When you decide to leave a person or not to talk to a person you do not live or work with, it is not silent treatment. It is going no contact, which is a healthy way to deal with a toxic person. When you decide not to respond to a toxic person's attacks, who you are in contact with, it is not silent treatment, it is gray rock or taking time out. This video is about people who have done nothing wrong and live with a toxic person who may be their partner, friend, or parent. The toxic person on purpose refuses to talk or resolve issues because they want to hurt and punish the person because the toxic person did not get their way. Sometimes it can last decades that the person you see every day refuses to say a word to you even if you beg them to talk to you, either because they did not get their way or they just hate you. For instance, a parent refuses to talk to an 8-year-old child for months because the child did not come first in a spelling competition. Or your partner refuses to talk to you until you apologize to them for something they did. #narcissist #narcisissim #silenttreatment ▬ 💖Join this channel to get access to perks: 💖 ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ ruclips.net/channel/UCI6yC6no7mJxOjqt43KYhHAjoin ▬ 💖SUBSCRIBE 💖 ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ ✅ ruclips.net/channel/UCI6yC6no7mJxOjqt43KYhHA ▬ ▶ Suggested Next Videos ▶ ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ ► 12 Fake Apologies Narcissists Use To Control You - ruclips.net/video/L8zYb_hV2RQ/видео.html ► Emotional Hangover After Leaving A Narcissist: (Emotions You Experience On Leaving A Narcissist) - ruclips.net/video/9eVCgblZKRw/видео.html ▬ 💲 Support This Channel 💲 ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ ▶ www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=BBS9UYBRRG8RW ▬ 📚 Books On Narcissism 📚 ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ ▶ 21 Types Of Narcissists ▬ amzn.to/3fvXL3q ▶ Shine Again ▬ amzn.to/3btn0Qz ▬ 🌐 Social Media 🌐 ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ ▶ Facebook: facebook.com/NarcVictimAbuseHealing ▶ Twitter: twitter.com/author_anton ▶ Website: www.antonswanepoelbooks.com ▬ 🎦 Other Channels 🎦 ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ ▶ Personal And Travel ruclips.net/channel/UCPcx98ktuqfoDsWzBzgp0zw ▶ Comedy By Anton Swanepoel ruclips.net/channel/UCmKrT6GUXMuN84NSCOJCnfA Note the book links are paid links. I may get a small amount of money if you purchase anything, at no extra cost to you.
Sounds like the shunning jehovah witnesses do; it's a control tactic to force you to tow the mark. They will shun and ostracize their own children, never letting grandparents see their new grandbaby
@@stephaniegentryart hi, if she does not talk to you and you have physical contact with her then it is silent treatment. if you have no physical contact with her and she just stops responding to you for no reason, then it is ghosting you. But if she says she needs time then it is taking time out or going no contact. However, from the information, it seems she is not willing to take responsibility for her actions nor to see your side of the story and resolve problems. My question would be, why are you friends with her?
Yup. They can say whatever they want then goes silent…. You try to talk about it and then your being dramatic, it’s pretty annoying. It doesn’t work though if you know what they are doing. It just makes you realize they suck!!! 😂🤣
This trait is usually learned or genetically transmitted . I t Is ugly and vicious to do this on purpose to control someone else. It is usually used by highly intelligent people. PREDATORS . ........
Ghosting is making oneself completely unavailable and no plans to ever engage again. I have no problem dropping humans who have disqualified themselves from my friendship, from a stealing hobby to various types of abuse. Those who step on my boundaries and betrayed trust are no longer qualified to be near me, as the trust is gone.
Looks like some people replying don't know what the term "ghosting" means. It isn't when you cut toxic people out of your life. It is when a relationship is developing and it is good for all intents and purposes. Disappearing when you know the other person likes you is cowardly. I find it odd behaviour. In fact, when I have decided to cut ties with others, I have told them the truth. Why? Because I would want to know. If I was messing up so badly that others didn't even consider me worth their time, I would want to know the reason, even if it hurt. I don't mean being cruel. I mean telling another home truths, such as "you drink too much and I can't be around that" or "I don't feel the same way and nothing will ever change that." It gives the other person their humanity. It is strength of character. Ghosting definitely does not mean simply cutting toxic people out of your life.
When my ex tried this, I simply reflected her idiotic narcissism. I did it better. I realized I don't have room for games in my life. If someone tries this on you walk away and never look back. You're dealing with an entitled child, not an adult.
@@thiccredgyal3404 Exactly! My ex also got triggered b/c I wasn't getting all jealous and "chasing" her. What she failed to realize - as an alleged "evangelist" (lol) - that she should know better than to act like a primadonna. But what else could I expect from a fmr Hollywood bikini model? Lesson learned.
My mum has been giving me silent treatment for 42years.I have mental health issues and depression and she seems to be focused on triggering me when I am at my lowest. Please don’t ever treat your kids like this
Disconnect with her until she gets herself together. She should not try to impose her insecurities and failures onto you. It’s very dangerous for your health.
I feel for you....hugs from Iowa...I found that my empathy increased for others because of the silence, so even though they tried to harm me, I became part of a larger world.
I am 64 years old and still dealing with the trauma of 17 years of narcisstic abuse that ended 13 years ago when I finally left him. It just about destroyed me mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I had no clue what I was dealing with. And the damage caused to my 4 children cannot be measured. We all have mental health problems. I have 2 words for you if you are in this situation. GET OUT
Sometimes when u have exhausted yourself to keep talking about the same thing over and over you have no choice but to walk away and be silent. All has been said and done.
Yes. I agree. When in a disagreement with my spouse. We discuss it to understand each other. If we are not able to resolve it and it escalates to an argument and we're at a standstill, I will stop it and time out for both of us to process what was said, think about possible resolutions and and to come up with a closing statement with a "agree to disagree " mentality and a compromise. I find it healthier for to have a time out as to not say anything you may regret. Sometimes this time out can last a couple days to a week with a modified silent treatment. Not out of vengeance or spite but because it may take that long to figure it out.. we both work long hours and neither of us takes our personal life to work with us, so we have to try to figure it out on your own time. But we are both open to each other if one person is ready to continue the discussion. We always come to an agreeable compromise with apologies and hugs.
As a child my mom would do this. When I was young it would really hurt me, but by my preteens/teens I realized how abusive and toxic she was. I started losing respect for her. It got to a point I just avoided her altogether for my own sanity.
My mother did this also, not just me,but the immediate household. I was very shy and much younger than my siblings who eventually moved out,leaving me alone with her and my dad.life was hell and she did this until she died a few years back. I sadly don’t miss her and feel like a weight has been lifted. None of my siblings keep in touch. She affected all of us in a horrible, negative way.
There’s nothing more painful than meeting someone who apparently falls in love with you, is nicely crazy about you, and love bombs you and then they totally disappear out of nowhere. God damn that hurts so bad. I’m so alone it hurts. Merry Christmas Misery.
The hardest thing in the world is mourning someone you love who is still alive who treats you like you're dead for no reason except that their bi-polar condition tells them they can't control you .
This is why you need to learn to tell the difference. Most people in the world are fake, they wear masks etc. So when they 'apparently' fall in love with you, it could be real, or it could be fake. And unless you can spot the tells, chances are you will fall for it, and end up learning the answer the hard way (painfully). Another thing to consider, is that maybe they were really into you at first, but you made a few mistakes that put them off. And another thing to consider, is that people tend to have an idealised version of who they want, and they project that image onto you, deluding themselves that you are the one they have always wanted. But as they get to know you, they start to realise you are not that person, and their interest wanes. You sound like a decent person, but you also sound quite broken. As in, you have low self esteem. The problem with people who have low self esteem, is that they place far too much value in the validation they get from other people, so they tend to behave like addicts, craving their next fix (of praise, of validation etc). That is what we tend to call needy. And it is a very unattractive trait (and is usually the number 1 factor in why people end up getting rejected). So my advice to you, would be to look inwards, and ask yourself, what is your level of self esteem. If it is low (as I suspect it is), you need to work on improving it. There is nothing more attractive, than people who have high self esteem, that are genuine, open and honest. It is hard to do, but ultimately worth it in the long run.
Listen to Bob Dylan or just read his lyrics. Christmas Blues would be a good place to start.... Santa may have brought you some bows for your shoes, but Santa only brought me the blues.... those brighly packaged, tinsel-colored, (pause) Christmas Bluessssss. You'll feel better after a few tunes.
Narcissist love to use and abuse you. They love it when you are miserable and crying. They are mind controlling, lies and big thief's. They make you feel as you are mad and they make you suffer from severe depression.
It’s so strange. An ex used to do this for the majority of the time it was just one day but the most was 5 days! Silent treatment/stonewalling and then act like nothing happened. But if I said they hurt me…their fave line was “I did nothing wrong” or “you’re making it up”. Awful glad I’m free.
I am dealing with a friend who does this. Accept I get avoided for months. If I say they hurt me I’m told I shouldn’t be hurt. Or that they can’t say no to me because I’m hurt all the time by them saying no. I’m like ..... no I. Hurt by being ignored and treated differently than how you treat others and I see it plain as day. Wish I knew what I did that was so bad that deserves this
Silent treatment goes both ways, l walked because l got tired of my narc ex’s manipulative mind games….and l have NO INTENTION of talking to this man AGAIN!! He tried to save his ego by texting he will never contact me again, expecting me to crumble and beg him to come back. My response, “whatever, have a nice life” and l’ve kept it moving ever since. I no longer give a damn about him. He dosen’t like it, but l don’t care.
I bet I went through silent treatments almost every day while I was married and they began when I was 17, it was devastating and painful, it became a way of life, like instead of realizing I didn't deserve to be treated like that, I didn't realize how much it was controlling me...
Hi. Thank you for sharing. Sorry you went through the abuse you did. We are capable of adjusting to many things to survive. Unfortunately we then often think it is how life is without knowing what we are missing.
My blood sisters and mom give me the silent treatment which I think is a stupid thing trying to sever family ties. I don’t know if she does this on purpose or not but if she does then she has a sick mind.
I had no idea what the silent treatment was when I first got together with my ex, I soon found out, he was an expert at it. Towards the end I didn’t care anymore and gave it back to him even though it was against what I would normally do. People deserve respect and the silent treatment is disrespectful. I ended it with my ex, I had enough of him. He has since tried to come back but it’s not happening, I know now what he is and I can deal with him much better than he ever knows I can.
I am not that kind of person that does silent treatments as well because I like happy and peace and wish well onto other what I wish for myself. But some people seem to want me to become a bad person. I said to myself, “no, I don’t want to adopt your evil behaviour.” You’re right it is disrespectful and indecent.
My father and step-mother have done this. It devastated me. I'm had a complete emotional breakdown and had to take time off work, was so depressed and broken. I'm recovering now, working again, but still feel the impact on my confidence, anxiety levels, view of myself. It's brutal. I would not put up with it again.
Hi, thank you for sharing. Sorry you experienced silent treatment and the effects it had on you. But glad you are doing better now and have strong boundaries where you will not allow them to hurt you like that again. Also glad to read that you are working again. Continue to heal and love yourself. Consider seeing a professional who knows about narcissistic abuse to help you deal with any lingering issues or to speed up your healing. Wishing you a wonderful future.
Silent treatment is the worst! Not being spoken to for weeks bc I didn't pick clothes up! All them years wasted not speaking and time you can neva get back!! Life is too short for others issues....
@@tracym6652 I didn't know if u requested my reply.... All my life! Advertently / Inadvertently....... Child to adult. It surely is, wot doesn't kill u makes u stronger!
My now 17 year old daughter has given me the silent treatment for over 4 years. Her father taught her this and treats me the same way. It’s so painful from a child.
Hi, thank you for sharing. Sorry that your ex has driven a wedge between you and your daughter. If he has constant contact with her then it is often very difficult to break trough to them. You can try letting her know you still care even if she does not respond or responds toxicity. Such as sending her a text once a month just saying you care. And happy birthday and so on. Do not try to make her feel guilty or push for contact. Just let her know you care and love her. You can also post pictures if you get them on your social media account of how she grows up or important events in her live. Or just that you miss her as children will often google their parents who they are not spending time with. Leave the door open for her to come back to you and let her know she is always welcome at your house.
@Anton Swanepoel I can't post things or text her bc she has me blocked on all platforms as well as on her phone. Of course, I dream of doing those things; if I had that kind of access, I would. She lives with him, and he makes sure I don't get to her. He doesn't coparent or share information about her with me. He told me he takes the letters I've written to her, and he reads them. So, I don't know what she knows. I would imagine she has Stockholm syndrome; they have a trauma bond, causing her complex trauma. Just like I did when I got away. After my car accident, I was there to watch it all unfold, and then I was discarded. I watched him groom her so she loves and agrees with him. It's over, and that's really all there is to accept. I've done everything, and making her feel guilty isn't anything I'd ever consider bc I feel he abuses her plenty. I saw & know what she's dealing with bc it was all my problem before she came along. He uses her to finish the job. I see what happened had nothing to do with her, but rather how she's been groomed, just like I'd been myself. I didn't see it that way until I got out and got help myself. I wasn't perfect. I fought him in front of her, and I stayed when I should've left...lots of times, so no one is pointing fingers or blaming anyone more than I blame myself. I just hope she comes to remember who I am over who he made her believe about me one day.
@@jleach3413 that’s hard that you are going through. Although still contested about the definition, the current term used is parental alienation where he turned your child against you.
That is awful, but it is worth considering the pain your child is in. There is a horrible trend in our society, where kids are suffering the effects of their parent's pain, and it becomes a vicious cycle. Your daughter is in pain, and she is treating you that way, because she blames you (because it is easier for her to do that, rather than confront her pain and deal with it). From what you say, it sounds like her dad is the abusive one (although no one is blameless), but your daughter will realise that one day, and she will come back to you. She just needs to learn it for herself (and she will). I know it is hard now, but I firmly believe she will come back to you. These kinds of patterns of behaviour have a way of playing out, the same way every time. Your daughter is young, she is still in many ways a child, and she doesn't know what to do. But in time, she will grow, and she will figure it out. And she will reach out to you and ask you to forgive her. And you will, and everything will be okay. Trust me, I know these things.
@Zalamael Semper Dius I know she's in pain. I know all you say and yet it doesn't change anything. I can't help her if she doesn't want it. This is where she receives his love as my enemy. I hate that I even understand those dynamics at all, but I do bc it was my childhood too. The conflict of my parents is the one where I looked for love and acceptance bc it wasn't just given, it was earned. No matter what form it came, how unhealthy it was...I wanted their love and I'd behave accordingly to get it. Just like an addict looking for their next high. I would crap out my dad to receive partial acknowledgment from my mom. How sad. I could crap my dad out bc he was forgiving. My daughter knows this about me. I'm so miserable. I wish I could find peace within.
THANK YOU FOR SHARING I AM BEING GIVEN THE SILENT TREATMENT THE NARCISSISTS CAN GO MONTHS AND YEARS NOT SPEAKING TO ME....ITS VERY HURTFUL THIS TYPE OF ABUSE HAS AFFECTED ME MY SELF ESTEEM AND MY SELF HAS BEEN DESTROYED.....
sorry this is happening...you DON'T deserve this. their behaviour has nothing to do with you; it reveals their degree of utter toxicity....you are a good worthwhile person....xoxo
Speaking from experience, learn to concentrate on you and your life. You need to emotionally detach from these people in order to start healing and take your power back. Create a life full of things you love and nurture your wellbeing so you have no space for other people's nonsense. Don't give it back because its a total waste of energy and as is trying to break their silence. Let them stew and waste their energy giving the silent treatment. Just because they give it doesn't mean you have to take it.
Silence is golden for multiple reasons and when it comes from narcissist when they go silent believe me they do us all a massive favor I wish they would be silent 24/7
Agreed. This is exactly what it is from a narcissist. I experienced it. Good thing I knew what it was and maintained by security of self. Understood it was a him problem. Being a selfish,entitled,lack of emotional intelligence narcissist. I didn't fold he was perplexed. Grey rock method. This video I am saving because it's perfectly described. Grateful I found it
When my ex decided to go silent he thought he'd get the upper hand and I'd give in and try to break the silence. He was wrong! I'm so stubborn I refused to engage with him and haven't spoken to him in 6 months. Guess who's suffering now and wants to talk. Haha. Well it's certainly not me and I'm staying stubborn and silent until he learns I can't be manipulated!!
That isn't something to be proud of though. It sounds like you turned a corner, and are going in the right direction, and that is good. But it also sounds like you are holding onto a lot of hate. Trust me when I say, you will be far better off, if you can learn to let go of your hate, and forgive him. Even if he doesn't deserve it, do it anyway, because you will be doing it for yourself. Hate is like poison, you will only be hurting yourself if you can't let it go. And you will be a better and happier person for it.
I agree that silent treatment is very damaging! I was just going to add that many people will carry on talking normally about a wide range of normal topics but give you the silent treatment about deep emotional issues that make it difficult for you to move forward.
My ex narc gave me silent treatment for months at a time! I gave it back to him in the end. When he wanted sex I said no because why would I have sex with such a disrespectful person that I considered a stranger, needless to say the relationship failed!
That's what I find creepy: men who will be abusive and pull stunts like that and then still try to have sex with you. Once abuse or hateful attitudes are displayed, the attraction is gone.
I have had 3 people in my life do that to me.. my brother, sister and old boyfriend. It is their loss. Just know that it can go both ways. Especially if they do decide to talk to u. Karma has a way of sneaking up on people and biting them in the ass!!! Have a nice day!
IT HURTS LIKE HELL I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW SOMEONE CAN IGNORE SOMEONE THEY SAID THEY LOVED FOR 6 YEARS I JUST FEEL PAIN THEY JUST DONT CARE THEY HURT U BUT THE 6 YEARS JUST FELT LIKE A LIE
Hi, sorry you are in pain right now. Narcissists can hurt you immensely. It is crushing to realize that most of the time they lied just to manipulate you. Try to turn all that love you poured onto the narcissist, onto yourself. Be your own best friend, and be kind to yourself. If not already, consider letting the narcissist go than giving them more of your time that they don’t deserve.
He blamed me for his friends suicide. He said If i wasn't taking up all of his time, he could have been there for him. Then he ghosted me, and told someone else to tell me he didn't want me anymore. It absolutely devastated me. He blocked me when I tried to reach out. My health has declined drastically. I do have eating disorders and now PTSD. Wow, this resonates with me 100%
@@celesteanderson3080 I don't know. He hates me over this and then women wanted him and they lied to get him to come to them. There is nothing I can do anymore
Take each day at a time. What will help a lot is to go for walks in the grass. Take in your surroundings. It will help anchor you in reality and out of your own mind. Another thing that will help is to list just 3 things each day that you appreciate, *not* what you are grateful for, but what you appreciate. There is a difference. From a random person who also has had to go through recovery and still is going through it, remember, it will pass and the light will come back for you. Granted, you will change forever and eventually you *will* come to see that the experience has taught you things you can use later.
@@debbiethomas3080 I’m so sorry you are going through this. I do not know EXACTLY how you feel but I can most definitely relate to loss of someone I loved/love and them finding ways to flip it back to me. Like the silent treatment etc. I have his child as well and that makes it even harder sometimes. Some people are master manipulators that are so good at making things always seem to be the other persons fault. This young man that unfortunately took his life must have been going through some deep pain. That is in no way your fault that he unfortunately decided to do what he did. Do not carry that on your shoulders. It will get better in time
That sounds like projection. In reality, he is hurting badly because he lost his friend, and he is blaming himself. But because that is so painful for him, he has transferred his guilt onto you, because it is easier for him to blame you than it is to blame himself (which he very likely does). Don't get me wrong, I am not condoning his behaviour, that is a really nasty and weak thing to do. But it is very important that you understand, you are not to blame. I have known people who committed suicide, and the common trend is that their closest friends and family always blame themselves because of it. But sometimes, they will try to pass the blame onto other people in order to lessen the feelings of guilt they have (because deep down they do blame themselves). In reality, you are not responsible, and neither is your ex. He will realise that at some point in the future. Keep your chin up, and absolutely do not blame yourself.
I've been subjected to this It's beens years of silent treatment By my siblings, the ripped off for my inheritance ,. Make false statements promising me $ then refusing to honor their aggment One of my brothers stating a Bussiness, got big loan off our mother. Never ever repaid her . This broke my mother's heart , my brother ignored our parents for years ,now he so rich has no morals but has everything, in reality he has nothing
I will never apologize. This man is horrible….The silent treatment doesn’t bother me but he uses our son to trigger a conversation. I will always protect our son and he is disgusting. I’m getting my son help he will have to deal with his consequences of emotionally abusing his child to get to me.
Hi, I am sorry that you feel worthless. You may not think it now, but you have value in the world. You have just been lied to by a toxic person who hates themselves deep down and do not want others to be happy. Don’t judge your worth on other people’s opinions of you nor by their standards. To trust others, you first need to learn to trust your own judgement again. Learning about the red flags of narcissism and building self-worth will help to give you the confidence to say no to a person who is toxic. It will take time. But there are many healthy people in the world looking for a partner.
This is not the same thing but I've had the experience where I've been silenced by fear within myself and the loved one I'm fighting with. Where I have tried to bring up an issue that's hard to discuss but the shear avoidance of that issue has forced me into silence. Despite how hard this issue is to live with. And I remember feeling trapped in silence not knowing what else to do. And I feel like I was reacting with the silent treatment because I was angry at the fact this loved one didn't care enough about us to try and resolve the issue. But of course it only made me feel worse and I couldn't keep such a harsh thing up because my goal was originally to resolve an issue not create more. Its good to be reminded how horrible the silent treatment is I shall avoid it.
My mum did this to me. More often after my dad died when I was 9. She had an absent mother and her dad died when she was about 2. Needless to say I was disinclined to repeat this pattern of unintentional abuse. I remained childless.
The last demon who tried this he wanted and I quote "radio silence" for a week. Meanwhile, he had already made up his mind that he was trying to get with someone else simultaneously. So 2 things happened as a result. I finally got a clue and dumped him by text after a few days, and told him I was done. Then, the person he was trying to get with, didn't want anything to do with him so he got rejected lol! 😂😂😂 she found him creepy!
Having experienced first hand this utterly crushing and destructive behaviour, it is truly awful. The first time was when I was quite young, I still to this day have no clue what I did to deserve it, but the effects were very traumatic and I ended up leaving home to go abroad as an au pare/child care assistant, (the treatment came from a family member); the second was from work colleagues when I gave in my two weeks, I followed protocol to the letter, but the last two weeks were truly awful, they made me feel like I had drowned a puppy. This came from management too, which I can’t wrap my head around. Example: manager walks past me like I don’t exist, goes to a relatively new girl and hugs her and says how much she is appreciated… vindictive, cruel and awful behaviour.
This is exactly what happened to me .my mom would always give me the silent treatment even at the dinner table .it was so awkward growing up I was never talk to Ignored all the time,but when her friends came over she was the life of the party She definitely had a personality disorder
This is the best and most comprehensive analysis of silent treatment abuse that I've ever come across. I have felt (and continue to feel) every facet of this abuse and have come very close to taking myself out. However, I know my brother would like nothing more than for me to do just that. Thanks for posting this.
Hi. Thank you. Glad you found the video helpful. Sorry that you are experiencing the abuse you are. If a narcissistic person is driving you to the edge, you may find this video informative. When A Narcissist Drives You To Suicide ruclips.net/video/-7N6Yeiexvg/видео.html
I accidentally offended someone and I didn’t realize it and she gave me the silent treatment. I figured it out and apologized to her but she said NOTHING! She talks to all my friends but just ignores me and pretends I don’t exist. So I just stand there silently. If she tries to talk to me again, I’m sorry but I can’t deal with her anymore. She hurt me so freaking bad. I hope she has a good life.
My silent treatment abuse comes, or should say, came from my father. Twice in my life he had done it to me. My dad was the apple of my eye, my whole life. As he aged he asked me to move back to PR so he would have someone to care for him I left my children, grandchildren, a great job. I believed since I was single, my kids all adults I could do this for him. He and my Mom had been separated for YEARS. My father enjoys mocking, criticizing and ridiculing everyone. Being in a apartment, cooking 3 meals a day, cleaning, etc had me gain weight. He would constantly be telling me how fat I was until one day I got fed up and called him on it. For 6 weeks he refused to speak to me and said if I didn't like it to move out. During this time one of my kids was in an abusive marriage and needed out but could not make it financially having to pay daycare + all the other expenses of a household. Since Dad was still ignoring me, living under the same roof I decided to move back to the US to help my daughter. For 2 yrs he never took my calls. Before Hurricane Irma, dad suffered a bad fall and went through a hip replacement. He also suffered prostate issues needing to have a catheter permanently placed. Then shortly after Hurricane Maria hit the island, my youngest sister's husband lost his job and had 2 kids in college. He was offered a job in PA and accepted it, so my sister eventually moved with her husband.. My brother thou single had a full time job, and was in danger to lose it because of continued appointments for my parents and his own.. he is a cardiac patient.. Mom had Alzheimer's so they were placed in a home, it was too much for brother to handle it alone. I retired early knowing it would slash my SS pension by 30% and moved back to PR. Mom passed away shortly before the Pandemic. Since then, I've made every possible effort to attend to my dad's physical and emotional needs, including cooking homemade food since he constantly complained about the bland food of the home, yet he always would critize whatever I brought; homemade or store bought. Two months ago he lashed out at me and I honestly thought he would strike me. He cursed me out and that was when I decided enough was enough. I used to visit him 3-4 times a week. I now see he has all his necessary supplies, visit him shortly 1 a week, bring him store prepared food and when he gets aggressive or antagonistic I say goodbye and leave. I learned he will never say I'm sorry, admit he was/is wrong or appreciate anything I do for him. I'm still working at not feeling guilty for protecting myself from being hurt or for how my feelings for him have changed. I now know it's a day to day thing and hope to God I'm doing the right thing.
I was gaslighted hard core by my bestfriend couple years back. When I finally got the courage to bring it up to them, they gave me the silent treatment. Its been 4 months. They still think they did nothing wrong I'm sure :/
Hi, thank you for sharing. Yes, narcissists don’t take accountability for their actions. It hurts losing a friend like this, I know. But maybe it is for the best not to have contact with them again.
Geez That really hurts. I’m currently going through this. I just hope I’m proven wrong. But more likely than not. I’m shown over and over that I’m being gas lit. Sadly. This is also a very close friend one I grew up with and is difficult to let go of. Figuring out my next move and it’s hard. Sorry you went through that when someone says “I’m trying to work on not sounding like I’m gas lighting.” In a somewhat positive conversation. I’m going ????? Sooo. Your trying not to gas light. Got it meaning you are gaslighting also got it. Does she not think I don’t see it?
Hi, there is a difference between not talking to a person to protect yourself or for you to process emotions or an event. And not talking to a person to punish them. However, even if it is because you just do not want to talk to the person, if you live with them it is not a healthy way to live. If you do not live with them, it is going no contact.
Thank you very much for the most informative video on the silent treatment that I’ve ever seen. And I have searched many many hours far and wide. Often the videos are about romantics-partners, husbands, wives, boyfriends and girlfriends etc. my tormentor was my mother. She has used the silent treatment off and on since I was a little child.. this would go on for days and weeks at at time, and as I got older years. It would always end when she felt like acknowledging me again. I never begged forgiveness or ever gave in, and I never showed emotion even as a small child and she would say to me that “ice runs through your veins” I’m sure I inadvertently learned how not to respond because I would see her do this same silent treatments to my father and he would just go about his business and say she was crazy. She would say mean things to him, accuse him of things and he would just say “yeah sure, whatever,” and “you’re crazy.” It would make her even more mad. I am grateful to him, he without saying anything he showed me the way. He passed away ten years ago. So three years ago, I said to myself, the next silent treatment will be the last. And that’s how it has been since the last one. That was two years ago. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done. I have no contact and no desire to ever have that contact again. Now after fifty years of her twisted horrible ways removed I see the devastation I am recovering from. I hope you can do more videos for those of us that were forced to endure these types of people that we couldn’t get away from as children and how they try to poison us, and train us as children to be not only their victim but everyone else’s also. The emotional abuse that they get away with is despicable.
Oh I left out one thing! Get this, just before the last silent treatment she said to me “oh, I may have been a little nasty when you were younger” I just about choked and said, “a little???” She butted in right away indignantly with a “what?!?!!” Before I could say, “you mean down right abusive, don’t you?” I just had to tell you, I couldn’t get over the major gaslight attempt!!
My father and grandmother does this/did this to me growing up. As a child I was not aware of how much horrific and irreversible damage this did to me until I turned 17 and had my first relationship. My grandma still does this when my mother and I are not kissing her butt and tolerating her bullcrap. The pain this causes is excruciating, and i don't wish this pain/damage on anyone else even people I very much dislike.
Hi, thank you for sharing. Sorry you experienced silent treatment and the scars it left. If you can, see a professional who is experienced in narcissistic abuse to help you heal the wounds.
@@lovedalot Oh please....he said "stalking" they probably twisted things on him as apart of the game, and to play the victim... even though they were the ones doing silent treatment, and probably withholding information or ghosting (maybe she did alot worse to him behind closed doors) and he didn't even stalk her like she claimed. It sounds like he just wanted some communication from this person. Which is pretty normal for any human ending a relationship, but narcissists don't care. He wasn't supporting stalking, and you're responding as if he did. Women can be real good liars to cops to and others who could have authority...ect I watched my own mother lie to the cops to hurt me myself and it happened over and over and over again. It happens! And...guess what? She laughed about it and admitted to me she was manipulating them before they even came to the door and then turned into a different person once they came. I don't care if he went to jail you don't know his story. My own mother put me through HELL over her lies and manipulation tactics. Try having some empathy for this man instead of assuming he is a jerk. It sounds like the manipulator in his past already managed to get enough people to believe her lies.
Ex-husband pulled this routinely. It would drive me crazy. That of course was the idea. Then one day I told him it didn't matter how long he didn't talk to me, I was on vacation!! Ruined his sick pleasure.
I grew up in a religion that practices shunning if you choose to leave. You lose your family, church and your life you were used to. The video fits what happens and what you go through when this happens.
@@snowwhite2709 It can take a long time to fully get over something like this. Jehovah witnesses used to call at my door regularly, with a pretty girl presumably used as 'bait'. I didn't take it. Best wishes for taking your life back. You will, bit by bit.
@@tonybrook7768 I grew up as one, however left it as well as any organized religion, and also never shunned myself, however many baptized ones who leave are shunned, even by family, and there have been cases of suicide due to the shunning. It's a cult that uses manipulation and control.
@@snowwhite2709 these are not principles upon which any religion should operate. Shocking. Try to seek out support groups, either online or face to face. There will be others going through a similar thing. Speaking to them will help you to realise that you are not alone.
I see what pain people are having and I too am dealing with it. My fiancé for 22 years. Who talked about getting married leap years and all would never do it. She is an Opioid Addict self induced by doctor 25 years ago. She has been seeing a phsyciatrist. For sleep problems and taking ambien for all those years. She has been taking her mother’s opioid medicine to and borrow from her daughter who has the same problem. She is a nurse and does not realize what she is doing. This drug has made he a covert Narsacist person. She has had a bad mother who is a self induced drug addict from the 60’s. Starting with loratab now 89 years old. Grandma is a full fledge drug addict created by doctors that keep handing out this drug. Kids like it they get free drugs from grandma to stay high all day and insurance pays for it. Whalla. Great proof of the opioid pandemic. I have been shunned out given the silent treatment .. but. I am a Christian. A man to Gods word. While I continue to grow in Gods word they fall of the narrow path to heaven. The devil has control of them and there lives. Yes reading is a good education and writing. Will bring your self preservation back, so you will find out your own personality ... You must understand. God will give you the tools to live and the sustainable environment to be successful but he will not plant the seed to your soul. I can grow a garden with a lot of work. Not knowing my end results. But I have to plant the seeds in the ground to have a product so I may eat. Gardening is the best form of relaxing to see what has happened through the night when you sleep. God will grow your garden 24/7. God does his part .. But you have to be prepared to plant and cultivate the crops. It is your labor to be successful in the end result. So the true is let go of the Narsacistic. When they bottom out and need help. They will look for a good Christian like you. God will be at your side to say yes or no to help them. Keep the Faith and Trust in yourself. For life. Sign a Stewardship contract with God. Pray the Opioid pandemic will be taken care of soon. Later.
My lil sister gives me the silent treatment every year for at least 7 months.....dont know what else to say cause this behavior has been passed down from generation to generation to generation
@@jacksonjackson4787 - They left out a comma. They meant "stay away from her, mate (friend)." Mate is used in place of friend in some places like the UK and Australia.
Reminds me of how people from the United Pentecostal church invalidated those who didn’t “fit the image.” That was and quite possibly still is, their best tactic of keeping those noses aimed high. Im my opinion 😁
I grew up with this abuse , my dad would ignore me for weeks , months and once for two years , the slightest thing and l'd be smacked , sent to bed , l would be sent to bed for a week and do every second of the week . When l walked into a room he'd sneer like a bad smell had walked in on his shoe , soul destroying for a child . He's still the same to this day , so l drew a line under it . I'm 55 and nothing has changed. He's 82 now but luckily he's got the other two offsprings to help, he treats them like humans..... They can keep him .
Hi. Thank you for sharing. Sorry you experienced the abuse you did. Yeh, my dad has more time for the dirt under his shoes than for me. I am 48 and gave up trying to connect with him.
My mum would give me the silent treatment from the age of around 6. She would punish me for small slights by pulling my hair and slapping me across the face. She would then refuse to speak to me and my siblings would do the same. It was a surreal feeling to be frozen out.
It is a really severe form of abuse, especially to a child. It often results in the kid growing up, and having a deep rooted social anxiety, where they are terrified of being treated the same way (socially ostracised). That tends to make them very agreeable, to the point that they become sheeple (as in, they are desperate to be part of the herd, so they follow along regardless of whether it is a good idea or not). I have seen this so many times, and I hate seeing it. Saying that though, it is important to understand, if your mother treated you that way, chances are she is just as much of a victim of abuse as you are, and she was passing on her pain. If you understand that, you can forgive her, no matter how horrible she was to you. And once you forgive her, you can get past it. But forgiveness requires understanding first.
@@zalamael Thank you for your thoughtful response. My mother had lovely parents who never raised their voice or a finger in anger to their children. My mum was never abused by a parent, grandparent, sibling or husband. In fact my mother would hit the roof if someone even spoke to her in a tone she doesn't like. That is the puzzle of the whole thing.
You’re not alone . Severe pain. I pray everyday. I got beat with a hairbrush at the age of 4 up and down my arms till they were bleeding. She didn’t care.
I am married to a man who used silent treatment every day, and when he spoke he would always speak only his point of view and never listened to anything I said. Finally I got used to not caring about anything he had to say either and gave him the silent treatment back indefinitely. Now he tries to talk to me though he is still a very disconnected person. He has made some progress.
I went through this torture for 8 long years !,,, and 17 months ago I walked away No Contact!!,,, I got my life back!,,, I can guarantee this will Never happen again!!!!
Same. Took this abuse for 8 years without even knowing that it is abuse even though my mind and body were distressed. Yes, it is a form of gaslighting, you can't even fully accept and make sense of your own abuse.
Some people need to feel like they're in control. To control someone else's emotional state is satisfying to them. The need to control runs in my family.
I think the silent treatment works in some situations. If you’re dealing with a bipolar person they can’t blame you for upsetting them they only have themselves to blame.
Hi, sorry that you experienced the abuse you did. Going no contact is often the best but hardest thing to do. It will allow you to heal. If you do slip up and have contact, don’t be hard on yourself. Just start again with no contact. It will get easier with time. Wishing you a wonderful future.
I’ve been outcast. I am effectively “giving” the silent treatment, but it isn’t what’s happening here. Their behaviour has been so insulting and demeaning to me that I cannot tolerate it any more. I’m the unworthy one not them, so it’s self preservation so I guess it depends on the circumstances
Hi. Setting boundaries to protect yourself and going no contact is a healthy way to deal with a toxic person. That is not silent treatment. Silent treatment is when someone purposefully do not talk to another person they have contact with such as living with the person, with the express intent to hurt or punish the person.
@@stephaniegentryart hi, not sure I fully understand your question. If it relates to silent treatment then both intent and physical contact or closeness is needed. If you have no physical contact with them it can be ghosting or going no contact, or even time out. Intent here matters. Silent treatment is when a person is standing right in front of you, and refuses to talk to you or resolve issues with the express intent to hurt or manipulate you. If you do not talk to or respond to a person directly in front of you because they insult you, refuse to listen to you, or abuse you, then it is protecting yourself and could be gray rock or observe not absorb technique to deal with toxic people.
@@NarcissisticAbuseHealing ah to clarify you had said it’s the silent treatment when they express intent to hurt or punish. But what if that is not the intent ?
@@stephaniegentryart well, if they stopped communicating with you and there is no evil intent or it is not used to get you to do something before they resume communication, then it may be that they ghosted you. This just means they either lost interest or don't need you at the moment so see no reason to communicate with you. When they need you again they may contact you again. Or they could have gone no contact because they suffered a narcissistic injury or just felt uncomfortable. It could be because you pointed out that they are wrong on something, you disagreed on something, you said no to them, tried to hold them accountable for their actions, or so on. They may at a later stage communicate again when they need you.
And yet, as a survivor of narcissistic abuse, I have ghosted a lot of people in response. We exist in a narcissistic culture that's only becoming more sociopathic with every passing year. When you realize people don't want to listen to you, why would you not ghost them? What some call love others call abuse.
Hi, going no contact with a toxic person for your own safety and health is not silent treatment. What this video is about is people living together or even parents who refuse to talk to or a acknowledge the other person to punish or hurt them for sadistic reasons. While the victim has done nothing wrong. Gray rock, no contact, and time out are perfect and healthy ways to deal with toxic people. But a parent refusing to talk to their child that has done nothing wrong and may only be a teen is not healthy. So to partners who refuse to deal with issues and punish their partner with silent treatment out of pure toxicity.
I have had to use the silent treatment of walking away from someone who was personally attacking me. It cuts both ways. I avoided fighting with my wife and held on for much longer than I should have. Her attacks were personal and abusive. What was i supposed to do? Make it worse by countering that bs? i hate countering an abusive person by giving them any validation. I walk away and am pissed. Keep doing it and it's a reflection of who really is abusive. If you don't get the hint that I am giving you the cold shoulder once, but keep on doing it, you're the miserable narc. Not me.Give them no validation especially when you're not the shitstarter.
If they try the silent treatment, I see it as immaturity that I am not interested in having in my peaceful successful lifestyle. When they ghost, I assume they are dead and block them out of my life with no way of coming back. Harder to do with family, but not impossible.
Thank you very much for this. I was given the silent treatment from my boss because I bought up the fact that our tools for work were defective. 1 week silent treatment. I'll admit it pissed me off I started to hate him.
It is also wise to know yourself and how you deal with anger,if you are prone as most are to saying things you don't men and will regret silence until you have worked through it is a good idea "say something" is like "do something" it provides quick response to satisfy impatience but is not always the best thing to do.
Shocking , I won’t talk to people who show no interest in conversing with me. They then turn around and say what’s wrong with me? Every time I speak they over talk me and ignore what I’m saying. That’s the only time I will not communicate as I feel ignored. It’s not silent treatment for me it is my way of not being ignored during a conversation.
My mum brother sister are all giving me the silent treatment there all toxic I've decided too leave them out of my life I'm much happier not being put down for the person I am I also worked out when I needed them most health wise they were never there for me 2 years struggling with pneumonia I never heard from my mum heartless its been a year since a falling out heard nothing I'm done jus going too worry about myself an my kids I also had a ex of 10years who started ghosting me I use too chase not anymore it's been 18 months since I seen him an I dont miss him the emotional abuse an manipulative behavior was exhausting I wish I didnt waste so much time on these people it's been a really hard lesson But a very valuable one dont ignore the red flags it's not your job too change someone some are jus toxic move on lifes too short family or not I'm alone not lonely I found my inner peace ...... Finally I'm 50 better late then never
Hi, thank you for sharing. Sorry that you have suffered so much abuse. Glad that you are putting up healthy boundaries and cutting toxic people from your life and moving forward and that you found your inner peace. Wishing you a wonderful future.
I give the silent treatment after I have exhausted all means to communicate, wanting to compromise, wanting to resolve even though most of the time, I am not at fault. When things happen over and over like a pattern, it begins to feel like abuse. So then, I give the silent treatment to say I'm also done. Though it would take me years before I go silent...like I said - exhausted. But it's because when I walk away or burn bridges, I could tell myself that I have done my best and I'm better off. Sometimes, you can't exactly walk away if it happens with a family member. So instead of having a shouting match or walk out from the rest of the family, the best course is to just be silent. Does this make me a narcissist?
Hi, not talking to a person you are not living with is not silent treatment. It is going no contact and is a healthy way to deal with a toxic person. Not responding to a toxic family member when you see them is also not silent treatment what this video is about. Silent treatment is when someone you live with, often a partner or parent willfully refuse to talk to you and respond to you and resolve issues to hurt and punish you. This can sometimes go on for decades where the other person will not respond back even if you ask them for help yet it is your partner or your partner while you have done nothing wrong. The silent treatment is given as manipulation because they did not get their way. What you are doing is not silent treatment, it is gray rock in their presence and no contact when you don’t have contact with them again.
Nah, silent treatment is a form of abuse, it is deliberate, intentional etc, with the aim of hurting and manipulating the other person. Refusing to talk to people because they are wearing you down, is not the same thing. It is more of a defence mechanism, self preservation etc, rather than a form of abuse.
I tried for 20 years to be included in my husband's life. Finally after 30 years of marriage (if that's what you want to call it), we divorced. BUT.....finances and health issues has forced us to remain under the same roof. He constantly wants to fight, I won't give in. He says that gives him control when I won't fight back because he shuts me down and I can't think of anything to say. So, I don't speak to him at all. I spend my time at home in my room. I come and go as I please. I'm moving on without need of his approval or input. How long does a person have to try before they realize that no matter what you say think do or feel matters to the narc? No relationship what so ever, am I "abusing" him by refusing to talk to him or acknowledge his existence? I am still regaining my sanity and just realizing my worth. Of course he "never" abused me physically, mentally, verbally or emotionally, just ask him. But tells me constantly that I'm abusing him by ignoring him. I'm not silent to punish him, I'm just done and having nothing left to say to him. Am I wrong?
Hi. Thank you for sharing. Sorry that you are experiencing the abuse you are. He is not controlling you when you do not talk to you, the opposite, you are in control. That's why he goes on like that because he wants control of you by you reacting emotionally. No, it is not silent treatment when you do not talk to him. That is gray rock and you are protecting yourself. Although you live together you are not married and there is no reasonable expectation for you to talk to him. Plus he abuses you when he communicates with you instead of wanting to have a normal conversation. I am sorry that you are not able to get out and be on your own at this moment. His accusations that you are abusing him is guilt-tripping, see my latest video on it. Continue to protect yourself by gray rocking him and being in verbal no contact. I know finances are a problem. But even if you found a room with someone else or a small apartment it may be better than living the way you are. I honestly understand your position as I lived like that for many years before I was able to financially recover and get my own place again.
Silent treatment can be used in many forms, but the most effective one is people at work who likes to gossip , it's like you know something about them and they really want to know what you know ,give them the silent treatment and keep it like that and keep your distance watch them overreact.
When my ex gave me the silent treatment after a week I deleted her number and Facebook page so she probably tried to contact me but she couldn't she did that two times before not anymore....
When you decide to leave a person or not to talk to a person you do not live or work with, it is not silent treatment. It is going no contact, which is a healthy way to deal with a toxic person. When you decide not to respond to a toxic person's attacks, who you are in contact with, it is not silent treatment, it is gray rock or taking time out. This video is about people who have done nothing wrong and live with a toxic person who may be their partner, friend, or parent. The toxic person on purpose refuses to talk or resolve issues because they want to hurt and punish the person because the toxic person did not get their way. Sometimes it can last decades that the person you see every day refuses to say a word to you even if you beg them to talk to you, either because they did not get their way or they just hate you.
For instance, a parent refuses to talk to an 8-year-old child for months because the child did not come first in a spelling competition. Or your partner refuses to talk to you until you apologize to them for something they did.
#narcissist #narcisissim #silenttreatment
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Sounds like the shunning jehovah witnesses do; it's a control tactic to force you to tow the mark. They will shun and ostracize their own children, never letting grandparents see their new grandbaby
My mother does this to me when she doesn’t get what she wants. I cut her off two years ago. I don’t plan to talk to her again.
@@Marchelette I'm sorry
If you do not listen, I will stop talking.
@@stephaniegentryart hi, if she does not talk to you and you have physical contact with her then it is silent treatment. if you have no physical contact with her and she just stops responding to you for no reason, then it is ghosting you. But if she says she needs time then it is taking time out or going no contact. However, from the information, it seems she is not willing to take responsibility for her actions nor to see your side of the story and resolve problems. My question would be, why are you friends with her?
It is a way of not taking accountability. It solves nothing, it is pathetic, immature and is about them
Needed this x
Yup. They can say whatever they want then goes silent…. You try to talk about it and then your being dramatic, it’s pretty annoying.
It doesn’t work though if you know what they are doing. It just makes you realize they suck!!! 😂🤣
This trait is usually learned or genetically transmitted . I t Is ugly and vicious to do this on purpose to control someone else.
It is usually used by highly intelligent people. PREDATORS . ........
💯%True!!
Give them back the silent treatment, permanently. Wave goodbye to these evil demons in de guise. Learn to live again
@@intoodeepstl314 save it fool 🤫
I used this system to cut off people I thought were my friends.
Works like a charm. If they ignore you, like that, they’re NOT friends.
Ghosting is a form of this abusive behavior. Never “take back” someone who does this to you. They will not change.
Ghosting is making oneself completely unavailable and no plans to ever engage again.
I have no problem dropping humans who have disqualified themselves from my friendship, from a stealing hobby to various types of abuse. Those who step on my boundaries and betrayed trust are no longer qualified to be near me, as the trust is gone.
@Nick Zan I agree with you.
Yeah...i am beginning to think this
Nothing wrong with keeping in touch with an ex.
Looks like some people replying don't know what the term "ghosting" means. It isn't when you cut toxic people out of your life. It is when a relationship is developing and it is good for all intents and purposes. Disappearing when you know the other person likes you is cowardly. I find it odd behaviour. In fact, when I have decided to cut ties with others, I have told them the truth. Why? Because I would want to know. If I was messing up so badly that others didn't even consider me worth their time, I would want to know the reason, even if it hurt. I don't mean being cruel. I mean telling another home truths, such as "you drink too much and I can't be around that" or "I don't feel the same way and nothing will ever change that."
It gives the other person their humanity. It is strength of character.
Ghosting definitely does not mean simply cutting toxic people out of your life.
I was married to a man who got high on punishing me with long stretches of silent treatment. He made me feel unimportant and discarded.
When my ex tried this, I simply reflected her idiotic narcissism.
I did it better. I realized I don't have room for games in my life.
If someone tries this on you walk away and never look back.
You're dealing with an entitled child, not an adult.
Spot on 👏👏👏👏👏
Yes let them rot in their own hell. Payback
I had an ex who did that. I ignore him back and started dating other people. He got triggered that I wasn't waiting around which triggered him.
Exactly, someone I was interested in was doing the silent thing and finally I returned the silence and walked away!
@@thiccredgyal3404 Exactly! My ex also got triggered b/c I wasn't getting all jealous and "chasing" her. What she failed to realize - as an alleged "evangelist" (lol) - that she should know better than to act like a primadonna. But what else could I expect from a fmr Hollywood bikini model? Lesson learned.
I love it when someone gives me the silent treatment because to me it simply means its time to move on and leave them in the dust!
My mum has been giving me silent treatment for 42years.I have mental health issues and depression and she seems to be focused on triggering me when I am at my lowest.
Please don’t ever treat your kids like this
Disconnect with her until she gets herself together. She should not try to impose her insecurities and failures onto you. It’s very dangerous for your health.
I had a father who did the same
I feel for you....hugs from Iowa...I found that my empathy increased for others because of the silence, so even though they tried to harm me, I became part of a larger world.
🕯️🙏🕯️🙏🕯️🙏
Right exactly 💯👏. Learn to don't engage with them. They call 📞 show up ect
I am 64 years old and still dealing with the trauma of 17 years of narcisstic abuse that ended 13 years ago when I finally left him.
It just about destroyed me mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I had no clue what I was dealing with.
And the damage caused to my 4 children cannot be measured. We all have mental health problems.
I have 2 words for you if you are in this situation. GET OUT
Sometimes when u have exhausted yourself to keep talking about the same thing over and over you have no choice but to walk away and be silent. All has been said and done.
True!!
Yes. I agree. When in a disagreement with my spouse. We discuss it to understand each other. If we are not able to resolve it and it escalates to an argument and we're at a standstill, I will stop it and time out for both of us to process what was said, think about possible resolutions and and to come up with a closing statement with a "agree to disagree " mentality and a compromise. I find it healthier for to have a time out as to not say anything you may regret. Sometimes this time out can last a couple days to a week with a modified silent treatment. Not out of vengeance or spite but because it may take that long to figure it out.. we both work long hours and neither of us takes our personal life to work with us, so we have to try to figure it out on your own time. But we are both open to each other if one person is ready to continue the discussion. We always come to an agreeable compromise with apologies and hugs.
As a child my mom would do this. When I was young it would really hurt me, but by my preteens/teens I realized how abusive and toxic she was. I started losing respect for her. It got to a point I just avoided her altogether for my own sanity.
Mines did too ....
My mother did this also, not just me,but the immediate household. I was very shy and much younger than my siblings who eventually moved out,leaving me alone with her and my dad.life was hell and she did this until she died a few years back. I sadly don’t miss her and feel like a weight has been lifted. None of my siblings keep in touch. She affected all of us in a horrible, negative way.
My daughter's grandmother and aunt and cousins are doing this now to us.
There’s nothing more painful than meeting someone who apparently falls in love with you, is nicely crazy about you, and love bombs you and then they totally disappear out of nowhere. God damn that hurts so bad. I’m so alone it hurts. Merry Christmas Misery.
I’m on the same boat
imagine giving your 100% investing yourself emotionally into something who only gives you 10% that hurts! hell yeah i disappear and never come back
The hardest thing in the world is mourning someone you love who is still alive who treats you like you're dead for no reason except that their bi-polar condition tells them they can't control you .
This is why you need to learn to tell the difference. Most people in the world are fake, they wear masks etc. So when they 'apparently' fall in love with you, it could be real, or it could be fake. And unless you can spot the tells, chances are you will fall for it, and end up learning the answer the hard way (painfully).
Another thing to consider, is that maybe they were really into you at first, but you made a few mistakes that put them off. And another thing to consider, is that people tend to have an idealised version of who they want, and they project that image onto you, deluding themselves that you are the one they have always wanted. But as they get to know you, they start to realise you are not that person, and their interest wanes.
You sound like a decent person, but you also sound quite broken. As in, you have low self esteem. The problem with people who have low self esteem, is that they place far too much value in the validation they get from other people, so they tend to behave like addicts, craving their next fix (of praise, of validation etc). That is what we tend to call needy. And it is a very unattractive trait (and is usually the number 1 factor in why people end up getting rejected).
So my advice to you, would be to look inwards, and ask yourself, what is your level of self esteem. If it is low (as I suspect it is), you need to work on improving it. There is nothing more attractive, than people who have high self esteem, that are genuine, open and honest. It is hard to do, but ultimately worth it in the long run.
Listen to Bob Dylan or just read his lyrics. Christmas Blues would be a good place to start.... Santa may have brought you some bows for your shoes, but Santa only brought me the blues.... those brighly packaged, tinsel-colored, (pause) Christmas Bluessssss. You'll feel better after a few tunes.
I used to hate her silent treatment, but once I finally stopped caring, now I like it. It's a vacation from extreme crazy.
Narcissist love to use and abuse you. They love it when you are miserable and crying. They are mind controlling, lies and big thief's. They make you feel as you are mad and they make you suffer from severe depression.
It’s so strange. An ex used to do this for the majority of the time it was just one day but the most was 5 days! Silent treatment/stonewalling and then act like nothing happened. But if I said they hurt me…their fave line was “I did nothing wrong” or “you’re making it up”. Awful glad I’m free.
I am dealing with a friend who does this. Accept I get avoided for months. If I say they hurt me I’m told I shouldn’t be hurt. Or that they can’t say no to me because I’m hurt all the time by them saying no. I’m like ..... no I. Hurt by being ignored and treated differently than how you treat others and I see it plain as day. Wish I knew what I did that was so bad that deserves this
Most I got was 5 months. He just acted like I was invisible. I moved out before he spoke.
Silent treatment goes both ways, l walked because l got tired of my narc ex’s manipulative mind games….and l have NO INTENTION of talking to this man AGAIN!! He tried to save his ego by texting he will never contact me again, expecting me to crumble and beg him to come back. My response, “whatever, have a nice life” and l’ve kept it moving ever since. I no longer give a damn about him. He dosen’t like it, but l don’t care.
Hi, thank you for sharing. Sorry you experienced the abuse you did. Glad that you are now free. Wishing you a wonderful future.
It’s the way to go
Good for you
This is a part of the cycle of abuse, that I have suffered from.
Sending continued healing your way ❤️🩹 🧚🏾♀️🧚🏾🧚🏾♀️🧚🏾🙏🏽🥰self-love.
@@nolaflav3637 Yes! Self Love ❤ Merry Christmas 🎅 🎄 ❤ Happy New Year! 😊 Love to You!
@@nolaflav3637 Thsnk you for your love ❤ 😍 💖 ❣ 💕 💘 ❤ 😍 💖
@@juliaeisen4335 You’re welcome…Merry Xmas 🎄 You will be just fine. Smother yourself in kindness and positivity. It works and YOU deserve! 🥂
@@nolaflav3637 Yes NOLA Flav! We all deserve Love ❤ and Happiness 😊 Thank You so much for your support, it makes a big difference ❤
I bet I went through silent treatments almost every day while I was married and they began when I was 17, it was devastating and painful, it became a way of life, like instead of realizing I didn't deserve to be treated like that, I didn't realize how much it was controlling me...
Hi. Thank you for sharing. Sorry you went through the abuse you did. We are capable of adjusting to many things to survive. Unfortunately we then often think it is how life is without knowing what we are missing.
Give them a week. After that pack up and leave ......quietly.
❤️
Exactly!
Oh how I wish I had. 30 years and out now thank God.
A week?!?!?!?!
My blood sisters and mom give me the silent treatment which I think is a stupid thing trying to sever family ties. I don’t know if she does this on purpose or not but if she does then she has a sick mind.
Finally a voice of reason, informed and not over-dramatic.
Thank you.
I had no idea what the silent treatment was when I first got together with my ex, I soon found out, he was an expert at it. Towards the end I didn’t care anymore and gave it back to him even though it was against what I would normally do. People deserve respect and the silent treatment is disrespectful. I ended it with my ex, I had enough of him. He has since tried to come back but it’s not happening, I know now what he is and I can deal with him much better than he ever knows I can.
And I hope the dealing with him is from a distance for your sake.
I am not that kind of person that does silent treatments as well because I like happy and peace and wish well onto other what I wish for myself. But some people seem to want me to become a bad person. I said to myself, “no, I don’t want to adopt your evil behaviour.” You’re right it is disrespectful and indecent.
My father and step-mother have done this. It devastated me. I'm had a complete emotional breakdown and had to take time off work, was so depressed and broken. I'm recovering now, working again, but still feel the impact on my confidence, anxiety levels, view of myself. It's brutal. I would not put up with it again.
Hi, thank you for sharing. Sorry you experienced silent treatment and the effects it had on you. But glad you are doing better now and have strong boundaries where you will not allow them to hurt you like that again. Also glad to read that you are working again. Continue to heal and love yourself. Consider seeing a professional who knows about narcissistic abuse to help you deal with any lingering issues or to speed up your healing. Wishing you a wonderful future.
Silent treatment is the worst! Not being spoken to for weeks bc I didn't pick clothes up! All them years wasted not speaking and time you can neva get back!! Life is too short for others issues....
May I ask what their reason was? How long did they do this for?
@@tracym6652 I didn't know if u requested my reply.... All my life! Advertently / Inadvertently....... Child to adult. It surely is, wot doesn't kill u makes u stronger!
Good for u❤️❤️❤️
My now 17 year old daughter has given me the silent treatment for over 4 years. Her father taught her this and treats me the same way. It’s so painful from a child.
Hi, thank you for sharing. Sorry that your ex has driven a wedge between you and your daughter. If he has constant contact with her then it is often very difficult to break trough to them. You can try letting her know you still care even if she does not respond or responds toxicity. Such as sending her a text once a month just saying you care. And happy birthday and so on. Do not try to make her feel guilty or push for contact. Just let her know you care and love her. You can also post pictures if you get them on your social media account of how she grows up or important events in her live. Or just that you miss her as children will often google their parents who they are not spending time with. Leave the door open for her to come back to you and let her know she is always welcome at your house.
@Anton Swanepoel I can't post things or text her bc she has me blocked on all platforms as well as on her phone. Of course, I dream of doing those things; if I had that kind of access, I would. She lives with him, and he makes sure I don't get to her. He doesn't coparent or share information about her with me. He told me he takes the letters I've written to her, and he reads them. So, I don't know what she knows. I would imagine she has Stockholm syndrome; they have a trauma bond, causing her complex trauma. Just like I did when I got away. After my car accident, I was there to watch it all unfold, and then I was discarded. I watched him groom her so she loves and agrees with him. It's over, and that's really all there is to accept. I've done everything, and making her feel guilty isn't anything I'd ever consider bc I feel he abuses her plenty. I saw & know what she's dealing with bc it was all my problem before she came along. He uses her to finish the job. I see what happened had nothing to do with her, but rather how she's been groomed, just like I'd been myself. I didn't see it that way until I got out and got help myself. I wasn't perfect. I fought him in front of her, and I stayed when I should've left...lots of times, so no one is pointing fingers or blaming anyone more than I blame myself. I just hope she comes to remember who I am over who he made her believe about me one day.
@@jleach3413 that’s hard that you are going through. Although still contested about the definition, the current term used is parental alienation where he turned your child against you.
That is awful, but it is worth considering the pain your child is in. There is a horrible trend in our society, where kids are suffering the effects of their parent's pain, and it becomes a vicious cycle. Your daughter is in pain, and she is treating you that way, because she blames you (because it is easier for her to do that, rather than confront her pain and deal with it). From what you say, it sounds like her dad is the abusive one (although no one is blameless), but your daughter will realise that one day, and she will come back to you. She just needs to learn it for herself (and she will).
I know it is hard now, but I firmly believe she will come back to you. These kinds of patterns of behaviour have a way of playing out, the same way every time. Your daughter is young, she is still in many ways a child, and she doesn't know what to do. But in time, she will grow, and she will figure it out. And she will reach out to you and ask you to forgive her. And you will, and everything will be okay. Trust me, I know these things.
@Zalamael Semper Dius I know she's in pain. I know all you say and yet it doesn't change anything. I can't help her if she doesn't want it. This is where she receives his love as my enemy. I hate that I even understand those dynamics at all, but I do bc it was my childhood too. The conflict of my parents is the one where I looked for love and acceptance bc it wasn't just given, it was earned. No matter what form it came, how unhealthy it was...I wanted their love and I'd behave accordingly to get it. Just like an addict looking for their next high. I would crap out my dad to receive partial acknowledgment from my mom. How sad. I could crap my dad out bc he was forgiving. My daughter knows this about me. I'm so miserable. I wish I could find peace within.
THANK YOU FOR SHARING
I AM BEING GIVEN THE SILENT TREATMENT
THE NARCISSISTS CAN GO MONTHS AND YEARS NOT SPEAKING
TO ME....ITS VERY HURTFUL THIS TYPE OF ABUSE HAS AFFECTED
ME MY SELF ESTEEM AND MY SELF HAS BEEN DESTROYED.....
sorry this is happening...you DON'T deserve this. their behaviour has nothing to do with you; it reveals their degree of utter toxicity....you are a good worthwhile person....xoxo
@@dawna4185
THANK you SO VERY MUCH FOR SHARING ....I REALLY APPRECIATE UR 🙏 Kindness.....
Very childish behaviour, respond with NO CONTACT!!!
@@theraven1850 yes give it them back tenfold 😉☝️
Speaking from experience, learn to concentrate on you and your life. You need to emotionally detach from these people in order to start healing and take your power back. Create a life full of things you love and nurture your wellbeing so you have no space for other people's nonsense. Don't give it back because its a total waste of energy and as is trying to break their silence. Let them stew and waste their energy giving the silent treatment. Just because they give it doesn't mean you have to take it.
Silence is golden for multiple reasons and when it comes from narcissist when they go silent believe me they do us all a massive favor I wish they would be silent 24/7
Probably the best explanation I've heard on the silent treatment.
Hi. Thank you.
So true
Agreed. This is exactly what it is from a narcissist. I experienced it. Good thing I knew what it was and maintained by security of self. Understood it was a him problem. Being a selfish,entitled,lack of emotional intelligence narcissist. I didn't fold he was perplexed. Grey rock method. This video I am saving because it's perfectly described. Grateful I found it
When my ex decided to go silent he thought he'd get the upper hand and I'd give in and try to break the silence. He was wrong! I'm so stubborn I refused to engage with him and haven't spoken to him in 6 months. Guess who's suffering now and wants to talk. Haha. Well it's certainly not me and I'm staying stubborn and silent until he learns I can't be manipulated!!
Until you can be sure you can out manipulate him. Stay away and get therapy quick!
Great stuff
@@DR-nh6oo - Better to just stay away because manipulating people takes energy and it is still giving them power.
KD Photos That was what I was trying to say, if obtusely.
That isn't something to be proud of though. It sounds like you turned a corner, and are going in the right direction, and that is good. But it also sounds like you are holding onto a lot of hate. Trust me when I say, you will be far better off, if you can learn to let go of your hate, and forgive him. Even if he doesn't deserve it, do it anyway, because you will be doing it for yourself. Hate is like poison, you will only be hurting yourself if you can't let it go. And you will be a better and happier person for it.
I agree that silent treatment is very damaging! I was just going to add that many people will carry on talking normally about a wide range of normal topics but give you the silent treatment about deep emotional issues that make it difficult for you to move forward.
Yep, that is what my mother did. I had to cut ties about a decade ago.
Sweet wife and I are enjoying the silent treatment from our narcissistic daughter. We are enjoying the peace.
My ex narc gave me silent treatment for months at a time! I gave it back to him in the end. When he wanted sex I said no because why would I have sex with such a disrespectful person that I considered a stranger, needless to say the relationship failed!
Great
That's what I find creepy: men who will be abusive and pull stunts like that and then still try to have sex with you. Once abuse or hateful attitudes are displayed, the attraction is gone.
you describe my family no contact for 10 years I am glad you describe this
Hi. I am sorry that you are experiencing this. If you can afford it, pets like a dog often help to fill the empty space in one’s heart.
I have had 3 people in my life do that to me.. my brother, sister and old boyfriend. It is their loss. Just know that it can go both ways. Especially if they do decide to talk to u. Karma has a way of sneaking up on people and biting them in the ass!!! Have a nice day!
IT HURTS LIKE HELL I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW SOMEONE CAN IGNORE SOMEONE THEY SAID THEY LOVED FOR 6 YEARS I JUST FEEL PAIN THEY JUST DONT CARE THEY HURT U BUT THE 6 YEARS JUST FELT LIKE A LIE
Hi, sorry you are in pain right now. Narcissists can hurt you immensely. It is crushing to realize that most of the time they lied just to manipulate you. Try to turn all that love you poured onto the narcissist, onto yourself. Be your own best friend, and be kind to yourself. If not already, consider letting the narcissist go than giving them more of your time that they don’t deserve.
He blamed me for his friends suicide. He said If i wasn't taking up all of his time, he could have been there for him. Then he ghosted me, and told someone else to tell me he didn't want me anymore. It absolutely devastated me. He blocked me when I tried to reach out. My health has declined drastically. I do have eating disorders and now PTSD. Wow, this resonates with me 100%
That is horrible! It definitely wasn’t your fault. I hope in your heart you know that. Much love to you ❤️
@@celesteanderson3080 I don't know. He hates me over this and then women wanted him and they lied to get him to come to them. There is nothing I can do anymore
Take each day at a time. What will help a lot is to go for walks in the grass. Take in your surroundings. It will help anchor you in reality and out of your own mind.
Another thing that will help is to list just 3 things each day that you appreciate, *not* what you are grateful for, but what you appreciate. There is a difference.
From a random person who also has had to go through recovery and still is going through it, remember, it will pass and the light will come back for you.
Granted, you will change forever and eventually you *will* come to see that the experience has taught you things you can use later.
@@debbiethomas3080 I’m so sorry you are going through this. I do not know EXACTLY how you feel but I can most definitely relate to loss of someone I loved/love and them finding ways to flip it back to me. Like the silent treatment etc. I have his child as well and that makes it even harder sometimes. Some people are master manipulators that are so good at making things always seem to be the other persons fault. This young man that unfortunately took his life must have been going through some deep pain. That is in no way your fault that he unfortunately decided to do what he did. Do not carry that on your shoulders. It will get better in time
That sounds like projection. In reality, he is hurting badly because he lost his friend, and he is blaming himself. But because that is so painful for him, he has transferred his guilt onto you, because it is easier for him to blame you than it is to blame himself (which he very likely does). Don't get me wrong, I am not condoning his behaviour, that is a really nasty and weak thing to do.
But it is very important that you understand, you are not to blame. I have known people who committed suicide, and the common trend is that their closest friends and family always blame themselves because of it. But sometimes, they will try to pass the blame onto other people in order to lessen the feelings of guilt they have (because deep down they do blame themselves). In reality, you are not responsible, and neither is your ex. He will realise that at some point in the future. Keep your chin up, and absolutely do not blame yourself.
I've been subjected to this
It's beens years of silent treatment
By my siblings, the ripped off for my inheritance ,. Make false statements promising me $ then refusing to honor their aggment
One of my brothers stating a Bussiness, got big loan off our mother. Never ever repaid her .
This broke my mother's heart , my brother ignored our parents for years ,now he so rich has no morals but has everything, in reality he has nothing
I will never apologize. This man is horrible….The silent treatment doesn’t bother me but he uses our son to trigger a conversation. I will always protect our son and he is disgusting. I’m getting my son help he will have to deal with his consequences of emotionally abusing his child to get to me.
I feel worthless....
Too afraid to form another relationship
Hi, I am sorry that you feel worthless. You may not think it now, but you have value in the world. You have just been lied to by a toxic person who hates themselves deep down and do not want others to be happy. Don’t judge your worth on other people’s opinions of you nor by their standards. To trust others, you first need to learn to trust your own judgement again. Learning about the red flags of narcissism and building self-worth will help to give you the confidence to say no to a person who is toxic. It will take time. But there are many healthy people in the world looking for a partner.
Wish I could give this video two likes. So accurate!!! 🎯👌🏾
Thank you.
@@NarcissisticAbuseHealing You're welcome. 💕 love your content
It’s killing me.
This is not the same thing but I've had the experience where I've been silenced by fear within myself and the loved one I'm fighting with. Where I have tried to bring up an issue that's hard to discuss but the shear avoidance of that issue has forced me into silence. Despite how hard this issue is to live with. And I remember feeling trapped in silence not knowing what else to do. And I feel like I was reacting with the silent treatment because I was angry at the fact this loved one didn't care enough about us to try and resolve the issue. But of course it only made me feel worse and I couldn't keep such a harsh thing up because my goal was originally to resolve an issue not create more. Its good to be reminded how horrible the silent treatment is I shall avoid it.
My mum did this to me. More often after my dad died when I was 9. She had an absent mother and her dad died when she was about 2. Needless to say I was disinclined to repeat this pattern of unintentional abuse. I remained childless.
Same about remaining childless. I decided when I was 13 and now, some 40 years later, never had children. I did the world a favour.
I just go about my day and not say anything to them until they come around. It’s nice to have peace and quiet for a change.
The last demon who tried this he wanted and I quote "radio silence" for a week. Meanwhile, he had already made up his mind that he was trying to get with someone else simultaneously.
So 2 things happened as a result. I finally got a clue and dumped him by text after a few days, and told him I was done.
Then, the person he was trying to get with, didn't want anything to do with him so he got rejected lol! 😂😂😂 she found him creepy!
Serves him right
@@onyinyeuche2339 it does lol!
Love it!
Having experienced first hand this utterly crushing and destructive behaviour, it is truly awful. The first time was when I was quite young, I still to this day have no clue what I did to deserve it, but the effects were very traumatic and I ended up leaving home to go abroad as an au pare/child care assistant, (the treatment came from a family member); the second was from work colleagues when I gave in my two weeks, I followed protocol to the letter, but the last two weeks were truly awful, they made me feel like I had drowned a puppy. This came from management too, which I can’t wrap my head around. Example: manager walks past me like I don’t exist, goes to a relatively new girl and hugs her and says how much she is appreciated… vindictive, cruel and awful behaviour.
This is exactly what happened to me .my mom would always give me the silent treatment even at the dinner table .it was so awkward growing up
I was never talk to Ignored all the time,but when her friends came over she was the life of the party
She definitely had a personality disorder
I know exactly where you're coming from.
This is the best and most comprehensive analysis of silent treatment abuse that I've ever come across. I have felt (and continue to feel) every facet of this abuse and have come very close to taking myself out. However, I know my brother would like nothing more than for me to do just that. Thanks for posting this.
Hi. Thank you. Glad you found the video helpful. Sorry that you are experiencing the abuse you are. If a narcissistic person is driving you to the edge, you may find this video informative. When A Narcissist Drives You To Suicide
ruclips.net/video/-7N6Yeiexvg/видео.html
@@NarcissisticAbuseHealing Thank you, my friend. 😇
I accidentally offended someone and I didn’t realize it and she gave me the silent treatment. I figured it out and apologized to her but she said NOTHING! She talks to all my friends but just ignores me and pretends I don’t exist. So I just stand there silently. If she tries to talk to me again, I’m sorry but I can’t deal with her anymore. She hurt me so freaking bad. I hope she has a good life.
My silent treatment abuse comes, or should say, came from my father.
Twice in my life he had done it to me. My dad was the apple of my eye, my whole life. As he aged he asked me to move back to PR so he would have someone to care for him
I left my children, grandchildren, a great job. I believed since I was single, my kids all adults I could do this for him. He and my Mom had been separated for YEARS. My father enjoys mocking, criticizing and ridiculing everyone. Being in a apartment, cooking 3 meals a day, cleaning, etc had me gain weight. He would constantly be telling me how fat I was until one day I got fed up and called him on it. For 6 weeks he refused to speak to me and said if I didn't like it to move out. During this time one of my kids was in an abusive marriage and
needed out but could not make it financially having to pay daycare + all the other expenses of a household.
Since Dad was still ignoring me, living under the same roof I decided to move back to the US to help my daughter. For 2 yrs he never took my calls. Before Hurricane Irma, dad suffered a bad fall and went through a hip replacement. He also suffered prostate issues needing to have a catheter permanently placed.
Then shortly after Hurricane Maria hit the island, my youngest sister's husband lost his job and had 2 kids in college. He was offered a job in PA and accepted it, so my sister eventually moved with her husband.. My brother thou single had a full time job, and was in danger to lose it because of continued appointments for my parents and his own.. he is a cardiac patient.. Mom had Alzheimer's so they were placed in a home, it was too much for brother to handle it alone.
I retired early knowing it would slash my SS pension by 30% and moved back to PR. Mom passed away shortly before the Pandemic. Since then, I've made every possible effort to attend to my dad's physical and emotional needs, including cooking homemade food since he constantly complained about the bland food of the home, yet he always would critize whatever I brought; homemade or store bought.
Two months ago he lashed out at me and I honestly thought he would strike me. He cursed me out and that was when I decided enough was enough. I used to visit him 3-4 times a week. I now see he has all his necessary supplies, visit him shortly 1 a week, bring him store prepared food and when he gets aggressive or antagonistic I say goodbye and leave.
I learned he will never say I'm sorry, admit he was/is wrong or appreciate anything I do for him.
I'm still working at not feeling guilty for protecting myself from being hurt or for how my feelings for him have changed. I now know it's a day to day thing and hope to God I'm doing the right thing.
Read or listen to " healing from hidden abuse ". Asap. You will gain understanding about this. Best wish
Sometimes someone is fucking with you too much. They don't deserve any more of your attention . Period.
Very informative. Unfortunately, resonated with me and with what I experienced; soul-warping behaviour.
Hi, thank you. Glad you found the video informative. Sorry you experienced the abuse you did. Hope things are better for you now.
I was gaslighted hard core by my bestfriend couple years back. When I finally got the courage to bring it up to them, they gave me the silent treatment. Its been 4 months. They still think they did nothing wrong I'm sure :/
Hi, thank you for sharing. Yes, narcissists don’t take accountability for their actions. It hurts losing a friend like this, I know. But maybe it is for the best not to have contact with them again.
You should not be in communication with them.
They aren't your friend.
Geez That really hurts. I’m currently going through this. I just hope I’m proven wrong. But more likely than not. I’m shown over and over that I’m being gas lit. Sadly. This is also a very close friend one I grew up with and is difficult to let go of. Figuring out my next move and it’s hard. Sorry you went through that when someone says “I’m trying to work on not sounding like I’m gas lighting.” In a somewhat positive conversation. I’m going ????? Sooo. Your trying not to gas light. Got it meaning you are gaslighting also got it. Does she not think I don’t see it?
Sounds like what I had to deal with in my disastrous marriage and how my son treats me now
What if you give silent treatment simply because you don't want to talk to them.
Hi, there is a difference between not talking to a person to protect yourself or for you to process emotions or an event. And not talking to a person to punish them. However, even if it is because you just do not want to talk to the person, if you live with them it is not a healthy way to live. If you do not live with them, it is going no contact.
Thank you very much for the most informative video on the silent treatment that I’ve ever seen. And I have searched many many hours far and wide. Often the videos are about romantics-partners, husbands, wives, boyfriends and girlfriends etc. my tormentor was my mother. She has used the silent treatment off and on since I was a little child.. this would go on for days and weeks at at time, and as I got older years. It would always end when she felt like acknowledging me again. I never begged forgiveness or ever gave in, and I never showed emotion even as a small child and she would say to me that “ice runs through your veins” I’m sure I inadvertently learned how not to respond because I would see her do this same silent treatments to my father and he would just go about his business and say she was crazy. She would say mean things to him, accuse him of things and he would just say “yeah sure, whatever,” and “you’re crazy.” It would make her even more mad. I am grateful to him, he without saying anything he showed me the way. He passed away ten years ago. So three years ago, I said to myself, the next silent treatment will be the last. And that’s how it has been since the last one. That was two years ago. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done. I have no contact and no desire to ever have that contact again. Now after fifty years of her twisted horrible ways removed I see the devastation I am recovering from.
I hope you can do more videos for those of us that were forced to endure these types of people that we couldn’t get away from as children and how they try to poison us, and train us as children to be not only their victim but everyone else’s also. The emotional abuse that they get away with is despicable.
Oh I left out one thing! Get this, just before the last silent treatment she said to me “oh, I may have been a little nasty when you were younger” I just about choked and said, “a little???” She butted in right away indignantly with a “what?!?!!” Before I could say, “you mean down right abusive, don’t you?” I just had to tell you, I couldn’t get over the major gaslight attempt!!
To me being ignored by my sisters who live far away is better than them being mean to me.
My father and grandmother does this/did this to me growing up. As a child I was not aware of how much horrific and irreversible damage this did to me until I turned 17 and had my first relationship. My grandma still does this when my mother and I are not kissing her butt and tolerating her bullcrap. The pain this causes is excruciating, and i don't wish this pain/damage on anyone else even people I very much dislike.
Hi, thank you for sharing. Sorry you experienced silent treatment and the scars it left. If you can, see a professional who is experienced in narcissistic abuse to help you heal the wounds.
The worst part is expecting a response, then going to jail for "stalking", then despising women for the rest of your life.
Doesn’t matter how much someone hurts you. You don’t have the right to stalk anyone.
Oh believe me I will never care too much about (stalk) anyone ever again .. I accept even a single unanswered text as an ending. Lol.
@@lovedalot Oh please....he said "stalking" they probably twisted things on him as apart of the game, and to play the victim... even though they were the ones doing silent treatment, and probably withholding information or ghosting (maybe she did alot worse to him behind closed doors) and he didn't even stalk her like she claimed. It sounds like he just wanted some communication from this person. Which is pretty normal for any human ending a relationship, but narcissists don't care. He wasn't supporting stalking, and you're responding as if he did. Women can be real good liars to cops to and others who could have authority...ect I watched my own mother lie to the cops to hurt me myself and it happened over and over and over again. It happens! And...guess what? She laughed about it and admitted to me she was manipulating them before they even came to the door and then turned into a different person once they came. I don't care if he went to jail you don't know his story. My own mother put me through HELL over her lies and manipulation tactics. Try having some empathy for this man instead of assuming he is a jerk. It sounds like the manipulator in his past already managed to get enough people to believe her lies.
Ex-husband pulled this routinely. It would drive me crazy. That of course was the idea. Then one day I told him it didn't matter how long he didn't talk to me, I was on vacation!! Ruined his sick pleasure.
Some people lack the tools to do anything different than the silent treatment.
I grew up in a religion that practices shunning if you choose to leave. You lose your family, church and your life you were used to. The video fits what happens and what you go through when this happens.
Was this religion the 'church' of scientology by any chance.
@@tonybrook7768 No,it's Jehovah's Witnesses.
@@snowwhite2709 It can take a long time to fully get over something like this. Jehovah witnesses used to call at my door regularly, with a pretty girl presumably used as 'bait'. I didn't take it.
Best wishes for taking your life back. You will, bit by bit.
@@tonybrook7768 I grew up as one, however left it as well as any organized religion, and also never shunned myself, however many baptized ones who leave are shunned, even by family, and there have been cases of suicide due to the shunning. It's a cult that uses manipulation and control.
@@snowwhite2709 these are not principles upon which any religion should operate. Shocking. Try to seek out support groups, either online or face to face. There will be others going through a similar thing. Speaking to them will help you to realise that you are not alone.
I see what pain people are having and I too am dealing with it. My fiancé for 22 years. Who talked about getting married leap years and all would never do it. She is an Opioid Addict self induced by doctor 25 years ago. She has been seeing a phsyciatrist. For sleep problems and taking ambien for all those years. She has been taking her mother’s opioid medicine to and borrow from her daughter who has the same problem. She is a nurse and does not realize what she is doing. This drug has made he a covert Narsacist person. She has had a bad mother who is a self induced drug addict from the 60’s. Starting with loratab now 89 years old. Grandma is a full fledge drug addict created by doctors that keep handing out this drug. Kids like it they get free drugs from grandma to stay high all day and insurance pays for it. Whalla. Great proof of the opioid pandemic. I have been shunned out given the silent treatment .. but. I am a Christian. A man to Gods word. While I continue to grow in Gods word they fall of the narrow path to heaven. The devil has control of them and there lives. Yes reading is a good education and writing. Will bring your self preservation back, so you will find out your own personality ...
You must understand. God will give you the tools to live and the sustainable environment to be successful but he will not plant the seed to your soul.
I can grow a garden with a lot of work. Not knowing my end results. But I have to plant the seeds in the ground to have a product so I may eat. Gardening is the best form of relaxing to see what has happened through the night when you sleep. God will grow your garden 24/7. God does his part .. But you have to be prepared to plant and cultivate the crops. It is your labor to be successful in the end result. So the true is let go of the Narsacistic. When they bottom out and need help. They will look for a good Christian like you. God will be at your side to say yes or no to help them.
Keep the Faith and Trust in yourself. For life. Sign a Stewardship contract with God. Pray the Opioid pandemic will be taken care of soon. Later.
My lil sister gives me the silent treatment every year for at least 7 months.....dont know what else to say cause this behavior has been passed down from generation to generation to generation
Stay away from her mate.
@@kudrah Her mate?
@@jacksonjackson4787 - They left out a comma. They meant "stay away from her, mate (friend)." Mate is used in place of friend in some places like the UK and Australia.
@@kdphotos4691 Thank you....
I never gave a damn about the silent treatment, my ex was so toxic it was just nice to hear he be quiet🤣.
Reminds me of how people from the United Pentecostal church invalidated those who didn’t “fit the image.” That was and quite possibly still is, their best tactic of keeping those noses aimed high.
Im my opinion 😁
I grew up with this abuse , my dad would ignore me for weeks , months and once for two years , the slightest thing and l'd be smacked , sent to bed , l would be sent to bed for a week and do every second of the week . When l walked into a room he'd sneer like a bad smell had walked in on his shoe , soul destroying for a child . He's still the same to this day , so l drew a line under it . I'm 55 and nothing has changed. He's 82 now but luckily he's got the other two offsprings to help, he treats them like humans..... They can keep him .
Hi. Thank you for sharing. Sorry you experienced the abuse you did. Yeh, my dad has more time for the dirt under his shoes than for me. I am 48 and gave up trying to connect with him.
@@NarcissisticAbuseHealing you have to at some point . It's self preservation , we deserve to be happy too .
Excellent breakdown, thank you for sharing this 🙏💜🕊
My pleasure.
My mum would give me the silent treatment from the age of around 6. She would punish me for small slights by pulling my hair and slapping me across the face. She would then refuse to speak to me and my siblings would do the same. It was a surreal feeling to be frozen out.
It is a really severe form of abuse, especially to a child. It often results in the kid growing up, and having a deep rooted social anxiety, where they are terrified of being treated the same way (socially ostracised). That tends to make them very agreeable, to the point that they become sheeple (as in, they are desperate to be part of the herd, so they follow along regardless of whether it is a good idea or not). I have seen this so many times, and I hate seeing it.
Saying that though, it is important to understand, if your mother treated you that way, chances are she is just as much of a victim of abuse as you are, and she was passing on her pain. If you understand that, you can forgive her, no matter how horrible she was to you. And once you forgive her, you can get past it. But forgiveness requires understanding first.
@@zalamael Thank you for your thoughtful response. My mother had lovely parents who never raised their voice or a finger in anger to their children. My mum was never abused by a parent, grandparent, sibling or husband. In fact my mother would hit the roof if someone even spoke to her in a tone she doesn't like. That is the puzzle of the whole thing.
You’re not alone . Severe pain. I pray everyday. I got beat with a hairbrush at the age of 4 up and down my arms till they were bleeding. She didn’t care.
I am married to a man who used silent treatment every day, and when he spoke he would always speak only his point of view and never listened to anything I said. Finally I got used to not caring about anything he had to say either and gave him the silent treatment back indefinitely. Now he tries to talk to me though he is still a very disconnected person. He has made some progress.
I went through this torture for 8 long years !,,, and 17 months ago I walked away No Contact!!,,, I got my life back!,,, I can guarantee this will Never happen again!!!!
Hi, thank you for sharing. Sorry you experienced the abuse you did. Glad you are free now. Wishing you a wonderful future.
Same. Took this abuse for 8 years without even knowing that it is abuse even though my mind and body were distressed. Yes, it is a form of gaslighting, you can't even fully accept and make sense of your own abuse.
My sister gave me the silent treatment when I was 7 or 8 and she was seven years older than me. It really hurt my feelings 💔
Hi. Thank you for sharing. Family are often the ones who hurt us the most.
What a nuisance she did
Some people need to feel like they're in control. To control someone else's emotional state is satisfying to them. The need to control runs in my family.
Sis was very informative
I love your videos ! Great content !
I'm so glad of this video.
Hi, thank you. Glad you found the video helpful.
I think the silent treatment works in some situations. If you’re dealing with a bipolar person they can’t blame you for upsetting them they only have themselves to blame.
My mother has done this to me all my life..... New years resolution is to cut myself off completely n be free of her!!
Hi, sorry that you experienced the abuse you did. Going no contact is often the best but hardest thing to do. It will allow you to heal. If you do slip up and have contact, don’t be hard on yourself. Just start again with no contact. It will get easier with time. Wishing you a wonderful future.
She put me in to a depression when she disappeared. It was inhumane.
If anyone ever does this to you, end the relationship.
I’ve been outcast. I am effectively “giving” the silent treatment, but it isn’t what’s happening here. Their behaviour has been so insulting and demeaning to me that I cannot tolerate it any more. I’m the unworthy one not them, so it’s self preservation so I guess it depends on the circumstances
Hi. Setting boundaries to protect yourself and going no contact is a healthy way to deal with a toxic person. That is not silent treatment. Silent treatment is when someone purposefully do not talk to another person they have contact with such as living with the person, with the express intent to hurt or punish the person.
@@NarcissisticAbuseHealing is the expressed intent the defining thing ? What if someone just ghosts you when you text them but doesn’t in person.
@@stephaniegentryart hi, not sure I fully understand your question. If it relates to silent treatment then both intent and physical contact or closeness is needed. If you have no physical contact with them it can be ghosting or going no contact, or even time out. Intent here matters. Silent treatment is when a person is standing right in front of you, and refuses to talk to you or resolve issues with the express intent to hurt or manipulate you. If you do not talk to or respond to a person directly in front of you because they insult you, refuse to listen to you, or abuse you, then it is protecting yourself and could be gray rock or observe not absorb technique to deal with toxic people.
@@NarcissisticAbuseHealing ah to clarify you had said it’s the silent treatment when they express intent to hurt or punish. But what if that is not the intent ?
@@stephaniegentryart well, if they stopped communicating with you and there is no evil intent or it is not used to get you to do something before they resume communication, then it may be that they ghosted you. This just means they either lost interest or don't need you at the moment so see no reason to communicate with you. When they need you again they may contact you again. Or they could have gone no contact because they suffered a narcissistic injury or just felt uncomfortable. It could be because you pointed out that they are wrong on something, you disagreed on something, you said no to them, tried to hold them accountable for their actions, or so on. They may at a later stage communicate again when they need you.
And yet, as a survivor of narcissistic abuse, I have ghosted a lot of people in response. We exist in a narcissistic culture that's only becoming more sociopathic with every passing year. When you realize people don't want to listen to you, why would you not ghost them? What some call love others call abuse.
Hi, going no contact with a toxic person for your own safety and health is not silent treatment. What this video is about is people living together or even parents who refuse to talk to or a acknowledge the other person to punish or hurt them for sadistic reasons. While the victim has done nothing wrong. Gray rock, no contact, and time out are perfect and healthy ways to deal with toxic people. But a parent refusing to talk to their child that has done nothing wrong and may only be a teen is not healthy. So to partners who refuse to deal with issues and punish their partner with silent treatment out of pure toxicity.
I have had to use the silent treatment of walking away from someone who was personally attacking me. It cuts both ways. I avoided fighting with my wife and held on for much longer than I should have. Her attacks were personal and abusive. What was i supposed to do? Make it worse by countering that bs? i hate countering an abusive person by giving them any validation. I walk away and am pissed. Keep doing it and it's a reflection of who really is abusive. If you don't get the hint that I am giving you the cold shoulder once, but keep on doing it, you're the miserable narc. Not me.Give them no validation especially when you're not the shitstarter.
If they try the silent treatment, I see it as immaturity that I am not interested in having in my peaceful successful lifestyle. When they ghost, I assume they are dead and block them out of my life with no way of coming back. Harder to do with family, but not impossible.
Thank you, they been getting on my nerves with that crap,
My pleasure.
Do they hate me, it was years ago they were doing the same thing, caused unrepairible problems, now there doing same thing and no reason to,
Thank you very much for this. I was given the silent treatment from my boss because I bought up the fact that our tools for work were defective. 1 week silent treatment. I'll admit it pissed me off I started to hate him.
Hi. Thank you for sharing. Sorry you experienced silent treatment from your boss. It is a childish way to react, especially from a boss.
He ignored me 2 months and 2 wks. I'm in shock w this video.
It is also wise to know yourself and how you deal with anger,if you are prone as most are to saying things you don't men and will regret silence until you have worked through it is a good idea "say something" is like "do something" it provides quick response to satisfy impatience but is not always the best thing to do.
I use silent treatment and ghost women who waste my time. It's not narcissistic, it is avoiding unnecessary stress and drama.
Thanks for this info
My pleasure.
Shocking , I won’t talk to people who show no interest in conversing with me. They then turn around and say what’s wrong with me? Every time I speak they over talk me and ignore what I’m saying. That’s the only time I will not communicate as I feel ignored. It’s not silent treatment for me it is my way of not being ignored during a conversation.
Hi, what you are doing is setting healthy boundaries and protecting yourself. It is not silent treatment.
I got too frightened to stay in my home. This led to a catastrophe of events. 🦋
My mum brother sister are all giving me the silent treatment there all toxic I've decided too leave them out of my life I'm much happier not being put down for the person I am I also worked out when I needed them most health wise they were never there for me 2 years struggling with pneumonia I never heard from my mum heartless its been a year since a falling out heard nothing I'm done jus going too worry about myself an my kids I also had a ex of 10years who started ghosting me I use too chase not anymore it's been 18 months since I seen him an I dont miss him the emotional abuse an manipulative behavior was exhausting I wish I didnt waste so much time on these people it's been a really hard lesson
But a very valuable one dont ignore the red flags it's not your job too change someone some are jus toxic move on lifes too short family or not I'm alone not lonely I found my inner peace ......
Finally I'm 50 better late then never
Hi, thank you for sharing. Sorry that you have suffered so much abuse. Glad that you are putting up healthy boundaries and cutting toxic people from your life and moving forward and that you found your inner peace. Wishing you a wonderful future.
I give the silent treatment after I have exhausted all means to communicate, wanting to compromise, wanting to resolve even though most of the time, I am not at fault. When things happen over and over like a pattern, it begins to feel like abuse. So then, I give the silent treatment to say I'm also done. Though it would take me years before I go silent...like I said - exhausted. But it's because when I walk away or burn bridges, I could tell myself that I have done my best and I'm better off. Sometimes, you can't exactly walk away if it happens with a family member. So instead of having a shouting match or walk out from the rest of the family, the best course is to just be silent. Does this make me a narcissist?
Hi, not talking to a person you are not living with is not silent treatment. It is going no contact and is a healthy way to deal with a toxic person. Not responding to a toxic family member when you see them is also not silent treatment what this video is about. Silent treatment is when someone you live with, often a partner or parent willfully refuse to talk to you and respond to you and resolve issues to hurt and punish you. This can sometimes go on for decades where the other person will not respond back even if you ask them for help yet it is your partner or your partner while you have done nothing wrong. The silent treatment is given as manipulation because they did not get their way. What you are doing is not silent treatment, it is gray rock in their presence and no contact when you don’t have contact with them again.
Nah, silent treatment is a form of abuse, it is deliberate, intentional etc, with the aim of hurting and manipulating the other person. Refusing to talk to people because they are wearing you down, is not the same thing. It is more of a defence mechanism, self preservation etc, rather than a form of abuse.
I tried for 20 years to be included in my husband's life. Finally after 30 years of marriage (if that's what you want to call it), we divorced. BUT.....finances and health issues has forced us to remain under the same roof. He constantly wants to fight, I won't give in. He says that gives him control when I won't fight back because he shuts me down and I can't think of anything to say. So, I don't speak to him at all. I spend my time at home in my room. I come and go as I please. I'm moving on without need of his approval or input. How long does a person have to try before they realize that no matter what you say think do or feel matters to the narc? No relationship what so ever, am I "abusing" him by refusing to talk to him or acknowledge his existence? I am still regaining my sanity and just realizing my worth. Of course he "never" abused me physically, mentally, verbally or emotionally, just ask him. But tells me constantly that I'm abusing him by ignoring him. I'm not silent to punish him, I'm just done and having nothing left to say to him. Am I wrong?
Hi. Thank you for sharing. Sorry that you are experiencing the abuse you are. He is not controlling you when you do not talk to you, the opposite, you are in control. That's why he goes on like that because he wants control of you by you reacting emotionally.
No, it is not silent treatment when you do not talk to him. That is gray rock and you are protecting yourself. Although you live together you are not married and there is no reasonable expectation for you to talk to him. Plus he abuses you when he communicates with you instead of wanting to have a normal conversation.
I am sorry that you are not able to get out and be on your own at this moment. His accusations that you are abusing him is guilt-tripping, see my latest video on it.
Continue to protect yourself by gray rocking him and being in verbal no contact. I know finances are a problem. But even if you found a room with someone else or a small apartment it may be better than living the way you are. I honestly understand your position as I lived like that for many years before I was able to financially recover and get my own place again.
Very very importantly knowledgeable and alarmingly informative, Sir 👍🏻 God Bless You Amen thanks for this video 🙏🏻 Sohail Karachi.
Thank you.
Good advice.
Women are masters of this x
Doesn’t work on me anymore, now that I know what I’m dealing with. God is my strength and my salvation, with a lot of grey rocking.
Very informative- thanks for educating everyone
My pleasure.
You're most welcome- you do great explaining in layman lingo... Keep on- with prayers
Thankyou . Deeply useful and helpful x
Silent treatment can be used in many forms, but the most effective one is people at work who likes to gossip , it's like you know something about them and they really want to know what you know ,give them the silent treatment and keep it like that and keep your distance watch them overreact.
When my ex gave me the silent treatment after a week I deleted her number and Facebook page so she probably tried to contact me but she couldn't she did that two times before not anymore....