My dad always gave me the best advice when dating he said be vulnerable, sprinkle in a little self deprecation and awareness of how imperfect you are, but don't put yourself down, show you are comfortable with how you are to open the door for your date to do the same, remember a date is about finding similar values, but most important is knowing that your date like you loves themselves as they are and aren't trying to impress you. Also flirting is fun, but it doesn't need to result in a sexual situation, creating anticipation and playfulness gives those warm feelings in your heart, if they are paired with genuine interest in connection.
12:11 I like to use the 3 strike rule. After 3 attempts, if efforts aren’t reciprocated then I take that as not interested and withdraw. Of course that only applies if they show interest initially. That rule has worked for me in many situations, not just with dating.
Dating changed for me when I decided to be unapologetically be myself, took people as they are vs pushing my preconceived fantasy on them, and not putting so much pressure on yourself for ANY date. If it doesn't work out then it is what it is. Quite frankly dating is a numbers game and you're going to meet some people you don't 100% mesh with but it's a learning experience regardless.
My advice would be - believe yourself. If you feel not comfortable (or comfortable), believe it and feel free to communicate it to the other person. No one knows what you feel better than you do. I guess it relates to the confidence thing you were talking about.
I’m in what I believe *knock on wood* is the beginning of my first serious relationship (we’re four dates in) and I’m still so surprised by how well it’s going, I have agoraphobia so all our dates have had to be at my house yet he takes it in his stride and never makes me feel bad for it ❤
Thanks for this! Not sure if it's more because I'm super-shy or because I'm neuro-spicy, but connecting with others as always been very challenging for me. ☹
Thanks so much for this. I've only been on 2 dates while I was still in highschool and it was only with girls who I was friends with and one was for homecoming and the other was for prom and while they and I had fun. I didn't consider them to be actual dates dates especially since I was really shy and socially awkward in highschool and I was still trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life.
Could you please do a video on friendship styles and friendship break ups? How do you get over being hurt by someone who was a friend? I had a friend break up last year when she explained that she did not like the way I was when I had had a boyfriend (whom I'd just broken up with). She wanted girl time with me like we used to (very frequently) and felt pushed away when I got a boyfriend and spent more time with him. I admit I did spend a lot of time with him and I found that I liked being able to hang out at my place with him rather than always hanging out with her at hers. I DID invite her to do things with us (like go to markets or events she would enjoy) but she would decide not to come. It wasn't that she didn't like my boyfriend (although she said post break up with him that he wasn't all that), she wanted the same old girl times. Post-boyfriend I tried to make it up to her but she started ghosting me and we didn't talk for a year. We met at a mutual friend's place the other day and I guess I'm considering whether to make overtures again. I do miss her, but I also find her a competitive drama llama...She is always trying to one-up. I don't know if she missed me really or just missed that I was an accessory to her life. I'm conflicted about what to do, and even worse, I don't trust my judgement much with making friends anymore. What to do?
Thank you for sharing this great video Could you share your thoughts on people struggling with low self esteem. I have a dear friend who has never been in a genuine relationship and now have fears to be in one.
Before I can try out your tips on *how* to build a genuine connection, I'm still figuring out the *would I even want that?* 😅 I like listening to others and learn about them, but I'm doing it to make them feel better, not because I want to connect
This was nice and not trite, obvious advice. :) After a long marriage and long divorce (and long time being single!) I've had a tough time putting myself out there. I'm a demi introvert and in my 20's that was fine because I met lots of people my age all the time, worked with them, new friendships etc. which created lots of opportunities for new connections but now in my 40's it's much harder. And online dating as a demisexual has been rough, because a date is just like a meeting or an interview. This was good tho - focus on being interested, not interesting.
Feel this. Obviously, not everyone is interested in getting physical quickly. But, I have doubts that many are willing to wait until I'm comfortable to progress things to that level.
A real life application of the Log Theory - if I’m talking to a girl and she leaves me on read twice then I’m not initiating conversation anymore unless they do it moving forward.
I wanna be my lover´s best lover. Is somehting very important to me, but i also wanna him to feel the same as well. This type of thing takes time so you can create a deep connection. But i also wanna be the best version of myself for him becuase he deserves it. My feelings got kinda hurt when you speak of that as an arrogance, but arrogance or not, is still somehting very important to me and be my lover´s best lover, yet i dont plan to force him into anything, i wanna make a balance between that and treat him the way he deserves, so both our necessities are being fulfilled and both are happy
I struggle when guys fall for me faster than I fall for them and they want to kiss and cuddle, etc. when I don't feel comfortable doing that with them yet. I want to really get to know them and establish a relationship of trust/respect/friendship first. (Basically, I want emotional intimacy before getting physical.) When these guys talk about wanting to kiss me, I feel really comfortable because I don't feel the same way. I feel like they're asking for something that I'm not ready to give, and I start to become irritated and think they are just looking to "get some." I don't know how to respect myself and my boundaries while also be willing to take risks and show the guy I'm willing to put effort into the relationship but i don't want to be physical just yet. Advise anyone?
Why would someone have difficulty learning the relationship between humility and confidence? As well as arrogance and self-loathing? Are parents supposed to teach this?
I may be the weird person who doesn't like to meet people online. Are there other ways people have met within the last 5 years or so that have actually worked and what are they? FYI for those that say through friends at my age I really don't think I have any single friends anymore.
Greeetins. Muy bestie and her sister (both adults) are facing a hard time with their mom. Long story shortened : the mom considers that her daughters are not succesful enough, even though is no quite like that: m'y bestie work's in something totally related to her universitary studies and thrives economically due to her work. And her sister hasn't get that lucky And there is no officiel diagnosis but everything points to a neurodiversity that has always been diminished by the mom in question. Is there something that you , as a professional, could say to them? 🙏 Even if it's just a commentary, It will mean a lot.
My dad always gave me the best advice when dating he said be vulnerable, sprinkle in a little self deprecation and awareness of how imperfect you are, but don't put yourself down, show you are comfortable with how you are to open the door for your date to do the same, remember a date is about finding similar values, but most important is knowing that your date like you loves themselves as they are and aren't trying to impress you. Also flirting is fun, but it doesn't need to result in a sexual situation, creating anticipation and playfulness gives those warm feelings in your heart, if they are paired with genuine interest in connection.
12:11 I like to use the 3 strike rule. After 3 attempts, if efforts aren’t reciprocated then I take that as not interested and withdraw. Of course that only applies if they show interest initially. That rule has worked for me in many situations, not just with dating.
Dating changed for me when I decided to be unapologetically be myself, took people as they are vs pushing my preconceived fantasy on them, and not putting so much pressure on yourself for ANY date. If it doesn't work out then it is what it is. Quite frankly dating is a numbers game and you're going to meet some people you don't 100% mesh with but it's a learning experience regardless.
My advice would be - believe yourself. If you feel not comfortable (or comfortable), believe it and feel free to communicate it to the other person. No one knows what you feel better than you do. I guess it relates to the confidence thing you were talking about.
The Log Analogy operates in a similar way to what you said about trusting people: don't trust someone more than you know them.
Thank you, just when I needed confidence in this subject, this notification pops into my inbox.
I love awesome timing like that.
Glad it was helpful! What did you take from the video that you want to apply in your life? 💜
We have the same algorithm, I see a comment from you on almost every post I see 😂 That being said, I wish you luck on your dating ventures!
I’m in what I believe *knock on wood* is the beginning of my first serious relationship (we’re four dates in) and I’m still so surprised by how well it’s going, I have agoraphobia so all our dates have had to be at my house yet he takes it in his stride and never makes me feel bad for it ❤
Love that! Hope it continues to go well! What has been your favorite thing you have done together so far? 💜
@@MendedLightahhhh I can’t believe you replied!!! I love this channel. My fave thing we’ve done so far is watch Rocky IV
Thanks for this! Not sure if it's more because I'm super-shy or because I'm neuro-spicy, but connecting with others as always been very challenging for me. ☹
You're so welcome! Thank you for sharing that. What do you do that helps support your connections with others? 💜🌿
13:31 more of a gift analogy, if you gave at most 3 gifts without getting anything back be ready for disasterous relationship
Thanks so much for this. I've only been on 2 dates while I was still in highschool and it was only with girls who I was friends with and one was for homecoming and the other was for prom and while they and I had fun. I didn't consider them to be actual dates dates especially since I was really shy and socially awkward in highschool and I was still trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life.
Thanks, Jono
Could you please do a video on friendship styles and friendship break ups? How do you get over being hurt by someone who was a friend? I had a friend break up last year when she explained that she did not like the way I was when I had had a boyfriend (whom I'd just broken up with). She wanted girl time with me like we used to (very frequently) and felt pushed away when I got a boyfriend and spent more time with him.
I admit I did spend a lot of time with him and I found that I liked being able to hang out at my place with him rather than always hanging out with her at hers. I DID invite her to do things with us (like go to markets or events she would enjoy) but she would decide not to come. It wasn't that she didn't like my boyfriend (although she said post break up with him that he wasn't all that), she wanted the same old girl times.
Post-boyfriend I tried to make it up to her but she started ghosting me and we didn't talk for a year. We met at a mutual friend's place the other day and I guess I'm considering whether to make overtures again. I do miss her, but I also find her a competitive drama llama...She is always trying to one-up. I don't know if she missed me really or just missed that I was an accessory to her life. I'm conflicted about what to do, and even worse, I don't trust my judgement much with making friends anymore. What to do?
Great advice!
Glad it was helpful!
Thanks for the video it's very helpful keep it up😅😅😅
Thank you for the kind words and support!
I think anyone not mature enough to accept that people we love have pasts are not mature enough to be dating, period
Thank you for sharing this great video
Could you share your thoughts on people struggling with low self esteem. I have a dear friend who has never been in a genuine relationship and now have fears to be in one.
Best video ever.
Thank you! 💜
Before I can try out your tips on *how* to build a genuine connection, I'm still figuring out the *would I even want that?* 😅
I like listening to others and learn about them, but I'm doing it to make them feel better, not because I want to connect
This was nice and not trite, obvious advice. :) After a long marriage and long divorce (and long time being single!) I've had a tough time putting myself out there. I'm a demi introvert and in my 20's that was fine because I met lots of people my age all the time, worked with them, new friendships etc. which created lots of opportunities for new connections but now in my 40's it's much harder. And online dating as a demisexual has been rough, because a date is just like a meeting or an interview.
This was good tho - focus on being interested, not interesting.
Feel this. Obviously, not everyone is interested in getting physical quickly. But, I have doubts that many are willing to wait until I'm comfortable to progress things to that level.
A real life application of the Log Theory - if I’m talking to a girl and she leaves me on read twice then I’m not initiating conversation anymore unless they do it moving forward.
I wanna be my lover´s best lover. Is somehting very important to me, but i also wanna him to feel the same as well. This type of thing takes time so you can create a deep connection. But i also wanna be the best version of myself for him becuase he deserves it. My feelings got kinda hurt when you speak of that as an arrogance, but arrogance or not, is still somehting very important to me and be my lover´s best lover, yet i dont plan to force him into anything, i wanna make a balance between that and treat him the way he deserves, so both our necessities are being fulfilled and both are happy
I struggle when guys fall for me faster than I fall for them and they want to kiss and cuddle, etc. when I don't feel comfortable doing that with them yet. I want to really get to know them and establish a relationship of trust/respect/friendship first. (Basically, I want emotional intimacy before getting physical.) When these guys talk about wanting to kiss me, I feel really comfortable because I don't feel the same way. I feel like they're asking for something that I'm not ready to give, and I start to become irritated and think they are just looking to "get some." I don't know how to respect myself and my boundaries while also be willing to take risks and show the guy I'm willing to put effort into the relationship but i don't want to be physical just yet. Advise anyone?
Why would someone have difficulty learning the relationship between humility and confidence? As well as arrogance and self-loathing? Are parents supposed to teach this?
I may be the weird person who doesn't like to meet people online. Are there other ways people have met within the last 5 years or so that have actually worked and what are they? FYI for those that say through friends at my age I really don't think I have any single friends anymore.
Greeetins. Muy bestie and her sister (both adults) are facing a hard time with their mom. Long story shortened : the mom considers that her daughters are not succesful enough, even though is no quite like that: m'y bestie work's in something totally related to her universitary studies and thrives economically due to her work. And her sister hasn't get that lucky
And there is no officiel diagnosis but everything points to a neurodiversity that has always been diminished by the mom in question. Is there something that you , as a professional, could say to them? 🙏 Even if it's just a commentary, It will mean a lot.
Y'all are getting dates??? 😮
Heal your complex trauma (70 to 80% of people are unhealthy - they've an insecure attachment)
We talk about it like it’s not 2024, how do you meet people at 30 😅😅😅😅
5:09
Marry a Virgin