How to deal with HATERS: understanding the nature of the problem
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- Опубликовано: 28 сен 2024
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As soon as you stand up and run the risk of being somebody, you cast a shadow. One element of that shadow is a body of antagonists that is subject to trying to denounce and destroy you. These are haters. However, haters don't actually hate as much as they envy. In this episode, I discuss how envy works and how to respond to the envious.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
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As soon as you stand up and run the risk of being somebody, you cast a shadow. One element of that shadow is a body of antagonists that is subject to trying to denounce and destroy you. These are haters. However, haters don't actually hate as much as they envy. In this episode, I discuss how envy works and how to respond to the envious.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #emotions #courage
Thanks, I would also suggest making a piece on jealousy, I find these two emotions (envy and jealousy)quite confusing and would love to dismantle both negative emotions. Great video btw
Powerful first minutes, from 0 to 1:50 I can perfectly see the crowds you are describing opposing Musk and many others hated for no explaniable reason.
@@Duge6124 Interesting point, also the fact of feeling left out, if its someone from your family or tribe doing something grand, you will not mind, but if its not some people might get jealous or angry.
@psychacks Please do more videos on how to attract women in the short term. Your videos are great but would appreciate more of this content. Thanks!
An important thing I’ve come to realize is that we live in a reality of opposites. For every concept you can think of, that concept has its opposite. You can’t have up without down, in without out, good without evil, Yin without Yang etc.. therefore it stands to reason that if there is to be persons who celebrate your successes, you will have those who will be envious. The key to dealing with the haters is to accept the nature of things as they are and search for methods to deal with the negatives that allow you to be at peace which is the ultimate goal. Look for the accompanying positive of every negative. It is there. For negative cannot exist without it.
"The best revenge is to not be like your enemy" - Marcus Aurelius.
Buddhist philosophy is much better than Greek tbh. I studied them both but the Buddhist one "transcended" better with time and also goes MUCH MUCH MUCH deeper.
@@deyh5664 example!
What is scary is the amount of haters all around us and it seems to be increasing by head count day in day out.
Dare I say the jibby jabby is the cause!
This is spot on! Realised that my “closest” friend who I thought I knew for 10 years was my biggest hater with a mask. Don’t trust anybody from your “circle”
For years I’ve said that Envy is the deadliest of the Deadly Sins, and will motivate people to do worse things, and sooner, than any other emotion.
Darksiders 3 agrees lmao
As somebody once said, "Light attracts bugs." 😅
I have grown apart from my family, high school friends and ex-colleagues. I can resonate with this. I think daring to walk alone is important.
@@samwellington2330 yup and it's so necessary
It's fascinating to work this out backwards, noticing the envy in yourself when positive things happen to your peers.
Indeed. Valuable mirror there if one will look into it.
Does take some moral courage to admit that's for sure.
This happened to me recently. I've been sharing my life knowledge with my younger brother, and I believe my influence, support, and encouragement have helped to guide him into becoming a better man.
As I didn't get much of this kind of support early in life, and have had to learn many things the hard way, I have felt envy for him.
Fortunately, I've learned to acknowledge these feelings, and allow them to be without identifying with them.
I love him, and I hope he keeps on striving to become great in his own way.
absolutely nothing wrong with feeling a little bit of envy. It's what you do about it that really counts..... I hate her will direct desire towards the one he's envious of. Or try to sabotage them. Even if I feel a bit envious I always try to encourage and congratulate that person.
Yeah I got to admit I was feeling a bit called out. I like to think I’m. Ever this way but deep inside maybe we all are at times.
So basically- ignore and do not respond to haters. Great video homie
Nice, straightforward and comprehensive.
Wow I’ve recently been struggling with feeling alone and I realized it’s not because I’m lonely or don’t enjoy my solitude, rather, it’s because the people I am surrounded by (accidentally) are not my kind of people.
Anyone noticed the similarity between this video and the one about how growth can kill relationships? It seems the people similar or close to us are hit hardest by our shadow... but only because they have not done the internal work required to not perceive it as damage.
Well said.
As we go through difficulties in life, it is useful to double check, from time to time, that you aren't just surrounded by assholes.
Let’s be honest, haters make up a huge part of our motivations to reach our goals and stand on our beliefs. Competition makes the world go round, it pushes us to create and elevate. And I wouldn’t like it any other way. Game on!💯
Right but in the situations between siblings and friends competition quickly turns to toxicity, anger, and eventually violence.
@@rahfx5485ding ding. Competition is different from envy. Competition seeks to be better than, envy seeks to extinguish.
That’s spite. Better to set your goals in a frame of positivity, not spite.
"If you have good news, keep it to yourself." Good advice right there, in general. The person that this is referring to, they are the kind of hater I think of when watching this video. I had a series of good news financial events over the past year, and one particular friend would react negatively to each bit of good news. doom and gloom, "it's not for sure though..right?". "I wouldn't get too excited". "I'd rather do so and so...". I realized that this person was just envious and I should stop sharing the seemingly never ending series of good financial news events. It was not possible to include the person in the good news events, so best to stop sharing, or to share it in a mediocre or self deprecating manner.
No
I don't say this lightly: this channel is insanely edifying to one's understanding of life itself. I don't know how else to phrase it, but the feeling of hearing something and having that aha moment where this gentleman puts into words something you've only felt, is pure enlightenment.
You can’t convince me this world isn’t spiritual. It’s like people are unconsciously working to ensure you don’t individuate and contribute to the world.
Who can stand before envy ?- proverbs 27:4….. in other words precisely what Dr Taraban said. NO CONTACT is the response to it. Don’t stand before it.
I also carry on me 24/7. Another great vid.
All I can say to this is "Brilliant." If I had known this 30 or 40 years ago I would not have looked to the wrong people for validation and would have been way more successful.
Your assessment is spot on. I’ve experienced this my whole adult life which has led to to be somewhat reclusive. It feels better to be alone and at peace with one’s self than to be surrounded by people(friends, relatives, girlfriends, coworkers, etc..) who under the guise of friendship and support, secretly hope for your demise. If you’re gonna have friends, make sure they are someone you look up to, respect and admire.
I can definitely relate! I like the peace and quiet, though I could put myself out there more professionally...on my own terms.
So few quality people to resonate with yhese days!
In my experience, envious people are also the least likely to change, and only claim to have changed when it can appeal to vanity.
I liked one phrase that I saw somewhere online: I would say that my haters are my motivators, but I don't want to give them that much credit. 👆🏿
I've run into this type of hating a lot with people who also display narcissistic traits. And thank you Dr. Taraban, for putting so much valuable information into 10 minutes of video.
Yup, my mother was envious of my career and tried to tear me down emotionally over her insecurities of not being able to accomplish much career wise in her life. It hurts when family would rather belittle you and hope you fail just to make themselves feel better.
I also know a guy who spends most of his time throwing money around trying to impress people. He doesn’t make much money and any time someone in our social group gets interested in my career or makes a comment about my car or house, he feels the need to interject and control the narrative for some strange reason. He’s 45 and still lives with his parents and I own my own home and make more money than he does. I don’t make an issue about money when socializing but it becomes obvious over time the disparity.
@@GigaChad_169 My mom did similar with me, but not over my career. She just wanted me to be her slave for a lifetime. When I refused, she got nasty and mobilized the entire family against me. I cut them of too. Don't miss any of them. It did hurt at first, but life as been so much more peaceful.
The guy throwing money around sounds a lot like my (now deceased) father. These types seem to be all over the places.
All great points. There is an element to envy though that I think needs further exploration, and that is the sense of injustice associated with it. As you mentioned it can only be done towards perceived equals. People ask themselves " how do they get x,y,z when clearly I'm smarter, better looking, kinder or whatever " its this sense of injustice that causes the envious person to be destructive. Also there's an element today of people trying to create envy which is just as toxic as a hater. Essentially they are online or social media overt braggarts or humble braggers. Their goal is equally toxic. They can't enjoy their success etc. Without knowing they're better than their peers. Its like a class reunion with a " one upper" . Sometimes envy is caused by a person feeling inferior, sometimes its caused by another person wanting to be superior. Not always, but more often than not, the hater and the hated feed off each other with the same goal : to feel above the other.
No one else can cause you to become envious, you do that 100% on your own. No amount of braggadocio can make a person with a healthy self-image feel envious.
Excellent video. I worked a lot on myself last year (to the point where there were a couple local news stories about me) and when I found success in life it was then that some of my childhood friends became envious and cast stones in my direction. Even when you spread a positive message such as promoting strength and wellbeing, others will find a way to make you the enemy. It is certainly true that none of the people casting stones in my direction are doing better than me.
It often depend on your attitude toward your friend group.
Often the people screeching "muh friends became envious" started boasting, being condescending and having contempt.
Good people try to rise others up. Bad people walk on them to achieve their goals.
100% correct. Envy and Resentment is the source of hate: others want what you have. So, word to the wise: don't talk about your successes. And if you're recovering from losses, or coming up with your education and knowledge and you've hit that point where the opportunity and your resources cross lines, pull the trigger, do it and pull away from the pack of people who can't do what you're doing. When you're achieving and pulling away from the pack, don't tell anyone anything. Sometimes it's best to say nothing.
The good news is that people can learn about this, stop being haters, and work on themselves.
Envy is like picking up molten rock to throw at someone
I'm experiencing this professionally on a long term project that I conceptualized, tok initiative, and am leading - mostly autonomously. The project has it's detractors and believers with haters and gung ho people at extreme ends of the spectrum. The haters waste time, energy, and resources even if if they aren't actively blocking and discrediting me or the effort. I can mostly direct the gung hos, but sometimes that wastes time and energy too, but I also couldn't do the project without them. My takeaways are minimize contact with the haters and be a team player with the believers. Going into stealth mode - actively suppressing noise and tuning out haters and unfocussed people has been key. Recently a key believer forgot or ignored my wishes and I ended up in an uncomfortable position last week and got thrown under the bus - not too badly. It was probably good to see the hater shark fins again. So this video and discovering the 'valley of despair' concept last week are timely and helping me to keep perspective. Thank you.
well that's simple. If you started to accumulate haters, it means you are becoming someone who stands out and these people know that they can't become as good as you. Meaning you are on the right track. Haters gonna hate, so keep going)
Envy as an expression of hate, it is so true in many cases. I've been the target of sibling envy, peer envy, and spouse envy. It is bewildering because you think: but I've done and said nothing to attract hurtful remarks and ugly attitudes.
I feel pangs of envy sometimes, and I've learned that they are signs of what I want for myself, like a Ph D. So I gave me permission to study for one, but I had to find out it wasn't for me. I simply didn't have the stamina, most deciding of all is that you have to persevere and must thrive taking directions (but that's not all...). I did learn some lessons: in academia you can't be friends with colleagues, only with people with the same research interest as you've got, in another states or countries, so that you don't compete about the same financiation. Among highly competitive people nothing you do is right. Not even how you take your breaks. I learned that I need to stay away from envious criticism because, I belong to those who can't take criticism, and have got hear that statement a lot, but it hasn't helped at all, I'm still too sensitive.
I have also broken away from one sibling, and from my ex who let the envy of me hurt the kids. Luckily I have a more peaceful life now.
Envy is not so much based in what you do or what you are, as in what the envious person perceives, that third persons think of and react to you. Like in jealousy. It can lead to bullying. It can also lead to that the envied person holds back. The Prince with golden hair is sent to be pig-herder in another King's domain. The youngest brother, Aschenputtle, is bullied by the elder brothers, but the youngest still wins the Princess. The last of the three piglets wins over the wolf. It goes to show, that an individual development can take place, in due time and in the right circumstances.
We could and should be mindful of win-win-win solutions in questions of gender and rewards. That could reduce the envy, I think. And maybe we should be careful about what we admire, so not to give energy to what has very superficial worth.
The entire world would benefit from this video.
Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success
I don't know if it's because I am older or I been through enough. I learned NOT TO GIVE A DAMN what haters say or do!
What an amazing video. A perfect dissect of the hater. A must watch for anyone wanting and willing to step into the spotlight.
This is so eloquent. You are a very generous person to lay this out so well. Honey from the spoon.
I think you articulated this the best. I agree with you, it is your closest people that actually have the lowest valuation of your worth. Which is why family and friends can turn into the most toxic people in your life
Very nicely articulated! Thanks. Writing a blog post on “hater math,” and there was a shockingly low amount of content on the topic.
Channels like this make me have more confidence in myself by the wisdom Mr Orion dishes out in every episode.
Thanks!
In our tongue bendezir is to say something good. The opposite of that is maldezir. Bendezir in English is to bless; maldezir is to curse. To be blessed is to hear goodness from others. That is all. 🌿
This was explained better than anything I've ever heard, in relation to Haters.
“Selective inattention.”
You are Amazing! Thanks for helping me put envy into perspective
Brilliant
there will always be ideas that assume the ultimate truth and do not accept reality from different perspective, because they do not see reality with other eyes, but only with their own
As always Orion, your fabulously insightful videos appear on my feed when I need them most. Thank you, again, J.
Envy truly is the most disgusting emotion. I say it coming from a family with an older schizophrenic sister who has often wished her disease on me because she's envious that I'm healthy. Truly vile emotions that remind me of animals.
That’s brutal shes literally nutz tho I would try and look at it through a lens that she wants your understanding not suffering but im sure it don’t fell like that ens shes losing her shit stay stronk bro
Given that we all carry it sometime, I think it serves some purpose. As to motivate ourselves to independently improve. Certainly though, it can become counter productive.
I think even Animals are not capable of such ill-thinking.
@@beowulf_of_wall_st You can't simply eliminate thoughts, perhaps short term with some logic. But envy would just pop up again when you least expect it. I think it's much better to integrate it into conscious understanding.
However, I won't stop you from handling envy as you personally please.
@@beowulf_of_wall_st Thanks for taking the time to reply. Yeah I think I was a bit stubborn there. If good things happen to others it benefits everyone and envy just gets in the way of that.
I interpret a lot of envy here in CA.
A young man in Silicon Valley was expressing his hatred at an elderly female housing provider
He said how he could barely hang onto his job and will never be able to own a house
He demanded this housing provider lower the rental rates
While using a bunch of insults against her
But I infer he came from a good family, would could not develop any skills to take advantage of the opportunities here.
At the same time, he wants to own a house in one of the most expensive places in the world, while not making much money
Great video . Just as I have been through hell with the 'opposition' party due hatred/envy that is well explained.💯 Very true about finding recognition/appreciation outside of your familiar circle.💯
Thank you for this video. It really resonated with my current struggles at the moment. Your videos have truly transformed my life in all the best ways possible.
Yes your right
YOU ARE SO WISE! I never thought of the Bible verse in this way!! GOD BLESS YOU, DR! YOU ARE BRILLIANT! TYSM!!
This guy is such a gem. Thank God for the internet.
Great video, Doc!
Exactly that. 💯
The Doc is growing fast 🤔 the numbers have more than doubled within a month 👏👏👏
I'm a hater of Kalus Schwab. I don't think i feel envy towards him. But im most cases this is probably right.
You don’t hate KLAUS you resent him for trying to enslave you. You have to know him to hate him.
Hold the line 😉
Amen
He isn't right at all.
Most people here could tell stories about people they hate that have zero link to envy.
People ctiticize Jeff Besos because workers were underpaid and had meters on their arms to work faster. This is not envy.
Orion went full potato on this because he projected instead of having nuances.
Whenever I have any mental resting moment, I find myself contemplating the most toxic yet fascinating human emotion envy, I managed to boil it down to two vague modes where error occurs: perception and pride, Cain and Abel story always follows. But I was not able to articulate it words, it just sort of stewing in my mind only. What a refreshing relief to hear the explanation articulated.
Thanks! This hit so hard at this stage in my life. Thank you
If someone is succeful be inspired and driven by them to attain your own goals and success.
Thanks Doctor!
Your content is usually good but this time you outdid yourself. So cool and precise. Thank you very much.
Oh boy, this episode hit home today... Long time fan, thank you for the invaluable content!
On point.
Thanks! Excellent advice and a complete breakdown down.
Great breakdown....i loved the "sheer miracle" phrase.
Also you made another very valid point as to say folks around your circle may feel threatened. So search for others whom are on the same frequency 100 % spot on thank you ..
Thank you
Envy in my experience is larger than a family group or close associates. It also ties into your last video on men suffering a loss in romantic relationships.
I don't agree that envy automatically arises when an 'equal' is seen as doing better. I've seen friends who were: more gifted academically, better athletes, better looking, more family wealth, etc. While I wished I had their advantages; I didn't feel any ill will toward them. At college, and in the workplace, the same experience applied. I was trying to find my own way. Early in life, in elementary schl thru HS, and early college; I was a grey man. Not noticed much, not casting a shadow. Did well academically, took up martial arts, wgt lifting, swimming, etc. Began to attract attention from wmn. Some of them, saw me as more attractive. Began to be occasionally challenged by cohort males. Some of them saw me as a rival, a threat.
This continued into the workplace. Had to deal with guys with 'short man's disease'. That is pure, dark, envy.
I think this all ties in with J Peterson's observations abt malevolence. Like envy, malevolence is ubiquitous. Coming from a dark, even an evil place.
Your channel has helped to spread some understanding of what we see and experience around us. Well done. Many thanks. 🤔
Always the best! Thank you!
Wow, I’ve never heard anyone Having such pure Concrete ideas as you sir, Much respect and thank you for sharing
I first heard of you on Fresh & Fit. I thoroughly enjoyed that episode and it was the causation of me subscribing to your channel.
Great job Orion.
You are a good man. Thank you.
Those plagued by jealousy and envy know that's the only weapon in their arsenal because they're powerless everywhere else. That's why they go to great lengths to sabotage and ruin their target's reputation. There's a reason why envy is one of the 7 deadly sins. It's dangerous. I'd love for you to discuss the ways in which those who are envious "try to purify" themselves. That's a very interesting angle to think about.
Been having a hard time with my girlfriend with certain things that i couldnt quite fugure out. Long story short, she's not the same as when i met her and we argue over very particular subjects. Have proved her wrong a hanful of times after a lot of disagreement and now get a lot of hate when im right. Never thought it was her competing with me and acting jealous and/or envious. Thank you very much Doc. for helping to open my eyes on this one.
Yes! You will never meet a hater doing better than you! I love that one from David Goggins 💯
Great points! I did notice It’s those close to you that start hating
Dr. Orion Taraban, this was amazing. My family hateeeee me, with no apparent reason other than me being great. It's sad
Love this video. As an “openly gay” man I have to get used to the fact that I will continue to receive death threats, hate and potential violence for my decision to not hide away. It’s exhausting but this video came at the right time. To those that are going through it as-well, keep going!
I'm sorry to hear that. I really am. I was just about to post a response about how often women I believe may be feminist will come to this channel and post crazy irrelevant arguments about things the Dr. or other people who've decided to share, and then twist the meanings into something wicked. After seeing your post, I'm embarrassed that my own concerns aren't nearly as relevant. Good luck to you. And stay safe out there. Cheers mate 🍻.
This is different.
They don't hate you out of envy, but because they blindly believe a fairy tale saying you are bad.
Thank you! This was very informative. Keep going!!
Best video I have watched on this subject thanks
Needed this one. Thank u 🙏🏾
Brilliance at its peak.
Each word is a diamond ❤
Thanks
Wow, Great explanation of projection. Will have to listen again. How do you decide if an objection is hate or merely a different opinion?
An absolute masterpiece
This concept applies to every human male or female. relationship or not (unlike your usual videos ) u r brilliant
And I appreciate your work
Orion, I've watched many of your posts. But I really enjoyed the insight you provided here.
This explains soooooooooo much!
Things that were done by people who I considered friends, things I couldn't explain, or even understand why they would do these things. By simply adding the element of envy, it all comes into focus, and it ALL makes sense.
(People can really be @$$holes sometimes!)
Best thing I've ever listened to. 🎉
This is seriously a good video. Have subbed. Thank you.
Mulțumim!
this video has such a good intro it defied any of my expectations of heard and reheard on the topic. awesome
Keep on hitting the ball out of the park, Orion
Shoutout Orion. Appreciate your content. From South Africa, East London.
Mahn, this is so powerful.
Truth
Well, no one’s perfect.
Remember, mistakes are part of the journey you’ve taken.
Outstanding Information!
How do I find people I resonate with? How do I put my value outside of my immediate community?
A video on this would be helpful
A lot of times, people drop their friends for greed and personnal gain.
Showing that loyalty and friendship are less important for them than greed, vanity and pride.
Successful people often walk on everyone to become better.
You can cherry-pick all you want, but deep down, you know it isn't as black and white as you pretend.
Bro bro dropping gems like he dropped out of P.E 💎