After a 27 yr marriage to a narcissist I'll give one piece of advice.... NEVER share a vulnerable emotion with them because they will eventually use it against you
@@virginiajames9465one thing for sure, you’re a lot wiser now! Theres a lot of good people on RUclips, educate yourself fully and read comments. That really helps the healing process. 🙏 Kris Reeves is one I like.
I’m 59. I spent 57 years trying to make my mother proud, then I learned about covert narcissism and my whole world changed. I became the greyest of grey rocks. She countered w the silent treatment! I can’t tell u how much I love the silent treatment from her! I’m finding peace at long last!
I had the same kind of relationship with my mother. She died 2 years ago and I'm only now learning how much of a narcissist she really was. I wish I'd known then what i know now about narcissism. I would have responded to her differently and i wouldn't have been so miserable.
Same. People who critize saying, " But she's your mother! How can you not have a relationship w/ your mother?" These people are ignorant. There are MANY mothers whose children should not have a relationship wirh them. HEALTHY people terminate any association with a narcissist. Unhealthy people maintain a relationship with a narcissist.
Our Son has gone silent for 7 weeks and has bro😮our grandchildren for a visit. All because we question ed him about where he spent money we gave him to get out of debit. What can I can do to see the children Marty
I was married to a narcissist for 55 years and I never knew what it meant. My husband and I moved in with my daughter seven years ago and she told me mom you don’t need to live like that and I really didn’t know what she meant until she started explaining to me that he was a narcissist he was never going to change and I didn’t deserve to be treated like that, she got me moving. He is not here anymore. He has been moved to a nursing home because he can’t take care of himself and neither can I. It’s just very freeing to live alone with my dog and my daughter. I thank God for her every day, she is my angel because she recognized what was going on when I didn’t .
The best thing after a narcissistic relationship, is I observe every word and action, the saddest part after a narcissistic relationship, is I observe every word and action..
Im 60 and met him when I was 21 he was 25. , And I'm just tryin. G. 0way more credit and trust than he actually even can handle..., Let alone even ask for. So I'm just wondering why? Why me?
Growing up in abuse, that is how my PTSD brain works constantly. It was programmed to from the beginning. Not a wonder I’m 36 and happily single with one real friend😅 😂
I was married to a controlling narcissist for 34 years. He abandoned me and our 23 year old special needs daughter in a house that was unsafe. I recently learned what "gaslighting" is. For the past 10 years he kept telling me I was ruining our marriage and after a while I began to believe him and was committed to a mental institution for a few days. I've cried so much in the last 10 years that I strained my vocal chords and lost my voice for over a year. Gaslighting is REAL
That is awful I hope you're doing better now. I have experienced gaslighting myself and it brought on the worst case of cognitive dissonance of my life. It was truly awful, and the perpetrator, a practicing therapist... Dead serious.
Man....where was this advice a few weeks ago..... I dared to say I was burned out and needed help when he asked me what was wrong. HUGE MISTAKE . Fell for it again...
Exactly, 45 years of lies, manipulation, gaslighting, abandonment, violent out rage when you confront and expose them which comes with a great deal of panic and accuse you to deflect from themselves. It's a on going miserable life for the spouse. I'm so great ful I don't have to be exposed to the toxic air any longer. ✝️
Yes and usually narcissists are the agreeable type, not pronouncing their vague/illusive smarts, as many really aren’t learned. Time away from self adulation will only verify the imagination and intelligence of authors deemed better by that narcissist. Seek out the panic in them, then they will always deny their lack of intelligence but their ability to evade the truth.
🎉🎉 absolutely!! one type, uses it for good and growth come over himself and humanity. The other type uses it to see how they can get one over on people. This is the face of evil witch. They’ve been talking about for thousands of years. We finally have a name for a command, some understanding of how it happened, and the genetics!🎉🎉
Thanks for sharing Dr. P. I've spent 40+ years in depth Psychology, and technical game analysis.I've learned most men don't know where our primary identification [mother] leave off and where we start. Further I've learned about the family insanity titled, 'the family script'. I was it, from birth, and did inherit the family insanity from my primary identification. She inherited it from her mother. One of our Dads important jobs of work is, mother being the first love object, at the age of around 8 years to around 13 years the father becomes the 2nd love object. So, both the female and male children gain a breakage from the primary identification, and an easier wrought to break away from the 'family script'. The ugliest addiction the infant acquires from gaining some worst forms of the family script is RAGE- Ken Woods MA. RAGE is an addiction WORSE then a heroin addiction Ken Woods MA. As a matter of fact, once the addiction of rage crosses a certain line, the individual is a goner! This is the dilemma, and making of the huge explosion of the continual growing of SERIAL KILLERS, and every generation the insanity gets a little WORSE-Ken Woods MA. In their subconscious minds they're projecting the growing insanity they've acquired from birth, and saying I'M NOT THE VICTIM FEMALES ARE. We're all on this earth to learn the lessons we're meant to in this lifetime to purify what it is we are, which is energy. Dr. David R. Hawkins Phd. We're all here to work through our Karma. Louis Gittner.
The silent treatment! The stonewalling! The aggression! The endless gaslighting! When I stopped playing the game, silence. Peace. Creativity. kindness. Patience with myself. Compassion. Joy. Laughter! Friends! CONNECTION. It's not easy at first. Don't beat yourself up. Embrace the awkwardness and realize that they were the ones that created it. Take it as a gift. Thank you for the gift.
I am new finding out. I am married to a narcissist. He sucks the joy out daily as he is very abusive. His mom is also! Wish I left him decades ago. I am in the process now after 35 years. Thank you Phil!
Much Love and strengthen your way!!! He uses PTSD from being a Marine as an excuse why he acts this way. Which is bullisht. I FINALLY realized who I’m dealing with after 8 years and two young kiddos. One late night, I went down another rabbit hole on the internet trying to figure out how to help him and our relationship, and I just so happened to read about narcissism and the covert narc. A year and half later, a beautiful baby boy, and dealing with constant negativity and misery, I am beyond a doubt, sure he’s indeed a C.N. You are spot on when you say “sucks the joy out daily”. Simply walking into the same room I’ll feel this HEAVY negative energy that will snatch any glimmer of happiness out of my being. I’m currently trying to figure out the best way to leave this toxic “relationship”, because our kids deserve better then to be around this every single day. I wish you nothing but the best
He took enough of your time, you now get to enjoy the rest of your life being in peace and making up for lost time!! You enjoy getting to know the new you!! Congratulations on your new life!! You're gonna love it!! And try to look forward instead of back! Be good to yourself
I married two covert narcissists, currently married to the 2nd. I will never marry again because I don’t make good choices with men. I love spending time alone and in relationship with the Lord. This gives me strength and peace. Thanks Phil. 😊
Me too! Been single for 7 years and its been the best time of my life. Any time I try to date, it ends up a narcissist. I no longer go there and enjoy my life as is.
We attract them. They are great to date but make terrible husbands. I married one, I picked him, and we’re married 27 years. We’ve been divorced 12 years and they have been the best, most peaceful of my life. I won’t remarry because I can’t trust myself to choose.
Yet, it happens. And when it does, the unresolved wounds of a person with a sociopathic disorder brought about by past trauma is..if anything, not truly responsible. What each person needs to do is: stop jumping headlong into the sack and relationships with people. Measure who your parents are and be dicerning
I stopped holding my tongue after my ex, I got punishment Either way, so why not call the problem out. Turns out most people don't like solutions to problems. I don't like problems. Most people have/make problems. I just avoid people. But now I enjoy arguments instead of running from them
Thanks for sharing Dr. P. I've spent 40+ years in depth Psychology, and technical game analysis.I've learned most men don't know where our primary identification [mother] leave off and where we start. Further I've learned about the family insanity titled, 'the family script'. I was it, from birth, and did inherit the family insanity from my primary identification. She inherited it from her mother. One of our Dads important jobs of work is, mother being the first love object, at the age of around 8 years to around 13 years the father becomes the 2nd love object. So, both the female and male children gain a breakage from the primary identification, and an easier wrought to break away from the 'family script'. The ugliest addiction the infant acquires from gaining some worst forms of the family script is RAGE- Ken Woods MA. RAGE is an addiction WORSE then a heroin addiction Ken Woods MA. As a matter of fact, once the addiction of rage crosses a certain line, the individual is a goner! This is the dilemma, and making of the huge explosion of the continual growing of SERIAL KILLERS, and every generation the insanity gets a little WORSE-Ken Woods MA. In their subconscious minds they're projecting the growing insanity they've acquired from birth, and saying I'M NOT THE VICTIM FEMALES ARE. We're all on this earth to learn the lessons we're meant to in this lifetime to purify what it is we are, which is energy. Dr. David R. Hawkins Phd. We're all here to work through our Karma. Louis Gittner.
My father started dropping into conversation recently how he never knew where he stood with his own father (add a doting mother to this equation and we have the perfect ingredients for NPD).... I later realised that he was telling me this as an explanation for his behaviour towards me as a child. My mother told me when I was in the crib crying as an infant, my father lost his temper, went to me, picked me up, and then dropped me from shoulder height. Fortunately I survived, but I always wondered why my mother didn't just keep that to herself, instead of causing more pain for me to take throughout my entire life. My sister has married someone just like my father, unfortunately for her she can't see what will happen then years down the line when the novelty has worn off and everything must bend to his will.
Covert narcissists also put on a perfect persona outside their home, while being a tyrant inside their home. Therefore, their affected family, spouse, children, can’t get any support from others. Their complaints get minimized.
That is my exact situation. She has twisted my words and poisoned my children's minds against me. They think I am the bad guy because I never say anything bad about their mother to them as I think that is weak and sick. But she makes it her normal behavior. Anything I accomplish she belittles. They think she is a living God. It's sick and I am sick of it. But at least now I know what is happening.
@@benkanobe7500 Soo sorry 😔 this is VERY aggravating I feel you. Turn to the power of GOD that's what helped me get through and understand what I was up against. Pastor Kevin la Ewing is a good teacher on this he has a couple of videos on this and other things we deal with with these People 👌🏽🤗
People don't talk about "leveling" anymore, which surprises me because that's what narcissists try to do: They try to level you down so they can feel superior. Leveling.
Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know going into a relationship with a narcissist. Forgive yourself for knowing what they are, and still repeating the cycle. Forgive yourself for expecting that things can be any better or different with them, trying to reason with them, explaining yourself to them, or trying to convince them you deserve to be loved. Walk away and pour all the energy and love into yourself that you would normally give to somebody who doesn’t deserve, and can’t understand, real love.
I have a covert narcissist step daughter. I’ve learned to stay out of her life, I am friendly when we speak, but avoid any meaningful discussions. Life is so much better this way.
I just learned that my niece is a covert narcissist. Interestingly so, it’s a MUST to keep the conversations with them LIMITED, And swiftly moving! When you know about them, oh, you definitely know!
Before I learned about this I was getting the life sucked out of me and felt terrible anytime I interacted in anyway with her, Dr Phil described her to the T
Thanks for sharing Dr. P. I've spent 40+ years in depth Psychology, and technical game analysis.I've learned most men don't know where our primary identification [mother] leave off and where we start. Further I've learned about the family insanity titled, 'the family script'. I was it, from birth, and did inherit the family insanity from my primary identification. She inherited it from her mother. One of our Dads important jobs of work is, mother being the first love object, at the age of around 8 years to around 13 years the father becomes the 2nd love object. So, both the female and male children gain a breakage from the primary identification, and an easier wrought to break away from the 'family script'. The ugliest addiction the infant acquires from gaining some worst forms of the family script is RAGE- Ken Woods MA. RAGE is an addiction WORSE then a heroin addiction Ken Woods MA. As a matter of fact, once the addiction of rage crosses a certain line, the individual is a goner! This is the dilemma, and making of the huge explosion of the continual growing of SERIAL KILLERS, and every generation the insanity gets a little WORSE-Ken Woods MA. In their subconscious minds they're projecting the growing insanity they've acquired from birth, and saying I'M NOT THE VICTIM FEMALES ARE. We're all on this earth to learn the lessons we're meant to in this lifetime to purify what it is we are, which is energy. Dr. David R. Hawkins Phd. We're all here to work through our Karma. Louis Gittner.
I was married to a dangerous, evil Narcissist. We lived in Oregon. One day we went hiking in the wilderness. He often would take off for a short distance without me. I thought nothing of it, until I heard him at the truck. He sped off and left me there. I hiked to the main road. It was dusk, and there were no other cars. I was in an area known for mountain lions. I was terrified. It became dark, and I had no flashlight to see where I was going. About 45 minutes later, I heard a car coming. It was actually a truck, and it turned out to be him. I cried and sobbed, asking him how he could do that to me. His words were, "Don't be hysterical! It was just a joke." I left him and moved to Maine.
@@happydog2191 Just saw your reply. It's just so unbelievable how evil these Narcs can be!!! I am glad you and I both made it out alive. A lot of women aren't so lucky. Take care, my Sista!
@@melaniegerard2582 I'm so glad it ended well, that dangerous night, and it ended wel by you escaping his terror, by moving in Maine. I hope he'll not show up inMaine, though.
After surviving narcissistic abuse only to encounter others afterwards with similar traits, have to admit it's become a challenge to meet new people. I see a lot, I feel a lot and sad truth is the bad guys outweighs the decent ones out here. Sad times😭
People who are the nice guy are becoming like the bad guys because it’s all that works for women a lot of us have encountered narcissistic women also. The worst thing you can do is pick up the narcissistic traits though that’s what they wanted.
I have challenged my mom and it was horrible. She didn't care at all and continued the gaslighting. There is no hope to change them, but I think it helped me to understand that I need to keep her out of my life, although this goes against what I feel. It's hard to accept that your mother doesn't love you and doesn't care, but I think it's neccessary to accept it so you can move on and stop expecting from the parent to care about you.
I'm 63, a veteran and a survivor of a narcissistic father, and husband, and I also survived a narcissist boss! I have PTSD, not from the military, but the child and domestic abuse. Now my daughter is married to a covert narcissist, and I recognize a lot of the red flags because of my own experience. I have watched her suffer, but she loves him, thinks he loves her, and she is buying into all of his lies and gaslighting. I told her that only she will know when its time to leave. 💔 All of the things you discussed in this video are the things I picked up on when I first met my daughters boyfriend, and, i think it was over a year later that they married. My feelings didn't get any better, and I tried to warn her, but she wouldn't listen, just like I didn't listen, and I paid a high price for it. I was so desperate to get away from my dad, i ended up in a very abusive relationship, but it took three more bad marriages for me to say I've had enough. My last marriage was the worst, and he was the poster child for covert narcissistic behavior. He is the one who really broke me, and I stayed until he died after sixteen years of marriage. I don't think I will ever be myself again, so it breaks my heart to see my daughter go through the same thing as I did 😢 I could write a book on this subject, but I"m a survivor!
Write a book. Even if you don't publish it. Maybe it will mean something to daughter when she finally sees the light. At the very least, it will be therapeutic to you to release all the pent up hurt.
Write the book. A journal dedicated to just that subject... use loose leaf paper if you want to make sure things are in order... it will be healing for you and maybe offer knowledge and healing to one more person.... wow. You can do it!
Dr. Phil, I was married to a narcissist who was covert & grandiose. He was an entrepreneur & highly driven by image & money & used that to gaslight me why he wasn't home, never gave me more than 10 minutes a day of interaction.
I can’t believe I’m only stumbling upon these videos just now! I have been watching Dr. Ramani -almost exclusively- for several years now. I like his way of doing things much better. He’s very good at keeping my ADHD brain engaged. He’s clear, concise, gives pertinent info and he’s really good at describing things that you actually visualize it. And I learn so much better. You’re amazing and talented, Dr. Phil. Please continue making these videos and please don’t ever stop ❤
Yes i avoided Phil because of the silly TV shows, but just started listening today and he's just what you described. So good at explaining things i've known lots about the last couple of years more and more, but it's great to hear Phil and a few others lay it out the way they do.
Yes, they are so covert with it. They fool others... They are so manipulative. Pastor Kevin la Ewing is a great teacher on how they operate with the Jezebel spirit..... He explains it and he shows you About the word of GOD' 🙌🏽 that helps when dealing with this disease.❤
Thanks for sharing Dr. P. I've spent 40+ years in depth Psychology, and technical game analysis.I've learned most men don't know where our primary identification [mother] leave off and where we start. Further I've learned about the family insanity titled, 'the family script'. I was it, from birth, and did inherit the family insanity from my primary identification. She inherited it from her mother. One of our Dads important jobs of work is, mother being the first love object, at the age of around 8 years to around 13 years the father becomes the 2nd love object. So, both the female and male children gain a breakage from the primary identification, and an easier wrought to break away from the 'family script'. The ugliest addiction the infant acquires from gaining some worst forms of the family script is RAGE- Ken Woods MA. RAGE is an addiction WORSE then a heroin addiction Ken Woods MA. As a matter of fact, once the addiction of rage crosses a certain line, the individual is a goner! This is the dilemma, and making of the huge explosion of the continual growing of SERIAL KILLERS, and every generation the insanity gets a little WORSE-Ken Woods MA. In their subconscious minds they're projecting the growing insanity they've acquired from birth, and saying I'M NOT THE VICTIM FEMALES ARE. We're all on this earth to learn the lessons we're meant to in this lifetime to purify what it is we are, which is energy. Dr. David R. Hawkins Phd. We're all here to work through our Karma-Louis Gittner.
I learned the “not worth trying to help” when dealing a narcissist. Was friends and played music together for over a decade with the guy. Mixed with an alcohol problem, I tried to help so many times, and wasted so much time trying to “be there” and offer a lending hand. And then you see the mental manipulation these people have. All they want deep down is only benefits to their lives. No consideration for others Took me a year or two of therapy to not feel guilty about cutting them out, and going no contact. This is a horrible type of human being to be associated with. I highly recommend avoiding and disassociating with these personality types. They ruin peoples lives. My quality of life and just overall everything got better for me after getting the narcissist out of my life. Dr. Phil nails this 100% on the head. Thanks Phil for using your voice to let everyone know. And if you are in this situation, don’t feel like you’re obligated to keep associating with this type of person. If they won’t help themselves, then that is their problem. Be happy with yourself, and be around others that deserve your attention, not the narcissist. You are worth more than some asshole. Be well.
Thank you. Yes he made me feel like I'm worthless and always like I am not good enough at all. He loved to compare me to other women, just to hurt me on purpose. I'm glad to be away from him. I feel so much better now. I have been educating myself more about this disorder and other disorders like it.
Thanks for sharing Dr. P. I've spent 40+ years in depth Psychology, and technical game analysis.I've learned most men don't know where our primary identification [mother] leave off and where we start. Further I've learned about the family insanity titled, 'the family script'. I was it, from birth, and did inherit the family insanity from my primary identification. She inherited it from her mother. One of our Dads important jobs of work is, mother being the first love object, at the age of around 8 years to around 13 years the father becomes the 2nd love object. So, both the female and male children gain a breakage from the primary identification, and an easier wrought to break away from the 'family script'. The ugliest addiction the infant acquires from gaining some worst forms of the family script is RAGE- Ken Woods MA. RAGE is an addiction WORSE then a heroin addiction Ken Woods MA. As a matter of fact, once the addiction of rage crosses a certain line, the individual is a goner! This is the dilemma, and making of the huge explosion of the continual growing of SERIAL KILLERS, and every generation the insanity gets a little WORSE-Ken Woods MA. In their subconscious minds they're projecting the growing insanity they've acquired from birth, and saying I'M NOT THE VICTIM FEMALES ARE. We're all on this earth to learn the lessons we're meant to in this lifetime to purify what it is we are, which is energy. Dr. David R. Hawkins Phd. We're all here to work through our Karma. Louis Gittner.
Just hearing there is nothing I can/could do to fix or change them is the most incredibly helpful, relieving bit of information and for that Im more than grateful. Yeats of guilt, sense of responsiblily and failure..gone (mostly)
Enlightening! Now I know for sure…married to one for 20 yrs. Finally I had enough and ended the marriage. W 4 kids ….college and HS ages… we all danced! Sadly he died alone, an alcoholic during Covid. This podcast explains him to the ‘T’. I feel so much better after listening. Thank you Dr Phil!
A close friend of mine experienced a very similar situation to yours. He was a narcissist, gaslighter, male nacho woman hater, liar, substance abusers, gambler, porn watcher, abuser to his family. I didn't mince my words with my friend who was married to him. I said at least one, but probably more than one member of your family will not survive continued relationship with him. They divorced and the wife's freedom didn't last maybe 1 1/2 years because she passed away in her mid 50s. One of the daughters contemplated suicide and fled the house, the other daughter had an emotional breakdown also. He died a couple years after his exwife. He was a physical and emotional wreck! So sad! My own sister is a destroyer and I had to distance myself so far that I haven't talked to her since 2014 as she is super toxic. I've learned the hard way to draw healthy boundaries to protect myself and my family. What Dr. Phil says is all true and good counsel!
@@janetdonaldson2632I strongly understand you, it's a bad demonistic energy..., Good job protecting you and your family that kind of energy is all bad, and traumatic, and unhealthy on many levels!
So glad your family got out. I am in the process of separation and will file for divorce soon. I can't believe I didn't know I was married to a covert narcissist.
@@digitalqueenbee so good you are doing the healthy thing for you. My friend who was married to the narcissist...they both went to the marriage counselor and the counselor had to "release" him (the narcissist). They ran into a wall with him and realized he would not make the changes needed to save the marriage. He had counselling for himself and no improvement there either. Regarding my toxic sibling, I had to control my response because she would not make healthy growth. My response was to break off relationship. My father warned me about her twenty seven years ago. My brother passed away age 40 and my parents both passed. So I hung onto the relationship for way too long in hopes she would mature and grow. It never happened and she absolutely wore me out and I built up too much resentment and bitterness in my heart that was destroying me and interfering in relationships with others. So I forgave her in my heart and released her from my life. After my parents passed I had to deal with all their paperwork, etc. I found letters she wrote to them. They were all loving letters and yet...she was opposite on the phone. She was an absolute mean person and emotionally abusive in big way. I concluded she is very secretive and manipulative. I don't think she wanted to be on record, a letter, her normal behavior. I think she was always trying to get her mother to continue their relationship and trying to get back into good graces. But when my mother spoke on phone with her my sister continue her emotional abuse. I think my sister didn't want me to know how truly mean she was to our mother. She was so out of touch because my mother told me all my sister was saying to my mother on the phone. How could my sister possibly think I never find out! So many of my mother's tears I mopped up! I finally consulted a family counselor for advise. The counselor said my sister should never even be alone with me in the same room. I agreed with her and thought, if this is her advise, then the best thing for me is to protect myself by stopping the relationship. If my sister, who is 13 years my senior, cannot behave responsibly in relationship, and she is in her 70s now, there is very little hope she will change. I already gave her waaaay too many chances, too much of my time. There are people who love and care about me...even friends in my life who treat me more like a sister than my own sister. With a biological sister like mine, who needs enemies? Just because we share dna does not entitle her to treat me poorly! Ditto for anybody else. If anything she should be loving, protective and offering me favor as sister...just like I have given to her, undeservingly. I also realize that I put up with way too much for so many years to attempt to "keep the peace" for the sake of my parents. I should have listened to my father's words of advice so many years ago offering me wisdom as well as permission to, in certain terms, "release" myself from relationship with my sister. I have another friend who had to do the same thing. My friend and I talk about how, though sad we had to let go of certain family members, we are both much much more peaceful and more joyful. We made more room in our lives for experiencing more loving relationships. I share this because there are many people out there who are feeling overwhelmed and stuck in toxic relationships. You can control your end of the situation and find a new level of joy!
I am married to a covert narcissist. Once I figured it out I stopped playing in his world. I live separate from him. I keep strong boundries, limit interactions & have created an entire happy life outside of him. I also have forgiven myself for putting up with his bs.
@@marilyngibson4458 Yeah, once I figured it out after 11 years of marriage, he said I was “no longer his best friend”. More like no longer his best supply!
Thanks for this. Gave me some reassurance that I wasn't going crazy. The narcissist destroyed my family ties with my siblings and my parents, and literally pushed me into the corner. They are complete a**holes and the only solution is to get away from them
You are enough! May everyone find healing and happiness! Taking it slow in getting to know people , not revealing too much about yourself. Setting boundaries. Put yourself first!
My husband has always been quiet, introverted, serving, loyal, protective, easy going, etc. I have always felt he was the greatest husband and father on earth. But in the last three years, he has done a complete 180. The number of narcissistic markers he now displays is unbelievable. So now I question our entire 40 years together. Was I just blind and observed only what I wanted to see? Or did he develop these traits at 55 years of age?
I hope you will not be upset at me asking this highly contentious question but I see the same situation with my sibling. My sibling had the covid shots and quite a few boosters. Others I have talked to have noticed dramatic mental health/attitude changes in their loved ones in the past few yrs & who have had the shots and some boosters. Did your husband have the covid shots? If so, did he have more than 2?
I have a dark triad mother, whom I ran away from when I was just 15 and married at 16 with another narc. Got away from him and married a worse narc. I am 9 years free now finally after learning about narcissism 15 years ago. 😊
Thanks for sharing Dr. P. I've spent 40+ years in depth Psychology, and technical game analysis.I've learned most men don't know where our primary identification [mother] leave off and where we start. Further I've learned about the family insanity titled, 'the family script'. I was it, from birth, and did inherit the family insanity from my primary identification. She inherited it from her mother. One of our Dads important jobs of work is, mother being the first love object, at the age of around 8 years to around 13 years the father becomes the 2nd love object. So, both the female and male children gain a breakage from the primary identification, and an easier wrought to break away from the 'family script'. The ugliest addiction the infant acquires from gaining some worst forms of the family script is RAGE- Ken Woods MA. RAGE is an addiction WORSE then a heroin addiction Ken Woods MA. As a matter of fact, once the addiction of rage crosses a certain line, the individual is a goner! This is the dilemma, and making of the huge explosion of the continual growing of SERIAL KILLERS, and every generation the insanity gets a little WORSE-Ken Woods MA. In their subconscious minds they're projecting the growing insanity they've acquired from birth, and saying I'M NOT THE VICTIM FEMALES ARE. We're all on this earth to learn the lessons we're meant to in this lifetime to purify what it is we are, which is energy. Dr. David R. Hawkins Phd. We're all here to work through our Karma. Louis Gittner.
Thank you. Now everything makes sense. My dad is a covert narcissist, and now I have my armour! I thought I was going insane. I moved back home after being abroad for ten years . I couldn't understand why we dont get along, and I thought I had changed. The truth is he has always been this way, and I couldn't see it before. You describe him perfectly. I feel a sense of relief now thanks again and please keep up the good work.
Thanks for sharing Dr. P. I've spent 40+ years in depth Psychology, and technical game analysis.I've learned most men don't know where our primary identification [mother] leave off and where we start. Further I've learned about the family insanity titled, 'the family script'. I was it, from birth, and did inherit the family insanity from my primary identification. She inherited it from her mother. One of our Dads important jobs of work is, mother being the first love object, at the age of around 8 years to around 13 years the father becomes the 2nd love object. So, both the female and male children gain a breakage from the primary identification, and an easier wrought to break away from the 'family script'. The ugliest addiction the infant acquires from gaining some worst forms of the family script is RAGE- Ken Woods MA. RAGE is an addiction WORSE then a heroin addiction Ken Woods MA. As a matter of fact, once the addiction of rage crosses a certain line, the individual is a goner! This is the dilemma, and making of the huge explosion of the continual growing of SERIAL KILLERS, and every generation the insanity gets a little WORSE-Ken Woods MA. In their subconscious minds they're projecting the growing insanity they've acquired from birth, and saying I'M NOT THE VICTIM FEMALES ARE. We're all on this earth to learn the lessons we're meant to in this lifetime to purify what it is we are, which is energy. Dr. David R. Hawkins Phd. We're all here to work through our Karma. Louis Gittner.
You are so right on! I’ve been married to a Covert Narcissist for 41 yrs, now in a divorce situation. He not only played with my mind by gaslighting, ignoring me for weeks at a time, and screaming at me, while telling me that he was taking a pharmaceutical drug to keep him from being violent. He left after my thoracic spine surgery which he refused to acknowledge before, during, and after. Please continue to talk about this because where I live(very close to where you lived before) there are no attorneys who even acknowledge this exists. The general population has no idea how this can ruin lives. I was referred to a psychiatrist and he said that all attorneys and doctors have NPD! PLEASE keep helping people with your knowledge and delivery. Thank you.
Thanks for sharing Dr. P. I've spent 40+ years in depth Psychology, and technical game analysis.I've learned most men don't know where our primary identification [mother] leave off and where we start. Further I've learned about the family insanity titled, 'the family script'. I was it, from birth, and did inherit the family insanity from my primary identification. She inherited it from her mother. One of our Dads important jobs of work is, mother being the first love object, at the age of around 8 years to around 13 years the father becomes the 2nd love object. So, both the female and male children gain a breakage from the primary identification, and an easier wrought to break away from the 'family script'. The ugliest addiction the infant acquires from gaining some worst forms of the family script is RAGE- Ken Woods MA. RAGE is an addiction WORSE then a heroin addiction Ken Woods MA. As a matter of fact, once the addiction of rage crosses a certain line, the individual is a goner! This is the dilemma, and making of the huge explosion of the continual growing of SERIAL KILLERS, and every generation the insanity gets a little WORSE-Ken Woods MA. In their subconscious minds they're projecting the growing insanity they've acquired from birth, and saying I'M NOT THE VICTIM FEMALES ARE. We're all on this earth to learn the lessons we're meant to in this lifetime to purify what it is we are, which is energy. Dr. David R. Hawkins Phd. We're all here to work through our Karma. San Juan-Louis Gittner.
I recently found out that I have Renal Cell Carcinoma. I came home from the doctor and told my husband the news, expecting so.e care and comforting. My husband looked at me and said "I accept your death. It's just a part of living." Then the next day, he told me I was going to use the cancer to try to get sympathy. He told me I shouldn't tell people and be spreading my problems. Then the next day my neighbor told me that my husband had told him, and acted like he was going to cry. He wanted to be the person getting the sympathy for my cancer. It was heartbreaking.
They are “very” sensitive to criticism and they see everything as a threat. Paranoid. “Can you believe she said that” sarcasm, put downs every step of the way. I have experienced all these things. They do criticise you for having an opinion. They do the very thing they criticise you for.
I don't know what was worse with this personality; the 'feeling' of being unsafe or the realization there is no safe place. There is great peace on the other side of this.
After two relationships with narcissists I feel like I now recognize it everywhere. At first I thought it was ptsd but I am mostly recovered and still see it quite often. The dating pool for over 40s is just swarming with them so I gave up. Set a boundary and the narcissist will run over it every time. Its the perfect test in early dating.
You (we) attract them. I was married to one for 27 years and thought I was the crazy one because of his gaslighting. I’ll never marry again because I don’t trust myself now to choose a good one and I never want to be in that place again, my life is so peaceful now. Narcissists are great to date but make terrible husbands.
You described my husband to a T. After 33 yrs, I am so sick of the negativity and selfishness. He stonewalls me, gaslights me and prevents me from talking to my family or having any friends of my own. He had sexual issues and didn't tell me but cut me off at 45 yrs old acting like I disgusted him. After 4 yrs of no sex, I told him I was leaving that there was someone in the world that would find me attractive. He then blamed me for the lack of sex saying I should have known he couldn't because he was taking Flomax for an enlarged prostate. He had told me he had to take it for low flowing urine...nothing about sexual disfunction. Then he had the nerve to say he didn't think I loved him. I told him he might want to start with the word "like" first. It truly is misery but financially, I can't make it on my own. Why? He didn't want me working saying he made enough to care for us and I needed to stay home and properly care for our son. That was the worst mistake of my life. The day I quit my job, I gave him all the power.
"They will suck you dry" Exactly, I moved out the end of February after 6 yrs, and he is moving back to be fully financially cared for by his super rich family because he is an "inventor" he can't work.. But he absolutely drained me dry emotionally and mentally. I feel like it almost killed me.
Doctor Phil is amazing. This teaching is extremely useful. It's so important to learn how to deal with the narcissistic person to avoid unnecessary emotional or mental damage.
Narcissism began @ such a young age due to the golden high chair syndrome, even those who play the victim, as they never separated from their primary caregiver: this has nothing to do with you & cannot be changed because the problem became set in stone years ago… just don’t let it become your headstone!
Thanks for sharing Dr. P. I've spent 40+ years in depth Psychology, and technical game analysis.I've learned most men don't know where our primary identification [mother] leave off and where we start. Further I've learned about the family insanity titled, 'the family script'. I was it, from birth, and did inherit the family insanity from my primary identification. She inherited it from her mother. One of our Dads important jobs of work is, mother being the first love object, at the age of around 8 years to around 13 years the father becomes the 2nd love object. So, both the female and male children gain a breakage from the primary identification, and an easier wrought to break away from the 'family script'. The ugliest addiction the infant acquires from gaining some worst forms of the family script is RAGE- Ken Woods MA. RAGE is an addiction WORSE then a heroin addiction Ken Woods MA. As a matter of fact, once the addiction of rage crosses a certain line, the individual is a goner! This is the dilemma, and making of the huge explosion of the continual growing of SERIAL KILLERS, and every generation the insanity gets a little WORSE-Ken Woods MA. In their subconscious minds they're projecting the growing insanity they've acquired from birth, and saying I'M NOT THE VICTIM FEMALES ARE. We're all on this earth to learn the lessons we're meant to in this lifetime to purify what it is we are, which is energy. Dr. David R. Hawkins Phd. We're all here to work through our Karma. Louis Gittner.
Man oh man. You have an excellent grasp on the truth of the covert narcissist, Dr. Phil. Point by point, you nailed every single detail of two people in my life. Thanks for the advice on how to deal with them in a healthy way.....❤
Was almost my downfall til I recognized I wasn’t the inadequate person. Always trying to please these people and I almost loss my life because I followed their reality. Should have realized that I wasn’t the equal in that relationship and will never be. She(my closest girl) is a chameleon and it was almost too late before I accepted it. Thank you Dr. Phil. So wish I was here when Mom passed in August last year. She loved you and I do too. Any help on overcoming my grief? She was my person and now I’m lost without her. The rest of the family deserted me too. You inspire and strengthen my determination after years of health battles. Blessings, peace and positivity to you and your crew🙏✝️
All about my alcoholic narsisstic mother…it was never enough for her. She died from alcoholism and now I feel better…No one beats me, no one abuses…no one makes drunk troubles…I just live my free life like I am out of prison. My life isn’t perfect without parents…I am from Ukraine, it’s russian occupation and bombing here…But childhood in 90s with narcissistic mother was really a nightmare
It says a whole lot that you feel safer in Russian occupied Ukraine than you did with your mother! I'm sorry you had to deal with that as a child. Prayers for you to heal & grow as a woman & many prayers for your safety & that of your countrymen. I hope the war ends soon.😢
I had a friend with those tendencies .She never gave anything back into the friendship and expected me to cater to her whims. When things didn't go her way she got overly emotional and never took responsibility for her behavior. I got fed up with it, had to block from calling me and walked away from the friendship.
My father, who passed 43 years ago, was a quiet philanthropist despite his humble beginning and successful but still limited economic ability to contribute. My mom, who passed recently, was the same and used for child slave labor in the fields of Oregon during the depression and war, and yet they gave. Wow. She ended up marrying a covert narcissist who moved her away from us. I tried to help her but she couldn't/wouldn't break free. The woman I knew as mother wasn't the woman I saw her transform into to placate and survive her narcissistic husband. It still breaks my heart that she couldn't break free and enjoy myself, and her grandchildren. I'm working through dealing with that.
Thanks for sharing Dr. P. I've spent 40+ years in depth Psychology, and technical game analysis.I've learned most men don't know where our primary identification [mother] leave off and where we start. Further I've learned about the family insanity titled, 'the family script'. I was it, from birth, and did inherit the family insanity from my primary identification. She inherited it from her mother. One of our Dads important jobs of work is, mother being the first love object, at the age of around 8 years to around 13 years the father becomes the 2nd love object. So, both the female and male children gain a breakage from the primary identification, and an easier wrought to break away from the 'family script'. The ugliest addiction the infant acquires from gaining some worst forms of the family script is RAGE- Ken Woods MA. RAGE is an addiction WORSE then a heroin addiction Ken Woods MA. As a matter of fact, once the addiction of rage crosses a certain line, the individual is a goner! This is the dilemma, and making of the huge explosion of the continual growing of SERIAL KILLERS, and every generation the insanity gets a little WORSE-Ken Woods MA. In their subconscious minds they're projecting the growing insanity they've acquired from birth, and saying I'M NOT THE VICTIM FEMALES ARE. We're all on this earth to learn the lessons we're meant to in this lifetime to purify what it is we are, which is energy. Dr. David R. Hawkins Phd. We're all here to work through our Karma. Louis Gittner.
I'm saddened for you as I read this. Please don't make your mother's inadequacies yours. My experience is very similar. My mother passed away last year at 93. She had no relationship with any of her 4 kids.....all successful engineers and retired from the military. Clue #1. Anyway, she died last year. No one knows when, where or how. We don't even know where she is right now. We all have accepted that 'she wanted it this way.' We have all let it go. Do NOT punish yourself for the inadequacies and mean spirit of others....living or dead. Sure there are times I feel some sadness, but that sadness is for me and my own loss of something I never really had.....a mom. She did it her way and good for her. She lived mean and died mean. C'est la vie. We're all happy with families of our own, successful and ready to keep moving on. I believe her intent was to have us cry, melt and give up. NO, she has made us even stronger in her death. Why? Because we choose to. Now, isn't that a slap in a face? She tried to hurt those she left behind and we are greater! Too bad she's not here for us to tell her. She most likely wouldn't care anyway.
I’ve been married for 23 years and almost everything you’ve said really brought my reality to a check. I also just in the last few years had realized my mother is a narcissist and my husband is like her in many ways . When I met my husband I had seen his potential and the good. I am a very strong empath and have been that way since I can remember.I try to always see the best in people and behind the mask of their pain.
You are a very wise guy Dr.Phil! Thanks so much for diving in🙏🏻 This is the 3rd time that I watch this video and I hear something new every time. This time I'm doing better after almost one year no-contact to my Ex and that's why I could laugh about your example with "buying you a new car" and answering to the Covert-Narc: No thank you, I'd rather walk"!☺️ Exactly that happend to me at the end of our relationship as he realized he couldn't keep me trapped anymore. And I am so thankful to have aknowledged how much he had been gaslighting me so many years! And so I walked away and now I'm healing from his fake Persona and the wonderful image that he puts out there and so many people still believe in!
I have read many things and viewed and saved many videos on the subject of Covert Narcissism. Not that I would-but I’ve often thought - what would I show people to make them understand what I went through and this would be it. Thanks for the video. At least I can view it and find comfort even if many others don’t want to know.
Thanks for sharing Dr. P. I've spent 40+ years in depth Psychology, and technical game analysis.I've learned most men don't know where our primary identification [mother] leave off and where we start. Further I've learned about the family insanity titled, 'the family script'. I was it, from birth, and did inherit the family insanity from my primary identification. She inherited it from her mother. One of our Dads important jobs of work is, mother being the first love object, at the age of around 8 years to around 13 years the father becomes the 2nd love object. So, both the female and male children gain a breakage from the primary identification, and an easier wrought to break away from the 'family script'. The ugliest addiction the infant acquires from gaining some worst forms of the family script is RAGE- Ken Woods MA. RAGE is an addiction WORSE then a heroin addiction Ken Woods MA. As a matter of fact, once the addiction of rage crosses a certain line, the individual is a goner! This is the dilemma, and making of the huge explosion of the continual growing of SERIAL KILLERS, and every generation the insanity gets a little WORSE-Ken Woods MA. In their subconscious minds they're projecting the growing insanity they've acquired from birth, and saying I'M NOT THE VICTIM FEMALES ARE. We're all on this earth to learn the lessons we're meant to in this lifetime to purify what it is we are, which is energy. Dr. David R. Hawkins Phd. We're all here to work through our Karma. San Juan-Louis Gittner.
Thanks to my narc mom now I have to deal with feelings of inadequacy, anxiety and depression. A lot of gaslighting and invalidating feelings “oh you can’t take a joke” comments. Now I just tell her that wasn’t funny and when she gaslights me I tell her she might need to get her memory evaluated as she is exhibiting signs of dementia/Alzheimer’s 😂 I’m not putting up with it anymore
Thanks for sharing Dr. P. I've spent 40+ years in depth Psychology, and technical game analysis.I've learned most men don't know where our primary identification [mother] leave off and where we start. Further I've learned about the family insanity titled, 'the family script'. I was it, from birth, and did inherit the family insanity from my primary identification. She inherited it from her mother. One of our Dads important jobs of work is, mother being the first love object, at the age of around 8 years to around 13 years the father becomes the 2nd love object. So, both the female and male children gain a breakage from the primary identification, and an easier wrought to break away from the 'family script'. The ugliest addiction the infant acquires from gaining some worst forms of the family script is RAGE- Ken Woods MA. RAGE is an addiction WORSE then a heroin addiction Ken Woods MA. As a matter of fact, once the addiction of rage crosses a certain line, the individual is a goner! This is the dilemma, and making of the huge explosion of the continual growing of SERIAL KILLERS, and every generation the insanity gets a little WORSE-Ken Woods MA. In their subconscious minds they're projecting the growing insanity they've acquired from birth, and saying I'M NOT THE VICTIM FEMALES ARE. We're all on this earth to learn the lessons we're meant to in this lifetime to purify what it is we are, which is energy. Dr. David R. Hawkins Phd. We're all here to work through our Karma. Louis Gittner.
Even learning about these narcissist people can cause distress. I go slow in listening because is important these videos. Important knowledge. I like the way Dr Phil explain so well.
Thanks for sharing Dr. P. I've spent 40+ years in depth Psychology, and technical game analysis.I've learned most men don't know where our primary identification [mother] leave off and where we start. Further I've learned about the family insanity titled, 'the family script'. I was it, from birth, and did inherit the family insanity from my primary identification. She inherited it from her mother. One of our Dads important jobs of work is, mother being the first love object, at the age of around 8 years to around 13 years the father becomes the 2nd love object. So, both the female and male children gain a breakage from the primary identification, and an easier wrought to break away from the 'family script'. The ugliest addiction the infant acquires from gaining some worst forms of the family script is RAGE- Ken Woods MA. RAGE is an addiction WORSE then a heroin addiction Ken Woods MA. As a matter of fact, once the addiction of rage crosses a certain line, the individual is a goner! This is the dilemma, and making of the huge explosion of the continual growing of SERIAL KILLERS, and every generation the insanity gets a little WORSE-Ken Woods MA. In their subconscious minds they're projecting the growing insanity they've acquired from birth, and saying I'M NOT THE VICTIM FEMALES ARE. We're all on this earth to learn the lessons we're meant to in this lifetime to purify what it is we are, which is energy. Dr. David R. Hawkins Phd. We're all here to work through our Karma. Louis Gittner.
Thank you Dr Phil. Your words really strike a chord of truth. I got away from a narrcisscist husband (of 24.5 yrs) I was just so happy to get on w my life I didn't look back. Your input is incredibly helpful and insightful. There are those times my current husband (of 16 yrs) and I are around him for children and grandchildren events. Thanks for the guidance. Im so thankful how good my life is now. I sure appreciate your pointers for staying healthy and at peace through those interactions. I stopped "helping him out" no matter how he asks or gets someone else to ask for him. I dont explain anymore. I finally get it. Thanks for the help.
I can remember my sweet sixteen birthday party where I asked my narcissistic Mother for a party, and she declared... "Well, throw you a PARTY???? I don't know who would COME!" She handed me one of her old suits (which I had admired) out of her closet, said 'Happy Birthday!' and walked away sullen and teary eyed. I plotted at THAT moment how I could get away from her from that point forward. What Mother would go to such lengths to make her child feel that she was the ONLY one on planet earth who cared for them. Disgusting is an understatement.
Once I knew she was a narcissist and she knew I knew.. Poof … she disappeared… Thank God.. Let’s not be too tough on ourselves… lol.. most of us have some of the narcissistic tendencies, but if we recognize it, regret it, or better yet, feel guilt over it… you’re normal 🙂💙🙏🏼 be mindful
Sadly, as a child I picked up the rescuer for my father. My brothers did not. I took this into my life and married one. I eventually left and have learned so much since then. Gaslighting was the key to confusion. Glad for you and others bringing this forward. Hope it helps many others as they go forward in life.
As a child, I was not allowed to sit with the family at dinner time, i eat my dinner in my room from age 8 to 12 years old. We were all afraid of my Dad. And that's just one of my punishments.😢 I grew up and seeked help in my 30s and I became the survivor and no longer the victim. I'm in my 60s now, was happy married for 25 years. He passed away in 2006 and my whole life changed. I stayed single until 2020, i met the most kind man and full of love, but it's changed for the dark side. It's been a year and I'm done and for the first time I realized that the up bringing i survived is what made me strong enough to walk away from this. I will never fear the man, I will respect the man 💯 there is no fixing this person, and if there is help for this person I became involved with, I wish them well because it will not be by me.
Thanks for sharing Dr. P. I've spent 40+ years in depth Psychology, and technical game analysis.I've learned most men don't know where our primary identification [mother] leave off and where we start. Further I've learned about the family insanity titled, 'the family script'. I was it, from birth, and did inherit the family insanity from my primary identification. She inherited it from her mother. One of our Dads important jobs of work is, mother being the first love object, at the age of around 8 years to around 13 years the father becomes the 2nd love object. So, both the female and male children gain a breakage from the primary identification, and an easier wrought to break away from the 'family script'. The ugliest addiction the infant acquires from gaining some worst forms of the family script is RAGE- Ken Woods MA. RAGE is an addiction WORSE then a heroin addiction Ken Woods MA. As a matter of fact, once the addiction of rage crosses a certain line, the individual is a goner! This is the dilemma, and making of the huge explosion of the continual growing of SERIAL KILLERS, and every generation the insanity gets a little WORSE-Ken Woods MA. In their subconscious minds they're projecting the growing insanity they've acquired from birth, and saying I'M NOT THE VICTIM FEMALES ARE. We're all on this earth to learn the lessons we're meant to in this lifetime to purify what it is we are, which is energy. Dr. David R. Hawkins Phd. We're all here to work through our Karma. San Juan-Louis Gittner.
Everything was a thousand he's. You nailed every aspect of narcissism. They need to teach this in school before they choose a life partner. Narcissism is deadly and that is not an exaggeration. I will be the 5th person in my family to die from narcissistic abuse. Such will be my fate. That moment of clarity when you realize your parent is a serial killer and your their next victim and there's no way out. Yes they want the same thing , to destroy women, to prop their fragile egos up at her expense. I'm tired of swimming oceans for someone who would not step over a mud puddle for me.
Thanks for sharing Dr. P. I've spent 40+ years in depth Psychology, and technical game analysis.I've learned most men don't know where our primary identification [mother] leave off and where we start. Further I've learned about the family insanity titled, 'the family script'. I was it, from birth, and did inherit the family insanity from my primary identification. She inherited it from her mother. One of our Dads important jobs of work is, mother being the first love object, at the age of around 8 years to around 13 years the father becomes the 2nd love object. So, both the female and male children gain a breakage from the primary identification, and an easier wrought to break away from the 'family script'. The ugliest addiction the infant acquires from gaining some worst forms of the family script is RAGE- Ken Woods MA. RAGE is an addiction WORSE then a heroin addiction Ken Woods MA. As a matter of fact, once the addiction of rage crosses a certain line, the individual is a goner! This is the dilemma, and making of the huge explosion of the continual growing of SERIAL KILLERS, and every generation the insanity gets a little WORSE-Ken Woods MA. In their subconscious minds they're projecting the growing insanity they've acquired from birth, and saying I'M NOT THE VICTIM FEMALES ARE. We're all on this earth to learn the lessons we're meant to in this lifetime to purify what it is we are, which is energy. Dr. David R. Hawkins Phd. We're all here to work through our Karma. Louis Gittner.
I am truly grateful for you and others who are helping so many of us cope and heal from the hurt it causes. I thank you for the good things you bring to this narrative and discussion.
I was mentally tortured by a narcissist. I actually started thinking there was something wrong with me. I’m blessed that I’m in a better place. Discarded him from my life and blocked him from everything
you just talking about my big brother, he will do anything to take all away from you! he always hate everyone, its always wrong in others and dont you dear to go against him! then he gets you in any means, true family, true friends! everything to destroy you the best is just to leave to save your soul its so scary to hear the words you say because i feel everything in my gut as a big bang that has an enormous effect on me. i live today whit cptsd and have agoraphobia. mother was narcissistic and my brother is what you talk about here. thanks for putting it in light
It is amazing to hear what you just said about 'givers' and 'takers'. Long before I have heard the term 'narcissism' I figured, that our small family was divided in to two groups: givers (father and I) and takers (mother and the golden sister). Good to know I am not crazy or mean to have had such thoughts.
Dr. Phil, thank you. I have been studying this topic for almost a year, and I never cease to learn something new with every dive. I find your opinions on this topic to be refreshing and your perspective uniquely poignant. The way you lay things out with an attitude of calm and patience has helped me to see things in a new light in regards to my personal healing and general study. Thank you very much for what you do.
Not only is Dr. Phil spot on, but so are the comments. I agree that you cant change them. You cant gain higher ground and if you do, it caused yourself so much it wasn't worth trying. It really sucks. All of this is true. Everything he says and all of the comments here are accurate.
Thank you for the message. I was living with a cover Narc I moved out and am going to get a Divorce from that sick person. Thank you so so much. Your words are so true. In the Name of the Father Son and Holy Spirit Amen Amen Amen Amen Amen Amen Amen. 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
This program is great! It’s just like having a one-on-one with you. Sometimes I wonder if I and my husband both have narcissistic tendencies. I think the worst thing I experience from him is that he’s never wrong. In response I refuse to acknowledge his version of the truth and get very angry. Thanks for pointing this disorder out so I can understand and improve myself at least!
"The trash took itself out." Such a wonderful description of my experience of the relief (at no longer being backstabbed and abused) after cutting off multiple narcissists. I had such a great laugh. I am saving this video to share with my daughter when she is ready to listen as narcissist have also infiltrated her life. Thank you :)
I don't know if I will ever be at peace with everything in life as I was before living with a narcissist. I have agreed with everything Dr. Phil has said over the many years of listening to him..... Even if I ignore what the narcissistic person in my life says, it irritates him the same as if I had said something wrong. That is why I agree that no matter what you say or do, YOU are the bad person.
You just describe a guy I used to work with. He had a deceptively charming personality. I would have never have detected the secret rage inside this person if I had not heard his vicious remarks about people who were convinced he was a friend and a sweetheart. He was secretly undermining every person who he felt had some advantage he did not have. Unfortunately, he got several people fired, including myself. That company lost several loyal, industrious and talented people because the boss listened to his constant tearing them down. Only after all the productive people were gone did this boss become aware of her mistake. This guy was cheating on his time card, sleeping on the job and wasting hours of time on personal pursuits. One day he refused to do a job which he considered beneath his dignity and was promptly fired. I am still astounded that the boss did not observe what was going on long before she lost some of her hardest working people.
I lived with a narcissist for 30+ years. My only relief was to go to a hotel where he knew I wasn't. I never felt so free. I just happen to call him and he says "your son is dead". I screamed and broke. Laying on the floor. My son was not dead. This was his way of punishing me.
Covers are so B.O.R.I.N.G. and miserable people. Keep firm boundaries, and don't waste your time arguing your truth or share your genuine thoughts and feelings. These people are dead inside. Soulless. Personality less. And if you allow them, they'll destroy your health. Don't let them. Coverts are pathetic, always the victim, sullen. So pathetic. So pitiful.
I know you are not reading all the comments, so I do not even now why I am typing this, but I am. This is dead on. I was married to one and after 14 years and after divorce, it still took me another 14 years of therapy to learn and understand it and it still is a work of art to handle it.
Narcissists I dealt with in my life never, ever, had a problem to ask for anything they needed. On the contrary, seems like not that they do not have a problem with that kind of "vulnerability" - they acted as if it is your obligation to help them, be there for them, do things for them. And if you were a fool enough to ask them for help, sometimes, even for a small one, either they would turned you down, without blink of an eye or they would promise anything but do nothing. However, they would make a big deal from that promised help, which never occurred and immediately ask you do them a favor for a "favor".
So freaked out trying to navigate live with the fear of repeated cycle abuse gravitating to what you know vs embracing the unfamiliar , because you perceive kindness as fake!!!
I just love you Dr Phil. Thank you so much for this video. I was married to a covert narc for 17 long, horrible years. I didn’t know he was this until I got out. Turns out he’s textbook! Luckily I’m in therapy twice a week working my way out of all the damage I’ve been left with.
Thanks for sharing Dr. P. I've spent 40+ years in depth Psychology, and technical game analysis.I've learned most men don't know where our primary identification [mother] leave off and where we start. Further I've learned about the family insanity titled, 'the family script'. I was it, from birth, and did inherit the family insanity from my primary identification. She inherited it from her mother. One of our Dads important jobs of work is, mother being the first love object, at the age of around 8 years to around 13 years the father becomes the 2nd love object. So, both the female and male children gain a breakage from the primary identification, and an easier wrought to break away from the 'family script'. The ugliest addiction the infant acquires from gaining some worst forms of the family script is RAGE- Ken Woods MA. RAGE is an addiction WORSE then a heroin addiction Ken Woods MA. As a matter of fact, once the addiction of rage crosses a certain line, the individual is a goner! This is the dilemma, and making of the huge explosion of the continual growing of SERIAL KILLERS, and every generation the insanity gets a little WORSE-Ken Woods MA. In their subconscious minds they're projecting the growing insanity they've acquired from birth, and saying I'M NOT THE VICTIM FEMALES ARE. We're all on this earth to learn the lessons we're meant to in this lifetime to purify what it is we are, which is energy. Dr. David R. Hawkins Phd. We're all here to work through our Karma. San Juan-Louis Gittner.
Thank u Dr. Phil. U have given me strength as I move forward in my 12+ year relationship. I won't be able to change him but I know how to stay strong. ❤ I'm done trying to 'fix' him. I just leave him alone. I will find happiness someday. 😢
What's terrible about a narcissistic relationship is that they will never take accountability/responsibility for their actions,in the end we will always be the problem.Took me long time to get over an finally find my peace.
It is very hard when you are the mother of an adult narcissist son. You want better for them. But I know I can only deal with so much. And you are right about gaslighting. Thank you for your help.
Choosing justice over your son would help tremendously. Sincerely from a woman with a former MIL who made her son a narcissist. He almost put me in an early grave with the help of his mother.
I use to be that way too, thank you for sharing! 😂I guess you never see your self as a covert narcissist! I was very judgemental and I hated criticism to any degree and I was very bitter. And I don't want to be want to be self righteous! So I have to really work at it. Being 59 years old and doubt myself, means that I was abused also. Being abused is no excuse for being abusive! Thank you dr.phil
![Felix "Unfair" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Oswujxm2Ag0/mqdefault.jpg)
After a 27 yr marriage to a narcissist I'll give one piece of advice.... NEVER share a vulnerable emotion with them because they will eventually use it against you
Omg so true I’m talking from experience and feeling like it barely survived it. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same again.
@@virginiajames9465same here! I'll never be the same.
@@virginiajames9465one thing for sure, you’re a lot wiser now! Theres a lot of good people on RUclips, educate yourself fully and read comments. That really helps the healing process. 🙏 Kris Reeves is one I like.
Yes very very true. Don't share anything with them for that matter.
So true
Silence is golden with a narcissist I've finally found that out!!! And you can't win with them. And I know now you can't fix them.
My heart has been broken into a million pieces from the silent treatment. It's so painful.😢😢😢
The saints PROVE YOU WRONG FOREVER! Silence is GOD'S WEAPON, NOT THE NARCISSIST'S!
I just found silence this year, it is golden ✨️ true, you can never win!
I know I have to bite my tongue with my brother but as soon as I don't have to deal with him anymore the better
@@sandragill7289I just lost 2 million dollars for saying f u to my older brother who is the executiver of mom's trust. Believe me, it's worth it!!!
I’m 59. I spent 57 years trying to make my mother proud, then I learned about covert narcissism and my whole world changed. I became the greyest of grey rocks. She countered w the silent treatment! I can’t tell u how much I love the silent treatment from her! I’m finding peace at long last!
I had the same kind of relationship with my mother. She died 2 years ago and I'm only now learning how much of a narcissist she really was. I wish I'd known then what i know now about narcissism. I would have responded to her differently and i wouldn't have been so miserable.
Same. People who critize saying, " But she's your mother! How can you not have a relationship w/ your mother?" These people are ignorant. There are MANY mothers whose children should not have a relationship wirh them. HEALTHY people terminate any association with a narcissist. Unhealthy people maintain a relationship with a narcissist.
@@paulamiller6109Isn't it the greatest gift to understand narcisism?
Our Son has gone silent for 7 weeks and has bro😮our grandchildren for a visit. All because we question ed him about where he spent money we gave him to get out of debit.
What can I can do to see the children
Marty
iI I’LL A KK LOL
Don't take it personal.
Set boundaries.
Don't feel bad.
Don't expect an apology.
❤ 30:17 Narcs have no balls.
Brilliant advice! Short and sweet. I’d like to add…and get far away from them.
GET AWAY FROM THEM. NEVER LOOM BACK !!!😮
keep in mind this is only for covert narcs. other narcs will use apologies to manipulate.
@@jessmason2112 yes they are cowards.
They start a bunch of 💩 💩 & then when you get pissed off they play victim! 😂
Yes indeed!
Reactive abuse
100%
Oh yeah
Yes , They Also Play The Extremely Arrogant Queer Person As Well
I was married to a narcissist for 55 years and I never knew what it meant. My husband and I moved in with my daughter seven years ago and she told me mom you don’t need to live like that and I really didn’t know what she meant until she started explaining to me that he was a narcissist he was never going to change and I didn’t deserve to be treated like that, she got me moving. He is not here anymore. He has been moved to a nursing home because he can’t take care of himself and neither can I. It’s just very freeing to live alone with my dog and my daughter. I thank God for her every day, she is my angel because she recognized what was going on when I didn’t .
The best thing after a narcissistic relationship, is I observe every word and action, the saddest part after a narcissistic relationship, is I observe every word and action..
Well said. Me too
Im 60 and met him when I was 21 he was 25. , And I'm just tryin. G. 0way more credit and trust than he actually even can handle..., Let alone even ask for. So I'm just wondering why? Why me?
Same here, with a side order of distrust and suspicion.
Growing up in abuse, that is how my PTSD brain works constantly. It was programmed to from the beginning. Not a wonder I’m 36 and happily single with one real friend😅 😂
@@lynnebucher6537 that’s what looking closely at every word and action IS. That IS suspicion and distrust lol
The hardest thing to accept is the fact you will never get closure from a Covert Narcissistic.
The disrespect and evilness is all the closure one should need...their devils in disguise 🥸😔
Nope 😢
@@ninath13Amen , very toxic person , fake & gaslighting .
Just saving your soul from their evil is good enough.
Acceptance goes together with forgiveness. Forgiving, but never forgetting!
I was married to a controlling narcissist for 34 years. He abandoned me and our 23 year old special needs daughter in a house that was unsafe. I recently learned what "gaslighting" is. For the past 10 years he kept telling me I was ruining our marriage and after a while I began to believe him and was committed to a mental institution for a few days. I've cried so much in the last 10 years that I strained my vocal chords and lost my voice for over a year. Gaslighting is REAL
That is awful I hope you're doing better now. I have experienced gaslighting myself and it brought on the worst case of cognitive dissonance of my life. It was truly awful, and the perpetrator, a practicing therapist... Dead serious.
I understand. I didn't check into a psychiatric hospital because I had no idea how to explain my own problems or story.
@@SurvivorC always trust yourself and your intuition and never be reticent to consider foul play/lies/gaslighting it's very common.
@@itzajdmting❤😢 I’m
I have similar experience
Most dangerous question a narcissist asks you is, "Whats wrong?" They dont care, they just want to start an argument to get supply.
They also use that line to gather information so they know where to go with the ensuing argument. They get off on it.
Man....where was this advice a few weeks ago..... I dared to say I was burned out and needed help when he asked me what was wrong. HUGE MISTAKE . Fell for it again...
There’s a mighty, big difference between someone who is intelligent and smart compared to someone who is shifty and cunning.
Exactly, 45 years of lies, manipulation, gaslighting, abandonment, violent out rage when you confront and expose them which comes with a great deal of panic and accuse you to deflect from themselves. It's a on going miserable life for the spouse. I'm so great ful I don't have to be exposed to the toxic air any longer. ✝️
You are not alone! I have freedom and happiness for the 1st time in two decades!! Congratulations to you!
Yes and usually narcissists are the agreeable type, not pronouncing their vague/illusive smarts, as many really aren’t learned. Time away from self adulation will only verify the imagination and intelligence of authors deemed better by that narcissist. Seek out the panic in them, then they will always deny their lack of intelligence but their ability to evade the truth.
🎉🎉 absolutely!! one type, uses it for good and growth come over himself and humanity. The other type uses it to see how they can get one over on people. This is the face of evil witch. They’ve been talking about for thousands of years. We finally have a name for a command, some understanding of how it happened, and the genetics!🎉🎉
Thanks for sharing Dr. P. I've spent 40+ years in depth Psychology, and technical game analysis.I've learned most men don't know where our primary identification [mother] leave off and where we start. Further I've learned about the family insanity titled, 'the family script'. I was it, from birth, and did inherit the family insanity from my primary identification. She inherited it from her mother. One of our Dads important jobs of work is, mother being the first love object, at the age of around 8 years to around 13 years the father becomes the 2nd love object. So, both the female and male children gain a breakage from the primary identification, and an easier wrought to break away from the 'family script'. The ugliest addiction the infant acquires from gaining some worst forms of the family script is RAGE- Ken Woods MA. RAGE is an addiction WORSE then a heroin addiction Ken Woods MA. As a matter of fact, once the addiction of rage crosses a certain line, the individual is a goner! This is the dilemma, and making of the huge explosion of the continual growing of SERIAL KILLERS, and every generation the insanity gets a little WORSE-Ken Woods MA. In their subconscious minds they're projecting the growing insanity they've acquired from birth, and saying I'M NOT THE VICTIM FEMALES ARE. We're all on this earth to learn the lessons we're meant to in this lifetime to purify what it is we are, which is energy. Dr. David R. Hawkins Phd. We're all here to work through our Karma. Louis Gittner.
The silent treatment! The stonewalling! The aggression! The endless gaslighting! When I stopped playing the game, silence. Peace. Creativity. kindness. Patience with myself. Compassion. Joy.
Laughter! Friends! CONNECTION. It's not easy at first. Don't beat yourself up. Embrace the awkwardness and realize that they were the ones that created it. Take it as a gift. Thank you for the gift.
Did that really work?
I’m going through all of that because of my daughters. I’m lost
I am new finding out. I am married to a narcissist. He sucks the joy out daily as he is very abusive. His mom is also! Wish I left him decades ago. I am in the process now after 35 years.
Thank you Phil!
Your screen full name can get you in trouble here.
I read your comment and thought I had posted and forgot! Bless your dear, shattered heart-I am just like you.
OMG 😳😢 I will pray for you 🙏
Much Love and strengthen your way!!! He uses PTSD from being a Marine as an excuse why he acts this way. Which is bullisht. I FINALLY realized who I’m dealing with after 8 years and two young kiddos.
One late night, I went down another rabbit hole on the internet trying to figure out how to help him and our relationship, and I just so happened to read about narcissism and the covert narc. A year and half later, a beautiful baby boy, and dealing with constant negativity and misery, I am beyond a doubt, sure he’s indeed a C.N.
You are spot on when you say “sucks the joy out daily”. Simply walking into the same room I’ll feel this HEAVY negative energy that will snatch any glimmer of happiness out of my being.
I’m currently trying to figure out the best way to leave this toxic “relationship”, because our kids deserve better then to be around this every single day.
I wish you nothing but the best
He took enough of your time, you now get to enjoy the rest of your life being in peace and making up for lost time!! You enjoy getting to know the new you!! Congratulations on your new life!! You're gonna love it!! And try to look forward instead of back! Be good to yourself
I married two covert narcissists, currently married to the 2nd. I will never marry again because I don’t make good choices with men. I love spending time alone and in relationship with the Lord. This gives me strength and peace. Thanks Phil. 😊
Me too! Been single for 7 years and its been the best time of my life. Any time I try to date, it ends up a narcissist. I no longer go there and enjoy my life as is.
Ditto! I’ve lived alone for 15 years now and have no desire to even date. I’m free and have never been happier.
We attract them. They are great to date but make terrible husbands. I married one, I picked him, and we’re married 27 years. We’ve been divorced 12 years and they have been the best, most peaceful of my life. I won’t remarry because I can’t trust myself to choose.
I hear you and am where you are after 35 years.
That is exactly what I am doing.
Definitely agreed, being abused is not an excuse to abuse other people
Yet, it happens. And when it does, the unresolved wounds of a person with a sociopathic disorder brought about by past trauma is..if anything, not truly responsible. What each person needs to do is: stop jumping headlong into the sack and relationships with people. Measure who your parents are and be dicerning
I stopped holding my tongue after my ex, I got punishment Either way, so why not call the problem out.
Turns out most people don't like solutions to problems.
I don't like problems.
Most people have/make problems.
I just avoid people.
But now I enjoy arguments instead of running from them
Thanks for sharing Dr. P. I've spent 40+ years in depth Psychology, and technical game analysis.I've learned most men don't know where our primary identification [mother] leave off and where we start. Further I've learned about the family insanity titled, 'the family script'. I was it, from birth, and did inherit the family insanity from my primary identification. She inherited it from her mother. One of our Dads important jobs of work is, mother being the first love object, at the age of around 8 years to around 13 years the father becomes the 2nd love object. So, both the female and male children gain a breakage from the primary identification, and an easier wrought to break away from the 'family script'. The ugliest addiction the infant acquires from gaining some worst forms of the family script is RAGE- Ken Woods MA. RAGE is an addiction WORSE then a heroin addiction Ken Woods MA. As a matter of fact, once the addiction of rage crosses a certain line, the individual is a goner! This is the dilemma, and making of the huge explosion of the continual growing of SERIAL KILLERS, and every generation the insanity gets a little WORSE-Ken Woods MA. In their subconscious minds they're projecting the growing insanity they've acquired from birth, and saying I'M NOT THE VICTIM FEMALES ARE. We're all on this earth to learn the lessons we're meant to in this lifetime to purify what it is we are, which is energy. Dr. David R. Hawkins Phd. We're all here to work through our Karma. Louis Gittner.
My father started dropping into conversation recently how he never knew where he stood with his own father (add a doting mother to this equation and we have the perfect ingredients for NPD).... I later realised that he was telling me this as an explanation for his behaviour towards me as a child. My mother told me when I was in the crib crying as an infant, my father lost his temper, went to me, picked me up, and then dropped me from shoulder height. Fortunately I survived, but I always wondered why my mother didn't just keep that to herself, instead of causing more pain for me to take throughout my entire life. My sister has married someone just like my father, unfortunately for her she can't see what will happen then years down the line when the novelty has worn off and everything must bend to his will.
True
Covert narcissists also put on a perfect persona outside their home, while being a tyrant inside their home. Therefore, their affected family, spouse, children, can’t get any support from others. Their complaints get minimized.
Perfectly said! Thank you. God less you
Yes,they are very good at hiding who they really are too others 😮
How true!
That is my exact situation. She has twisted my words and poisoned my children's minds against me. They think I am the bad guy because I never say anything bad about their mother to them as I think that is weak and sick. But she makes it her normal behavior. Anything I accomplish she belittles. They think she is a living God. It's sick and I am sick of it. But at least now I know what is happening.
@@benkanobe7500 Soo sorry 😔 this is VERY aggravating I feel you. Turn to the power of GOD that's what helped me get through and understand what I was up against. Pastor Kevin la Ewing is a good teacher on this he has a couple of videos on this and other things we deal with with these People 👌🏽🤗
People don't talk about "leveling" anymore, which surprises me because that's what narcissists try to do: They try to level you down so they can feel superior. Leveling.
Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know going into a relationship with a narcissist.
Forgive yourself for knowing what they are, and still repeating the cycle.
Forgive yourself for expecting that things can be any better or different with them, trying to reason with them, explaining yourself to them, or trying to convince them you deserve to be loved.
Walk away and pour all the energy and love into yourself that you would normally give to somebody who doesn’t deserve, and can’t understand, real love.
I do beat myself up for all these things. Thanks
I have a covert narcissist step daughter. I’ve learned to stay out of her life, I am friendly when we speak, but avoid any meaningful discussions. Life is so much better this way.
I just learned that my niece is a covert narcissist. Interestingly so, it’s a MUST to keep the conversations with them LIMITED, And swiftly moving! When you know about them, oh, you definitely know!
maybe you yourself are the covert narc
Before I learned about this I was getting the life sucked out of me and felt terrible anytime I interacted in anyway with her, Dr Phil described her to the T
@@SantinoWilliams3321 I can relate.
Thanks for sharing Dr. P. I've spent 40+ years in depth Psychology, and technical game analysis.I've learned most men don't know where our primary identification [mother] leave off and where we start. Further I've learned about the family insanity titled, 'the family script'. I was it, from birth, and did inherit the family insanity from my primary identification. She inherited it from her mother. One of our Dads important jobs of work is, mother being the first love object, at the age of around 8 years to around 13 years the father becomes the 2nd love object. So, both the female and male children gain a breakage from the primary identification, and an easier wrought to break away from the 'family script'. The ugliest addiction the infant acquires from gaining some worst forms of the family script is RAGE- Ken Woods MA. RAGE is an addiction WORSE then a heroin addiction Ken Woods MA. As a matter of fact, once the addiction of rage crosses a certain line, the individual is a goner! This is the dilemma, and making of the huge explosion of the continual growing of SERIAL KILLERS, and every generation the insanity gets a little WORSE-Ken Woods MA. In their subconscious minds they're projecting the growing insanity they've acquired from birth, and saying I'M NOT THE VICTIM FEMALES ARE. We're all on this earth to learn the lessons we're meant to in this lifetime to purify what it is we are, which is energy. Dr. David R. Hawkins Phd. We're all here to work through our Karma. Louis Gittner.
I was married to a dangerous, evil Narcissist. We lived in Oregon. One day we went hiking in the wilderness. He often would take off for a short distance without me. I thought nothing of it, until I heard him at the truck. He sped off and left me there.
I hiked to the main road. It was dusk, and there were no other cars. I was in an area known for mountain lions. I was terrified.
It became dark, and I had no flashlight to see where I was going.
About 45 minutes later, I heard a car coming. It was actually a truck, and it turned out to be him.
I cried and sobbed, asking him how he could do that to me.
His words were, "Don't be hysterical! It was just a joke."
I left him and moved to Maine.
@@happydog2191 Just saw your reply.
It's just so unbelievable how evil these Narcs can be!!! I am glad you and I both made it out alive. A lot of women aren't so lucky. Take care, my Sista!
😮😮😮Good for you!!!!! No second chance needed.
I hope he'll not follow you to Maine...
So happy to hear you left him ❤❤❤
@@melaniegerard2582 I'm so glad it ended well, that dangerous night, and it ended wel by you escaping his terror, by moving in Maine. I hope he'll not show up inMaine, though.
After surviving narcissistic abuse only to encounter others afterwards with similar traits, have to admit it's become a challenge to meet new people. I see a lot, I feel a lot and sad truth is the bad guys outweighs the decent ones out here. Sad times😭
Agreed. So sad indeed.
Its another shock all by itself to see how messed up people truly are. 😢
People who are the nice guy are becoming like the bad guys because it’s all that works for women a lot of us have encountered narcissistic women also. The worst thing you can do is pick up the narcissistic traits though that’s what they wanted.
Same here I'm afraid to connect with people
@@Christian_Princess I understand, some folks are really not making it easy out here for others.
I have challenged my mom and it was horrible. She didn't care at all and continued the gaslighting. There is no hope to change them, but I think it helped me to understand that I need to keep her out of my life, although this goes against what I feel. It's hard to accept that your mother doesn't love you and doesn't care, but I think it's neccessary to accept it so you can move on and stop expecting from the parent to care about you.
I'm 63, a veteran and a survivor of a narcissistic father, and husband, and I also survived a narcissist boss! I have PTSD, not from the military, but the child and domestic abuse. Now my daughter is married to a covert narcissist, and I recognize a lot of the red flags because of my own experience. I have watched her suffer, but she loves him, thinks he loves her, and she is buying into all of his lies and gaslighting. I told her that only she will know when its time to leave. 💔 All of the things you discussed in this video are the things I picked up on when I first met my daughters boyfriend, and, i think it was over a year later that they married. My feelings didn't get any better, and I tried to warn her, but she wouldn't listen, just like I didn't listen, and I paid a high price for it. I was so desperate to get away from my dad, i ended up in a very abusive relationship, but it took three more bad marriages for me to say I've had enough. My last marriage was the worst, and he was the poster child for covert narcissistic behavior. He is the one who really broke me, and I stayed until he died after sixteen years of marriage. I don't think I will ever be myself again, so it breaks my heart to see my daughter go through the same thing as I did 😢 I could write a book on this subject, but I"m a survivor!
Keep praying she will leave and not waste her life like we did
Write a book. Even if you don't publish it. Maybe it will mean something to daughter when she finally sees the light. At the very least, it will be therapeutic to you to release all the pent up hurt.
I vote write one.
Write the book. A journal dedicated to just that subject... use loose leaf paper if you want to make sure things are in order... it will be healing for you and maybe offer knowledge and healing to one more person.... wow. You can do it!
respectuflly, you do not know if your child is married to a narcissist. Im sorry but you may be projecting.
Dr. Phil, I was married to a narcissist who was covert & grandiose. He was an entrepreneur & highly driven by image & money & used that to gaslight me why he wasn't home, never gave me more than 10 minutes a day of interaction.
I can’t believe I’m only stumbling upon these videos just now! I have been watching Dr. Ramani -almost exclusively- for several years now. I like his way of doing things much better. He’s very good at keeping my ADHD brain engaged. He’s clear, concise, gives pertinent info and he’s really good at describing things that you actually visualize it. And I learn so much better. You’re amazing and talented, Dr. Phil. Please continue making these videos and please don’t ever stop ❤
He is doing a great job breaking it down. He earns his money❤
Yes i avoided Phil because of the silly TV shows, but just started listening today and he's just what you described. So good at explaining things i've known lots about the last couple of years more and more, but it's great to hear Phil and a few others lay it out the way they do.
I don’t like her. She is wrong on some points.
HG Tudor is the man imho -
@@Threemore650 I'm interested in what things she is wrong about? I have such high confidence in her I pretty much swallow everything she says
They’re all really good! ❤️
After 41 years married to a narcissist I can attest you are saying the truth. Thanks, Dr Phil.
41 years !? Glad Im single & happily alone.
To all narcissists victims - you are awesome x
Thank you. 😊
My mom was a narcissist. 36 years she had a hold on me. I'm finally getting my independence
Yes, they are so covert with it. They fool others... They are so manipulative.
Pastor Kevin la Ewing is a great teacher on how they operate with the Jezebel spirit..... He explains it and he shows you
About the word of GOD' 🙌🏽 that helps when dealing with this disease.❤
Not only do they think they’re special, they put everyone else down with insults, under the guise of jokes
Thanks for sharing Dr. P. I've spent 40+ years in depth Psychology, and technical game analysis.I've learned most men don't know where our primary identification [mother] leave off and where we start. Further I've learned about the family insanity titled, 'the family script'. I was it, from birth, and did inherit the family insanity from my primary identification. She inherited it from her mother. One of our Dads important jobs of work is, mother being the first love object, at the age of around 8 years to around 13 years the father becomes the 2nd love object. So, both the female and male children gain a breakage from the primary identification, and an easier wrought to break away from the 'family script'. The ugliest addiction the infant acquires from gaining some worst forms of the family script is RAGE- Ken Woods MA. RAGE is an addiction WORSE then a heroin addiction Ken Woods MA. As a matter of fact, once the addiction of rage crosses a certain line, the individual is a goner! This is the dilemma, and making of the huge explosion of the continual growing of SERIAL KILLERS, and every generation the insanity gets a little WORSE-Ken Woods MA. In their subconscious minds they're projecting the growing insanity they've acquired from birth, and saying I'M NOT THE VICTIM FEMALES ARE. We're all on this earth to learn the lessons we're meant to in this lifetime to purify what it is we are, which is energy. Dr. David R. Hawkins Phd. We're all here to work through our Karma-Louis Gittner.
Yes mine did this always
Yep.
I learned the “not worth trying to help” when dealing a narcissist. Was friends and played music together for over a decade with the guy. Mixed with an alcohol problem, I tried to help so many times, and wasted so much time trying to “be there” and offer a lending hand. And then you see the mental manipulation these people have. All they want deep down is only benefits to their lives. No consideration for others
Took me a year or two of therapy to not feel guilty about cutting them out, and going no contact. This is a horrible type of human being to be associated with. I highly recommend avoiding and disassociating with these personality types. They ruin peoples lives. My quality of life and just overall everything got better for me after getting the narcissist out of my life. Dr. Phil nails this 100% on the head. Thanks Phil for using your voice to let everyone know.
And if you are in this situation, don’t feel like you’re obligated to keep associating with this type of person. If they won’t help themselves, then that is their problem. Be happy with yourself, and be around others that deserve your attention, not the narcissist. You are worth more than some asshole. Be well.
Thank you. Yes he made me feel like I'm worthless and always like I am not good enough at all. He loved to compare me to other women, just to hurt me on purpose. I'm glad to be away from him. I feel so much better now. I have been educating myself more about this disorder and other disorders like it.
Thanks for sharing Dr. P. I've spent 40+ years in depth Psychology, and technical game analysis.I've learned most men don't know where our primary identification [mother] leave off and where we start. Further I've learned about the family insanity titled, 'the family script'. I was it, from birth, and did inherit the family insanity from my primary identification. She inherited it from her mother. One of our Dads important jobs of work is, mother being the first love object, at the age of around 8 years to around 13 years the father becomes the 2nd love object. So, both the female and male children gain a breakage from the primary identification, and an easier wrought to break away from the 'family script'. The ugliest addiction the infant acquires from gaining some worst forms of the family script is RAGE- Ken Woods MA. RAGE is an addiction WORSE then a heroin addiction Ken Woods MA. As a matter of fact, once the addiction of rage crosses a certain line, the individual is a goner! This is the dilemma, and making of the huge explosion of the continual growing of SERIAL KILLERS, and every generation the insanity gets a little WORSE-Ken Woods MA. In their subconscious minds they're projecting the growing insanity they've acquired from birth, and saying I'M NOT THE VICTIM FEMALES ARE. We're all on this earth to learn the lessons we're meant to in this lifetime to purify what it is we are, which is energy. Dr. David R. Hawkins Phd. We're all here to work through our Karma. Louis Gittner.
It isn’t a mental disorder. They are simply empty, evil people and there is no cure. God bless ❤
Just hearing there is nothing I can/could do to fix or change them is the most incredibly helpful, relieving bit of information and for that Im more than grateful. Yeats of guilt, sense of responsiblily and failure..gone (mostly)
Enlightening! Now I know for sure…married to one for 20 yrs. Finally I had enough and ended the marriage. W 4 kids ….college and HS ages… we all danced! Sadly he died alone, an alcoholic during Covid. This podcast explains him to the ‘T’. I feel so much better after listening. Thank you Dr Phil!
31 years
A close friend of mine experienced a very similar situation to yours. He was a narcissist, gaslighter, male nacho woman hater, liar, substance abusers, gambler, porn watcher, abuser to his family. I didn't mince my words with my friend who was married to him. I said at least one, but probably more than one member of your family will not survive continued relationship with him. They divorced and the wife's freedom didn't last maybe 1 1/2 years because she passed away in her mid 50s. One of the daughters contemplated suicide and fled the house, the other daughter had an emotional breakdown also. He died a couple years after his exwife. He was a physical and emotional wreck! So sad! My own sister is a destroyer and I had to distance myself so far that I haven't talked to her since 2014 as she is super toxic. I've learned the hard way to draw healthy boundaries to protect myself and my family. What Dr. Phil says is all true and good counsel!
@@janetdonaldson2632I strongly understand you, it's a bad demonistic energy..., Good job protecting you and your family that kind of energy is all bad, and traumatic, and unhealthy on many levels!
So glad your family got out. I am in the process of separation and will file for divorce soon. I can't believe I didn't know I was married to a covert narcissist.
@@digitalqueenbee so good you are doing the healthy thing for you. My friend who was married to the narcissist...they both went to the marriage counselor and the counselor had to "release" him (the narcissist). They ran into a wall with him and realized he would not make the changes needed to save the marriage. He had counselling for himself and no improvement there either. Regarding my toxic sibling, I had to control my response because she would not make healthy growth. My response was to break off relationship. My father warned me about her twenty seven years ago. My brother passed away age 40 and my parents both passed. So I hung onto the relationship for way too long in hopes she would mature and grow. It never happened and she absolutely wore me out and I built up too much resentment and bitterness in my heart that was destroying me and interfering in relationships with others. So I forgave her in my heart and released her from my life. After my parents passed I had to deal with all their paperwork, etc. I found letters she wrote to them. They were all loving letters and yet...she was opposite on the phone. She was an absolute mean person and emotionally abusive in big way. I concluded she is very secretive and manipulative. I don't think she wanted to be on record, a letter, her normal behavior. I think she was always trying to get her mother to continue their relationship and trying to get back into good graces. But when my mother spoke on phone with her my sister continue her emotional abuse. I think my sister didn't want me to know how truly mean she was to our mother. She was so out of touch because my mother told me all my sister was saying to my mother on the phone. How could my sister possibly think I never find out! So many of my mother's tears I mopped up! I finally consulted a family counselor for advise. The counselor said my sister should never even be alone with me in the same room. I agreed with her and thought, if this is her advise, then the best thing for me is to protect myself by stopping the relationship. If my sister, who is 13 years my senior, cannot behave responsibly in relationship, and she is in her 70s now, there is very little hope she will change. I already gave her waaaay too many chances, too much of my time. There are people who love and care about me...even friends in my life who treat me more like a sister than my own sister. With a biological sister like mine, who needs enemies? Just because we share dna does not entitle her to treat me poorly! Ditto for anybody else. If anything she should be loving, protective and offering me favor as sister...just like I have given to her, undeservingly. I also realize that I put up with way too much for so many years to attempt to "keep the peace" for the sake of my parents. I should have listened to my father's words of advice so many years ago offering me wisdom as well as permission to, in certain terms, "release" myself from relationship with my sister. I have another friend who had to do the same thing. My friend and I talk about how, though sad we had to let go of certain family members, we are both much much more peaceful and more joyful. We made more room in our lives for experiencing more loving relationships. I share this because there are many people out there who are feeling overwhelmed and stuck in toxic relationships. You can control your end of the situation and find a new level of joy!
I am married to a covert narcissist. Once I figured it out I stopped playing in his world. I live separate from him. I keep strong boundries, limit interactions & have created an entire happy life outside of him. I also have forgiven myself for putting up with his bs.
@@marilyngibson4458 Yeah, once I figured it out after 11 years of marriage, he said I was “no longer his best friend”. More like no longer his best supply!
Thanks for this. Gave me some reassurance that I wasn't going crazy. The narcissist destroyed my family ties with my siblings and my parents, and literally pushed me into the corner. They are complete a**holes and the only solution is to get away from them
The same thing is happening to me. It hurts but I don’t see another way but to separate myself.
God will make a way where there seems to be no way.
You are enough! May everyone find healing and happiness! Taking it slow in getting to know people , not revealing too much about yourself. Setting boundaries. Put yourself first!
My husband has always been quiet, introverted, serving, loyal, protective, easy going, etc. I have always felt he was the greatest husband and father on earth. But in the last three years, he has done a complete 180. The number of narcissistic markers he now displays is unbelievable. So now I question our entire 40 years together. Was I just blind and observed only what I wanted to see? Or did he develop these traits at 55 years of age?
I hope you will not be upset at me asking this highly contentious question but I see the same situation with my sibling. My sibling had the covid shots and quite a few boosters. Others I have talked to have noticed dramatic mental health/attitude changes in their loved ones in the past few yrs & who have had the shots and some boosters.
Did your husband have the covid shots?
If so, did he have more than 2?
@@nope.2523 Great point. This should be considered, though still no excuse for abuse.
I have a dark triad mother, whom I ran away from when I was just 15 and married at 16 with another narc. Got away from him and married a worse narc. I am 9 years free now finally after learning about narcissism 15 years ago. 😊
I went through the same thing.
@natalieo954, you keep stating a “ narc,” What’s a narc? If you mean B a narcissist person those are NOT THE SAME THING!
Thanks for sharing Dr. P. I've spent 40+ years in depth Psychology, and technical game analysis.I've learned most men don't know where our primary identification [mother] leave off and where we start. Further I've learned about the family insanity titled, 'the family script'. I was it, from birth, and did inherit the family insanity from my primary identification. She inherited it from her mother. One of our Dads important jobs of work is, mother being the first love object, at the age of around 8 years to around 13 years the father becomes the 2nd love object. So, both the female and male children gain a breakage from the primary identification, and an easier wrought to break away from the 'family script'. The ugliest addiction the infant acquires from gaining some worst forms of the family script is RAGE- Ken Woods MA. RAGE is an addiction WORSE then a heroin addiction Ken Woods MA. As a matter of fact, once the addiction of rage crosses a certain line, the individual is a goner! This is the dilemma, and making of the huge explosion of the continual growing of SERIAL KILLERS, and every generation the insanity gets a little WORSE-Ken Woods MA. In their subconscious minds they're projecting the growing insanity they've acquired from birth, and saying I'M NOT THE VICTIM FEMALES ARE. We're all on this earth to learn the lessons we're meant to in this lifetime to purify what it is we are, which is energy. Dr. David R. Hawkins Phd. We're all here to work through our Karma. Louis Gittner.
Its amazing, how you can meet one after the other. The damage it can do is beyond words. Definitely lessons learned.
Thank you.
Now everything makes sense.
My dad is a covert narcissist, and now I have my armour!
I thought I was going insane.
I moved back home after being abroad for ten years .
I couldn't understand why we dont get along, and I thought I had changed. The truth is he has always been this way, and I couldn't see it before.
You describe him perfectly.
I feel a sense of relief now thanks again and please keep up the good work.
They only do damage and kill steal destroy when you are unaware being awakened is a game changer 😮
Thanks for sharing Dr. P. I've spent 40+ years in depth Psychology, and technical game analysis.I've learned most men don't know where our primary identification [mother] leave off and where we start. Further I've learned about the family insanity titled, 'the family script'. I was it, from birth, and did inherit the family insanity from my primary identification. She inherited it from her mother. One of our Dads important jobs of work is, mother being the first love object, at the age of around 8 years to around 13 years the father becomes the 2nd love object. So, both the female and male children gain a breakage from the primary identification, and an easier wrought to break away from the 'family script'. The ugliest addiction the infant acquires from gaining some worst forms of the family script is RAGE- Ken Woods MA. RAGE is an addiction WORSE then a heroin addiction Ken Woods MA. As a matter of fact, once the addiction of rage crosses a certain line, the individual is a goner! This is the dilemma, and making of the huge explosion of the continual growing of SERIAL KILLERS, and every generation the insanity gets a little WORSE-Ken Woods MA. In their subconscious minds they're projecting the growing insanity they've acquired from birth, and saying I'M NOT THE VICTIM FEMALES ARE. We're all on this earth to learn the lessons we're meant to in this lifetime to purify what it is we are, which is energy. Dr. David R. Hawkins Phd. We're all here to work through our Karma. Louis Gittner.
You are so right on! I’ve been married to a Covert Narcissist for 41 yrs, now in a divorce situation. He not only played with my mind by gaslighting, ignoring me for weeks at a time, and screaming at me, while telling me that he was taking a pharmaceutical drug to keep him from being violent. He left after my thoracic spine surgery which he refused to acknowledge before, during, and after. Please continue to talk about this because where I live(very close to where you lived before) there are no attorneys who even acknowledge this exists. The general population has no idea how this can ruin lives. I was referred to a psychiatrist and he said that all attorneys and doctors have NPD! PLEASE keep helping people with your knowledge and delivery. Thank you.
Thanks for sharing Dr. P. I've spent 40+ years in depth Psychology, and technical game analysis.I've learned most men don't know where our primary identification [mother] leave off and where we start. Further I've learned about the family insanity titled, 'the family script'. I was it, from birth, and did inherit the family insanity from my primary identification. She inherited it from her mother. One of our Dads important jobs of work is, mother being the first love object, at the age of around 8 years to around 13 years the father becomes the 2nd love object. So, both the female and male children gain a breakage from the primary identification, and an easier wrought to break away from the 'family script'. The ugliest addiction the infant acquires from gaining some worst forms of the family script is RAGE- Ken Woods MA. RAGE is an addiction WORSE then a heroin addiction Ken Woods MA. As a matter of fact, once the addiction of rage crosses a certain line, the individual is a goner! This is the dilemma, and making of the huge explosion of the continual growing of SERIAL KILLERS, and every generation the insanity gets a little WORSE-Ken Woods MA. In their subconscious minds they're projecting the growing insanity they've acquired from birth, and saying I'M NOT THE VICTIM FEMALES ARE. We're all on this earth to learn the lessons we're meant to in this lifetime to purify what it is we are, which is energy. Dr. David R. Hawkins Phd. We're all here to work through our Karma. San Juan-Louis Gittner.
You need a better psychiatrist asap! Ridiculous and stupid of therapist to claim ALL doctors and lawyers are narcissistic. It's asinine and absurd.
I recently found out that I have Renal Cell Carcinoma. I came home from the doctor and told my husband the news, expecting so.e care and comforting. My husband looked at me and said "I accept your death. It's just a part of living." Then the next day, he told me I was going to use the cancer to try to get sympathy. He told me I shouldn't tell people and be spreading my problems. Then the next day my neighbor told me that my husband had told him, and acted like he was going to cry. He wanted to be the person getting the sympathy for my cancer. It was heartbreaking.
That is the most outrageous truth. disgusting!
Wow
Here's your sign.
I hope you heal in both ways
I truly do
❤
I’m so sorry. I hope you are doing okay and getting the love you deserve.
Omg. I am so sorry about the diagnosis & the reaction from your husband.
They are “very” sensitive to criticism and they see everything as a threat. Paranoid. “Can you believe she said that” sarcasm, put downs every step of the way. I have experienced all these things. They do criticise you for having an opinion. They do the very thing they criticise you for.
I don't know what was worse with this personality; the 'feeling' of being unsafe or the realization there is no safe place. There is great peace on the other side of this.
After two relationships with narcissists I feel like I now recognize it everywhere. At first I thought it was ptsd but I am mostly recovered and still see it quite often. The dating pool for over 40s is just swarming with them so I gave up. Set a boundary and the narcissist will run over it every time. Its the perfect test in early dating.
You (we) attract them. I was married to one for 27 years and thought I was the crazy one because of his gaslighting. I’ll never marry again because I don’t trust myself now to choose a good one and I never want to be in that place again, my life is so peaceful now. Narcissists are great to date but make terrible husbands.
You described my husband to a T. After 33 yrs, I am so sick of the negativity and selfishness. He stonewalls me, gaslights me and prevents me from talking to my family or having any friends of my own. He had sexual issues and didn't tell me but cut me off at 45 yrs old acting like I disgusted him. After 4 yrs of no sex, I told him I was leaving that there was someone in the world that would find me attractive. He then blamed me for the lack of sex saying I should have known he couldn't because he was taking Flomax for an enlarged prostate. He had told me he had to take it for low flowing urine...nothing about sexual disfunction. Then he had the nerve to say he didn't think I loved him. I told him he might want to start with the word "like" first. It truly is misery but financially, I can't make it on my own. Why? He didn't want me working saying he made enough to care for us and I needed to stay home and properly care for our son. That was the worst mistake of my life. The day I quit my job, I gave him all the power.
Where there’s a will, there’s a way.
"They will suck you dry" Exactly, I moved out the end of February after 6 yrs, and he is moving back to be fully financially cared for by his super rich family because he is an "inventor" he can't work.. But he absolutely drained me dry emotionally and mentally. I feel like it almost killed me.
Doctor Phil is amazing. This teaching is extremely useful.
It's so important to learn how to deal with the narcissistic person to avoid unnecessary emotional or mental damage.
"They will rage at you like you would not believe"
Yes, i believe
Narcissism began @ such a young age due to the golden high chair syndrome, even those who play the victim, as they never separated from their primary caregiver: this has nothing to do with you & cannot be changed because the problem became set in stone years ago… just don’t let it become your headstone!
Thanks for sharing Dr. P. I've spent 40+ years in depth Psychology, and technical game analysis.I've learned most men don't know where our primary identification [mother] leave off and where we start. Further I've learned about the family insanity titled, 'the family script'. I was it, from birth, and did inherit the family insanity from my primary identification. She inherited it from her mother. One of our Dads important jobs of work is, mother being the first love object, at the age of around 8 years to around 13 years the father becomes the 2nd love object. So, both the female and male children gain a breakage from the primary identification, and an easier wrought to break away from the 'family script'. The ugliest addiction the infant acquires from gaining some worst forms of the family script is RAGE- Ken Woods MA. RAGE is an addiction WORSE then a heroin addiction Ken Woods MA. As a matter of fact, once the addiction of rage crosses a certain line, the individual is a goner! This is the dilemma, and making of the huge explosion of the continual growing of SERIAL KILLERS, and every generation the insanity gets a little WORSE-Ken Woods MA. In their subconscious minds they're projecting the growing insanity they've acquired from birth, and saying I'M NOT THE VICTIM FEMALES ARE. We're all on this earth to learn the lessons we're meant to in this lifetime to purify what it is we are, which is energy. Dr. David R. Hawkins Phd. We're all here to work through our Karma. Louis Gittner.
Man oh man. You have an excellent grasp on the truth of the covert narcissist, Dr. Phil. Point by point, you nailed every single detail of two people in my life. Thanks for the advice on how to deal with them in a healthy way.....❤
When I listen to this I hear myself in the description of some of the behaviors. I hope I can stop those behaviors.
Was almost my downfall til I recognized I wasn’t the inadequate person. Always trying to please these people and I almost loss my life because I followed their reality. Should have realized that I wasn’t the equal in that relationship and will never be. She(my closest girl) is a chameleon and it was almost too late before I accepted it. Thank you Dr. Phil. So wish I was here when Mom passed in August last year. She loved you and I do too. Any help on overcoming my grief? She was my person and now I’m lost without her. The rest of the family deserted me too. You inspire and strengthen my determination after years of health battles. Blessings, peace and positivity to you and your crew🙏✝️
All about my alcoholic narsisstic mother…it was never enough for her. She died from alcoholism and now I feel better…No one beats me, no one abuses…no one makes drunk troubles…I just live my free life like I am out of prison. My life isn’t perfect without parents…I am from Ukraine, it’s russian occupation and bombing here…But childhood in 90s with narcissistic mother was really a nightmare
It says a whole lot that you feel safer in Russian occupied Ukraine than you did with your mother! I'm sorry you had to deal with that as a child. Prayers for you to heal & grow as a woman & many prayers for your safety & that of your countrymen. I hope the war ends soon.😢
@@Linnidoo2 thank you 🌷❤️🇺🇦🌷
Prayers for you! You are clearly resilient and it’s inspiring to hear the strength radiating from your story. ❤
@@eguillory6685 thank you for support ❤️
I had a friend with those tendencies .She never gave anything back into the friendship and expected me to cater to her whims. When things didn't go her way she got overly emotional and never took responsibility for her behavior. I got fed up with it, had to block from calling me and walked away from the friendship.
Good for you!
My father, who passed 43 years ago, was a quiet philanthropist despite his humble beginning and successful but still limited economic ability to contribute. My mom, who passed recently, was the same and used for child slave labor in the fields of Oregon during the depression and war, and yet they gave. Wow. She ended up marrying a covert narcissist who moved her away from us. I tried to help her but she couldn't/wouldn't break free. The woman I knew as mother wasn't the woman I saw her transform into to placate and survive her narcissistic husband. It still breaks my heart that she couldn't break free and enjoy myself, and her grandchildren. I'm working through dealing with that.
please explain how your yourself diagnosed who this person is.
@@pryzmcat
She had no obligation to meet your demand.
Thanks for sharing Dr. P. I've spent 40+ years in depth Psychology, and technical game analysis.I've learned most men don't know where our primary identification [mother] leave off and where we start. Further I've learned about the family insanity titled, 'the family script'. I was it, from birth, and did inherit the family insanity from my primary identification. She inherited it from her mother. One of our Dads important jobs of work is, mother being the first love object, at the age of around 8 years to around 13 years the father becomes the 2nd love object. So, both the female and male children gain a breakage from the primary identification, and an easier wrought to break away from the 'family script'. The ugliest addiction the infant acquires from gaining some worst forms of the family script is RAGE- Ken Woods MA. RAGE is an addiction WORSE then a heroin addiction Ken Woods MA. As a matter of fact, once the addiction of rage crosses a certain line, the individual is a goner! This is the dilemma, and making of the huge explosion of the continual growing of SERIAL KILLERS, and every generation the insanity gets a little WORSE-Ken Woods MA. In their subconscious minds they're projecting the growing insanity they've acquired from birth, and saying I'M NOT THE VICTIM FEMALES ARE. We're all on this earth to learn the lessons we're meant to in this lifetime to purify what it is we are, which is energy. Dr. David R. Hawkins Phd. We're all here to work through our Karma. Louis Gittner.
I'm saddened for you as I read this. Please don't make your mother's inadequacies yours. My experience is very similar. My mother passed away last year at 93. She had no relationship with any of her 4 kids.....all successful engineers and retired from the military. Clue #1. Anyway, she died last year. No one knows when, where or how. We don't even know where she is right now. We all have accepted that 'she wanted it this way.' We have all let it go. Do NOT punish yourself for the inadequacies and mean spirit of others....living or dead. Sure there are times I feel some sadness, but that sadness is for me and my own loss of something I never really had.....a mom. She did it her way and good for her. She lived mean and died mean. C'est la vie. We're all happy with families of our own, successful and ready to keep moving on. I believe her intent was to have us cry, melt and give up. NO, she has made us even stronger in her death. Why? Because we choose to. Now, isn't that a slap in a face? She tried to hurt those she left behind and we are greater! Too bad she's not here for us to tell her. She most likely wouldn't care anyway.
I’ve been married for 23 years and almost everything you’ve said really brought my reality to a check. I also just in the last few years had realized my mother is a narcissist and my husband is like her in many ways . When I met my husband I had seen his potential and the good. I am a very strong empath and have been that way since I can remember.I try to always see the best in people and behind the mask of their pain.
You are a very wise guy Dr.Phil! Thanks so much for diving in🙏🏻 This is the 3rd time that I watch this video and I hear something new every time. This time I'm doing better after almost one year no-contact to my Ex and that's why I could laugh about your example with "buying you a new car" and answering to the Covert-Narc: No thank you, I'd rather walk"!☺️ Exactly that happend to me at the end of our relationship as he realized he couldn't keep me trapped anymore. And I am so thankful to have aknowledged how much he had been gaslighting me so many years! And so I walked away and now I'm healing from his fake Persona and the wonderful image that he puts out there and so many people still believe in!
2 things..
You're not going to fix them, & they're not going to apologize.
I have read many things and viewed and saved many videos on the subject of Covert Narcissism. Not that I would-but I’ve often thought - what would I show people to make them understand what I went through and this would be it. Thanks for the video. At least I can view it and find comfort even if many others don’t want to know.
Thanks for sharing Dr. P. I've spent 40+ years in depth Psychology, and technical game analysis.I've learned most men don't know where our primary identification [mother] leave off and where we start. Further I've learned about the family insanity titled, 'the family script'. I was it, from birth, and did inherit the family insanity from my primary identification. She inherited it from her mother. One of our Dads important jobs of work is, mother being the first love object, at the age of around 8 years to around 13 years the father becomes the 2nd love object. So, both the female and male children gain a breakage from the primary identification, and an easier wrought to break away from the 'family script'. The ugliest addiction the infant acquires from gaining some worst forms of the family script is RAGE- Ken Woods MA. RAGE is an addiction WORSE then a heroin addiction Ken Woods MA. As a matter of fact, once the addiction of rage crosses a certain line, the individual is a goner! This is the dilemma, and making of the huge explosion of the continual growing of SERIAL KILLERS, and every generation the insanity gets a little WORSE-Ken Woods MA. In their subconscious minds they're projecting the growing insanity they've acquired from birth, and saying I'M NOT THE VICTIM FEMALES ARE. We're all on this earth to learn the lessons we're meant to in this lifetime to purify what it is we are, which is energy. Dr. David R. Hawkins Phd. We're all here to work through our Karma. San Juan-Louis Gittner.
Thanks to my narc mom now I have to deal with feelings of inadequacy, anxiety and depression. A lot of gaslighting and invalidating feelings “oh you can’t take a joke” comments. Now I just tell her that wasn’t funny and when she gaslights me I tell her she might need to get her memory evaluated as she is exhibiting signs of dementia/Alzheimer’s 😂 I’m not putting up with it anymore
😅 I'm proud of you
Me too. Greg Rock. And stay away from them.
Thanks for sharing Dr. P. I've spent 40+ years in depth Psychology, and technical game analysis.I've learned most men don't know where our primary identification [mother] leave off and where we start. Further I've learned about the family insanity titled, 'the family script'. I was it, from birth, and did inherit the family insanity from my primary identification. She inherited it from her mother. One of our Dads important jobs of work is, mother being the first love object, at the age of around 8 years to around 13 years the father becomes the 2nd love object. So, both the female and male children gain a breakage from the primary identification, and an easier wrought to break away from the 'family script'. The ugliest addiction the infant acquires from gaining some worst forms of the family script is RAGE- Ken Woods MA. RAGE is an addiction WORSE then a heroin addiction Ken Woods MA. As a matter of fact, once the addiction of rage crosses a certain line, the individual is a goner! This is the dilemma, and making of the huge explosion of the continual growing of SERIAL KILLERS, and every generation the insanity gets a little WORSE-Ken Woods MA. In their subconscious minds they're projecting the growing insanity they've acquired from birth, and saying I'M NOT THE VICTIM FEMALES ARE. We're all on this earth to learn the lessons we're meant to in this lifetime to purify what it is we are, which is energy. Dr. David R. Hawkins Phd. We're all here to work through our Karma. Louis Gittner.
Good job! My Narc mom is DEAD👍Sadly I didn’t get to tell her off and stand up for myself. Glad you got too!😅
Love this! That must feel very empowering. Good for you
Even learning about these narcissist people can cause distress. I go slow in listening because is important these videos. Important knowledge. I like the way Dr Phil explain so well.
Thanks for sharing Dr. P. I've spent 40+ years in depth Psychology, and technical game analysis.I've learned most men don't know where our primary identification [mother] leave off and where we start. Further I've learned about the family insanity titled, 'the family script'. I was it, from birth, and did inherit the family insanity from my primary identification. She inherited it from her mother. One of our Dads important jobs of work is, mother being the first love object, at the age of around 8 years to around 13 years the father becomes the 2nd love object. So, both the female and male children gain a breakage from the primary identification, and an easier wrought to break away from the 'family script'. The ugliest addiction the infant acquires from gaining some worst forms of the family script is RAGE- Ken Woods MA. RAGE is an addiction WORSE then a heroin addiction Ken Woods MA. As a matter of fact, once the addiction of rage crosses a certain line, the individual is a goner! This is the dilemma, and making of the huge explosion of the continual growing of SERIAL KILLERS, and every generation the insanity gets a little WORSE-Ken Woods MA. In their subconscious minds they're projecting the growing insanity they've acquired from birth, and saying I'M NOT THE VICTIM FEMALES ARE. We're all on this earth to learn the lessons we're meant to in this lifetime to purify what it is we are, which is energy. Dr. David R. Hawkins Phd. We're all here to work through our Karma. Louis Gittner.
Thank you Dr Phil.
Your words really strike a chord of truth. I got away from a narrcisscist husband (of 24.5 yrs)
I was just so happy to get on w my life I didn't look back.
Your input is incredibly helpful and insightful. There are those times my current husband (of 16 yrs) and I are around him for children and grandchildren events. Thanks for the guidance. Im so thankful how good my life is now. I sure appreciate your pointers for staying healthy and at peace through those interactions. I stopped "helping him out" no matter how he asks or gets someone else to ask for him. I dont explain anymore. I finally get it. Thanks for the help.
Exactly leveling! Never felt this lack of confidence before! Very tired of it all! Very weary!!
I can remember my sweet sixteen birthday party where I asked my narcissistic Mother for a party, and she declared... "Well, throw you a PARTY???? I don't know who would COME!" She handed me one of her old suits (which I had admired) out of her closet, said 'Happy Birthday!' and walked away sullen and teary eyed.
I plotted at THAT moment how I could get away from her from that point forward. What Mother would go to such lengths to make her child feel that she was the ONLY one on planet earth who cared for them. Disgusting is an understatement.
Once I knew she was a narcissist and she knew I knew.. Poof … she disappeared… Thank God..
Let’s not be too tough on ourselves… lol.. most of us have some of the narcissistic tendencies, but if we recognize it, regret it, or better yet, feel guilt over it… you’re normal 🙂💙🙏🏼 be mindful
Sadly, as a child I picked up the rescuer for my father. My brothers did not. I took this into my life and married one. I eventually left and have learned so much since then. Gaslighting was the key to confusion. Glad for you and others bringing this forward. Hope it helps many others as they go forward in life.
As a child, I was not allowed to sit with the family at dinner time, i eat my dinner in my room from age 8 to 12 years old. We were all afraid of my Dad. And that's just one of my punishments.😢 I grew up and seeked help in my 30s and I became the survivor and no longer the victim. I'm in my 60s now, was happy married for 25 years. He passed away in 2006 and my whole life changed. I stayed single until 2020, i met the most kind man and full of love, but it's changed for the dark side. It's been a year and I'm done and for the first time I realized that the up bringing i survived is what made me strong enough to walk away from this. I will never fear the man, I will respect the man 💯 there is no fixing this person, and if there is help for this person I became involved with, I wish them well because it will not be by me.
I'm proud of you❤
Thanks for sharing Dr. P. I've spent 40+ years in depth Psychology, and technical game analysis.I've learned most men don't know where our primary identification [mother] leave off and where we start. Further I've learned about the family insanity titled, 'the family script'. I was it, from birth, and did inherit the family insanity from my primary identification. She inherited it from her mother. One of our Dads important jobs of work is, mother being the first love object, at the age of around 8 years to around 13 years the father becomes the 2nd love object. So, both the female and male children gain a breakage from the primary identification, and an easier wrought to break away from the 'family script'. The ugliest addiction the infant acquires from gaining some worst forms of the family script is RAGE- Ken Woods MA. RAGE is an addiction WORSE then a heroin addiction Ken Woods MA. As a matter of fact, once the addiction of rage crosses a certain line, the individual is a goner! This is the dilemma, and making of the huge explosion of the continual growing of SERIAL KILLERS, and every generation the insanity gets a little WORSE-Ken Woods MA. In their subconscious minds they're projecting the growing insanity they've acquired from birth, and saying I'M NOT THE VICTIM FEMALES ARE. We're all on this earth to learn the lessons we're meant to in this lifetime to purify what it is we are, which is energy. Dr. David R. Hawkins Phd. We're all here to work through our Karma. San Juan-Louis Gittner.
Everything was a thousand he's. You nailed every aspect of narcissism. They need to teach this in school before they choose a life partner. Narcissism is deadly and that is not an exaggeration. I will be the 5th person in my family to die from narcissistic abuse. Such will be my fate. That moment of clarity when you realize your parent is a serial killer and your their next victim and there's no way out. Yes they want the same thing , to destroy women, to prop their fragile egos up at her expense. I'm tired of swimming oceans for someone who would not step over a mud puddle for me.
This is the best show/podcast that Dr. Phil ever had; hands-down; thank you
Thanks for sharing Dr. P. I've spent 40+ years in depth Psychology, and technical game analysis.I've learned most men don't know where our primary identification [mother] leave off and where we start. Further I've learned about the family insanity titled, 'the family script'. I was it, from birth, and did inherit the family insanity from my primary identification. She inherited it from her mother. One of our Dads important jobs of work is, mother being the first love object, at the age of around 8 years to around 13 years the father becomes the 2nd love object. So, both the female and male children gain a breakage from the primary identification, and an easier wrought to break away from the 'family script'. The ugliest addiction the infant acquires from gaining some worst forms of the family script is RAGE- Ken Woods MA. RAGE is an addiction WORSE then a heroin addiction Ken Woods MA. As a matter of fact, once the addiction of rage crosses a certain line, the individual is a goner! This is the dilemma, and making of the huge explosion of the continual growing of SERIAL KILLERS, and every generation the insanity gets a little WORSE-Ken Woods MA. In their subconscious minds they're projecting the growing insanity they've acquired from birth, and saying I'M NOT THE VICTIM FEMALES ARE. We're all on this earth to learn the lessons we're meant to in this lifetime to purify what it is we are, which is energy. Dr. David R. Hawkins Phd. We're all here to work through our Karma. Louis Gittner.
I am truly grateful for you and others who are helping so many of us cope and heal from the hurt it causes. I thank you for the good things you bring to this narrative and discussion.
I was mentally tortured by a narcissist. I actually started thinking there was something wrong with me. I’m blessed that I’m in a better place. Discarded him from my life and blocked him from everything
you just talking about my big brother, he will do anything to take all away from you! he always hate everyone, its always wrong in others and dont you dear to go against him! then he gets you in any means, true family, true friends! everything to destroy you
the best is just to leave to save your soul
its so scary to hear the words you say because i feel everything in my gut as a big bang that has an enormous effect on me. i live today whit cptsd and have agoraphobia. mother was narcissistic and my brother is what you talk about here. thanks for putting it in light
It is amazing to hear what you just said about 'givers' and 'takers'. Long before I have heard the term 'narcissism' I figured, that our small family was divided in to two groups: givers (father and I) and takers (mother and the golden sister). Good to know I am not crazy or mean to have had such thoughts.
Dr. Phil, thank you. I have been studying this topic for almost a year, and I never cease to learn something new with every dive. I find your opinions on this topic to be refreshing and your perspective uniquely poignant. The way you lay things out with an attitude of calm and patience has helped me to see things in a new light in regards to my personal healing and general study. Thank you very much for what you do.
Dr Phil…. Im so glad you took on this profession. Youre a gift to the works of psychology and give back unselfishly.
Glad you brought up the fact that they don't want to work and are extreme freeloaders. They tend to act like they are so morally superior to others.
Not only is Dr. Phil spot on, but so are the comments. I agree that you cant change them. You cant gain higher ground and if you do, it caused yourself so much it wasn't worth trying. It really sucks. All of this is true. Everything he says and all of the comments here are accurate.
Also i have gained a bunch of boundaries and made it alot better but it took me about 4 years and alot of pain. Its my mom.
Thank you for the message. I was living with a cover Narc
I moved out and am going to get a Divorce from that sick person. Thank you so so much. Your words are so true. In the Name of the Father Son and Holy Spirit Amen Amen Amen Amen Amen Amen Amen. 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
I went through each step you described. Slowly, and painfully. Buuuut the warrior in me, came back, stronger than ever!!
Thank you for this. There are no words to express how much this nailed down in my life.
I watched all these channels talking about narcissism. I'm so glad I cam across Dr Phil of all people discussing it.
This program is great! It’s just like having a one-on-one with you. Sometimes I wonder if I and my husband both have narcissistic tendencies. I think the worst thing I experience from him is that he’s never wrong. In response I refuse to acknowledge his version of the truth and get very angry. Thanks for pointing this disorder out so I can understand and improve myself at least!
"The trash took itself out." Such a wonderful description of my experience of the relief (at no longer being backstabbed and abused) after cutting off multiple narcissists. I had such a great laugh. I am saving this video to share with my daughter when she is ready to listen as narcissist have also infiltrated her life. Thank you :)
I don't know if I will ever be at peace with everything in life as I was before living with a narcissist. I have agreed with everything Dr. Phil has said over the many years of listening to him..... Even if I ignore what the narcissistic person in my life says, it irritates him the same as if I had said something wrong. That is why I agree that no matter what you say or do, YOU are the bad person.
You just describe a guy I used to work with. He had a deceptively charming personality. I would have never have detected the secret rage inside this person if I had not heard his vicious remarks about people who were convinced he was a friend and a sweetheart. He was secretly undermining every person who he felt had some advantage he did not have. Unfortunately, he got several people fired, including myself. That company lost several loyal, industrious and talented people because the boss listened to his constant tearing them down. Only after all the productive people were gone did this boss become aware of her mistake. This guy was cheating on his time card, sleeping on the job and wasting hours of time on personal pursuits. One day he refused to do a job which he considered beneath his dignity and was promptly fired. I am still astounded that the boss did not observe what was going on long before she lost some of her hardest working people.
@sarahw7616 it sure is! A narcissist will only be loyal to himself.
Was your boss a ditz?
@@rosieb471 yes, the epitome of a ditz
I love your explaining the power that we have available when we understand the human prognosis
I lived with a narcissist for 30+ years. My only relief was to go to a hotel where he knew I wasn't. I never felt so free. I just happen to call him and he says "your son is dead". I screamed and broke. Laying on the floor. My son was not dead. This was his way of punishing me.
Pure evil.
@@ElsieDee001 My god! There're almost no words for the despicable cruelty of that.
I'm so sad by this
Covers are so B.O.R.I.N.G. and miserable people. Keep firm boundaries, and don't waste your time arguing your truth or share your genuine thoughts and feelings. These people are dead inside. Soulless. Personality less. And if you allow them, they'll destroy your health. Don't let them. Coverts are pathetic, always the victim, sullen. So pathetic. So pitiful.
OMG... I hope that was the last straw before planning your escape. ❤
Please accept my sincere gratitude for sharing this life saving information; Really appreciate your help and this high quality information.
Thanks Dr.Phill
I can never be enlightened enough 😊
I know you are not reading all the comments, so I do not even now why I am typing this, but I am. This is dead on. I was married to one and after 14 years and after divorce, it still took me another 14 years of therapy to learn and understand it and it still is a work of art to handle it.
Narcissists I dealt with in my life never, ever, had a problem to ask for anything they needed. On the contrary, seems like not that they do not have a problem with that kind of "vulnerability" - they acted as if it is your obligation to help them, be there for them, do things for them. And if you were a fool enough to ask them for help, sometimes, even for a small one, either they would turned you down, without blink of an eye or they would promise anything but do nothing. However, they would make a big deal from that promised help, which never occurred and immediately ask you do them a favor for a "favor".
Everything Dr . Phil has said hits the nail on the head so freaking hard it hits likes a punch in the face
Thank you so much !!! I am dealing with this right now !!!
So freaked out trying to navigate live with the fear of repeated cycle abuse gravitating to what you know vs embracing the unfamiliar , because you perceive kindness as fake!!!
I just love you Dr Phil. Thank you so much for this video. I was married to a covert narc for 17 long, horrible years. I didn’t know he was this until I got out. Turns out he’s textbook! Luckily I’m in therapy twice a week working my way out of all the damage I’ve been left with.
Thanks for sharing Dr. P. I've spent 40+ years in depth Psychology, and technical game analysis.I've learned most men don't know where our primary identification [mother] leave off and where we start. Further I've learned about the family insanity titled, 'the family script'. I was it, from birth, and did inherit the family insanity from my primary identification. She inherited it from her mother. One of our Dads important jobs of work is, mother being the first love object, at the age of around 8 years to around 13 years the father becomes the 2nd love object. So, both the female and male children gain a breakage from the primary identification, and an easier wrought to break away from the 'family script'. The ugliest addiction the infant acquires from gaining some worst forms of the family script is RAGE- Ken Woods MA. RAGE is an addiction WORSE then a heroin addiction Ken Woods MA. As a matter of fact, once the addiction of rage crosses a certain line, the individual is a goner! This is the dilemma, and making of the huge explosion of the continual growing of SERIAL KILLERS, and every generation the insanity gets a little WORSE-Ken Woods MA. In their subconscious minds they're projecting the growing insanity they've acquired from birth, and saying I'M NOT THE VICTIM FEMALES ARE. We're all on this earth to learn the lessons we're meant to in this lifetime to purify what it is we are, which is energy. Dr. David R. Hawkins Phd. We're all here to work through our Karma. San Juan-Louis Gittner.
Thank u Dr. Phil. U have given me strength as I move forward in my 12+ year relationship. I won't be able to change him but I know how to stay strong. ❤ I'm done trying to 'fix' him. I just leave him alone. I will find happiness someday. 😢
I'm 66 and have a 69 year old sister who I have little contact with, but she still messes with my head like no one else on the planet can.
What's terrible about a narcissistic relationship is that they will never take accountability/responsibility for their actions,in the end we will always be the problem.Took me long time to get over an finally find my peace.
It is very hard when you are the mother of an adult narcissist son. You want better for them. But I know I can only deal with so much. And you are right about gaslighting. Thank you for your help.
My daughter too, God bless our children, and us🙏♥️
Hoover masters...my daughter. Love Bombs. Then Gaslight. Over and Over. Let's protect ourselves!❤
Choosing justice over your son would help tremendously.
Sincerely from a woman with a former MIL who made her son a narcissist. He almost put me in an early grave with the help of his mother.
You definitely just described all aspects of Megan Markles personality.
Just realized my adult daughter is a flying monkey for her dad. And she’s also a narcissist. I am in mourning.
I use to be that way too, thank you for sharing! 😂I guess you never see your self as a covert narcissist! I was very judgemental and I hated criticism to any degree and I was very bitter. And I don't want to be want to be self righteous! So I have to really work at it. Being 59 years old and doubt myself, means that I was abused also. Being abused is no excuse for being abusive! Thank you dr.phil