When Your Child Calls Her Siblings Pieces of $h%t | True Parenting
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- Опубликовано: 28 май 2024
- When Your Child Calls Her Siblings Pieces of $h%t | True Parenting //
What is the best way to parent children who are fighting? Is allowing your kid to call their siblings pieces of $h%t an OK parenting technique? Watch this video to learn what to do when your child calls her siblings names.
Next, watch How to Manage the Effects of Divorce on Kids
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00:00 Intro
00:43 Skit
07:19 Breakdown
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• When Your Child Calls ...
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Wow, Jono really committed to all of those roles 😀
Cracked up when I saw Jono in all the costumes for the first time 😂. Good stuff though. It’s crazy accurate
Our kids love to watch and rewatch this one 🤣
I like the question “what do you need to take responsibility for” and not “what did the other person do wrong”.
I use something similar. What was your part? Never what did the other do. It's a bit tricky at times, but it works.
Glad I randomly opened my phone to this while surrounded by my siblings😭😭😭
As I was halfway through this, here comes my
3 y/o and 6 y/o screaming into my room tattling on each other😂 we had a quick sit down. So thank you😅❤
If I heard my kids call each other pieces of sh*t I’d have to take time away to gather myself so I didn’t giggle in front of them.
Fr though, a discussion about how the words we use matter on the part of the name calling and a secondary discussion concerning being annoying. My 6yo has heard “you don’t get to be annoying for free. When you’re messing with people, people will get frustrated with you” at least a zillion times from him going up and playing the “I’m not touching you” game with the toddler 😒
Everyone needs someone to look at them the way Jono looks at you❤
Honestly, this stressed me out. Made me remember being badgered by adults at that age. I'm happy I'm an adult now and don't have to tolerate it anymore.
Yeah, it really felt like that girl was dealing with a pattern of people not taking her seriously that bandaid solutions wouldn't work for. Also, pow-wow is not an appropriate term to use if you're not first nations...
I literally had to stop and have a minute to calm down watching this lmao feels like watching a light version of emotional abuse, sorry to say this
@@calladricosplays exactly when it always happens again and again you talk and they still don’t better themselves and instead you always get in trouble yourself it just gets so frustrating and annoying
I’m not a parent, but I love kids and have spent a lot of time around them (education internships in the past from college, babysitting, having a large extended family, teaching Sunday school, etc). I love your parenting videos very much and hope that one day when I have a family, I’ll be able to apply your knowledge in my personal life. In the meantime, I definitely see how your advice can be helpful for any relationship, not solely parenting and I find that useful even now, without children. I’m so thankful for you two! (Especially that you vulnerably share your authentic, genuine selves/stories for your audience’s benefit) ❤️🙏🏼
Thank you Michelle!
This video is a breakthrough. But much more than learning new parenting / mental health skills - Jono has figured out how to blend his love of acting and performance with therapy AND.... get ALICIA to join him! Brilliant! 😂👍❤️🔥 There's no need for karaoke but didn't think we'd ever see her in a performance role at all. As long as it's in the service of education, I guess she'll make an exception!
Haha, thanks Tina! All for the sake of laughter and education. We try to excel at edu-tainment over here, while bringing levity to how overwhelming being a parent can be 😂
This is so relevant, realistic, honest. You even managed to get it right when the children talk at the same time or say off topic comments in the middle of this difficult talk. I like that you stay focused, and even if it's difficult for you, you don't complain or make it about yourself. You don't play the referee, you stop talking as long as the kids manage to work through their issues. You lead them to express their feelings and make specific requests to each other if needed. This is great ! Cheers from France !
Thanks louisee21! We are sure trying 🤪
Ya'll are too cool. And yes, I also loved when Alicia affirmed her daughter's emotions of frustration , anger, upset -- often criticized when expressed in society -- are perfectly fine, but taking them out on others is not. That felt like chicken soup for the soul to hear. Thank you guys for your amazing content and for YOUR light too! 💜
To me the affirmation felt very cold and not sincere, but I guess it is because it is just reinactment and not the real thing? Also the concept of a weighted blanket is very alien to me, it is not common in our country. Therefore it felt weird and as it was pushed as a solution instead of a hug or real understanding. All in all thank you fort the real example. It was very interesting and it is rare.
It's so powerful to affirm our emotions that are seen "bad" such as anger, frustration, or rejection, and make friends with them so we can understand what they are trying to tell us. If we reject or judge the way we feel, to some extent we are rejecting or judging ourselves. We cannot judge and love ourselves at the same time. Thank you for your comment and I'm glad we could bring some "chicken soup for the soul" to you today! Those were favorite books of mine as a child!
@@morgannelafay I kinda felt the same way at first, but then I realized this wasn't the first time they had this conversation. Establishing a routine to move through difficult emotions takes time and a LOT of patience to repeat the same steps over and over. But once established, it can look weird from the outside. I can't tell you how many times I get funny looks when my I ask my kid, "are you listening to your body?" 😅
It really is comforting to now that someone like him has the same problems has the rest of us.
I'm so glad I don't have children. Love this channel BTW. I talk to myself like that when I feel frustrated 😂😂
I felt the same😂. It affirmed my decision to not have kids
I'm only a few minutes in and I'm laughing so hard. This has vibes of the Drew Talbert channel and his Bistro Huddy characters - all played by him including the kids.
I was already laughing and lost it at Alicia heading a group session of box breathing for the kids. 😂
Glad we could bring some laughter to your life today Tina!
This was.. both hilarious and really helpful 😂 Going to need use this today, I’m sure. Got two daughters that are constantly winding each other up at the moment!
Laughter helps the medicine go down, for everyone 😂
This is really insightful even though I don't have kids. I work kids' events and sometimes, even happy times are overwhelming and they can freak out. I'll take any advice I can get, to help everyone have a good time at an event meant to bring joy to everybody. c:
I love that Uncle Smidge!
Less than a minute in and I already love this video! Jono playing all the kids is giving me Randy Rainbow vibes!
Ohhhhh mama! This has me crying! I have 7 year old twins and one has ALLLLLLL the Shayla feels. It took everything in me to get through all the emotion, and then you offered the hug and I felt all my tension release. My kiddo needs a gentle, loving physical connection to feel grounded enough to have a big feelings conversation.
Love the way you parent!
I absolutely love this ❤️ I have a very emotional, strong willed 6 year old. Thank you both ❤
Alicia is so patient. My mum would just go screaming and shouting and hitting me and my brother.
4:10 Omg I'm sorry but watching Alisia here made me soo angry and anxious at the same time😂 I'm totally with Sheila from here on. That's how i felt when trying to explain something hurtfull or stressful to my stupid ex-therapist wasn't empathetic but was emotionally detaching from me to protect himself from feeling my feelings. I say stupid because he felt stupid and cold at those times - unwilling to understand me emotionally and playing this kind of robotic mode on. That os NOT how I wanna parent.
P.S. I love and appreciate you guys the same❤ I just realised its good to be an adult though 😂
I saw that, too! I gotta tell ya', though, it's a FINE LINE trying to balance empathy and managing difficult emotions. My parents would loose their s*** when my brothers and I would fight, but that only taught us to hide from them because mom and dad could not control themselves, let alone upset children. Now that I find myself on the managing end of a difficult altercation it's hard to NOT come across as emotionally detached while simultaneously NOT take sides so that each party can take responsibility for their actions. It's a fine line indeed. 😦
*Cause that's the other side of the problem: if you emote too much to one side, you inadvertently vilianize the other and they will no longer come to you for help.
@@WooMaster777 Very interesting point, thanks for sharing! Yeah, I guess we want to give children the opposite of what we suffered in our own childhood and sometimes it can go the opposite end. Parenting is definitely not easy and everyone is going to make mistakes. I'm not a parent yet, so it's kinda easy for me to judge I guess😅
But I think in this situation, if you talk separately to children, you can empathize with each one without making them feel like you took sides, right?
I AM CRACKING UP I LOVE THIS
you should've added " do you wanna watch therapy cinema"
I LOOOOOOVE THIS SO MUCH! Format is cool and knowledge is useful, added to my parenting playlist))
I'm so glad Alex!!! That is what we were hoping for!
Thank you! I did not have great parents so it's helpful to learn what good parenting looks like
She reminds me of a girl I used to sit for who got really emotional & tired during her growth spurts. Can't tell you how glad I am those aren't your kids names
I think those are their kids’ names? 😭
@@TheNinjapancake14 haha, no, he mentions it towards the end of the video 😄
@@TheNinjapancake14 we did change their names 😆
As someone who grew up in a dysfunctional family, abused by my older sibling, this was really comforting--and bittersweet--to watch.
please do more of these skits beucase they are educational and it was super funny!
We will if you keep watching them! And tell your friends to watch them too 😉
We all just swore, yelled, and called eachother names😂. "How do you feel" was not asked.However, In the end we would take a bullet for eachother.😊
I really love the group breathing exercise -- something I know to do but haven't thought to institute.
This is SO HELPFUL to see how this can be handled with calm and patience -- I get so flustered and triggered with multiple kids to respond to emotionally.
On my watch later list, but had to comment on the thumbnail. Just the best 😅😂
This was so good!
I love this channel bc you try to teach us important therapy and psychology concepts while also making it fun and entertaining
Thank you so much for all the work you put into your videos
It’s funny how the blameless kid here seems to just be sitting back and enjoying the show like, “Ooh my siblings are in trouble; pass the popcorn.“
100%
More of these, please!!!!
Love this!
I love love love how you helped Shayla. I really think this example will have the biggest impact for our family.
We actually allow curse words at home as long as they are not being used in a disrespectful way. An example is if I drop things I often say "oh s#!t"
I have always cursed, its just part of my personality.
Strangley enough the kids don't use those words and point out that I am saying "naughty" words.
Since they can use those words is it no big deal so they don't use them?
Please make more of this, its beautiful and made me cry
Awww... thanks Minecraft Nerd 🥲
Thank you!! This is incredibly helpful.❤
Our pleasure David! Thanks for watching!
Alicia's behaviour reminds me of Monica in Friends.
"And I wanna read graphic novels"
Love this 😂
Great advice and loved it! Do you have parenting classes for dealing with toddlers or younger aged children?
We're coming out with a parenting course in our membership site. Honestly though, I would start with the understanding Personalities course, and the course on conflict resolution, and a book we covered in our book club called, "Real Love and Post-Childhood Stress Disorder." All of that you can find in our membership. Here's a code for half off :) mendedlight.com/25 If you have any other questions feel free to email us at weloveyou@mendedlight.com
Omg this is so funny and relatable 😂😂 oh I know who is who 😂 are you gonne do more videos like this?
We're testing out a new series! We have 4 of these coming out and if they perform well we'll keep doing them. Time will tell if the internet likes #TrueParenting videos 🙃
WOW! Jona is in the wrong profession I think because he is a damn good at acting. That was amusing and real in the same time and I love it. I wonder two things- 1.How the kids will respond when they see that. 2.Are they really like this or it was a radical example? But if the personalities are nailed then it seems challenging.
He's in the perfect profession. He IS literally acting in movies, he's acting on this channel now and gets to help ppl psychologically on top. Did you hear about "MOONSTRUCK Short Horror Film" yet? It's on "Telekinesis Entertainment" channel. I hear he has action scened and was so good he scared his scene partner with a stair fall X'D. I still haven't gotten around to watch it even though I'm so xcited for them. But the horror genre is challenging for me, so I'm basically waiting for a time when I feel braced enough to tackle any nightmares or sensory challenges resulting from watching X'D
The thing I said about the profession was a joke that meant to flatter his skills that's all. I heard about the film but never got to watch it yet. I must find the chance to do it I am horror movies fan. What do you think- Is that the real behavior of the kids? I think it has been represented in an over the top way for entertainment purposes.
We got our kids buy-in before we filmed this, and they loved the idea. They actually asked if they could play themselves and be in front of the camera... We told them no. So instead you got to see the many faces of Jonathan.😄
@@MendedLight Perfect well done! I am not a parent yet maybe one day but no doubt that being a parent is the most challenging job ever. Every kid is different, I saw it as I helped raising my niece and nephew.
I don't have or want children, but these ar so much fun to watch XD
I've got a question about calming and box breathing: What to do when it makes me feel angry again? To explain better, here is my situation: someone made me feel mad at her, and I tried the bow breathing thing, I did it really seriously. It worked, but then it got me angry because I felt like my previous anger had been made totally useless and stupid, by box-breathing... But my previous wrath was not useless and stupid, I was mad for a reason, things were not solved by box-breathing and calming! It just kind of erased traces of what happened: my anger! And I didn't want that, I wanted things to be properly dealt with and solved out!
So that's why I'm asking: what to do when box-brething make us feel angrier?
Not sure it's me but i was so Into the skit that i forgot Jono was playinf that little girl
No his acting is really that convincing! You're not the only one :)
40 y.o. man, tween girl, it could go either way 🤣
I can see my self feeling like that even thoe I'm a adult I have otsum adhd and I have a lot of emotions as well I'm a very comfort oriented person and even have a love for things that are often seen as childish so to see this video even though I'm not a teenager I cam reallocate and u have farther comfort in knowing that it's OK that I'm just as emotional as the girl is and I understand it's just how I operate and when I'm frustrated alot of times I can't get it out though a punching bag alot of times I have to take a moment to cry about it so I fo outside and even go to the park which is a 2 minute walk from my house and I will just do the crying that I need knowing that when I'm in nature I can release in the fresh air without it affecting anyone so if she turns out to have that personality type when she is older then you can show her this comment and it should help her some people just need to feel and release regardless of there age that doesn't make them immature it just makes them human and real people are completely different from what everyone thinks so if you just have more emotionless than evey one else around you just know that it's OK just use a healthy way to release them and then deal with the cause of it I hop that helps her if I can only show that people like that do exist outside of age and other people's persepshins then I'm doing good to do that
🏅🏅 Let's give medals to mom and dad for great acting and attendance to their kids.
And lets give medals to your kids 🏅🏅🏅🏅 for giving permissions, so that we could do some fun learning here!!
I have no kids but my ears figuratively bleed, when my mom slips into a cussing word (and in Germany, cussing is everyday language is far less normalised than what I see in American culture). So at some point I resorted to shouting "50 cents!!!" each time she said it (is that half a dollar-ish??). In which we agreed she'll then pay me that compensation money.
Cause there ARE milder words htat are allowed to vent frustration. Aka sh*t is a no, "manure" is occasionally OK (it works in German and they traditionally come with a different tone!) That worked for a while. It can be made "worse" by threatening to donate that money to a BAD cause (like a loathed political party XD). Now that she's gotten worse, due to the valid and endless frustration with the war, I just go "Mooom! 🤨", to signal that the level of emotional vomiting is getting too intense for me.
Language is often a great indicator of emotional regulation and disregulation. The part of being "inable to make conscious word choices" can already hint at emotions needing attendance and processing. Or frequent outbursts of cussing. It's like the lid of our emotional container gets leaky and bubbles out of control more and more often.
At the other end of the spectrum: 0 outburts are also concerning in people with emotional fluctuations and the ability to express them. XD Smells of suppression and is just as, or even more so, dangerous!! 😅
Give Jono an Oscar!
He officially gets an emoji trophy!🏆
How many takes did this take?
Hi Alicia, I really hope you see this message. I highly encourage you to learn about indigenous history and culture and take a step back to hear how the word you chose to describe your "meeting" devalues and insults what a pow wow actually is.
I think we should start a petition for Jono to grow out his hair. He owns those wigs.😂
🤣
I kind of have thoghts about this, but I don't quite know how to put them in words yet.
I take up some information from the video, but there is also something I would not like to copy and I don't really know how to name it. Just a feeling that it makes me uncomfortable, as some of the other comments have mentioned. It feels a bit to much like a hirachy to me than someone mediating democratically. There seems to be a very big power imbalance and I think that is what some of the commenters meant when they wrote they are happy to be adults know, because it reminded them of not really having a voice. Maybe it would help to sometimes listen a bit more to be a bit more democratic and close to the children and make them feel heard. In this conversation it was a lot of lecturing, hence a bit of a onesided conversation.
But I think both of you are sympathetic and there is some advice in there that I consider. For example, I think Alicias confidence and clearity is cool and an inspiration to me. And I can see how Alicia was in her way trying to understand her daughter even though she cannot relate naturally but with what she has logically learned about "healers". And I think it was just her first instinct to take charge of the chaotic situation and hence was being quite dominant, but she was doing it with the good intention to help organize the situation, as she saw a problem there that needs to be solved.
At least that is how I interpreted the situation from watching the video.
If you're not supposed to take it out on other people, why is it called 'punching man'? seriously asking. there's got to be a reason we naturally want to take our frustrations on other people.
Ofcourse! Since it's a defence mechanism. We are wired that way for survival and wired to defend ourselves against attacks, no matter if they are physical, mental or emotional as they can all be equally detrimental! Look at little kids and you see the wiring. Egocentrism is how babies work. There's just survival needs, even before there's a concept of "self" and "who's surviving?"
As kids grow up, they'll learn "self" and "others". They learn that hitting and hitting back has consequences (or...not). Our reptile brain is all about basic survival reactions. Scare a person and they'll go fight, flight, fawn, freeze on you, depending on whichever has been wired as most effective for each respective type of treat.
I, for example, have no uncontrolled punching response. As a woman (societal pressure), small body build at that and some childhood trauma going on, I don't have it. It's not a survival strategy that works for me or my mral compass. I cannot afford that response unless it's aimed and purposeful and directed at a actual abuser!!! But it still exists in our basic wiring. So even I can get rid of excess frustration by punching a pillow. And even I will occasionally imagine to just punch someone and be done with it LOOOOL. Just that's not how it ever successfully works in reality XD But our brain and body chemistry work that way.
The existence of basic wiring and our ability to utilise it for emotional regulation, does not mean it's as explixit as "a reason we naturally want to take our frustrations on other people". The naural behaviour is "pain?" = "protective response". That's it. It's not "people" specific. The "people" part, if anything, is learned behaviour. Look at how media models to us, that physical defence/attack is supposedly a method that makes "quick work of things". When it does not, in modern society X'D It only "works" short term to fend off attackers and it sometimes "works" as an allert to others that we REALLY need help with our emotional regulation. Most of the time, though, it's basically the least efficient method and a last resort type of response!
So, calling that thing "punchy man" can be as simple as "like in the action movies" and so you/kids can imagine rising up against your/their foes, without regrets and anyone getting hurt, aka a mind game. Something that makes sense to the brain and sends the signal of "pain inducing thing has been dealth with". I'd personally probably stick to "punching pillow" or "frustration muchie".
@@KxNOxUTA didn't expect an actual answear, thanks. Although I feel like it works in modern society more than most of us would like it to.
Now I see how does it look like, when tour parents are psychologists :)
Jono acting era
I am taking courses on Christian Counseling. In a book I read for a child psychology class, it was said that children don't have personalities until about 10 years old. What do you think about this idea?
Maybe it said sth. along the lines of "more solidified around the age of 10". But in reality, kids are a walking (often impulsive) shapeshifting personality on two legs. What they are often not yet, is "limited and pruned by external boundaries". XD Aka, ask youself who defined the term "personality" and based off what concept and expectation towards kids. You can ask"Which type of bias would lead to such conclusion". If they defined "personality" as: "Knows their preferences", then that wouldbe true and linked to the degree of perception a kid has + their experiences. And that can happen earier and later, too.
What they probably meant, though, is that that is the age at which kids show more skill at resisting and questioning parental guidance. X'D Cause hormones and brain development starts going more bonkers. Sometimes the impulsive parts of the brain are grown bigger than the regulating areas and then kids are more likely to run with whatever preferences they've developed so far. Cause the part that shouts at us about "consequences" can be less active. They tend to get more and more unsuperwised time together around that age, too, depending on society.
Basically, the statement will be kind of true or completely off, based of what exact reasoning they gave for that definition. What they went by and what they evaluated as "personality".
My kids all definitely came with their strong personalities from the time they were born, even before they were born I could tell a lot about their personalities in the womb.
❤
You’ve mentioned buffy a few times…. Please react to buffy! Any buffy content would be sick!
There is such content already :) I forgot if it's here and/or Cinema Therapy channel.
Don't really dig how it was handled.
Call your movie wife, he will help probably, looks wierd
*crying with mommy issues*
I love your content, but this sounds like it would be really frustrating. You sound robotic not like you really care. I think kids prefer being spoken to like a person, not like a doctor that isn't emotionally involved.
Mayhaps the voice sounded more robotic cause they were following a script, I doubt the actual conversation sounded like that, kinda hard to keep an actual straight voice when kids are screaming to you
Please be mindful!! For one, people who cannot speak in such manner exist! There are neurodivergent people, there are people who get nervous infront of the camera and then when it comes to Alicia, if my memory serves right (and I admit it's a ta wonky) then I think it was mentioned somewhere at some point she had a health struggle.
Even if memory does NOT serve right, people who suffered strokes, had accidents and the likes do exist and can struggle with speech. And we do NOT want them to hide themselves or their extensive expertise just cause there may be one aspect (like fluent or emotional speech) that they struggle with. We want them out here with us. We want to school our own capability to communicate with people regardless of these challenges. Not stumbling over ableism or our own expectations, but rather work with whatever we can, to connect.
Also: she is very reafirming and actually listening. And to me she's perfectly emotionally involved and affectionate, regardless of the tone modulation, as her responses and actions speak louder than that. I can tell you from own experience that emotional (but mainly concentrated on said own emotions) and not listening and mirroring, can be far worse and make you feel completely unheard, too! :'D
It's also a matter of trainig. Aka, whatever kids learn as "normal" and get used to, will work for them for many years, till they eventually figure out later what works for them and what does not. Methodical approaches can come off as stiff when we are not used to them. But actually, once there's habits and rituals for communication, it becomes a very natural flow and on the contrary, it becomes challenging and frustrating when people fail at communicatig with at least some structure XD
So this was just a re-enactment for educational and comedic effect. The tone is different in real life ;)