Why They Weren’t “THE ONE"
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- Опубликовано: 1 июн 2024
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Why does the end of a passionate short-term romance sometimes feel more devastating than a longer-term relationship?
It’s because short-term romances are like fireworks-explosive and exciting-only to fizzle out soon after. We get addicted to the feeling of intensity they give us, and feel empty when they disappear.
In today’s video, I’ll show you the best way to move on from a short-term romance and stop obsessing over “the person who got away.”
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▼ Chapters ▼
0:00 - 2:26 - Whirlwind Romance
2:26 - 4:21 - Heartbreak Is Specific
4:21 - 5:02 - Why Does This Hit Us on Such a Deep Level?
5:02 - 6:12 - The Lure of Fireworks
6:12 - 7:49 - What Fireworks Require to Be Special
7:49 - 8:41 - What We Don't Realize
8:41 - 9:37 - The Life We Wake Up to
9:37 - 11:31 - What Hurts So Much
11:31 - 12:51 - Missing vs. Mourning the Experience
12:51 - 15:24 - More Than a 1% Shift
Thanks for watching everyone! Let me know in the comments what you think, and don't forget that you can access my Happiness After heartbreak Series for FREE by pre-ordering your copy of Love Life (but only until the end of February, then it's gone!). Get all the details now at www.HeartbreakSeries.com
Still want that shirt! Can we get a merch link?!❤️
Oooh thank you for the happiness interviews. I cannot wait to delve in ❤
I am talking to a person who lives in other state we been together for 2 years and he said we will be together soon and talk about our marriage soon and nothing he keeps saying soon we will see each other and meet together
I went from getting waved off to work and a packed lunch made for me, to getting dumped by text two days later. The hand grenade from Helsinki. I know now that he is just classic dismissive avoidant. Been in love with him on and off 10 years, I was so happy for 3 months.
I'd rather be on my own than risk being with someone so unpredictable. I'd be worrying every day about his dismissive avoidant side kicking in again.
I'm done with the ugly crying.
Do you age! You look exactly the same from 20 years ago! 😮
Whenever I feel lost , I come here and never get disappointed
Me too!
Same
Me too 😢
Me too
Sameeee 😅
Been there too! But in the end it all came good! If someone wants to stay in your life, they will. If not, they were not meant to stay.
I hope she wants to stay...
May I offer a counterpoint? Just because someone wants to stay in your life doesn't mean they should
@@hipnhappeninExactly, even the opposite is true, you may need to try your best to get someone you like and convince them. There is no such thing as "meant to be" or "not meant to be" or planets magically aligning to find you the right partner.
I can relate to this a lot. After years of being single and not meeting anyone I had a true connection with, suddenly I met a guy from Rome, Italy. He was studying abroad for 9 months. When we met we had an instant connection, we did so much together. He spent every weekend with me, he was consistent and always followed through with plans. We went on vacations and travelled together. He listened when I was upset and validated my emotions. He seemed like secure attachment type. He was so funny and we had amazing chemistry. He even moved in with me for his last month. Only for me to find out that he had a gf waiting for him back in Italy the entire time. He went back to her and continued on their relationship. I found out she even had a promise ring from him that she wore during the time he was away. It was truly disturbing to find out this secret he’s been hiding and had zero consequences for his actions. Now I’m completely turned me off of men in general, because it’s like wow you can have this incredible feeling with someone that you’ve waited for your whole life, only for it to be a complete lie. I also often think about his gf now and how she has no idea who he really is…
I'm sorry you feel that way, although I do relate. I think that is the real tragedy of love. It deceives us to who people really are based on superficial things.
Should tell her
@@katerdelyi3966 believe me, I wanted to but I’ve never been in this situation in my life and as a massive over thinker, I thought about the potential consequences if I told her the truth. I’m sure he could easily lie his way out of it since we aren’t even in the same country anymore and it would end up causing more harm than anything.
Geez.. traumatizing story.
So sorry this happened to you dear 💛 it’s so hard to make sense of these things.
Honestly felt like you were talking about my situation! Broken hearted and questioning my whole life over a 3 month situationship. So glad it’s not just me ❤
damn, exact same situation for me too. We´re not alone!
Girl trust me it’s not just you
I am just out of a relationship of 1 year and totally broken hearted too, I do as much as I can to mask the pain but a lot of the time it still comes through in my day to day life. Its hard not to let it consume you. We can all get through these times together.
No, it’s not just you. Let’s thank the internet for feeling a little less alone in this 😢😢😢
This hit really close to home. I recently went through a firework moment myself. For almost 3 months I thought it was something really great. I never felt like that before. But he apparently didn't. It's been the hardest break up I've gone through.
Two months. We had an absolutely incredible time together, our conversations were profound, we shared music and spoke into the late hours of the night. But she kept showing up inconsistently in between. I tried to draw boundaries and tell her that I was not interested if if was going to be inconsistent, but every time she would return she would apologize and explain that she was in a tough place of work, trying to balance it with her close friendships, which meant so much to her. At one point she asked if it bothered me that she had male friends. I looked at her strangely (next time I will take it as a huge red flag), but I told her “no it doesn’t bother me, I know what I’m worth, so if you’re willing to screw this up if one of them admits feelings, then it shows this would not have been worth it.” I also promised her that at LEAST one of those orbiters was in it for other reasons.
Anyways, weeks go by, we see each other a few more times, intimate, deep connections each time, then she just disappeared again. I reached out after a week, asking her to tell me what was really going on, and AGAIN she blanked me for a week. She finally reached out with an ambiguous message about how her “closest friend” admitted feelings, how it was painful and a huge shock, blah blah blah, that she couldn’t “confidently say” that she reciprocated the romantic feelings, but that she cared about him a lot. She said she wasn’t going to drag me through it and chose to be alone, despite her “genuine feelings” for me and how much it “PAINED HER” (in all caps) to let this go…
Too bad she never “cared” as much about me ;) it was agonizing and really left me in a bad spot since I’ve been working on trust and being able to hope for something.
I’m burnt out now, no longer looking intently for a relationship. What else can I do? I’m 32, I always show up with intention and authenticity, and I am repeatedly met with third parties and terrible situations like that.
i'm right here with you man
now you can be more conscious about red flags, write some down and stick to that list with every new potential partner
In my situation, he said the same thing. He was telling me his real truth. I should have listened to his message more intently. And guarded my heart. I mean, he told me straight up
Don’t look for the fireworks look for the fireplace 💛
Yes I’ve experienced a 6 month relationship that took me over a year to get over. It was because we spent so much time together and he had all the qualities I needed. I had never met anyone like him. I wasn’t into him at first but once I gave it a chance, it was the best relationship I had ever had. I was devastated when it ended.
It also took me more than a year to get over a 5-month relationship 😢 I don't know if I want to go through the heartache and effort of getting to know someone else again
I feel like this, it's like it didn't matter that it was short because it felt so right, but in the end I guess I was wrong
my heart was broken after seeing someone for 3 months, I truly felt hurt by them, we shared a deep emotional connection but they decided to end it by text message, at that point my whole world came crashing down knowing that this person who I had shared such a deep connection with would do something like that to me.
I had someone do that after 3 years ...he broke up with me by email! Because that was what was easiest for him ...then I realized it was always all about bim
just happened to me (I'm a guy). cant figure it out. pure pain ruining my work and sleep.
Listening to this has made me realize I can never trust my judgement or a man again.
I think so many women are starting to feel this way. I know I am.
Wow! Word for word this was the exact "experience" I just had. It was like this video was made literally for me. This man was so uniquely and eccentrically my long lost twin separated at birth. People everywhere we'd go would comment on this. It felt gut wrenching that the timing just wasn't right and we both agreed. Having just processed a lot of this heart ache, I saw him last night at the grocery store for the first time since he'd left to go abroad. I decided that I didn't want a forced meeting. If he wanted to approach me, I would let him. I felt it was the high value thing to do. I knew that ultimately, he craved solitude and ultimately, I needed someone who was ready to pursue and value me the way I deserve. I felt it was respectful to both myself and him to give him his space and freedom. We ended up in line at the same time. I was in the line that was in his eye line. The only other choice would literally have been to walk right up in line behind him. I knew that he knew that I knew that he knew. You could see that he was conflicted about whether or not to say anything. I observed myself remaining calm and pleasant and neutral. My nervous system felt regulated after a lot of work to regulate it. My heart felt stable after so much work to stabalize it. I'm grateful and proud to say that I do not feel sad that he didn't talk to me, but proud that I was strong enough to stay in my worth and let him go. Thank you
Honoring yourself can be HARDDDD. Walking away is HARDDDDD And you did it. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 good job!
That's the very definition of GRACE. Bravo.
Oh Matthew, how real is this??? I'm living the pain everyday. It's been 10 months since I experienced this connection. I was alone for 24 years before that.
Xx
I’d been single for 7 years when I met my someone. Only lasted a few months, but she’s left a giant gaping void in my life
You have to pace yourself when dating. Keep your emotions in check. No matter how great things are going I always tell myself don’t get too excited until you get engaged. Still show up still be your beautiful amazing self but don’t overthink the relationship until you get to your desired goal. Some don’t want marriage so your goal might be living together. Nonetheless this was a great video and a reminder to not get caught up in fireworks 💥. Happy Healing Y’all ❤
Our pastor preached about this. People who tempt us with things against our best interests always offer good things that we should want to get us to abandon our principles. We need to keep a serious watch out and keep our bearings intact in the face of being love bombed.
I don't think this woman was "love bombed"-you sound like you are talking about someone who manipulated this woman and she doesn't sound like she was or that he was consciously doing anything of the sort. It ended, he had things he needed for himself, it was nobody's fault, but no LESS a heartbreak.
@@debra13 yeah in her case she didn’t take him at his word.
Yes, true, and it also sounds like he opened up more than he expected to, which gave her more hope. @@duckypam
I dated my ex for 6 months and while he was very gentle when he broke up with me last July, it was still very hurtful because this was a very significant relationship to me. I blamed myself for the longest time even though he reassured me it was not my fault. I am feeling a bit better now, and maybe he was not my person, but I am still very heartbroken and scared of trusting someone else with my heart.
Thank you Matthew for your videos, as they are making the healing journey a bit easier.
Hi Matthew. This happened to me. We were friends for a month, we laughed, we talked so easy and the attraction was off the charts!! We were together for 3 months.. he told me he'd waited 50 years to meet me! He showed and told me he loved me. Then he pulled away. Withdrew. I thought he was my soulmate.... turns out I wasn't his... which in turn really means he wasn't mine... or he would have chosen me. Sad but true. Broken hearted and still very sad.
There are no soulmates. If you go in with less expectations, you'll end up with less disappointments, hopefully.
I believe there are. You believe what you wish to believe.
@@tonik2919 agreed, our way of seeing things is what makes us so unique, believe and you will find the one you are looking for. I am sorry for your loss and wish you an amazing life ❤
I had been dating someone for 7 months. I had been very patient and loved her deeply, she always said she needed time as she had a child. I respected that and as I live in Switzerland I had really increased my German to better connect with her and her son. I told her I loved her and said I would give her as much time as she needed. Two weeks ago she told me she was wondering wether to go back with her ex, who had been with the child for six years as he was growing up and as the child missed him so much and she wanted to give him one last chance. She truly felt torn as she loved me and really expressed the love she felt for me but wanted to give the child her father back in a family environment. We both said we don’t say goodbye we say we love you. Yesterday I found out my father died and now I’m grieving two losses. I feel so broken but I tell myself that I won’t let it break me
Best choice all round for her and her son if it does work out with the child's father. Tough on you for sure. Try find next partner more local ? All will work out for you
You are strong as hell brother... I envy You! You are truly amazing and you do deserve the love you are looking for!
@@zvnholy3396 thanks bro that means a lot to hear!
Lot's of Love to you.
We dated for 7 months. When that ended, I didn't think I would ever find that spark again. I still haven't. For years, I mentally tortured myself the way you described. The breakup happened in Vegas. In a weird twisted of fate, I now live here lol. I don't know if that's part of a divine plan. But somehow actually being here has brought back memories of that night and the relationship. That helped me see that this wasn't what I built up in my mind. Now for the first time in a long time, I feel truly healed. 🥰
To everyone here. It will get better, you will heal. About 1,5y ago I had the intense firework experience for a few months. Took me about a year to heal from it. You might not forget, but the feelings, the need, does go away. I can think about her in peace. You deserve someone that treats you well, no matter what!
This is so relatable. Easily the most relationship hurt I experienced with someone I was with for only 3.5 months. Time doesn’t determine anything for that, only the circumstances of it and how you feel matter.
Yes happened exactly as you mentioned. It came so strong and went off so fast. And yet left me crazy devastated. Heartbroken. Just within 3 weeks. Wish i hadn’t swiped right. I really thought he was the one.
If I ever feel fireworks for someone again, I’m pretty sure I’d run 🏃♀️
I knew a man for four weeks and cried an entire year. I am pretty much of a head-person I couldn't understand myself even.
We were friends for 7 years. Something shifted between us when I came to see her again in her city after a year apart. We slept together. I told her I thought I'd always been in love with her. She said she was too and whispered "love at first sight". Then, after a week, she ended things abruptly; she gaslit me into thinking what we had was just 'friendship' and wasn't real. I am devastated.
*Note: we are both women; I was the first women she'd ever slept with.
I'm in that situation right now. I dated a guy for two months; he also told me in the beginning that he wasn't ready for a relationship, but we still tried. After two months, he told me he needed and wanted to be alone right now. It has been a month since he broke up with me. It has not been easy because I miss him a lot of the time, but your videos have helped me, Matthew. There are days when I'm still so sad that something so beautiful ended. 😟😟 I truly feel brokenhearted 😓😓😓
Same here.
Yeah but dude literally told you right from the start that he was not looking for a relationship. You should have just believed him and not pursued a relationship.
Women need to start listening to the words coming out of men's mouths. when they say they don't want a relationship then go find someone who does.
Instead women tell themselves, oh he doesn't really mean that if he just got to know me he would want a relationship.
No. Men aren't like that. Why would they be are you like that? if you tell someone you don't want a relationship with them don't you mean it?
So do men.... but they'll play boyfriend for a couple of months if it means getting sex on the regular.
Something to keep in mind in the future. When will tell you exactly who they are and what they want from you if you just close your mouth and listen
City bois up 😂
heyy, i was seeing a guy too for 2 months and he said he's too busy because of work, i said "im okay with that" and i continue my life, doing what i love, focus on work and my study too, i didnt contact him for 2 weeks and he was looking for me, we continue to meet and now he's ready for our relationships. i think if he is really "the one" he will come back to u, you just need to focus on urself and ur goals, if he is not the one then someone else will come to u when u both ready ❤
@@stepfaniehawkins205 Bruh the guy I was with wanted to be all in. It's not always the same
Yep, it did happened to me and we broke up after 5 months because her depression kicked off again, so she didn't want to drag me inside....
I met a guy one day when I moved to a new city. He was great, at first I thought this could work as just friends but as we hung out together, had deep conversations, enjoyed each others company, I slowly started to have feelings for him and wanted to be around him. Then one day he mentioned this other guy and wouldn't stop talking about him. But there's problems in the relationship. He's emotionally unavailable. Long story short, I gained the courage to text him to break up with him and date me. By the next morning h said he wasn't interested in me. Love my life.
I texted and talked on the phone with a girl about 5 months ago for only 4 days. Never felt a connection like that. The chemistry, sense of humor, communication were all so perfect and aligned so well. Like nobody I’ve ever met, romantic or otherwise. She lost interest, which I didn’t see coming and we never met up. I still can’t believe that I’m still grieving over this and that nobody I’ve met or dated since has ignited that excitement anywhere near the same amount as she did. It’s very annoying being so deviated over something that never happened and was so insignificant.
I am 63 yo lady had a FABULOUS overseas holiday fling with a guy. I had not connected with a man like that on so many levels since my ex-husband. There was amazing fireworks!!!!
We kept in contact for a few weeks……he then suddenly dropped off (still responded to messages but briefly and no initiation ). So, I stopped the messages. I was absolutely devastated and totally bowled over by my reaction of heartbreak. He represented what I had been looking for my whole life.
He messaged at Christmas and we have had some contact but I have it in perspective now and am just enjoying fun contact when it occurs.
i was engaged when i was very young and we had the worst breakup, after i stopped talking to him i found love again years later
I've been single for 3 years after a 5 years beautiful relationship. We broke up because of long distance and it tooks me 3 years to recover. Then I met a girl that I felt deeply connected with. We spend so much time together, had very good chemistry. I fought she was perfect for me. Then she broke up with me because she felt we were too different and she didnt felt a 100% connexion with me even though every time we were together we always had a great time. She felt I was cold and not 100% happy with her. Truth is, I indeed was. I was so lonely and depressed for so long (3 years) without realising it that I didn't manage to connect with her enough. It devastated me because I fought I missed my chance to be with the women of my life even though it was "only" a 3 months relationship. It's been 2 months now and I just started to realise that, yeah maybe she wasnt the one after all because if she was, she wouldn't have left me . I realise that the devastatation I felt when she left its because she represented something I wanted, I was projecting me in her. I also realise that I was blaming me even though she was the one lefting me. Maybe I wasn't truly happy and I didn't try to connect with her enough, but at the end she wasn't able to support me, to understand me after the "spark". And if she left me it's probably because she wasn't the one after all. I finally realise that there are plenty of people in this world and it's just up to us to meet them and to really find a better person even though you think it's impossible. I'm just telling my story to cheers anyone up that read this and to tell anyone that you're not alone, that sometimes you felt like you missed your only chance, you missed "the one". But at end you didnt because it wasnt meant to be.
I'm still heartbroken but I also think that I start to heal a bit thanks to (for a good part) you Matthew and your videos ! It helped me so much and specifically this one I felt really connected with. For all the guys outhere, you are not alone my brother. Let's start to support each other and to understand our fear and feelings ! We will find a girl that also deserve us.
Matthew you put the life in love. What I mean is sometimes we lead with our heart and not our head. I recently met a man I spent a weekend with and it was the most intense connection I ever experienced in 50 years. He made me feel things I had never felt with any man, even my own ex husband. It made me realize what a real connection is like. It was fireworks. However even though the chemistry and connection was there the compatibility wasn’t because he was not ready for a relationship and I was. The life timing was so off. He wanted a situationship kind of thing and even though I wanted to be with him I had to walk away. It was so hard. I have always compromised my standards for men and after watching your videos and webinars I knew I had to be strong and choose myself. It has been hard but also so empowering and that feeling of having high standards regardless the cost sets off a whole other set of fireworks inside yourself. It’s called self-love. Thanks Matthew!
I dated someone for 2.5 months and I really thought he was the one. He really seemed better than past people. But then I found out he lied to me and he would not pull his weight in the relationship. Wouldn't even pay for our dates like he used to. It hurts thinking about it.
We dated for 4 months and ended things after Thanksgiving.
That shit almost killed me, i genuinely loved her, but she never felt the same. 😔😔
2.5 months relationship. I was totally devastated and traumatized.
I questioned everything: the world, myself, my sanity.
I feel a lot better now 3+ months later, but I've definitely changed as a person.
I've been to the gym 75+ times since the breakup.
I'm proud of how I reacted when she dumped me via text. She'll never know how much she ruined me.
My pride, my strength, and my wisdom are what I take with me in my life. I'll make it awesome and 10x better.
Heartbreak is a blessing if you choose to make it
Excellent point!
I dare to add that this applies to long relationships who are not the real partnership, which causes us to be in the same dead end cycle of "an experience is not a partnership"
These long ones hurt terribly and are also an illusion, fireworks.
Thank u for the valuable analogy
yeah, this hits home... 3 month relationship ended too long ago and was devastated. It started out one date/week for 4 dates. We were both clearly interested in each other. Heavy makeout sessions on dates 3 and 4. I asked her to be exclusive on date 3. Why not? Things accelerated. We were both crazy about each other even though we both said we wanted to take things slowly. She opened up about some very sensitive things in her past and told me I was the only one to hear those things. Started leaving things at each other's houses. Spent full weekends together. Then, she suddenly started acting weird and ended it, saying she wasn't ready for a relationship and then this whirlwind happened. Ummm, she's the one who fanned the whirlwind and it felt like she blamed it on me. Ending it at a time when things were so intense is what seems to make it feel so hard to heal from. I truly think she's an FA attachment style and she seemed to hop from guy to guy her whole life but she made me seem so special and like I was the final one. It was awful. This video helps intellectually but my heart isn't intellectual. Thanks Matthew.
This sounds like she might be a borderline
@@kiwimakisu4831looks more like avoidant
Thank you Matthew!! In a relationship for nearly 4 years-I thought this was the love of my life, we had built a beautiful life together. We were engaged for 4 months, had moved to another state, then he tells me he is no longer attracted to me. This has been a tough one to navigate.
So whirlwind or long term there are no guarantees. Im sorry that happened to you.
Going through this... We were talking daily for three months, for hours, he expressed his feelings for me, how special it was. He confided in me, we laughed, we connected, he told me I was his "soul mate,".it was beautiful ! We were meeting in Madrid after I came back from a trip. While on my trip his texts and calls became more distant, and 3 days before our meeting, he stopped communication.
He blocked me from all media.
It's been one month and no contact.. and allI am left with is, what happened?? I try to put it aside.. but I am just shocked...
Thank you for the comfort and advice Matthew.
Going through a very similar experience : (
people who do this are savages. You are lucky he wont be there to betray you later
Wow, this is really horrible situation to be in... Sending hugs to you and everybody who've had similar experience.
Sorry for you. But this is ghosting. I am afraid this person isn t that good for you as he showed and isn't that good as you perceived him. Sorry for you really
Dating is not a linear trajectory upwards. At any moment a person can change his mind and so can you. Take a moment to self reflect and learn from the experience.
Our relationship just finish after 3 years. I'm hearthbroken
This just happened to me! I was really hurt and confused but have come to realize it wasn’t meant to be. Rejection is redirection. I keep telling myself it was only a couple of months and if he really wanted me he’d move mountains to spend time with me.
I just went through something similar, we were 61 & 71. I fell in love, it felt like he did. We met Sept 10th, I ask him to leave me alone Dec 7th. I felt very bad energy and he started acting indifferent. I was devastated, still am. Just for shits & giggles he did a two week drive by end of Jan, beginning Feb this month just to ghost, then not respond to text. I haven’t fell like this in decades. I was honest always. We had fireworks but no substance. I honesty feel like he chased me to hurt me. I have no hard feelings, just a broken heart. We are both to old for this. I thought he liked me, he was using me. I’d never been that happy. Who was that mask man? Why?
The drive by just to be the one leaving, I guess…. Actually helped because it proved to me he wasn’t the man I thought he was… I’ll be ok in time, he will keep hurting innocent women. So hurtful, so sad.
A Toxic Narcissistic creature. It is intentional love bombing.
People run away from overwhelming feelings. When it’s too strong to handle. Men especially choose someone who doesn’t have the power to “emotionally destroy them”.
It feels safer.
Sounds like a narcissist!
@@NancieNovak-hm9ob he’s showed back up. I love him so much, it’s so natural for me to just love him. I pray for him very often. He’s perfect for me but only if he gets back on board to be in a committed relationship…. From what I’ve researched, he seems like a Dismissive Avoidant, I’m not sure what that says about me. I test secure attachment but his hot/cold, push/pull and aloofness made me anxious. Not a place I want to live. We have something so magical, I hope he realizes it. I treasure the good, the bad I’m willing to work ‘together’ through. I’m not sure what he will do moving forward..
@@Thedgphoto I told him to leave me alone on Dec 7th because he didn’t introduce me to a couple we ran into, I was up here alone, he didn’t invite me to a Friendsgiving, he went to party at local Fairgrounds, he didn’t invite me. He didn’t want me to spend the night at his house… all after we were in an exclusive relationship 🤦🏻♀️. To be fair to him, he told me he ‘needed’ alone time from beginning, but I felt like secret. I never met his family or friends. We fell in love…. We are much older. It is so magical just very confusing at times. No matter what shakes out, I’ll love that man until day I die. It’s all in his court now… hoping for best …. but I count too…
I‘ve had a very similar experience: I was with this girl for 2 months and it was fast and intense from the get go, and we really got close and built a connection, but she always said she needs time for a relationship and I was ok with that. But after two months I felt like we didn‘t communicate enough and I wanted to be a bigger part in her life as she had become in mine. And that‘s when she ended it saying she can‘t have something going on right now because she has too many other things in life to worry about and no time for this. I was so heartbroken, asking myself if what we had even meant something to her. I know now that she wasn‘t the right person because otherwise we would still be together. But it‘s still disappointing and I miss her sometimes.
Same here, but with a guy.
Sounds exactly like my experience 😔. We met for three months and got really close and it felt so good. Then suddenly she said there were family problems to worry about and that she didn't have the energy to continue the relationship. What happened to the feelings she said she had for me, plans we made? I was so dissapointed and confused. It's going to take a while to trust somone again😢
Maybe you’re just ugly my friend. If you were attractive, you two would be dating right now.
I am just starting in my heartbreak after a 3.5 mth intense relationship and its left me confused and also like I've failed. It sounded similar except my ex was also my close friend of a year previously. We took our time to get together but once we did, were all in. We built a healthy and safe relationship which wasnt perfect but everyone could see, was very happy and comfortable. Then, with no warning, after just telling me how happy he was and how good we were, after planning future events, he broke it off via text saying he didnt feel how he should and didnt want to be in a relationship. Leaving me confused, heartbroken and questioning myself because i feel like i dont want to let go!
Thank you, I really needed to hear that! My first girlfriend EVER ghosted me after 5 months. What makes it so painful is loosing the future I saw with her 💔
Been there too, but my belief is that everytime I lose someone I have a better person coming in life who I need to make place for. I’ve been watching you for years and I never feel your videos get repetitive, they always have value to offer. Thankyou so much 🙏🏼
I am in this place of heartbreak right now. Just ended a three month relationship. I’m mourning but I’m thankful that I saw this video to give me a different perspective.
💯 I’ve never had a healthy, long term relationship with anyone where there were “fireworks”. Healthy partnership happened once I let go of the fairytale.
Who wants to wake up from fireworks and live a boring life full of monotony and same-same with a steady person💔 However, I love your videos, you are spectacular when you talk and nobody can compare to you when talking about relationships.
Hi Matthew, after 8 years of getting over my husband cheating on me I finally found a special guy and after a few months of knowing him we became a couple. We've been together for 10 months and living together for 6 months. It actually felt like I'd found my soulmate, we are in our late 50's. I've never laughed as much, it was amazing. I have grown up children and he's never been married or had children. His mother constantly has fights with him telling him he's a failure and that he's deprived her of grandchildren and he feels guilty and believes everything she says. Today he ended our relationship so that he can find a woman who is willing to have a child with him. I'm truly devastated and heartbroken.
You honestly probably dodged a bullet. This guy is in his late 50s and suddenly wants to start a family...he's in denial. His mom sounds abusive, but if he can't stand up to her at his age, then he clearly won't be able to tough out a genuine relationship and stick up for you. You deserve better than that.
@@brennam954 thank you 😊
An on-off situationship that barely lasted 6 months left me heartbroken for 3 years while he immediately moved on. I never idealized it and yet I mourned it as if it was the love of my life. Been questioning my mental sanity ever since…😢
Same here.. this also happened to me. Guys have no emotions. At least a lot of them don’t. They will dump you and move on within a week and expect you to be fine with that. I’m so jaded at this point, I can’t stand them.
@@zaram131Dont generalize, those are the type you have attracted. Birds of a feather flock together
Some people are so messed up that intimacy scares them. A lot (not all) but a lot of guys these days can’t handle a level of closeness. They keep things surface level, or like in the story, they’ll go there for some months and runaway from it. This guy in the story was a Peter Pan. He was unable to value what the universe was gifting him. His loss. As girls, we can be more aware of not going so deep with men who are truly not available for the gems we have to give.
I really wish she never broke my heart like that. I only wanted her in my life being in love is very rare it's not optional.
I had a date at a nightclub and hit it off (fireworks) with someone else, which was awkward. I left with my original date because it seemed like the right thing to do, and ended up dating neither. My original date seemed to want relationship privileges without actual commitment and I know I probably wouldn’t have had people breaking into my apartment if I was dating someone but I suppose staying single has led me to where I am today, which is being more spiritually fulfilled.
Couldn't have watched this video at a better time. This just happened with me. Spent days laying and wondering how would I ever come out of this? It's so fresh. Was so real to me. Thank you Matthew! For the perspective. On how to allow myself to grieve and especially the part where you said, not to mourn it like it was a lifelong relationship.
Thank you so much ❤
Hi, how are you feeling?
Problem with analogy is that they are only designed to communicate the idea (which is often the snippet of the full scope of possibilities) the author has in mind, while making the audience feel like it is the complete truth.
Yea, short term relationships are like fireworks; but can’t the connection this person is feeling be the sun instead of just a flash in the night sky?
Matthew and his team is extremely good with analogies, and it helps people (men and women!) get closure. But if you try to fit your full world into the snippet of truth, sometimes it does more harm than good
This is exactly what I felt months ago when I felt my biggest heartbreak to the core. I fell in love with this man within days. When we had our 1st call, I could feel the nervousness and excitement in his voice when we talked. We talked for hours, and it felt like only minutes went by. He lived in a different state, so we have never met each other, but as we talked on the phone and Facetime, it felt like I've always known this person. We talked about the future and our plans throughout the week and even called each other during those plans to encourage each other. We even met each other's mom through the phone, which was funny. Even when my best friend came over to hang out, we were still on call and he would give her dating advice from a guy's perspective, like he was our other best friend. We even connected through his dog because we have both named our dogs Daisy, we would act like Daisy was our fur child and he would send videos of her playing in the yard or when he took her on a puppy date. I was so excited when he said he was going to visit his family in a city nearby for Thanksgiving week, but a week before he got "sick" and started to sleep more often so we couldn't talk as much as before because I didn't want to disturb him but when he woke up, he would contact me right away and apologize. He often forgets to eat throughout the day, so I often remind him to eat or go grocery shopping for the week. He had wished for me to be by his side to make him feel better and was excited to finally meet me in a couple more days. He would often say that he was so lucky to find a gorgeous person like me in his life. A couple days later before he was coming, he had blocked me on everything without an explanation. To this day I still have no answers. From the person he showed me, he was kind, fun, and supportive. He didn't want me to do anything I was uncomfortable with and told me that I could call him whenever I wanted to even if he was in class and was willing to wait for me. He reinsured me when I wasn't confident in what I had and said he would still like me for me. He promised to not break my heart and to be my 1st and last love. He didn't want to ask me to be his girlfriend yet because he wanted to do something special and in person. I've finally thought that God had finally given me a chance at love and finally gave me what I have always waited for, but it was just another lesson to throw at me. After all of this, I described him as firecrackers, what we had was beautiful and special then suddenly he just left me in the dark feeling lost wondering if he would come back. I was so shocked when you referenced it to Firecrackers too because it was exactly how it was. He has taught me a lot. What to look for in a real man and the signs of something fake. It was merely my fault; I was looking for love at all the wrong places and way too fast. What we had was just 2 weeks I
* 2 weeks (Oct 23 - Nov 5) but the memories have hurt me for months, I have only healed after crying day after day and seeing videos of how fake a person can be and their lies of being the "only girl". It hurts to the point that my whole body was rejecting him and the thought of him, I just felt like puking and at times I did. Even if he were to reach back out, which I doubt, but I think I've been hurt too mentally bad I cannot do that to myself again with that person and there wouldn't be a good enough answer to believe him again but some reason I still want an explanation and his true feelings. I shed some tears writing these memories again, but I am surprised how long it still hurts me and how I can relate to all these things you've said in words I couldn't say myself. I'm focusing on myself and my career now, which I'm super happy with. I haven't given up on love just yet, but now I know what I should be looking for and words with actions instead of words with no meaning.
@@angelyly_I’m sorry. That sounds so painful. It sucks when we don’t get the answers we need.
You sound like a wonderful person. I’m glad that even after all the pain, you still have hope. 🤍
Reading the comments I feel so sorry for all our broken hearts, broken promises, broken dreams... I have been lucky to be with her for almost 6 months, we werent even dating because she said she is not ready to commit to anything, but I would have gave everything to her. Its been a month and my despression came back slaming on my door... But I have to keep going forward... Just keep... Going...
The fireworks metaphor was sooo good!
I was seeing someone for almost nine months it’s taken me 2 years to feel a bit better and still is a working progress. I went on a few dates after but I was still thinking of him. Now I’ve just allowed time to heal everything.
It definitely felt like a broken heart.
Dear Matthew I haven't commented on one of your videos before, but I really wanted to thank you for this one. There were times in this video that I felt a"brother" was talking to me. They say that if a student is ready the teacher will appear. The Universe works in mysterious ways. Thank you very much. Your words helped my soul. ❤
Was brokenhearted this past year but I feel like I'm healing from it finally. Dated someone after being single for four years and he turned out to be just a player. Needless to say, I'm hesitant to open up again.
Same girl. Was single for 5 years than found what I thought was an awesome guy. He told me he wanted to be my partner and love bombed the shit out of me, then he started to withdraw and eventually ghosted me.
I dated someone for just one month, we connected so much, he was incredible. I felt like I’d found my person. I feel everything this video talks about. He ended it with barely an explanation. Just nothing overnight. It really does feel like a bereavement which sounds ridiculous after a month. I’m still heartbroken months later but this video really helps as I can’t talk to anyone, feel like a fraud as it was such a short amount of time.
I have found in my life it has more to do with the connection and the amount of time connecting that brought the most difficulty to let go. People who see eachother once a week for 2 years is not the same as people who spend every free moment talking and being close for 3 months. Same with living together and not being present as to people living together and connecting each day. It’s all relative. Yet society only looks at time frame. I’ve been hurt more from shorter periods than the long ones.
This guy should have literally his own TV program, podcast, everything.. this save me today
Lightbulb moment… my relationship is an experience not a partnership… thankyou! 😊
2 months can even be 8 months, that's what it was for me. The up and down, the trauma bond, now I'm with someone stable and respectful and the fireworks aren't there but the stability is... But i still think about the fireworks instead of the long term stability. Thanks Matt, i needed to hear this.
I respect what you have built but truly, if I hear the word "trauma bond" again every time someone's relationship that had intensity in the beginning doesn't work out I'm going to scream! lol Not ALL fireworks (using his analogy ) or intense initial feelings are based on trauma bonds. In the beginning, it's not that unusual to feel that intensity, but if it doesn't let up so you both have room to get to know each other in other ways and see each other more clearly, to form more healthy knowledge and bonding, then it's a problem. If you are just sort of "addicted" to the highs and lows, sure that's an issue as well. But just feeling a lot, attraction, excitement , sharing, etc., happens in the beginning of most relationships. It can, yes, be hard to keep in check, so it's good to try and focus on one's own life and not just the partner.
Nice background BTW,and the armchair setup. It works. Great insightful advice as always.
Part of the grief stems from feeling fooled. Feeling stupid for having dared to hope. A lovely quote which always helps me is "You don't NEED love. You ARE love."
You are a godsend, Matthew! All of your videos are so helpful but this one described my exact situation. I kept asking myself- what's wrong with me -I've only known this guy a few months! But I was devastated. You've really helped to change the way I'm thinking about it! Keep up the TREMENDOUS work! You seem to be so genuine, insightful and empathetic. We'll all get through this with your help...
Even in an text exchange one could be excited about the other person and than this person simply pulls away or vanishes. Its awful to go through
I can only hope that you realize just how appreciated and needed you are to the masses! The way that you explain tough situations, love, heartache, recovering etc… is extraordinary!
You’re the salve for me…. and many many others. Keep up the incredible work I wish I had found you years… ago TY!!!❣️❣️🙏🏼🙏🏼
Me, a 17 year old 4-eyes bookworm, was approached by a girl. She was very pretty, but I do better on my own. After a few weeks she gains interest and surprisingly, so do I. I never wanted to like someone so much, but I couldn't ignore my feelings. She was my highschool sweetheart for over 3 years, and we were an idolized couple at my highschool. I would never consider a future with a girl in my wildest highs, but she made it easy to. In February, this year, we broke up because she fell in love with a 14 year old boy. She was 19. I never knew her.
Ohh geez dear.
I’m so sorry this happened to you.
So traumatizing at such a young age 💛
Mine was 3 months, my last 3 months abroad and I fell for him, before I went away he said he didn't fell the same anymore, that the spark wasn't there. It completely broke me, I'm still recovering, it's being 4 months now, and it's still hard to believe that it didn't work out
I think I needed this. The same thing happened to me. I have known him for a year through instagram;spent two months with him when I came to his city for studies,both were happy together, emotional connection was made(though it was before hands only which grew stronger when we met in person). We even freaking kissed several times. Everything was good. He was happy as well, always used to brag about me to his friends that I'm the perfect girl and suddenly one day he said “I have no intention to marry you since it's not permissible to marry outside my religion" . I was devastated,not because I had imagined a dream wedding and kids with him,but because of the fact that there was not even *the intention* of marriage from his side.
The comparison with fireworks is perfect!!!...🤩🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
Thank you for this I needed to hear this!
The feeling or hope i was looking for out of failed experiences, i think was really me wanting to have what it felt like they had /were. I need to create that for myself, not look for it in someone else
Thanks Matthew. One of your best video's!
Love your videos. I always hear what I need to hear when I watch em
I was deeply hurt after a two-month relationship. We knew each other for 2 months before we got together. I realize we are not a good match for each other, we never speak, and I rarely think of him, but some of his words hurt me to this day.
Hi,I relate to that. It lasted two months. I was so into it. HEARTBROKEN. It was so intense. Conversations, humor, intimacy. I went into therapy. Six months later I found myself back. I got it that she was a narcissist. Love bombing it was. Not live. Not a partnership.
Brilliant video, Matthew.👍
Oh, I can relate to that so much at the moment. I've met a guy just after NYE and everything between us just clicked. He lives in Canada but was back home for a couple of months because he wanted to buy a house and he wasn't sure when he is going to go back to Canada. We spent lots of time together, it was incredible and by his words he wanted to build something long-term, he wanted to have kids one day, he wanted a family. We've shared so much, had so much in common, he even talked about future plans for me to go in Canada with him, to work from there and so on till one day a week before he had to go back to Canada he told me he cannot be with me because he doesn't feel it in the last week... I was shocked and honestly I still am. I have no idea what happened. I know LDR is tough but if someone wants to be with you, he will. He wasn't able to give me good reason for breaking up, he just kinda ran... I have no idea why people do what they do...
My (now I discovered) dismissive avoidant ex broke up with me on January 4th out of the blue after having been together for 7 months, but I now know she probably had it planned, unbeknownst to me. I was not only heartbroken, but I was fk’n devastated.
Thank you, Matthew 🖤
Thank you, it brings so much clarity
thank you so much Matthew
This advice came to me at the right time! 😭
Thank you, Matthew.
Thank you Matthew! Needed to hear this so badly! You always come through ❤
Thanks for validating my feelings. ❤
Hi Matthew,
This video is so relatable for me. I dated someone for about 2 years on and off. It all felt like fireworks for me and for him, and it never really faded up until 2 years and then he started ignoring me and when I confronted he would just make reasons.
He was reluctant to introduce me to any of his friends and didn’t let me do the same for him!
I had enough and I broke up with him after 2 years
After our breakup I realized he was interested in someone else while we were dating, or I can say he had already moved on from me and showed her all the interest!
Now it’s been 6 months since we broke up, and I am still not moved on
I see him and her and he provides her with everything that I kept asking him in our relationship. He accepted her socially, takes out all the time for her.
It all still hurts and Iam not sure how to get over this
The fireworks analogy is spot on Matt..you nailed it.. 👌🏼
Excellent vedio thanks matthew for this nice reminders 💖💕
Thank you for this , I'm going through this exact situation.
This was so awesome
Come to Valencia in March: fireworks in the day that last for 30+ minutes. But even fireworks get boring when they go on for so long 😅
Finally, about heartbreak, so well explained