It feels really intimate, the way he talks to you and looks into the camera/at you. It's a little bit overwhelming, but I wish I had this sort of relationship IRL.
Zefrank reminds me of the kid that tries to answer questions in English without ever reading the book. But the reason that he didn't read the book is because the questions he's being asked have no book with answers. So instead it's as if he's just read many different books to indirectly find out the question that would be held in one non existing yet impossible to create book. Don't know if that makes any sense to anyone, but it's how I feel, and it is why I love this channel.
I had this video bookmarked since 2013 when it was posted, and when I was about to begin college. I would watch it every few months those first couple years, and it was invaluable encouragement; no adults I knew went to college and I didn't feel like I could turn to anyone for serious advice. But now...4 years later, reorganizing my bookmarks, I watched this video again. The advice is timeless. Replace "college" and "professors" and "classmates" with "first job" and "bosses" and "co-workers" and it pinpoints every feeling I have moving to NYC from Oregon. Good to know I really have done it all before, and I can do it all again. Forever&ever thank you, Ze.
Had sort of an epiphany moment, when Ze said "Tell people when you like something about them." Now to most, this probably seems like a no-brainer, or something rather rudimentary. By to myself--the social invalid that I am--this was sort of earth shattering. See, I've always been very tight lipped about that sort of thing. Over the years of being the subject of much bullying, I developed a defense mechanism whereby I will not put myself in a situation where there is a possibility for things I do/say to backfire and bring unwanted attention on myself or leave myself vulnerable, lest it trigger another wave of bullying--or where there is a possibility of rejection. This rings especially true with women, who I have a less than stellar track record with: when I offer compliments or try to be sincere, I seem to come across as creepy and unsettling rather than open and kind, and they get this look on their face like I'm about to rape them or something. Perhaps it is because I offer so few compliments that they seem so odd coming out of my mouth. But the way Ze said it, somehow gave me a new perspective on the idea; and I find it very difficult to explain how. The idea of just being. Of being able to tell people that I really like the way they think, or that I find her hair pretty, or that the song he wrote moved me. Doing this free of fear. Doing this without anxiety hanging the sword of Damocles over my head, without walking away wondering if they're going to take advantage of my vulnerability; if I've offended or disgusted them; thinking that I've misread their body language, or tone of voice; wondering if they hate me now. And all those thoughts playing in a spiraling loop in my head, ad infinitem. Though this thought is new to me, and very hope inducing, I have no idea of how to pursue this goal. I have no idea how to rewire my brain to such a state that I can control my thoughts, and be free of the social anxiety. Where I can--as I said--just _be_. It makes the experience of it bitter sweet, in that it is a nice thought to experience, but nothing really more than a dream for me.
I had a very similar problem. It was excruciating. In the end I discovered it was a fear of trusting people. I would hold them at a distance and wait for them to prove to me they were safe enough for me to open up to. It's very life damaging.
I know it's been long, but I'll just say that in my experience, such an epiphany has the power to change you even if you don't make the dream become reality right away. Also, that was such a beautiful comment.
don't worry greg. college isn't a scary thing once you're there. it's exactly like your senior year of high school. Except this time you don't have to answer to your parents for failing a class...... unless they're paying for your tuition. but if they are paying for your tuition then hey there's practically no change except for the fact that they aren't there:). so don't be afraid. everyone there is going through the same thing as you. I just finished the first semester of my second year in college, and I felt the exact same way. you probably spent high school figuring out what you want to be and what you're good at. college is where you get to set your plan in motion to become what you want to be.:) oh and a word of advice, try to stay in contact with a few close friends from high school. and I mean phone call basis, not text or twitter or whatever. It'll make things a lot easier if you have a familiar voice to talk to. I'm not kidding, it Really helps. also, if you have a video game habit, put it on hold. even on weekends. but you shouldn't have to worry about that, your professors should cover it for you by giving you enough home assignments to keep you busy for 12 hours a day, every day, plus class time. so get out there and join The Big Class:)
Hey, thank you so much for this video. I'm moving into my dorm tomorrow and I have just been so depressed and anxious about the change that is coming, and no one really has said anything to me like you said. The advice on filling voids you gave was insightful, because I feel like I will be trying to fill some voids.
I entered college earlier this semester and had to do quite much of the same. I had to let go of people I called friends for nearly 3 years and let go of the close relationships we had - now I could speak with them only every other month. On top of that, I had to live in such a way that I was quite literally alone and away from my friends - both physically in my apartment and in life. I came in with the mindset that I had to figure out how to change the world for the better because the people before me tried and got somewhere with that. I spent this semester living in absolute *dread* of the next day, the unimaginable fear of failing everyone I knew, the world, and myself. And in the first few nights - about the first month really in general - I couldn't sleep, and had to be lulled by ways of relaxing music. I never had to play music to put me to sleep before. It wasn't until I met three or four absolutely special people that I realized that I am still a child. I won't grow up the way people expect me to, nor do I want to. I'm afraid of it. I have to find comfort in life in order to make it better for me and the world. The moment I realized what I was supposed to feel made me breathe a sigh of relief about 3 months into the experience. I had to be myself. And to do that, I had to live in such a way that my story meant something to others and myself. I know youtube isn't the place to *beg for sympathy* or *expect kindness* like how zefrank's sincere nature does, but I'm comfortable now to say this. Thank you so much.
I'm going to college in 2014 and even now I've been having thoughts like Greg's. You give really great advice, and you helped calm some of anxiety I've had flying around in my head. Thank you, Ze.
Man, I feel the same as Greg. I'm moving away to a big city (not too far but still) and I'm gonna be by myself. Not gonna lie, I haven't made a big deal about it, but for months I've been soooo overwhelmed and maybe a bit melodramatic. As lame as it is, I've watched tons of "starting college" videos and none of them made me feel more at ease about it than this video. I hope you're right--my anxiety is just my excitement. This helped tons.
UK Student here, started university last September. I felt exactly like you last year, and also searched out thing a like this at the time. Maybe I can offer some advice, since we seem to be in the same boat? I will say that in my case, the anxiety and the excitement certainly were mixed. A part of me was looking forward to it, but that was overwhelmed by the uncertainty of not knowing anyone and what I was leaving behind. I won't lie - at times, it can be difficult. At least to start with you are away from all your good friends, and the people you feel you can rely on, and your life and routine certainly changes. It would be wrong to overlook that, and I think a lot of time the stereotypical university image that you party all the time and enjoy yourself 24/7 seems to make these difficulties feel like your wrong for feeling them, when in reality it turns out everyone feels at one time or another. But don't worry! It's a big change from where you are now, but it's also a good one. You will make very close friends very quickly, just through sheer time spent with them. Particularly in the first few weeks, it's so easy to make friends as everyone's in the same boat - it's the only time I've ever felt it was encouraged to just walk up to random strangers and strike up a conversation. There's so much that you can get involved with, and remember that you are there out of choice now, not because anyone is making you. Your life is in your hands now. Equally, a lot of the major fears that everyone has beforehand are unfounded. As above, making friends tends not to be a problem. In the world of the Internet and mobile phones, keeping in touch with family and friends is easy. Don't be afraid to ring home! It might not seem like it, but everyone does to varying amounts. Some people claim to go weeks without ringing home, but I know far more people who ring home everyday. You settle in quickly, and though the work may look like it's going to be overbearing and difficult, you'll likely find its not much worse than what you're already doing - and you hopefully enjoy it more. Equally, don't worry about how you will change. I was worried about the idea that you have to party every night and it would just be a four year booze-fest, but it's not if you don't want it to be. I felt like university would change me, and in some areas it certainly has. But you'll fundamentally be just as you are now - don't necessarily believe everything you hear about the experience. It would be pointless and counterproductive to tell you not to worry. So all I'll say is it's natural, and try to focus on the positives and excitement more than the concerns you might have. I'm sure you'll do great. Just realised how log this comment is, sort about that. I got a bit more into it than I was expecting! Hope it helped, and if you have any concerns/questions feel free to ask!
Robert Paddock Wow, that was really really good advice, thank you so much! I just had my first week of school and honestly, it was a lot easier to settle than I thought. Yeah there are times where I miss my friends and stuff but I've already met a few people. And I hate when people glorify it and sugar coat it for me, so this was really great. I wanna know the pros and cons, and that's exactly what you did. Thanks so much for the kind words it definitely did help!
To sit there and sincerely contemplate in depth about someone else you have never met and help them so thoroughly, with so much thought and time is completely admiral! Not only is our voice enticing but so is your kindness.
Even though I've never submitted a note or had anything that I burningly needed answering I am really grateful that this show exists. Please don't ever stop doing this, You've helped and entertained so many people already.
As someone who just graduated college last month... this is kind of nostalgic to watch. I remember feeling like I could construct a new identity and just be whoever I want. I remember being totally anxiety ridden the months leading up to it. Now, when I hear someone say they're moving to seattle and leaving everything behind I'm super jealous. Being able to start over like that is so awesome and so fun.
Ze, you and your backwards hat, goofy pupils, and grey beard scruff are just SO. FREAKING. ADORABLE. Also, thank you for the confusing advice. I'm currently in a similar state of transition in my own life as the person you addressed today and I feel a little bit better now. :)
My advice, get involved. My first two years I was like Ze - closed off and cynical of those 'strange' people. I saw them as, without a better word for it, nerds. Then, through a friend, I got involved in orientation. I fell in love with it. The volunteers cared about everything from strangers to the school itself and I felt my little box of "me" begin to open up to the world. Now I'm going to Central America for the 2nd time through a school program and I love every opportunity I get.
Ze, thank you for making these videos. I'm in the same place as Greg right now and these videos are so helpful to me. They provide a much deeper insight than you hear from others giving advice. The way you discuss these things is almost like an extension of my theory of knowledge class
Ze, thanks for your advice and honesty. I've really missed these kind of videos and I'm glad to see another one. I love how smiley you were in this video. May your FILDI ever be strong.
My sister and I were just saying today that we missed you, Ze. We get your buzzfeed videos, and they're funny and wonderful, but what we really miss seeing your face and hearing your thoughts, even if they're jumbled and we need to watch the video a couple times to really get what you're getting at. That's the great part. Because we want to do that. I like that you make us think about things.
I am so inspired by you Ze. I am currently a college student, majoring in communications. I one day plan to become a public speaker, I want to be able to make people feel like we are really are connected and just human. When I watch you on Ted talks, I am at a loss for words. To talk on Ted, is my #1 dream. You are my inspration and why I wake up and try my hardest at school. I could only wish to one day be such an influentual person such as yourself. Thank you for being so amazing!
I watched this video in June, before starting university, and now I'm watching it 7 weeks after moving away. This is great, makes me a lot calmer about things. :)
I started college when I was 17..just finished my first year, and i'll tell you something. It's incredible. A year or two becomes very irrelevant once you get there. Sure, I cried for 3 hours when I got there and I was terrified for 3 months. But you know what? It really is an amazing experience, and you're going to love it
Thanks for the welcome! I was up there for orientation in July. Only had two days to explore the city, but I can't wait to live there. It's so beautiful. I'll need to get used to the trees all through the city, though. What struck me were how utilitarian the green policies up there are vs down here (they make hard what people need to do rather than figuring out a different way to do them) and how clean the city was relative to the central coast here. It'll be my biggest adventure yet! Cant wait!
Greg. I had to do the same thing after college when I went to a new job on the other side of the country. It's hard but it is rewarding. You'll have to make new friends but you have every opportunity. Seattle is an amazing place. I hope you'll love it there as much as I love visiting.
Right before watching this video I was frustrated because I received 4 emails from my college about the problems they are having receiving my tuition payments. The entire process of becoming a college freshman is so overwhelming and this video put it all into prospective a little. Ze, your videos always turn up when I need them the most.
I understand the purpose of this channel now, and I really like it. Sad Cat Diary is fun and all, but this is what I'm really looking for sometimes, and I can't stop watching. Thanks, ze.
This helped when I went from high school to community college and it's helping now as I'm starting to get ready for university. Excited and so anxious.
As always Ze, you inspire me and make my brain happy. I wish I had this video before I started college. You are making me want to find a time machine and go back to when I started.
i'm graduating on sunday; this is so relevant. i feel, right now, like i'm in this weird limbo between worlds, and i feel really strange. i've just filled out my housing application. i don't know about this whole college thing, and yet i'm still really excited for it. and this advice? this notion of world-making? it helped. a lot. thanks, ze!
I'm 16, and I'm going to be starting post secondary college classes in the fall, and I've been really nervous about that. Im taking classes on the college campus, so that means I'm going to be leaving a lot of the friends that I love from my high school. It's going to be a scary situation starting early, but this video really calmed me down. it made me realize that even older people who are going to be the TRUE freshmen in college are going through a similar, or scarier, situation. thanks Ze
Don't be afraid. I'm going to be a junior in at UW-Milwaukee next semester. I grew up in a very small town in Upper Michigan, so going to a city like Milwaukee was overwhelming at first. But college is wonderful and interesting, and as much as I miss the familiarity and quiet of Iron Mountain during the school year, Milwaukee has grown on me.
Thanks for this Ze, I'm 14 and it's pretty clear that middle school isn't my forte. Teachers and counselors repeatedly tell me that I'll meet new kids who are "just like me" (and they all imply that those kids will be older). Some even say that college will be the best, and I should just ignore high school. I'm starting to put too much pressure on myself to prepare for that. Although confusing, this was the best advice I've gotten. :)
This video has pretty much all the advice you need, but I figured I'd throw in my 2 cents to emphasize something. Everyone starts off college alone, and it's terrifying, but what you need to realize is that you're all on the same boat together, hoping together that someone will come up to you smiling, hand extended, and say "hi". Try to overcome your fears and hesitations. I guarantee you that most people will appreciate your courage and try their hardest to continue the conversation :)
This is perfect. I wish I heard this when I started college 2 years ago. It is scary, but everyone else starting college is scared and confused and lost and a little excited too.
My best advice is to remember that everyone else is in the same boat. For the first few weeks after moving there, all the walls are broken down. Everyone is your friend, and you are everyones friend. After a while, you'll find that the people you get on with stay your friend, and everyone else becomes merely someone you know. Unless you really fuck up then you get some enemies.
Oh my... I'm gonna sound super creepy right about now, but that VOICE! Fantastic! I would pay this guy to read books out loud to me. Ze Frank, you've got great advice that makes me think about my life in new ways, thank you for that.
As Ze says, don't worry too much. College is for trying new things and people change majors very often. Uncertainty is scary, but if you can face it, you might discover a new passion or path. These kinds of decisions feel permanent but they're not. It's OK to fail or quit or just choose to start over. Cliche yet true: It's the journey, not the destination (which is technically death, if you think about it. Doesn't have to be depressing though). Best of luck.
Greg I just finished my freshman year of college. The best pieces of advice that I can give are: be a good roommate, and study for your classes (do the readings that your instructor assigns when you are able to participate in the class discussion it makes you look better to the instructor) not just the tests, but most of all make sure that you make time for yourself (If you miss this step you will go insane and will want to end your miserable life. This is vital, but don't get carried away.)
my last year in college is coming up, and the biggest breakthrough I had was this thought: if you're going to do something, do it because you want to. If you're in a club to make your resume pretty or majoring in something just to get a good job, that end can all fall through. Do it to enrich yourself so that you'd feel it was worth it no matter the outcome. That, and don't worry that you're the only one who doesn't drink, you'll come together with others soon enough. Hope this helps
I love this channel and I love these videos. I think these are some of the best videos you've made and the things you say here are some of the best pieces of advice I've gotten.
I remember when I similarly moved to a city to go to uni, into the unknown. (I was more relieved than scared, I had hated the small town I grew up in.) I remember being confused for months, not knowing what I was supposed to do and whether I was doing anything right. But luckily I had soon found a bunch of new friends who were all just as confused as I was and somehow, little by little, the confusion became familiarity. That was four years ago and I love the life I have and the person I became.
I actually enjoyed leaving school and starting what in Denmark resembles college. I had sortof grown into a role that didn't fit me any longer. The people around me were people I had known since I was 6 and though we had all grown up I felt as though peoples expectation of me hadn't quite kept up with my changes. So for me it was truly refreshing to start completely afresh.
Man, I really needed to hear this 8 months ago. Particularly the part about not expecting too much of new relationships. I was very good friends with a girl in first year of college, and in second year it felt like I was trying to hold on to the relationship by a thread and not understanding how to meet the energy that she was putting in. I realized I had expectations on people knowing how to be good friends, and what that looks like to me, after moving away from friends Id known for 13+ yrs.
Greg, interact with as many people as possible, it's a good way to learn how to be who you want to be. If you have an interest, pursue it with all the free time you will have in college. Take advantage of all the resources and opportunities your college has to offer. Join Student council, get on the radio/TV station, play IM sports, do volunteer work. Meet people at 2 am in the coffee shops, they often have the best stories and are the most honest people you will meet
I just graduated from High School today, and I start College in August. I'm not sure if i'll be able to handle everything thats on my plate. But you've helped me ease the wait. Thanks Ze
It's all about taking things a step at a time. Find out where you're going to sleep, where you're going to eat, where you're going to poop (very important given the quality of dorm food), where you're going to shower, always lock your dorm room door and always carry an extra key (as it costs like $5 or $10 to beg for an, "I locked myself out!" key. Start with the basics. Go from there.
Words of wisdom? If so, I wish I would have had them, before I started college, but at that time, the internet had barley shown it’s ugly head. By 2004, that chapter in my life was over. I especially liked the part about using your body. Yes, college is an amazing time to go out, and do things. Things that you may find it harder to do once you have become old, and frail. A typical college body, is the ideal unit, that is ready to face, and conquer that great thing we call outside. This vid definitely needs more likes! Great job!
I haven't started college yet (I'll start in August), but I did dual-enroll at a college in my senior year of high school, taking a German class with thirty college students, some of whom were seniors. I went into it keeping very much to myself (which is how I went into high school, ignoring everyone and burying myself in my book), and didn't find out until much later that it was a bad plan. Don't be afraid to answer questions, to ask, to speak to your classmates. It will make things better.
This was great, ze. Probably some of the best advise about starting new I've heard. I'm actually back home after my first year of school, but I'll be sure to complement people on the things I like about them. It such a simple idea but something I wouldnt have thought of doing.
I'm kind of in the same boat as Greg. I'm moving to California for college but I'm going to a community college and I'll be living with my grandparents who I've never lived with. Also I'm from an international school in Qatar so it's going to be a big change for me. Thanks for the advice Ze.
My first month in college was so horrible, I remember crying whenever I'm alone, now I'm in the real world(work), college years are tough but they are the best. believe me you will make good friends who are going to be more than family for you.
Going to college is amazing - and I do suggest everyone do it. If only for the experience of what you can do - if you put your mind and back into it. My memories of college are priceless and much more valuable to me than high school ever was. I love it so much, I'm getting another degree at 45 - does that tell you something ~ besides that I'm a nerd. But I'm on 9 years at University - and I still enjoy learning, meeting, and being a part of something that usually happens once in a lifetime.
once you get there you'll realize it's not a huge deal, you'll adapt quickly. the best 4 weeks of my life were the first ones at my freshmen year of college
Greg, just look at the opportunities that you now have, it's exciting, really, scary, but also an amazing feeling when you think of the people you'll meet and the experiences you'll have. Try not to worry, it's the worst thing you can do.
This advice follows you throughout life and are the building box of any new experience or adventure one is to find them-self in. I regularly try to find new things in life, or a new job experience/completely new lifestyle every couple years.
I found out when I stopped worrying about failing I the enjoyed the education experience and life more. If you make a mistake accept it and move on. It's really not a big deal unless you make it one. It just shows you a human like the rest of us. Be yourself, accept your flaws and don't be critical of other people's flaws. You'll make friends.
This explains exactly how I feel. I love his "fun" videos, but it's a shame these videos that he started with don't get the same attention. They've helped me so much.
I wish I had resources like you when I was younger, Ze. I don't know if I would have followed your advice but it would have been good to have had SOMETHING to go on, to make me think more critically about how I choose to be.
After listening to Ze and watching his videos for almost a decade (during his prior endeavor and his most recent)--I have basically concluded that he is more or less a very calm, wise and insightful Drop Dead Fred for a lot of people out there. If only he actually lived in a wind-up Jack-in-the-Box..
feels... i remember my college days just drank my whole way to it, i dunno how we didnt get failing grades but we made the grades somehow. do what you want greg its your life and its a new you.
I find that the most annoying comment is 'You will have the best time of your life' which kind annoys me because it makes me think uni (college) is the highest point, but it's really just a place where you have a lot of options, and you can either waste them or not. The definition of being a waster is open to interpretation so "move on up towards your destination"
People say college is the best time of life, because you havent locked yourself into any specific career or lifestyle. A lot of people choose things that end up not turning them into happy adults and reminisce about a time where they didnt have to worry about their home, their 9-5, or their kids. College is a time where most choose their path in life, and it can leave a lot to be desired.
Any new situation is pretty much the same- just remember that for that golden hour or day or week after you arrive the rules around friendship are suspended. You have to ask people if you can join them even if you don't know any of them other than their names. You have to ask people if they wanna go play cards or whatever. Talk to people in queues. That sort of thing. And you don't have to stay friends with someone if you realise you don't like them.
This advice I was craving for when I was younger. I used to be the person came to for a realistic view on a situation. But I had no one to go to for any of my personal snuggles. So now I pay someone just to get my feelings out. I cry out life isn't fair but really I can only work with the situations I've been given. Finding meaningful friendships as adults feels so impossible.
I graduated college 5 years ago... I currently am in a cube doing a job that's ok, so I'm going back to college this fall in an entirely new field. I'm excited but really scared at the same time. This is going to be an interesting adventure.
Everyone is going to seem like they know what they're doing, but they're all as scared and excited as you are. Be yourself and open up to people. They're friendly in general, but especially in the first few weeks as people want to make new friends.
I've got another tip: do stuff early as you can, so you can relax near the deadline. If something seems boring/frustrating, just force yourself through it - the first step is the hardest, and it gets easier from there.
During my time in college I had five friends. I think I was saved by not trying to make as many acquaintances as I could and focusing instead on a small number of close relationships. Actually, it might be scarier to get close to people because you have to let yourself need them, but since you do need other people you may as well go ahead and admit it. Make loving friendships and don't feel that your failing if you're not falling wildly in love between classes or getting tangled up in romances.
the scariest part of doing anything is thinking about doing it, by comparison actually doing it is the easy part. after high school in CA i moved to las vegas for college, hated my major and wanted to do something i would normally never do: moved to a small town in northern alaska. after 2 years of just living i found what I wanted to do and moved to seattle to start school again. now im in boston finishing up my undergrad and getting ready to apply to medical school. all in all: it was fun.
I miss your face as well Ze. Funny videos are funny, but what we actually love is simply you, your thoughts, the distinct human fragrance of your videos.
Omg it is like greg's letter took the thoughts I've had recently right out of my head, I graduate next Tuesday and college seems pretty daunting I just hope I can keep up with the people I meet one day and feel like I didn't get accepted by some fluke... but great video Ze, and perfect timing
Have already tried being the cool person who doesn't talk much and acts like he might know a little more about life than the rest. Like you said, that definitely isn't the best way to go through such and awesome time in life. Even if people play along with the fact that you are the wise one, it just pushes you away from the rest. Most of the time, they don't play along, as we all know everyone is a little wiser than everyone else in some ways. No one is ever truly the wisest of the wise.ThanksZe
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YOU CAN DO IT!!!! :)
@zefrank1 your great 👍🏻 Thankyou for all of this
Thank you so much :)
It feels really intimate, the way he talks to you and looks into the camera/at you. It's a little bit overwhelming, but I wish I had this sort of relationship IRL.
Well said.
Zefrank reminds me of the kid that tries to answer questions in English without ever reading the book. But the reason that he didn't read the book is because the questions he's being asked have no book with answers. So instead it's as if he's just read many different books to indirectly find out the question that would be held in one non existing yet impossible to create book. Don't know if that makes any sense to anyone, but it's how I feel, and it is why I love this channel.
I had this video bookmarked since 2013 when it was posted, and when I was about to begin college. I would watch it every few months those first couple years, and it was invaluable encouragement; no adults I knew went to college and I didn't feel like I could turn to anyone for serious advice. But now...4 years later, reorganizing my bookmarks, I watched this video again. The advice is timeless. Replace "college" and "professors" and "classmates" with "first job" and "bosses" and "co-workers" and it pinpoints every feeling I have moving to NYC from Oregon. Good to know I really have done it all before, and I can do it all again. Forever&ever thank you, Ze.
Had sort of an epiphany moment, when Ze said "Tell people when you like something about them." Now to most, this probably seems like a no-brainer, or something rather rudimentary. By to myself--the social invalid that I am--this was sort of earth shattering.
See, I've always been very tight lipped about that sort of thing. Over the years of being the subject of much bullying, I developed a defense mechanism whereby I will not put myself in a situation where there is a possibility for things I do/say to backfire and bring unwanted attention on myself or leave myself vulnerable, lest it trigger another wave of bullying--or where there is a possibility of rejection.
This rings especially true with women, who I have a less than stellar track record with: when I offer compliments or try to be sincere, I seem to come across as creepy and unsettling rather than open and kind, and they get this look on their face like I'm about to rape them or something. Perhaps it is because I offer so few compliments that they seem so odd coming out of my mouth. But the way Ze said it, somehow gave me a new perspective on the idea; and I find it very difficult to explain how.
The idea of just being. Of being able to tell people that I really like the way they think, or that I find her hair pretty, or that the song he wrote moved me. Doing this free of fear. Doing this without anxiety hanging the sword of Damocles over my head, without walking away wondering if they're going to take advantage of my vulnerability; if I've offended or disgusted them; thinking that I've misread their body language, or tone of voice; wondering if they hate me now. And all those thoughts playing in a spiraling loop in my head, ad infinitem.
Though this thought is new to me, and very hope inducing, I have no idea of how to pursue this goal. I have no idea how to rewire my brain to such a state that I can control my thoughts, and be free of the social anxiety. Where I can--as I said--just _be_. It makes the experience of it bitter sweet, in that it is a nice thought to experience, but nothing really more than a dream for me.
I had a very similar problem. It was excruciating. In the end I discovered it was a fear of trusting people. I would hold them at a distance and wait for them to prove to me they were safe enough for me to open up to. It's very life damaging.
I know it's been long, but I'll just say that in my experience, such an epiphany has the power to change you even if you don't make the dream become reality right away.
Also, that was such a beautiful comment.
"i would do things to your body" out of context this is a rather interesting proposal
don't worry greg. college isn't a scary thing once you're there. it's exactly like your senior year of high school. Except this time you don't have to answer to your parents for failing a class...... unless they're paying for your tuition. but if they are paying for your tuition then hey there's practically no change except for the fact that they aren't there:). so don't be afraid. everyone there is going through the same thing as you. I just finished the first semester of my second year in college, and I felt the exact same way. you probably spent high school figuring out what you want to be and what you're good at. college is where you get to set your plan in motion to become what you want to be.:)
oh and a word of advice, try to stay in contact with a few close friends from high school. and I mean phone call basis, not text or twitter or whatever. It'll make things a lot easier if you have a familiar voice to talk to. I'm not kidding, it Really helps. also, if you have a video game habit, put it on hold. even on weekends. but you shouldn't have to worry about that, your professors should cover it for you by giving you enough home assignments to keep you busy for 12 hours a day, every day, plus class time.
so get out there and join The Big Class:)
Hey, thank you so much for this video. I'm moving into my dorm tomorrow and I have just been so depressed and anxious about the change that is coming, and no one really has said anything to me like you said. The advice on filling voids you gave was insightful, because I feel like I will be trying to fill some voids.
I need an Uncle Ze to talk to.
god, his dimple is adorable. and such a wise man! I'm just so happy I found this channel, it has actually helped me in many ways.
I entered college earlier this semester and had to do quite much of the same. I had to let go of people I called friends for nearly 3 years and let go of the close relationships we had - now I could speak with them only every other month. On top of that, I had to live in such a way that I was quite literally alone and away from my friends - both physically in my apartment and in life.
I came in with the mindset that I had to figure out how to change the world for the better because the people before me tried and got somewhere with that. I spent this semester living in absolute *dread* of the next day, the unimaginable fear of failing everyone I knew, the world, and myself. And in the first few nights - about the first month really in general - I couldn't sleep, and had to be lulled by ways of relaxing music. I never had to play music to put me to sleep before.
It wasn't until I met three or four absolutely special people that I realized that I am still a child. I won't grow up the way people expect me to, nor do I want to. I'm afraid of it. I have to find comfort in life in order to make it better for me and the world. The moment I realized what I was supposed to feel made me breathe a sigh of relief about 3 months into the experience.
I had to be myself. And to do that, I had to live in such a way that my story meant something to others and myself.
I know youtube isn't the place to *beg for sympathy* or *expect kindness* like how zefrank's sincere nature does, but I'm comfortable now to say this.
Thank you so much.
I'm going to college in 2014 and even now I've been having thoughts like Greg's. You give really great advice, and you helped calm some of anxiety I've had flying around in my head. Thank you, Ze.
Man, I feel the same as Greg. I'm moving away to a big city (not too far but still) and I'm gonna be by myself. Not gonna lie, I haven't made a big deal about it, but for months I've been soooo overwhelmed and maybe a bit melodramatic. As lame as it is, I've watched tons of "starting college" videos and none of them made me feel more at ease about it than this video. I hope you're right--my anxiety is just my excitement. This helped tons.
UK Student here, started university last September. I felt exactly like you last year, and also searched out thing a like this at the time. Maybe I can offer some advice, since we seem to be in the same boat?
I will say that in my case, the anxiety and the excitement certainly were mixed. A part of me was looking forward to it, but that was overwhelmed by the uncertainty of not knowing anyone and what I was leaving behind. I won't lie - at times, it can be difficult. At least to start with you are away from all your good friends, and the people you feel you can rely on, and your life and routine certainly changes. It would be wrong to overlook that, and I think a lot of time the stereotypical university image that you party all the time and enjoy yourself 24/7 seems to make these difficulties feel like your wrong for feeling them, when in reality it turns out everyone feels at one time or another.
But don't worry! It's a big change from where you are now, but it's also a good one. You will make very close friends very quickly, just through sheer time spent with them. Particularly in the first few weeks, it's so easy to make friends as everyone's in the same boat - it's the only time I've ever felt it was encouraged to just walk up to random strangers and strike up a conversation. There's so much that you can get involved with, and remember that you are there out of choice now, not because anyone is making you. Your life is in your hands now.
Equally, a lot of the major fears that everyone has beforehand are unfounded. As above, making friends tends not to be a problem. In the world of the Internet and mobile phones, keeping in touch with family and friends is easy. Don't be afraid to ring home! It might not seem like it, but everyone does to varying amounts. Some people claim to go weeks without ringing home, but I know far more people who ring home everyday. You settle in quickly, and though the work may look like it's going to be overbearing and difficult, you'll likely find its not much worse than what you're already doing - and you hopefully enjoy it more. Equally, don't worry about how you will change. I was worried about the idea that you have to party every night and it would just be a four year booze-fest, but it's not if you don't want it to be. I felt like university would change me, and in some areas it certainly has. But you'll fundamentally be just as you are now - don't necessarily believe everything you hear about the experience.
It would be pointless and counterproductive to tell you not to worry. So all I'll say is it's natural, and try to focus on the positives and excitement more than the concerns you might have. I'm sure you'll do great. Just realised how log this comment is, sort about that. I got a bit more into it than I was expecting! Hope it helped, and if you have any concerns/questions feel free to ask!
Robert Paddock Wow, that was really really good advice, thank you so much! I just had my first week of school and honestly, it was a lot easier to settle than I thought. Yeah there are times where I miss my friends and stuff but I've already met a few people.
And I hate when people glorify it and sugar coat it for me, so this was really great. I wanna know the pros and cons, and that's exactly what you did.
Thanks so much for the kind words it definitely did help!
To sit there and sincerely contemplate in depth about someone else you have never met and help them so thoroughly, with so much thought and time is completely admiral! Not only is our voice enticing but so is your kindness.
Every time I see a zefrank advice video, I want to comment thank you. There is something about these videos that makes me eternally grateful.
Even though I've never submitted a note or had anything that I burningly needed answering I am really grateful that this show exists. Please don't ever stop doing this, You've helped and entertained so many people already.
As someone who just graduated college last month... this is kind of nostalgic to watch. I remember feeling like I could construct a new identity and just be whoever I want. I remember being totally anxiety ridden the months leading up to it. Now, when I hear someone say they're moving to seattle and leaving everything behind I'm super jealous. Being able to start over like that is so awesome and so fun.
As someone in a similar situation, I wish the best for Gregg. Welcome back, Mr.'Sea, I needed to hear this.
Ze, you and your backwards hat, goofy pupils, and grey beard scruff are just SO. FREAKING. ADORABLE.
Also, thank you for the confusing advice. I'm currently in a similar state of transition in my own life as the person you addressed today and I feel a little bit better now. :)
My advice, get involved. My first two years I was like Ze - closed off and cynical of those 'strange' people. I saw them as, without a better word for it, nerds.
Then, through a friend, I got involved in orientation. I fell in love with it. The volunteers cared about everything from strangers to the school itself and I felt my little box of "me" begin to open up to the world. Now I'm going to Central America for the 2nd time through a school program and I love every opportunity I get.
Ze, thank you for making these videos. I'm in the same place as Greg right now and these videos are so helpful to me. They provide a much deeper insight than you hear from others giving advice. The way you discuss these things is almost like an extension of my theory of knowledge class
Ze, thanks for your advice and honesty. I've really missed these kind of videos and I'm glad to see another one. I love how smiley you were in this video. May your FILDI ever be strong.
I like to listen to these videos while I get ready for work. His wise words soothe me!
My sister and I were just saying today that we missed you, Ze. We get your buzzfeed videos, and they're funny and wonderful, but what we really miss seeing your face and hearing your thoughts, even if they're jumbled and we need to watch the video a couple times to really get what you're getting at. That's the great part. Because we want to do that. I like that you make us think about things.
I am so inspired by you Ze. I am currently a college student, majoring in communications. I one day plan to become a public speaker, I want to be able to make people feel like we are really are connected and just human. When I watch you on Ted talks, I am at a loss for words. To talk on Ted, is my #1 dream. You are my inspration and why I wake up and try my hardest at school. I could only wish to one day be such an influentual person such as yourself. Thank you for being so amazing!
I watched this video in June, before starting university, and now I'm watching it 7 weeks after moving away. This is great, makes me a lot calmer about things. :)
I started college when I was 17..just finished my first year, and i'll tell you something. It's incredible. A year or two becomes very irrelevant once you get there. Sure, I cried for 3 hours when I got there and I was terrified for 3 months. But you know what? It really is an amazing experience, and you're going to love it
Thanks for the welcome! I was up there for orientation in July. Only had two days to explore the city, but I can't wait to live there. It's so beautiful. I'll need to get used to the trees all through the city, though. What struck me were how utilitarian the green policies up there are vs down here (they make hard what people need to do rather than figuring out a different way to do them) and how clean the city was relative to the central coast here. It'll be my biggest adventure yet! Cant wait!
Greg. I had to do the same thing after college when I went to a new job on the other side of the country. It's hard but it is rewarding. You'll have to make new friends but you have every opportunity. Seattle is an amazing place. I hope you'll love it there as much as I love visiting.
I don't understand why this doesn't have millions of views.
Right before watching this video I was frustrated because I received 4 emails from my college about the problems they are having receiving my tuition payments. The entire process of becoming a college freshman is so overwhelming and this video put it all into prospective a little. Ze, your videos always turn up when I need them the most.
I understand the purpose of this channel now, and I really like it. Sad Cat Diary is fun and all, but this is what I'm really looking for sometimes, and I can't stop watching. Thanks, ze.
I think that was a new PB Ze. wholehearted, humble & poignant, not confusing. Whatever you are feeding on, it's doing you good.
This helped when I went from high school to community college and it's helping now as I'm starting to get ready for university. Excited and so anxious.
literal same. best of luck.
+KT Beth thanks, you too!
I'm graduating soon too and starting in October.
Really needed this, Ze. Thank you. I missed these videos so much.
As always Ze, you inspire me and make my brain happy. I wish I had this video before I started college. You are making me want to find a time machine and go back to when I started.
i'm graduating on sunday; this is so relevant. i feel, right now, like i'm in this weird limbo between worlds, and i feel really strange. i've just filled out my housing application. i don't know about this whole college thing, and yet i'm still really excited for it. and this advice? this notion of world-making? it helped. a lot. thanks, ze!
I'm 16, and I'm going to be starting post secondary college classes in the fall, and I've been really nervous about that. Im taking classes on the college campus, so that means I'm going to be leaving a lot of the friends that I love from my high school. It's going to be a scary situation starting early, but this video really calmed me down. it made me realize that even older people who are going to be the TRUE freshmen in college are going through a similar, or scarier, situation. thanks Ze
God, I've been missing you lately, Ze.
Seriously, thank you. I admire you
Don't be afraid. I'm going to be a junior in at UW-Milwaukee next semester. I grew up in a very small town in Upper Michigan, so going to a city like Milwaukee was overwhelming at first. But college is wonderful and interesting, and as much as I miss the familiarity and quiet of Iron Mountain during the school year, Milwaukee has grown on me.
Thanks for this Ze, I'm 14 and it's pretty clear that middle school isn't my forte. Teachers and counselors repeatedly tell me that I'll meet new kids who are "just like me" (and they all imply that those kids will be older). Some even say that college will be the best, and I should just ignore high school. I'm starting to put too much pressure on myself to prepare for that. Although confusing, this was the best advice I've gotten. :)
This video has pretty much all the advice you need, but I figured I'd throw in my 2 cents to emphasize something. Everyone starts off college alone, and it's terrifying, but what you need to realize is that you're all on the same boat together, hoping together that someone will come up to you smiling, hand extended, and say "hi". Try to overcome your fears and hesitations. I guarantee you that most people will appreciate your courage and try their hardest to continue the conversation :)
This is perfect. I wish I heard this when I started college 2 years ago. It is scary, but everyone else starting college is scared and confused and lost and a little excited too.
My best advice is to remember that everyone else is in the same boat. For the first few weeks after moving there, all the walls are broken down. Everyone is your friend, and you are everyones friend. After a while, you'll find that the people you get on with stay your friend, and everyone else becomes merely someone you know. Unless you really fuck up then you get some enemies.
Oh my... I'm gonna sound super creepy right about now, but that VOICE! Fantastic! I would pay this guy to read books out loud to me. Ze Frank, you've got great advice that makes me think about my life in new ways, thank you for that.
As Ze says, don't worry too much. College is for trying new things and people change majors very often. Uncertainty is scary, but if you can face it, you might discover a new passion or path. These kinds of decisions feel permanent but they're not. It's OK to fail or quit or just choose to start over. Cliche yet true: It's the journey, not the destination (which is technically death, if you think about it. Doesn't have to be depressing though). Best of luck.
The funny animal videos are great, but it's this sort of thing that I love you for.
Above all I am so happy to see you back here, I had began to think that you had forgotten about us. X
Greg I just finished my freshman year of college. The best pieces of advice that I can give are: be a good roommate, and study for your classes (do the readings that your instructor assigns when you are able to participate in the class discussion it makes you look better to the instructor) not just the tests, but most of all make sure that you make time for yourself (If you miss this step you will go insane and will want to end your miserable life. This is vital, but don't get carried away.)
my last year in college is coming up, and the biggest breakthrough I had was this thought: if you're going to do something, do it because you want to. If you're in a club to make your resume pretty or majoring in something just to get a good job, that end can all fall through. Do it to enrich yourself so that you'd feel it was worth it no matter the outcome. That, and don't worry that you're the only one who doesn't drink, you'll come together with others soon enough. Hope this helps
I love this channel and I love these videos. I think these are some of the best videos you've made and the things you say here are some of the best pieces of advice I've gotten.
I remember when I similarly moved to a city to go to uni, into the unknown. (I was more relieved than scared, I had hated the small town I grew up in.) I remember being confused for months, not knowing what I was supposed to do and whether I was doing anything right. But luckily I had soon found a bunch of new friends who were all just as confused as I was and somehow, little by little, the confusion became familiarity. That was four years ago and I love the life I have and the person I became.
What perfect timing. I'm headed to college in the fall and I'm terrified. I needed advice, confusing or not. Thank you!
I actually enjoyed leaving school and starting what in Denmark resembles college. I had sortof grown into a role that didn't fit me any longer. The people around me were people I had known since I was 6 and though we had all grown up I felt as though peoples expectation of me hadn't quite kept up with my changes. So for me it was truly refreshing to start completely afresh.
I love your more serious blogs like this, showing a little bit of wisdom. Keep up the good work, Ze.
Man, I really needed to hear this 8 months ago. Particularly the part about not expecting too much of new relationships. I was very good friends with a girl in first year of college, and in second year it felt like I was trying to hold on to the relationship by a thread and not understanding how to meet the energy that she was putting in. I realized I had expectations on people knowing how to be good friends, and what that looks like to me, after moving away from friends Id known for 13+ yrs.
Greg, interact with as many people as possible, it's a good way to learn how to be who you want to be. If you have an interest, pursue it with all the free time you will have in college. Take advantage of all the resources and opportunities your college has to offer. Join Student council, get on the radio/TV station, play IM sports, do volunteer work. Meet people at 2 am in the coffee shops, they often have the best stories and are the most honest people you will meet
I just graduated from High School today, and I start College in August. I'm not sure if i'll be able to handle everything thats on my plate. But you've helped me ease the wait.
Thanks Ze
It's all about taking things a step at a time. Find out where you're going to sleep, where you're going to eat, where you're going to poop (very important given the quality of dorm food), where you're going to shower, always lock your dorm room door and always carry an extra key (as it costs like $5 or $10 to beg for an, "I locked myself out!" key. Start with the basics. Go from there.
Words of wisdom? If so, I wish I would have had them, before I started college, but at that time, the internet had barley shown it’s ugly head. By 2004, that chapter in my life was over. I especially liked the part about using your body. Yes, college is an amazing time to go out, and do things. Things that you may find it harder to do once you have become old, and frail. A typical college body, is the ideal unit, that is ready to face, and conquer that great thing we call outside. This vid definitely needs more likes! Great job!
I haven't started college yet (I'll start in August), but I did dual-enroll at a college in my senior year of high school, taking a German class with thirty college students, some of whom were seniors. I went into it keeping very much to myself (which is how I went into high school, ignoring everyone and burying myself in my book), and didn't find out until much later that it was a bad plan. Don't be afraid to answer questions, to ask, to speak to your classmates. It will make things better.
This was great, ze. Probably some of the best advise about starting new I've heard. I'm actually back home after my first year of school, but I'll be sure to complement people on the things I like about them. It such a simple idea but something I wouldnt have thought of doing.
I started college a year ago and I wish I had had this video to refer to. Will definitely be back to ponder it more as I begin my second year.
I'm kind of in the same boat as Greg. I'm moving to California for college but I'm going to a community college and I'll be living with my grandparents who I've never lived with. Also I'm from an international school in Qatar so it's going to be a big change for me. Thanks for the advice Ze.
My first month in college was so horrible, I remember crying whenever I'm alone, now I'm in the real world(work), college years are tough but they are the best. believe me you will make good friends who are going to be more than family for you.
Going to college is amazing - and I do suggest everyone do it. If only for the experience of what you can do - if you put your mind and back into it. My memories of college are priceless and much more valuable to me than high school ever was. I love it so much, I'm getting another degree at 45 - does that tell you something ~ besides that I'm a nerd. But I'm on 9 years at University - and I still enjoy learning, meeting, and being a part of something that usually happens once in a lifetime.
I start College in 20 days, and I'm really happy this video came out just in time for me.
once you get there you'll realize it's not a huge deal, you'll adapt quickly. the best 4 weeks of my life were the first ones at my freshmen year of college
Greg, just look at the opportunities that you now have, it's exciting, really, scary, but also an amazing feeling when you think of the people you'll meet and the experiences you'll have. Try not to worry, it's the worst thing you can do.
This advice follows you throughout life and are the building box of any new experience or adventure one is to find them-self in. I regularly try to find new things in life, or a new job experience/completely new lifestyle every couple years.
I found out when I stopped worrying about failing I the enjoyed the education experience and life more. If you make a mistake accept it and move on. It's really not a big deal unless you make it one. It just shows you a human like the rest of us. Be yourself, accept your flaws and don't be critical of other people's flaws. You'll make friends.
I've been in college for 4 years, going into my super senior year, and this advice was still useful to me.
This explains exactly how I feel. I love his "fun" videos, but it's a shame these videos that he started with don't get the same attention. They've helped me so much.
Greg as a Washington Native I can tell you that Seattle will welcome you with open arms and you will quickly become family.
Yaaay the vlogs are back! Love your normal videos as well but these are something special :D
I enjoyed this video, ze. Really helped relieve some worries I had about starting college in the fall.
I wish I had resources like you when I was younger, Ze. I don't know if I would have followed your advice but it would have been good to have had SOMETHING to go on, to make me think more critically about how I choose to be.
After listening to Ze and watching his videos for almost a decade (during his prior endeavor and his most recent)--I have basically concluded that he is more or less a very calm, wise and insightful Drop Dead Fred for a lot of people out there. If only he actually lived in a wind-up Jack-in-the-Box..
Your voice is so captivating. I didn't really listen to anything you said but I love hearing your voice!
I subscribed to you for stuff like this, before the funny animals, and I loved it, and I missed it a lot. Thank you, Ze~
feels... i remember my college days just drank my whole way to it, i dunno how we didnt get failing grades but we made the grades somehow. do what you want greg its your life and its a new you.
I find that the most annoying comment is 'You will have the best time of your life' which kind annoys me because it makes me think uni (college) is the highest point, but it's really just a place where you have a lot of options, and you can either waste them or not. The definition of being a waster is open to interpretation so "move on up towards your destination"
People say college is the best time of life, because you havent locked yourself into any specific career or lifestyle.
A lot of people choose things that end up not turning them into happy adults and reminisce about a time where they didnt have to worry about their home, their 9-5, or their kids.
College is a time where most choose their path in life, and it can leave a lot to be desired.
Any new situation is pretty much the same- just remember that for that golden hour or day or week after you arrive the rules around friendship are suspended. You have to ask people if you can join them even if you don't know any of them other than their names. You have to ask people if they wanna go play cards or whatever. Talk to people in queues. That sort of thing. And you don't have to stay friends with someone if you realise you don't like them.
So much good you spoke there, Love the channel, keep it up. Especially vids like these
I'm starting college on the 10th and this is just so helpful and amazing and so are you.
I just graduated, and I'm getting ready for college now. Thank you for this video!
I move into my dorm in 3 days. I have so much anxiety (or excitement?) but this video helps. It's nice to think of your self as a World Maker.
This advice I was craving for when I was younger. I used to be the person came to for a realistic view on a situation. But I had no one to go to for any of my personal snuggles. So now I pay someone just to get my feelings out. I cry out life isn't fair but really I can only work with the situations I've been given. Finding meaningful friendships as adults feels so impossible.
I graduated college 5 years ago... I currently am in a cube doing a job that's ok, so I'm going back to college this fall in an entirely new field. I'm excited but really scared at the same time. This is going to be an interesting adventure.
Everyone is going to seem like they know what they're doing, but they're all as scared and excited as you are. Be yourself and open up to people. They're friendly in general, but especially in the first few weeks as people want to make new friends.
I've got another tip: do stuff early as you can, so you can relax near the deadline. If something seems boring/frustrating, just force yourself through it - the first step is the hardest, and it gets easier from there.
These types of videos are my favorite, thanks Ze.
During my time in college I had five friends. I think I was saved by not trying to make as many acquaintances as I could and focusing instead on a small number of close relationships. Actually, it might be scarier to get close to people because you have to let yourself need them, but since you do need other people you may as well go ahead and admit it. Make loving friendships and don't feel that your failing if you're not falling wildly in love between classes or getting tangled up in romances.
the scariest part of doing anything is thinking about doing it, by comparison actually doing it is the easy part. after high school in CA i moved to las vegas for college, hated my major and wanted to do something i would normally never do: moved to a small town in northern alaska. after 2 years of just living i found what I wanted to do and moved to seattle to start school again. now im in boston finishing up my undergrad and getting ready to apply to medical school. all in all: it was fun.
Hey Ze, I just wanted to say, it was great seeing your face today!
as 100th comment, I just wanted to add a poetic ring to it! :)
Loved this. You only made me look forward to uni next year even more!
Tomorrow is my first day in college. It's creepy how I stumbled upon this video tonight. Awesome.
I miss your face as well Ze. Funny videos are funny, but what we actually love is simply you, your thoughts, the distinct human fragrance of your videos.
Omg it is like greg's letter took the thoughts I've had recently right out of my head, I graduate next Tuesday and college seems pretty daunting I just hope I can keep up with the people I meet one day and feel like I didn't get accepted by some fluke... but great video Ze, and perfect timing
Have already tried being the cool person who doesn't talk much and acts like he might know a little more about life than the rest. Like you said, that definitely isn't the best way to go through such and awesome time in life. Even if people play along with the fact that you are the wise one, it just pushes you away from the rest. Most of the time, they don't play along, as we all know everyone is a little wiser than everyone else in some ways. No one is ever truly the wisest of the wise.ThanksZe