I understand completely what you've gone through. We have been cut off from our youngest son and his family for 6 years now. It has negatively affected our relationship with our older son as well. (Our only children 😢). We walk on eggshells with him. It's the most horrific nightmare ever. We've never gotten any explanation that makes sense. So very, very painful. It seems to be a sign of the times. We pray for reconciliation continuously. We continue to reach out. We feel outside influences are contributing to this estrangement, but frankly, we don't care about those people. We never expected our children to go along with erasing us from their lives. We miss the once loving relationship with our children. It's hard to fathom this is now a "thing". We never give up hope. 🙏
I am also dealing with this with my son and partially my daughter. Let me say that there is no justification for this. This is how I'm dealing with it. I'm a born-again Christian. My faith in God is where I go. They are from the millennial generation. This generation, and the one right after it, have indoctrinated thinking. The Bible talks about this happening in the last days, which we are in. I have given them over to the Lord. I know for a fact that they will both come running back as soon as they see what God is getting ready to do on this earth. You see, that is one of the issues they have. Even though they were brought up, Christian, they say they don't believe now. They know what is going to happen, though, as I've taught them. God is going to do great miracles for His people during this time, as he judges the evil ones. God has promised reconciliation. I also dedicated my kids to God when they were born. They accepted Christ and have been baptized. Even if they never talk to me again, as long as they recommit to God before they die. I pray for them daily and will always love them. There are so many young people that would do anything for a family who cares. Gifts I would have given them go to needy kids. My will has changed to my Grandsons. They still love me!❤
It's been a year since I last saw my daughter. I tried my best but my best wasn't enough. I am not past it, my whole life is falling apart, my husband is divorcing me but keeps in touch with her. 💔 I don't know anything about her or how she is doing. I'm still heart broken. She was my miracle baby and my only one.
I feel your pain and heartbreak. My daughter in law has completely taken my son away. Took his phone, blocked me, won't answer texts, phone or emails. I just don't understand either. It's like a mass epidemic of estranged parents walking around. 😢
I never thought I would find a channel on this - Ive been searching for so long, but instead Ive been getting videos about "how you know you were raised by a narc mother" or such titlles. Our grief is SO deep. SO many similarities. She claimed, almost overnight I had destroyed her entire life, and she hated her childhood, and even said I personally destroyed ALL our lives, including her brothers. SO we asked him, and I begged him to be honest and even tho he is fully Autistic (as is our daughter) he said "wow - no you were and are a good mum...I mean, yeah, no ones perfect, but we had a great childrhood. As for M**** - I dunno whats going on with her anymore mum...dont worry about it". But the grief is just too deep. She is 28. She had blocked us both now, not just me, wont respond to texts my husband and her dad, sends her each week to ask if shes ok and needs anything and to sday hello - never ever replies. I too, asked for tolerance when she got angry and forgiveness as she goes to church etc, but even her ex, who we are very close to, cant explain her behavior anymore. Please keep making videos.
Hmm.. yeah I’d like to hear the daughter’s side of the story, because I bet it wasn’t just because of politics. This woman strikes me as extremely self absorbed and lacking any self awareness. Posting a video of a private family matter, crying in front of the camera, painting herself as an innocent victim, playing overly dramatic violins in the background adding to the self pity; it’s pathetic. She talks about herself the ENTIRE video and how hurt she is rather than genuinely analyzing the relationship with her daughter. Instead she subtly insults her throughout, making her seem like a cold sociopath. I think this lady made this video with two goals in mind: to gain sympathy and attention from random strangers online in order to soothe her fragile ego and avoid any self reflection or accountability, and to get back at her daughter by attempting to smear her reputation.
This is exactly what I'm getting too. Like putting it down to the daughter's ADHD and autism stinks of, 'there's something wrong with her and I did nothing wrong.'
@becklovely8307 100% agree. Way to air your dirty laundry to a bunch of randos in the entire internet. She really needs to get her priorities straight. It's not her kids job to make her feel comfortable. It's the kids job to learn and navigate the world by how they experience it to become their own person.
Well there in lies the problem. If it is over politics, which is beyond a “trivial” matter. Then I can see why the parents are distraught. If there is more to play as “narcissistic abs” or other things, I can then see the daughters plight. But there just simply isn’t enough information to go off. What I do know, is it seems both the daughter and the parents are suffering. And it’s a sad sight to see.
My mother is telling everyone she doesn't know why i haven't spoken to her in 10 years. Maybe it's because she beat the shit out me every day complete with black eyes, busted lips, whelps from extension cords and a lot worse. I'm 55 and on meds and still have flashbacks. I'd love to hear from the daughter.
@ jilldambrosio 4273..why do you let your mom hit on you, ?...do you no how to call the police 🚨...if your mom hit you in your head you could lose your memory... It sounds like your mom is drunk and is mad with you..I believe your mom had a man that liked you sexually...but it's not your fault...can you stand up for your self?..stop 🛑🛑 🛑 going around your mom looking for her to like you... I am sure she is beating on you behind a man,
This mother is clearly a narcissist. The way she can’t take accountability is reeking through this video and she is so unaware of it. I see why her daughter went no contact.
@@FyreStartryou're a monster. The fact you idiots can spew nonsense like this, after watching a mother and a father go through that is clearly beneficial. Spot the pathological liars and the psychos.
This video is an example of Triangulation. It’s an abuse tactic used by manipulators to involve outsiders in a personal conflict to peer pressure her victim into doing what she wants.
Triangulation is the wrong term to apply here, in order to support your ridiculous movement. Triangulation always refers to cutting out the noise and pinpointing the source of something. Not including more people or more data. You guys just make up any kind of expression and start using it.
@@user-um7tw6kx4r6"In psychology, triangulation is a term used to describe when a person uses threats of exclusion or manipulation. Its goal is to divide and conquer. A form of manipulation, triangulation involves the use of indirect communication, often behind someone's back." literally from an article reviewed by someone with a psychology PHD edit: words can also have. multiple meanings
@@Edgeley hmm…so it’s “therapeutic” for *adult* children to trash parents on SM accusing of “childhood trauma” but as soon as a hurting parent gives a moms perspective this is type of comment she gets. Do you see your hypocrisy??! Her daughter *REFUSES* communication! Maybe this mom’s trying to find a way of surviving/coping with HER “trauma” in this too! It’s implied that THIS is her perspective - as with _anyone_ who jumps on SM with their version of a claim!
Accountability for what? There is almost nothing except extreme abuse that justifies completely ignoring a parent. You don’t have to see them all the time but a cordial message a couple times a year is the least you can do for the people who raised you. I am not estranged from anyone personally but i have seen it happen (seen younger people my age telling me why they are wanting to cut out their parents) and the reasons are all very selfish and often politically motivated, fuelled by social media. It isn’t necessary or healthy to just write family out of your life unless they have very seriously abused you.
@@m.freeman9708 There is no way putting yourself through mental gymnastics to maintain a superficial relationship seems healthy to me. In fact, I know it isn't. For who's sake would that be for though? The parents, right? That's kind of selfish on the parents part. I am estranged from some members of my family, for valid reasons. My fiancé's mother was abused by her parents, and she uttered the words.. "they're my abusive parents, and I love and respect them." That sounded absolutely insane to me. I refuse to let anyone abuse me the right to my heart or time. Everyone should respect and love themselves to do the same. Screw all this blind filial piety bullcrap. It's toxic.
This isn’t going to make the daughter want to talk to her mom this is going to make the situation worse. But of course, the mom will never understand that she’s the issue here.
"I cant make her do anything" cant control her anymore "she is lost to us" i lost my favorite toy "not for some persona you are online" projection "i with you health and happiness but remember i love you" be happy where you want, but come here
I explained multiple times to a loved one how their behaviors hurt me but I got labeled too sensitive. When I pulled away, this person acted confused and hurt. Sometimes a parent gets confused when their kid truly did spell it out for them. If only they cared and listened.
@@happyjacktails3277 perhaps it will strike a cord with someone who is in denial about how they make others feel. Why not take it to the internet? It's a big source of educational content and if someone chooses, they can improve their life with the wisdom gained. I have a friend that used to give people unsolicited advice, and came across a know-it-all. He's a nice guy but he hurt some feelings. So he stopped with the advice, and people were much happier. He preferred to make people feel good around him so he made changes.
@roundtwo3321 these people have selective hearing. They only hear and believe their own BS reality they tell themselves. Equivalent to telling them the sky is blue but they'll say it's green to make life as difficult as possible.
This was my experience with my parents too. They both don't understand why I don't really talk to them that much, but I tried to tell them; they just didn't listen.
Wonderful. But we don't know why her daughter cut contact. We can only guess. In addition, I have seen children cut contact from their parent because the parent was indulgent and let the child rule the roost. Seems illogical, but it's a fact. Children are developmentally egotistical: let them dominate, and in extreme cases they'll arrange everything around themselves and resent the parent for existing. Give a child no boundaries and no responsibilities and you breed peevishness at a world which does.
This woman putting her daughter on blast like this is pretty disturbing. Her lack of self awareness is comical. I almost thought this was a skit on SNL.
What, the fact that she is an ordinary person with a natural reaction to being heartlessly cut out of her child’s life? The daughter doesn’t need to hang out with her if she doesn’t want to, but a few texts a year would not kill her. She sounds selfish
It’s extremely telling that the person who shared this video “liked” a comment calling the daughter selfish. I’m assuming that was mom. This is the opposite of the way to heal your relationship with your daughter. Btw, your daughter’s birthday is not YOUR special day. I was aghast at that comment. Your daughter’s birthday is literally about your daughter. I always css as lol my mom to thank her on my birthday, but that’s bc my mom has worked hard to show that she respects me as an autonomous adult, and understands that MY BIRTHDAY is NOT her special day. Crazy to hear that.
@@betsylaughlin8652your mom has worked very hard to respect YOU? In a world where aging is unacceptable and wisdom is toxic, but you carefully recycle your GARBAGE?!!
absolutely! ppl im related to act like im their property or something. like i HAVE to fake enjoy their presence and trapped around these people because their blood related. its awesome when you can finally have the freedom to move out. 👍
Same here. Spoke to my sister once in the last 29 years and only because our father passed. Never heard from or spoke to her ever again. My life is a happier place without her mouth and bullying.
Just wondering, how do you cope with other family members who have never been subject to the abuse, who invalidate your truth and disregard your stated boundaries with that person, i.e., suggesting you take a 6 hour carpool drive with the abuser. Other family members who've never been on the receiving end of the abuse and who disregard the abuse reports that you've shared and your stance on your boundaries going forward. Then, they react with complete confusion when you have to remind them of your boundaries. I have cut off my relationships with so many family members because of their incessant disregard for my basic courtesy boundaries. For some reason, most people in my family think it's acceptable to disrespect me - but only me. They don't put up with disrespect, but they expect it of me. I'm down to open communication with only 2 family members who behave with common regard to me, yet they glibly set up situations to pull me back into my previous boundryless position. I have to be on guard around them constantly so I don't get sucked back in. I don't want to be estranged from these people whom I love, but I also don't want to be a virtual punching bag.
I’m going to watch this video everytime I think about reaching out to my mom. HOLY BATMAN VICTIM MENTALITY. I am laughing and nauseated at the same time. 😂 🤢
Lol, was about to comment something along these lines as well. Funnily enough, her videos made me understand my parents' mindset more, and show me there's no redeeming any type of relationship with them. All the best to you, internet stranger, and stay strong!
I think that the only good thing this video does, it reminds us how awful and almost comical these people are because of their delusions. It’s insane how similar narc mums are. This video definitely made me feel better about not having a family she just reminds me so much of my own mum especially the superiority complex and her facial expressions. My therapist said my mum is not the completely innocent saint she paints herself out to be, 100% the same goes for this awful woman
victim mentality isnt the problem its when theyre not a good person. my narcissistic parents would do anything like abuse, neglect, gaslighting, picking at me. I ask them specifically for a little help then bargained 30 minutes at all in a extremely serious situation. "you're always blaming me for everything" and does really weird criminal like abuse. mom triangleates my dads money and how she controllingly supports me to traumatize me. i didnt do anything shes transactional so of course me getting mad or trying to cut them off would justify criminal abuse.
basically think about very bad social norms, and then they use norms to abuse someone. Think about a stereotypical horrible parent child situation. My mother is on a cruise while i struggle to speak so i can get support from relatives. I live with evidence based ocd, other dysfunctions like priority and danger priority. This creates extreme dysfunction. a professional can help my anxiety but nothing else. my mom also likes to sabatoge and go into argument loops that dont make sense. especially when denying/ bringing something else up for who i am and what i need. shes doing this to try and scapegoat me oh i did this i did that and that i wasnt taking meds. im struggling to get meds, meds that work as its common they wont, for just one thing- anxiety. just keep it all in mind sortve hard theres so much info.
Accountability 0% Victimhood 100% She has admitted mental health issues and they still make it about their feelings? WOOOW, I WONDER WHY SHE GHOSTED THEM? 😂😂😂
I wish she replied on u . I'm sorry I fell empathy for both of them. Cuz I have a Mom's & Dad's wounds too but i wish to get through it myselfe too and live in peace within all of this melodrama
I have to agree. Our son died at age 17. I inadvertently discovered horrible things our daughter claimed about us on social media. Not one word was remotely true-to us, that is. In her mind, she believes it. It has been harder on us to deal with her silence than it was to lose our son. With the death of a child, it is a permanent never ending heartache. To have a child refuse to talk to you is more painful, knowing they are a call away but you are denied that opportunity. It is quite evident to me that these young adults are picking this up on social media. It is exactly as if they are in a cult, much like the situation where people are believing conspiracy theories from online hate groups. My biggest concern is what will happen to these people when they have NO ONE that will love them unconditionally like a mother does.
@@primateagent188I 100% agree way you. Loosing a son was and still is a living nightmare but for a daughter to choose extreme limited contact, purely for inheritance is such a horrendous thing to have to endure. It seems to me that so many of this age group are turning on their parents, so much entitlement, it seems to becoming so very, very common. It’s a sad world and the word “family” doesn’t really exist.
interesting vid. I will say this as a 55 yr old adult who had to cut my mother off for several years when I was in my 30s and 40s. Adult children dont cut you out of their lives for no reason. Two sides to every story however. Children dont typically walk away from "great or loving" parents.
@@spider46531 Their marriage is not your business. From the tone of your comment you are mad and blaming his wife. HIS WIFE. The woman he chose. Keep your mouth shut. They owe us nothing.
@@stupensardi2783 If she ever tried to confide in you when she was a child, and you wouldn't listen then, or you would gossip about what she said to you with friends or family, that's probably why she goes silent now as an adult, because the trust was broken.
@@janelleabbott2227you mean growing up and them being themselves? Are you referring to children growing up with independence and boundaries? I am not estranged to my parents and my children are not estranged from me. The only trauma children cause parents can be the fact they grow up and the parents don’t have control anymore. Parents can’t make them do things they don’t want to do. You can’t make children love you. If you treat your children with love and respect you will never feel that trauma.
@@janelleabbott2227what trauma?? Because it's parents responsibility to raise child well and to maintain good relationship with them, if there is no good relationship that's on parent. It literally can't be on child.
There is another side to this story. I was sexually abused as a young child by my father and as I became older he became very frightened that I would tell someone the secret. He and my mother worked very hard to turn my siblings against me. My character was ruined. I don't have much to do with any of them. The abuse from my family is heart wrenching. People don't know the whole story and so they continue to hurt the victim. Please don't blame the person who disconnects from the family until you know the truth. All of the truth.
I agree! Also, you deserved better. No child deserves an abusive parent. I’m so sorry that happened to you. Your words are so wise. Thank you for sharing💗
As a parent with a child of autism, if you don't know what to look for, your child is normal. The only reason I found out was my oldest works only with children with autism. She recognized my youngest autism at 16 months. To me, he was normal.
@@francesjohnson8205 no but I'm autistic. If something is normal, than deviation from that is weird. Autism parents stay speaking for their kids like they're the ones who are experiencing it.
@@audreymuzingo933 I have heard many stories like this. My sister came within a hair's breadth of disowning my other sister and me because of who she thought we were voting for.
Even when you have a child that TELLS you why they hate you, it really doesn't make sense. I have come to accept that my child's reality, while valid to her, does not match mine, does not match siblings, does not match extended family and old friends. Truth is only a view point.
Mom said it could have been about politics. I lost a great friend if 50 years over politics. Politics represents more than just a vote. It represents your belief system towards so many social issues. My friend was so passionate about her vote that she chose to accept views that were totally opposite mine. We haven’t talked since the pandemic.
@@audreymuzingo933exactly there’s more to this story - and they seem to not respect her boundaries at all case and point the texts, the emails, this video
This woman took no accountability. This is cringe. Take accountability and ask your daughter for forgiveness. Your daughter’s diagnosis may be from a result from the trauma she endured.
I think she’s embarrassed but she’s making everything about her. She ignored the daughter’s first letter. Which proved something ain’t right. The mom did not care to initiate conversation from the letter when the daughter wanted to talk.
Daughter here, I personally had to cut toxic adults out of my life who abused and manipulated and used me as a child. No regrets. I chose peace as an adult. My mother treated me like she didn’t want me around, called me names, bullied me. Would belittle me in front of family memebers and her friends. Would make me sit outside in the cold for hours one day a neighbor confronted her about that. Made me fold clothes over and over and then destroy what I folded and made me fold again. Isolated me. The list goes on. She was my first bully and I knew at 6 she’s not somebody I could go to for protection.
a lot of these parents like to act like victims that have absolutely zero idea as to why their child would ever leave? meanwhile they've been abusing and gaslighting their kids their entire lives. this is the generation that doesn't take bs anymore. we don't owe these people a trophy, just because they had unprotected intercourse. had they treated their kids as human beings, the kids wouldn't feel the need to run the moment they turn 18. the relationship requires effort and parents take it for granted. they pretend that their kids owe them something because "we gave you life". a lot of these idiots should never have been parents in the first place. no child deserves to grow up in a household where they feel unwanted. indeed, the adult child remembers it all. just because it's a child doesn't make it ok to treat them like property 🤢🤮
I think there's a big difference between children removing themselves from an abusive parent and children who cut out parents where abuse isn't at the core. I don't think that's what this story is about.
@@annieo9468 Do you think that children cut out parents where abuse isn't at the core? There may be a few cases where abuse of the child isn't at the core. I cut my toxic Mother out of my life. She retaliated by telling her story to everyone possible.
oooooh pleeeese!! This mother comes off as extremely hurt. She never bad mouths her daughter. The looney bin therapist video which tears this lovely mother down just pics out words and assumes so much , like she knows this entire family. I believe in this Mom. I can relate with people in general who simply stopped all contact.
@@janelleabbott2227 oh narcs are good at gaining sympathy from gullible people, they're experts! They will never allow you to hear the victim's side of the story hence that child's letter will NEVER be read in it's entirety! NEVER. Poor child, you can clearly see how her feelings are dismissed, minimized and just rubbished.
*builds an unstable and broken bridge* *child is forced to climb on it without having any say whatsoever* *child falls, broken legs, crippled for life, hospital debt for decades, unable to participate in many of life's joys* *child grows up and realizes how and why they got injured in the first place* "Hey mom, I want to talk to you about that bare minimum, corner cutting bridge you built that led to me getting hurt. It's stayed with me for years and you've never acknowledged that it was your fault" "I put so much work into that bridge, it's your fault because you weren't playing on it right 😡"
When it would be so much more healing to just acknowledge it and say, "I'm so sorry that you were hurt. I never wanted that for you, and Im willing to make changes"
As a dughter who has a mom like you, your lack of accountability and vulnerability to own up to your bad parenting is what broke your relationship. Anytime i told my mom how her actions effected me, she would be dissmissive and say "that didnt happen" time and time again she broke my trust, dissmissed my feelings, and belitted me. Well now she has an acquaintance instead of a daughter. Its the years of not listening and meeting her emotional and mental needs that got you here. Some parents think that feeding and clothing their kid is enough. Its not, you also have to treat your kids like any other human, with respect, dignity, and compassion. Which i gather from this video, you grealty lack. Please do your whole family a favor and heal the parts of yourself that continue to hurt others. And leave your daughter alone in the meantime.
I just don't agree with the last part. It's most beautiful thing if parent reach and are willing to do all that needs to be done and say everything just so they repair relationship with daughter. If daughter isn't the problem, then she would appreciate effort and forgive if parent is really doing work to change themselves.
imagine writing a letter to a relative that you need space, taking that space, and then for the next 2 years, they not only don't listen to the 1 rule you've laid out, but then they publicly post a 16-minute video online framed as if it's a serious documentary (reenactments, found footage, sit down interviews, and all!) with sad violin music. the part where she admitted to giving up on a book because it also wasn't telling her what she wanted to hear lacked so much self awareness that i was convinced this had to be a mockumentary making fun of narcissists
It's not about YOU! Every avenue you talk about seems to come back to you and your defense of your parenting. I'm sure you'll always love her but sometimes hurt needs to be listened to...and completely. Just hush and listen! Validate the other person instead of seeking YOUR validation!
It’s her video so obviously it is about her. As a woman in my early 30’s who do not have nor want children, and have had a very troubled relationship with my own mother in my life (and broke contact with her for one year at 14 to 15, while living with my grandmother) I am so sick of all adult people who keep putting all the blame of their lives at their parents. Teenagers I understand, but when children are adult I think it’s about time to start seeing parents as people primarily and parents secondary. They are just people, just as flawed as we are. Admittedly there are those who have parents who are true narcissists or even psychopaths, and yes in that case one should break all contact. In many cases it just seems to be people who refuse to grow up and who can’t deal with their parents not being perfect. This is the mothers video. She is just as entitled to talk about her feelings as her daughter is. And because this is her video, obviously _it is_ about her. At the daughters video it’s about her daughter. You don’t know these people, no one here does, and yet everyone seems to just know that it’s all the mothers fault. I find that pretty weird, and quite appalling really. You are watching someone pure their heart out and you are completely dehumanizing that person.
@elisetaylor9228 “Poor communication”. Kind of like what you are doing then? Instead of replying to anything I actually wrote you completely ignored all of my arguments and just started explaining to me what “the truth” is, as if I can’t think of perceive by myself or as if your perspective is far more valid than mine. So I guess if you were my mother that is when I would call you a toxic narcissist who doesn’t validate me and everyone would be supportive of that?
@@josephinenilsson1541well, theryou have a very powerful point. Does this mother really want us to know what her daughter's complaints are? She presents them in a kind of nightmarish vision, where the daughter is talking about abuse, gaslighting etc, but later claims that "90%of it was political"? Does that not seem weird to you? Also if you as a daughter felt compelled to write such a letter, displaying all your pain to your mother, how would you feel receiving "received" as an answer. No addressing the issues mentioned, no acknowledging of your feelings, nothing. And then she puts a response under a (relatively to the letter) meaningless Facebook post as if nothing had happened. I don't know you. Maybe this is normal behavior to you. To me it's not
Her daughter admitted in a TikTok video that she has ADHD. ADHD turns into Bipolar Disorder in adults. Her daughter has mental issues she's struggling with. She is not of sound mind. You can't shame this mother for doing her best to raise her daughter, only for her to learn from a TikTok video that her daughter was diagnosed with mental disorders. Do your research before pointing fingers and condemning people you don't know. Seriously.
@josephinenilsson1541 It's not just about seeing our parents as flawed people first and parents second. Parents aren't just other people in our lives that we can walk away from with no consequences. Most people want their children to have a relationship with their grandparents, but should you really tolerate your parents telling your little children they will go to hell because they're being raised in the wrong religion? Or, that the man who is raising you isn't really your bio dad? (Not true), or that your mother had abortions (also a lie), and that sort of thing? Or, your parents get their friends to harass you for leaving their religion? Or they call your employer to report you for crazy stuff trying to get you fired because they think you will come crawling back to ask for their help and forgiveness? The crazy doesn't always stop when you move out and are living an independent life.
@@lucyk2634 as a fellow Lucy, let’s reason with each other here. Imagine, as a mother, making a dramatic retelling of how your daughter cut you off to post on RUclips. Regardless if you want to sympathize with her or not, it’s a crazy thing to do. Imagine turning on a camera and having you and your husband act out your reaction (from the past) about finding out your daughter cut you off for background for a voiceover. It’s so out there it’s comical
Loved the part where when you read the part in the book about amending, and taking accountability for your actions you could stomach the idea, then proceeded to think the best way to win your daughter back was to ignore all the boundaries she sat, along with making a video where you name her and share her medical diagnosis online to the public im sure this is definitely the right step to getting her back in your life.
@@ravensnerdworld setting boundaries isn’t cutting someone off. If you want to start throwing around some psychobabble terms without understanding how to apply them, how about “the silent treatment”, emotional neglect/abuse, passive aggressive”, for starters.
Sounds like guilt isn’t working stop and leave her alone! Our mother had a saying “Nobody likes me, everyone hates me, I might as well eat worms!” Do you hear the I,I,I,I? Find a real life! Sheesh!
I like how she insinuates that the problem is driven by politics rather than her own toxic behaviour. They always like to insert an excuse as to why things are so dysfunctional in their family to deflect from their own dysfunction
People just don't cut their family off just on politics. I would know,I'm very at odds with my parents politically but I'm not cutting them out because they've been good parents to me
What are you her therapist? How do you know what she was doing? I've known people personally who said if they had a friend who disagreed with them politically, they would have nothing to do with them. People like that exist believe it or not. If Haley, who is 29 years old, was a mature person, she would sit down with her parents with a therapist and talk to them about why their politics is a game changer, instead of just cutting them off.
I would be very interested in hearing the daughter’s story. As someone who has not spoken to their mother in 10 years, I can attest that not all daughters are monsters and not all mothers are saints. We are ppl too and some of us has to make a difficult decision to save ourselves . Wishing you all the best.
The fact that she sent self improvement videos to her as if it was the daughter’ problem really shows who she is as a person and who she blames for the consequences
She said she thought her daughter already like those types of videos. Cynicism is not the answer. Understanding is the answer. And if you love yourself, you won’t easily hate your maker.
@@vladimirofsvalbard9477 She also mentions starting a "private" channel after using her daughter's name and showing a face that isn't really blurred out. I would be mortified to see my personal life on RUclips. I should probably review my own comments.
idk the way you literally didn't ever acknowledge that letter and what it truly meant and conveyed does not sit right with me. nor does the way you dismiss her interests, and the fact that she has people who admire her for said interests on line, and its even worse that you say "found family" with such disdain. whatever happened between you two as she was growing up obviously wasn't something you realised was happening, but it is not and has never been a child's responsibility to stay with you and never say what bothers them in order to make you happy. there is no social contract, only a responsibility for a parent to acknowledge and try to bridge the gap between them that has been caused, to try and understand. you can say "we tried our best" and walk away from it, but now your daughter will forever know that is the extent of the effort you have for her. "Received." is all you can do to acknowledge her feelings and her autonomy, and that is a very sad thing indeed. I sincerely hope that you find peace, and understand how your treatment of your child caused your own grief, and I am using this as a lesson for myself when i become a parent in the distant future. if a teen is emotionally competent enough to understand how your tone and demeanour comes off as dismissive in this video and in all of your interactions with the poor woman who had to leave her own family and find a new one to feel healthier mentally, then I have hope that you can too.
I am an adult daughter with a mom very similar to you what it seems. We still have some contact but very little. It is not easy to spot a covert narcissist but that is what she is. A narcissist would never ever understand or accept that they are that though. I did not know until a therapist pointed it out to me, after I wrote a letter, friendly but honest about how I feel/felt and and had cried myself to sleep so many nights when I was a child without them knowing. The answer was extremely defensive “everything I did for you!” she denied some of my memories and said “you shouldn’t have felt that way, you were so sensitive!” etc. she had no interest in finding out more, but doing what she did best after that: ignoring it, not wanting to discuss it more, and going on as usual. I could never talk about feelings with her, she just don’t list, but gives unwanted advice instead. I get bombarded with articles and “science” from internet instead of empathy for instance. I see that your behavior is reminding me of my mom; no reflection or slightest belief that you can have a part in this. I can tell you no one take a breakup with parents lightly, but when the interaction gives more pain than joy then there is no choice but ti limit contact if you want to stay sain. Every time we go to them I have anxiety days before and afterwards there is always something she said that hurt me that she isn’t even aware of and that doesn’t leave my head for days. Maybe something we do “wrong” with the kids, but she is so skilled at saying it in a smily way. I see that you are focused on Happy Birthday wishes, it is the wrong focus I believe. It is not a Happy birthday text-sms that gets someone to want to get the contact back, it is genuine curiosity, empathy and the treating someone like an adult that is the important and not a birthday wish.
Exactly. My Mother wants "All or nothing!" In our relationship, she doesn't have time for "fake relationships". Well, I want my Mom so badly! She tells everyone I disowned her every time she disowned me. This time, I have gone silent. I have alway gone crawling back to try to make amends, even if I had to take all the blame. This time, I have let her just blame me. What am I waiting for? I'm waiting for "I'm sorry. Can we start to build a new relationship? We can go slow, I'll take anything" If I got even an shadow that my Mother truly loved me and was sorry, I'd be back! It's the constant little jabs, the little backhanded comments pushing her wants. She is right and I'm not. I have no say with how I protect my own children. Her special friends are more important, even though they are bad people. Her new spin on life is her new god, (Qanon). I got so tired of having the fear mongering forced down our throats. Our past together is littered with a cycle of good times, then disagreement, followed by me getting thrown away and loosing everything I own. This time, I just went silent. It wasn't even as serious as times past. Hardly comparable in fact. We don't co-own anything this time, she cant hurt me. Why now? Why over something small? I dont know. At first it was for just a few days to try and sort my head. Her response was pushy, she tried to make her point seen by fighting with me through a family member. My request for distance basically denied. I invited her to my child's Grandparent's Day event at school. She came, I was met with extreme hatred. So, I have stayed silent. Is this what I wanted? No. Why would a daughter want this? It hurts every day. I'm sure my Mom hurts too. How do we go forward? I don't know. But what this lady is doing in the video isn't they way for sure. I wanted to yell at this lady, "hey! Try a simple and humble, "Please, I miss you, and I'm sorry. What can I do to start over with you?"
You are projecting. And that’s so unfair to this mother. I’ll ask you this: if you watched a daughter share about being cut off by her mother, presenting all in the same ways here, would you immediately assume and project narcissistic tendencies on the daughter? Nothing shared here suggests what you are blaming her for. I had to separate myself from my family. I had to. I hate using the word narcissism because it feels like another overused and misused word that started to trend online. But it’s a word I learned long before it began to trend because of an actual diagnosis a family member of mine has, a family member that helped “raised” me. I was subjected to violence, drug use as a child, and severe mental harm. It is what it is. I have tried to find other people like myself, because it’s a lonely feeling not having family, especially during the holidays, but I’ve found myself not being able to fit in with support groups online. Because I don’t understand or recognize what most of those in these groups are identifying with. They seem to identify with each other. And that’s great for them. But I noticed after a while that there’s a new wave of mental health crises or something like that happening as a result of social media that is wreaking havoc on familial relationships and causing people to find themselves as victims even when they’re not victims, causing people to see what is just a normal up and down bump on the road of life as being some kind of abusive act done to them, verses the reality, people are not perfect, and we all will have the our insecurities and problems, and so will those we love, and unfortunately we won’t always feel great about everything, we won’t always feel verified about everything, but so long as the desire to not continue to cause each other pain, and to try and show that our love is what matters most, than working through things together is always a blessing of an option. To listen to people talk about how they were mentally abused because of problems they chose to pursue and chose to continue to force to attention verses accepting that this is something they don’t see eye to eye on with this person, and letting it stay at that, loving each other, and just knowing that this is something best they just don’t pursue, I listened to people demand that they have the right to pursue it and that their so called loved ones were abusive for not wanting to continue that pursuit with them and for wanting to just live and let live. I think what bothered me the most here was the constant condoning and validation these support groups were giving each other for this very alarming and red flag behavior, behavior that my own psychologist had to teach me to recognize and to put a stop to from my family members, and here that behavior is, rampant amongst those who are cutting off family and making support groups for abused children and abused adult children, and the speech and mannerisms are giving me virtual mental flashbacks and even intrusive thoughts/memories because of how word for word spot on some of it was with the way I was manipulated for years, except this manipulation was from victims encouraging each other to remain victims. I’m not saying you’re one of those people. You shared things that very much describe an unhealthy relationship and a hurtful experience and I’m so sorry that that was and is your life. But I’m just trying to share that we can easily make ourselves the very enemy we escaped, and not even realize it. Some of the most beautiful people I’ve ever known have been some of the most negative and hateful in the end, because of the wounds they carried around, and the way those wounds became infected and spread, turning into something that destroyed them even more than the abuser that caused the wounds in the first place. It happened to me. It took a lot of work for me to recognize what was happening and pull myself up from out of it. There’s a reason they say that those who grow up with abusive parents are at risk for continuing the abuse. It’s not because they’re monsters. It’s because they’re damaged from what they’ve been through and it’s not as easy as social media and Hollywood love to make it seem to just overcome and be normal and happy. Judging this mother and assuming that it’s somehow not possible for children to grow up to be mentally and emotionally abusive for no real reason, is just as gross as someone judging you or me and saying that we must have been bad and out of control and deserving of our experience, or, my favorite, way too sensitive and way too emotional and no understanding of how hard it is for them. Loved hearing that one after waking up to strange men in my room as a child and getting told I was overreacting and ruining her life. Wonderful Seeing your reply to her here made my heart hurt for her. Because I grew up with my own monsters. And I don’t see what you see here. And I believe you would feel very bad to learn you’re projections are dead wrong and you’re injecting unfair and undeserved shame and blame to someone who is suffering from a mentally or emotionally unstable and selfish person.
@@taniele84 That my mom is a covert narcissist is not my own fantasy, it was words that came from my licensed psychologist after many meetings and her reading a very self-pitty and at the same time self-glorifying letter with not one single questions asked. My psychologist asked me if I new what Covert narcissist was and I said no? I have never heard my mom take blame for anything or admit any wrongdoing when I grew up, and I was contrary to what you are insinuating, taught that I was the one causing all problems and our relationship to be bad so I went to my therapist to learn what to do and how to reach out to her, I was chocked when she said it doesn’t matter what I would say, my moms response would be the same, because her brain is wired that way. I don’t know all the facts of course, of this relationship, I am just saying that the signs are there and no-one leaves their mom for the fun of it, It is extremely painful. It is also a warning sign when a parent believes that they children developed 100% independently from themselves. The parents are always part of the equation.
@@andreagudmundsson2870 and there it is, the therapist called your mother a “covert narcissist”. A good therapist doesn’t diagnose someone based on someone else’s point of view. THIS is triangulation against your mother.
To much truth about her will be revealed and she wants you to feel sorry for her. You most likely won't because of the same reason her daughter left her out of her life.
It's like when my mother refused to let anyone read my brother's suicide note. I'm sure he said some things she disagreed with, and the only control she had over it was to not share it in its entirety... Only the parts that resonated with her side of the story.
My mother was an emotionally abusive narcissist who aimed most of her vitriol at me, her only daughter. At one point she went into hospital and her psychiatrist asked to see me. His advice was to walk away from my mother and never look back - the problem was hers. I should have done exactly what he said but I didn't because ..... God knows why. I ended up nursing her for the last four years of her life. Her last comment to me was that she had never wanted a daughter but I had been useful as an unpaid carer. However, she spent the last four weeks of her life in hospital and couldn't control herself - her vicious nasty abusive self came out to a lot of people. Never assume that the children are always at fault - it is just as likely the parents have caused the problems.
Walking away from a parent is incredibly difficult. It doesn’t happen for no reason. Honestly not like these sick parents would go to counseling, they are not about to change ❤️🩹🦢
"This angry outburst from her was so out of character we were shoked" yeah that's what years of mistreatment from the people who are meant to make you feel safe does to someone. It just builds up until it all explodes then their gone (thank god). Im 18 I just left my middle eastern household (rip) and have been no contact for a few months. You remind me of my own mum and its sickening i dont have a single drop of pity for you.
This is a lot of me, me, me. I feel, I want, I need, I don't understand. I'll bet if we talked to your daughter we'd get the rest of the picture. There's a reason she walked away. Maybe look in the mirror. I know you don't want to acknowledge it, but that's where the real healing lies. You caused harm to your child. Show walked away to save herself. My guess is her mental health is the best it's ever been.
so much snark in 4 little words. I cant even imagine the snarky remarks your poor child endured for years. Sad that you've chosen to earn money from your daughters abuse. What an evil soul. @@estrangedparents
You aren't special or unique. There are lots of us with parents like you, so many that we can study the patterns in all our stories and see patterns like the ones pointed out in the original comment.
@@estrangedparentsno you think you are omniscient and without blame. Your words and attitude are a lot like my covert narcissist mother. I feel for your daughter.
Really an outburst? That's how you're framing your child feeling deep hurt to the point of not wanting you in her life. She unfriended people who have the same political beliefs so that's obviously not just that. Also you seem so focused on her as a baby but your children are so much more than 2 or 3 years of their life. Oh you put resources into your child you chose to have? What a SACRIFICE.
@@neon___am "We don't know what she's thinking" because they never listened to her, ever. No matter what the daughter did to be heard. This mother will never understand, because she doesn't want to. She will forever be crouched there with her paddle, like some Chinese ping pong champion, bashing back anything from her daughter she doesn't want to hear.
" She unfriended people who have the same political beliefs so that's obviously not just that." Politics often turn into a game of becoming a purity spiral, especially when it comes to extreme political beliefs. The fact that she says she left her parents over politics, seems to imply she became extremely political, and political extremists consider everyone who doesn't agree with them and their beliefs, as evil. Narcissism is partially a genetic trait. If the parents have it, and we see the daughter leaving them over political reasons, it stands that the daughter may be a narcissist as well.
@@zoep.2891 What are you talking about? The mother said that the letter was 90% political ramblings about how she couldn't be with them if the parents supported "that guy" (probably Trump). 90% of the letter focused on a single issue wasn't the mother choosing it as the reason, it literally was the huge majority of the reason. And it's not surprising. There were tons of kids on reddit during the election talking about going no contact with their parents because the parents supported Trump. Its unfortunate but a lot of these kids get completely indoctrinated into politics when young when they dont really know much about it, and operate on how they FEEL about it instead, willing to abandon their family over their misinformed, radical views on politics.
@@Stalofos yeah, a parent who stalks my tiktok account even after I as an 18+ adult have cut contact with them and discusses about uncomfortable they are with my tiktok because of "exotic cosplay" on RUclips IS a toxic narcissistic parent, regardless of whether they supported Trump or not. And after the January 6th incident, anyone who still does continue to support Trump is the one who actually has "radical, misinformed views" And turns out, everything we believe as facts are only because of what we feel about the facts
@@shadowshow701 are you familiar with covert narcissism. I was trying to be nice. You want mean? She’s literally insane and smear campaigning her kid. There that’s how I really felt.
Oh its 100% her fault her daughter doesnt talk to her. The fact that her daughter wrote her a physical letter telling her all the reasons but she went into an estrangement group :to figure out whats going on" tells me all I need to know..She already knows why, she just needs a reason to blame her daughter instead of taking accountability
I'm sure my mother tells people I don't talk to her when she hasn't called me once in close to four years. I called twice but had to hang up due to the vitriol being spewed at me. My husband abandoned me and my son three years ago. Left me for dead. Plotted against me (I have his phone), defamed me. Is still trying to financially destroy me. Trial next week. I am my own attorney. I am disabled and broke. My mother hasn't called me one time. She believes his lies but has never heard my side of the story. The day he left, he left me laying on the garage floor in a nightgown with bludgeoned knees because I fell on the concrete. I was bleeding and screaming. He drove away. Filed for divorce and tried to serve my son the papers. I ended up with a DVT (blood clot) in my leg. My son had to be my 24/7 caregiver and save my life multiple times the past three years. He's had no break. None. Ever. My mother is retired, in good health, has means. But not one phone call, no offer of help and when I called the first of only two times and begged for help because it was life and death, she passive aggressively said "well, I could come out and wash your sheets". I had to hang up. If that's all I needed, I wouldn't be calling. This was the second time ever in 25 years I had asked for help due to extreme illness and hospitalization. She refused both times. The truth is, she isn't talking to me. But even if she attempted to now, not interested. Unless there's major apologies and accountability for everything that's gone on. The other part of this is that I should have a 29 year old daughter. She's dead. Her death blew my entire family apart in slow motion. My son came to the realization this past summer that he wouldn't be alone in this if his sister was still alive. Her name was Hailey. And I can't imagine telling her no if she needed help. I can't imagine not talking to her if she were still here. I would literally do whatever it took to make things right if she stopped talking to me for whatever reason. That mortality thing goes both ways sister. And please, stop with the I really thought we did our best. Whether you did or you didn't isn't the point. Sometimes our best is still a failure. I have to live with the fact that I blindly took my precious Hailey Lynn in for the toxic poison shots that killed her despite a deep gut feeling, maternal instinct telling me not to. My "best" failed my daughter and she's gone. She would be 29 and has the same name as your daughter. You still have a chance as long as she's alive, I don't. Things have been hard for me and my son and it hasn't been pretty. I have had to own up to my own failures and mistakes to maintain a relationship. None of us are perfect. I really do hope and pray you find a way back to your Hailey. Humility is the way. My mother has none and I doubt we ever have a relationship again. It's unbearably painful.
Yup. They control their kids for years, never letting them discover or feel any of their true feelings, then when the adult child starts to find some healing and authenticity for the first time it's all, "Wah wah wah wah why won't they be the controlled little dolly I used to get to play with anymore?"
To the mom... these kids are brainwashed by the so called "therapists", the media, liberals and online sites. They are way too sensitive, way too offended. I say you don't want anything to do with me? Then you are free to go. It would be a cold day in hell before I would allow the ungrateful child to treat me like a criminal if I knew I did my best. You know when they realize what idiots they are? When they have their own kids. Then the uh-oh comes in. I wish them all the luck in the world because their going to be very, very lonely.
Good for you!! Hold your ground, even when it’s hard. We all miss having a mother, but it’s not our mother we miss. We miss the mother we deserved & should have had. We miss something we never had. I’ve found that I’ve healed by being everything my mother was not for my own children. I also became a foster parent and giving away what I never got has helped all of my children & brought me so much joy. Being a good mom has helped me heal. So you do whatever you need to do to heal your soul & don’t try to get blood from a stone. She’s not capable of being the person you want her to be. Sending hugs.
Boundaries are good. I had an abusive father but realized my own shortcomings & forgave. I began counting the things my parents DID do right & not owning what was not mine. There is a story behind their own pain & copi ng. It was quite freeing for me. Dad passed & I have no regrets for making amends within myself.
@@formerfundienowfree4235 Yea sure, being neglected, disrespected or abused for years by shitty parents with little to no self control has nothing to do with it.
@@formerfundienowfree4235 With good reason! They finally found someone who understands their pain and/or has gone through the same. And who supports them that they have no longer endure abuse and invalidation from their own parents!
This whole video is a red flag of the kind of person you can be. I don’t blame your daughter at all. I can’t imagine making a video like this about my kids or profiting off a situation where my child is hurting. I’m glad she is free. Good for her. You keep pestering her and sending immature messages. It’s obvious you have done no self reflection.
@@estrangedparents yes, sticking up for victims is a red flag🙄 meanwhile I’m sure your daughter would love to see you change. But go ahead and keep using her for financial gain. I wish your daughter nothing but the best and complete healing.
She wasn’t sure she presented asThe Problem in the video, so she had to double down here. So glad her daughter escaped. I hope she has grandchildren that never know her.
@@estrangedparents your comment screams “I’m a toxic narcissist.” As if your snide and heartless comments ‘add anything to this conversation.’ Get over yourself 🙄
Holy tamales this woman makes one's skin crawl. The daughter must have gotten sick of feeling like they lost two pints of blood every time they interacted with them.
I would love to know the daughters version and experience. I stopped talking to my father about 4 years ago when I realized he is a misogynistic narcissist. He never apologized when I pointed out how he had hurt or disappointed me. He always answered with a “so what are you doing about it to fix it”. He still sends me messages of “I love you”. He loves me for himself, not for me. He’s incapable of loving, as he never loved anyone other than himself enough to understand and apologize for his mistakes. He is toxic. My life is so much better without him and I feel absolutely nothing for him. No guilt and no love but also no resentment. It’s like he never existed.
I see you're not there yet, but sometimes forgiveness helps one heal. You say you aren't holding onto anger or resentment, but i suspect whatever you're holding onto isn't healthy for you. You seem pretty passionate in your post about your father. Which, I know I don't know your whole story. I had a lot of resentment and anger in my younger years. I still do to some degree, but now that I'm a little older and I think a little wiser, I'm trying to see things through a different filter, trying to be more understanding, if anything, for myself. Nothing can right the wrongs of the past, I agree, but sometimes people can change. I could give a good example of this, but it's a long story. Essentially, my father was a better grandfather to my son than he was a father to me. Details aside, this helped me understand that we all have the ability to learn and grow. I'm not saying my father was the devil or anything. He was much younger then and not as patient or kind when I was a kid. I don't know your situation except for what you wrote so obviously, only you'll know if he's worthy of forgiveness someday. In my situation there was both good and bad. I still love him for the good. If that makes sense. I'm not telling you what to do. I'm just giving my perspective on things.
@@jwsuicides8095 I'm sorry 😞 Not all people deserve to be parents. All you can do as someone who's been through that is to try to break the cycle. Be better to your own kids.
it’s hard for an older person to say sorry. I think he might be hurting or feeling sorry and he might not say so aloud. I don’t know everyone’s situation but not everyone is that expressive n it’s pretty hard n torturing for the person who can’t even express it. You may want to be loved in a certain way but he still loves you prob not the way you expected it.
Estrangement doesn’t just happen. There is a reason. (usually many of them) Until those are brought out into the open, and worked on, there will be no reconciliation. I let two abusive family members go from my life. You reach a point where you realize that if you both aren’t trying, then nothing positive is possible. You reach a point where you walk away in order to save yourself.
I believe this lady is hurting. I don't believe she is innocent. I can feel the narcissism thru my phone - everything is about HER, still making digs at her daughter being on social media, buying herself gifts on her daughters bday (for real, wtf?!) couldn't for a second feel contrite, refuses to look in the mirror. This entire video is a textbook lesson on selfishness and the cost of always having to be right.
Yes, this is a way of saying, "It's not my fault". There's a reason why her daughter stopped all contact, she just doesn't want to see it. Quite pathetic to be honest.
For me, it was the "we did everything, all that time, resources, etc." I've seen this exact same thing in most cases of child estrangement, including my own, my sisters', and a friend. If you think your children owe you love and attention because you gave them what you were supposed to when they were growing up and used your resources on them.
The Missing Missing Reasons - these people never understand why their child would go NC with them, even though they're all staring them right in the face.
I have always given flowers to the mother at birthday parties for the kids. I mean, mothers are the reason they are here. it's both their celebration day. not really that weird to give up buying your kid who no longer wants your in their life a gift and give yourself one for that day way back when you had them.
my narcissistic mother (2 years no contact now) used to love it when my sister bought flowers on her birthday for my mother. (yeah, she was deeply enmeshed in the F-O-G back then, but has broken free since.)
The forgiveness section is the most triggering. My dad came with the same bs. Oh you forgive yourself? For what, I thought you did nothing wrong? How can you forgive yourself for something you don't think happened? How about if you actually acknowledge my pain before you forgive yourself for creating it? 😅😂
Exactly. Why does it matter if she “forgive” herself if she didn’t even take responsibility in the first place 🙄. That’s not forgiveness it’s just not caring
Trying to maintain a relationship with my abusive mother (the last assault happened when I was 37) eventually lead to me having a nervous breakdown. I barely survived. I can’t live with that level of terror in my life. It’s beyond horrible to grieve someone who is still living, but for me, it was that or die.
My grandson has disowned me. Keeping his children from me. It's been one of the hardest things I've ever r gone through. We were I thought something special.. but 2 yrs ago he decided I was toxic. I like all these others never ever could have believed he would do this to me. My step daughter is going through this same thing. He did when telling me he no longer wanted a relationship with me.said he appreciated all love ever done for him. So now I'm trying to accept it all. My 2 lil grandsons don't understand why they aren't allowed to visit me. I see them once in awhile through his dad an mom. They like me are broken hearted. I pray for him and will always live him.
@@rebeccafrakes9305 Have you even reflected on WHY he wants nothing to do with you, instead of trying to place outside blame? An apology, loaded with insight, is ALWAYS a step in the right direction.
You may love her forever but you wont truly listen to her forever and THAT is why she stopped talking to you. At some point in your relationship, your ears got smaller and your mouth got bigger.
The depth of a person's character is defined in part by overlooking another person's shortcomings. Refusing to overlook a close family member's shortcomings will result in a life devoid of real fulfillment.
@@moabman6803 if you think this is only about politics your wrong. Mom wont tell the whole truth and has decided to paint her daughter as the crazy girl who stopped talking to her trumper parents, would love if mom linked her daughters tiktoks.
@@dct1238 mom already wasnt listening. She belittled the reason her daughter cut off contact and barely mentioned it. She belittled her tiktoks, she didn’t wven go to the full extent as to why her daughter cut her off. I know this to be true because i watched the video lol
Precisely. All I heard in this video is “We’re so hurt”, and “Our daughter doesn’t even care, she’s so cruel”. Victim mentality and 0 accountability. Very convenient
@@estrangedparentsyou opened the door. You thought you'd get pity, compliments, narcissistic supply. Instead you're getting criticism. Take your lumps.
@@estrangedparentsdo you feel this comment was out of line or offensive? Pointing out that a persons situation such as this shouldn’t be publicized without your daughter agreeing to it? If a differing (but respectful) comment is posted you take offense. Perhaps this is the same attitude with your daughter that fueled the fire…
@@estrangedparentslike Every Single One of your replies i've read so far 🤯 even the single one i've seen that pretended like you've actually tried to understand your daughter - despite whatever edits you made to it, it still comes off as a *severe* covert narcissist lacking self awareness & humility who's trying to manipulate
This video is fantastic! I've already downloaded and saved it. I will be using it as a case study in NPD for my psychology students. It's quite hard to find real world example so blatantly on display to use as a teaching tool to diagnose personality disorders. So grateful that this video was shared for all to learn from.
Have you tried trying to understand why your child came to this conclusion? Your child is a human, just like you. Every decision we make we rationalize, every decision we make we mull over. Especially a decision as difficult as cutting of familial ties? We never do things without reason.
I cut my mom out of my life for refusing to acknowledge the neglect and abuse in our house growing up and how severely it ruined my health and self esteem. She’s selfish and uncaring. She refuses to even acknowledge her part in the dysfunction even though I spent my whole childhood begging for her to stop drinking and being punished for it while my golden child sister enabled her and was rewarded. Picturing her “wondering why” her daughter doesn’t talk to her anymore makes me physically ill and no matter how many times I tell her exactly why she plays stupid and pretends to be a victim.
Oh I understand you. I did it to my own mom and sister. Difference, I hope, is that you told her. You let her know what her part was in the separation. It's when it is sudden and without a word...I begged my son to at least talk to his father.
I agree w you. My mother was a verbally, emotionally, physically abusive “mother”. I made her punish me. She acknowledged her actions as an adult and said, “who cares- you survived”. She went on to emotionally and verbally abuse my daughters so i set a boundary. Said IF you want to see us, you cannot curse, scream, hit or lie to us. She broke ties w us and i was sad but relieved. She died 15 years later and no one cared. I wonder if this woman is abusive too. My gut says, yes.
@@janetdurkee8527 Can I ask how you can tell from this that she is abusive? Not trying to be sarcastic, just wondering if I am missing something. It is hard when you don't see the two sides.
@@bunacat1 This video cannot be just about her, she's too smart for that so it has faux reflection and regret sprinkled all the way through it. Also this is a RUclips video, it's here for the world to see more than just her daughter, disgusting last attempt at the kind of emotional blackmail which got her dumped in the first place.
Good for you for putting your children first . My mummy dearest is a narcissist too . They can wreck havoc on your children . Went no contact a year ago left me with an anxiety disorder and anger issues . Never doubt your decision it was definitely the right thing to do. Wishing you all the best ❤
Always two viewpoints to every story. As a child I was both abused and neglected, neither were ever acknowledged, I walked away from them all and never regretted it.
REAL abuse is different from i just wanted to do what i wanted to do and you wouldnt let me kids an abusive parent would never care enough to make a video
This video is highly suspect. What does ssys might be true but it also might be true that this woman is a narcissistic attention lover. It took a lot of time to produce a video like this. The crying and carrying on in a public setting scream out that she may be doing this for attention and is obsessive with feeling sorry for herself.....but then takes it one step further needing others to feel sorry for her as well. All under the guise of trying to help others. Her virtue must shine to the world and she makes sure it does.
I dont even have to see the daughter's side of the story to know she's in the right. Mom does a great job of making herself look awful (if you're not easily deceived)
I wonder if my narcissistic mother is saying the same thing about me to her friends and all of our family… I know it’s hard to accept that something might be mostly your(the parent’s) fault but the parents are supposed to be the mature ones. You(the parents) were the ones to bring the children into this world you were supposed to teach us to not want to be estranged from you. I think the sooner you accept this the easier the better off you’ll be. We’re not getting any younger.
@@ma.3934 ugh yeah typical. Whenever somebody from my family (like an aunt or something) would stop talking to my mom it was because according to my mom “somebody is manipulating that person.”
@martareitmajer lol yeah my mom has had multiple people leave her too and she says "everyone leaves me because I'm just too honest and too much of a sensitive soul and nobody understands". She pretends she's a fairy goddess when in reality she has the anger of a drunk dad.
Most disowned children are minors when it happens, and it's often because the child is gay. That's evil, and you're a bad person if you think that's comparable to cutting off abusive parents.
Did you ever ASKED your daughter why? And listened to her? Maybe, just maybe, it will help. But I guess it's more important for you to save your EGO and picture of yourself being a good mother then really being a good mother and have a relationship with your daughter. Yeah you're right, that's more important 😒
I don't know if you're up to date on current events, but if you listened to the first 5 minutes of the video, you would know the steps she took to reach out to her daughter. It's always good to actually listen before you form an opinion. It's so much more interesting for the reader
Before I make a sound conclusion of this, I would definitely be interested in hearing the daughter share her experiences and why she ultimately chose to go no contact. This is not something that just happened out of nowhere.
It kinda is in these days of “identity politics” where are you sleeping under a rock or are you one of those “living their truth” ? PS their is no such thing as “my truth” only actual “TRUTH” there is my version of events and perversion of both truth & events !! As you’re so sympathetic to the daughter guess I can wish this on ? Yes ?
Well typically if a child does this in there teens or early 20's it's easy to assume they had outside stimulus promoting their decision. I know in my case it was a woke feminism push that caused it.
@@Sunnydreamer1470it sounds like the daughter had a lot MORE to say but that was all brushed over with a bad overlapping effect. We only hear one side, and that side is biased.
@aphreyst4551 part of the problem is, when people have more to say, but don't say it--its impossible to really understand what's going on or how to resolve differences. There are always two sides to a story, but when people are unwilling to communicate, it's not possible to tell the other side of the story because both sides are largely unaware of what the otherside could possibly be. It's a desperately sad situation for everyone involved.
“I buy myself a present on her birthday” 😂 I hope your daughter has been having a great life and learning to live without the stress of a mentally taxing parent
honestly getting away from these parents would be such a pain... looks like they didnt give up easy... but being a daughter who wants to live your own life and having parents that follow you around is so difficult...
@cherylmangas7924 I also left my abusive mother. Ever since I left her all of my chronic health conditions have disappeared. That's how abusive she was. She was literally causing my body to fall apart.
There are bad parents out there I agree with you all but there are good parents out there that still have their children walking away and leaving us not knowing why. Im one of those parents. My two oldest daughters won’t give me an explanation that is clear. I have found other parents out there that are going through this too. It’s almost like it’s an epidemic of family’s falling apart. I have always tried to be a good mom and I have 4 children only two have left and my other two that are not estranged are just as worried about them because if their irrational decisions. They were given so much love and spoiled at that maybe that’s just where I went wrong. I’m trying to understand both sides and willing to accept my faults and move on.
Cutting a parent from your life is a very hard decision and can take years of courage to do. Many of us desire to be in a loving and respectful relationship with our parents so severing it means there were a lot of trauma and problems that would force one to walk away. I know you’re hurting inside for your daughter but perhaps she had to leave you to save herself. I hope everyone affected can move on and heal from this. Good luck
Well said ❤ it's hard when you're expecting a parent to protect you but the person you need protection from IS the parent. It because a choosing game: who do I choose? Peace and myself? Or my parents and continued hurt? 😢
I hear you! I do! and I’m sorry that you feel or know that your mom hurt you so deeply that you felt like you had to leave. Listen, I’m 66 years old and my mom was a mn
I thrive when I cut contact. It's always when I allow myself to be trapped by them that my life seems to unravel. It's such a shame the parent can't be a source of strength for the child. It certainly isn't what we want
I ended my comment by mistake. Sorry. Anyway, my mom was a nightmare. I like THOUSANDS of other children suffered a tremendous amount of physical and emotional abuse. If I could have chosen between the two I would have definitely chosen physical abuse. And to add insult to injury my mom would realize within hours what she had done. In my day ( I’m using that classic cliche 😅😅😅) there were no child welfare groups. And a lot of the times I couldn’t go to school because my mom wanted the bruises to heal. But there was no one I could tell. I can remember so many times thinking, starting at the age of 5 telling myself ( while my mom was beating my head against a wall 😅😅😅) that I would never hurt my “Rosie Flower) like that. I just knew I was going to be a mom one day and name her Rosie Flower. And you know what?! I broke the cycle of abuse! I did it! I’m trying to tell you my story, okay? My daughter is my only child. She never knew her father because he left me/us two days after I had her. He had already spoken with an attorney and he wanted to put her up for adoption. I was given a choice …my daughter or him. And of course course the answer was easy! So my daughter and I spent our lives together. We were always together! We had so many adventures! I knew every single day how God had blessed me! And I probably told her at least once a week that. Listen…. I’m not being biased when I tell you that my daughter is absolutely remarkable! She was diagnosed as highly intellectual gifted, as am I…. and my mom. I raised my daughter to be a conservative but I also raised her in a more liberal way. I didn’t bind her to anything. However I put her through private school and let her make the decision about college which she decided not to do. From early on I observed some of my friends and those that were single seemed to have an endless revolving door of men coming in and out. I chose not to do that. Now that has to be bad for a child! My daughter stayed with me up until the day that our landlord told us he was going to sell our home. We lived in Nashville tn. And you probably know that Nashville is and has been experiencing a population boom. And I knew that finding another place to rent would cost more than i could afford. So I started frantically and I mean FRANTICALLY searching for a forever home. And there were none in Nashville that I could afford. And so we/i ended up an hour and a half away. I didn’t realize the severe ramifications of what my decision would mean. And when I look back on it I realize that I abandoned my daughter! I abandoned my daughter! I abandoned my daughter and when I did I abandoned us! Have you ever carried so much guilt and grief which results in so much self hatred? Have you? I never told my daughter that she was a grown woman and she needed to find her own way out in the world because only an idiot wouldn’t recognize that buying a house was growing to be almost impossible unless you have a college degree with a subject in demand. I am a psychology major! 😅😂😂😂 and I will tell you that is a ridiculous major unless you intend on getting your PHD . Therefore I have to admit that I make disastrous decisions! And I’m certain that I made disastrous choices for myself and my daughter … But…. I never abused her. As a matter of fact I probably gave her too much. At least that’s what my close friends tell me. And with that decision that I made to move to ANOTHER CITY I set my daughter and myself on a crash course to doom! I didn’t however realize just how much suffering and pain my decision would put her through. And trust me when I tell you that I pay for that mistake every day of my life. And then my daughter started “therapy “ , and within a year my name changed from “mom “ to “ cunt”. “ toxic “ …’ narcissistic “ ‘ neglectful “ ‘ manipulative “ let’s throw in another few hundred “cunt” . Mentally abusive . Should have been sterilized so that I could have never had children. And it goes on and on and on and on….. And I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that those words were a direct manifestation of her pain and anger. And with the help of her “wise “ “ therapist “ she made the decision to leave our relationship. And her therapist helped her to discover that I really never loved her! As well as that I most definitely have severe mental “issues “ Do you understand what I am trying to tell you? I don’t know what kind of mother you have. or the factors determined your decision. But for some reason I feel that I am supposed to tell you my story. I hated my mom up until the past two years. And why shouldn’t I?! But in between the abuse that I suffered my mom was beautiful! She absolutely loved me! She taught me so many valuable lessons! I was so angry with her once I turned into a teenager that I made her life hell ! I made her pay! And if I could only see my mom again I promise you it would be different! But she died from cancer when I was 35 . And suddenly I can remember so many beautiful moments. No mother is the perfect mother! And i don’t know how old you are but surely you know that every fault, every Hang up ultimately is awarded to mothers. It is as old as time! And speaking from a psychological perspective, men tend to marry women like their mothers! What’s up with that! 😂😂😅 So just please please do some deep personal introspection! If you’re mom is bad… really bad…. Then by all means keep your relationship on the back burner! It’s just that when I read about adult children making “painful “ decisions to estrange their parents… when you use the word painful I can’t help but feel that in some way someone, somewhere plays a part in your decision and deep down inside you know that it’s wrong. Okay?
I am minimal contact with my mother. I was hospitalized with a condition called takotsubo cardiomyopathy directly after a particularly difficult episode of verbal abuse. I decided it was in my best interest to go zero contact. I don’t know why I waited until I was 49 years old to stand up for myself. Not all parents are good parents.
This video is so phony. The way it’s so dramatically shot and filmed is clearly to make herself look like the victim. I don’t blame her daughter for leaving.
@@tx-sweet-pjg3547 There are many toxic children today, especially around the daughter's age. She is a reflection of our self-absorbed culture. I teach teens and I see the complete self-centeredness and entitled attitude on their part.
@@spicybicy6667 There are many toxic children today, especially around the daughter's age. She is a reflection of our self-absorbed culture. I teach teens and I see the complete self-centeredness and entitled attitude on their part. If they on't get what they want that vile character inside them comes out. Just do a search of teachers that quit because of administration allowing toxic teenagers to do what they want.
Children in general naturally have deep like really deep I could say bottom less love for their parents especially mothers, but how you treat her will determine what route she will take. And trust me, I’m not a mother yet so I don’t know how mothers feel or their perspective, but as daughter I can confirm abandoning a parent hurts the children more than anything and leaves un healing scar on their spirit . So please don’t push your daughter to the dark side of existence which is existing with lack of love and broken heart every day for the rest of her life. I wish life full of love to you and your daughter❤
I thought my mother was the worst mother on the planet. She was bi-polar and suffered from depression. When I was a young adult I had very little contact with her. I didn’t cut her out of my life but I did avoid her often. It wasn’t until I had children of my own that I realized that she had done the best she could. I’m 57 now, my mother is long gone and I still feel remorseful about how I treated her. I didn’t do anything to help her with her illness. I was judgmental. I was unkind at times. Now I can clearly see… she really was doing the best that she knew how.
Thank you for sharing your story, I have been estranged from my daughter for 5 years. I forgave her, forgave me, and moved on too. Despite crying an ocean the first year, and my husband dying, I have found peace and joy being alone (not lonely). I have more peace of mind now than I ever could have hoped for.
.My Advice To Estranged Parents. Devoted to political destruction agents in the old system. You should stop loving that which hates you to be a good mum you must discipline your daughter. As a Christian, I believe undisciplined spoilt children and young adults do badly in the world and become sicker and the result is hell in the world. Zomby alive or dead, in hell. If you need advice. Pray to Jesus Yoshua God to discipline your daughter in the way that she regrets being evil and spiritually dead.
I'm Korean, and I don't keep in touch with my parents either. If parents truly love their children and respect boundaries, there's no reason for children to leave them. My mom was a Christian fanatic who would hit me and my sister if we refused to go to church. She cursed at me and said awful things to me. She even called me Satan or a demon. My dad hit me often when I was young, saying I was disobedient, rude, or talked back. I thought it was normal to be hit when you made a mistake, but I later realized other kids didn't grow up like that. They weren't called Satan for skipping church. As I grew older, I realized it was abuse. That said, my parents did love me-I'm sure of that. They always praised me, saying I was the prettiest and most talented. My dad would tuck me in carefully to make sure I wouldn't get cold. My mom, when I overslept and was rushing to get ready for school, would panic and shove food into my mouth so I wouldn't leave hungry. When I was sick with a high fever, she carried me on her back through a snowstorm to get me to the hospital. That was love. I can promise you that my parents would let themselves starve before letting me go hungry. They would give up everything they had to save me from ruin. That's why I couldn't cut contact with them. Even at 27, l'd find myself crying in the middle of the night, haunted by the image of 7-year-old me-the scared, hurt little child. I felt sorry for that little kid. For three years, I struggled with whether I should stay in touch with my parents. Then one day, I had a conversation with them about how they used to hit me. But my parents denied it ever happened. They said they only gave me a light slap on the hand when I misbehaved. The times they grabbed me by the collar or slapped my face when I was in middle school? The time they pinned me down and choked me? None of it ever happened, according to them. I was shocked. All I and my sister wanted was an apology. But after that, I couldn't bear to see them anymore-not for my sake, but for the sake of that 7-year-old me. I tried to forgive the abuse, to believe it was all out of love. But their complete denial of everything? That's something I can't forgive. It seems like parents, for the sake of their own mental health, are quick to forget the pain they've inflicted on their children. Or they are just pretending
it seems like you have your own anger therefore you will be unable to believe this can happen to good parents. Not always true. Some people are narcissists and sociopaths. I can't believe you actually think you are right. So many people are attacked if they speak the truth about their adult children being horrible people and it is because of judgmental people like you ! Not all children are born with healthy intact mental capacities and are dangerous. You are hateful and grudge holding. You were given life, fed and clothed and not beaten so what is your problem other than selfishness. *
@@Sunflower-ug3eh I’ve seen your comments, and I’m curious why you keep copy-pasting the same thing over and over. Let me respond to your points. Sure, bad kids can be born to good parents. Some kids betray their parents or are naturally narcissistic, no matter how well they’re raised. But let’s be real-that’s the minority. Maybe one out of 100. Most of the time, when kids cut ties with their parents, it’s because they were emotionally or physically abused growing up. I was just sharing my own experience. While I didn’t explicitly say it, the main point of my post was this: Parents tend to forget the terrible things they did to their kids, often without realizing it. And kids don’t cut off their parents for minor mistakes-there’s usually something major behind it. You said I’m full of anger? That’s not true. I’m not angry at my parents anymore. I’m just sad about the whole situation. I feel sorry for the younger me and my sister who went through all of that, and I even feel sorry for my parents. Oh, and the dog I used to have, too-my mom gave it away without telling us. But when I talked to her about it later, she cried and apologized. I don’t talk to her anymore, but I’ve forgiven her in my heart because it’s better for me that way. Sometimes, I do get overwhelmed with sadness and cry, but it’s not anger-it’s just sadness. Like, when I think about my dad’s violent moments, it’s hard. I remember being in middle school, taking a shower, and he barged in and hit me because I’d been showering too long. I was naked, and it left me feeling so humiliated that I carried that shame into my interactions with boys and later, with men. It made dating so difficult for a long time. I think about all the positive experiences I could’ve had, but didn’t, because of the things I went through, and that makes me sad. And yes, I was given life, fed, clothed, and had a warm house to sleep in. But I wasn’t spared from being hit. I was punished for small mistakes, watched my parents throw things, scream, and take out their anger on us. After all that, you think I left them because I’m selfish? If standing up for myself makes me selfish, then who in the world isn’t selfish?
@@Lulu-y4d7l I just read your comment and it all really resonates with me and I hope wherever you are in life now you are doing ok and I am sending lots of love and warmth your way, we are creating our own safety and definitions of love and care
@@supercozemusic Oh, I just saw your comment because my RUclips notifications were off! Thank you so much for your kind words. Healing from the childhood wounds can be such a hard journey, but we’re all doing our best. And I absolu love what you said about creating our own definitions of love and care-it’s such a beautiful and powerful thought. Sending so much love and warmth your way as well❤️
You're blowing it with her if you diminish her feelings, facts, memories. She's going to replace you with someone who will have her back, unconditionally. Unconditionally.
She definitely has a different story to tell. Just like schizophrenics have a different story to tell. When someone starts talking about "my truth" (a red flag for self righteous narcissism masquerading as "victimhood") - as if we are all just to suspend facts and the ACTUAL truth when dealing with this person, then you know that person is functionally in a cult.
Most likely. but different people have different outlooks. Your "no big deal" could be a very big deal to someone else. People take things differently and saying things like "that isn't worth getting upset over" just makes things worse. Politics can also be a family splitter. It should be kept more private than your sex life because young people are very intolerant. If you support a candidate they don't like you are demonized.
My wife has been estranged from her parents for 35 years. Her parents initiated it. Her parents made everyone in the extended family choose to have contact with her or her parents but not both. The mother was extremely abusive mentally and physically and my wife reached a point with much therapy where she began to set boundaries such as you will not call me foul names. Her mother's pet nickname for her was "shit faced brat" often accompanies by a crack across the face with an open hand. The mother does a very fine job of saying it's all her daughter's fault. Yet every time anyone offers to try to repair the relationship the mother is the one that refuses to allow it. I believe nothing without hearing both sides.
my mom was a raging beast too. I think back about being terrified as she would be hitting my small body. I was a small kid. All my friends were scared of her, I dont talk to her now. I dont hate her, I just have to many bad memories.
I feel for parents who have been cut off, but there is usually a good reason. In my case extreme and persistent cruelty, lasting from my teenage years into my 50s. I tried god knows how hard to build a loving relationship with my mother (my fathed died 2009), but she has BPD, and never left an opportunity out to make nasty, harmful remarks, and to blame it on me. In the end I decided I could not stomach this into my old age, and my husband supported me. I sent her three, staged emails, communicating to her in very clear terms what it had been like being in this sort of abusive relationship with her, without being aggressive or using passive-aggressive, accusative language. I read each email to a counselling organisation to check it was not inflammatory before I sent it. They all said they were loving emails cleary written by a loving daughter. My mother did everything but acknowledge the hurt she had caused and decide to be kind. In her second email she claimed everything was in my head. Until I reminded her of some of her actions, which she had repeated, with seeming glee - for years. In my final email I set her an ultimatum - to either start showing some loving and kind behaviours or I would walk away. I told her it is not that hard to be kind to people, andif she did not respond or responded with a 'no;' I would, similarly, walk away. She did not repond. That night I had my first night sleep with no persecution nightmares - and later realised that they had disappeared once and for all. I have slept peacefully ever since. I should have done this years ago. ....I have spent some time thinking about the people I know who are my age and who have cut contact with their parents. The reasons are always the same - wthout exception. For some reason, when the kids hit their 40s and 50s, the parents started judging their kids by unspoken value systems, and started making snide remarks about their parenting, their jobs, their appearance, the way they run their houses and clubs and so on. The kids would still visit their parents despite this, enduring the trip, rather than enjoying it, and spending much of the journey there steeling themselves for what they knew would not be a very nice visit. In my case the criticisms would start within 40mins of our arrival, and they would not let up all weekend. My husband lost count of how many times we drove the four hours home, yes you read that right, with me in tears. It had to stop. Setting boundaries did not work - she would just trample on them. My father was no better. Here is one example of what I had to endure: knowing I worked as a writer for 14 years and do a lot of creative writing, he looks me full in the face and says, pointedly: 'I despise all women writers'. This from a man who concussed me twice, and who would enjoy being cajoled into committing more violence on us kids by my mother who would then stand and watch, doing little air punches as she did so. She encouraged it, did nothing to stop it, and in fact I think she enjoyed watching him harm us. ...It got so bad at one point that I would flinch when he walked past me. I think I tried hard (and long) enough to keep relations going, believing that one day they would soften up a little and grow a human heart. It was hard to realise that I had come to loathe my parents, the very same people who I had as a younger person (wrongly) venerated, and that they would not change; that I had to start seeing them for who they really were, and cut them off in order to be happy. I have forgiven them, though they did not deserve it, but I will not contact her (mum) again, despite the fact that my younger sister died last year. She and I were in the habit of contacting each other about three times a year. Her illness lasted barely 6 weeks, but no-one told me about it or that she had died. That is the difference between them and me. I would never have treated them the way they treated me. I do well without them and have no regrets - because I tried so hard and for so long, earnestly, to do the right thing. You cannot make someone love you or be kind, Either the have emotional intelligence, or they don't, and I just happen to have been born into a family which had none and which was socially, morally and personally inept.
Well see THAT is the type of decent reason to cut your parents off. If they’re actually abusive with words or physically or even manipulation. But this poor woman in the video, I relate to her. I did absolutely nothing to warrant estrangement. I don’t get it. I’m super close with my own mother. I envisioned our lives together to be the same as with my Mom.
It sounds like you didn’t actually LISTEN to her. It’s hard, but you have to admit your errors & take accountability. You can’t blame it all on your kid - that’s a two way street. And yes, the relationship you create with your child growing up IS your fault. Including her reactions to you. I was estranged from my daughter for 5 years, and it took massive therapy & self-healing to be aware of my mistakes & not be defensive. You have done NO growing, Diane. You obviously resent her & will never have a relationship if you can’t heal yourself.
It is never without reason. My daughter would not talk to me for a year. I did not harrass her with messages, but let her work through whatever she had to. Worst thing you can do for the relationship or yourself, is dwell on it. Does it hurt? Sure. But you didnt bring them into the world for YOU.
What do you mean, they didn't have children for them? Everybody who makes a decision to have a child is based on them and their union together. Anyone who is single and wants a kid. It's the same thing it's completely selfish ideal and impulse based on trendyness and a need to progenerate As a biological mamal. I resent any parent who wants to hold it over A child's head that they brought them into this world ,As if they did it for the kid and that it wasn't the parents idea or inclination. A lot of times parents don't want to take responsibility for fucking up their child. If you have kids you're probably one of them.
Maybe she did, there are mothers who treat their kids like dolls to dress up and when they have difficulties while growing up or aren’t fun to deal with they disengage. This lady seems sus to me: very self centered. She bought herself a present for her daughter’s birthday?? Lol dramatic
These issues are not so widespread in the Middle East,where children love their mothers and are raised to respect them. 99.99% of American mothers whose daughters ignore and neglect them were not truly all that horrible. It seems an extension of the woman-hatred that is both socially engineered and socially embedded in Western culture. There is an entire cultural socio-pathology that brainwashes young females to rebel against their mothers. Then the young females become victims of loser men and "friends" in their peer groups. Schools and social services has been conditioning this kind of dysfunction since the 1960's. It is primarily a western cultural phenomenon.
I stopped speaking to my mother because of her cruelty, gaslighting, narcissism and scapegoating. Best decision I ever made that benefitted just me for a change.
Good for you... And how do we know this vid maker is not the same. How would we know. Making an attention seeking vid is exactly what a narc would do. I find it hard to believe that well raised kids cut off their 'great mums' just out of the blue.
You just told my story. I just wish I'd stop getting texts every year on my birthday, crying about not knowing what she did wrong. I was 40 before I finally sent that letter (and it had nothing to do with politics!), as while the physical abuse had stopped when I, at age 18, finally called her out on it (and my emotionally weak father finally stepped in which triggered her to accuse me of trying to break up their marriage...), the emotional abuse continued even on the rare occasions we were in the same room (yeah, I stopped going to family functions when she tried "what have I ever done to you?"! in the middle of my grandmother's funeral). When I realized that my every success was still met with gaslighting and my every failure met with contempt, it was time to give up and realize that I would never have a normal, sane, loving relationship with her. Yeah, the family thinks it's my fault - she's made sure of that. But I'm well over it, and I have an amazing life.
That is definitely a hard part, when they won't take accountability. It's especially hard when, just like tons of strangers on this page are doing to her daughter, you are judged for going no contact with parents who are either mentally, emotionally, physically or all of the above abusive. When parents take accountability for their side and are more concerned with how to heal their relationship with their children through accountability, it's a beautiful thing. Sick parents don't realize how much grace we would show them with showing some effort. The fact that this woman played victim, made video that is utterly embarrassing for her child, changed up a bunch of scenes to be extremely dramatic about HER suffering, while back handedly ridiculing her daughter for others to jump on the bandwagon makes me feel so freaking badly for this daughter. However, comments like this one, and the several who can relate to you and people like me, makes me glad that when the daughter reads these, she won't feel isolated or crazy. I'm sorry that your mom didn't take accountability but I'm grateful that you recognize it and have stood strong in realizing that you don't owe abusers a relationship! 🤗 You keep glowing and growing and being self aware! It's beautiful! I pray one day your mom realizes and can step into the realm of seeing that she has part in the situation.
Yes. What people refuse to acknowledge is that adult kids who grew up with good parents don't just walk away. Good parents have good kids. This page is obviously for the bad parents.
@@rousinrabble Wow what an ignorant remark. Spoiled brats with good parents who've tried absolutely everything they know how and who have groveled and ate dirt trying to get along with their off spring, lose their kids all the time. It's called selfishness and is WAY more common than it used to be.
One of many red flags here, not once did she express concern over what her daughter may be going through. If my daughter did this, my FIRST and MOST IMPORTANT concern would be - is SHE OK? What is bothering her? How can I make it right? I guess that’s why this won’t happen to me.
I'm sure she didn't share her every thought. You cannot begin to imagine what it is like to be ghosted by your child unless you've lived it. She is in her own personal hell and nothing she could do would change it because none of it was her choice. But, I'm sure I couldn't convince you or the other 61k people who've thumbed down the video. Children being estranged from their parents is a trend and it will only continue to rise until the family unit becomes a thing of the past. I'd imagine that a lot of people would consider this a good thing. Certainly, the powers that be do, it was actually one of the goals of BLM, and all other Marxist organizations for that matter. It's a major part of the programming in the media, the education system, new age religions, and especially "mental health" pop culture who encourage everyone to diagnose everyone in their lives. People who think that the dissolution of the family unit is great think they're being independent, and progressive, thinkers but in reality they're being led down a path and playing right into the hands of those who desire to enslave and control the entire world. They've been preparing people for their dystopian future for generations now and the younger generations seem to be begging for it.
@@AllisonSmith73 you’re right. I can not begin to imagine because we raised our children to respect us by respecting them. I can not imagine my adult children “ghosting” us. Because we raised them to think for themselves and knowing there is nothing in the world they can’t come to us about. We raised them with enough humility to apologize if we were wrong and admit we are not perfect but by the grace of God we wake up every morning striving to be better. We raised them to know that Jesus is the only perfect being and that we all fall short, but most of all, we raised them to know that GRACE and LOVE are the most important things in life. No BLM or any other fad can seduce your children when you fill them with LOVE AND GRACE only Jesus can bring from the day they are born.
@@sellmav Are all of your children grown up and out of the house? You look quite young to have already achieved that. If yes, how wonderful it must be for you and your whole family. How wonderful it must be for you if you were brought up in a God-fearing, Jesus-loving, Christian home. We weren't all so blessed with the opportunity to grow up in the truth. Some of us did the best we knew to do which was to raise our children better than how we were raised. I did the best I knew to do, I even joined a church that all of my children were born into but, when my serial adulterer husband decided he'd met someone with whom he "had more in common", he decided we needed a divorce. After that, I was no longer so welcome in the church as a newly divorced mother of three. I made a lot of mistakes, but all of my mistakes were what it took to bring me to where I am today, as a born-again Christian, no longer in a cult, knowing the truth, loving Jesus, and seeing all the ways in which I had been deceived by the adversary for most of my life. I'm filled with gratitude that God has brought me to where I am today. Every estranged mother's story is different but, regardless of where they've been and where they're going, it is for God to judge each of us and, as long as we're still breathing, he may not be finished with us. He knows how our hearts are broken having never come close to anticipating that any of our children would ever write us off. I've never known anyone to whom this has happened. I've seen drug addicts, alcoholics, exotic dancers, people from some of the wildest walks of life who still have children who have something to do with them so, after 13 years, I'm still desperate to know what happened and, for me, that's when it's time to give it all to God again. I am one who still doesn't know what exactly turned my children against me so suddenly. The only hint I've had was when my eldest daughter asked me, on one of the very few phone calls we've had, if it was true that I had stolen a check for $5,000.00. I absolutely never did such a thing. God knows I am innocent of this accusation and yet my children were told that I did it by someone they trusted. With a lie that big, I can't help but wonder what else they might have been brought to believe that I did. I didn't learn even this until after 5 years of absolute silence. I don't think she thought I would deny it, I think she was looking for an apology but I could never apologize (accept responsibility) for a crime that I did not commit. If you have been greatly blessed in your life, it seems reasonable that you would be humble and not assume that someone else, who doesn't have the blessings that you and your family enjoy, is somehow deserving of being alienated by their child(ren). God allows the devil to serve his purpose and sometimes even Christian families can be affected. Job was greatly affected by the devil. He was in no way at fault for the things that came upon him and his family, and yet, all of his friends were sure that he must have done something to bring all of his suffering upon himself. They were wrong. When one is God-fearing and greatly blessed by God, one should never place blame and judgment upon a parent who is in mourning, and grieving the loss of their child(ren) even though they are still alive. I forgive you. It is a common mistake to make, to judge a matter before hearing it (comprehending it fully). We certainly don't want to be so full of pride that we are blaming those who are suffering for their own broken heart. We should have compassion for those who suffer. I truly hope that, whether or not your children are all grown, they will not (even one of them) fall for any of the schemes of the devil. God Bless you and yours.
I always find it funny how people think that this only happens to other people and certainly not to me. I bet the mother thought the same thing as you do now. It's easy to judge others, but not particularly smart.
As the daughter whose mother continually hurts her, lies to her, and always leaves me hanging (and I’m an only child whose father died when I was a child)… I have learned to finally let go of that woman that gave birth to me and cared for me until she just didn’t want to be a mom anymore.
Did you hear anything in this fairly long video that resembled your mother? My take was that whatever this mother's flaws were, they didn't come close to justifying complete estrangement, and I suspect she would have raised some red flags in a 16-minute video. Your thoughts?
@michaelconnors1301 This entire video seemed like a red flag to me, she reminded me of my mother. The entire video she guilt tripped her daughter every time she would talk to her. I know it’s difficult to see your flaunts when it’s all you’re used to.
@@pissshit9001same she reminded me of my narcissistic mother - the whole video is so manipulative, she’s trying to guilt trip her, she isn’t respecting any type of boundary. The daughter is clearly saying, leave me alone and she’s like oh, let me text you, let me email you, and then this video like come on
You are sealing the deal for daughters and sons who have left unhealthy relationships with mothers. You are reminding us why we have no contact. Your woe-is-me I just can’t imagine anything I could have done attitude and the fact that a book about being accountable is so repulsive to you reminds us all that some mothers will never be accountable and truly are never sorry for the ways they have hurt us. This is not normal healthy behavior. Parents all make mistakes but healthy parents are accountable for these and have genuine remorse. They don’t intentionally hurt or use their children either. The first instinct of a healthy mother on realizing her child is hurt by her is to want to understand and work to make things better. It’s not about groveling or being good or bad. It’s about owning actions taken and decisions made.
So, it is possible that I missed it, because I am human; however, I didn't hear a single instance of "I could/might be wrong about some of the things you named as reasons why you didn't want anything to do with us anymore." I find this more telling than anything else presented in this video. It shadows all the 'I still love you' comments with the truth of, "I am not now, nor have I ever been wrong. This is still all your fault."
So true. I knew she had a bigger part to play in the separation than she realizes when she said she showed up to the funeral, followed by "to her credit." I don't think I've ever used that phrase in everyday conversation. Sounds condescending.
@@cococock2418 actually, supporting a fear mongering, racist, bigoted, dictator wannabe is plenty of reason to turn your back on anyone, family or not.
At the end of the video, the mom wishes her daughter all of the happiness and only wants the best life for her regardless of what that is. This is a horrible horrible thing to do to your parents. I had a complicated relationship with my mother and sure it would have been easier to walk away. I’m glad I didn’t.
You have done a good job showing why your daughter has decided to back away from you. It's all about you. Pretty sure it always was, but I wouldn't know. I do know that no one deletes a primal relationship easily and for no reason. You might want to respect her boundaries rather than create massive "im the victim" guilt trip videos.
@@zoep.2891 She might dismiss the comments calling her out, but hopefully her daughter sees them and realizes that there are many people who feel deep compassion for her and are rooting for her healing.
@@heikegani1748 I think I can give a satisfying answer to your question. I came here not to blame the mother but precisely to see her side of the story. And is seeing that side that we can clearly identify her for the narcissist she is. It's all about her, her daughter's feelings are never given the slightest bit of consideration. You think it's easy to cut off a parent like that? She did what she had to do to survive.
@@DragonNyah Speaking from experience I couldn't agree more with you, it is not easy to cut ties with one's own parents! The daughter might have been influenced by the higher educational system to disregard family values and mutual respect. The mother on the other hand has no confidence in her daughter's ability to succeed in life which indeed hints at a superiority complex of the mother.
Kids are realizing the narcissistic abuse they have endured from parents thanks to psychiatrists that are willing to finally talk about them. Remember children cannot choose which family they are born into, but they can go no contact.
This one sided video told us all we need to know. We don't need to hear the daughter's point of view as the mother has shown herself to be the problem by playing the victim and taking no accountability for her behaviour. She is manipulative. This is proven in this video
I doubt that you're kid went no contact solely because you and your husband voted for Trump. I just watched your video and there's absolutely no self-reflection or introspection. The issue isnt with your kid, it's with you. Im glad that she's taken the time to put her feelings and mental health first.
I let my parents go when I was 32. Now I am 46. I have my reasons. My mother was cruel and I couldn't put my finger on it until I was 32. Once I saw her behavior on one specific occasion I started putting pieces of my childhood together and why I felt so alone. She did things to purposely alienate my sister and I with extreme neglect. My father just ignored everything going on and worked all the time. So it was double neglect. As an adult child I thought things would change, but I found out that things never would change and she would always gaslight me. I just couldn't go on like that with the two people that meant the most to me. I just stopped. I have been through many mental health struggles and I always get the response, "Grow up" from them. I did grow up. I grew up feeling really alone with no one on my team. That is why I have mental health struggles.
@@imveryhungry112 I don’t blame my parents for a terrible life. I have a wonderful life. I am very successful and happy. I do have struggles with my mental health and I keep it in check now because I cut the toxic parents out of my life and work hard every day to have boundaries. Mental health is important. Also, I take responsibility for myself and my actions. My parents just wanted triangulation drama to have a punching bag. I no longer subscribe. You sound like a very angry person. I hope you find the help you need. Therapy does wonders. I wish you the best! Cheers!
All of my children cut ties with me several years ago. I was devastated and broken hearted, I still am, but I have learned to take accountability for what I did and didn't do as a parent. I respect their truth and their experiences growing up, and how it affected them - and still affects them greatly as adults. I respect their choices to walk away. I only send them cards and money on birthdays and christmas. I only write I love you in them now a days. Even the fact that I do that is probably the wrong choice. I will never forgive myself for any of it. I won't contact them, except the cards. I will not allow other people to contact them on my behalf. What I have done to cause this chain of events has destroyed so many lives that I will never expose anyone else to my type of "love" ever again to ensure that I protect their safety. Listen to your children's actions. Sometimes the old trope of, "we did the best we could," disrespects the fact that it still wasn't right for them.
@@RisetoStrength I'm sorry if my post came across like that. That was not the impression I was trying to give. After reading it over again, I can see why it may sound like I think parents don't have an obligation to their children, but that is not my belief at all. I believe a parent's greatest responsibility is to raise their children with love, empathy, support, safety and with a unique approach that is built on the specific needs of each child as an individual. Every parent has the obligation to provide their children with these basic needs and so much more.
@@stacyrich113 my picture is a cartoon filter from several years ago. I did start having children in high school too. There were many factors that led to me being an awful parent, but what it comes down to is it was/is my responsibility to be the person they needed and deserved. I will never forgive myself for not providing them with all they needed and deserved. I desperately wish I could do it all over again. I will never forgive myself for being a terrible parent.
@@ellyk8834 absolutely. The problem lies with me for failing them. I am the one accountable and responsible for everything. I respect their decisions that they made to protect themselves. I was a terrible parent.
@@stacyrich113 the only reason I even mentioned sending them cards/gifts is because I wonder if I'm doing more harm than good by doing so. I worry that it may be too painful and invasive for them to receive anything from me at all. I don't want to be disrespectful of their choice to cut ties. I would actually appreciate input from anyone going through this with their parents about whether or not it is ok to receive anything like that from your parents? I just want to do what's best for them.
"She seemed like a normal kid to us". Not realizing the struggles your child dealt with for years that translated into a formal ADHD & Autism diagnosis... I understand what the parents are saying, but if they don't see the problem in the dynamic, I can imagine why the experience for their daughter has been painful. Not understanding why your child runs from you after that, breaks my heart :/
Has your child gone no contact? How do you cope? STAY IN TOUCH: us.estrangedparents.me/join
I understand completely what you've gone through. We have been cut off from our youngest son and his family for 6 years now. It has negatively affected our relationship with our older son as well. (Our only children 😢). We walk on eggshells with him. It's the most horrific nightmare ever. We've never gotten any explanation that makes sense. So very, very painful. It seems to be a sign of the times. We pray for reconciliation continuously. We continue to reach out. We feel outside influences are contributing to this estrangement, but frankly, we don't care about those people. We never expected our children to go along with erasing us from their lives. We miss the once loving relationship with our children. It's hard to fathom this is now a "thing". We never give up hope. 🙏
I am also dealing with this with my son and partially my daughter. Let me say that there is no justification for this. This is how I'm dealing with it. I'm a born-again Christian. My faith in God is where I go. They are from the millennial generation. This generation, and the one right after it, have indoctrinated thinking. The Bible talks about this happening in the last days, which we are in. I have given them over to the Lord. I know for a fact that they will both come running back as soon as they see what God is getting ready to do on this earth. You see, that is one of the issues they have. Even though they were brought up, Christian, they say they don't believe now. They know what is going to happen, though, as I've taught them. God is going to do great miracles for His people during this time, as he judges the evil ones. God has promised reconciliation. I also dedicated my kids to God when they were born. They accepted Christ and have been baptized. Even if they never talk to me again, as long as they recommit to God before they die. I pray for them daily and will always love them. There are so many young people that would do anything for a family who cares. Gifts I would have given them go to needy kids. My will has changed to my Grandsons. They still love me!❤
It's been a year since I last saw my daughter.
I tried my best but my best wasn't enough.
I am not past it, my whole life is falling apart, my husband is divorcing me but keeps in touch with her. 💔
I don't know anything about her or how she is doing.
I'm still heart broken.
She was my miracle baby and my only one.
I feel your pain and heartbreak. My daughter in law has completely taken my son away. Took his phone, blocked me, won't answer texts, phone or emails. I just don't understand either. It's like a mass epidemic of estranged parents walking around. 😢
I never thought I would find a channel on this - Ive been searching for so long, but instead Ive been getting videos about "how you know you were raised by a narc mother" or such titlles. Our grief is SO deep. SO many similarities. She claimed, almost overnight I had destroyed her entire life, and she hated her childhood, and even said I personally destroyed ALL our lives, including her brothers. SO we asked him, and I begged him to be honest and even tho he is fully Autistic (as is our daughter) he said "wow - no you were and are a good mum...I mean, yeah, no ones perfect, but we had a great childrhood. As for M**** - I dunno whats going on with her anymore mum...dont worry about it". But the grief is just too deep. She is 28. She had blocked us both now, not just me, wont respond to texts my husband and her dad, sends her each week to ask if shes ok and needs anything and to sday hello - never ever replies. I too, asked for tolerance when she got angry and forgiveness as she goes to church etc, but even her ex, who we are very close to, cant explain her behavior anymore. Please keep making videos.
Hmm.. yeah I’d like to hear the daughter’s side of the story, because I bet it wasn’t just because of politics. This woman strikes me as extremely self absorbed and lacking any self awareness. Posting a video of a private family matter, crying in front of the camera, painting herself as an innocent victim, playing overly dramatic violins in the background adding to the self pity; it’s pathetic. She talks about herself the ENTIRE video and how hurt she is rather than genuinely analyzing the relationship with her daughter. Instead she subtly insults her throughout, making her seem like a cold sociopath.
I think this lady made this video with two goals in mind: to gain sympathy and attention from random strangers online in order to soothe her fragile ego and avoid any self reflection or accountability, and to get back at her daughter by attempting to smear her reputation.
This is exactly what I'm getting too. Like putting it down to the daughter's ADHD and autism stinks of, 'there's something wrong with her and I did nothing wrong.'
@becklovely8307 100% agree. Way to air your dirty laundry to a bunch of randos in the entire internet. She really needs to get her priorities straight. It's not her kids job to make her feel comfortable. It's the kids job to learn and navigate the world by how they experience it to become their own person.
Well there in lies the problem. If it is over politics, which is beyond a “trivial” matter. Then I can see why the parents are distraught. If there is more to play as “narcissistic abs” or other things, I can then see the daughters plight. But there just simply isn’t enough information to go off. What I do know, is it seems both the daughter and the parents are suffering. And it’s a sad sight to see.
My mother is telling everyone she doesn't know why i haven't spoken to her in 10 years. Maybe it's because she beat the shit out me every day complete with black eyes, busted lips, whelps from extension cords and a lot worse. I'm 55 and on meds and still have flashbacks. I'd love to hear from the daughter.
@ jilldambrosio 4273..why do you let your mom hit on you, ?...do you no how to call the police 🚨...if your mom hit you in your head you could lose your memory...
It sounds like your mom is drunk and is mad with you..I believe your mom had a man that liked you sexually...but it's not your fault...can you stand up for your self?..stop 🛑🛑 🛑 going around your mom looking for her to like you...
I am sure she is beating on you behind a man,
This mother is clearly a narcissist. The way she can’t take accountability is reeking through this video and she is so unaware of it. I see why her daughter went no contact.
@@FyreStartryou're a monster. The fact you idiots can spew nonsense like this, after watching a mother and a father go through that is clearly beneficial. Spot the pathological liars and the psychos.
Please don't make this about you. These parents clearly aren't the people you had in your life.
@@pankakesnotstellarexactly. These grown children can’t take accountability for themselves and they want to make their pain everyone’s pain.
This video is an example of Triangulation. It’s an abuse tactic used by manipulators to involve outsiders in a personal conflict to peer pressure her victim into doing what she wants.
Triangulation is the wrong term to apply here, in order to support your ridiculous movement. Triangulation always refers to cutting out the noise and pinpointing the source of something. Not including more people or more data. You guys just make up any kind of expression and start using it.
😂 ok
@@user-um7tw6kx4r6"In psychology, triangulation is a term used to describe when a person uses threats of exclusion or manipulation. Its goal is to divide and conquer. A form of manipulation, triangulation involves the use of indirect communication, often behind someone's back." literally from an article reviewed by someone with a psychology PHD
edit: words can also have. multiple meanings
spot on @annavictrix , instead of communicating with her daughter quietly- she brings in strangers (youtube) without giving all the facts...
@@Edgeley hmm…so it’s “therapeutic” for *adult* children to trash parents on SM accusing of “childhood trauma” but as soon as a hurting parent gives a moms perspective this is type of comment she gets. Do you see your hypocrisy??! Her daughter *REFUSES* communication! Maybe this mom’s trying to find a way of surviving/coping with HER “trauma” in this too! It’s implied that THIS is her perspective - as with _anyone_ who jumps on SM with their version of a claim!
Ok, so, I think we are a missing a big chunk of this story, I want to listen to the daughter’s side of said story.
Accountability is a helluva thing to be tip-toeing around.
I just tiptoe somewhere else faw away from these foools😂
Accountability for what? There is almost nothing except extreme abuse that justifies completely ignoring a parent. You don’t have to see them all the time but a cordial message a couple times a year is the least you can do for the people who raised you. I am not estranged from anyone personally but i have seen it happen (seen younger people my age telling me why they are wanting to cut out their parents) and the reasons are all very selfish and often politically motivated, fuelled by social media. It isn’t necessary or healthy to just write family out of your life unless they have very seriously abused you.
@@m.freeman9708 There is no way putting yourself through mental gymnastics to maintain a superficial relationship seems healthy to me. In fact, I know it isn't. For who's sake would that be for though? The parents, right? That's kind of selfish on the parents part. I am estranged from some members of my family, for valid reasons. My fiancé's mother was abused by her parents, and she uttered the words.. "they're my abusive parents, and I love and respect them." That sounded absolutely insane to me. I refuse to let anyone abuse me the right to my heart or time. Everyone should respect and love themselves to do the same. Screw all this blind filial piety bullcrap. It's toxic.
@@Aeri101 I like how you said it is Mental Gymnastics, I was looking for the right words to describe what I have going on. Thanks
Young people are going to find out what toxic really is in this life…and it’s not your parents!
This isn’t going to make the daughter want to talk to her mom this is going to make the situation worse. But of course, the mom will never understand that she’s the issue here.
She has a right to tell her story
How do you know that 😂
@@SirReginald. You so perfect!!! You not the issue !!! 😐
Yeah it’s just gonna make her cringe and want to distance herself more.
@romanov3937 how do you know !
"I cant make her do anything"
cant control her anymore
"she is lost to us"
i lost my favorite toy
"not for some persona you are online"
projection
"i with you health and happiness but remember i love you"
be happy where you want, but come here
I explained multiple times to a loved one how their behaviors hurt me but I got labeled too sensitive. When I pulled away, this person acted confused and hurt. Sometimes a parent gets confused when their kid truly did spell it out for them. If only they cared and listened.
I agree, it sounds like narcissistic behavior. But I could be wrong. Why take this to the internet?
@@happyjacktails3277 perhaps it will strike a cord with someone who is in denial about how they make others feel. Why not take it to the internet? It's a big source of educational content and if someone chooses, they can improve their life with the wisdom gained. I have a friend that used to give people unsolicited advice, and came across a know-it-all. He's a nice guy but he hurt some feelings. So he stopped with the advice, and people were much happier. He preferred to make people feel good around him so he made changes.
@roundtwo3321 these people have selective hearing. They only hear and believe their own BS reality they tell themselves. Equivalent to telling them the sky is blue but they'll say it's green to make life as difficult as possible.
This was my experience with my parents too. They both don't understand why I don't really talk to them that much, but I tried to tell them; they just didn't listen.
Wonderful. But we don't know why her daughter cut contact. We can only guess. In addition, I have seen children cut contact from their parent because the parent was indulgent and let the child rule the roost. Seems illogical, but it's a fact. Children are developmentally egotistical: let them dominate, and in extreme cases they'll arrange everything around themselves and resent the parent for existing. Give a child no boundaries and no responsibilities and you breed peevishness at a world which does.
Imagine if you spent a portion of the time editing this victim montage, on actually listening.
Victim montage 😂😂
Don't you feel bad for her?? Having real consequences for your actions is so unfair 😢😂
This woman putting her daughter on blast like this is pretty disturbing. Her lack of self awareness is comical. I almost thought this was a skit on SNL.
What's comical is your comment and your analysis of the situation
@@jwill5892 complete your sentence please. Found the mother and.....
This is the best argument for going no-contact I could imagine.
What, the fact that she is an ordinary person with a natural reaction to being heartlessly cut out of her child’s life? The daughter doesn’t need to hang out with her if she doesn’t want to, but a few texts a year would not kill her. She sounds selfish
@@m.freeman9708 Sure...without hearing anything from the daughters side of the story, but go on.
@@sillyredhead1401 🎯🎯🎯
It’s extremely telling that the person who shared this video “liked” a comment calling the daughter selfish. I’m assuming that was mom. This is the opposite of the way to heal your relationship with your daughter. Btw, your daughter’s birthday is not YOUR special day. I was aghast at that comment. Your daughter’s birthday is literally about your daughter. I always css as lol my mom to thank her on my birthday, but that’s bc my mom has worked hard to show that she respects me as an autonomous adult, and understands that MY BIRTHDAY is NOT her special day. Crazy to hear that.
@@betsylaughlin8652your mom has worked very hard to respect YOU? In a world where aging is unacceptable and wisdom is toxic, but you carefully recycle your GARBAGE?!!
Being related by blood does NOT MEAN we must endure BS from relatives. I haven’t spoken to my sister in 24 years.
Believe me, I have so many relatives that I avoid talking to for years....
absolutely! ppl im related to act like im their property or something. like i HAVE to fake enjoy their presence and trapped around these people because their blood related. its awesome when you can finally have the freedom to move out. 👍
Same here. Spoke to my sister once in the last 29 years and only because our father passed. Never heard from or spoke to her ever again. My life is a happier place without her mouth and bullying.
Just wondering, how do you cope with other family members who have never been subject to the abuse, who invalidate your truth and disregard your stated boundaries with that person, i.e., suggesting you take a 6 hour carpool drive with the abuser. Other family members who've never been on the receiving end of the abuse and who disregard the abuse reports that you've shared and your stance on your boundaries going forward. Then, they react with complete confusion when you have to remind them of your boundaries. I have cut off my relationships with so many family members because of their incessant disregard for my basic courtesy boundaries. For some reason, most people in my family think it's acceptable to disrespect me - but only me. They don't put up with disrespect, but they expect it of me. I'm down to open communication with only 2 family members who behave with common regard to me, yet they glibly set up situations to pull me back into my previous boundryless position. I have to be on guard around them constantly so I don't get sucked back in. I don't want to be estranged from these people whom I love, but I also don't want to be a virtual punching bag.
Very sad.
I LOVE that you are so "omg" about the forgiveness section of one book, but mad about the accountability chapter of another. 10/10
She also skipped over the “apologizing” part of the “apologizing AND forgiving” chapter
Narcissistic people HATE accountability.
I’m going to watch this video everytime I think about reaching out to my mom. HOLY BATMAN VICTIM MENTALITY. I am laughing and nauseated at the same time. 😂 🤢
Lol, was about to comment something along these lines as well. Funnily enough, her videos made me understand my parents' mindset more, and show me there's no redeeming any type of relationship with them. All the best to you, internet stranger, and stay strong!
I think that the only good thing this video does, it reminds us how awful and almost comical these people are because of their delusions. It’s insane how similar narc mums are. This video definitely made me feel better about not having a family she just reminds me so much of my own mum especially the superiority complex and her facial expressions. My therapist said my mum is not the completely innocent saint she paints herself out to be, 100% the same goes for this awful woman
Completely agree
Narcissism truly is a mental illness. This person is completely divorced from reality!
victim mentality isnt the problem its when theyre not a good person. my narcissistic parents would do anything like abuse, neglect, gaslighting, picking at me. I ask them specifically for a little help then bargained 30 minutes at all in a extremely serious situation. "you're always blaming me for everything" and does really weird criminal like abuse. mom triangleates my dads money and how she controllingly supports me to traumatize me. i didnt do anything shes transactional so of course me getting mad or trying to cut them off would justify criminal abuse.
basically think about very bad social norms, and then they use norms to abuse someone. Think about a stereotypical horrible parent child situation. My mother is on a cruise while i struggle to speak so i can get support from relatives. I live with evidence based ocd, other dysfunctions like priority and danger priority. This creates extreme dysfunction. a professional can help my anxiety but nothing else. my mom also likes to sabatoge and go into argument loops that dont make sense. especially when denying/ bringing something else up for who i am and what i need. shes doing this to try and scapegoat me oh i did this i did that and that i wasnt taking meds. im struggling to get meds, meds that work as its common they wont, for just one thing- anxiety. just keep it all in mind sortve hard theres so much info.
She left for a good reason. Obviously.
Accountability 0% Victimhood 100% She has admitted mental health issues and they still make it about their feelings? WOOOW, I WONDER WHY SHE GHOSTED THEM? 😂😂😂
She didn't ghost them though. She sent a letter saying what she was going to do and why.
I wish she replied on u . I'm sorry I fell empathy for both of them. Cuz I have a Mom's & Dad's wounds too but i wish to get through it myselfe too and live in peace within all of this melodrama
This comment is ridiculous
@@ColdBloodedReaper explain please
@@andreadickinson3076 your spelling makes this impossible to make out. Please correct
One of the hardest things in life to do is grieve somebody who is still alive. It is a pain that is indescribable.
I have to agree. Our son died at age 17. I inadvertently discovered horrible things our daughter claimed about us on social media. Not one word was remotely true-to us, that is. In her mind, she believes it. It has been harder on us to deal with her silence than it was to lose our son. With the death of a child, it is a permanent never ending heartache. To have a child refuse to talk to you is more painful, knowing they are a call away but you are denied that opportunity.
It is quite evident to me that these young adults are picking this up on social media. It is exactly as if they are in a cult, much like the situation where people are believing conspiracy theories from online hate groups.
My biggest concern is what will happen to these people when they have NO ONE that will love them unconditionally like a mother does.
@@primateagent188I 100% agree way you. Loosing a son was and still is a living nightmare but for a daughter to choose extreme limited contact, purely for inheritance is such a horrendous thing to have to endure.
It seems to me that so many of this age group are turning on their parents, so much entitlement, it seems to becoming so very, very common. It’s a sad world and the word “family” doesn’t really exist.
@@primateagent188 and you are soooo right.
@@shaz8486 and exactly like that. Very unfortunate for the young people - but they cannot see this.
😢❤
interesting vid. I will say this as a 55 yr old adult who had to cut my mother off for several years when I was in my 30s and 40s. Adult children dont cut you out of their lives for no reason. Two sides to every story however. Children dont typically walk away from "great or loving" parents.
Exactly!!!
Yes they do. My son shut down after listening to his wife about things I did....that I never did. And that is just a small part of it all.
Yesss absolutely!!! Same story here❤. I agree with you.
@@spider46531 Their marriage is not your business. From the tone of your comment you are mad and blaming his wife. HIS WIFE. The woman he chose. Keep your mouth shut. They owe us nothing.
@@stupensardi2783 If she ever tried to confide in you when she was a child, and you wouldn't listen then, or you would gossip about what she said to you with friends or family, that's probably why she goes silent now as an adult, because the trust was broken.
I hope every child heals from their parents and trauma. We deserve love.
And I hope parents can heal from the trauma their children have caused them.❤
@@janelleabbott2227you mean growing up and them being themselves? Are you referring to children growing up with independence and boundaries? I am not estranged to my parents and my children are not estranged from me. The only trauma children cause parents can be the fact they grow up and the parents don’t have control anymore. Parents can’t make them do things they don’t want to do. You can’t make children love you. If you treat your children with love and respect you will never feel that trauma.
That's right nobody abused me and my adult life more than my own son over drugs and alcohol@@janelleabbott2227
@@janelleabbott2227not everybody has to be abused to be an abuser
@@janelleabbott2227what trauma?? Because it's parents responsibility to raise child well and to maintain good relationship with them, if there is no good relationship that's on parent. It literally can't be on child.
There is another side to this story. I was sexually abused as a young child by my father and as I became older he became very frightened that I would tell someone the secret. He and my mother worked very hard to turn my siblings against me. My character was ruined. I don't have much to do with any of them. The abuse from my family is heart wrenching. People don't know the whole story and so they continue to hurt the victim. Please don't blame the person who disconnects from the family until you know the truth. All of the truth.
And then willing to accept the truth.
But that's not what this story is.
@@CMA.3636how do you know when you’ve only heard one side??
I agree! Also, you deserved better. No child deserves an abusive parent. I’m so sorry that happened to you. Your words are so wise. Thank you for sharing💗
This is spot on. Thank you.
When you said “I thought she was a normal kid,” I knew you were the problem.
🎯🎯🎯
As a parent with a child of autism, if you don't know what to look for, your child is normal. The only reason I found out was my oldest works only with children with autism. She recognized my youngest autism at 16 months. To me, he was normal.
@@francesjohnson8205"normal" doesn't mean not autistic. Autism doesn't mean weird.
@piperbarlow1672 Do you have a child with autism????? Where do you get the weird part. Nobody said that. I am trying to understand your point.
@@francesjohnson8205 no but I'm autistic. If something is normal, than deviation from that is weird. Autism parents stay speaking for their kids like they're the ones who are experiencing it.
If we could ask your daughter about why she pulled away from you, what do you think she would say? It’s an important question.
@@audreymuzingo933 I have heard many stories like this. My sister came within a hair's breadth of disowning my other sister and me because of who she thought we were voting for.
Even when you have a child that TELLS you why they hate you, it really doesn't make sense. I have come to accept that my child's reality, while valid to her, does not match mine, does not match siblings, does not match extended family and old friends. Truth is only a view point.
Mom said it could have been about politics. I lost a great friend if 50 years over politics. Politics represents more than just a vote. It represents your belief system towards so many social issues. My friend was so passionate about her vote that she chose to accept views that were totally opposite mine. We haven’t talked since the pandemic.
Mine say that we have nothing in common.
@@audreymuzingo933exactly there’s more to this story - and they seem to not respect her boundaries at all case and point the texts, the emails, this video
This woman took no accountability. This is cringe. Take accountability and ask your daughter for forgiveness. Your daughter’s diagnosis may be from a result from the trauma she endured.
I can’t believe someone is this clueless. And the grin on her face the whole time is haunting.
I think she’s embarrassed but she’s making everything about her. She ignored the daughter’s first letter. Which proved something ain’t right. The mom did not care to initiate conversation from the letter when the daughter wanted to talk.
Duper's Delight
Is it haunting or super punchable.
@@sedaniels8701 why not both?
Smirk.
Daughter here, I personally had to cut toxic adults out of my life who abused and manipulated and used me as a child. No regrets. I chose peace as an adult. My mother treated me like she didn’t want me around, called me names, bullied me. Would belittle me in front of family memebers and her friends. Would make me sit outside in the cold for hours one day a neighbor confronted her about that. Made me fold clothes over and over and then destroy what I folded and made me fold again. Isolated me. The list goes on. She was my first bully and I knew at 6 she’s not somebody I could go to for protection.
a lot of these parents like to act like victims that have absolutely zero idea as to why their child would ever leave? meanwhile they've been abusing and gaslighting their kids their entire lives. this is the generation that doesn't take bs anymore. we don't owe these people a trophy, just because they had unprotected intercourse. had they treated their kids as human beings, the kids wouldn't feel the need to run the moment they turn 18. the relationship requires effort and parents take it for granted. they pretend that their kids owe them something because "we gave you life". a lot of these idiots should never have been parents in the first place. no child deserves to grow up in a household where they feel unwanted. indeed, the adult child remembers it all. just because it's a child doesn't make it ok to treat them like property 🤢🤮
Wow that’s terrible
I think there's a big difference between children removing themselves from an abusive parent and children who cut out parents where abuse isn't at the core.
I don't think that's what this story is about.
😭👵💖💖💖
@@annieo9468
Do you think that children cut out parents where abuse isn't at the core? There may be a few cases where abuse of the child isn't at the core. I cut my toxic Mother out of my life. She retaliated by telling her story to everyone possible.
She saved herself. Good for her.
you scare me. I hope your daughter’s doing well, wherever she is. glad you have accepted it.
I feel like her life revolves around the daughter. it must've been incredibly hard for the daughter to escape
Scary is the right word!
I’m guessing you are not a mother.
oooooh pleeeese!! This mother comes off as extremely hurt. She never bad mouths her daughter. The looney bin therapist video which tears this lovely mother down just pics out words and assumes so much , like she knows this entire family. I believe in this Mom. I can relate with people in general who simply stopped all contact.
@@janelleabbott2227 oh narcs are good at gaining sympathy from gullible people, they're experts! They will never allow you to hear the victim's side of the story hence that child's letter will NEVER be read in it's entirety! NEVER. Poor child, you can clearly see how her feelings are dismissed, minimized and just rubbished.
*builds an unstable and broken bridge*
*child is forced to climb on it without having any say whatsoever*
*child falls, broken legs, crippled for life, hospital debt for decades, unable to participate in many of life's joys*
*child grows up and realizes how and why they got injured in the first place*
"Hey mom, I want to talk to you about that bare minimum, corner cutting bridge you built that led to me getting hurt. It's stayed with me for years and you've never acknowledged that it was your fault"
"I put so much work into that bridge, it's your fault because you weren't playing on it right 😡"
When it would be so much more healing to just acknowledge it and say, "I'm so sorry that you were hurt. I never wanted that for you, and Im willing to make changes"
As a dughter who has a mom like you, your lack of accountability and vulnerability to own up to your bad parenting is what broke your relationship. Anytime i told my mom how her actions effected me, she would be dissmissive and say "that didnt happen" time and time again she broke my trust, dissmissed my feelings, and belitted me. Well now she has an acquaintance instead of a daughter. Its the years of not listening and meeting her emotional and mental needs that got you here. Some parents think that feeding and clothing their kid is enough. Its not, you also have to treat your kids like any other human, with respect, dignity, and compassion. Which i gather from this video, you grealty lack. Please do your whole family a favor and heal the parts of yourself that continue to hurt others. And leave your daughter alone in the meantime.
I just don't agree with the last part. It's most beautiful thing if parent reach and are willing to do all that needs to be done and say everything just so they repair relationship with daughter. If daughter isn't the problem, then she would appreciate effort and forgive if parent is really doing work to change themselves.
imagine writing a letter to a relative that you need space, taking that space, and then for the next 2 years, they not only don't listen to the 1 rule you've laid out, but then they publicly post a 16-minute video online framed as if it's a serious documentary (reenactments, found footage, sit down interviews, and all!) with sad violin music. the part where she admitted to giving up on a book because it also wasn't telling her what she wanted to hear lacked so much self awareness that i was convinced this had to be a mockumentary making fun of narcissists
You're obviously not a parent. At least I hope not
We dont know the full story, could very well be child abuse. Either way its not right to make a video like this @@inthekitchen8842
Thank you for putting this into words. Screams narcissism to me.
@@PeaceNPassion50 sounds like a selfish millennial to me.
@@inthekitchen8842Get help
You get what you raise, you reap what you sow. Them there is the breaks, mom.
It's not about YOU! Every avenue you talk about seems to come back to you and your defense of your parenting. I'm sure you'll always love her but sometimes hurt needs to be listened to...and completely. Just hush and listen! Validate the other person instead of seeking YOUR validation!
It’s her video so obviously it is about her.
As a woman in my early 30’s who do not have nor want children, and have had a very troubled relationship with my own mother in my life (and broke contact with her for one year at 14 to 15, while living with my grandmother) I am so sick of all adult people who keep putting all the blame of their lives at their parents. Teenagers I understand, but when children are adult I think it’s about time to start seeing parents as people primarily and parents secondary. They are just people, just as flawed as we are.
Admittedly there are those who have parents who are true narcissists or even psychopaths, and yes in that case one should break all contact. In many cases it just seems to be people who refuse to grow up and who can’t deal with their parents not being perfect.
This is the mothers video. She is just as entitled to talk about her feelings as her daughter is. And because this is her video, obviously _it is_ about her. At the daughters video it’s about her daughter. You don’t know these people, no one here does, and yet everyone seems to just know that it’s all the mothers fault. I find that pretty weird, and quite appalling really. You are watching someone pure their heart out and you are completely dehumanizing that person.
@elisetaylor9228
“Poor communication”. Kind of like what you are doing then? Instead of replying to anything I actually wrote you completely ignored all of my arguments and just started explaining to me what “the truth” is, as if I can’t think of perceive by myself or as if your perspective is far more valid than mine.
So I guess if you were my mother that is when I would call you a toxic narcissist who doesn’t validate me and everyone would be supportive of that?
@@josephinenilsson1541well, theryou have a very powerful point. Does this mother really want us to know what her daughter's complaints are? She presents them in a kind of nightmarish vision, where the daughter is talking about abuse, gaslighting etc, but later claims that "90%of it was political"? Does that not seem weird to you?
Also if you as a daughter felt compelled to write such a letter, displaying all your pain to your mother, how would you feel receiving "received" as an answer. No addressing the issues mentioned, no acknowledging of your feelings, nothing. And then she puts a response under a (relatively to the letter) meaningless Facebook post as if nothing had happened. I don't know you. Maybe this is normal behavior to you. To me it's not
Her daughter admitted in a TikTok video that she has ADHD. ADHD turns into Bipolar Disorder in adults. Her daughter has mental issues she's struggling with. She is not of sound mind. You can't shame this mother for doing her best to raise her daughter, only for her to learn from a TikTok video that her daughter was diagnosed with mental disorders. Do your research before pointing fingers and condemning people you don't know. Seriously.
@josephinenilsson1541 It's not just about seeing our parents as flawed people first and parents second. Parents aren't just other people in our lives that we can walk away from with no consequences. Most people want their children to have a relationship with their grandparents, but should you really tolerate your parents telling your little children they will go to hell because they're being raised in the wrong religion? Or, that the man who is raising you isn't really your bio dad? (Not true), or that your mother had abortions (also a lie), and that sort of thing? Or, your parents get their friends to harass you for leaving their religion? Or they call your employer to report you for crazy stuff trying to get you fired because they think you will come crawling back to ask for their help and forgiveness? The crazy doesn't always stop when you move out and are living an independent life.
The fact that I can’t tell if this is a parody or not says a lot 💀💀💀
😂
Real like if your child is an adult they are allowed to cut off you😭🙏
@@astralasia5732 I wish this video was satire☹️
Definitely says a lot ABOUT YOU
@@lucyk2634 as a fellow Lucy, let’s reason with each other here. Imagine, as a mother, making a dramatic retelling of how your daughter cut you off to post on RUclips. Regardless if you want to sympathize with her or not, it’s a crazy thing to do. Imagine turning on a camera and having you and your husband act out your reaction (from the past) about finding out your daughter cut you off for background for a voiceover. It’s so out there it’s comical
Loved the part where when you read the part in the book about amending, and taking accountability for your actions you could stomach the idea, then proceeded to think the best way to win your daughter back was to ignore all the boundaries she sat, along with making a video where you name her and share her medical diagnosis online to the public im sure this is definitely the right step to getting her back in your life.
This is how she FOUND out herself by seeing in her daughters videos.
@@janelleabbott2227 No it is not. She was notified by email. To which she responded only, “received “.
@@ravensnerdworld setting boundaries isn’t cutting someone off. If you want to start throwing around some psychobabble terms without understanding how to apply them, how about “the silent treatment”, emotional neglect/abuse, passive aggressive”, for starters.
Go to therapy and leave her alone. She doesn’t owe you anything. She left for a reason, clearly.
Ridiculous
It’s not always the parents fault. They do their best
@@andreadickinson3076excuse me? Just because you give birth to a child, doesn't mean they owe you anything.
Ffs
Sounds like guilt isn’t working stop and leave her alone!
Our mother had a saying “Nobody likes me, everyone hates me, I might as well eat worms!”
Do you hear the I,I,I,I?
Find a real life! Sheesh!
You are really mean to say this to this mom who is trying to help others through a terrible time.
I like how she insinuates that the problem is driven by politics rather than her own toxic behaviour. They always like to insert an excuse as to why things are so dysfunctional in their family to deflect from their own dysfunction
who the f are you to place such evil judgement on a parent like that!!!!??? You are so disgusting!
Always
Conservative boomers will always blame "teh woke mind virus mob!" before ever thinking they're the problem.
People just don't cut their family off just on politics. I would know,I'm very at odds with my parents politically but I'm not cutting them out because they've been good parents to me
What are you her therapist? How do you know what she was doing? I've known people personally who said if they had a friend who disagreed with them politically, they would have nothing to do with them. People like that exist believe it or not. If Haley, who is 29 years old, was a mature person, she would sit down with her parents with a therapist and talk to them about why their politics is a game changer, instead of just cutting them off.
I would be very interested in hearing the daughter’s story. As someone who has not spoken to their mother in 10 years, I can attest that not all daughters are monsters and not all mothers are saints. We are ppl too and some of us has to make a difficult decision to save ourselves . Wishing you all the best.
She didnt say her daughter is a monster or she is a saint. She has no idea what the issues are. That is the worse part of this.
I would agree with you completely.
And yet you neglect to say that not al daughters are saints, or mothers monsters. I bet you got that from social media.
@@ohana8535College indoctrination most likely
I already know the story without even hearing it. Mom is a Trump supporter/republican, didn't take the vaccine because it was rushed, etc. etc.
The fact that she sent self improvement videos to her as if it was the daughter’ problem really shows who she is as a person and who she blames for the consequences
I winced at that too.
exactly. "self love" videos... total irony.
She said she thought her daughter already like those types of videos. Cynicism is not the answer. Understanding is the answer. And if you love yourself, you won’t easily hate your maker.
@@vladimirofsvalbard9477 She also mentions starting a "private" channel after using her daughter's name and showing a face that isn't really blurred out. I would be mortified to see my personal life on RUclips. I should probably review my own comments.
@@seekeroftruth1484 she thought wrong.
idk the way you literally didn't ever acknowledge that letter and what it truly meant and conveyed does not sit right with me. nor does the way you dismiss her interests, and the fact that she has people who admire her for said interests on line, and its even worse that you say "found family" with such disdain. whatever happened between you two as she was growing up obviously wasn't something you realised was happening, but it is not and has never been a child's responsibility to stay with you and never say what bothers them in order to make you happy.
there is no social contract, only a responsibility for a parent to acknowledge and try to bridge the gap between them that has been caused, to try and understand. you can say "we tried our best" and walk away from it, but now your daughter will forever know that is the extent of the effort you have for her. "Received." is all you can do to acknowledge her feelings and her autonomy, and that is a very sad thing indeed.
I sincerely hope that you find peace, and understand how your treatment of your child caused your own grief, and I am using this as a lesson for myself when i become a parent in the distant future. if a teen is emotionally competent enough to understand how your tone and demeanour comes off as dismissive in this video and in all of your interactions with the poor woman who had to leave her own family and find a new one to feel healthier mentally, then I have hope that you can too.
I am an adult daughter with a mom very similar to you what it seems. We still have some contact but very little. It is not easy to spot a covert narcissist but that is what she is. A narcissist would never ever understand or accept that they are that though. I did not know until a therapist pointed it out to me, after I wrote a letter, friendly but honest about how I feel/felt and and had cried myself to sleep so many nights when I was a child without them knowing. The answer was extremely defensive “everything I did for you!” she denied some of my memories and said “you shouldn’t have felt that way, you were so sensitive!” etc. she had no interest in finding out more, but doing what she did best after that: ignoring it, not wanting to discuss it more, and going on as usual.
I could never talk about feelings with her, she just don’t list, but gives unwanted advice instead. I get bombarded with articles and “science” from internet instead of empathy for instance.
I see that your behavior is reminding me of my mom; no reflection or slightest belief that you can have a part in this.
I can tell you no one take a breakup with parents lightly, but when the interaction gives more pain than joy then there is no choice but ti limit contact if you want to stay sain.
Every time we go to them I have anxiety days before and afterwards there is always something she said that hurt me that she isn’t even aware of and that doesn’t leave my head for days. Maybe something we do “wrong” with the kids, but she is so skilled at saying it in a smily way.
I see that you are focused on Happy Birthday wishes, it is the wrong focus I believe. It is not a Happy birthday text-sms that gets someone to want to get the contact back, it is genuine curiosity, empathy and the treating someone like an adult that is the important and not a birthday wish.
Exactly. My Mother wants "All or nothing!" In our relationship, she doesn't have time for "fake relationships". Well, I want my Mom so badly! She tells everyone I disowned her every time she disowned me. This time, I have gone silent. I have alway gone crawling back to try to make amends, even if I had to take all the blame. This time, I have let her just blame me. What am I waiting for? I'm waiting for "I'm sorry. Can we start to build a new relationship? We can go slow, I'll take anything" If I got even an shadow that my Mother truly loved me and was sorry, I'd be back! It's the constant little jabs, the little backhanded comments pushing her wants. She is right and I'm not. I have no say with how I protect my own children. Her special friends are more important, even though they are bad people. Her new spin on life is her new god, (Qanon). I got so tired of having the fear mongering forced down our throats. Our past together is littered with a cycle of good times, then disagreement, followed by me getting thrown away and loosing everything I own. This time, I just went silent. It wasn't even as serious as times past. Hardly comparable in fact. We don't co-own anything this time, she cant hurt me. Why now? Why over something small? I dont know. At first it was for just a few days to try and sort my head. Her response was pushy, she tried to make her point seen by fighting with me through a family member. My request for distance basically denied. I invited her to my child's Grandparent's Day event at school. She came, I was met with extreme hatred. So, I have stayed silent. Is this what I wanted? No. Why would a daughter want this?
It hurts every day. I'm sure my Mom hurts too. How do we go forward? I don't know. But what this lady is doing in the video isn't they way for sure. I wanted to yell at this lady, "hey! Try a simple and humble, "Please, I miss you, and I'm sorry. What can I do to start over with you?"
You are projecting.
And that’s so unfair to this mother.
I’ll ask you this: if you watched a daughter share about being cut off by her mother, presenting all in the same ways here, would you immediately assume and project narcissistic tendencies on the daughter?
Nothing shared here suggests what you are blaming her for.
I had to separate myself from my family. I had to. I hate using the word narcissism because it feels like another overused and misused word that started to trend online. But it’s a word I learned long before it began to trend because of an actual diagnosis a family member of mine has, a family member that helped “raised” me.
I was subjected to violence, drug use as a child, and severe mental harm. It is what it is.
I have tried to find other people like myself, because it’s a lonely feeling not having family, especially during the holidays, but I’ve found myself not being able to fit in with support groups online. Because I don’t understand or recognize what most of those in these groups are identifying with. They seem to identify with each other. And that’s great for them. But I noticed after a while that there’s a new wave of mental health crises or something like that happening as a result of social media that is wreaking havoc on familial relationships and causing people to find themselves as victims even when they’re not victims, causing people to see what is just a normal up and down bump on the road of life as being some kind of abusive act done to them, verses the reality, people are not perfect, and we all will have the our insecurities and problems, and so will those we love, and unfortunately we won’t always feel great about everything, we won’t always feel verified about everything, but so long as the desire to not continue to cause each other pain, and to try and show that our love is what matters most, than working through things together is always a blessing of an option. To listen to people talk about how they were mentally abused because of problems they chose to pursue and chose to continue to force to attention verses accepting that this is something they don’t see eye to eye on with this person, and letting it stay at that, loving each other, and just knowing that this is something best they just don’t pursue, I listened to people demand that they have the right to pursue it and that their so called loved ones were abusive for not wanting to continue that pursuit with them and for wanting to just live and let live. I think what bothered me the most here was the constant condoning and validation these support groups were giving each other for this very alarming and red flag behavior, behavior that my own psychologist had to teach me to recognize and to put a stop to from my family members, and here that behavior is, rampant amongst those who are cutting off family and making support groups for abused children and abused adult children, and the speech and mannerisms are giving me virtual mental flashbacks and even intrusive thoughts/memories because of how word for word spot on some of it was with the way I was manipulated for years, except this manipulation was from victims encouraging each other to remain victims.
I’m not saying you’re one of those people.
You shared things that very much describe an unhealthy relationship and a hurtful experience and I’m so sorry that that was and is your life.
But I’m just trying to share that we can easily make ourselves the very enemy we escaped, and not even realize it.
Some of the most beautiful people I’ve ever known have been some of the most negative and hateful in the end, because of the wounds they carried around, and the way those wounds became infected and spread, turning into something that destroyed them even more than the abuser that caused the wounds in the first place.
It happened to me. It took a lot of work for me to recognize what was happening and pull myself up from out of it.
There’s a reason they say that those who grow up with abusive parents are at risk for continuing the abuse. It’s not because they’re monsters. It’s because they’re damaged from what they’ve been through and it’s not as easy as social media and Hollywood love to make it seem to just overcome and be normal and happy.
Judging this mother and assuming that it’s somehow not possible for children to grow up to be mentally and emotionally abusive for no real reason, is just as gross as someone judging you or me and saying that we must have been bad and out of control and deserving of our experience, or, my favorite, way too sensitive and way too emotional and no understanding of how hard it is for them. Loved hearing that one after waking up to strange men in my room as a child and getting told I was overreacting and ruining her life. Wonderful
Seeing your reply to her here made my heart hurt for her. Because I grew up with my own monsters. And I don’t see what you see here. And I believe you would feel very bad to learn you’re projections are dead wrong and you’re injecting unfair and undeserved shame and blame to someone who is suffering from a mentally or emotionally unstable and selfish person.
@@taniele84 That my mom is a covert narcissist is not my own fantasy, it was words that came from my licensed psychologist after many meetings and her reading a very self-pitty and at the same time self-glorifying letter with not one single questions asked. My psychologist asked me if I new what Covert narcissist was and I said no?
I have never heard my mom take blame for anything or admit any wrongdoing when I grew up, and I was contrary to what you are insinuating, taught that I was the one causing all problems and our relationship to be bad so I went to my therapist to learn what to do and how to reach out to her, I was chocked when she said it doesn’t matter what I would say, my moms response would be the same, because her brain is wired that way.
I don’t know all the facts of course, of this relationship, I am just saying that the signs are there and no-one leaves their mom for the fun of it, It is extremely painful. It is also a warning sign when a parent believes that they children developed 100% independently from themselves. The parents are always part of the equation.
@@andreagudmundsson2870 and there it is, the therapist called your mother a “covert narcissist”. A good therapist doesn’t diagnose someone based on someone else’s point of view. THIS is triangulation against your mother.
Why don’t you read her letter to us?
That. Would. Be. Incredible. I am sure it would continue to show that she is insane and the parents are perfect loving angel parents, right? LOLLLLLL
To much truth about her will be revealed and she wants you to feel sorry for her. You most likely won't because of the same reason her daughter left her out of her life.
It's like when my mother refused to let anyone read my brother's suicide note. I'm sure he said some things she disagreed with, and the only control she had over it was to not share it in its entirety... Only the parts that resonated with her side of the story.
Yeah full transparency with the letter - otherwise the video has zero weight
I'm glad everyone knows her story as a 3rd person. Only 2 people know the real story...mom and the daughter.
My mother was an emotionally abusive narcissist who aimed most of her vitriol at me, her only daughter. At one point she went into hospital and her psychiatrist asked to see me. His advice was to walk away from my mother and never look back - the problem was hers. I should have done exactly what he said but I didn't because ..... God knows why. I ended up nursing her for the last four years of her life. Her last comment to me was that she had never wanted a daughter but I had been useful as an unpaid carer. However, she spent the last four weeks of her life in hospital and couldn't control herself - her vicious nasty abusive self came out to a lot of people.
Never assume that the children are always at fault - it is just as likely the parents have caused the problems.
This is what I'm going through, add an antivaxer to that who doesn't respect my parenting decisions.
good luck ❤
@@lillithsleepsyup. No contact is the way
Walking away from a parent is incredibly difficult. It doesn’t happen for no reason. Honestly not like these sick parents would go to counseling, they are not about to change ❤️🩹🦢
"This angry outburst from her was so out of character we were shoked" yeah that's what years of mistreatment from the people who are meant to make you feel safe does to someone. It just builds up until it all explodes then their gone (thank god). Im 18 I just left my middle eastern household (rip) and have been no contact for a few months. You remind me of my own mum and its sickening i dont have a single drop of pity for you.
🎉Wishing you a Happy & Amaziiiing Life!!! Take care of yourself, be safe & Enjoy Your Freedom 🥳🎊
@@daisylu1973 just moved back home a few days ago actually, but thank u dear i'll be safe
This is a lot of me, me, me. I feel, I want, I need, I don't understand. I'll bet if we talked to your daughter we'd get the rest of the picture. There's a reason she walked away. Maybe look in the mirror. I know you don't want to acknowledge it, but that's where the real healing lies. You caused harm to your child. Show walked away to save herself. My guess is her mental health is the best it's ever been.
You must be omniscient
so much snark in 4 little words. I cant even imagine the snarky remarks your poor child endured for years. Sad that you've chosen to earn money from your daughters abuse. What an evil soul. @@estrangedparents
@@jnl3564😆😆🎯☕
You aren't special or unique. There are lots of us with parents like you, so many that we can study the patterns in all our stories and see patterns like the ones pointed out in the original comment.
@@estrangedparentsno you think you are omniscient and without blame. Your words and attitude are a lot like my covert narcissist mother. I feel for your daughter.
Really an outburst? That's how you're framing your child feeling deep hurt to the point of not wanting you in her life. She unfriended people who have the same political beliefs so that's obviously not just that. Also you seem so focused on her as a baby but your children are so much more than 2 or 3 years of their life. Oh you put resources into your child you chose to have? What a SACRIFICE.
this
@@neon___am "We don't know what she's thinking" because they never listened to her, ever. No matter what the daughter did to be heard. This mother will never understand, because she doesn't want to. She will forever be crouched there with her paddle, like some Chinese ping pong champion, bashing back anything from her daughter she doesn't want to hear.
" She unfriended people who have the same political beliefs so that's obviously not just that."
Politics often turn into a game of becoming a purity spiral, especially when it comes to extreme political beliefs. The fact that she says she left her parents over politics, seems to imply she became extremely political, and political extremists consider everyone who doesn't agree with them and their beliefs, as evil. Narcissism is partially a genetic trait. If the parents have it, and we see the daughter leaving them over political reasons, it stands that the daughter may be a narcissist as well.
@@zoep.2891 What are you talking about? The mother said that the letter was 90% political ramblings about how she couldn't be with them if the parents supported "that guy" (probably Trump). 90% of the letter focused on a single issue wasn't the mother choosing it as the reason, it literally was the huge majority of the reason.
And it's not surprising. There were tons of kids on reddit during the election talking about going no contact with their parents because the parents supported Trump. Its unfortunate but a lot of these kids get completely indoctrinated into politics when young when they dont really know much about it, and operate on how they FEEL about it instead, willing to abandon their family over their misinformed, radical views on politics.
@@Stalofos yeah, a parent who stalks my tiktok account even after I as an 18+ adult have cut contact with them and discusses about uncomfortable they are with my tiktok because of "exotic cosplay" on RUclips IS a toxic narcissistic parent, regardless of whether they supported Trump or not.
And after the January 6th incident, anyone who still does continue to support Trump is the one who actually has "radical, misinformed views"
And turns out, everything we believe as facts are only because of what we feel about the facts
Not trying to be mean, the daughter said she felt constantly guilted. This video feels like a guilt trip.
Well you are being mean. Incredibly mean
@@shadowshow701 are you familiar with covert narcissism. I was trying to be nice. You want mean? She’s literally insane and smear campaigning her kid. There that’s how I really felt.
@@shadowshow701 this is not mean. This video is a guilt trip... all about the mom. Not once did she talk about her daughter as a person. It was awful.
@@shadowshow701and? So what if she’s being mean. Grow up. That woman is a narc.
@@shadowshow701 where's your brain.
Oh its 100% her fault her daughter doesnt talk to her. The fact that her daughter wrote her a physical letter telling her all the reasons but she went into an estrangement group :to figure out whats going on" tells me all I need to know..She already knows why, she just needs a reason to blame her daughter instead of taking accountability
I'm sure my mother tells people I don't talk to her when she hasn't called me once in close to four years. I called twice but had to hang up due to the vitriol being spewed at me. My husband abandoned me and my son three years ago. Left me for dead. Plotted against me (I have his phone), defamed me. Is still trying to financially destroy me. Trial next week. I am my own attorney. I am disabled and broke. My mother hasn't called me one time. She believes his lies but has never heard my side of the story. The day he left, he left me laying on the garage floor in a nightgown with bludgeoned knees because I fell on the concrete. I was bleeding and screaming. He drove away. Filed for divorce and tried to serve my son the papers. I ended up with a DVT (blood clot) in my leg. My son had to be my 24/7 caregiver and save my life multiple times the past three years. He's had no break. None. Ever. My mother is retired, in good health, has means. But not one phone call, no offer of help and when I called the first of only two times and begged for help because it was life and death, she passive aggressively said "well, I could come out and wash your sheets". I had to hang up. If that's all I needed, I wouldn't be calling. This was the second time ever in 25 years I had asked for help due to extreme illness and hospitalization. She refused both times. The truth is, she isn't talking to me. But even if she attempted to now, not interested. Unless there's major apologies and accountability for everything that's gone on. The other part of this is that I should have a 29 year old daughter. She's dead. Her death blew my entire family apart in slow motion. My son came to the realization this past summer that he wouldn't be alone in this if his sister was still alive. Her name was Hailey. And I can't imagine telling her no if she needed help. I can't imagine not talking to her if she were still here. I would literally do whatever it took to make things right if she stopped talking to me for whatever reason. That mortality thing goes both ways sister. And please, stop with the I really thought we did our best. Whether you did or you didn't isn't the point. Sometimes our best is still a failure. I have to live with the fact that I blindly took my precious Hailey Lynn in for the toxic poison shots that killed her despite a deep gut feeling, maternal instinct telling me not to. My "best" failed my daughter and she's gone. She would be 29 and has the same name as your daughter. You still have a chance as long as she's alive, I don't. Things have been hard for me and my son and it hasn't been pretty. I have had to own up to my own failures and mistakes to maintain a relationship. None of us are perfect. I really do hope and pray you find a way back to your Hailey. Humility is the way. My mother has none and I doubt we ever have a relationship again. It's unbearably painful.
Yup. They control their kids for years, never letting them discover or feel any of their true feelings, then when the adult child starts to find some healing and authenticity for the first time it's all, "Wah wah wah wah why won't they be the controlled little dolly I used to get to play with anymore?"
To the mom... these kids are brainwashed by the so called "therapists", the media, liberals and online sites. They are way too sensitive, way too offended. I say you don't want anything to do with me? Then you are free to go. It would be a cold day in hell before I would allow the ungrateful child to treat me like a criminal if I knew I did my best. You know when they realize what idiots they are? When they have their own kids. Then the uh-oh comes in. I wish them all the luck in the world because their going to be very, very lonely.
@laurelgardner you are truly bitter harpie.
I walked out of my mom's life in may with my kids. She's abusive, manipulative, and narcissistic. I am tired of the abuse and I'm never going back.
Good for you!! Hold your ground, even when it’s hard. We all miss having a mother, but it’s not our mother we miss. We miss the mother we deserved & should have had. We miss something we never had. I’ve found that I’ve healed by being everything my mother was not for my own children. I also became a foster parent and giving away what I never got has helped all of my children & brought me so much joy. Being a good mom has helped me heal. So you do whatever you need to do to heal your soul & don’t try to get blood from a stone. She’s not capable of being the person you want her to be. Sending hugs.
Boundaries are good. I had an abusive father but realized my own shortcomings & forgave.
I began counting the things my parents DID do right & not owning what was not mine. There is a story behind their own pain & copi ng.
It was quite freeing for me. Dad passed & I have no regrets for making amends within myself.
@@amypasek3733what a gift to be a foster parent❤❤❤❤❤❤ love that…i hope to be one
Good for you!
@@amypasek3733 a classic - a mother we should have had....
Children do not randomly wake up and decide to go no contact with their caregivers.
@@formerfundienowfree4235 Yea sure, being neglected, disrespected or abused for years by shitty parents with little to no self control has nothing to do with it.
Yeah...we now live in a world where they do... what planet are you on???
@@formerfundienowfree4235 With good reason! They finally found someone who understands their pain and/or has gone through the same. And who supports them that they have no longer endure abuse and invalidation from their own parents!
@@SrSyztz Those seem to be the kids that stay. Ironic.
@@campfireaddict6417 until they master the courage to leave
This whole video is a red flag of the kind of person you can be. I don’t blame your daughter at all. I can’t imagine making a video like this about my kids or profiting off a situation where my child is hurting. I’m glad she is free. Good for her. You keep pestering her and sending immature messages. It’s obvious you have done no self reflection.
There are also so many red flag comments such as yours. You really don't add anything to this conversation sadly but thanks for playing.
@@estrangedparents yes, sticking up for victims is a red flag🙄 meanwhile I’m sure your daughter would love to see you change. But go ahead and keep using her for financial gain. I wish your daughter nothing but the best and complete healing.
@@captainspook4890 you couldn’t have said it better👏
She wasn’t sure she presented asThe Problem in the video, so she had to double down here. So glad her daughter escaped. I hope she has grandchildren that never know her.
@@estrangedparents your comment screams “I’m a toxic narcissist.” As if your snide and heartless comments ‘add anything to this conversation.’ Get over yourself 🙄
Holy tamales this woman makes one's skin crawl. The daughter must have gotten sick of feeling like they lost two pints of blood every time they interacted with them.
I would love to know the daughters version and experience. I stopped talking to my father about 4 years ago when I realized he is a misogynistic narcissist. He never apologized when I pointed out how he had hurt or disappointed me. He always answered with a “so what are you doing about it to fix it”. He still sends me messages of “I love you”. He loves me for himself, not for me. He’s incapable of loving, as he never loved anyone other than himself enough to understand and apologize for his mistakes. He is toxic. My life is so much better without him and I feel absolutely nothing for him. No guilt and no love but also no resentment. It’s like he never existed.
Something so evil in your response. You do not honor your very DNA. Sickening.
I see you're not there yet, but sometimes forgiveness helps one heal. You say you aren't holding onto anger or resentment, but i suspect whatever you're holding onto isn't healthy for you. You seem pretty passionate in your post about your father. Which, I know I don't know your whole story.
I had a lot of resentment and anger in my younger years. I still do to some degree, but now that I'm a little older and I think a little wiser, I'm trying to see things through a different filter, trying to be more understanding, if anything, for myself.
Nothing can right the wrongs of the past, I agree, but sometimes people can change. I could give a good example of this, but it's a long story. Essentially, my father was a better grandfather to my son than he was a father to me. Details aside, this helped me understand that we all have the ability to learn and grow. I'm not saying my father was the devil or anything. He was much younger then and not as patient or kind when I was a kid. I don't know your situation except for what you wrote so obviously, only you'll know if he's worthy of forgiveness someday. In my situation there was both good and bad. I still love him for the good. If that makes sense.
I'm not telling you what to do. I'm just giving my perspective on things.
@@jwsuicides8095 I'm sorry 😞 Not all people deserve to be parents. All you can do as someone who's been through that is to try to break the cycle. Be better to your own kids.
it’s hard for an older person to say sorry. I think he might be hurting or feeling sorry and he might not say so aloud. I don’t know everyone’s situation but not everyone is that expressive n it’s pretty hard n torturing for the person who can’t even express it. You may want to be loved in a certain way but he still loves you prob not the way you expected it.
@@MissysDomainOr you can just accept the fact that some children don't enjoy being around narcissists?
Estrangement doesn’t just happen. There is a reason. (usually many of them) Until those are brought out into the open, and worked on, there will be no reconciliation. I let two abusive family members go from my life. You reach a point where you realize that if you both aren’t trying, then nothing positive is possible. You reach a point where you walk away in order to save yourself.
I believe this lady is hurting. I don't believe she is innocent. I can feel the narcissism thru my phone - everything is about HER, still making digs at her daughter being on social media, buying herself gifts on her daughters bday (for real, wtf?!) couldn't for a second feel contrite, refuses to look in the mirror. This entire video is a textbook lesson on selfishness and the cost of always having to be right.
Yes, this is a way of saying, "It's not my fault". There's a reason why her daughter stopped all contact, she just doesn't want to see it. Quite pathetic to be honest.
Yeah well there is also really times where kids are truly incorrect and they brigkn to believe their own bullshit
For me, it was the "we did everything, all that time, resources, etc." I've seen this exact same thing in most cases of child estrangement, including my own, my sisters', and a friend. If you think your children owe you love and attention because you gave them what you were supposed to when they were growing up and used your resources on them.
The Missing Missing Reasons - these people never understand why their child would go NC with them, even though they're all staring them right in the face.
The fact she buys herself a birthday gift for her daughter's birthday is a big red flag. Red flags everywhere actually
Yeah, like I'm separated from my mom but I would never think to buy myself a present on her birthday... really weird
I have always given flowers to the mother at birthday parties for the kids. I mean, mothers are the reason they are here. it's both their celebration day. not really that weird to give up buying your kid who no longer wants your in their life a gift and give yourself one for that day way back when you had them.
@__rm307 the numerous supportive comments on this video are like a drug for her no doubt
Yes, also the birthday thing in general. I mean come on, it's not about YOU!
my narcissistic mother (2 years no contact now) used to love it when my sister bought flowers on her birthday for my mother. (yeah, she was deeply enmeshed in the F-O-G back then, but has broken free since.)
The forgiveness section is the most triggering. My dad came with the same bs. Oh you forgive yourself? For what, I thought you did nothing wrong? How can you forgive yourself for something you don't think happened? How about if you actually acknowledge my pain before you forgive yourself for creating it? 😅😂
Exactly. Why does it matter if she “forgive” herself if she didn’t even take responsibility in the first place 🙄. That’s not forgiveness it’s just not caring
Trying to maintain a relationship with my abusive mother (the last assault happened when I was 37) eventually lead to me having a nervous breakdown. I barely survived. I can’t live with that level of terror in my life. It’s beyond horrible to grieve someone who is still living, but for me, it was that or die.
My grandson has disowned me. Keeping his children from me. It's been one of the hardest things I've ever r gone through. We were I thought something special.. but 2 yrs ago he decided I was toxic. I like all these others never ever could have believed he would do this to me. My step daughter is going through this same thing. He did when telling me he no longer wanted a relationship with me.said he appreciated all love ever done for him. So now I'm trying to accept it all. My 2 lil grandsons don't understand why they aren't allowed to visit me. I see them once in awhile through his dad an mom. They like me are broken hearted. I pray for him and will always live him.
@@rebeccafrakes9305 Have you even reflected on WHY he wants nothing to do with you, instead of trying to place outside blame? An apology, loaded with insight, is ALWAYS a step in the right direction.
@@h.g.9411Why would she apologize if she doesn’t know why he thinks she’s toxic?
I'm a mom...😢😢
@@toshland5687 Maybe ask your daughter/son. You will be surprised.
You may love her forever but you wont truly listen to her forever and THAT is why she stopped talking to you. At some point in your relationship, your ears got smaller and your mouth got bigger.
The depth of a person's character is defined in part by overlooking another person's shortcomings. Refusing to overlook a close family member's shortcomings will result in a life devoid of real fulfillment.
Wow, you know this as true is sadly comical 🙄🤦♀️
@@moabman6803 if you think this is only about politics your wrong. Mom wont tell the whole truth and has decided to paint her daughter as the crazy girl who stopped talking to her trumper parents, would love if mom linked her daughters tiktoks.
@@dct1238 mom already wasnt listening. She belittled the reason her daughter cut off contact and barely mentioned it. She belittled her tiktoks, she didn’t wven go to the full extent as to why her daughter cut her off. I know this to be true because i watched the video lol
Precisely. All I heard in this video is “We’re so hurt”, and “Our daughter doesn’t even care, she’s so cruel”. Victim mentality and 0 accountability. Very convenient
Some things ought to not be posted on the internet - this is one of them.
Some comments too
@@estrangedparentsyou opened the door. You thought you'd get pity, compliments, narcissistic supply. Instead you're getting criticism. Take your lumps.
@@estrangedparentsdo you feel this comment was out of line or offensive? Pointing out that a persons situation such as this shouldn’t be publicized without your daughter agreeing to it? If a differing (but respectful) comment is posted you take offense. Perhaps this is the same attitude with your daughter that fueled the fire…
@@estrangedparentslike Every Single One of your replies i've read so far 🤯 even the single one i've seen that pretended like you've actually tried to understand your daughter - despite whatever edits you made to it, it still comes off as a *severe* covert narcissist lacking self awareness & humility who's trying to manipulate
This video is fantastic! I've already downloaded and saved it. I will be using it as a case study in NPD for my psychology students. It's quite hard to find real world example so blatantly on display to use as a teaching tool to diagnose personality disorders. So grateful that this video was shared for all to learn from.
Have you tried trying to understand why your child came to this conclusion? Your child is a human, just like you. Every decision we make we rationalize, every decision we make we mull over. Especially a decision as difficult as cutting of familial ties? We never do things without reason.
@@nehriim3748 my child has mental illness
I cut my mom out of my life for refusing to acknowledge the neglect and abuse in our house growing up and how severely it ruined my health and self esteem. She’s selfish and uncaring. She refuses to even acknowledge her part in the dysfunction even though I spent my whole childhood begging for her to stop drinking and being punished for it while my golden child sister enabled her and was rewarded. Picturing her “wondering why” her daughter doesn’t talk to her anymore makes me physically ill and no matter how many times I tell her exactly why she plays stupid and pretends to be a victim.
Oh I understand you. I did it to my own mom and sister. Difference, I hope, is that you told her. You let her know what her part was in the separation. It's when it is sudden and without a word...I begged my son to at least talk to his father.
I agree w you. My mother was a verbally, emotionally, physically abusive “mother”. I made her punish me. She acknowledged her actions as an adult and said, “who cares- you survived”. She went on to emotionally and verbally abuse my daughters so i set a boundary. Said IF you want to see us, you cannot curse, scream, hit or lie to us. She broke ties w us and i was sad but relieved. She died 15 years later and no one cared.
I wonder if this woman is abusive too. My gut says, yes.
So zero percent your fault. Also zero forgiveness. Gotcha
@@janetdurkee8527 Can I ask how you can tell from this that she is abusive? Not trying to be sarcastic, just wondering if I am missing something. It is hard when you don't see the two sides.
@@bunacat1 This video cannot be just about her, she's too smart for that so it has faux reflection and regret sprinkled all the way through it. Also this is a RUclips video, it's here for the world to see more than just her daughter, disgusting last attempt at the kind of emotional blackmail which got her dumped in the first place.
I keep my mother Far away from me and my kids. She’s toxic and abusive.
Shame on you
@@loveandlightlove6872😂
@@ellyk8834agreed
@@loveandlightlove6872 Shame on her for protecting her children from an abuser??
Good for you for putting your children first . My mummy dearest is a narcissist too . They can wreck havoc on your children . Went no contact a year ago left me with an anxiety disorder and anger issues . Never doubt your decision it was definitely the right thing to do. Wishing you all the best ❤
Always two viewpoints to every story. As a child I was both abused and neglected, neither were ever acknowledged, I walked away from them all and never regretted it.
REAL abuse is different from i just wanted to do what i wanted to do and you wouldnt let me kids an abusive parent would never care enough to make a video
@@lindaVanVranken Maybe. Perhaps her daughter would make a rebuttal,.it's always good to hear both sides isn't it?
So sorry
Same.
Thank you. I did too.
As she proceeds to guilt trip her in a series of dramatized videos, lol.
This video is highly suspect. What does ssys might be true but it also might be true that this woman is a narcissistic attention lover. It took a lot of time to produce a video like this. The crying and carrying on in a public setting scream out that she may be doing this for attention and is obsessive with feeling sorry for herself.....but then takes it one step further needing others to feel sorry for her as well. All under the guise of trying to help others. Her virtue must shine to the world and she makes sure it does.
The way she discounted the "Amends" section of Rules of Estrangement says everything
I dont even have to see the daughter's side of the story to know she's in the right.
Mom does a great job of making herself look awful (if you're not easily deceived)
She just put out a new video 🤦♀️
I wonder if my narcissistic mother is saying the same thing about me to her friends and all of our family… I know it’s hard to accept that something might be mostly your(the parent’s) fault but the parents are supposed to be the mature ones. You(the parents) were the ones to bring the children into this world you were supposed to teach us to not want to be estranged from you. I think the sooner you accept this the easier the better off you’ll be. We’re not getting any younger.
She thinks our dad manipulated all of us to leave her. Hahahaha
@@ma.3934 what do you mean?
@martareitmajer my mom thinks me and my siblings left her because our dad (her exhusband) somehow manipulated us
@@ma.3934 ugh yeah typical. Whenever somebody from my family (like an aunt or something) would stop talking to my mom it was because according to my mom “somebody is manipulating that person.”
@martareitmajer lol yeah my mom has had multiple people leave her too and she says "everyone leaves me because I'm just too honest and too much of a sensitive soul and nobody understands". She pretends she's a fairy goddess when in reality she has the anger of a drunk dad.
Cutting a parent out of your life is extremely difficult and stressful. You don't do it without a good reason.
That goes both ways.
@@campfireaddict6417 Yeah, no doubt
Most disowned children are minors when it happens, and it's often because the child is gay.
That's evil, and you're a bad person if you think that's comparable to cutting off abusive parents.
@@NoNameToYou It weighs on me every day, but it's less bad than the alternative.
That's right you do it with a very cold heart. You don't have to like them but you do have to respect them. Grow the f up
Did you ever ASKED your daughter why? And listened to her? Maybe, just maybe, it will help.
But I guess it's more important for you to save your EGO and picture of yourself being a good mother then really being a good mother and have a relationship with your daughter. Yeah you're right, that's more important 😒
I don't know if you're up to date on current events, but if you listened to the first 5 minutes of the video, you would know the steps she took to reach out to her daughter. It's always good to actually listen before you form an opinion. It's so much more interesting for the reader
Before I make a sound conclusion of this, I would definitely be interested in hearing the daughter share her experiences and why she ultimately chose to go no contact. This is not something that just happened out of nowhere.
It kinda is in these days of “identity politics” where are you sleeping under a rock or are you one of those “living their truth” ? PS their is no such thing as “my truth” only actual “TRUTH” there is my version of events and perversion of both truth & events !! As you’re so sympathetic to the daughter guess I can wish this on ? Yes ?
Well typically if a child does this in there teens or early 20's it's easy to assume they had outside stimulus promoting their decision. I know in my case it was a woke feminism push that caused it.
She saw all the Trump bad posts and can't critically think for herself. Elites plans are working though, keep fighting about politics!
@@Sunnydreamer1470it sounds like the daughter had a lot MORE to say but that was all brushed over with a bad overlapping effect. We only hear one side, and that side is biased.
@aphreyst4551 part of the problem is, when people have more to say, but don't say it--its impossible to really understand what's going on or how to resolve differences. There are always two sides to a story, but when people are unwilling to communicate, it's not possible to tell the other side of the story because both sides are largely unaware of what the otherside could possibly be. It's a desperately sad situation for everyone involved.
You know how my Mom got me back after 5 YEARS?! She owned up. Be strong. Own your faults.
What did you own up??
Whatever she owned up it's definitely none of YOUR business.
@fulltimeonfire8536 That means she owned up to nothing. That's how it works! Thanks for responding!
@@joef.4643
She owned up to existing and enduring the abuse! 😘
@Aaron-kp6kp whatever! I will tell you the fishing is good here, even with the heat! Unbelievable!
“I buy myself a present on her birthday” 😂 I hope your daughter has been having a great life and learning to live without the stress of a mentally taxing parent
honestly getting away from these parents would be such a pain... looks like they didnt give up easy... but being a daughter who wants to live your own life and having parents that follow you around is so difficult...
Your kid’s in a lot of pain. A lot of pain. Give her space. Respect her boundaries and request for peace.
Signed,
Another kid in pain
I ditched my abusive mom 13 years ago and never looked back. Finally. My brother doesn't speak to her either. We're both at peace with that decision.
How could you do that to your mom. Was she that bad of a mom?? Really
@@cherylmangas7924 yep she was mean, lied often, broke every promise, only cared about herself. And much more.
@cherylmangas7924 I also left my abusive mother. Ever since I left her all of my chronic health conditions have disappeared. That's how abusive she was. She was literally causing my body to fall apart.
@@cherylmangas7924how could these parents do what they do to their children??
There are bad parents out there I agree with you all but there are good parents out there that still have their children walking away and leaving us not knowing why. Im one of those parents. My two oldest daughters won’t give me an explanation that is clear. I have found other parents out there that are going through this too. It’s almost like it’s an epidemic of family’s falling apart. I have always tried to be a good mom and I have 4 children only two have left and my other two that are not estranged are just as worried about them because if their irrational decisions. They were given so much love and spoiled at that maybe that’s just where I went wrong. I’m trying to understand both sides and willing to accept my faults and move on.
Cutting a parent from your life is a very hard decision and can take years of courage to do. Many of us desire to be in a loving and respectful relationship with our parents so severing it means there were a lot of trauma and problems that would force one to walk away. I know you’re hurting inside for your daughter but perhaps she had to leave you to save herself. I hope everyone affected can move on and heal from this. Good luck
Well said ❤ it's hard when you're expecting a parent to protect you but the person you need protection from IS the parent. It because a choosing game: who do I choose? Peace and myself? Or my parents and continued hurt? 😢
I hear you! I do! and I’m sorry that you feel or know that your mom hurt you so deeply that you felt like you had to leave.
Listen, I’m 66 years old and my mom was a mn
I thrive when I cut contact. It's always when I allow myself to be trapped by them that my life seems to unravel. It's such a shame the parent can't be a source of strength for the child. It certainly isn't what we want
I ended my comment by mistake. Sorry. Anyway, my mom was a nightmare. I like THOUSANDS of other children suffered a tremendous amount of physical and emotional abuse.
If I could have chosen between the two I would have definitely chosen physical abuse.
And to add insult to injury my mom would realize within hours what she had done. In my day ( I’m using that classic cliche 😅😅😅) there were no child welfare groups.
And a lot of the times I couldn’t go to school because my mom wanted the bruises to heal. But there was no one I could tell.
I can remember so many times thinking, starting at the age of 5 telling myself ( while my mom was beating my head against a wall 😅😅😅) that I would never hurt my “Rosie Flower) like that. I just knew I was going to be a mom one day and name her Rosie Flower.
And you know what?! I broke the cycle of abuse! I did it!
I’m trying to tell you my story, okay?
My daughter is my only child. She never knew her father because he left me/us two days after I had her.
He had already spoken with an attorney and he wanted to put her up for adoption.
I was given a choice …my daughter or him. And of course course the answer was easy!
So my daughter and I spent our lives together. We were always together!
We had so many adventures! I knew every single day how God had blessed me!
And I probably told her at least once a week that.
Listen…. I’m not being biased when I tell you that my daughter is absolutely remarkable! She was diagnosed as highly intellectual gifted, as am I…. and my mom.
I raised my daughter to be a conservative but I also raised her in a more liberal way.
I didn’t bind her to anything. However I put her through private school and let her make the decision about college which she decided not to do.
From early on I observed some of my friends and those that were single seemed to have an endless revolving door of men coming in and out.
I chose not to do that. Now that has to be bad for a child!
My daughter stayed with me up until the day that our landlord told us he was going to sell our home. We lived in Nashville tn. And you probably know that Nashville is and has been experiencing a population boom. And I knew that finding another place to rent would cost more than i could afford.
So I started frantically and I mean FRANTICALLY searching for a forever home. And there were none in Nashville that I could afford.
And so we/i ended up an hour and a half away.
I didn’t realize the severe ramifications of what my decision would mean.
And when I look back on it I realize that I abandoned my daughter!
I abandoned my daughter!
I abandoned my daughter and when I did I abandoned us!
Have you ever carried so much guilt and grief which results in so much self hatred? Have you?
I never told my daughter that she was a grown woman and she needed to find her own way out in the world because only an idiot wouldn’t recognize that buying a house was growing to be almost impossible unless you have a college degree with a subject in demand.
I am a psychology major! 😅😂😂😂 and I will tell you that is a ridiculous major unless you intend on getting your PHD .
Therefore I have to admit that I make disastrous decisions!
And I’m certain that I made disastrous choices for myself and my daughter …
But…. I never abused her. As a matter of fact I probably gave her too much. At least that’s what my close friends tell me.
And with that decision that I made to move to ANOTHER CITY I set my daughter and myself on a crash course to doom!
I didn’t however realize just how much suffering and pain my decision would put her through.
And trust me when I tell you that I pay for that mistake every day of my life.
And then my daughter started “therapy “ , and within a year my name changed from “mom “ to “ cunt”.
“ toxic “ …’ narcissistic “ ‘ neglectful “ ‘ manipulative “ let’s throw in another few hundred “cunt” . Mentally abusive . Should have been sterilized so that I could have never had children. And it goes on and on and on and on…..
And I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that those words were a direct manifestation of her pain and anger.
And with the help of her “wise “ “ therapist “ she made the decision to leave our relationship.
And her therapist helped her to discover that I really never loved her!
As well as that I most definitely have severe mental “issues “
Do you understand what I am trying to tell you?
I don’t know what kind of mother you have. or the factors determined your decision.
But for some reason I feel that I am supposed to tell you my story.
I hated my mom up until the past two years.
And why shouldn’t I?!
But in between the abuse that I suffered my mom was beautiful! She absolutely loved me!
She taught me so many valuable lessons!
I was so angry with her once I turned into a teenager that I made her life hell ! I made her pay!
And if I could only see my mom again I promise you it would be different!
But she died from cancer when I was 35 .
And suddenly I can remember so many beautiful moments.
No mother is the perfect mother!
And i don’t know how old you are but surely you know that every fault, every Hang up ultimately is awarded to mothers. It
is as old as time!
And speaking from a psychological perspective, men tend to marry women like their mothers!
What’s up with that! 😂😂😅
So just please please do some deep personal introspection! If you’re mom is bad… really bad…. Then by all means keep your relationship on the back burner! It’s just that when I read about adult children making “painful “ decisions to estrange their parents… when you use the word painful I can’t help but feel that in some way someone, somewhere plays a part in your decision and deep down inside you know that it’s wrong.
Okay?
Thank you.
I am minimal contact with my mother. I was hospitalized with a condition called takotsubo cardiomyopathy directly after a particularly difficult episode of verbal abuse. I decided it was in my best interest to go zero contact. I don’t know why I waited until I was 49 years old to stand up for myself. Not all parents are good parents.
@@tx-sweet-pjg3547- same.
@@tx-sweet-pjg3547You do not “ know” their situation. You are assuming and possibly projecting.
This video is so phony. The way it’s so dramatically shot and filmed is clearly to make herself look like the victim. I don’t blame her daughter for leaving.
@@tx-sweet-pjg3547 There are many toxic children today, especially around the daughter's age. She is a reflection of our self-absorbed culture. I teach teens and I see the complete self-centeredness and entitled attitude on their part.
@@spicybicy6667 There are many toxic children today, especially around the daughter's age. She is a reflection of our self-absorbed culture. I teach teens and I see the complete self-centeredness and entitled attitude on their part. If they on't get what they want that vile character inside them comes out. Just do a search of teachers that quit because of administration allowing toxic teenagers to do what they want.
My daughter is almost three months old and currently asleep on me. This is the absolute opposite of how I want to be as a mother.
Children in general naturally have deep like really deep I could say bottom less love for their parents especially mothers, but how you treat her will determine what route she will take. And trust me, I’m not a mother yet so I don’t know how mothers feel or their perspective, but as daughter I can confirm abandoning a parent hurts the children more than anything and leaves un healing scar on their spirit . So please don’t push your daughter to the dark side of existence which is existing with lack of love and broken heart every day for the rest of her life. I wish life full of love to you and your daughter❤
"I buy myself a present for her birthday every year. It's like... a consolation prize."
RIGHT.. my jaw hit the FLOOR when she said this fr
Big sign right there self-absorption
You might be a narcissist if… 😂
🤮
I thought she was going to say she makes a donation or something. Nope. She buys something for herself. Bizarre.
I thought my mother was the worst mother on the planet. She was bi-polar and suffered from depression. When I was a young adult I had very little contact with her. I didn’t cut her out of my life but I did avoid her often. It wasn’t until I had children of my own that I realized that she had done the best she could.
I’m 57 now, my mother is long gone and I still feel remorseful about how I treated her. I didn’t do anything to help her with her illness. I was judgmental. I was unkind at times. Now I can clearly see… she really was doing the best that she knew how.
I think your response is most true of all. Our parents did the best that they could.
❤
@@jspella1477❤
❤❤
@@Mister_Listener You seem to be offering your opinion into a lot of comments, so naturally I was wondering, are you an expert? Qualified?
Thank you for sharing your story, I have been estranged from my daughter for 5 years. I forgave her, forgave me, and moved on too. Despite crying an ocean the first year, and my husband dying, I have found peace and joy being alone (not lonely). I have more peace of mind now than I ever could have hoped for.
She's happier without you
What an unkind comment.
You know nothing.
.My Advice To Estranged Parents.
Devoted to political destruction agents in the old system. You should stop loving that which hates you to be a good mum you must discipline your daughter.
As a Christian, I believe undisciplined spoilt children and young adults do badly in the world and become sicker and the result is hell in the world.
Zomby alive or dead, in hell.
If you need advice. Pray to Jesus Yoshua God to discipline your daughter in the way that she regrets being evil and spiritually dead.
@@mg-ew2xfyour new handle is Debbie Downer as you only show up here to spew your negativity.
@@pennypothoneypot634
Nobody cares about your religion. Mind your own business and worry about yourself.
I'm Korean, and I don't keep in touch with my parents either. If parents truly love their children and respect boundaries, there's no reason for children to leave them. My mom was a Christian fanatic who would hit me and my sister if we refused to go to church. She cursed at me and said awful things to me. She even called me Satan or a demon. My dad hit me often when I was young, saying I was disobedient, rude, or talked back. I thought it was normal to be hit when you made a mistake, but I later realized other kids didn't grow up like that. They weren't called Satan for skipping church. As I grew older, I realized it was abuse. That said, my parents did love me-I'm sure of that. They always praised me, saying I was the prettiest and most talented. My dad would tuck me in carefully to make sure I wouldn't get cold. My mom, when I overslept and was rushing to get ready for school, would panic and shove food into my mouth so I wouldn't leave hungry. When I was sick with a high fever, she carried me on her back through a snowstorm to get me to the hospital. That was love. I can promise you that my parents would let themselves starve before letting me go hungry. They would give up everything they had to save me from ruin. That's why I couldn't cut contact with them. Even at 27, l'd find myself crying in the middle of the night, haunted by the image of 7-year-old me-the scared, hurt little child. I felt sorry for that little kid. For three years, I struggled with whether I should stay in touch with my parents. Then one day, I had a conversation with them about how they used to hit me. But my parents denied it ever happened. They said they only gave me a light slap on the hand when I misbehaved. The times they grabbed me by the collar or slapped my face when I was in middle school? The time they pinned me down and choked me? None of it ever happened, according to them. I was shocked. All I and my sister wanted was an apology. But after that, I couldn't bear to see them anymore-not for my sake, but for the sake of that 7-year-old me. I tried to forgive the abuse, to believe it was all out of love. But their complete denial of everything? That's something I can't forgive. It seems like parents, for the sake of their own mental health, are quick to forget the pain they've inflicted on their children. Or they are just pretending
im Korean and estranged as well
it seems like you have your own anger therefore you will be unable to believe this can happen to good parents. Not always true. Some people are narcissists and sociopaths. I can't believe you actually think you are right. So many people are attacked if they speak the truth about their adult children being horrible people and it is because of judgmental people like you ! Not all children are born with healthy intact mental capacities and are dangerous. You are hateful and grudge holding. You were given life, fed and clothed and not beaten so what is your problem other than selfishness.
*
@@Sunflower-ug3eh I’ve seen your comments, and I’m curious why you keep copy-pasting the same thing over and over. Let me respond to your points. Sure, bad kids can be born to good parents. Some kids betray their parents or are naturally narcissistic, no matter how well they’re raised. But let’s be real-that’s the minority. Maybe one out of 100. Most of the time, when kids cut ties with their parents, it’s because they were emotionally or physically abused growing up.
I was just sharing my own experience. While I didn’t explicitly say it, the main point of my post was this: Parents tend to forget the terrible things they did to their kids, often without realizing it. And kids don’t cut off their parents for minor mistakes-there’s usually something major behind it.
You said I’m full of anger? That’s not true. I’m not angry at my parents anymore. I’m just sad about the whole situation. I feel sorry for the younger me and my sister who went through all of that, and I even feel sorry for my parents. Oh, and the dog I used to have, too-my mom gave it away without telling us. But when I talked to her about it later, she cried and apologized. I don’t talk to her anymore, but I’ve forgiven her in my heart because it’s better for me that way. Sometimes, I do get overwhelmed with sadness and cry, but it’s not anger-it’s just sadness.
Like, when I think about my dad’s violent moments, it’s hard. I remember being in middle school, taking a shower, and he barged in and hit me because I’d been showering too long. I was naked, and it left me feeling so humiliated that I carried that shame into my interactions with boys and later, with men. It made dating so difficult for a long time. I think about all the positive experiences I could’ve had, but didn’t, because of the things I went through, and that makes me sad.
And yes, I was given life, fed, clothed, and had a warm house to sleep in. But I wasn’t spared from being hit. I was punished for small mistakes, watched my parents throw things, scream, and take out their anger on us. After all that, you think I left them because I’m selfish? If standing up for myself makes me selfish, then who in the world isn’t selfish?
@@Lulu-y4d7l I just read your comment and it all really resonates with me and I hope wherever you are in life now you are doing ok and I am sending lots of love and warmth your way, we are creating our own safety and definitions of love and care
@@supercozemusic Oh, I just saw your comment because my RUclips notifications were off! Thank you so much for your kind words. Healing from the childhood wounds can be such a hard journey, but we’re all doing our best. And I absolu love what you said about creating our own definitions of love and care-it’s such a beautiful and powerful thought. Sending so much love and warmth your way as well❤️
You're blowing it with her if you diminish her feelings, facts, memories. She's going to replace you with someone who will have her back, unconditionally. Unconditionally.
"She is in a cult!" " She is spoiled and ungrateful!". Perhaps , or perhaps this daughter has a very different story to tell.
Yes. Two sides to every story and usually the truth lies somewhere in the middle.
Trump bad! upvotes to the left.
She definitely has a different story to tell. Just like schizophrenics have a different story to tell. When someone starts talking about "my truth" (a red flag for self righteous narcissism masquerading as "victimhood") - as if we are all just to suspend facts and the ACTUAL truth when dealing with this person, then you know that person is functionally in a cult.
Most likely. but different people have different outlooks. Your "no big deal" could be a very big deal to someone else. People take things differently and saying things like "that isn't worth getting upset over" just makes things worse. Politics can also be a family splitter. It should be kept more private than your sex life because young people are very intolerant. If you support a candidate they don't like you are demonized.
@@johne3999Citation requested for your claim that young people are the intolerant ones rather than older people.
My wife has been estranged from her parents for 35 years. Her parents initiated it. Her parents made everyone in the extended family choose to have contact with her or her parents but not both. The mother was extremely abusive mentally and physically and my wife reached a point with much therapy where she began to set boundaries such as you will not call me foul names. Her mother's pet nickname for her was "shit faced brat" often accompanies by a crack across the face with an open hand. The mother does a very fine job of saying it's all her daughter's fault. Yet every time anyone offers to try to repair the relationship the mother is the one that refuses to allow it. I believe nothing without hearing both sides.
Please send your wife love. I hope that she finds peace in all that.
my mom was a raging beast too. I think back about being terrified as she would be hitting my small body. I was a small kid. All my friends were scared of her, I dont talk to her now. I dont hate her, I just have to many bad memories.
I feel for parents who have been cut off, but there is usually a good reason. In my case extreme and persistent cruelty, lasting from my teenage years into my 50s. I tried god knows how hard to build a loving relationship with my mother (my fathed died 2009), but she has BPD, and never left an opportunity out to make nasty, harmful remarks, and to blame it on me. In the end I decided I could not stomach this into my old age, and my husband supported me. I sent her three, staged emails, communicating to her in very clear terms what it had been like being in this sort of abusive relationship with her, without being aggressive or using passive-aggressive, accusative language. I read each email to a counselling organisation to check it was not inflammatory before I sent it. They all said they were loving emails cleary written by a loving daughter. My mother did everything but acknowledge the hurt she had caused and decide to be kind. In her second email she claimed everything was in my head. Until I reminded her of some of her actions, which she had repeated, with seeming glee - for years. In my final email I set her an ultimatum - to either start showing some loving and kind behaviours or I would walk away. I told her it is not that hard to be kind to people, andif she did not respond or responded with a 'no;' I would, similarly, walk away. She did not repond.
That night I had my first night sleep with no persecution nightmares - and later realised that they had disappeared once and for all. I have slept peacefully ever since.
I should have done this years ago. ....I have spent some time thinking about the people I know who are my age and who have cut contact with their parents. The reasons are always the same - wthout exception. For some reason, when the kids hit their 40s and 50s, the parents started judging their kids by unspoken value systems, and started making snide remarks about their parenting, their jobs, their appearance, the way they run their houses and clubs and so on. The kids would still visit their parents despite this, enduring the trip, rather than enjoying it, and spending much of the journey there steeling themselves for what they knew would not be a very nice visit. In my case the criticisms would start within 40mins of our arrival, and they would not let up all weekend. My husband lost count of how many times we drove the four hours home, yes you read that right, with me in tears. It had to stop. Setting boundaries did not work - she would just trample on them. My father was no better. Here is one example of what I had to endure: knowing I worked as a writer for 14 years and do a lot of creative writing, he looks me full in the face and says, pointedly: 'I despise all women writers'.
This from a man who concussed me twice, and who would enjoy being cajoled into committing more violence on us kids by my mother who would then stand and watch, doing little air punches as she did so. She encouraged it, did nothing to stop it, and in fact I think she enjoyed watching him harm us. ...It got so bad at one point that I would flinch when he walked past me.
I think I tried hard (and long) enough to keep relations going, believing that one day they would soften up a little and grow a human heart. It was hard to realise that I had come to loathe my parents, the very same people who I had as a younger person (wrongly) venerated, and that they would not change; that I had to start seeing them for who they really were, and cut them off in order to be happy.
I have forgiven them, though they did not deserve it, but I will not contact her (mum) again, despite the fact that my younger sister died last year. She and I were in the habit of contacting each other about three times a year. Her illness lasted barely 6 weeks, but no-one told me about it or that she had died. That is the difference between them and me. I would never have treated them the way they treated me.
I do well without them and have no regrets - because I tried so hard and for so long, earnestly, to do the right thing. You cannot make someone love you or be kind, Either the have emotional intelligence, or they don't, and I just happen to have been born into a family which had none and which was socially, morally and personally inept.
@@yourtransformationgenie your story sounds a lot like my mother's except, her mother favours the other kids and my mom is basically the black sheep.
Well see THAT is the type of decent reason to cut your parents off. If they’re actually abusive with words or physically or even manipulation. But this poor woman in the video, I relate to her. I did absolutely nothing to warrant estrangement. I don’t get it. I’m super close with my own mother. I envisioned our lives together to be the same as with my Mom.
It sounds like you didn’t actually LISTEN to her. It’s hard, but you have to admit your errors & take accountability. You can’t blame it all on your kid - that’s a two way street. And yes, the relationship you create with your child growing up IS your fault. Including her reactions to you. I was estranged from my daughter for 5 years, and it took massive therapy & self-healing to be aware of my mistakes & not be defensive. You have done NO growing, Diane. You obviously resent her & will never have a relationship if you can’t heal yourself.
I agree with this.
It is never without reason. My daughter would not talk to me for a year. I did not harrass her with messages, but let her work through whatever she had to. Worst thing you can do for the relationship or yourself, is dwell on it. Does it hurt? Sure. But you didnt bring them into the world for YOU.
What do you mean, they didn't have children for them? Everybody who makes a decision to have a child is based on them and their union together. Anyone who is single and wants a kid. It's the same thing it's completely selfish ideal and impulse based on trendyness and a need to progenerate As a biological mamal. I resent any parent who wants to hold it over A child's head that they brought them into this world ,As if they did it for the kid and that it wasn't the parents idea or inclination. A lot of times parents don't want to take responsibility for fucking up their child. If you have kids you're probably one of them.
Well said, I agree.
@@Diametricallyopposed00 ha ha, stay strong Sister.
Maybe she did, there are mothers who treat their kids like dolls to dress up and when they have difficulties while growing up or aren’t fun to deal with they disengage. This lady seems sus to me: very self centered. She bought herself a present for her daughter’s birthday?? Lol dramatic
These issues are not so widespread in the Middle East,where children love their mothers and are raised to respect them. 99.99% of American mothers whose daughters ignore and neglect them were not truly all that horrible.
It seems an extension of the woman-hatred that is both socially engineered and socially embedded in Western culture.
There is an entire cultural socio-pathology that brainwashes young females to rebel against their mothers. Then the young females become victims of loser men and "friends" in their peer groups. Schools and social services has been conditioning this kind of dysfunction since the 1960's.
It is primarily a western cultural phenomenon.
I stopped speaking to my mother because of her cruelty, gaslighting, narcissism and scapegoating. Best decision I ever made that benefitted just me for a change.
Same. I wish I had been braver sooner.
Good for you... And how do we know this vid maker is not the same. How would we know. Making an attention seeking vid is exactly what a narc would do. I find it hard to believe that well raised kids cut off their 'great mums' just out of the blue.
@sharonjones2400 Yeah, I am not feeling sympathy for this lady. Denial and mocking their child's emotional/mental struggles got them there.
I ditched two brothers because of that also. How good does it feel.
You just told my story. I just wish I'd stop getting texts every year on my birthday, crying about not knowing what she did wrong. I was 40 before I finally sent that letter (and it had nothing to do with politics!), as while the physical abuse had stopped when I, at age 18, finally called her out on it (and my emotionally weak father finally stepped in which triggered her to accuse me of trying to break up their marriage...), the emotional abuse continued even on the rare occasions we were in the same room (yeah, I stopped going to family functions when she tried "what have I ever done to you?"! in the middle of my grandmother's funeral). When I realized that my every success was still met with gaslighting and my every failure met with contempt, it was time to give up and realize that I would never have a normal, sane, loving relationship with her. Yeah, the family thinks it's my fault - she's made sure of that. But I'm well over it, and I have an amazing life.
My mom abused me and refused to repent of it. I don’t owe my abusers a relationship.
Sorry, that sucks
That is definitely a hard part, when they won't take accountability. It's especially hard when, just like tons of strangers on this page are doing to her daughter, you are judged for going no contact with parents who are either mentally, emotionally, physically or all of the above abusive. When parents take accountability for their side and are more concerned with how to heal their relationship with their children through accountability, it's a beautiful thing. Sick parents don't realize how much grace we would show them with showing some effort. The fact that this woman played victim, made video that is utterly embarrassing for her child, changed up a bunch of scenes to be extremely dramatic about HER suffering, while back handedly ridiculing her daughter for others to jump on the bandwagon makes me feel so freaking badly for this daughter. However, comments like this one, and the several who can relate to you and people like me, makes me glad that when the daughter reads these, she won't feel isolated or crazy. I'm sorry that your mom didn't take accountability but I'm grateful that you recognize it and have stood strong in realizing that you don't owe abusers a relationship! 🤗 You keep glowing and growing and being self aware! It's beautiful! I pray one day your mom realizes and can step into the realm of seeing that she has part in the situation.
Yes. What people refuse to acknowledge is that adult kids who grew up with good parents don't just walk away. Good parents have good kids. This page is obviously for the bad parents.
@@rousinrabble Wow what an ignorant remark. Spoiled brats with good parents who've tried absolutely everything they know how and who have groveled and ate dirt trying to get along with their off spring, lose their kids all the time. It's called selfishness and is WAY more common than it used to be.
@@rousinrabble Not true.
One of many red flags here, not once did she express concern over what her daughter may be going through. If my daughter did this, my FIRST and MOST IMPORTANT concern would be - is SHE OK? What is bothering her? How can I make it right? I guess that’s why this won’t happen to me.
I'm sure she didn't share her every thought. You cannot begin to imagine what it is like to be ghosted by your child unless you've lived it. She is in her own personal hell and nothing she could do would change it because none of it was her choice. But, I'm sure I couldn't convince you or the other 61k people who've thumbed down the video.
Children being estranged from their parents is a trend and it will only continue to rise until the family unit becomes a thing of the past. I'd imagine that a lot of people would consider this a good thing. Certainly, the powers that be do, it was actually one of the goals of BLM, and all other Marxist organizations for that matter. It's a major part of the programming in the media, the education system, new age religions, and especially "mental health" pop culture who encourage everyone to diagnose everyone in their lives.
People who think that the dissolution of the family unit is great think they're being independent, and progressive, thinkers but in reality they're being led down a path and playing right into the hands of those who desire to enslave and control the entire world. They've been preparing people for their dystopian future for generations now and the younger generations seem to be begging for it.
@@AllisonSmith73 you’re right. I can not begin to imagine because we raised our children to respect us by respecting them. I can not imagine my adult children “ghosting” us. Because we raised them to think for themselves and knowing there is nothing in the world they can’t come to us about. We raised them with enough humility to apologize if we were wrong and admit we are not perfect but by the grace of God we wake up every morning striving to be better. We raised them to know that Jesus is the only perfect being and that we all fall short, but most of all, we raised them to know that GRACE and LOVE are the most important things in life. No BLM or any other fad can seduce your children when you fill them with LOVE AND GRACE only Jesus can bring from the day they are born.
@@AllisonSmith73 the saying reaping what we sow comes to mind.
@@sellmav Are all of your children grown up and out of the house? You look quite young to have already achieved that. If yes, how wonderful it must be for you and your whole family. How wonderful it must be for you if you were brought up in a God-fearing, Jesus-loving, Christian home. We weren't all so blessed with the opportunity to grow up in the truth. Some of us did the best we knew to do which was to raise our children better than how we were raised.
I did the best I knew to do, I even joined a church that all of my children were born into but, when my serial adulterer husband decided he'd met someone with whom he "had more in common", he decided we needed a divorce. After that, I was no longer so welcome in the church as a newly divorced mother of three. I made a lot of mistakes, but all of my mistakes were what it took to bring me to where I am today, as a born-again Christian, no longer in a cult, knowing the truth, loving Jesus, and seeing all the ways in which I had been deceived by the adversary for most of my life. I'm filled with gratitude that God has brought me to where I am today.
Every estranged mother's story is different but, regardless of where they've been and where they're going, it is for God to judge each of us and, as long as we're still breathing, he may not be finished with us. He knows how our hearts are broken having never come close to anticipating that any of our children would ever write us off. I've never known anyone to whom this has happened. I've seen drug addicts, alcoholics, exotic dancers, people from some of the wildest walks of life who still have children who have something to do with them so, after 13 years, I'm still desperate to know what happened and, for me, that's when it's time to give it all to God again.
I am one who still doesn't know what exactly turned my children against me so suddenly. The only hint I've had was when my eldest daughter asked me, on one of the very few phone calls we've had, if it was true that I had stolen a check for $5,000.00. I absolutely never did such a thing. God knows I am innocent of this accusation and yet my children were told that I did it by someone they trusted. With a lie that big, I can't help but wonder what else they might have been brought to believe that I did. I didn't learn even this until after 5 years of absolute silence. I don't think she thought I would deny it, I think she was looking for an apology but I could never apologize (accept responsibility) for a crime that I did not commit.
If you have been greatly blessed in your life, it seems reasonable that you would be humble and not assume that someone else, who doesn't have the blessings that you and your family enjoy, is somehow deserving of being alienated by their child(ren). God allows the devil to serve his purpose and sometimes even Christian families can be affected. Job was greatly affected by the devil. He was in no way at fault for the things that came upon him and his family, and yet, all of his friends were sure that he must have done something to bring all of his suffering upon himself. They were wrong.
When one is God-fearing and greatly blessed by God, one should never place blame and judgment upon a parent who is in mourning, and grieving the loss of their child(ren) even though they are still alive. I forgive you. It is a common mistake to make, to judge a matter before hearing it (comprehending it fully). We certainly don't want to be so full of pride that we are blaming those who are suffering for their own broken heart. We should have compassion for those who suffer.
I truly hope that, whether or not your children are all grown, they will not (even one of them) fall for any of the schemes of the devil. God Bless you and yours.
I always find it funny how people think that this only happens to other people and certainly not to me. I bet the mother thought the same thing as you do now. It's easy to judge others, but not particularly smart.
As the daughter whose mother continually hurts her, lies to her, and always leaves me hanging (and I’m an only child whose father died when I was a child)… I have learned to finally let go of that woman that gave birth to me and cared for me until she just didn’t want to be a mom anymore.
Did you hear anything in this fairly long video that resembled your mother? My take was that whatever this mother's flaws were, they didn't come close to justifying complete estrangement, and I suspect she would have raised some red flags in a 16-minute video. Your thoughts?
@michaelconnors1301 This entire video seemed like a red flag to me, she reminded me of my mother. The entire video she guilt tripped her daughter every time she would talk to her. I know it’s difficult to see your flaunts when it’s all you’re used to.
My mother was not a good one. She died alone. I was thankful and relieved when she passed. My nightmares died with her. 😊
@@pissshit9001same she reminded me of my narcissistic mother - the whole video is so manipulative, she’s trying to guilt trip her, she isn’t respecting any type of boundary. The daughter is clearly saying, leave me alone and she’s like oh, let me text you, let me email you, and then this video like come on
this vid gave me a really weird icky vibe, like she could be hiding something, it just feels off.
These estrangements don’t usually just come out of the blue. More going on here. Parents might be narcissistic.
What did you do to your daughter?
You are sealing the deal for daughters and sons who have left unhealthy relationships with mothers. You are reminding us why we have no contact. Your woe-is-me I just can’t imagine anything I could have done attitude and the fact that a book about being accountable is so repulsive to you reminds us all that some mothers will never be accountable and truly are never sorry for the ways they have hurt us. This is not normal healthy behavior. Parents all make mistakes but healthy parents are accountable for these and have genuine remorse. They don’t intentionally hurt or use their children either. The first instinct of a healthy mother on realizing her child is hurt by her is to want to understand and work to make things better. It’s not about groveling or being good or bad. It’s about owning actions taken and decisions made.
So, it is possible that I missed it, because I am human; however, I didn't hear a single instance of "I could/might be wrong about some of the things you named as reasons why you didn't want anything to do with us anymore." I find this more telling than anything else presented in this video. It shadows all the 'I still love you' comments with the truth of, "I am not now, nor have I ever been wrong. This is still all your fault."
Yep.
So true. I knew she had a bigger part to play in the separation than she realizes when she said she showed up to the funeral, followed by "to her credit." I don't think I've ever used that phrase in everyday conversation. Sounds condescending.
There only was one reason - she voted for trump. Which absolutely is NOT a valid reason to cut off your flesh and blood.
@@cococock2418 actually, supporting a fear mongering, racist, bigoted, dictator wannabe is plenty of reason to turn your back on anyone, family or not.
At the end of the video, the mom wishes her daughter all of the happiness and only wants the best life for her regardless of what that is. This is a horrible horrible thing to do to your parents. I had a complicated relationship with my mother and sure it would have been easier to walk away. I’m glad I didn’t.
You have done a good job showing why your daughter has decided to back away from you. It's all about you. Pretty sure it always was, but I wouldn't know. I do know that no one deletes a primal relationship easily and for no reason. You might want to respect her boundaries rather than create massive "im the victim" guilt trip videos.
@@zoep.2891 She might dismiss the comments calling her out, but hopefully her daughter sees them and realizes that there are many people who feel deep compassion for her and are rooting for her healing.
My question to you: what was your motivation to watch a video about estranged parents if all you do is to blame the mother?
Maybe trying to be empathic
@@heikegani1748 I think I can give a satisfying answer to your question. I came here not to blame the mother but precisely to see her side of the story. And is seeing that side that we can clearly identify her for the narcissist she is. It's all about her, her daughter's feelings are never given the slightest bit of consideration. You think it's easy to cut off a parent like that? She did what she had to do to survive.
@@DragonNyah Speaking from experience I couldn't agree more with you, it is not easy to cut ties with one's own parents! The daughter might have been influenced by the higher educational system to disregard family values and mutual respect. The mother on the other hand has no confidence in her daughter's ability to succeed in life which indeed hints at a superiority complex of the mother.
Kids are realizing the narcissistic abuse they have endured from parents thanks to psychiatrists that are willing to finally talk about them. Remember children cannot choose which family they are born into, but they can go no contact.
This one sided video told us all we need to know. We don't need to hear the daughter's point of view as the mother has shown herself to be the problem by playing the victim and taking no accountability for her behaviour. She is manipulative. This is proven in this video
@@VibinWithRunnTheSnowman i believe they lack the ability of self reflection. they cannot accept fault
I doubt that you're kid went no contact solely because you and your husband voted for Trump. I just watched your video and there's absolutely no self-reflection or introspection. The issue isnt with your kid, it's with you. Im glad that she's taken the time to put her feelings and mental health first.
How do you know who they voted for? That wasn't mentioned in the video.
@@darlenegriffith6186 it’s an example
I let my parents go when I was 32. Now I am 46. I have my reasons. My mother was cruel and I couldn't put my finger on it until I was 32. Once I saw her behavior on one specific occasion I started putting pieces of my childhood together and why I felt so alone. She did things to purposely alienate my sister and I with extreme neglect. My father just ignored everything going on and worked all the time. So it was double neglect. As an adult child I thought things would change, but I found out that things never would change and she would always gaslight me. I just couldn't go on like that with the two people that meant the most to me. I just stopped. I have been through many mental health struggles and I always get the response, "Grow up" from them. I did grow up. I grew up feeling really alone with no one on my team. That is why I have mental health struggles.
Cheers to you ! I totally understand.
Keep doing your work❤
Translation: my life didnt go the way i planned so its MOMMIES FAULT
@@imveryhungry112 I don’t blame my parents for a terrible life. I have a wonderful life. I am very successful and happy. I do have struggles with my mental health and I keep it in check now because I cut the toxic parents out of my life and work hard every day to have boundaries. Mental health is important. Also, I take responsibility for myself and my actions. My parents just wanted triangulation drama to have a punching bag. I no longer subscribe. You sound like a very angry person. I hope you find the help you need. Therapy does wonders. I wish you the best! Cheers!
@@77Tadams your almost 50 years old. Your parents are literally dying. Go talk to them! Time to GROW UP.
All of my children cut ties with me several years ago. I was devastated and broken hearted, I still am, but I have learned to take accountability for what I did and didn't do as a parent. I respect their truth and their experiences growing up, and how it affected them - and still affects them greatly as adults. I respect their choices to walk away. I only send them cards and money on birthdays and christmas. I only write I love you in them now a days. Even the fact that I do that is probably the wrong choice. I will never forgive myself for any of it. I won't contact them, except the cards. I will not allow other people to contact them on my behalf. What I have done to cause this chain of events has destroyed so many lives that I will never expose anyone else to my type of "love" ever again to ensure that I protect their safety. Listen to your children's actions. Sometimes the old trope of, "we did the best we could," disrespects the fact that it still wasn't right for them.
Beautiful person
@@RisetoStrength I'm sorry if my post came across like that. That was not the impression I was trying to give. After reading it over again, I can see why it may sound like I think parents don't have an obligation to their children, but that is not my belief at all. I believe a parent's greatest responsibility is to raise their children with love, empathy, support, safety and with a unique approach that is built on the specific needs of each child as an individual. Every parent has the obligation to provide their children with these basic needs and so much more.
@@stacyrich113 my picture is a cartoon filter from several years ago. I did start having children in high school too. There were many factors that led to me being an awful parent, but what it comes down to is it was/is my responsibility to be the person they needed and deserved. I will never forgive myself for not providing them with all they needed and deserved. I desperately wish I could do it all over again. I will never forgive myself for being a terrible parent.
@@ellyk8834 absolutely. The problem lies with me for failing them. I am the one accountable and responsible for everything. I respect their decisions that they made to protect themselves. I was a terrible parent.
@@stacyrich113 the only reason I even mentioned sending them cards/gifts is because I wonder if I'm doing more harm than good by doing so. I worry that it may be too painful and invasive for them to receive anything from me at all. I don't want to be disrespectful of their choice to cut ties. I would actually appreciate input from anyone going through this with their parents about whether or not it is ok to receive anything like that from your parents? I just want to do what's best for them.
"She seemed like a normal kid to us". Not realizing the struggles your child dealt with for years that translated into a formal ADHD & Autism diagnosis... I understand what the parents are saying, but if they don't see the problem in the dynamic, I can imagine why the experience for their daughter has been painful. Not understanding why your child runs from you after that, breaks my heart :/