zefrank is awesome and I hope he is not gone from this channel. He does make me feel normal even though I am not quite sure what normal is.........Jannine
The scariest thing I have ever done is go to the movies all by myself. The second thing was to go to a big city, check into a really nice hotel, and have dinner all by myself in the dinning room that was full of couples or groups of people having dinner together. These experiences have taught me that when I am alone, or I guess on my own, I do not have the responsibility of having another person with me. All the choices were mine and mine alone, and I discovered that my choices were good ones. The best thing that came out of it was that I felt a freedom that I had never experienced before, because I was not dependent on anyone but myself, and that was a wonderful feeling.
The irony is for several years, I've had to go to the movies by myself (if I didn't go I would've missed out on so many movies!) for various reasons, eat at public places by myself & do other stuff like that, so by now it just isn't a big deal at all to me. If I don't need to visually pay attention to something I'm doing, then I've learnt to brainstorm on something I'm working on at the moment, that way I'm keeping myself interested.
Reading this today, 7 years after you wrote it, you reminded me that one of my goals before the pandemic hit was to do the very brave thing of going to a movie by myself. Thank you. Now that I can, I'll do it. I'm scared. But I'm gonna do it.
When I am alone I try to remember this quote from Oscar Wilde. (it has stuck with me for years so something is working) "I think it's very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person."
Damn, that's a really good one. Oscar Wilde really was a brilliant man, I remember my favorite one (you might already know it): "The truth is rarely pure and never simple"
I just want Ze to know that he's helped me through some really rough patches and I wish I'd found him sooner. When I'm feeling very low I go straight to his face, and then maybe some True facts about... Those always make me cry. When I come home and I'm in some of the worst pain of my life, physically and psychologically, and all I want to do is drink rum till I pass out, sometimes I watch A brief history of Syria. That one gets me every time. He's the kind of guy I can picture being with at work that makes it worth trudging through those 12-14 hours, laughing so hard we can barely breathe, maybe peeing ourselves a little... I just want him to know that he's made a difference, a big one, in one scared, lonely life, and I'm grateful that he's on this planet with me.
Ze Frank reminds me so much of my dad. Such a calming voice. Never acts holier than thou. Just a kind, funny, warm, talented, intelligent, humble, cool dude. The authors he mentioned were some of my dad's favorites. I can't even begin to tell you how lucky and grateful I am to have had a dad like this. I miss my dad so much. I appreciate Ze Frank so much for sharing his wisdom- his 'good dad energy'- with the whole world. That's how good humans do. 💝
Think about secrets. Think about how brilliant the sensation of knowing something about yourself that no one else does can be. When you're alone, anything can be a secret. Even the tiny things. Even the fact that you like to play a happy song as loud as it can go and jump up and down for hours. Even that one time, when a little spider crawled from under your couch, you followed it around until it found the open window in your kitchen and was free. That you like rain more than sun or snow. Anything can be a secret. And secrets are alone.
That comment just gave me a warm feeling. I wouldn't call it secrets though, I think its just reminding yourself of who you are instead of the monster that we always end up percieving ourselves to be. Secrets is a good word for it though. :) Thank you
How to be alone, but not lonely: 1) Create things. 2) Enjoy good media (movies, music, television, books, video games, etc.). 3) Exercise your mind and body. 4) Have goals, and make a todo list that gets you closer to that goal. 5) Above all else, love yourself, because you are the only person you deal with twenty-four hours a day, every day. Bonus) Try to get out and do things away from home every now and then.
It really helps if you hate other people in general as well. If you’ve worked or work in retail for a dozen or more years and automatically have a smile and ‘phone voice’ your children keep pointing out...like that. Being alone and not having to smile, describe, persuade, fake happy, THIS, this is a glorious, glorious feeling.
My only problem is going out by myself. All the rest, I am cool with. Some how, I don't enjoy being out alone. I feel I need to share my happiest moments, so they're worth it. But everybody is busy with their own lives and I do not subscribe to the marriage idea anymore. Suckye hu?
I did tried this the other day - I used to watch TV while I warmed up on guitar (scales, etc.) until I was ready to play. But the other day, I did my warmups with no TV and blindfolded, completely alone. Some profound growth happens within you the moment you stop feeling weird or embarrassed in solitude. Thanks, Ze
When you said "It send me into the worst depressive spiral, because I couldn't imagine anything", I felt the greatest relief...And, y'know, compassion, because that sucks. Joy should be easy to imagine, right? But sometimes it's not. And I'm glad, in some morbid fashion, that I'm not alone in that. Although I hope that one day we will be able to.
I miss you soo much, Ze... When can you come out and play again? You know we need you, right? It's nowhere near as fun without you :( Please come back to us soon :)
My problem is I like being alone too much. I don't hate people, I just can't take them in large doses. I have a very small group of friends I see occasionally. I like to be alone with my thoughts and enjoy the world as it is. I kayak, hike, and live alone and greatly enjoy it. Spending time by yourself, enjoying the world and organizing your thoughts can be very calming. I do like to hang out with my friends, I just like being alone more. It's ok to stop and just do nothing.
i can totally relate to this :) i am 16 years old and it seems like i dont hang with a large group of people, all i do is play football or hang with my small group of friends :/
Wait till your older, then you’ll actually hate people. Realize this - A person is smart! People are stupid, especially in crowds. Proven scientific FACT.
@@JukkaMaestro Greetings from OC, CA, and welcome to 24…you’re the same age as my son is (born in ‘97?). How quickly eight years passed! Do you do more than play football now, or did you get really, really good? Still hanging out with the same small group of friends? Hope you got through the Pandemic and that you’re figuring things out. 💚
As an autistic person who takes to solitude like a duck to water, I have rather a different perspective on this sort of thing. But I must say, Ze, that the way you handle being alone thru mindfulness is perfectly apt, and about one step away from actual Zen meditation, which is my own go-to in moments of stress. Because Zen is also actually not about any kind of goal but only about paying attention to exactly what is happening at the given moment. It's simple, like watching a movie; you just pay total attention to everything going on, around you and within you, without judging or resisting or in any way getting involved other than to note what is happening and just let it go. This is amazingly effective at fine-tuning the nervous system and breaking all the stupid old knee-jerk reactions and habits of thought that normally entangle us. So good on you, Ze! You are barking up the right tree.
Being alone is being at peace with who you are and liking yourself. It's not nitpicking at your faults or letting yourself become overwhelmed with your worries. I'm one of those people who needs time alone to recharge. To be alone is a relief. I can be weird. Wear my shirt on my head. Dance around goofy. There is no judgment when you are alone. It's an exclusive party, a party of one.
your words in so many of your videos speak to my heart directly.. when things got really bad in my life, like live or die bad, one of the things i kept coming back to were these videos, and they helped me to keep trudging on and keep thinking and keep the abyss at bay.. you are one amazing, clued up dude. Cheers, and please, dont stop making these nuggets of truth and beauty.
I love that I’m commenting on all Ze’s 9/10/11 year old videos. Better late than never!😂 And the videos are *always* relevant no matter how much time has passed. It’s crazy how just sharing your aloneness with others changes how that aloneness feels. I can make you realize that most of us feel alone in one sense or another. I feel pretty lucky that I learned-through some really rough experiences-that being alone is not the same as *being lonely.* I find I’m happiest when alone… with the occasional intermingling with friends because I do really love them and miss them a lot of the time. I just feel the most free and creative and happy when I’m alone and doing things I love. Even if that thing is taking a damn nap. My mind can be such a busy, noisy, chaotic yet wonderful thing at times. (Sometimes it’s just noisy tho.) It’s hard to share physical space with others because I feel short circuited when that thought process (or lack of process) is interrupted constantly. And I’m self-conscious about having others SEE how my brain works and how I do things. So the ol’ brain shuts down. That results in me doing nothing. None of the things that bring me happiness. So… I love to spend a lot of time alone. I also found that one of the best things I can do to feel less alone is to *do* for others… and try not to expect anything in return. It’s good practice and every once in awhile my “doing” might actually help someone else. It just keeps me kind of “right sized.” I do have some of the best friends anyone could ask for. I love to come out and play with them every so often. I’m pretty damn lucky in that respect. I haven’t been in a romantic relationship - not even a booty call😱- for about 6 years now. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything because I don’t feel *lonely.* If it ever happens again… great. But I’m not looking for my “other half” because I’m a complete person all on my own. If you’re suffering because you feel alone and lonely… just know that you’re not really alone. We can all kind of be alone together… if you want.❤
I like being alone sometimes but not for extended amounts of time because then i start to get lazy ... literally bed ridden... i get sick and i loose productivity but when i'm out there in the world i feel the buzz and it forces me to get my arse up and do something with my life ...being alone gets boring ..the world has so much great stuff to offer and places to be explored , new people to meet ...even sitting quietly in a park listening to the trees rustle ..anything is better than staying inside all day .
I never thought this much thought could go into being alone. Personally I love being alone. Would not mind having more time alone. I always have something to do or think about so maybe that is not really being alone. I mean are you truly alone when you read a book? Is it possible for something as complex as the human mind to actually be alone? Many of my thoughts are built upon the ideas of others, so can I ever really be alone? Say I'm by myself in a field on a starlight night too dark to read, no electric media at hand. When I turn my eyes to the heavens and I think about what I learned from others about the formation of the universe, I'm not actually alone. Am I? Then again I am an introvert for a reason after all.
With the pandemic and the social isolation, this is a great reminder that what we feel during the social isolation is not us going mad, but the most human reaction in being in our own thoughts. We are so use to noise and distractions that when we just focus on our own thoughts and hear what it says, we get a little scared. But in my humble experience from these days in isolation, these very thoughts help us just as much, even more than any other thoughts as we realise just who we are as a person. Not from another's perspective or opinion, but truly from myself.
When I first watched this, it was new. I was very much not alone. Since then, the last few years, I've been quite alone and it's only going to get worse now. I needed this. I'm glad I could swing back around to it.
I wonder how this has served you in the past 7 years -- how your quest is going. It seems like you were on the exact right track with this advice, even though you made light of it. Mindfulness of your inner experience seems to be the key.. and, by all reports, it seems you start to get glimpses of the feeling that you're never actually alone at all. Much love to you Ze.
I think learning my inner landscape by various means has been an important part of my personal journey and learning my own sense of self over the years. I have found the outlets through art, writing, and just sitting and staring into space, my attention on something inside rather than outside. Mr. Ze mentioned following thoughts, and that is an excellent way to start learning and getting to know yourself. An excellent vid. It makes me sad to see the channel and the one with the true facts has not been updated for sometime. I do hope all is well.
I literally can't be alone without doing something. Sitting, like.. not watching TV.. not smoking a bowl, not a cigarette, Facebook. video games, read a book, Skype someone, learn something... I can't do it though.. it's getting to the point that i'm alone all the time and like.. I feel like i'm going to cry. All the time. That lump in the back of your throat, the slight panting breaths and all of that shit; I feel it all the time. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm sure I require extensive therapy, given the circumstances in my life. I don't think anyone really reads this shit, I mean I do sometimes, when I watch videos that I find interesting. I want to learn things, everything... and I'm sad that other people don't feel the same. I either feel smarter than everyone around me, and like no one could possibly fathom what goes on in my mind and the things I have to say. Other times I watch videos like this and I feel ridiculously inferior. I'm only 20, but I mean.. I don't really consider that a point. I feel like saying that is an excuse to fuck around and not know things. Oh, you're getting baked with your buddies? Cool. Good for you. I'm learning about how goddamn magnificent Cuttlefish are, and how a certain type of parrot in like a specific area of somewhere on the world, not really sure, the parrots fucking give their babies names, and they understand that is their identifying, like, chirp, and they go around introducing themselves with that peep... and I don't even know what the point of this was. I'm watching these and the contemplative part of me is very sad, realizing how much insight I have to give, the craving to talk to other people. But there's no one around to listen, not people who can understand. No one gives a shit what you have to say if you have big boobs or pretty eyes. And if they do, you're probably not smart enough to even listen.. idk. People revolve their life around sex and it pisses me off and makes me want to fucking flip tables and break shit, react, do something at least... I'm not sure... Sigh. I'm not sure if i'm ok. I want to know how to be able to handle not being heard.
Kristen Ross ...yes, people do read these things. I’m not sure how I happen on this video...but I did. I know it’s 5 years later and I’m sure things have changed for you but when I read your reply, I saw myself at 20. I’m 63 now. I was beautiful...and blonde...and smart as hell...and witty as fuck! Nobody noticed. I was shy and very I secure. I was uncomfortable in my skin. The fact that you were 20 does matter. We go through phases. I didn’t know who I was. I was sure I was terminally unique. I hadn’t found my tribe. Know yourself, learn to love you ( that requires accepting you as you are...which is PERFECT!) your tribe will find YOU! Use the time alone to get to know yourself. Then go forth and thrive! Choose joy. It Is within your power to do so. BTW...when I was 20 I couldn’t sit still. I had way too much energy. You’re fine❣️
This helped me realise that I'm not the only one who feels like this. I don't think I've heard a better way of describing the difficulty one can find in being alone. Thank you.
Loved this video for one thing, it was almost intimate. How Frank stops looking at the camera in recollection. This question seemed to affect him a bit more as he had to ponder it and answer it to himself first. I like this kind of deep introspection. I think we all have our way on dealing with loneliness, it would make a great worldwide discussion.
Wow, I had no idea that my experience was so very different from that of others. I have been an Over The Road truck driver since 2005 (now 2020). That "aloneness" has been awesome. I neither need nor desire too much contact. What is "too" much, right? I miss when my friend-group is having a party and I'm a thousand miles away, but when people are posting on FB about their terrible co-workers I'm fine b/c I ain't got no drama. But I never realized that my peace in being alone is your pain by being alone. I mean, I find it hard to imagine...wanting to be around people. I mean...Ugh. I learn so much watching your vids! :-)
Thank you, for reassuring me that there are people who are just trying to figure things out and for talking about it. I feel redirected towards something better and, at the same time, like I've always been on the right path after listening to you. I could watch your videos on an absolutely endless loop, they make me so happy.
This... just changed my life. Or at least is the beginning of changing it. I didn't think watching silly short animal docs would lead me to the exact thing I needed to hear at the end of a very difficult day. Thank you, Zefrank, for this, and for the laughs.
Sometimes I wonder if anyone else in the world eats in front of a mirror just to keep from feeling so alone sometimes. Yeah, it seems a little pathetic, doing that, but at the same time, nobody gets my sense of humor the way I do. :-) Watching Ze in this particular one as he looks into the camera (almost the way Mr. Rogers used to in that direct, vulnerable way of his) by some sort of alchemy of thoughtfulness, perspective and timelessness - well, it actually makes me feel less alone. Thank you Ze.
+Joan-Carrol Banks When I was younger I would often dance in front of my mirror. I imagine lots of people have done this before. Whenever I would do it, I felt like my own best friend. I did not mind being alone in those moments cause I was happy with my own company.
thanks goodness I am not alone in my aloneness. One thing someone said to me a really long time ago is part of what keeps me alone and I wish I could lose it from my mind chatter. "its better to be alone, alone, than alone and with someone"......that is true pain.
Ze, 'm always warmed and amazed how you don't mind to allow us to see your vulnerability. As a person who very much struggled with my inadequacies, past and present, I find that the most helpful thing in dealing with being alone is prayer. And while it is not being alone- is kinda the point that I don't HAVE to be alone. I don't have to know all the answers, don't have to surrender to anxiety. I don't have to know all the steps to this dance called Life. I am loved. I am accepted by the Most High and He has got this.....and that is enough.
I know a similar feeling, the "gnaw" or "itch" you feel when you are alone with your thoughts. Because in total solitude with no company or activities, your thoughts' voices are amplified and time passes slower. But instead of a negative gnawing; it's a subtle exhilaration that energizes me. I love that feeling. But like all good feelings, eventually it numbs out and I'd rather change things up rather than keep feeling the same thing. So sometimes I talk to people, but meaningless talk with people that I don't like exhausts me fast and doesn't do anything for me. But when I talk to someone I really like or have a deep talk about things I've been thinking about a lot in my solitude, or listen to unexpectedly interesting stories or information from other people, it is even better than solitude. However, these feelings of camaraderie and connection aren't things that I need on a daily basis; like how I need to be alone. When I make those connections, they can last me a long time as long as I contemplate them.
The algorithms are spooky. This has come into my suggested videos 7 years later, soon after I moved into a flat by myself, during lockdown and my first real extended period of my life where I am living alone and have days where I'm not speaking to people I know in person more often than not.
people that have difficulty being alone; draw energy from others & people who prefer to be alone; feel drained by others. neither is good, balance is key.
Being alone is one of my favorite things. I'm an infj and I often get lost in thought... it's like the world inside my head is larger than the one outside it, anything is possible and I can repay or adjust a situation to my heart's content... it's almost like lucid dreaming, only I'm awake. Sometimes I catch myself turning inward at inopportune times, like I'll suddenly realise I've driven for miles without really seeing where I was going because I was so deep in thought... that's the only time it bothers me.
This gnawing feeling that bothers you when alone for a while is a very real thing with humans. I've heard that people stranded and lost alone fare much better mentally when they have a set schedule to keep themselves busy and feel like they are accomplishing something. Being alone is very hard on people mentally. Luckily, though, not many of us will ever have to deal with that level of loneliness. There is always _someone_ around, even online.
I doubt anyone is wondering, but in case anyone is, the short snippet of music during the Dream clip at the end of the video is from Beethoven's 5th Piano Concerto's 2nd Movement. I know this because things.
This struck a chord, because I have the exact opposite problem. Your description of the gnawing feeling, like a pain, or a building whining noise that scratches inside you when you're alone is precisely the feeling I get when I'm not alone... when I have to be around people. It's maddening and panic-inducing at times. I crave solitude with a kind of desperation. Unfortunately for me, this world is far kinder for those who crave to be around people than for those who crave to be alone.
I really loved this video so much. As someone who lives alone (and not quite an introvert) I get that question "Aren't you lonely ?" a lot. truthfully, after the first year its not so bad. you revel in all the weird shit you do when you're alone and learn a lot about who you are.
We are social creatures.. we aren't really meant biologically to be alone. Those feelings of anxiety and sadness is our body's natural reaction to get us back with the group and safety. I think the thing you should start to be concerned with is when you can spend days or weeks without others around you and feel anxiety only around others.
Our bodies and systems have not adapted to our environment as fast as our environment has changed. Our bodies store fat as a protective measure in case of a lack of food resources.. yet the majority of humans do not have a shortage of food. Therefore overeating leads to disease. We may be in an age of internet and isolation it does not mean that we have evolved enough to cope with the mental stress of being isolated.
Deep Fried Jesus We wouldn't rape as it destroys trust which is important as humans are monogamous off memory, and washing keeps us from things we know to be dangerous from entering us, and the internet goes into a plethora of things such as the idea of privacy and social activity at the same time. So all those points fall fairly flat. Something that is notable, though, is feeling lonely even when in groups or even the center of attention in groups, which shows loneliness goes deeper into psychology than just "Humans need to stay in groups". EDIT: Also, re-reading the message now, I just think you don't know what 'natural" means in this instance...
Cute Anime Person firstly: did you actually just stated, that humans would generally live in monogamous relationships or did i got that wrong? secondly: i do not know of any single defenition of natural that fits the way of few or even one single person entirely, what is yours (in this context or in general) lastly i want to add to this and all the discussions: why is it important, what is natural? (also after a lot of definitions everything what is a product of mankind is not natural, so how could we even act natural and also often when people use the argument of naturality they think of some neolithic state of humankind and how humans acted backthen, but... why would that matter?)
XyntXII Also, "natural" in this comment thread is referring to natural in the physical world. It is natural for two masses to be attracted to each other. It is natural to flinch if you're exposed to sudden, sharp pain. "Natural" means "it's going to happen". You flinch because of forced, unavoidable "natural" (Physical) processes. Meaning, it's "natural to flinch in these circumstances". Excluding cases where a person has dysfunctions removing it. "is our body's natural reaction" doesn't mean "It's normal in today's society", as you appear to think now, but rather "That's how human psychology and the brain works, you have no choice in the matter". (Again, excluding individual, unimportant (In this topic) case studies). EDIT: To clarify, it's not that it's natural to /be/ natural, it's that natural is /define/ based on how you actually are. You have no choice in whether or not to be "natural" in this (Extremely common) usage of the word. (Similar to how you have no choice in whether or not to be attracted to other mass).
My second comment to you (different Chanel) this evening. BTW you do the dog diaries too! wow. They were the first youtube I ever looked at. My sister showed them to me while I was staying at her house, taking care of my mom while she died of cancer. It was a laugh I truly needed. You are really breaking the barrier here man. Thank you. This was 2013? wow again. Know that there are a Kabillion of us out here that love you, respect you, empathize with you. I am going to have to do a google and see what I can find out about your now. YT is a really awesome resource, but it can be a time traveling experience, a little disorienting. hugggzzz
He who knows himself knows the world around him and how to be alone in the right way. Just think that every time you are alone you find another piece of yourself.
Ze thank you for the work you did. I should really look into what you are creating and making these days. t invocation for beginnings is still so wonderful , i still share it, and read it often. And chase that happy!
I've been following that same process for learning to be alone, Ze, that's a happy coincidence. Happy for me because I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds it useful. I don't think it's empty, but I share your fear it might be. When following those thoughts, I try to not run away from them and also to not drown in them. This was hard for me with the most self harming thoughts. Reflecting about why I have them is very tough, but I do feel I'm learning a lot about myself.
the best way to accept being alone is to pick up a musical instrument such as violin or piano. Once you get into that you will be wishing people would stay away. The problem is you could actually face the opposite problem if you enjoy it too much.
i totally agree, i don't know how celebrities can put up with all this media and paparazzi, i would personally not wish anyone to invade my privacy and get into my life without my personal invitation... :P but yeah, right on..
"Beware those who seek constant crowds for they are nothing alone" /Bukowski. Interesting topic. There was one point in my life when I lost all my friends and I can still find myself struggling to connect with people, but at the same time I'm profoundly an introverted person who is comfortable being alone and needs to "recharge" by being alone after hanging out with people. Being alone is underrated! People shouldn't be so afraid of it as long as they know someone's out there...
I like interacting with people but I've had plenty of time alone and I think the secret to coping with being alone is escaping boredom. And you don't need things to physically do to accomplish this. As we mature, many people start to lose their imagination and creativity. But its easily regained if you try. Escape aloneness by just imagining yourself in a story. I think of all kinds of things and play out a kind of movie within my head. It may not be dealing with aloneness but if you have a strong imagination your never truly alone. I think this is why the lonely authors and artists of the world don't have a problem with solitude because it allows them to escape into their own thoughts and dreams. I don't think this is good to do all the time, people need some form of social interaction. Good or bad it allows us to grow as a person. But to try and never be alone with your own thoughts I think you may be hurting yourself as well because you lose a grasp on who you really are inside. Just my rambling on the issue
You've described my exact situation, which is weird because no one I know feels that way. Sometimes I revel in my alone-ness; it's comfortable and I'm forced into awkward social situations where I'm expected to contribute as much to the conversation as everyone else. But then I'm alone for too long and it morphs into this loneliness. And the loneliness only seems to be amplified when you know everyone else condemns the idea of being alone, and you feel like there's something wrong.
There is a difference between being alone and the ability to be alone from time to time. I think every adult should be able to cope at least a while just on their own. It's okay to feel loneliness, especially when you actually are lonely, but not being able to handle, say, a week on your own is an issue of some sort.
But. Zefrank. What if you feel so disconnected from yourself, you can't explore your mind? You can't see what you're thinking, because of how out of control you feel, and how you can't recognize these.
+Kitteh Ellis It just takes more time. When I first started questioning myself, it took over an hour to make any progression every time. It gets easier. I hope you find your still place.
I come back to this every summer break during which I have a lot of alone time. My schedule rarely correlates with my friends' free time so I rarely can hang out.
i love how good the audio is. you know its really good when you can hear his tongue moving it occasionally sounds like that sound when you stir fresh macaroni and cheese with a spoon. also that topic of the video was great. i love how all your videos make me think. and i just wanna thank you for accomplishing that
I live on a boat. I am a retired college teacher. You produce some of the best material on RUclips. The stuff that it was meant for.....helping each other. You are brave and honest. Such an inspiration in a world of undermined individuality. Keep up the great work.
Not at all. I view social gatherings as a chore that I wish to get away from as soon as possible. I don't hate them, I just find the number of people I don't like far outnumber the ones I do.
This really couldn't have come at a better time. Thanks for asking this question, Maddi, and thanks for answering it in the best way that you could, Ze.
I'm always impressed with how well you are able to articulate things. I think emotions and abstract instincts like the topic of this video are so hard for me to put into coherent words. You seem to do it with such finesse and precision.
Like you express in your video, this sounds so empty and devoid of emotion or meaning reading it back. I cannot express in words how I feel right now. Ze, you led me inward today. I experienced the most profound spiritual awakening in your words. I did not realize how lost I was, until I found myself today, because of you. Thank you
I took myself to the zoo last month. For the first time, I got to spend time reading all the signs and to just sit and watch the animals, without someone pulling on my arm. It was fantastic. I thought that I needed someone to be with me to be able to share with, but I'm finding that this and similar 'alone' experiences are not better or worse, just different to those with other people around. I never really understood before that my own company could be enough. I am 'enough'. This is good.
Got this video recommended out of nowhere at the longest I’ve been away from my SO. Zefrank really knows how to be there even when he’s not really there, huh? This bubbling up out of the algorithmic void is making a lot of old feelings come with it. Probably more effort than I should put into a RUclips comment on a long dormant channel. But sometimes you just want to shout into the void.
Really? Go and tell that to all the people who are comforted being by themselves, sitting alone and eating, terrified in crowds by people like you, people who laugh their anxiety and scorn their fears saying they "Just need to be around people." I don't think so. Many times one can feel more alone around a person than with themselves. Think.
***** Ah I see where you're coming from now. I'm one of those lonely people. Even though I have a hard time with being around people I still realize that I need them too. So instead of you being a jerk about this perhaps you're the one who should be thinking.
What? Excuse me. Why couldn't you have just communicated this in the first place? It seemed to me that you were very obviously coming from the other side about this, but even coming from the "lonely side" I don't see why I'm a 'jerk'. Thanks mate.
I have watched enough of your videos that imagine I can see small clues that let me know that you are troubled. That's heartbreaking to me. Suffering, apparently I've been told, is part of the human experience. But it's uncomfortable and if feels totally unnecessary to me. I'm a comfort seeker. I was built for comfort; not for speed. And this video has made me so grateful that I am now aware that I am really comfortable with being alone - as long as I know it's not permanent. Ze, you walk the path of a True Human Being. And that, I believe, is literally the most important part of being human. I'm sad that you were in the midst of what I think is some emotional discomfort when you made this video. I know you get over it, and returns multie times to haunt you since you made this video. I'm years late to the world of the fabulous Ze Frank party. But it sure makes me quite sad when I see that you are troubled.
***** That generally implies that you are a well rounded individual. :D the Myers-Briggs tests actually became a big comfort to me when I started a job that required me to work from home by myself all day; because the format of the tests themselves imply the potential for people to be able to cope with whatever situations may be thrown at them. Trying to find positive logical premises and facts help me even when my brain starts buzzing about how terrible I am as a human, and if anyone hasn't tried using that as a tool, I would suggest giving it a shot. Thinking of feelings as chemicals that will eventually run out - because science!- is another favorite of mine. Also, the introvert/extrovert idea is not necessarily focused on happiness; but rather what you find more draining on your energy. Of coarse, tiring yourself out mentally can lead to a lot of bad feels, which is sucky because crankiness sneaks up on you like little ninjas crawling up your pant legs, and attacking only when your in between thoughts; making it impossible to pinpoint when and where they showed up first. Being creatures who like homogeneity, having an even split between the two means you can deal evenly with both situations, and thus avoid more emotional ninjas.
I can imagine that loving kindness meditation failing miserably for me too... imagining what would give me the greatest joy coming around the corner could (and might just have) sent me in a similar downward spiral of depression and anxiety -- not because I can't imagine anything, but because I have to imagine something I know I've lost forever, and it still hurts to think of that.
Hello, this video felt like it was made for me. I grew up without my parents and it instilled in me a feeling of constant isolation or rejection. The way I dealt with it was maybe not the best and I still do to this day ( which feels kind of silly but thank goodness for the anynomotity of the internet ) I talked to myself, choose people and created them in my mind as a comfort. That feeling of aloneness has shaped my life and made me who I am. In a way I'm greatful, I wouldn't be who I am today.
A few book recommendations: The Myth Of Sysiphus by Albert Camus, Man's Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl, The Sickness Unto Death by Soren Kierkegaard. I love my family, and would literally die for them. THAT BEING SAID. Alone is so much more peaceful. I constantly struggle to balance meeting the needs of others while meeting MY need to be alone. And when I do finally get some alone time, I observe myself doing anything possible to put off rejoining the human race for just a little while longer. Alone is when I feel most present. Hell really is other people (thanks Sartre, you magnificent bastard you).
It's overshare time!!! I don't really know how to write this. Wondering if I should be using 'you' or 'he/ze'. So I'm gonna use both I guess :P I'm not entirely sure how I stumbled upon this seriously amazing guy. But I've been watching just about everything he's made. (Didn't comment anywhere til now because youtube apparently didn't want to let me comment..) I can't even begin to explain how much better I feel when watching his/your stuff. The comedy, the serious stuff, the random stuff.. all of it! Even though watching some of it has made me cry enough to drown several small children in tears lol The part of this particular video that I loved. Was about how you/he were/was sent into a kind of depressive spiral over not being able to imagine something that brought immense joy to you/him.. well, let's just say it was really great to hear someone else had a similar problem. I had an entire class that the teacher had us do meditations like that, it was less than fun :/ My mind was starting to viciously beat my ass again. When I came across the "This is Harry" video, I can't remember the name of it, and it was like all my demons were flash frozen. The immediate, and complete, sense of.. I don't even know what to call it.. but just seeing and hearing such a familiar story in such a beautiful way was.. Nice. Watching your videos is like walking around in a warm rain. Though instead of rain, it's some sort of enveloping serenity and acceptance. And instead of walking, it's sitting/lying lol Of course I've intellectually always known anything I personally feel, has been felt and is being felt by many others. But intellectual understanding and emotional acceptance are two very different things. Keep making these fantastic videos! You are the best!! Side Note: You and James Spader should fight. I can't decide which of you I like more. Listening-wise, purely on voice and weird/profound things said it's a dead heat. So a fight would make the decision easier. Perhaps using those pool noodle things, or a little white glove you could slap-fight with.. But I'll let you guys decide on that
Am I the only one that really really loves it when zefrank laughs? It makes me feel good. I love humans. I think they are good and awesome when they work well :)
"Zefrank is the youtuber who makes you feel the most human"
-Nerdcubed
zefrank is awesome and I hope he is not gone from this channel. He does make me feel normal even though I am not quite sure what normal is.........Jannine
He's gone for now, but he might be back some day. I still find these videos to be great to revisit.
@@janninel469 - you can now find him at his new channel, zefrank1.
When did dan say that?
Try psychoanalysis for becoming more fully human, however you define human.
Dear Ze,
Please make more videos.
You're dearly missed.
Connor
No he's not
Shenzuki LIAR
Make videos in his absence. Chase that happy.
hes back
HE RETURNED
The scariest thing I have ever done is go to the movies all by myself. The second thing was to go to a big city, check into a really nice hotel, and have dinner all by myself in the dinning room that was full of couples or groups of people having dinner together. These experiences have taught me that when I am alone, or I guess on my own, I do not have the responsibility of having another person with me. All the choices were mine and mine alone, and I discovered that my choices were good ones. The best thing that came out of it was that I felt a freedom that I had never experienced before, because I was not dependent on anyone but myself, and that was a wonderful feeling.
The irony is for several years, I've had to go to the movies by myself (if I didn't go I would've missed out on so many movies!) for various reasons, eat at public places by myself & do other stuff like that, so by now it just isn't a big deal at all to me. If I don't need to visually pay attention to something I'm doing, then I've learnt to brainstorm on something I'm working on at the moment, that way I'm keeping myself interested.
Leslie Jonsson beautiful
you wrote my experience for me!
hello?
this is 2020ad...
your irony is ready for pickup.
Reading this today, 7 years after you wrote it, you reminded me that one of my goals before the pandemic hit was to do the very brave thing of going to a movie by myself. Thank you.
Now that I can, I'll do it.
I'm scared. But I'm gonna do it.
I miss "A Show" so much. It helped me get through one of the most difficult periods of my life. This is close, but it's not the same.
When I am alone I try to remember this quote from Oscar Wilde. (it has stuck with me for years so something is working)
"I think it's very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person."
Damn, that's a really good one. Oscar Wilde really was a brilliant man, I remember my favorite one (you might already know it): "The truth is rarely pure and never simple"
I just want Ze to know that he's helped me through some really rough patches and I wish I'd found him sooner. When I'm feeling very low I go straight to his face, and then maybe some True facts about... Those always make me cry. When I come home and I'm in some of the worst pain of my life, physically and psychologically, and all I want to do is drink rum till I pass out, sometimes I watch A brief history of Syria. That one gets me every time. He's the kind of guy I can picture being with at work that makes it worth trudging through those 12-14 hours, laughing so hard we can barely breathe, maybe peeing ourselves a little... I just want him to know that he's made a difference, a big one, in one scared, lonely life, and I'm grateful that he's on this planet with me.
Ze Frank reminds me so much of my dad. Such a calming voice. Never acts holier than thou. Just a kind, funny, warm, talented, intelligent, humble, cool dude. The authors he mentioned were some of my dad's favorites. I can't even begin to tell you how lucky and grateful I am to have had a dad like this. I miss my dad so much. I appreciate Ze Frank so much for sharing his wisdom- his 'good dad energy'- with the whole world. That's how good humans do. 💝
Think about secrets. Think about how brilliant the sensation of knowing something about yourself that no one else does can be. When you're alone, anything can be a secret. Even the tiny things. Even the fact that you like to play a happy song as loud as it can go and jump up and down for hours. Even that one time, when a little spider crawled from under your couch, you followed it around until it found the open window in your kitchen and was free. That you like rain more than sun or snow. Anything can be a secret. And secrets are alone.
That was beautiful and put a smile on my face, thank you.
That comment just gave me a warm feeling. I wouldn't call it secrets though, I think its just reminding yourself of who you are instead of the monster that we always end up percieving ourselves to be. Secrets is a good word for it though. :) Thank you
How to be alone, but not lonely:
1) Create things.
2) Enjoy good media (movies, music, television, books, video games, etc.).
3) Exercise your mind and body.
4) Have goals, and make a todo list that gets you closer to that goal.
5) Above all else, love yourself, because you are the only person you deal with twenty-four hours a day, every day.
Bonus) Try to get out and do things away from home every now and then.
Only a true introvert could relate to this.
It really helps if you hate other people in general as well.
If you’ve worked or work in retail for a dozen or more years and automatically have a smile and ‘phone voice’ your children keep pointing out...like that.
Being alone and not having to smile, describe, persuade, fake happy, THIS, this is a glorious, glorious feeling.
Instructions incomplete: definition of "good media" not given.
My only problem is going out by myself. All the rest, I am cool with. Some how, I don't enjoy being out alone. I feel I need to share my happiest moments, so they're worth it. But everybody is busy with their own lives and I do not subscribe to the marriage idea anymore. Suckye hu?
I did tried this the other day - I used to watch TV while I warmed up on guitar (scales, etc.) until I was ready to play. But the other day, I did my warmups with no TV and blindfolded, completely alone.
Some profound growth happens within you the moment you stop feeling weird or embarrassed in solitude.
Thanks, Ze
I miss your videos and I often go back to them. It's like seeing an old friend after a long absence.
When you said "It send me into the worst depressive spiral, because I couldn't imagine anything", I felt the greatest relief...And, y'know, compassion, because that sucks. Joy should be easy to imagine, right? But sometimes it's not. And I'm glad, in some morbid fashion, that I'm not alone in that. Although I hope that one day we will be able to.
I miss you soo much, Ze... When can you come out and play again? You know we need you, right? It's nowhere near as fun without you :(
Please come back to us soon :)
MonaLisaLuvsMaryJane HES BACK
why do i always find the most amazing youtubers years after they are gone?!?!?!
ikr?
He may return. He comes out every 6 years or so.
Jonathon, he's back - his RUclips channel is "zefrank1".
@@lisad2701 he's not really back though, it's just things done with Buzzfeed
He works for buzzfeed.
My problem is I like being alone too much. I don't hate people, I just can't take them in large doses. I have a very small group of friends I see occasionally. I like to be alone with my thoughts and enjoy the world as it is. I kayak, hike, and live alone and greatly enjoy it. Spending time by yourself, enjoying the world and organizing your thoughts can be very calming. I do like to hang out with my friends, I just like being alone more. It's ok to stop and just do nothing.
i can totally relate to this :) i am 16 years old and it seems like i dont hang with a large group of people, all i do is play football or hang with my small group of friends :/
I can relate also. In fact I start to feel lonely when I'm out with a large group of people for a while. Once I'm alone I feel free.
Wait till your older, then you’ll actually hate people.
Realize this - A person is smart!
People are stupid, especially in crowds.
Proven scientific FACT.
@@JukkaMaestro Greetings from OC, CA, and welcome to 24…you’re the same age as my son is (born in ‘97?). How quickly eight years passed! Do you do more than play football now, or did you get really, really good? Still hanging out with the same small group of friends?
Hope you got through the Pandemic and that you’re figuring things out. 💚
Well I hate people
As an autistic person who takes to solitude like a duck to water, I have rather a different perspective on this sort of thing. But I must say, Ze, that the way you handle being alone thru mindfulness is perfectly apt, and about one step away from actual Zen meditation, which is my own go-to in moments of stress. Because Zen is also actually not about any kind of goal but only about paying attention to exactly what is happening at the given moment. It's simple, like watching a movie; you just pay total attention to everything going on, around you and within you, without judging or resisting or in any way getting involved other than to note what is happening and just let it go. This is amazingly effective at fine-tuning the nervous system and breaking all the stupid old knee-jerk reactions and habits of thought that normally entangle us. So good on you, Ze! You are barking up the right tree.
Being alone is being at peace with who you are and liking yourself. It's not nitpicking at your faults or letting yourself become overwhelmed with your worries. I'm one of those people who needs time alone to recharge. To be alone is a relief. I can be weird. Wear my shirt on my head. Dance around goofy. There is no judgment when you are alone. It's an exclusive party, a party of one.
Zefrank You are a artist with words. Poetic
your words in so many of your videos speak to my heart directly.. when things got really bad in my life, like live or die bad, one of the things i kept coming back to were these videos, and they helped me to keep trudging on and keep thinking and keep the abyss at bay.. you are one amazing, clued up dude. Cheers, and please, dont stop making these nuggets of truth and beauty.
I love that I’m commenting on all Ze’s 9/10/11 year old videos. Better late than never!😂 And the videos are *always* relevant no matter how much time has passed.
It’s crazy how just sharing your aloneness with others changes how that aloneness feels. I can make you realize that most of us feel alone in one sense or another. I feel pretty lucky that I learned-through some really rough experiences-that being alone is not the same as *being lonely.*
I find I’m happiest when alone… with the occasional intermingling with friends because I do really love them and miss them a lot of the time. I just feel the most free and creative and happy when I’m alone and doing things I love. Even if that thing is taking a damn nap.
My mind can be such a busy, noisy, chaotic yet wonderful thing at times. (Sometimes it’s just noisy tho.) It’s hard to share physical space with others because I feel short circuited when that thought process (or lack of process) is interrupted constantly. And I’m self-conscious about having others SEE how my brain works and how I do things. So the ol’ brain shuts down. That results in me doing nothing. None of the things that bring me happiness. So… I love to spend a lot of time alone.
I also found that one of the best things I can do to feel less alone is to *do* for others… and try not to expect anything in return. It’s good practice and every once in awhile my “doing” might actually help someone else. It just keeps me kind of “right sized.”
I do have some of the best friends anyone could ask for. I love to come out and play with them every so often. I’m pretty damn lucky in that respect.
I haven’t been in a romantic relationship - not even a booty call😱- for about 6 years now. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything because I don’t feel *lonely.* If it ever happens again… great. But I’m not looking for my “other half” because I’m a complete person all on my own.
If you’re suffering because you feel alone and lonely… just know that you’re not really alone. We can all kind of be alone together… if you want.❤
I like being alone sometimes but not for extended amounts of time because then i start to get lazy ... literally bed ridden... i get sick and i loose productivity but when i'm out there in the world i feel the buzz and it forces me to get my arse up and do something with my life ...being alone gets boring ..the world has so much great stuff to offer and places to be explored , new people to meet ...even sitting quietly in a park listening to the trees rustle ..anything is better than staying inside all day .
I found these videos when I was like 13. They really brought me comfort.
Come back to us Ze, zefrankenfriends miss you.
coming back to these videos in 2020/2021 is so comforting and helpful. thank you from further down in a worse world than you may have imagined.
I never thought this much thought could go into being alone.
Personally I love being alone. Would not mind having more time alone. I always have something to do or think about so maybe that is not really being alone.
I mean are you truly alone when you read a book? Is it possible for something as complex as the human mind to actually be alone? Many of my thoughts are built upon the ideas of others, so can I ever really be alone?
Say I'm by myself in a field on a starlight night too dark to read, no electric media at hand. When I turn my eyes to the heavens and I think about what I learned from others about the formation of the universe, I'm not actually alone. Am I?
Then again I am an introvert for a reason after all.
With the pandemic and the social isolation, this is a great reminder that what we feel during the social isolation is not us going mad, but the most human reaction in being in our own thoughts. We are so use to noise and distractions that when we just focus on our own thoughts and hear what it says, we get a little scared. But in my humble experience from these days in isolation, these very thoughts help us just as much, even more than any other thoughts as we realise just who we are as a person. Not from another's perspective or opinion, but truly from myself.
ZE, I love your willingness to open your self. Thank you for that.
When I first watched this, it was new. I was very much not alone. Since then, the last few years, I've been quite alone and it's only going to get worse now. I needed this. I'm glad I could swing back around to it.
I've been subscribed for years just waiting for a new video. Love what little we do have from him.
I wonder how this has served you in the past 7 years -- how your quest is going. It seems like you were on the exact right track with this advice, even though you made light of it. Mindfulness of your inner experience seems to be the key.. and, by all reports, it seems you start to get glimpses of the feeling that you're never actually alone at all. Much love to you Ze.
It's weird I feel the desolation sometimes when I'm with people, even close friends really.
I think learning my inner landscape by various means has been an important part of my personal journey and learning my own sense of self over the years. I have found the outlets through art, writing, and just sitting and staring into space, my attention on something inside rather than outside. Mr. Ze mentioned following thoughts, and that is an excellent way to start learning and getting to know yourself. An excellent vid. It makes me sad to see the channel and the one with the true facts has not been updated for sometime. I do hope all is well.
I literally can't be alone without doing something. Sitting, like.. not watching TV.. not smoking a bowl, not a cigarette, Facebook. video games, read a book, Skype someone, learn something...
I can't do it though.. it's getting to the point that i'm alone all the time and like.. I feel like i'm going to cry. All the time. That lump in the back of your throat, the slight panting breaths and all of that shit; I feel it all the time. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm sure I require extensive therapy, given the circumstances in my life. I don't think anyone really reads this shit, I mean I do sometimes, when I watch videos that I find interesting. I want to learn things, everything... and I'm sad that other people don't feel the same. I either feel smarter than everyone around me, and like no one could possibly fathom what goes on in my mind and the things I have to say.
Other times I watch videos like this and I feel ridiculously inferior. I'm only 20, but I mean.. I don't really consider that a point. I feel like saying that is an excuse to fuck around and not know things. Oh, you're getting baked with your buddies? Cool. Good for you. I'm learning about how goddamn magnificent Cuttlefish are, and how a certain type of parrot in like a specific area of somewhere on the world, not really sure, the parrots fucking give their babies names, and they understand that is their identifying, like, chirp, and they go around introducing themselves with that peep... and I don't even know what the point of this was.
I'm watching these and the contemplative part of me is very sad, realizing how much insight I have to give, the craving to talk to other people. But there's no one around to listen, not people who can understand. No one gives a shit what you have to say if you have big boobs or pretty eyes. And if they do, you're probably not smart enough to even listen.. idk. People revolve their life around sex and it pisses me off and makes me want to fucking flip tables and break shit, react, do something at least... I'm not sure...
Sigh. I'm not sure if i'm ok.
I want to know how to be able to handle not being heard.
Kristen Ross ...yes, people do read these things. I’m not sure how I happen on this video...but I did. I know it’s 5 years later and I’m sure things have changed for you but when I read your reply, I saw myself at 20. I’m 63 now. I was beautiful...and blonde...and smart as hell...and witty as fuck! Nobody noticed. I was shy and very I secure. I was uncomfortable in my skin. The fact that you were 20 does matter. We go through phases. I didn’t know who I was. I was sure I was terminally unique. I hadn’t found my tribe. Know yourself, learn to love you ( that requires accepting you as you are...which is PERFECT!) your tribe will find YOU! Use the time alone to get to know yourself. Then go forth and thrive! Choose joy. It Is within your power to do so. BTW...when I was 20 I couldn’t sit still. I had way too much energy. You’re fine❣️
This helped me realise that I'm not the only one who feels like this. I don't think I've heard a better way of describing the difficulty one can find in being alone. Thank you.
Loved this video for one thing, it was almost intimate. How Frank stops looking at the camera in recollection. This question seemed to affect him a bit more as he had to ponder it and answer it to himself first. I like this kind of deep introspection. I think we all have our way on dealing with loneliness, it would make a great worldwide discussion.
Wow, I had no idea that my experience was so very different from that of others.
I have been an Over The Road truck driver since 2005 (now 2020). That "aloneness" has been awesome. I neither need nor desire too much contact. What is "too" much, right? I miss when my friend-group is having a party and I'm a thousand miles away, but when people are posting on FB about their terrible co-workers I'm fine b/c I ain't got no drama.
But I never realized that my peace in being alone is your pain by being alone. I mean, I find it hard to imagine...wanting to be around people. I mean...Ugh. I learn so much watching your vids! :-)
my friend, I believe you accidentally invented mindfulness.
Thank you, for reassuring me that there are people who are just trying to figure things out and for talking about it. I feel redirected towards something better and, at the same time, like I've always been on the right path after listening to you. I could watch your videos on an absolutely endless loop, they make me so happy.
I’m happier when I’m alone. When I’m around people, I feel very mechanical and unnatural, but when I’m alone I feel completely spontaneous.
This... just changed my life. Or at least is the beginning of changing it. I didn't think watching silly short animal docs would lead me to the exact thing I needed to hear at the end of a very difficult day.
Thank you, Zefrank, for this, and for the laughs.
Sometimes I wonder if anyone else in the world eats in front of a mirror just to keep from feeling so alone sometimes. Yeah, it seems a little pathetic, doing that, but at the same time, nobody gets my sense of humor the way I do. :-)
Watching Ze in this particular one as he looks into the camera (almost the way Mr. Rogers used to in that direct, vulnerable way of his) by some sort of alchemy of thoughtfulness, perspective and timelessness - well, it actually makes me feel less alone.
Thank you Ze.
+Joan-Carrol Banks When I was younger I would often dance in front of my mirror. I imagine lots of people have done this before. Whenever I would do it, I felt like my own best friend. I did not mind being alone in those moments cause I was happy with my own company.
thanks goodness I am not alone in my aloneness. One thing someone said to me a really long time ago is part of what keeps me alone and I wish I could lose it from my mind chatter. "its better to be alone, alone, than alone and with someone"......that is true pain.
"Being alone is easy. You just be around none people." This phrasing made brought me joy.
What a fun entertaining treat finding your site is!
Ze, 'm always warmed and amazed how you don't mind to allow us to see your vulnerability. As a person who very much struggled with my inadequacies, past and present, I find that the most helpful thing in dealing with being alone is prayer. And while it is not being alone- is kinda the point that I don't HAVE to be alone. I don't have to know all the answers, don't have to surrender to anxiety. I don't have to know all the steps to this dance called Life. I am loved. I am accepted by the Most High and He has got this.....and that is enough.
ONE DAY HE WILL MAKE A COMEBACK.
Don't call it a comback. He'll have hair for years.
I read that and I was literally laughing and chuckling for the next 7 minutes.
I know a similar feeling, the "gnaw" or "itch" you feel when you are alone with your thoughts. Because in total solitude with no company or activities, your thoughts' voices are amplified and time passes slower. But instead of a negative gnawing; it's a subtle exhilaration that energizes me. I love that feeling. But like all good feelings, eventually it numbs out and I'd rather change things up rather than keep feeling the same thing. So sometimes I talk to people, but meaningless talk with people that I don't like exhausts me fast and doesn't do anything for me. But when I talk to someone I really like or have a deep talk about things I've been thinking about a lot in my solitude, or listen to unexpectedly interesting stories or information from other people, it is even better than solitude. However, these feelings of camaraderie and connection aren't things that I need on a daily basis; like how I need to be alone. When I make those connections, they can last me a long time as long as I contemplate them.
4:09 - 4:37 Wisdom like this increases the value of RUclips to all the human beans.
The algorithms are spooky. This has come into my suggested videos 7 years later, soon after I moved into a flat by myself, during lockdown and my first real extended period of my life where I am living alone and have days where I'm not speaking to people I know in person more often than not.
people that have difficulty being alone; draw energy from others & people who prefer to be alone; feel drained by others. neither is good, balance is key.
I love that your videos are suggested to me right when I seem to need them the most. ❤️
oh frank. I miss you. you are like my Internet dad I think alot of people feel like you are like a dad to them.
Being alone is one of my favorite things. I'm an infj and I often get lost in thought... it's like the world inside my head is larger than the one outside it, anything is possible and I can repay or adjust a situation to my heart's content... it's almost like lucid dreaming, only I'm awake. Sometimes I catch myself turning inward at inopportune times, like I'll suddenly realise I've driven for miles without really seeing where I was going because I was so deep in thought... that's the only time it bothers me.
This gnawing feeling that bothers you when alone for a while is a very real thing with humans. I've heard that people stranded and lost alone fare much better mentally when they have a set schedule to keep themselves busy and feel like they are accomplishing something. Being alone is very hard on people mentally.
Luckily, though, not many of us will ever have to deal with that level of loneliness. There is always _someone_ around, even online.
I come across this video about every 6 months. I've watched it about 5 times, and I love it
I doubt anyone is wondering, but in case anyone is, the short snippet of music during the Dream clip at the end of the video is from Beethoven's 5th Piano Concerto's 2nd Movement. I know this because things.
I was actually wondering that, thanks~
This struck a chord, because I have the exact opposite problem. Your description of the gnawing feeling, like a pain, or a building whining noise that scratches inside you when you're alone is precisely the feeling I get when I'm not alone... when I have to be around people. It's maddening and panic-inducing at times. I crave solitude with a kind of desperation.
Unfortunately for me, this world is far kinder for those who crave to be around people than for those who crave to be alone.
I love being alone, I NEED being alone, if I am with people too much I start feeling like shit, alone I am secure
I really loved this video so much. As someone who lives alone (and not quite an introvert) I get that question "Aren't you lonely ?" a lot. truthfully, after the first year its not so bad. you revel in all the weird shit you do when you're alone and learn a lot about who you are.
We are social creatures.. we aren't really meant biologically to be alone. Those feelings of anxiety and sadness is our body's natural reaction to get us back with the group and safety. I think the thing you should start to be concerned with is when you can spend days or weeks without others around you and feel anxiety only around others.
That sounds like codependency talking. If being natural was what was really important, we'd rape each other, never wash, and not be on the internet.
Our bodies and systems have not adapted to our environment as fast as our environment has changed. Our bodies store fat as a protective measure in case of a lack of food resources.. yet the majority of humans do not have a shortage of food. Therefore overeating leads to disease. We may be in an age of internet and isolation it does not mean that we have evolved enough to cope with the mental stress of being isolated.
Deep Fried Jesus We wouldn't rape as it destroys trust which is important as humans are monogamous off memory, and washing keeps us from things we know to be dangerous from entering us, and the internet goes into a plethora of things such as the idea of privacy and social activity at the same time. So all those points fall fairly flat.
Something that is notable, though, is feeling lonely even when in groups or even the center of attention in groups, which shows loneliness goes deeper into psychology than just "Humans need to stay in groups".
EDIT: Also, re-reading the message now, I just think you don't know what 'natural" means in this instance...
Cute Anime Person firstly: did you actually just stated, that humans would generally live in monogamous relationships or did i got that wrong?
secondly: i do not know of any single defenition of natural that fits the way of few or even one single person entirely, what is yours (in this context or in general)
lastly i want to add to this and all the discussions: why is it important, what is natural? (also after a lot of definitions everything what is a product of mankind is not natural, so how could we even act natural and also often when people use the argument of naturality they think of some neolithic state of humankind and how humans acted backthen, but... why would that matter?)
XyntXII
Also, "natural" in this comment thread is referring to natural in the physical world. It is natural for two masses to be attracted to each other. It is natural to flinch if you're exposed to sudden, sharp pain. "Natural" means "it's going to happen". You flinch because of forced, unavoidable "natural" (Physical) processes.
Meaning, it's "natural to flinch in these circumstances". Excluding cases where a person has dysfunctions removing it.
"is our body's natural reaction" doesn't mean "It's normal in today's society", as you appear to think now, but rather "That's how human psychology and the brain works, you have no choice in the matter". (Again, excluding individual, unimportant (In this topic) case studies).
EDIT: To clarify, it's not that it's natural to /be/ natural, it's that natural is /define/ based on how you actually are. You have no choice in whether or not to be "natural" in this (Extremely common) usage of the word. (Similar to how you have no choice in whether or not to be attracted to other mass).
My second comment to you (different Chanel) this evening. BTW you do the dog diaries too! wow. They were the first youtube I ever looked at. My sister showed them to me while I was staying at her house, taking care of my mom while she died of cancer. It was a laugh I truly needed. You are really breaking the barrier here man. Thank you. This was 2013? wow again. Know that there are a Kabillion of us out here that love you, respect you, empathize with you. I am going to have to do a google and see what I can find out about your now. YT is a really awesome resource, but it can be a time traveling experience, a little disorienting. hugggzzz
If you're interested in what he talks about in this episode check out Alan Watts. Very smart man on this subject.
Alan W wrote some outstanding and inspiring books. Thanks for mentioning him , he is well worth talking about
Zefrank, I love you. And miss you. I am alone frequently and lonely constantly. Your videos have helped keep me safe. Thank you so much!
He who knows himself knows the world around him and how to be alone in the right way.
Just think that every time you are alone you find another piece of yourself.
Ze thank you for the work you did. I should really look into what you are creating and making these days. t invocation for beginnings is still so wonderful , i still share it, and read it often. And chase that happy!
Man, I have problem with people, being alone is pure joy for me. O_o
I've been following that same process for learning to be alone, Ze, that's a happy coincidence. Happy for me because I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds it useful. I don't think it's empty, but I share your fear it might be. When following those thoughts, I try to not run away from them and also to not drown in them. This was hard for me with the most self harming thoughts. Reflecting about why I have them is very tough, but I do feel I'm learning a lot about myself.
the best way to accept being alone is to pick up a musical instrument such as violin or piano. Once you get into that you will be wishing people would stay away. The problem is you could actually face the opposite problem if you enjoy it too much.
i totally agree, i don't know how celebrities can put up with all this media and paparazzi, i would personally not wish anyone to invade my privacy and get into my life without my personal invitation... :P but yeah, right on..
"Beware those who seek constant crowds for they are nothing alone" /Bukowski. Interesting topic. There was one point in my life when I lost all my friends and I can still find myself struggling to connect with people, but at the same time I'm profoundly an introverted person who is comfortable being alone and needs to "recharge" by being alone after hanging out with people. Being alone is underrated! People shouldn't be so afraid of it as long as they know someone's out there...
I like interacting with people but I've had plenty of time alone and I think the secret to coping with being alone is escaping boredom. And you don't need things to physically do to accomplish this. As we mature, many people start to lose their imagination and creativity. But its easily regained if you try. Escape aloneness by just imagining yourself in a story. I think of all kinds of things and play out a kind of movie within my head. It may not be dealing with aloneness but if you have a strong imagination your never truly alone. I think this is why the lonely authors and artists of the world don't have a problem with solitude because it allows them to escape into their own thoughts and dreams. I don't think this is good to do all the time, people need some form of social interaction. Good or bad it allows us to grow as a person. But to try and never be alone with your own thoughts I think you may be hurting yourself as well because you lose a grasp on who you really are inside. Just my rambling on the issue
You've described my exact situation, which is weird because no one I know feels that way. Sometimes I revel in my alone-ness; it's comfortable and I'm forced into awkward social situations where I'm expected to contribute as much to the conversation as everyone else. But then I'm alone for too long and it morphs into this loneliness. And the loneliness only seems to be amplified when you know everyone else condemns the idea of being alone, and you feel like there's something wrong.
I don't know why you guys wanna be alone, I'm 22 and i have always been alone, in one way or another, and it sucks.
There is a difference between being alone and the ability to be alone from time to time. I think every adult should be able to cope at least a while just on their own. It's okay to feel loneliness, especially when you actually are lonely, but not being able to handle, say, a week on your own is an issue of some sort.
I'm really happy that you're making these sorts of videos again. They give me a good soul-feeling. Also the dream animation made me happy, too.
But. Zefrank. What if you feel so disconnected from yourself, you can't explore your mind? You can't see what you're thinking, because of how out of control you feel, and how you can't recognize these.
+Kitteh Ellis It just takes more time. When I first started questioning myself, it took over an hour to make any progression every time. It gets easier. I hope you find your still place.
I come back to this every summer break during which I have a lot of alone time. My schedule rarely correlates with my friends' free time so I rarely can hang out.
But at least you have friends. I have none
I miss you
Watching this in 2020... man. This hits hard.
I miss new videos of YOU so much
i love how good the audio is. you know its really good when you can hear his tongue moving it occasionally sounds like that sound when you stir fresh macaroni and cheese with a spoon. also that topic of the video was great. i love how all your videos make me think. and i just wanna thank you for accomplishing that
When and how did you become so damn wise?
I live on a boat. I am a retired college teacher. You produce some of the best material on RUclips. The stuff that it was meant for.....helping each other. You are brave and honest. Such an inspiration in a world of undermined individuality. Keep up the great work.
Am i the only one who likes being alone?
Not at all. I view social gatherings as a chore that I wish to get away from as soon as possible. I don't hate them, I just find the number of people I don't like far outnumber the ones I do.
No.
IronNautilus Nope. I prefer it.
This really couldn't have come at a better time.
Thanks for asking this question, Maddi, and thanks for answering it in the best way that you could, Ze.
I'm alone, not lonely. ;)
I'm always impressed with how well you are able to articulate things. I think emotions and abstract instincts like the topic of this video are so hard for me to put into coherent words. You seem to do it with such finesse and precision.
My name is maddie..... and i am alone too.....
Like you express in your video, this sounds so empty and devoid of emotion or meaning reading it back. I cannot express in words how I feel right now.
Ze, you led me inward today. I experienced the most profound spiritual awakening in your words.
I did not realize how lost I was, until I found myself today, because of you.
Thank you
We miss u :(
I took myself to the zoo last month. For the first time, I got to spend time reading all the signs and to just sit and watch the animals, without someone pulling on my arm. It was fantastic. I thought that I needed someone to be with me to be able to share with, but I'm finding that this and similar 'alone' experiences are not better or worse, just different to those with other people around. I never really understood before that my own company could be enough. I am 'enough'. This is good.
Ze, I miss you
Got this video recommended out of nowhere at the longest I’ve been away from my SO. Zefrank really knows how to be there even when he’s not really there, huh? This bubbling up out of the algorithmic void is making a lot of old feelings come with it. Probably more effort than I should put into a RUclips comment on a long dormant channel. But sometimes you just want to shout into the void.
There's no cure for loneliness. It's a natural feeling you can get when you're, you guessed it, alone. What removes loneliness? Not being alone. :p
Not even close.
*****
Wrong
Really?
Go and tell that to all the people who are comforted being by themselves, sitting alone and eating, terrified in crowds by people like you, people who laugh their anxiety and scorn their fears saying they "Just need to be around people." I don't think so.
Many times one can feel more alone around a person than with themselves.
Think.
***** Ah I see where you're coming from now. I'm one of those lonely people. Even though I have a hard time with being around people I still realize that I need them too.
So instead of you being a jerk about this perhaps you're the one who should be thinking.
What?
Excuse me.
Why couldn't you have just communicated this in the first place?
It seemed to me that you were very obviously coming from the other side about this, but even coming from the "lonely side" I don't see why I'm a 'jerk'.
Thanks mate.
I have watched enough of your videos that imagine I can see small clues that let me know that you are troubled. That's heartbreaking to me. Suffering, apparently I've been told, is part of the human experience. But it's uncomfortable and if feels totally unnecessary to me. I'm a comfort seeker. I was built for comfort; not for speed. And this video has made me so grateful that I am now aware that I am really comfortable with being alone - as long as I know it's not permanent. Ze, you walk the path of a True Human Being. And that, I believe, is literally the most important part of being human. I'm sad that you were in the midst of what I think is some emotional discomfort when you made this video. I know you get over it, and returns multie times to haunt you since you made this video. I'm years late to the world of the fabulous Ze Frank party. But it sure makes me quite sad when I see that you are troubled.
Extroversion and Introversion.
Extroverts like people and are happier around people. Introverts are happier alone. Generally.
*****
That generally implies that you are a well rounded individual. :D
the Myers-Briggs tests actually became a big comfort to me when I started a job that required me to work from home by myself all day; because the format of the tests themselves imply the potential for people to be able to cope with whatever situations may be thrown at them. Trying to find positive logical premises and facts help me even when my brain starts buzzing about how terrible I am as a human, and if anyone hasn't tried using that as a tool, I would suggest giving it a shot. Thinking of feelings as chemicals that will eventually run out - because science!- is another favorite of mine.
Also, the introvert/extrovert idea is not necessarily focused on happiness; but rather what you find more draining on your energy. Of coarse, tiring yourself out mentally can lead to a lot of bad feels, which is sucky because crankiness sneaks up on you like little ninjas crawling up your pant legs, and attacking only when your in between thoughts; making it impossible to pinpoint when and where they showed up first. Being creatures who like homogeneity, having an even split between the two means you can deal evenly with both situations, and thus avoid more emotional ninjas.
***** Its called being an ambivert. Best of both worlds.
I don't think people are that black and white.
Greg Cawthorne
"Generally"
***** ambivert - so you identify with both, that is about a third of humans
I can imagine that loving kindness meditation failing miserably for me too... imagining what would give me the greatest joy coming around the corner could (and might just have) sent me in a similar downward spiral of depression and anxiety -- not because I can't imagine anything, but because I have to imagine something I know I've lost forever, and it still hurts to think of that.
On this video you look like you just lost a big gamble and they took your house..
He does look different but he was probably just chilling outside or around the house and then found this topic.
Hello, this video felt like it was made for me. I grew up without my parents and it instilled in me a feeling of constant isolation or rejection. The way I dealt with it was maybe not the best and I still do to this day ( which feels kind of silly but thank goodness for the anynomotity of the internet ) I talked to myself, choose people and created them in my mind as a comfort. That feeling of aloneness has shaped my life and made me who I am. In a way I'm greatful, I wouldn't be who I am today.
take it from a professional "loaner" being comfortable alone means your likely uncomfortable often when your not alone.
loaner? loner!
it's about findin the in between
A few book recommendations: The Myth Of Sysiphus by Albert Camus, Man's Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl, The Sickness Unto Death by Soren Kierkegaard.
I love my family, and would literally die for them.
THAT BEING SAID.
Alone is so much more peaceful. I constantly struggle to balance meeting the needs of others while meeting MY need to be alone. And when I do finally get some alone time, I observe myself doing anything possible to put off rejoining the human race for just a little while longer. Alone is when I feel most present. Hell really is other people (thanks Sartre, you magnificent bastard you).
It's overshare time!!! I don't really know how to write this. Wondering if I should be using 'you' or 'he/ze'. So I'm gonna use both I guess :P
I'm not entirely sure how I stumbled upon this seriously amazing guy. But I've been watching just about everything he's made. (Didn't comment anywhere til now because youtube apparently didn't want to let me comment..)
I can't even begin to explain how much better I feel when watching his/your stuff. The comedy, the serious stuff, the random stuff.. all of it!
Even though watching some of it has made me cry enough to drown several small children in tears lol
The part of this particular video that I loved. Was about how you/he were/was sent into a kind of depressive spiral over not being able to imagine something that brought immense joy to you/him.. well, let's just say it was really great to hear someone else had a similar problem. I had an entire class that the teacher had us do meditations like that, it was less than fun :/
My mind was starting to viciously beat my ass again. When I came across the "This is Harry" video, I can't remember the name of it, and it was like all my demons were flash frozen. The immediate, and complete, sense of.. I don't even know what to call it.. but just seeing and hearing such a familiar story in such a beautiful way was.. Nice.
Watching your videos is like walking around in a warm rain. Though instead of rain, it's some sort of enveloping serenity and acceptance. And instead of walking, it's sitting/lying lol
Of course I've intellectually always known anything I personally feel, has been felt and is being felt by many others. But intellectual understanding and emotional acceptance are two very different things.
Keep making these fantastic videos! You are the best!!
Side Note: You and James Spader should fight. I can't decide which of you I like more. Listening-wise, purely on voice and weird/profound things said it's a dead heat. So a fight would make the decision easier. Perhaps using those pool noodle things, or a little white glove you could slap-fight with.. But I'll let you guys decide on that
Am I the only one that really really loves it when zefrank laughs? It makes me feel good. I love humans. I think they are good and awesome when they work well :)