Thanks for this episode Mel. I was with an Avoidant partner who left me after we moved to a new country. Got completely stone walled and disrespected and going through alot of hurt and coldness. I am currently in No Contact and hope she comes around and remembers the person I actually am. Holding thumbs for a revive but also not going to wait around either...
I so appreciate your honesty!!! My husband and I have been thru a ton of stuff together on the last 30 years. And you are so on target when u say there are no magic things to do it's giving until u have absolutely nothing left to give and getting just enough to we your taste... learning to be selfless and remembering your mate truly isn't trying to hurt u, at least I hope not but life happens and absolutely no one person can make or break a relationship.
Mel you always help me to belive. I love your vulnerability . I found you 4 years ago and bought 2 of your books. You're the best to explain real life ..... It's normal, natural. I hope my special one can work together. I still love this person, we have both hurt each other. I think we may follow your lead. Keep going when we accept mistakes, accept we are all weired, we all bulls up. It's all about the work you want to work on. Your a star. Working together SAVES. Always accepting one has let go . Love u Mell..😊❤
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient.
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..
My mom used to say, "Trade partners, trade problems, you're not going to find a partner with no problems. Work on the problems that you have with your partner". Miss you, Mom!☮️💖😘
At this point.....30 years...... It's not about wanting to be with someone else. Really. My honesty and needs are ignored. My roommate doesn't want to change. He won't listen. I've tried to do as I want in return. Date night? Flowers? Conversation? Reaching out for gentle touch. Therapy for 3 years on my own....I believe I've looked in the mirror. I'm lonely. It sucks to be alone with people around. Disconnected...Yes indeed.
My partner of 37 years got into a new hobby 12 or so years ago which soon became an obsession to the point where all the things we used to do together which maintained our connection and made our relationship fun have gone including all intimacy. On our 30th year I booked a cottage for a few days which would normally have been great but I could tell she didn't want to be there because she was bored, away from her hobby, subsequent holidays were the same. I now take holidays alone and spend more time alone while she does her hobby all the time. In the early days of this I brought it up but nothing ever changed. Consequently resentment has built up in me to the point where I'm now looking for a place to rent so I can get out and give myself a chance to meet someone I'm more compatible with, I'm 59 so feel time running out. I don't think even if she was willing to meet my needs I'd want her to anymore, I wouldn't want her to do things with me because she feels she should, I want her to WANT to do these things and I don't feel that will ever happen!
Mel, your podcast couldn't have come at a better time. Just this weekend my husband and I got into a heated argument that ended with me leaving with our two kids. During our time apart both my husband and were given advice from friends and family (either attend therapy or divorce) we had sleepless nights, and my husband reached out, crying, to say he wants to try couples therapy/marriage counseling because the kids and I are important to him. I cannot tell you how happy I am to hear him say this because I've been nagging my husband to join me in therapy/counseling for years (even before we had kids).
Sometimes the best decision is to leave. My husband and I were in the roommate stage I was trying he wasn't. He was in a 2 yr relationship with a coworker while we were married he moved out and left me and my daughter and honestly it was the worst feeling but now I'm my best self I look in the mirror and love what I see. Struggle love is not worth it. Love the podcast 👌
Possibly my favorite Mel pod so far. I'm in the roommate stage. I feel so seen. I actually teared up this time at your signoff. It's so weird that I really do feel like you really are my friend that loves and believes in me.
You are a carriage with a seat for two riders being driven by two powerful forces - a loving heart and a thoughtful mind. Every word you speak is a flower showing its pedals in an infinitely beautiful bouquet. 💐❤
I listen to your podcast every day at lunch and sometimes in the morning while I am getting ready for work. You are so refreshing, inspiring and a true God send. Thank you ❤
This is very much needed! No one shares the reality of their day to day in their marriage. And Yes, it taked two to make it work. When one person checks out it is over. All you can do is work on yourself. Make yourself happy. Thank you for this 💛🤗
If I could hit the “like” a thousand times I would! Amazing timing for this one! Close to 21 years married and finally BOTH is us talking to a counselor together. Just finally doing this together is such a huge step.
Might be the BEST relationship video "advice" I have heard, thank you for being REAL!!!!!! Its truly sad how quick people thrown relationships away. We had a VERY hard time in our marriage and I am truly grateful we stuck it out. Its 10000 times better now, and at one point I didn't think it would be!
Yes Mel. You are absolutely correct, it takes two individuals to be willing to work on issues💯. So thrilled that you are promoting therapy. As a counselor, I'm always the first to say I get counseling ❤️
Kudos to you @MelRobbins for stating that fact at the beginning, about some influencers etc giving marriage advice and then breaking up. THANK YOU For being AUTHENTIC!!!! Plus one thing people don't realize is just because we see something on a screen on social media of whatever kind, does NOT mean their life, marriage, relationships etc are happy. Too many people focus on social media as the catalyst of what life should be...
Mel. I have just recently subscribed to your podcast. This is so honest and truthful. It is the best thing I have heard. Everything else talks about leaving when I know that’s not the answer. Your insight speaks the truth to me. Thank you for your honesty. I believe this episode alone will help so many people! You are amazing!
I don’t think you realise how incredibly refreshing this was! Today it’s all about men versus women,red pill,bad bitch queen,like you’re forced to almost take a side against the opposite sex! When searching for real,solid marriage advice,it always seems to veer towards leaving your partner because “you deserve better”. How about we get back to basics,like you have so beautifully laid out for us all. What happened to commitment? Resolution? Hard work and determination to stick at it and find a solution? So many people are ready to opt out because they’re “not feeling it” Thanks for this,honestly was a breath of fresh air in a messed up,toxic world! Much love!❤
Thank you for saying things aloud, it validates all the reasons why I stayed in my marriage. We did a hard work and it really made so much difference for the better, and we continue to work on ourselves and on mutual relationship.
Yes, yes, and yes-so many nuggets of wisdom and truth! I am nodding my head. But sometimes the right thing is to go. Sometimes it is to stay. I have done both… you just need to know which is which.
This came at the perfect time. I was meant to listen to this to understand and see the men I married not as a roommate but as someone I still love. We've been through SO much shit!! I'm the asshole in our story but I know there's hope because there's love in us for each other. Thank you Mel for making me realize so many things. I'm willing to do the work and I know my husband does too. 😇🙏🏼
Mel Robbins I have missed you. Life took over. This was so encouraging to listen to. After 32 years of relationship and a difficult time, you give me hope and encouragement. You always get me back on my journey. you are a very unique woman. Thank you, Mel, and yes we love you too..
Your so right, i was quietly quitting, I understand from previous episodes that this a reflection of my childhood. I will speak up wake up, and assume good inteno. This so good.❤❤
Thank you for this video. I loved hearing about your struggles in your marriage. I was with my ex-husband for 36 years, 34 years married. I tried so hard to keep this family together. I truly loved this man, but he was not willing to do the work to keep our family together. After I left, I realized he was a narcissist. I felt so dumb that I worked so hard to make this marriage work. I have been out 5 years and still healing.
This is the most honest and candid I have heard ANYONE speak on marriage… I love how the questions were posed and I absolutely LOVE how you have answered them❤ The thing you were saying about leaving marriage out of frustration really resonated with me, deeply… This was so refreshing… Thank you for sharing… when you shared those gifts your husband got you after 26 years of marriage that just 🤯 my mind because that is what hope can do… that is what both people putting in the work can do… Also the thing you said about not knowing your husband was doing okay just hit home with me so much too… it’s true, we live with our partners/spouses and we don’t KNOW them… I was depressed for 8 years and my husband never saw it.. Honestly out of all the podcasts and ‘answers’ I’ve been looking for, this ‘open ended’ answer has answered all the questions on marriage I’ve been wrestling with ❤❤❤ This was refreshing…
Married for 16, almost walked out 3 weeks ago waiting, begging, broken promises etc however we decided to start counseling and so far I'm still here. Mel? I dont know how or where I ended up seeing this podcast but it's been a god send. Love and appreciate the insight on marriage!!
Thank you for being real. I connected with you on so many levels with this!! And found we have a lot in common! My husband and I celebrate our 26 anniversary this year…AND we also have 3 children almost the same age as yours!! I am going to work harder to listen and talk about our needs. THANK YOU SO MUCH!
To add to my previous comment... If my husband and I both were working together even through the tough times communicating is The number one thing I wish we would have done more of... I would do most of the talking but he was not recipitating. I was basically having one-sided relationship one-sided conversations and companionship. If I wanted a one-sided relationship I would have married myself. LOL
Mel, first off thank you! We have a lot in common w our marriages except I’m in the 25 year zone. I’m angry, hurt and confused… but I do love him! It feels like I’m alone in wanting to keep trying. He Doesn’t believe in therapy bc of past experiences. We do not have the tools bc we keep on the same issues.. my anger and frustration has pushed him away. I’m in so much hope that if he listens to this, maybe it might give us hope! Thank you for being raw and open, your reaching us ❤️ Much love
It's give and take and balance and sometimes it's just you gotta laugh about stuff.Its work so take a vacation once in awhile,if you to stay ,STAY! It's your business,I couldn't live your life and you can't live mine. Your fabulous Miss Mel. Happy Monday
This was answer to my question I had last night. Its one of those magical moments. 🧚♂️Thank You Mell for being honest 💯❤ You saved one mariage definetly 🙏 You are amazing! Keep doing what You doing 🤗
Thanks a lot Mel for sharing this! I am 7 years in marriage now, yes, you said something that really hit me, relax, and let him take the lead. This is so amazing but how can you relax when he is not taking the lead most time? 😢😢😢
Thank you, Mel. Relationship advice is hard to give. One party always wants to fix the other person on the pretext of wanting to work on a marriage. While the other party retaliated because they were happy until they were accused of destroying their marriage.
I want to do the work.... I just don't know if he is willing to. I am working on myself for the past year trying to better myself. And he just can't be bothered to spend time with me. There is always some reason like feeling tired, feeling sick or something. We can have conversations, but when he doesn't want to or doesn't seem to enjoy it... What's the point? It is just constant rejection that hurts.
Mel Mel Mel Love you 3000 is not just a word, its more of an emotion!! I can't express how i feel here. I'm stuck and thought I'm a Dumbo by spoiling my relationship. But after listening to your words I'm super happy. I have tried my everything just that my better half is not ready to work on it. I'm super happy Mel ❤️ I'm total guilt free now 🎉i have tried all the steps you said but she's not ready to give a try 🌼 May be time will come in future or not but I'll wait for her ❤️ I'll focus on myself and be a better version of myself 😘 Made my Monday Mel 😀
Well shit, I will be watching this multiple times. So many truths and good take aways to implement and overall honesty about relationships. Thank you for doing this conversation right.
I got to the realization that it was way better to be alone than to stay in the marriage. Even if I never had another long-term relationship. 22 years later I’m the same, I do not wish I had stayed and done any more work on the marriage. I do regret the effects on my children from staying as long as I did. It’s not that I consciously stayed in the marriage for the kids - I just never even consciously considered the possibility of actually initiating divorce. It took years to break through my denial.
How can I or should I try to work on our marriage when my husband cheated on me. I’m in therapy. He says he doesn’t need it. He said he’d look for a marriage counselor & a week later I asked him if he found one. He said “I don’t see you trying so you do it.” I’m the only one who reaches out to him & Im always the one who tries to talk, argue or work through it all. I need some serious help Mel!!
I am so sorry to hear all these Cathy. Sometimes is already at the point that what is needed is a decision. And life can changed with one word. That word is ENOUGH
Sometimes there are circumstances that the spouse cannot do anything about. Addiction… After being married 47 years the loss of our daughter to a brain tumor I made a discovery. Now we are married 51 years,still digging in hard. This addiction is horrid ..
I absolutely agree 💜 perfect timing and good advice. Thank You Mel. Navigation of family and friend relationships are most difficult 🥹 I really wish you all the best for your situation. Hope it helps to know you are not alone 🙏 helps me 👍💜
My husband has been abusive towards me and also has a narcissitic side to him. We have a daughter together. He has moved out but wants to try again. My core beliefs are that family is important and I want ny daughter to grow up with a father, but in a functional family. Husband says that he is willing to try anything to get back together, theraphy etc. Should we try again?
2 things come to mind after listening to this episode. I heard 2 rules in life that for whatever reason stuck with me like super glue: 1. It's better for kids to be FROM a broken home than IN a broken home. 2. We hate in others what we see in ourselves. Thank you Mel for doing what your doing!! Very much appreciated!
Neither of us have walked out the door ( we should have a long time) and we have not done the work. When we disagree on something, I end up arguing with my self and he turns away from me and refuses to engage. When we both get tired of the silence, our fake relationships resumes. Until I do or say something that challenges his fragile ego it starts all over again. Around and around we go.
I feel like I’ve tried having the hard conversations with my partner time after time and he shows up to win me back and suddenly as he feels he has me locked in again the consistency ends and he’s rude, careless and has attitude left and right. Constant fights break out again and we are back to square one. We love each other so much that when we go no contact I have such a hard time thinking the grass is greener. I love so much about him… but i can’t stand a lot of the things that never change. He’s going to always be aggressive and have attitude and neglect his inner work. Is this abusive? Or am I giving up on something that I can just accept?
This episode is SO important and chockfull of content of real significance and impact! Will listen again and share with my partner. I must admit I do resent how expensive a good therapist is. But I know we can get creative with getting support.
Do you do therapy sessions for others? If not, will you please provide Dr. Cooper's contact info? Tried researching Dr. Cooper, and many different Coopers came up.
I cannot figure out if he is abusive. I keep pointing my finger at me. Working on me. I cannot help him. I can work on me though. So I do that. Not sure why I cannot figure out if he is abusive. Maybe because I am preoccupied with self improvement. I blurted out that I feel violated. I didn't mean to tell him that. I figure I am having a problem with me, that I need to address. I internalize it. If I feel violated, only I can change it. On a side note, I am on week 4 or 5 consistently exercising. Feels much better and I seem to be sleeping better, also. I am working on 5 second rule. I don't high five myself enough. Constant improvement. Thank you for this video. I may not put forth the effort to repair the relationship. It may be best to let go.
It can not be all your responsibility. Not for a relationship that involves 2 people. If you are wonder if he is abuse is already a seed of doubt there. I feel you can investigate more. Both has to put the work
What if u tried many time but he said that nothing is wrong with him. That I m the one that have problems. All the time I try to express myself. He yell back.
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This was one of my favorite episodes I’ve done so far. If you enjoyed it too, I’d appreciate it if you dropped a like and subscribed!
Thanks for this episode Mel. I was with an Avoidant partner who left me after we moved to a new country. Got completely stone walled and disrespected and going through alot of hurt and coldness. I am currently in No Contact and hope she comes around and remembers the person I actually am. Holding thumbs for a revive but also not going to wait around either...
I so appreciate your honesty!!! My husband and I have been thru a ton of stuff together on the last 30 years. And you are so on target when u say there are no magic things to do it's giving until u have absolutely nothing left to give and getting just enough to we your taste... learning to be selfless and remembering your mate truly isn't trying to hurt u, at least I hope not but life happens and absolutely no one person can make or break a relationship.
Mel you always help me to belive. I love your vulnerability .
I found you 4 years ago and bought 2 of your books.
You're the best to explain real life .....
It's normal, natural.
I hope my special one can work together. I still love this person, we have both hurt each other.
I think we may follow your lead.
Keep going when we accept mistakes, accept we are all weired, we all bulls up.
It's all about the work you want to work on.
Your a star.
Working together SAVES.
Always accepting one has let go .
Love u Mell..😊❤
So true, the hardest work is self love and thanks to you podcasts we get a long way ahead. Thank you for sharing this with us; I support you Mel
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient.
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..
This is helpful, I will look her up online right now...Thanks.
You wont regret it
My mom used to say, "Trade partners, trade problems, you're not going to find a partner with no problems. Work on the problems that you have with your partner". Miss you, Mom!☮️💖😘
❤️
@DoppelgängerI'm anti-marriage.
Precious!❤
At this point.....30 years......
It's not about wanting to be with someone else. Really.
My honesty and needs are ignored.
My roommate doesn't want to change. He won't listen.
I've tried to do as I want in return.
Date night? Flowers?
Conversation? Reaching out for gentle touch.
Therapy for 3 years on my own....I believe I've looked in the mirror.
I'm lonely. It sucks to be alone with people around.
Disconnected...Yes indeed.
I am so sorry. I think you truly did all you could by now
My partner of 37 years got into a new hobby 12 or so years ago which soon became an obsession to the point where all the things we used to do together which maintained our connection and made our relationship fun have gone including all intimacy. On our 30th year I booked a cottage for a few days which would normally have been great but I could tell she didn't want to be there because she was bored, away from her hobby, subsequent holidays were the same. I now take holidays alone and spend more time alone while she does her hobby all the time. In the early days of this I brought it up but nothing ever changed. Consequently resentment has built up in me to the point where I'm now looking for a place to rent so I can get out and give myself a chance to meet someone I'm more compatible with, I'm 59 so feel time running out. I don't think even if she was willing to meet my needs I'd want her to anymore, I wouldn't want her to do things with me because she feels she should, I want her to WANT to do these things and I don't feel that will ever happen!
Mel, your podcast couldn't have come at a better time. Just this weekend my husband and I got into a heated argument that ended with me leaving with our two kids. During our time apart both my husband and were given advice from friends and family (either attend therapy or divorce) we had sleepless nights, and my husband reached out, crying, to say he wants to try couples therapy/marriage counseling because the kids and I are important to him. I cannot tell you how happy I am to hear him say this because I've been nagging my husband to join me in therapy/counseling for years (even before we had kids).
This is the sweetest things. Much love to you and yours, xx
Sometimes the best decision is to leave. My husband and I were in the roommate stage I was trying he wasn't. He was in a 2 yr relationship with a coworker while we were married he moved out and left me and my daughter and honestly it was the worst feeling but now I'm my best self I look in the mirror and love what I see. Struggle love is not worth it. Love the podcast 👌
Married 48 years, together for over 50. My husband passed away last year. So glad we worked through - no one is perfect. ❤
Possibly my favorite Mel pod so far. I'm in the roommate stage. I feel so seen. I actually teared up this time at your signoff. It's so weird that I really do feel like you really are my friend that loves and believes in me.
You are a carriage with a seat for two riders being driven by two powerful forces - a loving heart and a thoughtful mind. Every word you speak is a flower showing its pedals in an infinitely beautiful bouquet. 💐❤
I listen to your podcast every day at lunch and sometimes in the morning while I am getting ready for work. You are so refreshing, inspiring and a true God send. Thank you ❤
This is very much needed! No one shares the reality of their day to day in their marriage. And Yes, it taked two to make it work. When one person checks out it is over. All you can do is work on yourself. Make yourself happy. Thank you for this 💛🤗
Honestly one the best podcasts I’ve ever heard. This is gold.
If I could hit the “like” a thousand times I would! Amazing timing for this one! Close to 21 years married and finally BOTH is us talking to a counselor together. Just finally doing this together is such a huge step.
Might be the BEST relationship video "advice" I have heard, thank you for being REAL!!!!!! Its truly sad how quick people thrown relationships away. We had a VERY hard time in our marriage and I am truly grateful we stuck it out. Its 10000 times better now, and at one point I didn't think it would be!
Yes Mel. You are absolutely correct, it takes two individuals to be willing to work on issues💯. So thrilled that you are promoting therapy. As a counselor, I'm always the first to say I get counseling ❤️
Kudos to you @MelRobbins for stating that fact at the beginning, about some influencers etc giving marriage advice and then breaking up. THANK YOU For being AUTHENTIC!!!! Plus one thing people don't realize is just because we see something on a screen on social media of whatever kind, does NOT mean their life, marriage, relationships etc are happy. Too many people focus on social media as the catalyst of what life should be...
Mel. I have just recently subscribed to your podcast. This is so honest and truthful. It is the best thing I have heard. Everything else talks about leaving when I know that’s not the answer. Your insight speaks the truth to me. Thank you for your honesty. I believe this episode alone will help so many people! You are amazing!
Thank you, Mel.
My husband and I did most of what you discussed in this video. We had over 40 years of being together before he passed away.
I don’t think you realise how incredibly refreshing this was!
Today it’s all about men versus women,red pill,bad bitch queen,like you’re forced to almost take a side against the opposite sex!
When searching for real,solid marriage advice,it always seems to veer towards leaving your partner because “you deserve better”.
How about we get back to basics,like you have so beautifully laid out for us all.
What happened to commitment?
Resolution?
Hard work and determination to stick at it and find a solution?
So many people are ready to opt out because they’re “not feeling it”
Thanks for this,honestly was a breath of fresh air in a messed up,toxic world!
Much love!❤
Thank you for saying things aloud, it validates all the reasons why I stayed in my marriage. We did a hard work and it really made so much difference for the better, and we continue to work on ourselves and on mutual relationship.
Yes, yes, and yes-so many nuggets of wisdom and truth! I am nodding my head. But sometimes the right thing is to go. Sometimes it is to stay. I have done both… you just need to know which is which.
This came at the perfect time. I was meant to listen to this to understand and see the men I married not as a roommate but as someone I still love. We've been through SO much shit!! I'm the asshole in our story but I know there's hope because there's love in us for each other. Thank you Mel for making me realize so many things. I'm willing to do the work and I know my husband does too. 😇🙏🏼
Mel Robbins I have missed you. Life took over. This was so encouraging to listen to. After 32 years of relationship and a difficult time, you give me hope and encouragement. You always get me back on my journey. you are a very unique woman. Thank you, Mel, and yes we love you too..
Mel, you are an absolute gem. Love your energy, your integrity, your intellect.
Your so right, i was quietly quitting, I understand from previous episodes that this a reflection of my childhood. I will speak up wake up, and assume good inteno. This so good.❤❤
So relatable. Gotta own your own behavior and quiet quitting the marriage is not the answer. Thx Mel
Thank you for this video. I loved hearing about your struggles in your marriage. I was with my ex-husband for 36 years, 34 years married. I tried so hard to keep this family together. I truly loved this man, but he was not willing to do the work to keep our family together. After I left, I realized he was a narcissist. I felt so dumb that I worked so hard to make this marriage work. I have been out 5 years and still healing.
Thank you for the honest candid sharing and advice Mel. 😘💖
This is the most honest and candid I have heard ANYONE speak on marriage… I love how the questions were posed and I absolutely LOVE how you have answered them❤ The thing you were saying about leaving marriage out of frustration really resonated with me, deeply… This was so refreshing… Thank you for sharing… when you shared those gifts your husband got you after 26 years of marriage that just 🤯 my mind because that is what hope can do… that is what both people putting in the work can do… Also the thing you said about not knowing your husband was doing okay just hit home with me so much too… it’s true, we live with our partners/spouses and we don’t KNOW them… I was depressed for 8 years and my husband never saw it.. Honestly out of all the podcasts and ‘answers’ I’ve been looking for, this ‘open ended’ answer has answered all the questions on marriage I’ve been wrestling with ❤❤❤ This was refreshing…
I bloody love this woman.
Married for 16, almost walked out 3 weeks ago waiting, begging, broken promises etc however we decided to start counseling and so far I'm still here. Mel? I dont know how or where I ended up seeing this podcast but it's been a god send. Love and appreciate the insight on marriage!!
Thank you for being real. I connected with you on so many levels with this!! And found we have a lot in common! My husband and I celebrate our 26 anniversary this year…AND we also have 3 children almost the same age as yours!!
I am going to work harder to listen and talk about our needs. THANK YOU SO MUCH!
The reason I didn't divorce long ago,. I didn't believe in it. The reason I'm in a divorce now. Because it's nesscessary
To add to my previous comment...
If my husband and I both were working together even through the tough times communicating is The number one thing I wish we would have done more of... I would do most of the talking but he was not recipitating. I was basically having one-sided relationship one-sided conversations and companionship. If I wanted a one-sided relationship I would have married myself. LOL
Unbelievable honest, knowledgeable and lovely guidance your talking worth each and every second
Thank you Mel, because of you I've never felt better being single.
Mel, one of the issue I had with marriage counseling was finding one that are really good. This is a great episode. Great advice, thank you so much.
Made me cry. Thank you
Hey Mel!! Can u do a podcast on toxic relationships & giving ur advice on how to leave the relationship?
Mel, first off thank you! We have a lot in common w our marriages except I’m in the 25 year zone. I’m angry, hurt and confused… but I do love him! It feels like I’m alone in wanting to keep trying. He Doesn’t believe in therapy bc of past experiences. We do not have the tools bc we keep on the same issues.. my anger and frustration has pushed him away.
I’m in so much hope that if he listens to this, maybe it might give us hope! Thank you for being raw and open, your reaching us ❤️
Much love
It's give and take and balance and sometimes it's just you gotta laugh about stuff.Its work so take a vacation once in awhile,if you to stay ,STAY! It's your business,I couldn't live your life and you can't live mine. Your fabulous Miss Mel. Happy Monday
Amazing and helpful episode, thank you 🙏🏻🌹✨🙏🏻
This was answer to my question I had last night. Its one of those magical moments. 🧚♂️Thank You Mell for being honest 💯❤ You saved one mariage definetly 🙏
You are amazing! Keep doing what You doing 🤗
This was an awesome video on a very difficult subject. Thank you so much.
Thanks a lot Mel for sharing this! I am 7 years in marriage now, yes, you said something that really hit me, relax, and let him take the lead. This is so amazing but how can you relax when he is not taking the lead most time? 😢😢😢
MEL, You’re so transparent and truly that became you the most menthor to learn
Thank you for this video. It has made me rethink my relationship.
Thank you, Mel. Relationship advice is hard to give. One party always wants to fix the other person on the pretext of wanting to work on a marriage. While the other party retaliated because they were happy until they were accused of destroying their marriage.
Brilliant. So helpful. Thanks so so much!!!
Very helpful! Love how there's always good golden nuggets in all your videos!
Mel, proud of you sharing! I think the secret is what you said that you don’t want to be divorced.
I want to do the work.... I just don't know if he is willing to. I am working on myself for the past year trying to better myself. And he just can't be bothered to spend time with me. There is always some reason like feeling tired, feeling sick or something. We can have conversations, but when he doesn't want to or doesn't seem to enjoy it... What's the point? It is just constant rejection that hurts.
I think you had a big realization there
I love this. Thanks Mel!
Mel Mel Mel Love you 3000 is not just a word, its more of an emotion!!
I can't express how i feel here. I'm stuck and thought I'm a Dumbo by spoiling my relationship. But after listening to your words I'm super happy. I have tried my everything just that my better half is not ready to work on it.
I'm super happy Mel ❤️ I'm total guilt free now 🎉i have tried all the steps you said but she's not ready to give a try 🌼
May be time will come in future or not but I'll wait for her ❤️ I'll focus on myself and be a better version of myself 😘
Made my Monday Mel 😀
Well shit, I will be watching this multiple times. So many truths and good take aways to implement and overall honesty about relationships. Thank you for doing this conversation right.
I got to the realization that it was way better to be alone than to stay in the marriage. Even if I never had another long-term relationship. 22 years later I’m the same, I do not wish I had stayed and done any more work on the marriage. I do regret the effects on my children from staying as long as I did. It’s not that I consciously stayed in the marriage for the kids - I just never even consciously considered the possibility of actually initiating divorce. It took years to break through my denial.
Are you still single ? And you enjoy it more?
Best episode ever!
How can I or should I try to work on our marriage when my husband cheated on me. I’m in therapy. He says he doesn’t need it. He said he’d look for a marriage counselor & a week later I asked him if he found one. He said “I don’t see you trying so you do it.” I’m the only one who reaches out to him & Im always the one who tries to talk, argue or work through it all. I need some serious help Mel!!
I am so sorry to hear all these Cathy. Sometimes is already at the point that what is needed is a decision. And life can changed with one word. That word is ENOUGH
Sometimes there are circumstances that the spouse cannot do anything about. Addiction… After being married 47 years the loss of our daughter to a brain tumor I made a discovery. Now we are married 51 years,still digging in hard. This addiction is horrid ..
Thank you thank you …
I hear so many things you went through that we have gone through too …
Thanks for giving me fresh hope
Thank you Mel, I just listen to this podcast at the right time, it’s divine timing, thank u ☺️
Looking forwards to this.
Love you Mel. You always give it to us straight ❤
I'm at the moment where Mel says "Don't just throw in the towel because you're frustrated, do the work!" ... Thanks Mel 👍
Thank you for YOU Mel!!!!!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
The timing of this couldn't be better; I'm trying to navigate the significant breakdown of family relationships and feel completely lost
I absolutely agree 💜 perfect timing and good advice. Thank You Mel. Navigation of family and friend relationships are most difficult 🥹 I really wish you all the best for your situation. Hope it helps to know you are not alone 🙏 helps me 👍💜
Keep it up, us other Cris of the world apreciate it, hopefully your podcast will shine wisdom to others.God bless you and your family.
Thank you. This is true and beautiful!! Love you!!
My husband has been abusive towards me and also has a narcissitic side to him. We have a daughter together. He has moved out but wants to try again. My core beliefs are that family is important and I want ny daughter to grow up with a father, but in a functional family. Husband says that he is willing to try anything to get back together, theraphy etc. Should we try again?
2 things come to mind after listening to this episode. I heard 2 rules in life that for whatever reason stuck with me like super glue:
1. It's better for kids to be FROM a broken home than IN a broken home.
2. We hate in others what we see in ourselves.
Thank you Mel for doing what your doing!! Very much appreciated!
I really needed this. Thank you ❤️
Neither of us have walked out the door ( we should have a long time) and we have not done the work. When we disagree on something, I end up arguing with my self and he turns away from me and refuses to engage. When we both get tired of the silence, our fake relationships resumes. Until I do or say something that challenges his fragile ego it starts all over again. Around and around we go.
Love you Mel!
👏🏻🙌🙏👏🏻🙌🙏👏🏻🙌🙏💜☮Thank you Mel for this INCREDIBLE VIDEO💝💖💗💓💞💕💚💛🧡❤❣💙💜💟💌
I watched the video to the end and shared its PRICELESS 🙏🙏🙏
Amazing! ❤
Why does it always have to be to find someone else? Why can’t leaving and being on your own also be ok?
Thank you.
So real
Great question!!!!!!! 💙💙💙
Thanks:)
Yes 🙌
I feel like I’ve tried having the hard conversations with my partner time after time and he shows up to win me back and suddenly as he feels he has me locked in again the consistency ends and he’s rude, careless and has attitude left and right. Constant fights break out again and we are back to square one. We love each other so much that when we go no contact I have such a hard time thinking the grass is greener. I love so much about him… but i can’t stand a lot of the things that never change. He’s going to always be aggressive and have attitude and neglect his inner work. Is this abusive? Or am I giving up on something that I can just accept?
You have got to interview mid life dating coach Jonathan Aslay. He is just awesome.
Wow!!😲
I have no words!!(😭)
Thank you for this podcast episode. Funny enough the people/influencers who call others toxic & narcissistic are most likely the narcissists lol
Could you share which Dr Cooper you work with ?
Thank you. I needed this tremendously.
I think we don’t ask sometimes for what we need because of the mental load and that it has been said time and time again.
S/O from Northern California!! Go Muir woods :)
What if there was never an emotional connection from the beginning?
I can't get through cheating. He cheats on me im out.
This episode is SO important and chockfull of content of real significance and impact! Will listen again and share with my partner. I must admit I do resent how expensive a good therapist is. But I know we can get creative with getting support.
Do you do therapy sessions for others? If not, will you please provide Dr. Cooper's contact info? Tried researching Dr. Cooper, and many different Coopers came up.
Uhmazeballs! Thank you Mel!
I cannot figure out if he is abusive. I keep pointing my finger at me. Working on me. I cannot help him. I can work on me though. So I do that. Not sure why I cannot figure out if he is abusive. Maybe because I am preoccupied with self improvement. I blurted out that I feel violated. I didn't mean to tell him that. I figure I am having a problem with me, that I need to address. I internalize it. If I feel violated, only I can change it.
On a side note, I am on week 4 or 5 consistently exercising. Feels much better and I seem to be sleeping better, also. I am working on 5 second rule. I don't high five myself enough. Constant improvement. Thank you for this video. I may not put forth the effort to repair the relationship. It may be best to let go.
It can not be all your responsibility. Not for a relationship that involves 2 people.
If you are wonder if he is abuse is already a seed of doubt there. I feel you can investigate more. Both has to put the work
Lo😅ve ya mel
The devil is in the details! This a great talk. Thank you
Here Mel 💐🌷🌼🌸🌹🌻🌺💐❤️
What happens when the questions only come from one side - does that other person not really want to know anything about the other?
What if u tried many time but he said that nothing is wrong with him. That I m the one that have problems. All the time I try to express myself. He yell back.