It's not admirable to immediately jump into a new relationship. It's admirable to choose to take time, heal your wounds, work on yourself. If they jumped into a new relationship to impress others - they just showed their immaturity. You're the one to admire.
@@marguskiis7711 It's not about options (or the lack of options). It's about purposefully taking the time for yourself to heal to be able to have a happier life and healthier relationships in the future.
@@101Vrie if a woman sees very soon a good man or multiple good men wanting her then there is no need to wait for something mysterious enlightment. The good men can easily move on themselves. A woman can easily dump the man if she sees a better option in the future.
@@marguskiis7711 She and he may chose to do so. However if one doesn't address ones deeper grievances, and reflect on the personal behaviours that led to dysfunction in the relationship one may find oneself repeating old patterns, so it also becomes a gamble. Taking time to process is also doing justice towards the new relationship, as bagage seems to follow.
If your ex moves on quickly it has nothing to do with you. They are typically highly codependent and are also avoiding any inner soul seeking or self reflection. F them!
My ex got into a new relationship 4 months after we separated and already living together. We were together 13 years, and it feels like I never mattered.
Same.. 13 years.. but in my case, he was talking to someone else before our breakup, and a week after we broke up they were already talking and flirting... 13 years of my life.. and I thought we'd be back together, before I found out about the other girl... It hurts.. no matter how much you think you know someone, they can always show a part of themselves you didn't know about.
@@marguskiis7711wrong bro , women need more time to recover from breakups (it's a science checked fact ). They need like multiple months for every year of relationship Men need like 1/2 of the time to recover Any relationship in the period of recovery it's a rebound and doesn't help in the healing process. You can research for yourself.
Mine Had the new Girl already lined Up when He dumped me over the Phone. He moved her in within 1 month, never looked Back. We were together for 12,5 years. I don't trust men any longer. They are all the Same...
“The quality of your inner life and future relationships will be much better if you’re able to be okay within yourself, by yourself. Relationships are something you pursue to feel close to someone else and not to be able to cope within yourself.” Powerful… Thank you Dr.
@@tangobear3536 I'm not to sure if my last person had a backup but she keeps canceling plan to meet and last time we were suppose to meet up I text or call her to confirm if she's still meeting with me and she never respond. And then I tried to follow up couple days later to ask her why she didn't respond to me and she said she block my number by mistake that's why she did not receive my text. I didn't believe her because I was able to leave a voicemail on her number. I felt bad she's been flaky so I ended the relationship and she didn't care or make the effort to call me or text me. I think because she had a backup guy.
@MoonfishSparkle Or fed up with some aspect of marriage that made them look elsewhere. After spending a few years of trying to fix the issues it becomes clear that it's a lost cause.
@@chromiumphotography5138 absolutely. The narc in my life had someone for 3.5 plus years while I was sick and having surgeries. He told me that when I got better he might have stayed with me or divorced me. Oh what power he thought he wielded!!!
Many times they were already in a relationship with someone else, while they were still with you. That's why they move on so quickly. It wasn't so quick after all. They cheat and are already emotionally and mentally moved on. Don't cry for these people. They used you and they are usually narcissists. They have no hearts. They are wretched beings. Move forward and heal.!
That is cheating in a way though. Even if not physically they have already emotionally cheated on you with someone else if they found someone they like more while still in the relationship with you. Often they'll throw little hints, try to convince you to leave them, or found something about you they can make a big deal about. Rather than confronting the fact they found someone they love more and they want to break up @@deerheart87
Or maybe you left them alone and hurting. Maybe there was a reason they moved on? Or it's just easier to always blame others? Maybe this instinct "where did I fail" isn't super stupid and is worth to listen to to learn something and do not repeat the same mistakes?
@@adaslesniak Sounds like narcissist gaslighting to me. Most people can tell after a relationship if they were the problem, or if they were just under going narcissist abuse. Regardless of how you treated them, if you didn't abuse them or treat them like dirt, they have the responsibility to give closure to the person they "loved". Cutting you off, and moving on 1-4 weeks after a breakup is not something you do, and usually an indicator they were already talking and thinking of that person while still in the relationship
@ErikTheWiz you assume the other person listened. Yeah, I belive there are ass holes who drop the partner after few months, maybe few short years because they were bored. But I don't belive people exit suddenly after long years. Especially the ones that were fair, that are "missed dearly".
It took me 1.5 years to date again. I was in a 4 year relationship that obviously ended, but I wasn't ready to move on. I wasn't waiting for my ex to come back, I thought it was only fair to me and to my future girlfriend that I should wait until my ex was completely out of my system. Thank God I waited because after a few dates, I finally found a super gorgeous woman.
The lesson for me that's re-affirmed here is that you don't want to continue right away into something new because everyone has something to learn from the prior relationship that didn't work. And I have learned now that there is a 99% chance that there's always something to learn. So not taking time to get into that with yourself, is not the best way forward. So also, don't envy your ex-partner when they move on right away. Because any shortcomings that were in your relationship together, this person is likely bringing that into the next relationship. And everyone has something about themself that needs improvement.
Be happy for her/he It is not your matter anymore Move on at your own pace Work and learn from the past Be and become like the parter you'd like to have Your mind can Be your worst enemy, your mental health comes first Is her/his loss Forget about the why's time is so precious to try understand other's decisions Ask for help if you find it is so difficult to move on after some time. You will never forget any of your exes, but someday you will remember them without regret/hate/pain
Exactly this, it takes time, for some more then for others. But the process in a lot of cases looks the same. Some can look back with more understanding after they feel/find love again themself.
If your ex "moved on quickly" I have bad news for you. They didn't. They were checked out of the relationship for a long time, and you just didn't notice, which is probably one of the reasons they broke up with you in the first place.
So instead of speaking up like an adult about their real feelings they basically prolong the inevitable and waste not only their time, but also their partners.
@@JD317 No, they were just waiting for a good time to make an exit. If the relationship is doomed and you know you're leaving, there's really no point in telling them until you're literally about to duck out.
I’ve been grieving my 3 year situationship, so called because he never acknowledged that our friendship with benefits was even a relationship, and told everyone that we were just “friends”, when actually, I loved him from the beginning, but he was never able to admit to himself or to me, that he felt anything, was always pushing me away, but continued sex for three years. Finally, I left, knowing I deserved better. I have now been alone for one year, avoiding any dating or relationship, to become my own best friend, and to love myself first, before anyone else. I’m happy!
It sounds like you're projecting your feelings onto him. It was exactly as he described it from his perspective. He wasn't there to figure out if he wanted anything more. It was what it was. If someone won't commit to you and that is what you need, then remove them from that spot in your life and work on finding someone that does. You could have met someone new the day after this perdon if you were open.
@@fakshen1973 It was a loss for mee, I alone decide about the grieving process. I won’t find “someone new” the very next day, that is the right decision for me, because of the depth of my love and disappointment. Thanks for your opinion/analysis.
They are definitely not in touch with their feels, they reach out and tell you they aren’t over you and the next day they are gone. So just be kind to yourself and keep your distance and if they mean to comeback make sure they are working on their feelings. Give yourself time and heal before going back.
Don't ever get back with someone who left you. It will only be worse the next time. If you take them back, they will not respect you for it. My ex tried to make me feel like was worth nothing, she was contemplating on how to torture and murder me so she could save face and not take blame for her affair with a guy from work who was 20+ years older than her. She is dead to me, she deserves no sympathy or excuses.
My ex moving on immediatly really, truelly ruined me, its been over a year now and im still working on myself and we havent spoken about what happend at all. I dont hate her, but i most certainly cannot imagine being friends with someone that dealt with a situation like the way she did, no sure i can take her seriously again
@@i_like_to_move_it_move_it same situation here. In my case, I had to see pictures of him happy and in love less than 4 months after our breakup. It was so ridiculous.. here’s this man who took every chance to tell me he loved me “through and through” and he took no time at all to move right on. They’d been dating for atleast 2-3 months, judging from the picture of them in various places. It crushed me. Still is crushing me a year later. I felt like such an idiot.
Go no contact (unless you have a child). For me it's been almost 3 years and I finally feel like my old self. My intent is to give you hope that when you feel stuck, just remember to take life one day at a time and you will one day realize that that dark cloud over you has gone. The pain has vanished. The thoughts of her are not taking up as much space (or on most days any space in your mind). You didn't choose this pain for yourself, but it is your responsibility towards yourself to get your life back on track. You got this! I'm cheering for you!
@@adnanl7952 the thing is...we go to university together, have a lot of mutual friends...its not so easy as I have to see her all the time. Normally I try my best to forgive (I try to follow my Christian beliefs of love and forgivness) and just smile and keep walking when I see her, but I know we will have to talk at some point
People you need to stop thinking about what your ex is going through or why they broke up with you. You need to focus on yourself and your healing process. They have their own destiny. You have yours. The fact that they are not longer a part of your life means that they were never supposed to be a part of your destiny.
Wow. Your videos are just the answer to my thoughts. My ex stared dating 3 weeks after we broke up and got into a relationship probably 2 or 3 months after. I did really question the whole relationship and feelings. I was in pieces while he was already with someone else, literally sleepless nights overthinking it. Got me months to come to the conclusions you said in the video. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom, it makes it easier to process situations.
Same. 3 weeks after the breakup, I went to the dating app where met to delete her profile, because I didn't want the pain of later going there and seeing her, and lo and behold, her profile was already fully updated and she was online. Unbelievable. We dated for a year, but it was intense, she told me she wanted to spend her life with me and other maybe BS, and I'm shocked how she could do this. I justify in my mind as "she was hurting and doesn't know how to deal with it, so she needs someone else to fill the void and get validation that she's good" but why do I defend her? Those are immature reasons in any case...
It's not your love for him or his love for you that you care about. It's your ego. We can't stand the idea that someone could move on from us at all, let alone quickly. Once you drop your ego and realize he's not even worth your time thinking about, then YOU can finally move on. His ego was stroked by another girl, so he's fine. He didn't drop it though. The human ego is a very powerful thing. We all have it. It can be a good thing or it can be extremely harmful. The trick is to learn to know which is which and how to control it. No one can achieve anything great or productive in this life when their ego is in the way. Just remember that
Wow, this is perfect timing 😮I recently found out that my ex already has a new partner after our breakup. We were together for 5 years and all of a sudden he decided that we had to part ways and I got to thinking how can he start a new relationship so quickly while I'm here doing therapy, working on healing and still processing and grieving. It all makes sense now. Thanks for the video.
@@denisselee6544 same situation. 5 years and he moved on very fast. In hindsight, he had met me less than 2 months after breaking up with his prior girlfriend.
Since everyone else is sharing; I had a highschool girlfriend from when we were 15 years old we lived together, crazy circumstances, until we were 25 years old and then we separated. She had a new boyfriend three days later and I stayed single. She stayed with her new boyfriend for five years and I briefly dated a nice woman for less than a month. Ever since then I haven't dated or even attempted to talk to any woman romantically even though some of the women who helped orchestrate the demise of my highschool relationship showed a vested interest in doing so. Some of which attempted to have sex with me only for me to reject them because I was hurting and sex felt pointless at the time. It's been 9 years, 3 months, and 14 days since that split in 2015 when we were 25 years old. I find myself emotionally blunted by my experience and other factors played a part in it as well. I don't ever see myself wanting to care like I used to ever again because honestly I believe I've lost the capacity to do so.
Life isn't all about romantic relationships, but stay open to what the universe brings you, and you never know! Wish you all the best in your pursuit of peace and happiness, whatever that may turn out to be.
Grass is always greener until the snow falls and the coldness resurfaces. I think a lot of us want to jump into something new quickly after a breakup. But it’s going to always be best to wait. Gotta feel the feels first, heal/do self work, and then move on.
You kinda answered my question when you started off saying, "not making decisions with you in mind." She didnt even manage that in our marriage. She left a long time ago and I didnt know. Lord i wish she actually left when that happened, affairs and damage done is just so shitty.
My ex left me for another woman. We were married for 43 years. I am still devastated, it’s been 15 months. I question everything about my life and no longer think love is real.
Hi, my wife left me after 17 years together, cheated on me and moved out. We live separately for three months now and I still can't get over it. She just killed her love to me in order to love other guy. I'm 40 and live with my son, on one hand getting used to it but on the other still has my belly squeezed every day, thinking about her with him, while she probably doesn't ever care about me anymore. I thought she was the one and now I'm alone...
My men left after 7 years for a "better for his social stand" girl....im home with child and he is living his second life...doing sport, traveling and just doing what he likes....i feel empty and broken
Just think of it as 43 years you got to spend with someone you loved and who loved you. Not 43 years wasted because it wasn't. But shit happens and people change. The only place you have to look now is forward. Any thoughts you might have about why or how is a complete waste of energy, because it doesn't fucking matter either way. It's done. Love is real but it's not always forever. It's fairytales that aren't real. Life is hard for a reason, and you'll find out exactly why it was so hard when you die. We all do
My ex got into a new relationship almost a year after our break up but we tried to get back a few months before that happened and we even used to share emails very fondly and I kinda thought that maybe we had another chance, but one day he was late in responding and I just had that gut feeling. I checked his social media and he posted a picture with this new girl, I feel devastated and asked him, he told me what was happening and cut me off immediately so we don’t talk anymore. I still can't process the pain of him abandoning me in such a cruel way (I have bpd) and the fact that he is doing so many things for her that he didn't want to do for me. It was an almost 8 years relationship and my heart is so crushed even after three months. 💔
May I ask how you treated him? I was in a 6 year relationship with someone with bpd (we have a son together) and I would have never put up with her actions if we didn't have a child together.
@@michaelangelo5783 well, I don’t know if you’re making assumptions about me just because I have bpd but not all bpd are the same. I was diagnosed at early adulthood and my symptoms fit more into the quiet bpd criteria, also been in therapy for many years. I never abused him verbally or physically, never yelled or threatened him, we had a wonderful relationship overall but things were complicated in the final months because he didn’t want to commit/marry and I did, so we broke up. He told me he still yearn for me and regret the things he did/didn’t do but it was time to move on and even though I understand that, I still feel deeply hurt, he was my favorite person. 😢
@@michaelangelo5783 well, I don’t know if you’re assuming some kind of behavior based on my diagnosis but let me tell you, not all bpd are the same. I have been diagnosed since very early adulthood and my symptoms are more of a quiet bpd/high functioning also been in therapy for a long time. I never ever verbally or physically abused him, yelled or threatened him. we had a wonderful relationship overall but at the end of the day, we didn’t want the same kind of commitment, I wanted to marry and he didn’t, so we broke up on good therms. He told me he still yearn for me and regret the things he did/didn’t but we needed to move on and I totally understand it but that doesn’t mean I still feel deeply hurt, he was my favorite person. 😔
A lot of bad advice on move on quickly, pretend it's all good, you'll get back together if you do no contact and trauma bond your opponent to come back. While that may work for some in some cases, my heartbreak left me searching for answers inside myself of where I wasn't living up to the task. I discovered a lot of stuff on CPTSD, codepency, attachment styles, male and female dynamics, and new pieces of the puzzle keep falling in place daily, even more after almost 2 years. In a way I'm grateful that we didn't get back together, because I may have neglected to move in deeper. However I miss our connection and wish there were ways to share these insights with her, hate seeing her flail around repeating old patterns and becoming more and more damaged in the process.
It’s means they already had someone else. Not always but researcher has shown that most people’s first marriage turns out to be their best. Just like with every new relationship, your ex will be on cloud nine for a little while but not forever. Good luck
3:01 This was me. I got married less than 2 years after the breakup. 6 years into the marriage I found myself crying about the breakup, and it was another 6 years before my head was straight. I'm deeply attached and loyal to my wife, but I was deeply attached to the previous girl as well and I found out the hard way that I had merely frozen the grieving process. My wife didn't deserve any of this, she's been amazing. I'm a very lucky man.
I caught my ex with another guy the afternoon on the day she broke up with me in the morning. I agree with the other person who said that the new source of narcissistic supply was already being groomed and prepped while we were together once I started piecing together her disrespectful and inconsiderate behavior and confronting her about it. They don't self-reflect, they don't mature. They run and hide.
These are all find points, however, context does matter. Who ended the relationship? Why did the relationship end? How long was the relationship? Was the breakup mutual? Did it end because one of you literally moved out of town or out of the country? My point is this: not all people who move on quickly are doing so because of immaturity, codependency or denial of the grieving process.
My EX has several EXs since we separated. I was hurt that she left……but I’m not jealous or concerned. I know what they are getting…..and I would never go back anyway. It’s a little sad to watch her break her own rules just to have someone to control in a relationship.
In a nutshell, it probably means they have some deep routed mental health issues that they're not willing to address. It's easier to get into a rebound for that person to validate them. Rebound over therapy is always an easier option.
I totally disagree. After ten good years, then five middling years then five hellish years of marriage, you check out and prepare to move on as you can see that divorce is coming. So when the I filed for divorce moment came, I was ready. I have had time to do the self improvement and get healthy stuff, but she thinks I have moved on too fast. Honestly I wish we had divorced years ago.
Didn't miss my ex...her actions & deception coupled with her lies made it remarkably easy to leave her orbit...i look back now and realise i was just a utility to her and never truly loved or valued even..left with nothing but some clothes and my car...10 months alone and am feeling better by the day..onwards and upwards i say!
Just 2 weeks after dumping me she took a trip with another guy. That told me she was over me long before I even knew about it. 3 years and counting and it still hurts so much
@RUclips - thank you for gifting me a limited edition RUclips neon light! I feel lucky to have been amongst the few RUclipsrs to be selected and love the look of the light on my set. 🙂 #RUclipsHighFive
Every situation is different. I was once the one to move on quickly, and the reason was that the previous relationship was really not working well - HE was the one with the insecure attachment style and low self esteem that resulted in him treating me like crap but I stayed longer than I should have because I knew that deep down he did care about me and kept hoping things would change. Gradually losing that hope felt like I did the grieving for that relationship while I was still in it... so by the time I summoned the strength to actually end it, I was well and truly ready to move on. Weeks later I was together with the man who is now my husband of 13 years.
Mh, I am the ex that „moved on too quickly“. Funny I found this video. I felt so called out, in a positive way. Gonna start working on some issues! Thanks for helping me see! :)
My ex has moved on quickly coz he needed someone to fill the void. He couldn't live alone, needs someone to take care of him, house chores, supplement his income, etc .
Even though I was the person who initiated the breakup, it was still incredibly surprising and hurtful to find out my ex had moved on (we were still in contact and they lied to me about it at first). What hurt me was that although we didn’t have the best partnership, I thought as a friend they would trust me enough to be open and honest. I don’t know their thought process but I do know they kept trying to rub in the fact that they were in a better relationship now (which I suppose is fair, although very tit for tat in nature). I really hope that they genuinely did process what happened and are not avoiding their true feelings.
The same just happened to me. I initiated the breakup, went on therapy to fight with my issues. I reached out to her. Apologized, said that I am working on myself and want to get back. We have been seeing each other, texting and calling for 2 months. She was saying that she can not move on from me but she is afraid that the breakup will happen again. When I got distanced she was the one who initiate the contact. I didn’t understood what the hell is happening. Then I saw her with another boy holding hands in the park. She is good in manipulation and has serious problems with emotions blaming everyone else but not her. Now I feel cheated and wondering if she is still the person I knew.
“ we suffer more in our imagination than in reality “ “ we are only victims of our own wrong perceptions and expectations from others “ “ none of us are victims - we are simply volunteers “
OR they were already into a next person for a while, and now have moved on with what they were preparing for during last chapter with you. The most painful thought is that.
Thank you for this vid. It’s like being on a different train. Both persons are on a different one with different speeds in different directions. And if you are the one that didn’t see it coming, then they put you on a train first without you knowing it. So you will never know what your ex is feeling. But it’s not in your control, it was never in your control to begin with. Then you have to let it go, by accepting your situation. You are on a train that you didn’t choose, but that doesn’t mean you can’t go off it! But only if you understand what kind of train you’re on.
At some point the grief needs to be addressed. It happened to me when I got divorced. I kept pushing the grieving process and it caught up to me three months after. When it hit, it hit hard. There's no escaping the grief.
You feel bad because “you’ve been replaced.” Your hopes and dreams didn’t happen. Face it. You had some good times. Move on. You learned something about yourself. Turn the page and have a new outlook on life. What is important is YOU! It’s hard but move on.
While I can understand the why, and even empathize to some degree, this for me was the last time I Wil put myself in a position to feel this way, I doubt I will ever allow myself to trust or open up to anyone again, therapy and the string of unhealthy relationships have only affirmed for me that I am not ment to find a 'partner' in this life, it makes me incredibly sad, but I cannot bear the weight of another betrayal on this level, it's just too painful.
I’ll add that these “new” excuses/avoidant styles that are the new hip language for shitty people don’t always develop at a young age. I think in modern dating, they come out over decades of disappointment and bad choices. I’ve known people who had the picture perfect childhood and even college years. But continuing bad choices and terrible decisions in partners tend to bring this avoidant part to their personalities. People don’t process. Especially hot or attractive people “on the market”. No self awareness where it’s easier to just blame. Block. Roll on to the next one. Hurt people hurt people.
@@sf808opalaman bc it’s a way for people to feel special and unique. The reality is that people are just that. People. Extremely complex and nobody fits in any one box. It’s an ever changing scale
Well I have moved on and I feel exactly that way - why give a shit what my ex thinks. Thankfully, my daughter is 20 and relies on me to get stuff done for her as her mother is AWOL when it comes to the difficult stuff. My daughter knows about my current set up and is okay with things, which is great as after 25 years of marriage she is all that matters to me.
My ex was already messing with someone new while still trying to reconcile and to work on our relationship. Now we officially separated for 2 months and now he just showed up with the new supply. Seeing them together was not easy and I felt everything what you just mentioned. And even last weekend he still tried to hit while he already has a new girlfriend?! Gives me the ick! I'm so happy I didn't give in that day!
It's also possible you're dreadfully boring and neglectful and your ex was slowly withering for years, and when they finally put their foot down and stood up for their emotional needs and you decided to end the relationship instead of changing, after the initial shock wore off they realized they were finally free to find someone better than you -- and they did.
On What It Means When Your Ex Moves On Quickly.... This is not complicated... Doesn't need to be studied, analyzed, or debated. It's simple, cut, and dry. Your ex is over your sh!t.. Let me repeat that. Your ex is over your sh!t.. They are done with you.. They're not going to sit around wasting their time.. They're moving on, and they should..
She likes him more than me, I think that's all it was. She found an opportunity to leave me because I was going through a depression, and was ready to get with the guy she liked more. She had already lost feelings for me or never had strong feelings for me. He was literally someone I told her to block because I was uncomfortable she was following him on socials, turns out I wasn't crazy. I feel used and abandoned for someone she thinks is better
My ex got our babysitter pregnant and left me with a 21 month old baby and a preschooler. I’ve worked through this over and over again, yet it’s still hurts so much so many years later.
In my experience it also depends a lot on how the previous relationship ended. If the relationship was just a shell in the end, and there is no chance to reconnect, and the other party ended for plausible or external reasons, making the breakup final, it actually made it easier for me. Nothing that I could have done would have changed the outcome. In this case I was actually able to be open for someone else relatively quickly. There were a few times when I had to end it, and that was much harder.
Hear me out people with a broken heart, remember these words: "The best relationship you'll have in your life will be with yourself and nobody else" Love exists, but we need to give more love for ourself
Martha, you are a joy to watch & listen to, a true empath with insight & sincerity that shines through every video. Thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤😊
Me and my ex broke up after 6 months, we tried to fix it for a few weeks, well I did. I tried everything to improve and be what she said she needed but she was barely responding to me. Yesterday we called and got into an argument. She tried to blaime me for her family issues, keep in mind she’s been in abusing family her whole life. She said dating me was the worst thing she ever did. I then sent a message saying that I’m sad that I’m not the person for her and she’s not the one for me, I hope me and you can be on good terms after this and I genuinely hope you have a good future and life. She then called me to say that wasn’t an apology and that I should call her when I get some balls. I’m more hurt by the fact I tried to end things in a mature way and it gets thrown back at me in that way. Even though she always accused me of being immature. I wasn’t the perfect partner at all and I accept that, but the whole thing has left me feeling empty inside
She's broken dude. I've dated girls and women that come from just garbage, abusive families and sorry to say, but 90% of them are so broken and unaware of their own issues they'll never be capable of having a "normal" healthy relationship.
This has actually helped me greatly. My wife last week told me she didn't love and wanted a divorce after 4 years of being together in total. I had all these thoughts. Of course, it still hurts. One video is not going to "fix" my emotions, but it has helped me to understand what may be going on in both of us. Also, I started Psychology at uni recently and it is so fun. Hard, but fun. I hope to help people going through similar things when I graduate. God bless and thank you.
My ex was very cruel, over the years of gaslighting and put downs. When we split up I was done. Truthfully I was not respected and the stories I could tell are many. So was it right to meet someone so quickly after divorce? Probably not, I moved on to ease the pain. I'm sure I just wanted someone to desire me. So you are right.
@everyone - you can find more videos about processing a breakup in my breakup playlist 👉ruclips.net/p/PLzRKYOPcN3c_Xe00PbgF5fL88D8DNZHkH Remember to subscribe, if you're new here 👉 t1p.de/2o0n
5:40 This is true to an extent. I feel like my previous relationship is ‘over’, and was over long before the breakup. I already have a year or two of breakup processing and grieving as she pushed me away. I really tried to bring her closer, I really did. The actual breakup felt like like a relief, like it is really finished. I don’t know that I want to start looking for a new relationship right now, but if someone new expressed interest in me, I don’t know that I’d say no.
Thank you for sharing such helpful information. On a platform is basically free to use, it is very kind of you to look out for as many people who would listen.
My guy had a former GF re-connect with him, so I got kicked to the curb. He was polite, but he was not healed to begin with. I should have asked better questions about his RECENT past. Lesson learned.
Most often they had allready started when they left me. At least three times I have wondered ... Though their new relations didn't last. I am now on my own for good.
Its the theft of my assets thst pisses me off. When a relationship ends it's sad but not the end of you as a person. My ex got to be a sahm for 30 years and did not financially contribute. Now i cannot retire because i cannot live on what's left.
Most X's that move on so quickly already had someone before you were gone. A lot of narcissists do this. They are soul takers. Heal and learn to love yourself. They clearly will never do either of these.
I've been the person who moved on too quickly after having broken up with my first gf. All the points about the attachment styles & reasons behind jumping into a new relationship hit a little too close to home, like you read thoughts I didn't knew I had. Needless to say, the relationship I jumped into only lasted 2 months and I yearned to get back to my first gf. There's some digging to be done into why I am an avoidant and how to work on myself. Great video!
My former and I were a poor match and that’s why she broke up with me. She insisted that I should move on and find a wife. I took her advice, joined eHarmony and quickly found a good match. I’ve been happily married for 15 years. I have no idea what became of my former but I’m grateful that she set me free. I hope she’s found happiness too.
When i lose a personal relationship, i treat it the same as losing a working relationship with an employer, i don't rush into another one and take time to get over the loss, focus on friends and things i care about and work out what i really want to move onto.
You're talking about romantic relationships here. But the same thing happened to me with friends.I was ghosted and denied proper explanation on why this person wanted to end the friendship. What they told me was so trivial, it couldn't be the cause of them ending the friendship.
Sometimes a relationship dies long before both of you officially make it so. It could be years if your partner is studying or going through a rough patch. In these cases one partner might have a long head start on moving on. One person will always be slower at realising it’s dead. You are correct that it has very little to do with you.
I was the one who moved on very quickly and happy. Your suggestions that it indicates that there is something wrong with that, are incorrect. I felt VERY released after being mentally abused during 12 years. Now, five years later, I still feel the liberation and happiness from de day I decided to leave her.
It's not admirable to immediately jump into a new relationship. It's admirable to choose to take time, heal your wounds, work on yourself. If they jumped into a new relationship to impress others - they just showed their immaturity. You're the one to admire.
Women have so many options that no need to wait long.
@@marguskiis7711 It's not about options (or the lack of options). It's about purposefully taking the time for yourself to heal to be able to have a happier life and healthier relationships in the future.
@@101Vrie if a woman sees very soon a good man or multiple good men wanting her then there is no need to wait for something mysterious enlightment. The good men can easily move on themselves.
A woman can easily dump the man if she sees a better option in the future.
…morals, character and values.
@@marguskiis7711 She and he may chose to do so. However if one doesn't address ones deeper grievances, and reflect on the personal behaviours that led to dysfunction in the relationship one may find oneself repeating old patterns, so it also becomes a gamble. Taking time to process is also doing justice towards the new relationship, as bagage seems to follow.
If your ex moves on quickly it has nothing to do with you. They are typically highly codependent and are also avoiding any inner soul seeking or self reflection. F them!
@@kaiul2967 I agree
My ex got into a new relationship 4 months after we separated and already living together. We were together 13 years, and it feels like I never mattered.
I’m so sorry you feel like this. Sounds like he has a void in his life that is not willing or able to face. Hugs
Same.. 13 years.. but in my case, he was talking to someone else before our breakup, and a week after we broke up they were already talking and flirting... 13 years of my life.. and I thought we'd be back together, before I found out about the other girl...
It hurts.. no matter how much you think you know someone, they can always show a part of themselves you didn't know about.
Women find new men very easily and they have no point to wait longer.
@@marguskiis7711wrong bro , women need more time to recover from breakups (it's a science checked fact ). They need like multiple months for every year of relationship
Men need like 1/2 of the time to recover
Any relationship in the period of recovery it's a rebound and doesn't help in the healing process.
You can research for yourself.
Mine Had the new Girl already lined Up when He dumped me over the Phone. He moved her in within 1 month, never looked Back. We were together for 12,5 years. I don't trust men any longer. They are all the Same...
“The quality of your inner life and future relationships will be much better if you’re able to be okay within yourself, by yourself. Relationships are something you pursue to feel close to someone else and not to be able to cope within yourself.”
Powerful… Thank you Dr.
I think some ex's moved on so fast because they had another partner as a backup or replacement.
Exactly. They already had somebody else lined up, or even been active with them on some level.
@@tangobear3536 I'm not to sure if my last person had a backup but she keeps canceling plan to meet and last time we were suppose to meet up I text or call her to confirm if she's still meeting with me and she never respond. And then I tried to follow up couple days later to ask her why she didn't respond to me and she said she block my number by mistake that's why she did not receive my text. I didn't believe her because I was able to leave a voicemail on her number. I felt bad she's been flaky so I ended the relationship and she didn't care or make the effort to call me or text me. I think because she had a backup guy.
Your ex's were probably all narcissists
@MoonfishSparkle Or fed up with some aspect of marriage that made them look elsewhere. After spending a few years of trying to fix the issues it becomes clear that it's a lost cause.
@@chromiumphotography5138 absolutely. The narc in my life had someone for 3.5 plus years while I was sick and having surgeries. He told me that when I got better he might have stayed with me or divorced me. Oh what power he thought he wielded!!!
Many times they were already in a relationship with someone else, while they were still with you. That's why they move on so quickly. It wasn't so quick after all. They cheat and are already emotionally and mentally moved on. Don't cry for these people. They used you and they are usually narcissists. They have no hearts. They are wretched beings. Move forward and heal.!
That’s right Brian Powell in NJ you POS!! lol
That is cheating in a way though. Even if not physically they have already emotionally cheated on you with someone else if they found someone they like more while still in the relationship with you. Often they'll throw little hints, try to convince you to leave them, or found something about you they can make a big deal about. Rather than confronting the fact they found someone they love more and they want to break up @@deerheart87
Or maybe you left them alone and hurting. Maybe there was a reason they moved on? Or it's just easier to always blame others? Maybe this instinct "where did I fail" isn't super stupid and is worth to listen to to learn something and do not repeat the same mistakes?
@@adaslesniak Sounds like narcissist gaslighting to me. Most people can tell after a relationship if they were the problem, or if they were just under going narcissist abuse. Regardless of how you treated them, if you didn't abuse them or treat them like dirt, they have the responsibility to give closure to the person they "loved". Cutting you off, and moving on 1-4 weeks after a breakup is not something you do, and usually an indicator they were already talking and thinking of that person while still in the relationship
@ErikTheWiz you assume the other person listened. Yeah, I belive there are ass holes who drop the partner after few months, maybe few short years because they were bored. But I don't belive people exit suddenly after long years. Especially the ones that were fair, that are "missed dearly".
It took me 1.5 years to date again. I was in a 4 year relationship that obviously ended, but I wasn't ready to move on. I wasn't waiting for my ex to come back, I thought it was only fair to me and to my future girlfriend that I should wait until my ex was completely out of my system. Thank God I waited because after a few dates, I finally found a super gorgeous woman.
The lesson for me that's re-affirmed here is that you don't want to continue right away into something new because everyone has something to learn from the prior relationship that didn't work. And I have learned now that there is a 99% chance that there's always something to learn. So not taking time to get into that with yourself, is not the best way forward. So also, don't envy your ex-partner when they move on right away. Because any shortcomings that were in your relationship together, this person is likely bringing that into the next relationship. And everyone has something about themself that needs improvement.
Absolutly. Thanks for this. 🙌🙌 On point! :)
Be happy for her/he
It is not your matter anymore
Move on at your own pace
Work and learn from the past
Be and become like the parter you'd like to have
Your mind can Be your worst enemy, your mental health comes first
Is her/his loss
Forget about the why's time is so precious to try understand other's decisions
Ask for help if you find it is so difficult to move on after some time.
You will never forget any of your exes, but someday you will remember them without regret/hate/pain
Lol. "Be happy for them". Yeah, 👍.
Exactly this, it takes time, for some more then for others. But the process in a lot of cases looks the same.
Some can look back with more understanding after they feel/find love again themself.
great advice
If your ex "moved on quickly" I have bad news for you. They didn't. They were checked out of the relationship for a long time, and you just didn't notice, which is probably one of the reasons they broke up with you in the first place.
This!
Word
True, but it also indicates that they are a bad communicator.
So instead of speaking up like an adult about their real feelings they basically prolong the inevitable and waste not only their time, but also their partners.
@@JD317 No, they were just waiting for a good time to make an exit. If the relationship is doomed and you know you're leaving, there's really no point in telling them until you're literally about to duck out.
I’ve been grieving my 3 year situationship, so called because he never acknowledged that our friendship with benefits was even a relationship, and told everyone that we were just “friends”, when actually, I loved him from the beginning, but he was never able to admit to himself or to me, that he felt anything, was always pushing me away, but continued sex for three years. Finally, I left, knowing I deserved better. I have now been alone for one year, avoiding any dating or relationship, to become my own best friend, and to love myself first, before anyone else. I’m happy!
It sounds like you're projecting your feelings onto him. It was exactly as he described it from his perspective. He wasn't there to figure out if he wanted anything more. It was what it was. If someone won't commit to you and that is what you need, then remove them from that spot in your life and work on finding someone that does. You could have met someone new the day after this perdon if you were open.
@@fakshen1973 It was a loss for mee, I alone decide about the grieving process. I won’t find “someone new” the very next day, that is the right decision for me, because of the depth of my love and disappointment. Thanks for your opinion/analysis.
@@fakshen1973 pain is inevitable-suffering is optional “
People can not hurt you - only our own expectations can “
~ unknown ~
They are definitely not in touch with their feels, they reach out and tell you they aren’t over you and the next day they are gone. So just be kind to yourself and keep your distance and if they mean to comeback make sure they are working on their feelings. Give yourself time and heal before going back.
Don't ever get back with someone who left you. It will only be worse the next time. If you take them back, they will not respect you for it. My ex tried to make me feel like was worth nothing, she was contemplating on how to torture and murder me so she could save face and not take blame for her affair with a guy from work who was 20+ years older than her. She is dead to me, she deserves no sympathy or excuses.
My ex moving on immediatly really, truelly ruined me, its been over a year now and im still working on myself and we havent spoken about what happend at all. I dont hate her, but i most certainly cannot imagine being friends with someone that dealt with a situation like the way she did, no sure i can take her seriously again
@@i_like_to_move_it_move_it same situation here. In my case, I had to see pictures of him happy and in love less than 4 months after our breakup. It was so ridiculous.. here’s this man who took every chance to tell me he loved me “through and through” and he took no time at all to move right on. They’d been dating for atleast 2-3 months, judging from the picture of them in various places. It crushed me. Still is crushing me a year later. I felt like such an idiot.
Go no contact (unless you have a child). For me it's been almost 3 years and I finally feel like my old self. My intent is to give you hope that when you feel stuck, just remember to take life one day at a time and you will one day realize that that dark cloud over you has gone. The pain has vanished. The thoughts of her are not taking up as much space (or on most days any space in your mind). You didn't choose this pain for yourself, but it is your responsibility towards yourself to get your life back on track.
You got this! I'm cheering for you!
@@adnanl7952 the thing is...we go to university together, have a lot of mutual friends...its not so easy as I have to see her all the time. Normally I try my best to forgive (I try to follow my Christian beliefs of love and forgivness) and just smile and keep walking when I see her, but I know we will have to talk at some point
You cannot take her seriously, she failed, and fails, as a human being. Find someone better, ie yourself.
Horrible. You deserve and will find better. Hugs.
People you need to stop thinking about what your ex is going through or why they broke up with you.
You need to focus on yourself and your healing process. They have their own destiny.
You have yours. The fact that they are not longer a part of your life means that they were never supposed to be a part of your destiny.
Well put!!!
Wow. Your videos are just the answer to my thoughts. My ex stared dating 3 weeks after we broke up and got into a relationship probably 2 or 3 months after. I did really question the whole relationship and feelings. I was in pieces while he was already with someone else, literally sleepless nights overthinking it. Got me months to come to the conclusions you said in the video. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom, it makes it easier to process situations.
Same thing happened to me. 5 years together and he had a girlfriend within 2-3 months. It’s been a year and I’m still hurting about it.
Same happened to me , it feel sad but you can't change the other person so it is what it is
Same. 3 weeks after the breakup, I went to the dating app where met to delete her profile, because I didn't want the pain of later going there and seeing her, and lo and behold, her profile was already fully updated and she was online. Unbelievable. We dated for a year, but it was intense, she told me she wanted to spend her life with me and other maybe BS, and I'm shocked how she could do this. I justify in my mind as "she was hurting and doesn't know how to deal with it, so she needs someone else to fill the void and get validation that she's good" but why do I defend her? Those are immature reasons in any case...
It's not your love for him or his love for you that you care about. It's your ego.
We can't stand the idea that someone could move on from us at all, let alone quickly. Once you drop your ego and realize he's not even worth your time thinking about, then YOU can finally move on.
His ego was stroked by another girl, so he's fine. He didn't drop it though.
The human ego is a very powerful thing. We all have it. It can be a good thing or it can be extremely harmful. The trick is to learn to know which is which and how to control it.
No one can achieve anything great or productive in this life when their ego is in the way. Just remember that
Wow, this is perfect timing 😮I recently found out that my ex already has a new partner after our breakup. We were together for 5 years and all of a sudden he decided that we had to part ways and I got to thinking how can he start a new relationship so quickly while I'm here doing therapy, working on healing and still processing and grieving. It all makes sense now. Thanks for the video.
@@denisselee6544 same situation. 5 years and he moved on very fast. In hindsight, he had met me less than 2 months after breaking up with his prior girlfriend.
You will find someone who is better for you. That is very commendable that you are doing the work to become better.
@@timarigirl32 thank you 😊 I’m trying to be better for myself and eventually attract the right person for me.
Since everyone else is sharing; I had a highschool girlfriend from when we were 15 years old we lived together, crazy circumstances, until we were 25 years old and then we separated. She had a new boyfriend three days later and I stayed single. She stayed with her new boyfriend for five years and I briefly dated a nice woman for less than a month. Ever since then I haven't dated or even attempted to talk to any woman romantically even though some of the women who helped orchestrate the demise of my highschool relationship showed a vested interest in doing so. Some of which attempted to have sex with me only for me to reject them because I was hurting and sex felt pointless at the time.
It's been 9 years, 3 months, and 14 days since that split in 2015 when we were 25 years old. I find myself emotionally blunted by my experience and other factors played a part in it as well. I don't ever see myself wanting to care like I used to ever again because honestly I believe I've lost the capacity to do so.
Life isn't all about romantic relationships, but stay open to what the universe brings you, and you never know! Wish you all the best in your pursuit of peace and happiness, whatever that may turn out to be.
Grass is always greener until the snow falls and the coldness resurfaces.
I think a lot of us want to jump into something new quickly after a breakup. But it’s going to always be best to wait. Gotta feel the feels first, heal/do self work, and then move on.
You just wind up dumping your baggage on the next person. I've made this mistake. It isn't an ideal way to start a relationship.
You kinda answered my question when you started off saying, "not making decisions with you in mind." She didnt even manage that in our marriage. She left a long time ago and I didnt know. Lord i wish she actually left when that happened, affairs and damage done is just so shitty.
I fucking love being alone.
It's really so peaceful.
Cope
I love it too! The peace! My god the peace.
@@Trazynn as I know I will also fucking love being alone!!!! And not having the life sucked out of me every second!
I moved on quickly ( not by getting in another situationship), simply because she was no good for me, and I was ready long before.
My ex left me for another woman. We were married for 43 years. I am still devastated, it’s been 15 months. I question everything about my life and no longer think love is real.
Hi, my wife left me after 17 years together, cheated on me and moved out. We live separately for three months now and I still can't get over it. She just killed her love to me in order to love other guy. I'm 40 and live with my son, on one hand getting used to it but on the other still has my belly squeezed every day, thinking about her with him, while she probably doesn't ever care about me anymore. I thought she was the one and now I'm alone...
Hold on, take care, it has to be better someday...
@@littlesister5808 I’m so sorry.❤️
My men left after 7 years for a "better for his social stand" girl....im home with child and he is living his second life...doing sport, traveling and just doing what he likes....i feel empty and broken
Just think of it as 43 years you got to spend with someone you loved and who loved you. Not 43 years wasted because it wasn't. But shit happens and people change. The only place you have to look now is forward. Any thoughts you might have about why or how is a complete waste of energy, because it doesn't fucking matter either way. It's done.
Love is real but it's not always forever.
It's fairytales that aren't real. Life is hard for a reason, and you'll find out exactly why it was so hard when you die. We all do
If one person initiated the breakup, and the other wasn't expecting it, then their very different mindsets won't let them both move on the same way.
My ex got into a new relationship almost a year after our break up but we tried to get back a few months before that happened and we even used to share emails very fondly and I kinda thought that maybe we had another chance, but one day he was late in responding and I just had that gut feeling. I checked his social media and he posted a picture with this new girl, I feel devastated and asked him, he told me what was happening and cut me off immediately so we don’t talk anymore. I still can't process the pain of him abandoning me in such a cruel way (I have bpd) and the fact that he is doing so many things for her that he didn't want to do for me. It was an almost 8 years relationship and my heart is so crushed even after three months. 💔
May I ask how you treated him? I was in a 6 year relationship with someone with bpd (we have a son together) and I would have never put up with her actions if we didn't have a child together.
@@michaelangelo5783 well, I don’t know if you’re making assumptions about me just because I have bpd but not all bpd are the same. I was diagnosed at early adulthood and my symptoms fit more into the quiet bpd criteria, also been in therapy for many years. I never abused him verbally or physically, never yelled or threatened him, we had a wonderful relationship overall but things were complicated in the final months because he didn’t want to commit/marry and I did, so we broke up. He told me he still yearn for me and regret the things he did/didn’t do but it was time to move on and even though I understand that, I still feel deeply hurt, he was my favorite person. 😢
@@michaelangelo5783 well, I don’t know if you’re assuming some kind of behavior based on my diagnosis but let me tell you, not all bpd are the same. I have been diagnosed since very early adulthood and my symptoms are more of a quiet bpd/high functioning also been in therapy for a long time. I never ever verbally or physically abused him, yelled or threatened him. we had a wonderful relationship overall but at the end of the day, we didn’t want the same kind of commitment, I wanted to marry and he didn’t, so we broke up on good therms. He told me he still yearn for me and regret the things he did/didn’t but we needed to move on and I totally understand it but that doesn’t mean I still feel deeply hurt, he was my favorite person. 😔
A lot of bad advice on move on quickly, pretend it's all good, you'll get back together if you do no contact and trauma bond your opponent to come back. While that may work for some in some cases, my heartbreak left me searching for answers inside myself of where I wasn't living up to the task.
I discovered a lot of stuff on CPTSD, codepency, attachment styles, male and female dynamics, and new pieces of the puzzle keep falling in place daily, even more after almost 2 years.
In a way I'm grateful that we didn't get back together, because I may have neglected to move in deeper.
However I miss our connection and wish there were ways to share these insights with her, hate seeing her flail around repeating old patterns and becoming more and more damaged in the process.
@@L6FT same exact journey your on. It’s been 14 months for me. It’s a lot of learning, personal growth and grieving.
@@kristinagradishar4824 same here. 15 months, still learning, still grieving. There’s light at the end of the tunnel, we’ll get through this. ❤
Usually it’s because they’ve been over the relationship for awhile before the breakup.
It’s means they already had someone else. Not always but researcher has shown that most people’s first marriage turns out to be their best. Just like with every new relationship, your ex will be on cloud nine for a little while but not forever. Good luck
8:30
"Relationships are something you pursue to feel close to someone else and not to be able to cope within yourself"
3:01 This was me. I got married less than 2 years after the breakup. 6 years into the marriage I found myself crying about the breakup, and it was another 6 years before my head was straight. I'm deeply attached and loyal to my wife, but I was deeply attached to the previous girl as well and I found out the hard way that I had merely frozen the grieving process. My wife didn't deserve any of this, she's been amazing. I'm a very lucky man.
I caught my ex with another guy the afternoon on the day she broke up with me in the morning.
I agree with the other person who said that the new source of narcissistic supply was already being groomed and prepped while we were together once I started piecing together her disrespectful and inconsiderate behavior and confronting her about it.
They don't self-reflect, they don't mature. They run and hide.
These are all find points, however, context does matter. Who ended the relationship? Why did the relationship end? How long was the relationship? Was the breakup mutual? Did it end because one of you literally moved out of town or out of the country? My point is this: not all people who move on quickly are doing so because of immaturity, codependency or denial of the grieving process.
💯
You have a unique empathetic way of explaining, thank you. I'm still hurting and this helped
My EX has several EXs since we separated. I was hurt that she left……but I’m not jealous or concerned. I know what they are getting…..and I would never go back anyway. It’s a little sad to watch her break her own rules just to have someone to control in a relationship.
In a nutshell, it probably means they have some deep routed mental health issues that they're not willing to address. It's easier to get into a rebound for that person to validate them. Rebound over therapy is always an easier option.
I totally disagree. After ten good years, then five middling years then five hellish years of marriage, you check out and prepare to move on as you can see that divorce is coming.
So when the I filed for divorce moment came, I was ready.
I have had time to do the self improvement and get healthy stuff, but she thinks I have moved on too fast.
Honestly I wish we had divorced years ago.
Didn't miss my ex...her actions & deception coupled with her lies made it remarkably easy to leave her orbit...i look back now and realise i was just a utility to her and never truly loved or valued even..left with nothing but some clothes and my car...10 months alone and am feeling better by the day..onwards and upwards i say!
Just 2 weeks after dumping me she took a trip with another guy. That told me she was over me long before I even knew about it. 3 years and counting and it still hurts so much
@RUclips - thank you for gifting me a limited edition RUclips neon light! I feel lucky to have been amongst the few RUclipsrs to be selected and love the look of the light on my set. 🙂 #RUclipsHighFive
Every situation is different. I was once the one to move on quickly, and the reason was that the previous relationship was really not working well - HE was the one with the insecure attachment style and low self esteem that resulted in him treating me like crap but I stayed longer than I should have because I knew that deep down he did care about me and kept hoping things would change. Gradually losing that hope felt like I did the grieving for that relationship while I was still in it... so by the time I summoned the strength to actually end it, I was well and truly ready to move on. Weeks later I was together with the man who is now my husband of 13 years.
Mh, I am the ex that „moved on too quickly“. Funny I found this video. I felt so called out, in a positive way. Gonna start working on some issues! Thanks for helping me see! :)
My ex has moved on quickly coz he needed someone to fill the void. He couldn't live alone, needs someone to take care of him, house chores, supplement his income, etc .
I hope he did find a young and sweet gal who doesn't nag and complain to the world about their relationship.
@@robicelusbro 😂
@@robicelus.. U being so rude
I moved on quickly because we both had closure and I wasn't going into another relationship from a place of hurt
Even though I was the person who initiated the breakup, it was still incredibly surprising and hurtful to find out my ex had moved on (we were still in contact and they lied to me about it at first). What hurt me was that although we didn’t have the best partnership, I thought as a friend they would trust me enough to be open and honest.
I don’t know their thought process but I do know they kept trying to rub in the fact that they were in a better relationship now (which I suppose is fair, although very tit for tat in nature). I really hope that they genuinely did process what happened and are not avoiding their true feelings.
Staying friends with an ex helps them get over you faster and if their current relationship is better than I doubt there’s anything left to process.
The same just happened to me. I initiated the breakup, went on therapy to fight with my issues. I reached out to her. Apologized, said that I am working on myself and want to get back. We have been seeing each other, texting and calling for 2 months. She was saying that she can not move on from me but she is afraid that the breakup will happen again. When I got distanced she was the one who initiate the contact. I didn’t understood what the hell is happening. Then I saw her with another boy holding hands in the park. She is good in manipulation and has serious problems with emotions blaming everyone else but not her. Now I feel cheated and wondering if she is still the person I knew.
I take comfort in knowing that I am not the only one suffering
Thank you for your work, I watched this video 3 times in a row 😅 I'm processing this better than him clearly.
I‘m glad this was helpful! 😊🙋♀️
“ we suffer more in our imagination than in reality “
“ we are only victims of our own wrong perceptions and expectations from others “
“ none of us are victims - we are simply volunteers “
OR they were already into a next person for a while, and now have moved on with what they were preparing for during last chapter with you. The most painful thought is that.
Thank you for this vid. It’s like being on a different train. Both persons are on a different one with different speeds in different directions. And if you are the one that didn’t see it coming, then they put you on a train first without you knowing it. So you will never know what your ex is feeling. But it’s not in your control, it was never in your control to begin with. Then you have to let it go, by accepting your situation. You are on a train that you didn’t choose, but that doesn’t mean you can’t go off it! But only if you understand what kind of train you’re on.
At some point the grief needs to be addressed. It happened to me when I got divorced. I kept pushing the grieving process and it caught up to me three months after. When it hit, it hit hard. There's no escaping the grief.
This was exactly what I needed to hear. Your videos are so informative and make so much sense when we need it the most. Thank you, Maika 🙏❤️
You feel bad because “you’ve been replaced.” Your hopes and dreams didn’t happen. Face it. You had some good times. Move on. You learned something about yourself. Turn the page and have a new outlook on life. What is important is YOU! It’s hard but move on.
My father was remarried within months after mom cheated. Always curious. Thanks for the 3 knowledge.
While I can understand the why, and even empathize to some degree, this for me was the last time I Wil put myself in a position to feel this way, I doubt I will ever allow myself to trust or open up to anyone again, therapy and the string of unhealthy relationships have only affirmed for me that I am not ment to find a 'partner' in this life, it makes me incredibly sad, but I cannot bear the weight of another betrayal on this level, it's just too painful.
Same here❤
I’ll add that these “new” excuses/avoidant styles that are the new hip language for shitty people don’t always develop at a young age. I think in modern dating, they come out over decades of disappointment and bad choices. I’ve known people who had the picture perfect childhood and even college years. But continuing bad choices and terrible decisions in partners tend to bring this avoidant part to their personalities. People don’t process. Especially hot or attractive people “on the market”. No self awareness where it’s easier to just blame. Block. Roll on to the next one. Hurt people hurt people.
Hurt people, hurt people…!!!
Literally. I hate all of this attachment style bullshit
@@Bloodsport1337 can you elaborate why?
@@sf808opalaman bc it’s a way for people to feel special and unique. The reality is that people are just that. People. Extremely complex and nobody fits in any one box. It’s an ever changing scale
@@Bloodsport1337 especially in this age of information saturation, where content is used to generate status and peddle more product.
Why does it even matter how quickly your ex moves on? If she's my ex, I'm no longer obligated to give a shit anymore. And I shouldn't!
Well I have moved on and I feel exactly that way - why give a shit what my ex thinks.
Thankfully, my daughter is 20 and relies on me to get stuff done for her as her mother is AWOL when it comes to the difficult stuff. My daughter knows about my current set up and is okay with things, which is great as after 25 years of marriage she is all that matters to me.
My ex was already messing with someone new while still trying to reconcile and to work on our relationship. Now we officially separated for 2 months and now he just showed up with the new supply. Seeing them together was not easy and I felt everything what you just mentioned. And even last weekend he still tried to hit while he already has a new girlfriend?! Gives me the ick! I'm so happy I didn't give in that day!
It's also possible you're dreadfully boring and neglectful and your ex was slowly withering for years, and when they finally put their foot down and stood up for their emotional needs and you decided to end the relationship instead of changing, after the initial shock wore off they realized they were finally free to find someone better than you -- and they did.
On What It Means When Your Ex Moves On Quickly.... This is not complicated... Doesn't need to be studied, analyzed, or debated. It's simple, cut, and dry. Your ex is over your sh!t.. Let me repeat that. Your ex is over your sh!t.. They are done with you.. They're not going to sit around wasting their time.. They're moving on, and they should..
Or your ex is full of sh!t.
“ men love idealistically - women love opportunistically “
~ rollo tomassi ~
She likes him more than me, I think that's all it was. She found an opportunity to leave me because I was going through a depression, and was ready to get with the guy she liked more. She had already lost feelings for me or never had strong feelings for me. He was literally someone I told her to block because I was uncomfortable she was following him on socials, turns out I wasn't crazy. I feel used and abandoned for someone she thinks is better
My ex got our babysitter pregnant and left me with a 21 month old baby and a preschooler. I’ve worked through this over and over again, yet it’s still hurts so much so many years later.
They’ve mostly like been gone within the relationship.
Maybe you missed the flags
In my experience it also depends a lot on how the previous relationship ended. If the relationship was just a shell in the end, and there is no chance to reconnect, and the other party ended for plausible or external reasons, making the breakup final, it actually made it easier for me. Nothing that I could have done would have changed the outcome. In this case I was actually able to be open for someone else relatively quickly. There were a few times when I had to end it, and that was much harder.
Thank you so much, i found lots of comfort from this video, appreciate your work very much ❤🙏
I guess it means the relationship was already over long ago for that person.
Hear me out people with a broken heart, remember these words:
"The best relationship you'll have in your life will be with yourself and nobody else"
Love exists, but we need to give more love for ourself
Love the bouquet🌻
❤️🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻
My ex is addicted to money and fame. She replaced me well before the break up is what I believe. This analysis helps me heal. Thank you.
my ex moved on before we got divorced
The ex has already prepared for the exit long time ago. That's why they are so quick to find the new partner
I think most of the time it's a rebound to counter their loneliness and/or depression.
Martha, you are a joy to watch & listen to, a true empath with insight & sincerity that shines through every video.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤😊
It means they checked out a while ago. Or, it means this is done, and they're moving on with their life, good or bad.
Me and my ex broke up after 6 months, we tried to fix it for a few weeks, well I did. I tried everything to improve and be what she said she needed but she was barely responding to me. Yesterday we called and got into an argument. She tried to blaime me for her family issues, keep in mind she’s been in abusing family her whole life. She said dating me was the worst thing she ever did. I then sent a message saying that I’m sad that I’m not the person for her and she’s not the one for me, I hope me and you can be on good terms after this and I genuinely hope you have a good future and life. She then called me to say that wasn’t an apology and that I should call her when I get some balls. I’m more hurt by the fact I tried to end things in a mature way and it gets thrown back at me in that way. Even though she always accused me of being immature. I wasn’t the perfect partner at all and I accept that, but the whole thing has left me feeling empty inside
She's broken dude. I've dated girls and women that come from just garbage, abusive families and sorry to say, but 90% of them are so broken and unaware of their own issues they'll never be capable of having a "normal" healthy relationship.
This has actually helped me greatly. My wife last week told me she didn't love and wanted a divorce after 4 years of being together in total. I had all these thoughts. Of course, it still hurts. One video is not going to "fix" my emotions, but it has helped me to understand what may be going on in both of us. Also, I started Psychology at uni recently and it is so fun. Hard, but fun. I hope to help people going through similar things when I graduate.
God bless and thank you.
My ex was very cruel, over the years of gaslighting and put downs. When we split up I was done. Truthfully I was not respected and the stories I could tell are many. So was it right to meet someone so quickly after divorce? Probably not, I moved on to ease the pain. I'm sure I just wanted someone to desire me. So you are right.
@everyone - you can find more videos about processing a breakup in my breakup playlist 👉ruclips.net/p/PLzRKYOPcN3c_Xe00PbgF5fL88D8DNZHkH Remember to subscribe, if you're new here 👉 t1p.de/2o0n
5:40 This is true to an extent. I feel like my previous relationship is ‘over’, and was over long before the breakup. I already have a year or two of breakup processing and grieving as she pushed me away. I really tried to bring her closer, I really did. The actual breakup felt like like a relief, like it is really finished. I don’t know that I want to start looking for a new relationship right now, but if someone new expressed interest in me, I don’t know that I’d say no.
Thank you for sharing such helpful information.
On a platform is basically free to use, it is very kind of you to look out for as many people who would listen.
🙏💖
What you said did good to me, thank you.
My guy had a former GF re-connect with him, so I got kicked to the curb. He was polite, but he was not healed to begin with. I should have asked better questions about his RECENT past. Lesson learned.
Most often they had allready started when they left me. At least three times I have wondered ... Though their new relations didn't last. I am now on my own for good.
Its the theft of my assets thst pisses me off.
When a relationship ends it's sad but not the end of you as a person.
My ex got to be a sahm for 30 years and did not financially contribute.
Now i cannot retire because i cannot live on what's left.
Just happened to me last week. New dude was already there as soon as she broke up with me
In my 20s, I was going with a woman for eight months, and within three months she was married to another man.
I don't talk to any of my exes so I don't care. Im just glad they out of my life.
You're sweet as a bun 💗
Thanks for your efforts ☺️
Most X's that move on so quickly already had someone before you were gone. A lot of narcissists do this. They are soul takers. Heal and learn to love yourself. They clearly will never do either of these.
Every woman I've been with has done this!
God. I love this side of RUclips. :P
I've been the person who moved on too quickly after having broken up with my first gf. All the points about the attachment styles & reasons behind jumping into a new relationship hit a little too close to home, like you read thoughts I didn't knew I had.
Needless to say, the relationship I jumped into only lasted 2 months and I yearned to get back to my first gf. There's some digging to be done into why I am an avoidant and how to work on myself. Great video!
Thank you for posting this I really needed it today
This is so spot on!
My former and I were a poor match and that’s why she broke up with me. She insisted that I should move on and find a wife. I took her advice, joined eHarmony and quickly found a good match. I’ve been happily married for 15 years. I have no idea what became of my former but I’m grateful that she set me free. I hope she’s found happiness too.
You are the best, you are Godsend thank you so much for the helpful information you share ❤
When i lose a personal relationship, i treat it the same as losing a working relationship with an employer, i don't rush into another one and take time to get over the loss, focus on friends and things i care about and work out what i really want to move onto.
You're talking about romantic relationships here. But the same thing happened to me with friends.I was ghosted and denied proper explanation on why this person wanted to end the friendship. What they told me was so trivial, it couldn't be the cause of them ending the friendship.
Sometimes a relationship dies long before both of you officially make it so. It could be years if your partner is studying or going through a rough patch. In these cases one partner might have a long head start on moving on. One person will always be slower at realising it’s dead. You are correct that it has very little to do with you.
Thank you for producing this video. I wish I had reviewed this video years before.
Never take modern women seriously! She's not yours; it's just your turn.
It can mean a variety things but usually it’s because they’ve been over it for awhile before the breakup.
I was the one who moved on very quickly and happy. Your suggestions that it indicates that there is something wrong with that, are incorrect. I felt VERY released after being mentally abused during 12 years. Now, five years later, I still feel the liberation and happiness from de day I decided to leave her.