This seems a common theme all of a sudden--when someone shares a problem with us (I feel ugly, I feel alone, I am anxious) we can't just negate it with meaningless reassurances, i.e., but you ARE pretty, but you're NOT alone, you just worry too much. That's like saying "There is no problem here. What you're feeling is a mistake. Your sadness/anxiety is not actually valid." It's not malicious. just an easy mistake to make. This really does help. Thank you, Lizzie.
Yeah I related to a lot of what she said and the time remaining one I laughed at. I was always late at school, and the worry would keep me up, even now it affects me as I never sleep well, I get maybe 3 hours and then I wake up, I can sleep again but I never sleep right through. Weird how things can really get deep inside you and cause problems for so long, I'm 33 now. I still occasionally count hours remaining lol
I used to do that ALL THE TIME. I'd keep myself awake for hours, occasionally peeking at the clock, then recalculating. What finally fixed it was doing a triple-check of the alarm before I went to bed and then saying to myself "you did it--you checked it, you even did a triple-check. There is no way to sleep through the alarm". It took time, and an absolute refusal to look at the time that I keep up 20yrs later, but it worked. I wake up, roll over/go potty, and then go back to sleep. I never could when I was a teen.
I am 25 and live with general anxiety and agoraphobia. It does actually help to know I am not alone. That was a lovely letter from Lizzie and I really appreciate her sharing it.
Ze, do you still check this thing? Love ya man. And I appreciate you. Hope you're doing so well. Watch these vids from time to time to ground myself. Though I don't know you, I miss ya
I worry that I'll share too much, that there are things I just shouldn't share, and that in turn makes me worry about the things I'm not sharing and what not confessing them means. Worry is rough.
For me, self love has become a process of learning to expose the darkness (my shameful icky parts) to the light (love) of others. As I’ve learned that I am capable of being loved by others, even when I stand naked before them with my fears, doubts, and insecurities completely exposed, the process of learning to love myself has become so much easier. Be brave. Share with others. More often than not they can relate better than you think.
I have relationship/abandonment anxiety. Always fear losing a person, to the point it makes me sick & lose my appetite, to the point I can barely sleep, to the point I can't experience joy or happiness in life. Overwhelmed by fear and imagining worst case scenarios
This, I built a habit that I just simply... Drew myself distant to those that show 'interest' in me, I 'refuse'(In actuality, mask) investment of my emotions in someone who could very well easily grow bored of me in just a couple days (In my mind, that's anyone and everyone.) I lie and tell people people that I have no interest in relationships, which the truth is, I yearn for a friendly touch, a memorable embrace. But then when I get one, I recoil in fear that it was just in vain.
I lost my father when I was five years old. It was tough but my mom was so strong. My brother, sister and I got through it together. We developed quirks through adolescence, but I didn't realize the realness of the scarring until my first serious break up. I was 19. She finally made it real. It took me five years to get over it (both the break up and losing my father). I once cried every morning for a month straight. I dated several more beautiful girls, but I did what King Chitin does...I would never let them close, truly. Then, when I was 25 I started dating a wonderful person, she loved me DEEPLY. I did everything I could to create my customary distance. But, she loved it out of me. I had this terribly stressful job where I traveled all the time. I was turning into a bad person. I didn't give her the love she deserved. She stayed with me. Obviously, that type of relationship cannot be sustained. I quit my job. Too little too late. She was done. She ended it. I was once again reliving my past, the loss of my father, the loss of the love of my life, the loss of meaning...my heart was empty. After a month apart, she took me back. We are back together :) I prayed and my prayer was answered. However, the fear and anxiety of her leaving again is eating at me - the anxiety, worry, loneliness is overbearing. It seems the emotional distress will always be there, but I am determined to be the man I was born to be. I am determined to love her the ways she deserves.
Can I say that what you wrote made tear up, although it's a short message it felt so real to me. I get so afraid sometimes that in the past I have thought about ending my life, I know that's the coward way out but sometimes it feels so overwhelming that I dont know what else to do, and Im so afraid of talking about it with people around me because I feel that's gonna drove them away that I just end up suppresing everything and it just makes it worse. It's hard for me to even post this
I used to be so anxious I wouldn't leave my house - or bedroom, even - for weeks, mainly because I was extremely self-conscious. Every movement was precisely calculated and if I'd done anything wrong, I would keep remembering that for months. I became overwhelmed with self-loathing and fear of what others might think of me, and that's when I realized I shouldn't have bottled up all those feelings. I am now in the process of releasing them, and it's been good progress so far. Great video, Ze (:
I find comfort whenever people discuss problems that I know I have. Anxiety, worry, or just plain distress. It's a nice sort of solace that is otherwise very hard to find.
I think what's more terrifying is when you can't find the words to those things that worry you or are frightened of. It's like trying to convey your feelings in a language you've never experienced. It's like trying to make words in Scrabble with only consonants. It's like trying to stick your tongue in a blender and putting it back in your mouth, trying to make it work again. It's like trying to describe a colour beyond the spectrum we see. (Mantis Shrimp, what up!?) When words fail,what'snext?
Ze, your timing is excellent. Over the past year I've realized that I have started to isolate myself by worrying inwardly instead of outwardly. I come from a family full of anxiety and mood disorders and I've always figured it's only a matter of time until it manifests itself in me. Finding the courage to be vulnerable and seeking support are the differences between conquering and succumbing to personal hardship. Thanks for reminding me of the need to do both.
he's many things an artists, a human, a stranger, an organizer, but somehow he feels like the father i never had. And i'm sure many of us think that way of him.
Ze absolutely is like a father to me too. I rewatch these when I'm feeling the need for that kind of support since my biological "father" is abusive and a big part of why I have so much anxiety. Sure wish Ze still made videos like these.
When I was in 5th grade, I had terrible anxiety, depression and insomnia for a week. A doctor diagnosed me as suicidal, and then tried to send me to a mental institution. The only reason I could sleep after that is because I cried so much they let me go back home. Crying for that long is hard work. I also really don't like doctors anymore.
Actually if you think about it, that may have been somewhat of a scare tactic by the doctor to get you to change... I don't know, just a thought :-) Hope you are better now.
Generalized anxiety disorder sucks :/ Hard to pinpoint where the worry is coming from and even harder to resolve. Hard to concentrate and hard to maintain motivation.
I find that the sort of visceral worry some people get as a kid, the kind you're describing--the kind that seems mundane on the outside but really is your whole world collapsing--doesn't really change, but when you grow older you get context for your what worries you so much. If you're really lucky you hear (and share) stories like this and knowing that your fears are not as unique makes them a little less overwhelming. Thank you so much for this.
I'm in awe of the parallels between my hardships and the hardships of others. The anxiety portion of this video really hit home for me. My mind crushes me with anxiety and I feel like I have to fight with every fiber of my being to stay afloat. It's truly an uphill battle and I feel for anyone who experiences it. Also, Ze, I think you're awesome. Keep it up.
I'm fighting the "worry too much" bug right now. I've had it for a while and it comes in waves, lasts a few weeks and sometimes, it doesn't get better without help. It helps hearing that others feels it too. Ze, you're awesome.
I've recently learned through experience that being open with my vulnerability is one of the most powerful things I can do. Thanks for being powerful Ze and Lizzie.
There was a period of my life in which inwardly worrying almost caused me to fail out of college, lose a job, and have no idea where to turn next. It wasn't until a friend of mine forced his way into my dorm room by almost breaking my door down that I got out, talked about it, and attempted to move forward. I've never thanked him like I should have, and that has always upset me a little. But I am very grateful to him for what he did.
the support from a friend/loved one at times...it really does help. I don't like telling others that they worry too much, and I hate worrying so much myself. I have started letting a lot of anger build up inside...and I am a very nice person who has trouble expressing herself properly. I still try, though... I wish it was easier.
Man this sounds a lot like me, I've struggled with anxiety and worrying to much most of my life. Recently it's gotten to the point that whenever I have to ask anyone, even my friends, for help I get struck with intense anxiety and I just start thinking over and over again that, "I'm not worth helping", "I'll look weak", or "No one else needs help like this". I've only just begun to work on being more comfortable with asking for help but I've still got a long way to go.
lizzie's experience happened to me, except its because i was heartbroken over a friend i liked who got into a relationship. made me sad. but i eventually told her and asked her if she liked me.
I feel like this all the times! I recently fell in love with the greatest guy in the world (I guess 6 months ago isn't really all that recent but whatever), and I still worry sometimes that he'll realize one day that I'm not good enough for him and leave. I just have to look in the mirror and tell myself that I am a good person deserving of good things even when I don't believe it sometimes. Usually the people that are the harshest to themselves are the least deserving of such harshness.
The difference between outwardly worrying and inwardly, is that one is good, it means you're sharing your thoughts and feelings. They become something concrete, and can be discussed, and you realize the truth of them. The other is like holding a deep dark secret inside, it festers, goes rancid, and turns you sour from the inside. -Lizzie Thanks Lizzie
This hit really close to home, especially the part about insomnia and having little weird tricks to try to make yourself fall asleep. I haven't been doing very well lately with dealing with my anxiety, but it's always very encouraging to hear from other people that I'm not alone in my struggles or idiosyncrasies. Thanks for the great timing Ze, and thanks Lizzie for your bravery in sharing this.
I needed this, now more than ever. I'm a first year law student, about to begin finals. I worry I'll fail, or succeed and wish I'd quit, or succeed and be happy i did and fail to find a job, or any number of terrifying potential outcomes. Talking about it hasn't made any of those outcomes seem less daunting, but at the very least, it helps me come to terms with the reality that something WILL happen, and (most likely) I'll survive it. Thanks, Lizzie and Ze.
I think that can be one of the worst things in the world, thinking your feelings aren't legitimate. That was one of the big reasons I bottled up so many emotions was the fear of how they would be received if I told someone. It's a slippery slope into feeling like you're not legitimate and you don't matter. I've struggled with that a lot
Thanks Ze, and thank you Lizzie. I think worry is one of those things that is a painful secret unique to each person, but experienced by everyone. It pays to be reminded of that.
Thank you lizzie! I have had ny fair share of worrying lately. First I worried about what colleges to apply to, then which I would get into then how mucj money I would neef and now which school I want to live in for 4 years without family or friends and it has been weighing down on lately, I feel like crying at random moments when I'm by myself and I'm never sure how to even begin to share my feelings with my friends or family because I worry that they'll resent my complaints since they have...
I really love these videos. I look up to Ze as that father who sits me down and tells me stories about things that will make me a better person. But my favorite part is, he's not afraid to show he has flaws and issues just like the rest of us. It's much easier to relate to someone when you know they mess up sometimes too. Thanks, Ze.
After I watched to this video by ZeFrank this morning, I was really moved without really understanding why. I didn't stop thinking about during the day. Watching it again this evening I understood. This is probably one of the finest acts of compassion that I have seen in my life. We are all human, but very few of us are willing to admit our deepest fears and secrets to help a stranger conquer his/her.
I've often struggled with long fits of depression and anxiety, and unfortunately I've had to internalize it because I have no one to share it with (especially through the last year, when arguably I've needed it most). But thank you, Ze, for this and for so many of your other videos, because they've really helped to siphon away a lot of the worry and the malaise. I'm not sure if I can really say why, except that it's as if when you talk about it, you allow me to release some of the hurt with you.
I think that anxiety and worry has characterized most of my teen years. When I started realizing that people had thoughts about me, and they might not be good ones, and what I said and did influenced them. I could narrow my worry on smaller things during group conversations, because it was easier to worry about where my feet and hands and eyes were than what I was saying -- or more accurately, not saying. Some days I think its better, and others I curl up and cry before making a phone call.
I never thought I would be the victim of career worry - I always thought, growing up, that everything would just work out. Over time, I discovered this wouldn't be the case, and now here I am, staring a creative career in the face, overwhelmed by what lay ahead - looking at others, I'm considerably "behind" on progress - that doesn't help the anxiety at all. Every time I just try to drop the anxiety, I slip into an equally deadly hole - complacency, and there is barely anything between the two.
Ze. I can't even put in to words how greatful I am for you. Your videos have shaped and inspired me when I needed it most, and made me smile when I thought nothing could. You have a perfect way of putting in to words the feelings and hurts that have plagued me all my life. Things that I couldn't even begin to vocalize. I'm have incredible skills at burying and hiding what's going on with me to the point where even I can't see it. You have helped me slowly get away from that corroding seclusion
this did help! until this day i always thought that i was a weird child who worried too much, like i also went through years of insomnia because i had this awful feeling inside of me that i later learned is what people call anxiety. i don't worry as much anymore, i think. people often say that your worries get bigger as you get older, that's not true at least not for me. i used to worry about big things, death and end of the world or accidents. now i worry less about things i can't control.
Thanks for inspiring me Lizzie. I was just thinking today that if I actually spent less time worrying about things and more time being brave and proactive about the problems maybe the problems would disappear sooner.
I worry a lot, sometime I worry that I worry to much and that worry's me. I know it's not good I've tried to stop. It's gotten better, I know what you mean about losing sleep over it. I once spent so much time thinking about stuff I was scared of I didn't sleep all night. I have a hard time with stress, I've met some people who have unknowingly helped me a lot. Most of the time I don't talk about it I feel like I'm freaking myself out and its no big deal. Thank you Lizzie & Ze.
I have a lot of anxiety and this has been a coping mechanism for me, just word vomiting out to people I love all the crap- however silly or mundane- that makes me nervous. And it does help. Unfortunately it comes off a lot of the time as just complaining or being overly pessimistic or over sensitive or spoiled, even to people who know me really well. And that makes me feel worse and I start to worry about the person I am to them and whether using them as a sounding board makes me a bad friend.
I can relate to this a lot... What helped to me? Understand and like myself for who I really was and admit my shitty parts as they are the huge part of me just like anything else. yes, that's me. Took a long time to find them out and then figure them out and understand their roots or function (or goal) in my life. And do some yoga or and kind of meditative exercise. That helped me a lot, and I have anxiety since I was a child. I truly think that those people who have better understanding about: life in general, their and other people's feelings and they have very clear instincts they have huge internal soul/mental problems more often, because they able to SEE and feel and taste things and what they see is bothering them a lot. That is me....
It's strange when you feel that something couldn't feel more relevent. I like the learning part of school but i have social anxiety disorder so i hate the people part of it. I often get sick and my teachers yell at me and then i get more ill cus i get more anxiety. It's like a never-ending cycle. I just wanted to say thankyou Ze for everything you do, whether that be a letter from anus or a video from the heart, it all has the ability to change my day (99% of the time for the better).
I really relate. On my first day of high school, I cried and cried and started clinging to the back door, screaming that I wouldn't go. Eventually, I went. And it was hard, but it was okay. Lizzie, if you're seeing these comments, you're not alone.
so I'm 22 and feel this way about college still... he makes it seem it's pretty terrible to be like that at this age, as if it's a middle school thing.
vurtualboy i don't think he does that, i think what he means is that you can grow out of it, and he doesn't say that it's perfect for him now. but anxiety sucks, i have it too. i've learned to live with it little by little
I worry about all the things you mentioned and more: future/career/education/relationships/responsibility towards nature. I over-worry, it's crippling and terrifying and helps me in no way what so ever to be productive or focused or more prepared. Going with the flow is fine as long as you know where you don't want it to take you. I think being scared is just a heightened degree of diffused worrying. I'm very sorry you have to feel that way, I know it hurts.
lizzie,my dear,whoever you are I FEEL YOU! i keep too much of shitty stuff inside that once i almost explode it all out but then a flash of words ran across my mind saying "keep it inside" so instead of screaming out my thoughts....i end up crying so hard
Sometimes the little things I worry about are (though important in and of themselves) a distraction for greater worries. Sometimes when I'm having an existential crisis, when I'm on the brink of failing a class or losing my job or making a big decision, my mind diverts itself to worrying about my acne or my relationships or other people's opinion of me. In those times, the little things are as anxiety inducing as the big things. Relativity is a logical thing, and worry is not.
I think one of the things about being a chronic worrier is that we secretly worry about the fact that we worry. It's circular but it's terrifying because sometimes we feel weak because of it... and we worry about this perceived lack of strength. Worrying about worrying is the root many worries.
Dear Lizzie, I also worry too much, and have had the trouble of falling asleep from when I was 9 or 10. 24 now. I went through high school with three or four hours of sleep. Followed by years of erratic sleep and moods through university, relationships and early career. When I fall asleep, I can stay asleep for hours. The trouble is getting there - I trick myself into it. I watch TV or read a novel at night and focus real hard on that universe until I drift off. Wishing you the best, Me
I got an ad for anti-anxiety medication... I think I do the opposite of worrying and it's ignoring problems and putting off dealing with things until the last minute in the hopes that everything will fix itself or work itself out without my interference. I've been lucky sometimes, but not right now.
Same exact feeling I had all last year. Missed half a year of school too afraid to face people. Worried and got sick. Mental breakdown. Left a lot, lied a lot. Punch everything. Still kind of going through that
I can relate to keeping your feelings locked in, unexpressed, and feeling them rot your insides until you feel as unstable as a tree that has been hollowed out by termites.
I started a triple-check of my alarm before bed, refused to look at the clock when I woke in the night...and practiced a calming thing where you think "my head is relaxed...my neck is relaxed...my shoulders are relaxed..." etc. Then, focus on the black in front of your eyes. Blot out stupid worrying thoughts. It took a few months, but the combo of it all eventually worked and doubled my sleep per night...also, being too tired to not sleep helped at the start.
I'm trying to be okay with me worrying a lot as well, so this really helps! I have been anxious as a kid as well, and I have never really shaken it. But it's okay, it's something I can live with now.
reminds me of my last three years of elementary school it isn't the worst i've felt, but at the time it was... i was so alone.. and i didn't understand why. there were headaches, and stomach aches.. there was the time i'd dislocated my hip, and the time i went blind, or blurry to be accurate... and so much more. i would stay in the nurse's office during lunch, praying that no one would make me get up and go outside and be with the other kids... things have been both better and worse.. different.
That last bit is the best thing I have heard in a long time. My tendency is to inwardly worry because somebody once told me I worry too much. I am also to blame for telling people so. But outwardly worrying is better. I will never say to anybody that they worry too much ever ever again.
I definitely think it's nice to try to help people out instead of just telling them that they worry too much. This works occasionally, depending on who says it to me. Sometimes people just say it to others to get the other person out of their hair...sometimes people say it because it's true. As humans, we do worry too much. I realize that I worry about a lot of things that people generally aren't really thinking, but I still keep a lot in. I have high anxiety and I just like having (1/2)
Sometimes the world seems so small and that people all over have the same worries, anxieties, fears, and thoughts that I do, and sadly, when I take a chance and try to relate even a small part of that experience to the people I interact with in my world, most of them look at me like I'm crazy, weird, or dismiss me all together and find someone else to talk to. I wish there were more people around me I could relate these types of experiences to. Sometimes it gets lonely.
I have suffered from insomnia on a few occasions and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemies. It is truly awful, not being able to turn your brain off, constantly thinking and thinking and thinking for days.
Both of my sisters have pretty bad anxiety disorders, and I find myself really struggling a lot of the time to relate to their issues. To me these things come naturally, so it really helped to get an inside view on how anxiety affects people. Maybe now I can relate to my sisters easier, maybe even help them out a bit more. Thanks Lizzie. Thank you Ze.
I have the same thing : ) 1 hour till my last going to the university. I have the anxiety deep down in the back of my head. A few days ago ... it was 3 in the morning, couldn't get from the chair to go to bed. I had no idea how to fall asleep. Thinking about life. Thinking- how to end and start something new, different. And I have all those worries from two years now. After a lot of thinking and worrying I said "I know nothing about life yet!" There is no right choice, only different ways to go
When I was younger I had a friend who I worried about whether or not we were actually friends. I would write to her and she would write me back saying we were, but it never helped. In the end she suddenly stopped talking to me and it crushed me to think after all those years of worrying, hoping and wishing, I guess I was right all along.
Be compassionate to yourself and others...part of the anxiety we have come from alienation from Nature...literally go out and sit under a tree....walk barefoot on the grass, great energy there...feed bird listen to calming music.
This is so beautiful. I am 21 and did not until this year realize how much of my life has been fueled by anxiety--powering me, directing me, stunting my growth. It's shameful to think how reactionary these last twenty years of my life have been, and not even against real things, but against the threat of things that might happen. With help I have come to recognize this pattern and begin to try to step out of anxiety's shadow. It's a fuckin' journey, though, and a hard one.
I suffer from either constant anxiety or constant depression/apathy. It's like an on/off switch: when I try to care about living at all I'm filled with constant worry, when I try not to worry I get to the point that I struggle to find reasons to get out of bed, aside from using the loo. There is no reason for this, as far as childhood trauma is concerned. That's what annoys me about people's perception of mental disorders, sometimes it's an illness that you just get, like an ear-infection.
I had a hard time with chemistry my first semester of college. I went to office hours and ta hours and tried so hard and still failed the next test, I almost gave up. And I remember people saying maybe this wasn't the right path for me but my Dad he said just keep trying it's only a class and sure enough I'm about to graduate. Sometimes worrying makes it worse but it does mean that it matters to you. So keep trying and good luck, you'll get there.
This reminds me of my junior high years. At the time, I had no idea other people felt the way I did about going to school. I would make myself sick every morning with worry. My parents started to resent me, my teachers hated me (one yelled at me in front of the class for asking for a form I didn't get because I was absent and made me cry) and I was bullied for being different and missing so much. One girl backed me up against a wall and demanded to know what was wrong with me. I didn't know.
Thanks for this one Ze. It's really nice to know that I'm not alone in this. I got my grades back for my second semester of college today. I failed math (which I was expecting), but also chemistry (which I'm in college for), and I have to take a supplementary exam for physics. I feel like shit about how terribly I did, it makes me feel worse that it was my anxiety around the possibility of not doing well; that caused me to lose so much sleep, hand in bad work, and fail in the first place.
I wish I could share my worrying with someone else, but I was raised in the kind of house where you never let it be known how hurt you are. It's hard to see worrying as brave when it feels like you're showing the cracks in your armor.
I've recently experienced anxiety like that, it forbid me to sleep a full night for weeks. It happens rarely now, but for a while there I felt like I was going crazy.
I do this. I sometimes have this uncontrollable need to run away, to just get in my car and drive away and forget everything that matters to me. To prevent myself from actually doing that I feed the urge little scraps here and there. I'll just pick a direction and go, just for a few hours, until the world feels far enough for long enough that I can return.
It's nice to know people feel or felt like this too. I used to punch myself until bruised all the time, I used to run in snow at night barefoot to catch long-lasting colds to ba able to stay at home. And the word "leaver" is so powerful. And maybe I shouldn't accept that a word like this describes everything I am.
I love when I come across videos of his I haven't seen yet because like most people I too worry too much but his advice seems to come from some crazy special place that always seems to make me feel like hes talking to me. When in fact hes just talking about normal human "stuff"
My daughter has been anxious about school for many years. She definitely did not keep this in. Several violent episodes and hospitalizations later, she’s learning to deal with her anxiety in constructive ways. How it comes out matters, and being able to keep it to yourself at least part of the time is a good exercise in emotional self regulation.
thank you Ze for being who you are I just discovered you and Im addicted now. Lizzy I had a very similar life path, that letter made me feel more courageous to own what I have been through... thanks to you
Thanks for showing this. I've had the same problems in my life, and because of some of them I haven't cryed in 8 years. In despite the fact that everybody thinks it is "cool", or "manly" to do so, I wish I could. It is the most coward thing, to lock your emotions like that. However, instead of crying, I laugh. When I am sad with something, I laugh, when I relate to something, I laugh. And I just couldn't stop laughing from 2:30 to 2:59. Again, thank you so much for sharing.
I relate to this 100%. I had depression and anxiety as a kid, and I still do. I would put the thermometer in the radiator to try to make it look like I had a fever. My mother knew the trick, but sometimes she'd let me stay home anyway for a 'mental health day' -- she also suffered from depression. I'm lucky I had supportive and understanding parents or I don't know how I would have coped.
i rarely skipped school, I would just be awake the whole night, and then sleep my way through it. but when i got to college, i would even just stay sleeping in the dorm room and miss entire weeks of classes. I am taking time off from school now, and plan to start going part time again soon as I keep trying to conquer my anxiety (rather unsuccessfully though, only recently did i even realize that it was in fact anxiety)
This video was beautiful, thank you. It makes me want to cry, I am 30 and I know exactly how the internal worrying too much feels on a daily basis. It feels better to not feel alone with my giant, hairy ball of anxiety.
I have all these tricks, routines, things that I do to curb my anxiety. They are so ingrained in my habits and movements that only recently have I realized that they are not normal to the human condition.
I still have problems sleeping sometimes. I often find myself doing the thing where I count down how many hours of sleep I will get if I go to sleep right now (five hours, four hours, three hours). What I find helpful is to, rather than count, just say to myself "I'll just lay here. I may not be asleep, but I'm resting. My eyes are closed. I can relax. This is restful." After a while, I end up drifting off. Maybe other people may find this helpful? Anyway, great video. Thanks, Lizzie! :)
I also have anxiety and am worried about not getting enough sleep, and I also I calculate how much sleep I would get by falling asleep at a certain time and how much I would need, its at the point were I need to go to bed almost 12 hours before I have wake up just to ensure myself that I will get at least a little sleep.
I internalize most of my anxiety, but I'm trying to get over it. Most of the time I feel like if I told people about my worries they would take them on themselves or read into my actions because of that worry. I probably over think what people think about me.
Issues of their own, it has just been really hard lately on top of normal school and what not. It feels good to air out these worries, I just may finally talk to some one about them thanks to you.
I once got a chest infection, but wanted to avoid school so much I didn't take the medication and didn't do the breathing exercises, just lay in bed sleeping or escape-reading. It got so bad I ended up with a form of 'walking pneumonia' and now have 'scarred lungs' so when I cough (10 yrs on) I sound like a smoker... None of my 'friends' cared that I'd been absent for almost 4 weeks... Sigh. Highschool sucked!
Oops, ahem start over on my phone. I have often been told that I worry too much. I have even started to believe it. But like you have concluded Lizzie.. I think it's okay to vocalize worry or fear.. It helps me find solutions to it, and also to openly and honestly reflect on my worries an what they might say about me. Thank you for sharing this letter ze. It's painful to read, and hear about this sort of thing, but it does "help".
I remember being scared of talking to my teachers in elementary school. Any interaction with them was terrifying. Until fourth grade, I would shit my pants instead of asking to go to the restroom because I was worried about the interaction. I was also slightly worried about spiders under the rim, but that wasn't as much a part of it. I'm still nervous when talking to teachers, and I still don't know why.
I always notice the small things around me. When I see something small that bothers me I want to tell people, but when I do they look at me like i'm crazy, like it's a zany thing to notice. Outward worry turns inward, and I get worried that I get worried about small things and then I worry about how I worry about worrying about small things. I was even worried to watch this because I thought I'd be told that my anxiety is freakish. It's ineffably reassuring to know it's not worrisome to worry.=)
I worry internally all the time even though I tell everyone that "Hakuna Matata" is my motto. When I was little, I was so afraid of failure that I would get into daily panics. I've learned now to take life as it comes and not to sweat the small stuff. But it's easier said than done.
What I like about your videos, is that they always make me believe " I'm not the only one! ". Meeting with people in reality is scattering the model one could have of humanity. When in another context, where I'm watching your videos, what I think is several shall become one.
Sometimes I wish there was a way we could meet up with people like this in real life. You hear all these inspirational messages about "find the other," and "just let it out and you'll see others think like you do" but my experience has been the same as yours. I wish there was a website where we could find people that have the same problems as we do and then be able to meet up in real life and be messed up together. :)
My final attendance score for high school was about 70%. At the age of 14 I started developing phobias and anxiety, Every morning I'd cling onto the very last second till I had to go to school. I hated that place. Now all my memories of that time are hazy, I think my mind wants to forget. 10 years later and anxiety still controls a lot of my life. Unfortunately I think school shapes the person you are, I wish it didn't.
This seems a common theme all of a sudden--when someone shares a problem with us (I feel ugly, I feel alone, I am anxious) we can't just negate it with meaningless reassurances, i.e., but you ARE pretty, but you're NOT alone, you just worry too much. That's like saying "There is no problem here. What you're feeling is a mistake. Your sadness/anxiety is not actually valid."
It's not malicious. just an easy mistake to make.
This really does help. Thank you, Lizzie.
At least I'm not the only one who calculates time remaining when trying to go to sleep.
Yeah I related to a lot of what she said and the time remaining one I laughed at. I was always late at school, and the worry would keep me up, even now it affects me as I never sleep well, I get maybe 3 hours and then I wake up, I can sleep again but I never sleep right through. Weird how things can really get deep inside you and cause problems for so long, I'm 33 now. I still occasionally count hours remaining lol
I do that to I don't have anxiety though
I used to do that ALL THE TIME. I'd keep myself awake for hours, occasionally peeking at the clock, then recalculating. What finally fixed it was doing a triple-check of the alarm before I went to bed and then saying to myself "you did it--you checked it, you even did a triple-check. There is no way to sleep through the alarm". It took time, and an absolute refusal to look at the time that I keep up 20yrs later, but it worked. I wake up, roll over/go potty, and then go back to sleep. I never could when I was a teen.
I am 25 and live with general anxiety and agoraphobia. It does actually help to know I am not alone. That was a lovely letter from Lizzie and I really appreciate her sharing it.
Ze, do you still check this thing? Love ya man. And I appreciate you. Hope you're doing so well. Watch these vids from time to time to ground myself. Though I don't know you, I miss ya
Do you watch his other channel?
@@resultsofchange What's his other channel?
@@kettch42The other main channel is zefrank1: ruclips.net/channel/UCVpankR4HtoAVtYnFDUieYA
I worry that I'll share too much, that there are things I just shouldn't share, and that in turn makes me worry about the things I'm not sharing and what not confessing them means. Worry is rough.
For me, self love has become a process of learning to expose the darkness (my shameful icky parts) to the light (love) of others. As I’ve learned that I am capable of being loved by others, even when I stand naked before them with my fears, doubts, and insecurities completely exposed, the process of learning to love myself has become so much easier.
Be brave. Share with others. More often than not they can relate better than you think.
I have relationship/abandonment anxiety. Always fear losing a person, to the point it makes me sick & lose my appetite, to the point I can barely sleep, to the point I can't experience joy or happiness in life. Overwhelmed by fear and imagining worst case scenarios
This, I built a habit that I just simply... Drew myself distant to those that show 'interest' in me, I 'refuse'(In actuality, mask) investment of my emotions in someone who could very well easily grow bored of me in just a couple days (In my mind, that's anyone and everyone.)
I lie and tell people people that I have no interest in relationships, which the truth is, I yearn for a friendly touch, a memorable embrace. But then when I get one, I recoil in fear that it was just in vain.
Me too. I do better when I'm not in relationships because I don't worry all the time. But it's lonelier.
Are you me
I lost my father when I was five years old. It was tough but my mom was so strong. My brother, sister and I got through it together. We developed quirks through adolescence, but I didn't realize the realness of the scarring until my first serious break up. I was 19. She finally made it real. It took me five years to get over it (both the break up and losing my father). I once cried every morning for a month straight. I dated several more beautiful girls, but I did what King Chitin does...I would never let them close, truly. Then, when I was 25 I started dating a wonderful person, she loved me DEEPLY. I did everything I could to create my customary distance. But, she loved it out of me. I had this terribly stressful job where I traveled all the time. I was turning into a bad person. I didn't give her the love she deserved. She stayed with me. Obviously, that type of relationship cannot be sustained. I quit my job. Too little too late. She was done. She ended it. I was once again reliving my past, the loss of my father, the loss of the love of my life, the loss of meaning...my heart was empty. After a month apart, she took me back. We are back together :) I prayed and my prayer was answered. However, the fear and anxiety of her leaving again is eating at me - the anxiety, worry, loneliness is overbearing. It seems the emotional distress will always be there, but I am determined to be the man I was born to be. I am determined to love her the ways she deserves.
Can I say that what you wrote made tear up, although it's a short message it felt so real to me. I get so afraid sometimes that in the past I have thought about ending my life, I know that's the coward way out but sometimes it feels so overwhelming that I dont know what else to do, and Im so afraid of talking about it with people around me because I feel that's gonna drove them away that I just end up suppresing everything and it just makes it worse. It's hard for me to even post this
I used to be so anxious I wouldn't leave my house - or bedroom, even - for weeks, mainly because I was extremely self-conscious. Every movement was precisely calculated and if I'd done anything wrong, I would keep remembering that for months. I became overwhelmed with self-loathing and fear of what others might think of me, and that's when I realized I shouldn't have bottled up all those feelings. I am now in the process of releasing them, and it's been good progress so far.
Great video, Ze (:
I find comfort whenever people discuss problems that I know I have. Anxiety, worry, or just plain distress. It's a nice sort of solace that is otherwise very hard to find.
I think what's more terrifying is when you can't find the words to those things that worry you or are frightened of.
It's like trying to convey your feelings in a language you've never experienced.
It's like trying to make words in Scrabble with only consonants.
It's like trying to stick your tongue in a blender and putting it back in your mouth, trying to make it work again.
It's like trying to describe a colour beyond the spectrum we see. (Mantis Shrimp, what up!?)
When words fail,what'snext?
Ze, your timing is excellent. Over the past year I've realized that I have started to isolate myself by worrying inwardly instead of outwardly. I come from a family full of anxiety and mood disorders and I've always figured it's only a matter of time until it manifests itself in me. Finding the courage to be vulnerable and seeking support are the differences between conquering and succumbing to personal hardship. Thanks for reminding me of the need to do both.
he's many things an artists, a human, a stranger, an organizer, but somehow he feels like the father i never had. And i'm sure many of us think that way of him.
Ze absolutely is like a father to me too. I rewatch these when I'm feeling the need for that kind of support since my biological "father" is abusive and a big part of why I have so much anxiety. Sure wish Ze still made videos like these.
When I was in 5th grade, I had terrible anxiety, depression and insomnia for a week. A doctor diagnosed me as suicidal, and then tried to send me to a mental institution. The only reason I could sleep after that is because I cried so much they let me go back home. Crying for that long is hard work.
I also really don't like doctors anymore.
Actually if you think about it, that may have been somewhat of a scare tactic by the doctor to get you to change... I don't know, just a thought :-) Hope you are better now.
Well, it worked. And I am better; I've learned to cope. :) Thanks, though.
Royalbluelemonz totally get that. drS are human too. But actually some of them are amazing. Find the amazing ones they can change your life :)
Generalized anxiety disorder sucks :/ Hard to pinpoint where the worry is coming from and even harder to resolve. Hard to concentrate and hard to maintain motivation.
I find that the sort of visceral worry some people get as a kid, the kind you're describing--the kind that seems mundane on the outside but really is your whole world collapsing--doesn't really change, but when you grow older you get context for your what worries you so much. If you're really lucky you hear (and share) stories like this and knowing that your fears are not as unique makes them a little less overwhelming. Thank you so much for this.
I'm in awe of the parallels between my hardships and the hardships of others. The anxiety portion of this video really hit home for me. My mind crushes me with anxiety and I feel like I have to fight with every fiber of my being to stay afloat. It's truly an uphill battle and I feel for anyone who experiences it.
Also, Ze, I think you're awesome. Keep it up.
I'm fighting the "worry too much" bug right now. I've had it for a while and it comes in waves, lasts a few weeks and sometimes, it doesn't get better without help. It helps hearing that others feels it too. Ze, you're awesome.
I've recently learned through experience that being open with my vulnerability is one of the most powerful things I can do. Thanks for being powerful Ze and Lizzie.
There was a period of my life in which inwardly worrying almost caused me to fail out of college, lose a job, and have no idea where to turn next. It wasn't until a friend of mine forced his way into my dorm room by almost breaking my door down that I got out, talked about it, and attempted to move forward.
I've never thanked him like I should have, and that has always upset me a little. But I am very grateful to him for what he did.
the support from a friend/loved one at times...it really does help. I don't like telling others that they worry too much, and I hate worrying so much myself. I have started letting a lot of anger build up inside...and I am a very nice person who has trouble expressing herself properly. I still try, though... I wish it was easier.
Man this sounds a lot like me, I've struggled with anxiety and worrying to much most of my life. Recently it's gotten to the point that whenever I have to ask anyone, even my friends, for help I get struck with intense anxiety and I just start thinking over and over again that, "I'm not worth helping", "I'll look weak", or "No one else needs help like this". I've only just begun to work on being more comfortable with asking for help but I've still got a long way to go.
lizzie's experience happened to me, except its because i was heartbroken over a friend i liked who got into a relationship. made me sad. but i eventually told her and asked her if she liked me.
I feel like this all the times! I recently fell in love with the greatest guy in the world (I guess 6 months ago isn't really all that recent but whatever), and I still worry sometimes that he'll realize one day that I'm not good enough for him and leave. I just have to look in the mirror and tell myself that I am a good person deserving of good things even when I don't believe it sometimes. Usually the people that are the harshest to themselves are the least deserving of such harshness.
The difference between outwardly worrying and inwardly, is that one is good, it means you're sharing your thoughts and feelings. They become something concrete, and can be discussed, and you realize the truth of them. The other is like holding a deep dark secret inside, it festers, goes rancid, and turns you sour from the inside. -Lizzie
Thanks Lizzie
This is the first video in my Watch Later playlist. I'm never deleting it so I can keep coming back to it. Thank you Ze
This hit really close to home, especially the part about insomnia and having little weird tricks to try to make yourself fall asleep. I haven't been doing very well lately with dealing with my anxiety, but it's always very encouraging to hear from other people that I'm not alone in my struggles or idiosyncrasies. Thanks for the great timing Ze, and thanks Lizzie for your bravery in sharing this.
Need more of these videos right about now. Been feeling all these things x10 for a long time now. Anxiety is so exhausting.
I needed this, now more than ever. I'm a first year law student, about to begin finals. I worry I'll fail, or succeed and wish I'd quit, or succeed and be happy i did and fail to find a job, or any number of terrifying potential outcomes. Talking about it hasn't made any of those outcomes seem less daunting, but at the very least, it helps me come to terms with the reality that something WILL happen, and (most likely) I'll survive it.
Thanks, Lizzie and Ze.
I think that can be one of the worst things in the world, thinking your feelings aren't legitimate. That was one of the big reasons I bottled up so many emotions was the fear of how they would be received if I told someone. It's a slippery slope into feeling like you're not legitimate and you don't matter. I've struggled with that a lot
Thanks Ze, and thank you Lizzie. I think worry is one of those things that is a painful secret unique to each person, but experienced by everyone. It pays to be reminded of that.
Thank you lizzie! I have had ny fair share of worrying lately. First I worried about what colleges to apply to, then which I would get into then how mucj money I would neef and now which school I want to live in for 4 years without family or friends and it has been weighing down on lately, I feel like crying at random moments when I'm by myself and I'm never sure how to even begin to share my feelings with my friends or family because I worry that they'll resent my complaints since they have...
I really love these videos. I look up to Ze as that father who sits me down and tells me stories about things that will make me a better person. But my favorite part is, he's not afraid to show he has flaws and issues just like the rest of us. It's much easier to relate to someone when you know they mess up sometimes too. Thanks, Ze.
After I watched to this video by ZeFrank this morning, I was really moved without really understanding why. I didn't stop thinking about during the day. Watching it again this evening I understood. This is probably one of the finest acts of compassion that I have seen in my life. We are all human, but very few of us are willing to admit our deepest fears and secrets to help a stranger conquer his/her.
I've often struggled with long fits of depression and anxiety, and unfortunately I've had to internalize it because I have no one to share it with (especially through the last year, when arguably I've needed it most). But thank you, Ze, for this and for so many of your other videos, because they've really helped to siphon away a lot of the worry and the malaise. I'm not sure if I can really say why, except that it's as if when you talk about it, you allow me to release some of the hurt with you.
I miss the show. Thank you Ze
I think that anxiety and worry has characterized most of my teen years. When I started realizing that people had thoughts about me, and they might not be good ones, and what I said and did influenced them. I could narrow my worry on smaller things during group conversations, because it was easier to worry about where my feet and hands and eyes were than what I was saying -- or more accurately, not saying. Some days I think its better, and others I curl up and cry before making a phone call.
I never thought I would be the victim of career worry - I always thought, growing up, that everything would just work out. Over time, I discovered this wouldn't be the case, and now here I am, staring a creative career in the face, overwhelmed by what lay ahead - looking at others, I'm considerably "behind" on progress - that doesn't help the anxiety at all.
Every time I just try to drop the anxiety, I slip into an equally deadly hole - complacency, and there is barely anything between the two.
it helps. even 3 years later.
... and still helping, seven years later...
@@fxm5715 you too eh?
@@ThatGuy53297 Oh, yeah. There are at least a few times a year that I really need the, "Chill Out, Just Breathe," song, too.
Even 7 years later
Ze. I can't even put in to words how greatful I am for you. Your videos have shaped and inspired me when I needed it most, and made me smile when I thought nothing could. You have a perfect way of putting in to words the feelings and hurts that have plagued me all my life. Things that I couldn't even begin to vocalize. I'm have incredible skills at burying and hiding what's going on with me to the point where even I can't see it. You have helped me slowly get away from that corroding seclusion
this did help! until this day i always thought that i was a weird child who worried too much, like i also went through years of insomnia because i had this awful feeling inside of me that i later learned is what people call anxiety. i don't worry as much anymore, i think. people often say that your worries get bigger as you get older, that's not true at least not for me. i used to worry about big things, death and end of the world or accidents. now i worry less about things i can't control.
Thanks for inspiring me Lizzie. I was just thinking today that if I actually spent less time worrying about things and more time being brave and proactive about the problems maybe the problems would disappear sooner.
I worry a lot, sometime I worry that I worry to much and that worry's me. I know it's not good I've tried to stop. It's gotten better, I know what you mean about losing sleep over it. I once spent so much time thinking about stuff I was scared of I didn't sleep all night. I have a hard time with stress, I've met some people who have unknowingly helped me a lot. Most of the time I don't talk about it I feel like I'm freaking myself out and its no big deal. Thank you Lizzie & Ze.
I have a lot of anxiety and this has been a coping mechanism for me, just word vomiting out to people I love all the crap- however silly or mundane- that makes me nervous. And it does help. Unfortunately it comes off a lot of the time as just complaining or being overly pessimistic or over sensitive or spoiled, even to people who know me really well. And that makes me feel worse and I start to worry about the person I am to them and whether using them as a sounding board makes me a bad friend.
I can relate to this a lot... What helped to me? Understand and like myself for who I really was and admit my shitty parts as they are the huge part of me just like anything else. yes, that's me. Took a long time to find them out and then figure them out and understand their roots or function (or goal) in my life. And do some yoga or and kind of meditative exercise. That helped me a lot, and I have anxiety since I was a child.
I truly think that those people who have better understanding about: life in general, their and other people's feelings and they have very clear instincts they have huge internal soul/mental problems more often, because they able to SEE and feel and taste things and what they see is bothering them a lot. That is me....
It's strange when you feel that something couldn't feel more relevent. I like the learning part of school but i have social anxiety disorder so i hate the people part of it. I often get sick and my teachers yell at me and then i get more ill cus i get more anxiety. It's like a never-ending cycle. I just wanted to say thankyou Ze for everything you do, whether that be a letter from anus or a video from the heart, it all has the ability to change my day (99% of the time for the better).
I really relate. On my first day of high school, I cried and cried and started clinging to the back door, screaming that I wouldn't go. Eventually, I went. And it was hard, but it was okay. Lizzie, if you're seeing these comments, you're not alone.
so I'm 22 and feel this way about college still... he makes it seem it's pretty terrible to be like that at this age, as if it's a middle school thing.
vurtualboy i don't think he does that, i think what he means is that you can grow out of it, and he doesn't say that it's perfect for him now. but anxiety sucks, i have it too. i've learned to live with it little by little
I worry about all the things you mentioned and more: future/career/education/relationships/responsibility towards nature. I over-worry, it's crippling and terrifying and helps me in no way what so ever to be productive or focused or more prepared.
Going with the flow is fine as long as you know where you don't want it to take you.
I think being scared is just a heightened degree of diffused worrying. I'm very sorry you have to feel that way, I know it hurts.
lizzie,my dear,whoever you are I FEEL YOU! i keep too much of shitty stuff inside that once i almost explode it all out but then a flash of words ran across my mind saying "keep it inside" so instead of screaming out my thoughts....i end up crying so hard
Sometimes the little things I worry about are (though important in and of themselves) a distraction for greater worries. Sometimes when I'm having an existential crisis, when I'm on the brink of failing a class or losing my job or making a big decision, my mind diverts itself to worrying about my acne or my relationships or other people's opinion of me. In those times, the little things are as anxiety inducing as the big things. Relativity is a logical thing, and worry is not.
I think one of the things about being a chronic worrier is that we secretly worry about the fact that we worry. It's circular but it's terrifying because sometimes we feel weak because of it... and we worry about this perceived lack of strength. Worrying about worrying is the root many worries.
Dear Lizzie,
I also worry too much, and have had the trouble of falling asleep from when I was 9 or 10. 24 now. I went through high school with three or four hours of sleep. Followed by years of erratic sleep and moods through university, relationships and early career.
When I fall asleep, I can stay asleep for hours. The trouble is getting there - I trick myself into it. I watch TV or read a novel at night and focus real hard on that universe until I drift off.
Wishing you the best,
Me
I got an ad for anti-anxiety medication...
I think I do the opposite of worrying and it's ignoring problems and putting off dealing with things until the last minute in the hopes that everything will fix itself or work itself out without my interference. I've been lucky sometimes, but not right now.
Same exact feeling I had all last year. Missed half a year of school too afraid to face people. Worried and got sick. Mental breakdown. Left a lot, lied a lot. Punch everything. Still kind of going through that
Generalized Anxiety Disorder … sucks. This letter was actually much needed for me tonight. Thanks, Lizzie. Thanks Ze.
I can relate to keeping your feelings locked in, unexpressed, and feeling them rot your insides until you feel as unstable as a tree that has been hollowed out by termites.
I started a triple-check of my alarm before bed, refused to look at the clock when I woke in the night...and practiced a calming thing where you think "my head is relaxed...my neck is relaxed...my shoulders are relaxed..." etc. Then, focus on the black in front of your eyes. Blot out stupid worrying thoughts. It took a few months, but the combo of it all eventually worked and doubled my sleep per night...also, being too tired to not sleep helped at the start.
I'm trying to be okay with me worrying a lot as well, so this really helps! I have been anxious as a kid as well, and I have never really shaken it. But it's okay, it's something I can live with now.
don’t worry about it
reminds me of my last three years of elementary school
it isn't the worst i've felt, but at the time it was...
i was so alone..
and i didn't understand why.
there were headaches, and stomach aches.. there was the time i'd dislocated my hip, and the time i went blind, or blurry to be accurate... and so much more.
i would stay in the nurse's office during lunch, praying that no one would make me get up and go outside and be with the other kids...
things have been both better and worse.. different.
That last bit is the best thing I have heard in a long time. My tendency is to inwardly worry because somebody once told me I worry too much. I am also to blame for telling people so. But outwardly worrying is better. I will never say to anybody that they worry too much ever ever again.
I definitely think it's nice to try to help people out instead of just telling them that they worry too much. This works occasionally, depending on who says it to me. Sometimes people just say it to others to get the other person out of their hair...sometimes people say it because it's true. As humans, we do worry too much. I realize that I worry about a lot of things that people generally aren't really thinking, but I still keep a lot in. I have high anxiety and I just like having (1/2)
Sometimes the world seems so small and that people all over have the same worries, anxieties, fears, and thoughts that I do, and sadly, when I take a chance and try to relate even a small part of that experience to the people I interact with in my world, most of them look at me like I'm crazy, weird, or dismiss me all together and find someone else to talk to.
I wish there were more people around me I could relate these types of experiences to. Sometimes it gets lonely.
I have suffered from insomnia on a few occasions and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemies. It is truly awful, not being able to turn your brain off, constantly thinking and thinking and thinking for days.
Both of my sisters have pretty bad anxiety disorders, and I find myself really struggling a lot of the time to relate to their issues. To me these things come naturally, so it really helped to get an inside view on how anxiety affects people. Maybe now I can relate to my sisters easier, maybe even help them out a bit more. Thanks Lizzie. Thank you Ze.
I have the same thing : ) 1 hour till my last going to the university. I have the anxiety deep down in the back of my head. A few days ago ... it was 3 in the morning, couldn't get from the chair to go to bed. I had no idea how to fall asleep. Thinking about life. Thinking- how to end and start something new, different. And I have all those worries from two years now. After a lot of thinking and worrying I said "I know nothing about life yet!" There is no right choice, only different ways to go
When I was younger I had a friend who I worried about whether or not we were actually friends. I would write to her and she would write me back saying we were, but it never helped. In the end she suddenly stopped talking to me and it crushed me to think after all those years of worrying, hoping and wishing, I guess I was right all along.
Be compassionate to yourself and others...part of the anxiety we have come from alienation from Nature...literally go out and sit under a tree....walk barefoot on the grass, great energy there...feed bird listen to calming music.
This is so beautiful. I am 21 and did not until this year realize how much of my life has been fueled by anxiety--powering me, directing me, stunting my growth. It's shameful to think how reactionary these last twenty years of my life have been, and not even against real things, but against the threat of things that might happen. With help I have come to recognize this pattern and begin to try to step out of anxiety's shadow. It's a fuckin' journey, though, and a hard one.
I suffer from either constant anxiety or constant depression/apathy. It's like an on/off switch: when I try to care about living at all I'm filled with constant worry, when I try not to worry I get to the point that I struggle to find reasons to get out of bed, aside from using the loo. There is no reason for this, as far as childhood trauma is concerned. That's what annoys me about people's perception of mental disorders, sometimes it's an illness that you just get, like an ear-infection.
I had a hard time with chemistry my first semester of college. I went to office hours and ta hours and tried so hard and still failed the next test, I almost gave up. And I remember people saying maybe this wasn't the right path for me but my Dad he said just keep trying it's only a class and sure enough I'm about to graduate. Sometimes worrying makes it worse but it does mean that it matters to you. So keep trying and good luck, you'll get there.
This reminds me of my junior high years. At the time, I had no idea other people felt the way I did about going to school. I would make myself sick every morning with worry. My parents started to resent me, my teachers hated me (one yelled at me in front of the class for asking for a form I didn't get because I was absent and made me cry) and I was bullied for being different and missing so much. One girl backed me up against a wall and demanded to know what was wrong with me. I didn't know.
Thanks for this one Ze. It's really nice to know that I'm not alone in this. I got my grades back for my second semester of college today. I failed math (which I was expecting), but also chemistry (which I'm in college for), and I have to take a supplementary exam for physics. I feel like shit about how terribly I did, it makes me feel worse that it was my anxiety around the possibility of not doing well; that caused me to lose so much sleep, hand in bad work, and fail in the first place.
I wish I could share my worrying with someone else, but I was raised in the kind of house where you never let it be known how hurt you are. It's hard to see worrying as brave when it feels like you're showing the cracks in your armor.
I've recently experienced anxiety like that, it forbid me to sleep a full night for weeks. It happens rarely now, but for a while there I felt like I was going crazy.
9 years later, still watching, still relevant
I do this. I sometimes have this uncontrollable need to run away, to just get in my car and drive away and forget everything that matters to me. To prevent myself from actually doing that I feed the urge little scraps here and there. I'll just pick a direction and go, just for a few hours, until the world feels far enough for long enough that I can return.
It's nice to know people feel or felt like this too. I used to punch myself until bruised all the time, I used to run in snow at night barefoot to catch long-lasting colds to ba able to stay at home. And the word "leaver" is so powerful. And maybe I shouldn't accept that a word like this describes everything I am.
I love when I come across videos of his I haven't seen yet because like most people I too worry too much but his advice seems to come from some crazy special place that always seems to make me feel like hes talking to me. When in fact hes just talking about normal human "stuff"
My daughter has been anxious about school for many years. She definitely did not keep this in. Several violent episodes and hospitalizations later, she’s learning to deal with her anxiety in constructive ways. How it comes out matters, and being able to keep it to yourself at least part of the time is a good exercise in emotional self regulation.
thank you Ze for being who you are I just discovered you and Im addicted now. Lizzy I had a very similar life path, that letter made me feel more courageous to own what I have been through... thanks to you
As a med student these help me a lot...for own problems and for becoming better at helping others...thank you lizzie, thank you ze :)
Thanks for showing this. I've had the same problems in my life, and because of some of them I haven't cryed in 8 years. In despite the fact that everybody thinks it is "cool", or "manly" to do so, I wish I could. It is the most coward thing, to lock your emotions like that. However, instead of crying, I laugh. When I am sad with something, I laugh, when I relate to something, I laugh. And I just couldn't stop laughing from 2:30 to 2:59.
Again, thank you so much for sharing.
I relate to this 100%. I had depression and anxiety as a kid, and I still do. I would put the thermometer in the radiator to try to make it look like I had a fever. My mother knew the trick, but sometimes she'd let me stay home anyway for a 'mental health day' -- she also suffered from depression. I'm lucky I had supportive and understanding parents or I don't know how I would have coped.
i rarely skipped school, I would just be awake the whole night, and then sleep my way through it. but when i got to college, i would even just stay sleeping in the dorm room and miss entire weeks of classes. I am taking time off from school now, and plan to start going part time again soon as I keep trying to conquer my anxiety (rather unsuccessfully though, only recently did i even realize that it was in fact anxiety)
This video was beautiful, thank you. It makes me want to cry, I am 30 and I know exactly how the internal worrying too much feels on a daily basis. It feels better to not feel alone with my giant, hairy ball of anxiety.
I have all these tricks, routines, things that I do to curb my anxiety. They are so ingrained in my habits and movements that only recently have I realized that they are not normal to the human condition.
I still have problems sleeping sometimes. I often find myself doing the thing where I count down how many hours of sleep I will get if I go to sleep right now (five hours, four hours, three hours). What I find helpful is to, rather than count, just say to myself "I'll just lay here. I may not be asleep, but I'm resting. My eyes are closed. I can relax. This is restful." After a while, I end up drifting off. Maybe other people may find this helpful? Anyway, great video. Thanks, Lizzie! :)
I also have anxiety and am worried about not getting enough sleep, and I also I calculate how much sleep I would get by falling asleep at a certain time and how much I would need, its at the point were I need to go to bed almost 12 hours before I have wake up just to ensure myself that I will get at least a little sleep.
I internalize most of my anxiety, but I'm trying to get over it. Most of the time I feel like if I told people about my worries they would take them on themselves or read into my actions because of that worry. I probably over think what people think about me.
Issues of their own, it has just been really hard lately on top of normal school and what not. It feels good to air out these worries, I just may finally talk to some one about them thanks to you.
I once got a chest infection, but wanted to avoid school so much I didn't take the medication and didn't do the breathing exercises, just lay in bed sleeping or escape-reading. It got so bad I ended up with a form of 'walking pneumonia' and now have 'scarred lungs' so when I cough (10 yrs on) I sound like a smoker... None of my 'friends' cared that I'd been absent for almost 4 weeks... Sigh. Highschool sucked!
Sometimes it's just a blessing to have someone remind you you're not alone.
Oops, ahem start over on my phone. I have often been told that I worry too much. I have even started to believe it. But like you have concluded Lizzie.. I think it's okay to vocalize worry or fear.. It helps me find solutions to it, and also to openly and honestly reflect on my worries an what they might say about me. Thank you for sharing this letter ze. It's painful to read, and hear about this sort of thing, but it does "help".
I remember being scared of talking to my teachers in elementary school. Any interaction with them was terrifying. Until fourth grade, I would shit my pants instead of asking to go to the restroom because I was worried about the interaction. I was also slightly worried about spiders under the rim, but that wasn't as much a part of it. I'm still nervous when talking to teachers, and I still don't know why.
I always notice the small things around me. When I see something small that bothers me I want to tell people, but when I do they look at me like i'm crazy, like it's a zany thing to notice. Outward worry turns inward, and I get worried that I get worried about small things and then I worry about how I worry about worrying about small things. I was even worried to watch this because I thought I'd be told that my anxiety is freakish. It's ineffably reassuring to know it's not worrisome to worry.=)
I worry internally all the time even though I tell everyone that "Hakuna Matata" is my motto. When I was little, I was so afraid of failure that I would get into daily panics. I've learned now to take life as it comes and not to sweat the small stuff. But it's easier said than done.
What I like about your videos, is that they always make me believe " I'm not the only one! ". Meeting with people in reality is scattering the model one could have of humanity. When in another context, where I'm watching your videos, what I think is several shall become one.
Sometimes I wish there was a way we could meet up with people like this in real life. You hear all these inspirational messages about "find the other," and "just let it out and you'll see others think like you do" but my experience has been the same as yours. I wish there was a website where we could find people that have the same problems as we do and then be able to meet up in real life and be messed up together. :)
From someone who often feigns illness to deal with depression or to make what I'm feeling more acceptable to the outside world, thanks for this.
My final attendance score for high school was about 70%. At the age of 14 I started developing phobias and anxiety, Every morning I'd cling onto the very last second till I had to go to school. I hated that place. Now all my memories of that time are hazy, I think my mind wants to forget. 10 years later and anxiety still controls a lot of my life. Unfortunately I think school shapes the person you are, I wish it didn't.