@@TheOlfactory, true that! We perceive others as perfect cz of our attachment. In reality, everyone has flaws. N someone who's meant for you will NEVER leave you in a situation where you're deeply hurt.
True as that may be, it is so much easier said than done. I am going through this right now, urge surfing contacting them, and it is literally agonising.
I no longer interrogate the other party when they start acting flaky, I now turn the lens onto myself and I ask 'what is going on with you right now that is making you create room and space in your head and in your heart, for this person?' This makes it very easy to detach and to disconnect from an unhealthy dynamic. I'm getting faster and faster in recognising this.
Good idea here. Take responsibility for yourself, avoid the rabbit hole of trying to understand/change someone who is not in touch with themselves. Good you are getting faster at this, but be kind to yourself, you are going at the speed you are meant to go.❤
@Dmo12618 self interrogation is not cruelty to self or self condemnation but a very routine thing that most of us are not taught how to do. And that's why you think that I'm not being kind to myself just because I practice introspection. I'm very kind and gentle with myself. Maybe you misread the tone of my comment. I thought I was rather plain and factual but you read a lot that wasn't there IMO.
Perfect. Yes, answering the question to yourself, why. Ex now I offer time for this person, because I feel lonely and need more friends and a new job! Total shift of perspective.
Yeah. Lesson learned. I'm anxious, he's avoidant. Definitely stuck in a cycle. Think the hardest part is always how they just move on as if the relationship never happened and I mourn for what feels like an eternity.
Because they are numbed emotionally....and they were before when they were "with you/me". I was thinking, that's the right person that can cheat on you without feeling anything...
Same here he is avoidant, I am anxious and it's like a vicious cycle all the times. I'm always anxious and walking on eggshells, I can't even express how I feel without him feeling like he is being attacked. I think he is also a narcissist, always playing the victim and gaslighting me.
THIS! He dumped me in January and moved on so fast. Yet here I am, crying and missing this stupid boy for the last 2 months while he’s dating other girls. I’m so done, so sad and so depressed. I didn’t deserve this pain.
@Dxllface_ Trust me, he may seem like he has moved on, but he hasn't. He is dating all those women because he wants to block what he is feeling or going through. You feel whatever you are feeling, and believe me, one day you will be in a better place with someone who loves and adores you.
i did this. i begged and pleaded to someone who was an avoidant and emotionally unavailable. he broke up with me because all i wanted was for us to have an open communication this time, i wanted us to fix whatever issues we had in the past, i wanted him to feel safe in opening up with me in regards to his emotions. but nah, he’d rather have it the easy way by breaking up with me than improve our relationship. it even came to the point where i said i wont force him anymore, if he’s not comfortable in doing that then ill adjust to what he wants but he ended it. 43 days of no contact today. he’s not coming back. first few days was really hard but im getting better.
Hang in there, gawd, I am dreading this exact situation with the woman I am in a situationship with. Great sex twice, 3 overnights, then slowly fading texts getting drier and shorter...I am an anxious attacher, she is avoidant and has a full DM list at her fingertips...sucks.
7 weeks for me. He always invalidated my feelings, blamed me, couldn’t express his emotions, was uncomfortable with my emotions and became so defensive and took everything personally… stonewalled and avoided me…it was exhausting. Great friendship, but an impossible man to create a future with if he couldn’t be emotionally intimate with me.
Great video! Unfortunately, my 2 year relationship ended a month ago. The person I believed was the love of my life chose to leave, and I’m still deeply in love with him. No matter what I do, I can’t stop thinking about him. Despite all my efforts to win him back, nothing has worked. I feel so frustrated and can’t imagine being with anyone else. He’s always on my mind, and I miss him more than words can express.
Something similar happened to me couple weeks ago…theres another video where Mathew says that we are allowed to be disappointed that this wasn’t our person but we mustn’t grieve as if they were the one cause if they were…they wouldn’t have us questioning or leave us. Hope you heal soon x it gets better!
He dumped me last night. I was willing to stay and work through our problems. He just wanted the easy way out. I’ve always chased him. He wants me to chase him again. I blew up his phone last night when he ended it. Today I have not contacted him. Your videos helped me during my last break up, they will help med again. No contact and working on myself starts today. Wish me luck.
I needed to see this today. I’ve been so sad after being “dumped” by a guy who was flaky, made me feel I was lucky to have his attention on the rare occasions he gave me it, who told me I pushed him away because I was insecure when I now realise it was his actions that made me feel that way. This has really resonated with me and was a total “lightbulb” moment!!
He done you a favor. He's the one who isn't good enough for you. Heal and move on. Find a guy who's on the same page as you. Many these guys not so "existing" like those who run away but for your happiness they are way better. All the best for you ❤
I met a girl and we clicked rather quickly. We set a date for coffee. The night before, she cancelled on me; saying she picked up an overtime shift. I told her it was up to her to reschedule the date. A week went by where I realized I was initiating EVERY conversation. I called her out on that, and the fact that she never offered a day to reschedule the date; she responded with "Ok" and blocked me almost immediately after. There are also people who act like absolute children. I'm so tired of this BS.
Some people are too nice to turn you down because it’s uncomfortable to them to have that conversation. I had similar situations like you in the past where I would interrogate the person and basically let them know my expectations but nowadays I just match my energy with theirs. Recently I asked a girl out to hang out, she said sure but all the planning and initiation came from me so at some point I just stopped initiating and guess what. She never contacted me again. Of course it feels weird and I feel a bit shameful and like an idiot for believing her reaction but in the end their actions matter more than what they say. On the positive side this is a filter you can use who you want to be with
So this is someone you haven't met in person, or met once, and you bombard their phone with texts all week then get all demanding with expectations? That's exactly what drove her away and made her block you. You've got to let it be and give them a chance to reciprocate. Interpersonal relationships are a game of tennis. Keep serving to someone not hitting the ball back and they won't want to play with you ever again in the future.
Chasing someone that you are infatuated with that does not reciprocate the same feelings is the worst torture and agony you could put yourself through. Stay away from these people and save yourself a lot of grief.
Since I've started online dating, I realised that even people who say they want a relationship, and they even show up for us in the beginning.. they can be emotionally unavailable at the same time. Or they become it after sex. How fun is dating these days 😒
@@Aliens-Are-Our-Friends2027 Yes, but trust me.. you only realise that AFTER you slept with them and they started acting confused or else. Before they were saying they wanted a relationship and they were consistently showing up, ect.. This also happens when there is no sex involved, and I found this attitude especially from men online. They seriously don't know what they want!
@@erikabaj9037 They DO want a relationship, but once they will find out you aren't relationship material they put you in the sex-only category so they proceed to only go for that. You probably lack certain features to be taken serious for men. I know it hard to hear this but you have to understand men's reasoning and what they look for in a woman and also how hard it is for a man to obtain a relationship. Men have to invest FAR and FAR more time and effort than a woman to get a relationship. In fact to even land a date in the first place is many times harder for them. So that's why they try to get the most out of it (sex) so atleast there's some return on investment for them for the ability to land a date. You and every single woman really have to think critically why men have it so much harder. Trust me if I say that a man who's able to go on a date, he has to prepare himself many years in advance building himself up to be selected and said yes to (or swiped right on). Women on the other hand just have to exist, no more. It's as simple as that. If you aren't willing to acknowledge this as fact then you will never get it.
I’m ready to try match-making. Yes, it costs, but at least I know every man I’ll be matched with is looking for something serious because if they wanted sex or a fling, they could get it for free online.
I lose interest when I notice someone is becoming emotionally unavailable for me. Rn dealing with one such person. It's difficult to move on when ur already attached to them but I'm destined to move on now for my mental peace. ❤
Sorry to tell you ladies but this doesn't get better with age. I just dealt with this with a 48-year old man, I'm 44. He claimed from the beginning even when I asked that he was indeed looking for a relationship. He tried to sleep with me on the 1st date, I said no that I need to get to know someone first and within days I got the excuses about how he's just not ready to rush into anything and needs to take a step back. 😂 Go right ahead take as many steps as you need....run Forest run!!!
Thank you for the confirmation. My guy played the long game, I ignored red flags 🚩…. I thought I was falling in love, it was a trauma bond. I discovered attachment styles, he’s avoidant, I’m anxious …. He was manipulating me, I allowed it. I’ve calmed my mind. I’m not doing this very sick dynamic…
@@julievanzile2482 I thought I’d found love of my life at 62, just to learn it was just a game for him. That fact alone has made it possible for me to move on…. Wow
I still remember how I used to plead beg few guys to text or call me Every day. I was the one chasing them. After I started watching so many videos on these topics I have become mentally strong. Learnt so many new things. ❤ Now I have made myself so Busy no one can play games with me. Biggest lesson: Never be too much emotionally attached. You can move on very very easily💯💯
He was the man who was extremely emotionally available and would call me and made me feel extremely special. One day it stopped and it was never the same. The good guy can do this too. It’s a rough world out there
@dingding4898 Oh wow this couldnt be more true. This is exactly what happened to me. I loved her I treated her good. But her anxious behavior and mistreatment was too much for me. I didnt even end things. I was willing to continue but I was just exhausted. She ended things
Today is my partner’s birthday. Today’s the last day I’m gonna see him and give him a birthday he’d never had. I’m taking a break from him. We’re just going around circles all the time. He told me 2 weeks ago: “This is just who I am, if you’re not happy, I just can’t do anything about that”
Lmao my ex said something similar, he told me that if I’m not happy with how he acts I can leave! That was so insensitive… he was hurting me and for the sake of our relationship I told him I didn’t like how he acted He is just selfish, like your bf They put themselves first all the time
A date told me "Here is about feelings, no matter what happens, you will always come back" Damn I block him the same day. He begged me like crazy and I was told he is shocked till this day
You cant chage them. They dont love you. They dont even like you. They like that you like them as it validates their existence. They dont love or like themselves. If you leave them they may wake up. 'We can only love as a courageous decision only after we experience a broken heart' (paraphrased quote of Jordan Peterson).
@CJRelationshipConsulting Choosing someone based entirely on how that person makes you feel is a terrible idea. Love alone isn't enough to make a relationship work, we need consistent intentions aligned with repetitive behaviors that follow a pattern, we need someone whose career or profession is desired or needed enough in society to earn a wage that can cover all expenses needed to sustain a house, we need hard work, compromise, transparency and honesty to make a relationship work. We need compatible values, beliefs, religions and cultures in order to navigate through our differences without growing apart too much, we need to have more things in common than things that differentiate us from one another, we need to build a common project as a couple in order for our relationship to be successful. Life isn't a Disney fairytale, real life has challenges that are way harder than fighting a giant dragon or a horrible witch who spelled your beloved princess, real life has challenges that magical spells can't solve, which is why feelings or sexual chemistry alone isn't and will never be a strong or valid reason to get married to someone. People need to get their feet on the ground.
I'm sooo glad I was able to catch myself into this pattern of being drawn to emotionally unavailable guys. Once I did. I broke myself free from anxiety and addiction. It's definitely liberating!!
@mreen91 1. Find out what your attachment style is and how you developed it in childhood. 2. Recognize that you're drawn to people who remind you of your upbringing and see the pattern between that and previous relationships. 3. Work on yourself (being more loving, compassionate, less harsh, or judgmental of yourself). 4. See your real value. 4. Start creating new standards for how you want to be treated. 5. Develop contentment with your current life/circumstances, and you'll meet the right person soon!
This was great to hear. I went on a few dates with a girl who really made me think she was interested by literally telling me that. She was very complimentary and just really made me feel like she was interested. On our last date we even kissed and she text me and thanked me for a wonderful evening. But I noticed red flags like she would not respond to texts or wait days. Finally got a text saying her work schedule for the month was going to be so busy that she didn’t know when she could go out but not to take it that she wasn’t interested, I just did the mature thing and said ‘’ I understand, thanks for reaching out and don’t work too hard’’ If someone is interested they’ll text you back and make time for you. Best thing to do is move on and find that person they are out there :)
Now that I hear you talking about appreciating a sunset, I quickly remembered that during a heartbreak I was actively seeking sunsets at the end of each day. Now I understand why. I did appreciate them always have, but I would actively seek them out during that time. It definitely soothed me, but I didn't realize I was also coming off of a type of high. 🤔
I don’t care for someone easily. I love being alone. I fell in love with someone & they shattered me. It’s not about ignoring other people who are available.
Thank you for this, Matthew. I've been dating for 8 years with a traumatic and abusive past when it comes to relationships. I've been going to therapy ever since and finally feel like I am at peace with myself and feel anew in my own body. I've learned how to regulate my shit and it's honestly pretty freeing. Before I had made progress on my healing journey, my entire dating history looked exactly like this. However, I have found myself recently heartbroken over something that was so special to me. I met someone a few months ago. I felt safe with them. We could talk about the real shit and be vulnerable together. I felt seen, heard, and understood with an overwhelming amount of support on each end. But he just broke things off with me because there was "no spark," even though he knew the value I bring and says he considers me his best friend that he loves. I didn't necessarily feel it either, but I felt so safe and like my best self with this person. I preferred that over a fleeting feeling that I knew wouldn't last anyway. I now feel so hurt because I feel like they may be chasing something that isn't always sustainable and doesn't indicate compatibility. He let a good thing go, and I know I don't want someone who isn't sure of me, but it's still so saddening. I suppose the silver lining is that I now see what I truly need. And it's good to know I am now drawn to something more healthy. Thank you for helping.
I have just had to leave yet another avoidant person, and yet again im heart broken. All he complained about when i broke it off was how much money he'd spent! Ive only just realised after almost two years that my feelings, wants, and needs were never important to this person😢. Sad times.
Happened to me back in January. Got blindsided and he dumped me with the typical "It's not you, it's me..." and he said that he lost his feelings for me seemingly in the span of a few days. He never communicated his issues with me, I had no idea what was going on. He lied to me because he kept telling me that he loved me and still had sex with me even though he was already distancing himself. This is what hurts me the most. Been crying my eyes out for 2 ½ months while he seems perfectly fine and he continues on as if our relationship never even happened. Just heartbroken at this point. I don't know if I'll ever find someone who truly loves me and doesn't discard me once they get bored.😢💔 Feeling unworthy of any man out there because no one ever stays
Been through that but ended real fast so no sex he didn’t want to yet either. But it hurt me badly what and how fast he ended when he was the one giving me so much love and care and understanding. So gentle with me. I thought I found the best guy like I always wanted but real face was coming out a bit . He would get annoyed quick and the normal things I said and controlling he even said if a girl is going to be with me she has to change. And I ignored all this stuff because I looked at how good he was to me. I never had that type of treatment n love respect care but I guess it was fake or he was too strict and over confident , I’m still in shock. We met only twice and he was love bombing me like crazy. I felt so lucky to have him. But no just because he didn’t text for 4 days suddenly I got a bit upset and asked him and he said I fight and I’m manipulating. And he ignored all the food’s thing she gave me princess treatment for which he loved about me. They never are the same how they are in start. It’s just a mask. I’m still traumatized by this.
@@marvel4528 Maybe, I really don't know. All I know is that I have a lot of love to give even after getting my heart broken by so many men up until this point... it just seems unfair and yet life isn't fair anyway 😔 The scariest part is watching the person you love turn into someone you don't even recognise any longer 💔
@@saniaz680if you only saw him twice you got off easy and you might become attached too easily. You evolve to compliment each other rather than one person changing to make the other happier it’s toxic
@@FrankRaucci I agree. We talked before meeting for few weeks so I was already attached to him and when we met twice I got more attached and he was attached to me as well. I didn’t want it to be over so quick. We were good together. Oh and he recently did text me after 2 months again but I was finally less attached to him so I didn’t want to start it all over again and get hurt.
i’d love for you to talk about emotional unavailability specifically in long term, committed monogamous relationships. it’s very confusing being with someone who you know wants a serious future together, yet the relationship feels so distant and empty despite best intentions. like a shell of a relationship. would love to hear your take on this to help people heal from this type of emotional unavailability (it’s me, i’m people)
I’m 4yrs in and believe me it never gets to that point, they live in fantasy! They want it but the fear controls them and all you’ll ever feel is rejection, confusion and most of all anxiety from hell 😢
This is Epic! Love your creativity I'm heartbroken imagining life without him. Memories of our laughter and quiet nights haunt me. Every day feels empty without him. I miss him terribly and wish he'd come back to me.
Thank you for giving that sun example. Made feel there's nothing wrong with me if they don't see how beautiful as a person i am. And i shouldn't find my validation in their eyes. I still have to mindfully practice this but Thankyou so much to bringing it to my notice and building a perspective ❤
Cool video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
Watching this captivating video stirs up painful memories of the recent end of my 4 year relationship. My beloved partner chose to depart, leaving me with an unyielding ache. Despite my relentless efforts to reconcile, I find myself grappling with frustration and an inability to envision a future without him. Despite attempts to purge him from my mind, I remain haunted by his absence, feeling compelled to express my longing here.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
I really needed this. There's times my boyfriend feels or acts less romantic or excited about us. I get sad and lonely thinking what changed. It's important I calm down, nurture myself and give us both space. Running to him more for comfort seems to close him up. I hate that it feels like a yo-yo connection but maybe that's normal relationship balance 🤷♀️
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to move on, I really loved her so much i can’t stop thinking about her and the memories we shared. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail. I’m frustrated, and i don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts, but i can’t. I don’t know why I’m saying this here, but i really miss her and i wish i could get her back.
I have been in such a situation. My relationship ended about three years ago, but i could not let her go. So i had to do all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back. We are back together, and i must say i am enjoying every moment.
I So badly wanted to hear this... So clearly u have made us understand what kind of situation we are in and what to do... I had tough time dealing with this situation, helpless but no one put this context better than you, Mathew sir! Hats off Loads of thank ful for being a eye opener
My 1+yr relationship just got put on hold yesterday by me. He’d been dealing with unresolved pain from losses in his life and had been letting me know from time to time how he just didn’t feel he loved me enough. At first it didn’t resonate, because the relationship was incredible in every way. He was always thoughtful, loving, attentive. But kept feeling that his love wasn’t as deep as my love for him and felt sad because he said that I deserved better. If he hadn’t said anything, I wouldn’t have noticed, except that I was not feeling that he prioritized me like I prioritized him. We both cried all day yesterday in each other’s arms. He thinks that this break will help in healing. And I think this break will make him realize how important or not I am in his life. Regardless, I choose me first. Not gonna settle for less than I’m giving.
The ultimate emotionally unavailable person is the married person. Just don’t do it. The only upside is it may be the wake-up call you need to get clarity on why you are attracted to EU’s and do some inner work and healing.
There’s so much info on the broad spectrum of red flags, would love to see more examples and signs of what a healthy relationship looks like. What are the good traits and examples of what to look for in a prospective partner?
it's always married men who play that inconsistency, games and create constant anxiety. they bring the highs and lows to someone. they can smell that 'someone' a mile away who can play these emotional games on
I love this. I knew working on myself and things I love can solve most of this issue for me. But these videos are teaching me more. Tbh initially there was a resistance to learn more about this topic but I am loving it.
These situations are so common, basic, and not worth it!! Realistically, i am guessing I'll finally find a real authentic love in my 50s or 60s, all good! I got my babies, friends, and family. The world is my oyster.
Thank you so much for your videos I just signed up for your channel . Amazing as your video explains in the clearest way my situation and gives me keys to reduce my dopamine and trauma bond… I am French but your US videos are limpid … clearer than the French one thank you so much for helping us being better persons … with ourselves 🥰🙏
Wow. Attracted to a familiar childhood pattern, and feeling like my safety depends on whether they are present and attentive, in a good mood, and happy with me. Damn.
Thank you Matthew. I pulled up RUclips hoping you’d have something that could help me right now because I’m fighting back tears every day all day and of course.. you never disappoint. Thank you
I was in a toxic relationship for 5 years. That guy was ready for marriage. But He wanted me to wait for another 3 4 years. Its been so long we had been dating but he was so annoying sometimes. Whenever I tried to be happy or talk about something, he would always say something bad about it or discouraged me. Always stopping me doing something I like. I always said yes to everything he said just because I thought we would get married and I do not want to have anything to fight about. I had cut off my self from every friend just because of him. He would always say something bad about my friends too that would make me feel negative. I have endured a lot. At the end I decided to leave for the sake of myself. After breaking up with him, now I feel so light, I meet with so many people now, make new friends. But the thing is now whenever some new guy reach me for a relationship, even though that new guy is a good person, I have a fear because of which I cant openup or I push them away and that leads me to feel lonely. I dont know How can I feel better again. How can I be myself again How I used to be 5 years ago.
Definitely not 'in search' of these people, they just seem to be everywhere nowadays? Whether they're avoidants, narcs, or grass is greener types. If they're halfway decent looking with a passable personality they tend to fall into one of these camps. They are the types that probably wouldn't have the balls to chat a woman up in person but hide behind their phones, having multiple conversations with different people at the same time. In the never-ending buffet of easy sex on offer from apps it's virtually impossible to meet a loyal person these days because as soon as there is the smallest problem they will run back on there to validate themselves with a new person. The only way this can stop is if people start calling out bad behaviour but they won't because they are too scared of 'losing' the person.
I called him out. He gaslighted me into thinking he was real with me. I left, he send roses. Took him back, now he left. Fun ride those emotionally unavailable ones, yes this includes me, but im working on on it.😂
@@elharrop you just keep choosing men who are clearly above average, of course they have many options and there's simply no reason for them to commit; for them you are easily replacable, what emotional availability do you expect? It's not that all men are like this, it's YOU who chooses this kind of men.
Why does it have to be so deep in my case all the emotionally unavailable just happened to be the cutest physically😭 its not because they are emotionally unavailable that im attracted🙄
The anxiety of "this may not happen again" if I confront the situationship with her terrifies me. I always feel like "this one woman" is the last one I will meet before I die is SO overwhelming.
He ghosted me 12 days ago. Left an agrument in between. He just put his points and dissapeared, didnt hear my side and ghosted me since then. I blocked him today after 13 days of abandonment But idk why a part of me misses him while another part of me doesnt want him at all Edit: it was a 3 year long relationship
How do we recognize a person who is emotionally unavailable in a very subtle way where they are too afraid to speak up for themselves? I dated someone who was an amazing listener, held space for my emotions and encouraged me to be myself. But he was unable to tell me tiny little things (like that I spelled his name wrong in my contacts) or big things (when I discovered 4 months in that he went along with everything I wanted the relationship to be without telling me what he ACTUALLY wanted). How do we detect the avoidant people pleasers early on rather than finding out 4 months in that they could no longer maintain the lie they kept for fear of losing me?
Yes i am experiencing it right now. I"m in a 3 yrs 5 months relationship right now but he's giving me a hot and cold treatment. Now he's sweet then tomorrow he's cold and distant. 😢
you look happy and very lively, Matt -very good to see and congrats again regarding your wife choice 😉 key for me is the feeling that i do not want to prove anything any more. i do not want to prove to a man how beautiful or fantastic or whatever i am. no. that has started to feel so tiring, and it contradicts the peace that i have in my life and in myself. so, sometimes i do get involved with a guy that triggers the old fears (trauma) and my heart races and everything. and it's not a nice feeling, but (feeling this today) i think it's like a storm that lasts a few days and then i'll be over it. because i do not want this uncertainty any more. i want someone that says "i want you" and acts correspondingly, consistently. and i do have that in my life, and that's what i hold on to.
I'm experiencing an "emotionally unavailable" person right now. She chased me first (coworker)and got my attention, but now she is inconsistent. She got me obsessed over her, and she knew it, and at the same time won't let me see her outside of work, she has my phone number but won't call me, tell me she will, she tells her coworker I"M her " work husband or boyfriend" in a jokes way .
Can you please do a segment on British men? I feel like they appear emotionally unavailable at the outset, but may in fact just be reserved. It's very confusing for us foreign women who assume they're not interested, and it later turns out they were...
Chasing, begging, pleading, and hoping ain't gonna lead you anywhere. Disconnect from the person and focus on your purpose.
💯
This is the only way. No matter how perfect, wonderful, magical, passionate, brilliant, beautiful etc. Cut your losses.
That's what l am doing, not easy when your heart is literally bleeding though
@@TheOlfactory, true that! We perceive others as perfect cz of our attachment. In reality, everyone has flaws. N someone who's meant for you will NEVER leave you in a situation where you're deeply hurt.
True as that may be, it is so much easier said than done. I am going through this right now, urge surfing contacting them, and it is literally agonising.
Understand these people are so ordinary and underwhelming when you take a step back and realize it’s you who makes them so special in your mind.
He sounds like a narc 💀@@JustMe-ki3ce
True 😢
This!! You are so right.
Yup. The longer since break-up the more I realize how uninteresting and shallow they actually are. 😂
Well said so true
I no longer interrogate the other party when they start acting flaky, I now turn the lens onto myself and I ask 'what is going on with you right now that is making you create room and space in your head and in your heart, for this person?'
This makes it very easy to detach and to disconnect from an unhealthy dynamic.
I'm getting faster and faster in recognising this.
Good idea here. Take responsibility for yourself, avoid the rabbit hole of trying to understand/change someone who is not in touch with themselves. Good you are getting faster at this, but be kind to yourself, you are going at the speed you are meant to go.❤
@Dmo12618 self interrogation is not cruelty to self or self condemnation but a very routine thing that most of us are not taught how to do. And that's why you think that I'm not being kind to myself just because I practice introspection.
I'm very kind and gentle with myself.
Maybe you misread the tone of my comment. I thought I was rather plain and factual but you read a lot that wasn't there IMO.
Wow! Thank you for this! I am currently in this situation, and your question is something I need to answer for myself.
Perfect. Yes, answering the question to yourself, why. Ex now I offer time for this person, because I feel lonely and need more friends and a new job! Total shift of perspective.
am reading this with so much respect for the person who has posted this.I am going to follow your advice
Yeah. Lesson learned. I'm anxious, he's avoidant. Definitely stuck in a cycle. Think the hardest part is always how they just move on as if the relationship never happened and I mourn for what feels like an eternity.
I’m feeling the exact same way…. But exactly
Because they are numbed emotionally....and they were before when they were "with you/me". I was thinking, that's the right person that can cheat on you without feeling anything...
Same here he is avoidant, I am anxious and it's like a vicious cycle all the times. I'm always anxious and walking on eggshells, I can't even express how I feel without him feeling like he is being attacked. I think he is also a narcissist, always playing the victim and gaslighting me.
THIS! He dumped me in January and moved on so fast. Yet here I am, crying and missing this stupid boy for the last 2 months while he’s dating other girls. I’m so done, so sad and so depressed. I didn’t deserve this pain.
@Dxllface_ Trust me, he may seem like he has moved on, but he hasn't. He is dating all those women because he wants to block what he is feeling or going through. You feel whatever you are feeling, and believe me, one day you will be in a better place with someone who loves and adores you.
i did this. i begged and pleaded to someone who was an avoidant and emotionally unavailable. he broke up with me because all i wanted was for us to have an open communication this time, i wanted us to fix whatever issues we had in the past, i wanted him to feel safe in opening up with me in regards to his emotions. but nah, he’d rather have it the easy way by breaking up with me than improve our relationship.
it even came to the point where i said i wont force him anymore, if he’s not comfortable in doing that then ill adjust to what he wants but he ended it.
43 days of no contact today. he’s not coming back. first few days was really hard but im getting better.
It will get better , keep going ❤
Hang in there, gawd, I am dreading this exact situation with the woman I am in a situationship with. Great sex twice, 3 overnights, then slowly fading texts getting drier and shorter...I am an anxious attacher, she is avoidant and has a full DM list at her fingertips...sucks.
Same story, sister🙏 You lost garbage, he lost treasure
7 weeks for me. He always invalidated my feelings, blamed me, couldn’t express his emotions, was uncomfortable with my emotions and became so defensive and took everything personally… stonewalled and avoided me…it was exhausting. Great friendship, but an impossible man to create a future with if he couldn’t be emotionally intimate with me.
Sending hugs ❤ your person will come
Great video! Unfortunately, my 2 year relationship ended a month ago. The person I believed was the love of my life chose to leave, and I’m still deeply in love with him. No matter what I do, I can’t stop thinking about him. Despite all my efforts to win him back, nothing has worked. I feel so frustrated and can’t imagine being with anyone else. He’s always on my mind, and I miss him more than words can express.
Wow, that’s amazing! How did you find a spiritual counselor, and how can I get in touch with him?
Thank you so much for the suggestion; it means more to me than you know.
Something similar happened to me couple weeks ago…theres another video where Mathew says that we are allowed to be disappointed that this wasn’t our person but we mustn’t grieve as if they were the one cause if they were…they wouldn’t have us questioning or leave us. Hope you heal soon x it gets better!
He dumped me last night. I was willing to stay and work through our problems. He just wanted the easy way out. I’ve always chased him. He wants me to chase him again. I blew up his phone last night when he ended it. Today I have not contacted him. Your videos helped me during my last break up, they will help med again. No contact and working on myself starts today. Wish me luck.
Don't ever chase a man ever. U are the prize
It's been 2 weeks!! We're you able to stand on your ground and remain no contact with him?
lol same here it’s my week 3 now working myself to better and stronger
Yes it’s been two weeks! How have you got on? 😅
You don't need him. You are perfect the way you are ❤
I feel like we fall in love with those who care for us in a familiar way - which sadly sometimes leads to old pattern
I needed to see this today. I’ve been so sad after being “dumped” by a guy who was flaky, made me feel I was lucky to have his attention on the rare occasions he gave me it, who told me I pushed him away because I was insecure when I now realise it was his actions that made me feel that way.
This has really resonated with me and was a total “lightbulb” moment!!
He done you a favor. He's the one who isn't good enough for you. Heal and move on. Find a guy who's on the same page as you. Many these guys not so "existing" like those who run away but for your happiness they are way better. All the best for you ❤
@@ireefree2024 thank you. You’re very kind! Sending you best wishes too!
His name is Chad I bet. Lol. He did great.
I met a girl and we clicked rather quickly. We set a date for coffee. The night before, she cancelled on me; saying she picked up an overtime shift. I told her it was up to her to reschedule the date. A week went by where I realized I was initiating EVERY conversation. I called her out on that, and the fact that she never offered a day to reschedule the date; she responded with "Ok" and blocked me almost immediately after. There are also people who act like absolute children. I'm so tired of this BS.
Some people are too nice to turn you down because it’s uncomfortable to them to have that conversation. I had similar situations like you in the past where I would interrogate the person and basically let them know my expectations but nowadays I just match my energy with theirs.
Recently I asked a girl out to hang out, she said sure but all the planning and initiation came from me so at some point I just stopped initiating and guess what. She never contacted me again. Of course it feels weird and I feel a bit shameful and like an idiot for believing her reaction but in the end their actions matter more than what they say. On the positive side this is a filter you can use who you want to be with
Sounds like she is showing polite disinterest
Don't be an option, show you value yourself.
😢😢😢
So this is someone you haven't met in person, or met once, and you bombard their phone with texts all week then get all demanding with expectations?
That's exactly what drove her away and made her block you. You've got to let it be and give them a chance to reciprocate.
Interpersonal relationships are a game of tennis. Keep serving to someone not hitting the ball back and they won't want to play with you ever again in the future.
Chasing someone that you are infatuated with that does not reciprocate the same feelings is the worst torture and agony you could put yourself through. Stay away from these people and save yourself a lot of grief.
Since I've started online dating, I realised that even people who say they want a relationship, and they even show up for us in the beginning.. they can be emotionally unavailable at the same time. Or they become it after sex. How fun is dating these days 😒
They never wanted a relationship in the first place, only sex
@@Aliens-Are-Our-Friends2027 Yes, but trust me.. you only realise that AFTER you slept with them and they started acting confused or else. Before they were saying they wanted a relationship and they were consistently showing up, ect..
This also happens when there is no sex involved, and I found this attitude especially from men online. They seriously don't know what they want!
@@erikabaj9037 They DO want a relationship, but once they will find out you aren't relationship material they put you in the sex-only category so they proceed to only go for that. You probably lack certain features to be taken serious for men.
I know it hard to hear this but you have to understand men's reasoning and what they look for in a woman and also how hard it is for a man to obtain a relationship.
Men have to invest FAR and FAR more time and effort than a woman to get a relationship. In fact to even land a date in the first place is many times harder for them. So that's why they try to get the most out of it (sex) so atleast there's some return on investment for them for the ability to land a date.
You and every single woman really have to think critically why men have it so much harder. Trust me if I say that a man who's able to go on a date, he has to prepare himself many years in advance building himself up to be selected and said yes to (or swiped right on). Women on the other hand just have to exist, no more. It's as simple as that.
If you aren't willing to acknowledge this as fact then you will never get it.
I’m ready to try match-making. Yes, it costs, but at least I know every man I’ll be matched with is looking for something serious because if they wanted sex or a fling, they could get it for free online.
@@NaeK188 this sounds like a really good plan! I wish you the best ✨
I lose interest when I notice someone is becoming emotionally unavailable for me. Rn dealing with one such person. It's difficult to move on when ur already attached to them but I'm destined to move on now for my mental peace. ❤
Just got out of such situation. It’s gut wrenching but time heals. I also find healing in reflecting and realizing how boring he actually was
Sorry to tell you ladies but this doesn't get better with age. I just dealt with this with a 48-year old man, I'm 44. He claimed from the beginning even when I asked that he was indeed looking for a relationship. He tried to sleep with me on the 1st date, I said no that I need to get to know someone first and within days I got the excuses about how he's just not ready to rush into anything and needs to take a step back. 😂 Go right ahead take as many steps as you need....run Forest run!!!
You dodged a bullet there. He is still an emotionally unavailable teenager.
Thank you for the confirmation. My guy played the long game, I ignored red flags 🚩…. I thought I was falling in love, it was a trauma bond. I discovered attachment styles, he’s avoidant, I’m anxious ….
He was manipulating me, I allowed it. I’ve calmed my mind. I’m not doing this very sick dynamic…
I hope you are doing well now...I fell into the same situation, and it nearly devastated me. 💔
I'm picking up the pieces now🙏
I think this is a super common dynamic. Happened to me too. Realized it when I got my head out of my ass. If they want you there won't be confusion
@@julievanzile2482 I thought I’d found love of my life at 62, just to learn it was just a game for him. That fact alone has made it possible for me to move on…. Wow
It really is a sick dynamic, and the person who really cares is the one who gets sick.
@@calila650
True 👍
The fact that nobody talks about forbidden books on Revandles is so insanee
Appreciate the tip on this website! The book I picked up has been incredible so far. Hoping it’s the key to building my confidence around women.
I still remember how I used to plead beg few guys to text or call me Every day. I was the one chasing them. After I started watching so many videos on these topics I have become mentally strong.
Learnt so many new things. ❤
Now I have made myself so Busy no one can play games with me.
Biggest lesson: Never be too much emotionally attached. You can move on very very easily💯💯
It's balance. You can't be half in and half out with someone. We want someone that is a hell yeah.
when you moved on, did they come back?
@@avee835 Yes.
But I dint not wana give them time.
I ignored their texts.
My turn to ghost them
@@avee835 Yes they did. But I ignored them.
He was the man who was extremely emotionally available and would call me and made me feel extremely special. One day it stopped and it was never the same. The good guy can do this too. It’s a rough world out there
Going through the same
I'm a dude. He simply found someone he was more interested in, or he judged you were too much work/unstable. We aren't complex.
Maybe initially he treated you the best he can, later when he got exhausted he treated you the same you treated him
@dingding4898 Oh wow this couldnt be more true. This is exactly what happened to me. I loved her I treated her good. But her anxious behavior and mistreatment was too much for me. I didnt even end things. I was willing to continue but I was just exhausted. She ended things
Some emotionally unavailable people can come on very strong at the beginning to hook you, and then they drop the act.
A light bulb just went off. Thank you! Those trauma bonds....I'm slowly but surely learning to rescue myself.
I love that, 'rescue myself '
Today is my partner’s birthday. Today’s the last day I’m gonna see him and give him a birthday he’d never had. I’m taking a break from him. We’re just going around circles all the time. He told me 2 weeks ago: “This is just who I am, if you’re not happy, I just can’t do anything about that”
Lmao my ex said something similar, he told me that if I’m not happy with how he acts I can leave! That was so insensitive… he was hurting me and for the sake of our relationship I told him I didn’t like how he acted
He is just selfish, like your bf
They put themselves first all the time
A date told me "Here is about feelings, no matter what happens, you will always come back"
Damn I block him the same day. He begged me like crazy and I was told he is shocked till this day
A former soecial friend said ibwas dead to him@aatonnaa4958
Ohh best of luck friend. I hope you’re stronger than I am and come back share tell us how you did it so we can do it too
@iheartbellatutu6915 Today is also the birthday of someone who said those exact words to me, how devastating, I understand.
You cant chage them.
They dont love you.
They dont even like you.
They like that you like them as it validates their existence.
They dont love or like themselves.
If you leave them they may wake up.
'We can only love as a courageous decision only after we experience a broken heart' (paraphrased quote of Jordan Peterson).
I've found that the key to healthy relationships is emotional and chemical sobriety.
@CJRelationshipConsulting For me, emotional sobriety means balanced emotions, not no feelings.
@CJRelationshipConsulting Choosing someone based entirely on how that person makes you feel is a terrible idea. Love alone isn't enough to make a relationship work, we need consistent intentions aligned with repetitive behaviors that follow a pattern, we need someone whose career or profession is desired or needed enough in society to earn a wage that can cover all expenses needed to sustain a house, we need hard work, compromise, transparency and honesty to make a relationship work.
We need compatible values, beliefs, religions and cultures in order to navigate through our differences without growing apart too much, we need to have more things in common than things that differentiate us from one another, we need to build a common project as a couple in order for our relationship to be successful. Life isn't a Disney fairytale, real life has challenges that are way harder than fighting a giant dragon or a horrible witch who spelled your beloved princess, real life has challenges that magical spells can't solve, which is why feelings or sexual chemistry alone isn't and will never be a strong or valid reason to get married to someone. People need to get their feet on the ground.
So true. Not possible with any kind of addict, alcoholic, cannabis, porn... You name it.
Very true
@@Sarah-dn7edadd workaholics too. They can be just as bad
When you pull away your validation and attention..be prepared: they might come around, but move towards a new person who appreciates you.
I'm sooo glad I was able to catch myself into this pattern of being drawn to emotionally unavailable guys. Once I did. I broke myself free from anxiety and addiction. It's definitely liberating!!
How did you do this?
@mreen91 1. Find out what your attachment style is and how you developed it in childhood. 2. Recognize that you're drawn to people who remind you of your upbringing and see the pattern between that and previous relationships. 3. Work on yourself (being more loving, compassionate, less harsh, or judgmental of yourself). 4. See your real value. 4. Start creating new standards for how you want to be treated. 5. Develop contentment with your current life/circumstances, and you'll meet the right person soon!
@@Ontheroadofhealing It sounds nearly impossible, tbh. My nervous system is a freaking mess right now!! Ughh. 😢
@@johnnydi2231 I know it does. But just take one day and a step at a time. It's taken me over a year!
This was great to hear. I went on a few dates with a girl who really made me think she was interested by literally telling me that. She was very complimentary and just really made me feel like she was interested. On our last date we even kissed and she text me and thanked me for a wonderful evening. But I noticed red flags like she would not respond to texts or wait days. Finally got a text saying her work schedule for the month was going to be so busy that she didn’t know when she could go out but not to take it that she wasn’t interested, I just did the mature thing and said ‘’ I understand, thanks for reaching out and don’t work too hard’’ If someone is interested they’ll text you back and make time for you. Best thing to do is move on and find that person they are out there :)
Did you find your person?
Now that I hear you talking about appreciating a sunset, I quickly remembered that during a heartbreak I was actively seeking sunsets at the end of each day. Now I understand why. I did appreciate them always have, but I would actively seek them out during that time. It definitely soothed me, but I didn't realize I was also coming off of a type of high. 🤔
I don’t care for someone easily. I love being alone. I fell in love with someone & they shattered me. It’s not about ignoring other people who are available.
When ever I feel sad that I have not been texted back I just want to listen to your videos for hours until I feel better or fall asleep 💔
Thank you for this, Matthew.
I've been dating for 8 years with a traumatic and abusive past when it comes to relationships. I've been going to therapy ever since and finally feel like I am at peace with myself and feel anew in my own body. I've learned how to regulate my shit and it's honestly pretty freeing. Before I had made progress on my healing journey, my entire dating history looked exactly like this.
However, I have found myself recently heartbroken over something that was so special to me. I met someone a few months ago. I felt safe with them. We could talk about the real shit and be vulnerable together. I felt seen, heard, and understood with an overwhelming amount of support on each end. But he just broke things off with me because there was "no spark," even though he knew the value I bring and says he considers me his best friend that he loves. I didn't necessarily feel it either, but I felt so safe and like my best self with this person. I preferred that over a fleeting feeling that I knew wouldn't last anyway. I now feel so hurt because I feel like they may be chasing something that isn't always sustainable and doesn't indicate compatibility. He let a good thing go, and I know I don't want someone who isn't sure of me, but it's still so saddening.
I suppose the silver lining is that I now see what I truly need. And it's good to know I am now drawn to something more healthy.
Thank you for helping.
Finally the video ive been waiting for. Crazy how this happens. Thank you for this
Thank you for addressing this.I Am going through the worst in this worst 2017-2024 worst years of my life
im so sorry. same here.
I'm so sorry to hear that...hope you do well this year
I have just had to leave yet another avoidant person, and yet again im heart broken. All he complained about when i broke it off was how much money he'd spent! Ive only just realised after almost two years that my feelings, wants, and needs were never important to this person😢. Sad times.
Happened to me back in January. Got blindsided and he dumped me with the typical "It's not you, it's me..." and he said that he lost his feelings for me seemingly in the span of a few days. He never communicated his issues with me, I had no idea what was going on. He lied to me because he kept telling me that he loved me and still had sex with me even though he was already distancing himself. This is what hurts me the most.
Been crying my eyes out for 2 ½ months while he seems perfectly fine and he continues on as if our relationship never even happened.
Just heartbroken at this point.
I don't know if I'll ever find someone who truly loves me and doesn't discard me once they get bored.😢💔 Feeling unworthy of any man out there because no one ever stays
Been through that but ended real fast so no sex he didn’t want to yet either. But it hurt me badly what and how fast he ended when he was the one giving me so much love and care and understanding. So gentle with me. I thought I found the best guy like I always wanted but real face was coming out a bit . He would get annoyed quick and the normal things I said and controlling he even said if a girl is going to be with me she has to change. And I ignored all this stuff because I looked at how good he was to me. I never had that type of treatment n love respect care but I guess it was fake or he was too strict and over confident , I’m still in shock. We met only twice and he was love bombing me like crazy. I felt so lucky to have him. But no just because he didn’t text for 4 days suddenly I got a bit upset and asked him and he said I fight and I’m manipulating. And he ignored all the food’s thing she gave me princess treatment for which he loved about me. They never are the same how they are in start. It’s just a mask. I’m still traumatized by this.
@@marvel4528 Maybe, I really don't know. All I know is that I have a lot of love to give even after getting my heart broken by so many men up until this point... it just seems unfair and yet life isn't fair anyway 😔
The scariest part is watching the person you love turn into someone you don't even recognise any longer 💔
so sorry that u had to go through this
@@saniaz680if you only saw him twice you got off easy and you might become attached too easily. You evolve to compliment each other rather than one person changing to make the other happier it’s toxic
@@FrankRaucci I agree. We talked before meeting for few weeks so I was already attached to him and when we met twice I got more attached and he was attached to me as well. I didn’t want it to be over so quick. We were good together. Oh and he recently did text me after 2 months again but I was finally less attached to him so I didn’t want to start it all over again and get hurt.
i’d love for you to talk about emotional unavailability specifically in long term, committed monogamous relationships. it’s very confusing being with someone who you know wants a serious future together, yet the relationship feels so distant and empty despite best intentions. like a shell of a relationship. would love to hear your take on this to help people heal from this type of emotional unavailability (it’s me, i’m people)
Life is short. Walk away with a smile. There will be others.
I’m 4yrs in and believe me it never gets to that point, they live in fantasy! They want it but the fear controls them and all you’ll ever feel is rejection, confusion and most of all anxiety from hell 😢
Google "avoidant personality disorder". They will never change.
Then walk away fast, save your years ahead from this "dead marriage".
This is Epic! Love your creativity
I'm heartbroken imagining life without him. Memories of our laughter and quiet nights haunt me. Every day feels empty without him. I miss him terribly and wish he'd come back to me.
Thank you for giving that sun example. Made feel there's nothing wrong with me if they don't see how beautiful as a person i am. And i shouldn't find my validation in their eyes. I still have to mindfully practice this but Thankyou so much to bringing it to my notice and building a perspective ❤
Cool video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is Suzanne ann walters , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
Im sorry brother, im hoping everything gets better for you. I feel your pain as if im right in your shoes.
The diamond via air. It got me! We took air for granted. …gosh !what’s wrong with us? Thank you Matthew for sharing your wisdom.
I wasn’t going to watch this because there are so many videos, books, etc… on this topic, but great video- concise and accurate.
Coming back to these videos is so triggering 😟 … I’m exhausted . Same pattern … love bombed then dry texts .
Leave him
@@vaishnavityagi4680 i did !! Best decision ever
Watching this captivating video stirs up painful memories of the recent end of my 4 year relationship. My beloved partner chose to depart, leaving me with an unyielding ache. Despite my relentless efforts to reconcile, I find myself grappling with frustration and an inability to envision a future without him. Despite attempts to purge him from my mind, I remain haunted by his absence, feeling compelled to express my longing here.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counsellor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive
Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
You are savior, every time feel low or confused I watches your videos and they really hepls me, thank you so much for that powerful content
I really needed this. There's times my boyfriend feels or acts less romantic or excited about us. I get sad and lonely thinking what changed. It's important I calm down, nurture myself and give us both space. Running to him more for comfort seems to close him up. I hate that it feels like a yo-yo connection but maybe that's normal relationship balance 🤷♀️
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to move on, I really loved her so much i can’t stop thinking about her and the memories we shared. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail. I’m frustrated, and i don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts, but i can’t. I don’t know why I’m saying this here, but i really miss her and i wish i could get her back.
I have been in such a situation. My relationship ended about three years ago, but i could not let her go. So i had to do all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back. We are back together, and i must say i am enjoying every moment.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach one?
Her name is Maurice Gleti, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
Thank you for showing me the mirror! 😅 ❤ Yes, this is me. Now thanks to you, I know better!
I So badly wanted to hear this... So clearly u have made us understand what kind of situation we are in and what to do... I had tough time dealing with this situation, helpless but no one put this context better than you, Mathew sir! Hats off
Loads of thank ful for being a eye opener
My 1+yr relationship just got put on hold yesterday by me. He’d been dealing with unresolved pain from losses in his life and had been letting me know from time to time how he just didn’t feel he loved me enough.
At first it didn’t resonate, because the relationship was incredible in every way. He was always thoughtful, loving, attentive. But kept feeling that his love wasn’t as deep as my love for him and felt sad because he said that I deserved better.
If he hadn’t said anything, I wouldn’t have noticed, except that I was not feeling that he prioritized me like I prioritized him.
We both cried all day yesterday in each other’s arms.
He thinks that this break will help in healing. And I think this break will make him realize how important or not I am in his life.
Regardless, I choose me first. Not gonna settle for less than I’m giving.
The ultimate emotionally unavailable person is the married person. Just don’t do it.
The only upside is it may be the wake-up call you need to get clarity on why you are attracted to EU’s and do some inner work and healing.
Really? Why Married man Can' t leave his Wife?/
Right, there is a pattern. You have to see that. Once you realize that. It’s the right kind that is steady and constantly there for you.
Starting to loose attraction to the highs of being with “wild boys”….
And this is a whole new concept
For me..
Great advice…
🌻
Very well said! Thanks ❤
There’s so much info on the broad spectrum of red flags, would love to see more examples and signs of what a healthy relationship looks like. What are the good traits and examples of what to look for in a prospective partner?
Thanks my dude! Needs to be on the repeat playlist as a reminder to rewatch and embed the learnings
it's always married men who play that inconsistency, games and create constant anxiety. they bring the highs and lows to someone. they can smell that 'someone' a mile away who can play these emotional games on
Not just married , emotionally unhealthy and Narcissistic men display these behaviour as well ❤
As a married man being in your position i can unfortately tell you, you are wrong
Why are you even entertaining a married man like that
This helps me understand (what I see as) the volatile relationship my mother and step father have.. they are not healthy people unfortunately.
This is the perspective that I need. Definitely on point.
Everyone on dating apps is emotionally unavailable including myself I believe!
It's a freak show I hear
I love this. I knew working on myself and things I love can solve most of this issue for me. But these videos are teaching me more. Tbh initially there was a resistance to learn more about this topic but I am loving it.
These situations are so common, basic, and not worth it!! Realistically, i am guessing I'll finally find a real authentic love in my 50s or 60s, all good! I got my babies, friends, and family. The world is my oyster.
This came to me at the PERFECT TIME.
Thank you so much for your videos I just signed up for your channel . Amazing as your video explains in the clearest way my situation and gives me keys to reduce my dopamine and trauma bond… I am French but your US videos are limpid … clearer than the French one thank you so much for helping us being better persons … with ourselves 🥰🙏
This hits the spot and explains so much... 😳
Thank you, yeah, it was not love!!!! thenaks again for reminding!!!
She left me before my birthday, said nothing, and responded with nothing.
It’s hard to take this in
Wow. Attracted to a familiar childhood pattern, and feeling like my safety depends on whether they are present and attentive, in a good mood, and happy with me. Damn.
WOW - I really needed to hear this today. Thanks
Thank you Matthew. I pulled up RUclips hoping you’d have something that could help me right now because I’m fighting back tears every day all day and of course.. you never disappoint. Thank you
Allow yourself to cry. It's important to feel your emotions and release them when they need to escape. It's an important act of self-compassion.
Thank you so much for this, Matthew
Make the man or woman prove they are worthy of your love!
I was in a toxic relationship for 5 years. That guy was ready for marriage. But He wanted me to wait for another 3 4 years. Its been so long we had been dating but he was so annoying sometimes. Whenever I tried to be happy or talk about something, he would always say something bad about it or discouraged me. Always stopping me doing something I like. I always said yes to everything he said just because I thought we would get married and I do not want to have anything to fight about. I had cut off my self from every friend just because of him. He would always say something bad about my friends too that would make me feel negative. I have endured a lot. At the end I decided to leave for the sake of myself. After breaking up with him, now I feel so light, I meet with so many people now, make new friends. But the thing is now whenever some new guy reach me for a relationship, even though that new guy is a good person, I have a fear because of which I cant openup or I push them away and that leads me to feel lonely. I dont know How can I feel better again. How can I be myself again How I used to be 5 years ago.
Definitely not 'in search' of these people, they just seem to be everywhere nowadays? Whether they're avoidants, narcs, or grass is greener types. If they're halfway decent looking with a passable personality they tend to fall into one of these camps. They are the types that probably wouldn't have the balls to chat a woman up in person but hide behind their phones, having multiple conversations with different people at the same time. In the never-ending buffet of easy sex on offer from apps it's virtually impossible to meet a loyal person these days because as soon as there is the smallest problem they will run back on there to validate themselves with a new person. The only way this can stop is if people start calling out bad behaviour but they won't because they are too scared of 'losing' the person.
I called him out. He gaslighted me into thinking he was real with me. I left, he send roses. Took him back, now he left. Fun ride those emotionally unavailable ones, yes this includes me, but im working on on it.😂
@@Lighttub It's a game isn't it with these people, they don't want 'us' as such but they just want to 'win' because it feels good for the ego. Sad.
@@elharrop you just keep choosing men who are clearly above average, of course they have many options and there's simply no reason for them to commit; for them you are easily replacable, what emotional availability do you expect? It's not that all men are like this, it's YOU who chooses this kind of men.
Im a man who fell for an emotionally unavailable woman. She just messed me up. I know she's hurting, I hope she finds her peace.
Yes I needed this ❤❤❤
Great content & beautiful, soft light background with nice patterns! 😊
Why does it have to be so deep in my case all the emotionally unavailable just happened to be the cutest physically😭 its not because they are emotionally unavailable that im attracted🙄
Yes there is something sweet about them but I have learnt to move on immediately.
“When we can detach from that we can begin to lower our dopamine baseline and begin to appreciate new things.” ♥️
I’m in ptsd therapy for this exact thing. I have a pattern.
I needed this ❤
sunset analogy, very powerful !
Hey, I could find some insights here today. I am grateful. Thank you for your knowledge and that you give it to others. Wish your family the best. M.
The anxiety of "this may not happen again" if I confront the situationship with her terrifies me. I always feel like "this one woman" is the last one I will meet before I die is SO overwhelming.
I can relate. It's what keeps me stuck for so long. It's difficult when you place so much value in one person. I have no idea why I do that 🤔
@thewanderwoman3930 And you are so beautiful..Someone should treasure you as well!
You need to fix that.
He ghosted me 12 days ago. Left an agrument in between. He just put his points and dissapeared, didnt hear my side and ghosted me since then. I blocked him today after 13 days of abandonment
But idk why a part of me misses him while another part of me doesnt want him at all
Edit: it was a 3 year long relationship
Omg this is what im going through right now it hurts so bad.
Diamonds and air LMFO... hysterical, but diamonds are everywhere, just costly. Air is essential and that's the beauty.
How do we recognize a person who is emotionally unavailable in a very subtle way where they are too afraid to speak up for themselves? I dated someone who was an amazing listener, held space for my emotions and encouraged me to be myself. But he was unable to tell me tiny little things (like that I spelled his name wrong in my contacts) or big things (when I discovered 4 months in that he went along with everything I wanted the relationship to be without telling me what he ACTUALLY wanted). How do we detect the avoidant people pleasers early on rather than finding out 4 months in that they could no longer maintain the lie they kept for fear of losing me?
You always sense it.
Yes i am experiencing it right now. I"m in a 3 yrs 5 months relationship right now but he's giving me a hot and cold treatment. Now he's sweet then tomorrow he's cold and distant. 😢
you look happy and very lively, Matt -very good to see and congrats again regarding your wife choice 😉
key for me is the feeling that i do not want to prove anything any more. i do not want to prove to a man how beautiful or fantastic or whatever i am. no. that has started to feel so tiring, and it contradicts the peace that i have in my life and in myself. so, sometimes i do get involved with a guy that triggers the old fears (trauma) and my heart races and everything. and it's not a nice feeling, but (feeling this today) i think it's like a storm that lasts a few days and then i'll be over it. because i do not want this uncertainty any more. i want someone that says "i want you" and acts correspondingly, consistently. and i do have that in my life, and that's what i hold on to.
It drives me insane😂 like please dont waste my time
I'm experiencing an "emotionally unavailable" person right now. She chased me first (coworker)and got my attention, but now she is inconsistent. She got me obsessed over her, and she knew it, and at the same time won't let me see her outside of work, she has my phone number but won't call me, tell me she will, she tells her coworker I"M her " work husband or boyfriend" in a jokes way .
Is it limerence?
Love without the fall, beer without alcohol, vaping without real smoke.... I need to get used to these new ideas.It's definitely not my century :)
Can you please do a segment on British men? I feel like they appear emotionally unavailable at the outset, but may in fact just be reserved. It's very confusing for us foreign women who assume they're not interested, and it later turns out they were...
This is even more true for Men..never chase if she wants you she will let you know. If she plays childish games and "tests" you. RUN, DON'T WALK RUN.
Yeah, dating gives that addiction, but, a breakup destroys a person, thus creating these highs and lows as well.
Exactly what is happening to me now...my dopamine baseline is too high and and am looking for a way to suppress it all and all
1:30 is hitting the nail on the head to an alarming degree.
Spot on, Matt! ❤
why is it always about helping the girl? what about the guys who get dumped and heartbroken?
This channel is mostly for women and people by and large have more empathy for women
There are other videos and channels for that. Kindly explore
Your not an option, they have to have both feet into the relationship.
Great content