I'm 36 years into a marriage that I wish I'd have left long ago. "I'll leave when the kids are grown" "I'll leave when they are through college" "I'll leave when the debt is paid" Leave while you're young enough to build a better life.
I left a 19 year relationship...he couldn't even be bothered to marry me... Our daughter is 15 now, I left 4 years next month AND I'm 49 next week. I found my TRUE love ONLY months after. I thought I would just make do... YOU can go Hun... YOU deserve SOOOOOO MUCH BETTER. Show your children THIS too. My girl tells me how happy SHE is because I did what WAS right, NOT JUST for her...but, I showed her you deserve ONLY the best ❤❤❤.
My mil got dumped after being married to a narcissistic man child for almost 45 yrs. He dumped her when his mama started going downhill, so he wouldn't have to split the inheritance 🤐 definitely get out while you still can.
I have walked in your shoes Anne. Until the day I realized: “ I am doing it all on my own, so why don’t I just do it all on my own?” it was the most liberating ”Aha” moment. You Got This! ❤
@@erinweller2959 Because there is built-in misogyny in the structure and literature. In a counseling setting it isn't particularly helpful. Few examples are Timothy 2:12, Leviticus 15:20, Gen 3 :16, Exo 20: 17. I can go on.
I think she would be happier as a single mom. So much of her energy goes to trying to fix someone who’s unavailable. Imagine if she put that energy into herself and her kids.
I left that kind of mess with the same stress. He did weekend visitation twice, or when he was trying to prove to other women what a “great dad” he was. My girls were 13 and 16. They were having stress health issues. He was never home except to come home drunk, eat cold food, and pass out. When I left, I split all things 50/50. Rented a duplex apartment. And we thrived. My girls health straightened out. I bought my own home, signed my equity over to him. Bought my own home. Have since met my current husband. Together 15 yrs. Happily.
Oh, man! This was ME! My ex told me he wanted to wait until marriage for us to live together, and then after we were married, his drinking and all the fall out that comes with that. He deliberately manipulated me by hiding and lying about so many things and later admitted it. It was a heck of a lesson!
@@jengoodwyn2715i was in the same boat. He said lets wait till marriage for everything. I said ok sure. We had a short engagement so no problem. If only i had known how bad our sexual chemistry would have been. I wish i lived with him before marriage and known a few things. I probably still would have married him. But at least i wouldnt have been blindsided.
@@michaellemmen So you would suggest, given all that was said, that she stay married to this man and continue to live miserably and have her children grow up in a broken, emotionally unregulated home? All in the name of staying married?.
@@michaellemmenoh it is! Onky me keep saying that because they know how crap they are to their wives. They know only manipulation like thag can keep some weak women around 😂😂😂
@@michaellemmennot treating your wife and children correctly permitted by Jesus? Neglecting your family, which by the is abuse, permitted by Jesus? But I do remember Jesus said that Although God hated divorce, he allowed divorce because of husband's wickedness. Abuse is wicked.
He’s definitely on the Autism spectrum. He might have a developmental disorder which would explain all of his characteristics; ranging from an obsession with baseball, flat range of emotions, doesn’t like & struggles with sex/physical touch, immature/childish nature, other quirks that he has.
“He punches, walls not me” should have entirely shifted the conversation. It’s obviously an abusive relationship, and everyone has judgements about people in them but those are extremely hard to navigate and leave. I’m glad he recommended for her to get an attorney at the end at least. Now it’s different, she needs a full plan before her next move. She does need to leave. I wish her all the best
It’s obvious that these issues were evident in the beginning of the relationship. Folks, what you tolerate likely won’t get any better. I feel for these kids.
This was never a marriage. I hope you find the strength you need to be your happy and whole self. People, remember to stop being judgemental about others choices. Sometimes we don't know better. It is what it is. What matter is what you do about it ✨
Relationships often face challenges, but there’s always a way to move forward. My marriage had its share of significant problems, but with the right help, my wife and I managed to resolve them and strengthen our relationship. Solutions are available if you’re willing to put in the effort and collaborate. Keep hope alive-answers are possible.
My relationship is going through major troubles, and losing her is unbearable for me. I love and miss my partner more than words can express and am ready to do whatever it takes to have her return. Any suggestions or guidance would be greatly appreciated.
I appreciate your direction. I'll swiftly look her up online. Thanks. I'm hopeful that following this course of action will bring about positive changes for me too; her absence is deeply felt.
@@Newtonwilson-yw4kg Being “fired” by multiple therapists who are usually more than happy to keep taking your money isn’t a good sign. He doesn’t want help and doesn’t want to put in the effort.
Her husband has told her loud and clear in words and in actions that he does not want her. And she still thinks that something is wrong with her. It is him. It is not her. It has never been her. It has always been him. It is his problem. She still cannot accept the fact that it is him. She still looking at herself thinking she is the problem that she's doing something wrong.
@denesecardwell8532 Those are some hasty conclusions from a paucity of information. As the proverbial gem of wisdom says-there is no pancake so thin as to only have one side. I find it convenient that nearly every female poster on this video chose to over look the fact that she gaslit the hell out of her husband. She literally said you get me pregnant so I can have an additional child that I need for my own needs or else I will get pregnant by another man. She just reduced her husband to a sperm donor who is under duress to donate his sperm. That should offend every female poster on this video but the fact that it does not is very telling. If you think that being told to get me (the wife) pregnant or else I cheat on you is romantic pillow talk and a powerful aphrodisiac you are insane. If you think being denied your right to decide whether you want to father another child or have your wife cheat on you makes a man want to spend quietly time with ones wife, you are delusional. If you think this woman went from 0 to 60 in terms of gaslighting the hell out of this guy to get what she wants, you are delusional. This woman is not as innocent as she wants you to believe she is. Here is something that the female posters have also failed to consider. I have had multiple boys/young men finally disclose that they were sexually groomed and sexually abused by their mothers and this crap started as young as 8 years old. One maternal perpetrator is a university professor. One is a very attractive woman who has had affairs on two of her husbands and her son has been a mess ever since. I have had a boy tell me how his mother had him watch porn on HBO as a part of his home schooling "sex education". We also can not eliminate the possibility that It could also be an older sister. I have had boys tell me about how their older sisters secured them porn and would view it with them. I have had a boy tell me that he did not like to go to his friends house because his friends older sister would find ways to corner boys who came to visit and then take her clothes off in front of them to get them turned on so that she could get her jollies. Women really tend to downplay how often women and older girls are sex offenders but there is no shortage of female sex offenders out there. @denesecardwell8532 there is great wisdom in opening your mind to the fact that there is no pancake so thin as to only have one side. This guy may be all or most of what you say he is. This man may not be what you want to accuse him of at all , and his wife may be a complete totalitarian control freak for all you know. There is more to this than what came out in this brief video. However, there is no doubt that her ultimatum to get her pregnant is the hallmark of a dictatorial control freak, and it is a shame that the female posters like yourself do not see this for what it is and how wrong it is.
@denesecardwell8532 This woman gas lit the hell out of her husband. She threatened him to either get her pregnant or she would find someone else who will. That is such a despicable thing to do and the hallmark of a totalitarian control freak. Who would want to have sex with a totalitarian control freak like this woman? There is more to this than what this woman has disclosed and she most likely is selectively reporting the facts to exclude all the crap that she has pulled on this guy.
something is wrong with her. she insisted on having more kids with a deadbeat husband for selfish reasons. why didnt she take responsibility for her marriage 10+ yrs ago?? this is ridiculous
The word selfish has included the idea of lacking consideration for others for ages. Taking care of yourself is important. The word selfish implies more than that though
Selfishness has been bad forever and will always be bad. Taking care of yourself isn't selfishness. Being immature is selfish; being immature and selfish is not taking care of yourself. Your spouse IS your responsibility. That's marriage. Each spouse needs to learn boundaries, but marriage is holding hands on adjacent stepping-stones. If a spouse lets go or moved further away on the path that's a problem.
Sadly a lot of red pill men claim that women leave and file for divorce bc they selfishly chose their “happiness” over the marriage… when no it was for their emotional well-being and for the kids too if there are any
So he didn't show up for her after she got surgery, and people here say shes the problem?¹ He refuses to have sex with her for 15 years? Got counseling and he got them kicked out, because HE wouldnt do the work, AND she's the problem?
Bravo Anne!! He needed the wife accessory to fulfill his faith picture but he has not ever seen you as a human being with wants and needs! I tried to fix mine too. 😢 I prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and PRAYED! Along with crying a lot. It wasn't until I prayed for God to end my marriage that I got the green light to leave the very next day. I was waiting for someone to save me, BUT it ended up being ME who saved me by leaving. My ex was also and only child and obsessed with working and fishing. So many similarities.❤ Oh, and there was hardly ANY sex in 14 years. He tricked me....
I'll say it since john didn't. The underlying problem with him is he is gay. You can come at me all you want, but no man is gonna be married to a women for 15 years and have sex 3 times. Like are you serious? All the other stuff is just issues from that. The lack of attention he is showing you? Not wanting your affection? Put that puzzle together, it not that hard. It's still hard for some people In 2024 to come out as gay to their families.
I'm w you..one of my friends, h They are late 30s w a 5 yr old, he's always been a Lil feminine and he recently is 'trans' and going the procedures to become a chick. It's like you had to have known u felt that way but now your kid is gonna be so messed up because of this
It’s a possibility, but you don’t know that for sure. He could be a sexual or he could be demisexual and he just doesn’t feel a connection. He could be suffering from trauma that makes it hard for him to be sexual or emotional connected to others
I’m really sorry Angie to come at u like this, it’s an extremely rare sexuality, but there are people who don’t experience romantic attraction or sexual attraction, it’s more common in adults with autism. It’s being referred to as asexuality or a lack of sexual attraction or feeling. Whatever u want to say, it’s okay if he doesn’t experience any sexual feelings at all, but again dr. Delony tends to support marriage for anyone who thinks the format works for them
As a woman, it never fails to amaze me how women will marry a man with red flags plastered all over them thinking “Who cares, I can change him”, make a bunch of kids with him, and years later proclaim “He sucks and people can’t change, so now I want to leave.” He didn’t change BECAUSE HE NEVER WANTED TO!!! The time to come to that realization is before you marry, not 15 years and three kids later.
For me, I didn’t have the maturity to see and understand it. I was young, had no one to guide me and help me and came from a toxic family growing up and it seemed better at the time. Now I know I can’t force my spouse to change but it doesn’t make it any easier to sit and watch your kids suffer because it takes both people to fix issues and only one is willing.
Most of the time the woman is sucked into the relationship with lies, manipulation, brain washing (literally) etc DONT blame the victim there is more to the situation then meets the eye.
He sounds exactly like my fiance who I started to suspect was gay also in the last year… We have been together for 8 years. Difference is we did used to have sex but I saw him slowly changing and at first I thought it was autism… Then when we quit having sex because of his behaviors I became suspicious he was gay because he wasn’t struggling with it that much and who would do these things? It did seem lIt was a HUGE thing where I even asked him if he is gay… I am now back to autism again.
Sometimes, when you are done, you are DONE. There is no coming back or trying to work on things because you are DONE. I have been in Anne's shoes and I remember the day I decided I was DONE, there was no amount of money that would have convinced me to stay.
I have autism. This man absolutely is on the spectrum. She should 100% divorce, the marriage is over, but I also feel great sadness for the man as he has most likely gone through his entire life with these struggles undiagnosed
@marymcphersonwilkins2897 For me it's his limited range of interest and inability to appropriately express intimacy. It's hard for neurotipycal people to be with those on the spectrum. I had to marry someone on the spectrum too.
As a Believer, if I was with a Christian man that said he didn't want to have sex even after marriage due to religion, I wouldn't marry him, point blank!
@shanchan8247 I can not think of any scriptural based teaching that denounces sex in the context of marriage, and I question whether he belonged to any legitimate church that teaches such a thing. I cant imagine that such a church would be attracting people to join it either
@@neechee5150 Scripture doesn't suggest it, but churches are so adamant about shaming young people about waiting that it often sticks with them and becomes a psychosis. It's common. There are counselors who specialize in this exact thing. You especially get women who can't relax and experience pain with their husband, and it overwhelmingly occurs in the religious. I am pro-religion, but nothing is perfect. I don't think God wants this for us, I think it's a human thing. It comes from humans doing a bad job of teaching.
@@LJProductions247 probably. I dated a guy that I'm sure was gay , but he'd never come out . He is obsessed with watching sports and that's all he would do. We would be out doing stuff and he would mention the game playing today or getting ready to start. I always offered to drive so he could watch from his phone. I feel for him , because I know he doesn't want to be. But I know his type of guy because his behavior would seem more upbeat , and I would watch his eyes and he couldn't help but look towards the people I know he found attractive.
Yes, I'm going to be that person. He needs to be tested for autism. Does that mean they stay married? Nope. Dude seems to have profound executive dysfunction and alexithymia and that can mean work for everyone around him. Many marriage counselors won't catch it.
1 million percent. It's quite bizarre when I'm reminded that some people are totally ignorant to Autism. It seems like Autism is talked about very much today...
As someone with autism, adhd and extreme executive dysfunction issues.. I 100% agree. It kills me John is not educated on neurodivergence and goes at these issues from a neurotypical mindset. It’s definitely something that won’t hurt to explore, doesn’t mean she has to stay married to him but it might help them both to understand it and move on whether with each other or not
I feel for this woman. My heart goes out to her, AND I can tell she’s the type to love to hear herself talk. This episode felt like it had 3 endings lol
Been in that situation. The husband is clearly trying to use marraige counseling as a tool of manipulation to keep the status quo going like it is so he can keep running his low grade game by not engaging or cooperating in the marraige counselling in any effective way that results in anything but a continuation of the existing status quo.
12:02 probably to buy time and as an excuse that he's doing something. It worked a couple of times before in buying him time to make Caller stay. 15 years. Truly, behaviour is a language. He is closed-off and ignored her efforts to help him out. I hope Caller is not financially dependent on him coz that is what stops many people from leaving a relationship that's terrible but not so horrific to actually leave.
6:05 “and it was so bad, it made me feel so horrible as a person that I was cutting…….” I can’t believe John missed that! He should have questioned her more on that. I’m not sure the husband is the only problem in this marriage. This call was disturbing all around…..
Yes. She needs let go of the relationship. It is causing her to commit self-harm. The fact she had to do IVF to have kids because her husband don’t want to have s** He just isn’t attracted to her. They better off being friends and co-parents
Idk if I'm the only one thinking this but he might have autism or ADHD... his obsession with baseball (autism), his lack of interest in anything else (ADHD) OR it could be trauma from his childhood.
Dr. Deloney is right. Making decisions out of anger is never productive. That's why therapists often advice their cliebts to seperate for thirty days and work through their anger before deciding whether or not to file for divorce. In Anne's case, however, I think divorce is the only healthy choice. Not only for her, but for her children. Her husband is obviously not willing or not able to do the work necesssry to improve their marriage and family. He's too enotionally immature to put his family's needs before his own.
The marriage is over. She has given it a good go. It seems like they were never meant to be together in the first place. They couldn't conceive naturally, they were not compatible. She could be happy without him, and if she's happy, her children will be happy.
Couples counseling may not always be the answer. Individual issues can overshadow relationship problems....unresolved trauma, personal mental health issues, mismatched expectations.....a whole host of elements that can hinder the couples counseling process. Couples counseling ×3 hasn't helped. In my view, individual counseling may be warranted at this juncture. Then, circle back around to couples therapy.
Sounds like a guy I used to know. Turns out he was Autistic. When him and his wife found out he was on the spectrum, she didnt want to have his children. Rather than divorce immediately, she went through IVF using her husband's best friend's sperm because he looked similar. She had two children this way while the husband was basically checked out. Finally they divorced. Since then the ex-husband has moved into a retirement community at the age of 31 "because it's quiet", got a girlfriend from Brazil that is using him for an immigration visa, and joined the free masons.
I'm confused, why are so many people assuming that sexual dysfunction is a symptom of ASD? I've known many people on the spectrum who have normal sexual appetites.
@@PS-qn4ozSo do I. Hiwever, some people in the Autism spectrum do have trouble distinguishing between what id appropriate sexual behaviour and what is innappropriate sexual behaviour. Also, sime individuals ib the Autism Spectrum find it extrenely difficult to interpret socisl cues, establish meaninful relationships and cand findpohysicsl contact difficult and even ohysically oainful. These difficulties can also affect theiir romsntic relationships and sexual developnent as well.
@@PS-qn4ozIt IS a symptom of Autism. Someone who's autistic having "normal" sexual apatites doesn't make them not autistic. But it's other things she described in the call--not primarily the lack of sex--that is making people think it's a strong possibility. I'm only 8 minutes in, and the biggest red flag I've noticed is that she was self-harming and was desperate to connect with her, and his disposition didn't change when that happened. Apparently it's halfway through the call where it became obvious to someone else, so I'll keep listening, but already that was enough to perk my ears, and I came into the comments to see if anyone else had the thought
My son told me he had been waiting years for me to leave his emotionally abusive dad. The kids don't want you to stay together when it's that bad. My daughters were angry at me at first. They now have nothing to do with their dad, their choice.
My ex tried to guilt me out of a separation by telling me it would be too hard on the kids (17 & 19). I told him i didn't want our kids to grow up thinking that this is what a healthy loving relationship looks like.
I’m gay in a 10 year relationship like this caller describes… My partner IS Autistic. Not diagnosed formally but exhibits every trait and was in the special classes in school. We moved 1500mi from home 5 years ago. The isolation has turned the relationship and my life into a nightmare. Waiting on my opportunity to get my life back. To get ME back.
Omg my dear!!! I was in the exact same situation! 15 ivfs and unfortunately no results because he couldnt sleep with me…. No intimacy , no care , same same exactly. Kept saying it will change and nothing ever changed. He was a covert narcissist. I suffered a lot. And to answer your question: yes there is love after it. I left after surgery too. It was the last straw how he treated me. Till today he is telling everyone it was my fault i left. I left at 41 and belive me there is love. I am remarried now with the love of my life, the most amazing man i thought did not even exist! I made myself crazy too. I was cery gaslit too. He even made the next woman he met when we werent even divorced pregnant to tell everyone i was lying about why we didn’t have kids and why i had to do ivf. Nothing matters, you have to leave. Run fast and far And believe me it is 100 times better on the other side
Hearing this story reminded me of my first marriage. He would not talk to me about anything, not interested in me in any way. Turned out he was cheating all along. Divorcing him was hard, but it also was the greatest thing that ever happened to me (I can see that now). I finally could live my life, and I have never been happier.
Has this man been tested for Asperger’s? Hyper fixation-ADHD-issues with touch/affection-lack of empathy-no friends support system? Also this is a grown man who has made a life independent of you & your family. Essential he left you long ago. Yet here you are worrying about him & a support system for him-thats HIS responsibility to find-HE needs to be a father-husband-coach etc-you have 3 little kids that you seem to be solely responsible for & another adult child you are taking responsibility for too (girl I lived this life-I can see it a mile away) if you are “afraid” to speak your truth it means you evolved & he stayed behind-be authentic in your life with the people around you-this is what I need & this is what I wont tolerate-he may not be there -thats ok you & the kids are sticking to the original plan. 💖
To borrow the words of John ."behavior is a language." He didnt want her to start with . That must be so hard for esteem for her. There's more to life . These poor kids see it all. Getting a ring side seat .
Staying until you can make a decision is a nice idea, but sometimes somebody needs to leave a detrimental situation NOW. Make the big decisions from a distance.
Something is dreadfully off mentally with this lady and John did not call her out strongly on the creepy IVF statement. She was push, push, pushing to have another child with him or without him for 'her to be complete.' Ignoring his bodily autonomy and choice. IVF three times essentially blackmailing him and forcing #3 on him. I'd hypothesize that she stayed with this sociopath of a Prince Charming ONLY because he put up with her, given this behavior, no sane person would do. The only person who needs to walk with woman is a psychiatrist. No love here, mutual disfunction, bunny boiler. Having her as a mother would actually terrify me as she sounds so normal.......until she doesn't.
That’s a bit strong. I agree about the children complete me thing. That is definitely not a healthy identification,because then the children bear the responsibility of propping the parent up. I this case their mother. That is not why you have children. They are not appliances.
Maybe. But, why? Could just be a her problem. But 15 years with someone who wears you down and keeps you spiraling will most definitely drive you crazy.
Amen! No sex from the beginning and she thinks that's "ok because religion" 😮. She was just hoping to complete her marriage fantasy with a compliant "life parnter" not a husband. A husband will try very hard to make children with you naturally BECAUSE of his religious obligations, before using artificial means. IVF is most often a last resort, not the first.
I'm nearly though the end of call and surprised that he hasn't pointed out her kids are experiencing a parental relationship devoid of any sort of affection, physical touch, intimacy, tenderness. Sure kids get grossed out when parents get lovey dovey but it's still establishing a precedent that its normal, well adjusted behavior. Parents who clearly hate each other and fight constantly and "stay together for the kids" are harmful to development, i know several people who, along with their siblings, desperately wished their parents would get divorced as kids, but abject indifference as your first reference for adult relationships is going to harm them too.
She doesn't want to blow up her kids' world in order to be happy? If she stays, she is teaching her children that marriage is one sided and miserable. She needs to leave FOR her children, as well as herself. As for speculation over autism and ADHD - As an autistic with ADHD myself who has had relationships with the same - this is no excuse for shitty, selfish behavior. The guy needs and deserves to get dumped. Even single life is 1000x better than this.
Completely agree. Although I empathize with her a lot. When you’re in these kinds of relationships you are so close to it that you know what you “should” do but pulling the trigger feels impossible. I can definitely hear that she wants it to work so badly and was holding out for any sign that he’d come around.
This is a narcissistic husband. He made her his mother, forcing her into operating as a married single mother of 4. Useless manchild. Her and her children deserve a life of peace and his mission is to abuse everyone in that home. The therapists knew.
She is WAY PAST giving him ultimatums (needs) on a piece of paper!! Get way from the narcissist. I did it (which was stressful) but I am so happy now. And I didn’t even know what a narcissist was until I married one. I’ll have your back!! You are not alone. And you sound resolved, strong and determined. I wouldn’t leave my kids growing up with a narcissist dad. They are toxic. I know, because my physician father was a narcissistic and my mom thankfully left him after 20 years with 6 kids!! Hallelujah 🙏 I figured it all out when I was trying to leave my husband. I had no idea that my dad was a narcissist-my brother told me. I just thought he was a selfish asshole alcoholic. My dad was a doctor, my husband was a lawyer - and I was the breadwinner! Thank God I got away from him. You can too.
I’m 7 minutes in and at first I thought she was crazy for wanting to throw everything down the drain but after listening more it sounds like she really dislikes him at this point and understandably so
@@GameTime-yj6qvcould it be a way to cope? He can’t do what he really wants because he can’t weather it’s a religious thing or whatever but so he fixates on something he can do?
As a single mom of 3 kids she will fine plenty of sex and very little relationship. She isn’t exactly high up on the sexual market value as single mom of 3. This man was a walking red flag BEFORE she got married. Why do people think they can change others?
Because they lacked a proper upbringing, at least thats the answer much of the time. This goes for both men and women who lack proper caring parents. No life guidance, set up for failure, and later start to figure it out. It's ridiculous and also rampant amongst our society.
I was 19 when I got engaged, 21, got married. I was too young and dumb and didn’t realize that it was unlikely that he’d actually change. I thought as he grew up, he’d mature. I mean, he was 21! How could he not get better?! But I’ve gone through 30 years of verbal and emotional abuse. Of course it wasn’t every day, but it was month in and out. I stopped liking him so long ago and he finally broke my love for him. Why did it take me so long?!?!
@@omotayosatuyi252 He may be….is a possibility to check out. Not a diagnosis. My husband displayed similar patterns and was diagnosed as a level 1 autistic man at age 54. This awareness has improved his life.
She sounds like she is so wrapped up in the barbed wire of her feelings that she can’t move. I feel for her and now I’m hearing that part of that immobility is fear. I’m so sorry .
I think she should go through with the Christian Counseling for 2 reasons. I'm not religious but 1. I know that religion can seriously affect your views on sex so maybe having a pastor tell her husband that his wifes emotional security is something he should be prioritizing as the "head of the household" will work better (husband said it was religious reasons) and 2. if you do the counseling and it doesnt work out you can truly said you tried everything. You wont have to wonder "what if" at all, wash your hands of it and be done!
Church counselling is his way of using religion to force her to stay. Cz Church counselling is all about keeping marriages intact, regardless of who is getting hurt (mostly women of course). Run girl, please run and save yourself.
"He doesn't feel that way" that he messed up. Yep that is not why he is pressuring her into going to "Christian counseling " He is clearly avoiding responsibility for being a vacant negligent husband and just trying to manipulate her with a sense of obligation into this kind of counseling with the agenda of manipulating her out of leaving him. He doesn't like to be dumped and have to pay child & wife support, assets, the inconvenience of having to take care of himself and kids when he has custody. Oh and of course get into that Christian marraige counselling to blame her for the bad marraige or look virtuous for sharing 50% of what he is entirely to blame for for his choices and get her plugged with the message that she is supposed to be 'submitting' to him with all of that rot. Sheer sysyematic coersion and manipulation. I hope she refuses the counseling and enfirces her rights and entitlements at his inconvenience.
Her husband sounds autistic with some abuse and sexual awkwardness. He’s prob just playing the roll the way he thinks it should be, but has never felt it or seen it.
You went into this marriage, knowing there were already issues, and then you chose to go through multiple rounds of IVF treatments to have babies with the man who you say “caused you to hurt yourself through his actions towards you”, but now that you have your three children you’re ready to divorce him 🫠 there’s something you’re not telling Dr. John and the rest of us 🤷🏻♀️
Caller: the kids already know there is a problem. I have lived this situation. I am a Christian- Christian counseling is not the answer (I've been through both types and been kicked out of counseling too cause my ex got abusive in session) they will try and guide you to ignore red flags. AND if you get divorced, chaos around holidays and communication will become crazy. You will need a lot of boundaries with that. Keep up your own work and work on being the best mom.
I would say, without trying to diagnose off this little information that I would go see if he’s on the spectrum. Hyper fixation, repetitive actions, aversions, that’s a sign of someone who might be struggling with ASD
If you are afraid Ann, call a DV hotline and develop a safety plan before you tell him. It won't hurt to have one and hopefully you won't have to enact it. If you have an intuition that it could get bad, it could. No one knows your relationship or your spouse like you do. Trust your gut.
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I'm 36 years into a marriage that I wish I'd have left long ago. "I'll leave when the kids are grown" "I'll leave when they are through college" "I'll leave when the debt is paid" Leave while you're young enough to build a better life.
I left a 19 year relationship...he couldn't even be bothered to marry me... Our daughter is 15 now, I left 4 years next month AND I'm 49 next week. I found my TRUE love ONLY months after. I thought I would just make do... YOU can go Hun... YOU deserve SOOOOOO MUCH BETTER. Show your children THIS too. My girl tells me how happy SHE is because I did what WAS right, NOT JUST for her...but, I showed her you deserve ONLY the best ❤❤❤.
@@mollybrolly4717love to hear this.
My mil got dumped after being married to a narcissistic man child for almost 45 yrs. He dumped her when his mama started going downhill, so he wouldn't have to split the inheritance 🤐 definitely get out while you still can.
Yes👍
So why don’t you leave now?
I have walked in your shoes Anne. Until the day I realized: “ I am doing it all on my own, so why don’t I just do it all on my own?” it was the most liberating ”Aha” moment. You Got This! ❤
I do not recommend clergy counseling. From my personal experience it is probably the worst counseling that I ever got.
Why because they apply the work word and teachings of Christ?
@@erinweller2959 No, because most do not have a degree in psychology and have a male point of view.
@@erinweller2959 Because there is built-in misogyny in the structure and literature. In a counseling setting it isn't particularly helpful. Few examples are Timothy 2:12, Leviticus 15:20, Gen 3 :16, Exo 20: 17. I can go on.
@@HorseLady1109exactly. Who wants to take marriage advice from some guy that's not allowed to get married or jerk off and probably molest children
Agreed, they tend to victim blame
I think she would be happier as a single mom. So much of her energy goes to trying to fix someone who’s unavailable. Imagine if she put that energy into herself and her kids.
Exactly and well said. Amen 🙏
Yeah but we all know that energy will go into a Christian dating website
As long as she gets 60% of his income and blah blah. Do it yourself.
I left that kind of mess with the same stress. He did weekend visitation twice, or when he was trying to prove to other women what a “great dad” he was. My girls were 13 and 16. They were having stress health issues. He was never home except to come home drunk, eat cold food, and pass out. When I left, I split all things 50/50. Rented a duplex apartment. And we thrived. My girls health straightened out. I bought my own home, signed my equity over to him. Bought my own home. Have since met my current husband. Together 15 yrs. Happily.
That’s always great to hear.
Oh, man! This was ME! My ex told me he wanted to wait until marriage for us to live together, and then after we were married, his drinking and all the fall out that comes with that. He deliberately manipulated me by hiding and lying about so many things and later admitted it. It was a heck of a lesson!
Much respect to you! Love this for you & your girls!❤👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
🙏 Amen Sisters!!
@@jengoodwyn2715i was in the same boat. He said lets wait till marriage for everything. I said ok sure. We had a short engagement so no problem.
If only i had known how bad our sexual chemistry would have been. I wish i lived with him before marriage and known a few things. I probably still would have married him. But at least i wouldnt have been blindsided.
All together, we'll say it for John: DIVORCE HIM!
Divorce is not permitted by Jesus
@@michaellemmen So you would suggest, given all that was said, that she stay married to this man and continue to live miserably and have her children grow up in a broken, emotionally unregulated home? All in the name of staying married?.
@@michaellemmenThat’s false
@@michaellemmenoh it is! Onky me keep saying that because they know how crap they are to their wives. They know only manipulation like thag can keep some weak women around 😂😂😂
@@michaellemmennot treating your wife and children correctly permitted by Jesus? Neglecting your family, which by the is abuse, permitted by Jesus? But I do remember Jesus said that Although God hated divorce, he allowed divorce because of husband's wickedness. Abuse is wicked.
Sometimes we need anger to move us and protect us. Especially women that are not allowed to be angry.
This is enlightening
100%, anger/emotions is often what pushes you to do the things you've denied yourself
Women are not allowed to be angry? Please STOP!
That marriage is dead. Let it go. That guy is gay or seriously asexual. He won’t change.
He’s definitely on the Autism spectrum. He might have a developmental disorder which would explain all of his characteristics; ranging from an obsession with baseball, flat range of emotions, doesn’t like & struggles with sex/physical touch, immature/childish nature, other quirks that he has.
@@sds6303after she said he was obsessed with baseball and his issues I thought he has Autism
@@sds6303Oh, good point. Never thought of that.
ADHD could be one too. Hard to prioritize hard to be intimate and emotionally available
@@segolenendzouba5662 nah😅
“He punches, walls not me” should have entirely shifted the conversation. It’s obviously an abusive relationship, and everyone has judgements about people in them but those are extremely hard to navigate and leave. I’m glad he recommended for her to get an attorney at the end at least. Now it’s different, she needs a full plan before her next move. She does need to leave. I wish her all the best
Loving someone that doesn't love you back is heartbreaking. So sorry for you❤
It’s obvious that these issues were evident in the beginning of the relationship. Folks, what you tolerate likely won’t get any better. I feel for these kids.
This was never a marriage. I hope you find the strength you need to be your happy and whole self.
People, remember to stop being judgemental about others choices. Sometimes we don't know better. It is what it is. What matter is what you do about it ✨
Relationships often face challenges, but there’s always a way to move forward. My marriage had its share of significant problems, but with the right help, my wife and I managed to resolve them and strengthen our relationship. Solutions are available if you’re willing to put in the effort and collaborate. Keep hope alive-answers are possible.
My relationship is going through major troubles, and losing her is unbearable for me. I love and miss my partner more than words can express and am ready to do whatever it takes to have her return. Any suggestions or guidance would be greatly appreciated.
I appreciate your direction. I'll swiftly look her up online. Thanks. I'm hopeful that following this course of action will bring about positive changes for me too; her absence is deeply felt.
Welcome... You should... I promise you will not regret it
Both of them have to care
@@Newtonwilson-yw4kg Being “fired” by multiple therapists who are usually more than happy to keep taking your money isn’t a good sign. He doesn’t want help and doesn’t want to put in the effort.
Her husband has told her loud and clear in words and in actions that he does not want her. And she still thinks that something is wrong with her. It is him. It is not her. It has never been her. It has always been him. It is his problem. She still cannot accept the fact that it is him. She still looking at herself thinking she is the problem that she's doing something wrong.
@denesecardwell8532 Those are some hasty conclusions from a paucity of information. As the proverbial gem of wisdom says-there is no pancake so thin as to only have one side. I find it convenient that nearly every female poster on this video chose to over look the fact that she gaslit the hell out of her husband. She literally said you get me pregnant so I can have an additional child that I need for my own needs or else I will get pregnant by another man. She just reduced her husband to a sperm donor who is under duress to donate his sperm. That should offend every female poster on this video but the fact that it does not is very telling. If you think that being told to get me (the wife) pregnant or else I cheat on you is romantic pillow talk and a powerful aphrodisiac you are insane. If you think being denied your right to decide whether you want to father another child or have your wife cheat on you makes a man want to spend quietly time with ones wife, you are delusional. If you think this woman went from 0 to 60 in terms of gaslighting the hell out of this guy to get what she wants, you are delusional. This woman is not as innocent as she wants you to believe she is.
Here is something that the female posters have also failed to consider. I have had multiple boys/young men finally disclose that they were sexually groomed and sexually abused by their mothers and this crap started as young as 8 years old. One maternal perpetrator is a university professor. One is a very attractive woman who has had affairs on two of her husbands and her son has been a mess ever since. I have had a boy tell me how his mother had him watch porn on HBO as a part of his home schooling "sex education". We also can not eliminate the possibility that It could also be an older sister. I have had boys tell me about how their older sisters secured them porn and would view it with them. I have had a boy tell me that he did not like to go to his friends house because his friends older sister would find ways to corner boys who came to visit and then take her clothes off in front of them to get them turned on so that she could get her jollies. Women really tend to downplay how often women and older girls are sex offenders but there is no shortage of female sex offenders out there. @denesecardwell8532 there is great wisdom in opening your mind to the fact that there is no pancake so thin as to only have one side.
This guy may be all or most of what you say he is. This man may not be what you want to accuse him of at all , and his wife may be a complete totalitarian control freak for all you know. There is more to this than what came out in this brief video. However, there is no doubt that her ultimatum to get her pregnant is the hallmark of a dictatorial control freak, and it is a shame that the female posters like yourself do not see this for what it is and how wrong it is.
It's so hard for a lot of women to impose divorce on their kids.
Right because if it’s you then at least you can do something about it
@denesecardwell8532 This woman gas lit the hell out of her husband. She threatened him to either get her pregnant or she would find someone else who will. That is such a despicable thing to do and the hallmark of a totalitarian control freak. Who would want to have sex with a totalitarian control freak like this woman? There is more to this than what this woman has disclosed and she most likely is selectively reporting the facts to exclude all the crap that she has pulled on this guy.
something is wrong with her. she insisted on having more kids with a deadbeat husband for selfish reasons. why didnt she take responsibility for her marriage 10+ yrs ago?? this is ridiculous
When did the word “selfish”, literally care for one’s self become a bad thing? Take care of you and the kids first….he is not your responsibility.
The word selfish has included the idea of lacking consideration for others for ages. Taking care of yourself is important. The word selfish implies more than that though
Selfishness has been bad forever and will always be bad. Taking care of yourself isn't selfishness. Being immature is selfish; being immature and selfish is not taking care of yourself.
Your spouse IS your responsibility. That's marriage. Each spouse needs to learn boundaries, but marriage is holding hands on adjacent stepping-stones. If a spouse lets go or moved further away on the path that's a problem.
Sadly a lot of red pill men claim that women leave and file for divorce bc they selfishly chose their “happiness” over the marriage… when no it was for their emotional well-being and for the kids too if there are any
So he didn't show up for her after she got surgery, and people here say shes the problem?¹
He refuses to have sex with her for 15 years?
Got counseling and he got them kicked out, because HE wouldnt do the work, AND she's the problem?
Very confusing with the comments saying she’s the issue.
@@LJProductions247 it's all the redpillers a-holes roaming around here.
@@LJProductions24799% of comments are on her side. It's hard to find any going the other way
Its her fault for staying 15 yrs and pushing for 3 kids with a person like that.
@milosstrahinovic5103 stop blaming the victim. That's pathetic.
Bravo Anne!! He needed the wife accessory to fulfill his faith picture but he has not ever seen you as a human being with wants and needs! I tried to fix mine too. 😢 I prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and PRAYED! Along with crying a lot.
It wasn't until I prayed for God to end my marriage that I got the green light to leave the very next day.
I was waiting for someone to save me, BUT it ended up being ME who saved me by leaving.
My ex was also and only child and obsessed with working and fishing. So many similarities.❤
Oh, and there was hardly ANY sex in 14 years. He tricked me....
I'll say it since john didn't. The underlying problem with him is he is gay. You can come at me all you want, but no man is gonna be married to a women for 15 years and have sex 3 times. Like are you serious? All the other stuff is just issues from that. The lack of attention he is showing you? Not wanting your affection? Put that puzzle together, it not that hard. It's still hard for some people In 2024 to come out as gay to their families.
I'm w you..one of my friends, h
They are late 30s w a 5 yr old, he's always been a Lil feminine and he recently is 'trans' and going the procedures to become a chick. It's like you had to have known u felt that way but now your kid is gonna be so messed up because of this
It’s a possibility, but you don’t know that for sure. He could be a sexual or he could be demisexual and he just doesn’t feel a connection. He could be suffering from trauma that makes it hard for him to be sexual or emotional connected to others
@@angiefreeman240 yep!! Exactly!!
I’m really sorry Angie to come at u like this, it’s an extremely rare sexuality, but there are people who don’t experience romantic attraction or sexual attraction, it’s more common in adults with autism. It’s being referred to as asexuality or a lack of sexual attraction or feeling. Whatever u want to say, it’s okay if he doesn’t experience any sexual feelings at all, but again dr. Delony tends to support marriage for anyone who thinks the format works for them
Probably.
Anne, you deserve a LOT better, and I hope you find it.
So do I. She sounds like a really nice person whose being through a lot.
As a woman, it never fails to amaze me how women will marry a man with red flags plastered all over them thinking “Who cares, I can change him”, make a bunch of kids with him, and years later proclaim “He sucks and people can’t change, so now I want to leave.” He didn’t change BECAUSE HE NEVER WANTED TO!!! The time to come to that realization is before you marry, not 15 years and three kids later.
For me, I didn’t have the maturity to see and understand it. I was young, had no one to guide me and help me and came from a toxic family growing up and it seemed better at the time. Now I know I can’t force my spouse to change but it doesn’t make it any easier to sit and watch your kids suffer because it takes both people to fix issues and only one is willing.
So, basically, I didn’t see anything as red flags at first.
@@andreanease4215 I hope you find the happiness you deserve.
Most of the time the woman is sucked into the relationship with lies, manipulation, brain washing (literally) etc DONT blame the victim there is more to the situation then meets the eye.
Humanity depends on women doing stupid stuff for men
I was thinking the husband was gay in the closet due to his religion. After halfway through the video I'm thinking the husband may have autism
Exactly what I thought the whole time
Or she's lying.
He sounds exactly like my fiance who I started to suspect was gay also in the last year… We have been together for 8 years. Difference is we did used to have sex but I saw him slowly changing and at first I thought it was autism… Then when we quit having sex because of his behaviors I became suspicious he was gay because he wasn’t struggling with it that much and who would do these things? It did seem lIt was a HUGE thing where I even asked him if he is gay… I am now back to autism again.
@@Tinycadancerpeople can be bisexuality you know. So many comments talking like it's a light switch 😂
Sometimes, when you are done, you are DONE. There is no coming back or trying to work on things because you are DONE. I have been in Anne's shoes and I remember the day I decided I was DONE, there was no amount of money that would have convinced me to stay.
True
Yes! That is where I am! I AM DONE!
Calls like this make me feel like I won the lottery with my husband
I have autism. This man absolutely is on the spectrum. She should 100% divorce, the marriage is over, but I also feel great sadness for the man as he has most likely gone through his entire life with these struggles undiagnosed
I have autism too. I thought the same thing as well.
Or she's crafting a false narrative before leaving, which a lot of women do prior to divorcing.
I was thinking this too. As soon as she mentioned the sexless marriage and the baseball obsession, I was like, autism for. Sure.
@marymcphersonwilkins2897
For me it's his limited range of interest and inability to appropriately express intimacy. It's hard for neurotipycal people to be with those on the spectrum. I had to marry someone on the spectrum too.
As a Believer, if I was with a Christian man that said he didn't want to have sex even after marriage due to religion, I wouldn't marry him, point blank!
@shanchan8247 I can not think of any scriptural based teaching that denounces sex in the context of marriage, and I question whether he belonged to any legitimate church that teaches such a thing. I cant imagine that such a church would be attracting people to join it either
@neechee5150 and even if they join rhe religion would die out with no sex. There have been some of those. :)
@@neechee5150 Scripture doesn't suggest it, but churches are so adamant about shaming young people about waiting that it often sticks with them and becomes a psychosis. It's common. There are counselors who specialize in this exact thing. You especially get women who can't relax and experience pain with their husband, and it overwhelmingly occurs in the religious. I am pro-religion, but nothing is perfect. I don't think God wants this for us, I think it's a human thing. It comes from humans doing a bad job of teaching.
That man is gay. He’s using her to hide that because of his religion
That's what I was thinking too. He's on the downlow
Gay or Aspergers
What do you think the obsession over baseball is? Some sort of way to cope or to take his mind off what he really wants?
@@LJProductions247 probably. I dated a guy that I'm sure was gay , but he'd never come out . He is obsessed with watching sports and that's all he would do. We would be out doing stuff and he would mention the game playing today or getting ready to start. I always offered to drive so he could watch from his phone. I feel for him , because I know he doesn't want to be. But I know his type of guy because his behavior would seem more upbeat , and I would watch his eyes and he couldn't help but look towards the people I know he found attractive.
@@LJProductions247Baseball games tend to be full of males so if you are gay that's a great way to hang out with guys.
If she wasn’t happy why keep having children? She gave him 15 years to ruin……..
Because this situation was never constantly like this. He makes an effort intermittently enough to breadcrumb her.
Most of the callers needed help years ago. They call when there’s nothing left to do but pronounce the marriage dead. Very sad.
Better late than never
Yes, I'm going to be that person. He needs to be tested for autism.
Does that mean they stay married? Nope. Dude seems to have profound executive dysfunction and alexithymia and that can mean work for everyone around him. Many marriage counselors won't catch it.
I was wondering the same thing.
1 million percent. It's quite bizarre when I'm reminded that some people are totally ignorant to Autism. It seems like Autism is talked about very much today...
Definitely Worth exploring
As someone with autism, adhd and extreme executive dysfunction issues.. I 100% agree. It kills me John is not educated on neurodivergence and goes at these issues from a neurotypical mindset. It’s definitely something that won’t hurt to explore, doesn’t mean she has to stay married to him but it might help them both to understand it and move on whether with each other or not
Seconding. The obsessed with baseball and can't return phone calls seem to point that way.
Is he gay? Not attracted to her?
Toxic? Childhood trauma? Emotionally unavailable?
Something. But it’s time for her to go.
Childhood trauma seems to have arrested development.
Back-to-back surgeries and no support?? That is a deal breaker. Leave this guy quick.
aimentalhealthadvisor AI fixes this. Husband suggests counseling to wife.
Huh
I feel for this woman. My heart goes out to her, AND I can tell she’s the type to love to hear herself talk. This episode felt like it had 3 endings lol
And Delony is loving to hear himself talk. Short conversation--leave him.
@@marta150fair lol
@@marta150she wasn’t even listening to him. She kept over talking and interrupting him.
Been in that situation. The husband is clearly trying to use marraige counseling as a tool of manipulation to keep the status quo going like it is so he can keep running his low grade game by not engaging or cooperating in the marraige counselling in any effective way that results in anything but a continuation of the existing status quo.
Yes!! My husband, who I am separated from, is trying every angle to get me to take him back! The thought of that makes me nauseous.
I wish every counselor was as good as Dr. John. I've been to some who were awful.
I’m glad he shares it on here for us
12:02 probably to buy time and as an excuse that he's doing something. It worked a couple of times before in buying him time to make Caller stay.
15 years.
Truly, behaviour is a language. He is closed-off and ignored her efforts to help him out.
I hope Caller is not financially dependent on him coz that is what stops many people from leaving a relationship that's terrible but not so horrific to actually leave.
Leave now and be happy. It's never too late. Show your children how to be happy!
Behavior is a language ! I love it
6:05 “and it was so bad, it made me feel so horrible as a person that I was cutting…….” I can’t believe John missed that! He should have questioned her more on that. I’m not sure the husband is the only problem in this marriage. This call was disturbing all around…..
Yes. She needs let go of the relationship. It is causing her to commit self-harm.
The fact she had to do IVF to have kids because her husband don’t want to have s**
He just isn’t attracted to her. They better off being friends and co-parents
I can't believe she deliberately had kids with a man she had such a terrible relationship with
You ain’t alone, sister. This is what my marriage looks like.
No, it doesn't. She picked wrong but she can walk away. That's not how marriage works that's how he's making it to be.
@@birsancristina9278I’m not sure why you’re replying to my comment with that. ????
I’m sorry Andrea
You like your marriage that way?
Minę, too
Idk if I'm the only one thinking this but he might have autism or ADHD... his obsession with baseball (autism), his lack of interest in anything else (ADHD) OR it could be trauma from his childhood.
It really doesn’t matter what the root cause is if he is not willing to put in the effort to am,e the marriage work for both of them.
You could be right and I’m not an advocate for divorce, but she deserves better and 15 years is a long time to deal with this
You might be right... another possibility is that he is gay but isn't free to be himself due to his religion
@@GameTime-yj6qv Like I said, the root cause of his behavior is not the issue. Her unhappiness and mental health is.
Not everything is ADHD or Autism. Some people are just selfish jerks by nature. I knis people with real Autism that are kind and compassionate.
Dr. Deloney is right. Making decisions out of anger is never productive. That's why therapists often advice their cliebts to seperate for thirty days and work through their anger before deciding whether or not to file for divorce.
In Anne's case, however, I think divorce is the only healthy choice. Not only for her, but for her children. Her husband is obviously not willing or not able to do the work necesssry to improve their marriage and family. He's too enotionally immature to put his family's needs before his own.
The marriage is over. She has given it a good go. It seems like they were never meant to be together in the first place. They couldn't conceive naturally, they were not compatible. She could be happy without him, and if she's happy, her children will be happy.
He’s got the best way of explaining it to people!
Couples counseling may not always be the answer. Individual issues can overshadow relationship problems....unresolved trauma, personal mental health issues, mismatched expectations.....a whole host of elements that can hinder the couples counseling process. Couples counseling ×3 hasn't helped. In my view, individual counseling may be warranted at this juncture. Then, circle back around to couples therapy.
Everyone deserves LOVE and a FRIEND in a husband or partner. You have lived this far with the pain, get the income tools and get him out.
Sounds like a guy I used to know. Turns out he was Autistic. When him and his wife found out he was on the spectrum, she didnt want to have his children. Rather than divorce immediately, she went through IVF using her husband's best friend's sperm because he looked similar. She had two children this way while the husband was basically checked out. Finally they divorced.
Since then the ex-husband has moved into a retirement community at the age of 31 "because it's quiet", got a girlfriend from Brazil that is using him for an immigration visa, and joined the free masons.
@@KINGofGUNS Wow! I hope she finds happiness.
I'm confused, why are so many people assuming that sexual dysfunction is a symptom of ASD? I've known many people on the spectrum who have normal sexual appetites.
@@PS-qn4ozSo do I. Hiwever, some people in the Autism spectrum do have trouble distinguishing between what id appropriate sexual behaviour and what is innappropriate sexual behaviour.
Also, sime individuals ib the Autism Spectrum find it extrenely difficult to interpret socisl cues, establish meaninful relationships and cand findpohysicsl contact difficult and even ohysically oainful. These difficulties can also affect theiir romsntic relationships and sexual developnent as well.
She sounds like a real nice lady 🤣
@@PS-qn4ozIt IS a symptom of Autism. Someone who's autistic having "normal" sexual apatites doesn't make them not autistic.
But it's other things she described in the call--not primarily the lack of sex--that is making people think it's a strong possibility.
I'm only 8 minutes in, and the biggest red flag I've noticed is that she was self-harming and was desperate to connect with her, and his disposition didn't change when that happened.
Apparently it's halfway through the call where it became obvious to someone else, so I'll keep listening, but already that was enough to perk my ears, and I came into the comments to see if anyone else had the thought
My son told me he had been waiting years for me to leave his emotionally abusive dad. The kids don't want you to stay together when it's that bad. My daughters were angry at me at first. They now have nothing to do with their dad, their choice.
My ex tried to guilt me out of a separation by telling me it would be too hard on the kids (17 & 19). I told him i didn't want our kids to grow up thinking that this is what a healthy loving relationship looks like.
I’m gay in a 10 year relationship like this caller describes… My partner IS Autistic. Not diagnosed formally but exhibits every trait and was in the special classes in school. We moved 1500mi from home 5 years ago. The isolation has turned the relationship and my life into a nightmare. Waiting on my opportunity to get my life back. To get ME back.
Is your partner also gay and/or the same sex as you?
First thing i thought of was ASD
Sometimes is better to leave.
Omg my dear!!! I was in the exact same situation! 15 ivfs and unfortunately no results because he couldnt sleep with me…. No intimacy , no care , same same exactly. Kept saying it will change and nothing ever changed. He was a covert narcissist. I suffered a lot. And to answer your question: yes there is love after it. I left after surgery too. It was the last straw how he treated me. Till today he is telling everyone it was my fault i left. I left at 41 and belive me there is love. I am remarried now with the love of my life, the most amazing man i thought did not even exist! I made myself crazy too. I was cery gaslit too. He even made the next woman he met when we werent even divorced pregnant to tell everyone i was lying about why we didn’t have kids and why i had to do ivf. Nothing matters, you have to leave. Run fast and far And believe me it is 100 times better on the other side
Hearing this story reminded me of my first marriage. He would not talk to me about anything, not interested in me in any way. Turned out he was cheating all along. Divorcing him was hard, but it also was the greatest thing that ever happened to me (I can see that now). I finally could live my life, and I have never been happier.
It's gonna hurt to make the jump, and it will take time to heal, but you will not regret it.
People do what you allow. That's it, that's all. You want to leave, go.
Has this man been tested for Asperger’s? Hyper fixation-ADHD-issues with touch/affection-lack of empathy-no friends support system? Also this is a grown man who has made a life independent of you & your family. Essential he left you long ago. Yet here you are worrying about him & a support system for him-thats HIS responsibility to find-HE needs to be a father-husband-coach etc-you have 3 little kids that you seem to be solely responsible for & another adult child you are taking responsibility for too (girl I lived this life-I can see it a mile away) if you are “afraid” to speak your truth it means you evolved & he stayed behind-be authentic in your life with the people around you-this is what I need & this is what I wont tolerate-he may not be there -thats ok you & the kids are sticking to the original plan. 💖
To borrow the words of John ."behavior is a language." He didnt want her to start with .
That must be so hard for esteem for her.
There's more to life .
These poor kids see it all. Getting a ring side seat .
Staying until you can make a decision is a nice idea, but sometimes somebody needs to leave a detrimental situation NOW. Make the big decisions from a distance.
Something is dreadfully off mentally with this lady and John did not call her out strongly on the creepy IVF statement. She was push, push, pushing to have another child with him or without him for 'her to be complete.' Ignoring his bodily autonomy and choice. IVF three times essentially blackmailing him and forcing #3 on him. I'd hypothesize that she stayed with this sociopath of a Prince Charming ONLY because he put up with her, given this behavior, no sane person would do. The only person who needs to walk with woman is a psychiatrist. No love here, mutual disfunction, bunny boiler. Having her as a mother would actually terrify me as she sounds so normal.......until she doesn't.
That’s a bit strong. I agree about the children complete me thing. That is definitely not a healthy identification,because then the children bear the responsibility of propping the parent up. I this case their mother. That is not why you have children. They are not appliances.
@@sopranosd Perhaps a tad. Think how she reacts to and parents the children as this strangeness is ingrained behavior and not a one-off. Glenn Close?
Wait you actually John would call a woman out? 🤣
Maybe. But, why? Could just be a her problem. But 15 years with someone who wears you down and keeps you spiraling will most definitely drive you crazy.
Amen! No sex from the beginning and she thinks that's "ok because religion" 😮. She was just hoping to complete her marriage fantasy with a compliant "life parnter" not a husband. A husband will try very hard to make children with you naturally BECAUSE of his religious obligations, before using artificial means. IVF is most often a last resort, not the first.
I'm nearly though the end of call and surprised that he hasn't pointed out her kids are experiencing a parental relationship devoid of any sort of affection, physical touch, intimacy, tenderness. Sure kids get grossed out when parents get lovey dovey but it's still establishing a precedent that its normal, well adjusted behavior.
Parents who clearly hate each other and fight constantly and "stay together for the kids" are harmful to development, i know several people who, along with their siblings, desperately wished their parents would get divorced as kids, but abject indifference as your first reference for adult relationships is going to harm them too.
She doesn't want to blow up her kids' world in order to be happy? If she stays, she is teaching her children that marriage is one sided and miserable. She needs to leave FOR her children, as well as herself. As for speculation over autism and ADHD - As an autistic with ADHD myself who has had relationships with the same - this is no excuse for shitty, selfish behavior. The guy needs and deserves to get dumped. Even single life is 1000x better than this.
Completely agree. Although I empathize with her a lot. When you’re in these kinds of relationships you are so close to it that you know what you “should” do but pulling the trigger feels impossible.
I can definitely hear that she wants it to work so badly and was holding out for any sign that he’d come around.
This is a narcissistic husband. He made her his mother, forcing her into operating as a married single mother of 4. Useless manchild. Her and her children deserve a life of peace and his mission is to abuse everyone in that home. The therapists knew.
How is she his mom? Not arguing just trying to be on the same page lol
No he’s not narcissistic, he sounds more like he’s on the Autism spectrum. However, a lot of behaviors can feel narcissistic but they really aren’t.
Nobody “deserves” anything. You’re either good enough to have/get it, or you work for it.
She is WAY PAST giving him ultimatums (needs) on a piece of paper!!
Get way from the narcissist.
I did it (which was stressful) but I am so happy now.
And I didn’t even know what a narcissist was until I married one.
I’ll have your back!!
You are not alone.
And you sound resolved, strong and determined. I wouldn’t leave my kids growing up with a narcissist dad. They are toxic.
I know, because my physician father was a narcissistic and my mom thankfully left him after 20 years with 6 kids!! Hallelujah 🙏
I figured it all out when I was trying to leave my husband. I had no idea that my dad was a narcissist-my brother told me.
I just thought he was a selfish asshole alcoholic.
My dad was a doctor, my husband was a lawyer - and I was the breadwinner! Thank God I got away from him.
You can too.
You deserve better Anne!!!
I’m 7 minutes in and at first I thought she was crazy for wanting to throw everything down the drain but after listening more it sounds like she really dislikes him at this point and understandably so
Choose guilt over resentment…
Lots of resentment in her voice …
She's a married single mother already.
Being a single single mother will probably be less stressful.
Asperger’s?
“Denial is a river in egypt…your husband is gay!”
15 years no sex….??
I'm wondering if the husband is gay
@@do4699thought so to until the obsession with baseball came out. He may have autism
He’s getting it from someone…or something.
@@texasdazzlers not necessarily. Some people don't like sex.
@@GameTime-yj6qvcould it be a way to cope? He can’t do what he really wants because he can’t weather it’s a religious thing or whatever but so he fixates on something he can do?
He must be doing something for her to be able to afford IVF around 5x.
Ladies - don’t marry the ring on your finger.
As a single mom of 3 kids she will fine plenty of sex and very little relationship. She isn’t exactly high up on the sexual market value as single mom of 3. This man was a walking red flag BEFORE she got married. Why do people think they can change others?
Because they lacked a proper upbringing, at least thats the answer much of the time. This goes for both men and women who lack proper caring parents. No life guidance, set up for failure, and later start to figure it out. It's ridiculous and also rampant amongst our society.
I was 19 when I got engaged, 21, got married. I was too young and dumb and didn’t realize that it was unlikely that he’d actually change. I thought as he grew up, he’d mature. I mean, he was 21! How could he not get better?! But I’ve gone through 30 years of verbal and emotional abuse. Of course it wasn’t every day, but it was month in and out. I stopped liking him so long ago and he finally broke my love for him. Why did it take me so long?!?!
Caller’s husband sounds like he may be autistic.
It thought he was gay or extremely asexual
I don't have autism, I have ADHD but please stop randomly diagnosing people its harmful
@@omotayosatuyi252 He may be….is a possibility to check out. Not a diagnosis. My husband displayed similar patterns and was diagnosed as a level 1 autistic man at age 54. This awareness has improved his life.
She sounds like she is so wrapped up in the barbed wire of her feelings that she can’t move. I feel for her and now I’m hearing that part of that immobility is fear. I’m so sorry .
i like it, taking responsibility
I think she should go through with the Christian Counseling for 2 reasons. I'm not religious but 1. I know that religion can seriously affect your views on sex so maybe having a pastor tell her husband that his wifes emotional security is something he should be prioritizing as the "head of the household" will work better (husband said it was religious reasons) and 2. if you do the counseling and it doesnt work out you can truly said you tried everything. You wont have to wonder "what if" at all, wash your hands of it and be done!
Or he wants her to go to a clergy who will guilt her into staying based on religious text.
Her husband is gay and he wants her to go to a Christian counselor because divorce makes baby Jesus cry, so he gets to keep his beard.
If a guy isn't being the husband and father you want for your family after 1 kid, and you can't fix it....LEAVE. Why have 2 more of his kids?!
Church counselling is his way of using religion to force her to stay. Cz Church counselling is all about keeping marriages intact, regardless of who is getting hurt (mostly women of course). Run girl, please run and save yourself.
"He doesn't feel that way" that he messed up. Yep that is not why he is pressuring her into going to "Christian counseling " He is clearly avoiding responsibility for being a vacant negligent husband and just trying to manipulate her with a sense of obligation into this kind of counseling with the agenda of manipulating her out of leaving him. He doesn't like to be dumped and have to pay child & wife support, assets, the inconvenience of having to take care of himself and kids when he has custody. Oh and of course get into that Christian marraige counselling to blame her for the bad marraige or look virtuous for sharing 50% of what he is entirely to blame for for his choices and get her plugged with the message that she is supposed to be 'submitting' to him with all of that rot. Sheer sysyematic coersion and manipulation. I hope she refuses the counseling and enfirces her rights and entitlements at his inconvenience.
14 years ONCE A YEAR?!?! Oh yeah….you gotta go lol
There's too much information missing in this call. I don't know what the problem is, but it's definitely a mess.
Interesting how they have time and money for IVF.
The baseball obsession, not paying bills etc in context with the other communication issues, might be symptom of neurodivergence.
Her husband sounds autistic with some abuse and sexual awkwardness. He’s prob just playing the roll the way he thinks it should be, but has never felt it or seen it.
Therapy only works if both parties are willing to be honest.
Taking Normotim helps me maintain a clear mind even under pressure.
You went into this marriage, knowing there were already issues, and then you chose to go through multiple rounds of IVF treatments to have babies with the man who you say “caused you to hurt yourself through his actions towards you”, but now that you have your three children you’re ready to divorce him 🫠 there’s something you’re not telling Dr. John and the rest of us 🤷🏻♀️
My counselor did not want my ex at his property but was ok dealing with me
That's weird.
12:12....because he's not trying to lose his home and income by paying for child support for 3 kids.
Id never go to counseling. I'd rather spend the money on the divorce.
To all the men & women who think the red flags will magically turn green when you get married-they don’t. They turn darker shade of scarlet
Caller: the kids already know there is a problem. I have lived this situation. I am a Christian- Christian counseling is not the answer (I've been through both types and been kicked out of counseling too cause my ex got abusive in session) they will try and guide you to ignore red flags. AND if you get divorced, chaos around holidays and communication will become crazy. You will need a lot of boundaries with that. Keep up your own work and work on being the best mom.
Just do it. You have to move on.
I would say, without trying to diagnose off this little information that I would go see if he’s on the spectrum. Hyper fixation, repetitive actions, aversions, that’s a sign of someone who might be struggling with ASD
No guarantee that she finds another ("better") relationship - and that's ok! I hope, if she leaves, being single is an acceptable outcome.
Those poor kids… 😩💔💔💔
Delony, where's this hoodie from? Looks awesome
If you are afraid Ann, call a DV hotline and develop a safety plan before you tell him. It won't hurt to have one and hopefully you won't have to enact it. If you have an intuition that it could get bad, it could. No one knows your relationship or your spouse like you do. Trust your gut.