Did You Know There Are at Least 5 Types of Intimacy (besides sex)?
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- Опубликовано: 28 май 2024
- We all crave intimacy, but did you know there are so many more types of intimacy? Watch this video to learn how to create stronger connections and more intimacy in your life.
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#intimacy #connection #mendedlight #jonathandecker
00:00 What is intimacy
01:00 Meaningful connection
01:15 Emotional
03:15 Experiential
08:00 intellectual
09:30 Spiritual
12:45 Physical
This video made me realize my partner and I share all forms of intimacy on a regular (if not daily) basis. People that see us together ask if we're married or they say how well we work together and I think a lot of that behavior from us comes from how comfortable we are with each other. I value my alone time so much I am a hermit. His presence is just as soothing (if not more soothing sometimes) as my alone time. I love that about us so much ;-;
Cindy Crawford advised years ago (her personal life advice) that having 5 close friends who each check one of these "boxes" will benefit anyone.
I found that my love language has actually changed over the years. I used to be a words of affirmation kind of person but not so much anymore as I have become more secure in myself. I much more want to give gifts and acts of service to others than I used to be.
Interesting.... I'm in my 60's and still have stuffies. Sometimes the dog or cat or horse can't hug me as long as I need. I have never gotten the physical intimacy from family or partners. I think the only time my mom took my hand was to drag me through a mall or across the street when I wasn't moving fast enough.
Me too! Unfortunately!
I have to think about my now 25 year old son listening to this one. He's still willing to give me hugs, but is more likely to cuddle his wife or daughter than Mom or Dad these days. His wife commented when they moved in together that he had more stuffed animals than she does!
I connect most with spiritual. If I’m not improving on anything, I feel hopeless or useless.
My daughter is like that as well. I'm going to try your stuffy move, Alicia 😉🤭. I actually quite enjoy it, I didn't grow up that way and if it makes her feel safe I'm very happy to.
I have to ask you as a marriage and family counselor why do people cheat? If you tell a person in the beginning if they aren’t happy at any point in the relationship they can leave but still end up cheating anyway, why? I don’t understand this. Can you or someone please explain this to me.
This!
I heard somewhere (can't remember where) that the most common reason someone "cheats" is because they are unsatisfied sexually in their relationship - so seek it elsewhere.
So they could very much be happy in their relationship, but still cheat because of that. In this example, the couple could do with working on making the physical intimacy exciting again
Jono has done two or three videos on cheating.
@HisOnlyAngel21
When people cheat, it's often an indicator that they're not in touch with their own needs and seek it out externally if their partner cannot provide it to them. And they may not choose to leave the relationship because they just want the one need satisfied for the time being or the thrill, but they don't want the relationship to end. But it all stems from lacking connection with ourselves that lead us to betray others. It's not necessarily about the sex. It was what the sex was giving them in terms of connection or thrill. If someone is cheating, often they cheat themselves of giving themselves their needs because they don't take the time to understand what they want or what the act of cheating was giving to them and how to get it in a healthier, more sustainable way.
Sometimes having a sexual addiction that hasn't been dealt with can lead someone to cheat
It's very difficult for me to find people I can have an intellectual and spiritual intimacy with. As physical as I am, I THIRST for those. I only have one friend who I deeply connect with, and only one romantic partner who deeply saw me. Sadly, an ex with whom it did not work. It's very, very difficult for me to connect deeply with most people.
I'm not sure what type of intimacy this would fall under, but one of my favorite ways me and one of my friends connect is through music. We used to get together once in a while, get ice cream or a smoothie and listen to music in his car. Sharing songs back and forth. Maybe it's experiential. When we'd share songs it would spark conversations and we'd end up talking all night or we'd share how a song makes us feel.
That's sounds so lovely! I think that can be a few - including emotional & intellectual. Thank you for sharing- I love that idea of sharing music.
I'm 35 and absolutely still love my gigantic stuffy and a selective few small ones. Healer type on first place and yes, insatiable for cuddles always LOL. Also several conditions at work that make the sensory "help to feel my body be HERE and not falling apart" totally contribute to this. Don't you ever grow into an adult who'll refuse themselves self-comforting behaviours just due to learned societally instilled shame that it's "childish". How about "Nothing quite as child-like as not sufficiently attending to your own needs, like an adult!" 😉🧸 Free those CUDDLES!!! Especially free them of sexualised context. Especially especially between men. Ya boys are NOT to frail to crumble over genuinely kind and caring and gentle peer physical contact, damn it!!!
Completely agree with you!!!
Beautiful video 💖
I relate so hard to the insatiable need for cuddling/holding. I call people like us "velcro monkeys" like the stuffed toys that come in pairs, with their arms velcroed around each other.
I'm definitely a Physical Touch and Quality Time person!
I loved this and I can’t wait to watch it with my fiancé then we will get back to you about your other question. Your content is always amazing
Yay! Thank you!
I intimately enjoy these videos. 😉
My top two are intellectual and experiential. Emotional's one of the hardest for me.
People that see us
Gifts that understand you
Grow lasting habits
#gifts
I have non of these with my family :D
For me, 1. Physical, 2. it's a tie between emotional and experiential. And 3 is a tie between spiritual and intellectual.
I can attest that just conversations can be very intimate, even if the subject matter isn't usually considered "stereotypically intimate"- for example: [And, this example definitely called for feelings of emotional safety and trust for sure!]:
After the movie "Inside Out" basically turned me into a tearjerker-seeker at a late age ~30 (whereas BEFORE all my life I was an avid AVOIDER of tearjerker movies and they never really had an effect on me anyway!) ... when I FINALLY noticed that tears can actually bring feel-good brain endorphins along with them (which is what certain scenes of "Inside Out" did for me) ... I got the urge (eventually, like 3 years later) ... to TELL my roommates about what "Inside Out" did to me, and even stranger (to me at least) how I'd actually been INTENTIONALLY seeking out more tearjerker movies... on purpose... to get that same effect.
Of course, to just start that conversation about [what I considered such a fascinating phenomenon] meant admitting my own emotional vulnerability, which is super hard for me (!). But I really wanted to discuss the "fascinating brain aspect", so I did work up the courage eventually. It took me an HOUR just to START to get the story out to my roommate though :P
After I did though, and during the conversation my roommate had some really intellectually interesting things to add too along with some stories of their own experiences... it was SUCH an emotionally rewarding conversation... that for a few DAYS my brain felt like it had gotten the best massage ever, lol! No doubt it was all the brain oxytocin getting released :P
I am 29 years old, married and I still sleep with a stuffed animal. Lmao.
I can't sleep without it. 🤣
I'm 35 and still sleep with my stuffies. I have 5 teddy bears that I sleep with. I'm never getting rid of them. Going to take them to my grave.
I'm 45 and cuddle my Squishmallow every night. It also helps raise my arm to a more comfortable level 😂
Is experiential intimacy more like family reunions every year or so, or more like family game nights every few weeks? Are they both experiential intimacy?
As I understand they would both count !
Do you have any courses on how to get these types of intimacy when you live in a country that doesn't speak your language and is otherwise a 'no-touch' culture?
As a (cis female) ace person, I'm absolutely interested in your takes on this. Because non-sex related is the only intimacy I may (or may not) have experienced.
And it explains why, in my eyes, in a relationship, it is possible to cheat on someone in other ways then just sexual attraction (intercourse or kissing etc). I've heard lots of people denying such betray, only just because the bodily part did not happen.
I guess I love intellectual intimacy, but I rarely get it. So much so that I really feel that lots of knowledge/interests (maybe unusual onces) that I have aren't shared. It's an isolating experience. The more I leran about these topics, the more I would love to share my fascination for them. But the deeper it goes, the less people care (or can follow. Or want to even try). Like keep on deepening my knowledge is isolating me more. It's sad. Because I am so interested in many topics and I really like growing my knowledge. But would fit with me likely being a healer-thinker.
I also relate somewhat to emotional intimacy, but most of it is gone. I had some of it growing up, but I'm lonely. So I don't reall get any intimacy to be honest.
Experiental.... a little. But again, gone. Had that intensely when the complete exposition of the natural history museum I worked in (I'm in invalidity pension, sadly) was renewed. Like the last two weeks were intense. SO much still to be done, so little time before the official re-opening. It was stressy, but a wonderful experience. Because, with everyone having such a big work load, you might think people would get all egoistic and reckless. It was the complete opposite. All the members of the different sections gave each other a hand whenever and however they could. (The few "lazy" collegues that sure existed too were just not seen. Typically avoiding the harder work. And the extra hours mostly) No discriminations, problems had to be solved and all ideas to help were validated. Regardless of the section or educational level. It was like really one big family together in one boat and giving our all in a big communitary effort. Made me all the more aware and thnakful to be part of it. Losing my job was more than just losing a job. My collegues were the only friends I had.
WIth my father, this was definitely the only intimacy I had with him. I really think that's partly not even his fault, given how he was raised. It's likley the only one he was told was allowed for am man.
Spiritual... can't relate. I'm not religious, nobody in my family is. Not practicing. I'm technically christian (was baptised etc.. But "out of tradition") I'm generally quite good at position taking, but putting myself in the mindset of a very religiours person is challenging to me. Especially if they have a certain "missionary" tendancy. (just like you pointed out too) Gets really hard for me, because I don't want to be rude and have a hard time setting boundaries, but at the same time the concept is alien to me. I'm not against religion. If it helps people to cope, feel better and master the hurdles of life it can be a good thing. Just not my pair of shoes.
Physical. With family, more so as kid. I only ever had one friend (while my 3 years studying abroad) that I considered more than a "normal" friend but maybe not quite a boyfriend either. He felt like a soulmate... even if that may sound clishee. (he also lived at my place for a week because his appartment had been broken into and the milk glass door shattered, requiring a professional cleaning. He slept on a guest mattrass). I Had some physical intimacy with him, and it was really nice. We would give the respective other comforting hugs when we shared our "dark secrets/menatl health issues". I remeber one evening where one of my pet mice was really sick and I had to try to force feed her and give her meds, but she resisted. I held her in my hands, desperately crying and talking to her "I'm so sorry dear, I just want to help you...". It was heartbreaking to "torture" the poor thing in an attempt to save her live. (Side not: she did not make it. I let her be euthanized 2 days after) He sat besides and started to stroke my shoulders to consolate me. He was crying himself, more for my despair than for the mouse , maybe both. It was a heartbreaking but beautiful moment. To this day I still 1. can't fathom why he chose to be so good to me and 2. am deeply convinced that I never deserved him. He would alos sometimes give me massages, on the hands or neck/shoulders, and a few times, walking together, we would hold hands. I don'T know if he would have been okay with going deeper, but he never pressured me into anything. When I had to stop my studies (because od my mental and physical health degradation) we kept on writing us e-mails for a while. I went back to the city a few times to visit him and one times some other friends as well. But Live just went on and we lost contact. I'm not one bit mad at him (he was the one not responding to my last mail). IT was not good for him (apparently. Still genuinely don't understand why) caring too much about someone like me who is beyond help.
As for no about physical intimacy. None. For real. I even feel touch-starvation. The very few times I get a hug (usually from an aunt or uncle) it feels so weird that I don't even know how to feel/react any more. I mostly just go stiff. I bought myself a "sort-of" version (can't afford a hand-made one) of a re-born doll. She has about the size of a 3m old baby, has several real baby outfits, is a little weighted on purpose (1,5kg) and really cute. I can hold and cuttle her, and I do. And even if it's just a substitude and mya sound silly for an adult woment to act like that, it's still comforting to have at least her. Definitely better than nothing.
Thank you for this very interesting video. Obviously, you once more touched a nerve that made me write another long, oversharing comment.
You are only beyond help if you believe that about yourself. Is there maybe a team or class for something or a church (some sort of weekly gathering) in your area that you could join?
@@lowings848 thanks for actually reading my super long comment.
I'm not religious a all.
Team or club or sth. would be difficult too. For financial and health (not only mental) reasons.
I am allways welcome at the museum I worked, and there are several events a year that are organized by the museum in collab with natural conservation institutions etc. which I could join. Some spontaneously, some with beforehand enlisting requirement. But I'm very anxious (I have AVPD), I have no car (which only cmakes it more complicated to organize ow I weill get there. I can't ask anyone to drive me) as I said, I'm physically in rather bad shape. So, although I really liked those and visited once after I lost my work (which was nice) it's hard to actually follow through.
Maybe if I could get better physically (and mentally), but it's hard. I'm in survival mode since a long time, and finding energy for anything but the pure essential is difficult.
Sorry for the bad mood.
I know getting better depends highly on myself, but I'm exhausted and have a lot of passive suicidal ideation.
I'm fine with using sex or intimacy . . . I just don't know if my comment will get taken down. 😁
comment for the algorithm
A 14 yo needing a stuffy is normal?
Damn, I guess?