@@annsu77 Agreed! Signing off, a 50-year-old scapegoat who moved 2300 mi away from their family and it's about done with their parents too at this rate after the smear campaigning from the lame 3 siblings of mine
Well, she proved her daughter correct. The daughter tried to speak, was completely ignored, and the idiot then makes a manipulative gaslighting video about how badly she’s being treated by this horrible adult child.
So true. That creepy covert narc also gaslight her self into believing the world would believe her victim narrative total lies. She's rotten I can just tell.
My mother is doing the same thing except no video. She cries to my family how terrible it is I won't go to her house but she is in fact a very terrible mom.
I'm a parent and it seems very strange to me for a parent to say that an angry outburst is out of character. Parents see their child angry at all phases of their life, and more than anyone else they really know their child's full emotional capacity. So saying anger is out of character says very clearly that anger was not an acceptable emotion in this persons house, that screams bad parenting.
Exactly. The child's anger triggers the narcissistic parents core shame and causes narcissistic injury. Perfect parents have perfect children... and anger is not viewed as part of a perfect child. Everything is about the parent, even the child's natural anger is seen as an injustice to a bad parent.
I think the mom is mental, but I have seen the daughter's tik tok, and she has a somewhat childish voice. Even so, I doubt the mom did it to sound more like her; pretty sure she preferred her as a needy child instead of an adult.
She’s been without her daughter for a long time. Parents who are grieving, and this mother is, has reverted to thinking of her child as the little girl she once was. It happens when a parent loses their child to death, no matter how old the child was when they died. Quit reading into it.
@@JackRowsey Yeah, no. I have known people who lost an adult child to death and I have never once heard them infantilize them. The fact of the matter is this woman doesn't respect her daughter as an adult.
The mother didn't post the letter because she didn't want viewers to hear the details about all the ways she has hurt her daughter. That would be some seriously negative PR - the thing narcissists fear most.
She was very calculating to make it about political differences but then emphasized her point by saying the daughter also cut off contact with an aunt with the same political leanings as her daughter. She knew she would get a lot support from that political crowd by specifically stating only that portion of the letter. Yet obviously by the daughter cutting off contact with the aunt. It really doesn’t have to do much about politics but more about what the mother left out from the letter.
My thinking as well. The mother did not read the letter because the daughter probably brought up some abuse that the mother definitely can’t show anyone because then she won’t be able to play victim. I saw through that immediately..
I have only ever heard “I’m not perfect” as a preamble for “here’s why I’m not going to take accountability for the terrible way I treated you or change my behavior.” I noticed that pattern first in reality TV, but now I can’t unsee it.
Well you taught me something I never realized before; but you're right! I was 55 years old when I learned that "I'm not perfect" is preamble for "Here's why I'm not going to take accountability..." Thanks!
@@AlvinKazu I'm sure it is fine in the context of a real apology (taking accountability, attempting to repair the harm, committing not to repeat it, centering the wronged party's feelings over your own, etc.). But given how often it's used defensively, the person you're apologizing to could hear it that way, even if you don't mean it that way.
A red flag to me is people only showing / holding on to pictures of their children when they were toddlers or very young. As they grow older, they tend to have their own identity / boundaries and that's when the fights begin.
Yep, they liked it when their children were young enough to control and for them to be totally dependent on them. They don't like it when their kids get a bit older and have their own personalities and opinions.
I fully agree. I grew up with a father like this. He refused to put contemporary pictures of us in his desk at work because he told us that he didn't like who we'd become. We were in our mid-teens. He said we used to be nice, but weren't anymore and he didn't like to think of us in our current state. I came to see that nothing I did, said or thought would be OK so I decided to do what I wanted from then on. I think I was supposed to conform to his world view.
Wow, this blew my mind. I never considered that, although my narc abusive mom did always tell anyone who would listen that she loves babies and loves when kids are little, but doesn't like them when they get older. I always thought it was because babies and little children make her feel needed, but it makes total sense that it's more about the fact that you can control a small child or baby because they can't defend themselves and they are easier to intimidate or scare into doing what you want them to do. That's crazy, new insight unlocked! 🤯
As the daughter of a mother who never listened, judged, belittled, shamed and guilt tripped, I wish healing for her daughter and a healthy life going forward. I didn’t have the strength to break free - only my mothers death freed me.
When i was younger, I wished my parents would "leave". It would have made coping with them not being present in a healthy way easier to deal with instead of them being there physically, but absent in other ways. Til this day, in my head, if they didnt exist would make more sense because I am forced to live life as if Im an orphan emotionally anyways. I was never given any power or autonomy and setting my own boundaries felt like I was abusing THEM. When in fact, Im the abandonned and neglected. Its so weird to grieve the parents you never had and to feel guilt for it when in fact, THEY are the problem to anyone who has truly even heard how they speak and treat me. Or dont speak or treat me, since they never did the work of parenting...just controlling
My mother was wildly abusive- physically, mentally, verbally, emotionally. The only thing that stopped when I became an adult was the physical abuse. Neither of my siblings nor I speak with her but if you ask her, she doesn't know why. She says things like "Maybe I was abusive, but if you had a child like you, you'd be too." She also says things like "I did the best I could. It was a long time ago, get over it." I'm nearly 60 at this point & have nothing to do with her. I have no guilt or regret about that either.
My father was an abusive nutcase. Leaving was the only way to maintain my sanity. However, it took me a long time to get over the guilt.. He knew how to play to the gallery. Thank goodness he is no more.
My mom is the same. The thing that I can't fathom is why she would think that we wouldn't grow up and tell the truth... like we would always be under her thumb, forever.
Free Country. What about the daughter's side of the story doesn't add up? She sounds like a teeny bopper snot nose snow flake libturd and that mother is in pain due to it all. @@bcpr9812
I was thinking the same thing! It's like she's happy she has a reason to put herself in the spotlight. She's practically frothing at the idea of validation she will get when she posts it.
Us daughters of narcissistic abusive mothers can see right through this. The emotional manipulation, guilt tripping and plain fake is so clear to see. 14yrs of cutting contact with my mother. Best decision I ever made.
29 years no contact and it still hurts now and then.. It was a horrible childhood and my mother still cries to family members how strange I am and if she ever would decide to contact me again(I went no contact, not her) she would to get to know me first to see what kind of person I am to decide if she likes me or not, her words... I lived 22 years in her care, my brother was sent in a home for difficult boys far away, never came visiting us for years, not even xmas when he was 10 because my father thought it would spoil the holidays,so I was all alone with a narcissistic mother and a terrible sarcastic narcissist father... Once he did treat me with silent treatment over a year and I have no idea until today why.. Once he scolded me because my mother had so much pain when she was giving birth to me.. .. I watched the video a couple of minutes and realized immediately she is like my former mother .... This pathetic Theater, over emotional, always oversharing with others how she can't understand why her kids don't wanna have contact anymore again and again, crying and sobbing but no real tears, always the victim, always complaining, nothing is her fault, oh these terrible children, I did everything for them, even bought them beds!! (her words)all her rheumatism and poor health is the kids fault!! can't watch that video!
What gets me most is the mother's indifference towards her daughter. The way she's sitting at the computer and looking smugly at her daughter's words, with that smile on her face. She's clearly enjoying the pain and confusion of her daughter. It entertains her and she finds it amusing. And she KNOWS she has the power, the power to invalidate her and use her own words against her. The power to not give her the closure she needs. It's obvious how dishonest she is, it's creepy!
I went no contact with my mother 5 years ago and suddently, there is hope and light in my life. We married, bought a house, are happy ... now suddently, she is 'interested' again, starts the hoovering with flowers and nice words, with sudden interest in my 'thoughts', 'wishes', 'plans' ... (she was NEVER interested in me, over 40 years long) Thanks many, many very useful YT videos and over 10 years of therapy, I can see through this.
Yes, those phrases are part of the narcissistic vocabulary bible. I've heard it my entire life from my narc "mother" who did not like me from the beginning. She made me out to be terrible, and herself always an innocent victim, despite the lifelong bullying from her.
@@PanicattheDiscourse That's what I noticed with it slowed down! Baby is almost unresponsive - already showing signs of insecure attachment. Mom is smiling for the camera only.
@darcymoon2109 and I can control your every move!!! She's angry she's not able to be in the power role anymore with her daughter. So sick, these mothers who have these God complexes and think they are the only ones who can be right and if everyone would just fall in line they would be happy. But no human is happy being controlled and micromanaged and never able to self individuate.
@@CatrionaCharles I hope so, too. I watched the mother's video. It was hard to watch without getting sick to my stomach. The mother was so offended by the negative comments on the video she made, she announced she would be starting a different channel for all the other "estranged" parents who agree with her. My guess is that she wouldn't take this wise feedback from LiveAbuseFree to heart. I'm thinking the daughter is living with peace of mind, surrounded by people who truly love her. I'm glad she's free.
@@gatheringmoss5726 There is this amazing blog post "Down the rabbit hole: the world of estranged parents' forums". It always has a disclaimer that it isn't about all estranged parents, but those who stay on the forums. It's such a good read. I think the points made there fit this mother because the behaviour, and how she describes the situation, and not writing about the daughter point of view etc. all fit the estranged parents on those "support forums".
But that would involve caring about her daughter's feelings, and narcs would rather die than show any empathy, even to their own children. It's never about you, it's always about them, always.
You people who are watching this woman making fun of a mother who has lost her child for reasons she does not understand. You HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SHEBIS GOING THROUGH. !! We have had the same thing with no reason what so ever. SHAME SHAME ON THIS VIDEO!!! You are all bit#2es
Totally agree. Or she even just accepts that what’s done is done and she has to live with the consequences of her actions just as much as her daughter does. If that means her kids don’t talk to her for their own well being so be it. A normal healthy parent would just want their children to be happy instead of getting super defensive and weird about losing them. Don’t sow if you don’t like reaping.
IN my experience they never apologize, and if they have any remorse at all, it's because they regret being nice to you. That says it all. My therapist told me, "Do not apologize to her ever again unless she admits any faults of her own." That was good advice. I stopped blaming myself for my mom's out-of-control behavior. @@OTR392
This woman is EXACTLY like my mother. "If we just ignore it she'll go back to normal," - standard practice for these people. Never an acknowledgement of their hurtful behavior or their gaslighting words. Thank you so much for addressing this.
Yeah this is a good point. If one of my kids sent me a letter like that I would drop everything and try to talk to them, work it out, hear how they’re feeling, maybe therapy together, I don’t even know what else but it would be a big deal.
My mom ignored my voice when I mentioned abuse my dad was dishing out toward me by telling me to take out my happy mask so she could take me clothes shopping. After his abuse became more intense, she’d force me to give my dad a “fashion show” of my new clothes. I’ve been in therapy for 20 years now. So many layers and so complex! This video gives me validation! Thank you!
Thank you 🙏 I feel seen and not alone when I read these kind of comments. These women even looks a lot like my mom. Also my mom never asked me why I don’t want to have contact anymore. She just blamed me, if she will ever get cancer it’ll be my fault because I’m stressing her so much.
That's my mom's MO. She does something ridiculously hurtful, I finally lose it, and then she just waits it out until I come back. I finally stopped going back, and I really think she was shocked.
Going through this now with my parents. Neither have tried to constructively work it out with me. My father relentlessly blames me for it all (which includes guilt-tripping me for being sassy to my mother when I was...7 years old. Oh, and not treating/raising my siblings as if I were their parent myself). My father's theory is that he "didn't play with me enough" almost 30 years ago? Not sure which feels worse: knowing they don't care to hear my own feelings, or knowing that even if they did ask they'd go full DARVO.
It's actually cheesy and reminds me of dateline or 60 minutes stylized storytelling or something LOL. Boomers watch way too much TV and it's hilarious that this old mannequin thought she'd convince the internet with these cheap tricks LOL Younger generations generally like to hear both sides of a story. We're crazy like that.
I watched the video when she first posted it. She gave me the creeps immediately. As a parent, I would never post a video about my relationship with any of my children. Ever. It’s a grotesque violation of trust.
You should check out the 💩 she's doing to Ollie Mathews over on his channel for commenting on 2 of this piece of work's videos🙄.This 🚺 is both mad AND bad... Probably a sociopathic narc & I'm sure she's a real nightmare behind closed 🚪😬.
Her daughter made a tiktok about it. They are both adults and the internet works both ways. No one knows the truth here. It's probably somewhere in the middle
@@DollyMcEntire I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks this. I have seen it often enough to know that narcissists create other narcissists. Who really know what went on between those two women. One thing is for sure, it has sparked others repressed feelings about their own situation.
@@DollyMcEntireMy narcissistic mother also empathize with other narcissistic people. It's part of the inability to take responsibility for their actions and words.
This lady is scary. I want to say to anyone who has a parent like that, you are strong and brave to survive through this. Parents are supposed to be kind and understanding, and I'm sorry you had to live through that ❤
Gosh, I pray her daughter see's this! Thanks for this. Edit to add: If a parent had done this public reply to such a courageous letter, I would change my name. This woman deserves no less. This is public abuse. The Mum will never get it. She will bash herself against that grey rock till she dies. Daughter, if you ever see this - With admiration and love I say to you - Be brave and strong and save yourself.
I can share my truth because I have lived it. Narcs like this will never change, and their dying words are "poor me!" I'm so glad Zoe saw this and spoke out. I really do hope the daughter see's this piece. It will help her to see that her selfish Mum is actually making it easier to disconnect. Bravo!@@natalijaslaidina7028
She's looking for an explosion from the daughter so she can martyr herself and feed off of it. The daughter has not been backing down and the lack of feed is enraging her. The narcissistic rage is soooo evident in this one. That daughter needs to stand firm though because responding to her mother at all is just FEED and will not solve the problem at hand which is the mother's personality disorder.
Narcissists often engage in smear campaigns as a manipulative tactic to damage the reputation and credibility of someone they perceive as a threat or who has challenged their sense of superiority or control.
For a narcissist its only ever about the narcissist ....... to think she would consider her daughter ? Its precisely because she never considered her daughter that she is now estranged.
What I found so disturbing about this mother is that she smiles, smirks and grins throughout the video. Even when she’s “crying”, she’s smiling! The mother’s facial expressions alone are invalidating, and then when she speaks, it’s even worse. She’s clearly communicating that she doesn’t take any of this seriously. I feel so sorry for her daughter and the pain she must have experienced in this dysfunctional family. The dynamic is so toxic. I applaud the daughter’s strength, clarity and resolve and wish her happiness.
Can you imagine how many random strangers have contacted this daughter flinging their own abuse at her now too? That’s not an accident. This is something done so when people google her name they see it and think she’s a bad person. This is something done to hurt whatever life her daughter has created for herself. This is abuse.
Please go here for info and to book one of the courses I'm running in January: www.sanitysaved.com Part 2 is now up: ruclips.net/video/tuPcZbSjDgo/видео.html Update: The lady in this video blocked me because I made a comment under it saying that I hoped it would help daughters of narcissistic mothers to stop hoping and move on. She's now created a community for mothers like her and she apparently charges $200 to join it...Her video is here, if you want to see the whole thing: ruclips.net/video/T-cEsAT4HCo/видео.htmlfeature=shared
Thank you for posting this link. She is getting plenty of thought provoking comments from people who have felt they needed to cut a toxic relative from their lives. She probably thinks they mean people like her daughter, when they're obviously talking about relatives like her. Narcissists are TOO funny.
This was brilliant Zoe! This is honestly the first time I’ve seen my life mirrored back to me, to a tee! The whole lot! I was this daughter, I’m now 49 (just 😆), and took me until last year to finally “snap” , and say no more! This young woman is 29!! So proud of her 🌟🫶🏼🌻
She wants the narcisistic fuel from the internet. Her other video's really show her true colours. I watched her video because i thought i could learn from her experience but it's a cry fest. But i do know how deep deep deep the pain is of not seeing your child. Unfortunatly i ran into another narcisistic content video of this lady .yikes
There's a certain look in the eyes of the narcissist that turns my blood cold. I knew a few seconds in. I hope this daughter finds healing and peace. It took me 55 years. ❤️
My mum had the perfect evil eye..her hate for me just like my father's poured out of their whole bodies.... without saying a word...... unfortunately narcissistic parents create narcissistic children...and as one I am also a loser...
14:24 I had a family friend recently tell me I was "taking the easy way out" by going no contact with my mom. Nothing about no contact is easy. Truly it's the hardest thing I've ever been through.
I went no contact with my mother when I was 43 years old. I had no spouse, siblings, or children. It was the hardest decision I ever made. My deadbeat father and all my grandparents were dead, too. I essentially made myself an orphan. AND, it was the best and most empowering decision of my life. Sometimes, all your options suck. You just have to pick the option that sucks the least.
It really is I had to go no contact with my mom to it's gotten to the point where I'm threatening my whole family and that's not right so I stay away. Idk what else to do though because she contacts my boyfriend. I confronted him today about it and he says he needs to respect me so I'll see what happens. The threats aren't right so like I said I stay away. This video is so triggering though. I feel like I think about my family all the time and I get so angry.
I had the response “if cutting off my mother is the easy way out, why is it some much easier to not have a mom than having one? Why is a mom something to be suffered through instead of something I should be grateful for?” I never got a response, but they never tried to shame me again.
UGH!!!! The flying monkeys are so gross! One of my NM Friends tried to talk me into reconnecting and I just got so mad! She just tried to wear me down when I tried to patiently explain how awful the NM was. Then she said, “when my mother is mean I tell her if she doesn’t quit I’m leaving” and I’m like, that’s pretty much what I did!!!!! Grrrrrrr!!!!! I Blocked her ASAP. She popped up in my DMs and I blocked her again. They’re so insidious😢
It was a disgusting video and yes, I was very triggered. Professionally filmed, perfectly lit, perfect everything. I was livid for days. THIS is the mother's ultimate revenge, dropping her daughter's name and photo in it. When she can't get in contact with the daughter, THIS is what she decides to do. People who know this woman will know the daughter so totally throwing the daughter under the bus. "I thought I was a good mom." No, you weren't.
Yes! Revenge is what this is really about, and it's so malicious and vindictive while playing the victim card and gaining fuel and attention. It's a really disgusting thing for a mother to do to her daughter... and publicly! These creatures hate their own children so much!
@@mistym1374 angry vindictive narcissists are cruel extra everything. I hope the daughter, has she come across the "mother's" video, has a good support system.
I left a long pointed comment on her video as the daughter of a borderline who has forgiven my Mom and still practices tight boundaries. I told her even IF her daughter wanted to eventually communicate with her she has destroyed all hope of that by taking their problems to the worldwide internet to accuse her daughter of being cruel. It was such an obvious public smear campaign. A truly disgusting video and I’m glad the comments eventually started to call her out on her nonsense. Especially the maudlin music playing in the background which was especially tacky and manipulative. 🙄
@@justhearmeout3959Yeah, I saw that. Didn’t watch it though. She’s a narcissist who craves attention and I refuse to give her anymore of mine. I did see from the comments that she brought her flying monkey husband on to further guilt trip her daughter. Typical. I wish I could contact her daughter to send her a message of support but she is wisely staying out of the fray. I despise these energy vampires.
The fact that she made the video to begin with shows that she's narcissistic. Who even does that? This could totally be my mother. Thank you for all of your wonderful insight! P.S. The mom's body language is ridiculous. She is LOVING the attention and sympathy that she is sure to garnish from the video. Her eyes are excited, and she's smiling.
this would be a good Freaky Friday situation. if mom could be in daughters shoes vide versa. what would be the outcome. guarantee it would be the exact same outcome
I sent a similar message to my mother. She replied "ok, take care of yourself." She also later sent messages simultaneously denying and justifying her behaviour. Justifying by blaming me. Now 9 months no contact and life is so much happier.
As a parent I blame the parents 99% of the time. You brought this child into the world and it’s your responsibility to work on the relationship and hope they’ll come around one day if you think they are 100% wrong.
What a stupid comment. Clearly a person without children. So I'll enlighten you, children are people of their own, with their own minds. But also, with own experiences outside of the house. Now with social media, narcissism has really taken off with the young people. Could it be you are one? Most likely.
Agreed because it's a parents responsibility to find how their kid feels important and to try their best to understand, even if that means having to self reflect. Once you fulfil that responsibility, no contact just doesn't happen. It's not like other relationships where you lose touch because you don't have things in common etc. Everyone needs their parents, even adults. You don't stop talking to them unless you have to in order to survive.
@@LiveAbuseFreeDo you have workshops or something else? I honestly really need some kind of therapy for trauma I have from my dad, but I probably can't afford a one on one thing. When you talk about narcissistic parents, it's truly like you're talking about my father. Your videos have helped me understand that I'm not the problem.
OMG, you're the only person on the planet that has validated my experience just watching this in the first few minutes! The shame from the mother over-rules everything. Nothing else exists except her shame and we all need to make her feel better and keep quiet and numb our own experience! In my situation if I set boundaries then it means I'm mentally ill and need to be extinguished from the family.
Your comment is helpful, too. There are mothers who are willing to destroy the whole family just to avoid facing their shame, and their superpower is their ability to do that while maintaining the position of victim.
I couldnt believe it when Zoe explained that it is so much easier to continue to have a relationship so as to avoid the shame that would come with wanting no contact with ones mother. It was such a light bulb moment for me. I am 54 and the narcisitic abuse I get all the time from my mother is so overwhelming. To make matters worse is that I am an only child and have to try and cope with her on my own.
The person I would feel sorry for if my child cut me out of their life would be my child! Because I would have failed them. I can’t imagine ever feeling sorry for ME! That woman triggers me so badly. I can’t believe any mother could be so wilfully blind at the expense of their child.
@@NoNameToYou your reply means so much to me because I come from abusive parents and I’m so grateful that I managed to endthe cycle with my own child. Thank you for taking the time to say that. ❤️
When in doubt about Narcissits, the body language is such a big indicator. The snarl, the eyes, the sarcasm, the fake tears. This highly edited video from her, dismissing her daughter 's pain and feelings, is just absolutely vile.
My thoughts exactly! I saw this woman's video a few months ago, and sensed pretty quickly that she is indeed a narcissist. Making a video like she did is really taking it to a whole new level, isn't it?
I watched the whole thing. The part at the end where she says she didn’t send her daughter a happy birthday text this year. Then she posts this huge, rambling guilt trip ON HER DAUGHTER’S BIRTHDAY. She’s a total piece of work.
I understand where you're coming from! When my mother found out that I was self-harming, her only concern was 'how she felt like a bad mother.' Not, 'What can I do to help you?'
I've had to go no contact with my narcopath mother. The sheer pain it takes to break the trauma bond and break free in order for survival is beyond words. No child wants to go no contact...we are forced into going no contact because their level of toxicity and abuse is on a level that is unlivable. Survival instincts overtake. And the pain never goes away. The desire to have a relationship with the parent we so desperately hoped they'd be doesn't go away. We just stop gaslighting ourselves and allow ourselves self-love and self compassion to remove the toxic behaviors by removing the person who is choosing to be toxic.
I understand. My dad decided to cut me off just bc one time in 10 years I brought up the fact that my brothers won't talk to me .. bc of triangulation/ manipulation he has done. Wasn't perfectly stated but was respectfully and honestly stated. He just said he's too old to listen or do anything or hear anything that is not on his terms. 😔💔
What I find so interesting about parents like this is they will will cry about how much they love their kid and how much they miss them....an processed to do nothing to fix/heal the relationship.
Anybody notice the dupers delight smirk on that face the whole time? I saw right through this narc. I went no contact with my narc mother and it was the best thing I could ever do, I felt absolutely nothing when she died.
@juliekswanson I understand the sentiment, but when you are talking about narcissists, I'm not sure they really do know what they've done. I don't think they are capable of appreciating that other people have feelings and inner lives, or that anything outside of their own ego is valuable. So nothing they do is wrong; they only ever feel bad due to other people's inability to conform to them.
I'm always suspicious of parents who have little to no contact with their children. I don't want to automatically assume they're at fault, but people like this woman shows that they usually are.
I knew a mother whose son cut her off and for very obvious reasons. Spending a day with her she couldn't stop trauma dumping to paint herself as a victim. She described to me her new relationship with a married man and how the wife was dragging the divorce out making their lives miserable. I stopped her and said "Well the wife was miserable... she was losing her husband and her entire life was crumbling." The Narcissist responded "Well, I don't know how she was feeling or what was going on with her... I only know what I was feeling and going on with me." And she wonders why her son from her previous marriage won't talk to her and have cut her off. It drives me crazy!!!!
I love how the dad said that the daughter never said sorry to them when they never said it to her and don't feel remorse over anything. Also, why would the daughter apologize? She was the one being abused? They always have to flip things.
I can’t imagine the hell the daughter is going through and shame she’s feeling after she posted it. She’s likely living in fear that she will continue to post more. I sympathize with her very very much. I hope she has people around her that understand the situation and are there for her.
Just the fact that she is making a whole channel where she talkes about her daughter, and is crying about what "she has done", is pretty extreme! If she thinks that this is going to help, she will find out the hard way!
God, this is my mother to a tee. I called her in 2019 telling her i didn't want to see her anymore, and she kept bothering me and implying that i was being unreasonable. This year i sent her a letter reminding her of just a fraction of the abuse she put me through, including allowing her father to touch me and my sisters while she watched. Haven't heard from her since. My sisters tell me she acts like I never existed at all.
Not only did she cut the letter up into little scareword snippets and assign 90% of the blame on the most benign possible cause of disagreement ("you voted for the wrong guy"), she also cast a baby voice to speak the grown ass daughter's quotes.
@@brentwalker8596 Curious, why the quote on woke culture? Do you believe in everything that is being pushed nowadays? I guess to be more specific what I’m asking is: do you think being a victim is something progressive?
@@neige4221No, I'm sure they quoted the words woke culture because people/parents who blame woke culture on people who no longer want to deal with guilt tripping parents that could have just kept it in their pants or deal with horrible people who have no respect for you but demand respect from you, instead of the parents/people holding themselves accountable for their wrong doings. Not because being a victim is progressive. Maybe consider reading a book or something, get closer to The Most High/God. Maybe he'll bless you with some humility.
@@ravenwillis Thanks for the information but I think you’ve been living in some sort of a bubble. From what I’ve noticed everyone and anyone is eager to have some sort of a complaint. Being strong in mind and body is no longer cool.
@@neige4221 Could you give me your definition of strong? I give you mine as well. Strong is being compassionate, being connected to your own feelings and not shutting off from yourself if it gets unplesant or life gets hard. Strong is being able to be vulnerable without thinking that you are any less, because of your vulnerability. Strong is being resilient. When you fall down you can self reflect and analyze why, course correct and get up again. Strong is having a solid sense of self, knowing who you are and what your values are and being authentic. Strong is being respectful, even when others aren't, but also not let people walk over you. And to know when you can and can't accept something. These are a few examples ( not all ) of what I think makes a strong person. How do you define "strong"?
I'm an adult child of an abusive family, who finally went NC a few years ago. I didn't even bother with a letter because I had enough years of being ignored, dismissed and threatened every time I spoke openly about my feelings. I feel the daughter's pain. I hope she is healing and finding the life she actually deserves.
Exactly. I didn't bother with a letter, I've spent my entire life trying to talk about my feelings and getting ignored. I just blocked her. She tried emailing me, calling me from different numbers, messaging me even when I was ignoring her. I had to block her EVERYWHERE.
@@Ilikefrogs.. Same. I blocked my other family members, as well. I don't need to explain to them or anyone. I had to block her lawyer, too. He kept calling me because she "wants to reconcile" and make sure I get money when she dies. Um lol Nah, I'm fine with never wasting another moment on our non-existant relationship for the rest of my life. It already took me far too long to realize I was never the problem.
I'm a Boomer. My mother asked me 20 years ago why I was so upset with her. I told her three issues, and she wrote them down. I found her notes a while ago, and after my very specific examples, she wrote to herself: "I thought she would be over that by now. So what is REALLY making her upset?" Even when they ask why we are angry, they don't listen and don't respond and don't do any repair work. There's no point in telling her again. The first time didn't work. If my children ever came to me and told me they were hurt by me, I would take them seriously, listen well, and apologize. But I have not gotten that from my mother. She has no remorse. As she ages, she lies, deceives, and has become violent. No thanks. Going NC is hard if you are a decent person, because we always want to keep the door open, but at some point it becomes absolutely necessary.
Ugh that is such a manipulative video. Her crying,the music. The fast forwarding through the letter from her daughter was horrible. So dismissive. I can understand people being triggered. I am glad you covered this as you bring your empathy and kindness to it ,and validate not only the unheard daughter of this scenario,but all of us unheard,dismissed people who are gaslit and ignored by our caregivers. Thank you ❤
also the way the "daughter's" voiceover sounds like a child really spoke to me. the version of you they hold onto is the one they had the most control over. that image of 'dumb kid who needs me and must obey!' is cemented into their minds even if you're 35 and married.
Yes, the one word reply of "received" to the letter was so passive aggressive and dismissive ! We can all tell these days if an email has been opened (read) ,whether it has been replied to or not but maybe Mummy doesn't know that.I think she does though. Her video just illustrates exactly why her daughter had to go NC. As a daughter of a covert N mother (who went NC 4 years ago) ,I see right through her. I am so happy her daughter is doing this at such a young age.
The red flag to me is the mother making a video of her personal issue in the first place. Seems like victimhood, attention seeking, and an attempt to manipulate and guilt and shame her daughter. Who even does that?
It's a huge relief not have to associate with unkind, rude and toxic people. It doesn't matter if its a relative or not. I am so much happier without anyone in my life like that. Someone who hasn't dealt with the level of meanness that ultimately leads to no contact probably won't completely understand, thats ok, each person has a right to protect themselves from verbal, emotional or any abuse and sometimes cutting off the relationship is the only way to do it.
I hope the daughter sees this. The worst part of having extreme narcissist parents was that no one validated me until I was well into my 50s. That's 50 years of trauma without people believing me. Now, the family has cut ties with her and they are scared of her. But it took a long time. 😢
This mother has laid a wonderful spread of real life parental narcissism out on the table for us to see, with her being the centre piece, of course! I wonder if the daughter will see this excellent analysis and feel supported and validated? I hope so.
Oh, RUclips is understanding me!! I’m the daughter that walked away when I was 36, and now I’m the age of this mother. This mom is telling my story. Everything she’s done so far, my mom has done and is still trying, after 15 years.
I haven't spoken to my mother since July 2010. I was 23 years old. I don't think about her, nor I don't long for a maternal connection. I feel complete indifference. When I hear of a parent who is not in contact with their child, I think to myself "well what did you do?".
Those of us who are estranged from our families recognize this woman, and we also know that no one comes to the decision to turn their back on a loving family for no reason. As an adult child of emotional neglect and abuse have spent years in denial or blaming ourselves until something happens where we are forced to realize that we are victims of abuse, and that we aren't safe around them. Still, we leave a door open and believe that they are basically good and that things will be fine when they realize what is going on. Then hope dies bit by bit as the parents never show any sign of love, introspection or empathy. It is a ego killing life changing moment of reckoning.
Yep went no contact a year ago . She left me with anixiety disorder and anger issues I’ve had counselling as well . Still no sign of self reflection her letters are all about her 😢
Dang. ..My husband was that way and eventually it made it IMPOSSIBLE to be in relationship with him. I imagine it would be even harder when it’s your MOM. . I hope you have at least one other person in your life who can REALLY hear you!
This mom put a lot of effort and time making the video. Being filmed at odd angles and in multiple places and graphics added, etc. Imagine putting that effort into examine herself and repairing the relationship.
when i first stumbled upon that video, the mother’s throwaway line “oh yea some other people all cut us off around the same time” told me EVERYTHING I NEEDED TO KNOW. i commented something saying she was likely the problem in a sea of comments praising her- bizarre. so glad you made this video to speak on the daughter’s behalf ❤❤❤
You are amazing for talking about it- thank you. It's been 10 years since I last spoke to my mother and it annoys me when people tell me: 'oh what if your mother dies.' I tell them I honestly don't care. I think people think I'm a monster. But they didn't live through hell I lived through.
Also, your mother dying when she has made no attempt at apologising and taking responsibility for her actions, that's as sad or sadder for her, you could say. What a legacy to leave behind - a child you were responsible for nurturing is left tormented to the degree that it's a relief to be out of contact with her.
I went NC 15 years or so ago. My father passed away about a year ago, and I felt nothing. The parents didn't facilitate a relationship while I lived with them, so there was nothing to grieve. My mother wants to reconnect now that he's gone, but she's just as bad, if not worse, than he was. I'm protecting my peace and it's well worth it.
It's ok to feel that way. I did for some years. It's actually healthy to love yourself first in instances. ----- We've mended our relationship since. But for a time it was okay for both of us to feel that way.
i will be happy and relieved when mine kicks it, i'm not gonna lie 😂 provided i don't kick the bucket first in some unforseen event, i predict many awkward moments when her friends/family send their condolences ... i will be gentle but truthful that its only them who need the condolences for losing their friend, i wont have lost anything 😅
I stopped speaking with my mum and four years later she died from breast cancer. It was the second time she had cancer from when I stopped speaking to her, so she had plenty of time to really think about what she needed to do if she wanted to make amends, but all of her messages were the same as they had always been. I also have 2 older siblings who didn't speak to her. None of us went to see her on her death bed or went to her funeral. I had people message me and was honest about how I felt and the situation before she died and also posted on Instagram about the journey I had been through with my mum, something I had always kept private because of the the and embarrassment of how people might view me. All of this then resulted in my grandad and my auntie on her side stopping speaking to me, which I wasn't expecting. The naiive me thought that when she passed I might be able to be part of that side of the family again, but clearly me saying my truth on social media (they did know about some of the situation before they died but I don't know how my mum spoke to them about it) was too much and so that was the end of my relationship with that side of the family. I've never regretted once doing what was best for me as my mum died, but I do mourn the relationships I didnt see coming that I was going to lose.
Thank you so much for this. It is so validating. I went no contact with my abusive mother in 1996. This sort of thing was unheard of back then. Everyone including many of my friends sided with my mother. After going no contact, I lost count of the number of therapists who told me, "You need to have a relationship with your mother." I stuck to it. I knew I was better off alone and judged. I lost so much of my family. It's lonely but safe. Thank you for letting other people know, it's ok to separate from an abuser even if it's your parent.
I'm sure like most here, I can see right through this so-called mother. I grew up with a step-father who violated me. I told my mom and after 38 years, she is still with him. I tried about 15 years ago to openly talk to my mom on how this has affected me and how I still suffer. She got so angry with me and said how dare I question her actions, etc. I eventually cut contact with them. I hope the daughter in this case surrounds herself with a good support system and prospers. Thanks for video. It's so important for so many. ❤
So in other words, how dare you point out this evil thing she did that she could never talk her way out of? You're not alone, I went through this too. And unlike your mother, I applaud you for speaking up for yourself.
Similar situation, but when I told her it was more passive? Like she did some gaslighting, but then it was more of a disinformation campaign against me to friends and family
I went through this with my mom and stepdad. My stepdad was horribly verbally abusive to my brother and I as kids and I’d cry and beg my mom to stand up for me as she’d watch him tear us apart. She’d do nothing. It’s a horrible betrayal when your mom chooses an abusive man over her kids. In that same vein, I don’t think my mom is strong enough to leave, nor will she ever be. Her MO is denial. It makes me feel weird around her. I don’t live anywhere near her and in my head I’d like to be closer to her but I still feel this sadness on the rare occasions I do see her. I wish it didn’t have to be this way.
My mother also pretends like I'd never told her that her husband raped me. She is still living with him. She likes to talk about how she will take my daughter on the mountain trip (they like hiking). When I finally sent her a message that I will never let my daughter be alone with her husband and how she is still hurting me by keeping him involved in my life, she apologized. But that's not changing anything really. He is still there. And my much younger sister (his daughter) knows nothing, so I just keep contact minimal.
Walked away from my mother and brother 17 years ago. Growing up, it was just the 3 of us. I didn’t take the decision lightly and went through a difficult grieving process. Until happening across this video, I’ve been living in acceptance that society just won’t understand why I’d make such a decision. This woman’s video showcases the reason I had to cut my family out of my life. The comments on her video and this reaction has been incredibly validating. Thank you for this.
Yes, my mother will say ''I'm not perfect'' but if you try to give her the tiniest bit of feedback she becomes so extraordinarily defensive that like you say, she's not saying 'im not perfect' she's saying 'back off back off back off'.
I was raised by an abusive narcissistic mother. Unfortunately, I was well into motherhood before I realized how destructive my mother's behaviour was, and I repeated the same parenting towards my two oldest kids. Only when I faced the ugly truth about my behaviour that I could really see and hear my children, and understand how damaging my abusive patterns were towards them. One of my biggest regrets in life is the way I parented my two older kids. Thank God I was at least able to come to this realization in time to take full accountability for it. My daughter is now 32 and trying to heal from how I mothered her. I can only pray that one day my daughter realizes how beautiful and valuable she is and always has been. I will never stop working on it.
I hope this video helps you do the exact opposite to heal your relationship with your kids. It’s hard to take a look at the dark side of ourselves. I applaud you for that👏
The worst thing about all of this is, in playing the victim, she's loving every minute of it. She gets to paint her daughter with the evil brush and have all the flying monkeys feeling so sorry for her. Her daughter gave her exactly what she wants by cutting ties with her. I did the same thing for my mother and I'm actually glad she's happy in her faux misery.
How is that woman smiling and acting like that when her daughter never wants to speak to her again? The broken brain of these people is astounding. They just won’t ever get it that THE ACT is so visible to us now. I congratulate her daughter on finding her clarity and acting upon it. As for the “mother”… I haven’t even got the energy for people like her anymore.
I went NC with my mother two years ago. She still claims (through others) she has no idea why even though I was very clear about why during our last conversation. The fact that this mother really thinks this is all about politics shows how delusional and ignorant she is. She doesn’t deserve a relationship with her daughter until she can be self reflective and put her ego aside.
I think they forget everything one tells them, because they don’t want to know it, want to stay in denial. She doesn’t not know why you’ve gone NC, she’s too afraid to look at her own mistakes.
6 years no contact with my dad. The last straw was the last time I had visited him because he begged me to visit him. He didn’t even bother to turn off the TV blasting a rerun of a baseball game of teams he didn’t care about and getting distracted by that dame in the middle of me talking to him mid sentence. That was a couple months after he almost died of sepsis and confessed to my brother that he had stopped eating and drinking water in an attempt to die. He even confessed he released his cat who’s personality was a scaredy-cat. I went out of my way to visit him as much as possible unti I saw he was going to live and that’s when the stress of everything hit me like a ton of bricks and I had a massive flare of my chronic illness.
Isn't it infuriating? I've told my mother in great detail what the problem is, but she has spent the last 10+ years telling people that it must be my husband's fault somehow.
I'm well aware I won the parent lottery, some of my friends did'nt. Some of them went NC, while others are still in the toxic cycle. From what I have seen, those who put up clear boundaries, or have gone NC are better off PS I hope you are living a good life today
The comments on this lady’s video are very triggering, full of people saying there’s no reason why their kids went NC and it must be satan, trends, liberals, and whatever else.
I can’t imagine my child coming to me to express pain or dissatisfaction with some action I’ve taken or failed to take as a parent, and responding in ANY other way besides, holy crap I am so sorry, thank you for telling me, how can I improve? These are your CHILDREN! Even if I don’t agree in the moment…no single perspective should matter to me more than theirs.
@@LiveAbuseFree I just left a marriage because I FINALLY realized that all there is to do is give up hope on people like this and move on. For far too long I kept thinking, surely if I can just get through to them they’ll “get it”! Your videos have helped me greatly! Thank you so much for having this channel.
I'd rather slice my own tits off than upset my kids unnecessarily. I remember the first time my daughter cried as a baby because I upset her (not when she was doing the newborn crying-for-stuff phase) and I swear to god, my heart crumped at the same time her face did. In my head I was like, "This can never happen again!" Parenting is what it is but man, I cannot imagine hurting your kid deliberately. Just so bizarre.
As a person who has been able to keep a good relationship with my family despite a few ups and downs (NC wouldn’t be necessary for me), I watched this video a while back and as I clicked on it, I said to myself “No…No adult child goes full NC unless you majorly effed up as a parent”. I am glad to have my opinion professionally validated by you.
My mother said in a scarcastic tone..."sorry I didn't bring you up like the Beaver's".... I wasn't asking for a perfect childhood just a wanted child, to be liked and not constantly hit and told I was "stupid or something"
My mom secretly tape recorded all our phone conversations to play for other people, and she showed my emails to so many people. She made me look so bad to people and they believed her for decades. 😢
Someone in my family does the same thing to other members (gather information to use latter if they go against her) I wonder if it's a narcissistic trait.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that, it's such a nasty thing to do. 😐 My narcissistic mum did that as well, particularly with my older sister. She'd call her several times and once my sister was triggered and lashing out, my mum would press record and act calm to make it look like my sister was the problem. Then she'd make me (and other family members) listen to these manipulative calls to turn us against her. 💀
My mother was pretty cruel at times, alcoholic pill popper, was not shy with men around me and my brother, I tried three times to have a relationship with her, the last time she helped my daughter run away, drug me to court then abandon my daughter at the mental hospital, I cut ties permanently with her. Fast forward 11 years I have just cut ties with that daughter, I Don’t Know... if narcissism is genetic but they are mirror Images of each other and even though I don’t get to see my grandchildren it is so peaceful.
@@lilo_920 that's exactly what mine did!!! She would start recording after I was reacting to her abuse. Yep. And then show it to everyone. It made me look SO TERRIBLE for most of my life. My relatives have only recently cut ties with her, and finally understood that she was the problem. But it took 52 years for them to all see it.
It’s a good representation of what so many estranged adult children have dealt with. Some of us have parents with a good enough facade to fool most people, and its an absolute mind fuck growing up with them because emotionally they treat us like absolute shit. They never question their narratives ever, and they are so fucking brazen and untouchable because they have a literal army of enablers in a vast web. It is so triggering watching that level of delusion. I’m familiar with it 😢
The fact that there are people out there who cannot see through such blatantly obvious narcissism is concerning. This is how narcissists continues to draw in more victims. Too many people aren't able to recognize narcissistic behavior and characteristics. Too many people are easily manipulated and overly trusting.
@@MitchBoucherComposer im so ready to move on, i have reasons not to but im at point where i just want peace at the same time i have to grief the fact that il never be accepted. IIt doesntmatter how good i am or what i do, im god forsaken and unlovable...i dont even want kids because of this
I am a licensed clinical psychologist, and I had a patient a few years ago, who came into my office and the first thing she said was that I was the fifth therapist with whom she had recently met. She told me that she was getting married in six months, and could not decide if she wanted to invite her mother to her wedding (for all of the reasons mentioned in this video). She was very emotional, very tearful, and it was obvious that this decision was crushing her soul. She told me on the one hand, her mother had never been a true “mother” and behind closed doors was a narcissistic nightmare (she gave numerous examples-I wholeheartedly agreed), but in public was the doting, charming, “oh so proud of my baby girl” mother. My patient told me that this dynamic made this decision even harder, bc every time she tries to talk to someone about it, be it a close friend, family member, or the four therapists before me, none of them could understand what the problem was, with the question of whether or not to invite her mother to her wedding. Of course, you would invite her to your wedding, because she’s such a wonderful mother, look at all the things she’s done for you, etc, which made this woman feel even more invalidated and gaslit than she already did at the hands of her own mother. I sat and listened and let this woman talk and cry and get mad and get frustrated and feel all of those emotions. And when she finished, I looked at her and I told her this is your wedding. This is your wedding. Unfortunately, we don’t get to choose our biological families. Luckily, for us, we do get to choose who is in our “real family”, and who we allow to have the privilege of being in our lives. It is a privilege for your mother to be in your life, just as it is for you to be in hers; however, if someone is bringing more toxicity to the relationship than anything else and offering next to nothing in the way of love, compassion, support, and encouragement, it does beg the question why am I allowing them the privilege to be in my life? This young woman looked at me and said you are the first therapist who has told me I don’t have to invite her to my wedding. You’re also the first therapist who told me that it’s OK that I recognize she doesn’t need to be in my life bc of the many, many examples of why that is. Every other therapist and friend and family member has told me of course you’re going to invite her, you only have one mother. And I told her yes, you only have one biological mother. But you can choose your “real mom”, the person you want to be the mother figure in your life. And it doesn’t have to be this woman we’re talking about. And then the session was over. She thanked me, she said she really appreciated me listening to her, to me not telling her how to feel, not telling her what she “had to do” and that I was really helpful. And I never saw her again I later got a note from her about seven months later, thanking me again for listening to her and letting me know her mother was not invited to her wedding, and it was the best decision she’s ever made. Everyone on earth deserves two parents who are loving and kind and supportive, and encouraging and compassionate and supportive. Most of us are lucky if we get one, and many of us, don’t get any at all. If you’re one of those people, go out and make your “real family”, made up of people who really love you and support you and who have earned the privilege of being in your life and who also want you to be in theirs. xoxoxo ♥️
I am beyond appalled that those other therapists told her that! And she had to go through so many therapists to find you who told her that absolute compassionate common sense and reality of it all! Those people were not therapists imo, they were abusers. Flying monkeys to a narcissistic mother they don't even know! How sick and sad. Thank goodness that client found you!
the hardest thing is when you do that… and and there’s no one left. There’s no one in your circle or ‘real family’. And you are so broken and empty from all the years of neglect and abuse. It’s so hard to keep carrying myself.
It’s so difficult to maintain boundaries with someone like this woman. You may come to an arrangement with them but they believe it will “blow over” and they slowly hack away at the boundaries you’ve set until you’re back at square one. I hope the daughter in this situation can find peace.
I didn't give my mother a letter. It would have been ammunition. It would have been worse for me. I gave her my silence. I have hope for myself and my own life. I am free. The guilt never really goes away. It does get better and won't be every day. I have been free since 2017. My mother doesn't love me and I am ok with that. It isn't my failing. ❤
You did the right thing abuse is not okay . I went no contact a year ago I get letters of self pity all about her and her feelings no self reflection at all . Never doubt your decision you are strong and special When I wake up crying I think of all the verbal abuse and my anxiety disorder/ anger issues she gave me and it gives me the strength to stay in no contact . We have empathy so it’s hard to grieve a parent when their still alive . I wish it wasn’t like this 😢😢😢
I SAW THAT VIDEO!!!! I wanted to respond to that woman and tell her she was probably a horrible mom but knew she wouldn’t get it. I’m SO glad you made this video!!!!!!!!
Oh oh oh!! She's CHARGING $200 to people to hear her whine!! You couldn't make this kind of thing up. If it were in a novel, critics would say, "Nah, not believable. Too overdone. Nobody could be this grotesque."
@@bogi9611The mother has started an online 'support' group for parents of estranged children where they can all get together and reinforce each other's narratives. I'm assuming that's what she's charging the fee for. Her videos are also monetised.
This is my mother through and through. I’m 45 and it has taken me most of my adult life to try to unwind all of this… this kind of low grade emotional neglect and abuse is insidious… one thing I have been recognizing a lot lately is how triggering the histrionics are and I see this here- the overly dramatic over the top language and reaction instead of actually just having a real conversation- the fake tears are my biggest trigger now
This woman reminds me of my mother so much. I explained to my mother exactly why I was hurt and she threw herself upon the cross, and cried ''it makes no sense''
The way she went right into a smear campaign makes it perfectly clear why she was cut off.
That's not right either that's what I used to do when angry.
@@mariahconklin4150What is not right? Her daughter setting boundaries and cutting off a toxic mother from her life?
@@annsu77 Agreed! Signing off, a 50-year-old scapegoat who moved 2300 mi away from their family and it's about done with their parents too at this rate after the smear campaigning from the lame 3 siblings of mine
Well, she proved her daughter correct. The daughter tried to speak, was completely ignored, and the idiot then makes a manipulative gaslighting video about how badly she’s being treated by this horrible adult child.
@@MsMaryPatriciaExactly!!!
adult not x
So true. That creepy covert narc also gaslight her self into believing the world would believe her victim narrative total lies. She's rotten I can just tell.
It would be hilarious if it wasn't so tragic.
My mother is doing the same thing except no video. She cries to my family how terrible it is I won't go to her house but she is in fact a very terrible mom.
The mother found a way to keep being toxic to her daughter after she cut ties, well done
Yep.
Well stated!
The best worst ones always do!
They're always the martyr...
@@Michelleigram because mom is a narcissist and she’s allowed to do so.
I'm a parent and it seems very strange to me for a parent to say that an angry outburst is out of character. Parents see their child angry at all phases of their life, and more than anyone else they really know their child's full emotional capacity. So saying anger is out of character says very clearly that anger was not an acceptable emotion in this persons house, that screams bad parenting.
Well said! Thank you for sharing this, I completely agree.
🎯
I cant imagine a good parent. Seems to good to be true lol
Exactly. The child's anger triggers the narcissistic parents core shame and causes narcissistic injury. Perfect parents have perfect children... and anger is not viewed as part of a perfect child. Everything is about the parent, even the child's natural anger is seen as an injustice to a bad parent.
So spot on!!! Good observation.
The woman even uses a child-like voice to represent her daughter even though it's obvious the daughter is a full grown up. This was very telling.
yes, I was actually wondering how old her daughter was at first...
Manipulation station !
I think the mom is mental, but I have seen the daughter's tik tok, and she has a somewhat childish voice. Even so, I doubt the mom did it to sound more like her; pretty sure she preferred her as a needy child instead of an adult.
She’s been without her daughter for a long time. Parents who are grieving, and this mother is, has reverted to thinking of her child as the little girl she once was. It happens when a parent loses their child to death, no matter how old the child was when they died.
Quit reading into it.
@@JackRowsey Yeah, no. I have known people who lost an adult child to death and I have never once heard them infantilize them. The fact of the matter is this woman doesn't respect her daughter as an adult.
The mother didn't post the letter because she didn't want viewers to hear the details about all the ways she has hurt her daughter. That would be some seriously negative PR - the thing narcissists fear most.
She was very calculating to make it about political differences but then emphasized her point by saying the daughter also cut off contact with an aunt with the same political leanings as her daughter. She knew she would get a lot support from that political crowd by specifically stating only that portion of the letter. Yet obviously by the daughter cutting off contact with the aunt. It really doesn’t have to do much about politics but more about what the mother left out from the letter.
Exactly… don’t be shy, drop the letter 😅
@@ainz2000YA! Why be shy, NOW? 🙄
Dumb, mean cow!!! 🐮
My thinking as well. The mother did not read the letter because the daughter probably brought up some abuse that the mother definitely can’t show anyone because then she won’t be able to play victim. I saw through that immediately..
I have only ever heard “I’m not perfect” as a preamble for “here’s why I’m not going to take accountability for the terrible way I treated you or change my behavior.”
I noticed that pattern first in reality TV, but now I can’t unsee it.
Well you taught me something I never realized before; but you're right! I was 55 years old when I learned that "I'm not perfect" is preamble for "Here's why I'm not going to take accountability..." Thanks!
Bingo .
Thanks for noticing that and saying that. I didn't really understand why "no one is perfect" from my dad bothered me SO much until you said this
Damn... I try to say I'm not perfect and I make mistakes to actually acknowledge I'm at fault... It's interesting how other people view things...
@@AlvinKazu I'm sure it is fine in the context of a real apology (taking accountability, attempting to repair the harm, committing not to repeat it, centering the wronged party's feelings over your own, etc.). But given how often it's used defensively, the person you're apologizing to could hear it that way, even if you don't mean it that way.
When my mother said I needed to apologize for what I’ve put her through, I truly understood the delusion her entire life had been.
My mother dearest said YOU OWE ME. Because she did basic mother things like feed me and clothe me.
@@iamaliveyoucantstopnow that is horrible 😢🙏 hope you can manage on you own latet
@@iamaliveyoucantstopnow abusive/narcissistic parents really do always want a cookie for doing the bare minimum 🙄🙄
A red flag to me is people only showing / holding on to pictures of their children when they were toddlers or very young. As they grow older, they tend to have their own identity / boundaries and that's when the fights begin.
Yep, they liked it when their children were young enough to control and for them to be totally dependent on them. They don't like it when their kids get a bit older and have their own personalities and opinions.
Narcissists hold onto the version of us that they had the most power over. That’s who we are to them in their heads no matter how much we’ve changed.
I thought the very same thing.
I fully agree. I grew up with a father like this. He refused to put contemporary pictures of us in his desk at work because he told us that he didn't like who we'd become. We were in our mid-teens. He said we used to be nice, but weren't anymore and he didn't like to think of us in our current state. I came to see that nothing I did, said or thought would be OK so I decided to do what I wanted from then on. I think I was supposed to conform to his world view.
Wow, this blew my mind. I never considered that, although my narc abusive mom did always tell anyone who would listen that she loves babies and loves when kids are little, but doesn't like them when they get older. I always thought it was because babies and little children make her feel needed, but it makes total sense that it's more about the fact that you can control a small child or baby because they can't defend themselves and they are easier to intimidate or scare into doing what you want them to do. That's crazy, new insight unlocked! 🤯
As the daughter of a mother who never listened, judged, belittled, shamed and guilt tripped, I wish healing for her daughter and a healthy life going forward. I didn’t have the strength to break free - only my mothers death freed me.
Omg, I have been feeling the same for so long, only my mothers death will set me free.
When i was younger, I wished my parents would "leave". It would have made coping with them not being present in a healthy way easier to deal with instead of them being there physically, but absent in other ways. Til this day, in my head, if they didnt exist would make more sense because I am forced to live life as if Im an orphan emotionally anyways. I was never given any power or autonomy and setting my own boundaries felt like I was abusing THEM. When in fact, Im the abandonned and neglected. Its so weird to grieve the parents you never had and to feel guilt for it when in fact, THEY are the problem to anyone who has truly even heard how they speak and treat me. Or dont speak or treat me, since they never did the work of parenting...just controlling
My mother was wildly abusive- physically, mentally, verbally, emotionally. The only thing that stopped when I became an adult was the physical abuse. Neither of my siblings nor I speak with her but if you ask her, she doesn't know why. She says things like "Maybe I was abusive, but if you had a child like you, you'd be too." She also says things like "I did the best I could. It was a long time ago, get over it." I'm nearly 60 at this point & have nothing to do with her. I have no guilt or regret about that either.
My father was an abusive nutcase. Leaving was the only way to maintain my sanity. However, it took me a long time to get over the guilt.. He knew how to play to the gallery. Thank goodness he is no more.
That's a hornet behaviour! You didn't deserve it. I hope you're extra well now.
My mom is the same. The thing that I can't fathom is why she would think that we wouldn't grow up and tell the truth... like we would always be under her thumb, forever.
I can’t imagine how hard that was but you did it!! You had no choice
"I did the best I could"
Mine says the same thing.
"It was what it was"
Is another one
As somebody who went through narcissistic abuse this SCREAMS narcissistic abuse.
THIS WOMAN IS LITERALLY DOING A SMEAR CAMPAIGN AGAINST HER DAUGHTER.
Isn't it vulnerable narcissism?
and you're right it is narcissistic abuse
For sure💔
100%
she reminds me of my mother so much, it is excruciating to watch.
Something that really pushes my buttons is the continual smug she carries on her face. No trace of sadness whatsoever.
Yeah, the smug smirk and tearless "sad" eyes combo is unsettling.
Free Country. What about the daughter's side of the story doesn't add up? She sounds like a teeny bopper snot nose snow flake libturd and that mother is in pain due to it all. @@bcpr9812
The smug look reveals why her daughter is no contact.
I was thinking the same thing! It's like she's happy she has a reason to put herself in the spotlight. She's practically frothing at the idea of validation she will get when she posts it.
thats not true
Us daughters of narcissistic abusive mothers can see right through this. The emotional manipulation, guilt tripping and plain fake is so clear to see. 14yrs of cutting contact with my mother. Best decision I ever made.
29 years no contact and it still hurts now and then.. It was a horrible childhood and my mother still cries to family members how strange I am and if she ever would decide to contact me again(I went no contact, not her) she would to get to know me first to see what kind of person I am to decide if she likes me or not, her words... I lived 22 years in her care, my brother was sent in a home for difficult boys far away, never came visiting us for years, not even xmas when he was 10 because my father thought it would spoil the holidays,so I was all alone with a narcissistic mother and a terrible sarcastic narcissist father... Once he did treat me with silent treatment over a year and I have no idea until today why.. Once he scolded me because my mother had so much pain when she was giving birth to me.. .. I watched the video a couple of minutes and realized immediately she is like my former mother .... This pathetic Theater, over emotional, always oversharing with others how she can't understand why her kids don't wanna have contact anymore again and again, crying and sobbing but no real tears, always the victim, always complaining, nothing is her fault, oh these terrible children, I did everything for them, even bought them beds!! (her words)all her rheumatism and poor health is the kids fault!! can't watch that video!
What gets me most is the mother's indifference towards her daughter. The way she's sitting at the computer and looking smugly at her daughter's words, with that smile on her face. She's clearly enjoying the pain and confusion of her daughter. It entertains her and she finds it amusing. And she KNOWS she has the power, the power to invalidate her and use her own words against her. The power to not give her the closure she needs. It's obvious how dishonest she is, it's creepy!
I'm glad I'm not alone ,..
@@laticianadineco.8620 sending you hugs, I'm glad too I'm not alone. Thought for decades it's all my fault because I'm weird
I went no contact with my mother 5 years ago and suddently, there is hope and light in my life. We married, bought a house, are happy ... now suddently, she is 'interested' again, starts the hoovering with flowers and nice words, with sudden interest in my 'thoughts', 'wishes', 'plans' ... (she was NEVER interested in me, over 40 years long) Thanks many, many very useful YT videos and over 10 years of therapy, I can see through this.
"I'm not perfect" and "nobody is perfect" are sentences I have heard from both my abusive family and my abusive partners. So gross!
Its such a cop out too. We never asked them to be perfect, we asked them to be humble and apologize, and to respect our feelings.
These sentences trigger me.
And "we did the best we could" which basically means "we don't want to improve".
Same!
Yes, those phrases are part of the narcissistic vocabulary bible. I've heard it my entire life from my narc "mother" who did not like me from the beginning. She made me out to be terrible, and herself always an innocent victim, despite the lifelong bullying from her.
Does that mom think that we're all idiots or something? The fact that she even made the video is psychopathic.
Totally. She thinks we are just idiots that go no contact "cause yes".
That's completely condescending and delusional.
She not only made that video, she has an entire RUclips channel and the entire content is about her daughter.
Trust me--the number of flying monkeys and defenders on her original video is *astounding*
@@MitchBoucherComposer agree 100%, it is truly bizarre
Yes, yes she does.
She is even trying to make it political, when by her own admission her husband is more political but no one is going after him.
The baby pictures do it for ma haha! It’s like saying “it was so great when you couldn’t walk or speak!”
yes, so well said!
And still the baby didn't lean into her mom to receive the cuddles.
@@PanicattheDiscourse That's what I noticed with it slowed down! Baby is almost unresponsive - already showing signs of insecure attachment. Mom is smiling for the camera only.
So true
@darcymoon2109 and I can control your every move!!! She's angry she's not able to be in the power role anymore with her daughter. So sick, these mothers who have these God complexes and think they are the only ones who can be right and if everyone would just fall in line they would be happy. But no human is happy being controlled and micromanaged and never able to self individuate.
I truly hope the daughter sees your video. It's over 36 minutes of solid validation.
To be honest, I hope the mother sees it. Maybe she will be confronted by the criticism. Probably not, but maybe.
@@CatrionaCharles I hope so, too. I watched the mother's video. It was hard to watch without getting sick to my stomach. The mother was so offended by the negative comments on the video she made, she announced she would be starting a different channel for all the other "estranged" parents who agree with her. My guess is that she wouldn't take this wise feedback from LiveAbuseFree to heart. I'm thinking the daughter is living with peace of mind, surrounded by people who truly love her. I'm glad she's free.
@@gatheringmoss5726 According to someone else in the comments she's charging $200 for parents to join her little "support group" 😂😂😂
@@CatrionaCharleswell she's blocked her, so she has probably reported this vid too for using her content.
@@gatheringmoss5726 There is this amazing blog post "Down the rabbit hole: the world of estranged parents' forums". It always has a disclaimer that it isn't about all estranged parents, but those who stay on the forums. It's such a good read. I think the points made there fit this mother because the behaviour, and how she describes the situation, and not writing about the daughter point of view etc. all fit the estranged parents on those "support forums".
What the mother cannot grasp is that everything could probably be fixed to some degree with her daughter if she’d just acknowledge her pain!
But that would involve caring about her daughter's feelings, and narcs would rather die than show any empathy, even to their own children. It's never about you, it's always about them, always.
You people who are watching this woman making fun of a mother who has lost her child for reasons she does not understand. You HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SHEBIS GOING THROUGH. !! We have had the same thing with no reason what so ever. SHAME SHAME ON THIS VIDEO!!! You are all bit#2es
Totally agree. Or she even just accepts that what’s done is done and she has to live with the consequences of her actions just as much as her daughter does. If that means her kids don’t talk to her for their own well being so be it. A normal healthy parent would just want their children to be happy instead of getting super defensive and weird about losing them. Don’t sow if you don’t like reaping.
IN my experience they never apologize, and if they have any remorse at all, it's because they regret being nice to you. That says it all. My therapist told me, "Do not apologize to her ever again unless she admits any faults of her own." That was good advice. I stopped blaming myself for my mom's out-of-control behavior. @@OTR392
That’s probably true
Wow, this daughter did at 29 what I finally did at 39. Good for the daughter. On her side.
I was 49 and my mother CANNOT accept the real me.
Age doesn’t really matter with toxicity. It’s just when you can break away.
49!..you beat me!😂
I tried at 18. Still working on it at 36.....😐
I am impressed as well. I'm 47 and haven't been able to do it.
This woman is EXACTLY like my mother. "If we just ignore it she'll go back to normal," - standard practice for these people. Never an acknowledgement of their hurtful behavior or their gaslighting words. Thank you so much for addressing this.
Yeah this is a good point. If one of my kids sent me a letter like that I would drop everything and try to talk to them, work it out, hear how they’re feeling, maybe therapy together, I don’t even know what else but it would be a big deal.
My mom ignored my voice when I mentioned abuse my dad was dishing out toward me by telling me to take out my happy mask so she could take me clothes shopping. After his abuse became more intense, she’d force me to give my dad a “fashion show” of my new clothes.
I’ve been in therapy for 20 years now. So many layers and so complex! This video gives me validation! Thank you!
Thank you 🙏 I feel seen and not alone when I read these kind of comments. These women even looks a lot like my mom. Also my mom never asked me why I don’t want to have contact anymore. She just blamed me, if she will ever get cancer it’ll be my fault because I’m stressing her so much.
That's my mom's MO. She does something ridiculously hurtful, I finally lose it, and then she just waits it out until I come back. I finally stopped going back, and I really think she was shocked.
Going through this now with my parents. Neither have tried to constructively work it out with me. My father relentlessly blames me for it all (which includes guilt-tripping me for being sassy to my mother when I was...7 years old. Oh, and not treating/raising my siblings as if I were their parent myself). My father's theory is that he "didn't play with me enough" almost 30 years ago? Not sure which feels worse: knowing they don't care to hear my own feelings, or knowing that even if they did ask they'd go full DARVO.
The effort that went into creating that video is significant. Every “moment” is staged. It’s a performance. It’s chilling.
Exactly!
Good word: chilling.
It's actually cheesy and reminds me of dateline or 60 minutes stylized storytelling or something LOL. Boomers watch way too much TV and it's hilarious that this old mannequin thought she'd convince the internet with these cheap tricks LOL Younger generations generally like to hear both sides of a story. We're crazy like that.
✨🏆✨
Obsessively produced. Quite a project.
I watched the video when she first posted it. She gave me the creeps immediately. As a parent, I would never post a video about my relationship with any of my children. Ever. It’s a grotesque violation of trust.
You should check out the 💩 she's doing to Ollie Mathews over on his channel for commenting on 2 of this piece of work's videos🙄.This 🚺 is both mad AND bad... Probably a sociopathic narc & I'm sure she's a real nightmare behind closed 🚪😬.
Her daughter made a tiktok about it. They are both adults and the internet works both ways. No one knows the truth here. It's probably somewhere in the middle
@@DollyMcEntire I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks this. I have seen it often enough to know that narcissists create other narcissists. Who really know what went on between those two women. One thing is for sure, it has sparked others repressed feelings about their own situation.
@@DollyMcEntireMy narcissistic mother also empathize with other narcissistic people. It's part of the inability to take responsibility for their actions and words.
precisely
This lady is scary. I want to say to anyone who has a parent like that, you are strong and brave to survive through this. Parents are supposed to be kind and understanding, and I'm sorry you had to live through that ❤
Thank you 😔
Gosh, I pray her daughter see's this! Thanks for this.
Edit to add: If a parent had done this public reply to such a courageous letter, I would change my name. This woman deserves no less. This is public abuse. The Mum will never get it. She will bash herself against that grey rock till she dies. Daughter, if you ever see this - With admiration and love I say to you - Be brave and strong and save yourself.
Same, my mother is so similar that even though it's not my mother I feel validated!! I want to hold the daughter's coat and buy her a glass of wine!
This is such a kind message not only to the daughter of this specific mother but to all of us who have been there. Thank you stranger!
I can share my truth because I have lived it. Narcs like this will never change, and their dying words are "poor me!" I'm so glad Zoe saw this and spoke out. I really do hope the daughter see's this piece. It will help her to see that her selfish Mum is actually making it easier to disconnect. Bravo!@@natalijaslaidina7028
If I were her I can’t imagine going on the internet and publicly shaming my child. This is so sad…..
And profiting handsomely. It's so repugnant and disrespectful.
She's looking for an explosion from the daughter so she can martyr herself and feed off of it. The daughter has not been backing down and the lack of feed is enraging her. The narcissistic rage is soooo evident in this one. That daughter needs to stand firm though because responding to her mother at all is just FEED and will not solve the problem at hand which is the mother's personality disorder.
Narcissists often engage in smear campaigns as a manipulative tactic to damage the reputation and credibility of someone they perceive as a threat or who has challenged their sense of superiority or control.
@@richardhead548 yep
For a narcissist its only ever about the narcissist ....... to think she would consider her daughter ? Its precisely because she never considered her daughter that she is now estranged.
What I found so disturbing about this mother is that she smiles, smirks and grins throughout the video. Even when she’s “crying”, she’s smiling! The mother’s facial expressions alone are invalidating, and then when she speaks, it’s even worse. She’s clearly communicating that she doesn’t take any of this seriously. I feel so sorry for her daughter and the pain she must have experienced in this dysfunctional family. The dynamic is so toxic. I applaud the daughter’s strength, clarity and resolve and wish her happiness.
Can you imagine how many random strangers have contacted this daughter flinging their own abuse at her now too? That’s not an accident. This is something done so when people google her name they see it and think she’s a bad person. This is something done to hurt whatever life her daughter has created for herself. This is abuse.
Kamala Harris does the same thing when she speaks about serious topics. the narcissists are everywhere
@NoNameToYou holy 100%
The mother is sus but so is cutting off ur parents for who they vote for 😬💀
The way I see it the daughter such a narcissist
On her channel, the mother encourages the viewers to complain about their narcissistic children. There's no introspection, no self-awareness.
The fact that she is not looking inward to understand why this is happening says everything.
Please go here for info and to book one of the courses I'm running in January: www.sanitysaved.com
Part 2 is now up: ruclips.net/video/tuPcZbSjDgo/видео.html
Update: The lady in this video blocked me because I made a comment under it saying that I hoped it would help daughters of narcissistic mothers to stop hoping and move on. She's now created a community for mothers like her and she apparently charges $200 to join it...Her video is here, if you want to see the whole thing: ruclips.net/video/T-cEsAT4HCo/видео.htmlfeature=shared
Thank you for posting this link. She is getting plenty of thought provoking comments from people who have felt they needed to cut a toxic relative from their lives. She probably thinks they mean people like her daughter, when they're obviously talking about relatives like her. Narcissists are TOO funny.
This was brilliant Zoe! This is honestly the first time I’ve seen my life mirrored back to me, to a tee! The whole lot! I was this daughter, I’m now 49 (just 😆), and took me until last year to finally “snap” , and say no more! This young woman is 29!! So proud of her 🌟🫶🏼🌻
I looove the content you make. You have really helped me grow.
It’s the comment section that got to me. The amount of parents who play victim
She wants the narcisistic fuel from the internet. Her other video's really show her true colours. I watched her video because i thought i could learn from her experience but it's a cry fest. But i do know how deep deep deep the pain is of not seeing your child. Unfortunatly i ran into another narcisistic content video of this lady .yikes
There's a certain look in the eyes of the narcissist that turns my blood cold. I knew a few seconds in. I hope this daughter finds healing and peace. It took me 55 years. ❤️
My mum had the perfect evil eye..her hate for me just like my father's poured out of their whole bodies.... without saying a word...... unfortunately narcissistic parents create narcissistic children...and as one I am also a loser...
14:24 I had a family friend recently tell me I was "taking the easy way out" by going no contact with my mom. Nothing about no contact is easy. Truly it's the hardest thing I've ever been through.
I went no contact with my mother when I was 43 years old. I had no spouse, siblings, or children. It was the hardest decision I ever made. My deadbeat father and all my grandparents were dead, too. I essentially made myself an orphan. AND, it was the best and most empowering decision of my life. Sometimes, all your options suck. You just have to pick the option that sucks the least.
It really is I had to go no contact with my mom to it's gotten to the point where I'm threatening my whole family and that's not right so I stay away. Idk what else to do though because she contacts my boyfriend. I confronted him today about it and he says he needs to respect me so I'll see what happens. The threats aren't right so like I said I stay away. This video is so triggering though. I feel like I think about my family all the time and I get so angry.
Relationship with your mother shouldn't be a prison
I had the response “if cutting off my mother is the easy way out, why is it some much easier to not have a mom than having one? Why is a mom something to be suffered through instead of something I should be grateful for?” I never got a response, but they never tried to shame me again.
UGH!!!! The flying monkeys are so gross! One of my NM Friends tried to talk me into reconnecting and I just got so mad! She just tried to wear me down when I tried to patiently explain how awful the NM was. Then she said, “when my mother is mean I tell her if she doesn’t quit I’m leaving” and I’m like, that’s pretty much what I did!!!!! Grrrrrrr!!!!! I
Blocked her ASAP. She popped up in my DMs and I blocked her again. They’re so insidious😢
It was a disgusting video and yes, I was very triggered. Professionally filmed, perfectly lit, perfect everything. I was livid for days. THIS is the mother's ultimate revenge, dropping her daughter's name and photo in it. When she can't get in contact with the daughter, THIS is what she decides to do. People who know this woman will know the daughter so totally throwing the daughter under the bus.
"I thought I was a good mom."
No, you weren't.
Yes! Revenge is what this is really about, and it's so malicious and vindictive while playing the victim card and gaining fuel and attention. It's a really disgusting thing for a mother to do to her daughter... and publicly! These creatures hate their own children so much!
Too right she is a narcissist and will never change . Glad her daughter got out . She also has a spineless co dependent husband
don't forget she monetized the video too
@@mistym1374 angry vindictive narcissists are cruel extra everything. I hope the daughter, has she come across the "mother's" video, has a good support system.
She said her daughters name?! 🥺
I left a long pointed comment on her video as the daughter of a borderline who has forgiven my Mom and still practices tight boundaries. I told her even IF her daughter wanted to eventually communicate with her she has destroyed all hope of that by taking their problems to the worldwide internet to accuse her daughter of being cruel. It was such an obvious public smear campaign. A truly disgusting video and I’m glad the comments eventually started to call her out on her nonsense. Especially the maudlin music playing in the background which was especially tacky and manipulative. 🙄
She made a response to the comments.... Haven't watched it yet though
@@justhearmeout3959Yeah, I saw that. Didn’t watch it though. She’s a narcissist who craves attention and I refuse to give her anymore of mine. I did see from the comments that she brought her flying monkey husband on to further guilt trip her daughter. Typical. I wish I could contact her daughter to send her a message of support but she is wisely staying out of the fray. I despise these energy vampires.
She (the mother) says anyone not agreeing with her are idiots. @@justhearmeout3959
Do you think people like this can see the error of their ways and change? (Genuine question, not sarcasm)
@@DottieMinerva If they’re narcissistic: no, I don’t think they can or want to.
The fact that she made the video to begin with shows that she's narcissistic. Who even does that? This could totally be my mother. Thank you for all of your wonderful insight!
P.S. The mom's body language is ridiculous. She is LOVING the attention and sympathy that she is sure to garnish from the video. Her eyes are excited, and she's smiling.
She is so full of herself.
this would be a good Freaky Friday situation. if mom could be in daughters shoes vide versa. what would be the outcome. guarantee it would be the exact same outcome
@@Michelleigrammay I ask what her TikTok account name is?
I sent a similar message to my mother. She replied "ok, take care of yourself."
She also later sent messages simultaneously denying and justifying her behaviour. Justifying by blaming me.
Now 9 months no contact and life is so much happier.
As a parent I blame the parents 99% of the time. You brought this child into the world and it’s your responsibility to work on the relationship and hope they’ll come around one day if you think they are 100% wrong.
This is exactly it.
What a stupid comment. Clearly a person without children. So I'll enlighten you, children are people of their own, with their own minds. But also, with own experiences outside of the house. Now with social media, narcissism has really taken off with the young people. Could it be you are one? Most likely.
Thanks for this. Because as a scapegoat I've always been blamed.
Agreed because it's a parents responsibility to find how their kid feels important and to try their best to understand, even if that means having to self reflect. Once you fulfil that responsibility, no contact just doesn't happen. It's not like other relationships where you lose touch because you don't have things in common etc. Everyone needs their parents, even adults. You don't stop talking to them unless you have to in order to survive.
@@LiveAbuseFreeDo you have workshops or something else? I honestly really need some kind of therapy for trauma I have from my dad, but I probably can't afford a one on one thing. When you talk about narcissistic parents, it's truly like you're talking about my father. Your videos have helped me understand that I'm not the problem.
OMG, you're the only person on the planet that has validated my experience just watching this in the first few minutes! The shame from the mother over-rules everything. Nothing else exists except her shame and we all need to make her feel better and keep quiet and numb our own experience! In my situation if I set boundaries then it means I'm mentally ill and need to be extinguished from the family.
Your comment is helpful, too. There are mothers who are willing to destroy the whole family just to avoid facing their shame, and their superpower is their ability to do that while maintaining the position of victim.
Wow, I could have written this comment. I'm so sorry you've had to experience this too.
@@car_ing Thank you, and likewise. It really is the elephant in the room that is often unacknowledged.
I couldnt believe it when Zoe explained that it is so much easier to continue to have a relationship so as to avoid the shame that would come with wanting no contact with ones mother. It was such a light bulb moment for me. I am 54 and the narcisitic abuse I get all the time from my mother is so overwhelming. To make matters worse is that I am an only child and have to try and cope with her on my own.
Yes!!! Exactly this!!
The person I would feel sorry for if my child cut me out of their life would be my child! Because I would have failed them. I can’t imagine ever feeling sorry for ME! That woman triggers me so badly. I can’t believe any mother could be so wilfully blind at the expense of their child.
See this is a healthy response. Thank you. 🙂
@@NoNameToYou your reply means so much to me because I come from abusive parents and I’m so grateful that I managed to endthe cycle with my own child. Thank you for taking the time to say that. ❤️
@@sooticablue1664you have a lot to be proud of ❤
@@NoNameToYou everyone on this channel who is aware, switched on. And trying has so much to be proud of. Thank you so much ❤️
When in doubt about Narcissits, the body language is such a big indicator. The snarl, the eyes, the sarcasm, the fake tears. This highly edited video from her, dismissing her daughter 's pain and feelings, is just absolutely vile.
My thoughts exactly! I saw this woman's video a few months ago, and sensed pretty quickly that she is indeed a narcissist. Making a video like she did is really taking it to a whole new level, isn't it?
she doesn't know what emotion to pretend to feel so it's always the smirk/smile
It is always a red flag when you tell someone your boundaries and they dance right over it and send you "positive affirmations". Poor girl!
This happened to me exactly! 😢
And me 😢
Yup. The parents CONTINUOUSLY contacting their daughter after she asked for space, is very telling.
I watched the whole thing. The part at the end where she says she didn’t send her daughter a happy birthday text this year. Then she posts this huge, rambling guilt trip ON HER DAUGHTER’S BIRTHDAY. She’s a total piece of work.
Those "woe is me" crocodile tears give me flashbacks.
I understand where you're coming from! When my mother found out that I was self-harming, her only concern was 'how she felt like a bad mother.' Not, 'What can I do to help you?'
I've had to go no contact with my narcopath mother. The sheer pain it takes to break the trauma bond and break free in order for survival is beyond words. No child wants to go no contact...we are forced into going no contact because their level of toxicity and abuse is on a level that is unlivable. Survival instincts overtake. And the pain never goes away. The desire to have a relationship with the parent we so desperately hoped they'd be doesn't go away. We just stop gaslighting ourselves and allow ourselves self-love and self compassion to remove the toxic behaviors by removing the person who is choosing to be toxic.
well said!
I understand. My dad decided to cut me off just bc one time in 10 years I brought up the fact that my brothers won't talk to me .. bc of triangulation/ manipulation he has done. Wasn't perfectly stated but was respectfully and honestly stated. He just said he's too old to listen or do anything or hear anything that is not on his terms. 😔💔
Wow. Thanks for saying it all so clearly. ❤
Yessss!!!!
In fairness some children do just want to go no contact. My husbands brother is one ... but nowadays he would be diagnosed on the autism spectrum.
Narcissistic people really often are like satires of themselves, aren't they 🤭
Yes!
A brilliant way of looking at them. I'll be pondering this all day long.
This comment is gold!!
This is our mother. She openly talks about us, and the pain we apparently cause, at family events where we are present as well. She's toxic.
Omg same!! It definitely makes me not want to go to family events. Ugh!!! I see you. I’m sorry!
What I find so interesting about parents like this is they will will cry about how much they love their kid and how much they miss them....an processed to do nothing to fix/heal the relationship.
YES. Like a toddler. They need mommy/the parentified child to come and be there for THEM. They never truly got beyond that stage emotionally.
Exactly! When I watched the original video, I kept waiting for her to try to address it and fix it… nope! Just poor me.. 😒
Anybody notice the dupers delight smirk on that face the whole time? I saw right through this narc. I went no contact with my narc mother and it was the best thing I could ever do, I felt absolutely nothing when she died.
The smirk alone is worth estrangement.
Makes me think this is fake or staged...she doesn't actually have a daughter who has cut her off.
"Duper's Delight" is a new phrase to me, but it describes one criteria for anti-social personality disorder: deception, enjoyment of tricking others.
I think the mother should consider herself lucky to have received a letter, I didn't even do that. I knew, they wouldn't listen.
Yes, that was a final opportunity and she threw it away!
Me too. They know what they’ve done; they don’t need a letter.
Same here for same reason and I'm glad I didn't after seeing this.
Then just to ignore it and comment on a random Facebook post like nothing happened
@juliekswanson I understand the sentiment, but when you are talking about narcissists, I'm not sure they really do know what they've done. I don't think they are capable of appreciating that other people have feelings and inner lives, or that anything outside of their own ego is valuable. So nothing they do is wrong; they only ever feel bad due to other people's inability to conform to them.
In the shot where the mother reads the email, you can see all her disgust and contempt towards her child so clearly in her face
I'm always suspicious of parents who have little to no contact with their children. I don't want to automatically assume they're at fault, but people like this woman shows that they usually are.
I knew a mother whose son cut her off and for very obvious reasons. Spending a day with her she couldn't stop trauma dumping to paint herself as a victim. She described to me her new relationship with a married man and how the wife was dragging the divorce out making their lives miserable. I stopped her and said "Well the wife was miserable... she was losing her husband and her entire life was crumbling." The Narcissist responded "Well, I don't know how she was feeling or what was going on with her... I only know what I was feeling and going on with me." And she wonders why her son from her previous marriage won't talk to her and have cut her off. It drives me crazy!!!!
I love how the dad said that the daughter never said sorry to them when they never said it to her and don't feel remorse over anything. Also, why would the daughter apologize? She was the one being abused? They always have to flip things.
I hope her daughter is okay and knows how much support she truly has from those of us who understand.
I can’t imagine the hell the daughter is going through and shame she’s feeling after she posted it. She’s likely living in fear that she will continue to post more. I sympathize with her very very much. I hope she has people around her that understand the situation and are there for her.
Just the fact that she is making a whole channel where she talkes about her daughter, and is crying about what "she has done", is pretty extreme! If she thinks that this is going to help, she will find out the hard way!
Diane knows it wont help. so instead she is trying to get her narc supply from internet strangers.
God, this is my mother to a tee. I called her in 2019 telling her i didn't want to see her anymore, and she kept bothering me and implying that i was being unreasonable. This year i sent her a letter reminding her of just a fraction of the abuse she put me through, including allowing her father to touch me and my sisters while she watched. Haven't heard from her since. My sisters tell me she acts like I never existed at all.
Hey, if you're this woman's daughter - We get you ❤ I'm sorry 😞
Not only did she cut the letter up into little scareword snippets and assign 90% of the blame on the most benign possible cause of disagreement ("you voted for the wrong guy"), she also cast a baby voice to speak the grown ass daughter's quotes.
Yep she’s a narcissist just like my mother 😢
Yeah that struck me too, trying to infantilize her daughter and make what she’s saying sound immature .
she reminds me of chris watts mother cindy
My mother would always talk with a ridiculous baby voice when she would repeat what I said. Realize now that she was infantilising me.
I have to know, are her parents Trumpers? I can understand cutting a parent off if they were a republican....lol
She came out with a new video blaming society and giving everyone a history lesson on generations.
I imagine that the mother blames "woke culture" on her daughter's behavior?
@@brentwalker8596 Curious, why the quote on woke culture? Do you believe in everything that is being pushed nowadays? I guess to be more specific what I’m asking is: do you think being a victim is something progressive?
@@neige4221No, I'm sure they quoted the words woke culture because people/parents who blame woke culture on people who no longer want to deal with guilt tripping parents that could have just kept it in their pants or deal with horrible people who have no respect for you but demand respect from you, instead of the parents/people holding themselves accountable for their wrong doings.
Not because being a victim is progressive. Maybe consider reading a book or something, get closer to The Most High/God. Maybe he'll bless you with some humility.
@@ravenwillis Thanks for the information but I think you’ve been living in some sort of a bubble. From what I’ve noticed everyone and anyone is eager to have some sort of a complaint. Being strong in mind and body is no longer cool.
@@neige4221 Could you give me your definition of strong?
I give you mine as well. Strong is being compassionate, being connected to your own feelings and not shutting off from yourself if it gets unplesant or life gets hard. Strong is being able to be vulnerable without thinking that you are any less, because of your vulnerability. Strong is being resilient. When you fall down you can self reflect and analyze why, course correct and get up again. Strong is having a solid sense of self, knowing who you are and what your values are and being authentic. Strong is being respectful, even when others aren't, but also not let people walk over you. And to know when you can and can't accept something.
These are a few examples ( not all ) of what I think makes a strong person.
How do you define "strong"?
I'm an adult child of an abusive family, who finally went NC a few years ago. I didn't even bother with a letter because I had enough years of being ignored, dismissed and threatened every time I spoke openly about my feelings. I feel the daughter's pain. I hope she is healing and finding the life she actually deserves.
Exactly. I didn't bother with a letter, I've spent my entire life trying to talk about my feelings and getting ignored. I just blocked her. She tried emailing me, calling me from different numbers, messaging me even when I was ignoring her. I had to block her EVERYWHERE.
@@Ilikefrogs.. Same. I blocked my other family members, as well. I don't need to explain to them or anyone. I had to block her lawyer, too. He kept calling me because she "wants to reconcile" and make sure I get money when she dies. Um lol Nah, I'm fine with never wasting another moment on our non-existant relationship for the rest of my life. It already took me far too long to realize I was never the problem.
I'm a Boomer. My mother asked me 20 years ago why I was so upset with her. I told her three issues, and she wrote them down. I found her notes a while ago, and after my very specific examples, she wrote to herself: "I thought she would be over that by now. So what is REALLY making her upset?" Even when they ask why we are angry, they don't listen and don't respond and don't do any repair work. There's no point in telling her again. The first time didn't work.
If my children ever came to me and told me they were hurt by me, I would take them seriously, listen well, and apologize.
But I have not gotten that from my mother. She has no remorse. As she ages, she lies, deceives, and has become violent. No thanks. Going NC is hard if you are a decent person, because we always want to keep the door open, but at some point it becomes absolutely necessary.
Ugh that is such a manipulative video. Her crying,the music. The fast forwarding through the letter from her daughter was horrible. So dismissive.
I can understand people being triggered. I am glad you covered this as you bring your empathy and kindness to it ,and validate not only the unheard daughter of this scenario,but all of us unheard,dismissed people who are gaslit and ignored by our caregivers.
Thank you ❤
Yeah, the mother is so dismissive, it's painful to watch!
also the way the "daughter's" voiceover sounds like a child really spoke to me. the version of you they hold onto is the one they had the most control over. that image of 'dumb kid who needs me and must obey!' is cemented into their minds even if you're 35 and married.
Yes, the one word reply of "received" to the letter was so passive aggressive and dismissive !
We can all tell these days if an email has been opened (read) ,whether it has been replied to or not but maybe Mummy doesn't know that.I think she does though.
Her video just illustrates exactly why her daughter had to go NC.
As a daughter of a covert N mother (who went NC 4 years ago) ,I see right through her.
I am so happy her daughter is doing this at such a young age.
@@mrsw2266 Not just a child, but a selfish, whining child. She's trying to paint her daughter as an ungrateful brat and it's disgusting.
I hope that woman's daughter is living her best life and never goes back to this horrible family.
The red flag to me is the mother making a video of her personal issue in the first place. Seems like victimhood, attention seeking, and an attempt to manipulate and guilt and shame her daughter. Who even does that?
narcissistic ppl will go to any lengths to get attention. it’s their power house way to control others
Probably a business opportunity, too, in their eyes.
@@saran3214 Narcissists don’t understand respect. If she actually had an ounce of respect this wouldn’t be happening.
Diane's videos are an attempt to gaslight and control the narrative!
It's a huge relief not have to associate with unkind, rude and toxic people. It doesn't matter if its a relative or not. I am so much happier without anyone in my life like that. Someone who hasn't dealt with the level of meanness that ultimately leads to no contact probably won't completely understand, thats ok, each person has a right to protect themselves from verbal, emotional or any abuse and sometimes cutting off the relationship is the only way to do it.
I hope the daughter sees this. The worst part of having extreme narcissist parents was that no one validated me until I was well into my 50s. That's 50 years of trauma without people believing me. Now, the family has cut ties with her and they are scared of her. But it took a long time. 😢
53 years old here and my sister is 59.
It does take a long time. My brother and I are in our 60s and we are both terrified of her. It's good to have each other.
This mother has laid a wonderful spread of real life parental narcissism out on the table for us to see, with her being the centre piece, of course! I wonder if the daughter will see this excellent analysis and feel supported and validated? I hope so.
Yes, I agree. It's very obvious if you know what to look for.
Oh, RUclips is understanding me!! I’m the daughter that walked away when I was 36, and now I’m the age of this mother. This mom is telling my story. Everything she’s done so far, my mom has done and is still trying, after 15 years.
I haven't spoken to my mother since July 2010. I was 23 years old. I don't think about her, nor I don't long for a maternal connection. I feel complete indifference. When I hear of a parent who is not in contact with their child, I think to myself "well what did you do?".
Yep.
Haven't spoken to mine since Nov 2013
2018 for me.
I don’t think about him. I feel pretty much nothing when it comes to my father.
I'm jealous. For me it is since 2019
Those of us who are estranged from our families recognize this woman, and we also know that no one comes to the decision to turn their back on a loving family for no reason. As an adult child of emotional neglect and abuse have spent years in denial or blaming ourselves until something happens where we are forced to realize that we are victims of abuse, and that we aren't safe around them. Still, we leave a door open and believe that they are basically good and that things will be fine when they realize what is going on. Then hope dies bit by bit as the parents never show any sign of love, introspection or empathy. It is a ego killing life changing moment of reckoning.
Yep went no contact a year ago . She left me with anixiety disorder and anger issues I’ve had counselling as well . Still no sign of self reflection her letters are all about her 😢
Spot on!
Yes absolutely.
When I’ve tried to vocalize anything to my mom that might bother me I get anything I’ve done wrong thrown back at me and told I’m too sensitive.
For me it’s “you always think you’re a victim”. Well sometimes I am!!!!!
I get 'how do you think I feel'@@Mama_Bear524
Dang. ..My husband was that way and eventually it made it IMPOSSIBLE to be in relationship with him. I imagine it would be even harder when it’s your MOM. . I hope you have at least one other person in your life who can REALLY hear you!
That’s like mine, I’ve been no contact nearly 4 years.
This mom put a lot of effort and time making the video. Being filmed at odd angles and in multiple places and graphics added, etc. Imagine putting that effort into examine herself and repairing the relationship.
The video is proof why her daughter stopped talking to her, if she does something like this after, can't even imagine what she did before.
when i first stumbled upon that video, the mother’s throwaway line “oh yea some other people all cut us off around the same time” told me EVERYTHING I NEEDED TO KNOW. i commented something saying she was likely the problem in a sea of comments praising her- bizarre. so glad you made this video to speak on the daughter’s behalf ❤❤❤
You are amazing for talking about it- thank you. It's been 10 years since I last spoke to my mother and it annoys me when people tell me: 'oh what if your mother dies.' I tell them I honestly don't care. I think people think I'm a monster. But they didn't live through hell I lived through.
Also, your mother dying when she has made no attempt at apologising and taking responsibility for her actions, that's as sad or sadder for her, you could say. What a legacy to leave behind - a child you were responsible for nurturing is left tormented to the degree that it's a relief to be out of contact with her.
I went NC 15 years or so ago. My father passed away about a year ago, and I felt nothing. The parents didn't facilitate a relationship while I lived with them, so there was nothing to grieve. My mother wants to reconnect now that he's gone, but she's just as bad, if not worse, than he was. I'm protecting my peace and it's well worth it.
It's ok to feel that way.
I did for some years.
It's actually healthy to love yourself first in instances.
-----
We've mended our relationship since.
But for a time it was okay for both of us to feel that way.
i will be happy and relieved when mine kicks it, i'm not gonna lie 😂 provided i don't kick the bucket first in some unforseen event, i predict many awkward moments when her friends/family send their condolences ... i will be gentle but truthful that its only them who need the condolences for losing their friend, i wont have lost anything 😅
I stopped speaking with my mum and four years later she died from breast cancer. It was the second time she had cancer from when I stopped speaking to her, so she had plenty of time to really think about what she needed to do if she wanted to make amends, but all of her messages were the same as they had always been. I also have 2 older siblings who didn't speak to her. None of us went to see her on her death bed or went to her funeral. I had people message me and was honest about how I felt and the situation before she died and also posted on Instagram about the journey I had been through with my mum, something I had always kept private because of the the and embarrassment of how people might view me. All of this then resulted in my grandad and my auntie on her side stopping speaking to me, which I wasn't expecting. The naiive me thought that when she passed I might be able to be part of that side of the family again, but clearly me saying my truth on social media (they did know about some of the situation before they died but I don't know how my mum spoke to them about it) was too much and so that was the end of my relationship with that side of the family. I've never regretted once doing what was best for me as my mum died, but I do mourn the relationships I didnt see coming that I was going to lose.
She seems like she'd give herself an 11 out 10
Thank you so much for this. It is so validating. I went no contact with my abusive mother in 1996. This sort of thing was unheard of back then. Everyone including many of my friends sided with my mother. After going no contact, I lost count of the number of therapists who told me, "You need to have a relationship with your mother." I stuck to it. I knew I was better off alone and judged. I lost so much of my family. It's lonely but safe. Thank you for letting other people know, it's ok to separate from an abuser even if it's your parent.
I'm sure like most here, I can see right through this so-called mother. I grew up with a step-father who violated me. I told my mom and after 38 years, she is still with him. I tried about 15 years ago to openly talk to my mom on how this has affected me and how I still suffer. She got so angry with me and said how dare I question her actions, etc. I eventually cut contact with them. I hope the daughter in this case surrounds herself with a good support system and prospers. Thanks for video. It's so important for so many. ❤
So in other words, how dare you point out this evil thing she did that she could never talk her way out of? You're not alone, I went through this too. And unlike your mother, I applaud you for speaking up for yourself.
Similar situation, but when I told her it was more passive? Like she did some gaslighting, but then it was more of a disinformation campaign against me to friends and family
I went through this with my mom and stepdad. My stepdad was horribly verbally abusive to my brother and I as kids and I’d cry and beg my mom to stand up for me as she’d watch him tear us apart. She’d do nothing. It’s a horrible betrayal when your mom chooses an abusive man over her kids. In that same vein, I don’t think my mom is strong enough to leave, nor will she ever be. Her MO is denial. It makes me feel weird around her. I don’t live anywhere near her and in my head I’d like to be closer to her but I still feel this sadness on the rare occasions I do see her. I wish it didn’t have to be this way.
My mother also pretends like I'd never told her that her husband raped me. She is still living with him. She likes to talk about how she will take my daughter on the mountain trip (they like hiking). When I finally sent her a message that I will never let my daughter be alone with her husband and how she is still hurting me by keeping him involved in my life, she apologized. But that's not changing anything really. He is still there. And my much younger sister (his daughter) knows nothing, so I just keep contact minimal.
@@magdalenaos8215Hugs to you. You are right to feel how you feel. It’s not you that’s wrong, it’s them. Thank you for protecting your daughter.
Crikey. The magnitude of the narcissism of the mother is shocking.
@@lr9559There are also plenty of haters there too, oh yeah.
The thing is we are not hearing the other side (the daughter).
Easy to believe if you have a mother like that 😅
Crikey! Love this❤
Good job Haley for stepping away from all this toxicity
Walked away from my mother and brother 17 years ago. Growing up, it was just the 3 of us. I didn’t take the decision lightly and went through a difficult grieving process. Until happening across this video, I’ve been living in acceptance that society just won’t understand why I’d make such a decision. This woman’s video showcases the reason I had to cut my family out of my life. The comments on her video and this reaction has been incredibly validating. Thank you for this.
Yes, my mother will say ''I'm not perfect'' but if you try to give her the tiniest bit of feedback she becomes so extraordinarily defensive that like you say, she's not saying 'im not perfect' she's saying 'back off back off back off'.
I was raised by an abusive narcissistic mother. Unfortunately, I was well into motherhood before I realized how destructive my mother's behaviour was, and I repeated the same parenting towards my two oldest kids. Only when I faced the ugly truth about my behaviour that I could really see and hear my children, and understand how damaging my abusive patterns were towards them. One of my biggest regrets in life is the way I parented my two older kids. Thank God I was at least able to come to this realization in time to take full accountability for it. My daughter is now 32 and trying to heal from how I mothered her. I can only pray that one day my daughter realizes how beautiful and valuable she is and always has been. I will never stop working on it.
I’m almost crying reading this. I hope you and your kids will heal and grow from this!
I had the same experience.
I hope this video helps you do the exact opposite to heal your relationship with your kids. It’s hard to take a look at the dark side of ourselves. I applaud you for that👏
My story is your story. However, I'm still estranged from my oldest daughter. I hope one day we can have a good talk and I can apologise.
You're doing the right thing. Good luck and all the best with your parenting going forward.
The worst thing about all of this is, in playing the victim, she's loving every minute of it.
She gets to paint her daughter with the evil brush and have all the flying monkeys feeling so sorry for her. Her daughter gave her exactly what she wants by cutting ties with her.
I did the same thing for my mother and I'm actually glad she's happy in her faux misery.
How is that woman smiling and acting like that when her daughter never wants to speak to her again? The broken brain of these people is astounding. They just won’t ever get it that THE ACT is so visible to us now. I congratulate her daughter on finding her clarity and acting upon it. As for the “mother”… I haven’t even got the energy for people like her anymore.
Because she's getting the last word on RUclips 😒
I went NC with my mother two years ago. She still claims (through others) she has no idea why even though I was very clear about why during our last conversation. The fact that this mother really thinks this is all about politics shows how delusional and ignorant she is. She doesn’t deserve a relationship with her daughter until she can be self reflective and put her ego aside.
I think they forget everything one tells them, because they don’t want to know it, want to stay in denial. She doesn’t not know why you’ve gone NC, she’s too afraid to look at her own mistakes.
6 years no contact with my dad. The last straw was the last time I had visited him because he begged me to visit him. He didn’t even bother to turn off the TV blasting a rerun of a baseball game of teams he didn’t care about and getting distracted by that dame in the middle of me talking to him mid sentence. That was a couple months after he almost died of sepsis and confessed to my brother that he had stopped eating and drinking water in an attempt to die. He even confessed he released his cat who’s personality was a scaredy-cat. I went out of my way to visit him as much as possible unti I saw he was going to live and that’s when the stress of everything hit me like a ton of bricks and I had a massive flare of my chronic illness.
Isn't it infuriating? I've told my mother in great detail what the problem is, but she has spent the last 10+ years telling people that it must be my husband's fault somehow.
I'm well aware I won the parent lottery, some of my friends did'nt. Some of them went NC, while others are still in the toxic cycle. From what I have seen, those who put up clear boundaries, or have gone NC are better off
PS I hope you are living a good life today
The comments on this lady’s video are very triggering, full of people saying there’s no reason why their kids went NC and it must be satan, trends, liberals, and whatever else.
I can’t imagine my child coming to me to express pain or dissatisfaction with some action I’ve taken or failed to take as a parent, and responding in ANY other way besides, holy crap I am so sorry, thank you for telling me, how can I improve? These are your CHILDREN! Even if I don’t agree in the moment…no single perspective should matter to me more than theirs.
If only your teachings could reach their deaf ears...
@@LiveAbuseFree I just left a marriage because I FINALLY realized that all there is to do is give up hope on people like this and move on. For far too long I kept thinking, surely if I can just get through to them they’ll “get it”! Your videos have helped me greatly! Thank you so much for having this channel.
I know it won’t change my mother who I have gone no contact with but thank you for validating my feelings ❤
They are NOT children, they are adults! They deserve at least the respect one would give to a friend.
I'd rather slice my own tits off than upset my kids unnecessarily. I remember the first time my daughter cried as a baby because I upset her (not when she was doing the newborn crying-for-stuff phase) and I swear to god, my heart crumped at the same time her face did. In my head I was like, "This can never happen again!" Parenting is what it is but man, I cannot imagine hurting your kid deliberately. Just so bizarre.
As a person who has been able to keep a good relationship with my family despite a few ups and downs (NC wouldn’t be necessary for me), I watched this video a while back and as I clicked on it, I said to myself “No…No adult child goes full NC unless you majorly effed up as a parent”.
I am glad to have my opinion professionally validated by you.
My mother said in a scarcastic tone..."sorry I didn't bring you up like the Beaver's"....
I wasn't asking for a perfect childhood just a wanted child, to be liked and not constantly hit and told I was "stupid or something"
Yeh it's not just the past, it's acknowledging your experiences in the present, for the sake of the future. But they cannot do it.
I’m so sorry 😢
My mom secretly tape recorded all our phone conversations to play for other people, and she showed my emails to so many people. She made me look so bad to people and they believed her for decades. 😢
Wow!
Someone in my family does the same thing to other members (gather information to use latter if they go against her) I wonder if it's a narcissistic trait.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that, it's such a nasty thing to do. 😐 My narcissistic mum did that as well, particularly with my older sister. She'd call her several times and once my sister was triggered and lashing out, my mum would press record and act calm to make it look like my sister was the problem. Then she'd make me (and other family members) listen to these manipulative calls to turn us against her. 💀
My mother was pretty cruel at times, alcoholic pill popper, was not shy with men around me and my brother, I tried three times to have a relationship with her, the last time she helped my daughter run away, drug me to court then abandon my daughter at the mental hospital, I cut ties permanently with her. Fast forward 11 years I have just cut ties with that daughter, I Don’t Know... if narcissism is genetic but they are mirror Images of each other and even though I don’t get to see my grandchildren it is so peaceful.
@@lilo_920 that's exactly what mine did!!! She would start recording after I was reacting to her abuse. Yep. And then show it to everyone. It made me look SO TERRIBLE for most of my life. My relatives have only recently cut ties with her, and finally understood that she was the problem. But it took 52 years for them to all see it.
I've been fighting in the comments of this video. I was so triggered , the lack of accountability , I just cant.
I left come comments also, as in this is just a hurt narcissist on full display. Some people get it, others not so much.
It’s a good representation of what so many estranged adult children have dealt with. Some of us have parents with a good enough facade to fool most people, and its an absolute mind fuck growing up with them because emotionally they treat us like absolute shit. They never question their narratives ever, and they are so fucking brazen and untouchable because they have a literal army of enablers in a vast web. It is so triggering watching that level of delusion. I’m familiar with it 😢
The fact that there are people out there who cannot see through such blatantly obvious narcissism is concerning.
This is how narcissists continues to draw in more victims. Too many people aren't able to recognize narcissistic behavior and characteristics. Too many people are easily manipulated and overly trusting.
I understand where you're coming from.
@@MitchBoucherComposer im so ready to move on, i have reasons not to but im at point where i just want peace at the same time i have to grief the fact that il never be accepted. IIt doesntmatter how good i am or what i do, im god forsaken and unlovable...i dont even want kids because of this
I am a licensed clinical psychologist, and I had a patient a few years ago, who came into my office and the first thing she said was that I was the fifth therapist with whom she had recently met. She told me that she was getting married in six months, and could not decide if she wanted to invite her mother to her wedding (for all of the reasons mentioned in this video). She was very emotional, very tearful, and it was obvious that this decision was crushing her soul. She told me on the one hand, her mother had never been a true “mother” and behind closed doors was a narcissistic nightmare (she gave numerous examples-I wholeheartedly agreed), but in public was the doting, charming, “oh so proud of my baby girl” mother. My patient told me that this dynamic made this decision even harder, bc every time she tries to talk to someone about it, be it a close friend, family member, or the four therapists before me, none of them could understand what the problem was, with the question of whether or not to invite her mother to her wedding. Of course, you would invite her to your wedding, because she’s such a wonderful mother, look at all the things she’s done for you, etc, which made this woman feel even more invalidated and gaslit than she already did at the hands of her own mother.
I sat and listened and let this woman talk and cry and get mad and get frustrated and feel all of those emotions. And when she finished, I looked at her and I told her this is your wedding. This is your wedding. Unfortunately, we don’t get to choose our biological families. Luckily, for us, we do get to choose who is in our “real family”, and who we allow to have the privilege of being in our lives. It is a privilege for your mother to be in your life, just as it is for you to be in hers; however, if someone is bringing more toxicity to the relationship than anything else and offering next to nothing in the way of love, compassion, support, and encouragement, it does beg the question why am I allowing them the privilege to be in my life?
This young woman looked at me and said you are the first therapist who has told me I don’t have to invite her to my wedding. You’re also the first therapist who told me that it’s OK that I recognize she doesn’t need to be in my life bc of the many, many examples of why that is. Every other therapist and friend and family member has told me of course you’re going to invite her, you only have one mother. And I told her yes, you only have one biological mother. But you can choose your “real mom”, the person you want to be the mother figure in your life. And it doesn’t have to be this woman we’re talking about.
And then the session was over. She thanked me, she said she really appreciated me listening to her, to me not telling her how to feel, not telling her what she “had to do” and that I was really helpful. And I never saw her again I later got a note from her about seven months later, thanking me again for listening to her and letting me know her mother was not invited to her wedding, and it was the best decision she’s ever made.
Everyone on earth deserves two parents who are loving and kind and supportive, and encouraging and compassionate and supportive. Most of us are lucky if we get one, and many of us, don’t get any at all. If you’re one of those people, go out and make your “real family”, made up of people who really love you and support you and who have earned the privilege of being in your life and who also want you to be in theirs.
xoxoxo ♥️
I am beyond appalled that those other therapists told her that!
And she had to go through so many therapists to find you who told her that absolute compassionate common sense and reality of it all!
Those people were not therapists imo, they were abusers. Flying monkeys to a narcissistic mother they don't even know! How sick and sad.
Thank goodness that client found you!
This made me cry .. in just that moment you gave real mothering in a unique way ❤
@@nmc1859 That is the kindest thing anyone has said to me in quite a while. Thank you so so much for that ♥️
Wow you sound like a great therapist, that is the invalidation needed. Even the police shamed me for trying to get away from my abusive mother.
the hardest thing is when you do that… and and there’s no one left.
There’s no one in your circle or ‘real family’. And you are so broken and empty from all the years of neglect and abuse. It’s so hard to keep carrying myself.
This mother looks one perceived slight away from demanding to speak to her daughter’s manager.
🤣
It’s so difficult to maintain boundaries with someone like this woman. You may come to an arrangement with them but they believe it will “blow over” and they slowly hack away at the boundaries you’ve set until you’re back at square one. I hope the daughter in this situation can find peace.
I didn't give my mother a letter. It would have been ammunition. It would have been worse for me. I gave her my silence. I have hope for myself and my own life. I am free. The guilt never really goes away. It does get better and won't be every day. I have been free since 2017. My mother doesn't love me and I am ok with that. It isn't my failing. ❤
You did the right thing abuse is not okay . I went no contact a year ago I get letters of self pity all about her and her feelings no self reflection at all . Never doubt your decision you are strong and special When I wake up crying I think of all the verbal abuse and my anxiety disorder/ anger issues she gave me and it gives me the strength to stay in no contact . We have empathy so it’s hard to grieve a parent when their still alive . I wish it wasn’t like this 😢😢😢
@mandymckeown8625 You are a boss!! Stay strong!
It's unfortunate but there really are parents who don't love their children. It's way more common than people think.
You are right to go no contact. It’s the only way if they are really NPD. I had to go that route with my adult daughter.
@@mandymckeown8625 do you think she’s not mourning you? I’m mourning my daughter because her being gone feels like the closest person to me.
The home videos say to me that my daughter is a baby. Will always be my baby. Never an adult with thoughts and feelings.
I SAW THAT VIDEO!!!! I wanted to respond to that woman and tell her she was probably a horrible mom but knew she wouldn’t get it. I’m SO glad you made this video!!!!!!!!
Oh oh oh!! She's CHARGING $200 to people to hear her whine!! You couldn't make this kind of thing up.
If it were in a novel, critics would say, "Nah, not believable. Too overdone. Nobody could be this grotesque."
If the fee to join her group doesn't wake up the idiots in her comments section I don't know what will.
Narcissists are that ridiculous!
Are you talking about Zoe? Could you explain please
@@di3486their evil and dangerous to have around you especially as parent/s
@@bogi9611The mother has started an online 'support' group for parents of estranged children where they can all get together and reinforce each other's narratives. I'm assuming that's what she's charging the fee for. Her videos are also monetised.
This is my mother through and through. I’m 45 and it has taken me most of my adult life to try to unwind all of this… this kind of low grade emotional neglect and abuse is insidious… one thing I have been recognizing a lot lately is how triggering the histrionics are and I see this here- the overly dramatic over the top language and reaction instead of actually just having a real conversation- the fake tears are my biggest trigger now
That mother reminds me of that line from “Goodfellas”: “Your murderers will come at you with smiles.”
This woman reminds me of my mother so much. I explained to my mother exactly why I was hurt and she threw herself upon the cross, and cried ''it makes no sense''