How to deal with conflict calmly
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- Опубликовано: 17 июл 2024
- 00:00 - Introduction
01:12 - I. The ego shall be stroked
04:02 - II. Responding, reacting or staying silent?
06:06 - III. Know when thou shalt shut up
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Imagine the silence if people only said what they knew KAREL ČAPEK
I've been mostly silent since I read this idea, because I know I don't really know much of anything
🔥😭
Don’t show up for the fight is one of the best pieces of advise I ever had!
Your daily struggles. What a joke.
“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt”
Mark Twain
Good one! 🤗
true
I thought that was Abraham Lincoln, wasn't it?
Silence is exactly what the 21st century needs.
We did have enough of silence in the face of Marx in the 20th century, did we not?
But too so much silence that everyone practically ghosts one another
Rather than "reacting", I find it's easiest to empathise with others. WHY is the other party feeling or thinking that way? Instead of trying to reinforce my position or prove I'm right. Obviously this helps as a doctor when I'm interacting with e.g. angry patients. But this also helps hugely in my personal life as well - don't take things as a personal attack, try to understand why the other party is responding the way they are, and be respectful of them having an opinion (even if they are objectively wrong!)
Very good response doctor!
Yes!
But that makes me feel like I am tolerating a crime or a wrong thing.
For example- If a person is speaking racist and sexist stuffs, then should I interfere and correct them? Or should I not? Does it depends on the relation of that person with me? Or should I just make my own opinion in my head silently and just enjoy my own life without any care? I mean when should we protest and when we shouldn't? When I don't protest for social issues then it makes me feel like and irresponsible person. And then I start getting sad.
@@swaroop2518 I think it's definitely situation dependent. To clarify, I believe it's about picking the *least hurtful option* - and I feel that's the essence of Lana's video! Yes we have every right to speak out against racism, sexism, homophobia, and other hurtful comments and actions - because we'd be doing more harm by not acting. We should stay silent only when staying silent is the best option to avoid further hurt. That's my two cents ☺️
That sound naive
Staying silent is quite a powerful tool and possibly one of the most deadliest and smartest thing that you could possibly weaponized yourself with in this day and age. It seems like so many people search for every possible moments to explode and take out their anger and hatred on other people even in situations where they can just choose to stay silent. I had been and still am guilty of this but I have definitely improved over the last few months. Truly life-changing for me.
It takes a strong will indeed... and lots of practice 🤷🏻♀️😁
But by staying silent it seems to others that we are easy and we allow whatever they do to us..?
@@28deltay so when they try us, we speak up.
@@28deltay let them.
As an introvert, I'm silent most of the time and only talk when it matters. But people mistake my silence with shyness and think something is wrong.
and that is ok too 🤷🏻♀️🤗
Dont worry bro
Ppl are just on the path towards creating a society full of insanity
@@fuckyousociety2255 Yes, I don't care what people think of me because thats what I am and won't change for anyone
@@srikanthtangirala9191 somewhat relatable.
@@muktadixit I'm sorry you relate but thanks for commenting
Most of time I'm silent during a group convo because I'm simply NOT interested in the topic. I'd rather save my energy for some deep and meaningful conversation.
When you argue, you have already lost. You have activated the chimp part of the brain (the amygdala) and neither side is listening to the other, you are just attacking and trying to win. Instead, seek understanding of the other side and more importantly, seek truth. Truth over validation.
Silence is so powerful yet so underrated.
I'd say it's neutral nothing powerful about it.
Thank you! This is my sign!!!
"When I am silent, I have thunder hidden inside." ~ Rumi
"He had nothing to say and he said it." ~ Ambrose Bierce
Sometimes not reacting and staying silent can be SO much more powerful than a whole load of word vomit. Easier said than done though, the ego always tends to be hungry. 😅Love this video and Eckhart Tolle is the GOAT 🐐❤ 😆
🙌🏻
This is why I like books so much! When else would you let somebody else rant at you for 20+ hours without interrupting?
😁 good one! 🤗
It is a silent rant... from someone we enjoy ✨✨
@@intentionalliving7326 It works both ways though. If you have something to say and it takes 20+ hours to explain you'd better write a book😉
@@parmenides9036 brilliant XD
wow never thought abt it in tht way :)
Touching on your ego point-- we identify with our ideas way too much and take criticism of those ideas as criticism of us. We should be a little detached :)
I can relate to it, I've been in that situation/position. What you've said is true, I always find myself ashamed/embarased and in regret after made that respond in negative way. love your video.
"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - forget the author lol
Terri Farley author lol
Love this topic, thanks for sharing :) Ego is definitely one of those things you need to be aware of and manage if you want to have a happy life.
That last bit is a true golden nugget, incredibly well put Lana. I learned rule of thumb 2 the hard way over a decade, but by Jove I’m glad I have it now!
i just watched a silent voice (a heavy and beautiful film that i postponed for years) and this video was recommended
Another awesome video, Lana! Great job! It took me awhile but I learned to just remain silent if I believe I can’t add value to the conversation or if it’s just so negative I don’t want to go there.
Beautifully put! Are we adding value? If not, silence and appreciation of the other’s viewpoints are plenty
I can definitely relate - especially when I feel like “I have a right to get my point across and not feel silenced!!” …it’s finding that balance between when it’s the right moment to stay silent and let the other person vent/ not engage with someone trying to provoke… and also whether what you say will actually be heard coz when tensions are high, both parties usually aren’t really listening. It takes so much patience, and it’s still a process… 🙏
This is exactly the video I needed! You were brilliant as always Lana 😇
Your smile after saying the quote on never missing a good chance to shut up looks so lovely 😊❤️. There is so much positive energy in your personality. Stay cool.
I learned to have loose lips and over speak because growing up I was too quiet. Now I've spent the last years trying to have a healthy balance, which is hard. Learning when to just not verbally push back or say something
@Day Quiet opposite to you. Now I am too afraid to speak up because of my past experiences.....And I am still finding the balance too...........
@Day I have the same situation! I was so shy when I was younger. I’ve noticed in my work place that I talk too much with not that much intention. Also it has affected me to not listen so carefully what others has to say by words and body language. I hope that being aware of it I can learn out from it.
Omg, Lana, this video really spoke to my soul 😍🥰
I am the queen of saying things that I instantly regret. I really learnt so much but still have such a long way to go before I stop feeling cringe and like a idiot when I talk.
Oh and don’t get me started about drinking alcohol and word vomit…My God!
Thank you I needed this.. I have made many times people upset with my short temperedness... And after reacting to them I always felt guilty and cried for hours of what I have done... Now I will act like you said so me and my people will have a healthy communication in any argument
Wonderful sharing Lana. My personal style of handling things resonates so much with what you learned, practiced, and shared here.
I love that u added the people u mention! Now I can’t avoid searching and reading about them
This video is absolutely great lana thank you . I always needed to know the difference between responding and reacting. Very usefullll
This video served as a wonderful reminder to me. Thank you
I loved it when you said, "Never miss the chance to shut up." A concept of choosing to be silent that this video discusses in Lana way is perhaps going beyond how it talks about itself. Starting around 7:00, it reveals that the act of silence is trying to understand the feelings and intentions of the other, which is different from and much more mindful than just being silent. By being silent, perhaps unbeknownst to silence-choosers themselves, it is doing much more than just being silent. It is actually listening to others by letting them speak and express. That said, to me, Lana's "shut up" method is about "Never miss the chance to be actively shut up."
This is one of my new favorites! Will definitely come back to this one
Thank u for this. I dont talk to people who were very eristic but when I do. Silence are good especially when some people think every conversation is an argument to win.
appreciated highly Lana wise solution of staying silent, protecting ourselves from social media.
Your smile is so precious❤ thank you for the lesson
I didn't watch the video til the end yet but I'm so happy that I'm not the only one like that!
I describe myself as someone that learn from his mistakes or don't forget certain things and from them there is the topic that you are talking about, so happy that I discovered this channel few months ago 😊
I’ve always been a hot-headed and impulsive guy, but lately I’ve been trying to be more patient and yeah, this video totally summarised what i do which is- keep quiet. Sometimes offering your silence is way better than trying to win an endless argument, and it brings peace.❤️
This video is amazing. In undergrad, I told myself that I must learn when to "shut up." I now share this notion with my students. It is brilliant advice, but difficult to face, indeed.
I couldn't agree more!
Ps: I've been enjoying your podcast, it's one of my favourites. Thank you for your hard work🌹
I really needed one of your videos rn
This one was so needed! Thank you, Lana.
I hope you continue making video's like this...I really need this...
Have had struggles balancing responding, reacting and staying silent. I learned that for me silence is best. If not silent, then an awfully long pause. “Never miss a good chance to shut up” classic. 👏👏👏
I'm so blessed i come across this video as yesterday i was thinking about should start practice silence beside express opinion to unnecessary people. Thank you enlighten me！
You are an inspiration ❤️
Yesterday I discovered that they finally introduced podcasts to Russian Spotify. I finished three of your podcasts while I was drawing, today will listen to the rest of them before sleep. They turned out to be quite relaxing. Thank you Lana.
I Totally agree with you Lana. Especially when it comes to dealing with NARCISSISTS and PSYCHOPATHS. Or even just people in general. It brings more peace into your life.
Tho, it's something that it's very hard to do Especially with negative confrontational people.
But, many other related topics come to mind regarding this topic, like no contact, blocking, the silent treatment.
For me, I practice silence as a way of keeping my peace in my life and also it is very good for your mental health to distance yourself from negative people.
Thank you for your amazing videos
i love your channel so much
Your video content is great as it is well thought and applicable while your voice, like caramel, soothes and calms my mind.
Such a great video, Lana! I know you’ve been struggling with videos for the past few weeks, meaning you didn’t really like what you’ve produced. It shows in this one - it’s really really good ♥️ (but I love all your videos, anyways ☺️)
I needed this today
Yet again another super interesting video!❤️❤️
Just what I needed!
I saw a video from a mexican teenager who joined the zapatist movement and he said something like "all my life I was told to express my thoughts and opinions, but I never really listened. Here I listen more than I speak". It really hit me
Just discovered your channel amazing content and so helpful. Thank You 🙏
love your video style
I should not forget these
I thought about saying nothing but I enjoyed the video so much, I just had to say thank you.
Awesome! I love you already! 😘
This video appeared at the right time. I just had such a situation yesterday
I think when human errors were done in the past, just letting it go and keep moving forward is key to calmness! 👍✨
I love your hair and your eyes
Merci beaucoup pour cette vidéo Lana.
You deserve a book Lana❣️
Very good advice, and I think you presented your ideas very clearly and concisely! Thank you!
Thank you!!
Thank you nice advice
Thank you for your insights Lana. Really appreciate the peaceful vibe I get from you.
I just wanted to ask you about what you mentioned before about learning french. I'm Just interested to know about your strategy to learn it. Thank you so much again.
Love from Cairo♥
This is so relatable to my experience
The type of person that drives me crazy are ones that look for conflict and enjoy the drama. There are better ways for your life to have meaning and to be liked and respected than mouthing off in every conflict or argument, especially if it has nothing to do with you.
Go Lana!!!
"Silence is Golden" is a original (written & sung) 4 Season song. Both versions are great!
I love your videos oh my 🥰🥰
Great content keep up lana ❤️😁👍🏼
Thank you very very much ✝️❤️✝️
You make alotof sense girl
*"You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength." - Marcus Aurelius*
Great advices
“The ego shall be stroked like that of a kitty cat” Lana that’s so powerful and useful.
Yeah ofcourse I'm agree with you.
Great Advice
Embracing silence is the best thing you can do!!
Silence allows me to channel my energies. It gives the clarity that i need to calmly face challenges and uncertainty.
This human is beautiful
“You need to pick ur batttles carefully”💥
Not everything deserves ur attention :)
I love ur way of thinking
Não sei quase nada de inglês mas estou aqui. Adorei o conteúdo
Love this!!! Where did you get your mini mic?? I been searching for one
Thanks 😊
This was important. 🥰
Freedom from the ego is the beginning of enlightenment
Knowing when to stay silent is a key and I cannot agree with you more. There are people who always choose to stay silent though. As a child I've often received silence from my parent. It caused a lot of trouble, I never knew what I did and how to react/respond to something like this?
its so true!! such a shame the easier is it in theory, the harder it is to follow. plus, when you stay silence, the other side say more, and gives you more to think about, assess, and know about how they are feeling and what they think, and, they usually fall in their own words, if you still like to be right :) being right staying silence and calm is so much more rewarding. if only i wouldn't be emotional hormonal wreck for two weeks every month!
I adore you silently.
I love youuuuu arghhhh
"Still waters run deep", as the saying goes.
I agree with all this except when driving in NY.
Greetings from moroco 🇲🇦 good job ♥️♥️♥️
Instead of reacting. Don't say anything take a step back think and respond.
"Cautious silence is the holy of holies of worldly wisdom."
-Baltasar
My father has responded with silence to my Mother for the last 18 years of my life, refusing to get into any argument whatsoever and to tell his opinion on things. It fucked her up, gave me Daddy issues and now I'm fucked up too.
So yeah, a very powerful weapon. I just hope that the right people will use it