When Your Child Lies, Steals and Cheats | True Parenting with Mended Light
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- Опубликовано: 23 май 2023
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When Your Child Lies, Steals and Cheats | True Parenting //
Welcome to "True Parenting." If you watch true crime documentaries, they're always doing reenactments of real-life scenarios. We are doing much more benign reenactments of real-life scenarios of Alicia parenting our children. Watch this video to see what parenting based on unconditional love and agency looks like.
Next, watch 🎥 When Your Child Calls Her Siblings Pieces of $h%t | True Parenting
• When Your Child Calls ...
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• When Your Child Lies, ...
Gives this man an oscar already.
This is some split stuff give him the Oscar, etcetera...haha
This seems good in theory, my experience is my children don't have the patience for a long, complex conversation :( - and i have to break it in smaller, simpler discussions over time
Even I 27 y.o. don't have the patience to listen to this monotonus lecture😅 I can't imagine how a child could
Same here, and as patient as I am with my son, his only response to questions like these is “I don’t know”. I’ll even explain the answer and why, and I’ll ask him again a few minutes later and his answer is still “I don’t know”.
Dude that bored look "Brycen" has at first sums up my 9 y/o perfectly. He couldn't care less about personal responsibility
Honestly, this video helped me realize the struggle my mom (a single parent) had with parenting me while I was growing up. My mom and I are two very different personalities which caused a lot of head-butting when I was a child/teen. I've always had this underlying resentment towards my mom for being unable to "understand me" and not always being able to say what I needed to hear. Still, after watching this video, it helped me understand that she and I are not the same and that that's okay. I'm just happy that no matter what, my mom would always make it clear she loved me, and everything she did was her effort to make sure I had everything I needed for my life on my own. My mom is truly one of the strongest people I've ever met. All this to say thank you for making these videos because they are beneficial and eye-opening. These videos also reignite my passion for becoming a counsellor every time I watch one of them :)
Shoot this video helps me understand the struggle my son is going through. It's easy to get frustrated and to pass judgement for either side (parent or child) and this is a good reminder to not do those things
I literally had this conversation with my strong-willed child yesterday. It was specifically about hitting this time. Both of my kids are really good at avoiding these conversations, and I am terrible at following up later. Maybe I need to set an alarm or something. Ironically, both of my boys separately chose to watch this video.
Can you talk about how to parent in these situations when they're compounded with ADHD? How you approach the issue with the grace they need because of the ADHD while also holding them accountable and teaching them to hold themselves accountable?
Especially in regards to the impulse control and emotional regulation difficulties that come with ADHD!
I have a friend whose brother - who's becoming an adult, already - basically understands 0 about accountability and responsibility. They've been struggling with him for years, I watched this video in search of hints on how to help/support him. It's such a difficult thing to witness - to see someone become an adult who doesn't care about others or even about how he'll handle his own life, who is totally fine living at the expenses of others... I don't know how to help them make it click for him that it can't be like that forever. To make him care...
Question, and I mean this genuinely.
When Alicia does the reenactment where she speaks to Brycen, she speaks with a very monotone voice as if she's reading something or like she's a robot, as opposed to when she's talking with Jon to us, the audience where she seems more authentic.
Is this because that's how she actually speaks to the kids, perhaps out of necessity (can't give them a reaction), or is there another reason the speaking manner change?
If I was being spoken to like that, it would honestly aggravate the hell out of me. I'd be like "speak to me normally!"
Anyway, just curious if the speaking tone in the scene was intentional or not.
I think she's reading a script. I see what you're saying - I'm aware of it too. But i don't look at it as that we're supposed to emulate / model her monotone, but what she's saying and why.
Yeah I agree the monotone is a little odd and distracting as well as where they're looking / the visual focal points.
But I'm just glad that they're even doing this (as it's STILL really useful) and I imagine they'll get better at it and work out the kinks as they do more.
@@tinaperez7393 My assumption was because she's reading a script as well. I agree, the overall message is more important and I imagine they'll get better at it as they do more.
I always feel like she needs to practice that part whenever I watch these videos. Jono is much more interesting in the part of the children, but honestly whenever she talks I feel like turning the video (only during the reenactments). I think she seems great, but she should practice speaking more naturally for those segments!
@@AmeliaOak Completely agree! I want to experience how she actually speaks to her children, tone and all
@@AmeliaOak I understand but I think that stuff is harder for her. Knowing she's not as naturally good at that as Jono has me fine with it. Also, I can still gain a lot from the content they're providing. I'm really grateful for that / that they're doing this at all. I'm learning a lot.
Seriously I just reacted the same as Jonathan at the beginning as I got bored and frustrated by all the seriosity and big words from her. But somehow slowly even with hesitation I really started to listen and answer her questions in my head. Wow mum, this is what you should do: Be patient and please don't raise your voice and start saying what a bad person I am whenever we discuss about this matter! Thanks you both. You two did a great job ❤
Oh by the way, I am 20 and this is really what I needed to listen to when I was younger 😅
I can't understand why anyone would want children. Nothing has ever been able to convince me it would be anything but a nightmare.
Preach.
Solidarity.
It's funny how I'm watching these videos to reparent myself and just watching makes me want to rebel. I also realized I have not been taught consicuenses in a healthy way🎉
Thank you for this !
0:57 there is no way she was that calm!😂
I love the true crime themed intro, and how well it fits in today's episode especially! This was great -- what a tough situation. It seems like all a parent can do is take things a day at a time when it gets tough. You're doing it beautifully! Thank you for sharing this valuable content with us!
I try to teach accountability and consequences of our choices to my 9yo, who's recently been diagnosed with ADHD, with very high impulsivity, and it's ROUGH ;^^ homework sessions are an absolute nightmare, and I can't wait for the school year to be over. She plainly REFUSES to do things and will get mad if we insist 🙃 Our biggest problems comes when there's a time set to do certain things, routines are also especially hard, and as soon as we raise our voices (after repeating the same thing 4-5 times without her doing anything), she switches in ''defense'' mode and starts to panic as if the world is ending. It's really hard to balance it all, but I feel like we should have these sorts of conversations when we're outside the routines, when her mindset is calmer and open and we are calmer and open too ;^^. Because when we're hands down a situation, there's no way rationalizing and explaining. It's not 100% related to the topic of this video (lying/stealing/cheating) but accountability and consequences of your actions is in everything we try to teach our kids! It doesn't help that my husband was raised in a ''you will do as I tell because I'm the parent and I said so'', which resulted in him rebelling hard in high school... And even though he knows how this technique doesn't work, he tends to do the same as his parents did 😅 Sometimes, I feel like I am raising an extra child because I take the time to read/listen to videos like these and need to explain them to him as well 🥲
Mother of a strong willed 2 year old boy here. Any suggestions on parenting is always much appreciated. I’ve tried diversion when he’s upset and offering options as a step towards being proactive. I am just as strong willed and we do have power struggles. These videos are helpful! Can’t wait for more.
OMG…
2 points here:
Alicia, how are you able to stay that calm in dealing with your kids! You are a saint!
Your video is talking to me sooooo much! As a mom, but also as a person with bad habits. So difficult to make the right choice in the shirt term, make the effort for a better future…
Thanks for your videos!
If Jono and Alan are our internet Dads Alicia has to be our internet Mom! We all need a Mom who would calmly talk to us, sadly not all of us got that. Not be abusive or manipulative.
I can’t decide if I like this format or not, hahaha. Seeing adult Jono act as a child makes my brain wibble in a weird way.
OMG!! I don't have kids and I was just watching to support but dang. I have been struggling with self discipline and this helps so much! ❤🎉
Jono plays my son really well except he isn’t interrupting or screaming at my whole I try to talk. I would never get him to listen to me that long. Any suggestions?
Yeah my son seems so bothered and bored if I try to talk to him like that. I've found that my son responds better if I'm more straight forward with him and just kind of get to the point. Not that Alicia wasn't getting to the point but it took her longer than I would have with my kid.
I have a few closers in our house. I have ADD and it makes it so hard to remember to keep accountability in every area needed for them. I have found I have to write it down and put a reminder in my phone so I can remember to follow-up.
Yeah the language she is using is confusing me and I’m a fall grown adult but I think I get the idea.
I thought it was just me 😂
Ok so I worked in child care, I have worked with children of every age and I can tell you that a 7 minute conversation is going to loose the attention and patience of any young child. Also talking in a monotone does not help them register the emotions of the conversation. The end result of a conversation like this with a child who is not a teenager is that they will not remember what was said, their actions will have little change and they will try to avoid future conversations in fear of them lasting to long. I get what you guys are trying to do but this particular conversation would work better with a teenager.
You might be taking this too literally..
This was a reenactment, not the real thing. so its usually dramatized in true crime documentaries which is what he said they were going for.
I'm sure she doesn't actually talk like this to her child, she's probably reading a script I can guess. I do agree with you though, but you might be taking this video all wrong if you look at it like that.
10:28 "it's really affirming" 😂😂😂😂
I’m a new stepmom to a now 6 year old who has a hard time telling the truth to the point he lied about getting in trouble in school, a very elaborate story, when I followed up with his teacher and the principal the next day it was all made up by him. I’m a little at a loss of how to best communicate and help guide him.
This was a great video. 👏
Love this!
Thank you so much.
Really interesting fact about the pathways in the brain.
We can use this to our advantage or disadvantage.
Would love a deep dive on this.
I love this♥️♥️
GREAT living, real example. Thank you. Seeing actual examples for how to put it in practice is so helpful.
Wish I was _this_ cool and calm when my kids misbehave…
This is great 😆 love it
Thank you!
Can I ask… since you have 3 kids, the dynamic is probably different, but I have 2, and I cannot, for the life of me, obtain the truth when something happens… it’s always “that’s A’s fault! He did it!” “No, that’s V’s fault!” And it goes on and on and on! I am sick of it! My fiancé and I even thought about putting cameras up around the house to catch them in action and finally be able to put the recordings in their face “See! You did it, not your brother, you!” And they are only 5 & 6! Does it get better at some point?
If a child lies to his parent doesn't it mean that the parent is not trustworthy? I mean the problem can be more complex than moral values, it can also involve broken communication. And if a child can not even sit still while talking should not a parent help him to contain his emotions before lecturing him?
I have a Significant Other whom I've been dating for about 4 years. I've known them much longer. He has a daughter who is now 9 years old, and I've been actively engaged in her life for at least 3 1/2 years.
Anyway, I just would like to say that I've noticed he attempts to use a lot of the techniques and languaging that ML shows here, but the child is extremely willful, and... he DOES NOT hold hold her accountable. Any consequences become wishy-washy and half-hearted. I have seen the look in her eye when she knows she's about to make him crack. It's usually right before a meltdown that seems very put-on. His predictable reaction is to weaken his resolve and allow her to negotiate the terms, and usually it all ends up going her way in the end. She wears him down.
I've only seen him hold her accountable one time where it actually worked (somewhat), and that was when she needed to finish homework on a Sunday before going on a play date. He and I were supposed to have a date that afternoon, but instead it took about 3 extra hours to get her homework done. I was patient, and just hung out and helped around the house while she had mini-meltdowns trying to avoid her responsibilities. He stuck to his guns and would not let her go play until they worked through it all. But the other consequence was that he and I did not get our time together, and I ended up losing my entire afternoon to an 8 year old's fits. I guess that is part of co-parenting, but without any input in how things play out it feels rather crappy.
So... how might I orient myself better in the future to help coparent, or alternatively, how might I respectfully remove myself from the situation? It's tricky, because I don't want to offend him, but at the same time I guess I don't want to be subject to consequences for choices that are not mine. Sadly, my choice is to either stay (and endure) or go (and miss out on some potentially rich interactions).
FTR, she really is a loving child, she just has some emotional stumbling blocks that she needs support in overcoming. She has been to therapy in the past (4-5 yr-old), and I think it would be good to get her in again.
I am SHOCKED to hear you have a child with my name - Shayla! Also I'm taking notes about the lying for my kids HAH
It's funny my 5 year old isn't a closer...not really. He tries so hard to do the right thing but is so IMPATIENT, active and impulsive. He needs to fiddle with something or swing on a chair while I'm talking to him. I completely related to watching 'bryson' just generally doing stuff while talking. He has a lot of moments of instant regret...then does the same thing again 10 seconds later. He looks at what he did and is like 'huh. I wonder why I decided to do that...let's,do the exact same thing just to make sure.'
I used to lie about having homework each day back in third grade… until one day I suddenly forgot how to lie. Idk how I randomly forgot, but at least I became much more honest ever since
I'm hearing the Oscar nominations
Do you think he would listening so long
You should do an analysis on Bryce Walker throughout the seasons of 13 Reasons Why, that would be very interesting to hear your take!
Instead of with a child, how should one approach a partner who has a habit of lying (not manipulative lying but a pattern of lying to avoid conflict), would really appreciate your insight! Love all your vids! ❤
They have in a another video.
So how do I implement this with a 3-year old? It’s constant power struggles with him but he hasn’t quite developed logical reasoning yet.
There might be Information on parenting toddlers available on the web. This is for older children - elementary through highschool.
Toddlers are in their "no" phase because they need to feel they have some agency in the world - it's an age where they're discovering they're dependent but still their own person and they need to establish a certain independent identity and sense of self - I heard that recently. I have no further info on what's the best or useful way to handle it that works best for kid and parent though.
But again - other resources on the web, parenting skills channels and videos even and books and stuff likely exist. Probably / hopefully a lot.
CT: Into the Jono-Verse
Lil Jono is protecc
I don't have kids. Do parents really talk this way to kids in real life? Or is this touched up for the big screen?
When I was a child my parents joined a cult and the way Alicia speaks reminds me of their brain washing techniques 😔
Did you guys put a camera in my house?!😂 This is something I’ve been dealing with with my 6 y/o daughter. In fact, she loses her mind when I say the “r word!” Responsibility😉🫨 teaching her trustworthiness, accountability, honesty, and responsibility has been my greatest struggle. She’s a PERFECT KID at school and then she comes home and acts like a convict lol. Looking forward to this parenting series and part 2!
Maybe plan a schedule together that will help give both of you what you need. Maybe plan an hour after school of things she would look forward to OR chores and THEN a set time of things she'll look forward to. But some kind of structured schedule loose enough to incorporate free time, fun time, to-do time (like putting her clothes away, changing into play clothes, putting out tomorrow's clothes, helping clean up dinner, getting ready for bed etc).
@@tinaperez7393 thank you for the suggestion! We do have those things put into place 🙂
I'm not a parent at all but as a kid I was very well behaved out of the house on the rare occasions when I got to go visit someone (we lived ouside of town so everyone I knew from school was far away so it was a Big Deal to go visit cause someone had to drive us and parents both worked) and I worked SO HARD at being good that when I got home I was a little monster, to the point where my mom didn't want to let me go to sleepovers cause of how awful I was the next day with that combined with the inevitable sleep deprivation because I had a hard time falling asleep in my own bed, nevermind away from home.
Maybe your kid is trying so hard to fit in at school that by the time she gets home there's no "behave" left in the tank? Just a thought, considering how it's coming to light now that a lot of neurodivergent women were never identified as such when they were children because girls often tend to be better at masking... Now I'm finding I need a lot more alone time to decompress after social things than I used to.
My parents had an interesting way of teaching us financial responsibility, for a few years my brother and I had scheduled chores that had a value (I think doing the dishes was worth $.025, yeah I'm old cause back then a dollar bought more candy than I'd eat in a night) and if we did not do that chore on that day, we not only didn't get the money for it, we got DOCKED that amount because someone else had to do the job that was our responsibility..
I love this channel, but this video looks very unrealistic to me. The realistic scenario would be the kid dropping off the conversation very quickly
Also, the questions are so general! I would have troubles answering them
This doesn't seem realistic. Children don't just sit there while you lecture. It doesn't seem like age-appropriate language/vocabulary either. Also, there's a lot of talking but I don't see a lot of listening to the kids. And kids have a lot to say. It just seems fake and not very authentic.
I do not remember my parents talking to me like that. But I somehow always knew that stealing and lying are not good. I think the motivation is also strange: she says "your choices are not serving you". Well, it is not about him. His choices are wrong because they are antisocial. And if a person does not want to live with other people then he should not use the benefits that such living provides. Just leaving him alone in the forest and letting him survive all by himself would be a better lesson than many hours of theoretical explanations.
Furthermore, I think that the value of accountability is best learned when you yourself have to deal with the consequences of such behavior caused by another person. Again you have to learn how to take care of other people and not just think about how your actions benefit you. This is why I do not like this video. The mother herself does not look like a very accountable person. Accountability is about empathy not about benefits.
Wow this feels like a heaven send, literally. I have a very, very Taurus child. Which sounds exactly like what you describe as a closer. This information is sooo helpful, thank you