My Daughter Stopped Talking to Me [SO I LET HER GO]
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- Опубликовано: 26 авг 2023
- You are not alone. It's devastating to be a parent estranged from your adult child, whom you raised with love in good faith. This is my story...
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[10/7: Due to overwhelming demand, I'm creating a private community for estranged parents to share their stories and support each other. If interested, please join the waitlist here, and note that it requires double opt-in, so watch your email to confirm: us.estrangedparents.me/join ...9/20: Vote here for what you want to see next-www.youtube.com/@estrangedparents/community Still reading comments! ...9/14: WOW, I am stunned by the response to this video, thank you sincerely for your thoughtful comments. It will take some time to go through all of them, but rest assured, I will, and they will absolutely dictate where this channel goes next. Again, my sincere thanks for watching and taking the time to share your experiences.] Have you been shut out by an adult child? What happened? How did you get past the pain?
I understand completely what you've gone through. We have been cut off from our youngest son and his family for 6 years now. It has negatively affected our relationship with our older son as well. (Our only children 😢). We walk on eggshells with him. It's the most horrific nightmare ever. We've never gotten any explanation that makes sense. So very, very painful. It seems to be a sign of the times. We pray for reconciliation continuously. We continue to reach out. We feel outside influences are contributing to this estrangement, but frankly, we don't care about those people. We never expected our children to go along with erasing us from their lives. We miss the once loving relationship with our children. It's hard to fathom this is now a "thing". We never give up hope. 🙏
I am also dealing with this with my son and partially my daughter. Let me say that there is no justification for this. This is how I'm dealing with it. I'm a born-again Christian. My faith in God is where I go. They are from the millennial generation. This generation, and the one right after it, have indoctrinated thinking. The Bible talks about this happening in the last days, which we are in. I have given them over to the Lord. I know for a fact that they will both come running back as soon as they see what God is getting ready to do on this earth. You see, that is one of the issues they have. Even though they were brought up, Christian, they say they don't believe now. They know what is going to happen, though, as I've taught them. God is going to do great miracles for His people during this time, as he judges the evil ones. God has promised reconciliation. I also dedicated my kids to God when they were born. They accepted Christ and have been baptized. Even if they never talk to me again, as long as they recommit to God before they die. I pray for them daily and will always love them. There are so many young people that would do anything for a family who cares. Gifts I would have given them go to needy kids. My will has changed to my Grandsons. They still love me!❤
It's been a year since I last saw my daughter.
I tried my best but my best wasn't enough.
I am not past it, my whole life is falling apart, my husband is divorcing me but keeps in touch with her. 💔
I don't know anything about her or how she is doing.
I'm still heart broken.
She was my miracle baby and my only one.
I feel your pain and heartbreak. My daughter in law has completely taken my son away. Took his phone, blocked me, won't answer texts, phone or emails. I just don't understand either. It's like a mass epidemic of estranged parents walking around. 😢
I never thought I would find a channel on this - Ive been searching for so long, but instead Ive been getting videos about "how you know you were raised by a narc mother" or such titlles. Our grief is SO deep. SO many similarities. She claimed, almost overnight I had destroyed her entire life, and she hated her childhood, and even said I personally destroyed ALL our lives, including her brothers. SO we asked him, and I begged him to be honest and even tho he is fully Autistic (as is our daughter) he said "wow - no you were and are a good mum...I mean, yeah, no ones perfect, but we had a great childrhood. As for M**** - I dunno whats going on with her anymore mum...dont worry about it". But the grief is just too deep. She is 28. She had blocked us both now, not just me, wont respond to texts my husband and her dad, sends her each week to ask if shes ok and needs anything and to sday hello - never ever replies. I too, asked for tolerance when she got angry and forgiveness as she goes to church etc, but even her ex, who we are very close to, cant explain her behavior anymore. Please keep making videos.
As a 59 year old male, all I can say is that cutting contact with my toxic family for 20 years has allowed me to heal.
I wouldn't change, nor regret that decision as long as I live.
Me too. I'm 54. My mom is 71. I haven't spoken to them in a decade. It's been the most peaceful decade of my life 😌
Wow and I’m only at year 3
Agree
It's hard to judge a situation without knowing the full circumstances and each party's reasoning. I agree that distance is sometimes necessary from certain members. Especially when violence and intentional sabotage is involved.
I really dislike society's obsession with birthdays and holidays. They can be nice if enjoyed simply for what they are, without pressure or obligation, but toxic people latch onto them as their auto-redemption cards and a means to force contact.
I went 15 years of no contact. When I returned, my mother was haughty and defiant, which confirmed my belief that she is a narcissist. She turned 87 last week. It is so very sad.
One of the hardest things in life to do is grieve somebody who is still alive. It is a pain that is indescribable.
I have to agree. Our son died at age 17. I inadvertently discovered horrible things our daughter claimed about us on social media. Not one word was remotely true-to us, that is. In her mind, she believes it. It has been harder on us to deal with her silence than it was to lose our son. With the death of a child, it is a permanent never ending heartache. To have a child refuse to talk to you is more painful, knowing they are a call away but you are denied that opportunity.
It is quite evident to me that these young adults are picking this up on social media. It is exactly as if they are in a cult, much like the situation where people are believing conspiracy theories from online hate groups.
My biggest concern is what will happen to these people when they have NO ONE that will love them unconditionally like a mother does.
@@primateagent188I 100% agree way you. Loosing a son was and still is a living nightmare but for a daughter to choose extreme limited contact, purely for inheritance is such a horrendous thing to have to endure.
It seems to me that so many of this age group are turning on their parents, so much entitlement, it seems to becoming so very, very common. It’s a sad world and the word “family” doesn’t really exist.
@@primateagent188 and you are soooo right.
@@shaz8486 and exactly like that. Very unfortunate for the young people - but they cannot see this.
😢❤
Being related by blood does NOT MEAN we must endure BS from relatives. I haven’t spoken to my sister in 24 years.
Believe me, I have so many relatives that I avoid talking to for years....
absolutely! ppl im related to act like im their property or something. like i HAVE to fake enjoy their presence and trapped around these people because their blood related. its awesome when you can finally have the freedom to move out. 👍
Same here. Spoke to my sister once in the last 29 years and only because our father passed. Never heard from or spoke to her ever again. My life is a happier place without her mouth and bullying.
Just wondering, how do you cope with other family members who have never been subject to the abuse, who invalidate your truth and disregard your stated boundaries with that person, i.e., suggesting you take a 6 hour carpool drive with the abuser. Other family members who've never been on the receiving end of the abuse and who disregard the abuse reports that you've shared and your stance on your boundaries going forward. Then, they react with complete confusion when you have to remind them of your boundaries. I have cut off my relationships with so many family members because of their incessant disregard for my basic courtesy boundaries. For some reason, most people in my family think it's acceptable to disrespect me - but only me. They don't put up with disrespect, but they expect it of me. I'm down to open communication with only 2 family members who behave with common regard to me, yet they glibly set up situations to pull me back into my previous boundryless position. I have to be on guard around them constantly so I don't get sucked back in. I don't want to be estranged from these people whom I love, but I also don't want to be a virtual punching bag.
Very sad.
I explained multiple times to a loved one how their behaviors hurt me but I got labeled too sensitive. When I pulled away, this person acted confused and hurt. Sometimes a parent gets confused when their kid truly did spell it out for them. If only they cared and listened.
I agree, it sounds like narcissistic behavior. But I could be wrong. Why take this to the internet?
@@happyjacktails3277 perhaps it will strike a cord with someone who is in denial about how they make others feel. Why not take it to the internet? It's a big source of educational content and if someone chooses, they can improve their life with the wisdom gained. I have a friend that used to give people unsolicited advice, and came across a know-it-all. He's a nice guy but he hurt some feelings. So he stopped with the advice, and people were much happier. He preferred to make people feel good around him so he made changes.
@roundtwo3321 these people have selective hearing. They only hear and believe their own BS reality they tell themselves. Equivalent to telling them the sky is blue but they'll say it's green to make life as difficult as possible.
This was my experience with my parents too. They both don't understand why I don't really talk to them that much, but I tried to tell them; they just didn't listen.
Wonderful. But we don't know why her daughter cut contact. We can only guess. In addition, I have seen children cut contact from their parent because the parent was indulgent and let the child rule the roost. Seems illogical, but it's a fact. Children are developmentally egotistical: let them dominate, and in extreme cases they'll arrange everything around themselves and resent the parent for existing. Give a child no boundaries and no responsibilities and you breed peevishness at a world which does.
I am estranged from my 39 yo daughter and my grandson.I am leaving it in God’s hands. She is not going to destroy me.
Its not about you. Its about there right to live whatever life They Choose.
I know you won't but change you're wil that's what she's waiting for
God is good.
I’m sorry for your hurt. Hang in there.
@margaretnation7464 it may not be about her but humans and others have feelings, we seem to have forgotten that feelings are part f the human experience, for heavens sake…cats, dogs, horses, even plants are said to have feelings, seems some have decided that this part of us, the feeling part, no longer exists.
Cutting a parent from your life is a very hard decision and can take years of courage to do. Many of us desire to be in a loving and respectful relationship with our parents so severing it means there were a lot of trauma and problems that would force one to walk away. I know you’re hurting inside for your daughter but perhaps she had to leave you to save herself. I hope everyone affected can move on and heal from this. Good luck
Well said ❤ it's hard when you're expecting a parent to protect you but the person you need protection from IS the parent. It because a choosing game: who do I choose? Peace and myself? Or my parents and continued hurt? 😢
I hear you! I do! and I’m sorry that you feel or know that your mom hurt you so deeply that you felt like you had to leave.
Listen, I’m 66 years old and my mom was a mn
I thrive when I cut contact. It's always when I allow myself to be trapped by them that my life seems to unravel. It's such a shame the parent can't be a source of strength for the child. It certainly isn't what we want
I ended my comment by mistake. Sorry. Anyway, my mom was a nightmare. I like THOUSANDS of other children suffered a tremendous amount of physical and emotional abuse.
If I could have chosen between the two I would have definitely chosen physical abuse.
And to add insult to injury my mom would realize within hours what she had done. In my day ( I’m using that classic cliche 😅😅😅) there were no child welfare groups.
And a lot of the times I couldn’t go to school because my mom wanted the bruises to heal. But there was no one I could tell.
I can remember so many times thinking, starting at the age of 5 telling myself ( while my mom was beating my head against a wall 😅😅😅) that I would never hurt my “Rosie Flower) like that. I just knew I was going to be a mom one day and name her Rosie Flower.
And you know what?! I broke the cycle of abuse! I did it!
I’m trying to tell you my story, okay?
My daughter is my only child. She never knew her father because he left me/us two days after I had her.
He had already spoken with an attorney and he wanted to put her up for adoption.
I was given a choice …my daughter or him. And of course course the answer was easy!
So my daughter and I spent our lives together. We were always together!
We had so many adventures! I knew every single day how God had blessed me!
And I probably told her at least once a week that.
Listen…. I’m not being biased when I tell you that my daughter is absolutely remarkable! She was diagnosed as highly intellectual gifted, as am I…. and my mom.
I raised my daughter to be a conservative but I also raised her in a more liberal way.
I didn’t bind her to anything. However I put her through private school and let her make the decision about college which she decided not to do.
From early on I observed some of my friends and those that were single seemed to have an endless revolving door of men coming in and out.
I chose not to do that. Now that has to be bad for a child!
My daughter stayed with me up until the day that our landlord told us he was going to sell our home. We lived in Nashville tn. And you probably know that Nashville is and has been experiencing a population boom. And I knew that finding another place to rent would cost more than i could afford.
So I started frantically and I mean FRANTICALLY searching for a forever home. And there were none in Nashville that I could afford.
And so we/i ended up an hour and a half away.
I didn’t realize the severe ramifications of what my decision would mean.
And when I look back on it I realize that I abandoned my daughter!
I abandoned my daughter!
I abandoned my daughter and when I did I abandoned us!
Have you ever carried so much guilt and grief which results in so much self hatred? Have you?
I never told my daughter that she was a grown woman and she needed to find her own way out in the world because only an idiot wouldn’t recognize that buying a house was growing to be almost impossible unless you have a college degree with a subject in demand.
I am a psychology major! 😅😂😂😂 and I will tell you that is a ridiculous major unless you intend on getting your PHD .
Therefore I have to admit that I make disastrous decisions!
And I’m certain that I made disastrous choices for myself and my daughter …
But…. I never abused her. As a matter of fact I probably gave her too much. At least that’s what my close friends tell me.
And with that decision that I made to move to ANOTHER CITY I set my daughter and myself on a crash course to doom!
I didn’t however realize just how much suffering and pain my decision would put her through.
And trust me when I tell you that I pay for that mistake every day of my life.
And then my daughter started “therapy “ , and within a year my name changed from “mom “ to “ cunt”.
“ toxic “ …’ narcissistic “ ‘ neglectful “ ‘ manipulative “ let’s throw in another few hundred “cunt” . Mentally abusive . Should have been sterilized so that I could have never had children. And it goes on and on and on and on…..
And I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that those words were a direct manifestation of her pain and anger.
And with the help of her “wise “ “ therapist “ she made the decision to leave our relationship.
And her therapist helped her to discover that I really never loved her!
As well as that I most definitely have severe mental “issues “
Do you understand what I am trying to tell you?
I don’t know what kind of mother you have. or the factors determined your decision.
But for some reason I feel that I am supposed to tell you my story.
I hated my mom up until the past two years.
And why shouldn’t I?!
But in between the abuse that I suffered my mom was beautiful! She absolutely loved me!
She taught me so many valuable lessons!
I was so angry with her once I turned into a teenager that I made her life hell ! I made her pay!
And if I could only see my mom again I promise you it would be different!
But she died from cancer when I was 35 .
And suddenly I can remember so many beautiful moments.
No mother is the perfect mother!
And i don’t know how old you are but surely you know that every fault, every Hang up ultimately is awarded to mothers. It
is as old as time!
And speaking from a psychological perspective, men tend to marry women like their mothers!
What’s up with that! 😂😂😅
So just please please do some deep personal introspection! If you’re mom is bad… really bad…. Then by all means keep your relationship on the back burner! It’s just that when I read about adult children making “painful “ decisions to estrange their parents… when you use the word painful I can’t help but feel that in some way someone, somewhere plays a part in your decision and deep down inside you know that it’s wrong.
Okay?
Thank you.
The fact she buys herself a birthday gift for her daughter's birthday is a big red flag. Red flags everywhere actually
Yeah, like I'm separated from my mom but I would never think to buy myself a present on her birthday... really weird
I have always given flowers to the mother at birthday parties for the kids. I mean, mothers are the reason they are here. it's both their celebration day. not really that weird to give up buying your kid who no longer wants your in their life a gift and give yourself one for that day way back when you had them.
@__rm307 the numerous supportive comments on this video are like a drug for her no doubt
Yes, also the birthday thing in general. I mean come on, it's not about YOU!
my narcissistic mother (2 years no contact now) used to love it when my sister bought flowers on her birthday for my mother. (yeah, she was deeply enmeshed in the F-O-G back then, but has broken free since.)
I ditched my abusive mom 13 years ago and never looked back. Finally. My brother doesn't speak to her either. We're both at peace with that decision.
How could you do that to your mom. Was she that bad of a mom?? Really
@@cherylmangas7924 yep she was mean, lied often, broke every promise, only cared about herself. And much more.
@cherylmangas7924 I also left my abusive mother. Ever since I left her all of my chronic health conditions have disappeared. That's how abusive she was. She was literally causing my body to fall apart.
@@cherylmangas7924how could these parents do what they do to their children??
There are bad parents out there I agree with you all but there are good parents out there that still have their children walking away and leaving us not knowing why. Im one of those parents. My two oldest daughters won’t give me an explanation that is clear. I have found other parents out there that are going through this too. It’s almost like it’s an epidemic of family’s falling apart. I have always tried to be a good mom and I have 4 children only two have left and my other two that are not estranged are just as worried about them because if their irrational decisions. They were given so much love and spoiled at that maybe that’s just where I went wrong. I’m trying to understand both sides and willing to accept my faults and move on.
Daughter here, I personally had to cut toxic adults out of my life who abused and manipulated and used me as a child. No regrets. I chose peace as an adult. My mother treated me like she didn’t want me around, called me names, bullied me. Would belittle me in front of family memebers and her friends. Would make me sit outside in the cold for hours one day a neighbor confronted her about that. Made me fold clothes over and over and then destroy what I folded and made me fold again. Isolated me. The list goes on. She was my first bully and I knew at 6 she’s not somebody I could go to for protection.
a lot of these parents like to act like victims that have absolutely zero idea as to why their child would ever leave? meanwhile they've been abusing and gaslighting their kids their entire lives. this is the generation that doesn't take bs anymore. we don't owe these people a trophy, just because they had unprotected intercourse. had they treated their kids as human beings, the kids wouldn't feel the need to run the moment they turn 18. the relationship requires effort and parents take it for granted. they pretend that their kids owe them something because "we gave you life". a lot of these idiots should never have been parents in the first place. no child deserves to grow up in a household where they feel unwanted. indeed, the adult child remembers it all. just because it's a child doesn't make it ok to treat them like property 🤢🤮
Wow that’s terrible
I think there's a big difference between children removing themselves from an abusive parent and children who cut out parents where abuse isn't at the core.
I don't think that's what this story is about.
😭👵💖💖💖
@@annieo9468
Do you think that children cut out parents where abuse isn't at the core? There may be a few cases where abuse of the child isn't at the core. I cut my toxic Mother out of my life. She retaliated by telling her story to everyone possible.
My mother is telling everyone she doesn't know why i haven't spoken to her in 10 years. Maybe it's because she beat the shit out me every day complete with black eyes, busted lips, whelps from extension cords and a lot worse. I'm 55 and on meds and still have flashbacks. I'd love to hear from the daughter.
@ jilldambrosio 4273..why do you let your mom hit on you, ?...do you no how to call the police 🚨...if your mom hit you in your head you could lose your memory...
It sounds like your mom is drunk and is mad with you..I believe your mom had a man that liked you sexually...but it's not your fault...can you stand up for your self?..stop 🛑🛑 🛑 going around your mom looking for her to like you...
I am sure she is beating on you behind a man,
This mother is clearly a narcissist. The way she can’t take accountability is reeking through this video and she is so unaware of it. I see why her daughter went no contact.
@@FyreStartryou're a monster. The fact you idiots can spew nonsense like this, after watching a mother and a father go through that is clearly beneficial. Spot the pathological liars and the psychos.
Please don't make this about you. These parents clearly aren't the people you had in your life.
@@pankakesnotstellarexactly. These grown children can’t take accountability for themselves and they want to make their pain everyone’s pain.
The fact that she sent self improvement videos to her as if it was the daughter’ problem really shows who she is as a person and who she blames for the consequences
I winced at that too.
exactly. "self love" videos... total irony.
She said she thought her daughter already like those types of videos. Cynicism is not the answer. Understanding is the answer. And if you love yourself, you won’t easily hate your maker.
@@vladimirofsvalbard9477 She also mentions starting a "private" channel after using her daughter's name and showing a face that isn't really blurred out. I would be mortified to see my personal life on RUclips. I should probably review my own comments.
@@seekeroftruth1484 she thought wrong.
Cutting a parent out of your life is extremely difficult and stressful. You don't do it without a good reason.
That goes both ways.
@@campfireaddict6417 Yeah, no doubt
Most disowned children are minors when it happens, and it's often because the child is gay.
That's evil, and you're a bad person if you think that's comparable to cutting off abusive parents.
@@NoNameToYou It weighs on me every day, but it's less bad than the alternative.
That's right you do it with a very cold heart. You don't have to like them but you do have to respect them. Grow the f up
I’m estranged from my 26 year old daughter as of September 1, 2023. My daughter stopped speaking to me and had a baby, my third grandchild from her and she never told me. I didn’t know she had a problem with me. So, I have since stepped back and let her have her space with her new family. I initially had a meltdown and cried for days. I’m taking one day at a time. I do pray for her daily. I pray for myself as well.
I WISH I had NEVER told the B*tch that Called herself "mom" but was MY WORST ENEMY; that I was Pregnant; SOME people don't Deserve to KNOW ANYTHING.
I'm sorry this has happened to you, but realise It's only been 2½ weeks, not long by any means. Your daughter could still be talking to you, just she's busy with her family.
I'm sorry for your experience. I don't know, but could she have postpartum depression . I suggest having a mutual mediator like another adult child or any family member/close friends who could help resolve the situation. All I can say is keep the door open for communication and remember she is the one with the problem, not you . Continue to live your life and never view yourself as a bad mother. I remember I said something derogatory about my niece she told me I hurt her feelings, and I apologize .I was talking to her mother, and she had me on speaker phone, and I was unaware. So you never know what agitated a person unless they tell you. Good luck
Have you expressed this to her
Get to work and own what you’ve done.
I never thought I would ever be in this position …
First thing…like many of you ( where the hell did this video come from)
I watched the video but more importantly..
I actually took the time to read most of these comments.
🙏
Thank you to all who have commented and unknowingly contributed to my healing❤️
I was not expecting this tonight but here it is and I feel free for the first time…🥹 free to move on and let go….
My story doesn’t need to be shared there are fragments of me in this entire thread.
🙏 thank you I must have been divinely guided to this video because I can’t explain how this showed up in my feed. But the 6 years of grief just lifted enough to let you all in and work your magic on me!
Bless you all so much you saved a 💔
Sounds like your (at least) 6 years late.
It's true, where did this video come from...out of the blue....but maybe my phone heard me......
im soo happy 4 u x 😄
🫶🏽
❤❤❤
All of my children cut ties with me several years ago. I was devastated and broken hearted, I still am, but I have learned to take accountability for what I did and didn't do as a parent. I respect their truth and their experiences growing up, and how it affected them - and still affects them greatly as adults. I respect their choices to walk away. I only send them cards and money on birthdays and christmas. I only write I love you in them now a days. Even the fact that I do that is probably the wrong choice. I will never forgive myself for any of it. I won't contact them, except the cards. I will not allow other people to contact them on my behalf. What I have done to cause this chain of events has destroyed so many lives that I will never expose anyone else to my type of "love" ever again to ensure that I protect their safety. Listen to your children's actions. Sometimes the old trope of, "we did the best we could," disrespects the fact that it still wasn't right for them.
Beautiful person
@@RisetoStrength I'm sorry if my post came across like that. That was not the impression I was trying to give. After reading it over again, I can see why it may sound like I think parents don't have an obligation to their children, but that is not my belief at all. I believe a parent's greatest responsibility is to raise their children with love, empathy, support, safety and with a unique approach that is built on the specific needs of each child as an individual. Every parent has the obligation to provide their children with these basic needs and so much more.
@@skr8674 my picture is a cartoon filter from several years ago. I did start having children in high school too. There were many factors that led to me being an awful parent, but what it comes down to is it was/is my responsibility to be the person they needed and deserved. I will never forgive myself for not providing them with all they needed and deserved. I desperately wish I could do it all over again. I will never forgive myself for being a terrible parent.
@@ellyk8834 absolutely. The problem lies with me for failing them. I am the one accountable and responsible for everything. I respect their decisions that they made to protect themselves. I was a terrible parent.
@@skr8674 the only reason I even mentioned sending them cards/gifts is because I wonder if I'm doing more harm than good by doing so. I worry that it may be too painful and invasive for them to receive anything from me at all. I don't want to be disrespectful of their choice to cut ties. I would actually appreciate input from anyone going through this with their parents about whether or not it is ok to receive anything like that from your parents? I just want to do what's best for them.
Ok, but what did you REALLY do to make your daughter orphan herself?
You wouldn't believe us
@@estrangedparentsdodging here too?
*gasp!* They didn't do anything. Just sweet angel parents 😂😂😂
@@estrangedparentsTrue, because you're a fabulist.
@@estrangedparents So you just decided that all on your own, eh? I can see why she cut you off! Good for her.
I've had similar heart ache with my daughter. However, with help from a therapist, I finally eradicated the heart ache. She's an adult, making decisions for herself and her own happiness, and I'm not part of the "happy" in her life.
So, I let her go, and that absolutely freed me, and I haven't looked back.
Thank you for sharing.
My brother has been estranged from my family for 26 years….I don’t miss him!! 🤷🏻♂️
This is us with our son and grandchildren. Brokenhearted forever!!😢
But she is much less of a person for this.
@@marisamartin3664 - You can't know that.
Life became just very stressful and I hear everywhere that there is no room for elderly in their life it’s sad
My mother was an emotionally abusive narcissist who aimed most of her vitriol at me, her only daughter. At one point she went into hospital and her psychiatrist asked to see me. His advice was to walk away from my mother and never look back - the problem was hers. I should have done exactly what he said but I didn't because ..... God knows why. I ended up nursing her for the last four years of her life. Her last comment to me was that she had never wanted a daughter but I had been useful as an unpaid carer. However, she spent the last four weeks of her life in hospital and couldn't control herself - her vicious nasty abusive self came out to a lot of people.
Never assume that the children are always at fault - it is just as likely the parents have caused the problems.
This is what I'm going through, add an antivaxer to that who doesn't respect my parenting decisions.
good luck ❤
@@lillithsleepsyup. No contact is the way
Walking away from a parent is incredibly difficult. It doesn’t happen for no reason. Honestly not like these sick parents would go to counseling, they are not about to change ❤️🩹🦢
It's not about YOU! Every avenue you talk about seems to come back to you and your defense of your parenting. I'm sure you'll always love her but sometimes hurt needs to be listened to...and completely. Just hush and listen! Validate the other person instead of seeking YOUR validation!
It’s her video so obviously it is about her.
As a woman in my early 30’s who do not have nor want children, and have had a very troubled relationship with my own mother in my life (and broke contact with her for one year at 14 to 15, while living with my grandmother) I am so sick of all adult people who keep putting all the blame of their lives at their parents. Teenagers I understand, but when children are adult I think it’s about time to start seeing parents as people primarily and parents secondary. They are just people, just as flawed as we are.
Admittedly there are those who have parents who are true narcissists or even psychopaths, and yes in that case one should break all contact. In many cases it just seems to be people who refuse to grow up and who can’t deal with their parents not being perfect.
This is the mothers video. She is just as entitled to talk about her feelings as her daughter is. And because this is her video, obviously _it is_ about her. At the daughters video it’s about her daughter. You don’t know these people, no one here does, and yet everyone seems to just know that it’s all the mothers fault. I find that pretty weird, and quite appalling really. You are watching someone pure their heart out and you are completely dehumanizing that person.
@elisetaylor9228
“Poor communication”. Kind of like what you are doing then? Instead of replying to anything I actually wrote you completely ignored all of my arguments and just started explaining to me what “the truth” is, as if I can’t think of perceive by myself or as if your perspective is far more valid than mine.
So I guess if you were my mother that is when I would call you a toxic narcissist who doesn’t validate me and everyone would be supportive of that?
@@josephinenilsson1541well, theryou have a very powerful point. Does this mother really want us to know what her daughter's complaints are? She presents them in a kind of nightmarish vision, where the daughter is talking about abuse, gaslighting etc, but later claims that "90%of it was political"? Does that not seem weird to you?
Also if you as a daughter felt compelled to write such a letter, displaying all your pain to your mother, how would you feel receiving "received" as an answer. No addressing the issues mentioned, no acknowledging of your feelings, nothing. And then she puts a response under a (relatively to the letter) meaningless Facebook post as if nothing had happened. I don't know you. Maybe this is normal behavior to you. To me it's not
Her daughter admitted in a TikTok video that she has ADHD. ADHD turns into Bipolar Disorder in adults. Her daughter has mental issues she's struggling with. She is not of sound mind. You can't shame this mother for doing her best to raise her daughter, only for her to learn from a TikTok video that her daughter was diagnosed with mental disorders. Do your research before pointing fingers and condemning people you don't know. Seriously.
@josephinenilsson1541 It's not just about seeing our parents as flawed people first and parents second. Parents aren't just other people in our lives that we can walk away from with no consequences. Most people want their children to have a relationship with their grandparents, but should you really tolerate your parents telling your little children they will go to hell because they're being raised in the wrong religion? Or, that the man who is raising you isn't really your bio dad? (Not true), or that your mother had abortions (also a lie), and that sort of thing? Or, your parents get their friends to harass you for leaving their religion? Or they call your employer to report you for crazy stuff trying to get you fired because they think you will come crawling back to ask for their help and forgiveness? The crazy doesn't always stop when you move out and are living an independent life.
You are in denial. You are not a victim.
What will you do when your parents are dead!
@@joef.4643I can't answer for another poster, but for me, it will be no different. I've begged my mother to hear me but I get the silent treatment. For having the expectation that she might acknowledge that she hurt me, she smeared my mental health to wider family. Like Diane, I think she'll go to her grave before she acknowledges that she hurt me then attacked *me*
@@SorVanna Is that the reason you stopped contact your parents? I guessing yes!
@@joef.4643uh live my fawkin life?!?
@@joef.4643 I never went no contact with my borderline mother. I did lower contact the last 10 years. She lived to a very old age. I have no regrets. If I could have done it again, I would have gone no contact at a young age. But they had me too abused and beaten down. I was a barely functioning adult. Took years.
We shut out my husband's mother almost 5 yrs ago. She was abusive, verbally and physical. Very narcisstic. My husband is finally starting to heal. My kids (they are adults now, but were teenagers at the time of the estrangement) are so much happier now.
I am sending love and hugs to the parents who are trying to figure it out with their kids.
Like to hear the poor mother's side of the story.. ppl make up all kinds of crap to justify their own horrible behaviour
@Ancienttways Yes, that's what my whole family does. We lie about the abuse my MIL did to us. That's why there are stories that come up at family reunions about the time she got mad at one of her aunts and tried to kill her with a big rock. Or the times she pulled a gun on people (she used to threaten to shoot her neighbors all the time.) My son goes to therapy because of the abuse she did to him. But, that's okay. I'm just a random YT user.
What is that supposed to mean? Ever heard of talking it over? Or seeking help? Family is important…I think this is a North American illness
My mother was the same 👍👍
My daughter started calling me a narcissist about 2 years ago. When she couldn’t keep a drivers license 15 years ago I was called an alcoholic, even though I seldom drink and only drank daily when I was going through my divorce in 2004. Currently I haven’t had a drink at all in 10 years….she has no clue and still calls me an alcoholic when ranting. Her friends tell me she claims she was beaten as a child….that never happened. One of those friends lived with us for 9 months her last year in high school and ended her friendship over these lies. Lying has been an issue her entire life. As a child she was most likely to hit another child, she hit me several times as a teenager. Has tried and failed to hit me as an adult. Anger is a lifelong problem for her.
Here is what I know to be true….your not qualified to diagnose another person. Every time you call your mother in law that name you are over stepping your level of expertise. My daughter is so verbally abusive I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2021 I can say that because a trained psychiatrist I have been seeing since 2003 has determined this. His advice was to let her go. Which isn’t difficult because she never calls unless she wants something. She makes good money now so that is less and less. Your hate for your mother in law is where you want to live, but it makes you petty. At the end of the story she is still his mother. If being kind to her is a step too far for you…..that says more about you than her.
I would love to know the daughters version and experience. I stopped talking to my father about 4 years ago when I realized he is a misogynistic narcissist. He never apologized when I pointed out how he had hurt or disappointed me. He always answered with a “so what are you doing about it to fix it”. He still sends me messages of “I love you”. He loves me for himself, not for me. He’s incapable of loving, as he never loved anyone other than himself enough to understand and apologize for his mistakes. He is toxic. My life is so much better without him and I feel absolutely nothing for him. No guilt and no love but also no resentment. It’s like he never existed.
Something so evil in your response. You do not honor your very DNA. Sickening.
I see you're not there yet, but sometimes forgiveness helps one heal. You say you aren't holding onto anger or resentment, but i suspect whatever you're holding onto isn't healthy for you. You seem pretty passionate in your post about your father. Which, I know I don't know your whole story.
I had a lot of resentment and anger in my younger years. I still do to some degree, but now that I'm a little older and I think a little wiser, I'm trying to see things through a different filter, trying to be more understanding, if anything, for myself.
Nothing can right the wrongs of the past, I agree, but sometimes people can change. I could give a good example of this, but it's a long story. Essentially, my father was a better grandfather to my son than he was a father to me. Details aside, this helped me understand that we all have the ability to learn and grow. I'm not saying my father was the devil or anything. He was much younger then and not as patient or kind when I was a kid. I don't know your situation except for what you wrote so obviously, only you'll know if he's worthy of forgiveness someday. In my situation there was both good and bad. I still love him for the good. If that makes sense.
I'm not telling you what to do. I'm just giving my perspective on things.
@@jwsuicides8095 I'm sorry 😞 Not all people deserve to be parents. All you can do as someone who's been through that is to try to break the cycle. Be better to your own kids.
it’s hard for an older person to say sorry. I think he might be hurting or feeling sorry and he might not say so aloud. I don’t know everyone’s situation but not everyone is that expressive n it’s pretty hard n torturing for the person who can’t even express it. You may want to be loved in a certain way but he still loves you prob not the way you expected it.
@@MissysDomainOr you can just accept the fact that some children don't enjoy being around narcissists?
She didn't ghost you. She sent a letter explaining it. That is not ghosting.
not allowing a response is ghosting.. and perhaps too immature to sit down and discuss like a mature adult.
@@memphisstreetdoc1810 As people here keep pointing out, it's not ghosting when you've explained why. Also, whether the daughter is immature or not it does not matter. It's the parents job to be the mature one. In! this case the daughter doesn't sound immature at all. It's never immature to take care of yourself by removing yourself from the line of fire.
how exactly did the mum respond? With a single word "received" and then followed up with clicking like on a video, or sending very condescending emails with self help affirmations??? straaaange. There's more to this than meets the eye, and the mum is only showing a very singular and distorted version. She makes sure she portrays herself as a saint.
@@memphisstreetdoc1810
Agree didnt ghost them. She's an adult now so can choose who she has a relationship with. Something went wrong and they don't seem prepared to reflect on it, it doesnt seem because of politics. That letter she wrote back to her daughter was terrible trying to guilt trip her into contacting her back. I wouldn't write to my daughter 'i cleaned ur arse when you were a baby so how can you ignore me.'
@@memphisstreetdoc1810 Her mother is being immature, as you can see thoughout the video. She is unable to take accountability for anything. I think the daughter to speak with her a lot in the past, but her mother just can't own up to her mistakes.
Really an outburst? That's how you're framing your child feeling deep hurt to the point of not wanting you in her life. She unfriended people who have the same political beliefs so that's obviously not just that. Also you seem so focused on her as a baby but your children are so much more than 2 or 3 years of their life. Oh you put resources into your child you chose to have? What a SACRIFICE.
this
@@neon___am "We don't know what she's thinking" because they never listened to her, ever. No matter what the daughter did to be heard. This mother will never understand, because she doesn't want to. She will forever be crouched there with her paddle, like some Chinese ping pong champion, bashing back anything from her daughter she doesn't want to hear.
" She unfriended people who have the same political beliefs so that's obviously not just that."
Politics often turn into a game of becoming a purity spiral, especially when it comes to extreme political beliefs. The fact that she says she left her parents over politics, seems to imply she became extremely political, and political extremists consider everyone who doesn't agree with them and their beliefs, as evil. Narcissism is partially a genetic trait. If the parents have it, and we see the daughter leaving them over political reasons, it stands that the daughter may be a narcissist as well.
@@zoep.2891 What are you talking about? The mother said that the letter was 90% political ramblings about how she couldn't be with them if the parents supported "that guy" (probably Trump). 90% of the letter focused on a single issue wasn't the mother choosing it as the reason, it literally was the huge majority of the reason.
And it's not surprising. There were tons of kids on reddit during the election talking about going no contact with their parents because the parents supported Trump. Its unfortunate but a lot of these kids get completely indoctrinated into politics when young when they dont really know much about it, and operate on how they FEEL about it instead, willing to abandon their family over their misinformed, radical views on politics.
@@Stalofos yeah, a parent who stalks my tiktok account even after I as an 18+ adult have cut contact with them and discusses about uncomfortable they are with my tiktok because of "exotic cosplay" on RUclips IS a toxic narcissistic parent, regardless of whether they supported Trump or not.
And after the January 6th incident, anyone who still does continue to support Trump is the one who actually has "radical, misinformed views"
And turns out, everything we believe as facts are only because of what we feel about the facts
If we could ask your daughter about why she pulled away from you, what do you think she would say? It’s an important question.
@@audreymuzingo933 I have heard many stories like this. My sister came within a hair's breadth of disowning my other sister and me because of who she thought we were voting for.
Even when you have a child that TELLS you why they hate you, it really doesn't make sense. I have come to accept that my child's reality, while valid to her, does not match mine, does not match siblings, does not match extended family and old friends. Truth is only a view point.
Mom said it could have been about politics. I lost a great friend if 50 years over politics. Politics represents more than just a vote. It represents your belief system towards so many social issues. My friend was so passionate about her vote that she chose to accept views that were totally opposite mine. We haven’t talked since the pandemic.
Mine say that we have nothing in common.
@@audreymuzingo933exactly there’s more to this story - and they seem to not respect her boundaries at all case and point the texts, the emails, this video
interesting vid. I will say this as a 55 yr old adult who had to cut my mother off for several years when I was in my 30s and 40s. Adult children dont cut you out of their lives for no reason. Two sides to every story however. Children dont typically walk away from "great or loving" parents.
Exactly!!!
Yes they do. My son shut down after listening to his wife about things I did....that I never did. And that is just a small part of it all.
Yesss absolutely!!! Same story here❤. I agree with you.
@@spider46531 Their marriage is not your business. From the tone of your comment you are mad and blaming his wife. HIS WIFE. The woman he chose. Keep your mouth shut. They owe us nothing.
@@stupensardi2783 If she ever tried to confide in you when she was a child, and you wouldn't listen then, or you would gossip about what she said to you with friends or family, that's probably why she goes silent now as an adult, because the trust was broken.
This is awful… your daughter is an adult and needs her space. Respect that.
Of course. Space for her delusional new life in some cult or some abusive relationship.
@@usagi_t OR..her beautiful new life away from parents who love her with conditions. That video showed exactly why the poor girl can’t be around her parents. It’s their fault, not hers.
@@Clem7775 Yeah right. Diching parents for freedom to act crazy on tik tok. She is clearly brain wash by someone or some organization.
@@usagi_t ok i stopped talking due to my parents being in a cult so how do you explain that turd
You may love her forever but you wont truly listen to her forever and THAT is why she stopped talking to you. At some point in your relationship, your ears got smaller and your mouth got bigger.
The depth of a person's character is defined in part by overlooking another person's shortcomings. Refusing to overlook a close family member's shortcomings will result in a life devoid of real fulfillment.
Wow, you know this as true is sadly comical 🙄🤦♀️
@@moabman6803 if you think this is only about politics your wrong. Mom wont tell the whole truth and has decided to paint her daughter as the crazy girl who stopped talking to her trumper parents, would love if mom linked her daughters tiktoks.
@@dct1238 mom already wasnt listening. She belittled the reason her daughter cut off contact and barely mentioned it. She belittled her tiktoks, she didn’t wven go to the full extent as to why her daughter cut her off. I know this to be true because i watched the video lol
Precisely. All I heard in this video is “We’re so hurt”, and “Our daughter doesn’t even care, she’s so cruel”. Victim mentality and 0 accountability. Very convenient
Trying to maintain a relationship with my abusive mother (the last assault happened when I was 37) eventually lead to me having a nervous breakdown. I barely survived. I can’t live with that level of terror in my life. It’s beyond horrible to grieve someone who is still living, but for me, it was that or die.
My grandson has disowned me. Keeping his children from me. It's been one of the hardest things I've ever r gone through. We were I thought something special.. but 2 yrs ago he decided I was toxic. I like all these others never ever could have believed he would do this to me. My step daughter is going through this same thing. He did when telling me he no longer wanted a relationship with me.said he appreciated all love ever done for him. So now I'm trying to accept it all. My 2 lil grandsons don't understand why they aren't allowed to visit me. I see them once in awhile through his dad an mom. They like me are broken hearted. I pray for him and will always live him.
@@rebeccafrakes9305 Have you even reflected on WHY he wants nothing to do with you, instead of trying to place outside blame? An apology, loaded with insight, is ALWAYS a step in the right direction.
@@h.g.9411Why would she apologize if she doesn’t know why he thinks she’s toxic?
I'm a mom...😢😢
@@toshland5687 Maybe ask your daughter/son. You will be surprised.
This video is highly suspect. What does ssys might be true but it also might be true that this woman is a narcissistic attention lover. It took a lot of time to produce a video like this. The crying and carrying on in a public setting scream out that she may be doing this for attention and is obsessive with feeling sorry for herself.....but then takes it one step further needing others to feel sorry for her as well. All under the guise of trying to help others. Her virtue must shine to the world and she makes sure it does.
The way she discounted the "Amends" section of Rules of Estrangement says everything
I dont even have to see the daughter's side of the story to know she's in the right.
Mom does a great job of making herself look awful (if you're not easily deceived)
She just put out a new video 🤦♀️
You know how my Mom got me back after 5 YEARS?! She owned up. Be strong. Own your faults.
What did you own up??
Whatever she owned up it's definitely none of YOUR business.
@fulltimeonfire8536 That means she owned up to nothing. That's how it works! Thanks for responding!
There is another side to this story. I was sexually abused as a young child by my father and as I became older he became very frightened that I would tell someone the secret. He and my mother worked very hard to turn my siblings against me. My character was ruined. I don't have much to do with any of them. The abuse from my family is heart wrenching. People don't know the whole story and so they continue to hurt the victim. Please don't blame the person who disconnects from the family until you know the truth. All of the truth.
And then willing to accept the truth.
But that's not what this story is.
@@CMA.3636how do you know when you’ve only heard one side??
I agree! Also, you deserved better. No child deserves an abusive parent. I’m so sorry that happened to you. Your words are so wise. Thank you for sharing💗
This is spot on. Thank you.
I am minimal contact with my mother. I was hospitalized with a condition called takotsubo cardiomyopathy directly after a particularly difficult episode of verbal abuse. I decided it was in my best interest to go zero contact. I don’t know why I waited until I was 49 years old to stand up for myself. Not all parents are good parents.
@@tx-sweet-pjg3547- same.
@@tx-sweet-pjg3547You do not “ know” their situation. You are assuming and possibly projecting.
This video is so phony. The way it’s so dramatically shot and filmed is clearly to make herself look like the victim. I don’t blame her daughter for leaving.
@@tx-sweet-pjg3547 There are many toxic children today, especially around the daughter's age. She is a reflection of our self-absorbed culture. I teach teens and I see the complete self-centeredness and entitled attitude on their part.
@@spicybicy6667 There are many toxic children today, especially around the daughter's age. She is a reflection of our self-absorbed culture. I teach teens and I see the complete self-centeredness and entitled attitude on their part. If they on't get what they want that vile character inside them comes out. Just do a search of teachers that quit because of administration allowing toxic teenagers to do what they want.
You're blowing it with her if you diminish her feelings, facts, memories. She's going to replace you with someone who will have her back, unconditionally. Unconditionally.
I wonder if my narcissistic mother is saying the same thing about me to her friends and all of our family… I know it’s hard to accept that something might be mostly your(the parent’s) fault but the parents are supposed to be the mature ones. You(the parents) were the ones to bring the children into this world you were supposed to teach us to not want to be estranged from you. I think the sooner you accept this the easier the better off you’ll be. We’re not getting any younger.
She thinks our dad manipulated all of us to leave her. Hahahaha
@@ma.3934 what do you mean?
@martareitmajer my mom thinks me and my siblings left her because our dad (her exhusband) somehow manipulated us
@@ma.3934 ugh yeah typical. Whenever somebody from my family (like an aunt or something) would stop talking to my mom it was because according to my mom “somebody is manipulating that person.”
@martareitmajer lol yeah my mom has had multiple people leave her too and she says "everyone leaves me because I'm just too honest and too much of a sensitive soul and nobody understands". She pretends she's a fairy goddess when in reality she has the anger of a drunk dad.
I cut my mom out of my life for refusing to acknowledge the neglect and abuse in our house growing up and how severely it ruined my health and self esteem. She’s selfish and uncaring. She refuses to even acknowledge her part in the dysfunction even though I spent my whole childhood begging for her to stop drinking and being punished for it while my golden child sister enabled her and was rewarded. Picturing her “wondering why” her daughter doesn’t talk to her anymore makes me physically ill and no matter how many times I tell her exactly why she plays stupid and pretends to be a victim.
Oh I understand you. I did it to my own mom and sister. Difference, I hope, is that you told her. You let her know what her part was in the separation. It's when it is sudden and without a word...I begged my son to at least talk to his father.
I agree w you. My mother was a verbally, emotionally, physically abusive “mother”. I made her punish me. She acknowledged her actions as an adult and said, “who cares- you survived”. She went on to emotionally and verbally abuse my daughters so i set a boundary. Said IF you want to see us, you cannot curse, scream, hit or lie to us. She broke ties w us and i was sad but relieved. She died 15 years later and no one cared.
I wonder if this woman is abusive too. My gut says, yes.
So zero percent your fault. Also zero forgiveness. Gotcha
@@janetdurkee8527 Can I ask how you can tell from this that she is abusive? Not trying to be sarcastic, just wondering if I am missing something. It is hard when you don't see the two sides.
@@bunacat1 This video cannot be just about her, she's too smart for that so it has faux reflection and regret sprinkled all the way through it. Also this is a RUclips video, it's here for the world to see more than just her daughter, disgusting last attempt at the kind of emotional blackmail which got her dumped in the first place.
I found that the hardest part of being estranged from my adult daughter and grandchildren was letting go of the dream I had for us. Family. Once I released that, it got a little easier. I am comforted often by the poetry of Kahlil Gibran:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
And though they are with you, they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
Which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite.
And He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hands be for happiness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
So He loves the bow that is stable.
~ Khalil Gibran
Yes treat it like a death unfortunately.. time heals.. and when they need something or life hasn’t been good to them they’ll come sniffing!
@@Caareenkm6726 time heals very little in my experience... and it's one of those clichés with a sting to it.
But I absolutely agree; when they need something, you'll be hearing from them!
That is a beautiful poem. Thank you for sharing it. ❤
Love this. Thank you.
I gave that book to my estranged daughter after the 3rd or 4th ghosting..it's a Beautiful poem 🙏🙏🙏🫂
Anyone else think it's strange that this is obviously a professionally-made video complete with lots of b-roll and haunting music?
"I promised myself I wouldn't cry..."
*edits herself fake crying into the video*
ikr ... whose idea was it to have the sad violin in the background. So unironically funny (I literally laughed).
the music was so annoying
💀💀
No. It's typical NARC behaviour. 😂
This is a lot of me, me, me. I feel, I want, I need, I don't understand. I'll bet if we talked to your daughter we'd get the rest of the picture. There's a reason she walked away. Maybe look in the mirror. I know you don't want to acknowledge it, but that's where the real healing lies. You caused harm to your child. Show walked away to save herself. My guess is her mental health is the best it's ever been.
You must be omniscient
so much snark in 4 little words. I cant even imagine the snarky remarks your poor child endured for years. Sad that you've chosen to earn money from your daughters abuse. What an evil soul. @@estrangedparents
@@jnl3564😆😆🎯☕
You aren't special or unique. There are lots of us with parents like you, so many that we can study the patterns in all our stories and see patterns like the ones pointed out in the original comment.
@@estrangedparentsno you think you are omniscient and without blame. Your words and attitude are a lot like my covert narcissist mother. I feel for your daughter.
As the daughter whose mother continually hurts her, lies to her, and always leaves me hanging (and I’m an only child whose father died when I was a child)… I have learned to finally let go of that woman that gave birth to me and cared for me until she just didn’t want to be a mom anymore.
Did you hear anything in this fairly long video that resembled your mother? My take was that whatever this mother's flaws were, they didn't come close to justifying complete estrangement, and I suspect she would have raised some red flags in a 16-minute video. Your thoughts?
@michaelconnors1301 This entire video seemed like a red flag to me, she reminded me of my mother. The entire video she guilt tripped her daughter every time she would talk to her. I know it’s difficult to see your flaunts when it’s all you’re used to.
Your situation is different.
My mother was not a good one. She died alone. I was thankful and relieved when she passed. My nightmares died with her. 😊
@@pissshit9001same she reminded me of my narcissistic mother - the whole video is so manipulative, she’s trying to guilt trip her, she isn’t respecting any type of boundary. The daughter is clearly saying, leave me alone and she’s like oh, let me text you, let me email you, and then this video like come on
I would be very interested in hearing the daughter’s story. As someone who has not spoken to their mother in 10 years, I can attest that not all daughters are monsters and not all mothers are saints. We are ppl too and some of us has to make a difficult decision to save ourselves . Wishing you all the best.
She didnt say her daughter is a monster or she is a saint. She has no idea what the issues are. That is the worse part of this.
I would agree with you completely.
And yet you neglect to say that not al daughters are saints, or mothers monsters. I bet you got that from social media.
@@ohana8535College indoctrination most likely
I already know the story without even hearing it. Mom is a Trump supporter/republican, didn't take the vaccine because it was rushed, etc. etc.
She was supposed to thank you for not letting her choke?? 🤦🏾♀️
Yeah, this whole disgusting video is "Where's my cookie?"
What will you do when your parents are dead?
@@joef.4643live on. What else are people supposed to do?
@@joef.4643do nothing
@@joef.4643 Honestly being relieved that my abusers can't hurt me anymore. The world will feel so big and I so free when they are gone.
Your child was holding their breath waiting to be fully seen by you.
Oh yes 👍I would hate to know the damage she has done to her daughter my mums a narcissist too gone no contact wicked woman 🤬
This
@@NonyaSmithyup
Always two viewpoints to every story. As a child I was both abused and neglected, neither were ever acknowledged, I walked away from them all and never regretted it.
REAL abuse is different from i just wanted to do what i wanted to do and you wouldnt let me kids an abusive parent would never care enough to make a video
@@lindaVanVranken Maybe. Perhaps her daughter would make a rebuttal,.it's always good to hear both sides isn't it?
So sorry
Same.
Very valid point. My mom is currently estranged from her sister, as am I, and I was there for every adult interaction they had. When I tell you that my aunt’s whining about the family being mean to her and not loving her like she deserved is a lie, I’m saying it firsthand. Because of what I saw from my truly horrible aunt, I am always skeptical when I hear a sob story from someone on the receiving end of an estrangement. I’m not at all saying that this mom in particular is deserving! I would never comment on an estrangement that doesn’t involve me, but I will forever remember that there are things I can’t know or see that lead two people to go no contact.
I stopped speaking to my mother because of her cruelty, gaslighting, narcissism and scapegoating. Best decision I ever made that benefitted just me for a change.
Same. I wish I had been braver sooner.
Good for you... And how do we know this vid maker is not the same. How would we know. Making an attention seeking vid is exactly what a narc would do. I find it hard to believe that well raised kids cut off their 'great mums' just out of the blue.
@sharonjones2400 Yeah, I am not feeling sympathy for this lady. Denial and mocking their child's emotional/mental struggles got them there.
I ditched two brothers because of that also. How good does it feel.
You just told my story. I just wish I'd stop getting texts every year on my birthday, crying about not knowing what she did wrong. I was 40 before I finally sent that letter (and it had nothing to do with politics!), as while the physical abuse had stopped when I, at age 18, finally called her out on it (and my emotionally weak father finally stepped in which triggered her to accuse me of trying to break up their marriage...), the emotional abuse continued even on the rare occasions we were in the same room (yeah, I stopped going to family functions when she tried "what have I ever done to you?"! in the middle of my grandmother's funeral). When I realized that my every success was still met with gaslighting and my every failure met with contempt, it was time to give up and realize that I would never have a normal, sane, loving relationship with her. Yeah, the family thinks it's my fault - she's made sure of that. But I'm well over it, and I have an amazing life.
Losing contact with a parent is not a decision ppl just randomly make. When you constantly disappoint your kid, fail to be there for them, and have a history of mistreating them, chances are they can’t be around you without feeling triggered by the bad memories.
Yes
Everytime I think of my mother my ptsd gets triggered.
I never felt safe or comfortable with her.
She would bully me out of the house in tears.
She is evil.
Its not the memories. People think we are unforgiving demons but what keeps us away is they will find a way to hurt you as an adult as well.
You forgive and they hurt you again and again. The only solution is to cut contact.
Boy oh boy did you just sum up my life
10:16 “I can’t make her do this … I cant make her do that” - I think this gets to the heart of mom’s feelings here. She can no longer MAKE her daughter do things for her. Can’t make her kiss her ass on her birthday or mother’s day, can’t make her forget her grievances and move on like her mom wants to, can’t make her take abuse anymore.
11:40 “Found out she had ADHD and autism, maybe that explains her behavior” - no, this video explains her behavior. The level of waifing in this video would give my own mom a run for her money. The only thing her new diagnoses show is that she spent so much of her life catering to mom’s needs, she only just recently began to learn about and care for her own.
13:05 “you can’t help but blame yourself when something like this happens” - yes, and so does her daughter. Because the mom is the problem. She talks about forgiveness-of course incorrectly applying it to her daughter like she deserves any blame-and of course completely misses an important part of forgiveness: contrition. You know, that thing she couldn’t stomach in order to make an apology letter. How can someone be forgiven when they show no remorse, let alone any change in their behavior? Mom doesn’t even know what forgiveness means.
14:20 “I’m learning to accept it, cause that’s all I can do” - all she can do, except, you know, apologize for her role in her estrangement and do something to fix the relationship beyond email her daughter about her own life updates.
Poor daughter.
WOW! Spot on correct. These right-wing parents are selfish sociopaths. The daughter is much better off without their right wing craziness.
That's dedication! I appreciate your work because some people couldn't sit though it. I have been contemplating using this a reality therapy for my patients.
It is never without reason. My daughter would not talk to me for a year. I did not harrass her with messages, but let her work through whatever she had to. Worst thing you can do for the relationship or yourself, is dwell on it. Does it hurt? Sure. But you didnt bring them into the world for YOU.
What do you mean, they didn't have children for them? Everybody who makes a decision to have a child is based on them and their union together. Anyone who is single and wants a kid. It's the same thing it's completely selfish ideal and impulse based on trendyness and a need to progenerate As a biological mamal. I resent any parent who wants to hold it over A child's head that they brought them into this world ,As if they did it for the kid and that it wasn't the parents idea or inclination. A lot of times parents don't want to take responsibility for fucking up their child. If you have kids you're probably one of them.
Well said, I agree.
@@Diametricallyopposed00 ha ha, stay strong Sister.
Maybe she did, there are mothers who treat their kids like dolls to dress up and when they have difficulties while growing up or aren’t fun to deal with they disengage. This lady seems sus to me: very self centered. She bought herself a present for her daughter’s birthday?? Lol dramatic
These issues are not so widespread in the Middle East,where children love their mothers and are raised to respect them. 99.99% of American mothers whose daughters ignore and neglect them were not truly all that horrible.
It seems an extension of the woman-hatred that is both socially engineered and socially embedded in Western culture.
There is an entire cultural socio-pathology that brainwashes young females to rebel against their mothers. Then the young females become victims of loser men and "friends" in their peer groups. Schools and social services has been conditioning this kind of dysfunction since the 1960's.
It is primarily a western cultural phenomenon.
I am the mother of five adults. I was married for thirteen years to their father who became addicted to crack cocaine. So I had to raise them alone after I divorced their father.
I did the best I could, but I also made a lot of mistakes. I only hear from my kids occasionally. One of my sons has not spoken to me in three years. It has been very depressing. I also have grandchildren that I don’t get to see.
I try to go on in my life doing things that I enjoy with people who love me.
I have made my funeral arrangements to have direct cremation with not funeral service. Because I don’t want anyone looking down on me in a casket who didn’t love me enough to be with me while I am living. This I so painful that I don’t have the words to express it. 😢😢😢😢😢😢
I am so sorry.
I feel your pain. Invest in yourself and have a happy life! It took me about six years to get through it. I won't say I got over it because you never really do. But I've accepted it.
❤❤❤
When your brat selfish children go through crap they’ll remember the nasty they did to you! It always comes back to someone who is hateful! Karma will come knocking on their door
Stop sending our kids to woke indoctrination colleges after we raised them to only have them come back hating America and hating us. I am sorry. They feel and not logical. They sadly feel entitled in such weird disrespectful and dishonoring.
Our schools have eliminated morals, respect and replaced it with entitlement and worried about their feelings. My heart hurts for you. Truly hurts. Prayer is what brought my daughter back. She is not the same and now respectful and it took some years and her being a mom. She is 35 and we have a great relationship. But she hated us for years.
I can see you are an awesome person. No parent was perfect but you do not deserve this. Keep contending. She will come back. ❤️🩹
I’d bet money, marbles & chalk she already gave you multiple chances to hear what she need you to know. You’re not “robbed” when you throw away something precious.
I am so proud of your daughter for walking away from you. You scream toxicity.
Bless your heart
@@estrangedparentsClassic narc response
@@estrangedparents We all know what that really means, so bless your heart too and the horse you rode in on. Just listening to your side of things outs you as being toxic and in complete denial. By the way, your brand of denial is one of someone who knows what they are deep down and denial is how you cope with what you are and what you are not. You would rather try to humiliate your daughter than acknowledge what you are, just because your fragile ego is what you value more than anyone else, even your own child.
Your such a sweetie 🥰😘🥰😘😘😘
@@jackie338acting like a saint, and implying the other person showcased reprehensible behaviour when in fact it was a valid point or criticism
Thank you for the video! I have a 29 year old daughter that has decided I was not needed about 5 years ago.. I grieved for a long time, I would be devastated by the things she would say in a text messages. But I am happy to say, I let go. I get sad but I almost feel guilty for feeling ok. I am going to live my best life and not allow guilt to haunt me for the rest of my life. This situation is so odd, my daughter had a good life. Both working parents, great neighborhood with lots of kids. I don’t know.. so I no longer agonize over something I will not find answers too. I will just live my best life. ❤
Same.I had to let her go. I told her my door was always open whenever she wanted to open it.We were very close but,I raised her to be free.Her siblings tell me how she is. At least shes still close to them. Hugs to you..
@@OpalDreams-gx8gqI was just going to say this, it seems as though they weren’t willing to try to address the things she wrote in the letter. Just ignore it and blame other things :(
@@OpalDreams-gx8gq You really like putting this on everyone's comments 😆 Like it explains everything 😂
Grief is temporary.. a selfish child sticks like glue if you don’t get a solvent to unglue their misery from you! When they get kicked in the teeth from this rotten world they usually come sniffing around for help
@@OpalDreams-gx8gqpardon me but would you be the daughter?
So, it is possible that I missed it, because I am human; however, I didn't hear a single instance of "I could/might be wrong about some of the things you named as reasons why you didn't want anything to do with us anymore." I find this more telling than anything else presented in this video. It shadows all the 'I still love you' comments with the truth of, "I am not now, nor have I ever been wrong. This is still all your fault."
Yep.
So true. I knew she had a bigger part to play in the separation than she realizes when she said she showed up to the funeral, followed by "to her credit." I don't think I've ever used that phrase in everyday conversation. Sounds condescending.
There only was one reason - she voted for trump. Which absolutely is NOT a valid reason to cut off your flesh and blood.
@@cococock2418 actually, supporting a fear mongering, racist, bigoted, dictator wannabe is plenty of reason to turn your back on anyone, family or not.
At the end of the video, the mom wishes her daughter all of the happiness and only wants the best life for her regardless of what that is. This is a horrible horrible thing to do to your parents. I had a complicated relationship with my mother and sure it would have been easier to walk away. I’m glad I didn’t.
You have done a good job showing why your daughter has decided to back away from you. It's all about you. Pretty sure it always was, but I wouldn't know. I do know that no one deletes a primal relationship easily and for no reason. You might want to respect her boundaries rather than create massive "im the victim" guilt trip videos.
@@zoep.2891 She might dismiss the comments calling her out, but hopefully her daughter sees them and realizes that there are many people who feel deep compassion for her and are rooting for her healing.
My question to you: what was your motivation to watch a video about estranged parents if all you do is to blame the mother?
Maybe trying to be empathic
@@heikegani1748 I think I can give a satisfying answer to your question. I came here not to blame the mother but precisely to see her side of the story. And is seeing that side that we can clearly identify her for the narcissist she is. It's all about her, her daughter's feelings are never given the slightest bit of consideration. You think it's easy to cut off a parent like that? She did what she had to do to survive.
@@DragonNya69hehe Speaking from experience I couldn't agree more with you, it is not easy to cut ties with one's own parents! The daughter might have been influenced by the higher educational system to disregard family values and mutual respect. The mother on the other hand has no confidence in her daughter's ability to succeed in life which indeed hints at a superiority complex of the mother.
Kids are realizing the narcissistic abuse they have endured from parents thanks to psychiatrists that are willing to finally talk about them. Remember children cannot choose which family they are born into, but they can go no contact.
I will never believe only the parents side of these stories. More often than not the children have a completely different story, basically always really.
@@ellyk8834the part where she says her daughters birthday is big day for her too. Yikes
When children of estranged parents talk about the situation, they primarily talk about the parents and their actions.
When parents of estranged children talk about the situation, they talk about themselves, their child's therapist, their child's friends, and *occasionally* will gloss over their children
My wife has been estranged from her parents for 35 years. Her parents initiated it. Her parents made everyone in the extended family choose to have contact with her or her parents but not both. The mother was extremely abusive mentally and physically and my wife reached a point with much therapy where she began to set boundaries such as you will not call me foul names. Her mother's pet nickname for her was "shit faced brat" often accompanies by a crack across the face with an open hand. The mother does a very fine job of saying it's all her daughter's fault. Yet every time anyone offers to try to repair the relationship the mother is the one that refuses to allow it. I believe nothing without hearing both sides.
Please send your wife love. I hope that she finds peace in all that.
my mom was a raging beast too. I think back about being terrified as she would be hitting my small body. I was a small kid. All my friends were scared of her, I dont talk to her now. I dont hate her, I just have to many bad memories.
I feel for parents who have been cut off, but there is usually a good reason. In my case extreme and persistent cruelty, lasting from my teenage years into my 50s. I tried god knows how hard to build a loving relationship with my mother (my fathed died 2009), but she has BPD, and never left an opportunity out to make nasty, harmful remarks, and to blame it on me. In the end I decided I could not stomach this into my old age, and my husband supported me. I sent her three, staged emails, communicating to her in very clear terms what it had been like being in this sort of abusive relationship with her, without being aggressive or using passive-aggressive, accusative language. I read each email to a counselling organisation to check it was not inflammatory before I sent it. They all said they were loving emails cleary written by a loving daughter. My mother did everything but acknowledge the hurt she had caused and decide to be kind. In her second email she claimed everything was in my head. Until I reminded her of some of her actions, which she had repeated, with seeming glee - for years. In my final email I set her an ultimatum - to either start showing some loving and kind behaviours or I would walk away. I told her it is not that hard to be kind to people, andif she did not respond or responded with a 'no;' I would, similarly, walk away. She did not repond.
That night I had my first night sleep with no persecution nightmares - and later realised that they had disappeared once and for all. I have slept peacefully ever since.
I should have done this years ago. ....I have spent some time thinking about the people I know who are my age and who have cut contact with their parents. The reasons are always the same - wthout exception. For some reason, when the kids hit their 40s and 50s, the parents started judging their kids by unspoken value systems, and started making snide remarks about their parenting, their jobs, their appearance, the way they run their houses and clubs and so on. The kids would still visit their parents despite this, enduring the trip, rather than enjoying it, and spending much of the journey there steeling themselves for what they knew would not be a very nice visit. In my case the criticisms would start within 40mins of our arrival, and they would not let up all weekend. My husband lost count of how many times we drove the four hours home, yes you read that right, with me in tears. It had to stop. Setting boundaries did not work - she would just trample on them. My father was no better. Here is one example of what I had to endure: knowing I worked as a writer for 14 years and do a lot of creative writing, he looks me full in the face and says, pointedly: 'I despise all women writers'.
This from a man who concussed me twice, and who would enjoy being cajoled into committing more violence on us kids by my mother who would then stand and watch, doing little air punches as she did so. She encouraged it, did nothing to stop it, and in fact I think she enjoyed watching him harm us. ...It got so bad at one point that I would flinch when he walked past me.
I think I tried hard (and long) enough to keep relations going, believing that one day they would soften up a little and grow a human heart. It was hard to realise that I had come to loathe my parents, the very same people who I had as a younger person (wrongly) venerated, and that they would not change; that I had to start seeing them for who they really were, and cut them off in order to be happy.
I have forgiven them, though they did not deserve it, but I will not contact her (mum) again, despite the fact that my younger sister died last year. She and I were in the habit of contacting each other about three times a year. Her illness lasted barely 6 weeks, but no-one told me about it or that she had died. That is the difference between them and me. I would never have treated them the way they treated me.
I do well without them and have no regrets - because I tried so hard and for so long, earnestly, to do the right thing. You cannot make someone love you or be kind, Either the have emotional intelligence, or they don't, and I just happen to have been born into a family which had none and which was socially, morally and personally inept.
@@yourtransformationgenie your story sounds a lot like my mother's except, her mother favours the other kids and my mom is basically the black sheep.
Well see THAT is the type of decent reason to cut your parents off. If they’re actually abusive with words or physically or even manipulation. But this poor woman in the video, I relate to her. I did absolutely nothing to warrant estrangement. I don’t get it. I’m super close with my own mother. I envisioned our lives together to be the same as with my Mom.
Not trying to be mean, the daughter said she felt constantly guilted. This video feels like a guilt trip.
As a child who cut contact that lasted 30 years from a parent…. It’s NEVER over politics. And all it takes, ALL it takes, is acknowledgement, and the taking accountability for “the reason(s)” why contact was cut. Just re-read her letter, acknowledge TO HER, her feelings, and ask what would it take to repair the relationship. And stop publicly chronicling it. You’re digging a deeper hole. Obviously her reason means so much to her, acknowledge it, and don’t spread it around to anyone who’ll listen. At least not online for the world to see
I have been no contact with my mom for 5 years, you have basically explained all it would take to resume some contact.
I was going to write exactly this. If she wants to fix the relationship with her daughter, she should start with acknowledging and validating feelings. They are so upset that their daughter doesn’t seem to care about them and their feelings , but it appears they do not care how their daughter feels.
@@brandykelly3981 This is the thing you people don't get. You cut off your parents hoping they will beg you to come back. Why should anyone beg you or listen to whatever you want to say? In the end, you hurt yourself, because you live a life of bitterness. You will be angry your entire life that your parent didn't beg you and start "acknowledging and validating feelings". Feelings are nice but these people, your parents, worked hard and raised you for years. Most parents really do try their best. Somehow you are grown adults and still don't understand the value of that. I am a young person btw, I am not a parent.
@@user-um7tw6kx4r6 WTH? You don't cut off an abusive parent in the hopes they'll beg you to come back! You cut off because you've LOST ALL HOPE that they will ever give a damn about you and the only way to heal is to stay well away from them. Jeezuz - wtaf bro.
I your situation. You are too-old to know what todays situations are like. There has never been such political divide since the civil war.
This is what happened with me and my daughter, off and on, no real communication, and long periods of silence. I'm 81 now, and we're at odds again. I'll probably die without ever being able to have a meaningful relationship with her again. I'm resigned to it, and love your remark about forgiving yourself and getting rid of the bitterness. I've done what I can to get to a loving place, but forgiving myself might just help me to let go, Thank you for sharing,
You have to be sorry before you can be forgiven. You're just refusing to take responsibility.
@@mg-ew2xfNo room for trolls here. 🙄 Best not to spill your own anger issues into someone else's story.
@@mg-ew2xfExactly. They are always the victim 🙄
I am a mother who's daughter has pulled away .. I have apologized on many occasions for not being the mother that she wanted me to be..I was just trying to do my best..trying to survive..not perfect but always loving....she is still not a mother and has no experience of what its to be one ..how can you judge unless you have been there too.???
@@mg-ew2xf R you the daughter? With that attitude, sure sounds like it. You know nothing about the situation. You might want to keep your comments to yourself. The mother needs to stop trying to communicate -- she's better off without the daughter. Let the daughter take care of her mental problems on her own. Change your Will. If the daughter doesn't want her parents in her life, so be it. No $$ for the spoiled nutcake.
I was estranged from my daughter for 8 years. She messaged me three years ago and we were able to repair our relationship. I never thought that would happen. I’m so grateful.
What us moms need to know is when our kids are little we tell them what to do and how to do it etc., teaching them. We forget when they’re adults they don’t want that. It’s their life. We can’t tell them how they should live it if we don’t agree. It’s just like you wouldn’t want your mom to come over and tell you how you should be doing things. It’s hard letting our children go as adults as we’re always their mom but give them their wings to fly. Let them be adults and don’t try to relate to them as if they’re still children.
I wish everyone who is struggling in a broken relationship that one day it can be repaired. 💕
it's called HOPE . But do not get hung up on that and miss life in the mean time,. The world NEEDS all the lov e you have in your heart. Give it awway to the many lost children who want it!
My stepmother distanced herself from me because I was with my blood siblings and she was going through a custody dispute. I was like I'd she wants in my life she can or not be in it. Well I moved away. She finally retired and the people she placed over me left her. I was there and told her and it came true. The one who she did the most for is very unappreciated of all the help and financial support she got. I am in a way grateful she did what she did cause the true people who cared was with me. I got divorced and moved on with a friend. We are engaged. I got back on Facebook. SHE contacted me. So she friended me back. So we aired out. And she apologized for not being there for me. We will see.
With God's blessing it will. But sometimes what you do or did when someone was growing up comes back to bite you.
What a wonderful comment! I commend you for working on your relationship with your daughter! My dad made some changes and was ready to reconnect when I reached out to him after years of estrangement. I'm so glad I did that and that he was able to respond appropriately. Best wishes to you and your family!
@@EyeLean5280 thank you and all the best to you as well.
No loving parent would try to shame their children...EVER. Let alone on social media. Take a look at that sickening smile on the mom. It reeks of that dismissive abuse cycle that her daughter abruptly stopped. The mother thinks it's her right and LEGACY to pass that down to her daughter. The daughter said....'NOT TODAY, HUSSY!'. Good on that daughter. The daughter is the one who should be receiving this sympathy. The mother has had a life already. She claims she would do anything for her daughter. Apparently not. Run far daughter....this mom loves you so much...SO MUCH, she could kill ya.
I agree. This mother is a monster.
I didnt see this at all. She seems very remorseful and sad What in gods name are you talking about?
It strikes me as a dupers delight kind of smirk/smile. She said it herself, she is angry that she can no longer control the situation. He daughter is an adult and can decide for herself. The next best thing is putting her daughter on full blast on the internet. She seems like a monster if I'm reading this right.
I'm a mother of 2 kids under 7. I cannot imagine how it would feel to have them send me a letter like that and go no contact. I also wouldn't respond "received". If you have ever had a narcissist as a parent ( I have) this response is pretty typical. Their apologies when they happen are more like " I'm sorry you took my comment that way" I chose to keep that relationship with very specific boundaries in place.
@@TheGymnast71victim blindness. Nothing to get on about. Cheers
@@marysunshine5587perhaps. Opinions Vary.
Did you ever apologize to her with empathy for her feelings? You didn't mention that.
Oh, yes I did. I took much of the blame for allowing her to see me oppressed and depressed, but she also saw me rise up out of poverty, go to college, and get my master’s degree. She is not willing to work through the issues. My grandson, her own son, told me that if she did forgive, she would be exposed as she claims she was oppressed and a first generation college student. She is doing well, so I will just stay in the dark.
@@lindamiller3382yeah as someone who was no contact with my mom for 5 years and reconnected . I can see that you don’t understand how this work and only validate your feelings. So yeah she’s better off
I have no Idea why this came up,I've never searched this but I have been estranged from both my daughters for over 4 years now. I didn't need to sit here and bawl for 16 minutes and 57 seconds. I thought I was okay today. I'm right here with you my friend. Thank you for reminding me that I am not alone. Peace
The bible says this will happen at the end times.
@@sandyfreyman3501Sadly, yes.
There are a lot of us in the same situation🤗
same...I'm a father in the same situation don't blame yourself. this is pure political indoctrination in the schools ,media ect... this is a Maoist revolution look up the history carefully and closely and this is exactly how they got children to turn against their parents.
Me as well just when I feel as though it is ok to try and be happy I can't. The lady above said she wasn't going to allow her daughter to destroy her,I don't know how to feel about her statement bc I get what she is saying,but it is destroying me. I believe I will die of "broken heart syndrome".
My son told me 3 months ago he wanted a break from me and took my grandchildren away from me as well. My grandson is 12 and my granddaughter 5 . They have been my world since the day they were born and I’ve never gone more than a week without seeing them or FaceTiming with them. To say my heart is broken would be an understatement. I raised my son on my own, went hungry so he could eat and made sacrifices too many to mention. When he married I saw it on Facebook , I helped him buy a house and was told his wife didn’t want me in it. He has told me he resents me for making him my life and never having a life of my own. I’ve been a psychiatrist nurse and just retired after 40 years. I thought wanting to spend time with your child and grandchildren was normal, it was what you’d do when you love your family. I retired from nursing at 68 and then got a job at my granddaughter’s elementary school in hopes of being able to see her that’s how desperate I am. My son originally encouraged me to apply there thinking it would give me something to do. It certainly wasn’t for the pay as I have to work a month to make what I did in a week of nursing. If I didn’t have my dog I dot. Know what I’d do as I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety most of my life. I have very dark days and can’t imagine life without my family in it. The pain is so great I can’t sleep and wake up gasping when I do manage to fall asleep medicated. And like you I felt I was a good mother, not perfect by any means but one that tried her best, loved him with all my heart and was always there to help him.. I’ve been thrown away like trash when he knows I have health concerns and doesn’t care. …
This is devastating 😢
Thunking of you x
I am so sorry that you are going through this It isn't very nice or thoughtful of your son, but it may be time for you to make friends and keep yourself busy through other relationships. Our children are finicky with their love. Hopefully they come back to us, but often it is on their terms, and it still hurts. I wish you healing and wellness
I have a adult son that is married with 2 young children now. And I too have had difficulty’s with him because of the wife. Him and I always had good communication and still do. But he is married to a young woman that has disrespect for her own mother because of her upbringing buy her. So she looks at me in that same light 😢 looks for flaws in me and my relationship with my son. After a few different attacks on me from her about my character and misinterpreting me. And my son being brainwashed buy her view. Basically she was trying to break my son and i relationship up. I finally told me son’ I am your mom’ not some girl ? I haven’t done anything wrong. My heart has never been in a bad place toward you guys? And I won’t be changing anything about myself to suit her. And I excepted the fact that I might not see him and my grandkids much after that. I week went buy and he started coming over with the grandkids with out her 😀 she joins in sometimes too now. She even started trying to be nice to me. I still don’t trust her thou’ she has some mental problems that she doesn’t get help for. But I am here for my son if he needs me. But I am working on myself and maybe even start dating again after raising kids. And find outlets to just go have fun . So I recommend you do the same, work on you and go make friends or look up old friends to do activities. They’ll come around when they see you moving on ! You have a lot to give and a lot to get back ! Go make some friends or just go dance with yourself ! Like Miley Cyrus new song’ I can buy myself flowers 🌸 I love it Sending you love and positive energy ✨💫❤🙏🌸🌼🌺
I am so sorry, seems this age groups of young adults forgets that all people have issues, seems they can’t handle much in their lives, they don’t want to have any disruption in their lives, maybe they were raised in too perfect a world, for many everything was handed to them, no struggling, we gave them ,gave them, this life, where they could do what they wanted, whatever, no worries, we worked hard so they could watch tv, play games, eat whatever they wanted, gave them popular clothes so no one made fun of them, took them on vacations so they could rest from all the stuff they were given, some went on fabulous vacations. They were given too much by some who didn’t want them to struggle as we did in our younger years, this could be some of the issues. Why this age group feels there are no consequences to their actions, many will go to their deaths with regrets for which they have no knowledge about at this point. It will be when they’ve run out of choices, run out of time, they may wish their past choices had been different. There will be no one to save them at that point. They will feel something at that point, if they know what feelings, feel like. It may just be plain, too late. Something needs to be changed so the next generation feels.
You more than likely have legal recourse to see the grandchildren, because you had been in their lives up until the point you were cut off. Sadly, it won't help with your adult relationships.
My mom chose a man over her kids. I am still grieving. He's a disgusting pervert and is the only reason I have nothing to do with her. I don't want to be around a man who's computer is loaded with porn. Absolutely sick. As a little girl seeing that, I was traumatized. Still freaks me out 30 years later
@@Mel_Marec yes! Even though nothing happened to me.. it took my childhood having to overdress and wear baggy clothing because I was uncomfortable around them. Shoot! I still do it!! I’m sorry you had to deal with it too. That’s crazy!
Same story here. My "father" was caught watching... content of a violent nature (not BDSM, literal violence). He got to stay and I had to just live with the nightmares of what I'd come across and lock my door at night. He also lost his job in 2004/5 on account of har4ssment. Thank you for your comments. They've helped me feel less alone
@@cygnelle1232 hope you heal sooner than later. I’m sorry. As bad as it sounds it helps to know we’re not alone
My mother chose her boyfriends/husbands over her children three times in a row and ignored the abuse we all endured. Guess this isn't all that uncommon :(
Yeah, looks like it's really not all that uncommon. Having children is such a big deal and something I wish some people would put more thought into. Also, I just want to say, if "all" this mother did was invalidate her daughter's every feeling and be as cold and emotionally neglectful as she is in this video, that is SO abusive in and of itself. If anyone reading this has a story that looks less obvious than ours here from the outside, please don't think that it wasn't abuse.
Consistently never being seen, and being treated like some nonhuman appendix in a family system, is a devastation on the human soul. For me at least, for all the more obvious abuses, that was the part that hurt the most. And if any of you didn't experience the more obvious parts, please know that the depth of your hurt is still 100% accurate and valid
This whole video is a red flag of the kind of person you can be. I don’t blame your daughter at all. I can’t imagine making a video like this about my kids or profiting off a situation where my child is hurting. I’m glad she is free. Good for her. You keep pestering her and sending immature messages. It’s obvious you have done no self reflection.
There are also so many red flag comments such as yours. You really don't add anything to this conversation sadly but thanks for playing.
@@estrangedparents yes, sticking up for victims is a red flag🙄 meanwhile I’m sure your daughter would love to see you change. But go ahead and keep using her for financial gain. I wish your daughter nothing but the best and complete healing.
@@captainspook4890 you couldn’t have said it better👏
She wasn’t sure she presented asThe Problem in the video, so she had to double down here. So glad her daughter escaped. I hope she has grandchildren that never know her.
@@estrangedparents your comment screams “I’m a toxic narcissist.” As if your snide and heartless comments ‘add anything to this conversation.’ Get over yourself 🙄
I am an adult daughter with a mom very similar to you what it seems. We still have some contact but very little. It is not easy to spot a covert narcissist but that is what she is. A narcissist would never ever understand or accept that they are that though. I did not know until a therapist pointed it out to me, after I wrote a letter, friendly but honest about how I feel/felt and and had cried myself to sleep so many nights when I was a child without them knowing. The answer was extremely defensive “everything I did for you!” she denied some of my memories and said “you shouldn’t have felt that way, you were so sensitive!” etc. she had no interest in finding out more, but doing what she did best after that: ignoring it, not wanting to discuss it more, and going on as usual.
I could never talk about feelings with her, she just don’t list, but gives unwanted advice instead. I get bombarded with articles and “science” from internet instead of empathy for instance.
I see that your behavior is reminding me of my mom; no reflection or slightest belief that you can have a part in this.
I can tell you no one take a breakup with parents lightly, but when the interaction gives more pain than joy then there is no choice but ti limit contact if you want to stay sain.
Every time we go to them I have anxiety days before and afterwards there is always something she said that hurt me that she isn’t even aware of and that doesn’t leave my head for days. Maybe something we do “wrong” with the kids, but she is so skilled at saying it in a smily way.
I see that you are focused on Happy Birthday wishes, it is the wrong focus I believe. It is not a Happy birthday text-sms that gets someone to want to get the contact back, it is genuine curiosity, empathy and the treating someone like an adult that is the important and not a birthday wish.
Exactly. My Mother wants "All or nothing!" In our relationship, she doesn't have time for "fake relationships". Well, I want my Mom so badly! She tells everyone I disowned her every time she disowned me. This time, I have gone silent. I have alway gone crawling back to try to make amends, even if I had to take all the blame. This time, I have let her just blame me. What am I waiting for? I'm waiting for "I'm sorry. Can we start to build a new relationship? We can go slow, I'll take anything" If I got even an shadow that my Mother truly loved me and was sorry, I'd be back! It's the constant little jabs, the little backhanded comments pushing her wants. She is right and I'm not. I have no say with how I protect my own children. Her special friends are more important, even though they are bad people. Her new spin on life is her new god, (Qanon). I got so tired of having the fear mongering forced down our throats. Our past together is littered with a cycle of good times, then disagreement, followed by me getting thrown away and loosing everything I own. This time, I just went silent. It wasn't even as serious as times past. Hardly comparable in fact. We don't co-own anything this time, she cant hurt me. Why now? Why over something small? I dont know. At first it was for just a few days to try and sort my head. Her response was pushy, she tried to make her point seen by fighting with me through a family member. My request for distance basically denied. I invited her to my child's Grandparent's Day event at school. She came, I was met with extreme hatred. So, I have stayed silent. Is this what I wanted? No. Why would a daughter want this?
It hurts every day. I'm sure my Mom hurts too. How do we go forward? I don't know. But what this lady is doing in the video isn't they way for sure. I wanted to yell at this lady, "hey! Try a simple and humble, "Please, I miss you, and I'm sorry. What can I do to start over with you?"
You are projecting.
And that’s so unfair to this mother.
I’ll ask you this: if you watched a daughter share about being cut off by her mother, presenting all in the same ways here, would you immediately assume and project narcissistic tendencies on the daughter?
Nothing shared here suggests what you are blaming her for.
I had to separate myself from my family. I had to. I hate using the word narcissism because it feels like another overused and misused word that started to trend online. But it’s a word I learned long before it began to trend because of an actual diagnosis a family member of mine has, a family member that helped “raised” me.
I was subjected to violence, drug use as a child, and severe mental harm. It is what it is.
I have tried to find other people like myself, because it’s a lonely feeling not having family, especially during the holidays, but I’ve found myself not being able to fit in with support groups online. Because I don’t understand or recognize what most of those in these groups are identifying with. They seem to identify with each other. And that’s great for them. But I noticed after a while that there’s a new wave of mental health crises or something like that happening as a result of social media that is wreaking havoc on familial relationships and causing people to find themselves as victims even when they’re not victims, causing people to see what is just a normal up and down bump on the road of life as being some kind of abusive act done to them, verses the reality, people are not perfect, and we all will have the our insecurities and problems, and so will those we love, and unfortunately we won’t always feel great about everything, we won’t always feel verified about everything, but so long as the desire to not continue to cause each other pain, and to try and show that our love is what matters most, than working through things together is always a blessing of an option. To listen to people talk about how they were mentally abused because of problems they chose to pursue and chose to continue to force to attention verses accepting that this is something they don’t see eye to eye on with this person, and letting it stay at that, loving each other, and just knowing that this is something best they just don’t pursue, I listened to people demand that they have the right to pursue it and that their so called loved ones were abusive for not wanting to continue that pursuit with them and for wanting to just live and let live. I think what bothered me the most here was the constant condoning and validation these support groups were giving each other for this very alarming and red flag behavior, behavior that my own psychologist had to teach me to recognize and to put a stop to from my family members, and here that behavior is, rampant amongst those who are cutting off family and making support groups for abused children and abused adult children, and the speech and mannerisms are giving me virtual mental flashbacks and even intrusive thoughts/memories because of how word for word spot on some of it was with the way I was manipulated for years, except this manipulation was from victims encouraging each other to remain victims.
I’m not saying you’re one of those people.
You shared things that very much describe an unhealthy relationship and a hurtful experience and I’m so sorry that that was and is your life.
But I’m just trying to share that we can easily make ourselves the very enemy we escaped, and not even realize it.
Some of the most beautiful people I’ve ever known have been some of the most negative and hateful in the end, because of the wounds they carried around, and the way those wounds became infected and spread, turning into something that destroyed them even more than the abuser that caused the wounds in the first place.
It happened to me. It took a lot of work for me to recognize what was happening and pull myself up from out of it.
There’s a reason they say that those who grow up with abusive parents are at risk for continuing the abuse. It’s not because they’re monsters. It’s because they’re damaged from what they’ve been through and it’s not as easy as social media and Hollywood love to make it seem to just overcome and be normal and happy.
Judging this mother and assuming that it’s somehow not possible for children to grow up to be mentally and emotionally abusive for no real reason, is just as gross as someone judging you or me and saying that we must have been bad and out of control and deserving of our experience, or, my favorite, way too sensitive and way too emotional and no understanding of how hard it is for them. Loved hearing that one after waking up to strange men in my room as a child and getting told I was overreacting and ruining her life. Wonderful
Seeing your reply to her here made my heart hurt for her. Because I grew up with my own monsters. And I don’t see what you see here. And I believe you would feel very bad to learn you’re projections are dead wrong and you’re injecting unfair and undeserved shame and blame to someone who is suffering from a mentally or emotionally unstable and selfish person.
@@taniele84 That my mom is a covert narcissist is not my own fantasy, it was words that came from my licensed psychologist after many meetings and her reading a very self-pitty and at the same time self-glorifying letter with not one single questions asked. My psychologist asked me if I new what Covert narcissist was and I said no?
I have never heard my mom take blame for anything or admit any wrongdoing when I grew up, and I was contrary to what you are insinuating, taught that I was the one causing all problems and our relationship to be bad so I went to my therapist to learn what to do and how to reach out to her, I was chocked when she said it doesn’t matter what I would say, my moms response would be the same, because her brain is wired that way.
I don’t know all the facts of course, of this relationship, I am just saying that the signs are there and no-one leaves their mom for the fun of it, It is extremely painful. It is also a warning sign when a parent believes that they children developed 100% independently from themselves. The parents are always part of the equation.
I let my parents go when I was 32. Now I am 46. I have my reasons. My mother was cruel and I couldn't put my finger on it until I was 32. Once I saw her behavior on one specific occasion I started putting pieces of my childhood together and why I felt so alone. She did things to purposely alienate my sister and I with extreme neglect. My father just ignored everything going on and worked all the time. So it was double neglect. As an adult child I thought things would change, but I found out that things never would change and she would always gaslight me. I just couldn't go on like that with the two people that meant the most to me. I just stopped. I have been through many mental health struggles and I always get the response, "Grow up" from them. I did grow up. I grew up feeling really alone with no one on my team. That is why I have mental health struggles.
Cheers to you ! I totally understand.
Keep doing your work❤
Translation: my life didnt go the way i planned so its MOMMIES FAULT
@@imveryhungry112 I don’t blame my parents for a terrible life. I have a wonderful life. I am very successful and happy. I do have struggles with my mental health and I keep it in check now because I cut the toxic parents out of my life and work hard every day to have boundaries. Mental health is important. Also, I take responsibility for myself and my actions. My parents just wanted triangulation drama to have a punching bag. I no longer subscribe. You sound like a very angry person. I hope you find the help you need. Therapy does wonders. I wish you the best! Cheers!
@@77Tadams your almost 50 years old. Your parents are literally dying. Go talk to them! Time to GROW UP.
❤For any parent who's adult children have gone no contact with them:
Your adult child is processing things that happened to them by your hands when they were kids. Some are in therapy, some are reading books to try and make sense of it all~ when they approach you to talk about their feelings, it takes a LOT of courage, because most of us were told: children are to be seen and not heard, or, stop crying or I'll GIVE you something to cry about! Many of us were made to feel like our emotions were a burden to you, and then you add the whole religious ideas of "honor your father and mother" and "respect your elders"....this makes it even harder to open up to you with our hurt. Sometimes things happens or didn't happen and we had to stuff all our emotions and that led to us coming up with negative ideas about ourselves from seeing and experiencing it all through the lens of a child. Sometimes it's off, but even if it is, the FEELINGS are still very real!
All we have ever wanted was empathy, validation of our feelings and a sincere apology.
Not an: "I'm sorry you FEEL that way" or "you're wrong, that's not what happened" or "I'm sorry, BUT, ________"
Just say "I can see how that was incredibly hard and hurtful. I'm so sorry you went through that and have held this pain for so long. I can imagine it's hurt our connection a lot. I'm sorry I failed in this area....what can I do to help you process and heal this?"
THATS IT.
Some parents don't want to do any of this. They feel they deserve and are entitled to a child's unconditional love and respect!
Love and Respect are to be earned. When we grow up, this is something we realize at some point. We don't HAVE to sit here and take criticism, prying questions that aren't any of your business, comments that tear us down instead of building us up. We don't have to be around or talk to _anyone_ who makes us feel like a piece of shit or make us feel like we are 3yo again and again and again. Even if we are blood.
If you _truly_ want to reconnect with your estranged adult child, swallow your pride and approach them with love, kindness, patience and curiosity~ not defensiveness.
It goes a long way.
Some of my childhood experiences happened for reasons I wasn't aware of as a small child, but it still has affected the entirety of my life and my path, my self esteem, self love and self respect.
All I wanted was a mom and dad who were safe and open to my feelings and experiences! That's it! What I had was a raging father who was unpredictable and scary, a mother who didn't protect me and taught me codependency....they loved me in other ways but NOT In the ways I needed the most. If they would have been open to asking me questions about myself, my experiences and my emotions....things would have turned out so much better. ❤
I don't like seeing families break apart. But loving communication is all any of us ever wanted and needed.
*START THERE.*
This is coming after I went no contact with my parents for 6 months. It's not easy and it wasn't to punish or change them~ it was to change myself. I was still SO attached to needing my parents approval and still didn't know who I was, even at age 40!
I needed to un-enmesh myself from them and become my own person. Some parents are afraid to let their adult children be who THEY are, not who the parent wants them to be~ that's a lot of pressure.
I hurt for all of you but there's hope. 💗 My parents and I are good now, and we all learned a lot during the separation.
It was not an easy decision for me to make, I LOVE my parents! but we are all better because of it.
Love and prayers to anyone going through this. Adult child and/or Parents of adult children.
Thank you ❤
EXCELLENT!!! You eloquently expressed what MANY know is truth... the truth that set them free, whether from a parent or child perspective.
Wow, SO WELL SAID!! ❤❤❤
You are explaining it so clearly. If this mother truly loves her daughter she will put her ego aside and deeply reflect on your words, because they are so true and the mother COULD heal her relationship.
But does she really WANT THAT? Deep down in, is she willing to do what it takes? What matters more to her? The validation from confused strangers on RUclips and the money from the support group, or her relationship with her daughter?
I hope these parents get to a professional soon.
❤ "But loving communication is all any of us ever wanted and needed.
START THERE." ❤
Go to a professional. You can learn these skills and you can save your relationship. But it is not going to happen on RUclips.
You made this whole video and still want to know why you daughter won't speak to you??? For the small chance of any kind of healing in your relationship with her, you need to delete this video! I guarantee this video is only pushing her away more.
Noted
You will be judged for your crimes.
To every parent who is going through this, as an adult daughter, I AM SO SORRY 😢 I lost my mother 17 yrs ago ( 2 weeks after the birth of my last son) I miss her everyday and couldn't imagine her not be in my life(until she wasn't). My father and I are close as well, he lives a street down. I hope your children WAKE UP one day and know they actually do NEED you even when they don't think they do. Stay strong parents, remember the good times with them and keep praying. God makes miracles happen ❤
AMEN!
Very well stated.
Thank you for saying that.
I am so sorry for your loss. This is when you need your mom the most. Just remember, she gave you what you need to make it through. Follow your motherly instinct and you'll be fine. I know this now AFTER having 3 of my 4 children dump me. Congrats on being a mom!!!!
Amen!
I am estranged from my 42 year old daughter, but am raising her 2 daughters. A 10 year old and a 14 year old,
It’s the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but for the sake of my granddaughters I had to cut her off.
She got hooked on meth and it’s been hell for us all.
Praise God He has kept me sane and because of Him I am able to deal with my brokenness and smile. Life goes on
God help you as He has helped me. 😢
My daughter and partner are the same hun. I am working to get them all help. It's killing me watching them, kill themselves. My poor granddaughters. I will never give up.
@@dianekachovich1408 I am so sorry
Your so right , never give up, we are all our grandchildren have. God Bless you
@@marypscreationsandmoreprog4316 thank you so much for responding and your wise words.
@marypscreationsandmoreprog4316 you said it best. It is the hardest thing ever, but i have no regrets. There is no perfect parent.
@@mygaygenes we do the best we can do, I also have no regrets, my grandchildren are my legacy and I pray to God that they will forever remember what we sacrificed for them. As for my daughter I pray God restores her life 7 fold what the enemy has taken, and she again will be the mom God created her to be. AMEN
As someone who is currently low contact with her mom, it's not out of the blue or without reason. I've said what i needed. My mom doesn't change. I personally find it difficult to cut all contact but we have a surface only relationship now and it's very sad. I just can't imagine your daughter didn't let you know what she needed from you before cutting contact.
Yes me too, it is very sad, this topic is very sensitive because i had to make peace that my mother who actually doesn’t care that much as she pretends. Like this women said, ,I said that I love her that’s what mum supposed to do right.’ this reminds me of my mum…
We care deeply for our daughter and obviously did much introspection, and about how she feels. We don't share her letter out of privacy. We would love to have heard her reasons before her letter and no contact and had an opportunity to discuss but she stole that from us. I am not a victim just sad. I obviously don't own her or want to control her. We feel bad she rejected us. We deserve love too. We are adult kids too. So much anger from adult children commenting. They don't know me and say I'm narc and a bad patent. I feel so bad for them.
@@estrangedparents You're missing the point.
You are unable to put aside your feelings and wants and believes which prevents you from being there for your daughter by saying stuff like "she stole that from us", which implies that you believe she owes you something which comes across narcissistic. Kids do not owe anything to their parents. If you follow and believe that then you will immediately improve the chance of healing the relationship.
Another example of missing the point: your daughter asked for no contact and to only contact for family emergencies. You immediately and continually ignored that boundary for several years. To your daughter that shows you did not read what she said, therefore not respecting her as an individual and as an adult.
I am glad you started to do some introspection, but I advise doing introspection without the unconscious or perhaps unintentional goal of finding blame, but rather understand where she is coming from. Put yourself in her shoes.
@@RemysWebpageMakerthis is good ☝👍
@@estrangedparentsfix it before it’s too late with all due respect
If either of my adult children did this, i would go to the ends of the earth to understand what got them to this point. What did the letter actually say as to WHY she needed to detach from you? What is her pain? It must have felt so bad to her that cutting ties was her only choice. Did a psychologist read the letter so help you understand?
You sound like an amazing parent. ❤ I wish these parents could be like you.
Some people don't know love. If she really loved that girl she would not even have the energy to make this production.
The pain would have been immobilizing. The questions would not give room for this.
This lady is frightening.
Don’t give up on her - I was estranged from my dad for most of my life - the biggest AHole I ever knew- moved to another side of the world- like your daughter, got diagnosed with high functioning autism/ Asperger’s late in life - than I heard from one of my sisters that he had serious health issues and couldn’t live on his own any longer- out of all us- my siblings and I ( they’re 7 of us) I was the one that chose to move back to help my dad. I’m giving you the short version of the story here but all this to say that as horribly our relationship was growing up, we now have the best relationship I could ever ask for - in one year we were able to mend our relationship and can talk about anything and everything openly with maturity and compassion. I’m 54 he’s 83. As long as there is life there is hope❣️
Love this, thanks for the inspiration!
No. She should. Her daughter is not lost. She is a narcissist she is a non human
That happened with my mom and I, about 6 months before she passed away.
My mom was the one that hated me, she didn't like anything about me, she used to complain that I was the worst daughter that she ever had, even though I was living for the Lord and doing all things Right.
I didn't smoke or drink or sleep around, I was going to church 4 to 5 times a week and had the most wonderful friends I could ever have asked for.
I learned how to sew and used to make all of my own clothes, I didn't swear and I didn't do anything but maybe speak disrespectfully to her at times, as all teenagers do, but I've never been in trouble with the law and nor did I give her any real problems but for some reason she just didn't like me.
I had to hear about it my entire life, that I was a spoiled rotten brat and that I only wanted my own way whenever I could get it and that's not true.
It was later on about 5 years ago that my sister told me that she was jealous of me my whole life and I wonder if that was my mom's problem as well.
I asked my sister why she was jealous of me and she said it was because I had blonde hair and blue eyes and got a lot of attention from the boys and was outgoing and could make friends easy, so she was jealous of me and didn't want me around growing up and even now as adults.
She still doesn't want me around but for different reasons and she claims it's for a different narrative, but I think it was because they were both jealous of The joy and happiness that I found in the Lord as a young 14-year-old growing up in a very broken home.
My father died when I was 11 and my mother was a working alcoholic who slept around before she met my stepfather and married him (he was a saint).
It was only about 6 months before my mom passed away I moved to be near her and to help my sister take care of her even though she didn't want me there.
I got an apartment not too far away from my mom's house and would go over there periodically to help my sister take care of her and cook.
I heard all kinds of criticism from my mom and my sister and it was a very tough time for me because I know they didn't like me being there.
I kept the faith and just kept my mouth shut as much "as possible", but had to defend my honor a number of different times.
It wasn't until my other sister came to stay with my mom that I felt impressed to go see my mom one day and I told my mom that I was sorry if I've ever hurt her and that I wanted her to forgive me "even though I felt I had nothing to be forgiven for or to be sorry for".
I felt it was just the right thing to do to break the ice and so she said, I'm sorry too and if I've done anything to hurt you I apologize as well".
We hugged and I prayed with her and spoke in tongues and the Holy Ghost fell that day and filled the entire house with his presence and from that day forward my mom and I had had the most amazing and tranquil relationship and then four months later she passed away.
I laid on her bed while she lay there lifeless, I started to sing the song hallelujah and cry and I didn't care who was around or who heard me I just needed to grieve and that was the best way for me to grieve and just sing as loud as I could.
So there is hope and a light at the end of the tunnel... God is good
JESUS IS THE ANWER!
@@sweetbeep as difficult it was for him to do so he has apologized- lots of tears for both of us during this last year.
Right there with you. I also have a 29 year old daughter who has gone no contact. I have reached out over and over. I called, texted...and then one day, I received a cease and desist letter in the mail. I was absolutely crushed and very very sad. I just couldn't believe that my daughter hates me that much. Once my emotions settled, I oddly started to realize that it was a weird blessing (receiving that letter)...I had no choice, I have to let her go. I have to move on with my life. I have said all I can say. I have apologized for any and everything I could think of. I can do no more...she is now "protecting her peace" and I have to learn to protect mine.
I am so sorry ,,, i am in a same position as you nad have been feeling so guilty ... hearing your story makes me less alone...
I wish my mom cared like you. I would forgive her and let her back in my life.
Good for you.
Ohmygoodness. A 'cease and desist' leter???!!!!! WOW. That is CRAZY. I'm sorry for your loss. I beat myself up, praying for forgiveness for mistakes I've made, etc. I looked for a support group in my area, but haven't found one yet. I may have to start one, just so people can get some support.
This is TERRIBLE.
@@DivineBrightLight222 What if your mom really DOES care, and just does a bad job of showing it?
You’re not fooling anyone with this video. It is a parents responsibility to foster a good relationship with their child. No one cuts a good parent out of their life.
Well said, it is the parents responsibility to foster a good relationship with their child and to encourage a good relationship between siblings.
Please tell us where your expertise comes from. I'm sure every parent in the world would love to hear how the Perfect Parent class is held. And what education you have to teach it where 100% pass your class
What will you do when your parents are dead?
@joef.4643 Exactly what I am doing now, while grieving the relationship I should of had but didn’t exist. I wonder what they would do if I died🤔
@sarahquinlan5910 When the no contact becomes permanent, was it worth it? If you're grieving, I would think they would also.
I’m pretty shocked by this video. Why would any mother who really wants to reconnect with her daughter post a 17 minute video about herself and their super private situation? It doesn’t seem like she really wants to get back into her daughter’s life. This is a sympathy ploy and a way to “get back” at her daughter.
@@winoblissthat could be true, but calling her out publicly to the world I think makes it worse.
@@winobliss I mean you do realize we are only getting her side right?
There was a comment in one of the threads where a woman said that "the bible commands you obey your parent" and this woman liked it. I think it's pretty fair to assume then that she raised her daughter with pretty authoritarian style disciplining. We also don't know if her daughter is say, lgbtq. Assuming this woman voted for Trump, her daughter may feel like her mother is directly assaulting her sense of identity and who she is as a person. There's a lot of unknowns here. It's insane to me that this woman has aired this out so publicly.
I am not shocked at all. She is sharing her difficulties. Many people do. Obviously, this situation is having an impact. I am in a different position. My siblings and I have not spoken to our mother for years. Too many things happened. If you pull the rope too hard for years, it breaks.
complete with sad music and professional edit cuts
I am so thankful to read a comment like yours, because it makes me realize there are good people in the world who actually care about their children and would never do this to them. ❤
I saw this video at a time when I needed it most. This recently happened with my daughter, something i NEVER IMAGINED WOULD HAPPEN. I feel your pain, anguish, anger, and so many emotions. I am sending you a virtual hug.
My daughter aged 25 is moving out next week. She is so hateful and disrespectful towards me. I have boundaries and since she met this new boyfriend she has become nasty. I know she will be back. I am too busy for games. This year was the first year she supposedly forgot mother day ?? She is a spoilt brat.
I wonder who she took after, holy shit. You sure sound like someone I'd wanna be around.@@annstewart8506
10 years cut out of my son's life, his wife and 3 children.
Then out of the blue one day, he called. He was going through a medical challenge and his doctor needed some family history.
I do have a relationship with them all now, but it is forever different.
Bless your heart 💜
Give your daughter what she thinks she wants ... No contact.
Focus on all your other family and friends.
Parents like this deeply need to realize that they are not equals with their children. You're not siblings. There's emotional power differential between a parent and a child. Your children don't have the same responsibility to you that you have them. If you don't like that, that's something to have considered before having children. Lacking this awareness tends to make parents center themselves as victims instead fully taking on the responsibility of prioritizing their child's emotional well being over their own desire to not be wrong or held accountable for missteps.
What will you do when your parents are dead?
"I buy myself a present for her birthday every year. It's like... a consolation prize."
RIGHT.. my jaw hit the FLOOR when she said this fr
"She is in a cult!" " She is spoiled and ungrateful!". Perhaps , or perhaps this daughter has a very different story to tell.
Yes. Two sides to every story and usually the truth lies somewhere in the middle.
Trump bad! upvotes to the left.
She definitely has a different story to tell. Just like schizophrenics have a different story to tell. When someone starts talking about "my truth" (a red flag for self righteous narcissism masquerading as "victimhood") - as if we are all just to suspend facts and the ACTUAL truth when dealing with this person, then you know that person is functionally in a cult.
Most likely. but different people have different outlooks. Your "no big deal" could be a very big deal to someone else. People take things differently and saying things like "that isn't worth getting upset over" just makes things worse. Politics can also be a family splitter. It should be kept more private than your sex life because young people are very intolerant. If you support a candidate they don't like you are demonized.
@@johne3999Citation requested for your claim that young people are the intolerant ones rather than older people.
So many parents go through this, including myself. Mine is hitting nearly ten years without my daughter. I feel like I missed her funeral. But I have learnt from this that there is no greater love of a Mother. Even with the pain and hurt, we love unconditionally. Doors will open on a bright, sunny day. Cry as much as you want; it helps you overcome the heartache.
Så många föräldrar som går igenom detta😢
Jag genomgår detta med mina döttrar den ena såg jag senast över 7 år sen ,den yngre för över 6 år sedan.Barnbarnen har jag aldrig fått se eller möta .Jag lämnar dem alla i Guds händer ❤
Varför kommer att eka länge i luften 😢 känns som om jag missat mina döttrars begravning .
Gud välsigne och förlåt dem de förstår inte vad de gör.
Min mor dog och de kom ej på begravningen 💔
Hoppas ni är lyckliga och har människor omkring er som älskar er ❤
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Thank you ❤
For some, the unconditional love of a mother is a myth. I cut all ties with my mother 12 years ago. Best thing I did. She is a narc, and I still suffer the consequences... I wish I had a loving mother...
@@lilyjane1011 I never had a mother; she was my myth. But I was blessed with a stepmother. May my love surround you Lillyjane 💙💙
These estrangements don’t usually just come out of the blue. More going on here. Parents might be narcissistic.
It IS all the parent's fault. Have you forgotten that there were a couple decades of an unequal power dynamic, with YOU being the one wielding the power?
Basically the same feelings I have in this period, as a child... And that hurts, but when you realize that, you would just get out
If I could like your comment a million times...All the control. I can still see myself as a child standing there while I was screamed at by an out of control mother. What did I do. Nothing but internalize it.
I no longer speak to my mother or sisters. The things I learned about them during my divorce were too much to bear. I would have been fine, but then when my ex-wife passed away a few short years later, I realized that I did not want my family's disfunction to pass down to my children. It stops with me. My children are absolutely thriving and I have never been happier. I don't hate my mother or sisters, I will simply not let them get near my children. So when I hear these stories, I wonder what the parent is not saying. Narcissists are going to make themselves the victim and blame the child. That's how it all works.
My mom's mother and family caused a lot of pain...I wish my mom had cut contact for our sake and our lives would be much better but....I get cutting out a mother is difficult. Anyways just want to commend your bravery.
Thank you...
Thank you. Self-awareness like what you've shown is rare in our society. Your children will indeed be better for it.
@@julietellsthetruth4811
Thanks Julie. I'm happy that you also validate my story, and the tens of millions of other men and women out there who (like me) have had to walk away from their toxic mothers and sisters. it is an epidemic at this point to the tune of millions of broken homes, families, and children. So good on you for recognizing this.
You’re story is my story. Exactly. It’s been 14 years since my daughter has spoken to me. She is 37 now. I’m 62. I had to stop beating myself up, it was her decision. She has a 15 year old daughter and I haven’t seen her since she was a year old. I send my granddaughter gifts on her birthday, Christmas and other holidays. I just want her to know that her grandmother loves her and hopefully someday she’ll reach out to me. No matter what, it’s a sad situation but we have to go on.
The hurt for you is terrible, but the hurt she has caused for her own daughter is despicable. She robbed her own daughter of a relationship with a grandparent - her heritage. That is child abuse in my eyes. And if you think this disrespectful treatment of parents expressed here will go unpunished, think again. Our fifth commandment: Honor your father and your mother, so that your days will be long in the land that the Lord God has given you.
Children do not randomly wake up and decide to go no contact with their caregivers.
@@formerfundienowfree4235 Yea sure, being neglected, disrespected or abused for years by shitty parents with little to no self control has nothing to do with it.
Yeah...we now live in a world where they do... what planet are you on???
@@formerfundienowfree4235 With good reason! They finally found someone who understands their pain and/or has gone through the same. And who supports them that they have no longer endure abuse and invalidation from their own parents!
@@SrSyztz Those seem to be the kids that stay. Ironic.
@@campfireaddict6417 until they master the courage to leave
Why don’t you read her letter to us?
That. Would. Be. Incredible. I am sure it would continue to show that she is insane and the parents are perfect loving angel parents, right? LOLLLLLL
Thank you for sharing your story, I have been estranged from my daughter for 5 years. I forgave her, forgave me, and moved on too. Despite crying an ocean the first year, and my husband dying, I have found peace and joy being alone (not lonely). I have more peace of mind now than I ever could have hoped for.
She's happier without you
What an unkind comment.
You know nothing.
.My Advice To Estranged Parents.
Devoted to political destruction agents in the old system. You should stop loving that which hates you to be a good mum you must discipline your daughter.
As a Christian, I believe undisciplined spoilt children and young adults do badly in the world and become sicker and the result is hell in the world.
Zomby alive or dead, in hell.
If you need advice. Pray to Jesus Yoshua God to discipline your daughter in the way that she regrets being evil and spiritually dead.
@@mg-ew2xfyour new handle is Debbie Downer as you only show up here to spew your negativity.
@@pennypothoneypot634mimmahappun
Nobody cares about your religion. Mind your own business and worry about yourself.
I am in the same position! It’s been 11 years. It’s extremely painful. No one understands unless you’ve been through it. I truly feel your pain!
Me too😕
Be gentle n kind to ur selves. U deserve that.
I'm so sad to see this but I am the daughter who doesn't want to speak to her mama and seeing this shows how ĥurt she probably is. But my mom has deeply hurt me and I don't know what to do with that apart from having strong boundaries. She calls me texts me but I just can't most times because she won't change. I miss her so much but also know she's unhealthy and I'm trying yo be healthy. Sigh
We have a 54 yr old dgtr with every sign and symptom of a NPD. Lori decided to seduce her boss, broke up her marriage and his. She has lied abt me, her mother, to justify all the wicked things she has done in her adult life. We have not had a parent child relationship in 11 yrs. Lori went on to marry the MD she worked for. She would say “I want power.” She would not let us visit with the grands. She used me to take care of her children while she worked on a PA education. I lost my adult son 3 yr ago due to heart disease. Hope she is happy and healthy. I choose to grieve for my beloved son and be a caring grandmother to his children. Lori did not come from a dysfunctional family. A very manipulative liar. Her life, her choice. I have to move on so that I am free of bad thoughts. PS: my mother abandoned her husband and children. We never heard from her for 7 yrs. Apples fall from apple trees. I always think, so many people in this world have it worse than me. Venting to the world, I want my son back.
@@Sophie-jf1nl What do you mean by "strong boundaries" - yours? Have you tried to talk to your mom about how you feel she has hurt you? Have you considered family therapy? Resolving matters could be good for both, not just one person. Sometimes we don't know what we did wrong to someone. Sometimes as mothers we don't know all our children's needs and children do not know how to express them. Children can have needs WE never had, so they may not be obvious to us. They may need things we never needed so they may be foreign to us in how to meet. LOts of it have to do with not knowing each others understandings. Of course, there are people too traumatized to realize the wrong they do. No matter who they are or how old or young. SOmetimes we dont realize how our mothers must protect us as children or young people.... until we are adults ourselves or have children or go through a certain experience. We often have to review our childhood to see where did we misunderstand or misinterpret something we were too young to understand in an adult world. often we take responsibilities that do not belong to us, because as children we want to help... then it backfires because it hurts us as being too much of a burden for our then capacity.
We as children make decisions too based on our level of understanding. We also do not know how to explain how we feel when its happening... so our parents cant help. There is so many aspects. Sometimes we listen to people that give us wrong advice, because its easier for us to express our home issues to other adults like friends' parents/mothers - and not our own parents, expecting reactions we are afraid of whether true or imagined. Maybe there were situations we misinterpreted and they don't know that, or the opposite. Communication and mutual listening is often the answer. Sometimes we are just selfish for what WE want (parent or child) so that is more difficult. But also of course plain meanness or addictions may never be solved unless the guilty changed himself. Many times letters back and forth are better if you cannot confront, because it allos for thought.
I think this lady wants us to feel sorry for her. I do not. She only highlited the reasons why her daughter left. She has no empathy for her daughters feelings. I would feel terribly guilty, i would want to know what I did that made her feel so bad. I would want to know what I could do to help her. She tells us there is nothing she can do. But she can! She has to own mistakes but that for her is the same as getting blamed. She rather has no contact then admit to anything or even consider the oppertunity.
Can you imagine how difficult it must have been for the daughter to come to this decision and how much pain she must have gone through prior to cutting contact?
I wouls imagine it wasnt an easy decision but it was something she felt she had to do.
It's probably been over 5 years of no contact with my parents, siblings and extended family. This video actually made me just shake my head at the mom. Its about the moms messages going unanswered. The mom's feelings. Nothing even validating that what the daughter felt or said was possibly true. Nothing taking any accountability for things she may uave done. Instead of "i did the best i could" perhaps saying something like "im sorry that i said or did things that reaulting in making you feel bad. What can i do to make things better. Im willing to change in order to make this relationship work.".
I never had any real relationship with my owm parents ao theres nothing to repair. Once i had children of my own, i realized how my basic needs as a child went unmet. Things they said and did that couldnt ever be mistaken as the "best they could".
My dad gave me the best advice ever as a 20 something year old , he told me that if i didn't like the way I was treated i could leave amd not come back. So i did. Thats also why when i got word he likey had a stroke it made it that much easier not to respond. Which is also advice from my mom. To never give anyone satisfaction of a responce. Great advice.
Sounds like their horrendous parenting turned you into a resilient and interesting person. Almost all admirable people had a pretty tough life. Adversity is a gift.
Accepting these people for who they are is the key. Giving weight to their opinion is the crux of most problems. Stop caring what they say or think and just send love out. Unfortunately it’s almost impossible for our egos to ignore criticism. So we cut off communication to protect ourselves. It’s a weak defensive strategy. But if it saves you a lot of grief then so be it.
I much prefer if you send out love and ignore all negativity. No one is as hard on you as yourself anyway. Breathe deep. Love much. Laugh often. Live well.
Yeah I really don't get how saying sorry is so hard, especially at her stage in the game. She is an elderly woman with grown children. You'd think she would have tackled the I'm sorry lesson by now. Most of us learn it in the sandbox.
@@ancientwisdom2694my covert narcissist mother has never ever been sorry or apologized for anything. She is a boomer who was spoiled by her parents and in turn was a selfish miser to her kids. This woman is triggering.
I am so sorry you went through that. I'm glad you're using your voice to advocate for other children of narcissistic parents 🙏
It's quite easy. I've seen several people do it over something as stupid as politics and watched countless more talk about doing it online. It shouldn't be easy but it seems easy for some people.
I am a mum who is being shunned because of religious reasons by my daughter. 7 Years now. I let her go. The pain was unbearable the first years, I had to learn who I was if I was not a mother anymore. I know I am a grandmother of a 3 year old child but have never met her. After all this time I stopped searching for her, I forgave her and stopped blaming myself. That has been the key. I am as happy I can be now and full of gratitude for the things and friends I do have. I do have some days that I would like to share with her beautiful things that happens in my life but then I hope she is also having a beautiful life.
you let the fairy tails in a book destroy your family? okay...
@@creamy_pasta comprehension skills…you need some.
@@creamy_pasta my daughter did.
@@creamy_pastaWow your ignorance is off the scale!
We've had a culture that has indoctrinated kids into a godless society...hence, no wonder there is a rage. Evil is always violent and accusatory.
It seems epidemic. When my daughter turned 18 , she left and we were cut off for a while. It's like she didn't want us to be part of her life anymore. It was absolutely gutting. All you can think of is that little girl you rocked and loved more than life itself and the pain is unreal . Thankfully things are good now several years later. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Things CAN turn around. I pray that they do for every good and loving parent with a broken heart. 💔
Love over comes.
Entrust your need to the Lord.
🔷️🔹️🙏🏼🔹️🔷️
Sadly, there's a slang "obedient parents will create tyrant children" unfortunately we have to blame a lot on ourselves for over giving to our children, we created monsters by making them belueve they were special, sadly they believe it. I used to tell my dsughter since she was a child that she was a.princess only to her parents but the reality is nobody cares whether they live or die. I think she understood pretty well and is a very humble person with commin sense.
@@jaquelinefaivre4340thank you for admitting to your failures.
Its only epidemic to bad parents
@@mg-ew2xfYes...I take my hat off to those children who really didn't have a great upbringing but are still able to turn it all around against the odds.
They are the ones who recognise in the end that their parents aren't and were never perfect...did the best they could with what they had and knew and were probably still dealing with their own upbringing.
They are the ones now struggling with their own parenting skills and trying to do the best they can with what they have and know.
Just remember every parent was once a child to a parent...keep this in mind so you don't fall into the trap of thinking that you are unique.
What did you do to your daughter?
I grew up in a household run by spoiled, selfish, irresponsible, and abusive parents that cared more about their own gratifications, and their children got in the way of that... Leaving the family environment at 17 was a godsend, and I found it more comfortable to be alone than to have abusive people around me... Once people like that are out of my life, I don't want them back, and if they try to come back, I see to it their lives are made so uncomfortable they would rather _STAY_ out! No big loss to me!