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I have gotten exactly to the point of your gummibear earrings! I was admiring them before you mentioned them and THEY ARE EVERYTHING. That is all! Back to the doc!
I guess it's very fresh - at least on german RUclips - but I would love you to cover the "nurse" Hannah Biatt topic when enough information has emerged to do so! ❤
Jeannette McCurdy and Alyson Stoner said it best, even if the famiiy itself isnt abusive, making a child the breadwinner of a family is a form of ca. No child should live under that level of pressure.
Agreed wonder if thats why kids of famus parents do better than kids that are famus but parents arent bc the celeb parents have jobs where most child stars whos parents arent also in that industry dont tend to have jobs
I knew about this story for a long time. But I never followed them. As difficult as this story is, I felt the child would have been better off in a home where he was with parents who were willing and better equipped to deal with his disabilities. It is easy to say I can do this. I can be the child's hero until you are faced with the trauma of everyday life dealing with the child. Even many biological parents will put a special needs child in home care because they can't deal with the child's needs. Although this sounded from everyone's opinion , it was very cruel, I felt differently. I felt it was the best thing they could do for him. I am not sure these kids are capable of growing an attachment to anyone person. He should have never been put up for adoption.
It also warps their versions of acceptance. Like I never knew how drunk my dad always was cause that’s just how he was growing, I didn’t realize that wasn’t normal until our mom left him. (Not trying to trauma dump I swear)
As someone who was adopted as an infant with intense health issues (that caused many families to pass me over and meant I was without parents in a hospital for my first few months of my life) this story sickened me. Adopting a child is as serious of a commitment to that child as birthing them. Huxley was not a commodity or expendable. Parents who “rehome” kids that are inconvenient to them aren’t fit to be called parents at all. They made the choice to adopt a complex child and exploit him and then act all shocked Pikachu face when he had issues and wasn’t a camera-perfect little doll. I look at my mother, a teacher, who was told by doctors I might POSSIBLY have intellectual disabilities due to prolonged oxygen deprivation and went out to get a special education masters degree in preparation just in case, then look at Myka, and it infuriates me. She was a nurse, she had zero excuses.
Right?! Abandoning the child instead of stopping the vlogs to focus on him was a choice. Xtian parents and unocnditional love are truly like oil and water. 🙃🙃🙃
Your mom sounds like an incredible, loving and caring person. You got the mother you deserved. One that would do anything possible and impossible for her child. I wish every child would have this kind of mom. Totally agree with everything you said 👍👍👍
Good to hear the story from the perspective of a grown adopted child that went through this. Something no one has seemed to look into. Thanks so much for sharing.
I have a perspective on being adopted by white parents. I'm black. I was 15 when I was adopted. They gave me the love and support I needed and taught me valuable life skills. However, things got a bit strange when we were around their Christian friends. Some were genuinely surprised I was American-born, while others were shocked that I was 15 when adopted. It was a weird experience, and there was a noticeable stigma around me. Then there were the other adoptive parents. I noticed a tendency to show off their children from overseas, almost like they were trophies, as if to say, "Look at me, I'm such a wonderful person!" This made me uncomfortable. My parents never did that. People constantly asked me where I was "really" from, as if I wasn't American. I'd hear the same judgmental whispers behind my parents' backs: "Why would they adopt someone so old? He's got such an attitude problem!" (Which, let's be honest, I probably did at times, being a teenager). It felt like there was an unspoken idea that children from other countries were somehow more deserving of adoption. I was often the only American-born Black child in these social circles, which was isolating. My parents, bless their hearts, always had my back. They would shut down intrusive questions, defend me from the judgment of their Christian friends, and protect me against racism and bigotry. Watching this video, I'm not surprised by how these people handled it. I know a few people who've handled similar situations horribly. I'll just say it: some Christians use adoption as a ploy to portray themselves as good people. But once the novelty wears off or the child becomes challenging, they say they can't handle it and that "God told them to let them go somewhere else." It's incredibly frustrating and infuriating when they use God in this way. I believe that the bottom line for anyone considering adoption is this: be prepared to accept the good and the bad parts of a child. We are all human, and we are not perfect.
Thank you for this comment i plan on adopting on the future(10 years from now or a little more) and i find it crazy how people adopt a whole person without looking for the mistakes other “”””””parents””””” made with their adopted kids or how was the experience for adopted kids(the rights and wrongs) of course its not a one size fits all when it comes to parenting, but i believe searching for more true stories helps! Wishing you and your family the best❤
Myka actually chose Huxley because he was diagnosed with the brain tumor and was originally given 2 years to live. Once home, they discovered he would NOT die. This was not great news for his parents, like it normally would be. I followed this story after they rehomed their son. They expected 2 years then they could suck up the sympathy from their dead child. Instead, their child would live, and would live with them forever in constant need of care. They were buying a prop, not lovingly adopting a son. They WANTED him to die! It's extremely sick. I think this tid bit of info is much needed before making up your mind on Myka and James. And it's mostly Myka, which is why she is taking so much heat. James fought this, but Myka has been desperately trying to be RUclips famous for years. Her story gets much darker than her husband's. Their's wasn't a normal situation, like the other lady who had to give up her child. This was different. Huxley was a prop the entire time to them. They had a plan to adopt a terminally ill child...so he would DIE! It's so horrible.
I agree with this take. I think she thought he was terminal. I think she thought she could pour love all over him and give him a vreat end of life story. The reality was different.
Adoptee here. I was adopted as a baby and I always was told the story of my adoption. It was a bedtime story of the journey my parents went through to adopt me. It was always a special and beautiful story. As an adult. I was able to locate and meet my biological mother, with both my mom and dad coming with me. I met her family, her husband and my half siblings and we all are just very blessed. They are all good people. We live in different countries and speak different languages (I'm in Canada , biological mom and family are in Ukraine), but we are still all close - despite the war right now.. I had a really good adoption experience. I think if I found out as a teen or an adult, it would have turned out very differently
Your experience is very much like my mother’s. She was adopted in the sixties and it was never hidden or seen as a negative thing which was not the norm in Canada (hello fellow Canuck!). Mom had health problems, it any disabilities but still some serious stuff but I remember my mother telling me that even though kids at school would tell her that gran and gramp would ‘send her back’ every time she got sick, mom never, ever actually thought there was any truth in that. When mom had biological children of her own and we were treated just the same as all the cousins. Except my sister, she was the favourite lol. It was a non issue. Mom met her biological mother in the 90s, and they had a relationship, but my sister and I didn’t and that was okay too. I believe thats how adoption should always work.
That’s incredibly sweet that your parents would tell you the story of your adoption as a bedtime story when you were little. I’m a fellow adoptee and my folks would do the same thing; in fact they bought me a little book: I Am Adopted by Susan Lapsley, illustrated by Michael Charlton, and published by Bradbury Press in 1974 (yeah, I’m old). Even though the book is 50 years old, the message to adopted children it carries is still relevant to this day: adoption is normal and you are LOVED! The Stauffers are absolute trash for what they did to that poor child! My parents sure weren’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination; I wasn’t an easy child either (undiagnosed neurodivergence). I always knew that I was wanted and when the chips were down, my folks always had my back!
I do know of a case of adoption dissolution. The child was not adjusting and having constant meltdowns and was violent to the other children in the house. The family tried to help but things only got worse. He went to live with a family that had much older children. All were adults except for one that was 17. He did so much better with them and made so much progress. It was a much better situation because those parents could give him so much more one on one attention which is what he needed. I don't think the first family failed, they just weren't the right fit. They also didn't make money off the child by putting him all over youtube.
Didn't they give up adoption from Africa because those agencies had a non-publication clause for their kids specifically to AVOID people using adopting from Africa for attention online?
I follow the IG of the woman who adopted Huxley and the updates she posts occasionally show that he is so happy and thriving in her care, especially as she also respects his cultural identity and makes an effort to keep him connected to his heritage
I think a big part of why more people don’t adopt disabled children is because unless you’re super privileged then you can’t always provide for them. It’s so hard to battle with health insurance companies bullying stigma and how most public spaces aren’t made with disabled people in mind. It’s not that a child with disabilities is less worthy of love it’s that parents don’t have the tools to properly have their child flourish
I absolutely get what you are saying. We live in the UK, so our son has free medical treatment (not much, actually - he's as fit as the proverbial butcher's dog) and he received an excellent education in his special schools, whilst living with us at home. We have also been very fortunate in having a good choice of young adult provision. I know that not everyone in the UK has been so well served; we are so grateful, especially for the overnight stays he has enjoyed, and we know that he will live there full time, with wonderful carers and friends, when we are no longer there. All these amazing people! We are so very, very thankful for them, and, more importantly, our son loves them.
With the lousy healthcare in America, sure. America's hc system is one of the worst in the world apart from develop countries. Most of European countries has a better system, wouldn't take much to be so and can surely improve, but put it in a perspective.
Me: "Huh...I don't think I remember that name. Who was Myka Stauffer again?" Video intro: "We're gonna adopt...from China!" Me, neck-deep in flashbacks like an amnesiac hero in a movie getting all their memories back: "...oh. OH. IT'S THESE PEOPLE. THE PEOPLE WHO ADOPTED A SPECIAL NEEDS BABY AND THEN *SENT HIM AWAY.* LET'S GO, SWOOP. GET PETTY WITH IT!"
Suddenly, my brain was inundated with the term 'rehomed.' and I remembered my reaction to those words, 'You 'rehome' a dog, YOU CAN'T REHOME A CHILD, WHAT?!'
To be fair, Kevin wasn't living in the home when the worst of the abuse actually started. That was Jodi's MO; get the fathers out of the home by convincing them that they had a problem and then indoctrinate the mothers into whatever cultish behavior she was exhibiting. Before all of that, it was mostly just questionable parenting, which wasn't technically illegal. If anything, Kevin is guilty of not looking harder into what his kids were going through after he left the home, but he wasn't complicit in what happened in the end.
I have a feeling both women were extremely abusive and obviously narcissistic towards the children AND the husband. I have more sympathy for the husbands because I doubt they felt they had any choice, esp knowing James never wanted to be on SM and tried his best to not let his family go through it
As someone with a disability who has spent their whole life feeling like a burden and not enough.. the thought of someone using my struggles for money and then giving me away once I served my purpose and became too much.. breaks my heart in a million different ways this little boy deserved so much better than he got.. I hope he gets the best in life wherever he is now and I hope he is happy and knows that no matter what anyone says he is perfect and that he will be an amazing person! ❤️
same. if I ever heard a coworker talk like that to the children I work with I would tell them off immediately. acting like a meltdown is something that's in the childs control is just ridiculous.
As both an high masking autistic woman (Hardest for people to spot for those not acquainted with current research) and mother to a high support needs child (most likely autistic as all the different professionals both medical and educational concur but currently on the wait list for an assessment ..) Definitely don’t say ‘are you done’ or things like that to anyone who is mid overload/ meltdown… you won’t help as especially as a kid we need very clear examples of how to bring our selfs out of the state of dis regulation in a healthy manner, so calm, patient and suggesting things that typically help be it removal from the area, a sensory toy, one of there special interests, something that promotes healthy stimming, or just sitting with them calmly in a safe spot and wait for them to come out of the spiral once the problem causing the overload has been resolved/ removed… these are things that work with my kid at least, and now he’s five he’s actually starting to make the connection between these things and helping to calm down or communicate what he needs to come down from the overload. He genuinely is starting to self regulate and I couldn’t be more proud of him for that! He’s not masking and is recognising what he is uncomfortable with and what he needs at times, he even does this sometimes at school! That is why you don’t just say things like are you done or treat like a tantrum… THERE NOT! And you set yourself and the kid up for failure long term! If I had just done that we wouldn’t have the progress we’ve seen in my kid so far! If I heard anyone say that to my kid.. he would learn a thing or two about advocacy for sure 😅
Small children have a hard time with their emotions. They’re very big and hard to navigate. Asking someone if they’re done something that they have no control over without giving them coping strategies is evil. Emotions are a human condition and we shouldn’t be shamed when they get the better of us. Small children need to have those emotions labelled and then have strategies talked through everytime they have them.
Wow that clip of Myka saying, "Are you done? Are you ready to calm down now?" with such bitterness in her voice really brought me back to old awful daycare memories. I cannot imagine how hurtful it is to hear your parents and/or caregivers saying that to your face while you are actively struggling. Ugh as awful as it is that they put this child through any of this in the first place, I'm glad the end result is that he found a family that accepted him for who he was regardless of where he was in his journey.
Imagine the amount of kids that were misdiagnosed throughout time , before autism was understood.... There's so many kids diagnosed on the spectrum now because ,The More You Know!! Thank goodness for that!! It just makes me physically sick to see how Mica(misspelled on purpose) treated this child.. So upset. I look at my son an cannot imagine treating him like that... I was adopted an loved by my adopted Mum only .. grateful for her always.. but want to see ppl who look like me, look like me .. sorry so much comment this hits a chord deep in me ... Swoop grateful for you girly ! 🫵🏽🪨💗🫵🏽😘🫂😘
Right?? Im gen z and i feel like thoes comments were commonplace bc they didnt know that tantrums are a form of non verbal comunication like they do now
I had a reply here but it disappeared ... I was just pointing out something i heard when Myca was talking under James. She said to Huxley 'are you over yourself yet?'. Just makes me so sick.
These people treated adopting a child like rescuing a dog from the pound. The way they "chose" the "perfect" child or how they "rehomed" him. Sick, evil people.
So - the part where Myka gives Huxley treats like a dog - this is a part of Applied Behavior Analaysis (ABA Therapy) the most common form of therapy offered to autistic children. It’s one of MANY reasons why many autistic individuals consider ABA degrading and abusive. I personally, as an autistic person, believe ABA is extremely complicated, and while I would like to see it go away, it’s also the only resource many parents have, so I try not to shame them. But I DO HEAVILY encourage them NOT to do this. This is a practice I advocate heavily against when working with BCBAs, because food should NEVER be used as a reward or punishment. Autistics already struggle with EDs, and this can set up a VERY harmful relationship with food for many autistic children. I also heavily advocate against “Quiet hands.” If the child’s stimming is not harming anyone, let them stim.
I second this, so many people don't realise that the person who created ABA also created gay conversion therapy using the same methodology. It really gets me that for conversion therapy they agree that it doesn't work as it just teaches people to mask and negatively affects their mental health. With ABA the harm is acknowledged but because it is 'successful' it just needs to be modified to reduce harm. They have totally missed that the 'success' they are seeing is masking. Also ABA managed to brand themselves as the 'gold standard treatment' but that is only because it was the first 'successful' treatment option. The thing is though that it doesn't have any gold standard research to back it up. The only research it has is small group (a large study has 20 people in it) and all of it is that at the beginning they could do X and at the end they could do XYZ. They don't have any studies that are against a control group or a different therapy option.
The worst part is that most of his “issues” were likely not because of autism. I’d bet a bottom dollar he had attachment trauma or possibly attachment disorder (rare, but more common from orphanages), which can also present as similar to autism. We had a foster child who came as “autistic” and, due to our pushing for proper and trauma-‘minded eval, left with the proper diagnoses of FASD and reactive attachment disorder. Once proper diagnosis is given, proper treatment can begin. Aba is already bad enough for autistic children, but due to the focus on not accepting undesirable behavior could REALLY be a setback for a child with attachment issues who just needs an extended period of grace and connection instead of correction and training,
Part of me is happy my kiddo wasn't diagnosed until she was a teen, because ABS would have been pushed hard on us and now knowing what I know, it would have been terrible for her. I hope that this child has had a better life with a family that is actually equipped to help him
@@SigEMT09 I personally wouldn’t ever say someone’s issues are not “likely” because of autism, mostly because I’m not involved in his evaluations so therefore I have no way of confirming his diagnosis. For the purposes of my commentary, I solely focus on the information provided.
As an autistic adult who’s worked in ABA I get the not using food as reinforcement, even though we do it in schools and home all the time, your kid gets a A on test, woo lets get ice cream, or setting those contingency. I know my experience is NOT like others, but the BCBAs I’ve worked with hate and advocate against using food because we educate ourselves on how easily it can lead to ED’s. Again, I get my experience is just one but I truly would love to see big changes ABA and move away from the incredibly problematic origins.
Oooh good point! But.... Can't wait till kitchen big scrub day.... Gave it about 30 seconds of thought - to save to watch on cleaning day... 😂😂Nope. Bed time with herbal tea and swoop! 🤗
He was a prop from the moment they adopted him, but he didn't die quickly like he was supposed to. They went shopping for a terminal child - - because that was the low effort, high return investment Myka was looking for to help grow her business.
Imagine meeting someone with a baby and they tell you "oh, it's my baby, I won't put him up for adoption!" I assumed not, why do you feel like you need to tell me that? What's on your mind?
Being a disabled person myself, I have noticed that when certain terms are phrases are deemed as outdated, it’s mostly able-bodied people making that decision. And those of us with actual disabilities are rarely asked how we feel on the letter, we just get told that it’s a thing now and we have to go with it. That doesn’t mean it’s every disabled person’s experience, but that’s something that I have definitely noticed.
Agreed. I don't find special needs offensive. It's the same idea as specialized medicine. Many, many people have special needs. The special needs umbrella in education is humongous and wide reaching - it touches challenges in varieties like minor physical disabilities to more encompassing challenges, physical health issues that interfere with learning in a great range from chronic pain to epilepsy, learning disabilities either by nature or nurture such as children enduring home challenges, addiction, students who need extra academic help and test time for any range of reasons including autism, anxiety, ADHD, dyslexia and so on. And mental health issues. Omg, there are so many more. The entire alternative schools, both enrichment and other types like athletic or attendance/graduation focussed. Okay, you get it. It's about tailoring needs academically to the student's individual challenges. 🚸 I will tell you that the entire student body would rebel in total defiance if they changed the title to "disability needs." 😂 Kids be kids and all.
Agreed! My brother is autistic and he was once stopped mid-sentence as he introduced himself, by a woman who told him he should say "person with autism" and that was the "proper" term. He said, "as the autistic person, can I decide that?" Couldn't have agreed more 🙄
Right. My daughter and I both have autism. We were told by various sources that we would’ve been considered as Aspergers at a time, but that they don’t call it anymore. Then they said we’re both considered Level 1, but then others are saying levels are offensive all of the sudden. So wtf are we? I don’t know. I give up.
@@yasaminwhy8212well, I agree with this message thread but the “person WITH condition” is a really helpful rephrasing. Because it harnesses the ability for people to share/describe their conditions without internalizing the stigma or the challenges into their sense of self. Although most of the time when people discuss their conditions in such a personalized way don’t feel hurt to their sense of self, it’s more about protecting against other harder times. The other term changes though do seem exhausting
I do disagree with your point on adopting disabled children. If you get pregnant, yes, you have no choice if the child, sadly, does have a disability once born. But when adopting, the parents do, absolutely, have every right to not pick a disabled child. At least they're still adopting. I do disagree with 'returning' the child if you knowingly adopt a disabled child then no longer want them. It's nuanced though, if you can't care for them, then you should do what's in the child's best interest.
Totally agree with everything you said. When people make the huge decision to become a parent, whether biologically or through adoption, they should be aware of and prepared for the possibility of caring for a disabled child. Even if a child is born nondisabled, there's always a chance of accidents, illness, etc. Far too many people become parents without ever considering the lifelong repercussions for themselves and the child(ren). It's not a decision to be taken lightly. Thank you for sharing this really valuable perspective.
The fact that she tried to get pregnant with someone she was in a relationship with for only 4 months was already a red flag that maybe she is not making responsible decisions when it comes to having children.
I seriously doubt she was "trying" to get pregnant with that guy. Most likely she doesn't want to be judged for having premarital sex as the "good Christian" she presents herself to be. So framing the pregnancy as an intentional decision, even though they weren't married, is a way to make it seem more acceptable. She hopes people will look the other way when it comes to premarital sex as long as the goal was to make a baby.
@BradK28 i agree with you, it doesn't seem genuine at all that she would twice decide to get pregnant, magically become pregnant and then get engaged very quickly afterwards. Nah. She had 3 accidentally pregnancies but is worried Christians won't watch her videos if they know.
@@BradK28Yes I had that feeling too watching this video. I would not be surprised if she was even coerced to it. She just started college so presumably she had some academic ambitions in her life. Men like this , they can feel when you’re vulnerable and manipulate you *heavily*
I have custody of my twin nephews with special needs. I would adopt them in a heartbeat if that were in the cards. Despite the hardships and challenges, there are so many wonderful moments that outweigh the hardships. I question if I was the right person for them every other day but I could never imagine giving up on them. I keep seeking out further support systems to get them the help they need
It fills me with FURY he still has a giant RUclips following. I was one of the people who emailed his supposed sponsors during all of this controversy when all of this came out. And a a couple did respond and emailed me back. Turns out they didnt sponsor him at all! He had bought their product in bulk and is selling it on his amazon store. So there was nothing they could do. And they were just a small family company (they made car detailing brushes) and they apologized and said they wouldn't sell to him anymore. And another one responded and basically said the same thing that he bought their product in bulk and they were not in any way affiliated with him. So he was pretending to have sponsors i guess? He probably still is pretending honestly
To be fair to those subscribers, theres probably a huge amount that have no idea what trash he is. I can only imagine the cross over between family vlogs and car cleaning isnt massive.
@@hannahxx17also it’s pretty clear she’s the one in charge of the family channel. Like obviously he’s there but it’s clearly more of her thing which makes it easier to hide
@@hannahxx17 My husband and I started watching car detailing videos during the "at home times" because it was soothing and James' channel was one of the ones we watched. We didn't know anything about him or his family. After everything with Huxley blew up, we quit him. Some of his subscribers may not know, but it was a pretty widely reported mess when it happened, so it's surprising that it hasn't affected him more. Nothing seems to affect him, tbh.
Did it make you feel better about yourself to deprive a person and his children of their livelihood? No matter what I think about their actions in this particular situation, I will never for the life of me understand the vindictiveness that so many people have wanting to see people suffer and pile on when they are already facing a crisis.
I would like to add - they talk about his "tantrums" when they're probably actually referring to a meltdown, which is common with autistic individuals. It's not the same as a tantrum. Meltdowns happen when the child is overwhelmed or experiencing sensory overload from loud noises, bright or flashing lights, overwhelming smells, etc. It's not something the child can control and isn't the same as a tantrum, which happens because a child is being denied something they want or when they are seeking attention. Meltdowns aren't about attention seeking. These people should have educated themselves more and they shouldn't have ignored their doctor and other experts. This whole story is so gross.
My biggest issue with this situation will always be that Myka Staufer, as a nurse, would (or at least SHOULD) have known EXACTLY the kinds of things that would have gone with the kinds of issues that Huxley had. That is part of what you learn in nursing school and during your externships/clinical training. She had FAR more education and knowledge on these diagnoses than the average mother EVER gets.
@@melodyssong4916 “I’ve seen so many things in my scope of practice.” THAT’S NOT WHAT THAT MEANS!! 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ Scope of practice is the set of functions that a healthcare professional is legally allowed to do. For example, diagnosing an illness; this is not in an RN’s scope of practice… it IS in a physician’s, nurse practitioner’s, PA’s scope of practice. She doesn’t even fk’ing know what that means 😂🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
This video touched me in a deep way. My son was recently diagnosed with level 2 autism. He's been getting support through speech therapy since he was 2 years old and attended a preschool centered around special needs. My husband and I are realizing that we should seek our own resources because we see a lot of the same signs in ourselves. It's become a family journey for us and there has been so much we learned and still have to learn. He's doing amazing in school, he's in kindergarten and still has an IEP and some of the most supportive teachers and therapists we could ask for. He turns 6 on Saturday and we are beyond proud of him! Thank you so much for addressing this Swoop ❤
Just getting that IEP early is amazing and demonstrates your commitment to him. I had a 504 plan, and it was most helpful in high school, even though I got it in elementary (having that documentation early makes it easy to keep the plan throughout school) Early intervention isn’t the only way, but it sounds like you’re setting your son up for success!
The whole process of getting an IEP, services, insurance coverage, etc. is literally a full time job ON TOP of a parent's regular employment and also the full time job of parenting! It is no joke! I work with autistic children, and I feel very strongly that these kids are AMAZING even if it means more "work." Keep going strong, and my love to all your family!
I'm so glad that you included Myka talking about not wanting to pay for the needed therapy while wearing a Cartier bracelet. That alone tells me everything I need to know. She and James, who is a weak and cowardly man, were just trying to skate by as long as possible putting in sub-par effort and then gave up without fully exploring all of their options. If they couldn't afford the needed therapy, they should have sold their cars, downsized their ridiculous house, have exhausted all options! You are far more gracious to them than I am. Yes, he is in a better situation hopefully but that doesn't make then any less evil in my eyes.
Adoption agencies, that have "no social media" clauses (usually for the 1st 2y) on their contract, are really saving themselves from unscrupulous parents. It should be generalised. Edit: Also, I understand that we are humans and we make mistakes, even preventable ones but when said preventable mistake ends up retraumatising an innocent child, I have ZERO understanding and empathy. Myka will never be able to "cry" her way out of this one in my house. 🙅🏾♀️
.... It is outside of the US. It's law per the Hague's CRC's agreement. US won't abide so they and 5(?) other countries cannot participate with the rest of the world's adoptions. There's more rules, lol, not just social media.
Hi international adoptive mom here to clarify: rules about social media for adoption actually are set by the country of origin, not the agency. Different nations have different requirements. Most specify that you cannot share pics of your prospective adoptive child until after you clear court. Some go further. Also, the reason it’s 1-2 years after placement is probably because that is the post-adoption monitoring period. You have to submit post placement reports after your child comes home. The period varies by country. During that time, if you disobey the order you can jeopardize the entire adoptive program for other people- the country can decide to shut down adoptions to your country and other parents in the process would have their adoptions delayed or cancelled entirely. They can’t take the kid back, but you can ruin it for everyone else.
Wait, Mika literally said when the doctor was explaining his diagnosis and warning them against doing this that the info literally went “in one ear and out the other” because it didn’t matter to her what the disabilities were. How can they keep saying then that weren’t prepared or properly informed? She literally said it wouldn’t matter anyway? The gall of these people.
I’m the sister/caregiver of a 27 yo ASD Level 1. At diagnosis (2 1/2) she was level 3. After years of blood , sweat, tears, and every therapy we could try…we reached level 1. She has a bachelor’s degree and has worked at the same job (full time) for 4 years. We had many bad days. We had melt downs in public with people commenting that we shouldn’t be placating a “spoiled child”. However, we had amazing days and amazing trips. She is my best friend!
I just want to say that like, what’s sad about Huxley is that there are so many good parents out there who, by virtue of *being good parents* realized that their limitations would not fit his needs and chose not to adopt him, and the end result was that he was adopted by someone who was deeply ignorant of their own capabilities.
I have a level 3 nonverbal son who is 5 years old. Just the idea of someone like him having to leave everyone and everything he knows makes me ugly cry. He is so attached and dependent on the people he chooses to love. Until recently, that was really only one person. The idea of a child like him spending two years and not having his special person ìs infinitely more heart breaking.
Another important thing to note re: the disability conversation is that not all disabilities are from birth. “Person with a disability” is one of the few minorities that you can end up in at any time, in any circumstances. People can be one health complication, one car accident, etc., away from also living with a disability. This is why accommodations, legislation, and society at large should be more supportive of all folks who live with these realities. If you can join their community at any time, why wouldn’t you want the proper protections in place? You may need them, yourself, at some point in the very near future.
My only question is what would be the outcome if Huxley was their biological son with the exact same needs? Would they still have placed him with another family or would they have stuck by his side and do everything they possibly could to help him?
I worked as a behavior interventionist for very young kids with high support needs and my fav quote I heard from a supervisor was “When you’ve met 1 person with autism, you’ve met 1 person with autism”
EXACTLY it pisses me off so much when people think we're all the same "you're autistic? i have an autistic nephew and you act nothing like him" and the nephew is literally A 9 YEAR OLD BOY dude obviously im not gonna act like your nephew im 17 and trans ppl need to stop thinking autism is just something on a slider with autistic on one end and "normal" on the other a better visual could be one of those music things w a bunch of sliders and imo even w that i just cant imagine a way to describe autism as a whole i can barely even "visualize" my own autism
when I interviewed for my current job (I work at a school for children with asd) my supervisor said the same thing, and that's how I knew I had ended up at the right place.
@@restlessCrustaceansome people get mad at long replies, but healthy people like me appreciate them because I actually want to understand. So thank you and say it for people like me that care. The people that lack empathy and put people down for speaking are the problem. You are the solution by knowing yourself and getting better at explaining what you understand about the world and how that adds to what we can all understand. It is just as weird to me to judge a fish for how well it can fly, we should all be able to be our best at who we are. Trying to push people to be what someone else wants instead of who they are is a huge issue. We don’t need a bunch of people that act like slaves, we need a healthier world.
The way she talks is so patronising. She reminds me of a teacher I had who would blame being bullied on me. Like just imagine someone passive aggressively telling you that it's your fault in that tone of voice.
I had a councillor at my school do this to me too. She literally made me cry cause she was getting angry at me when I said I didn’t find what the other students were doing as bullying. Tone of voice is important
A few years ago 60 minutes Australia did a story about “rehoming” adopted kids in the us. It was absolutely shocking. It haunts me at least once a week.
I read an article several years ago about unofficial "rehoming" networks in America; adoptive so-called parents finding each other on Facebook etc. then meeting in random parking lots to swap children. No oversight whatsoever. It's horrific.
56:21 gaaargh! As an autistic person, if someone kept demanding that I make eye contact, I’d completely lose it. Eye contact hurts me. I can’t do it on demand.
Agreed! I'm AuDHD and it's literally harder for me to formulate sentences while being forced to make eye contact. Like do you want eye contact or do you want me to speak coherently? You can't demand both and, personally, I'd prefer coherence.
@PostmasterTheEyrie yeah, it's usually really harmful. there's a big difference between teaching disabled kids skills that will help them in life (in all areas) and forcing them through incredibly uncomfortable and distressing "training" to make them APPEAR a little more typical. I notice consistently that ABA and other "therapy" methods are often too focused on outward presentation and not inner experience. if you only care about how other people think about your kid, you're taking the absolute wrong approach. trying to be something we are not completely breaks us, and some of us NEVER really discover our own identity if we have been forced to be something else since we were very small.
It does hurt and unfortunately I was clicker trained to make eye contact. It still hurts to make eye contact to this day tbh and i am NOT better off for it 😂
I, too, have ASD (Lvl1). I have ommetraphobia. I genuinely CANNOT make eye contact. Instead, I have to focus on the bridge if their nose to make it seem like I'm staring at their eyes, but at the same time, doing that makes my mind wander and I stop paying attention. The only way I can pay attention is by multitasking. Y'know, the best way to make it seem like I'm NOT paying attention... I have to tell people ahead of time that it may look like I'm not paying attention, but I actually am (and mention that I'm autistic to back me up, because people don't believe me until I tell them my brain is wired differently). Very intently, actually. If I don't, I end up getting that glazed look on my face that clearly states, "Birdsong231 has gone offline."
As an adopted person, mother, and person who struggles with fertility, these people piss me off more than just about everyone else. The toxic positivity, the family vlogging, everything they do is an assault to my senses targeted directly at what hurts me most. These people remind me of the saying that every kid deserves a parent but not every parent deserves a child. Abhorrent, infuriating, and just so sad for those kids. I hope those babies are ok.
it irks me that they said "for his privacy" when really, it was to protect themselves from criticism for what they've done. they knew they were wrong. they probably noticed all the attention and interactions with the comments on their videos when he wasn't around and wanted to monetize on that bc they knew people would keep coming back to check. it's so heartbreaking. i really hope he's in a better home now. sickening. i knew what happened with this situation, but i never got the details into it. thanks for your time as always, swoop.
Hey Swoop, I really appreciate this video for all the info you gave on ASD in particular, and how prevalent disabilities can be adoption (from China). I am past these decisions, but it has helped me make sense of a current situation and also helped me realize I made the right decision about adoption way back when. I still have had questions that you have helped put to rest. Thank you for the information! ✨💖✨
I was 60 when a cousin told me I am adopted. I was left hurt and bewildered. Please tell your child who they are - as much as always loved by you but biologically someone elses. I still wish my mum would have done that for me. Healing now is hard.
If a kid is raised with the knowledge in a matter of fact way, it's never a bombshell, it never rearranges their worldview, it's just part of their life. They might get curious, but they have solid foundations to deal with it.
That is awful, I'm so sorry. Not exactly the same, but I found out at 37 that I was donor conceived, via DNA test. I also found out that my donor had died from heart related issues. Not long after that I was DXd with several congenital heart conditions (including a gene mutation that causes Sudden Cardiac Death), and now have an ICD (Implantable defibrillator). This has also affected my own kids. Parents...TELL YOUR KIDS!
I’m 60 also. In our era it was a stigma to be adopted. I remember kids in the spirit of hatefulness teasing other kids that they were adopted because their parents didn’t want them. I’m glad we don’t live in that world today and we can tell your adopted child they’re adopted without worrying about how they will be treated.
@@selinesbeauAgree with this. I was conceived through IVF when IVF itself was still super new. To parents much older than typical too (not that people judged my dad as much- men really do get off easier in so many ways! but I got asked so many nosy questions even as a very young child or just people assuming my mom was my grandma). Anyway- my parents were always super open about my conception and I had the vaguest memories of watching my dad give my mom the shots that are part of the early process when they conceived my younger brother. It was always super normalized to me and it’s something I’ve always been very grateful for and have a lot of respect for how my parents handled it. Wasn’t easy for them. My mom’s mom openly told her she was too old to have a baby and like I said, lots of ageist comments from people and being asked if she was my “real” mom and all kinds of crap. So in a way I feel for parents who are worried about judgment or questions and the world is way too nosy about all these types of things but even then it’s better to face that stuff and feel like you’re together in it as a family than what I imagine the betrayal and identity crisis and a zillion other things that must come from only finding our decades later. I can’t even imagine what that must feel like. I’ve had a few times growing up where I got pressed for info no one should ever be asking a child about where I was half gaslit into wondering if I was adopted or if there was some other secret my parents weren’t telling me about. But because my parents were so open about the topic and all their fertility struggles and journey… just gotta be better than any other alternative.
I know it's almost a 2 hour video and there are so many red flags to point out from her clips, but as a disabled person, the "we don't care what's WRONG with him (38:36)" sent chills down my spine when i heard it.
Yeah seriously, like, that line just made my jaw drop. What do you mean "we don't care what's wrong with him", that's such a slap in the face to anyone with any form of disability. Even on a good day, it can already feel like something is wrong with you; I have a non-verbal learning disability, and some days I feel like I'm a failure because I struggle with certain school subjects, so the fact that Myka had no issue with saying "We don't care what's wrong with him" on camera for millions of people to see just proves that she has no consideration or real compassion for Huxley. Just because he's non-verbal doesn't mean he's incapable of understanding and being frustrated that he has to struggle while his other siblings don't have to. There's nothing "wrong" with Huxley, he was just born different, he had the odds stacked against him, but that's not his fault and that makes him no less deserving of a loving and supportive family. That is such a disgusting, insensitive thing to say about him.
So, I was a viewer of her channel in passing and commented similar sentiments. Things like: “hey, it seems like you are not getting the proper diagnosis for your son, I recommend seeing specialists because it’s important to have the right treatments” or “is sharing a room a good idea for kids with this kind of past” or “changing a name for a child old enough to have a sense of self is probably traumatic”…….. anyway my comments were either deleted or spammed with absolute hate… I know that’s how these family vloggers are now but at the time I was kinda hurt tbh.
Thank you for saying this. I hadn't thought anything of it but it really is something deeply horrible. I'm really sorry I've probably said it in the past, but I'll be sure not to do that again.
I would like to know how she handled this situation with her other children. If I was a child in that home and I watched my parents give away my brother, that would become my biggest fear. I'd be terrified of getting in trouble for fear that my parents would give me away, too.
In amongst all the horror of family channel stuff, Swoop gets to something that always angers me as an autistic person - that there is a culture of focusing on how hard it is for parents and caretakers, while ignoring that it's just as hard to be the kid suffering through that. A lot of folks talk about autism like the main symptom is "kid makes his parent's life difficult," as if it's no different than a kid who draws on the walls. Those kids have a hard road and while it is hard for parents too, and no parent wants to see their child unhappy, I wish the narrative focused more on the children suffering through difficult childhoods too, and not JUST on the parents.
Oh and I love hearing from the autistic youtubers and commenters at the end, getting even more into this. The horror and overwhelm of being perceived is exactly what gets turned around when we focus only on how we perceive a kid's impact on those around them, while often not perceiving how the child is suffering too.
yes as a fellow autistic person, I 100% notice this as well. I escaped it a bit since I wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult, but I certainly have seen a consistent narrative of a sort of pity towards parents of autistic kids, even if the person has no idea how "difficult" that autistic kid really is and is just assuming. people tend to just gloss over or not consider that yeah, maybe a kid broke something or messed something up when they had a meltdown, but meltdowns are hell! they are so incredibly shitty to experience. the only reason that screaming or crying or hitting behavior is being projected is because the utter discomfort, overwhelm, and even pain of having a meltdown is too much to contain.
I am autistic and a mother and worked in daycares for 10 years. Generaly there are LOADS of parents who constantly complain about how hard theyr kids are. It gets hightened with disabilities and for Autisem spesificaly AutisemSpeaks made it a promoted thing and a Identity for Parents of autistiv C kids. Many of them propably undiagnosed neurodivergent themself. When I talk to other ND Parents THEY NEVER COMPLAIN. Yes sure its haed sometimes, but in my expirience ND parents are more open and just take the kiddos as who they are becoming, while many of the "normal" Parents have a spesific idea of how and who theyr kid has to be.
@@More13Feen Totally agree with what I've seen as well! It's not that it's not hard on parents, it's that ND parents tend to have much more understanding that it's ALSO hard on the kids, and they can try to work with that. A lot of folks in general just treat all kids like NPCs with no agency and it's really frustrating.
I'm dating someone with autism (amongst other things), and I am angry on all of yalls behalf. Why would someone exploit someone with autism or any disorder for that matter!?
Across the board, from what’s in this video, Myka was never focused on what the CHILD needed. From the jump, it was about HER being “needed”, and HER being the one to win, or triumph, for HER “love” To win the day. If she had ever stopped to think, “Can we give this child what is best for HIM?”, it would have been a massively different process.
This is SUCH a common theme amongst many hoping to adopt and adoptive families. Especially the moms…. And I say this as an adoptee with a damn good adoptive mom. But I’m real good at picking out the bad apples. It’s too easy.
That’s why I suspect they were looking at children of different races to make it even more obvious that the child isn’t their biological child-look at how benevolent we are.
I used to work adjacent to the foster care system and some foster parents expected the children to be so appreciative for being “rescued”. However, the child never asked to be removed from the home and they never asked to live with the foster parent. Why do they have to stroke the foster parents’ egos for doing something the foster parents signed up for?
Thank you Swoop. Not enough people touch on the impact this had with their bio kids. They had a sibling for 2 years and then he was just gone. They were pretty young. I hope they got the professional help I’m sure they needed to cope. Glad the adopted child found a supportive home.
I have a 10 year old son with ASD level 3, and I myself suffer from various mental illnesses. It was a very rough birth where we both almost didn't make it. It's just he and I, and it is the hardest thing in the world for both of us everyday, we do have support he is in a very good school, it just feels like I'm alone in this and I'm not good enough for him, and dont know if Im strong enough. He's a beautiful loving angel, and I want the absolute best for him. I normally don't write comments, but by the end of this video, I was in tears. This just broke my heart.
As a mother to a disabled child (and I'm using child loosely because he's now 22), I can promise you that as long as you are doing your best to show up for him, you are doing amazing! He may never be able to tell you the way you expect to hear it, but I know in my heart that he love and appreciates all you do for him. I get it, it can be so hard, and likewise we can be so hard on ourselves. All those little things that go differently than we planned or expected aren't as big as our hearts make them out to be. It's a really odd thing to say, but the fact that you are questioning if you're doing enough, or strong enough, is a VERY good indicator that you are doing fantastically. Bad parents just assume that they're totally great, and it's everybody else that is the problem. Good parents almost universally find ways to question themselves regularly because they want the absolute best for their kids. Hang in there. This internet stranger believes in you!
I will never forget when she took her kids shopping and bought all of the kids their own gift except for Huxley. He was told he could share with her youngest child at the time. I also remember how it came out that she would put Huxley to bed early and then have a movie night, where all of her biological kids, her words, would gather in her and her husband's bedroom, snuggle up on the bed, and watch a family movie together. Soon after adopting Huxley she got pregnant with her youngest child. Once she had him, she was done 'playing" with Huxley. Also, her first husband has apparently said that her narrative about how they jointed decided to have a baby on the spur of the moment and that he cheated is all completely false and fabricated. Apparently she fabricates a lot. Her former co-workers have also come out and stated that a lot of her narrative about being an oncology nurse was exaggerated and false.
it's so clear to me that she never actually saw huxley as a person. she's like one of those people that buys a puppy and as soon as that puppy turns into an adult dog it gets taken to the shelter.
If Myka bought all the kids their own gift except Huxley and said that Huxley could share with the youngest, then, seeing as how Huxley and the youngest would've been sharing, she clearly didn't buy all of the kids their own gift EXCEPT Huxley. (It makes sense that the youngest 2 in a family would share something.) 🫠 Considering Huxley's unique situation, a movie night before bed may not have been the best thing for him or the other children. If that's the case, then should NONE of the children do a movie night? At what point should NONE of the children do something if Huxley's circumstances make it un-ideal for him to participate? 🤔
The youngest baby was when I realized they genuinely weren’t going to take care of Huxley. He needs a level of care that would have prevented any other family from continuing to expand. It was really heartbreaking to realized that they would never prioritize his long term needs.
I recently discovered your channel. It's sometimes hard for me to watch crime doc's because it can be sad or hard to watch but ever since I came across your channel it's not been so bad. The pettiness also helps and it always puts a smile on my face 😅 Your makeup is always so beautiful too 🩵 I hope you have an amazing new year
1:04:10 Autistic meltdowns are not tantrums. The person is not in control. A tantrum is a deliberate act to manipulate. A meltdown is not done on purpose and is not able to be controlled.
I don’t personally believe tantrums are always a form of manipulation but a lacking of able to express themselves, for ex toddlers and kids have tantrums but it’s not necessarily to manipulate the parent. I personally think they’re both synonymous but also could be used in different settings, such as a tantrum for maybe speaking about a child and a melt down or breakdown for a adult
I agree with both of these kinda A tantrum is just emotional dysregulation or inability to comunicate (the idea its for manipulation just comes fromadults centering their childs experience around their feelings rather than what the kids going thru) not saying a kid being grouchy or mean bc they were told no never happends but even then its a reaction to a thing not a thought out if i act this way ill get something they dont have the developmental capacity in early childhood to manipulate Meltdowns generally are a sensory over load or being every overwelmed by changes or other situations nt kids dont find overwelming meltdowns are exclusive to the nd (all mh conditions not just asd and adhd) and arent something that nt people experience
In practice I find it is not helpful honestly to try and distinguish between tantrums and meltdowns. Being out of control feels YUCKY either way. It’s distressing and can be scary. I think loving boundaries plus acceptance plus availability is the right approach either way.
@@kasskersI believe it is manipulation in its most basic form. Not all acts of manipulation are done purposefully or with malicious intent. It is a failure to communicate in an effective manner that leads to the manipulation of others around you to conform to your wants. For a good example of non intentional manipulation in adults people with bpd (borderline personality disorder) like me can be extremely manipulative without realizing it. I do not try to my acts of manipulation are purely reactionary due to my emotional state in those moments but they are manipulative nonetheless. The kid doesn’t understand that it is manipulative and they shouldn’t be punished for it however I do think it’s useful for parents to recognize it as manipulation so the parent can react accordingly. At least that’s my opinion. I just see a lot of my own behaviors happen during a child’s tantrum (the yelling crying and screaming and even hurting themselves or others) like I said though it’s not done with malice or active intent but it’s still manipulation. And i do only compare my adult bpd to childhood tantrums because at least for me in those moments of manipulation I do regress to a more childlike state and lose my ability to engage with adult methods of emotional regulation so it does feel like I’m that toddler throwing a tantrum over a piece of candy and it’s honestly horrific.
They can be both manipulative and out of the person's control depending on the person and the episode. It's not always one or the other and you can't group ppl and stick them in a box.
this story breaks my heart so much. i work in a daycare and we see children with special needs have parents that really struggle. but at the end of the day you can tell they love their child so so much. they didnt view him as theirs. its disgusting
I use to work in adult group homes and it is a life long commitment to have and love a special needs child. They didn’t know what they were getting into at all.
I have 3 kids, all autistic/ ADHD and one on each level (as well as being AuDHD myself). It is not "quirky" or "cutesy" to raise a child with complex disabilities, every day is a struggle. We are warriors who sacrifice so much to give our kids the best life we can, it is not for the weak, and in her case, the extremely ignorant. Most of us didn't choose this life but we rose to the occasion, if she can't do that, then don't break that poor child's heart by abandoning him cuz he's "too difficult". I hope he is living his best life now and being treated the way he deserves.
@AshChiCupcak you are so amazing. i see the snippets of what it is like raising these children and it is hard work. i really cant grasp the lack of compassion they had for this baby. duct taping his little fingers? why cant he suck on his thumb. i have no idea what they were thinking when adopting him
I always found it weird when some reality TV shows started having kids as the main subject !! Call it child labor or exploitation it’s such a fine line, too young to work and even sign or understand a contract !! How many child star just made their parents richer !!
1:27:37 I believe it’s because of who was the “face” of the channel/scandal. For Ruby and Mika, they were both the main faces of the channel, the main ones in the videos. That’s why their husbands are able to hide behind them - they were always in the background of the videos. For daddy o five and Austin mcbroom, those guys were moreso the main faces on their channels, the main ones spearheading the issues we saw in their videos…so hence the canceling of those men.
I agree with this, though I think I’d like to add this as general thing. The possible reason as to why the mother gets more attacked in these situations seems to be that mothers are seen as the default care giver, so if the father does something equally as bad it’s not really seen as a big deal, sadly due to societies heavy hand in the perception of mothers being there for the children and the fathers not really being around. It causes a lot of issues like terrible mothers still having custody and fathers being treated differently. It’s overall a sad and tragic situation
Also, in the Stauffer’s situation, he didn’t want to adopt. He kept saying no. Myka was clear that she had to convince him and it took a while. Then he didn’t want to adopt a severely disabled child but again she convinced him since she could take on 99 of 100 issues. Not saying he isn’t at fault but I think this is one of the reasons why Myka gets the bulk of the vitriol.
As a sibling of a child who was "adopted-out" (thankfully we have a great relationship and she runs an adoption advocacy group), the thing our general public needs to focus on criticizing is the PROFIT that comes from adoption. Remove religious groups from the process. Make it free or at least accessible so families don't spend money on the service they should be spending on actual childcare. Please. Adoption will seriously mess kids up if it's not handled correctly and 99% of religious services are involved in highly traumatizing or downright trafficky practices.
I don’t think adoption should ever be free except through foster care, but the funding should 100% go to nonprofit organizations promoting ways for parents to not HAVE to choose adoption due to finances etc. Why should an adoption director make bank off of selling babies when half the parents making an adoption plan wouldn’t do so if they had a way to keep the baby?!
I don’t think that any children especially ones with non verbal disabilities should be subjected to being exploited or even shown online for financial gain. They should demonetize any channel that has any children shown online. In myka’s case I fully believe she saw him as a cash cow but it became to much where she was losing money trying to take care of him. And she already had a taste of the “good life”. She and her husband couldn’t allow that to happen so they gave him up.
So excited for this. I used to follow her in my "high school kid watches family vloggers" era and when everything happened with their adopted child, I was so disgusted I left the genre entirely. I found his new family's Instagram a few years ago, as a selfish "closure from a parasocial relationship" move, and was relieved to see he seemed to be doing fine.
she (at least back then: I don’t follow things like this anymore) doesn’t use his old name, reference his old family, or show him often. I also don’t like knowing his face is still online, but at least her posts have more of a casual “mom talking to her friends” vibe like “look at our new pillow fort setup” with the kids just in the background of the picture or celebrating little wins, not showing the kids’ struggles.
I used to watch myka as well and I remember when this all happened. It was crazy. Around the apologize video Myka uploaded a video of her cleaning the fridge but she was using her husband's products. Kind of trying to promote his channel and products. And then it was deleted shortly after because of all of the hate comments and I'm assuming not to link her husband to her.
As an AuDHD adult, I want to please urge parents of neurodivergent children to let those lil ones decide who is privy to thier diagnosis as much as possible. Share your experience separate from your family account or in a way that does not disclose thier identity. I want families to have community and encourage one another without making decisions that those children can not conceive of or consent to.
I was thinking the same thing! How hard is it to say, "Thank you, sweetheart! I love your hugs! Would you like to show me your toes?" One of the best things from my disabled son is his hugs! Sometimes they're a rarity, but that just makes them even more special when he is willing to give them. The only time I could even consider that a "problem" is when reminding a child that not everyone finds hugs enjoyable, so it's always best to get consent first. Obviously, in a manner appropriate for that child's comprehension, but you get the point.
i have a child in my class who is non verbal, and his way of showing appreciation and affection is to give these very tight hugs where he presses his cheek against mine. I can't get enough of them. it warms my heart to know that he trusts me that much. it's so sad that she can't even appreciate the fact that her child is trying to show her love.
@@matildesimsby9163 I love this so much! When my son was still in public school, one of the things that made me happiest was knowing that the teachers, therapists, para-professionals, and everyone else that came in contact with him loved him almost as much as we do. He's 22 now, and he's still known in our community. My husband was at the grocery store and he ran into one of our son's first teachers and she was so excited to hear all about what our son had been up to. Life isn't what I expected, but I love what an amazing young man he has become. There are certainly days that I question myself enough to think that he has become who he is in spite of all of my failings, but even if that is true, he's still incredible and I wouldn't trade him for the world. All this to say, thank you for being one of the incredible humans that helps guide and teach our children. It's people like you that make it a little easier to breathe when we send our children off to school!
I’m a mom of 3 autistic kids and this family just makes me so angry. I’m only a few minutes into the video, but I remember these people. I hope that little boy is happy with his new family.
When I got into high school my teacher spoke about how when she went on the adoption journey. Depending on where the child is coming from the price for their adoption varies. She told me she really wanted a child, and the only child she could afford to adopt was in Mexico. Asian and white babies cost higher than any other child.
About white people adopting black children and respecting their culture and more specifically hair care - I cannot stop recommending Christy Gior and her videos of taking care of her adopted daughter's hair
And Jeena Wilder is a black woman who adopted a white little girl, one that was biologically related to her husband I think (maybe his niece?). but she speaks a lot to how hair care for her daughters long blond hair is very different from her other kids’ natural textured hair :)
There's a video about a woman who does her mixed sons hair (it's freaking Rapunzel hair and his natural hair is wonderful) and she makes so many videos dragging people that want her to straighten it to 'see what it looks like'. he loved it so much it was pure she's able to give him a healthy relationship with his hair
I am really struggling with this. I am an adopted person and an adoptive parent of a child adopted from Russia. We went into our adoption being very aware that our child would likely need therapy and educational supports and so it breaks my heart to hear about dissolution, but even more so, it enrages me to hear of families profiting off of adoption. Adoption is primarily an occasion of loss for everyone in the triad and should not be exploited for clicks and views. I hope this child is thriving with his family now.
As a Russian adoptee with disabilities, I want to thank you for taking time to write out your comment. I couldn’t have written it better myself. Thank you.💛
You're not an international adoption are you? This is really common. And, you need to invest in EMDR therapy. Pay for it, don't whine about the cost. I research this stuff. Yes, I know something you don't. Trauma shows up later.
@ thank you, I’m well aware. We have done therapy with therapists specializing in international adoption. Also, I’m adopted as well, so I am aware of the work involved. We’ve been a family for almost 18 years and we have put numerous psychological and education supports in place for our son. We were well aware that he might have needs requiring extra support and were committed to doing that for him because he is our child.
I was distracted a few times, wondering if those candles behind you are scented. You are a smart genuine person and your videos are easy to listen to. Thank you Swoop!
SOOOOO glad to see someone with this large of a platform doing a story about this!!! If NOTHING else there needs to be a law that if you adopt or foster kids, you cannot put the on social media for clout AND cannot discuss their private medical info or that of their birth parents online either. You shouldn’t be able to discuss any kids person medical info online for profit cuz these parents wouldn’t be as open about their own!
Idk about every state, but a lot of states do have laws against putting foster kids online, that is why so many of these mommy vloggers don’t want to do foster care. I’m in ca and my mom did foster care, and she couldn’t even post them on her private Facebook page even though they were like her own children
"she could deal with 99 conditions but I guess this ain't one" caught me off-guard SO hard that I just had to pause the video to lose my sh*t laughing for a bit before I could continue. thank you for inserting those moments of sass and levity into your storytelling, it makes the videos enjoyable to watch even with their often VERY heavy topics.
Intense ABA therapy and trying to forcefully remove self soothing habits like thumb sucking within months of being adopted into a different culture and without understanding the language, let alone the trauma of leaving his previous caregivers and friends. This whole situation is heartbreaking for the child. I hope he’s with a better family now. I hope this was the best outcome of a horrible situation. ❤️🩹
Yeah that was first red flag for sure! 😂 I'm a nurse and I cannot tell you how many other nurses I've met that are literally Myka clones. Pretending to be a saint, pretending to be a good person, naming their kids Brayden or Huxley, they look like her, they dress like her, they talk like her. While they are the meanest bullies behind the scenes. It's honestly scary how theres probably thousands of Mykas just like her in nursing and being responsible for the health pf people dependent on them across the US.
@@WhitneyDahlinI’m not even close to being a nurse, I’m a welder and sheet metal fabricator. But your post was so spot on to even MY experiences with those folks. Well done.
Same! I don't want to make people uncomfortable, but I sometimes find myself staring at people who have such beautiful hair. Afro curls, dreads, extreme length, I think it's so cool!
First, I love your content and don’t know why I haven’t seen it in forever. Second, it’s sad that probably one of the only comforts H had was sucking his thumb, and they tortured him for it. Ugh, I hope he’s somewhere safe and taken care of now.
Hi Swoop As someone who has a family member who has Autism, thank you from the bottom of my heart for not only researching what you can about these subjects, but also educating us on these things. I wish you, your team, and the Billing Department a happy holiday and a merry Christmas. Cheers from Canada!
The whole "we decided to have a baby" thing is so sad. Obviously she was having sex for fun with both of her boyfriends, but she feels a need to pretend that these pregnancies were planned to "justify" her premarital sex within her religious structure.
A very close family friend of mine grew up religious & actually did intend to have babies when having sex. It might have been a different situation (because they were mostly to ensure the fathers would stay in her life) but it does happen.
I work with severely disabled teenagers, and it has been one of the most humbling, beautiful, eye-opening experiences of my life. The biggest lesson is…it’s hard. There are really tough days. But there are also days when you give a kid who’s never had a “voice” the gift of communication. Of knowing someone finally understands them. Loving kids with severe disabilities is not a badge of honor to make you feel better about yourself. It’s a privilege to lift them up so they shine. It’s an honor to help them carve their place in the world.
China adoptions are closed now but at the time the Stauffers were adopting foreigners could ONLY adopt a special needs child. So, I didn’t take her question as a search for a disability that would make her look saintly but as a search for the easiest disability. Since she could only choose a disabled child, she wanted one that would have only a minor disability. She didn’t want a disabled child at all; she wanted a cute, cuddly one but that’s hard to get from a foreign adoption since many countries only offer special needs children to foreigners.
Jfc, that's so messed up for the kids. They can't even grow up in their own country. The Chinese government is dumping these children on purpose is dark.
In addition to her looking for a child who still _looked_ more difficult to take care of, as @PostmasterTheEyrie said, they also didn't _have_ to adopt from China.
Another commenter pointed out that Huxley wasn't actually chosen because he's autistic, he was originally diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor and given 2 years to live. Once they had him the doctors actually said it wasn't terminal and he'd live. For normal people, especially parents, that would be something beyond relief and joy that their baby would survive not just cancer but cancer that was expected to take them before they were even old enough to tie their own shoes, but Myka wanted him *specifically* for his terminal diagnosis and James actually fought her on adopting Huxley: she thought she'd get praise for adopting, for adopting a child with ASD, and adopting a child with cancer all in one convenient package, she'd get to give in a good couple of years, and praised for that the whole time too, and then would get so much sympathy once he passed. But once he was no longer dying and would need, you know, care, love, and she'd actually have to learn how to properly parent a child on the spectrum, she just gave him away. She wasn't adopting a son, she expected to get a prop.
Why would you go halfway across the world to adopt a baby and name him "Huxley"? It's nothing against the name per se, but it's not a Chinese name... he isn't even in their home yet when they pick his name, and they're already knocking over pieces of his heritage like little domino's 1 by 1 getting rid of little pieces of his culture. He had a name. His birth mother gave him a name.
He already had a name, and there’s absolutely zero reason why they shouldn’t have kept it, or the American translation of it. Same with kids in foster care. We keep our kids’ names if they have been hearing that name for more than a year of their life. Period.
Right! It really bothers me how white parents will adopt non-white children and then do no homework or put in any effort whatsoever to incorporate that child’s home culture, etc., into their lives It’s not as common as it used to be, but it’s still a huge problem with these types of adoptions
Apparently birth names aren’t important anymore. What if they game him a typically female name because he preferred girl clothes and typical girl toys?
Huxley wasn't going to live in China; he was going to live as a naturalized American citizen. Unbelievably, you've never met an Asian or any other foreign person with an English name. If Huxley's birth mother wanted Huxley to keep his birth name then she would've kept him from birth. Myka was his mother when he was renamed and it was her prerogative to name her child as she wished.
They also allowed their bio children to suck their thumbs while they were duct taping his. One of the bioch children was around the age of seven at the time as well. Myka specifically said she didn't want to take that "comfort"away from her. But, duct tape around the 3-year-old disabled child's hand was perfectly okay. Taking away his comfort was fine.
I'm really glad that Huxley is no longer being exploited online but I do wish we had a tiny update about him. I really hope he is thriving as best as he can. ❤
I used to work in group homes for mentally disabled adults, one of my favorite jobs ever, they were all so smart and wonderful in their own ways, they just needed some help. I think any parent adopting a disabled child needs to go through the training i did. It wasn't hard and gives so much insight and help. I am so grateful you took this on with so much compassion
My son is autistic. We could not take him anywhere out of the house without a very loud and continuous tantrum until we returned home. His speech was delayed. He has attended public school. The first week he was at school he was sent to the principal’s office and threw everything off her desk. The last years have been difficult filled with sacrifice. Next year he will graduate from high school,on time. He is the sweetest and caring child i have out of 4. I have changed my life completely. I worked as an RN in a level one trauma center and was very social. I went to the gym and had many friends and went out 2or 3 times a week already the mother of 3. Now i stay home almost exclusively even though he could tolerate going out now, it is always best to keep him on schedule. He has the delay process problem so i am not sure about his future employment. My middle son has a business we hope to get him interested in but we never know. It is a really hard road for someone who can’t make these sacrifices. I was brought up in the Southern Baptist and Missionary Baptist church so being brought up in a community that stresses sacrifice and family this may have been a better foundation for my life. We haven’t been able to attend church in years ironically. My son has grown leaps and bounds. He will finish school and go onto college . He is the most caring and sweetest child i have. It takes years to see an improvement and most cannot hang. Would i want to do it again? NO WAY! But as I enter my 50s my children and my family are my future. I am certain Myka’s other children have watched their parents give up a child and wonder about their commitment to them. We will see. I know my future is secure with my family, we never give up on each other . That was actually taught and walked. I can imagine if the child was not my biological child i could not swear to you i could have done it. I do not judge them.
As an adoptive mom to my one and only child, that I adopted 16 years ago, today, we’ve called it gotcha day since the adoption was finalized. I adopted my child from foster care and getting to that legally a family day was a very long process. As it should be, to protect the best interest of the child. My child is now 21 and openly tells people it’s their gotcha day. To us it’s a day were we celebrate them and their journey to being out of a foster system that caused them a lot of pain and heartache. It saddens me to hear of others turning the phrase gotcha day into something so negative because of people like Myka.
I think they were hoping for a baby with a brain tumor so that they could milk all of that content. Between treatments, possibly chemo and radiation, fundraising, maybe even make a wish videos, and possibly even the death of the child. But instead she got a kid with severe autism and then absolutely abandoned him bc it got too hard 😮 I can’t even imagine the trauma that kid went through when he realized his “mom“ was never coming back for him 😢
I did wonder if her being all "this could be even better!" about hearing he had more problems including a brain tumour, was because she thought she might only have to be his mum for a short period of time.
I keep hoping he actually does have attachment disorder and never actually bonded with them. We have had children with attachment disorder and they don’t give a rats a** about a caregiver. I really do hope that was the case for him, and he’s with someone now who has put in the difficult work to create an actual bond he could grow attached to.
Yeesh 😬 That reminds me of the mom who was poisoning her baby for her stupid channel... I don't know if the dad knew about it, but she just really wanted to be internet famous.
As someone who works as a therapist with foster kids and foster parents, it's unfortunately super common for foster parents to go into it with that savior complex, assuming that if they give that kid a welcoming and loving home that it will resolve all of their issues and ignoring physical disabilities and things like trauma. I'm currently working with a family that is frustrated that their adopted kids aren't "over their trauma", despite the fact that it's been six months and we have explained to them that this will be a lifelong struggle for these kids. Incredibly frustrating to see.
I'm new. I'm so glad I found you. As a true crimerer, I've seen so many cases where adopted kids are abused and/or schmurdered. While so much about this is just absolutely 🤮, we are to point in society in which I'm grateful he was rehomed.
My son has health issues that will take him from me, not once did I ever want to give up on him, EVER. I wouldn't change anything about him. Some people should not be around kids.
As an adopted child, this situation really troubles me. I remember when this got into the news, I asked my mom if they would still have adopted me if I was sick and they said they were ready to care for me no matter what. Also, I understand documenting the process of adoption. My mom kept everything from my adoption, but it’s something so private…
My mom knew my bio parents, and knew I was "going to be a handful" as she says 😂 It hasn't always been easy, but I think it's been an overall net positive. I'm just so infinitely thankful I didn't have to do my time in The System
Thank you so much for covering this! I would love to see your take on the Della vlogs adoption scandals. Since adopting their new born daughter she has been on camera non stop and exploited. I can only hope Huxley is now in a happy nurturing environment free from exploitation and harm.
Speaking as an autistic person, I'm sorry but Myka's home would have been a NIGHTMARE for any person ASD regardless of support needs. She's far too focused on appearances and refused to let her child be who he is. My grandmother was a lot like her and all of my worst meltdowns growing up would happen when she was watching me. She was an old school socialite who just couldn't handle being related to a weird kid. She would try to mold me into being neurotypical and punish me for stepping out of line. She was a monster. And the worst part was watching her soak in the praise and the sympathy for having to "put up" with me when I wasn't even hurting anyone. I just wanted to be left alone. Myka wanted that same praise too. She wanted Hux to eventually fit into her family's neat little box so she could show her "project child" to the world, but he was never built to do that. And when she finally realized that, she didn't want him anymore. Disgusting.
I am the stepmom to two autistic children, and there are some hard days. As any parent will tell you! But as I've struggled to find my place in their lives and determine how I can best help them, the thought I keep coming back to is that I am there to love these kids. They have their own struggles, they need extra help, but ultimately they want what we all want and that is to be loved and supported for who they are. It breaks my heart to think of any child being "returned" because they are too much effort. What a sad story this is.
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I have gotten exactly to the point of your gummibear earrings! I was admiring them before you mentioned them and THEY ARE EVERYTHING. That is all! Back to the doc!
What, you’re not doing a video on me?
I guess it's very fresh - at least on german RUclips - but I would love you to cover the "nurse" Hannah Biatt topic when enough information has emerged to do so! ❤
THANKS FOR THIS SWOOP ❤❤❤❤❤
Happy holidays Swoop❤
Jeannette McCurdy and Alyson Stoner said it best, even if the famiiy itself isnt abusive, making a child the breadwinner of a family is a form of ca. No child should live under that level of pressure.
Agreed wonder if thats why kids of famus parents do better than kids that are famus but parents arent bc the celeb parents have jobs where most child stars whos parents arent also in that industry dont tend to have jobs
@@pinetreegreen3330just curious, why ‘famus’ instead of ‘famous?’
I knew about this story for a long time. But I never followed them. As difficult as this story is, I felt the child would have been better off in a home where he was with parents who were willing and better equipped to deal with his disabilities. It is easy to say I can do this. I can be the child's hero until you are faced with the trauma of everyday life dealing with the child. Even many biological parents will put a special needs child in home care because they can't deal with the child's needs. Although this sounded from everyone's opinion , it was very cruel, I felt differently. I felt it was the best thing they could do for him. I am not sure these kids are capable of growing an attachment to anyone person. He should have never been put up for adoption.
Jeanette McCurdy is a strong and valiant woman! I have so much respect for her.
It also warps their versions of acceptance. Like I never knew how drunk my dad always was cause that’s just how he was growing, I didn’t realize that wasn’t normal until our mom left him. (Not trying to trauma dump I swear)
As someone who was adopted as an infant with intense health issues (that caused many families to pass me over and meant I was without parents in a hospital for my first few months of my life) this story sickened me. Adopting a child is as serious of a commitment to that child as birthing them. Huxley was not a commodity or expendable. Parents who “rehome” kids that are inconvenient to them aren’t fit to be called parents at all.
They made the choice to adopt a complex child and exploit him and then act all shocked Pikachu face when he had issues and wasn’t a camera-perfect little doll.
I look at my mother, a teacher, who was told by doctors I might POSSIBLY have intellectual disabilities due to prolonged oxygen deprivation and went out to get a special education masters degree in preparation just in case, then look at Myka, and it infuriates me. She was a nurse, she had zero excuses.
Right?! Abandoning the child instead of stopping the vlogs to focus on him was a choice. Xtian parents and unocnditional love are truly like oil and water.
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I’m absolutely in agreement with you. Your mom sounds awesome, btw. ♥️
Your mom sounds like an incredible, loving and caring person. You got the mother you deserved. One that would do anything possible and impossible for her child. I wish every child would have this kind of mom.
Totally agree with everything you said 👍👍👍
Good to hear the story from the perspective of a grown adopted child that went through this. Something no one has seemed to look into. Thanks so much for sharing.
Your mum sounds amazing, I’m so happy you have her ❤
I have a perspective on being adopted by white parents. I'm black. I was 15 when I was adopted. They gave me the love and support I needed and taught me valuable life skills.
However, things got a bit strange when we were around their Christian friends. Some were genuinely surprised I was American-born, while others were shocked that I was 15 when adopted. It was a weird experience, and there was a noticeable stigma around me.
Then there were the other adoptive parents. I noticed a tendency to show off their children from overseas, almost like they were trophies, as if to say, "Look at me, I'm such a wonderful person!" This made me uncomfortable. My parents never did that.
People constantly asked me where I was "really" from, as if I wasn't American. I'd hear the same judgmental whispers behind my parents' backs: "Why would they adopt someone so old? He's got such an attitude problem!" (Which, let's be honest, I probably did at times, being a teenager). It felt like there was an unspoken idea that children from other countries were somehow more deserving of adoption.
I was often the only American-born Black child in these social circles, which was isolating. My parents, bless their hearts, always had my back. They would shut down intrusive questions, defend me from the judgment of their Christian friends, and protect me against racism and bigotry.
Watching this video, I'm not surprised by how these people handled it. I know a few people who've handled similar situations horribly. I'll just say it: some Christians use adoption as a ploy to portray themselves as good people. But once the novelty wears off or the child becomes challenging, they say they can't handle it and that "God told them to let them go somewhere else." It's incredibly frustrating and infuriating when they use God in this way.
I believe that the bottom line for anyone considering adoption is this: be prepared to accept the good and the bad parts of a child. We are all human, and we are not perfect.
❤❤❤❤
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Thank you for this comment i plan on adopting on the future(10 years from now or a little more) and i find it crazy how people adopt a whole person without looking for the mistakes other “”””””parents””””” made with their adopted kids or how was the experience for adopted kids(the rights and wrongs) of course its not a one size fits all when it comes to parenting, but i believe searching for more true stories helps! Wishing you and your family the best❤
❤❤❤ God bless you and your MOM & DAD, 🙏
Wise words.
Myka actually chose Huxley because he was diagnosed with the brain tumor and was originally given 2 years to live. Once home, they discovered he would NOT die. This was not great news for his parents, like it normally would be. I followed this story after they rehomed their son. They expected 2 years then they could suck up the sympathy from their dead child. Instead, their child would live, and would live with them forever in constant need of care. They were buying a prop, not lovingly adopting a son. They WANTED him to die! It's extremely sick. I think this tid bit of info is much needed before making up your mind on Myka and James. And it's mostly Myka, which is why she is taking so much heat. James fought this, but Myka has been desperately trying to be RUclips famous for years. Her story gets much darker than her husband's.
Their's wasn't a normal situation, like the other lady who had to give up her child. This was different. Huxley was a prop the entire time to them. They had a plan to adopt a terminally ill child...so he would DIE! It's so horrible.
I agree with this take. I think she thought he was terminal. I think she thought she could pour love all over him and give him a vreat end of life story. The reality was different.
What a VILE monster!
Wow. Just when you think the story can’t get worse, it does. How atrocious. That poor child.
I honestly think this too. The way she talks about Huxley before and after they actually get him living with them… she’s gross.
@@melaniemarrone9521 of course, that great end of life story was for her benefit, not his.
Adoptee here. I was adopted as a baby and I always was told the story of my adoption. It was a bedtime story of the journey my parents went through to adopt me. It was always a special and beautiful story.
As an adult. I was able to locate and meet my biological mother, with both my mom and dad coming with me. I met her family, her husband and my half siblings and we all are just very blessed. They are all good people. We live in different countries and speak different languages (I'm in Canada , biological mom and family are in Ukraine), but we are still all close - despite the war right now.. I had a really good adoption experience.
I think if I found out as a teen or an adult, it would have turned out very differently
I ended up having some battles with mental health as a child, and some physical health stuff. My parents were by my side through it all
Your beautiful story put tears in my eyes. Thank you for sharing.
Your experience is very much like my mother’s. She was adopted in the sixties and it was never hidden or seen as a negative thing which was not the norm in Canada (hello fellow Canuck!). Mom had health problems, it any disabilities but still some serious stuff but I remember my mother telling me that even though kids at school would tell her that gran and gramp would ‘send her back’ every time she got sick, mom never, ever actually thought there was any truth in that. When mom had biological children of her own and we were treated just the same as all the cousins. Except my sister, she was the favourite lol. It was a non issue. Mom met her biological mother in the 90s, and they had a relationship, but my sister and I didn’t and that was okay too. I believe thats how adoption should always work.
@@Michelala thanks so much for sharing!
That’s incredibly sweet that your parents would tell you the story of your adoption as a bedtime story when you were little. I’m a fellow adoptee and my folks would do the same thing; in fact they bought me a little book: I Am Adopted by Susan Lapsley, illustrated by Michael Charlton, and published by Bradbury Press in 1974 (yeah, I’m old). Even though the book is 50 years old, the message to adopted children it carries is still relevant to this day: adoption is normal and you are LOVED!
The Stauffers are absolute trash for what they did to that poor child! My parents sure weren’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination; I wasn’t an easy child either (undiagnosed neurodivergence). I always knew that I was wanted and when the chips were down, my folks always had my back!
I do know of a case of adoption dissolution. The child was not adjusting and having constant meltdowns and was violent to the other children in the house. The family tried to help but things only got worse. He went to live with a family that had much older children. All were adults except for one that was 17. He did so much better with them and made so much progress. It was a much better situation because those parents could give him so much more one on one attention which is what he needed. I don't think the first family failed, they just weren't the right fit. They also didn't make money off the child by putting him all over youtube.
Didn't they give up adoption from Africa because those agencies had a non-publication clause for their kids specifically to AVOID people using adopting from Africa for attention online?
I believe so, and they had the gonads to say that in one of their videos too.
Yep they knew they couldn't exploit a child so they decided to go elsewhere 😡
@@ayana_0150Really??! That wouldn't surprise me at all. Though I thought it was that other family that said that in one of their blogs....?
And several other places. Anywhere they had keep the child off line was a NO
That was Nikki and Dan Phillippi and it was from Thailand.
I follow the IG of the woman who adopted Huxley and the updates she posts occasionally show that he is so happy and thriving in her care, especially as she also respects his cultural identity and makes an effort to keep him connected to his heritage
I just let out a sigh of relief
Thank you, truly.
oh thank god. Thank you so much for letting us know he is ok and loved.
So it worked out in the end.
What is her IG handle ??
I think a big part of why more people don’t adopt disabled children is because unless you’re super privileged then you can’t always provide for them. It’s so hard to battle with health insurance companies bullying stigma and how most public spaces aren’t made with disabled people in mind. It’s not that a child with disabilities is less worthy of love it’s that parents don’t have the tools to properly have their child flourish
I absolutely get what you are saying. We live in the UK, so our son has free medical treatment (not much, actually - he's as fit as the proverbial butcher's dog) and he received an excellent education in his special schools, whilst living with us at home. We have also been very fortunate in having a good choice of young adult provision. I know that not everyone in the UK has been so well served; we are so grateful, especially for the overnight stays he has enjoyed, and we know that he will live there full time, with wonderful carers and friends, when we are no longer there. All these amazing people! We are so very, very thankful for them, and, more importantly, our son loves them.
I hadn't considered this. I appreciate your perspective. It's pretty eye opening ❤
Yes... and what do they do if their biological child has a disability?
Toss them?
@@detinusToo dumb to read or too ignorant?😂
With the lousy healthcare in America, sure. America's hc system is one of the worst in the world apart from develop countries. Most of European countries has a better system, wouldn't take much to be so and can surely improve, but put it in a perspective.
Me: "Huh...I don't think I remember that name. Who was Myka Stauffer again?"
Video intro: "We're gonna adopt...from China!"
Me, neck-deep in flashbacks like an amnesiac hero in a movie getting all their memories back: "...oh. OH. IT'S THESE PEOPLE. THE PEOPLE WHO ADOPTED A SPECIAL NEEDS BABY AND THEN *SENT HIM AWAY.* LET'S GO, SWOOP. GET PETTY WITH IT!"
I had the same reaction. "My child is not... returnable."
This was my exact thought process 😩
There isn’t enough petty that can be said about what they did.
Suddenly, my brain was inundated with the term 'rehomed.' and I remembered my reaction to those words, 'You 'rehome' a dog, YOU CAN'T REHOME A CHILD, WHAT?!'
me
James Stauffer & Kevin Franke got off way too easy. James deserves to be cancelled & Kevin should be in prison for abuse & neglect.
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This 👆🏻
YES. It wasn’t JUST Myka who went through the process of adoption. James deserves just as much blame for abusing that poor boy!
To be fair, Kevin wasn't living in the home when the worst of the abuse actually started. That was Jodi's MO; get the fathers out of the home by convincing them that they had a problem and then indoctrinate the mothers into whatever cultish behavior she was exhibiting.
Before all of that, it was mostly just questionable parenting, which wasn't technically illegal. If anything, Kevin is guilty of not looking harder into what his kids were going through after he left the home, but he wasn't complicit in what happened in the end.
I have a feeling both women were extremely abusive and obviously narcissistic towards the children AND the husband. I have more sympathy for the husbands because I doubt they felt they had any choice, esp knowing James never wanted to be on SM and tried his best to not let his family go through it
As someone with a disability who has spent their whole life feeling like a burden and not enough.. the thought of someone using my struggles for money and then giving me away once I served my purpose and became too much.. breaks my heart in a million different ways this little boy deserved so much better than he got.. I hope he gets the best in life wherever he is now and I hope he is happy and knows that no matter what anyone says he is perfect and that he will be an amazing person! ❤️
As someone who works with autistic kids to hear her say "are you done? Are you over yourself? " makes me want to scream!
same. if I ever heard a coworker talk like that to the children I work with I would tell them off immediately. acting like a meltdown is something that's in the childs control is just ridiculous.
As an autistic person this enraged me along with the calling for eye contact. Eye contact can be so painful. It all fills me with rage lol.
My sister once said to me after i slid through saw dust and my knee got infected 😂❤ sibling tings
As both an high masking autistic woman (Hardest for people to spot for those not acquainted with current research) and mother to a high support needs child (most likely autistic as all the different professionals both medical and educational concur but currently on the wait list for an assessment ..) Definitely don’t say ‘are you done’ or things like that to anyone who is mid overload/ meltdown… you won’t help as especially as a kid we need very clear examples of how to bring our selfs out of the state of dis regulation in a healthy manner, so calm, patient and suggesting things that typically help be it removal from the area, a sensory toy, one of there special interests, something that promotes healthy stimming, or just sitting with them calmly in a safe spot and wait for them to come out of the spiral once the problem causing the overload has been resolved/ removed… these are things that work with my kid at least, and now he’s five he’s actually starting to make the connection between these things and helping to calm down or communicate what he needs to come down from the overload. He genuinely is starting to self regulate and I couldn’t be more proud of him for that! He’s not masking and is recognising what he is uncomfortable with and what he needs at times, he even does this sometimes at school! That is why you don’t just say things like are you done or treat like a tantrum… THERE NOT! And you set yourself and the kid up for failure long term! If I had just done that we wouldn’t have the progress we’ve seen in my kid so far! If I heard anyone say that to my kid.. he would learn a thing or two about advocacy for sure 😅
Small children have a hard time with their emotions. They’re very big and hard to navigate. Asking someone if they’re done something that they have no control over without giving them coping strategies is evil. Emotions are a human condition and we shouldn’t be shamed when they get the better of us. Small children need to have those emotions labelled and then have strategies talked through everytime they have them.
Wow that clip of Myka saying, "Are you done? Are you ready to calm down now?" with such bitterness in her voice really brought me back to old awful daycare memories. I cannot imagine how hurtful it is to hear your parents and/or caregivers saying that to your face while you are actively struggling. Ugh as awful as it is that they put this child through any of this in the first place, I'm glad the end result is that he found a family that accepted him for who he was regardless of where he was in his journey.
'Are you over yourself' ... it's a little hard to hear but she said that too. So f'n gross 🤢
Imagine the amount of kids that were misdiagnosed throughout time , before autism was understood.... There's so many kids diagnosed on the spectrum now because ,The More You Know!! Thank goodness for that!! It just makes me physically sick to see how Mica(misspelled on purpose) treated this child.. So upset. I look at my son an cannot imagine treating him like that... I was adopted an loved by my adopted Mum only .. grateful for her always.. but want to see ppl who look like me, look like me .. sorry so much comment this hits a chord deep in me ... Swoop grateful for you girly ! 🫵🏽🪨💗🫵🏽😘🫂😘
Right?? Im gen z and i feel like thoes comments were commonplace bc they didnt know that tantrums are a form of non verbal comunication like they do now
I got the “be quiet” treatment, my son gets the “let’s coregulate” treatment, same autism, very different experiences.
I had a reply here but it disappeared ... I was just pointing out something i heard when Myca was talking under James. She said to Huxley 'are you over yourself yet?'. Just makes me so sick.
These people treated adopting a child like rescuing a dog from the pound. The way they "chose" the "perfect" child or how they "rehomed" him. Sick, evil people.
So - the part where Myka gives Huxley treats like a dog - this is a part of Applied Behavior Analaysis (ABA Therapy) the most common form of therapy offered to autistic children. It’s one of MANY reasons why many autistic individuals consider ABA degrading and abusive. I personally, as an autistic person, believe ABA is extremely complicated, and while I would like to see it go away, it’s also the only resource many parents have, so I try not to shame them. But I DO HEAVILY encourage them NOT to do this. This is a practice I advocate heavily against when working with BCBAs, because food should NEVER be used as a reward or punishment. Autistics already struggle with EDs, and this can set up a VERY harmful relationship with food for many autistic children. I also heavily advocate against “Quiet hands.” If the child’s stimming is not harming anyone, let them stim.
I second this, so many people don't realise that the person who created ABA also created gay conversion therapy using the same methodology. It really gets me that for conversion therapy they agree that it doesn't work as it just teaches people to mask and negatively affects their mental health. With ABA the harm is acknowledged but because it is 'successful' it just needs to be modified to reduce harm. They have totally missed that the 'success' they are seeing is masking.
Also ABA managed to brand themselves as the 'gold standard treatment' but that is only because it was the first 'successful' treatment option. The thing is though that it doesn't have any gold standard research to back it up. The only research it has is small group (a large study has 20 people in it) and all of it is that at the beginning they could do X and at the end they could do XYZ. They don't have any studies that are against a control group or a different therapy option.
The worst part is that most of his “issues” were likely not because of autism. I’d bet a bottom dollar he had attachment trauma or possibly attachment disorder (rare, but more common from orphanages), which can also present as similar to autism. We had a foster child who came as “autistic” and, due to our pushing for proper and trauma-‘minded eval, left with the proper diagnoses of FASD and reactive attachment disorder. Once proper diagnosis is given, proper treatment can begin.
Aba is already bad enough for autistic children, but due to the focus on not accepting undesirable behavior could REALLY be a setback for a child with attachment issues who just needs an extended period of grace and connection instead of correction and training,
Part of me is happy my kiddo wasn't diagnosed until she was a teen, because ABS would have been pushed hard on us and now knowing what I know, it would have been terrible for her.
I hope that this child has had a better life with a family that is actually equipped to help him
@@SigEMT09 I personally wouldn’t ever say someone’s issues are not “likely” because of autism, mostly because I’m not involved in his evaluations so therefore I have no way of confirming his diagnosis. For the purposes of my commentary, I solely focus on the information provided.
As an autistic adult who’s worked in ABA I get the not using food as reinforcement, even though we do it in schools and home all the time, your kid gets a A on test, woo lets get ice cream, or setting those contingency. I know my experience is NOT like others, but the BCBAs I’ve worked with hate and advocate against using food because we educate ourselves on how easily it can lead to ED’s. Again, I get my experience is just one but I truly would love to see big changes ABA and move away from the incredibly problematic origins.
i was worried i wasn’t going to have anything to watch while i cleaned my kitchen, thank you for your service swoop
@@birdbrainlane OMG same 😂
Oooh good point!
But....
Can't wait till kitchen big scrub day....
Gave it about 30 seconds of thought - to save to watch on cleaning day...
😂😂Nope. Bed time with herbal tea and swoop! 🤗
Omg was literally looking for something to put on while I did the dishes 😂
Same - I have to fold laundry 😂😂
Me too 😆
He was a prop from the moment they adopted him, but he didn't die quickly like he was supposed to. They went shopping for a terminal child - - because that was the low effort, high return investment Myka was looking for to help grow her business.
Imagine meeting someone with a baby and they tell you "oh, it's my baby, I won't put him up for adoption!"
I assumed not, why do you feel like you need to tell me that? What's on your mind?
Only bc she was responding to what she was thinking. 😔
Knowing she said it cause she did not expect him to life is heartbreakingly cruel.
Being a disabled person myself, I have noticed that when certain terms are phrases are deemed as outdated, it’s mostly able-bodied people making that decision. And those of us with actual disabilities are rarely asked how we feel on the letter, we just get told that it’s a thing now and we have to go with it. That doesn’t mean it’s every disabled person’s experience, but that’s something that I have definitely noticed.
Agreed. I don't find special needs offensive. It's the same idea as specialized medicine. Many, many people have special needs. The special needs umbrella in education is humongous and wide reaching - it touches challenges in varieties like minor physical disabilities to more encompassing challenges, physical health issues that interfere with learning in a great range from chronic pain to epilepsy, learning disabilities either by nature or nurture such as children enduring home challenges, addiction, students who need extra academic help and test time for any range of reasons including autism, anxiety, ADHD, dyslexia and so on. And mental health issues. Omg, there are so many more. The entire alternative schools, both enrichment and other types like athletic or attendance/graduation focussed. Okay, you get it. It's about tailoring needs academically to the student's individual challenges. 🚸
I will tell you that the entire student body would rebel in total defiance if they changed the title to "disability needs." 😂 Kids be kids and all.
Agreed! My brother is autistic and he was once stopped mid-sentence as he introduced himself, by a woman who told him he should say "person with autism" and that was the "proper" term. He said, "as the autistic person, can I decide that?" Couldn't have agreed more 🙄
Right. My daughter and I both have autism. We were told by various sources that we would’ve been considered as Aspergers at a time, but that they don’t call it anymore. Then they said we’re both considered Level 1, but then others are saying levels are offensive all of the sudden. So wtf are we? I don’t know. I give up.
@@yasaminwhy8212well, I agree with this message thread but the “person WITH condition” is a really helpful rephrasing. Because it harnesses the ability for people to share/describe their conditions without internalizing the stigma or the challenges into their sense of self. Although most of the time when people discuss their conditions in such a personalized way don’t feel hurt to their sense of self, it’s more about protecting against other harder times.
The other term changes though do seem exhausting
I sometimes find that the parents who “don’t want their kids labeled” are the worst for that.
I stand by the statement that family channels are popular but not for the reasons of other families watching..... It's another type of ppl watching 😢
Thank you again for inviting me to share my autistic voice for this video!!!! You are so appreciated and your work is impeccable. ❤❤
You got a new subscriber, fellow ASD person here.
Oh! Yay it’s you! Your comment about the risk of disability with ANY child, including biological, was so so so so spot on. Thank you for voicing that!
When I saw you on the vid, my heart jumped! Love your stuff and your work!
I do disagree with your point on adopting disabled children. If you get pregnant, yes, you have no choice if the child, sadly, does have a disability once born. But when adopting, the parents do, absolutely, have every right to not pick a disabled child. At least they're still adopting.
I do disagree with 'returning' the child if you knowingly adopt a disabled child then no longer want them.
It's nuanced though, if you can't care for them, then you should do what's in the child's best interest.
Totally agree with everything you said. When people make the huge decision to become a parent, whether biologically or through adoption, they should be aware of and prepared for the possibility of caring for a disabled child. Even if a child is born nondisabled, there's always a chance of accidents, illness, etc. Far too many people become parents without ever considering the lifelong repercussions for themselves and the child(ren). It's not a decision to be taken lightly. Thank you for sharing this really valuable perspective.
The fact that she tried to get pregnant with someone she was in a relationship with for only 4 months was already a red flag that maybe she is not making responsible decisions when it comes to having children.
I don't think "maybe" is applicable in this sentence.
Exactly
I seriously doubt she was "trying" to get pregnant with that guy. Most likely she doesn't want to be judged for having premarital sex as the "good Christian" she presents herself to be. So framing the pregnancy as an intentional decision, even though they weren't married, is a way to make it seem more acceptable. She hopes people will look the other way when it comes to premarital sex as long as the goal was to make a baby.
@BradK28 i agree with you, it doesn't seem genuine at all that she would twice decide to get pregnant, magically become pregnant and then get engaged very quickly afterwards. Nah. She had 3 accidentally pregnancies but is worried Christians won't watch her videos if they know.
@@BradK28Yes I had that feeling too watching this video. I would not be surprised if she was even coerced to it. She just started college so presumably she had some academic ambitions in her life. Men like this , they can feel when you’re vulnerable and manipulate you *heavily*
I have custody of my twin nephews with special needs. I would adopt them in a heartbeat if that were in the cards. Despite the hardships and challenges, there are so many wonderful moments that outweigh the hardships. I question if I was the right person for them every other day but I could never imagine giving up on them. I keep seeking out further support systems to get them the help they need
It fills me with FURY he still has a giant RUclips following. I was one of the people who emailed his supposed sponsors during all of this controversy when all of this came out. And a a couple did respond and emailed me back. Turns out they didnt sponsor him at all! He had bought their product in bulk and is selling it on his amazon store. So there was nothing they could do. And they were just a small family company (they made car detailing brushes) and they apologized and said they wouldn't sell to him anymore. And another one responded and basically said the same thing that he bought their product in bulk and they were not in any way affiliated with him. So he was pretending to have sponsors i guess? He probably still is pretending honestly
To be fair to those subscribers, theres probably a huge amount that have no idea what trash he is. I can only imagine the cross over between family vlogs and car cleaning isnt massive.
@@hannahxx17also it’s pretty clear she’s the one in charge of the family channel. Like obviously he’s there but it’s clearly more of her thing which makes it easier to hide
@@hannahxx17 My husband and I started watching car detailing videos during the "at home times" because it was soothing and James' channel was one of the ones we watched. We didn't know anything about him or his family. After everything with Huxley blew up, we quit him. Some of his subscribers may not know, but it was a pretty widely reported mess when it happened, so it's surprising that it hasn't affected him more. Nothing seems to affect him, tbh.
Lily brushes, if I remember
Did it make you feel better about yourself to deprive a person and his children of their livelihood? No matter what I think about their actions in this particular situation, I will never for the life of me understand the vindictiveness that so many people have wanting to see people suffer and pile on when they are already facing a crisis.
FINE SWOOP, I was waiting on a reason to cook dinner and you uploaded a video, so now I have to cook watching your video… ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?
XD
Same - I have sonething to draw too
@@akatsuki9203 SAME, I HAVE SOMETHING TO ACCOMPANY ME DOING ALL THE 10 DIFFERENT STUFF I'M JUGGLING, THANK YOU SWOOP.
Same- tackling my depressy dish pile but have some crockpot chili to reward myself with later ☺️ love you swoop & friends
😂😂😂
I would like to add - they talk about his "tantrums" when they're probably actually referring to a meltdown, which is common with autistic individuals. It's not the same as a tantrum. Meltdowns happen when the child is overwhelmed or experiencing sensory overload from loud noises, bright or flashing lights, overwhelming smells, etc. It's not something the child can control and isn't the same as a tantrum, which happens because a child is being denied something they want or when they are seeking attention. Meltdowns aren't about attention seeking. These people should have educated themselves more and they shouldn't have ignored their doctor and other experts. This whole story is so gross.
My biggest issue with this situation will always be that Myka Staufer, as a nurse, would (or at least SHOULD) have known EXACTLY the kinds of things that would have gone with the kinds of issues that Huxley had. That is part of what you learn in nursing school and during your externships/clinical training. She had FAR more education and knowledge on these diagnoses than the average mother EVER gets.
Something tells me she is probably not a very good nurse
@@melodyssong4916 I remember it came out that she “left” a nursing job because she shoved a trolley into a fellow pregnant nurse’s stomach.
@@melodyssong4916 “I’ve seen so many things in my scope of practice.”
THAT’S NOT WHAT THAT MEANS!! 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ Scope of practice is the set of functions that a healthcare professional is legally allowed to do. For example, diagnosing an illness; this is not in an RN’s scope of practice… it IS in a physician’s, nurse practitioner’s, PA’s scope of practice.
She doesn’t even fk’ing know what that means 😂🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
Couldn’t agree more! She had access to so much knowledge and expertise
@@melodyssong4916do we know she was a real nurse? She comes off as very uneducated and immature … was she an actual RN?
This video touched me in a deep way.
My son was recently diagnosed with level 2 autism. He's been getting support through speech therapy since he was 2 years old and attended a preschool centered around special needs. My husband and I are realizing that we should seek our own resources because we see a lot of the same signs in ourselves. It's become a family journey for us and there has been so much we learned and still have to learn.
He's doing amazing in school, he's in kindergarten and still has an IEP and some of the most supportive teachers and therapists we could ask for.
He turns 6 on Saturday and we are beyond proud of him!
Thank you so much for addressing this Swoop ❤
You're amazing ❤
Just getting that IEP early is amazing and demonstrates your commitment to him. I had a 504 plan, and it was most helpful in high school, even though I got it in elementary (having that documentation early makes it easy to keep the plan throughout school) Early intervention isn’t the only way, but it sounds like you’re setting your son up for success!
The whole process of getting an IEP, services, insurance coverage, etc. is literally a full time job ON TOP of a parent's regular employment and also the full time job of parenting! It is no joke! I work with autistic children, and I feel very strongly that these kids are AMAZING even if it means more "work." Keep going strong, and my love to all your family!
@Moosesmeeses thank you 😭💗
@@jems.jumpers thank you 😭 it means so much to hear that!
I'm so glad that you included Myka talking about not wanting to pay for the needed therapy while wearing a Cartier bracelet. That alone tells me everything I need to know.
She and James, who is a weak and cowardly man, were just trying to skate by as long as possible putting in sub-par effort and then gave up without fully exploring all of their options. If they couldn't afford the needed therapy, they should have sold their cars, downsized their ridiculous house, have exhausted all options! You are far more gracious to them than I am. Yes, he is in a better situation hopefully but that doesn't make then any less evil in my eyes.
Well 👏 stated 👏
They are deplorable. But therapy is expensive…. We went bankrupt paying for therapy. But it was worth it
Not Myka insinuating in her Facebook questions that Huxley's obsession with food is tied to being Chinese 🤦♀️
Adoption agencies, that have "no social media" clauses (usually for the 1st 2y) on their contract, are really saving themselves from unscrupulous parents. It should be generalised.
Edit: Also, I understand that we are humans and we make mistakes, even preventable ones but when said preventable mistake ends up retraumatising an innocent child, I have ZERO understanding and empathy. Myka will never be able to "cry" her way out of this one in my house.
🙅🏾♀️
.... It is outside of the US. It's law per the Hague's CRC's agreement. US won't abide so they and 5(?) other countries cannot participate with the rest of the world's adoptions. There's more rules, lol, not just social media.
Hi international adoptive mom here to clarify: rules about social media for adoption actually are set by the country of origin, not the agency. Different nations have different requirements. Most specify that you cannot share pics of your prospective adoptive child until after you clear court. Some go further. Also, the reason it’s 1-2 years after placement is probably because that is the post-adoption monitoring period. You have to submit post placement reports after your child comes home. The period varies by country. During that time, if you disobey the order you can jeopardize the entire adoptive program for other people- the country can decide to shut down adoptions to your country and other parents in the process would have their adoptions delayed or cancelled entirely. They can’t take the kid back, but you can ruin it for everyone else.
@laurenwasinger9436 Thank you for clarifying!
Wait, Mika literally said when the doctor was explaining his diagnosis and warning them against doing this that the info literally went “in one ear and out the other” because it didn’t matter to her what the disabilities were. How can they keep saying then that weren’t prepared or properly informed? She literally said it wouldn’t matter anyway? The gall of these people.
I’m the sister/caregiver of a 27 yo ASD Level 1. At diagnosis (2 1/2) she was level 3. After years of blood , sweat, tears, and every therapy we could try…we reached level 1. She has a bachelor’s degree and has worked at the same job (full time) for 4 years. We had many bad days. We had melt downs in public with people commenting that we shouldn’t be placating a “spoiled child”. However, we had amazing days and amazing trips. She is my best friend!
What you are is an incredibly wonderful sister and human being. I know you are thinking it, your sister is too.
I just want to say that like, what’s sad about Huxley is that there are so many good parents out there who, by virtue of *being good parents* realized that their limitations would not fit his needs and chose not to adopt him, and the end result was that he was adopted by someone who was deeply ignorant of their own capabilities.
People really need to start asking themselves if they SHOULD have kids BEFORE having kids smdh
I have a level 3 nonverbal son who is 5 years old. Just the idea of someone like him having to leave everyone and everything he knows makes me ugly cry.
He is so attached and dependent on the people he chooses to love. Until recently, that was really only one person. The idea of a child like him spending two years and not having his special person ìs infinitely more heart breaking.
Girl your natural hair is GORGEOUS I’ve never seen it!! Love your curls
i was screaming at my phone she is so beautiful!!! ❤
Another important thing to note re: the disability conversation is that not all disabilities are from birth. “Person with a disability” is one of the few minorities that you can end up in at any time, in any circumstances. People can be one health complication, one car accident, etc., away from also living with a disability. This is why accommodations, legislation, and society at large should be more supportive of all folks who live with these realities. If you can join their community at any time, why wouldn’t you want the proper protections in place? You may need them, yourself, at some point in the very near future.
My only question is what would be the outcome if Huxley was their biological son with the exact same needs? Would they still have placed him with another family or would they have stuck by his side and do everything they possibly could to help him?
I worked as a behavior interventionist for very young kids with high support needs and my fav quote I heard from a supervisor was “When you’ve met 1 person with autism, you’ve met 1 person with autism”
EXACTLY it pisses me off so much when people think we're all the same "you're autistic? i have an autistic nephew and you act nothing like him" and the nephew is literally A 9 YEAR OLD BOY dude obviously im not gonna act like your nephew im 17 and trans ppl need to stop thinking autism is just something on a slider with autistic on one end and "normal" on the other a better visual could be one of those music things w a bunch of sliders and imo even w that i just cant imagine a way to describe autism as a whole i can barely even "visualize" my own autism
sry for the lengthy reply i am Very Passionate about autism and like how people view it and how those views affect me and my other fellow autistic ppl
when I interviewed for my current job (I work at a school for children with asd) my supervisor said the same thing, and that's how I knew I had ended up at the right place.
@@restlessCrustaceansome people get mad at long replies, but healthy people like me appreciate them because I actually want to understand. So thank you and say it for people like me that care. The people that lack empathy and put people down for speaking are the problem. You are the solution by knowing yourself and getting better at explaining what you understand about the world and how that adds to what we can all understand. It is just as weird to me to judge a fish for how well it can fly, we should all be able to be our best at who we are. Trying to push people to be what someone else wants instead of who they are is a huge issue. We don’t need a bunch of people that act like slaves, we need a healthier world.
The way she talks is so patronising. She reminds me of a teacher I had who would blame being bullied on me. Like just imagine someone passive aggressively telling you that it's your fault in that tone of voice.
I had a councillor at my school do this to me too. She literally made me cry cause she was getting angry at me when I said I didn’t find what the other students were doing as bullying. Tone of voice is important
Her entire tone is like she's perpetually speaking to a child about another child, and trying to speak in terms the first child can understand.
Sounds similar to the way many Mormon/fundamentalist women talk. The Duggar wife is the best example, that high pitched “holier than thou” voice
Her high-pitched voice 🤮 your teacher 🤢🤮😵😡
It's giving "youth group leader" as well.
A few years ago 60 minutes Australia did a story about “rehoming” adopted kids in the us. It was absolutely shocking. It haunts me at least once a week.
I read an article several years ago about unofficial "rehoming" networks in America; adoptive so-called parents finding each other on Facebook etc. then meeting in random parking lots to swap children. No oversight whatsoever. It's horrific.
@ it is unbelievable and ripe for abuse. It really shocks the conscience.
56:21 gaaargh! As an autistic person, if someone kept demanding that I make eye contact, I’d completely lose it. Eye contact hurts me. I can’t do it on demand.
Agreed! I'm AuDHD and it's literally harder for me to formulate sentences while being forced to make eye contact. Like do you want eye contact or do you want me to speak coherently? You can't demand both and, personally, I'd prefer coherence.
@PostmasterTheEyrie yeah, it's usually really harmful. there's a big difference between teaching disabled kids skills that will help them in life (in all areas) and forcing them through incredibly uncomfortable and distressing "training" to make them APPEAR a little more typical. I notice consistently that ABA and other "therapy" methods are often too focused on outward presentation and not inner experience. if you only care about how other people think about your kid, you're taking the absolute wrong approach. trying to be something we are not completely breaks us, and some of us NEVER really discover our own identity if we have been forced to be something else since we were very small.
I’m autistic as well as my ex husband. This game will cause life in demand that I give him direct contact. Made no sense to me.
It does hurt and unfortunately I was clicker trained to make eye contact. It still hurts to make eye contact to this day tbh and i am NOT better off for it 😂
I, too, have ASD (Lvl1). I have ommetraphobia. I genuinely CANNOT make eye contact. Instead, I have to focus on the bridge if their nose to make it seem like I'm staring at their eyes, but at the same time, doing that makes my mind wander and I stop paying attention. The only way I can pay attention is by multitasking. Y'know, the best way to make it seem like I'm NOT paying attention... I have to tell people ahead of time that it may look like I'm not paying attention, but I actually am (and mention that I'm autistic to back me up, because people don't believe me until I tell them my brain is wired differently). Very intently, actually. If I don't, I end up getting that glazed look on my face that clearly states, "Birdsong231 has gone offline."
Myka is disgusting for "rehoming" her adopted special needs son. She talked about him like he was just a dog they didn't want anymore. Yikes.
They definitely think of children just like pets. So disturbing!
@@Bummerdrummer463 Myka and James.
while that's true, I guess it was for the best for him, imagine if they kept him while keeping resentment
@@Bummerdrummer463 Myka and James, yes?
It’s so terrifying tbh
The natural hair reveal at 25:30 had my jaw on the floor, the hair is STUNNING GIRL
Me too! I was like, holy shit, her hair is GORGEOUS!
I’m skeptical that it was her natural, there’s no way all that hair would fit under her blue wig…
It's not, thats a weave or sew in
As an adopted person, mother, and person who struggles with fertility, these people piss me off more than just about everyone else. The toxic positivity, the family vlogging, everything they do is an assault to my senses targeted directly at what hurts me most.
These people remind me of the saying that every kid deserves a parent but not every parent deserves a child. Abhorrent, infuriating, and just so sad for those kids.
I hope those babies are ok.
it irks me that they said "for his privacy" when really, it was to protect themselves from criticism for what they've done. they knew they were wrong. they probably noticed all the attention and interactions with the comments on their videos when he wasn't around and wanted to monetize on that bc they knew people would keep coming back to check. it's so heartbreaking. i really hope he's in a better home now. sickening. i knew what happened with this situation, but i never got the details into it. thanks for your time as always, swoop.
Hey Swoop, I really appreciate this video for all the info you gave on ASD in particular, and how prevalent disabilities can be adoption (from China). I am past these decisions, but it has helped me make sense of a current situation and also helped me realize I made the right decision about adoption way back when. I still have had questions that you have helped put to rest. Thank you for the information! ✨💖✨
I was 60 when a cousin told me I am adopted. I was left hurt and bewildered. Please tell your child who they are - as much as always loved by you but biologically someone elses. I still wish my mum would have done that for me. Healing now is hard.
If a kid is raised with the knowledge in a matter of fact way, it's never a bombshell, it never rearranges their worldview, it's just part of their life. They might get curious, but they have solid foundations to deal with it.
That is awful, I'm so sorry. Not exactly the same, but I found out at 37 that I was donor conceived, via DNA test. I also found out that my donor had died from heart related issues. Not long after that I was DXd with several congenital heart conditions (including a gene mutation that causes Sudden Cardiac Death), and now have an ICD (Implantable defibrillator). This has also affected my own kids. Parents...TELL YOUR KIDS!
Damn. That is so wrong. 🫂
I’m 60 also. In our era it was a stigma to be adopted. I remember kids in the spirit of hatefulness teasing other kids that they were adopted because their parents didn’t want them. I’m glad we don’t live in that world today and we can tell your adopted child they’re adopted without worrying about how they will be treated.
@@selinesbeauAgree with this. I was conceived through IVF when IVF itself was still super new. To parents much older than typical too (not that people judged my dad as much- men really do get off easier in so many ways! but I got asked so many nosy questions even as a very young child or just people assuming my mom was my grandma). Anyway- my parents were always super open about my conception and I had the vaguest memories of watching my dad give my mom the shots that are part of the early process when they conceived my younger brother. It was always super normalized to me and it’s something I’ve always been very grateful for and have a lot of respect for how my parents handled it.
Wasn’t easy for them. My mom’s mom openly told her she was too old to have a baby and like I said, lots of ageist comments from people and being asked if she was my “real” mom and all kinds of crap. So in a way I feel for parents who are worried about judgment or questions and the world is way too nosy about all these types of things but even then it’s better to face that stuff and feel like you’re together in it as a family than what I imagine the betrayal and identity crisis and a zillion other things that must come from only finding our decades later.
I can’t even imagine what that must feel like. I’ve had a few times growing up where I got pressed for info no one should ever be asking a child about where I was half gaslit into wondering if I was adopted or if there was some other secret my parents weren’t telling me about. But because my parents were so open about the topic and all their fertility struggles and journey… just gotta be better than any other alternative.
I know it's almost a 2 hour video and there are so many red flags to point out from her clips, but as a disabled person, the "we don't care what's WRONG with him (38:36)" sent chills down my spine when i heard it.
Yeah seriously, like, that line just made my jaw drop. What do you mean "we don't care what's wrong with him", that's such a slap in the face to anyone with any form of disability. Even on a good day, it can already feel like something is wrong with you; I have a non-verbal learning disability, and some days I feel like I'm a failure because I struggle with certain school subjects, so the fact that Myka had no issue with saying "We don't care what's wrong with him" on camera for millions of people to see just proves that she has no consideration or real compassion for Huxley. Just because he's non-verbal doesn't mean he's incapable of understanding and being frustrated that he has to struggle while his other siblings don't have to. There's nothing "wrong" with Huxley, he was just born different, he had the odds stacked against him, but that's not his fault and that makes him no less deserving of a loving and supportive family. That is such a disgusting, insensitive thing to say about him.
So, I was a viewer of her channel in passing and commented similar sentiments. Things like: “hey, it seems like you are not getting the proper diagnosis for your son, I recommend seeing specialists because it’s important to have the right treatments” or “is sharing a room a good idea for kids with this kind of past” or “changing a name for a child old enough to have a sense of self is probably traumatic”…….. anyway my comments were either deleted or spammed with absolute hate… I know that’s how these family vloggers are now but at the time I was kinda hurt tbh.
Thank you for saying this. I hadn't thought anything of it but it really is something deeply horrible.
I'm really sorry I've probably said it in the past, but I'll be sure not to do that again.
I would like to know how she handled this situation with her other children. If I was a child in that home and I watched my parents give away my brother, that would become my biggest fear. I'd be terrified of getting in trouble for fear that my parents would give me away, too.
I don’t even think about that 😢
In amongst all the horror of family channel stuff, Swoop gets to something that always angers me as an autistic person - that there is a culture of focusing on how hard it is for parents and caretakers, while ignoring that it's just as hard to be the kid suffering through that. A lot of folks talk about autism like the main symptom is "kid makes his parent's life difficult," as if it's no different than a kid who draws on the walls. Those kids have a hard road and while it is hard for parents too, and no parent wants to see their child unhappy, I wish the narrative focused more on the children suffering through difficult childhoods too, and not JUST on the parents.
Oh and I love hearing from the autistic youtubers and commenters at the end, getting even more into this. The horror and overwhelm of being perceived is exactly what gets turned around when we focus only on how we perceive a kid's impact on those around them, while often not perceiving how the child is suffering too.
yes as a fellow autistic person, I 100% notice this as well. I escaped it a bit since I wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult, but I certainly have seen a consistent narrative of a sort of pity towards parents of autistic kids, even if the person has no idea how "difficult" that autistic kid really is and is just assuming. people tend to just gloss over or not consider that yeah, maybe a kid broke something or messed something up when they had a meltdown, but meltdowns are hell! they are so incredibly shitty to experience. the only reason that screaming or crying or hitting behavior is being projected is because the utter discomfort, overwhelm, and even pain of having a meltdown is too much to contain.
I am autistic and a mother and worked in daycares for 10 years. Generaly there are LOADS of parents who constantly complain about how hard theyr kids are. It gets hightened with disabilities and for Autisem spesificaly AutisemSpeaks made it a promoted thing and a Identity for Parents of autistiv
C kids. Many of them propably undiagnosed neurodivergent themself.
When I talk to other ND Parents THEY NEVER COMPLAIN. Yes sure its haed sometimes, but in my expirience ND parents are more open and just take the kiddos as who they are becoming, while many of the "normal" Parents have a spesific idea of how and who theyr kid has to be.
@@More13Feen Totally agree with what I've seen as well! It's not that it's not hard on parents, it's that ND parents tend to have much more understanding that it's ALSO hard on the kids, and they can try to work with that. A lot of folks in general just treat all kids like NPCs with no agency and it's really frustrating.
I'm dating someone with autism (amongst other things), and I am angry on all of yalls behalf. Why would someone exploit someone with autism or any disorder for that matter!?
Across the board, from what’s in this video, Myka was never focused on what the CHILD needed. From the jump, it was about HER being “needed”, and HER being the one to win, or triumph, for HER “love” To win the day. If she had ever stopped to think, “Can we give this child what is best for HIM?”, it would have been a massively different process.
She didn’t care enough
This is SUCH a common theme amongst many hoping to adopt and adoptive families. Especially the moms…. And I say this as an adoptee with a damn good adoptive mom. But I’m real good at picking out the bad apples. It’s too easy.
That’s why I suspect they were looking at children of different races to make it even more obvious that the child isn’t their biological child-look at how benevolent we are.
I used to work adjacent to the foster care system and some foster parents expected the children to be so appreciative for being “rescued”. However, the child never asked to be removed from the home and they never asked to live with the foster parent. Why do they have to stroke the foster parents’ egos for doing something the foster parents signed up for?
Thank you Swoop. Not enough people touch on the impact this had with their bio kids. They had a sibling for 2 years and then he was just gone. They were pretty young. I hope they got the professional help I’m sure they needed to cope. Glad the adopted child found a supportive home.
I have a 10 year old son with ASD level 3, and I myself suffer from various mental illnesses. It was a very rough birth where we both almost didn't make it. It's just he and I, and it is the hardest thing in the world for both of us everyday, we do have support he is in a very good school, it just feels like I'm alone in this and I'm not good enough for him, and dont know if Im strong enough. He's a beautiful loving angel, and I want the absolute best for him. I normally don't write comments, but by the end of this video, I was in tears. This just broke my heart.
As a mother to a disabled child (and I'm using child loosely because he's now 22), I can promise you that as long as you are doing your best to show up for him, you are doing amazing! He may never be able to tell you the way you expect to hear it, but I know in my heart that he love and appreciates all you do for him. I get it, it can be so hard, and likewise we can be so hard on ourselves. All those little things that go differently than we planned or expected aren't as big as our hearts make them out to be. It's a really odd thing to say, but the fact that you are questioning if you're doing enough, or strong enough, is a VERY good indicator that you are doing fantastically. Bad parents just assume that they're totally great, and it's everybody else that is the problem. Good parents almost universally find ways to question themselves regularly because they want the absolute best for their kids. Hang in there. This internet stranger believes in you!
@tinkerbelle_belle1980 thank you ❤️
Bad parents don't think they're bad parents
I struggle with my mental health too but I’m not a mum. You’re doing enough & YOU are enough! Keep going, wishing you both the best ❤
@@yvechapman9342 Exactly!
I will never forget when she took her kids shopping and bought all of the kids their own gift except for Huxley. He was told he could share with her youngest child at the time. I also remember how it came out that she would put Huxley to bed early and then have a movie night, where all of her biological kids, her words, would gather in her and her husband's bedroom, snuggle up on the bed, and watch a family movie together. Soon after adopting Huxley she got pregnant with her youngest child. Once she had him, she was done 'playing" with Huxley. Also, her first husband has apparently said that her narrative about how they jointed decided to have a baby on the spur of the moment and that he cheated is all completely false and fabricated. Apparently she fabricates a lot. Her former co-workers have also come out and stated that a lot of her narrative about being an oncology nurse was exaggerated and false.
it's so clear to me that she never actually saw huxley as a person. she's like one of those people that buys a puppy and as soon as that puppy turns into an adult dog it gets taken to the shelter.
If Myka bought all the kids their own gift except Huxley and said that Huxley could share with the youngest, then, seeing as how Huxley and the youngest would've been sharing, she clearly didn't buy all of the kids their own gift EXCEPT Huxley. (It makes sense that the youngest 2 in a family would share something.) 🫠
Considering Huxley's unique situation, a movie night before bed may not have been the best thing for him or the other children. If that's the case, then should NONE of the children do a movie night? At what point should NONE of the children do something if Huxley's circumstances make it un-ideal for him to participate? 🤔
@@TomikaKellywhy are you caping for these child abusers
The youngest baby was when I realized they genuinely weren’t going to take care of Huxley. He needs a level of care that would have prevented any other family from continuing to expand. It was really heartbreaking to realized that they would never prioritize his long term needs.
I recently discovered your channel. It's sometimes hard for me to watch crime doc's because it can be sad or hard to watch but ever since I came across your channel it's not been so bad. The pettiness also helps and it always puts a smile on my face 😅 Your makeup is always so beautiful too 🩵 I hope you have an amazing new year
1:04:10 Autistic meltdowns are not tantrums. The person is not in control. A tantrum is a deliberate act to manipulate. A meltdown is not done on purpose and is not able to be controlled.
I don’t personally believe tantrums are always a form of manipulation but a lacking of able to express themselves, for ex toddlers and kids have tantrums but it’s not necessarily to manipulate the parent. I personally think they’re both synonymous but also could be used in different settings, such as a tantrum for maybe speaking about a child and a melt down or breakdown for a adult
I agree with both of these kinda
A tantrum is just emotional dysregulation or inability to comunicate (the idea its for manipulation just comes fromadults centering their childs experience around their feelings rather than what the kids going thru) not saying a kid being grouchy or mean bc they were told no never happends but even then its a reaction to a thing not a thought out if i act this way ill get something they dont have the developmental capacity in early childhood to manipulate
Meltdowns generally are a sensory over load or being every overwelmed by changes or other situations nt kids dont find overwelming meltdowns are exclusive to the nd (all mh conditions not just asd and adhd) and arent something that nt people experience
In practice I find it is not helpful honestly to try and distinguish between tantrums and meltdowns. Being out of control feels YUCKY either way. It’s distressing and can be scary. I think loving boundaries plus acceptance plus availability is the right approach either way.
@@kasskersI believe it is manipulation in its most basic form. Not all acts of manipulation are done purposefully or with malicious intent. It is a failure to communicate in an effective manner that leads to the manipulation of others around you to conform to your wants. For a good example of non intentional manipulation in adults people with bpd (borderline personality disorder) like me can be extremely manipulative without realizing it. I do not try to my acts of manipulation are purely reactionary due to my emotional state in those moments but they are manipulative nonetheless. The kid doesn’t understand that it is manipulative and they shouldn’t be punished for it however I do think it’s useful for parents to recognize it as manipulation so the parent can react accordingly. At least that’s my opinion. I just see a lot of my own behaviors happen during a child’s tantrum (the yelling crying and screaming and even hurting themselves or others) like I said though it’s not done with malice or active intent but it’s still manipulation. And i do only compare my adult bpd to childhood tantrums because at least for me in those moments of manipulation I do regress to a more childlike state and lose my ability to engage with adult methods of emotional regulation so it does feel like I’m that toddler throwing a tantrum over a piece of candy and it’s honestly horrific.
They can be both manipulative and out of the person's control depending on the person and the episode. It's not always one or the other and you can't group ppl and stick them in a box.
this story breaks my heart so much. i work in a daycare and we see children with special needs have parents that really struggle. but at the end of the day you can tell they love their child so so much. they didnt view him as theirs. its disgusting
I use to work in adult group homes and it is a life long commitment to have and love a special needs child. They didn’t know what they were getting into at all.
@michaell7927 they should have known. they were warned at every turn
@ exactly
I have 3 kids, all autistic/ ADHD and one on each level (as well as being AuDHD myself). It is not "quirky" or "cutesy" to raise a child with complex disabilities, every day is a struggle. We are warriors who sacrifice so much to give our kids the best life we can, it is not for the weak, and in her case, the extremely ignorant. Most of us didn't choose this life but we rose to the occasion, if she can't do that, then don't break that poor child's heart by abandoning him cuz he's "too difficult". I hope he is living his best life now and being treated the way he deserves.
@AshChiCupcak you are so amazing. i see the snippets of what it is like raising these children and it is hard work. i really cant grasp the lack of compassion they had for this baby. duct taping his little fingers? why cant he suck on his thumb. i have no idea what they were thinking when adopting him
I always found it weird when some reality TV shows started having kids as the main subject !! Call it child labor or exploitation it’s such a fine line, too young to work and even sign or understand a contract !! How many child star just made their parents richer !!
1:27:37 I believe it’s because of who was the “face” of the channel/scandal. For Ruby and Mika, they were both the main faces of the channel, the main ones in the videos. That’s why their husbands are able to hide behind them - they were always in the background of the videos. For daddy o five and Austin mcbroom, those guys were moreso the main faces on their channels, the main ones spearheading the issues we saw in their videos…so hence the canceling of those men.
You're not wrong 🤙🏽
I agree with this, though I think I’d like to add this as general thing.
The possible reason as to why the mother gets more attacked in these situations seems to be that mothers are seen as the default care giver, so if the father does something equally as bad it’s not really seen as a big deal, sadly due to societies heavy hand in the perception of mothers being there for the children and the fathers not really being around. It causes a lot of issues like terrible mothers still having custody and fathers being treated differently. It’s overall a sad and tragic situation
Also, in the Stauffer’s situation, he didn’t want to adopt. He kept saying no. Myka was clear that she had to convince him and it took a while. Then he didn’t want to adopt a severely disabled child but again she convinced him since she could take on 99 of 100 issues. Not saying he isn’t at fault but I think this is one of the reasons why Myka gets the bulk of the vitriol.
As a sibling of a child who was "adopted-out" (thankfully we have a great relationship and she runs an adoption advocacy group), the thing our general public needs to focus on criticizing is the PROFIT that comes from adoption. Remove religious groups from the process. Make it free or at least accessible so families don't spend money on the service they should be spending on actual childcare. Please. Adoption will seriously mess kids up if it's not handled correctly and 99% of religious services are involved in highly traumatizing or downright trafficky practices.
More people need to read this
That is really good to know about religious groups.
That doesn’t surprise me about the religious groups, but that’s truly sad. Hopefully this boost your comment a little so people can see this.
Like Catholic Charities? That was the group I came from back in the 70's.
I don’t think adoption should ever be free except through foster care, but the funding should 100% go to nonprofit organizations promoting ways for parents to not HAVE to choose adoption due to finances etc. Why should an adoption director make bank off of selling babies when half the parents making an adoption plan wouldn’t do so if they had a way to keep the baby?!
I don’t think that any children especially ones with non verbal disabilities should be subjected to being exploited or even shown online for financial gain. They should demonetize any channel that has any children shown online. In myka’s case I fully believe she saw him as a cash cow but it became to much where she was losing money trying to take care of him. And she already had a taste of the “good life”. She and her husband couldn’t allow that to happen so they gave him up.
So excited for this. I used to follow her in my "high school kid watches family vloggers" era and when everything happened with their adopted child, I was so disgusted I left the genre entirely. I found his new family's Instagram a few years ago, as a selfish "closure from a parasocial relationship" move, and was relieved to see he seemed to be doing fine.
Makes me sad to know he is still online 😢 I hope its just updates here and there and not full videos daily
she (at least back then: I don’t follow things like this anymore) doesn’t use his old name, reference his old family, or show him often. I also don’t like knowing his face is still online, but at least her posts have more of a casual “mom talking to her friends” vibe like “look at our new pillow fort setup” with the kids just in the background of the picture or celebrating little wins, not showing the kids’ struggles.
I used to watch myka as well and I remember when this all happened. It was crazy. Around the apologize video Myka uploaded a video of her cleaning the fridge but she was using her husband's products. Kind of trying to promote his channel and products. And then it was deleted shortly after because of all of the hate comments and I'm assuming not to link her husband to her.
As an AuDHD adult, I want to please urge parents of neurodivergent children to let those lil ones decide who is privy to thier diagnosis as much as possible. Share your experience separate from your family account or in a way that does not disclose thier identity. I want families to have community and encourage one another without making decisions that those children can not conceive of or consent to.
That doctor was being realistic and perhaps even had a premonition that their intention was not sincere
The video where she is trying to teach him where his toes are and she pushes him away when he tries to hug her is absolutely heartbreaking 💔
I was thinking the same thing! How hard is it to say, "Thank you, sweetheart! I love your hugs! Would you like to show me your toes?" One of the best things from my disabled son is his hugs! Sometimes they're a rarity, but that just makes them even more special when he is willing to give them. The only time I could even consider that a "problem" is when reminding a child that not everyone finds hugs enjoyable, so it's always best to get consent first. Obviously, in a manner appropriate for that child's comprehension, but you get the point.
i have a child in my class who is non verbal, and his way of showing appreciation and affection is to give these very tight hugs where he presses his cheek against mine. I can't get enough of them. it warms my heart to know that he trusts me that much. it's so sad that she can't even appreciate the fact that her child is trying to show her love.
@@matildesimsby9163 I love this so much! When my son was still in public school, one of the things that made me happiest was knowing that the teachers, therapists, para-professionals, and everyone else that came in contact with him loved him almost as much as we do. He's 22 now, and he's still known in our community. My husband was at the grocery store and he ran into one of our son's first teachers and she was so excited to hear all about what our son had been up to. Life isn't what I expected, but I love what an amazing young man he has become. There are certainly days that I question myself enough to think that he has become who he is in spite of all of my failings, but even if that is true, he's still incredible and I wouldn't trade him for the world.
All this to say, thank you for being one of the incredible humans that helps guide and teach our children. It's people like you that make it a little easier to breathe when we send our children off to school!
Oh my god, it kills me
The poor baby I just can’t
I’m a mom of 3 autistic kids and this family just makes me so angry. I’m only a few minutes into the video, but I remember these people. I hope that little boy is happy with his new family.
I highly doubt Huxley even has the mental capacity to identify and recognize whether he is even happy or not.
When I got into high school my teacher spoke about how when she went on the adoption journey. Depending on where the child is coming from the price for their adoption varies. She told me she really wanted a child, and the only child she could afford to adopt was in Mexico. Asian and white babies cost higher than any other child.
About white people adopting black children and respecting their culture and more specifically hair care - I cannot stop recommending Christy Gior and her videos of taking care of her adopted daughter's hair
And Jeena Wilder is a black woman who adopted a white little girl, one that was biologically related to her husband I think (maybe his niece?). but she speaks a lot to how hair care for her daughters long blond hair is very different from her other kids’ natural textured hair :)
There's a video about a woman who does her mixed sons hair (it's freaking Rapunzel hair and his natural hair is wonderful) and she makes so many videos dragging people that want her to straighten it to 'see what it looks like'. he loved it so much it was pure she's able to give him a healthy relationship with his hair
I am really struggling with this. I am an adopted person and an adoptive parent of a child adopted from Russia. We went into our adoption being very aware that our child would likely need therapy and educational supports and so it breaks my heart to hear about dissolution, but even more so, it enrages me to hear of families profiting off of adoption. Adoption is primarily an occasion of loss for everyone in the triad and should not be exploited for clicks and views. I hope this child is thriving with his family now.
As a Russian adoptee with disabilities, I want to thank you for taking time to write out your comment. I couldn’t have written it better myself. Thank you.💛
You're not an international adoption are you? This is really common. And, you need to invest in EMDR therapy. Pay for it, don't whine about the cost. I research this stuff. Yes, I know something you don't. Trauma shows up later.
@ thank you, I’m well aware. We have done therapy with therapists specializing in international adoption. Also, I’m adopted as well, so I am aware of the work involved. We’ve been a family for almost 18 years and we have put numerous psychological and education supports in place for our son. We were well aware that he might have needs requiring extra support and were committed to doing that for him because he is our child.
I was distracted a few times, wondering if those candles behind you are scented. You are a smart genuine person and your videos are easy to listen to. Thank you Swoop!
SOOOOO glad to see someone with this large of a platform doing a story about this!!! If NOTHING else there needs to be a law that if you adopt or foster kids, you cannot put the on social media for clout AND cannot discuss their private medical info or that of their birth parents online either. You shouldn’t be able to discuss any kids person medical info online for profit cuz these parents wouldn’t be as open about their own!
Idk about every state, but a lot of states do have laws against putting foster kids online, that is why so many of these mommy vloggers don’t want to do foster care. I’m in ca and my mom did foster care, and she couldn’t even post them on her private Facebook page even though they were like her own children
There are laws, if I’m not mistaken, they specifically chose to adopt from a country that didn’t have those laws
There are laws in most states prohibiting foster and adopted children being put on social media. That's why the Stauffers adopted a child from China.
@@BeccasaurousRex270it would depend on the country you and the child live in, not where the child was adopted from.
"she could deal with 99 conditions but I guess this ain't one" caught me off-guard SO hard that I just had to pause the video to lose my sh*t laughing for a bit before I could continue. thank you for inserting those moments of sass and levity into your storytelling, it makes the videos enjoyable to watch even with their often VERY heavy topics.
That statement from myja was soo smarmy!! The dig was so well deserved and delivered! lol
Intense ABA therapy and trying to forcefully remove self soothing habits like thumb sucking within months of being adopted into a different culture and without understanding the language, let alone the trauma of leaving his previous caregivers and friends. This whole situation is heartbreaking for the child. I hope he’s with a better family now. I hope this was the best outcome of a horrible situation. ❤️🩹
The Real crime here is that they named a child Huxley..
Wasn't that a butler's name in a movie?
Yeah that was first red flag for sure! 😂 I'm a nurse and I cannot tell you how many other nurses I've met that are literally Myka clones. Pretending to be a saint, pretending to be a good person, naming their kids Brayden or Huxley, they look like her, they dress like her, they talk like her. While they are the meanest bullies behind the scenes. It's honestly scary how theres probably thousands of Mykas just like her in nursing and being responsible for the health pf people dependent on them across the US.
@@WhitneyDahlinI’m not even close to being a nurse, I’m a welder and sheet metal fabricator. But your post was so spot on to even MY experiences with those folks. Well done.
All their kids had stupid, pretentious names. They were Onyx Trey, Radley, Jaka and Nakova. Seriously.
@@KathiePrater-n6d don't forget gauge or Brenton lol
I cannot believe people shame people for their hair. I can’t wrap my mind around that. Swoop your hair is so gorgeous!
Agreed
Same! I don't want to make people uncomfortable, but I sometimes find myself staring at people who have such beautiful hair. Afro curls, dreads, extreme length, I think it's so cool!
@@mamaseesa3122be careful you may really upset and objectify someone.
And the earrings are really cool too!!!😊
Must be jealousy. She’s very beautiful!
First, I love your content and don’t know why I haven’t seen it in forever. Second, it’s sad that probably one of the only comforts H had was sucking his thumb, and they tortured him for it. Ugh, I hope he’s somewhere safe and taken care of now.
Hi Swoop
As someone who has a family member who has Autism, thank you from the bottom of my heart for not only researching what you can about these subjects, but also educating us on these things.
I wish you, your team, and the Billing Department a happy holiday and a merry Christmas.
Cheers from Canada!
The whole "we decided to have a baby" thing is so sad. Obviously she was having sex for fun with both of her boyfriends, but she feels a need to pretend that these pregnancies were planned to "justify" her premarital sex within her religious structure.
Or: maybe she actually DID decide to have a baby since SHE was the one having sex and NOT you...🫠
@@TomikaKellychild please 😂
bingo
Coming from "religious" circles... this still would not justify anything
A very close family friend of mine grew up religious & actually did intend to have babies when having sex. It might have been a different situation (because they were mostly to ensure the fathers would stay in her life) but it does happen.
I work with severely disabled teenagers, and it has been one of the most humbling, beautiful, eye-opening experiences of my life. The biggest lesson is…it’s hard. There are really tough days. But there are also days when you give a kid who’s never had a “voice” the gift of communication. Of knowing someone finally understands them. Loving kids with severe disabilities is not a badge of honor to make you feel better about yourself. It’s a privilege to lift them up so they shine. It’s an honor to help them carve their place in the world.
China adoptions are closed now but at the time the Stauffers were adopting foreigners could ONLY adopt a special needs child. So, I didn’t take her question as a search for a disability that would make her look saintly but as a search for the easiest disability. Since she could only choose a disabled child, she wanted one that would have only a minor disability. She didn’t want a disabled child at all; she wanted a cute, cuddly one but that’s hard to get from a foreign adoption since many countries only offer special needs children to foreigners.
Jfc, that's so messed up for the kids. They can't even grow up in their own country. The Chinese government is dumping these children on purpose is dark.
@PostmasterTheEyrie To get sympathy from her viewers as a bonus when in reality its easier for her to 'deal' with, basically the idea swoop had
In addition to her looking for a child who still _looked_ more difficult to take care of, as @PostmasterTheEyrie said, they also didn't _have_ to adopt from China.
Another commenter pointed out that Huxley wasn't actually chosen because he's autistic, he was originally diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor and given 2 years to live. Once they had him the doctors actually said it wasn't terminal and he'd live. For normal people, especially parents, that would be something beyond relief and joy that their baby would survive not just cancer but cancer that was expected to take them before they were even old enough to tie their own shoes, but Myka wanted him *specifically* for his terminal diagnosis and James actually fought her on adopting Huxley: she thought she'd get praise for adopting, for adopting a child with ASD, and adopting a child with cancer all in one convenient package, she'd get to give in a good couple of years, and praised for that the whole time too, and then would get so much sympathy once he passed. But once he was no longer dying and would need, you know, care, love, and she'd actually have to learn how to properly parent a child on the spectrum, she just gave him away. She wasn't adopting a son, she expected to get a prop.
Why would you go halfway across the world to adopt a baby and name him "Huxley"? It's nothing against the name per se, but it's not a Chinese name... he isn't even in their home yet when they pick his name, and they're already knocking over pieces of his heritage like little domino's 1 by 1 getting rid of little pieces of his culture. He had a name. His birth mother gave him a name.
He already had a name, and there’s absolutely zero reason why they shouldn’t have kept it, or the American translation of it. Same with kids in foster care. We keep our kids’ names if they have been hearing that name for more than a year of their life. Period.
Right! It really bothers me how white parents will adopt non-white children and then do no homework or put in any effort whatsoever to incorporate that child’s home culture, etc., into their lives
It’s not as common as it used to be, but it’s still a huge problem with these types of adoptions
Apparently birth names aren’t important anymore.
What if they game him a typically female name because he preferred girl clothes and typical girl toys?
it's even more dumb when you consider this woman has obviously never read a page of Aldous Huxley in her life & simply thought it ~sounded cool~
Huxley wasn't going to live in China; he was going to live as a naturalized American citizen. Unbelievably, you've never met an Asian or any other foreign person with an English name.
If Huxley's birth mother wanted Huxley to keep his birth name then she would've kept him from birth. Myka was his mother when he was renamed and it was her prerogative to name her child as she wished.
They also allowed their bio children to suck their thumbs while they were duct taping his. One of the bioch children was around the age of seven at the time as well. Myka specifically said she didn't want to take that "comfort"away from her. But, duct tape around the 3-year-old disabled child's hand was perfectly okay. Taking away his comfort was fine.
I'm really glad that Huxley is no longer being exploited online but I do wish we had a tiny update about him. I really hope he is thriving as best as he can. ❤
I think his new family did put out that he was doing really good. But they def don't exploit him like the Stauffers did 🙄
I used to work in group homes for mentally disabled adults, one of my favorite jobs ever, they were all so smart and wonderful in their own ways, they just needed some help. I think any parent adopting a disabled child needs to go through the training i did. It wasn't hard and gives so much insight and help. I am so grateful you took this on with so much compassion
I agree
My son is autistic. We could not take him anywhere out of the house without a very loud and continuous tantrum until we returned home. His speech was delayed. He has attended public school. The first week he was at school he was sent to the principal’s office and threw everything off her desk. The last years have been difficult filled with sacrifice. Next year he will graduate from high school,on time. He is the sweetest and caring child i have out of 4. I have changed my life completely. I worked as an RN in a level one trauma center and was very social. I went to the gym and had many friends and went out 2or 3 times a week already the mother of 3. Now i stay home almost exclusively even though he could tolerate going out now, it is always best to keep him on schedule. He has the delay process problem so i am not sure about his future employment. My middle son has a business we hope to get him interested in but we never know. It is a really hard road for someone who can’t make these sacrifices. I was brought up in the Southern Baptist and Missionary Baptist church so being brought up in a community that stresses sacrifice and family this may have been a better foundation for my life. We haven’t been able to attend church in years ironically. My son has grown leaps and bounds. He will finish school and go onto college . He is the most caring and sweetest child i have. It takes years to see an improvement and most cannot hang. Would i want to do it again? NO WAY! But as I enter my 50s my children and my family are my future. I am certain Myka’s other children have watched their parents give up a child and wonder about their commitment to them. We will see. I know my future is secure with my family, we never give up on each other . That was actually taught and walked. I can imagine if the child was not my biological child i could not swear to you i could have done it. I do not judge them.
As an adoptive mom to my one and only child, that I adopted 16 years ago, today, we’ve called it gotcha day since the adoption was finalized. I adopted my child from foster care and getting to that legally a family day was a very long process. As it should be, to protect the best interest of the child. My child is now 21 and openly tells people it’s their gotcha day. To us it’s a day were we celebrate them and their journey to being out of a foster system that caused them a lot of pain and heartache. It saddens me to hear of others turning the phrase gotcha day into something so negative because of people like Myka.
I think they were hoping for a baby with a brain tumor so that they could milk all of that content. Between treatments, possibly chemo and radiation, fundraising, maybe even make a wish videos, and possibly even the death of the child. But instead she got a kid with severe autism and then absolutely abandoned him bc it got too hard 😮 I can’t even imagine the trauma that kid went through when he realized his “mom“ was never coming back for him 😢
I did wonder if her being all "this could be even better!" about hearing he had more problems including a brain tumour, was because she thought she might only have to be his mum for a short period of time.
I keep hoping he actually does have attachment disorder and never actually bonded with them. We have had children with attachment disorder and they don’t give a rats a** about a caregiver. I really do hope that was the case for him, and he’s with someone now who has put in the difficult work to create an actual bond he could grow attached to.
Yeesh 😬
That reminds me of the mom who was poisoning her baby for her stupid channel... I don't know if the dad knew about it, but she just really wanted to be internet famous.
As someone who works as a therapist with foster kids and foster parents, it's unfortunately super common for foster parents to go into it with that savior complex, assuming that if they give that kid a welcoming and loving home that it will resolve all of their issues and ignoring physical disabilities and things like trauma.
I'm currently working with a family that is frustrated that their adopted kids aren't "over their trauma", despite the fact that it's been six months and we have explained to them that this will be a lifelong struggle for these kids. Incredibly frustrating to see.
"She can take on 99 conditions but I guess this ain't one"
Stop I'm dying 😂😂😂😂😂
0:10 Not her again, i detest this woman
Wish RUclips would do something about these family bloggers / vloggers
She is the worst
I'm new. I'm so glad I found you. As a true crimerer, I've seen so many cases where adopted kids are abused and/or schmurdered. While so much about this is just absolutely 🤮, we are to point in society in which I'm grateful he was rehomed.
My son has health issues that will take him from me, not once did I ever want to give up on him, EVER. I wouldn't change anything about him. Some people should not be around kids.
Love to you and your son and your family ❤❤❤❤❤
As an adopted child, this situation really troubles me. I remember when this got into the news, I asked my mom if they would still have adopted me if I was sick and they said they were ready to care for me no matter what. Also, I understand documenting the process of adoption. My mom kept everything from my adoption, but it’s something so private…
My mom knew my bio parents, and knew I was "going to be a handful" as she says 😂
It hasn't always been easy, but I think it's been an overall net positive. I'm just so infinitely thankful I didn't have to do my time in The System
Thank you so much for covering this! I would love to see your take on the Della vlogs adoption scandals. Since adopting their new born daughter she has been on camera non stop and exploited. I can only hope Huxley is now in a happy nurturing environment free from exploitation and harm.
Oh thank you for speaking about family vloggers. We need more of that!!
Speaking as an autistic person, I'm sorry but Myka's home would have been a NIGHTMARE for any person ASD regardless of support needs. She's far too focused on appearances and refused to let her child be who he is.
My grandmother was a lot like her and all of my worst meltdowns growing up would happen when she was watching me. She was an old school socialite who just couldn't handle being related to a weird kid. She would try to mold me into being neurotypical and punish me for stepping out of line. She was a monster. And the worst part was watching her soak in the praise and the sympathy for having to "put up" with me when I wasn't even hurting anyone. I just wanted to be left alone.
Myka wanted that same praise too. She wanted Hux to eventually fit into her family's neat little box so she could show her "project child" to the world, but he was never built to do that. And when she finally realized that, she didn't want him anymore. Disgusting.
I am the stepmom to two autistic children, and there are some hard days. As any parent will tell you! But as I've struggled to find my place in their lives and determine how I can best help them, the thought I keep coming back to is that I am there to love these kids. They have their own struggles, they need extra help, but ultimately they want what we all want and that is to be loved and supported for who they are. It breaks my heart to think of any child being "returned" because they are too much effort. What a sad story this is.