Marrying Your Opposite: Do We Even Want the Same Things? |
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- Опубликовано: 27 июн 2024
- Marrying Your Opposite: Do We Even Want the Same Things? | #marriageproblems #thestruggleisreal //
Is there hope when marrying your opposite? What if you don't want the same things? Watch as we get really real about the struggles we have been through and hopefully it will offer hope and guidance to anyone who has married their opposite.
Next, watch 🎥 Marrying Your Opposite: We’re Too Different! #MarriedtoaTherapist
• Marrying Your Opposite...
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00:00 Intro
00:35 Personality types
02:18 Jono's personality
06:17 Alicia's personality
07:11 Personality needs and clashes
13:00 Storytime
#marriageproblems #thestruggleisreal #relationships #toxicrelationships #mendedlight #jonathandecker #mendedlight #jonathandecker
• Marrying Your Opposite...
Am I married? No
Am I a 28 year old who has not yet experienced a romantic relationship? Yes
Must I watch every marriage and relationship Mended Light upload? Always.
Vibes
Great looking out for future you. Also, relationships man. There's always more to learn. Love it! 👏👏👏
Yesss 😂
28 and same! Best time to prepare though. Have you also listened to Debra Fileta and Tiffany Dawn?
Girl, same! Yet I watch every marriage video on the planet 😂
This is so helpful. I keep saying "I don't feel safe." And when I try to explain it I just say, "I don't feel secure." This clears up a lot of what needs to be articulated. Thank you!
Thinker-Closer grabs Healer hat!
Vulnerability doesn't mean weakness. Leadership doesn't mean toxic. Living proof, right here.
You both remind me a lot of my partner and me. We're going through a bad rough patch right now and I even said "i don't feel safe with you" like Alicia did, only to be met with a response identical to Jono's. It's reassuring to know that this isn't a relationship-ending patch and that we can still get through it. Thank you both
"I was so tired from being the person that pushed." I do not know what combo I am with healer, but this. I've experienced this with my family of origin when it comes to so many things. Gonna have to go looking for more stuff on those personality types because I think I'm an uncommon combination of them, lol.
I feel this ended on a cliffhanger, because I am someone who can accomplish almost anything “with the right motivation,” but will take as much time as it takes to muddle through tasks if I’m just doing something that needs to be done. I consider the fact I can make myself do things I don’t want to do at all a win. Like I’ve literally said to my husband “do you want me to wash the dishes at all, or do you only want me to wash them if I can do it without listening to music and dancing at the same time, which takes twice as long, but motivates me to actually go do it?” So I want to hear whether the anger about how long work used to take came from the lack of self awareness, like was Alicia mad because Jonathan didn’t know he was just muddling through, or was there a feeling of entitlement to all the time Jonathan “could have been doing other things “, etc. I will intentionally drag out the work my husband approves of me doing to avoid him filling up my “free time”. I, like Alicia, was clear from the beginning with what I wanted and needed, and sometimes I need to be inefficient so I can stay functional. Really want to hear the end of this story…
This sounds like what a kid would do to avoid more work.
@@melmel7011 when someone keeps moving the goalposts I lose interest in the game
That's exactly me. The motivation needs to come from within for me and I need to find my own way of doing things whether optimal or not.
I think in this case she was mad of Jonathon simply being non efficient even if he didn't know himself that he was so. That's kind of a black and white approach of a logical mind to efficiency. Something like, If you know about an optimal way, you must easily be doing that because it's optimal. Doesn't apply to less logical more emotionally driven people.
Logical people usually gets an upper hand in these cases 'coz they sound right in their point.
I think she doesn't understand that about him still here.
Honestly what you and Jono both described is…honestly what ended up being ADHD for me, and something my brother also struggles with (but I think he’s Inattentive ADHD vs my Mixed ADHD)
It IS difficult because folks with adhd generally have less dopamine which is kiiiiinda important to focus to start and finish and time management. And when we don’t get “dopamine hits” from a task, it either doesn’t get done or it’s like this Wall to try and get it done, OR…a lot of us turn music on to dance or sing to, just to get a chore done At All
Like. There’s a reason why Mary Poppins turned cleanup into a Song&Game. That’s literally what our brains need for manufacturing that dopamine hit to even get something accomplished at all (and often feel mentally exhausted afterwards unless we can “ride that high” into OTHER tasks chained nearby like PacMan Pellets really…and THEN crash and often crash harder. We’re tapped out without mentally resting for a bit. This is why so many end up needing and functioning better on prescribed stimulants, or self-medicate with caffeine but rarely get “wired” the way a neurotypical brain would.)
So…my advice as someone Unmarried and Very Single BUT have to live with other adults that get just as irritated with me for those same tendencies?
-be frank about this is what you need. And if it’s the noise or movement itself that bugs your spouse vs “But *I* could do this faster why can’t you!” [taps Need This sign], then see if there’s some sort of compromise: like a time of day where you have solitude so you can do what you need to do, or if using headphones are just as effective, etc
-adhd infographics and other resources. Even if you don’t have adhd, they can be useful for finding strategies and coping mechanisms
Move over Cinema Therapy! Watching THIS drama unfold requires a few bags of popcorn itself! 😮👍🔥❤️ Better than a telenovela (and more educational / helpful).
I relate to what Jono is saying. I think for "Dreamers", you can tap into your inner planner, manager and logistician, when you have jobs that require and necessitate you to become fast, responsible, plan for everything, etc. When you're forced out of your comfort zone into situations that require you to do what's needed in sink or swim scenarios.
And i recommend it for anyone - jobs that force you to get the work done ans efficiently because that's what's needed and you're the only one and only way to do it.
You learn to become flexible, adaptable, fast, efficient, a problem solver, a olanner and executor / an operator, etc, etc.
Jono had the example in one of his past stories of when he was younger of smushing the spiders he didn't want to deal with when cleaning a family cabin once.
As a metaphor, when it's needed and you're the only one there to do it, you can go from hating and avoiding the spiders of life to getting real good at smushing the spiders, really fast.
It reminds me of the (hilarious) "put them in the sh*t!" scene in the movie Tropic Thunder of the plan to turn a bunch of soft Hollywood actors into hardened war hero type people. 😂😂
as someone who's kind of a closer and values integrity, i really understand alicia. i took on the closer role in my last relationship too. but as someone with ADHD, i feel so bad for jono and understand him perfectly too :( often i feel the need to do the things that i want to do and the things that i should do and i create these plans with painstaking detail and it takes up so much time too (bcs my disability really hinders my ability to plan and organise) but my ADHD always makes me have a really tough time following through, and doing what i promised myself or others. i have a fair share of healer/dreamer in me. i feel so terrible and ashamed of myself for my ADHD. i wish i could, but for some reason i can't. i'm really trying to push myself but it's so tough. this video felt personal bcs alicia and jono felt like two sides of myself talking to each other.
I acidentally clicked my notification and i was gonna click off but the begining bit hooked me lol (. your dynamic is just awesome 😂)
Wow ! Funny that this video came out just now. I just broke up with my thinker GF like 3 days ago because we are "not compatible" she said. (Healer here !)
I felt like sometimes there is too much insecurity and there is nothing you can do
I don't need to take your test to already know that I'm a closer-thinker with a dreamer-healer husband. It's kinda comforting to hear that we're really as different as I thought we were and it's not just me not beeing able to deal with people.
I hardly ever make it through videos but I love these story times. Oddly enough I relate to both sides
Same here
Im a healer through and through and I always feel I’m letting people down and not achieving anything.I really hate myself for it a lot,but it’s nice to see I’m not alone and someone so great struggles like I do
This mirrors so many of my relationships and the relationships of the women around me - a woman that is driven like her life depends on it and a guy that expects his roles and responsibilities to be provided to him and tends to just kind of take for granted that domestic and administrative tasks are going to be handled somehow by someone. It's hard not to wonder if some of it is owed to how we socialize men and women and the expectations and demands that our culture puts on us.
A marriage can't be like a manager and subordinate..just breeds resentment
Sorry, but am I the only one who watches this and thinks they are having jonathan come of as the bad guy while she's the hero for putting up with him? They do not talk about the thinker/closer bad sides, just his and how difficult living with him had been for her.
I was thinking the same thing about this whole series.
It feels like Johnathan taking responsibility for his short comings, while Alicia is like "I wasn't wrong, I was just myself"
I hope for this next "Alicia being a healer" section, that she takes a bit more responsibility the way Johnathan does
I wrote exactly the same in comment. She is a typical narcissist hiding under the guise of thinker! And he keeps trying to keep her happy. Emotionally dependent on an imho abusive lady
@@pedramianofellini701 not sure if I'd go that far. I think Johnathan is a lot better at self reflection (being a mental health professional and all) and it's easy to just... let him take the blame instead of putting in the same effort
I came to the comments for this same reason. I very much relate to Jono and i feel like he is cast as such a bad person for all of his flaws in this series. I don't think its fair as both partners take responsibility for their part in a relationship. Also His behavior sounds very ADHD to me - which doesn't mean there cant be progress on his end- but isnt his way of living and managing himself as a person and in a relationship also valid? Its okay to be neurodivergent and their partner should be accepting of that - as long as there is still safety in the relationship. (Which i do understand Alicia expressed she did not feel) Why is Alicia always right?
I would not want to be married to her. She should just clone herself and marry that
I apparently am a helper and a closer. I always follow through. So, I nurture and heal, but definitely set goals that I finish.
Johnathan, I have always believed we are the exact same person. However I'm a 25 year old female but I'm dating a 31 year old man with the soul of Alicia so I understand EXACTLY what you're feeling. I noticed that you did something that I personally do all the time and I really wish I was better about not doing this but it was when you two were talking about what progress looked like to each of you. When you said you wanted to get better at things you were already good at, you laughed about it like that was ridiculous. I assume it's because you know Alecia would have considered it ridiculous just because that's not how she defines progress. (Again, just basing off of personal experience). But it's okay to keep improving a skill that your passionate about as long as there's still that room for improvement. Progress doesn't have to be 1 footstep in 5 different directions. If you can take 5 steps in one direction, that's the same amount of progress. So to anyone reading this, don't let someone tell you you're going the wrong way if you both have two different destinations. Much love to you all.🤍🌻✨️
As someone who is a "thinker" I have never felt more heard and understood than I do through this video. My partner is the complete opposite and it's ... like she said; "I got tired of pushing" and "not getting the follow through". That's where I am now. I should get him to watch some of these with me to help him understand me more... and help me understand him more.
This is so human and down to earth real ! Big thank you for sharing your path honestly 🙏 Knowing that the divorce that has been brought up during conversation is now happening reminds me that sometimes divorce is not a fail but a solution. But this realization gives me pause somehow anyway.
Fun to learn more about you two. I can relate a lot to Jono, learning new things scare me a lot. Experiencing new food, new places don't, cus I like those things a lot. I want to step up my game more but at the same time I feel like I am not good enough in what I am already doing or trying.
Even though I'm choosing to be alone, I really do appreciate these videos as it really does help me introspective. 💚💚💚 in Jono with ambitions to be like Alicia. The unintentional betrayal of lacking in follow through hit close to home. I make myself feel insecure because I do it to myself. I generally call my lazy side my American side and my perfectionist side my German side, as my German mother wanted everything perfect, and my american dad was too tired to do anything at home.
Thank you sooo much for being vulnerable and sharing what you have one through and learned as a married couple. This is incredibly helpful
Hi there! I'm really shy about writing comments on RUclips, but I love and trust your channel and want to give back a little, so here I go.
I thought I should add to the mix how much I relate to Jono's struggles with, well, being his best and most productive self, I suppose. I was diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood. In this video, you also describe not being able to push through without strong external motivation, and how it damages the relationship you're in. Sometimes it really is hard to do, close to impossible with ADHD, I might add, so I hope you allow room for your mistakes, growth and compassion for yourself, if you're struggling with motivation and executive functions as well. Or maybe you were just not trying, and this comment is completely irrelevant 😅😂 But for any other ADHD'ers who watch this; you're not alone in struggling with this, and it can get so much better!
Anyway. It's a great joy watching this channel and hearing how you two are working it out. The amount of work you two put in is inspiring, and your videos are fantastic. 🙂✨ Lots of love.
Yes! I immediately related and ascribed ADHD characteristics and struggles to what Jono was relaying as I have some of that in myself too but have discovered and worked on hacks that work for me / help me overcome it.
I really need and often enjoy "flow state" focus, being in the zone and getting stuff done. But it can be tricky getting started. So I've learned tricks and hacks that get me there.
But yeah, I definitely relate. And it is a definitely a growth process.
And as we gotta accomplish both small and big and daily, weekly, monthly things, etc, we've gotta figure out how to gitr done, as Larry the Cable Guy would say. 😜
Another thing with ADHDrs is that using rewards motivation / an incentive can be very effective / helpful.
What I find is that doom and gloom (the stick versus the carrot) approach does nothing for me - it's almost a disincentive.
But something to work toward and look forward to is what I find I need and really helps keep me moving forward. It made total sense that Jono learned to become more efficient because he had the right incentives - what for him were the best and positive incentives - play, joy, fun, love and happy connection, excitement, positive adventure, etc.
Actually it's not just ADHD, I think I've seen this proven as being more effective for motivating all people in general (the carrot vs stick approach).
But another thing is that I focus on the first three very smallest steps that need to be done first of anything. And I repeat those over and over again in my head or even out loud to direct my brain (and prevent any other potentially distracting thoughts) and move me forward until they're done. And then the next three steps.
And I either keep doing that or get to the point where momentum has built enough that I can keep going until completion.
Another helpful hack is to use time boxing or blocking and Parkinson's Law. Which says that, under normal circumstances, "work expands to fill the time available - the time we give it".
So the key is to intentionally give ourselves and experiment with setting a lot less time than we might otherwise give ourselves and see how fast we can get stuff done (at a fast and challenging pace but not killing ourselves).
Other hacks are:
1) doing a mind dump. Get everything we need to do out on paper and then organize and prioritize it so we can free up our minds and just follow through on the execution. And you can satisfyingly cross things off as you go.
2) read James Clear's Atomic Habits and apply the lessons and tips. Make and keep things as simple as possible. Simplify simplify simplify. Eliminate, Automate, and make simple systems and routines and habits as much as possible. Meal plan and meal prep. Delegate. Give family members specific chores and assignments. Try to figure out ways to eliminate and simplify things especially to cut down on repetitive and unnecessary decision making to avoid decision fatigue and running out of the finite daily resource that is willpower . James Clear says "we don't rise to the level of our goals, we fall to the level of our systems.". Pick up tips and hacks from minimalists and essentialists. Try to eliminate areas of friction that can make it unnecessarily harder to do something. Set up your environment for success, and point of use conveniences.
3) to help start and build momentum with any task you have difficulty starting:
a) remember that all you have to do is start. Don't think you're up to doing a whole hour? Just do 5 minutes. Just do one minute. Just do the first minute. Then another. And another. And momentum will build and momentum= completion.
b) praise yourself hugely for the tiniest "accomplishments". The TINIEST steps. Overwhelm yourself with pride and encouragement. It will give your the spiritual fuel and encouragement and belief in your ability to keep going.
c) remember times and things where you accomplished big tasks and projects before. You can do it again.
d) remember to trust the process. Keep at it. Know that you'll figure out things when needed and as needed.
Not a cliffhanger of all things x . x whyyyy
You had me at the edge of my seat the entire time, I look forward to the last part.
Wow this video is soo thought provoking! Im definitely ginna watch it a few times. Thank you so much for being this open and trusting and vulnerable!
This is so good. And your wife is so beautiful omg
Thank you so much! I feel like this is exactly the kind of content the world needs right now. Nothing is perfect but it is such professional, educative interospection that will help us navigate potential challenges. Great work both of you, you guys are GREAT!! 💛💛
Thank you for showing us your humanity. It’s beautiful ♥️🫶🏻🙏🏻
This is so fascinating!! The last part gives me a lot of hope 😂 maybe when I am able to afford great things for my free time my efficiency also becomes better?? This is a new thought and I like it very much!!!
Thank you for sharing so intimate moments ans lessons learned 👏🏼 i believe this type of videos help us a lot, because in this way all can related that we are simple mortals looking to be and give our best, but it takes time and also experiences.
I really have enjoying this series
That was lucky, bro! I’m glad it worked out because you’re doing excellent work now. Thanks, you guys!
Wow im learning a lot from you. That being different doesnt mean people should break up
I appreciate you both being so vulnerable. Interested in understanding what made Alicia "done".
now i love these videos as a single 24 year old going through life its been cool to see a couple open up about their struggles. now im a jono 100% and i have had to learn the hardway to tap into the thinker and closer type 100%. so i feel for jono because for majority of my life i got through education just doing the bear minimum and general knowledge even in community college i passed by doing the bear minimum with a diploma in financial administration. once i got to university my first year was a sinch only failed 2 courses and passed the rest. but my second year onward i hit the biggest wall ever. i had to study extra and actually try to learn new skills like understanding calculus, something i never got before and i absolutely hate so i failed a lot and didnt even try untill getting into my final years of university were failing wasnt an option anymore. the problem is unlike jono no one ever talked to me about it and made me notice it i found out by myself and changing that sh.. has been a struggle so i understand were jono is coming from. especially the ending were because he has an incentive he starts churning through work faster and more efficient cause im the same way but for me i have to have the pressure of complete failure to get my behind in gear which in of itself is not very smart but hey its how i work , so thank you mended light for showing me what a real couple looks like.
I'm going to keep watching these because Alicia, I don't know how to feel okay being the one who decides all the things and making our life beautiful. I figure if it's not us making a beautiful life but me for us, I'd rather just live separately and have all that freedom to not carry his weight.
This is really helpful even for my relationship with my BFF who I live with!
Wow! I feel very called out by Jonathan's Story in the beginning gut it's very helpful 😂 I am exactly the same type...
I’m not sure why, but videos like this can sometimes cause me to feel anxious about the future, atm I’m only 23, I’ve never been in a relationship before, and this can remind of how complicated life can be, I feel really lost at the Moment, and I really hope that I can figure things out in the future
It feels like no matter what happens, that anything I do will eventually mess up
I think it’s pretty safe to say that whatever relationship you’re in is going to have issues and hard times and times you, your partner, or you both think maybe this is too hard. You can get through that. With the right tools, the right mindset, and conscious decisions. The mindset of “This should be going perfectly” will only hurt the relationships and make everyone uncomfortable in the long run.
As a fellow 23 year old at a different stage of life then you might be for your personal timeline I will say relationships, jobs, ect will go wrong but you can grow and move past them because not everything is ment to be for you. And reminding yourself that this one thing is just temporary pain to work towards the long term can be comforting for some.
"I am built to carry heavy things," but still not the mental load. That still fell to her.
Healer is my primary, but Closer is my secondary because I developed it at a young age. I have dyslexia, which caused me to struggle mightily in elementary school. I got by because I was cute and likable. However, in 5th grade, I had a Closer teacher who wasn't having it. I remember wanting to go on a choir trip instead of getting extra tutoring on an assignment I failed. When I went to the choir classroom, my teacher told a friend she was disappointed in me. My friend then told me. While questionable teaching choices, that was my "oh shit, lack of follow-through hurts others." I returned to my classroom, missed the trip, and developed closer traits to get me from the bottom to the top of my class. Today my motivation for not wanting to work on a task I promised to do, is that it will damage my relationships. I need fewer people-pleasing tendencies, but I think it's how I am Healer with Closer traits.
Thanks for this, I'm dreamer with tda so... I love see this, it's hard to Heard something because I hurt people too and I feel bad about myself, and step up and be an adult somentime is hard. Thanks!!! From 🇦🇷
I feel like I'm a healer/closer (I am more sensitive, can be slightly more easily offended, but I also get annoyed by people who are more sensitive than I am, which probably makes me a hypocrite), and my husband is closer/dreamer (sort of? Hard to tell. He loves goofing off and also gets really annoyed with overly sensitive people). Probably us both having closer traits, at least based on the description here, helps us to have some level of common ground. When we have a goal - we both got for it, like, pretty much no matter what. My spouse is also super fun and goofy, and we both make jokes to receive tension, of course. I am very compassionate, empathetic, nurturing, but also sensitive and definitely a tad more easily offended by things others may say to me or the way the say it. Despite that, the closer side of me makes it incredibly difficult for me to know how to talk to others who are more healer than I am (you'd think that wouldn't be the case, but hey. It is), in part because knowing that they are incredibly sensitive means I don't want to upset them or offend them or make them mad, except that SOMETIMES things just need to be said and you just gotta say it like it is. It's quite the mix up I've got going on here. Lol
THE OPENING SCENE I CANT. LOL THAT SMOOTH TRANSITION 😭😭😐 I'M DEAD
5:30 thanks, you reminded me to do something.
I'm whatever ISN'T a Closer. :D In Myers-Briggs I'm INTJ, soft on both T and J. I have twin love languages of Quality Time and Physical Touch. I love these systems, they really help me grasp what's going on with folks. Oh, and House Ravenclaw! lol
If I'm an INTP in mbti, that means I'm a thinker/ dreamer? Or just thinker? But I also can relate to what Jonathan says about the healers... What I 100% am not is the closer, unfortunately. Thrilled to hear how Jonathan developed that part of himself.
I was hoping to find an answer about how compatible or less compatible these opposite personality people are with each other.
When I was younger, as my mom put it, I could work really hard for about 10 minute bursts at a time. Nowadays, I would like to think that I will never stop working on some thing until it’s completed. But I know I’m still not the kind of person who’ll put out every fire from dawn until dusk without fail, that’s a flaw of mine, so I’m staying single until I think I’m good enough to be that bulldozer who never lets anything happen that I don’t know about.
Be kind to yourself. Nobody can do it all all the time and nobody should expect you to. Especially if you plan to have kids… sometimes things aren’t going to get done, and ten minute bursts of hard work are all you might have time for. It’s okay :)
She's talking about the mental load. Look up 'Fair play' by Eve Rodsky.
How dare you call me out like this?!
Lol!
The last part is textbook symptom of ADHD. Makes me sad Jono got so much wrath for having the illness of ADHD. It should have been a proud moment for a foundation of growth, not wrath. I see both sides of a lot presented here, but not this at all. I have ADHD and would be absolutely crushed and furious.
I am Jono and Alicia, in my own head. The struggle is real.
I feel like I'm watching me and my husband. It's very helpful and hurts a lot as well
I think I'm a Dreamer/Healer too. 😊
Can you have aspects of two opposites? I feel like sometimes I struggle with new things and change, but I'm also very much a get things done and think everything and very meticulous and detail-oriented... It's like I'm two people depending on the circumstances 😅
11:48-54 I know actually what that feels like
In one of your parenting videos, Alisha mentioned that she gathered tools for parenting over a decade. Could she recommend some books that contained some of those tools?
I am a thinker/ healer. Which is rough.
I'm not in a relationship but I definitely relate to all of Jono's flaws. I seem to be the same. I'm at university and I can see it catching up to me. How do I develop that kind of discipline ?
The dynamics of your marriage is similar to mine, minus children.
I'm not sure I'd feel safe with a person who would push me off the high dive before I'm ready.
Is there a quiz to help determine which of the 4 personality types we are? Thanks!
I have thought about the healer-dreamer-closer-thinker concept for weeks but no matter how much i try to identify which one fits me: they all do and they all don't :(
Same. Except for dreamer. The other three though…
What would you say if I am a healer and closer
And if my husbands a dreamer whose introverted and a thinker?
I'm really confused by you introducing these personality types, they strike me as something cosmo would publish as a "personality test". I understand there's supposed to be conmbination of different types, but still 4 categories seems a bit symplictic. I would say I have strong trates of all 3 closer, thinker and carer, but I would struggle to type my husband as he has thinker traits but not as strong as me, he has carer traits, but a lot out conflict comes from him wanting to wrap up and put away other people's emotions (which I generally don't do, despite having stronger closer traits than him). Also I would struggle to type my mother-in-law for example since she clearly wants to be seen as a carer, but at the same time glaringly lacks some emotional intelligence skills when it comes to dealing with actual opinions and feelings of other people. Let's just say I am doubtful and confused on this)
My partner is a healer-thinker, I'm a dreamer-closer. Is that even possible? Lmaoo 💀
ROLL TIDE! 😂
Sounds like a bama fan AND Drew Talbert (Pam & Tim) fan is in the house! 😂
That sounds like anthology what your wife says about traveling
They definitely need to take ur advice on marriage cause your wife is beautiful 😍 definitely know your stuff
100% a Jono Personality Type here
Still dont know which type of person i am. On the one hand, i recognize most of the traits of a dreamer but I am not really outgoing. I hate attention and would pay to never ever be on a stage again 😅
Also I have closer tendencies. Just not really the follow through in details, but I do come off as harsh sometimes etc when I just think im honest. Really dont know xd
What MBTI type is the person on the right with the brown hair? ExTJ?
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️fiveoutoffivestars
Sorry to burst everyone's bubble but this is a toxic relationship. I watched the whole thing waiting to see what are the things both sides do to improve. It turned into 28 minutes of him apologizing and changing to make sure she's ok, but not a minute if things she does so both sides reach a comfortable and safe space. This is typical NPD character meeting a very nice guy who constantly has to run to make sure he is meeting her expectations, never the other way around. I strongly suggest getting out of this toxic marriage! I understand the emotional dependency is significant in his side but he'll be happier away from such character
Jono I still adore you, you're still on my pedestal, but what do I know - healer, dreamer here with the same perception - I didn't want to hurt you, so I haven't done anything wrong, right? 😂
Can you be a healer/closer? I know they are opposites but is it possible?
Yes indeed. It often looks like being aggressive, then feeling guilty and worrying about hurting others' feelings. There are pros as well. If balanced, you can be strong and unflappable while also being compassionate and caring.
@MendedLight thank you, this makes a lot of sense!
Oof this is accurate
I'm a dreamer and has been dating this guy for almost five months. He's a thinker
For me emotions are important
For him the rational is important
any advice?
Are we compatible?
From 15+ years in the future, I’m here to say: That’s gonna be a long, *hard* road…. but SO REWARDING **if** you both do the work to understand and honor eachother’s differences. 🧡
@@nnylasoR Well. We broke up 2 months ago. Still on friendly terms and when we have recovered from the situation, we are most likely gonna be friends.
But simply put, our needs were too different. He couldn't give me what I needed and I likely couldn't give him what he needed. We didn't fit, simply put
When talking about yourself being a dreamer , your making a perfect decryption of an ADHD person .
why am I all of these at once? Is it because I am Neuro divergent? 1:37
Yikes, she sounds "unpleasable." He gets his work done faster, and her response is to be mad?? I'm sorry they're getting divorced, but... I believe he will move on to greener pastures. She wants him to be successful, but wants to live all over the world? A business owner, a dentist, a financial adviser, an upper exec in a fortune 500 co, a pharmacist. These are my siblings and I. We're successful, and none of us could just up and move to southeast Asia for a few months, because this is her dream.
These traits are't 100% inclusive as I share some but not all traits from all 4 "groups"
Honestly this just sounds like adhder perspective vs autistic perspective
I hear that! 😆😂😅
-An AuDHDer married to one I suspect to be an Aspie (ASD1) 🫠
[unmarried, jury’s out on dating since… 🖤🩶🤍💜 compatibility problems, occationally Overthinks for fun or in adhd and anxiety]
“Hmm. I think according to This model I’d be a Thinker-Dreamer, which isn’t that different from scoring as sanguine-melancholy on the humors one, and entp on the mbti one. -and tend to be attracted to what are probably Dreamer-Healers, other Thinker/Dreamers, or Thinker-Healers. Buuut not Closers. Really ever.- “
[watches for that But What If I *could* try to have a romantic relationship *despite* my pretty classic asexuality]