Jeesh what a mess up of people. Thank goodness I am almost over mine. It was a friggin nightmare. I began to drink excessively but took a long hard look in the mirror and said "Oh no you don't, take control of your life." I hardly ever drink and when I do I don't think of him. I feel so liberated and I LOVE who I have become. Growing stronger each day.
My avoidant and I always had a great physical and emotional intimacy clear up until he abruptly discarded me. He couldn't handle all the stress he had in other parts of his life so our relationship was what he let go of.
The avoidant I was in an 18 month relationship with did this. The first 12 months were incredible, but then the pull away started. It’s very hard not to take it personally, especially with little to no communication as to why. Like a switch was flipped. It really hurt. Ps. Love the Metallica t-shirt. The album that started it all for me 🤘
Oh this video was spot on and so necessary. This “topic” or aspect of an avoidant is not covered nearly enough. The effects of this on the one with an avoidant are detrimental and damaging. In my case, the ED and lack of desire for it led to very very bad avoidant tactics and measures in looking at and self-satisfying to very illegal things. Then when surfaced, I was blamed… that’s when I walked away.
Cool-videos! My five-year relationship came to an end a month ago. The love of my life chose to leave, and I can't stop thinking about him; I love him so deeply. I've done everything I can to win him back, but nothing seems to work. I'm feeling frustrated and can't imagine my life with anyone else. Despite my efforts to move on, I just can't shake the thoughts of him. I don’t know why I’m sharing this, (but I really miss him)
Saying goodbye to someone you love is difficult; I know this from my 12-year relationship ending. But I was unable to simply let him go, so I made every effort to get him back. I eventually sought aid from a spiritual counselor, who was able to help me regain his affection.
I just sought him up online thanks to your helpful information. remarkable I just checked Father Obah Eze online, and he's really genuine. Thank you again ❤
Closeness is dangerous for their nervous system, not their concious mind… that’s why it’s so hard for them to change, they are not aware of their wounding. Not making excuses for them, but understanding what they and we are dealing with helps us who suffer after dealing with them to heal… 🙏
Another amazingly accurate video from Coach Ryan. Yet another perfect summation of the emotional nightmare I lived through. 4 months of bliss including some incredibly physical time, then decativated and discarded over a 6 week period. The first warning sign was there right from the start... no matter how amazing the physiscal experience, she never wanted to stay the night saying she had 'issues' with sleep if there was someone else in the bed. Not long after that the intimacy just stopped altogether (every excuse under the sun.. too tired, too busy at work, sudden sickness, issues with family, issues with friends... everything Coach Ryan describes). Then monkey branched to the next guy within 2 months ('I think he's a narcissist like my ex husband') and, because I'm now (apparently) 'the greatest friend she could ever wish for', I've been choking on the breadcrumbs ever since. Good riddance.
spot on as always, we only reached the first state with firely intimacy and a insecurity before he disappeared 👻. All your videos are so spot on and helpful because you explain it so well also according to hormones etc , thank you 🙏 ❤
My partner who is avoidant says that he doesn't feel physically aroused randomly during the day like I do and he doesn't think about it or get aroused that way either. He says it's more like something occurs and then he gets turned on but that means I have to basically initiate it. Problem is he doesn't think he wants to so he gives some sort of subtle body language or hint that he's not into it. So if there's basically no way to get turned on unless you're in the middle of it but you don't let yourself even start...... All the passion is pretty much gone and when he does try to simulate passion it doesn't feel real at all. It seems like a lot of the time initiation is based on guilt or like a chore he knows he has to do in order to keep me happy. I don't feel attractive at all. He gets upset at me when I say that because he tells me I'm attractive but I need to be shown.
Thanks for delving into this specific topic. My friends can't understand... that my DM isn't gay. He is simply a DM. And that leads to zero libido. If you don't have a child with a DM. Please leave! Save yourself.
My ex GF was into it at first and then over time, she starting pulling back. My antenna went up and I started noticing behavior - secretive cell phone behavior, calling me another guy’s name, etc - indicating cheating. She was cheating. She wanted me to lessen affection with her but decided to cheat with other men outside the relationship. I’m still overcoming the betrayal this 🐕 put me through.
He was present and great at meeting my needs during. The big pullback always happened afterwards, when he couldn't wait to leave and shut down communication for a week or so. I felt so confused until I worked out his DA attachment and my AP.
What if they were the opposite? I (anxious) was ambivalent towards it after a while. It’s because she wasn’t considerate of my needs / when I would want to engage in it. She could do it anytime, anywhere and would take it personally when I wasn’t in the mood, but she wouldn’t make the effort to do the things that would put me in the mood. Like cuddling, talking, spending quality time etc
Sadly very relatable across multiple relationships with avoidants including a 13 year relationship. He then went on to get his next partner pregnant within a month. I wish I’d known it wasn’t my fault at the time, it is super damaging to be on the receiving end of, and I had to do a lot of work on this in therapy. I really wish they knew how much their actions harm others, but I understand that their avoidance of that is part of the broader avoidance issue.
Finished a 6 month relationship with an avoidant lady 2 months ago. Everything you said is 100% correct Ryan. The physical side was very much still there. But there was a robotic emotionless feeling that I sensed early on. This lack of emotional connection led me to break the relationship. It was a boring silent void. Unfortunately I got a major generation of oxytocin which is at odds with my logical decision. Tough on your CNS😊
The weirdest thing is the fact that my dismissive avoidant g'friend had an emotional IQ that was practically zero. When it came to sex, it was like she was confused by a penis--this, despite her having been married for 28 years to a narcissist to whom she gave three children.
This was one of the hardest aspects of my relationship with my FA. This makes so much sense now. At the time it really felt like it was me. He would tell me i wasnt doing enough to make him feel wanted. Finally he admitted he had lost his desire for me but didnt know why. He'd also say he lost feelings for me. If that wasnt hurtful enough he admitted he was watching corn and masturbating to that several times a week. It destroyed my self esteem and mental health. Im glad i left him. And now i understand what was going on when he couldnt explain it himself. Thanks Dr. Ryan ❤
Same! I even thought mine was gay, after 5yrs and 18mths of anxiety I left 6 mths ago, even tho it was hard at first I’m now back to my normal confident self lesson learned and a hard pill to swallow 😅
Exactly!!! I can’t have a relationship with no intimacy! I knew that when he started not wanting sex. He even refused bj’s! I’d never had a man refuse a bj🤦🏼♀️
What about when an avoidant doesn't even consider themselves, and ges sick because of working too much, but still continues to do it, without getting any sleep? Every day he is committing to being engulfed by his work, and he says that the pressure is nuts, but continues to do it . Yet he can't commit to good times together .
My ex was a workaholic, it was an avoidance strategy for avoiding being present and emotionally available. He told me once that he felt having sex with me would take energy away from his work.
They are able to work 12 hours a day, even during weekends. Work-life balance is nonsense for them. Or they consider it as weakness. The only way is to set boundaries. And even break-up when they dont respect them. It is hard but there is not other way.
My avoidant narcissistic husband is just that. Till my desires for him completely dissolved. For the longest time he always said sex is a physical need not emotional. That was my first red flag. Once I realized he was a narcissist and that I realized he was objectifying me, yet had no real intimacy or rather recognizing my autonomy I became fully unavailable to intimately in the physical sense. Can’t do that most sacred intimacy in with the knowledge I’m a mere body to him nothing more and certainly not seen as a person, just an object as a means to a needs end.
Another really helpful video, thanks Ryan for helping me to recognise these behaviours and for being able to de-personalise it. I am curious to know whether pathological demand avoidance as seen in autism is similar in a lot of respects to avoidant attachment. The roots may be different but the outcomes, I think, are possibly very similar.
Interesting. I’d be interested to hear from others on this but I have PDA but not avoidant attachment and my PDA doesn’t show up that way in either relationships or friendships, because I don’t perceive it as a demand due to empathy. I don’t consider them to be external forces acting upon me, because these are people with whom I value connection, and therefore don’t perceive them as a demand upon me. Narcissists do view others that way though.
Not true for me. He's a dismissive avoidant but he wanted s3x all the time...and well that wasn't gonna happen when he was being an a-hole & psychological/emotional abuse & fidelity issues. That's just how it goes. If there's no emotional connection there's no physical drive. If there's abuse or suspected cheating, then I'm not gonna just hop to bed with someone treating me so disparagingly, the physical acts are gonna get shut down. Then he pouted & complained thinking he's just entitled to it. He has an addictive personality, s3xual addiction was one of them. Sometimes there's a lot going on behind the scenes that causes one partner to not want to have s3x, not just that they are avoiding because of fear of intimacy. Perhaps they actually want intimacy badly but don't want to be used for s3x. I hate how it's sometimes portrayed as something that's done like eating a chicken sandwich for lunch. Good grief. Some people want connection, closeness and intimacy to preface s3x. Sometimes the distance avoidant is a s3x addict, emotionally & psychologically abuses their partner and isn't owed s3x by their partner. We're divorcing.
Yeah I think the key to still staying s3xually active as a DA is to get very physical with it, get completely into your body and the pleasure of it. Detached, but not in a negative way - almost trance-like in pursuit of pleasure. Not inconsiderate of your partner BTW, but connecting at a lower more animalistic level. (Though looking back, I probably misread some situations and while I was doing that, my partner was trying to feel emotional closeness through the act.)
@@MilesIncognitowhile that's not a bad idea, it still removes the idea of doing the work in order to actually be okay with the emotional intimacy aspect. Trying to numb that out and focus on physical pleasure alone is not really working on the core issue.
Same here, turned into a routine. I would have to always initiate, went from twice a weekend when I seen her to once then sometimes not at all. When we first met told me she would have sex twice a day if she could blah blah blah. Tried to spice things up & that also backfired in my face, triggered her the last time I was intimate with her as bought something to her house, asked if she wanted to try & she flipped out on me. Was discarded a week later & haven't spoken to her since, that was 2 months ago now!
Yes yes yes my ex cut the sex off with no explanation, the sex was always lackluster and robotic I was completely turned off permanently never looked back..!
Wow this is sooooo accurate!! I can’t believe this!! I have felt less than For a huge part of this relationship. 😢 Thank you for explaining this so clearly! 🙏🏽😇
Ex wife stopped having/wanting sex and then said it was all my fault. She wasn’t going to give it up even if I put in efforts such as date night. Romantic vacations etc.
@cougs2894 Been there mine it was good at first but then it became non existent then she wouldnt like kissing during and also did like looking at each other also early on she felt weird about holding hands and never said i love you unless drunk she would say i appreciate you instead
Sex is part of a relationship and its a skill that can be learned and practiced. And both partners should elevate it to an artform. If you start ignoring it or using it as a power currency.. the relationship will die.
My ex discarded me when he started to fell in with me just like couch Ryan says when they start to feel something they ran to the hills after 2 years of no contact hes back. He tells how much hes missed me and how sorry he is and that iam his love kife😂😂🤔
You've just explain the weird feeling, I was having with my wife. No emotion during physical intimacy, that was so strange. Even she was surprised when an orgasm come up... It was not expected by her...
I’m glad we never had sex. We went to a hotel for our first time to be together, but she couldn’t go through with it. She couldn’t even kiss me with any passion. I was hoping so that we would have a breakthrough.
Coach I just asked you questions on FB group, I’m going through it. I asked you here again.. .After 18 years together, and two children, my extremely avoidant ex is currently dating someone after three to four months of physical separation. How can he still be in the relationship if he stopped having sex and stopped showing affection or touching for 12 years? He’s in therapy for a year, in an email he sent to her, he stated, "There's not much connection between him and me." Could this mean he was never interested or attached in me at all? But from the start, he has had a very low sex drive and hardly makes it. I thought he’s too embarrassed himself. How is he able to have sex or adapt and move on so quickly? He’s about to move away after divorce is finished. And let me having the kids primary, since the kids are too difficult for him to raise! He basically told me that I was to blame for everything and that he couldn't let me control him. I was the one who filed the divorce and he’s indirectly saying because I wanted divorce (that’s why he’s dating), he never had any self-reflection, after I’m filed divorce he’s immediately completely distanced himself, I was also almost over him as I didn’t give him any hope that I wanted him back, I was living my life and focus on myself but after learned that he’s dating, I feel like poop. He is still mad at me even he’s dating! The reason he’s date others because of my fault! To be honest I really wish all the bad things happened to him, he’s been hurting me most of my time that I was with him. I know he’s avoiding the pain but why he still saying it’s my fault! Like I am such a bad person! I believe he’s either dating his old neighbor like 10 years older or his friends from high school. He’s 54 years old. I don’t feel that he felt that he’s not worth to me, that’s why he’s blindsided me and pull his feet under the rug! I don’t know if he’s DA or FA, but he 99% isolated and distanced himself at home. He definitely has very high anxiety since married and got worth as soon as I filed divorce. Please help me clarify on this even no point for me!
Wow, 12 years without affection 😢?? You are a very strong woman even if you don't know it. I know that had to hurt you. I think the ex is dating someone to make you feel upset but try not to give it to much power bcoz if he could do you like that, and has not had any counselings or done any healing TRUST that the same thing is going to happen to the next lady and she will see exactly what he isn't capable of. I suggest you take care of you and your children, do some healing of your own and continue to live the rest your life happily without him blocking the way. 💜🩷🩵
![Seungmin "그렇게, 천천히, 우리(As we are)" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kAzmhLHePqU/mqdefault.jpg)
Exactly! You explain things so well. ED & avoidant attachment…there needs to be more discussion about this
You can literally feel them holding back during intimacy.. Then no bond is created and you're left confused.
Yes!!
I can feel it... like he's about to say something, but he doesn't... I don't even need to see his face... I can feel it.
Jeesh what a mess up of people. Thank goodness I am almost over mine. It was a friggin nightmare. I began to drink excessively but took a long hard look in the mirror and said "Oh no you don't, take control of your life." I hardly ever drink and when I do I don't think of him. I feel so liberated and I LOVE who I have become. Growing stronger each day.
Congratulations for coming out of it. Being in it is the worst state to be.
My avoidant and I always had a great physical and emotional intimacy clear up until he abruptly discarded me. He couldn't handle all the stress he had in other parts of his life so our relationship was what he let go of.
@@catherineshelton5520 this is a so common behavior...
The avoidant I was in an 18 month relationship with did this. The first 12 months were incredible, but then the pull away started. It’s very hard not to take it personally, especially with little to no communication as to why. Like a switch was flipped. It really hurt.
Ps. Love the Metallica t-shirt. The album that started it all for me 🤘
Oh this video was spot on and so necessary. This “topic” or aspect of an avoidant is not covered nearly enough. The effects of this on the one with an avoidant are detrimental and damaging.
In my case, the ED and lack of desire for it led to very very bad avoidant tactics and measures in looking at and self-satisfying to very illegal things. Then when surfaced, I was blamed… that’s when I walked away.
After 3-6 months it became almost obligatory and I found myself begging for it. Never again!
Cool-videos! My five-year relationship came to an end a month ago. The love of my life chose to leave, and I can't stop thinking about him; I love him so deeply. I've done everything I can to win him back, but nothing seems to work. I'm feeling frustrated and can't imagine my life with anyone else. Despite my efforts to move on, I just can't shake the thoughts of him. I don’t know why I’m sharing this, (but I really miss him)
Saying goodbye to someone you love is difficult; I know this from my 12-year relationship ending. But I was unable to simply let him go, so I made every effort to get him back. I eventually sought aid from a spiritual counselor, who was able to help me regain his affection.
It's interesting! How can I contact a spiritual counselor most efficiently, and how did you find one?
Father Obah Eze is a wonderful spiritual counselor who has the ability to bring back your ex.
He can assist you; he is Father Obah Eze, and he possesses immense powers.
I just sought him up online thanks to your helpful information. remarkable
I just checked Father Obah Eze online, and he's really genuine. Thank you again ❤
So as they have feelings they withdrawl, but they sleep with people they don't care about, it's so f up.
Closeness is dangerous for their nervous system, not their concious mind… that’s why it’s so hard for them to change, they are not aware of their wounding. Not making excuses for them, but understanding what they and we are dealing with helps us who suffer after dealing with them to heal… 🙏
Extremely profound and so accurate that it is scary!!!!
Another amazingly accurate video from Coach Ryan. Yet another perfect summation of the emotional nightmare I lived through. 4 months of bliss including some incredibly physical time, then decativated and discarded over a 6 week period. The first warning sign was there right from the start... no matter how amazing the physiscal experience, she never wanted to stay the night saying she had 'issues' with sleep if there was someone else in the bed. Not long after that the intimacy just stopped altogether (every excuse under the sun.. too tired, too busy at work, sudden sickness, issues with family, issues with friends... everything Coach Ryan describes). Then monkey branched to the next guy within 2 months ('I think he's a narcissist like my ex husband') and, because I'm now (apparently) 'the greatest friend she could ever wish for', I've been choking on the breadcrumbs ever since. Good riddance.
Wow similar case. Mine broke it off two days later of being physical for the first time. Very passionate but he didn’t want to stay
This calming message in a Metallica shirt ❤😂🎉
spot on as always, we only reached the first state with firely intimacy and a insecurity before he disappeared 👻. All your videos are so spot on and helpful because you explain it so well also according to hormones etc , thank you 🙏 ❤
This is so wildly accurate as to what happened in my relationship, it was actually quite hard to watch. Thank you for sharing.
My partner who is avoidant says that he doesn't feel physically aroused randomly during the day like I do and he doesn't think about it or get aroused that way either. He says it's more like something occurs and then he gets turned on but that means I have to basically initiate it. Problem is he doesn't think he wants to so he gives some sort of subtle body language or hint that he's not into it. So if there's basically no way to get turned on unless you're in the middle of it but you don't let yourself even start......
All the passion is pretty much gone and when he does try to simulate passion it doesn't feel real at all. It seems like a lot of the time initiation is based on guilt or like a chore he knows he has to do in order to keep me happy.
I don't feel attractive at all. He gets upset at me when I say that because he tells me I'm attractive but I need to be shown.
Girl if that's you in the pf pic then trust me you are so attractive 😍
Thanks for delving into this specific topic. My friends can't understand... that my DM isn't gay. He is simply a DM. And that leads to zero libido.
If you don't have a child with a DM. Please leave! Save yourself.
My ex GF was into it at first and then over time, she starting pulling back. My antenna went up and I started noticing behavior - secretive cell phone behavior, calling me another guy’s name, etc - indicating cheating. She was cheating. She wanted me to lessen affection with her but decided to cheat with other men outside the relationship. I’m still overcoming the betrayal this 🐕 put me through.
I practically begged my ex for it. "I took care of things this morning" was his response 90% of the time.
OMG. That sounds absolutely awful. So cold and empty. I can just imagine how it must have been for you to hear it regularly.
❤
Wow....
It is true and it is so heart braking to be refused the kisses, the touch, the hugs and the intimicy in sex. Heart braking.
He was present and great at meeting my needs during. The big pullback always happened afterwards, when he couldn't wait to leave and shut down communication for a week or so. I felt so confused until I worked out his DA attachment and my AP.
Yes mine did the same. It's feels awful. I just didn't get it. Does that mean they like/care for us? I still don't know
What if they were the opposite? I (anxious) was ambivalent towards it after a while. It’s because she wasn’t considerate of my needs / when I would want to engage in it. She could do it anytime, anywhere and would take it personally when I wasn’t in the mood, but she wouldn’t make the effort to do the things that would put me in the mood. Like cuddling, talking, spending quality time etc
Sadly very relatable across multiple relationships with avoidants including a 13 year relationship. He then went on to get his next partner pregnant within a month.
I wish I’d known it wasn’t my fault at the time, it is super damaging to be on the receiving end of, and I had to do a lot of work on this in therapy.
I really wish they knew how much their actions harm others, but I understand that their avoidance of that is part of the broader avoidance issue.
Finished a 6 month relationship with an avoidant lady 2 months ago. Everything you said is 100% correct Ryan. The physical side was very much still there. But there was a robotic emotionless feeling that I sensed early on. This lack of emotional connection led me to break the relationship. It was a boring silent void. Unfortunately I got a major generation of oxytocin which is at odds with my logical decision. Tough on your CNS😊
They generally like no strings attached sex. 🙄 I just couldn’t imagine running away from something so natural.
The weirdest thing is the fact that my dismissive avoidant g'friend had an emotional IQ that was practically zero. When it came to sex, it was like she was confused by a penis--this, despite her having been married for 28 years to a narcissist to whom she gave three children.
You are not only very accurate, Coach Ryan, you also have a great music taste! Best wishes to you and your loved ones!
Amazing informative n very clear video, again! Ty ❤️🙏
This was one of the hardest aspects of my relationship with my FA. This makes so much sense now. At the time it really felt like it was me. He would tell me i wasnt doing enough to make him feel wanted. Finally he admitted he had lost his desire for me but didnt know why. He'd also say he lost feelings for me. If that wasnt hurtful enough he admitted he was watching corn and masturbating to that several times a week. It destroyed my self esteem and mental health. Im glad i left him. And now i understand what was going on when he couldnt explain it himself. Thanks Dr. Ryan ❤
Same! I even thought mine was gay, after 5yrs and 18mths of anxiety I left 6 mths ago, even tho it was hard at first I’m now back to my normal confident self lesson learned and a hard pill to swallow 😅
When intimacy goes away, I go away. Done deal.
Exactly!!! I can’t have a relationship with no intimacy! I knew that when he started not wanting sex. He even refused bj’s! I’d never had a man refuse a bj🤦🏼♀️
@@Cindy-g5y He was gay. (homosexual)
This needs to be my new motto.
@@JF0x It's so fuckin simple. It always works!
Damn, now THAT’S a response for the ages. 👏 👏 👏
If you are facing any problems ruminating about your DA or FA ex, just watch Coach Ryan videos, best source to help get over it as soon as possible.
What about when an avoidant doesn't even consider themselves, and ges sick because of working too much, but still continues to do it, without getting any sleep? Every day he is committing to being engulfed by his work, and he says that the pressure is nuts, but continues to do it . Yet he can't commit to good times together .
My ex was a workaholic, it was an avoidance strategy for avoiding being present and emotionally available. He told me once that he felt having sex with me would take energy away from his work.
He's working toward a heart attack..
They are able to work 12 hours a day, even during weekends. Work-life balance is nonsense for them. Or they consider it as weakness. The only way is to set boundaries. And even break-up when they dont respect them. It is hard but there is not other way.
@bzuco890 12 hours? Mine lives door next to his workshop and sometimes doesn't go to bed!
@PatriciaPeeters-g4g He's already got cancer and a perforated bowel. Due to have more surgery in 2 weeks .
My avoidant narcissistic husband is just that. Till my desires for him completely dissolved. For the longest time he always said sex is a physical need not emotional. That was my first red flag. Once I realized he was a narcissist and that I realized he was objectifying me, yet had no real intimacy or rather recognizing my autonomy I became fully unavailable to intimately in the physical sense. Can’t do that most sacred intimacy in with the knowledge I’m a mere body to him nothing more and certainly not seen as a person, just an object as a means to a needs end.
Another really helpful video, thanks Ryan for helping me to recognise these behaviours and for being able to de-personalise it. I am curious to know whether pathological demand avoidance as seen in autism is similar in a lot of respects to avoidant attachment. The roots may be different but the outcomes, I think, are possibly very similar.
Interesting. I’d be interested to hear from others on this but I have PDA but not avoidant attachment and my PDA doesn’t show up that way in either relationships or friendships, because I don’t perceive it as a demand due to empathy. I don’t consider them to be external forces acting upon me, because these are people with whom I value connection, and therefore don’t perceive them as a demand upon me. Narcissists do view others that way though.
Not true for me. He's a dismissive avoidant but he wanted s3x all the time...and well that wasn't gonna happen when he was being an a-hole & psychological/emotional abuse & fidelity issues. That's just how it goes. If there's no emotional connection there's no physical drive. If there's abuse or suspected cheating, then I'm not gonna just hop to bed with someone treating me so disparagingly, the physical acts are gonna get shut down. Then he pouted & complained thinking he's just entitled to it. He has an addictive personality, s3xual addiction was one of them. Sometimes there's a lot going on behind the scenes that causes one partner to not want to have s3x, not just that they are avoiding because of fear of intimacy. Perhaps they actually want intimacy badly but don't want to be used for s3x. I hate how it's sometimes portrayed as something that's done like eating a chicken sandwich for lunch. Good grief. Some people want connection, closeness and intimacy to preface s3x. Sometimes the distance avoidant is a s3x addict, emotionally & psychologically abuses their partner and isn't owed s3x by their partner. We're divorcing.
Yeah I think the key to still staying s3xually active as a DA is to get very physical with it, get completely into your body and the pleasure of it. Detached, but not in a negative way - almost trance-like in pursuit of pleasure. Not inconsiderate of your partner BTW, but connecting at a lower more animalistic level.
(Though looking back, I probably misread some situations and while I was doing that, my partner was trying to feel emotional closeness through the act.)
@@MilesIncognitowhile that's not a bad idea, it still removes the idea of doing the work in order to actually be okay with the emotional intimacy aspect. Trying to numb that out and focus on physical pleasure alone is not really working on the core issue.
My Ex GF was very robotic. That’s when I decided this 💩 has to end. It was like screwing a dead fish. Then she discarded me two days later.
Same here, turned into a routine. I would have to always initiate, went from twice a weekend when I seen her to once then sometimes not at all. When we first met told me she would have sex twice a day if she could blah blah blah. Tried to spice things up & that also backfired in my face, triggered her the last time I was intimate with her as bought something to her house, asked if she wanted to try & she flipped out on me. Was discarded a week later & haven't spoken to her since, that was 2 months ago now!
My avoidant actually said he wasnt attracted to me
Mine was like a dead woman 🤷🏻
And in the beginning she didn't know what to do more for me to feel good 😂😂
That’s what happens!!! ED👎He was just going through the motions! I am so happy he ghosted me!! What a mess he is
My DA could not come to orgasm. He used his age as an excuse, there was more to his issue.
Sane thank God
This was all SUCH a mind F
Yes yes yes my ex cut the sex off with no explanation, the sex was always lackluster and robotic I was completely turned off permanently never looked back..!
My avoidant guy in the end didn't even want to have sex as a women I was concerned. He said it wasn't me but it felt like me
You feel so unattractive and then the self esteem gets a big hit, as a woman you need to feel sexy for your man 😅
Wow this is sooooo accurate!!
I can’t believe this!!
I have felt less than
For a huge part of this relationship. 😢
Thank you for explaining this so clearly! 🙏🏽😇
Love the thumbnail
Really?
Ex wife stopped having/wanting sex and then said it was all my fault. She wasn’t going to give it up even if I put in efforts such as date night. Romantic vacations etc.
@cougs2894 Been there mine it was good at first but then it became non existent then she wouldnt like kissing during and also did like looking at each other also early on she felt weird about holding hands and never said i love you unless drunk she would say i appreciate you instead
Leave her.
Sex is part of a relationship and its a skill that can be learned and practiced. And both partners should elevate it to an artform. If you start ignoring it or using it as a power currency.. the relationship will die.
My ex discarded me when he started to fell in with me just like couch Ryan says when they start to feel something they ran to the hills after 2 years of no contact hes back. He tells how much hes missed me and how sorry he is and that iam his love kife😂😂🤔
Worst “sex” ever!
I struggled with physical intimacy as an FA. It took months to feel comfortable to just hold hands with my now husband.
😢
You've just explain the weird feeling, I was having with my wife. No emotion during physical intimacy, that was so strange. Even she was surprised when an orgasm come up... It was not expected by her...
Not expecting an orgasm..huh? So weird
Nice t-shirt
I’m glad we never had sex. We went to a hotel for our first time to be together, but she couldn’t go through with it. She couldn’t even kiss me with any passion. I was hoping so that we would have a breakthrough.
Coach I just asked you questions on FB group, I’m going through it.
I asked you here again..
.After 18 years together, and two children, my extremely avoidant ex is currently dating someone after three to four months of physical separation. How can he still be in the relationship if he stopped having sex and stopped showing affection or touching for 12 years?
He’s in therapy for a year, in an email he sent to her, he stated, "There's not much connection between him and me." Could this mean he was never interested or attached in me at all?
But from the start, he has had a very low sex drive and hardly makes it. I thought he’s too embarrassed himself. How is he able to have sex or adapt and move on so quickly? He’s about to move away after divorce is finished. And let me having the kids primary, since the kids are too difficult for him to raise!
He basically told me that I was to blame for everything and that he couldn't let me control him.
I was the one who filed the divorce and he’s indirectly saying because I wanted divorce (that’s why he’s dating), he never had any self-reflection, after I’m filed divorce he’s immediately completely distanced himself, I was also almost over him as I didn’t give him any hope that I wanted him back, I was living my life and focus on myself but after learned that he’s dating, I feel like poop.
He is still mad at me even he’s dating! The reason he’s date others because of my fault! To be honest I really wish all the bad things happened to him, he’s been hurting me most of my time that I was with him. I know he’s avoiding the pain but why he still saying it’s my fault! Like I am such a bad person! I believe he’s either dating his old neighbor like 10 years older or his friends from high school. He’s 54 years old.
I don’t feel that he felt that he’s not worth to me, that’s why he’s blindsided me and pull his feet under the rug!
I don’t know if he’s DA or FA, but he 99% isolated and distanced himself at home. He definitely has very high anxiety since married and got worth as soon as I filed divorce.
Please help me clarify on this even no point for me!
Wow, 12 years without affection 😢?? You are a very strong woman even if you don't know it. I know that had to hurt you. I think the ex is dating someone to make you feel upset but try not to give it to much power bcoz if he could do you like that, and has not had any counselings or done any healing TRUST that the same thing is going to happen to the next lady and she will see exactly what he isn't capable of. I suggest you take care of you and your children, do some healing of your own and continue to live the rest your life happily without him blocking the way. 💜🩷🩵