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How Do You Deal with Humiliation and Infidelity?
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- Опубликовано: 10 апр 2019
- Today Samuel shares personal insight on how to heal from the humiliation spouses feel from infidelity.
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Samuel is an infidelity survivor and is one of many contributors to Affair Recovery's Survivors’ Blog, www.affairreco.... He participated in Affair Recovery's courses developed by founder and infidelity expert Rick Reynolds, LCSW. After finding healing, hope, and new life, Samuel wishes to share his journey and what AffairRecovery.com has to offer with others so they too can find hope and healing.
As a betrayed husband humiliation attacked hard and mercilessly. After confiding in....I thought... Good friends and hearing: "whats wrong? Couldnt keep your old lady satisfied?" Or hearing things that perhaps the AP was better equipped downstairs and thats why she cheated....strikes hard at a man's ego. I stayed because of my daughter and so I endured the long and difficult road of recovery work. After self reflecting on the fact that not only did I remain a great father ti my daughter....but I managed to sincerely forgive and keep the marriage intact....not an easy task. And I know God is proud of me also....so yes...humiliation and fade and self respect ignite with recovery work. Thanks Sam
Trevor Carvalho I hope your feeling better. I’ll pray for you.
Thanks for sharing Trevor you're a gem amongst many pebbles.
As another betrayed husband the humiliation is terrible and thankfully I haven't had anyone say anything to me. You do wonder yourself if I was better would she have cheated??
I really needed to hear this right now. I have been married for 30 years, my husband has been unfaithful and refuses to get any help. Unless he hears what he wants to hear he won’t let anyone talk about all that is going on. I am moving out. I bought a house and I have to move on. Samual your videos give me so much strength and courage. I’m so glad you are doing these videos, they give me tremendous hope for the future of marriage. Thank you, God bless you and your family.
it's an honor Patty. thank you for the great feedback and encouragement.
How are you doing Patty.? Did your husband finally get help?
Why do I feel humiliated when I done nothing wrong! Struggling to understand. I feel like people are judging me again stayed loyal to my partner
Well Done 👍. Been having to deal with the “Guilt by Association” as a partner. I’ve known for awhile that I’ve got to stop ✋ listening to the lies that say: “All this happened because you’re NOT ENOUGH” or “”you’re stupid because you’re staying.”
This is NOT God’s Voice. It’s the accuser. I’d like to help others some day, but first I’ve gotta get better myself..I don’t need to be perfect 👌 though cause some one needs whatever I’ve learned thus far
Tu Bailey that’s what I’m going through to, Thankyou for sharing xoxo
I hope you get through to a brighter place in life
The humiliation remains even 20 years after D day. My own family still looks down on me the betrayed spouse. Yes they were wonderful support during the crisis but I still have everything about me questioned. I trust my husband. Just yesterday i was talking with my mom and sharing that my husband went for unplanned trip to visit his twin for a 2 day visit. I trust him today. But my own mother thinks I'm unbelievably foolish to let him visit without me. There are still the slight jabs as of it were my fault he cheated from family (mine and his), friends and sadly even my own children (now adults). When will the humiliation end? I hate that I'm carrying this haircloth i didn't ask to wear. I know my husband hates it too.
If I ever ran into you somewhere, I would hug you! You probably would have to peel me off of you. Your strength to share your story has helped me more than you can imagine! You have helped my WH begin to understand what he has done to me. I am so very thankful for you.
so so kind. thank you for sharing that. so glad i could help you my friend.
Great video! I agree that as my relationship with God strengthened and I started to understand His truths about me, the humiliation started decreasing. I worried a lot that people would blame me for my husband's infidelity because a big part of me blamed myself. My self-esteem and self worth took a huge hit. I felt worthless which brought humiliation with it. Getting into a recovery group like the ones at AR or we also attend a local Celebrate Recovery which has a group just for women who's husband's struggle with porn or sex addiction as well as a men's group for porn and sex addiction. It's been a life saver for us and really helped us feel accepted and loved just how we were.
I have the upmost respect for you. I soooo appreciate all that you have done, for yourself, for Samantha ,your children, and us like me that needs hope. I soo wish my husband (soon to be ex) had the courage and the balls to stand tall and to confront his wrongs and face them and fix them like a real man would, like you have. Not once have I ever disliked a word you have said nor felt worse about my situation because of these videos. I am sooooo thankful for you these days in my life! You have helped me sooo much. PLEASE keep fulfilling your calling here on earth when it comes to helping those in need to hear and realize at times like this that we are able to face, acknowledge and repair if it is a true desire!. Cause no body is perfect and we all have faults! An those willing to face that and have courage to do what ever it takes to make it right are the ones who will be ok for eternity. From the bottom of my heart Thank You!!!!
😭😭😭 I needed to hear this , I am the unfaithful and struggle with suicidal thoughts, forgiving myself is so difficult, I have reached out for professional help because I can't do this alone
Hi Kimberly, if you feel you are a threat to yourself, you need to call the suicide hotline asap at 1-800-273-8255, please take care!
Humiliation isn't always related to affairs. My spouse shared that I was sexually abused as a child with her siblings. I'm really struggling with my thoughts, guys.
Feeling utterly betrayed
Please pray for me.
I am sorry for your pain
I’m the betrayed and I feel humiliated
Me too. I feel like my manhood was taken away from me and I feel one inch tall.
Your're amazing !
I have watched so many of your videos and you share in such a clear and helpful way .
Thank you
Wow Samuel, this is one of the most hard hittng vidz you've done yet 😟🙏
I am so humiliated being around his friends my husband was cheating our whole marriage of 30 yrs. I never got a disclosure of anything and when I am around them they have a tendency to blab about stuff he did in the past I was never told about. Like strip clubs etc. I feel they are all laughing behind my back saying if she only knew everything he has done. Being around his friends are an instant trigger cuz I never know what I am gonna hear.
Absolutely amazing and just what I needed right now! Thank you so much Sam!
Samuel-is there any hope of healing for my spouse - the unfaithful-who continues to have an affair with his Executive Assistant at work? They continue to hide the affair from the board of directors of the company.
Bro being called out with this stuff in a church setting I can’t imagine! For me I was part of large popular drinking lake life partying somewhat wealthy I had the party house things were amazing then bang it was discovered…many of these people were close close friends I thought turned out many of them seemed to help facilitate the affair. Well to say the least I’ve moved states I’ve tried this I’ve tried that 7 years of running and hiding now divorcing so sad
Samuel hello,
A question to you.
Or to anyone else who wishes to respond ...
In your opinion, can a couple keep a betrayal to themselves, once it has been exposed to each other.
Do you think it is possible to keep it to themselves, and then possibly have a more manageable recovery ?
hi brian. does that mean not get help from a professional and/or group like ours? my answer would be no, it just won't work. do you mean just keep it secret from family and friends and just seek help from groups like us and therapists etc then yes, that's more than possible and certainly advisable for safety. but, for you two to fix each other and just handle it between you two, i would say no, it's not possible and please don't do that as it will most likely cause more damage and more pain and keep you both stuck. just my 2 cents brother.
I've been protecting my husbands reputation as I feel it would hinder recovery. I've even told him I've kept it in confidence. We are not living under the same roof & I am trying so hard to get us expert help & get this...he won't respond to text messages, phone calls. He refuses to even communicate. I've sent several of AR/Sam's videos & finally after several days of silence he did respond very short when I asked if he could at least tell me if he has gotten my texts/videos. He said (exact words) I am getting them & watching when I can. Well, that can't be very often between work & constantly being with his AP...it's been another few days with nothing. I'm filing. Already retained an attorney. Just can't keep doing this. I am broken hearted after almost 22 years he decides to do this. He was such a Godly & amazing husband & we had a beautiful & rare love & marriage...& he just threw it all away. I feel like I'm nothing.
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