YES! And they can't join the app unless they've watched 20 videos of Matt and passed a written test where the questions are about his teachings about relationships and self growth. So we KNOW they're actually well read already and no uninformed people sign up. They have tinder, hinge, etc. for that
Just here to let you know that my group of friends and I all listen to you, Matt, and we're all male. Great dating advice and human decency transcends gender.
Yes, agreed. Female here. I'm encouraged to see men and women doing the work to heal so that when we meet the right one we can co-create a beautiful life.
@@OM-1111 it’s nice to when videos like this to help heal compared to other channels that tend to polarize extreme negative male vs female ideologies and perceptions
As I was fighting for you, I realized I was fighting to be lied to; fighting to be taken for granted; fighting to be disappointed; and fighting to be hurt again! So I started fighting to let go!
It’s becoming obvious to me that the most important things people need to focus on in society right now is self love and healing. Relationships should not even be on their radar until they are healed and truly love them self.
@@Mememememe2024 exactly right, you’re actually too kind to the original post. Anyone who waits for perfection is going to wait forever. Certainly a terrible idea.
If you are having to FIGHT for commitment… then they are not your person. The best advice is to commit to yourself… if someone tells you that they do not want a relationship BELIEVE THEM ❤❤
I’ve eliminated the idea of even being friends with guys. I’ve made a clear distinction between a guy who wants something more or just friendship. Having wasted years with guys who wanted me around as this friends forever, becoming emotionally attached and then seeing them choose women in my presence has been nothing but a painful experience
Very smart. This is a great sign of a mature woman. You are learning to quickly polarise love interests and this is a really good thing. Keep doing this and you will never waste time or hurt yourself. I respect women and men alike that do this. It’s what grown ups do when they know what they want. You’ve made a big step. Well done.
And she stands out as clearly giving the impression of someone who is prepared to be a wife and not just a girlfriend, "queen", etc. It's really quite obvious (to me, at least)
I feel that dating changed a lot for the past couple of years. And I really love that you are also becoming flexible. Without giving all of these manipulation techniques or "be in your feminine/masculine", or "go and do that and that" - you are just bringing the focus to what is really really important. To one self. This is so great. No surprise everybody says that 2024 is a year of healing and self love. I think things will get better very soon 🥰
Girls, stop believing that you are so special that a guy would change just because of you. He will not start a successful relationship with YOU because all the other girls around him are just an 8 and you think you are a 9 or 10 (he maybe change his position about relationship if you have a really amazing character, but are you really that differnt than other girls?). Look how he is acting (and in which company he is, where he is, what he is doing, what he is not doing, ...) BEFORE he starts to talk to you the first time. This is the most authentic picture of him you will get for a long time.
There is not even an issue of thinking about loosing any freedom in a loving relationship. People who really appreciate loving commitment see it as togetherness, spending most of the time together, mostly sharing and creating with their chosen loved one, including them in all aspects of their life, being united spiritually and physically. This is the true essence of commitment, anything away from that is traumatic avoidance and selfishness.
I fully agree with you, but people who may have suffered abuse or trauma in relationships may feel triggered or even threatened at the thought of sharing a life of commitment with someone else. I believe healthy relationships must have a balance between each partner's individual space and the togetherness they will experience so long as they're dating each other. People always tend to look for people who understand and empathize with them, people with shared or common life experiences, common religious beliefs or political ideology, people who come from a similar cultural or ethnic background. This doesn't mean that two people from a different religion, different political ideology, or different cultures can't fall in love with each other and build an amazing relationship, but it's harder because we naturally gravitate towards people like us, people who can easily get us without much thought. This is why compatibility in a partner in terms of shared and mutual goals in life, a similar concept of what a family is, what a marriage should be like, a partner whose political opinions and ideology are similar to yours, a partner with the same religion as you or at the very least, a compatible religion are important qualities and traits to look for in a potential partner, because love and se× alone are not enough to hold a relationship together if both partners don't have some important traits in common that help them navigate through their differences. People in general tend to feel safer and freer when they are with other individuals with similar personality traits, similar belief systems and opinions in terms of religion, politics, ethics, morality, shared or common life experiences, common or shared traumas and pain, because we open up easier with people who possess the ability to empathize with us, and while you don't need to fully agree with everything a person believes in for you to feel empathy for his or her painful experiences and understand where he or she comes from, it's a fact that people who come from a similar background as you will possess an enhanced ability to be in your shoes compared to people from totally different or even opposite backgrounds, experiences, belief systems and so on.
@95maferisturiz What you analyze , to me at least, it is obvious. Of course, people need to be compatible spiritually , morally, and emotionally so that they can communicate clearly and feel each other. Mostly, people have been traumatized in previous relationships, and we all have had some anxious or/and avoidant traits , but how we treat them and how we heal is what will define a healthy commitment eventually. As far as individuality goes ... if we craved for that, we would be happy all alone .. togetherness and sharing your whole life with your loved one is the healthy and real and only reason why you want to be in a commitment. Individuality evolves in your togetherness. People who are afraid of loosing their "Individual" space in a loving commitment don't really know what loneliness is about and that the scariest thing of it all is to be old alone with no one to have really ever truly loved you and grow WITH you.
The issue lies in their expressed desire for a car; however, the underlying challenges include a lack of driving skills, reluctance to learn, and a genuine preference for bikes.
I told the guy from the very beginning that I'm looking for a serious relationship. He said so was he. He gave me commitment but he would not make things official. But he wouldn't hide either. He would talk to me about our future together. I was confused throughout our time together. Finally, one fine day he decided that we're not right for each other. I'm angry because he was the one who was interested in ne first. He pursued me then concluded it was not working. Then decided to come back again and did everything to make me trust him again and then left me again because he felt we were not right for each other.
sounds like a standard case of a honeymoon phase to me. committing early on is a red flag - it suggests they want a committed relationship more than they want a committed relationship *with you*. and that distinction is vitally important to consider!
Sorry to hear he did that to you a second time. It's quite frustrating!! Sadly some people are very good at faking interest for too long. Hope you heal soob and find the right one for you
absoloutely. As someone who (embarassingly) has been that red flag, it's true. He is looking for someone to fill a role. Keyword: someone. Not necessaril you. I'd cut your losses and move on, you deserve better. @@Matortheeternal
Seems like my story. I started dating him again now 2 months after breaking up but if we're not getting married, I don't wanna waste my time. I'm open to dating other amazing men.
Totally agree, I keep dating some great women but they are simply not healed enough to be in a commited relationship. It's hard to sit around and wait for them to heal. Especially when there is no guarantee and you feel like your life is passing you by.
Thanks once again, Matthew for a great insight. I think though the problem has always been that we women have always been advised by our male friends and brothers, as well as by other coaches, to NEVER let a man know that you're looking for commitment, that that will scare them away. So it's great to hear your take on that.
Thank you for over a decade of wisdom Matthew! Happy new year to you, Audrey, Jameson, Stephen and the rest of the team! Congratulations on getting married- wishing you both a lifetime of peace and bliss ❤
Thank you for your continued efforts in sharing this wonderful knowledge with us! I learned a lot through your videos, another awesome video and great editing! You did an amazing job! I look forward to meeting you somewhere in this world (maybe in Taipei) in my lifetime! 👍🥰🙏🎁🎈🎉
Watching your videos almost a year now.. after a very painful break up. I have learned a lot through your videos and you have helped me a lot during this healing period of my life 🙏❤ Just signed up for your event! First time joining a live session! Looking forward to! 🥰 Best regards from Greece❤
Amazing video, character > tactics hits the nail on the head. I've done about a year of personal "work" on myself and ultimately this is what had ended up changing the most. I just never had the words to describe it. Thank you!
Because he saw enough to know your negatives and high maintenance likely isn't worth the sacrifice and ongoing cost of his time. Grow up, don't be that serious, humble massively down, and stop listen to this crap shit from this female whisperer shill, a guy looking for a bike will gladly take a rare lambo and legendary supra with character anyday.
happpened to me too last year. twice. one was a drug addict. other was recently unemployed and suffering depression. so like others said it might not have been you.
I want to write a letter of gratitude to Matthew. I am in Pakistan where nobody is there to guide you. Friends are the support system but one learns by making own mistakes. Your videos and content and free online training helped me so much that I have grown into a confident woman at 41. Your content has played a significant role on my road to healing and I am still healing but I now pat myself on the back when I use your rules in real time and see the result. I am still looking for my person but now I'm not stressed anymore because you have changed my mental discourse of dating. I didn't know that you posted this video a month ago and I missed the free training about commitment because this is something that I'm still struggling with. I hope to get there eventually and I hope that you would post this free training again sometime. I don't have your email address so I'm expressing my gratitude in the comments. More power to you.
Dating just feels like a job interview. You review candidates and it completely kills the excitement of enjoying the person's company. I have grown tired of casual dating and the hookups and FWB that it has turned me off from the dating world. It feels like there isnt any sense of suprise. By going inward, I look to find what kind of partner I am attracting. There a lot of beautiful people out there that are more deserving than a mere hookup, FWB, casual fling, or One Night Stand. Being in a relationship is a beautiful thing as long it is with the RIGHT person.
It often does, but the alternative is flying by the seat of your pants and connecting with people who really aren't right for you. I think there has to be a healthy balance of interviewing and fun activities. That way you can evaluate the true quality of someone as a match for you while also working to build chemistry. That said, this needs to be reciprocal. So much of dating is made much more difficult because people are just totally not on the same page when it comes to how to date. For example, many attractive people develop large egos from getting constant attention, which leads them to assume that dating and relationships should follow the same pattern of others fawning after or serving them. But the people who do this fawning lack self-respect and often don't make good equal partners in a healthy long-term relationship. When the relationship is established on a basis of unequal contribution, it can become a breeding ground for resentment and distrust. The people who choose these kinds of relationships are often trauma-bonding, which is unhealthy for them and their partner! The one thing I want to see, as a guy, from a potential partner, is the ability to take initiative and be intentional. If a date is upfront with me in presenting strong character qualities and clear standards/expectations, it communicates to me that they actually care about how their partner shows up and are mature enough to communicate what they care about and how important it is to them. It demonstrates so many deeply attractive character attributes when they take the initiative to say how they would like me or any other prospective partner to show up for them. Now, some ways of showing up, e.g. "giving me gifts or financially supporting me" will be an immediate turn-off, because they present an immediate incompatibility in values - but that's a good thing. Such people should not date me because I will not be able to show up for them the way they want me to and be happy about it. So the key takeaway here is: be upfront about what your values are, what you are looking for in a relationship, and what your boundaries are. Communicate clearly and firmly. Do so early on, it will set the tone for the relationship and save time for both you and your dates by weeding out incompatible matches quickly. Do note, that this does not mean you need to be extremely rigid. Hold your values, desires, and boundaries as sacred, but have the space to forgive honest mistakes. Allow for a degree of compromise assuming your partner really is putting in the effort to show up for you. Offer consideration and constructive ideas to help them grow in how they connect with you. This is how you built a strong and healthy foundation for a long-lasting committed relationship.
I will say after finally healing my negative beliefs on myself its made it much easier to do this. Even when it seemed I was being dismissed over someone else I just wanted to move on but hell they werent letting me go which made me feel really bad knowing theyve never had any long term loving relationships and a ton of trauma but I at least wanted to respect what I wanted in spite of it. I avoided at all costs giving an ultimatum because I just assummed theyd be happy down the line if they also moved on from me so I was deadset on leaving albeit I didnt want to put my feelings on the line as much as I wanted to. I just put all my expectations down though, even if they would reconsider itd probably be months from now but to my surprise it was only a week and weve been together for nearly a year now. But yes from experience I can confirm this is solid advice, youll become much more naturally attractive if you show how much resolve you have and truly believe you can mutually benefit from being together.
a lack of commitment from men is not a problem I've found now having hit my 40s. I've found the problem is they are too eager to jump into a relationship without actually taking the time to get to know me.
You should look into attachment styles, the men you’re talking about are likely AP, (anxious attachment). Possibly FA, fearful avoidant, which switches back-and-forth in a simplistic explanation. On the other side of the spectrum, someone with a dismissive avoidant attachment style, or a secure attachment style is likely not going to be “too eager” to jump into a relationship. So I guess my point is it depends on the individual but attachment style provides a good model to understand this.
Thanks@@sethtenrecI have heard of this concept but there's something about thinking like this that feels a bit reductionist and determined to fit people neatly into a box of some kind. While I agree it can help to a certain point, on the whole I find it matters less. I like to take in the whole of the person, and i'm interested in seeing how the parts of them fit and add up - basically, just being curious about another human being - in a very kind way, not in an interrogating manner! And then I like to observe the affect that interaction has on me. Most of the time if feels like they are not really looking, or particularly interested. Instead, they appear to view things via a filter, and end up aligning and fitting everything to fit some internal narrative. It's a real shame because I think it's often how people pick the wrong person to be with.
Are they younger? In my experience, this seems like they are role reversed and want the benefits of an established and sexual relationship without much responsibility in regards to possible financial or family duties.
@Matortheeternal umm there are so many toxic fish out there you will encounter many before finding a good one. Sometimes it has nothing to do with you, toxic fish are EVERYWHERE.
I've signed up :) What you're saying here sounds encouragingly healthy, and I think, it can actually be extrapolated way beyond just romantic relationships, so I'm really looking forward to hearing more about that.
You have to become the person men would love to be in a commitment with. It's not about finding the right one, it's about becomming the right one. Men will be attracted to you as men are visual but they will not stay or commit if they feel that being in a commitment with you isn't the right choice. When it comes to commitment men are just as diligent. Men are not interested in being gotten, they are interested in being loved.
Men are people. Women are people. They come in many different types. Stereotyping by gender is not going to be that good of a strategy for navigating the world of relationship seeking.
@@sethtenrec We are all people. But people are different, genders are different. This is not streeotyping, this is stating facts. Men and women are very different as to what they are looking for in a mate, so it would be absurd to paint everyone with the same brush.
This is horrible advice. It is not the job of women to become the person men want, especially when most men won't do that for women in turn. People can only become what they want to become, and that shouldn't be dictated by anyone but the self.
@@ThePsychicClarinetist Wouldn't you want to be in a relationship with a man who you would love to be in a relationship with, or do you want to be in a relationship with a man who doesn't care what you want. Yes you can dictate to your self that you are going to be that person the opposite gender would love to be in a relationship with, doesn't matter if you are a guy or girl. If you don't care what the other gender wants then good luck with your dating life :) all of Mr Hussey's advice will not help you.
@@nicksmith-cx1fx The point is that you made it the woman's responsibility to match the man's expectations. It's okay to have boundaries in relationships, but it should be reciprocal and equitable. You have made it a "woman wins the man" situation, which is not equitable or equal. If that is the only way to have a relationship with a man, I'd rather just stay single, and I know many ladies who feel the same. You clearly don't care what the other gender wants either, so good luck to you too.
Mr Hussey I do follow your channel as I like the life advice that you give and it has helped me in my own personal life. I am however surprised that in all your 1000 videos you have never mentioned what men want in a woman, what men are looking for. Women really are clueless what men want, they think men want the same things as them like a career and so on. Also all this pandering to women is the root of the issue why women are single. You are the prize and you deserve a top quality guy just coz you exist. We all have to work on ourselves to become the great husband or wife that the oppsite sex would want.
You know, I’m a guy that gets a lot out of these videos, men and women aren’t different, across-the-board. Everybody needs human connection, a secure relationship looks the same either way. Anyway, this particular channel has decided to focus on talking to women, and has been highly successful doing that. I recommend you do as I do, and just translate, or else look elsewhere.
Hey Nick. I feel like I've talked quite a lot over time about what makes an attractive person. As for "You are the prize and you deserve a top quality guy just coz you exist." I don't think you'll find me ever having said anything remotely like that. The truth is, there are enough channels out there dividing men and women, and I don't want to be another one. Yes the channel has been geared towards women historically, but I think it's a very humanist channel at its core, which is why men and LGTBQ+ alike get so much out of the content too. It's universal. Do I think there are some generalizations that can be made between men and women, yes. Do I think obsessing over them and fetishizing them (as happens a lot on youtube) is as important about learning principles for attraction and great relationships that anyone can apply...no. I also think it's worth pointing out that even in the example you gave (where you alluded to men not wanting a woman who has a career in the same way that a woman might want a man who has a career), this is just not true for so many men. Lot's of men like the support of having a woman who is a team mate in providing, or has her own sense of career purpose and is busy doing her own thing while he is doing is. My wife is powerful at work and I love it! Many men would rather a woman who has a career than one who doesn't, for a multitude of reasons. I'm not saying all men are like that, but lots are. It also changes for a lot of men with age. For some, when they are younger they feel less secure about a woman having a career, but later on when they feel more comfortable in their own skin it changes. I rarely write such long comments, (maybe I'll turn this into a future video now that I have!). But I appreciate you taking the time to comment Nick, and that you watch my stuff. I suppose in summary. I just don't want this to be another corner of the internet where men and women are reduced to these easy to summarize beings who all behave alike and want them same things. And I think we have to be careful of consuming content that tells us as much, even if there are grains of truth in what those content channels are saying. Oh, and you will never, ever find me saying that merely "existing" makes anyone the "prize" for someone who is a really high quality person, regardless of gender 😄
@@thematthewhussey Mr Hussey, thanks for clarifying. I do love your content and the advice that you give has tremendously helped me in my own life and with women.
Thank you Nick. I agree with you, it seems like all I run into is the same thing, entitlement and I’m the prize. You sure are! I’m still trying to find a guy that actually wants a boss babe, maybe there are some out there, I wish them luck. Get your passport!
I am a guy and landed on this video because I am trying to understand why so many women run away from commitment even though they say that’s what they want. Their actions often are the exact opposite of their words. Women often time will be the first one to bring up wanting a relationship that is more serious/committed/engagement etc., but like clockwork, when I match or heaven forbid show more commitment or interest then they do, it’s like A switch in them turns off and they want to move on to chasing someone new . 🤯
@@nuwanda3333 and you nailed it. My ex-Fiance actually was the one who introduced me to attachment styles when she told me she had fearful avoidant attachment. I learned as much as I could so I could walk through it with her as she continued to work through it but yes her switch off was absolutely brutal when she did it. It was so emotionless and totally disregarded all previous connections and life she had shown me
I was together with my ex for 3 years long distance relationship, I invented most of my life for this relationship, but by the end of it he said he loves me wanted to be with me; but he said he couldn’t see himself in a marriage, didn’t know what he wanted for his life, so walked away broke up with him. He was sad crying a lot but wouldn’t give me a marriage I want
I'm not sure I understand what you are saying Matthew... Have you changed your mind about guys telling they are not ready for a relationship? You said in Lisa Beaulieu's podcast: "When a guy says he's not ready for a relationship, it's a giant redflag and he is telling you: I am going to hurt you." I've been following that advice and cut guys off immediately. All of this happens after a few dates and happened to me a lot in 5 years being single. I'm burned out.... I have the feeling that a man who wants a serious relationship can find it pretty quickly... But guys in the middle who are not sure can cause a lot of damage. I'm not sure it's worth the gamble.
That's the dumbest advice I have ever seen give to women A women asking if a man is going to be serious on the first few dates, is like a man asking if she expects him to pay for the best and if she is planning to act like gold-digger, to please ensure they give sex after the expensive lobster dinner. Really Dumb advice w zero female game, I bet you scared of 1/5 of the guys who would consider commiting to you in those years. Get to know the person, put out your story and you case, if you have only long term relationship in the past and nothing else, 99% of guys you date will get the mesg, say u want to be serious w/o saying he needs to commit asap, just like guys says they find you sexy w/o needing to say they want to ejaculate inside of you tonight 5 years wasted in your love life
there are many guys who want a serious relationship who cannot find it! we're out there, and many of us are attractive and interesting people. you probably just aren't interested in us for some random reason like we are too dry when texting. 😂
@@Matortheeternalnope, I second this. I have dated a lot and not one man wants commitment. I end things quickly. It's not the type of guy we go for, a lot say they want a serious relationship in how of getting sex, but when they realise they aren't getting it until they show commitment they act dumb and play the I'm not ready card. 😂, yet they can easily commit to the hoe. I realised that when men find something real it forces them to re-evaluate what they want and 99.9999% they cant handle a stable rational woman. A man's self esteem is depicted by the woman on his arm and you can see there are a lot of men with LOW self esteem. A quote I read from a man too. 😂
Only way I commit is if it’s better and enhances my life but not if it’s the same or worse. I also learned that if we are not on the same page or I feel they do not want what I want I end it and move on. I don’t try to convince them. Life is too short to be with someone that’s not fully in it with you. I will not change someone nor do I want them to change unless they want to change for themselves. Most women I have come across just go their own way when I cut things off so I haven’t had to deal with crazy ones. This is just the way I have always looked at things and I don’t need a relationship but more of a want. So am ok being single if they are not the right one for me as am not going to be in a relationship just to be in one.
How interesting. I realize I fear this as a woman. the loss of freedom and living my own life. That's why I'm single. It would really take the right kind of person to feel like its a thriving relationship that's not holding me back
I showed commitment and character on my part without giving an ultimatum or playing games and I still didn’t get marriage after 13 years (4 years of which we were engaged). He had a sudden change of heart and doesn’t want the expectations that come with marriage and engagement. I am heart broken and cannot trust again.
Sometimes we focus so much on the end result of getting what we want from someone, like marriage, that we forget to ask if they are even the person who can and is willing to be emotionally and intimately present, and who love us enough to want to provide for our needs in relationship. I suspect your ex fiance was not someone who cared much about your needs and desires in the first place. So in that regard, you dodged a bullet. Maybe the commitment you need to show is to yourself and your needs and desires, and not abandon yourself for someone else next time. Choose yourself first, be loyal and true to yourself first. Wishing you find the love that you yearn for.
Men who are good looking are less inclined to commit long term. They have access to all the fish in the ocean and no shortage of new experiences one after the other till they grow old. And that is what they value, 'live in the moment ' and fresh experiences to move on to once they feel bored. Too much work to try and maintain an ongoing relationship when it's become stale or difficult. There's a queue of fresh and different flavours just outside the door. Whereas guys that haven't been endowed with crumbs from Adonis are more interested in long term commitment and willing to work for it, because it may be the one chance they get.
hmm can't necessarily agree. I am not looking bad and tall but I had to work for it and changed a lot compared to when I was younger. I always wanted only a serious long-term relationship and I am not intersted in casual s.. at all and never was. And I am/was happy in life before my ex broke up with me. I obviously did not behave perfectly and it might have looked that I was disinterested in my ex before she broke up for 4-5 weeks. I wasn't. I was exhausted from work, and also did not give 100% which is correct. But from my honest point of view is no reason to break up. You need to talk about it. I saw her flaws in the beginning and accepted them. Well that's what you get for it :/
I absolutely agree…and it’s not down to bitterness on my part. I remarried a charismatic, handsome 64(!!) yr. old divorced man who, I realized later, has an avoidant attachment style (to the insecure attachment style I had during our marriage). I’ve done MUCH self-work, self-healing of my attachment issues and just wanted to say, a charismatic, “handsome”, affluent man with an avoidant attachment style has an ENDLESS pool of women waiting for him, even into his 70’s and 80’s!!!😑🤪 We cross paths because of our neighborhood and social activities and I see him with a different woman on his arm (or in 1of his convertibles) weekly/monthly. My main purpose for sharing this is that I believe most single men (especially 40,50,60,70+ yr.old men) have an AVOIDANT attachment style. Learn about romantic attachment styles. Do NOT NOT be fooled into believing you can “change” a man’s emotional attachment style.
they may be less inclined due to greater availability of short-term "fun", but the ones who have wisdom know that building a long term relationship is desirable and worthy of investment.
Sounds to me like someone is chasing the Chads and expects commitment. Not gonna happen, they have too many options. The guys that would be in committed relationships have been friend zoned.
This is ridiculous. Love is a feeling & attraction. It isn't a carefully planned & perfect road map that is carefully calculated. It's chemistry & mutual respect & sharing.
Hey Matt, Love your content as always! I have a request. Can you have your live sessions at an Asia-friendly time as well Please. I was a part of your VIP circle, but eventually had to let go of the membership because every meeting with you was past my midnight back in India. I wrote a couple of mails expressing my challenges and requesting for a conducive time for your Asian audience. I hope you can have an Asia-friendly time or share recordings for folks on the other end of the Pacific :) Thanks for the great work that you and your team do. And I love the couple that Audrey and you make. Wishing you both joyful togetherness forever !
Hey there 👋 this is Bianca from the MH team - I just wanted to let you know that, as a VIP member (or Love Love Club member 😉) you get access to the recordings of all sessions that happen inside the membership 💙
@@bianca-mhteam6237 Hey Binaca, Thanks. I think I had interacted with you earlier. Hope you are well. Yes, we did get access to recordings. However, what I missed as a VIP member was to be in a live session with Matt and ask Qs on the fly, interact in real time. Hopefully, the number of Asian followers are large enough for you to have a session for Asians too, to have live interactions with Matt and ask their Qs. Though, I have enrolled for the 1 hour 'commitment webinar', it is at 12:30 am IST and I will not be able to attend :( Hence, the ask. Thanks for your understanding.
Unfortunately, I have to admit that watching this video made me realize that I’m nothing like what the right person should be. I do not feel that I can make theirs life better, I just don’t think that I I am that good that they want to stick around with me ( even though I’m caring, thoughtful and committed) I still think I’m not enough..so I guess I know now the reason why I’m single. Well.. probably still long process for me to work on myself.
Don't do that to yourself. I have a neighbor, she is not your typical cute girl, but what she has is that attitude we can all take note of, she says, I know I am not everyone's type, and that's ok, there are men out there, who would like me. The only thing I want to add is that watching these videos actually sometimes adds to insecurities. All of these guys are good looking and everything is amazing , or should be. To me it's a bit of a myth, relationships could be great at times and have some difficulties at times. But all I hear is it has to be amazing, you should be amazing.
work on healing the core wound that has you believe that you are not enough before you get into a relationship, otherwise you will end up with a partner who will only confirm to you that you are not good enough, and. you may end up accepting less than desirable behavior, or a lack of emotional and other needs met by him for you. You are enough! But something happened to you, maybe in your childhood, that convinced you taht you are not enough.
I would really like to see some stats and percents Matthew because otherwise it is not easy to believe that there is a large number of men searching commitment 😉
But i don’t want to find someone who would just commit! I want someone who would look at me and be like : there you are, i finally found you. Someone who’s been working hard on themselves and waiting to meet someone and get that feeling and i am that person for them and they are the person for me Sadly there is no guidance or textbook to help find people like like, i think we just do. Honnestly matthew, i no longer want to go running for someone looking for commitment just for the sake of being in a relationship, i want someone that would let me love them, make them happy and i let them do the same
I just say " I lost interest when man not want to commit after few dates." Then left and no contact. If he want to back so he's into me when not back just be happy it's not wasting times.
The issue isn’t that there aren’t mature, levelheaded men who want serious relationships. The issue is that those men are taken. My husband comes from a family of men who are taught to value marriage, and every single one of them was married by 35. You can’t sit back and wait and then be upset that you have to shop the clearance rack
Clearance rack 😆🤣 true but people can change & it’s not the partners fault, so they end up single, I’m single because I wasn’t diligent enough in choosing the right man, he was abusive.
Not entirely true, but I agree that it's mostly true I think it's actually a little bit like the job market - the best employees have already been doing in that career for ages and so they are very good at what they do, and also charge a high price It's not a perfect analogy because marriage is (supposed to be) a lifetime job, unlike most careers. But if you think people selecting careers like they select a partner, it makes more sense
I neee a really important advice. A guy was chasing me for sometime after i showed interest he became distant. How can I get him back. I need real help
commitment and love are two very different things. as esther perel says - "When you pick a partner, you pick a story. So what kind of story are you going to write? You are the editors of your life stories. Write well and edit often. And remember ... a life story is not a love story. You can love a lot more people than you can make a life with." there absolutely should be weighing and consideration before committing to a life story with someone. and if someone doesn't express this degree of consideration it suggests they're settling or have unrealistic romantic ideals and is a significant red flag.
I met a man who fixated on how I looked and said he wanted pretty girlfriends yet his ex were v plain? He told me he is out of my league and chased me bit then said he adored his freedom and never wanted to settle down again or get old and wants to drink and be free with mates and pull girls but at 53?😮
Can anyone suggest videos on how I can commit? I keep finding videos of how get get a man committed but I had about 3 men who feel in love with me and wanted to commit but it breaks mine and their hearts bc I’m the one who can’t commit. Please help! 😢
but my boyfriend has been leading me on for 13 years and just wants to talk on the phone with me but will not commit.....he still wants to talk in the phone.....wasting my time.
Matthew when does a person with Complex PTSD know that they can love someone? When ones inner compass has been early in life been on surival modus and does basically not know what true love is?
Hey there! You can email our support team at support@howtogettheguy.com and they'll let you know if a recording will be available and how you can access it 🧡 -Bianca, MH team
We need a dating app that connects all of your male and female listeners so there’s less guessing about who’s ready for commitment 😊
Oh perfect!
some people would still misuse that service.
Or a discord
YES! And they can't join the app unless they've watched 20 videos of Matt and passed a written test where the questions are about his teachings about relationships and self growth. So we KNOW they're actually well read already and no uninformed people sign up. They have tinder, hinge, etc. for that
Alas, that would require honesty and directness. A pair of traits seldom found in female homo sapiens. 😢
Just here to let you know that my group of friends and I all listen to you, Matt, and we're all male. Great dating advice and human decency transcends gender.
I am a female and you made me smile and feel peaceful with your text. Thank you ☺️
Cheering you on over here! 😃🤞🏻
Thank you for making me smile.
Yes, agreed. Female here. I'm encouraged to see men and women doing the work to heal so that when we meet the right one we can co-create a beautiful life.
@@OM-1111 it’s nice to when videos like this to help heal compared to other channels that tend to polarize extreme negative male vs female ideologies and perceptions
As I was fighting for you, I realized I was fighting to be lied to; fighting to be taken for granted; fighting to be disappointed; and fighting to be hurt again! So I started fighting to let go!
You got this!!!
beautifully said
Amen
Perfectly stated!
That is deep
Mutual emotional availability is the first cornerstone for establishing a relationship that will have the capacity to develop and grow.
100%%%!
It’s becoming obvious to me that the most important things people need to focus on in society right now is self love and healing. Relationships should not even be on their radar until they are healed and truly love them self.
It's a beautiful thought, but do we ever really truly get to that point?❤
Your comment reminds me of his video. You don't have to be fully on that stage prior to searching for a relationship being good enough is alright.
@@GGray. haven't checked it out yet actually. But yes. That sounds good for me then 🎈
@@Mememememe2024 it’s not easy, but obviously anything that’s worth having is worth putting in the work
@@Mememememe2024 exactly right, you’re actually too kind to the original post. Anyone who waits for perfection is going to wait forever. Certainly a terrible idea.
I'm male, and I definitively want to be in a committed relationship. I hate the idea of hooking up and playing the field.
Nice to hear. You are a breath of fresh air.
Same. Weird there is the other type :/
If you are having to FIGHT for commitment… then they are not your person. The best advice is to commit to yourself… if someone tells you that they do not want a relationship BELIEVE THEM ❤❤
I’ve eliminated the idea of even being friends with guys. I’ve made a clear distinction between a guy who wants something more or just friendship. Having wasted years with guys who wanted me around as this friends forever, becoming emotionally attached and then seeing them choose women in my presence has been nothing but a painful experience
wow! I'm just facing my first grief because of that "forever friendship experience" I'll keep in mine to learn about that clear distinction
Very smart. This is a great sign of a mature woman. You are learning to quickly polarise love interests and this is a really good thing. Keep doing this and you will never waste time or hurt yourself. I respect women and men alike that do this. It’s what grown ups do when they know what they want. You’ve made a big step. Well done.
I’ve had same experiences and so I’ve stopped being friends with guys
Congratulations on being married! I sincerely wish you and Audrey a happy and fulfilling married life together! Wonderful news!
Thank you!
And she stands out as clearly giving the impression of someone who is prepared to be a wife and not just a girlfriend, "queen", etc. It's really quite obvious (to me, at least)
I there are also many people who say they want commitment, but then either don't want to do the work, or are deep down afraid of it.
Right.
You’re probably one of the few out there with a healthy mindset about this topic and sometimes is so easy to just fall into these logics. Thank you.
I'm with you, Matthew.
No tactics, but self improvement and character.
I feel that dating changed a lot for the past couple of years. And I really love that you are also becoming flexible. Without giving all of these manipulation techniques or "be in your feminine/masculine", or "go and do that and that" - you are just bringing the focus to what is really really important. To one self. This is so great. No surprise everybody says that 2024 is a year of healing and self love. I think things will get better very soon 🥰
Girls, stop believing that you are so special that a guy would change just because of you. He will not start a successful relationship with YOU because all the other girls around him are just an 8 and you think you are a 9 or 10 (he maybe change his position about relationship if you have a really amazing character, but are you really that differnt than other girls?).
Look how he is acting (and in which company he is, where he is, what he is doing, what he is not doing, ...) BEFORE he starts to talk to you the first time. This is the most authentic picture of him you will get for a long time.
Absolutely, 100% facts.
Well, I'm sure I'm very different from other girls, because I'm a woman. If he's with girls, he's a pedo. I don't want a pedo.
Live your passion and the rest might follow
There is not even an issue of thinking about loosing any freedom in a loving relationship.
People who really appreciate loving commitment see it as togetherness, spending most of the time together, mostly sharing and creating with their chosen loved one, including them in all aspects of their life, being united spiritually and physically.
This is the true essence of commitment, anything away from that is traumatic avoidance and selfishness.
I fully agree with you, but people who may have suffered abuse or trauma in relationships may feel triggered or even threatened at the thought of sharing a life of commitment with someone else. I believe healthy relationships must have a balance between each partner's individual space and the togetherness they will experience so long as they're dating each other.
People always tend to look for people who understand and empathize with them, people with shared or common life experiences, common religious beliefs or political ideology, people who come from a similar cultural or ethnic background. This doesn't mean that two people from a different religion, different political ideology, or different cultures can't fall in love with each other and build an amazing relationship, but it's harder because we naturally gravitate towards people like us, people who can easily get us without much thought.
This is why compatibility in a partner in terms of shared and mutual goals in life, a similar concept of what a family is, what a marriage should be like, a partner whose political opinions and ideology are similar to yours, a partner with the same religion as you or at the very least, a compatible religion are important qualities and traits to look for in a potential partner, because love and se× alone are not enough to hold a relationship together if both partners don't have some important traits in common that help them navigate through their differences.
People in general tend to feel safer and freer when they are with other individuals with similar personality traits, similar belief systems and opinions in terms of religion, politics, ethics, morality, shared or common life experiences, common or shared traumas and pain, because we open up easier with people who possess the ability to empathize with us, and while you don't need to fully agree with everything a person believes in for you to feel empathy for his or her painful experiences and understand where he or she comes from, it's a fact that people who come from a similar background as you will possess an enhanced ability to be in your shoes compared to people from totally different or even opposite backgrounds, experiences, belief systems and so on.
@95maferisturiz What you analyze , to me at least, it is obvious.
Of course, people need to be compatible spiritually , morally, and emotionally so that they can communicate clearly and feel each other.
Mostly, people have been traumatized in previous relationships, and we all have had some anxious or/and avoidant traits , but how we treat them and how we heal is what will define a healthy commitment eventually.
As far as individuality goes ... if we craved for that, we would be happy all alone .. togetherness and sharing your whole life with your loved one is the healthy and real and only reason why you want to be in a commitment. Individuality evolves in your togetherness.
People who are afraid of loosing their "Individual" space in a loving commitment don't really know what loneliness is about and that the scariest thing of it all is to be old alone with no one to have really ever truly loved you and grow WITH you.
The issue lies in their expressed desire for a car; however, the underlying challenges include a lack of driving skills, reluctance to learn, and a genuine preference for bikes.
I told the guy from the very beginning that I'm looking for a serious relationship. He said so was he. He gave me commitment but he would not make things official. But he wouldn't hide either. He would talk to me about our future together. I was confused throughout our time together. Finally, one fine day he decided that we're not right for each other.
I'm angry because he was the one who was interested in ne first. He pursued me then concluded it was not working. Then decided to come back again and did everything to make me trust him again and then left me again because he felt we were not right for each other.
sounds like a standard case of a honeymoon phase to me. committing early on is a red flag - it suggests they want a committed relationship more than they want a committed relationship *with you*. and that distinction is vitally important to consider!
Sorry to hear he did that to you a second time. It's quite frustrating!! Sadly some people are very good at faking interest for too long. Hope you heal soob and find the right one for you
Some men (not many, mostly the handsome ones) play the "i give you a relationship and you give me s€x game". Watch out for those.
absoloutely. As someone who (embarassingly) has been that red flag, it's true. He is looking for someone to fill a role. Keyword: someone. Not necessaril you. I'd cut your losses and move on, you deserve better. @@Matortheeternal
Seems like my story. I started dating him again now 2 months after breaking up but if we're not getting married, I don't wanna waste my time. I'm open to dating other amazing men.
Totally agree, I keep dating some great women but they are simply not healed enough to be in a commited relationship. It's hard to sit around and wait for them to heal. Especially when there is no guarantee and you feel like your life is passing you by.
Thanks once again, Matthew for a great insight. I think though the problem has always been that we women have always been advised by our male friends and brothers, as well as by other coaches, to NEVER let a man know that you're looking for commitment, that that will scare them away.
So it's great to hear your take on that.
Thank you for over a decade of wisdom Matthew! Happy new year to you, Audrey, Jameson, Stephen and the rest of the team! Congratulations on getting married- wishing you both a lifetime of peace and bliss ❤
Thank you!
Thank you for your continued efforts in sharing this wonderful knowledge with us!
I learned a lot through your videos, another awesome video and great editing!
You did an amazing job! I look forward to meeting you somewhere in this world (maybe in Taipei) in my lifetime! 👍🥰🙏🎁🎈🎉
I'd love to come to Taipei for an event one day! Thank you for your kindness.
@@thematthewhussey It is my honor, thanks to you too! Take care! Happy travels! 👍🥰🙌
Watching your videos almost a year now.. after a very painful break up.
I have learned a lot through your videos and you have helped me a lot during this healing period of my life 🙏❤
Just signed up for your event! First time joining a live session! Looking forward to! 🥰
Best regards from Greece❤
Amazing video, character > tactics hits the nail on the head. I've done about a year of personal "work" on myself and ultimately this is what had ended up changing the most. I just never had the words to describe it. Thank you!
Matthew character versus tactics you are a wise man!!
Love you 🥰
It is so painful now how a person can turn his back on you in a matter of a week... They did not even got a chance to see my true character...
Because he saw enough to know your negatives and high maintenance likely isn't worth the sacrifice and ongoing cost of his time.
Grow up, don't be that serious, humble massively down, and stop listen to this crap shit from this female whisperer shill, a guy looking for a bike will gladly take a rare lambo and legendary supra with character anyday.
It’s probably not your fault but a week is no time! Maybe met someone else or was not looking for the same thing! It happens x
happpened to me too last year. twice. one was a drug addict. other was recently unemployed and suffering depression. so like others said it might not have been you.
His loss.
That is usually because the other person wants a hookup only & they see right away that you are not that. Consider yourself lucky that he walked away.
I want to write a letter of gratitude to Matthew. I am in Pakistan where nobody is there to guide you. Friends are the support system but one learns by making own mistakes. Your videos and content and free online training helped me so much that I have grown into a confident woman at 41. Your content has played a significant role on my road to healing and I am still healing but I now pat myself on the back when I use your rules in real time and see the result. I am still looking for my person but now I'm not stressed anymore because you have changed my mental discourse of dating. I didn't know that you posted this video a month ago and I missed the free training about commitment because this is something that I'm still struggling with. I hope to get there eventually and I hope that you would post this free training again sometime. I don't have your email address so I'm expressing my gratitude in the comments. More power to you.
Dating just feels like a job interview. You review candidates and it completely kills the excitement of enjoying the person's company. I have grown tired of casual dating and the hookups and FWB that it has turned me off from the dating world. It feels like there isnt any sense of suprise. By going inward, I look to find what kind of partner I am attracting. There a lot of beautiful people out there that are more deserving than a mere hookup, FWB, casual fling, or One Night Stand. Being in a relationship is a beautiful thing as long it is with the RIGHT person.
It often does, but the alternative is flying by the seat of your pants and connecting with people who really aren't right for you. I think there has to be a healthy balance of interviewing and fun activities. That way you can evaluate the true quality of someone as a match for you while also working to build chemistry. That said, this needs to be reciprocal.
So much of dating is made much more difficult because people are just totally not on the same page when it comes to how to date. For example, many attractive people develop large egos from getting constant attention, which leads them to assume that dating and relationships should follow the same pattern of others fawning after or serving them. But the people who do this fawning lack self-respect and often don't make good equal partners in a healthy long-term relationship. When the relationship is established on a basis of unequal contribution, it can become a breeding ground for resentment and distrust. The people who choose these kinds of relationships are often trauma-bonding, which is unhealthy for them and their partner!
The one thing I want to see, as a guy, from a potential partner, is the ability to take initiative and be intentional. If a date is upfront with me in presenting strong character qualities and clear standards/expectations, it communicates to me that they actually care about how their partner shows up and are mature enough to communicate what they care about and how important it is to them. It demonstrates so many deeply attractive character attributes when they take the initiative to say how they would like me or any other prospective partner to show up for them. Now, some ways of showing up, e.g. "giving me gifts or financially supporting me" will be an immediate turn-off, because they present an immediate incompatibility in values - but that's a good thing. Such people should not date me because I will not be able to show up for them the way they want me to and be happy about it.
So the key takeaway here is: be upfront about what your values are, what you are looking for in a relationship, and what your boundaries are. Communicate clearly and firmly. Do so early on, it will set the tone for the relationship and save time for both you and your dates by weeding out incompatible matches quickly.
Do note, that this does not mean you need to be extremely rigid. Hold your values, desires, and boundaries as sacred, but have the space to forgive honest mistakes. Allow for a degree of compromise assuming your partner really is putting in the effort to show up for you. Offer consideration and constructive ideas to help them grow in how they connect with you. This is how you built a strong and healthy foundation for a long-lasting committed relationship.
This. Much more deserving than a fling/one night stand bullshit. Know your worth. Don't settle.
I will say after finally healing my negative beliefs on myself its made it much easier to do this. Even when it seemed I was being dismissed over someone else I just wanted to move on but hell they werent letting me go which made me feel really bad knowing theyve never had any long term loving relationships and a ton of trauma but I at least wanted to respect what I wanted in spite of it.
I avoided at all costs giving an ultimatum because I just assummed theyd be happy down the line if they also moved on from me so I was deadset on leaving albeit I didnt want to put my feelings on the line as much as I wanted to. I just put all my expectations down though, even if they would reconsider itd probably be months from now but to my surprise it was only a week and weve been together for nearly a year now. But yes from experience I can confirm this is solid advice, youll become much more naturally attractive if you show how much resolve you have and truly believe you can mutually benefit from being together.
a lack of commitment from men is not a problem I've found now having hit my 40s. I've found the problem is they are too eager to jump into a relationship without actually taking the time to get to know me.
You should look into attachment styles, the men you’re talking about are likely AP, (anxious attachment). Possibly FA, fearful avoidant, which switches back-and-forth in a simplistic explanation.
On the other side of the spectrum, someone with a dismissive avoidant attachment style, or a secure attachment style is likely not going to be “too eager” to jump into a relationship. So I guess my point is it depends on the individual but attachment style provides a good model to understand this.
or you are just part of the few women who are worth a relationship ;-)
Thanks@@sethtenrecI have heard of this concept but there's something about thinking like this that feels a bit reductionist and determined to fit people neatly into a box of some kind. While I agree it can help to a certain point, on the whole I find it matters less. I like to take in the whole of the person, and i'm interested in seeing how the parts of them fit and add up - basically, just being curious about another human being - in a very kind way, not in an interrogating manner! And then I like to observe the affect that interaction has on me. Most of the time if feels like they are not really looking, or particularly interested. Instead, they appear to view things via a filter, and end up aligning and fitting everything to fit some internal narrative. It's a real shame because I think it's often how people pick the wrong person to be with.
thanks :)@@incassable
Are they younger? In my experience, this seems like they are role reversed and want the benefits of an established and sexual relationship without much responsibility in regards to possible financial or family duties.
Thank you, Matthew! Can you please please make a video about (in)compatibility in a relationship? ❤❤
Why would I want a commitment with all the toxic self-absorbed people out there? 😂😂😂 That’s the real question my friend 🎉
if you are attracting mostly toxic and self-absorbed people, you may want to consider where you're fishing and what kind of bait you're using.
@Matortheeternal umm there are so many toxic fish out there you will encounter many before finding a good one. Sometimes it has nothing to do with you, toxic fish are EVERYWHERE.
I've signed up :) What you're saying here sounds encouragingly healthy, and I think, it can actually be extrapolated way beyond just romantic relationships, so I'm really looking forward to hearing more about that.
You have to become the person men would love to be in a commitment with. It's not about finding the right one, it's about becomming the right one. Men will be attracted to you as men are visual but they will not stay or commit if they feel that being in a commitment with you isn't the right choice. When it comes to commitment men are just as diligent. Men are not interested in being gotten, they are interested in being loved.
Men are people. Women are people. They come in many different types. Stereotyping by gender is not going to be that good of a strategy for navigating the world of relationship seeking.
@@sethtenrec We are all people. But people are different, genders are different. This is not streeotyping, this is stating facts. Men and women are very different as to what they are looking for in a mate, so it would be absurd to paint everyone with the same brush.
This is horrible advice. It is not the job of women to become the person men want, especially when most men won't do that for women in turn. People can only become what they want to become, and that shouldn't be dictated by anyone but the self.
@@ThePsychicClarinetist Wouldn't you want to be in a relationship with a man who you would love to be in a relationship with, or do you want to be in a relationship with a man who doesn't care what you want. Yes you can dictate to your self that you are going to be that person the opposite gender would love to be in a relationship with, doesn't matter if you are a guy or girl. If you don't care what the other gender wants then good luck with your dating life :) all of Mr Hussey's advice will not help you.
@@nicksmith-cx1fx The point is that you made it the woman's responsibility to match the man's expectations. It's okay to have boundaries in relationships, but it should be reciprocal and equitable. You have made it a "woman wins the man" situation, which is not equitable or equal. If that is the only way to have a relationship with a man, I'd rather just stay single, and I know many ladies who feel the same. You clearly don't care what the other gender wants either, so good luck to you too.
happy New Year 🥳
Thank you Matthew and Audrey! And the rest of the team!
Mr Hussey I do follow your channel as I like the life advice that you give and it has helped me in my own personal life. I am however surprised that in all your 1000 videos you have never mentioned what men want in a woman, what men are looking for. Women really are clueless what men want, they think men want the same things as them like a career and so on. Also all this pandering to women is the root of the issue why women are single. You are the prize and you deserve a top quality guy just coz you exist. We all have to work on ourselves to become the great husband or wife that the oppsite sex would want.
You know, I’m a guy that gets a lot out of these videos, men and women aren’t different, across-the-board. Everybody needs human connection, a secure relationship looks the same either way. Anyway, this particular channel has decided to focus on talking to women, and has been highly successful doing that. I recommend you do as I do, and just translate, or else look elsewhere.
@@sethtenrec yes this channel is talking to women, but I am only bringing to light what is lacking in this channel.
Hey Nick. I feel like I've talked quite a lot over time about what makes an attractive person. As for "You are the prize and you deserve a top quality guy just coz you exist." I don't think you'll find me ever having said anything remotely like that. The truth is, there are enough channels out there dividing men and women, and I don't want to be another one. Yes the channel has been geared towards women historically, but I think it's a very humanist channel at its core, which is why men and LGTBQ+ alike get so much out of the content too. It's universal. Do I think there are some generalizations that can be made between men and women, yes. Do I think obsessing over them and fetishizing them (as happens a lot on youtube) is as important about learning principles for attraction and great relationships that anyone can apply...no.
I also think it's worth pointing out that even in the example you gave (where you alluded to men not wanting a woman who has a career in the same way that a woman might want a man who has a career), this is just not true for so many men. Lot's of men like the support of having a woman who is a team mate in providing, or has her own sense of career purpose and is busy doing her own thing while he is doing is. My wife is powerful at work and I love it! Many men would rather a woman who has a career than one who doesn't, for a multitude of reasons. I'm not saying all men are like that, but lots are. It also changes for a lot of men with age. For some, when they are younger they feel less secure about a woman having a career, but later on when they feel more comfortable in their own skin it changes.
I rarely write such long comments, (maybe I'll turn this into a future video now that I have!). But I appreciate you taking the time to comment Nick, and that you watch my stuff. I suppose in summary. I just don't want this to be another corner of the internet where men and women are reduced to these easy to summarize beings who all behave alike and want them same things. And I think we have to be careful of consuming content that tells us as much, even if there are grains of truth in what those content channels are saying. Oh, and you will never, ever find me saying that merely "existing" makes anyone the "prize" for someone who is a really high quality person, regardless of gender 😄
@@thematthewhussey Mr Hussey, thanks for clarifying. I do love your content and the advice that you give has tremendously helped me in my own life and with women.
Thank you Nick. I agree with you, it seems like all I run into is the same thing, entitlement and I’m the prize. You sure are! I’m still trying to find a guy that actually wants a boss babe, maybe there are some out there, I wish them luck. Get your passport!
This is your best video. Thank you so much. It was desperately needed.🙏
I am a guy and landed on this video because I am trying to understand why so many women run away from commitment even though they say that’s what they want. Their actions often are the exact opposite of their words.
Women often time will be the first one to bring up wanting a relationship that is more serious/committed/engagement etc., but like clockwork, when I match or heaven forbid show more commitment or interest then they do, it’s like A switch in them turns off and they want to move on to chasing someone new . 🤯
they probably have avoidant attachment.
Or probably you are only going by face value. A highly feminine woman won't be shiny outside.
@@nuwanda3333 and you nailed it. My ex-Fiance actually was the one who introduced me to attachment styles when she told me she had fearful avoidant attachment.
I learned as much as I could so I could walk through it with her as she continued to work through it but yes her switch off was absolutely brutal when she did it. It was so emotionless and totally disregarded all previous connections and life she had shown me
@@nuwanda3333 I came here to make a similar response, it’s not about gender, it’s about attachment style.
Yep
I was together with my ex for 3 years long distance relationship, I invented most of my life for this relationship, but by the end of it he said he loves me wanted to be with me; but he said he couldn’t see himself in a marriage, didn’t know what he wanted for his life, so walked away broke up with him. He was sad crying a lot but wouldn’t give me a marriage I want
I'm not sure I understand what you are saying Matthew... Have you changed your mind about guys telling they are not ready for a relationship? You said in Lisa Beaulieu's podcast: "When a guy says he's not ready for a relationship, it's a giant redflag and he is telling you: I am going to hurt you." I've been following that advice and cut guys off immediately. All of this happens after a few dates and happened to me a lot in 5 years being single. I'm burned out.... I have the feeling that a man who wants a serious relationship can find it pretty quickly... But guys in the middle who are not sure can cause a lot of damage. I'm not sure it's worth the gamble.
That's the dumbest advice I have ever seen give to women
A women asking if a man is going to be serious on the first few dates, is like a man asking if she expects him to pay for the best and if she is planning to act like gold-digger, to please ensure they give sex after the expensive lobster dinner. Really Dumb advice w zero female game, I bet you scared of 1/5 of the guys who would consider commiting to you in those years.
Get to know the person, put out your story and you case, if you have only long term relationship in the past and nothing else, 99% of guys you date will get the mesg, say u want to be serious w/o saying he needs to commit asap, just like guys says they find you sexy w/o needing to say they want to ejaculate inside of you tonight
5 years wasted in your love life
there are many guys who want a serious relationship who cannot find it! we're out there, and many of us are attractive and interesting people. you probably just aren't interested in us for some random reason like we are too dry when texting. 😂
@@Matortheeternalnope, I second this. I have dated a lot and not one man wants commitment. I end things quickly. It's not the type of guy we go for, a lot say they want a serious relationship in how of getting sex, but when they realise they aren't getting it until they show commitment they act dumb and play the I'm not ready card. 😂, yet they can easily commit to the hoe. I realised that when men find something real it forces them to re-evaluate what they want and 99.9999% they cant handle a stable rational woman. A man's self esteem is depicted by the woman on his arm and you can see there are a lot of men with LOW self esteem. A quote I read from a man too. 😂
I'll be there. Thanks for creating this session for us! :)
Amazing!
Thanks Matthew for your guidance, have a wonderful day, bless you 🦋🌸💫💫💫💫💫
Hello! Joining from Warsaw, Poland. Can't wait to see you!
Needed to hear this!!! Hoping for more commitment characters on the dating scene 🙏🏻
Just signed up for the training. Thank you!
Only way I commit is if it’s better and enhances my life but not if it’s the same or worse. I also learned that if we are not on the same page or I feel they do not want what I want I end it and move on. I don’t try to convince them. Life is too short to be with someone that’s not fully in it with you. I will not change someone nor do I want them to change unless they want to change for themselves. Most women I have come across just go their own way when I cut things off so I haven’t had to deal with crazy ones. This is just the way I have always looked at things and I don’t need a relationship but more of a want. So am ok being single if they are not the right one for me as am not going to be in a relationship just to be in one.
Are you me ? 😂 love your perspectives. That’s exactly how I navigate things. Happy to see I’m not the only one 😊
Just signed up for your training. Thank you so much, Matthew! You are the best!
See you there!
How interesting. I realize I fear this as a woman. the loss of freedom and living my own life. That's why I'm single. It would really take the right kind of person to feel like its a thriving relationship that's not holding me back
Just signed up. Looking forward to it! Thank you for this wonderful offer! 😊
Like this idea of going from the belief place!
Happy new year Matt !!!! I’m loving this beautiful fresh new energy radiating from you ❤😊
I showed commitment and character on my part without giving an ultimatum or playing games and I still didn’t get marriage after 13 years (4 years of which we were engaged). He had a sudden change of heart and doesn’t want the expectations that come with marriage and engagement. I am heart broken and cannot trust again.
Sometimes we focus so much on the end result of getting what we want from someone, like marriage, that we forget to ask if they are even the person who can and is willing to be emotionally and intimately present, and who love us enough to want to provide for our needs in relationship. I suspect your ex fiance was not someone who cared much about your needs and desires in the first place. So in that regard, you dodged a bullet.
Maybe the commitment you need to show is to yourself and your needs and desires, and not abandon yourself for someone else next time. Choose yourself first, be loyal and true to yourself first.
Wishing you find the love that you yearn for.
@@patty518thank you Patty. You are correct that he probably didn’t care too much about my needs or desires.
Men who are good looking are less inclined to commit long term. They have access to all the fish in the ocean and no shortage of new experiences one after the other till they grow old. And that is what they value, 'live in the moment ' and fresh experiences to move on to once they feel bored. Too much work to try and maintain an ongoing relationship when it's become stale or difficult. There's a queue of fresh and different flavours just outside the door.
Whereas guys that haven't been endowed with crumbs from Adonis are more interested in long term commitment and willing to work for it, because it may be the one chance they get.
hmm can't necessarily agree. I am not looking bad and tall but I had to work for it and changed a lot compared to when I was younger. I always wanted only a serious long-term relationship and I am not intersted in casual s.. at all and never was. And I am/was happy in life before my ex broke up with me. I obviously did not behave perfectly and it might have looked that I was disinterested in my ex before she broke up for 4-5 weeks. I wasn't. I was exhausted from work, and also did not give 100% which is correct. But from my honest point of view is no reason to break up. You need to talk about it. I saw her flaws in the beginning and accepted them. Well that's what you get for it :/
I absolutely agree…and it’s not down to bitterness on my part. I remarried a charismatic, handsome 64(!!) yr. old divorced man who, I realized later, has an avoidant attachment style (to the insecure attachment style I had during our marriage). I’ve done MUCH self-work, self-healing of my attachment issues and just wanted to say, a charismatic, “handsome”, affluent man with an avoidant attachment style has an ENDLESS pool of women waiting for him, even into his 70’s and 80’s!!!😑🤪 We cross paths because of our neighborhood and social activities and I see him with a different woman on his arm (or in 1of his convertibles) weekly/monthly. My main purpose for sharing this is that I believe most single men (especially 40,50,60,70+ yr.old men) have an AVOIDANT attachment style. Learn about romantic attachment styles. Do NOT NOT be fooled into believing you can “change” a man’s emotional attachment style.
they may be less inclined due to greater availability of short-term "fun", but the ones who have wisdom know that building a long term relationship is desirable and worthy of investment.
Sounds to me like someone is chasing the Chads and expects commitment. Not gonna happen, they have too many options. The guys that would be in committed relationships have been friend zoned.
Also, it has nothin to do with attachment style.
Beautiful. Well done Hussey
This is ridiculous. Love is a feeling & attraction. It isn't a carefully planned & perfect road map that is carefully calculated. It's chemistry & mutual respect & sharing.
Wow caught it straight away hi from Sydney
Just registered👍 Thank you for this opportunity! Can't wait!!🙌
Hey Matt, Love your content as always! I have a request. Can you have your live sessions at an Asia-friendly time as well Please. I was a part of your VIP circle, but eventually had to let go of the membership because every meeting with you was past my midnight back in India. I wrote a couple of mails expressing my challenges and requesting for a conducive time for your Asian audience. I hope you can have an Asia-friendly time or share recordings for folks on the other end of the Pacific :)
Thanks for the great work that you and your team do. And I love the couple that Audrey and you make. Wishing you both joyful togetherness forever !
Hey there 👋 this is Bianca from the MH team - I just wanted to let you know that, as a VIP member (or Love Love Club member 😉) you get access to the recordings of all sessions that happen inside the membership 💙
@@bianca-mhteam6237 Hey Binaca, Thanks. I think I had interacted with you earlier. Hope you are well. Yes, we did get access to recordings. However, what I missed as a VIP member was to be in a live session with Matt and ask Qs on the fly, interact in real time. Hopefully, the number of Asian followers are large enough for you to have a session for Asians too, to have live interactions with Matt and ask their Qs. Though, I have enrolled for the 1 hour 'commitment webinar', it is at 12:30 am IST and I will not be able to attend :( Hence, the ask. Thanks for your understanding.
Unfortunately, I have to admit that watching this video made me realize that I’m nothing like what the right person should be. I do not feel that I can make theirs life better, I just don’t think that I I am that good that they want to stick around with me ( even though I’m caring, thoughtful and committed) I still think I’m not enough..so I guess I know now the reason why I’m single. Well.. probably still long process for me to work on myself.
Don't do that to yourself. I have a neighbor, she is not your typical cute girl, but what she has is that attitude we can all take note of, she says, I know I am not everyone's type, and that's ok, there are men out there, who would like me. The only thing I want to add is that watching these videos actually sometimes adds to insecurities. All of these guys are good looking and everything is amazing , or should be. To me it's a bit of a myth, relationships could be great at times and have some difficulties at times. But all I hear is it has to be amazing, you should be amazing.
work on healing the core wound that has you believe that you are not enough before you get into a relationship, otherwise you will end up with a partner who will only confirm to you that you are not good enough, and. you may end up accepting less than desirable behavior, or a lack of emotional and other needs met by him for you. You are enough! But something happened to you, maybe in your childhood, that convinced you taht you are not enough.
I’ve signed up - for the first time ever.
That's great! I'll see you there. Really excited about this one.
Dzięki :)
Do zobaczenia 23.01.
Very interesting topic , I Love My man
thanks
Signed up! Greetings from Chicago
Hello to you in Chicago! Love that city.
Aw you both committed now 🎉🎉🎉
Thank you
Thanks. Jennifer Lopez Sanchez
From Virginia Beach
I like your video
I would really like to see some stats and percents Matthew because otherwise it is not easy to believe that there is a large number of men searching commitment 😉
There is, they have all been friend zoned.
I signed up!! It's on my birthday, so...more of a sign than this I don't know what is xD
Looking forward to being there
Amazing!
Intresting how some men seem to feel attacked by Matthew video here 😢
A secure man would not feel attacked by Matt's comments 🤦🏼♀️
i missed this. Where can I find the re-watch? please :)
But i don’t want to find someone who would just commit! I want someone who would look at me and be like : there you are, i finally found you.
Someone who’s been working hard on themselves and waiting to meet someone and get that feeling and i am that person for them and they are the person for me
Sadly there is no guidance or textbook to help find people like like, i think we just do.
Honnestly matthew, i no longer want to go running for someone looking for commitment just for the sake of being in a relationship, i want someone that would let me love them, make them happy and i let them do the same
This is great!
Beautiful 🙏🏻❤️
?Could we create a list of beautiful advice for men podcast youtubers here, would love to know to share❤
I ordered Love Life yesterday, so how do I get the free bonuses that are promised?
I just say " I lost interest when man not want to commit after few dates." Then left and no contact. If he want to back so he's into me when not back just be happy it's not wasting times.
Signed up
Who would you refer us to for advice for men (who struggle with commitment)?
The issue isn’t that there aren’t mature, levelheaded men who want serious relationships. The issue is that those men are taken. My husband comes from a family of men who are taught to value marriage, and every single one of them was married by 35. You can’t sit back and wait and then be upset that you have to shop the clearance rack
Clearance rack 😆🤣 true but people can change & it’s not the partners fault, so they end up single, I’m single because I wasn’t diligent enough in choosing the right man, he was abusive.
Not entirely true, but I agree that it's mostly true
I think it's actually a little bit like the job market - the best employees have already been doing in that career for ages and so they are very good at what they do, and also charge a high price
It's not a perfect analogy because marriage is (supposed to be) a lifetime job, unlike most careers. But if you think people selecting careers like they select a partner, it makes more sense
I mean a happy commited relationship is really nice
call it out, communicate concerns together and stop playing games.
what makes people realize they want to be with you?
Just signed up!
Yay!
I neee a really important advice. A guy was chasing me for sometime after i showed interest he became distant. How can I get him back. I need real help
You were one of many he was chasing and someone else must given up faster or he is making you believe that
@@How.Dare.You. now he is giving some other girl attention infront of me and that really sucks 😞
@@trishdebnath sounds like a player. Id not entertain that
@@How.Dare.You. so what would be your advice? RUN???
@@trishdebnath im affraid so!
Don't date a project.
Don't date if you are a project.
Complete the big personal growth work first. Your responsibility alone.
End of.
Missed the Jan 23rd commitment session - how do I access that now??
Where can I watch this one hour video now?
I like watching your videos
You look so lovely
Watching this on the 23rd of January.... 😐🤦🏻♀️🙈
So true no one wants commitment these days
Nah.. I’m good. I don’t need to “convince” anyone to love me, or to commit to me. That’s not love.
commitment and love are two very different things. as esther perel says - "When you pick a partner, you pick a story. So what kind of story are you going to write? You are the editors of your life stories. Write well and edit often. And remember ... a life story is not a love story. You can love a lot more people than you can make a life with."
there absolutely should be weighing and consideration before committing to a life story with someone. and if someone doesn't express this degree of consideration it suggests they're settling or have unrealistic romantic ideals and is a significant red flag.
I met a man who fixated on how I looked and said he wanted pretty girlfriends yet his ex were v plain?
He told me he is out of my league and chased me bit then said he adored his freedom and never wanted to settle down again or get old and wants to drink and be free with mates and pull girls but at 53?😮
Can anyone suggest videos on how I can commit? I keep finding videos of how get get a man committed but I had about 3 men who feel in love with me and wanted to commit but it breaks mine and their hearts bc I’m the one who can’t commit. Please help! 😢
1PM central time, a lot of ppl will be at work. Are you going to release vid on your RUclips after?
but my boyfriend has been leading me on for 13 years and just wants to talk on the phone with me but will not commit.....he still wants to talk in the phone.....wasting my time.
Matthew when does a person with Complex PTSD know that they can love someone?
When ones inner compass has been early in life been on surival modus and does basically not know what true love is?
Online dating is hell, 90% of men want ONS or FWB. (my experience)
Will a video recording of the event be available for attendees who have a scheduling conflict?
Hey there! You can email our support team at support@howtogettheguy.com and they'll let you know if a recording will be available and how you can access it 🧡 -Bianca, MH team