1. Pleasure seeking. 2. Loves to break up relationships. 3. Extremely competitive. 4. Weaponises her body. 5. Appearances - keeping up with others. (Either obsessive or not care at all (covert narcissist). 6. Very envious and jealous. 7. Loves drama. 8. Emotionally sensitive/driven. (Destructive.) 9. Cannot handle criticism. (Will destroy anyone who criticises her.) 10. Prone to having affairs. (From her current partners friends.) Zero morals. 11. Utter disregard for boundaries. 12. Manipulative. Very potent at mind games - uses guilt, threat of abandonment, withholding affection.
Mother in law ……. ,, Perfect “ mother ,, perfect wife , perfect perfect perfect….. Some of them destroy their sons personally in many different ways….. every wish forfeited, ,, sacrifices…..so perfect that even keeping the book of every silly things her son did to show to his children when he get them to ,, pay” him back for not being so perfect, GRATEFUL…( for being just a child)… Pathological jealousy towards his wife ….. pathological,, love” for grandchild….. gossiping about the mother,mother’s family Patronising the daughter in law, child is HER possession, TOY Showering the child with the unnecessary gifts ….. And by the way poisoning child’ s mind by constant gossip of the mother is abuse , sugarcoated ……
I agree you fall in love with the fake role she is playing for you & she plays many other roles for many other people. To describe it as a double life is a massive understatement! Energy vampires need many sources! It’s no joke! If there name is also Karen then maybe google why the meaning of that name nearly broke the net!!!!!
She was right. I've been in the presence of narcissistic women, both in the work place, as supposed "friends" (until I managed to break away from them) and well, in every area of my life and I stay away from them as they are nasty. It amazes me how men tend to home in on them though, like flies to a honey pot... until they realise they've been lured in and taken for fools.
She sounds like a pick me... and someone who had a bad relationship with her mom. Because of the wiring of our brain and usual physical differences, the possibilities of a man being meaner are higher.... and by this suffering from severe mental illness. This is generally speaking, but it doesn't mean that a woman can't be more evil than most men
@@Dolly1825 Yes ! For a while she did ! Until I realized she was a master at manipulation and playing on my good heart ! Which can turn ugly when I feel I’m being taken advantage of !
A female narc will always try to out do or one up on you. No matter what. Thank goodness I’m a super empath & I’m untouchable. I out do a female narc every time. I know how to shut them down. My life is so much happier & peaceful. This video nails it to the tee. Thanks for sharing for others.
Never raise your daughter as a princess and always say "no" to her when it's needed. Eventually she'll thank you when she'll grow up as a decent person and will have a healthy relationships with people.
It's a bit more complex than that. NPD and pathological narcissism, like other Cluster B disorders, stems from a mixture of biological, psychological, and sociological factors - not parenting alone.
@Just Me You can discipline your children effectively without the use of violence. If you view discipline and violence as synonymous, there in lies the problem, and it's typically these ignorant and uneducated views which present issues pertaining to child protection laws. Furthermore, a lack of violence doesn't create narcissism. If anything, the opposite is closer to the truth. Research clearly indicates that having high narcissistic traits or NPD is a result of bio, psycho, and sociological factors.
@Just Me In the comment you deleted, you specifically mentioned DCF's involvement. Their services are solely required to protect the safety and welfare of children.
@Just Me No, you initially wrote specifically about the inability to "discipline" a child without threat of protective services. An illegal act must be committed/alleged in order for authorities to intervene. Aside from violence, what other illegal forms of "discipline" are there? If not violence, what specific illegal form of "discipline" were you referring to?
14 yrs with a covert narcissist, 3yrs on still trying to recover mentally and financially. If your lucky enough to spot it early don’t walk away, bloody run. Don’t ever think you can fix them or they will change they won’t and the end they will chew you up and spit you out and move on without second thought
So true; I feel for you. I spent 18 years with one, and he died last year. It sounds terrible, but his death saved my life. I just wish I’d recover mentally & financially. It makes sense that you’re still recovering. I wonder if we will both recover from them-I pray for you & myself now.
@@francesmartel7948 its not terrible unfortunately it’s true after such a long time with someone like that you lose sight of who you are as a person and all your self worth the good news is with time and maybe some help you find yourself again I wish you all the best on your new journey
I was with mine for 3 years,says 2 kids,and has set me up through the criminal system and made me out to seem like I'm the narcissist all while sleeping with the landlord that was her way of discarding me and took all of my belongings that I worked hard for and she just walked in with a Kroger bag it's crazy bro it is freaking crazy and I didn't know nothing about this s*** until the last 9 months boy do I know ,keep your head up guys
@@ericwood7084 Eric, mate I feel you, it’s mind blowing crazy. I have a 13 yr old & 8yr old with my x a crown prosecutor, she pulled a similar trick had an affair with police office which according to her was some how my fault. This woman has taken lying and Besmirching to an Olympic gold medal level, she had me doubting me for a long time. Then I had the pleasure of battling a highly trained litigator in a property settlement, fun times. I lost a lot of stuff, a couple of fair weather friends, all replaceable and as I’m sure you’ll agree small price to pay to be shot of her. Good Luck Champion
That was very well described. As women we have to deal with these in the female dominated work environments, and they often end up in management due to their confidence, manipulation, focus on image and appearance, and ruthlessness. They can be extremely cruel and they create an unsafe environment for other workers’ health and safety.
Amen!!.. I have seen some very disturbed female managers. I don't know what they had, but the manipulation, deceit, and bullying was not healthy to watch!!.. Yet, they go to the top!!..I've also seen them wearing mini-skirts & high heels to get ahead!!-
Ruthlessness, abusive of those around them, manipulating, willing to sacrifice anyone in order to get ahead... Sounds like typical managers to me. Just the type of person upper management is seeking. Does that mean that narcissism is institutionalized in the American workplace??? 🤔
Just realized my mom is one, too! I recognized the patterns in my own behavior and am taking steps to change. They can turn their own daughters into narcs because of the mental abuse. It’s sick. I literally had to talk to one of my aunts about it tonight because I don’t think my family realized how different my upbringing was (emotionally) compared to everyone else’s.
If there’s a will, there’s a way. You likely felt something was wrong the whole time, you’ve gotten your answer/reasoning. You can be better and move forward!
@@Q-00 I’m sorry. It is tough with the female narcissists because it’s easier to hide that aspect of their personality. I understand why some men complain about women/ exes after experiencing/witnessing it myself. Same happened with my cousin’s ex-wife. Their kid can’t stand her because she’s such a negative person.
I read this comment and was in awe. This is the same exact thing I have come to realize about my mother- and talked to my aunt about it as well. No one truly understands, it feels.
"Emotional abuse can cause permanent physical damage to the brain." Explain this to the abusers after you have physical disability. It's very real! if you are in a toxic situation, plan to get out without fighting (permanently). If that means giving up all earthly possessions, do it! Great video, lots of really good information.
@@highpeacetess That's exactly what I did. It got very uncomfortable for me at times as I had to grin and bear it, even though I was dead inside. In other words I had to pretend to be someone I wasn't, which made me realize that I was subconsciously turning into the person I was married to, So survival traits of this disorder eventually spread from one person to another, because victims are operating from a place where everything always seems to feel like a race against time, or a matter of time, and like one is buying time. because you must keep any information regarding your escape plan to yourself. It's taken a toll on my body, and my health, I ended up with debilitating Fibromyalgia, divorce is done, however, if you have children with them, prepare for the endless mind games/ manipulation, smear campaigns, and even discarding if their own children, when you're going through court proceedings with them. It's like a game to them and all they care about is "winning" the battle even if it means losing the war altogether. They'll cut their nose off inspire of their face.
100% true, but they also put alot of physical harm on me by beating me up. Makes me hate being a female I didn't even stand a chance & I am publicly painted as th crazy one and his family stood up for him all over social media and I'm still trying to kill myself. I hate myself for being a target
@@babyhunt2000 please don't kill yourself, especially for them, bc I know your pain very well and it's exactly what those type of people would want u to do. I've been a target for a long time as well, my story similar to yours, i know the shame, and i promise you is not your fault they hurt you, and there must be a pretty freaking good reason for us to still be here. Sending you so much love.
It took me over 8 years to realize the girl I thought was my best friend was a covert narcissist. I’ve been no contact since January 2021 and still slowly healing. I’m glad I’ll never let another narcissist in my life but it’s just so cruel how they use, abuse, discard.
Hi. Thank you for sharing. Sorry that you experienced the abuse you did and the let down of realizing someone you thought was a friend was not. Glad that you are free from the toxicity and are healing. Wishing you a wonderful future.
Currently going thru this with my male best friend / roommate. (I'm also male but more of an Empath) took me far too long to realize what was happening. I dont want to move out, both our names are on the mortgage. I just don't know what to do. (I'm bad with change) The kicker, my ex who lived with us is a female narcissist. A product of her upbringing unfortunately. But her and my best friend have become best friends and now he's turned on me too..
@xEvilRaptorx hi, thank you for sharing. Sorry that you are experiencing abuse form your best friend / roommate. However, I would have to ask. If he is abusing you, is he then a friend let alone a best friend? Change is often hard and painful. But if you want things to be different you may need to change. It may be best if you make plans to move out and go live on your own in a smaller place, or move in with a better room mate. Unless you can get him to move and have a better room ate move in.
In 38 years of dates, and two very dangerous relationships, I've stopped pursuing the wonderful dream of a marriage, a wife, a soulmate. Being a disabled male out here in California, with no assets to afford a good life, all I've met are narcistic women. At 55 years old now, and knowing after the years of narcistic abuse that I likely will never find that wife that I hoped for, I'm content with the peace of mind I have now. Yes, it gets lonely around the holidays without family. But all I need do, is look at the physical scars, and the emotional wounds that will never heal, and that kinda replaces that need for someone.
Your story is similar to my story.I had a life full of narcissistic women but now i had a very good woman that truly loves me.Dont give up and you must know that narcissistic persons always target people with special qualities.Its obvious that you have these qualities and you have empathy too.These qualities try to steal a narcissist.They hate you for these qualities.Narcissists wants narcissistic supply to feed the false self but never wants supply from a low level source becouse they feel that low level source gives low level supply too.They need supply always from high level sources.These are not my ideas you can learn from professors in universities these things.Low self esteem is one of peoples feelings after narcissistic abuse but if you consider why a narcissist choose you it have no sense.Its only a feeling not based in logic.I totally unerstand you because i had dark periods too.Stay intelectually strong and learn as many things as you can about narcissism.I suggest you sam vaknin in you tube.Its one of the best to learn about narcissism in an almost academic level.You will feel better trust me
Good for you mate, totally agree. My life is pretty much the same, give or take. We need to appreciate what we have and not what we would see as a perfect life outcome. Covert Narcs are so dangerous and their support crew probably, for the most part, do not know what they are supporting. If they do, keep your head down even lower. All the best to you. You probably have it better than some people. We need to be carefully what we wish for. Kia Kaha; Be strong!!
@@CobraDove1111 same here i had to cut out my Covert Narcissistic mother along with my eldest sister who believes anything she says due to the " Cognitive Dissonance " my Covert Narc mother brainwashed her with , worst of all shes turned my eldest brother " The Golden Child " against me , am sadly The Scapegoat Child and had to cut off all ties with my entire family , including my nieces and nephews , and go " No Contact " which was the toughest thing i ever had to come to terms with , * sigh *
Spot on! It’s truly amazing how these women run on the same play book. I wish I had been aware that these behavior patterns existed. For the longest time it was so confusing. She could be absolutely amazing then shift and be as cruel and demeaning as ones worst enemy. I recognize it right away now but then I was clueless and actually tired to navigate it and help/save her. Not possible. I’m lucky to have made it out with the level of damage I experienced. Pay attention guys. This stuff is super serious and way more dangerous than you think possible. They will show you who they really are. You just have to believe it when they do reveal it.
Hi, thank you for sharing. Sorry you went through this. Glad you are free now and can spot the warning signs. The damsel in distress routine is often used to clean a person out financially. I also tried to be the white night but I ended up as a pawn.
@@Jason-gt6ko hi, glad you manage to avoid that disaster. I also managed to avoid marrying a narcissist. When she pushed to have kids before we were married, 2 months into the relations, I decided this was not for me.
❤️❤️❤️Narcissist control through fear. They lose control once you NO longer fear losing them. Healing is all about learning to overcome your OWN fear of rejection, abandonment, low self-esteem, neglect, etc... It's not that we love the narcissist intimately (subconsciously, we don't because of the emotional abuse they spew on us). But... It's the fear of us facing past childhood or young adult traumas, emotions, situations, etc... should we leave the relationship which keeps us connected to them (NOT love). They have a grip on us because we fear facing our OWN emotional insecurities and weaknesses, so we begin to place more focus on what they are doing to us, rather than what we are doing to ourselves (accepting/allowing physical or emotional abuse). This is why empaths binge watch narcissist videos instead of the co dependency ones (our focus is on their toxic behavior and NOT our OWN emotional unbalances to heal properly). When you were NO longer afraid of the darkness as a child; you were NO longer concerned about the monster hiding under your bed. The monster was ONLY relevant to you because of your fear of the darkness (not the monster). FACE your unaddressed fears, issues, abuses, etc... and I PROMISE you, just watch how irrelevant the narcissist will become in your life. Stop, "Casting your pearls to swine." May The Lord bless you on your journey forward... Much Love and Healing ✌️
@@Jose-or3zw It gets hard I know. I've been there, and the feeling of being manipulated, deceived or lied to by a loved one HURTS bad. But there is light moving forward if you don't allow the pain to keep you idle. You progree forward starts with acknowledging what's going on around you, and then setting healthy boundaries to prevent it from continuing to happen. Be blessed ♥️
Wow...good advice....I was not perfect in our relationship, but I was loyal, caring, loving and made alot of money, and dealt with the horrible emotional abuse and control with massive amounts of alcohol and hard drugs to run from the problems... Thank you for your insight....
Stop casting your Pearls Before Swine, no truer words were ever spoken. That needs to be put on a Skyline billboard. That is not an insult, it is a warning with great magnitude if you understand the cost. Once I understood this revelation it was profound to me. I've tried to warn my good friend with the same words but they fall on deaf ears. I only try to warn her because of my own experience and fear she might suffer the same fate. But the swine are clever, there wolves in sheep's clothing. Masters of their deception and can trick even the most educated on the subject. Psychology classifieds them in with the class D evils. There are three, the psychopath the sociopath and the narcissist. You can have on the full armor of God and they and still give you a run for your money. Falling victim to these Predators is no fault of your own. That's like telling the prey the Predator made a meal of it was his fault. Hindsight's 20/20 and it is so easy to see from that perspective. when one of these evil beings catches you in their scope and makes you a Target that's when you need the full armor of God and to be standing in front of God and all his angels to protect you from the gates of hell they're getting ready to open for you. You won't even realize you were standing in front of the gates of hell when they open. That's why they call them class D evils. Because they are devils in disguise.
She will adapt to whoever her current supply interest is. Sport, TV and movies, music… whatever. Her “interests” will mirror yours and she will adopt many of your dreams. You fall in love with a female version of yourself, but when she discards you she discards all of that and changes for the next supply.
This is spot on. Narcissist ''friends'' that I cut off were always so Insecure, Jealous and Envious of me. Always competing with me and smearing my name behind my back.
Same here. The more I out-did them and the better I got at things, the more crap they talked. I ended up dumping most my narci buds (both male and female). The rest conveniently disappeared once I took life by the horns and let the swagger flow. I'm sure they're still running their little narci mouths about me... but they never made it out of our hometown.
The moaning then anger at solutions is so accurate. So accurate. I knew one who would always complain but if you had an idea of how to rectify a situation she'd get so angry and nasty.
You have to be willing to take a loss and move on with your life, without them. It's most difficult if they're a family member or if you have kids with this person, but cutting as many ties as possible is the best way to deal with a narcissist. Any interaction with them, positive or negative, validates their behavior. You have to establish strict boundaries to avoid abuse. I have female family members and have dated female narcissists; maneuvering around their manipulation is one of the most difficult achievements I've ever accomplished. Be strong enough to walk away from the affection they give you and find your own happiness, independent of anything or anyone. Live your life on your terms; when you're emotionally healthy, other good people will gravitate towards you and you'll be a much happier person
Can’t believe I had a friend exactly like this. Someone I thought was my sister. She literally ran after my ex’s or make friends with people I was friends with! God exposed her hard!
I just dropped one just like that. She slowly started befriending my friends ( she had none of her own) . Then started texting and flirting with my ex boyfriend. Then our male friend, then another friends husband. She denied it all, despite being shown the texts. Everyone was lying about her! In short, she went after any female that she perceived as competition for her. All of my friends have also kicked her to the curb.
My sister did the same. I was 37 before I realized what she is. Haven’t spoke to her since. I am seen as the one with a problem by most since she is covert.
I agree all the signs of dark personalities such as narcissist, dark triad, dark empathy, karmics, psychopaths, sociopaths, antisocial personalities, borderline personality, etc. should be taught in school.
I agree with you one thousand percent !!!!!! Wish I had been taught about this valuable information a long time ago . Either way I'm very greatful for this information now. It's never too late to receive valuable knowledge. Everything this gentleman talks about is on point !!!!!
I experienced 12 for 12 behaviors! I thought I knew better to get out, even after experiencing all of these behaviors. I had to study the symptoms, my reactions, and patterns, which were not covered in school becoming a Marriage and Family Therapist. Also, their 'dysregulation' was a part of the violence experienced. Alcoholism was THE key to her giving herself the permission to hurt me and others. Her need to collect supply from 'compassion idiots', was clear to healthy people. For me to become healthy, I had to study. My experience with narcissistic people has improved my therapy skills. I have repaired my family harm, cleaned my glasses, and find myself in a 100% healthy loving, and reciprocal partnership. Thank you.
Hi, thank you for sharing. Sorry that you went through this. But glad that you healed and are now in a loving partnership. Unfortunitly narcissism is not part of famly councelling or many other fields where it is needed. This can cause the vicitm to feel they are the problem and should try harder to save the marriage and work with thier partner.
We all have had relationships with narcissistic people. Being naive I have fallen into these relationships. I believe these relationships can be used as a learning experience. Eventually you come to the conclusion that you are not responsible for the narcissists happiness and you can let them go. Now when i suspect someone is overly narcissistic I use videos like this to further my education and remind me not to give them any power in my life.
So glad to hear you’ve built off of this experience. I am currently still in repair 9+ months out no contact with the young single mother covert Narc. I experienced all 12 and more.
Love doesn't hurt. It's the whole 'love is patient, love is kind...'. That's what it is. Actually, if you really love a person you are not capable of harming them as you only want to support and encourage them. Love takes care of each other. That's how you know it's real. You can find lust with this crew but never love; you're deluding yourself You can spot this disorder on the first date. Avoid them like the plague as they're an emotional curse on your life. Great example of emotional abuse is this: you spend all day planning or creating something and all they do is diminish, degrade or criticize. Now. When I tell you to leave at the speed of light, that ain't fast enough. Take it from a gal with decades of experience and move on to a guy or a gal who deserves your care, companionship and love. ; - )
You really helped me here in diagnosing two marriage failures. I had my flaws for sure, but the primary mistake I made was being enamored by sex and looks and not investigating the person.
Hi. Thank you for sharing. Sorry that you went through the abuse you did. Glad the video was helpful. Yes, I was also blinded by looks and sex. More than once 😂 and the need to fix or help.
Hi, thank you for sharing. Sorry you went through the abuse you did. 16 year is a long time. Are you free now? If you can. Please see a professional to help you with the healing of the effects of the abuse you suffered.
@@NarcissisticAbuseHealing Thanks. I'm completely free. Know better now (mostly LOL). I also have some vids, I wish I could've articulated the issue as well as you do here though. Very good vids, to the point, well written and spoken. Thanks for your work!
I dated a woman who falls into the spectrum of a female narcissist. We were friends for a while and then we became romantic and she appeared to be the perfect soul mate and I fell deeply in love, and while she was hooking up with me I had the heartbreaking realization that I was caught in a triangle with her and an ex of hers, and she would openly flirt with other guys right in front of me as well. She would often talk about financial problems and I began to realize that she wanted money from me, all while she was still spending time with this ex of hers who I suspect was giving her drugs. She'd play the victim and tell me he was a narcissistic sociopath, then she'd go out to dinner or attend a concert with him, even sleeping with him at least once. Then if I got upset or angry she'd demonize me for it and say I have anger issues, and give me silent treatments. Then after my relationship with her ended she fabricated a vicious sexual rumor about me. It was a total mess and I was devastated, but I learned a lot about just how evil a narcissist can be, and what to watch out for in relationships.
I went threw the same thing and at the and I told the truth about having sex with her and she made up some rumor iam a liar and know she unblock me and is friends with all my female friends on Facebook I think this a real weird but that's what hspoens when you fall in love with your best friend for 20 years but she don't love me ya right lol
You have some really deep wounds there...stay safe and go easy on yourself....you've been mistreated to the max. Seek counseling if you get in a rut. God loves you Bro.
Excellent video My ex is 12 out of 12 Look at your own background and look at her Mother and Dads relationship That is the key Then get out permanently and stay out before she causes irreparable damage Read ‘stop walking on eggshells’ That book saved me Don’t waste time trying to save the marriage It is hopeless
Hi. Thank you for sharing. Glad you found the video helpful. You are right about looking at the person’s parents. I did a video about it,why it matters if your in-laws are narcissistic. If they are. Chances are high your partner is either narcissistic or have other issues. But also, yes look at your own background as well. Many people don’t want to admit they themselves have issues. But if we did not. We would not have taken narcissistic people as partners or stayed so long in a relationship. My own biggest issue I had was needing to please people to feel worthy. Took me along time to work on that one where I was able to let unhealthy people go and not care what they think of me.
I love how you say "Look at your own background and look at her Mother and Dad's relationship". This is just perfectly stated. So so true. 99.9 percent she comes from a completely fucked up family, in which there are lots of cheating and lying. Whereas, if you come from 2 parents that love you more than themselves, you have to have the required self-respect and respect for your own family and stay away from such a monster... They say if you are serious about a girl, look at her mother. They say this for a reason
@@berkaydemirbas3841 hi, yes, look to her mother. But also look to her dad. Narcissists, both male and female often mimic the parent they like. So you do get women who are a daddy’s girl and men who are a mommy’s boy. They will then mimic that parent. Then you can also have women who mimic their mothers but have daddy issues. As well as men who mimic their fathers and have mommy issues. Narcissists are like a lucky packet. You shake and squeeze and think you know what you get, then you find a crap toy when you open it up.
@@berkaydemirbas3841 29 sene ben sonra narsist bir anneden kurtulmaya çalışıpta eşimle evlendim. Bana ilk başlarda bayağı destek oldu. Sonra gerçek yüzünü gösterdi. İki çocuğumuz var beraber ve 11 sene evliyiz. Yağmurdan kaçarken doluya tutuldum ben sanki. Acaba bir bağlantısı var mıdır bilmiyorum ama, ikisi de müge anlı hastası, her sabah tatlı Sert izlerler ve resmen bağımlılar.
My Mom and Grandmother used to say that my sister was jealous of me. Never understood why since she had much more than me (married a guy with money). Since finding out that she was a narcissist, now I understood her jealousy.
The only regret I have is I wish I knew about I trusted them with whole hearted and they took all my information and break me hurt tried everything to destroy me and make me feel it was my mistake I was not intelligent enough even after knowing her (I'm talking my narc sister) she is not the person who I thought she was.. She's evil the last person I would ever like to see/hear/ or come across I feel threatened and feel like stabbing her. Her death would make me happy and content because she broke my relationship with my love too
@@TrollextheTroll Why be nice when that person treats that as a weakness to be exploited thereby destroying you even more? Narcissists only focus on their malignant world and their own interests. You’re just a pawn in their misery quest, martyrdom, or superiority, saviour complex. They play both roles to benefit themselves. It’s a lose, lose whatever you do.
Hi. Yeh I always wondered about people who have been divorced like 3 or more times. When do you decide this is just too expensive to do? Unless maybe you are the one benefiting financially from a divorce, I cannot see marrying again.
This sounds exactly like the woman that ruined my marriage. Almost every single one of these traits is how I would describe her. Left a pile of destruction behind as she and my ex rode off into the sunset. It is still surreal.
Happened to me too. Ten years after I’m in the best place I could ever be. He has done you a favour, they get worse as they age. Onwards and upwards ! 😉
Your ex husband also played a role by stepping out. Please understand she will mistreat him too, it will be his well deserved karma.. They don't change.
Ya. Not your fault. Cheating is bad weather man or women. They will end up messing up there own lives just wait. Also your ex was a lie you loved the idea of him not actually him. He showed you his true colors.
She was probably the best thing that ever happened to you two as a couple. Be thankful...you won't be taking care of him when he becomes a senior citizen. They rode off into the sunset into their own demise.
Dated one for 2 years. Have a beautiful daughter out of it. What I also got out of it is a desire to never date again. Serious trauma where I feel the benefits could never outweigh the negatives of dating someone like that ever again. She actually filed for child support weeks before we broke up.. and accused me of cheating on her for 8 months straight, despite my constant pleading that I did nothing wrong. The psychological trauma of having to defend yourself for infidelity for 8 months straight, multiple times a week is vast.
I had a friend like this once. She had set me up and put me in extremely uncomfortable and morally wrong situations. Checked every item on this list. For my ladies, be careful of befriending women like this 🚩🚩🚩
Hi. Unfortunately most of them think there is nothing wrong with what they do as they always think there is some reason or special circumstances that allow them to do what they do. They can criticize others doing exactly what they do and still think they are in the right because their situation is different or they themselves are special. Or they just deny they ever did anything to hurt you.
Alabama me too, I laughed really hard. "If you want to sentence yourself to death, criticize a Narc". Every thing you say is very powerful you dress it with a subtle pinch of humor. Thank you for making this so incredibly consumable and fun to listen to.
When you realise they are all running the same program in there head then you start to see reacuring patterns. Then look at the parents & you realise they are often just repeating there parents life’s & mistakes generation after generation & the more the cycle goes on the worse the next generation become! My covert ex led a double life all her life but so did her parents & sister. Negative entity’s unfortunately & they leave you with PTSD as well as steal your kids n home & sanity.
Yeah it's almost like this guy is describing my ex because he knows her personally. Even the story is in the comments I read it's like they're all talking about the same girl. I wish I would've known this 20 years ago
This was so dead on accurate in describing my narc mother that I had to stop the video halfway thru to keep from sobbing. This is the first time in my life I've ever felt like anyone truly fully understood what I've been living with for 57 years and the trauma it's caused me having a mother like this. Thank you for making this video!!! I feel so validated in my feelings and attitudes now. My mother is a covert narcissist and displays every trait described here. From the time I got close to puberty I became a threat to her and suddenly couldn't do anything right. Actually, even as a small child I remember her treating me badly if my dad gave me too much attention. But as a teen she would try to seduce my boyfriends and was always trying to compete with me. She even went to amateur stripping competitions at 40 which I learned from classmates at my high school. I don't want to go into all the many examples of what she did or this would be too long. I'll just say that I have lived everything this video describes and it f***ed me up bad! I'm 57 and can't stand my mother. That feeling alone causes trauma because nobody WANTS to hate their mother. Ugh. It's hard to believe that one tiny person can wreak that much havoc in the world.
Hi. Thank you for sharing. Sorry that you experienced abuse from your mother. Glad the video was helpful and gave you validation for what you experienced. If you can. Seeing a therapist who is experienced in narcissistic abuse can help with the effects of the abuse. Or just journaling your thoughts and feelings to help validate what you feel and process your emotions. Wishing you a wonderful future.
Narcissism is a defense against the borderline state. It is a way of being where a person prefers a false self to a true self and is also unable to recognize the reality of the true borderline self (needy, dependent, lonely, desperate, clinging, afraid, abandoned), not thinking that this is what she is, but blaming the previous victim for it. In other words, narcissism is a form of psychosis where a person chose to live in the imaginary and the way back is long, painful, unknown and utterly undesirable.
Withholds intimacy. Cold, manipulative, makes advances to others and denies them afterwards. Emotionally unstable, has ups and downs sudden changes in mood swings. Entitled, receives gifts and never would thank me once. All this after 11 years of marriage and two children. I’m locked in, no chance of breaking free. I love my children too much. Thank you for the video, it just affirms what I already knew.
@@NarcissisticAbuseHealing thank you. Just one question though, in your experience which, I know it’s similar to mine… What does it mean when she refuses to wear her wedding ring though I’ve asked her several times? She makes excuses and says she cannot find it. Oh, my situation is that I am blind and my eyesight is getting worse. When we married I could see most things now I cannot. She is a bit more honest than most of them, she admits there is a problem with her though she doesn’t state what, for instance she says she isn’t well but that she will not get treatment. She admits that she cannot be alone and do on her own without me.
@@mastEren11 hi, a wedding ring is a sign of commitment. That she belongs to you and you to her. That she is taken. When someone refuses to wear a wedding ring and they have no valid excuse such as work with machinery or so, then they don’t want to signal to the world they are off the market. It is the old keep the back door open just in case. When someone wears a ring and then starts taking it off, they often subconsciously have already disconnected from you.
@@NarcissisticAbuseHealing really appreciate the responses. Thank you. Again, sometimes you just need another person to verify what you already know because you doubt yourself so much whilst in the heat of a toxic relationship. Anyway, you have a new subscriber now.
Great video and very accurate. I have dealt with many narcissists within my family and also in quite a few relationships, all female. One of these relationships was with a women with borderline personality disorder as well. This was by far one of the worst experiences I have ever had in my life and I am still affected over 9 years later. To make matters worse I moved halfway across the U.S. to live with this women, where I had no family or friends, no car for awhile, and half of the reason I decided to move was because the job market was better there and I was having problems finding a decent job at home. Besides the little bit of savings I brought with me I was quickly dependent on her. I had yet to understand what most mature men understand, that even if you are with a normal women, you can never be dependent on a women that you are in a relationship with, the power dynamics just never work and your masculinity is quickly questioned and degraded every chance they get. So I had no clue what I had gotten myself into. It was constant love bombs and adoration for the first few months, and then I slowly started noticing small red flags. I noticed she would bring home random things from work; projectors, computers, usually expensive equipment. She was a manager of a storage unit place. Come to find out she was stealing this stuff and when I had proof and I started catching her in her lies that’s when she would react in the most insane ways. By month six I was completely miserable and she went into full control mode and used everything I ever did or said against me and lied about me to her whole family and everyone we knew there so that everyone would turn against me. She would tell them the most outlandish lies it was crazy. She knew I had no one else there and still decided to do this because she knew I was dependent on her for a place to stay and I had to use her car to get to and from work. So out of spite she kicks me out on the streets and I was homeless for months in the middle of the winter with no one to help me. It was the lowest point I have ever been in and I have never felt so betrayed and helpless in my life. I was working two jobs and eventually saved up enough money to put down on a car, which is where I lived for the next 6 months or so sleeping in random parking lots until I got my stuff together and moved back home. Even when I was homeless because of her she would constantly try to pull me back in and manipulate me. She was a compulsive liar and was constantly playing people against one another without them knowing. There was one point when she actually had me so confused and broken to where she convinced me that it was all my fault that I was homeless and somehow I was the reason why she does the things she does. I reached a low point where I was so miserable and confused that I was actually starting to consider taking my own life! Thank god I kept it together long enough to escape her wrath. I had never heard of BPD or NPD until About 6 months in I googled her behavior and she hit every box for BPD and bipolar, I suspect NPD as well. To make matters worse she had two young sons and let me tell you she was a horrible parent. I got attached to her kids and I was genuinely worried and afraid for them. I could tell you hundreds of different instances of things she did and said that were downright evil. Come to find out a few weeks after I left she had been cheating on me with some meth dealer and had been hooked on drugs even while we were together. Then she went into a downward spiral and lost literally everything, her kids, her job, her apartment. And last I heard she was homeless in that same city and barely getting by. Please guys don’t take this stuff lightly, if I was any less prepared or inclined I might not have made it out of that situation. These type of people are very dangerous, and they can and will ruin your life if you let them. The best thing you can do is to avoid them at all cost. If you start noticing any red flags just get up and get out of there, it’s just not worth it in any situation.
My God man! That was one helluva story. My jaw hit the floor. You've described the abuse to a T. Yours sounds like she was possibly a sociopath displaying other disorders as well. That happens. Sam Vaknin explains this in detail. Highly suggest his videos. Thank God you made it out alive. What an intense story. You are a survivor brother. God bless you and I sincerely hope you find peace and healing.
@@shanemurphy7277 Yvw man. Also Dr. Phil has a great 9 part series on the subject with his 'Phil in the blanks' show. I'm watching the entire thing and highly recommend it. Take care brother.
Oh my god ....same here ..been just barely little out ..but still she is hoovering and extorting money from me. How come such people are allowed to live amongst regular people in the society, In our legal system if one person slaps another person ,,its a crime and you end up in jail ...but for such abuse for years and ruining life there is no remedy
these are sooo accurate!! Do not waste your time with females like this, even if you feel like you can't get over them or you have in mind something like "she will change".... Move on, stay miles and miles away from this type of females.
Brilliant for 3 reasons: (1) female narcissism 'nastissism' not getting enough attention (2) a male presenter is also much needed. (3) The content is outstanding. The topic is complex. The video is to the point. 18 minutes, well done.
At almost 55 having studied narcissism extensively, realizing they're so many narcissist. I made the decision to not pursue a life partner bc it's like expecting to find a unicorn. I know they're good people on the planet but I came to the conclusion of... Do I want to waste what years I have left on a big ole maybe ? Or Just stay focused on what I can trust and believe in, which is me. So I'm excited to created edit Create a good comfortable life so I'll be prepared for being older and at least I know I'll have security. Growing up in narcissism I'm already accustomed to being alone. And to acknowledge, those who've grown up in it and being that we attract narcissist to us.. Speaking for myself, have never had the love. Not at home at a kid and not as an adult. Never got to have that good Soul to Soul sex. So I don't take this decision lightly. I wrote it in a Journal and I grieved it. At least I can let go of the fears of it all and be happy in knowing I can trust to not let myself down.
Self Esteem, In these modern times 55 is young and vital. Don't give up on having a good life. I was raised around narcs and certifiable mental cases. My narc ex-husband was a murderous psychopath where I barely escaped with my life. I was left penniless, homeless, seriously ill and tens of thousands of dollars in debt. I believe in God, and he delivered me from the psycho ex. I long-handle spoon my relatives and keep my distance. The Lord is helping me get back into physical and financial health. I am very happy and full of joy for the future. My times are in His hands and He wants what's best for me. These narcs have taken enough, don't allow the memory of these evil people to stunt and stymie your life. God bless you.
I had a good friend who was a communal narcissist. She was definitely a tricky one to figure out…she could be the kindest, sweetest, most giving person. But she definitely had a very dark and ugly side to her as well. I’m so glad she’s out of my life.
This is so true. The covert narcissist has to play the struggle roll to get your resources because she may not be in good physical shape or not that attractive or even both so she has to make it seem like struggling so hard. A pretty and fit narcissist has an edge to get money because she's more desirable... To a lame at least
I've been with my girlfriend for 7 years and just now found out that she has been with many other men throughout the years together...I was completely ignorant to narcissistic women and because of this I am going through some difficult times...I've completely shut out my family and friends, so I have absolutely nothing or anyone to help me out with this situation I find myself in??? Thank God for these videos!! I'm trying to get educated on this subject 🤔....thanks for taking the time to help men like me in this situation!!!!
Dude hang in there, take care of you. Shes gone bro, dont contact her, dont engage, dont let her back no matter what, the longer you stay away the faster you will heal. Check out sam vaknins videos, he is the leader on this disorder. Never give her any emotional responses, they weaponize anything you say. Any response. Stay away. Hit me up if you need help.
@@jaysrabbitholejaysonallen7989 my ex wife did the same thing, and gaslighted me about it for about a year and a half, when i found out something was going on, she cut her arm with my son in the house. It was all bery frightening. And from that moment she became calculated and spiteful...during our seperation, i was constanrly abused via my child, alienated and i did nothing to her, i would contest and try to reason but she was baiting me for responses. They are super manipulative, cluster bs are something else entirely, just remember its because they are the hurt people, probably from early trauma, so they in return hurt us. Borderline is what my ex is without a doubt.
@@jessoftherocksmy girl has been diagnosed with borderline.....I just didn't understand what that meant??.. I'm definitely finding out now !!! She's had affairs and has always been blaming me for things that I don't even think about!! Its the same thing that you had to deal with ..I'm finding out year after the fact !! But nan she can deny with the best of them...swears on her father's grave etc...finally someone showed me pitchers and she had to admit it....I feel like the whole thing has been a lie !!! Really sucks
@@jaysrabbitholejaysonallen7989 yep sometimes they are dissociative, and impulsive, sometimes reckless, self trashing or self harm or.mutilation is a big factor in the diagnosis. Drugs alcohol seem typical as well. Sam vaknin can help he is surreal with explaining whats happening to them and how this can actually rub off on you. They are sorta a plethora of all parts of cluster bs, which can be very hard to deploy any logic with them when they jump self states as defense mechanisms.
Very good video. I have been vulnerable to these creatures for many years. The gaslighting and character assassinations made me sincerely believe I was schizophrenic for many years due to all the paranoia. Unfortunately the mother of my daughter is this way.
You cut straight to the point in your videos, something I appreciate. You have a very good grasp on the information you present which makes you great at explaining complex issues.
I was in a 10 year relationship with a narcissistic woman and all 12 of these factors is RIGHT on the nose! Why couldn't I've come across this video a long time ago
Hi. Thank you for sharing. Glad you found the video helpful. Yeh, I also wish I learned about narcissism way sooner than I did. But we are where we are. I try to make the best of what I have so that they don’t take any more from me than they already have.
Wow...my own mother checks many of these boxes. I once told her that if we didn't see family counseling together that i would stop talking to her completely. She said, that I'm the one with the problem and she will take care of herself. So its been about 4 months and i haven't heard from her since.
Hi, thank you for sharing. Unfortunately narcissists and counseling do not go well together. Don’t know how your feelings are toward your mother, but having no or limited contact may be good for you.
@@NarcissisticAbuseHealing I'm not the only person that tried to get her to go to counseling. Apparently other people in the family have gone down this road with her before.
I married one for 4 months , I realized on our wedding day something was way off. So glad I had the support I had. Talk about getting blindsided holy cow. I do take blame for not dating her long enough to realize who she really was. I had never even heard the word narcissist before🤔
That was me. If I met one of these people I would not give much of my time if any. I have been hood-winked by a female narcissist. Damn It Man. I figured it out, and then started watching these videos. Thank God for you guys. I've been setting back and planning what to do. It's going to be extremely entertaining. She has absolutely tried her best to stomp on my Heart. Well.... Where I come from that is totally unacceptable. I'm praying hard for her. At the same time I am going to be very sure that she knows that she underestimated me BIG TIME. Horrible, Terrible people. It's a Shame. Oh Well she is going wish she never picked me. I promise you that 😄
You sound like me I never heard of the word took me awhile to even spell it..But I got a secret Email from someone telling me to becareful and read about a narcissist.. Didn't know who they were..So I started reading the more I read it was sounding like the my friend I was living with which was causes me to have nerve problems..It was very strange but true and very helpful... They really saved me from becoming a total mess .That day I took control of myself and made a change ..My friend became sommisive and different..I didn't like doing it but I had to get control..no more nerve shaking in here..took 2 year's of it .thank god to who ever woke me up ...
My ex was asking me to marry her the first time we had sex, which I thought was slightly odd, but flattering. Didnt marry her but 13 years of mayhem later she spat me out. Still recovering.
@@davehenslee4397 Run as fast and as far as you can. Don't be a fool and engage with her. It will be a total disaster for you. They are demonic. Get wise. Cut off completely from this relationship.
This might be the most insightful video I have ever watched on RUclips. I just came out of a horrific relationship with a female narcissist. She talked me into "lending" her hundreds of dollars and then simply never paid me back. She kept offering sex as payment and when I rejected that proposal she became enraged and attacked me personally and stopped talking to me. She even went as far as accusing me of having a drinking problem and blaming that on why we didn't work out. The ACTUAL reason we didn't work out was I insisted she call me before our "first date" because I was suspicious. While my coat was on and I was about to leave the apartment I insisted she call me. She was drunk and having sex with another man while talking to me and didn't realize I could hear it all. So yeah folks, I feel your pain.
Yeah a solid 12 out of 12. 16 years raising her kids, Marriage counselling seemed to make things worse. She wants to cash out, I'm willing to lose it all if that's what it takes to get away. I cannot even look at a woman without thinking about the horrible misery of being sucked into another pit of drama, lies and manipulation. I have always believed that marriage between a man and woman and raising kids is the basic building block of civilization, now i just want to play fetch with my dog that I can't visit.
Hi. Thank you for sharing. Sorry that you went through the abuse you did. I know the feeling of just wanting to give up everything just to get away. I was not married but in a long term relationship and when it ended I tried to set the person up and gave her enough in cash to pay for 4 years of study so she could stand on her own. (Even though I did not legally owe her a cent) She went and blew it in two months. That was 15 years ago. Today I see how much that money would have helped me if I invested it. Today I feel one should fight for what is yours. They take so much from you. And to start over and give them everything so they can have it easy and you have to bust your ass to rebuild your life is not right. Also, you don’t know how your future will go. I was making a lot of money at the time and thought I could easily rebuild. But then things changed financially for me and I could not make up what I gave her. My love now is my motorcycle.
@@NarcissisticAbuseHealing , Thank you for your reply. I should have seen the problems years ago but i broke my back falling off a roof which obviously complicated things. Im sorry for your loss and troubles and thank you again for reaching out
Hi, thank you for sharing. Sorry to hear about your friend. Highly narcissistic people are all pathological liars. They have evaded the truth for so long most are incapable of telling the truth even when it will benefit them. Most are scared to death about the truth as they fear when it comes out their live will be over. Telling lies makes them feel in control as they can twist it to their needs.
This is one of the best most helpful videos I've ever seen. Absolutely predictable trajectory checking 90% of the boxes. It is like there are microphones in my house and someone is summarizing. I am in the middle of a divorce after a long term relationship. I can't wait for this to be over. I will likely use most of the commentary of this in court as she is not going quietly. I just need some peace and quiet in my life. Thanks for the video.
Hi. Thank you for sharing. Sorry that you are going through a highly contested divorce. Narcissists do love to make things as difficult for you as possible. Glad the video was helpful.
Yes, being my mother’s scapegoat child, I’ll admit, it was definitely hell on earth. She not only mentally and emotionally abused me, she physically abused me and allowed my father and older brother to do the same to me, for nearly 20 years. But now I’m the only child of hers with a university degree, I own my own home and income property, I am happily married, and have a successful career in business. I have gone no contact with her because it is the only way I can flourish in life. It’s hard, but no contact is the only way with a mother who is a covert narcissist. She will never be happy for you. Your success will irritate her soul. Especially if you were the scapegoat.
@@romad.7245 Be proud of your accomplishments, you don't need your mother's validation....understand your mother had some kind of demonic sickness and she suffered in her own spirit. It's good you let her go....freedom feels great.
You just described my middle daughter. Her sister and I have not talked to her for 18 years. She believed she deserves the best. She thought her daughter deserved the best . She would use her daughter to get what she wanted. We almost had to make an appointment to see my granddaughter. The thing is she is married to to o a to male narcissist. We walked away to save ourselves. We e as almost lost everything. It to took us almost 7 years to recover. They not only destroy marriages but they are able to destroy families.
It's like these people don't feel,any mercy,pity or anything like that.Even if you walk away that doesn't really solve it, because they think they can get you back really if they want.Even if you go no contact they think you got a soft spot for them or dream about them.They want you basically to be so obsessed with them,that you think about them till you're very last moment on this planet.All you can do really is try to improve yourself spiritually.They want you to be damaged after you get involved with them.
Sadly, this is true.. I have a couple aunts who are narcissistic. I love him with all my heart but man, spending any length of time with them just tends to be exhausting. They are both very charming people and give off an outwardly fun persona, but I just feel depleted afterwards. They both always have this need to be the center of attention in any circumstance, even at birthday parties or weddings, it's really bizarre.
I'm 99% sure my ex is an undiagnosed covert narcissist. She displayed many (not all) of the behaviors shown in this video. In particular, I could NEVER criticize her in any way, even very gently, or it would turn into a fight. And she was a master of withholding affection and giving the silent treatment whenever she was upset about something. It's going to take a long time for me to trust someone again.
These are very very very common traits in narcissists. I am very sorry for all the bad you experienced. Dive into the available information here on RUclips so you can learn about who they are and what to look out for so you never have to suffer at the hands of a narc ever again. Best of lucky my friend! God bless.
Wow! Hit the nail on the head! All points right on point. At one time I was surrounded. I was the scapegoat child. My youngest brother was the golden child, she tried her best to ruin me. Didn’t work.... yay me! Good video!
Daughter in law, filled with hate, anger, punishing me, ignoring me for months or years. Keeping my grandchildren from me. Zero love or compassion. Hard as a stone.
Oh, they never grow out of their narcissism either. My mother is 75. I thought by now that she'd have matured enough to see her flaws and try to correct them. Nope! All she's done is double down and is even worse now. They never get better so don't hope for it. The best thing you can do is get away from them.
Hi. Thank you for sharing. Often narcissists think there is nothing wrong with them so don’t see a need to change. And many times what we see as compassion and empathy they see as weakness and a opportunity for self-enrichment
@@NarcissisticAbuseHealing My mother has fake empathy and it's so over the top that I can't believe people don't see thru it. They don't tho. It makes me physically ill to listen to her fake voice with all the drama in it. Ugh.
@@JaneSmith0709 they are master manipulators and actors. People want to believe others are good and also often avoid uncomfortable truths. Thus they will cling to one good behavior and overlook 10 bad ones in the hopes that the person will just change by themselves. The phrase, Love conquers all, causes more abuse than people realize as it gives people false hope and gets them to stay in a toxic relationship believing they have not giving enough love so the other person will change.
Yes. My mother is a complete narcissist and mat hes all of these traits especially regarding her attitude to my sister. She is in her 80s and gets worse. 57 years of feeling like worthless shit!
@@fåredyr I'm glad that ultimately it all worked out for you Steven.It's just in my experience with relationships ending, the most traumatising was when I had to part ways with my narcissistic ex.As mutually civil that I tried to make the break-up be, It's like she turned into an evil witch that wanted to both mentally & physically murder me
Dude same thing here, she discarded me and called me toxic. I reminded her of how she has said herself she can’t handle criticism, is highly critical of me, made me think I was actually going crazy. When I confronted her with that all she said was “what’s your point”.
Hi, thank you for sharing. Sorry that you experienced abuse form your mother. Glad that you have healed most of the damage she did to you. Wishing you a wonderful future.
My ex was a narc with BPD when she had spent all the money or had sold on one occasion one of my guitars she would phone the police claiming I had threatened to kill her to get me arrested before she got home. A living nightmare even made freddie Kruger seem friendly.
My ex did this as well, slept with me at 11 at night and filed a tpo the same day, blackmailed me with that tpo, and then forced me into counseling to gaslight me there and accuae me of abuse in front of a licensed counselor, little did she know i had proof of all her lies and affairs, document everything dude, bpd are actualy secondary psychopaths and histeronic and narcissitic. Check out sam vaknins videos on covert borderlines dude
I had a narsisstic female friend and she was always seeking for lonely people to trick them for things or for money. She tricks them for helping them for cleaning house or/and grocery store shopping. She even tricks them to move near by her home
Oooh… I know if a woman who always makes her partner feel like he owes her. Always tricking him to do things for her. It doesn’t end. She always tries to push for more. Everyone needs to serve her but don’t you dare ask her for anything!
Hi. That is a common tactic for narcissists to project their narcissism onto their victims and try to make the victim believe they are narcissistic and the evil one. Note that narcissism is a survival and self preservation instinct in all of us. We have it from birth. But healthy people learn how to balance their own needs and wants with society. Narcissists don’t. Thus they are still 4 year olds who are still going me me me. Thus there are healthy narcissism as in you wish good things for yourself. It becomes toxic when it negatively impacts your and other people’s lives. But narcissists make you believe that this healthy narcissism where you want things for yourself is evil. It is not the wish of having a fancy car and nice clothes and a nice house and so on that is evil. It is the way one go about getting it. The other side effect of toxic narcissism is that they are extremely insecure, which drives them to need to have control over everything and everyone in their life so they can feel safe. They never want to feel as insignificant as they did as a child again.
@@NarcissisticAbuseHealing Thank you for calling them evil. Most people call these things "sick". They are cases of failed development and nothing other than such.
@@dianefarley37there are people who may hurt due to a mental illness., but narcissism is a personality disorder and they choose to hurt and destroy. When you know full well what you are doing is hurting others but you don’t care or get enjoyment from it, you are evil and I feel it should not be watered down as it allows the narcissists to get away with the destruction they cause.
You have to be a little careful with the either pays lots of attention to the appearance or none at all thing. It depends on what they have hung their hat on as their "personality". Respectability, piousness, intelligence, political activism, caring can be their thing and their appearance will correspond with the cover they are using. The caring professions attract them because it's fantastic cover, lot's of vulnerable people around and idealists among colleagues to take advantage of, it's a narcissists paradise.
Plus the nursing profession too - my mother (vulnerable narc) is a retired nursing sister n my sister -in-law (covert narc) is a junior to mid level nurse
@@ease_flow Nursing especially, if you say you are a nurse most people put their guard down. When you have socialized healthcare it's even worse, heavily unionised, lots of "ism's" to hide behind, almost impossible to get fired, huge heirarchies which they love. Conditions that create lots of squabbling and backbiting, nectar to these individuals.
i was the clueless collegue! Damn, i payed dearly. I totally agree with you regarding appearance. Mine did not really cared how she looked most of the time
I left mine and ignore her as I don't want confrontation, she tries the mind game stuff all the time but I just smile as it amuses me witch makes her even worse. Luckily I'm very strong willed person but it is frustrating at times, refreshing to see mine has most of the 12 traits described in the video thanks for the validation.
Hi. Thank you for sharing. Glad the video was helpful and that you are free now. It can be painful but also liberating to learn you were right in that you are not the crazy one and that the person you love does not love you back.
Try the smiling no test when they want some thing of yours or want you to do some thing just smile & say no. They hate it n go nuts n either storm off of cause a argument.
Back in the old days we called that a horrible woman! Calculating and quite intelligent to go about getting what you want that way.. although zero joy is the reward?? Happy that I am me…
Great video, my ‘in the process of becoming my ex wife’ has used all of the above tactics, I can’t prove the cheating but I’m 99% certain she has. We’ve been married for 6mths, she has engineered giving up her job to try and trap me financially. Withholding love and affection has been her most commonly used tool, regularly telling me I have to ‘let the love flow’ and she will reciprocate. This has led me to believe that I’m not worthy of her love, that I’m doing something wrong constantly to be denied her love. The great thing is, now she’s gone life is so so so much more peaceful although I do expect some attempts at hoovering in the future.
Hi, thank you for sharing. Glad that you are now in a better place. Just note that many narcissists make divorce a high conflict situation. You may want to get a lawyer to help you if you need to divide assets. Not sure about your local laws, but some countries you can only file for divorce 1 year after separation. If she does hoover, don't dust it off and try again as then the separation date may be reset and you have to wait another year before you can file or if you have filed it may be thrown out and you have to start from scratch.
@@NarcissisticAbuseHealing yeah, it’s one year before I can divorce…there is absolutely zero chance of being hoovered, she’s actually making it very easy to never want to speak to her again. The abuse is coming through as I type this now because I’ve said no to her and going NC.
@@andrewcowan1767 why one year? I'm actually going through the exact same thing, to include length of marriage. My wife is a covert narcissist. There is no time restriction in my state though, so it's been filed already.
Document everything, there is always a motive that they are trying to gain informatuon to use against you. Check out sam vaknin in how to destroy them in court and translate the palindromic speech.
Great video. In my own experience, I’ve seen a lot of over lapping behaviors in men. Which I wonder if the men were displaying the origin of their own abuse, from the mother or female care taker? I’ve learned that these people are not born, but are products of the very same abuse they inflict. Not to say I have had few women in my life that ticked all 12 of these behaviors. I was so motivated to get along with these people from the love bombing at the beginning that I stayed in the friendships or relationships that a lot of the abuse got really extreme and what seemed randomly stimulated. The example you give here that was so mystifying to me is how far the jealousy goes. How much it motivates them(both men and women) at what seems a primal level. Making it impossible to not piss them off some how, motivating them to end your life because you cleaned your car or something random like that.
Hi, thank you for sharing. Sorry that you experienced the abuse you suffered. Yes, there is a lot of overlap between male and female narcissist, especially covert narcissistic men. Narcissists are not truly covert or overt. They just prefer one way for day to day interactions. But a covert can become overt if happy or when it serves a purpose. And an overt can become covert if depressed or it serves a purpose. Narcissists use what works on people for the narcissist to get their way.
That’s for sure. I have observed that the bag of manipulation tricks are few and they throw them till one sticks and roll with that. They make it effective by extreme emotionality, in what seems like them relying on you, the victim, reflecting to see how your roll in the whole problem. What their point of view is to make sense of it, instead of seeing it for what it really is. Thanks for the response, looking forward to see more of your stuff.
As for displaying the abuse they suffered. I think you are correct. People learn from their parents. Good or bad. And I currently see 6 children from 3 sisters of mine. Each has two kids. And the children each behave like their parents. One family, the man left when the children where 5 and 6. They are now 12 and 13. But they more and more display his negative traits each day even though he is out of their life for years. What I learned and saw myself is that after around 6 or 7, most of who you are is already set.
Oh...WOW. I had no idea these traits were so common amongst female narcissists. Numbers 3, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 11, and 12 are spot-on about my twin sister. I shouldn't be, but I was honestly shocked. It was like you were talking exactly about what I experienced when I lived with her. As an example: "She believes other people are envious and jealous of her." Yes, she told me so many times. That I was envious of her and jealous of her. All while in the same breath calling me nothing more than her "copy" (we are identical twins, and I'm the younger one). 9:53 Yup. Three years after we had separated, despite being no contact and blocked, I found out that she is trying to write a book - about her evil twin sister. After everything she did to me, that I just let her get away with, that I thought was over with the separation...she still hadn't had her fill. She needed revenge for my existence. I said back then when I found out..."She won't stop until she destroys me. She can't have me existing, even separate from her." That was a horrific realization. Coming from one's own twin sister. And yet, seeing this video, I feel a tiny bit better. Knowing that my own experience is not unique - other people know exactly what I'm going through, and that is a small relief indeed. Last, yes. Her rage is one of the most terrifying things of all. Doing the smallest thing can set it off. Living through that was one of the worst times in my life. Having escaped three years ago, while there have been many other traumas and it was hard to leave her...it was the best thing to happen to me. And I'll never go back. Thank you so much for this video.
Hi, thank you for sharing. Glad the video was helpful. Yes, often when we realize others are going through the same things it helps to clarify that it is not us who are crazy but the narcissist. It may also give hope that is a way out, although yes not an easy one.
I have a twin sister and I don’t thank people with out one understand that bond! It must have been hard to cut her off. Sorry for your loss because it’s like part of you dies also remember the death of hope feels like a death of a person. Me and my twin both married narcissist and thank god we have someone that understands to talk to. Where both divorced now and talk every week.
Whatever he is saying is 100% correct. It’s the same story with each and every narcissistic. Been there for 10 years can confirm it’s a miserable life which you can even imagine in your wildest dream and will not even wish for your enemy. Been done and dusted and out of it completely had made super men. The most worst phase of life is over. Just read read and educate yourself guys. Don’t ever fall in the trap of this vultures.
1. Pleasure seeking.
2. Loves to break up relationships.
3. Extremely competitive.
4. Weaponises her body.
5. Appearances - keeping up with others. (Either obsessive or not care at all (covert narcissist).
6. Very envious and jealous.
7. Loves drama.
8. Emotionally sensitive/driven. (Destructive.)
9. Cannot handle criticism. (Will destroy anyone who criticises her.)
10. Prone to having affairs. (From her current partners friends.) Zero morals.
11. Utter disregard for boundaries.
12. Manipulative. Very potent at mind games - uses guilt, threat of abandonment, withholding affection.
hi tried to copy and paste! just had a very lucky escape twice!
Many of those you will not see with the most dangerous type - the Covert narcissist.
Yes, you will.
You forgot reverse phycology.there so covert you miss it lmao 🤣
12 Typical Behaviors Of A Female Narcissist: (How To Spot A Female Narcissist)
"If you want to sentence yourself to death, criticize a female narcissist". This literally made me laugh out loud. Clearly, you've met my mother.
That says it ALL!
Or my wife
Yep. My ex destroyed my life smh. Oh well.
@le ratel She's a true pathological narcissist - diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Mother in law …….
,, Perfect “ mother ,, perfect wife , perfect perfect perfect…..
Some of them destroy their sons personally in many different ways….. every wish forfeited, ,, sacrifices…..so perfect that even keeping the book of every silly things her son did to show to his children when he get them to ,, pay” him back for not being so perfect, GRATEFUL…( for being just a child)…
Pathological jealousy towards his wife ….. pathological,, love” for grandchild….. gossiping about the mother,mother’s family
Patronising the daughter in law, child is HER possession, TOY
Showering the child with the unnecessary gifts …..
And by the way poisoning child’ s mind by constant gossip of the mother is abuse , sugarcoated ……
If you fall in love with a female narcissist, you actually fall in love with the role she is playing.
You fall in love with yourself, the fantasy of your perfect mate.
Yeah and when she’s tired of faking it or can’t keep up the facade that’s when shits gonna hit the fan lol
I agree you fall in love with the fake role she is playing for you & she plays many other roles for many other people. To describe it as a double life is a massive understatement! Energy vampires need many sources! It’s no joke! If there name is also Karen then maybe google why the meaning of that name nearly broke the net!!!!!
Aiyah....felt that
@@jessoftherocks Exactly and the saddest thing about it is they know deep down in side. "They are fake,a fraud, a Forney "
I once heard an old woman say." Son, there is nothing meaner than a mean woman."
Yeah. And she should know. Been around them all her life. As only a woman can know.
She was right. I've been in the presence of narcissistic women, both in the work place, as supposed "friends" (until I managed to break away from them) and well, in every area of my life and I stay away from them as they are nasty. It amazes me how men tend to home in on them though, like flies to a honey pot... until they realise they've been lured in and taken for fools.
She sounds like a pick me... and someone who had a bad relationship with her mom. Because of the wiring of our brain and usual physical differences, the possibilities of a man being meaner are higher.... and by this suffering from severe mental illness. This is generally speaking, but it doesn't mean that a woman can't be more evil than most men
@@Mariet31 Behind every bad man is a bad women eh?
No, I think there’s nothing meaner than a mean person, man or woman.
The female Narcissist is always a victim and will literally convince you that you are the villain !!
She will try to convince you.
@@Dolly1825 Yes ! For a while she did ! Until I realized she was a master at manipulation and playing on my good heart ! Which can turn ugly when I feel I’m being taken advantage of !
Mine claimed all her previous boyfriends had abused her physically or cheated on her. Lies lies
Yeah same goes with a male narcissistic !
Mine failed, lol, took her shit and threw it on the lawn. BYE
A female narc will always try to out do or one up on you. No matter what. Thank goodness I’m a super empath & I’m untouchable. I out do a female narc every time. I know how to shut them down. My life is so much happier & peaceful. This video nails it to the tee. Thanks for sharing for others.
Never raise your daughter as a princess and always say "no" to her when it's needed.
Eventually she'll thank you when she'll grow up as a decent person and will have a healthy relationships with people.
GOOD LUCK, you'll be arrested for raising your voice to a child these days, all part of communism.
It's a bit more complex than that. NPD and pathological narcissism, like other Cluster B disorders, stems from a mixture of biological, psychological, and sociological factors - not parenting alone.
@Just Me You can discipline your children effectively without the use of violence. If you view discipline and violence as synonymous, there in lies the problem, and it's typically these ignorant and uneducated views which present issues pertaining to child protection laws. Furthermore, a lack of violence doesn't create narcissism. If anything, the opposite is closer to the truth. Research clearly indicates that having high narcissistic traits or NPD is a result of bio, psycho, and sociological factors.
@Just Me In the comment you deleted, you specifically mentioned DCF's involvement. Their services are solely required to protect the safety and welfare of children.
@Just Me No, you initially wrote specifically about the inability to "discipline" a child without threat of protective services. An illegal act must be committed/alleged in order for authorities to intervene. Aside from violence, what other illegal forms of "discipline" are there? If not violence, what specific illegal form of "discipline" were you referring to?
14 yrs with a covert narcissist, 3yrs on still trying to recover mentally and financially. If your lucky enough to spot it early don’t walk away, bloody run. Don’t ever think you can fix them or they will change they won’t and the end they will chew you up and spit you out and move on without second thought
So true; I feel for you. I spent 18 years with one, and he died last year. It sounds terrible, but his death saved my life. I just wish I’d recover mentally & financially. It makes sense that you’re still recovering. I wonder if we will both recover from them-I pray for you & myself now.
@@francesmartel7948 its not terrible unfortunately it’s true after such a long time with someone like that you lose sight of who you are as a person and all your self worth the good news is with time and maybe some help you find yourself again I wish you all the best on your new journey
Yup! Ya knows of what you speak.
I was with mine for 3 years,says 2 kids,and has set me up through the criminal system and made me out to seem like I'm the narcissist all while sleeping with the landlord that was her way of discarding me and took all of my belongings that I worked hard for and she just walked in with a Kroger bag it's crazy bro it is freaking crazy and I didn't know nothing about this s*** until the last 9 months boy do I know ,keep your head up guys
@@ericwood7084 Eric, mate I feel you, it’s mind blowing crazy.
I have a 13 yr old & 8yr old with my x a crown prosecutor, she pulled a similar trick had an affair with police office which according to her was some how my fault. This woman has taken lying and Besmirching to an Olympic gold medal level, she had me doubting me for a long time. Then I had the pleasure of battling a highly trained litigator in a property settlement, fun times. I lost a lot of stuff, a couple of fair weather friends, all replaceable and as I’m sure you’ll agree small price to pay to be shot of her. Good Luck Champion
Russel Brand helped me when he said "With a narcissist: What you dream of will never happen... because they won't allow it".
So true.
Link please 🙏🏼
Fantastic
Also interested in a link to that. I know hes got a pretty successful youtube channel but I cant keep up with all his videos.
That was very well described. As women we have to deal with these in the female dominated work environments, and they often end up in management due to their confidence, manipulation, focus on image and appearance, and ruthlessness. They can be extremely cruel and they create an unsafe environment for other workers’ health and safety.
Amen!!.. I have seen some very disturbed female managers. I don't know what they had, but the manipulation, deceit, and bullying was not healthy to watch!!.. Yet, they go to the top!!..I've also seen them wearing mini-skirts & high heels to get ahead!!-
Ruthlessness, abusive of those around them, manipulating, willing to sacrifice anyone in order to get ahead...
Sounds like typical managers to me. Just the type of person upper management is seeking.
Does that mean that narcissism is institutionalized in the American workplace??? 🤔
My narcissist gf was a manager
this
One of the main reasons I left my profession.
Just realized my mom is one, too! I recognized the patterns in my own behavior and am taking steps to change. They can turn their own daughters into narcs because of the mental abuse. It’s sick. I literally had to talk to one of my aunts about it tonight because I don’t think my family realized how different my upbringing was (emotionally) compared to everyone else’s.
If there’s a will, there’s a way. You likely felt something was wrong the whole time, you’ve gotten your answer/reasoning. You can be better and move forward!
@@philbrovold ppl
@@Q-00 I’m sorry. It is tough with the female narcissists because it’s easier to hide that aspect of their personality. I understand why some men complain about women/ exes after experiencing/witnessing it myself. Same happened with my cousin’s ex-wife. Their kid can’t stand her because she’s such a negative person.
Join the club of hell"s relationsships...😥
I read this comment and was in awe. This is the same exact thing I have come to realize about my mother- and talked to my aunt about it as well. No one truly understands, it feels.
"Emotional abuse can cause permanent physical damage to the brain." Explain this to the abusers after you have physical disability. It's very real! if you are in a toxic situation, plan to get out without fighting (permanently). If that means giving up all earthly possessions, do it! Great video, lots of really good information.
Done. 👍
Yes it's so terrible, make a secret safety plan and plan to use it! 3 years of chronic injury pain, but I at least got away alive (barely).
@@highpeacetess That's exactly what I did. It got very uncomfortable for me at times as I had to grin and bear it, even though I was dead inside. In other words I had to pretend to be someone I wasn't, which made me realize that I was subconsciously turning into the person I was married to, So survival traits of this disorder eventually spread from one person to another, because victims are operating from a place where everything always seems to feel like a race against time, or a matter of time, and like one is buying time. because you must keep any information regarding your escape plan to yourself. It's taken a toll on my body, and my health, I ended up with debilitating Fibromyalgia, divorce is done, however, if you have children with them, prepare for the endless mind games/ manipulation, smear campaigns, and even discarding if their own children, when you're going through court proceedings with them. It's like a game to them and all they care about is "winning" the battle even if it means losing the war altogether. They'll cut their nose off inspire of their face.
100% true, but they also put alot of physical harm on me by beating me up. Makes me hate being a female I didn't even stand a chance & I am publicly painted as th crazy one and his family stood up for him all over social media and I'm still trying to kill myself. I hate myself for being a target
@@babyhunt2000 please don't kill yourself, especially for them, bc I know your pain very well and it's exactly what those type of people would want u to do. I've been a target for a long time as well, my story similar to yours, i know the shame, and i promise you is not your fault they hurt you, and there must be a pretty freaking good reason for us to still be here. Sending you so much love.
It took me over 8 years to realize the girl I thought was my best friend was a covert narcissist. I’ve been no contact since January 2021 and still slowly healing. I’m glad I’ll never let another narcissist in my life but it’s just so cruel how they use, abuse, discard.
Hi. Thank you for sharing. Sorry that you experienced the abuse you did and the let down of realizing someone you thought was a friend was not. Glad that you are free from the toxicity and are healing. Wishing you a wonderful future.
Yep!
I had the same experience experience. I understand how you feel 100%. Thank you for sharing makes me feel not so alone❤️
Currently going thru this with my male best friend / roommate. (I'm also male but more of an Empath) took me far too long to realize what was happening.
I dont want to move out, both our names are on the mortgage. I just don't know what to do. (I'm bad with change)
The kicker, my ex who lived with us is a female narcissist. A product of her upbringing unfortunately. But her and my best friend have become best friends and now he's turned on me too..
@xEvilRaptorx hi, thank you for sharing. Sorry that you are experiencing abuse form your best friend / roommate. However, I would have to ask. If he is abusing you, is he then a friend let alone a best friend? Change is often hard and painful. But if you want things to be different you may need to change. It may be best if you make plans to move out and go live on your own in a smaller place, or move in with a better room mate. Unless you can get him to move and have a better room ate move in.
In 38 years of dates, and two very dangerous relationships, I've stopped pursuing the wonderful dream of a marriage, a wife, a soulmate. Being a disabled male out here in California, with no assets to afford a good life, all I've met are narcistic women. At 55 years old now, and knowing after the years of narcistic abuse that I likely will never find that wife that I hoped for, I'm content with the peace of mind I have now. Yes, it gets lonely around the holidays without family. But all I need do, is look at the physical scars, and the emotional wounds that will never heal, and that kinda replaces that need for someone.
Thanks for sharing your story, Michael. I feel ya.
Your story is similar to my story.I had a life full of narcissistic women but now i had a very good woman that truly loves me.Dont give up and you must know that narcissistic persons always target people with special qualities.Its obvious that you have these qualities and you have empathy too.These qualities try to steal a narcissist.They hate you for these qualities.Narcissists wants narcissistic supply to feed the false self but never wants supply from a low level source becouse they feel that low level source gives low level supply too.They need supply always from high level sources.These are not my ideas you can learn from professors in universities these things.Low self esteem is one of peoples feelings after narcissistic abuse but if you consider why a narcissist choose you it have no sense.Its only a feeling not based in logic.I totally unerstand you because i had dark periods too.Stay intelectually strong and learn as many things as you can about narcissism.I suggest you sam vaknin in you tube.Its one of the best to learn about narcissism in an almost academic level.You will feel better trust me
Good for you mate, totally agree. My life is pretty much the same, give or take. We need to appreciate what we have and not what we would see as a perfect life outcome. Covert Narcs are so dangerous and their support crew probably, for the most part, do not know what they are supporting. If they do, keep your head down even lower. All the best to you. You probably have it better than some people. We need to be carefully what we wish for. Kia Kaha; Be strong!!
You can recover & it’s surprising what can change in an instant. Think positive
I get more affection from jack Russell terrier than my wife , a dog will give you unconditional love ,
In the end it came down to: I can’t go down to your level anymore. In my experience the female covert narcisst is by far the most lethal
That's always how it ends with them. You start feeling disgusted with yourself for being associated with them.
Unfortunately I have a kid with one.
Absolutely! am mourning the loss of my mother and sister due to them being just that and removing myself as the Scapegoat role. No thanks
They are very dangerous and slow in carrying out their toxic dangerous plans
THEY WILL TRY TO KILL YOU SLOWLY .....
@@CobraDove1111 same here i had to cut out my Covert Narcissistic mother along with my eldest sister who believes anything she says due to the " Cognitive Dissonance " my Covert Narc mother brainwashed her with , worst of all shes turned my eldest brother " The Golden Child " against me , am sadly The Scapegoat Child and had to cut off all ties with my entire family , including my nieces and nephews , and go " No Contact " which was the toughest thing i ever had to come to terms with , * sigh *
"The Mother will do anything to ruin her daughters life" . Bingo.
Spot on! It’s truly amazing how these women run on the same play book. I wish I had been aware that these behavior patterns existed. For the longest time it was so confusing. She could be absolutely amazing then shift and be as cruel and demeaning as ones worst enemy. I recognize it right away now but then I was clueless and actually tired to navigate it and help/save her. Not possible. I’m lucky to have made it out with the level of damage I experienced. Pay attention guys. This stuff is super serious and way more dangerous than you think possible. They will show you who they really are. You just have to believe it when they do reveal it.
Hi, thank you for sharing. Sorry you went through this. Glad you are free now and can spot the warning signs. The damsel in distress routine is often used to clean a person out financially. I also tried to be the white night but I ended up as a pawn.
Almost married one. She showed her true intentions and I made it out...finances intact. 👍
@@Jason-gt6ko hi, glad you manage to avoid that disaster. I also managed to avoid marrying a narcissist. When she pushed to have kids before we were married, 2 months into the relations, I decided this was not for me.
Exactly believe when someone shows their true colors and exit asap.
"When someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time."
Maya Angelou
❤️❤️❤️Narcissist control through fear. They lose control once you NO longer fear losing them. Healing is all about learning to overcome your OWN fear of rejection, abandonment, low self-esteem, neglect, etc... It's not that we love the narcissist intimately (subconsciously, we don't because of the emotional abuse they spew on us). But... It's the fear of us facing past childhood or young adult traumas, emotions, situations, etc... should we leave the relationship which keeps us connected to them (NOT love). They have a grip on us because we fear facing our OWN emotional insecurities and weaknesses, so we begin to place more focus on what they are doing to us, rather than what we are doing to ourselves (accepting/allowing physical or emotional abuse). This is why empaths binge watch narcissist videos instead of the co dependency ones (our focus is on their toxic behavior and NOT our OWN emotional unbalances to heal properly). When you were NO longer afraid of the darkness as a child; you were NO longer concerned about the monster hiding under your bed. The monster was ONLY relevant to you because of your fear of the darkness (not the monster). FACE your unaddressed fears, issues, abuses, etc... and I PROMISE you, just watch how irrelevant the narcissist will become in your life. Stop, "Casting your pearls to swine." May The Lord bless you on your journey forward... Much Love and Healing ✌️
Thank you for your kind words.. I really need this right now
@@Jose-or3zw It gets hard I know. I've been there, and the feeling of being manipulated, deceived or lied to by a loved one HURTS bad. But there is light moving forward if you don't allow the pain to keep you idle. You progree forward starts with acknowledging what's going on around you, and then setting healthy boundaries to prevent it from continuing to happen. Be blessed ♥️
Wow...good advice....I was not perfect in our relationship, but I was loyal, caring, loving and made alot of money, and dealt with the horrible emotional abuse and control with massive amounts of alcohol and hard drugs to run from the problems...
Thank you for your insight....
Going through this now. Thank you for sharing this.
Stop casting your Pearls Before Swine, no truer words were ever spoken. That needs to be put on a Skyline billboard. That is not an insult, it is a warning with great magnitude if you understand the cost. Once I understood this revelation it was profound to me. I've tried to warn my good friend with the same words but they fall on deaf ears. I only try to warn her because of my own experience and fear she might suffer the same fate. But the swine are clever, there wolves in sheep's clothing. Masters of their deception and can trick even the most educated on the subject. Psychology classifieds them in with the class D evils. There are three, the psychopath the sociopath and the narcissist. You can have on the full armor of God and they and still give you a run for your money. Falling victim to these Predators is no fault of your own. That's like telling the prey the Predator made a meal of it was his fault. Hindsight's 20/20 and it is so easy to see from that perspective. when one of these evil beings catches you in their scope and makes you a Target that's when you need the full armor of God and to be standing in front of God and all his angels to protect you from the gates of hell they're getting ready to open for you. You won't even realize you were standing in front of the gates of hell when they open. That's why they call them class D evils. Because they are devils in disguise.
She will adapt to whoever her current supply interest is. Sport, TV and movies, music… whatever. Her “interests” will mirror yours and she will adopt many of your dreams. You fall in love with a female version of yourself, but when she discards you she discards all of that and changes for the next supply.
Jared W .... you type truth.
Yeah she definitely soaked up the game and ran with it
Great post Jared. Very informative.
Thank you!
pure facts
Absolutely.
This is spot on. Narcissist ''friends'' that I cut off were always so Insecure, Jealous and Envious of me. Always competing with me and smearing my name behind my back.
Same here. The more I out-did them and the better I got at things, the more crap they talked. I ended up dumping most my narci buds (both male and female). The rest conveniently disappeared once I took life by the horns and let the swagger flow. I'm sure they're still running their little narci mouths about me... but they never made it out of our hometown.
@@sweeptalk Just keep on pushing!!!
Me too
The moaning then anger at solutions is so accurate. So accurate. I knew one who would always complain but if you had an idea of how to rectify a situation she'd get so angry and nasty.
Same
Same
"I DONT WANT SOLUTIONS! I just want you to listen to my problems!"
You have to be willing to take a loss and move on with your life, without them. It's most difficult if they're a family member or if you have kids with this person, but cutting as many ties as possible is the best way to deal with a narcissist. Any interaction with them, positive or negative, validates their behavior. You have to establish strict boundaries to avoid abuse.
I have female family members and have dated female narcissists; maneuvering around their manipulation is one of the most difficult achievements I've ever accomplished. Be strong enough to walk away from the affection they give you and find your own happiness, independent of anything or anyone. Live your life on your terms; when you're emotionally healthy, other good people will gravitate towards you and you'll be a much happier person
Can’t believe I had a friend exactly like this. Someone I thought was my sister. She literally ran after my ex’s or make friends with people I was friends with! God exposed her hard!
He always does
@@Whitedove6 oh thank God
I had a friend like that as well. I saw her like a sister too. It's emotionally drained and painful. I'm glad she's completely out of my life.
I just dropped one just like that. She slowly started befriending my friends ( she had none of her own) . Then started texting and flirting with my ex boyfriend. Then our male friend, then another friends husband. She denied it all, despite being shown the texts. Everyone was lying about her! In short, she went after any female that she perceived as competition for her. All of my friends have also kicked her to the curb.
My sister did the same. I was 37 before I realized what she is.
Haven’t spoke to her since.
I am seen as the one with a problem by most since she is covert.
Best description of female narcs I’ve seen 👌 this should be learned in schools!
Thank you.
I agree all the signs of dark personalities such as narcissist, dark triad, dark empathy, karmics, psychopaths, sociopaths, antisocial personalities, borderline personality, etc. should be taught in school.
Yes, I was thinking the same; there needs to be a program to teach teenagers the signs !
It should be. Hopefully they start to teach the red flags in school soon.
I agree with you one thousand percent !!!!!!
Wish I had been taught about this valuable information a long time ago . Either way I'm very greatful for this information now. It's never too late to receive valuable knowledge. Everything this gentleman talks about is on point !!!!!
I experienced 12 for 12 behaviors! I thought I knew better to get out, even after experiencing all of these behaviors. I had to study the symptoms, my reactions, and patterns, which were not covered in school becoming a Marriage and Family Therapist. Also, their 'dysregulation' was a part of the violence experienced. Alcoholism was THE key to her giving herself the permission to hurt me and others. Her need to collect supply from 'compassion idiots', was clear to healthy people. For me to become healthy, I had to study. My experience with narcissistic people has improved my therapy skills. I have repaired my family harm, cleaned my glasses, and find myself in a 100% healthy loving, and reciprocal partnership. Thank you.
Hi, thank you for sharing. Sorry that you went through this. But glad that you healed and are now in a loving partnership. Unfortunitly narcissism is not part of famly councelling or many other fields where it is needed. This can cause the vicitm to feel they are the problem and should try harder to save the marriage and work with thier partner.
We all have had relationships with narcissistic people. Being naive I have fallen into these relationships. I believe these relationships can be used as a learning experience. Eventually you come to the conclusion that you are not responsible for the narcissists happiness and you can let them go. Now when i suspect someone is overly narcissistic I use videos like this to further my education and remind me not to give them any power in my life.
Compassion idiots. That's perfect
Wow
So glad to hear you’ve built off of this experience. I am currently still in repair 9+ months out no contact with the young single mother covert Narc. I experienced all 12 and more.
Love doesn't hurt. It's the whole 'love is patient, love is kind...'. That's what it is. Actually, if you really love a person you are not capable of harming them as you only want to support and encourage them. Love takes care of each other. That's how you know it's real. You can find lust with this crew but never love; you're deluding yourself
You can spot this disorder on the first date. Avoid them like the plague as they're an emotional curse on your life. Great example of emotional abuse is this: you spend all day planning or creating something and all they do is diminish, degrade or criticize. Now. When I tell you to leave at the speed of light, that ain't fast enough. Take it from a gal with decades of experience and move on to a guy or a gal who deserves your care, companionship and love.
; - )
Cool
You really helped me here in diagnosing two marriage failures. I had my flaws for sure, but the primary mistake I made was being enamored by sex and looks and not investigating the person.
Hi. Thank you for sharing. Sorry that you went through the abuse you did. Glad the video was helpful. Yes, I was also blinded by looks and sex. More than once 😂 and the need to fix or help.
Yep. I lived this for sixteen loooooooong years. I've literally been happy nearly every day for the last ten years she's been gone.
Hi, thank you for sharing. Sorry you went through the abuse you did. 16 year is a long time. Are you free now? If you can. Please see a professional to help you with the healing of the effects of the abuse you suffered.
@@NarcissisticAbuseHealing Thanks. I'm completely free. Know better now (mostly LOL). I also have some vids, I wish I could've articulated the issue as well as you do here though. Very good vids, to the point, well written and spoken. Thanks for your work!
Thank you.
Seen the movie, never again.
I dated a woman who falls into the spectrum of a female narcissist. We were friends for a while and then we became romantic and she appeared to be the perfect soul mate and I fell deeply in love, and while she was hooking up with me I had the heartbreaking realization that I was caught in a triangle with her and an ex of hers, and she would openly flirt with other guys right in front of me as well. She would often talk about financial problems and I began to realize that she wanted money from me, all while she was still spending time with this ex of hers who I suspect was giving her drugs. She'd play the victim and tell me he was a narcissistic sociopath, then she'd go out to dinner or attend a concert with him, even sleeping with him at least once. Then if I got upset or angry she'd demonize me for it and say I have anger issues, and give me silent treatments. Then after my relationship with her ended she fabricated a vicious sexual rumor about me. It was a total mess and I was devastated, but I learned a lot about just how evil a narcissist can be, and what to watch out for in relationships.
Hi. Thank you for sharing. Sorry you experienced the abuse you did. I am glad that you are free now. Wishing you all the best.
I went threw the same thing and at the and I told the truth about having sex with her and she made up some rumor iam a liar and know she unblock me and is friends with all my female friends on Facebook I think this a real weird but that's what hspoens when you fall in love with your best friend for 20 years but she don't love me ya right lol
@@robertswick4452 your mean to her Robert.😠 She just explained everything to me.
You have some really deep wounds there...stay safe and go easy on yourself....you've been mistreated to the max. Seek counseling if you get in a rut. God loves you Bro.
Excellent video
My ex is 12 out of 12
Look at your own background and look at her Mother and Dads relationship
That is the key
Then get out permanently and stay out before she causes irreparable damage
Read ‘stop walking on eggshells’
That book saved me
Don’t waste time trying to save the marriage
It is hopeless
Hi. Thank you for sharing. Glad you found the video helpful. You are right about looking at the person’s parents. I did a video about it,why it matters if your in-laws are narcissistic. If they are. Chances are high your partner is either narcissistic or have other issues. But also, yes look at your own background as well. Many people don’t want to admit they themselves have issues. But if we did not. We would not have taken narcissistic people as partners or stayed so long in a relationship. My own biggest issue I had was needing to please people to feel worthy. Took me along time to work on that one where I was able to let unhealthy people go and not care what they think of me.
I love how you say "Look at your own background and look at her Mother and Dad's relationship". This is just perfectly stated. So so true.
99.9 percent she comes from a completely fucked up family, in which there are lots of cheating and lying. Whereas, if you come from 2 parents that love you more than themselves, you have to have the required self-respect and respect for your own family and stay away from such a monster...
They say if you are serious about a girl, look at her mother. They say this for a reason
@@berkaydemirbas3841 hi, yes, look to her mother. But also look to her dad. Narcissists, both male and female often mimic the parent they like. So you do get women who are a daddy’s girl and men who are a mommy’s boy. They will then mimic that parent. Then you can also have women who mimic their mothers but have daddy issues. As well as men who mimic their fathers and have mommy issues. Narcissists are like a lucky packet. You shake and squeeze and think you know what you get, then you find a crap toy when you open it up.
Look at your own background...best advice. When you do that you begin healing and connecting dots.
@@berkaydemirbas3841 29 sene ben sonra narsist bir anneden kurtulmaya çalışıpta eşimle evlendim. Bana ilk başlarda bayağı destek oldu. Sonra gerçek yüzünü gösterdi. İki çocuğumuz var beraber ve 11 sene evliyiz. Yağmurdan kaçarken doluya tutuldum ben sanki. Acaba bir bağlantısı var mıdır bilmiyorum ama, ikisi de müge anlı hastası, her sabah tatlı Sert izlerler ve resmen bağımlılar.
Worked with one. I’m a guy and she was lethal. Extremely competitive for sure and never made a mistake that she’d admit to making.
My Mom and Grandmother used to say that my sister was jealous of me. Never understood why since she had much more than me (married a guy with money). Since finding out that she was a narcissist, now I understood her jealousy.
True true true. My sister no longer speaks to me because I called her out on a lie she tried to use to separate me and my granddaughter. Just hateful!
Yeah...so they do a bad behaviour and hurt YOU, yet THEY are the one who is mad and gives the silent treatment....its crazymaking
The only regret I have is I wish I knew about I trusted them with whole hearted and they took all my information and break me hurt tried everything to destroy me and make me feel it was my mistake I was not intelligent enough even after knowing her (I'm talking my narc sister) she is not the person who I thought she was.. She's evil the last person I would ever like to see/hear/ or come across I feel threatened and feel like stabbing her. Her death would make me happy and content because she broke my relationship with my love too
@@Ksyed7124 you need to be nicer to your sister. 🙂
@@TrollextheTroll Why be nice when that person treats that as a weakness to be exploited thereby destroying you even more? Narcissists only focus on their malignant world and their own interests. You’re just a pawn in their misery quest, martyrdom, or superiority, saviour complex. They play both roles to benefit themselves. It’s a lose, lose whatever you do.
52 years old, divorced, no kids, I refuse to go down that road again
Hi. Yeh I always wondered about people who have been divorced like 3 or more times. When do you decide this is just too expensive to do? Unless maybe you are the one benefiting financially from a divorce, I cannot see marrying again.
You’re winning
This sounds exactly like the woman that ruined my marriage. Almost every single one of these traits is how I would describe her. Left a pile of destruction behind as she and my ex rode off into the sunset. It is still surreal.
Hi, thank you for sharing. I am sorry you went through this experience. If you can, see a therapist who is knowledgeable about narcissists.
Happened to me too. Ten years after I’m in the best place I could ever be. He has done you a favour, they get worse as they age. Onwards and upwards ! 😉
Your ex husband also played a role by stepping out. Please understand she will mistreat him too, it will be his well deserved karma.. They don't change.
Ya. Not your fault. Cheating is bad weather man or women. They will end up messing up there own lives just wait. Also your ex was a lie you loved the idea of him not actually him. He showed you his true colors.
She was probably the best thing that ever happened to you two as a couple. Be thankful...you won't be taking care of him when he becomes a senior citizen. They rode off into the sunset into their own demise.
Dated one for 2 years. Have a beautiful daughter out of it. What I also got out of it is a desire to never date again. Serious trauma where I feel the benefits could never outweigh the negatives of dating someone like that ever again. She actually filed for child support weeks before we broke up.. and accused me of cheating on her for 8 months straight, despite my constant pleading that I did nothing wrong. The psychological trauma of having to defend yourself for infidelity for 8 months straight, multiple times a week is vast.
She was probably seeing other men during that time. Projection
8 months, thats nothing, try 3 years and still going
8 months going strong... idk what to do
@@THE_Secular_Conservative getting rid of the narc partner prob added 20 years to my life
@@jazeblaze4350 Leave ...
I had a friend like this once. She had set me up and put me in extremely uncomfortable and morally wrong situations. Checked every item on this list. For my ladies, be careful of befriending women like this 🚩🚩🚩
I had a friend like this too
Praying nobody’s narcissistic mom walked in on them watching this video lol
Hi. Unfortunately most of them think there is nothing wrong with what they do as they always think there is some reason or special circumstances that allow them to do what they do. They can criticize others doing exactly what they do and still think they are in the right because their situation is different or they themselves are special. Or they just deny they ever did anything to hurt you.
This is my mother
Alabama me too, I laughed really hard. "If you want to sentence yourself to death, criticize a Narc". Every thing you say is very powerful you dress it with a subtle pinch of humor. Thank you for making this so incredibly consumable and fun to listen to.
This is crazy how accurate the signs are!! It's actually scary because I dealt with this for 5 yrs with my ex girlfriend
Hi. Thank you for sharing. Sorry you experienced the abuse you did. Glad you are free now. Wishing you all the best.
When you realise they are all running the same program in there head then you start to see reacuring patterns. Then look at the parents & you realise they are often just repeating there parents life’s & mistakes generation after generation & the more the cycle goes on the worse the next generation become! My covert ex led a double life all her life but so did her parents & sister. Negative entity’s unfortunately & they leave you with PTSD as well as steal your kids n home & sanity.
I had a 5-year bout with one named Lesley. I was left down and out. You have to be stronger than what's trying to kill you.
Yeah it's almost like this guy is describing my ex because he knows her personally. Even the story is in the comments I read it's like they're all talking about the same girl. I wish I would've known this 20 years ago
They will choose you, use you, abuse you, then lose you. What a nightmare! After me she simply moved on and found another victim.
They move on fast af too
While they’re in the relationship
This was so dead on accurate in describing my narc mother that I had to stop the video halfway thru to keep from sobbing. This is the first time in my life I've ever felt like anyone truly fully understood what I've been living with for 57 years and the trauma it's caused me having a mother like this. Thank you for making this video!!! I feel so validated in my feelings and attitudes now.
My mother is a covert narcissist and displays every trait described here. From the time I got close to puberty I became a threat to her and suddenly couldn't do anything right. Actually, even as a small child I remember her treating me badly if my dad gave me too much attention. But as a teen she would try to seduce my boyfriends and was always trying to compete with me. She even went to amateur stripping competitions at 40 which I learned from classmates at my high school.
I don't want to go into all the many examples of what she did or this would be too long. I'll just say that I have lived everything this video describes and it f***ed me up bad! I'm 57 and can't stand my mother. That feeling alone causes trauma because nobody WANTS to hate their mother. Ugh. It's hard to believe that one tiny person can wreak that much havoc in the world.
Hi. Thank you for sharing. Sorry that you experienced abuse from your mother. Glad the video was helpful and gave you validation for what you experienced. If you can. Seeing a therapist who is experienced in narcissistic abuse can help with the effects of the abuse. Or just journaling your thoughts and feelings to help validate what you feel and process your emotions. Wishing you a wonderful future.
@@NarcissisticAbuseHealing Thank you!
I'm 49, I haven't had any contact with my narc mother in 25 years.
Feels good. 😎
So sorry 😢
But I understand you and the
Pain 😞
I will keep u in my prays
And u keep being strong and love yourself 🙏♥️
@@sobiaperez4484 Thank you!
I’ve heard a lot of narcissistic videos, but this one is by far the best, very thorough and complete
Thank you.
WOW does this ever describe a particular destructive and drama-laden family member... all the boxes are ticked. Thanks for posting this video.
My pleasure.
When this is taught in school a woman can actually learn from what she shouldn’t become and what nobody wants in their lives
A narc is incapable of changing, schooling them would just make them better at deception at a earlier age.
Social media promotes these personality deficits as beneficial to one’s individual success in life.
Narcissism is a defense against the borderline state. It is a way of being where a person prefers a false self to a true self and is also unable to recognize the reality of the true borderline self (needy, dependent, lonely, desperate, clinging, afraid, abandoned), not thinking that this is what she is, but blaming the previous victim for it. In other words, narcissism is a form of psychosis where a person chose to live in the imaginary and the way back is long, painful, unknown and utterly undesirable.
Withholds intimacy. Cold, manipulative, makes advances to others and denies them afterwards.
Emotionally unstable, has ups and downs sudden changes in mood swings.
Entitled, receives gifts and never would thank me once.
All this after 11 years of marriage and two children.
I’m locked in, no chance of breaking free.
I love my children too much. Thank you for the video, it just affirms what I already knew.
Hi. Thank you for sharing. Sorry that you are going through the abuse you are. Glad the video helped confirm what you suspected.
@@NarcissisticAbuseHealing thank you. Just one question though, in your experience which, I know it’s similar to mine… What does it mean when she refuses to wear her wedding ring though I’ve asked her several times?
She makes excuses and says she cannot find it.
Oh, my situation is that I am blind and my eyesight is getting worse.
When we married I could see most things now I cannot.
She is a bit more honest than most of them, she admits there is a problem with her though she doesn’t state what, for instance she says she isn’t well but that she will not get treatment. She admits that she cannot be alone and do on her own without me.
@@mastEren11 hi, a wedding ring is a sign of commitment. That she belongs to you and you to her. That she is taken. When someone refuses to wear a wedding ring and they have no valid excuse such as work with machinery or so, then they don’t want to signal to the world they are off the market. It is the old keep the back door open just in case. When someone wears a ring and then starts taking it off, they often subconsciously have already disconnected from you.
@@NarcissisticAbuseHealing really appreciate the responses.
Thank you.
Again, sometimes you just need another person to verify what you already know because you doubt yourself so much whilst in the heat of a toxic relationship. Anyway, you have a new subscriber now.
Just leave her. Your children will still love you and you deserve a happy life. There’s other women out there.
My abusive mother recently passed away and after seeing this I finally realised what a horrid narcissistic person she was.
😢
You described my mother well. When I tried to put up boundaries she tried to take my first born child through legal action.
Bloody hell. The best time for me to have found a video like this was 4 year's ago. The second best time is today. Thank you
Thank you. Glad you found the video informative.
Great video and very accurate. I have dealt with many narcissists within my family and also in quite a few relationships, all female.
One of these relationships was with a women with borderline personality disorder as well. This was by far one of the worst experiences I have ever had in my life and I am still affected over 9 years later. To make matters worse I moved halfway across the U.S. to live with this women, where I had no family or friends, no car for awhile, and half of the reason I decided to move was because the job market was better there and I was having problems finding a decent job at home.
Besides the little bit of savings I brought with me I was quickly dependent on her. I had yet to understand what most mature men understand, that even if you are with a normal women, you can never be dependent on a women that you are in a relationship with, the power dynamics just never work and your masculinity is quickly questioned and degraded every chance they get. So I had no clue what I had gotten myself into.
It was constant love bombs and adoration for the first few months, and then I slowly started noticing small red flags. I noticed she would bring home random things from work; projectors, computers, usually expensive equipment. She was a manager of a storage unit place. Come to find out she was stealing this stuff and when I had proof and I started catching her in her lies that’s when she would react in the most insane ways.
By month six I was completely miserable and she went into full control mode and used everything I ever did or said against me and lied about me to her whole family and everyone we knew there so that everyone would turn against me. She would tell them the most outlandish lies it was crazy. She knew I had no one else there and still decided to do this because she knew I was dependent on her for a place to stay and I had to use her car to get to and from work.
So out of spite she kicks me out on the streets and I was homeless for months in the middle of the winter with no one to help me. It was the lowest point I have ever been in and I have never felt so betrayed and helpless in my life. I was working two jobs and eventually saved up enough money to put down on a car, which is where I lived for the next 6 months or so sleeping in random parking lots until I got my stuff together and moved back home.
Even when I was homeless because of her she would constantly try to pull me back in and manipulate me. She was a compulsive liar and was constantly playing people against one another without them knowing. There was one point when she actually had me so confused and broken to where she convinced me that it was all my fault that I was homeless and somehow I was the reason why she does the things she does. I reached a low point where I was so miserable and confused that I was actually starting to consider taking my own life! Thank god I kept it together long enough to escape her wrath.
I had never heard of BPD or NPD until About 6 months in I googled her behavior and she hit every box for BPD and bipolar, I suspect NPD as well. To make matters worse she had two young sons and let me tell you she was a horrible parent. I got attached to her kids and I was genuinely worried and afraid for them. I could tell you hundreds of different instances of things she did and said that were downright evil. Come to find out a few weeks after I left she had been cheating on me with some meth dealer and had been hooked on drugs even while we were together. Then she went into a downward spiral and lost literally everything, her kids, her job, her apartment. And last I heard she was homeless in that same city and barely getting by.
Please guys don’t take this stuff lightly, if I was any less prepared or inclined I might not have made it out of that situation. These type of people are very dangerous, and they can and will ruin your life if you let them. The best thing you can do is to avoid them at all cost. If you start noticing any red flags just get up and get out of there, it’s just not worth it in any situation.
My God man! That was one helluva story. My jaw hit the floor. You've described the abuse to a T. Yours sounds like she was possibly a sociopath displaying other disorders as well. That happens. Sam Vaknin explains this in detail. Highly suggest his videos. Thank God you made it out alive. What an intense story. You are a survivor brother. God bless you and I sincerely hope you find peace and healing.
@@jayanthony5075 Thanks bro!
@@shanemurphy7277 Yvw man. Also Dr. Phil has a great 9 part series on the subject with his 'Phil in the blanks' show. I'm watching the entire thing and highly recommend it. Take care brother.
Oh my god ....same here ..been just barely little out ..but still she is hoovering and extorting money from me. How come such people are allowed to live amongst regular people in the society, In our legal system if one person slaps another person ,,its a crime and you end up in jail ...but for such abuse for years and ruining life there is no remedy
hope things turned out well for you
these are sooo accurate!! Do not waste your time with females like this, even if you feel like you can't get over them or you have in mind something like "she will change".... Move on, stay miles and miles away from this type of females.
This is spot on. I thought I was going nuts. I feel sorry for her new supply.
Brilliant for 3 reasons: (1) female narcissism 'nastissism' not getting enough attention (2) a male presenter is also much needed. (3) The content is outstanding. The topic is complex. The video is to the point. 18 minutes, well done.
Thank you.
ABSOLUTELY AGREE WITH YOU !!!!!!!
After dr Ramani and David. You are the third person who is so clear with regards to narcissistic personality disorder. Subscribed!!
If you like these guys try HG Tudor
At almost 55 having studied narcissism extensively, realizing they're so many narcissist. I made the decision to not pursue a life partner bc it's like expecting to find a unicorn.
I know they're good people on the planet but I came to the conclusion of...
Do I want to waste what years I have left on a big ole maybe ?
Or
Just stay focused on what I can trust and believe in, which is me.
So I'm excited to created edit Create a good comfortable life so I'll be prepared for being older and at least I know I'll have security.
Growing up in narcissism I'm already accustomed to being alone.
And to acknowledge, those who've grown up in it and being that we attract narcissist to us..
Speaking for myself, have never had the love. Not at home at a kid and not as an adult. Never got to have that good Soul to Soul sex. So I don't take this decision lightly. I wrote it in a Journal and I grieved it. At least I can let go of the fears of it all and be happy in knowing I can trust to not let myself down.
Thanks for sharing 👍
@@o.aldenproductions.9858
Most Welcome🌻
Self Esteem, In these modern times 55 is young and vital. Don't give up on having a good life. I was raised around narcs and certifiable mental cases. My narc ex-husband was a murderous psychopath where I barely escaped with my life. I was left penniless, homeless, seriously ill and tens of thousands of dollars in debt. I believe in God, and he delivered me from the psycho ex. I long-handle spoon my relatives and keep my distance. The Lord is helping me get back into physical and financial health. I am very happy and full of joy for the future. My times are in His hands and He wants what's best for me. These narcs have taken enough, don't allow the memory of these evil people to stunt and stymie your life. God bless you.
I had a good friend who was a communal narcissist. She was definitely a tricky one to figure out…she could be the kindest, sweetest, most giving person. But she definitely had a very dark and ugly side to her as well. I’m so glad she’s out of my life.
This is so true. The covert narcissist has to play the struggle roll to get your resources because she may not be in good physical shape or not that attractive or even both so she has to make it seem like struggling so hard. A pretty and fit narcissist has an edge to get money because she's more desirable... To a lame at least
My mom to the TEE…every single trait. Thank you for this video, I needed it
Hi, thank you for commenting. Glad you found the video helpful. Wishing you a wonderful day.
Great video.
The Female Culvert Narrcistic Woman does not come with a warning label. She comes with a love bomb that is blinding.
The word you are looking for is 'covert', the opposite of 'overt'.
I've been with my girlfriend for 7 years and just now found out that she has been with many other men throughout the years together...I was completely ignorant to narcissistic women and because of this I am going through some difficult times...I've completely shut out my family and friends, so I have absolutely nothing or anyone to help me out with this situation I find myself in??? Thank God for these videos!! I'm trying to get educated on this subject 🤔....thanks for taking the time to help men like me in this situation!!!!
Dude hang in there, take care of you. Shes gone bro, dont contact her, dont engage, dont let her back no matter what, the longer you stay away the faster you will heal. Check out sam vaknins videos, he is the leader on this disorder. Never give her any emotional responses, they weaponize anything you say. Any response. Stay away. Hit me up if you need help.
@@jessoftherocks thank you very much, I am going to check out those videos for sure !!
@@jaysrabbitholejaysonallen7989 my ex wife did the same thing, and gaslighted me about it for about a year and a half, when i found out something was going on, she cut her arm with my son in the house. It was all bery frightening. And from that moment she became calculated and spiteful...during our seperation, i was constanrly abused via my child, alienated and i did nothing to her, i would contest and try to reason but she was baiting me for responses. They are super manipulative, cluster bs are something else entirely, just remember its because they are the hurt people, probably from early trauma, so they in return hurt us. Borderline is what my ex is without a doubt.
@@jessoftherocksmy girl has been diagnosed with borderline.....I just didn't understand what that meant??..
I'm definitely finding out now !!! She's had affairs and has always been blaming me for things that I don't even think about!! Its the same thing that you had to deal with ..I'm finding out year after the fact !! But nan she can deny with the best of them...swears on her father's grave etc...finally someone showed me pitchers and she had to admit it....I feel like the whole thing has been a lie !!! Really sucks
@@jaysrabbitholejaysonallen7989 yep sometimes they are dissociative, and impulsive, sometimes reckless, self trashing or self harm or.mutilation is a big factor in the diagnosis. Drugs alcohol seem typical as well. Sam vaknin can help he is surreal with explaining whats happening to them and how this can actually rub off on you. They are sorta a plethora of all parts of cluster bs, which can be very hard to deploy any logic with them when they jump self states as defense mechanisms.
Very good video. I have been vulnerable to these creatures for many years. The gaslighting and character assassinations made me sincerely believe I was schizophrenic for many years due to all the paranoia. Unfortunately the mother of my daughter is this way.
You cut straight to the point in your videos, something I appreciate. You have a very good grasp on the information you present which makes you great at explaining complex issues.
Thank you. Glad the videos are helpful. Wishing you a wonderful day.
I agree with you MickMash I love how lacking in waffling there is, just
The meat without the fat, very accurate information too.
I agree with you 💯 percent!
I was in a 10 year relationship with a narcissistic woman and all 12 of these factors is RIGHT on the nose! Why couldn't I've come across this video a long time ago
Hi. Thank you for sharing. Glad you found the video helpful. Yeh, I also wish I learned about narcissism way sooner than I did. But we are where we are. I try to make the best of what I have so that they don’t take any more from me than they already have.
Me 2 i feel cheated in life.
11 years and counting for me.
Good luck.
10 years 😟 get less for murder
Me too I'm free now
Wow...my own mother checks many of these boxes. I once told her that if we didn't see family counseling together that i would stop talking to her completely. She said, that I'm the one with the problem and she will take care of herself. So its been about 4 months and i haven't heard from her since.
Hi, thank you for sharing. Unfortunately narcissists and counseling do not go well together. Don’t know how your feelings are toward your mother, but having no or limited contact may be good for you.
@@NarcissisticAbuseHealing I'm not the only person that tried to get her to go to counseling. Apparently other people in the family have gone down this road with her before.
I married one for 4 months , I realized on our wedding day something was way off. So glad I had the support I had. Talk about getting blindsided holy cow. I do take blame for not dating her long enough to realize who she really was. I had never even heard the word narcissist before🤔
That was me. If I met one of these people I would not give much of my time if any. I have been hood-winked by a female narcissist. Damn It Man. I figured it out, and then started watching these videos. Thank God for you guys. I've been setting back and planning what to do. It's going to be extremely entertaining. She has absolutely tried her best to stomp on my Heart. Well.... Where I come from that is totally unacceptable. I'm praying hard for her. At the same time I am going to be very sure that she knows that she underestimated me BIG TIME. Horrible, Terrible people. It's a Shame. Oh
Well she is going wish she never picked me. I promise you that 😄
The female narcissist does actually try to break up families
You sound like me I never heard of the word took me awhile to even spell it..But I got a secret Email from someone telling me to becareful and read about a narcissist.. Didn't know who they were..So I started reading the more I read it was sounding like the my friend I was living with which was causes me to have nerve problems..It was very strange but true and very helpful... They really saved me from becoming a total mess .That day I took control of myself and made a change ..My friend became sommisive and different..I didn't like doing it but I had to get control..no more nerve shaking in here..took 2 year's of it .thank god to who ever woke me up ...
My ex was asking me to marry her the first time we had sex, which I thought was slightly odd, but flattering. Didnt marry her but 13 years of mayhem later she spat me out. Still recovering.
@@davehenslee4397 Run as fast and as far as you can. Don't be a fool and engage with her. It will be a total disaster for you. They are demonic. Get wise. Cut off completely from this relationship.
This might be the most insightful video I have ever watched on RUclips. I just came out of a horrific relationship with a female narcissist. She talked me into "lending" her hundreds of dollars and then simply never paid me back. She kept offering sex as payment and when I rejected that proposal she became enraged and attacked me personally and stopped talking to me. She even went as far as accusing me of having a drinking problem and blaming that on why we didn't work out.
The ACTUAL reason we didn't work out was I insisted she call me before our "first date" because I was suspicious. While my coat was on and I was about to leave the apartment I insisted she call me. She was drunk and having sex with another man while talking to me and didn't realize I could hear it all.
So yeah folks, I feel your pain.
Yeah a solid 12 out of 12. 16 years raising her kids, Marriage counselling seemed to make things worse. She wants to cash out, I'm willing to lose it all if that's what it takes to get away. I cannot even look at a woman without thinking about the horrible misery of being sucked into another pit of drama, lies and manipulation. I have always believed that marriage between a man and woman and raising kids is the basic building block of civilization, now i just want to play fetch with my dog that I can't visit.
Hi. Thank you for sharing. Sorry that you went through the abuse you did. I know the feeling of just wanting to give up everything just to get away. I was not married but in a long term relationship and when it ended I tried to set the person up and gave her enough in cash to pay for 4 years of study so she could stand on her own. (Even though I did not legally owe her a cent) She went and blew it in two months. That was 15 years ago. Today I see how much that money would have helped me if I invested it. Today I feel one should fight for what is yours. They take so much from you. And to start over and give them everything so they can have it easy and you have to bust your ass to rebuild your life is not right. Also, you don’t know how your future will go. I was making a lot of money at the time and thought I could easily rebuild. But then things changed financially for me and I could not make up what I gave her. My love now is my motorcycle.
@@NarcissisticAbuseHealing ,
Thank you for your reply. I should have seen the problems years ago but i broke my back falling off a roof which obviously complicated things. Im sorry for your loss and troubles and thank you again for reaching out
Unfortunately, I have a friend who found one of these types of women and found out too late; she was also a pathological liar.
Hi, thank you for sharing. Sorry to hear about your friend. Highly narcissistic people are all pathological liars. They have evaded the truth for so long most are incapable of telling the truth even when it will benefit them. Most are scared to death about the truth as they fear when it comes out their live will be over. Telling lies makes them feel in control as they can twist it to their needs.
@@NarcissisticAbuseHealing
Absolutely the truth! They lie when it isn’t necessary.
Oh they lie all the time. Dramatic either way.. Smh
To the point you just can’t believe anything about their past , present and definitely not the future!
Run! Set boundaries.
Keep distance. Only way to survive these people is to cut them off from your life.
This is one of the best most helpful videos I've ever seen. Absolutely predictable trajectory checking 90% of the boxes. It is like there are microphones in my house and someone is summarizing. I am in the middle of a divorce after a long term relationship. I can't wait for this to be over. I will likely use most of the commentary of this in court as she is not going quietly. I just need some peace and quiet in my life. Thanks for the video.
Hi. Thank you for sharing. Sorry that you are going through a highly contested divorce. Narcissists do love to make things as difficult for you as possible. Glad the video was helpful.
Love your speed and accuracy in delivery. Loaded with truths.
Thank you.
Yes indeed !!! I like the fact that he goes straight to the point and does not linger .
If your unlucky enough to be her scapegoat child it's hell
Truth
God, that must hurt...so sorry.
Seriously! A mental hell👹
Yes, being my mother’s scapegoat child, I’ll admit, it was definitely hell on earth. She not only mentally and emotionally abused me, she physically abused me and allowed my father and older brother to do the same to me, for nearly 20 years. But now I’m the only child of hers with a university degree, I own my own home and income property, I am happily married, and have a successful career in business. I have gone no contact with her because it is the only way I can flourish in life. It’s hard, but no contact is the only way with a mother who is a covert narcissist. She will never be happy for you. Your success will irritate her soul. Especially if you were the scapegoat.
@@romad.7245 Be proud of your accomplishments, you don't need your mother's validation....understand your mother had some kind of demonic sickness and she suffered in her own spirit. It's good you let her go....freedom feels great.
You just described my middle daughter. Her sister and I have not talked to her for 18 years. She believed she deserves the best. She thought her daughter deserved the best . She would use her daughter to get what she wanted. We almost had to make an appointment to see my granddaughter. The thing is she is married to to o a to male narcissist. We walked away to save ourselves. We e as almost lost everything. It to took us almost 7 years to recover. They not only destroy marriages but they are able to destroy families.
Wow!!
It's like these people don't feel,any mercy,pity or anything like that.Even if you walk away that doesn't really solve it, because they think they can get you back really if they want.Even if you go no contact they think you got a soft spot for them or dream about them.They want you basically to be so obsessed with them,that you think about them till you're very last moment on this planet.All you can do really is try to improve yourself spiritually.They want you to be damaged after you get involved with them.
You just described my late mother. Watching this video has helped me make sense of so much. Thank you
Your welcome. Glad the video was helpful.
Sadly, this is true.. I have a couple aunts who are narcissistic. I love him with all my heart but man, spending any length of time with them just tends to be exhausting. They are both very charming people and give off an outwardly fun persona, but I just feel depleted afterwards. They both always have this need to be the center of attention in any circumstance, even at birthday parties or weddings, it's really bizarre.
I'm 99% sure my ex is an undiagnosed covert narcissist. She displayed many (not all) of the behaviors shown in this video. In particular, I could NEVER criticize her in any way, even very gently, or it would turn into a fight. And she was a master of withholding affection and giving the silent treatment whenever she was upset about something.
It's going to take a long time for me to trust someone again.
These are very very very common traits in narcissists. I am very sorry for all
the bad you experienced. Dive into the available information here on RUclips so you can learn about who they are and what to look out for so you never have to suffer at the hands of a narc ever again. Best of lucky my friend! God bless.
This description of the covert narcissist is a very accurate description of my mother and descibes my family history really well.
I'm glad that this information is here. Take heed everyone. These types are dangerous. Be careful to not fall for them.
Yep, 12 out of 12. Wont be doing that again. Happiness is me and the dog on a camping trip.
100% true! This is similar to narc men too, depending on their masculine/feminine balance
Wow! Hit the nail on the head! All points right on point. At one time I was surrounded. I was the scapegoat child. My youngest brother was the golden child, she tried her best to ruin me. Didn’t work.... yay me! Good video!
Hi. Thank you. Glad you found the video informative.
Very informative!
Daughter in law, filled with hate, anger, punishing me, ignoring me for months or years. Keeping my grandchildren from me. Zero love or compassion. Hard as a stone.
Oh, they never grow out of their narcissism either. My mother is 75. I thought by now that she'd have matured enough to see her flaws and try to correct them. Nope! All she's done is double down and is even worse now. They never get better so don't hope for it. The best thing you can do is get away from them.
Hi. Thank you for sharing. Often narcissists think there is nothing wrong with them so don’t see a need to change. And many times what we see as compassion and empathy they see as weakness and a opportunity for self-enrichment
@@NarcissisticAbuseHealing My mother has fake empathy and it's so over the top that I can't believe people don't see thru it. They don't tho. It makes me physically ill to listen to her fake voice with all the drama in it. Ugh.
@@JaneSmith0709 they are master manipulators and actors. People want to believe others are good and also often avoid uncomfortable truths. Thus they will cling to one good behavior and overlook 10 bad ones in the hopes that the person will just change by themselves. The phrase, Love conquers all, causes more abuse than people realize as it gives people false hope and gets them to stay in a toxic relationship believing they have not giving enough love so the other person will change.
Yes. My mother is a complete narcissist and mat hes all of these traits especially regarding her attitude to my sister. She is in her 80s and gets worse. 57 years of feeling like worthless shit!
@@peterevell194 I'm sorry. I feel for you, it's been 57 for me too.
She called me a narcissist.
She messed around on me.
She called me mad.
Divorced her.
Was the divorce process a nightmare with her?
@@carpathianken I was extremely happy to be divorced from her.
Now, I couldn’t be more happier with the lady I have now.
@@fåredyr I'm glad that ultimately it all worked out for you Steven.It's just in my experience with relationships ending, the most traumatising was when I had to part ways with my narcissistic ex.As mutually civil that I tried to make the break-up be, It's like she turned into an evil witch that wanted to both mentally & physically murder me
Dude same thing here, she discarded me and called me toxic.
I reminded her of how she has said herself she can’t handle criticism, is highly critical of me, made me think I was actually going crazy.
When I confronted her with that all she said was “what’s your point”.
@@carpathianken celebrate.
This is my mom. I have spent additional 20 years after I grew up to heal and get over most of the damage she made to me..
Hi, thank you for sharing. Sorry that you experienced abuse form your mother. Glad that you have healed most of the damage she did to you. Wishing you a wonderful future.
10:10
"...loves drama."
[And often pretend they hate it.]
So true in regards to criticism for the female narcissist! Rage will come and it will be BAD!
My ex was a narc with BPD when she had spent all the money or had sold on one occasion one of my guitars she would phone the police claiming I had threatened to kill her to get me arrested before she got home. A living nightmare even made freddie Kruger seem friendly.
If a partner I had stole any of my musical equipment, I'd freak. There's no coming back from that. Complete deal breaker right there.
My ex did this as well, slept with me at 11 at night and filed a tpo the same day, blackmailed me with that tpo, and then forced me into counseling to gaslight me there and accuae me of abuse in front of a licensed counselor, little did she know i had proof of all her lies and affairs, document everything dude, bpd are actualy secondary psychopaths and histeronic and narcissitic. Check out sam vaknins videos on covert borderlines dude
I do remember point 12, guilt, withholding affection and threats.
I had a narsisstic female friend and she was always seeking for lonely people to trick them for things or for money. She tricks them for helping them for cleaning house or/and grocery store shopping. She even tricks them to move near by her home
Oooh… I know if a woman who always makes her partner feel like he owes her. Always tricking him to do things for her. It doesn’t end. She always tries to push for more. Everyone needs to serve her but don’t you dare ask her for anything!
Here because my narcissist messed me up so bad he had me thinking possibly I am a narcissist. Phew. I’m not. Lol.
Hi. That is a common tactic for narcissists to project their narcissism onto their victims and try to make the victim believe they are narcissistic and the evil one. Note that narcissism is a survival and self preservation instinct in all of us. We have it from birth. But healthy people learn how to balance their own needs and wants with society. Narcissists don’t. Thus they are still 4 year olds who are still going me me me. Thus there are healthy narcissism as in you wish good things for yourself. It becomes toxic when it negatively impacts your and other people’s lives. But narcissists make you believe that this healthy narcissism where you want things for yourself is evil. It is not the wish of having a fancy car and nice clothes and a nice house and so on that is evil. It is the way one go about getting it. The other side effect of toxic narcissism is that they are extremely insecure, which drives them to need to have control over everything and everyone in their life so they can feel safe. They never want to feel as insignificant as they did as a child again.
Literally same reason I looked up this video .
@@NarcissisticAbuseHealing Thank you for calling them evil. Most people call these things "sick". They are cases of failed development and nothing other than such.
@@dianefarley37there are people who may hurt due to a mental illness., but narcissism is a personality disorder and they choose to hurt and destroy. When you know full well what you are doing is hurting others but you don’t care or get enjoyment from it, you are evil and I feel it should not be watered down as it allows the narcissists to get away with the destruction they cause.
accuse you first...and then they're in the clear. He got you first!
You have to be a little careful with the either pays lots of attention to the appearance or none at all thing. It depends on what they have hung their hat on as their "personality". Respectability, piousness, intelligence, political activism, caring can be their thing and their appearance will correspond with the cover they are using. The caring professions attract them because it's fantastic cover, lot's of vulnerable people around and idealists among colleagues to take advantage of, it's a narcissists paradise.
They like sports too & teaching it places of control over others.
Plus the nursing profession too - my mother (vulnerable narc) is a retired nursing sister n my sister -in-law (covert narc) is a junior to mid level nurse
@@ease_flow Nursing especially, if you say you are a nurse most people put their guard down. When you have socialized healthcare it's even worse, heavily unionised, lots of "ism's" to hide behind, almost impossible to get fired, huge heirarchies which they love. Conditions that create lots of squabbling and backbiting, nectar to these individuals.
Branch Covidians...rethuglicans
i was the clueless collegue! Damn, i payed dearly. I totally agree with you regarding appearance. Mine did not really cared how she looked most of the time
They (narcissists) are everywhere! 😳
I left mine and ignore her as I don't want confrontation, she tries the mind game stuff all the time but I just smile as it amuses me witch makes her even worse. Luckily I'm very strong willed person but it is frustrating at times, refreshing to see mine has most of the 12 traits described in the video thanks for the validation.
Hi. Thank you for sharing. Glad the video was helpful and that you are free now. It can be painful but also liberating to learn you were right in that you are not the crazy one and that the person you love does not love you back.
Try the smiling no test when they want some thing of yours or want you to do some thing just smile & say no. They hate it n go nuts n either storm off of cause a argument.
Back in the old days we called that a horrible woman! Calculating and quite intelligent to go about getting what you want that way.. although zero joy is the reward?? Happy that I am me…
In societies that arent completely degenerate they are called prostitutes
Great video, my ‘in the process of becoming my ex wife’ has used all of the above tactics, I can’t prove the cheating but I’m 99% certain she has. We’ve been married for 6mths, she has engineered giving up her job to try and trap me financially. Withholding love and affection has been her most commonly used tool, regularly telling me I have to ‘let the love flow’ and she will reciprocate. This has led me to believe that I’m not worthy of her love, that I’m doing something wrong constantly to be denied her love. The great thing is, now she’s gone life is so so so much more peaceful although I do expect some attempts at hoovering in the future.
Hi, thank you for sharing. Glad that you are now in a better place.
Just note that many narcissists make divorce a high conflict situation. You may want to get a lawyer to help you if you need to divide assets.
Not sure about your local laws, but some countries you can only file for divorce 1 year after separation. If she does hoover, don't dust it off and try again as then the separation date may be reset and you have to wait another year before you can file or if you have filed it may be thrown out and you have to start from scratch.
@@NarcissisticAbuseHealing yeah, it’s one year before I can divorce…there is absolutely zero chance of being hoovered, she’s actually making it very easy to never want to speak to her again. The abuse is coming through as I type this now because I’ve said no to her and going NC.
@@andrewcowan1767 why one year? I'm actually going through the exact same thing, to include length of marriage. My wife is a covert narcissist. There is no time restriction in my state though, so it's been filed already.
Document everything, there is always a motive that they are trying to gain informatuon to use against you. Check out sam vaknin in how to destroy them in court and translate the palindromic speech.
@Dr. John Fallout4Nut dont give in to the deception you mean, cause they lie like all the time because they have no accountability
Great video. In my own experience, I’ve seen a lot of over lapping behaviors in men. Which I wonder if the men were displaying the origin of their own abuse, from the mother or female care taker? I’ve learned that these people are not born, but are products of the very same abuse they inflict. Not to say I have had few women in my life that ticked all 12 of these behaviors. I was so motivated to get along with these people from the love bombing at the beginning that I stayed in the friendships or relationships that a lot of the abuse got really extreme and what seemed randomly stimulated. The example you give here that was so mystifying to me is how far the jealousy goes. How much it motivates them(both men and women) at what seems a primal level. Making it impossible to not piss them off some how, motivating them to end your life because you cleaned your car or something random like that.
Hi, thank you for sharing. Sorry that you experienced the abuse you suffered. Yes, there is a lot of overlap between male and female narcissist, especially covert narcissistic men.
Narcissists are not truly covert or overt. They just prefer one way for day to day interactions. But a covert can become overt if happy or when it serves a purpose. And an overt can become covert if depressed or it serves a purpose. Narcissists use what works on people for the narcissist to get their way.
Jealousy is a destructive force that will get people to do many evil things.
That’s for sure. I have observed that the bag of manipulation tricks are few and they throw them till one sticks and roll with that. They make it effective by extreme emotionality, in what seems like them relying on you, the victim, reflecting to see how your roll in the whole problem. What their point of view is to make sense of it, instead of seeing it for what it really is.
Thanks for the response, looking forward to see more of your stuff.
As for displaying the abuse they suffered. I think you are correct. People learn from their parents. Good or bad. And I currently see 6 children from 3 sisters of mine. Each has two kids. And the children each behave like their parents. One family, the man left when the children where 5 and 6. They are now 12 and 13. But they more and more display his negative traits each day even though he is out of their life for years. What I learned and saw myself is that after around 6 or 7, most of who you are is already set.
Oh...WOW. I had no idea these traits were so common amongst female narcissists. Numbers 3, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 11, and 12 are spot-on about my twin sister. I shouldn't be, but I was honestly shocked. It was like you were talking exactly about what I experienced when I lived with her.
As an example: "She believes other people are envious and jealous of her." Yes, she told me so many times. That I was envious of her and jealous of her. All while in the same breath calling me nothing more than her "copy" (we are identical twins, and I'm the younger one).
9:53 Yup. Three years after we had separated, despite being no contact and blocked, I found out that she is trying to write a book - about her evil twin sister. After everything she did to me, that I just let her get away with, that I thought was over with the separation...she still hadn't had her fill. She needed revenge for my existence. I said back then when I found out..."She won't stop until she destroys me. She can't have me existing, even separate from her." That was a horrific realization. Coming from one's own twin sister. And yet, seeing this video, I feel a tiny bit better. Knowing that my own experience is not unique - other people know exactly what I'm going through, and that is a small relief indeed.
Last, yes. Her rage is one of the most terrifying things of all. Doing the smallest thing can set it off. Living through that was one of the worst times in my life. Having escaped three years ago, while there have been many other traumas and it was hard to leave her...it was the best thing to happen to me. And I'll never go back. Thank you so much for this video.
Hi, thank you for sharing. Glad the video was helpful. Yes, often when we realize others are going through the same things it helps to clarify that it is not us who are crazy but the narcissist. It may also give hope that is a way out, although yes not an easy one.
I have a twin sister and I don’t thank people with out one understand that bond! It must have been hard to cut her off. Sorry for your loss because it’s like part of you dies also remember the death of hope feels like a death of a person. Me and my twin both married narcissist and thank god we have someone that understands to talk to. Where both divorced now and talk every week.
Whatever he is saying is 100% correct. It’s the same story with each and every narcissistic. Been there for 10 years can confirm it’s a miserable life which you can even imagine in your wildest dream and will not even wish for your enemy. Been done and dusted and out of it completely had made super men. The most worst phase of life is over. Just read read and educate yourself guys. Don’t ever fall in the trap of this vultures.