He’ll cheat on “the one.” Nine months of therapy is nothing when someone is this immature and devoid of self-awareness. He gives off a skeezy vibe. Run women. Run.
"Love" = Leaving my family for lust "Long Marriage" = Ten years "Tried too hard" = Mutual divorce "Married too young" = Only ten years ago "Enjoying life to the fullest" = Only having your kids 50% of the time. Attention All Women: RUN!!!!!
The sad thing is that John talked about the caller's kids more than he did. Imagine what this is doing to them... He seems like a self-centered man child.
Yeah, that's the reason for the divorce, not "we were too young back when we got married". Dude is mentally still too young. The wife stepped up to the plate when they had kids, and he didn't, he remained the same charming teenaged boy she met. She got sick of being a single parent with an additional child to care for who only paid some bills, and decided it would be less painful for him to contribute to those bills from a different address. Tale as old as time. How old is the new chick? Dollars to donuts she's 20-22.
@@CherylFante-e8d If that were true, you wouldn't see so many widows living decades after their husbands die, and wouldn't see so many widowers dying within a year of their wives.
Caller doesn't know what love is. They just dont want to be alone. The first flush of a new relationship is always exciting. When he gets bored with this new girlfriend, he will switch because he doesn't want to take the time to learn to be by himself. He isnt mentioning his kids because he isnt a really good dad. I gueantee his wife does the mental load for the kids and he is fun, sometimes dad.
He is thinking of his mental wellbeing. Do women think of their children when they initiate divorce? 80% of the time women initiate divorce. Lesbians have the highest divorce rate. You going to blame men for that too?
Kids are resilient and relationships are none of their business. One of the biggest problem today is that kids become more important than marriages and then, couples wonder why they are getting divorced.
One of the biggest problems today is that a parent introduces their children to a new girlfriend/boyfriend almost immediately. Only the intricacies of a relationship shouldn’t be disclosed to children. Many divorced people rush into new relationships before or immediately after the divorce. Children of divorce feel as if their life has turned upside down & don’t need the immediate stress of also trying to adjust to a “new” person.
@@pamt3915 OH my gosh. I knew a woman who would bring her new boyfriend of the season to each dinner party we had at a friends house for years. She'd sit on his damn lap IN FRONT OF HER 3 YOUNG KIDS. What does she think she's teaching them doing crap like that? Makes me so angry.
No responsibilities. No woman telling him where to hang his towels. Except he already got in with another woman while married. Guess it is fun being him. 😅
@@sgaidola76 It's generally obvious when someone's improving themselves for the sake of the people around them, vs. when someone's focused on themselves because their momentary happiness is their top priority in life. This guy sounds like the latter.
@@sgaidola76his not really talking about what his doing with and for his kids. His not talking about what his doing to help them. His not thinking about his kids.
easy to remember if you think “beware!” is be wary. I have word spillage some days after headaches where the words I am looking for may not be the word that comes out.
@@beastshawnee I now suspect it was a typo and I’m sure my fellow Capricorn knows it’s “wary.” And like you, I need a million little tricks to remember words/spellings : ) “There’s ‘a rat’ in ‘separate’” / “Dessert - rather than desert - has two esses in it because you want more,” etc.
This call sounds like the precursor to the Raliegh call where the guy left his wife and got a girlfriend and only felt like he missed the wife when the girlfriend dumped him.
These guys oftrn come crawling back after the first time being dumped or sometimes the 2nd. It’s not good for anyone and most women aren’t having it but in my experience- about 65% of men do try and return to the stability of their past married home, But they blew it up. It happens as well after breakups, It happened to me twice. The first guy I gave another chance. Should never have done that but he gave me a wonderful daughter so I can’t regret it. The second time years later- this guy’s ex suddenly wanted HIM back after 2 years because he just now started dating me. He said he was “confused” But I said “You have a kid together- go be with her and try to work it out. I let you go cuz I don’t want someone who feels confused.” Months later he was back on my doorstep crying. “Sorry no.” He called me again in 2 years and said he was getting married and wanted to know what I thought. I said tell me about her, He did- I said she sounds great! Now you marry her and you don’t never ever call me again nor anyone else because she deserves someone steady. Flip floppers are the worst- and it’s time for you to grow up fully. Congratulations! I’m so glad your kids like her! So he promised.
@testaccount01336 exactly. There's a lot of comments about emotional immaturity. Of course he is! When you're with someone for so long, you don't experience things, especially/unfortunately hurtful things that help you grow. I know many older males at the end of long term relationships who acted like some highschooler teen mentality that blew my mind. I neglected to remember they missed about 10yrs of key "experience" you gain in 20s and early 30s.
The guy is genetically a sales guy. "I tried too hard." REALLY?! Nobody (including him) believes that. He's eager to spew the "right" answers without thinking much about them. He's doing what he wants to do, regardless of what's right. Intensely selfish -- THAT's the big issue. Before he ruins another woman's life, he needs to grow up and deal with a major narcissism issue.
I mean, yes, absolutely, but any time someone decides to get involved with someone who is still married that’s kind of in them, too. The woman is undoubtedly making selfish, bad decisions of her own, too.
@@jeremyholley2978yeah, if she knows. A lot of the time they don't know. Or they're being sold a whole sob story that is making them the hero saving this poor guy. She either doesn't know he has kids, or he tells her all about how much he misses them and how he just wants to be a good dad now.
Why are some people afraid to be alone? They need to be in a relationship with someone to feel validated. Not giving yourself time to heal is detrimental to any future relationship they could have with someone.
I agree..I've never been alone..I'm like a monkey swinging from tree to tree..I don't let go till I grab onto the next branch..I think i got it right this time❤
I was with my ex for 16 years. He left me suddenly for someone he worked with. Divorced for a long time. Been by myself for 15 years. Ready to start dating. I know I am ready to find a great guy. This guy has no clue.
I have never understood this, they haven't been together in almost a year, the papers are just a formality, what difference does it make if he technically still is married?
You have to allow the therapy work. Many people will blame the therapist instead of being willing to do the actual work; being vulnerable, facing some painful topics, holding yourself accountable, etc. The therapist can show you the door, but you’re the one who has to walk through it.
Agreed. In fact, most people I know who still go to therapy are extremely unhinged and delusional people who attack their own friends and family whenever they feel like it. I feel like most therapists feed them unhelpful information or toxic advice that veers them further away from people, when they should help them learn how to communicate instead.
He’s avoiding the abandonment issues by lining up his next wife before his divorce. There will be other tough feelings that he is avoiding by jumping into another relationship.
Very obvious… he doesn’t want to sit in the pain of his wife leaving. Fast speech and all the fear and anxiety tells he’s trying to stay on the high where he doesn’t experience the gravity of the low.
Yep, monkey branching. My ex did it to me, then did it to the woman he cheated on me with. Start a new relationship right before you bail on your current one so you can stay in the honeymoon phase and never process anything.
@@sgaidola76 John asked him about the man he wanted to be in the future and dude was silent. If you have kids and your first answer to that question isn't "A great dad." You've got some serious issues.
@@sgaidola76I guarantee his wide does 90% of the parenting. He didn't mention hos kids or their emotional well-being while talking to John. He is definately not a present involved father.
@@elizabethpieters7798 you can’t just assume what their life is like just because he doesn’t mention his kids. He is a person as well who’s trying to navigate his life. That’s aside from being a parent. Doesn’t mean he’s neglecting them. That seems to be the comments in here lately. Good thing he doesn’t read the judgements…
It truly amazes how these people that get divorced several times over, immediately find love again. It's like dude take a fuckin chill pill lol. People are so quick and eager to get into new relationships these days. Marriage one time and divorced would be enough for me to never want to do it again. It's no wonder the same people get divorced over and over again. It's silliness.
It’s just all new and fun, they don’t even know the person wait till they live together for a couple months or years and realize oh wait relationships are more than that new novel fun sensation/season.
Exactly! His heart is not broken he sounds relieved !!! Already been mingling for Nine months 🤷♀️🤷♀️ she’s a rebound because he’s selfish and men don’t like to be alone , he is obsessed with sleeping with her and that’s about it! 😢 he hasn’t said one thing about his kids being separate from him not with him everyday etc he’s not emotionally attached to any of them !!! The wife or kids! He won’t be attached to the new girl either !
@@veebliss1266 well both men and women do it..nobody likes to be alone. That's not up for debate 🤣 but still there is nothing wrong with taking a bit of time for yourself. People just like drama.
So, if you listen to his explanation for the divorce in the very beginning, he mainly says that it was his fault, but then proceeds to gloss over the details and act as if it's no big deal and just standard. He's not ready. He has not accepted the fact that marriage is hard work and doesn't mean feeling like a kid again.
Well, I'm kind of amazed he says he was "open" to the woman about his divorce and yet she's with him. She doesn't think that he won't end up being the same way to her that he was to wifey?
@@thetaekwondoe3887lol depends on what he meant by “open”. Just like he’s “in love” with her, he may have a different definition of being “open”. Well, he clearly does since he couldn’t be open and honest in his marriage.😅
Best wisdom I heard in adjusting was “You don’t go from Bitter to Better without changing the I.” Job change, divorce, etc. -it applies. BUT it takes time, healing & honest self-examination to be in a place to be in a healthy relationship. When I found my great guy, a friend asked “does he complete you?” I answered “No, that’s MY job!!”
"I feel like me again," says man who's been in a relationship for almost all of his adult life and accordingly does not know who he is as an individual who's not centering his life around someone else.
I’m not sure how people STILL don’t understand that new ‘love’ is chemicals. It’s exciting. And it always fades. So you better hope you chose well. Chose based on personality attributes and common morality and goals. Not on looks and excitement. Because excitement fades and even the most beautiful face is mundane after looking at it for years.
Because he is not being a man of integrity. He always wanted secretly to be rid of her it seems by his behavior. Sad. Hopefully he changes one day especially since he has children.
Exactly he’s sounds relieved in his voice !!!! Like I finally got rid of her to go play the field again! Just gross he sounds like a terrible selfish man! And men don’t see the risks it is to get married and have kids when they get bored of you , your family is broken! Men have no integrity or love for their own kids and wife!
@@redss111 meant to be together? that’s a fairy tale. This is real life. We make choices and we can’t run instead of doing the work. He waited too long, and from what it seems the work he did was minimal considering how he finds joy outside of family life. Btw, I’m happily married, and it’s not by chance. We’ve worked our asses off.
I know John has a christian background, and seemingly many of his callers do as well, but i have to say as a non-religious person i VERY much appreciate the general lack of religiosity and his great perspicacity and deference when answering questions in his videos, especially ones that deal with mental health
7:02 Soynds to me this young man went through all the hard parts of life with this woman and they built each other up and now that he's got everything perfect and his life built up he wants to ditch her and go live his life .the problem is him
@@debbielockhart7762the man emotionally unavailable for 16 years - eventually the wife just saw the truth, and accepted there was nothing in there. There was nothing to ditch for her - the man she had, had already left years ago, if ever even was there.
Nope... you choose better the second time. My first wife was mentally and starting physical abuse and I left. Second time I was way more picky about who I chose. I've been married 23 years now. Every thing is great now.
“I tried too hard but the damage was already done,” sounds to me like he screwed up so much for so long and ignored her pleas until she gave up. He didn’t care to try until she had already checked out. But maybe I’m reading too far into it
I was in a similar situation. Together 16 years, married for ten. The last 5-6 years were him constantly shutting me down, criticizing me, avoiding me by working instead…..almost like he was too afraid to be the one to end it, so it had to be me. I gave up after he refused therapy, and when I left, there was a huge turnaround of “I’ll change” “I love you”. All the things I ever wanted to hear. He went to therapy for a month. Then stopped going. We are still in the process of divorce. My guess is his wife checked out a while ago after being shut down for so long. Some people don’t realize that when someone leaves, there are no second chances. That’s why you have to keep trying while you are still in it. Best of luck to him and I hope that he figures out why he operates this way to avoid doing this again in the future.
This sounds like a common dynamic that Adam Lane Smith describes: woman tries for years to make marriage work, man refuses to either work things out or divorce her, she finally gets files for divorce, man throws up his hands and says "my wife left me". Glad you got out! It takes 2 to tango and it seems like you were the only one trying. Screw him!
I was married 17 years and divorced. I didn’t date at all for 6-7 months after the divorce was final. The first person I dated I was ready to marry in 2 weeks -not seriously but that’s how all those love hormones hit me. I’m glad i took a step back and broke it off early. There is no rush in getting to really know someone before marriage and taking as much time on your own first to figure ‘you’ out.
He's a whole joke of a man. He jumped ship without being able to put effort into his marriage. Once the newness goes with the "love of his life," adult relationship-ing issues will arise again. He's digging a bigger hole for himself🕳 Edit: Delony: Why did you divorce? Man: "uuuhh, I was emotionally absent, going through the motions, focused on my career and..all that, pretty standard."
What are you talking about? - He said his wife was not willing to work on their marriage anymore. - Also, it sounds like his (ex)wife was one of those women who think they can do better than their husbands, who happen to be the primary providers, while she keeps complaining that he doesn't put more time into being always "emotionally present".
I definitely read between the lines of what he said over all about the situation and refused to say about his wife's position on the divorce. Also, based on his immaturity in decisions and stupid statements about happiness. I stand by believing he's a "joke" of a man who couldn't bother to actually put in effort. That's why he's so "alive," like in high school. His poor children.
@@katrina3560 He clearly said "I would stay in that marriage, if my wife wanted to" There's nothing he can do about it, if his wife is done with him. But you don't want to see that.
I get the feeling that it's going to hit him hard in the next year, especially when the infatuation stage of his new relationship ends and he realizes all relationship require being emotionally present and working on it.
“I feel like me again,I feel like I did in highschool.” If you, as an adult, think you’re supposed to feel like you did in highschool, and THAT is who you are… you have a very shallow view of life. No one is, who they are in high school, in their adulthood. If they are, they are stunted. I don’t ever want to be who I was in my past, she was lovely, but she’s gone, life has changed me, people have changed me, etc. Some experiences good, some bad. But I’m who I am, exactly in this moment.
Imagine a rebound being more important and your focus than your kids learning how to be without their dad several days in the week . 😢 he hasn’t asked about how is kids can have an easier transition
@@roreo1612lol those type of people do not really care about traditional families or have values. Those kinds are mostly amoral people, who feel the new world leaves them with less power to abuse others who would have being easier targets in the idea of a past they keep fantasizing about.
@@dabd8175Too soon for this guy to be in another relationship again. Clearly. You can hear how immature he is. He will crash and burn again. He is too stupid to realize this. He did the ex a favor.
@@dabd8175 he’s doing better yet asking for advice on a public show for a new relationship based on kitty feelings while still technically married? That’s better? Yikes
I didn't even need to listen to the call to know this fellow is a complete tool. To the woman he's met, run, sister, run. Dude, you're already making the same mistakes.
This caller is annoying in more ways than I can count. I'll just list the first one: "We went through a divorce." "Oh, so you're divorced right now?" "Yeah." "How long have you been divorced?" "Well, we're finalizing the paperwork." *THEN YOU'RE NOT DIVORCED YET, JACKA$$!*
I think Dr John did a good job with this guy. You can't just tell the guy he's wrong, you have to guide him there. Dudes worried about "navigating" the next "love of his life", when he hasn't even finished divorcing the woman, who's the mother of his children! Navigating, meaning outside forces that you have to swerve around rather than deal with directly? He's HAPPY because he gets to do the things he likes again, he has no familial responsibilities anymore! So much more fun to live in a fantasy world, not the real world. His family's broken, so he's just throwing it away to start a new one. Sounds like my second marriage!! A narcissist who cheated the whole 13 years, and fathered two children outside our marriage. Don't walk, run ladies!! 🚩🚩🚩🚩
This new person is very Cool....until she marries you brother. Then you will see her true colours. A decent high value woman of character does not date someone else's husband.
Man Deloney 👏🏾👏🏾. You are helping him get super specific with his interventions. Helping him to start seeing his own self worth, instead of looking to someone else for it. I love your intuition on these things. you are amazing at what you do John.
The new lady needs to open her eyes and run asap. He'll do the same to her in 10 years. He'll be like, "I'm in my 40s, still young. I've got money and I still look okay. I wanna feel like I'm in high school again" while she bears his kid(s) and ends up as a single mother.
In AA, They advise people to wait at least a year post divorce before they start dating again. So it doesn't affect their sobriety, so they have time to recover from their divorce. That also applies to the person they're dating. They are not supposed to date anyone that hasn't been divorced for at least a year.
Good grief. Divorce not even finalized yet, and he thinks he has found Wife #2! Only separated nine months, so how long has he been seeing this new woman? He sounds like the typical dude who cannot be alone for even five minutes, and will go from wife to wife with barely a week in between. Somehow, he does not live in reality, but some fantasy world in his head, and when the fantasy clashes with reality, he will divorce and line up the next one.
Goodness ! I am so grateful for the 7yrs of forced singleness after my divorce. 9mnths of therapy is not healing, its just a tool to support you in your healing
@@cynn29 I don't exactly know at which point love begins but it sure ain't at the beginning like this man decribed, especially not in the middle of a divorce. TBH, I think he feels rejected by the soon to be ex and the new girl is giving him an ego boost.
@@sgaidola76 Not realistic. It's not a societal timeline, it's a psychological timeline. 16 years and immediately dating and thinking a girl is the one? That is delusional. Even people who 'check out' still deal with divorce fallout emotionally. I've seen it so many times, even when the divorcee denies it...delaying the pain, delaying the growth. Afraid to be alone.
I’m glad John calls him out, you aren’t divorced. You are still legally married. I can’t stand when ppl date when they aren’t even legally divorced. Not healthy at all. 😢
I met my husband when I was 15 he was 16. We’ll be married 29 years in November. It’s been a roller coaster of a ride. But I love him more and more everyday. I would exhaust everything before getting a divorce.
My mother died when I was 11 years old and my father brought a couple of affairs and relationships home in the following months. He had several women in parallel. It killed me inside. He even tried to hit on my best friend‘s mother who was happily married! Later on his new girlfriend moved in with us. She was a good person but totally broken, distant and jealous of me. My dad even told me once: „You are not living herr, you are only toleraterd“. As a grown woman of 40 I still struggle to naturally expect mature and deep love from a man.
Man, feel for this dude. I felt like that when I got divorced, like the "me from high school again" but I quickly figured out that dude was a nightmare and grew up. Thankfully going to college at 25 and being reminded how ancient I was sped that growing up process up.
Comment section...Give the guy a break..His marriage is Over..His wife doesn't want him..He's allowed to move on and be happy..rather this new relationship last or not..and it sounds like he understands he's in a honeymoon faze...I think ppl just take their own hurt feelings from failed relationships or dead marriages their terrified to leave..and project that onto everybody else's situation...as far as we know this is indeed the love of his life..he's learned from his past mistakes and will do better..but even if it's not..let the guy be freaking happy..geeezz
He went from never having a life before his ex to wanting to jump into a relationship before the marriage officially ended. He doesn’t know how to be alone. He’s terrified of it so he’s jumping into this.
It must be amazing sailing down the river of denial…gee, I feel like this guy hasn’t really dealt with his divorce yet…it’s one after the other for men like this.
He's talking about therapy but he's only 9 months into the divorce and he said he's been with this woman for months. You're not divorced until you're divorced. He says he wasn't emotionally available but then he says the reason for the divorce is that he did too much. Which is it? He has no clue, and it is incredibly irresponsible to bring another woman into this before fully closing the door on his marriage. This time should be spent healing and working on himself and helping his kids heal (which he dodges every mention of his kids and how they are doing in this and has he intro'ed this new woman into their lives), not jumping back out there so quickly like the last 16 years never happened. He's at that point where he's really really into himself, which is kind of what killed his marriage in the first place.
Emotionally unavailable 😂 after 16 years ?! This man is a dog meeting women before his divorce is final?? He’s in infatuation, not love ! It’s just “new” . You don’t fix being emotionally unavailable in nine months 😭😂 or rebound from a 16 year marriage in less than 9 months! He’s a joke ! You’re not in love and she isn’t the one! Wake up! That poor girl wasted 16 years for a man who didn’t appreciate her and gave him kids! 😢 for him to give up or “try” too late! Any man giving up his wife and mother of his kids is so broken! He sounds happy in his voice when he talks about his wife giving up their family… People are so quick to throw away their marriage and family !!😢 he think he is free from his marriage to be sleeping with new women 🤷♀️ he’s not thinking of how to be a good single dad . 😢 he sounds selfish even in the phone call. 💔
Exactly. He's always considered himself a single guy and now he feels free to sleep with other women. No consideration for his wife and he didn't even mention his children because he never considered them.
I was separated working on divorce when I met my now new wife. Been married 7 years and our relationship is so much better in all aspects and never could be happier.
My second husband and I married after a whirlwind romance. We were both divorced - me 3 years and him not as long. Our marriage lasted over 52 years - - ended only when he died. I have a friend who recently celebrated 34th wedding anniversary with her second husband. Another whirlwind romance. I read that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce while 60 percent of second marriages ended in divorce. However, the statistics were based on old data. Generally, I believe Dr. Deloney is correct but there's proof that there are exceptions.
He’s been done with his marriage longer than those 9 months. He was a shell of a man for her and the kids, afraid to pull the trigger on fixing himself, the marriage or just gtfo. Instead let’s drag a$$ and affect innocent lives. Now that he has something lined up instead of being alone ie not lose the benefits of a woman and having that fresh supply of external validation, and having someone else to blame when things go bad instead of finding all that within himself and working on being a better person…he’ll just keep using people as the leech he is and as a distraction.
He didn’t grow with her… they grew up and away. Happens all the time with ppl getting together so young. He’s doing what he needs to. Will it last? Who knows. Just pray everyone involved has a great life going forward.
These guys have it so easy. They can jump ship anytime. And jumping ship has never looked so good to men these days. Plenty of younger women to go around with lots left over if this one doesn't work out.
This story sounds like my story, however I ended up remarrying to the woman who was there for me through my divorce, and boy was it a big mistake, she did a complete turnaround, the caring and attention she was giving me disappeared, turns out she is the most selfish individual I have ever met, just be careful and take your time.
How long did he wait to date this one? He's been seperated for 9 months and said he's been seeing this one for a few months. The grass isnt always greener on the other side!!
@@annabelmiller8 Many men have said this, but they simply don't wanna put the work to date again. They settle for whoever is available, and often women do this too. Scared that they won't do better either.
You are so right John. I lived this story after getting married young for 30 years. Both moved on too quick. Both immature. When we understand that the breaking up of a family matters we can mature. Stay on your own until you understand that family is a priority and how you are going to navigate a new relationship with you children, they can't be separated.
He can’t even articulate what type of man he’s choosing to become. He needs to work on defining this for himself and creating that man! He can choose to do that.🌻
This man’s actions are proof of how little he tried to save his marriage. I can imagine anyone moving this fast when they are 100% committed. How can his wife not be done with him when he’s this happy moving on without even considering what this will do to his kids. How delusional. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to be married for 16 years… to have them say they want to be all in then instead for fixing the marriage. Instead of saying “I’m going to show you I can be a good man and father through my actions having to watch your still husband share his time with someone else instead of their kids…wasn’t his lack of time with his family part of the problem?.It doesn’t seem like he tried very hard after the divorce processing started. He just moved on to showing his true character. Maybe my idea of fighting for something is different, but if you really want something and you know you are the one who disappointed your partner you don’t stop trying. It’s not over until the divorce is final.😅
We all think that we found the love of our life after our divorce. It's called a rebound. It feels like love. It feels like everything we've always wanted then months later ALL feeling is gone. Its why any woman ive seen on a dating site that says they're seperated gets immediately unmatched.
For what it’s worth - and that’s not much coming from a stranger on the internet - I married the first guy I dated after my divorce. It does happen, but it’s rare.
What this guy doesn’t seem to understand is that he is dating a woman who is willing to date a married man. He is still married and has been the whole time they’ve been together. That is not a good sign for the future. Women who date married men are really competing with the wives. Currently she feels like she’s getting some prize that some other woman wants. She got him to break his vows to a woman he loved since his school days. She wants to prove to herself that she’s “the better woman” by winning him away from his wife, that’s why the relationship is so good because she’s doing everything right because she’s competing for first prize in a game that is currently feeding both of their egos. He likes thinking that he’s so desirable to this woman he just met. His ego likes knowing he doesn’t need to stick with the person that he’s been with all these years, he has options, he is a stud. Once he’s divorced he won’t be as interesting to her and the relationship will cool off. They might actually make it to the wedding because she’ll wanna prove that she’s a better wife at first but she’ll get sick of it and she’ll cheat on him just like she’s helping him cheat on his wife now. I’ve seen this kind of thing 1 million times.
That's silly: he's not a married man. He's a man whose decree absolute is just a matter of time. His marriage was long over before this woman even met him.
@@vaska1999 Any healthy minded person would run from a fresh divorcee. They need to heal, even if they were 'checked out'. They're not robots, but they like to act like they are. Take care of yourself before jumping into another relationship - they're not the answer to people's problems.
First caller you need to listen to Dr. john, from personal experience and the experience of thousands of others he's worked with , we will tell you he is right
The happiness in elation you're feeling now will quickly fade away and we'll still have to live with yourself you brought you to this new relationship and I assure you the same issue that happened in your first marriage will happen with this new girl until you fix yourself
Being with someone for 16 years, it takes pretty much couple of years being single, to get over it. Some guys mix lust / attachment with love. He doesn't want to be alone or thinks the rush is love. He doesn't talk about his kids either. Get therapy, pick up some hobbies. He definitely isn't happy with avoidant / abandoment issues. His silence before he answers says it all.
Classic narcissist. If my relationship just fell apart with my BD… the last thing I would be thinking about is a new relationship and “finding happiness in love” again The focus should be on your kids and how they’re adjusting. I can’t imagine how the kids are feeling knowing they just lost their mom & dad together… but their dad has already replaced mom in less than a year.
The same situation I've heard so many times: Guy is emotionally disconnected, wife complains for years, guy is in denial that anything is wrong and goes into his nothing box, wife files for divorce, guy is finally ready to fix their marital issues, it's to late for the wife. She has been complaining so long that she finally fell out of love and doesn't want to continue with him.
Not love. Infatuation. Guy doesn't seem to care about his kids. Only this new infatuation. This won't work out either I can 100% guarantee it. He seems immature. He got bored with her and his life and wanted excitement. But the excitement stage lasts a short time. All this will repeat.
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
you can be married for 16 years and be replaced in 5 minutes. How can this guy seriously think "the one" exists with this attitude?
How likely that his new true love is a decade younger? Someone on his same maturity level, except that she'll mature and he'll stay the same.
Agreed. It’s just gross.
Cause he’s a peanut 😂
He’ll cheat on “the one.” Nine months of therapy is nothing when someone is this immature and devoid of self-awareness. He gives off a skeezy vibe. Run women. Run.
Sounds about right.. the 'love of my life' be so shining and agreeable... the perfect mate
"Love" = Leaving my family for lust
"Long Marriage" = Ten years
"Tried too hard" = Mutual divorce
"Married too young" = Only ten years ago
"Enjoying life to the fullest" = Only having your kids 50% of the time.
Attention All Women: RUN!!!!!
They would not run…too many desperate people up there
@jovitarich7078 This is very true. Plenty of desperate people out there in need of company.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
He said he started dating after divorce proceedings started.
Women are indeed runnong. 80% of the time women initiate divorce. Lesbians have the highest divorce rate. So do keep blaming men.
Dude sounds really emotionally immature.
I'd be so curious to hear the ex-wife's reasoning for the divorce.
Exactly, came on, didn’t open up to anything, definitely will continue seeing that new women.
amen!
Manchild who sucked her dry and was selfish in bed.
😮😮😮😮😮😮😅😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😅😅😮😊😊😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮 😮😮😮
He did say that he was "emotionally unavailable" as cause of divorce - didn't blame his soon-to-be ex at all.
The sad thing is that John talked about the caller's kids more than he did. Imagine what this is doing to them... He seems like a self-centered man child.
Exactly!!
He dodged every mention of his kids so I have to wonder how much time he is spending with them vs. focusing on getting his replacement family going.
@@GallifreyanOrphan Yeah I think he'll be running to the store to get some milk soon.
Yeah, that's the reason for the divorce, not "we were too young back when we got married". Dude is mentally still too young. The wife stepped up to the plate when they had kids, and he didn't, he remained the same charming teenaged boy she met. She got sick of being a single parent with an additional child to care for who only paid some bills, and decided it would be less painful for him to contribute to those bills from a different address. Tale as old as time.
How old is the new chick? Dollars to donuts she's 20-22.
@@rachelmaddowswife8713 For sure. Only a woman THAT young would find an inmature recently divorced 33 y/o with kids, attractive
Narcissistic men can't be alone and immediately seek a new partner
Thats not true more woman have tougher time being alone than men.
@@CherylFante-e8d If that were true, you wouldn't see so many widows living decades after their husbands die, and wouldn't see so many widowers dying within a year of their wives.
@@CherylFante-e8dwrong
@@CherylFante-e8d? It is true for most narcissistic men. They need a constant supply.
I tend to disagree. i am a woman and cherish being alone @user-dw5xx9pr3q
Love how Delony pressed him. I can see why his wife was out…. He’s delusional. No self-awareness , no emotional intelligence.
Yeah because no chance the woman was trash right??
@@DrewsThoughts still no excuse for cheating. You leave, divorce then date. not date while still married
@@DrewsThoughts it's weird how quickly these women immediately jump to spewing a diaria of insult ladened cliches.
@@elizadawne3896 He's is not cheating, if they not in a relationship anymore. There just married on paper.
@@kingdele01What are you referring to? There's no diarrhea of insult-laden cliches from women in this thread .
Caller doesn't know what love is. They just dont want to be alone. The first flush of a new relationship is always exciting. When he gets bored with this new girlfriend, he will switch because he doesn't want to take the time to learn to be by himself. He isnt mentioning his kids because he isnt a really good dad. I gueantee his wife does the mental load for the kids and he is fun, sometimes dad.
I noticed how he didn’t mention his kids either. What a joke
OMG THANK YOU. No, not even once he brought up his kids. No pain whatsoever there.
Well said
Whether we like to admit it or not, all marriages will not last because people change .
PERIOD!! He only agreed with the points that would easiest fuel his ego… 😅
This guy is so busy jumping into a new relationship that not once did he mention his kids. He should be focusing on how they’re adjusting.
He's thinking with his groin.
He is thinking of his mental wellbeing. Do women think of their children when they initiate divorce? 80% of the time women initiate divorce. Lesbians have the highest divorce rate. You going to blame men for that too?
Kids are resilient and relationships are none of their business. One of the biggest problem today is that kids become more important than marriages and then, couples wonder why they are getting divorced.
One of the biggest problems today is that a parent introduces their children to a new girlfriend/boyfriend almost immediately. Only the intricacies of a relationship shouldn’t be disclosed to children. Many divorced people rush into new relationships before or immediately after the divorce. Children of divorce feel as if their life has turned upside down & don’t need the immediate stress of also trying to adjust to a “new” person.
@@pamt3915 OH my gosh. I knew a woman who would bring her new boyfriend of the season to each dinner party we had at a friends house for years. She'd sit on his damn lap IN FRONT OF HER 3 YOUNG KIDS. What does she think she's teaching them doing crap like that? Makes me so angry.
"I feel like me again. Like I did in high school." 😂😂😆😆😆
Mid life crisis
wait for 6 months. The mistress became a wife. It's not the same anymore. Look for another high school love.
Tell me you peaked in high school without telling me you peaked in high school. 🙄
@@amberblair8768I can’t stand people like that it is SUCH A RED FLAG 🙄
No responsibilities. No woman telling him where to hang his towels.
Except he already got in with another woman while married. Guess it is fun being him. 😅
Not one time he thought about his kid. No pain or remorse there whatsoever.
His only concern is "me me me".
When you improve on YOU, it reflects on your kids.
So he’s heading in the right direction. He’s improving his life. The judgement needs to stop.
😅😅😅😅 sorry but that's not whats happening here@@sgaidola76
@@sgaidola76 It's generally obvious when someone's improving themselves for the sake of the people around them, vs. when someone's focused on themselves because their momentary happiness is their top priority in life. This guy sounds like the latter.
@@sgaidola76his not really talking about what his doing with and for his kids. His not talking about what his doing to help them.
His not thinking about his kids.
@@hollysmith1347 just because he doesn’t mention his kids, doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. Let’s not assume…
I love how blunt and direct John is. Just calling it out, “I’d be very weary of calling what you’re in love”
(respectfully, you know it’s “wary.”) (i say this as a fellow capricorn!)
easy to remember if you think “beware!” is be wary. I have word spillage some days after headaches where the words I am looking for may not be the word that comes out.
@@beastshawnee I now suspect it was a typo and I’m sure my fellow Capricorn knows it’s “wary.” And like you, I need a million little tricks to remember words/spellings : ) “There’s ‘a rat’ in ‘separate’” / “Dessert - rather than desert - has two esses in it because you want more,” etc.
@@gracenurse3365 Someone putting importance to star signs while watching and claiming understanding from John Delony is an insane combination. 🤯
This call sounds like the precursor to the Raliegh call where the guy left his wife and got a girlfriend and only felt like he missed the wife when the girlfriend dumped him.
🎯🎯🎯 let’s stay posted, folks! This sounds accurate--waiting for an update soon
These guys oftrn come crawling back after the first time being dumped or sometimes the 2nd. It’s not good for anyone and most women aren’t having it but in my experience- about 65% of men do try and return to the stability of their past married home, But they blew it up. It happens as well after breakups, It happened to me twice. The first guy I gave another chance. Should never have done that but he gave me a wonderful daughter so I can’t regret it. The second time years later- this guy’s ex suddenly wanted HIM back after 2 years because he just now started dating me. He said he was “confused” But I said “You have a kid together- go be with her and try to work it out. I let you go cuz I don’t want someone who feels confused.” Months later he was back on my doorstep crying. “Sorry no.” He called me again in 2 years and said he was getting married and wanted to know what I thought. I said tell me about her, He did- I said she sounds great! Now you marry her and you don’t never ever call me again nor anyone else because she deserves someone steady. Flip floppers are the worst- and it’s time for you to grow up fully. Congratulations! I’m so glad your kids like her! So he promised.
I recall that caller. 😮
I think about that call so often 😁
What’s the name of the video?
He sounds like a high school graduate trying to find himself. I don't think he should get into another relationship until he matures emotionally.
He’s in a relationship for HIMSELF
This is why young ppl shouldn't get married. Under 25!
@testaccount01336 exactly. There's a lot of comments about emotional immaturity. Of course he is! When you're with someone for so long, you don't experience things, especially/unfortunately hurtful things that help you grow. I know many older males at the end of long term relationships who acted like some highschooler teen mentality that blew my mind. I neglected to remember they missed about 10yrs of key "experience" you gain in 20s and early 30s.
@@testaccount01336no.
Ya goes from emotionally unavailable to emotionally insecure
The guy is genetically a sales guy. "I tried too hard." REALLY?! Nobody (including him) believes that. He's eager to spew the "right" answers without thinking much about them. He's doing what he wants to do, regardless of what's right. Intensely selfish -- THAT's the big issue. Before he ruins another woman's life, he needs to grow up and deal with a major narcissism issue.
He couldn't answer more specifically when pressed, either. He's a terrible salesman.
He pivoted to "abandonment issues" when the doctor wasn't going the way he expected.
I mean, yes, absolutely, but any time someone decides to get involved with someone who is still married that’s kind of in them, too. The woman is undoubtedly making selfish, bad decisions of her own, too.
@@jeremyholley2978yeah, if she knows. A lot of the time they don't know. Or they're being sold a whole sob story that is making them the hero saving this poor guy. She either doesn't know he has kids, or he tells her all about how much he misses them and how he just wants to be a good dad now.
Why are some people afraid to be alone? They need to be in a relationship with someone to feel validated. Not giving yourself time to heal is detrimental to any future relationship they could have with someone.
I agree..I've never been alone..I'm like a monkey swinging from tree to tree..I don't let go till I grab onto the next branch..I think i got it right this time❤
A lot of people can't stand to be alone with their own thoughts. They need others and outside distractions to silence the criticism in their minds.
Because society hates lonely people
@@JJJJ-he8bz being alone and being lonely aren't the same thing.
I was with my ex for 16 years. He left me suddenly for someone he worked with. Divorced for a long time. Been by myself for 15 years. Ready to start dating. I know I am ready to find a great guy. This guy has no clue.
I agree on waiting til you're divorced to date. That new girl is dating a married man, she's not all the way healthy either.
My mom waited 27 years to date after divorce, 5 years after I left the house . I'm 28. You rock momma ❤
How can u say she's not healthy you don't know her judgement stinks that's why public is horrible
I have never understood this, they haven't been together in almost a year, the papers are just a formality, what difference does it make if he technically still is married?
💯
@@Becks-zz2jgthat's sounds miserable for her
Just because you went to therapy doesn’t mean it worked
@@dabd8175sounds like you need it
You have to allow the therapy work. Many people will blame the therapist instead of being willing to do the actual work; being vulnerable, facing some painful topics, holding yourself accountable, etc. The therapist can show you the door, but you’re the one who has to walk through it.
@@sds6303absolutely! It will never work if you think it’s malarkey
THIS!!!
Agreed. In fact, most people I know who still go to therapy are extremely unhinged and delusional people who attack their own friends and family whenever they feel like it. I feel like most therapists feed them unhelpful information or toxic advice that veers them further away from people, when they should help them learn how to communicate instead.
My theory…he cheated or had a crush on this women, when he was married.
Bingo!
yes!!! Delony was hinting to this with his questions
he had crushes on lots of women when he was married
Bingo
@@ST-rj8iunever once was this said during this conversation
He’s avoiding the abandonment issues by lining up his next wife before his divorce. There will be other tough feelings that he is avoiding by jumping into another relationship.
Very obvious… he doesn’t want to sit in the pain of his wife leaving. Fast speech and all the fear and anxiety tells he’s trying to stay on the high where he doesn’t experience the gravity of the low.
Yep, monkey branching. My ex did it to me, then did it to the woman he cheated on me with. Start a new relationship right before you bail on your current one so you can stay in the honeymoon phase and never process anything.
My uncle coined the term “The Monkey Bar Effect”. Can’t let go of one woman until you have another one…
With the dating world today he is lucky he found anyone. Apps are brutal.
Some dating coaches call it monkey branching
Monkey Bar Effect and yes Narcissistic Men can't be alone, they do this
My boyfriend says this about women, that they can't let go of one swinging vine (d***) until they have another.
😂😂😅
Not one mention of his kids. Dude is self-centered as heck. No wonder his marriage ended after 16 years.
He said he co-parents.
Wow, judgmental much?
@@sgaidola76 John asked him about the man he wanted to be in the future and dude was silent. If you have kids and your first answer to that question isn't "A great dad." You've got some serious issues.
@@10coolfacts I don't know even one man who'd say that.
@@sgaidola76I guarantee his wide does 90% of the parenting. He didn't mention hos kids or their emotional well-being while talking to John. He is definately not a present involved father.
@@elizabethpieters7798 you can’t just assume what their life is like just because he doesn’t mention his kids.
He is a person as well who’s trying to navigate his life. That’s aside from being a parent. Doesn’t mean he’s neglecting them.
That seems to be the comments in here lately.
Good thing he doesn’t read the judgements…
It truly amazes how these people that get divorced several times over, immediately find love again. It's like dude take a fuckin chill pill lol. People are so quick and eager to get into new relationships these days. Marriage one time and divorced would be enough for me to never want to do it again. It's no wonder the same people get divorced over and over again. It's silliness.
It’s just all new and fun, they don’t even know the person wait till they live together for a couple months or years and realize oh wait relationships are more than that new novel fun sensation/season.
Exactly! His heart is not broken he sounds relieved !!! Already been mingling for Nine months 🤷♀️🤷♀️ she’s a rebound because he’s selfish and men don’t like to be alone , he is obsessed with sleeping with her and that’s about it! 😢 he hasn’t said one thing about his kids being separate from him not with him everyday etc he’s not emotionally attached to any of them !!! The wife or kids! He won’t be attached to the new girl either !
@@veebliss1266probably
@@veebliss1266 well both men and women do it..nobody likes to be alone. That's not up for debate 🤣 but still there is nothing wrong with taking a bit of time for yourself. People just like drama.
Been divorced 5 years, it’s still new to me. I won’t be divorced twice. You get one time.
So, if you listen to his explanation for the divorce in the very beginning, he mainly says that it was his fault, but then proceeds to gloss over the details and act as if it's no big deal and just standard. He's not ready. He has not accepted the fact that marriage is hard work and doesn't mean feeling like a kid again.
Well, I'm kind of amazed he says he was "open" to the woman about his divorce and yet she's with him. She doesn't think that he won't end up being the same way to her that he was to wifey?
@@thetaekwondoe3887lol depends on what he meant by “open”. Just like he’s “in love” with her, he may have a different definition of being “open”. Well, he clearly does since he couldn’t be open and honest in his marriage.😅
Best wisdom I heard in adjusting was “You don’t go from Bitter to Better without changing the I.”
Job change, divorce, etc. -it applies.
BUT it takes time, healing & honest self-examination to be in a place to be in a healthy relationship.
When I found my great guy, a friend asked “does he complete you?”
I answered “No, that’s MY job!!”
"I feel like me again," says man who's been in a relationship for almost all of his adult life and accordingly does not know who he is as an individual who's not centering his life around someone else.
Tom Cruise jumping on the couch on "Oprah" comes to mind.
That doesn't worked either 😂
Bam 😅
yea 😂
😂😂😂😂yes
I’m not sure how people STILL don’t understand that new ‘love’ is chemicals. It’s exciting. And it always fades. So you better hope you chose well. Chose based on personality attributes and common morality and goals. Not on looks and excitement. Because excitement fades and even the most beautiful face is mundane after looking at it for years.
Well said. Thank you for your wisdom.
Wow that is so true
Yup . All chemicals. 👌🏾
Why did you get divorced?
"I was trying too hard..." Pffft
right?…
For real! 🚩
Lies!
Cringe 😮
i wish john had said “really, that’s what she would say???” 😂
how can you be so happy when you lost your wife and kids
Biblical curses are turned into a way of life for these demons
Because he is not being a man of integrity. He always wanted secretly to be rid of her it seems by his behavior. Sad. Hopefully he changes one day especially since he has children.
Exactly he’s sounds relieved in his voice !!!! Like I finally got rid of her to go play the field again! Just gross he sounds like a terrible selfish man! And men don’t see the risks it is to get married and have kids when they get bored of you , your family is broken! Men have no integrity or love for their own kids and wife!
No one should lose their children! And if people aren't meant to be together, they can be happier divorced??
@@redss111 meant to be together? that’s a fairy tale. This is real life. We make choices and we can’t run instead of doing the work. He waited too long, and from what it seems the work he did was minimal considering how he finds joy outside of family life. Btw, I’m happily married, and it’s not by chance. We’ve worked our asses off.
I know John has a christian background, and seemingly many of his callers do as well, but i have to say as a non-religious person i VERY much appreciate the general lack of religiosity and his great perspicacity and deference when answering questions in his videos, especially ones that deal with mental health
I agree!
Dear 37 year old Trey. I can’t believe you’ve been divorced twice
His christian background really shows if you know how to listen to his subtle messages.
@@DiraMcClintock 🤭
@teresamagnusson morality has to come from somewhere.
7:02 Soynds to me this young man went through all the hard parts of life with this woman and they built each other up and now that he's got everything perfect and his life built up he wants to ditch her and go live his life .the problem is him
Absolutely.
Are you deaf? She ditched him.
@@debbielockhart7762 He didn’t sound believable to me.
@@debbielockhart7762the man emotionally unavailable for 16 years - eventually the wife just saw the truth, and accepted there was nothing in there.
There was nothing to ditch for her - the man she had, had already left years ago, if ever even was there.
Don't tell this guy the divorce rate is higher for second marriages 💀
He would not listen
He will learn on his own
New chic should be hearing the call. She should know what she picking up 😂
why did he call what was the fucking question?
Nope... you choose better the second time. My first wife was mentally and starting physical abuse and I left. Second time I was way more picky about who I chose. I've been married 23 years now. Every thing is great now.
“I tried too hard but the damage was already done,” sounds to me like he screwed up so much for so long and ignored her pleas until she gave up. He didn’t care to try until she had already checked out. But maybe I’m reading too far into it
I think you're spot on!
I was in a similar situation. Together 16 years, married for ten. The last 5-6 years were him constantly shutting me down, criticizing me, avoiding me by working instead…..almost like he was too afraid to be the one to end it, so it had to be me. I gave up after he refused therapy, and when I left, there was a huge turnaround of “I’ll change” “I love you”. All the things I ever wanted to hear. He went to therapy for a month. Then stopped going. We are still in the process of divorce. My guess is his wife checked out a while ago after being shut down for so long. Some people don’t realize that when someone leaves, there are no second chances. That’s why you have to keep trying while you are still in it. Best of luck to him and I hope that he figures out why he operates this way to avoid doing this again in the future.
This sounds like a common dynamic that Adam Lane Smith describes: woman tries for years to make marriage work, man refuses to either work things out or divorce her, she finally gets files for divorce, man throws up his hands and says "my wife left me".
Glad you got out! It takes 2 to tango and it seems like you were the only one trying. Screw him!
Sounds exactly like what happened to me too
"Can't ride two horses with one a**, sugarbean."
I was just wondering if i should watch sweet home alabama tonight, heres my sign lol
@@Andiblegood idea! I shall too 😀
Lolol I love that line. Thanks for posting it. It’s one of my favorite movies and one of the weirdest things to say but hysterical all of the same.
One of the best movie lines ever!!
I was married 17 years and divorced. I didn’t date at all for 6-7 months after the divorce was final. The first person I dated I was ready to marry in 2 weeks -not seriously but that’s how all those love hormones hit me. I’m glad i took a step back and broke it off early. There is no rush in getting to really know someone before marriage and taking as much time on your own first to figure ‘you’ out.
He's a whole joke of a man. He jumped ship without being able to put effort into his marriage.
Once the newness goes with the "love of his life," adult relationship-ing issues will arise again. He's digging a bigger hole for himself🕳
Edit: Delony: Why did you divorce?
Man: "uuuhh, I was emotionally absent, going through the motions, focused on my career and..all that, pretty standard."
What are you talking about?
- He said his wife was not willing to work on their marriage anymore.
- Also, it sounds like his (ex)wife was one of those women who think they can do better than their husbands, who happen to be the primary providers, while she keeps complaining that he doesn't put more time into being always "emotionally present".
You’re the definition of hearing but not listening.
@@Bori.1776 I agree!
BTW, she was probably having an affair or hoping to monkey-branch to a "better" ($$$) guy.
I definitely read between the lines of what he said over all about the situation and refused to say about his wife's position on the divorce. Also, based on his immaturity in decisions and stupid statements about happiness. I stand by believing he's a "joke" of a man who couldn't bother to actually put in effort. That's why he's so "alive," like in high school. His poor children.
@@katrina3560 He clearly said "I would stay in that marriage, if my wife wanted to" There's nothing he can do about it, if his wife is done with him. But you don't want to see that.
Him and “the one” will break up in 6 months.
Not unlesssss she gets pregnant!
the new girl I hope she falls for someone else cheat on him. that's not nice but maybe 🙃
3😂
this man has NOT fully accepted it yet
I get the feeling that it's going to hit him hard in the next year, especially when the infatuation stage of his new relationship ends and he realizes all relationship require being emotionally present and working on it.
Yea cause 16 yrs is a long time but he will be ok.
“I feel like me again,I feel like I did in highschool.”
If you, as an adult, think you’re supposed to feel like you did in highschool, and THAT is who you are… you have a very shallow view of life.
No one is, who they are in high school, in their adulthood. If they are, they are stunted.
I don’t ever want to be who I was in my past, she was lovely, but she’s gone, life has changed me, people have changed me, etc. Some experiences good, some bad. But I’m who I am, exactly in this moment.
He probably means free of responsibilities. Aka weak.
Classic rebound
Imagine a rebound being more important and your focus than your kids learning how to be without their dad several days in the week . 😢 he hasn’t asked about how is kids can have an easier transition
@@dabd8175does better by destroying the family unit ? I thought you cared about tradition families
@@roreo1612lol those type of people do not really care about traditional families or have values. Those kinds are mostly amoral people, who feel the new world leaves them with less power to abuse others who would have being easier targets in the idea of a past they keep fantasizing about.
@@dabd8175Too soon for this guy to be in another relationship again. Clearly. You can hear how immature he is. He will crash and burn again. He is too stupid to realize this. He did the ex a favor.
@@dabd8175 he’s doing better yet asking for advice on a public show for a new relationship based on kitty feelings while still technically married? That’s better? Yikes
I didn't even need to listen to the call to know this fellow is a complete tool. To the woman he's met, run, sister, run. Dude, you're already making the same mistakes.
Tray is not mourning anything Dr John, he is already sold on the new one.
He loves being emotionally available, to bad his wife and kids didn't get that but this new shiny women oh she is worth it.
I doubt he’s emotionally available at all but the new one is too new to call him out
The grass is always greener when you mix a little $hit with it.
Good one 😂
@@DonnaLena1and just as hard to mow
Accurate 😂
The caller isn’t even able to accept Delony’s advice…but, this man is getting married…🙄
This caller is annoying in more ways than I can count. I'll just list the first one:
"We went through a divorce."
"Oh, so you're divorced right now?"
"Yeah."
"How long have you been divorced?"
"Well, we're finalizing the paperwork."
*THEN YOU'RE NOT DIVORCED YET, JACKA$$!*
Wow, 9 whole months of healing…🙄😆he’s just been complaining to her about his marriage, this is bananas.🎉
Deloney's face when he said that at 1:23 was extremely funny and accurate.
“She understands meee, she understands how hard my marriage wassss, it must be lovvveee.”
And he's been with her "for the last few months".... mmhmm.
@@ThePolypam 😆
he is so blind. it's a waste of time speaking to him.
Now there's an optimistic take lol
He definitely thinks he knows everything. He sounds insufferable to be around.
I think Dr John did a good job with this guy. You can't just tell the guy he's wrong, you have to guide him there.
Dudes worried about "navigating" the next "love of his life", when he hasn't even finished divorcing the woman, who's the mother of his children! Navigating, meaning outside forces that you have to swerve around rather than deal with directly?
He's HAPPY because he gets to do the things he likes again, he has no familial responsibilities anymore! So much more fun to live in a fantasy world, not the real world. His family's broken, so he's just throwing it away to start a new one. Sounds like my second marriage!! A narcissist who cheated the whole 13 years, and fathered two children outside our marriage. Don't walk, run ladies!! 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Most definitely.
This new person is very Cool....until she marries you brother. Then you will see her true colours. A decent high value woman of character does not date someone else's husband.
Man Deloney 👏🏾👏🏾. You are helping him get super specific with his interventions. Helping him to start seeing his own self worth, instead of looking to someone else for it. I love your intuition on these things. you are amazing at what you do John.
The new lady needs to open her eyes and run asap. He'll do the same to her in 10 years. He'll be like, "I'm in my 40s, still young. I've got money and I still look okay. I wanna feel like I'm in high school again" while she bears his kid(s) and ends up as a single mother.
In AA, They advise people to wait at least a year post divorce before they start dating again. So it doesn't affect their sobriety, so they have time to recover from their divorce. That also applies to the person they're dating. They are not supposed to date anyone that hasn't been divorced for at least a year.
Good grief. Divorce not even finalized yet, and he thinks he has found Wife #2! Only separated nine months, so how long has he been seeing this new woman? He sounds like the typical dude who cannot be alone for even five minutes, and will go from wife to wife with barely a week in between. Somehow, he does not live in reality, but some fantasy world in his head, and when the fantasy clashes with reality, he will divorce and line up the next one.
He cant even wait a year.🥵
Goodness ! I am so grateful for the 7yrs of forced singleness after my divorce. 9mnths of therapy is not healing, its just a tool to support you in your healing
I hear you. I’ve been a widow for two years. There is no possible way I would be looking for someone now. I need to work on me.
Meets a new girl and thinks he's in love. Most likely it's just infatuation. It's electric when you meet someone and you're both into each other.
Isn’t that how love begins?
@@cynn29 I don't exactly know at which point love begins but it sure ain't at the beginning like this man decribed, especially not in the middle of a divorce. TBH, I think he feels rejected by the soon to be ex and the new girl is giving him an ego boost.
Some people do find their person after a divorce and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Not everyone follows a “societal timeline”.
@@sgaidola76 Not realistic. It's not a societal timeline, it's a psychological timeline. 16 years and immediately dating and thinking a girl is the one? That is delusional. Even people who 'check out' still deal with divorce fallout emotionally. I've seen it so many times, even when the divorcee denies it...delaying the pain, delaying the growth. Afraid to be alone.
I’m glad John calls him out, you aren’t divorced. You are still legally married. I can’t stand when ppl date when they aren’t even legally divorced. Not healthy at all. 😢
I met my husband when I was 15 he was 16. We’ll be married 29 years in November. It’s been a roller coaster of a ride. But I love him more and more everyday. I would exhaust everything before getting a divorce.
Respect to you 👊
My mother died when I was 11 years old and my father brought a couple of affairs and relationships home in the following months. He had several women in parallel. It killed me inside. He even tried to hit on my best friend‘s mother who was happily married!
Later on his new girlfriend moved in with us. She was a good person but totally broken, distant and jealous of me. My dad even told me once: „You are not living herr, you are only toleraterd“.
As a grown woman of 40 I still struggle to naturally expect mature and deep love from
a man.
Man, feel for this dude. I felt like that when I got divorced, like the "me from high school again" but I quickly figured out that dude was a nightmare and grew up. Thankfully going to college at 25 and being reminded how ancient I was sped that growing up process up.
I love when Dr John just gives up and puts his head down on the table lol
Comment section...Give the guy a break..His marriage is Over..His wife doesn't want him..He's allowed to move on and be happy..rather this new relationship last or not..and it sounds like he understands he's in a honeymoon faze...I think ppl just take their own hurt feelings from failed relationships or dead marriages their terrified to leave..and project that onto everybody else's situation...as far as we know this is indeed the love of his life..he's learned from his past mistakes and will do better..but even if it's not..let the guy be freaking happy..geeezz
I wish his girlfriend/future wife lots of luck. Hope she listens to this show.
OMG ... I NEED SOMEONE ANYONE ...BE there for your kids learn to be by yourself and learn to like yourself ...what a mess
He went from never having a life before his ex to wanting to jump into a relationship before the marriage officially ended. He doesn’t know how to be alone. He’s terrified of it so he’s jumping into this.
It must be amazing sailing down the river of denial…gee, I feel like this guy hasn’t really dealt with his divorce yet…it’s one after the other for men like this.
It’s his life. If he wants to jump into another relationship, he can. He’s free to do so.
@@AJZona-AJR79 hes not divorced yet.
All he has said me me no mention of his family what about his kids
He's talking about therapy but he's only 9 months into the divorce and he said he's been with this woman for months. You're not divorced until you're divorced. He says he wasn't emotionally available but then he says the reason for the divorce is that he did too much. Which is it? He has no clue, and it is incredibly irresponsible to bring another woman into this before fully closing the door on his marriage. This time should be spent healing and working on himself and helping his kids heal (which he dodges every mention of his kids and how they are doing in this and has he intro'ed this new woman into their lives), not jumping back out there so quickly like the last 16 years never happened. He's at that point where he's really really into himself, which is kind of what killed his marriage in the first place.
Emotionally unavailable 😂 after 16 years ?! This man is a dog meeting women before his divorce is final?? He’s in infatuation, not love ! It’s just “new” . You don’t fix being emotionally unavailable in nine months 😭😂 or rebound from a 16 year marriage in less than 9 months! He’s a joke ! You’re not in love and she isn’t the one! Wake up! That poor girl wasted 16 years for a man who didn’t appreciate her and gave him kids! 😢 for him to give up or “try” too late! Any man giving up his wife and mother of his kids is so broken! He sounds happy in his voice when he talks about his wife giving up their family… People are so quick to throw away their marriage and family !!😢 he think he is free from his marriage to be sleeping with new women 🤷♀️ he’s not thinking of how to be a good single dad . 😢 he sounds selfish even in the phone call. 💔
Damn that was long ....😂😂😂😂
@@JamilaJibril-e8h😂 But spot on.
Exactly. He's always considered himself a single guy and now he feels free to sleep with other women. No consideration for his wife and he didn't even mention his children because he never considered them.
@@JamilaJibril-e8htruth though
And he said " No infidelity". He was committing adultery while he was still married. 🙄
Good luck Bud, I think you will have an awakening coming in the future.
I was separated working on divorce when I met my now new wife. Been married 7 years and our relationship is so much better in all aspects and never could be happier.
My second husband and I married after a whirlwind romance. We were both divorced - me 3 years and him not as long. Our marriage lasted over 52 years - - ended only when he died. I have a friend who recently celebrated 34th wedding anniversary with her second husband. Another whirlwind romance. I read that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce while 60 percent of second marriages ended in divorce. However, the statistics were based on old data. Generally, I believe Dr. Deloney is correct but there's proof that there are exceptions.
How long was your first marriage? I just can’t imagine wanting to put myself out there before the ink has dried on a ten year marriage
"She's ahhhh-mazing!"
"THIS is different!"
Hahaha Dr. John is like nooooo. 🚩
Never be the first person ... after a separation .. your the rebound person...
He’s been done with his marriage longer than those 9 months. He was a shell of a man for her and the kids, afraid to pull the trigger on fixing himself, the marriage or just gtfo. Instead let’s drag a$$ and affect innocent lives. Now that he has something lined up instead of being alone ie not lose the benefits of a woman and having that fresh supply of external validation, and having someone else to blame when things go bad instead of finding all that within himself and working on being a better person…he’ll just keep using people as the leech he is and as a distraction.
Ooooh, that’s a deep analysis. I have to think about this.
He didn’t grow with her… they grew up and away. Happens all the time with ppl getting together so young. He’s doing what he needs to. Will it last? Who knows. Just pray everyone involved has a great life going forward.
I love that Delony is laughing 😂
Marriage is for life and not for the weak. God bless!
@@annca and yet you are weakness incarnate
For the lucky ones…
"I've done my best to keep a level head"
Well, not the one making you do this stuff. 😅😅😅😅
Technically, when it's up, it's leveled 🤣
OMG😂 I'm dead 😂
These guys have it so easy. They can jump ship anytime. And jumping ship has never looked so good to men these days. Plenty of younger women to go around with lots left over if this one doesn't work out.
Actually more men are single than women and apps are bad for men.
Except that's not reality. Older men preying on younger women is still creepy.
This story sounds like my story, however I ended up remarrying to the woman who was there for me through my divorce, and boy was it a big mistake, she did a complete turnaround, the caring and attention she was giving me disappeared, turns out she is the most selfish individual I have ever met, just be careful and take your time.
How long did he wait to date this one? He's been seperated for 9 months and said he's been seeing this one for a few months. The grass isnt always greener on the other side!!
He worked on himself and wanted to see if he "still had the chops", see. What a dumb priq.
He didnt meet the one. He met the rebound.
My husband has been married for 10 years to his "rebound" 😂.
@@annabelmiller8 Many men have said this, but they simply don't wanna put the work to date again. They settle for whoever is available, and often women do this too. Scared that they won't do better either.
@@annabelmiller8poor woman
You are so right John. I lived this story after getting married young for 30 years.
Both moved on too quick. Both immature. When we understand that the breaking up of a family matters we can mature. Stay on your own until you understand that family is a priority and how you are going to navigate a new relationship with you children, they can't be separated.
He’s really immature good lord
Rebound or love of your life.... I'll never understand why men need to jump right back into a relationship post separation and divorce.
Because they cant live without constant dopamine rush... weak af😂
It's not just men, women do it too
He probably needs someone to either take care of him or dismiss his faults (which he isn't showing)
Because they can't take care of themselves emotionally or physically
This caller is for sure hoping he can love bomb her enough for her to take over ex wife’s role of being bang maid
This guy's living in Fantasyland.He's on the rebound.
He can’t even articulate what type of man he’s choosing to become. He needs to work on defining this for himself and creating that man! He can choose to do that.🌻
I really enjoy listening to John speak.
This man’s actions are proof of how little he tried to save his marriage. I can imagine anyone moving this fast when they are 100% committed. How can his wife not be done with him when he’s this happy moving on without even considering what this will do to his kids. How delusional. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to be married for 16 years… to have them say they want to be all in then instead for fixing the marriage. Instead of saying “I’m going to show you I can be a good man and father through my actions having to watch your still husband share his time with someone else instead of their kids…wasn’t his lack of time with his family part of the problem?.It doesn’t seem like he tried very hard after the divorce processing started. He just moved on to showing his true character. Maybe my idea of fighting for something is different, but if you really want something and you know you are the one who disappointed your partner you don’t stop trying. It’s not over until the divorce is final.😅
We all think that we found the love of our life after our divorce. It's called a rebound. It feels like love. It feels like everything we've always wanted then months later ALL feeling is gone. Its why any woman ive seen on a dating site that says they're seperated gets immediately unmatched.
For what it’s worth - and that’s not much coming from a stranger on the internet - I married the first guy I dated after my divorce. It does happen, but it’s rare.
Not all separation situations are the same. Sometimes it can take years for a divorce to be finalised
What this guy doesn’t seem to understand is that he is dating a woman who is willing to date a married man. He is still married and has been the whole time they’ve been together. That is not a good sign for the future. Women who date married men are really competing with the wives. Currently she feels like she’s getting some prize that some other woman wants. She got him to break his vows to a woman he loved since his school days. She wants to prove to herself that she’s “the better woman” by winning him away from his wife, that’s why the relationship is so good because she’s doing everything right because she’s competing for first prize in a game that is currently feeding both of their egos. He likes thinking that he’s so desirable to this woman he just met. His ego likes knowing he doesn’t need to stick with the person that he’s been with all these years, he has options, he is a stud. Once he’s divorced he won’t be as interesting to her and the relationship will cool off. They might actually make it to the wedding because she’ll wanna prove that she’s a better wife at first but she’ll get sick of it and she’ll cheat on him just like she’s helping him cheat on his wife now. I’ve seen this kind of thing 1 million times.
That's silly: he's not a married man. He's a man whose decree absolute is just a matter of time. His marriage was long over before this woman even met him.
@@vaska1999 Any healthy minded person would run from a fresh divorcee. They need to heal, even if they were 'checked out'. They're not robots, but they like to act like they are. Take care of yourself before jumping into another relationship - they're not the answer to people's problems.
He's said he's been open about his divorce, but I wonder if she even knows it's not actually final yet. Guys will play that game.
This infatuation gonna fade and he's gonna miss his ex. He's the type that can't stand being alone and always needs a replacement lined up.
Rolling my eyes so hard at this guy. 🙄
First caller you need to listen to Dr. john, from personal experience and the experience of thousands of others he's worked with , we will tell you he is right
The happiness in elation you're feeling now will quickly fade away and we'll still have to live with yourself you brought you to this new relationship and I assure you the same issue that happened in your first marriage will happen with this new girl until you fix yourself
If he was unavailable to his wife so what makes him think he will be for the other woman. Puppy love/teenage love?? He needs to grow up first.
Being with someone for 16 years, it takes pretty much couple of years being single, to get over it. Some guys mix lust / attachment with love. He doesn't want to be alone or thinks the rush is love. He doesn't talk about his kids either. Get therapy, pick up some hobbies. He definitely isn't happy with avoidant / abandoment issues. His silence before he answers says it all.
He blames getting married young but making childish decisions now. It’s not an age thing Buddy it’s a you thing
Classic narcissist. If my relationship just fell apart with my BD… the last thing I would be thinking about is a new relationship and “finding happiness in love” again
The focus should be on your kids and how they’re adjusting.
I can’t imagine how the kids are feeling knowing they just lost their mom & dad together… but their dad has already replaced mom in less than a year.
Look at a narcissist, ready to destroy new woman
The same situation I've heard so many times: Guy is emotionally disconnected, wife complains for years, guy is in denial that anything is wrong and goes into his nothing box, wife files for divorce, guy is finally ready to fix their marital issues, it's to late for the wife. She has been complaining so long that she finally fell out of love and doesn't want to continue with him.
Not love.
Infatuation.
Guy doesn't seem to care about his kids.
Only this new infatuation.
This won't work out either I can 100% guarantee it.
He seems immature. He got bored with her and his life and wanted excitement.
But the excitement stage lasts a short time.
All this will repeat.