she has already decided that their future hypothetical children will be following her dietary choices as if he and they will have no say in the matter.
The only thing that shocks me about Reddit is the constant ridiculous comments from clueless losers.
Really?, I think that's something you can always rely on.
Story 2: I don't agree at all with how those parents are overbooking their kids, but that being said, outside of cases of abuse no one should ever criticize someone's parenting on front of the kids. It's unacceptable and she deserved to be hit back over it. Talk to the parents privately if you have concerns.
If the kids don't want to do it, they could always use their voices and say so. You never tell a parent their parenting wrong unless they're actually damaging their kid. If anything, she's teaching her kids to be able to manage a busy life. You know, like adults do?
Just because you don’t have the capacity to cope with having several interests doesn’t mean that these children don’t. Too many parents are happy to let their kids run feral, it’s good to hear about parents who care enough to help their children try different things and broaden their experiences.
I can conclude in the second story that both OP and that one girl has issues in the second story but mostly he should not be telling OP how to parent her kids she was clearly overstepping because of her own issues. But I do agree Op should not make her children so busy to the appointment have a life
The sad part is Op sounds like a tiger mom.
If the kids are at school all day...come out at 3pm and sleep early, but need to do homework, atwhat point can they rest and be kids?
Those kids are going to get burned out.
@@lalvarez5151you misssed the part where it says that the kids enjoy those activities
@@vincentlucario5450 look, of course Op is going to say that.
When the SiL asked the kids the Op flipped out. The kids did not answer themselves.
If the kids are 10, go to school 7-3pm, sleep early and have so many activities at what point do they have breathing room? They also need to do homework for each class and that is what...2-4 hours? They have almost no time for rest
That Op sounds like a Tigger mom.
I know many kids with similar parents and they resented them because they had no childhood.
The op wants to keep them busy most of the time, but at what time do they rest?
5’ 10” 170 pounds is a healthy weight
16yrs old 5'10" and 170lbs. If even OP thinks he's overweight and he's not, then hit the gym, pick up a sport or do some outdoor activities to tone up and/or build muscle. She definitely crossed a huge line and her constant nagging will lead to an ED.
And he's still growing. Kids that age can empty a fridge during growing spurts.
As a kid, the very thought of extracurriculars would make me a walking shell of mental exhaustion. I got signed up for plenty and never stuck with any of them for more than a week. My parents gave up, eventually. School alone, especially high school, was enough to exhaust me to the point that I needed to sleep for a couple of hours when I got home.
Last story, either he listens or he has to suffer. People like this don't learn
The story about the kids having a lot of extracurriculars: those commenters don't seem to have things backwards because I never heard a kid with a structure schedule will fail to schedule themselves in adulthood. It's usually the other way around: kids with no set schedule will fail to do so in the future lol
13:59 first off what you not gone do little lady is call my son fat in his own home. Second y'all are 16 why the heck are y'all talking about marriage and kids?
My kids used to love going to their sports etc dance classes, and now they don't like them. And I'll let it be, because I think I'll do more damage to our relationship if I don't listen to them. I'd never force them to do anything..
@minnarosenqvistmr I'm not a parent, but that sounds good. My parent never pushed me to do anything, but whenever I get involved in something I'm interested in they encourage me to go for it and do my best.
@blackrex828 it's great to see another person understand it, because I'm not at all happy with pushing kids to be perfect or try to get them to be like their parents. It's damaging,and one thing I've learnt after becoming a parent, is that being supportive is much better for us&them.. so happy that you had great parents! I didn't,so maybe that's why I'm a bit more relaxed with my parenting style .
The 2nd story, I think that the aunt to be was overstepping. Yeah, it's alright to give your opinion, but she kept on it. Like I see where OP is coming from. I'd rather my child be in an after school program, like playing a sport than being at home playing video games for hours on end. I also agree that more than one extracurricular is a little much, don't want to burn them out but she was basically telling OP and her husband that they were terrible parents for having these after school activities. Anyways, unless the kids are being hurt or they (the kids) speak up and tell mom and dad that they are too tired from their after school activities, then maybe she should just butt out. OP is NTA.
The last story, yeah, teenagers can be kind of blind when it comes to love. But what OP's son needs to realise that besides his relations with his gf being toxic and abusive, if she really loved him or cared about him at all she would be able to look past his weight and just be supportive. And I'm his weight really isn't that bad, but even if it were, the gf needs to shut her trap about it or break up with him. And I agree with that one commenter that he should see a counsellor or therapist. OP is NTA. And I hope his son gets out of this relationship soon.
Agree at the end of the day this is the parents responsibility and they should raise their kid the way they believe is right
Wow. The comments in the second story baffled me. Just a bunch of failures in life projecting their bs on OP.
I’m amazed no one calls out that woman for trying to tell OP how to parent her kids
It sounded like major projection
If they enjoy it, cool. If you grew up always involved in activities you hate because "its the right thing to do" you'd understand.
Poor woman was gaslit into apologising.
Wow.
@@ruthsaunders9507or, like, be a proper human being and use your mouth to say you don't like it.
Stop paying for her house. Dump her, make her pay you back.
I read somewhere that most reddit comments on these stories are written by high schoolers. The story with “cool aunt” proved that.
Story 2: Huh? The fiance doesn’t even make sense.
1: NTA. Sounds like she baby trapped OP because of his inheritance but OP was unwilling to bend for the life she wanted. She wanted OP to cater to her while also taking care of everything (work, household chores, child rearing, etc.). The life the new partner is "getting to live" is due to her actually putting in an equal effort. She takes care of the house and children.
2: NTA. The activities are likely not back to back. They have different times scheduled and it does not sound like OP is forcing them to do them but encouraging the kids to have activities, ones they've chosen and enjoy doing. That is GOOD parenting. They will learn time management, responsibility, and other skills by having these activities. Piya isn't even a SIL yet but is sitting there spouting advice about child rearing when she doesn't have children?
‘I want vegan kids’ and ‘I don’t want fat Kidd’ back to back? Boys… run! RUN BOY RUN!
Story 1: Seriously those “ESH” commentors need to shut the hell up.
Op’s Ex just wanted him as a cash cow and is now upset Op realized what she was doing and got sick of her crap.
NTA Op
Kids being busy story: OP is concerned about the SIL's childhood trauma in relation to her kids when OP is literally doing the exact same thing. SIL is jealous. OP is living vicariously and not letting them be kids.
You and a lot of people are missing the part where she said the kids are enjoying the activities, which is fine. If they like it then it’s not a problem, but if they don’t like it that’s a different story.
Let parents parents their kids without judgement. We may not agree with the parents but it's a case of their children, their ways. A non-parent has no place telling you what to do. Kids are well fed, good home, good parents, good schooling. So why fault find
I hate when people say you have to have kids to understand how to raise kids. Because if that is the case, I know a lot of parents who have failed miserably at raising kids, but still have like six of them. If you would like to say having kids can better give you a better perspective then I can agree with that.But just because you have kids doesn’t make you the end all be all. Just like any situation somebody outside of your issue or circumstances might have of you that you might not like or agree with, but it doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
but, the GF should stoop giving unsolicited parenting advice.
Piya story, ETA. I get that Piya's been annoying but it doesn't sound like she's trying to be mean. Her undermining your rules is a no no, and you need to put the kibosh on that, but she has a legit concern that you're keeping them too busy. Do the kids all want to do these things? Or did you give them a choice?
@@CreditR01 she's a tiger mom... I highly doubt they have a choice..
she's probably been cracking the whip so long they don't remember anything else..
The start of the story explicitly has the OP say "hopefully some of these hobbies stick" and "right now, they enjoy everything but this could change". Meaning the children are allowed to drop activities or replace them. OP just hopes they keep one and develop it into a lifelong passion, academic pursuit or scholarship.
That, combined with the wide variation and difference in amount of the hobbies described (Soccer, piano and karate for the eldest. Classical dance, art and swimming for the middle. Classical singing and basketball for the youngest.) shows that those practically HAVE TO be personal choices. They might've been encouraged to pick out activities and have at least a minimum amount. But beyond that it doesn't seem forced. At least not yet.
The only obligation the kids have beyond the normal chores and homework is the once a week math tutoring the OP described. So, 3-4 days a week the kids have an hour or two of activities after school. Seems like a perfectly healthy schedule to me.
NTA, for not doing her meal prep. You need to find someone who actually respects you.
For all of these people saying when do the kids get to be kids: Who do you think these kids are in these classes with? Other kids, so doing things that they like with their peers.
You mean the classes they aren’t allowed to talk in or do anything besides school work? Maybe they want to read or play video games. Maybe they want to go outside and run around. Maybe they want to just nap! Saying “they have classes to be kids” is like saying to an adult “you have a social life cuz you talk to your coworkers”
It's about having downtime and learning how to entertain yourself, problem solve, have an imagination, be bored. Rest, stress management and emotional regulation. Not having time to do this makes anxious adults who don't know how to deal with free time with no structure. Rest is just as important as learning. This is backed by science. Also you are only a kid once for a very short time, some of my favourite childhood memories happened when I was free to do what I wanted, that kind of freedom doesn't exist when you're an adult so it's best not to take that away from them. (Freedom also in the sense of not having to worry about adult problems) OP seems to be placing a heavy burden on their kids, if you don't do x amount of activities you're going to fail as an adult, they don't sound like they'd even hear their kids if they wanted more downtime because they're too focused on not raising "failures".
How do did you miss the point so hard
How do did you miss the point so hard
Seconds: my question is would she really plan to marry someone who has yet to meet her ideal weight? Far more likely she would ditch him for the first easy to manipulate thin guy that she meets.
As long as op allows the kids to have down time or change or end the extra curriculars as they exprsss the need, its fine. The aunts back story sounds identical to op!
The cool aunt story, everyone is skipping the part where OP said her kids ENJOY the activities, and by the way she wrote it, it seems they’re on a schedule and it’s not one after another. I don’t see the problem if the kids like it, as long they enjoy it then it’s not an issue. If the kids say they didn’t like it then that’s a different story but it seems the kids like it.
You know it's funny how everybody always criticizes parents for being so tough about schedules and education and things like that however if you look at Japan and China That's How most parents raise their children and that's why Japan and China are leading the world in a lot of technological fields and why Asian folks in general are a hell of a lot smarter than the rest of the world.
And their suicide rates are twice or three times higher than USA ...
As someone with ADHD, a strict schedule is important for me to function. That and clocks. The biggest danger of time blindness isn't being late, it's being so caught up in your work you forget to eat.
@nightigal as somebody who had their bipolar diagnosis change to high functioning autism with ADHD I completely agree
@GreenKnight1982 this going to sound weird but there was a period of my life that I scheduled around playing a video game. Since there were 4 maps I didn't like playing on, whenever they were the maps in rotation, I would spend that time doing chores because I couldn't play for at least 2 hours. This was always on the weekends.
XO where do you find all the videos from. Ive been watching you for 3 years now and they always amaze me at their utter randomness?
I think he said he films some of them by drone or camera. Cause I remember at some point the visuals were messed up or not like his usual, and he said it was cause of technology issues. I don't know if it's still the same, but yeah, that's the extent of my knowledge on the backup. They are VERY cool.
@@QuayHollywood on his old channel it was his own drone videos, but I think these are from another source.
Isn't that what I said?
Meal: NTA. "I'm not changing MY diet just so I can make you lunch."
Nta. She can make her own food. Just like you make your own
Story 1: NTA and I love this op .
Story 2: NTA and tell the sister in law to back or else you can exclude from your kids lives
Story 1 Op situation is different when he was still married to his first wife
Thats not snapping back, 2nd story.
What is wrong with the commenters.
Snapping back is when you tell someone to mind their own effing business you barren w3mch. My kids, my business. Or something equally foul mouthed.
People really think that saying i want good habits and success for my children is such a bad thing.
Id love to know how many children the commwnters have?
You dont go to a shoemaker for tips on farming...know what i mean?
Story 2: it’s a bit odd that OP is keeping the aunt away until she “heals” when she literally has the same exact past as OP, and is arguably dealing with it in a more reasonable way than overcompensating for her lack of childhood extracurricular by over scheduling her own kids
Nta. She can dish it. But can't take it. She has been repeatedly degrading you and your husband
Your ex tried to manipulate you to get what you wanted. The gold digger found out the gravy train has left. Your current relationship has zero to do with your ex.
I'm sorry what? Last story, the gf is just a*usive.. this isn't normal at all.
S 2: Notice how OP thinks she didn't do a thing wrong and it was all on the aunt? So much so that they broke off contact? How about OP is a tiger-parent and is more concerned about her image than the kids.
Story 1-YTA
Jeesh just buy a different house, why you buy her dream house that is near HER parents? That is plain weird.
Does your new wife know that was your ex's dream house?
So you leave her because she wanted to be a stay at home mom. Now you get with a new woman, let her be stay at home and buy the house she wanted?
Sorry but op sounds vindictive.
You could have bought ANY house.
Why buy the one house she wanted near her parents?
Any adult that can think ahead would know that would cause resentment, why even put your kids through that?
Yeah I get you want them to have good habits but do those kids have any downtime? They are doing back to back activities on top of school work. One bad grade shouldn’t feel like the end of the world. That’s too much pressure.
I agree with this but it also depends on what the actual schedule looks like. It could be each activity is 1-3 days a week scattered then weekends free or most activities on the weekends and 1 or 2 of them throughout the week. It's literally missing info will tell us who the true Ahole is but no matter what pia is the ahole for badmouthing op and her husband's parenting and especially in front of the kids. Someone said it in another comment that if the kids aren't being abused then someone should mind their business.
I call bs on the update lol. The mom herself said she puts the kids in activities because she wasn’t as a kid. I think she made up the update to “appeased” the comments with a I said “sorry”, but she was still in the wrong. Also, as a teacher of burned out kids, don’t overstuff your children schedules.
She also said the kids enjoy the activities
❤❤❤
If you don't want people to clap back at your comments then shut up.
My exes (husbands) are my closest friends.
I don't really talk to other people 😂 except for my children and brother.
That's.. not a good thing
Story two, she’s right. Let your kids have a little me time for themselves.
3:04 this comment is spot on (not the ESH part) that 1st wife was just a prop in the marriage
Pia wasn’t reading to trying to parent it’s a genuine concern. Those kids are gonna get burnt out.
The update of story one sounds a bit embroidered.
I think it's simple: OP, get over your self-righteous self and lighten up on your poor kids.
Maybe tell that brother fiancé to stop trying to tell OP how to parent her kids and stop overstepping
@@Symphonia30 lmao op is a POS tiger mom...
@ I think both of them have issues
@@Symphonia30OP is the AH, her kids have no life, she even has them doing school on the weekends like extra math classes for no reason other than because OP wants it. She’s overcompensating times 100 because she felt she was lacking. OP has over scheduled her kids and it’s ridiculous. That one commenter was right those kids have more classes etc then I did as a full time student with a full course load when I was in college. There’s no reason kids between 5-10 have more school work than college kids. OP is awful and her kids will grow up to resent her.
@ Oh you’ll be surprised of how much this lifestyle would make children grow into splendid people and still have a relationship with their parents
Id be a bit annoyed if i was the 2nd wife and i was given 1st wives life. Creepy as fudge.
1st - I disagree, OP is the AH. The underlying tone of this story is one of petty revenge. He divorced his wife so to get back at her he bought the house him and the Ex wanted and is giving wife #2, the life wife #1 wanted. He probably never mentioned this to wife #2 because #2 would probably divorce him if she knew wife #1 is living rent free in OP’s head.
#2 - OP is one of the biggest AH’s I’ve listened about. First she completely disregards everything commenters said to her regarding her failing her kids by never letting them just be kids and then goes off the deep end by claiming FSIL is obsessed with her children, can’t be around them until FSIL seeks professional help all because FSIL said she had jealous feelings that the kids were allowed outside activities and her parents never allowed her. OP is unhinged. I wonder what happens to any of the kids if they fail to meet OP and dad’s expectations? Horrible parents.
A nice house will always be a nice house, Wife #1 could have had a nice life in the nice house but she chose to be a lazy layabout instead so Wife #2 gets to enjoy the SAH life instead, it’s pretty simple to me: as a woman I say OP is NTA for dropping an ungrateful layabout who wouldn’t even keep her part of the SAH deal
Just because he divorced his 1st wife doesn't mean he's not allowed to buy the house anymore..
Heck the ex wife could have bought it after the divorce, too, but she's lazy and broke.. 🤣 🤣 🤣
But I agree on story 2... she's a POS tiger mom..
@@LadyLeomon not to mention it’s a nice house near the grandparents.
Everyone wins but the ex she’s just being dumb
Get over yourself that has nothing to do with petty revenge just a different event. The ex is just jealous that she did not get the life she deserved or wanted simple as that. You sound like one of those man hating Redditors
Story 1.. she shouldn't have been lazy
First story: OP has resentment against his ex because she wasn't the type of SAHM he expected her to be. Let's see if his new partner lives up to his expectations.
Yeah, but he offered to pay for someone to do the housework and the ex refused. If she doesn't want to do the traditional housewife stuff and doesn't want strangers in their home and also doesn't want to work, what the fuck does she want?
NTA, YTA, ESH, NTA.