Folks don’t understand that toxic parents can hold you back from your destiny. Only those awake Will understand this. You can still love from a far period.
PREACH. Just because we share DNA and I slid from your vagin* doesn't mean you can cross my boundaries. If you don't respect me, you get no respect back.
Lmao, such a foolish statement, disrespect will happen and if your better response is to hide your head in the ground I hope no one takes the time to entertain your behavior. Respect is such a frontier concept so volatile, what respect means to you might not mean to others. Why don't you respect people first, wouldn't that be the only thing you can control? Why don't you gain your parents'respect first? Talk about hypocrisy
My father called me on my birthday trying to act as if nothing happened. I told him, I was very serious about not speaking to him until he can learn, own up to his behavior, and apologize. And then I hung up. Until that day comes, I’ve washed my hands of that man. People don’t realize, it’s not me being vindictive. It’s me setting myself free.
When they relentlessly demand control over you, whining about how you won't listen to them, playing the victim if you don't comply with their determinations of what you should think, eat, how you should dress, where you should go, and yet will not even so much as listen to a single word you say about anything without screaming abuse. Oh, but it's all emotional blackmail from other people so they don't have to feel uncomfortable by having their beliefs in special family magic disrupted.
@@darrynreid4500how the hell do you know my in-laws so well? It's funny that family magic extends to spouses...as in we are supposed to know every detail of their constantly changing family traditions and meet their expectations at the highest degree. Told not to bring gifts, then accused of hating them for not. Also autism is fake, adults can't have have it, and the grandkids official diagnosis is the school's attempt to trans him, and not something the nicu doctors told us was eventually going to develop because kids who had rough births tend to develop it. Um you didn't raise me. I know only what your son can tell me about what he can decipher. And he has enough problems indicating he was raised by narcissistic parents that I have to help him unpack without professional help (we cant afford it) that I'm simply too exhausted to explain to you why your behavior is toxic. Especially when you didn't listen the first time I tried. You just yelled at me until I had a panic attack. Again. At least in wasn't in the hospital cafeteria this time.
Went no contact with two extremely narcissistic parents at the age of 40. When my parents started treating my children with the same behaviors that inflicted trauma on me as a child and adult, I knew I needed to protect my children.
I've had no contact with my mother for 9 years now, and I'm very much at peace with my decision. She entertained herself by breaking my spirit and belittling me.
Most childfree people had more thoughts about what it means to be a parent, especially after the cute baby phase, than people say "we will figure it out and love is enough!". No, love is spending time to plan and think it through.
I live with my mom and see my dad every other weekend. They both never ask about my life, and will even go days without talking to me. So how can they not talk to me? I’m their kid.
@@desireesmith862 that's exactly what I mean, they're acting like you're room mates. So sorry for you, stick it out as far as you can, there are people out there who will cherish you and actually take an interest in who you are
Sometimes it's the fault of their own. Believe it or not, Many of us are psychologically engineered to defend our parents in one way or another, no matter how harsh they were. Some of these people had to take accountability for enabling their own Abusers & not blame everything on them.
Exactly! If a husband takes care of a woman financially but is toxic and abusive, people will tell that woman to leave but replace that husband with a parent and suddenly people's morals and views on abuse suddenly change.
Shit depends on what type of abuse. I swear my mom disregards everything my step dad did, cuz it wasnt all physical. And from him saying he would kill us and how n beat me (it wasnt all the time, she say). Sometimes i wish he did something, just to see if she would take it serious then.
@@bmoe4609 believe me, even if it was physical they would still be coming up with excuses. My parents were physically abusive as well and still justify it to this day (“we only hit you a few times, we didn’t beat you”, “you weren’t chained to a bed and starved, that’s real abuse”, “we didn’t mean it when we grabbed you and threatened to kill you so it doesn’t count”). My dad was even arrested for assaulting me and still excuses it saying “you were swearing at me, was I just supposed to take it?” (ignoring that I was swearing at him because he had been berating me for days about how much I eat etc. and had punched me just three days prior). If they don’t hit you but are still toxic it’s probably just because they know they couldn’t get away with it if they did
My mother wouldn't let me grow up. She didn't want me to become my own person ... an extremely enmeshed relationship. I would automatically regress into being a little girl around her. I started talking about being SA'd by my brother in public (which my parents didn't know about), and my mom went crazy, criticizing me, slamming me, being passive aggressive, accusing me of being the reason why people weren't talking to her (which was delusion). Later I tried to tell her that this hurt me, and she screamed at me to "STOP TALKING!" That was when she became dead to me. All the affection I had for her was gone. She just wanted to be dominant and dictate my life so I would never leave, do exactly what she said, and be her little doll who would take care of her so she wouldn't be alone. After I went no contact I started having night terrors. I never grew up emotionally, so I had to get serious help. After 3 months I'm taking change of my finances, addressing my trauma, and finding out who I am. I am 45.
I'm so sorry you were put through so much undeserved abuse and trauma at the hands of a parent who was meant to love, respect, protect and honour you😢😢. I'm so incredibly proud of you for taking care of yourself, you're amazing 🎁👏🥳☀️💐🫂🙏❤❤❤❤
@@addictedtochocolateandcoff9582There isn't an age gap, actually. I think they're 2 years apart. I know my mom was r*ped when she was a child, though, by cousins. She never got therapy or anything
Unless youve had a truly narcissistic parent you cannot understand. The people who think you should just shut up and put up with the constant abuse from a narcissist are usually narcissists themselves. I was my mum's parent growing up, she ruined my childhood and entire 20s. When other kids were hitting milestones i was suffering in the pits of hell trying to deal with my mother's issues and tantrums. She would instill insecurities in me intentuonally so that I wouldn't achieve anything and had no confidence, all so she could feel better about herself in comparison to me. A mother who is in competition with their child does not love that child. Narcissists are demonic spirits. We try to help them but they never change, their souls are blackened
Child predators. They are evil energies. They ARE the demon in the flesh because they invite them in for the excitement and gratification they get from hurting innocence for the darkness
“That’s your Mom, that’s your Aunt. Who am I? Do I not matter in this situation? Because if I don’t matter to you, them, I have to matter to myself like I can’t continue to put everyone ahead of me and that’s why a lot of us have chosen to go no contact.” Said perfectly 💭
I just turned 54 and still making this decision. I know that it will be best, for me, so I am preparing to do so. Kudos to you and giving hope that it's never too late.
People act like it's ok for your parents or family to treat you any type of way just because they are relatives. No one should disrespect you, cross your boundaries and treat you badly.
Yes, the mother I was given has been: gaslighting, abusive, narcissistic , throwing temper tantrums, constantly negative, condemning, disrespectful, manipulative, playing the victim, full of belittling comments, pushing you for reaction, then telling you how horrible you are when you defend yourself. I'm about to go permanently without contact. When I don't communicate with her my life is peaceful without her.
Oh man! My mom is exactly the same way! She's 68 years old and still has toddler temper tantrums when I say I want nothing to do with her golden child, aka my older sister who is also extremely abusive. I'm trying to save up and move out and when I do, it's no contact for her. I'm at the point of debating whether I even want to go to her funeral.
I can relate to that… i’m 57 and has just gone no contact with my mon who is 82. It’s first now I’ve realized how my narcissist mother has influenced my mental health. Until then I thought everything was my fault, and that I was the bad person for reacting and trying to set boundaries. Now I know better 😅 better late than never. I feel sorry for her, as she is older now, but it is a question of survival and choosing myself first.
If a kid cuts off their parents: - the parent is not acknowledging their impact on the child - the parent is not holding themselves accountable to the child, and probably never has - the child has made MULTIPLE attempts to reconnect It is not the responsibility of the child to manage the behavior of the parent.
People who judge others for going no contact are either 1) people with loving parents who genuinely can’t imagine how toxic and abusive other parents can be, or 2) people with toxic parents who have Stockholm syndrome and have internalized everything their parents believe
@@reesedaniel5835 That was me, probably because I was the most naive and youngest. but when I figured out what a narc mother is and confronted her about it (specifically, about the way she was abusive to all of us), she is now trying to make my nephew - her grandson - the new golden child. There are three of us. We perfectly fit the 3 character types to our mother (invisible child, scapegoat, golden child). When my sisters weren't staying with us she was very abusive to me when they came to live with us she was extra friendly but still abusive. I didnt think about it too much (or at least not want to think about it because I wanted the love of a mother I guess). To her, we are just pawns. The one who gives her the most validation is the favorite and it seems my older siblings figured her out early while I didn't. She'll go about badmouthing one child to the other, turning us against each other. Until I was the last to figure it out and told my older siblings about it. Seems all of us are going no contact (one already has, not necessarily no contact but she had to get away from her) and soon will be followed by me and my oldest sibling. Unfortunately, none of us (the kids) are close and it doesn't seem like there's any plans of being close because she has already caused so much damage to our relationship as siblings. So we'll probably all go no contact with everyone in the family, including each other. I fkn hate her and hope she dies alone and miserable.
Toxic parents can destroy your ability to believe in yourself. Being around them is like being knocked down every day spiritually and emotionally. My favorite memory I have growing up is when my mom tried to hit me in the neck like she normally does, I blocked her hand, pushed it aside, and went about making my breakfast. The amount of rage she had on her face as I minded my own business was palpable. That is my only good memory of her I have.
This is very very true. I had no self esteem until 10th grade, because I failed my 9th grade math class and would have to take a remedial course for it, and realized the world wasn't going to end like I was taught(Expected Straight A+, ignored everything I did if I had a B type of behavior). I gave up trying to meet their expectations, and was freed. It was a slow process, I lied here and there to hang out with friends who lifted me up, saying I missed the bus so I could hang out at a park with them since my Mom refused to drive to get any of her kids if she wasn't going to get introuble for it, the Bell at the end of the day was the only time she'd be there to get you home. They eventually caused me to feel secure in myself. I'm not 100% healed yet, but I fought with my Mom eariler this year and realized I never had respect for her. She threatened to call the police on me for testing out a survival fire in a Soda can hack without asking(I'm 20 and had a Firefighter Uncle I would go Camping with for 6 years as a Kid). I had feared her all my life, not respected her, and the moment I stopped fearing her I realized she was a complete stranger to me. I don't know her interests, I don't know what food she likes to eat, I don't even know her favorite color. I'm going No Conact when I leave, but the thing I'm afraid of is causing No Contact with my Stepdad too. He is my Dad, even if we're not blood related, and while he was completely unaware his Stay At Home Wife was abusing us, he defended us anytime she did it in front of him. She once tried telling me I couldn't have anything to drink after going on a 2.5 mile run with my Dad in 100°F heat because I forgot to do the dishes before leaving, and he immediately pulled her aside and reprimanded her. Recently told him all of what she did to us kids, and when I stopped treating her like my Mom and just some person in the house, he scolded me and said "She's the only Mother you're going to have." Despite how he is my Stepdad, and she was never a Mother to me, I was her prisoner. On top of that, she doesn't live in the same house as us and caused drama with this Co-Worker. She shows every sign of cheating on my Dad with this Coworker. The most recent offense was she calls him "Friend". A *"Friend"* was staying over at her house for a week, when she normally gives the person's full name and how she knows them(because she likes to brag about having Friends). Last time, "Friend" meant the Coworker, and she lied by ommission because for some reason, my Dad hates him. He is a super chill, laid back guy. You could punch him in the face, and he won't retaliate with any fist back. You say the Coworker's name and he becomes fully enraged and needs to go cool off.
@@glittergamer765 I may be off the mark with this, but I have a strong feeling I should tell you about this. I would look into videos on narcissistic personality disorder. I get an odd feeling it will help you a lot.
I'm so glad to see Black folk being part of this video!! As a culture, we believe that we're suppose to put up with dysfunction, see it as normal and just shut up and accept it. I had my reasons to go non contact with both parents and did not attend either on of their funerals. Now, if Blacks could do the same thing with religion, maybe . . . just maybe we'd make progress. But, we won't!! And as far as inheritance is concerned, I got 100% of nothing!! 🤪
My whole family is religious. They think you can pray away mental illness, serious diseases, sexual orientation, etc etc. They think I'm crazy because I prioritize my health and peace. Im not brave enough to go full no contact. I keep it real shallow with them now. Be Well.
It’s not a race thing…just stop bringing skin colour up, it on;y DIVIDES US. W e are all humanity against these narc demons, skin colour doesn’t MATTER
At my fathers funeral, my cousin made a comment and I responded, no I won’t miss him, he treated me horribly. She stepped back in surprise and said, “he treated me great.” I just told her I’m very happy for you. That’s good to hear. Are you looking for Donna? She’s over there.” She left me very quickly. I also refused to speak at his funeral. Though, I tried to be more noncommittal about him. I don’t miss him, not the person he was. I do miss the person he should have been, a decent father.
I'm a white mature woman from Spain and I have the same problem you are talking about. Religion is also used as a manipulation and doctrination to be submitted to abuse. I was raised Catholic and I have read the same thing about Asians, they complain about the same thing. It's like parents can't do no wrong and they have to be adored like gods. I think it's the same all over the world, probably it's worse in some cultures than others and in small town and villages must be Hell in comparison with big cities. In Japan, there are a whole bunch of people who are voluntarily missing and it has to do with ill parenting. Culture and religion like laws and traditions are hard to change. They are stone made. 😢
If we are all honest with ourselves, we know our parents brought us here for selfish reasons. It was to benefit THEMSELVES. It was not for love of us at all. They had us for the following reasons: 1) To have old age caretakers 2) To give them a purpose and make them happy 3) To carry on their name and have a so called "legacy" 4) Because their hormones were raging and they did the deed without protection 5) Because they wanted to trap a partner or spouse 6) Because they want societal acceptance/approval. They want to be like everyone else 7) To get and maintain government assistance 8) Because their culture or religion says they MUST have kids 9) Because they are bored with life and had nothing better to do 10) Because they want someone here to suffer with them that looks like them Then these people have the nerve to think they are owed something from the offspring as a result of using their reproductive organs. No wonder so many breeders get abandoned. No sympathy here.
My mother got with my father, married him, and had my brothers and I because she saw all her friends getting married and starting families of their own, and she didn't want to be the odd one out. She did this even at the expense of the abuse and manipulation that she and us as her kids endured because she was desperate to have that nuclear family lifestyle that she was taught to strive for. I love her, but at the same time I resent her for keeping him in our lives even after she divorced him and got majority custody. Because of what I went through as a kid, I have no intentions of repeating that cycle, nor marrying and having children in general. People really do have children for the dumbest reasons, huh?
They want an excuse for the life’s failures They need that ‘check’ They didn’t have the money to get an ABTN They don’t believe in abortion Their mama wouldn’t let them give up the child for adoption They want the love they didn’t get They want a chance at living their failed dreams thru their children They want to feel complete(lol)
Oh my...you entirely left out positive reasons ppl have children. I for one enjoyed every stage of my kids' lives growing up, feeling privileged and joyful seeing the world through their eyes and discovering the wonders of life with them. I had them to express unconditional full out strongest love you can ever feel for another being, all the while understanding they have their own spiritual journey and that I am only a guardian of them for a short while. I always listened to them with respect for their feelings and their own knowledge as they grew and learned perhaps knowing things that I didn't know, or perhaps just getting into a topic(s) and being enthusiastic and excited to hear each other's perspective. As individuals, we all learn, experience and know life and others through our own lens and capacity for understanding. This is another reason I'm happy to hear what my kids have to say, what they have learned or discovered. I respect them and their feelings and opinions and I hope they feel the same. Life can be very hard and at the same time, be wondrous, I feel that life/love is a gift, thus the greatest gift I could give them was why I had kids.
No one wants to be no contact with their parents as a goal. It's always because you have no other choice for your mental health & because they prove repeatly that they are TOXIC. It's sad but necessary. It's hard to wrap your head around how your parents can not gaf about hurting you. Why does someone who doesn't care if they hurt you belong in your life?
@@Owwitsmuggyoutside Estranged parents think a lot of things and many/most of them are inaccurate. It's far easier to blame *anything* including aliens, brainwashing and the internet then look at how they treat their child.
I am 53 years old. I went No Contact with my mother at age 18 and then my siblings. Best decision in my life. ❤❤❤. It’s is a wise decision and protects your mental health which is just as important as your physical well being. Choose YOU! It doesn’t mean you cannot reconcile later. But people usually do not change for the better. I am in contact with my only sister. She turned out fabulous. But I still am separated by states and I am still better being distant. It works for both of us.
I wish you had told me! I’m happy for you! I had to have injections in my hip cause my nerves are so bad and my muscles wouldn’t relax! I’m just now able to walk without pain. I’m 53!
I am no contact with my entire family of origin and not talking to my parents is hard. But interacting with them is harder. I did it to break the cycle for my kids, and have no regrets.
how is it with kids? i have no contact with my parents but chose not to have children because i figured they would always want to know who their grandparents are and i do not want to have to deal with crap. also i need therapy because i have no good example of a good parent... all i saw growing up was the parent i would never be and nothing about what i admired in my parents that i would want to show my kids
@@msf8297 I didn't really understand what my parents were until I had kids myself, and I realized I would NEVER treat them the way my parents have treated me. :( When I saw they were starting to treat my kids (THEIR GRANDKIDS) the way they treated me, I realized I had to go no-contact to protect them.
We as a society, as a world, need to stop giving bad behavior a pass. We need to start confronting it and forcing it to explain itself only then will we get closure.
@@themurraybrand3710Eventually the consequences of not doing so, rather than doing so, will become severe enough that society and family groups wont be able to enable or act like ostriches anymore. Collective rock bottom.
I don't tell people that I'm no contact with my parents when Christmas or family related subjects come up. I say that "we are not very close" and "every family is different" if they continue to ask why. People don't understand, and I am saving myself from their unfounded judgment or sharing drama that is nobody's business but mine and God's. The struggle of trying to put my own life together and not having a family that backs you up emotionally is hard enough. I appreciate this video, lots of truth in it.
Same here! Its harder when you have a parent and their siblings who are narcissistic. Its a hard topic to address when dating, but I've learned that a truly safe person will understand if I get to a point where I can share. I'm so glad there is more awakenings around the topic because people will make you feel guilty with the "anything could happen to them" statements. I had to work through guilt in therapy - the peace of mind feels SO much better. ❤
@@melaninchocolate6552 I understand. I think that most of us considered that explanation at some point. I personally didn't want to ever find myself in a situation when it turns out that "your so and so is alive? why did you lie?" I wouldn't feel well with it. This is a difficult subject and everyone chooses what's best for them. Hope you're doing well.
It’s honestly better for me to tell them that my parents live far or that they moved. Every time I’m transparent I’m met with “But they’re your parents” PEOPLE NEED TO SAVE IT. Tired of people telling me to forgive people who almost drove me to suicide.
For the humble and empathy minded people in the comment section. On the subject of defending past generations simply because (they did not have the access that we have) via the internet and phone etc. Just remember! If your abuser was one person behind closed doors and then magically transformed their image and behavior in public. Then they were DEFINITELY aware that what they were doing was wrong! They didn't choose to do those things because you thought that they didn't know any better. They DID those things because they knew they could get away with it and never change their ways.
Yeah they don’t view you as a person when you live under their power, only when you break away and begin to have some individuality do they resort to being nice because their actions will now come to light. But If they’re bold enough to psychologically, financially and physically abuse then they should be able to handle the consequences 🤷🏽♀️
My "Christian" father to a T some times his mask would slip and the evil will slip out in public. also I was the scapegoat so got the quiet sneaky putdowns and insults while at my sister's graduation
I have slowly been learning what narcissism is. And to realize that I am surrounded by them is painful. Slowly taking back control of my life. It is freeing but also very hard.
Growing up with a toxic, hyper-masculine, narcissistic father, I had my first suicide attempt at the age of 6!! The attempts would continue until I was in my mid-thirties. I went no contact when he actually tried to rape me in 1984. That was the end of my efforts to get along with and please this treacherous SOB. My older sister became just like him--abusive to me (since childhood) and abusive to her own children in the same way my father abused us-- physically and with crushing verbal assaults. My father is dead now, but my sister lives on. I've been no contact with her since 2002 and her adult sons have also gone no contact with her. Don't let anyone make you feel responsible for maintaining a relationship with those who would destroy you. Save yourself, reclaim your dreams, and live the life a just God created you to live.
Wow good for you. I don't even want to imagine what your older sister probably went through too but ultimately people are grown ups and you don't need to take the abuse of someone.
I’m so sorry for what you went through. I wish you and your nephews all the happiness 🤍 I’m also very glad your suicidal attempts were failures and you’ve remained here with us
Sorry, that’s so hard and heavy. 6 years old, that’s a lot to feel that and that young. I know it’s hard and it hurts, I hope happiness finds you and you heal. You deserve it, you do.
I understand why you say this, and I don't think you're wrong. I just think it needs to be added that it's easier to ignore and avoid a problem, especially when it's affecting someone else. These types of people keep the issues going because they have enablers all around
My Stepdad is like this. When I came forward with my only biological sibling about what we endured(prior to him living with us as well), he was very mad and sad and hurt for us. But when we started treating our Mom how we wanted to(we treated her with our Boundaries, not like cussing her out and stuff) she'd throw a fit and he talked to me about "Not burning bridges because you'll regret it, she's the only Mother you will have." He's my Stepdad, do I need to go rekindle my Alcoholic Narc Father's relationship because he was in my life, my entire childhood with visitations? She was never a Mother to me, she was a Prison Warden and I labeled her as such since I was 10 years old. I want a Mother, I never had a Mother. I'm cutting off the person who tried to label themselves as my Mother without doing the work required.
Some parents give to their children, some parents take away from their children. My mom is taker, a narcissist, and entitled. Don’t ever let her do anything for you she will never let you forget it. I cut her off for 9 years. Had to establish my boundaries and still do to this day.
No offense but if she was a taker for your whole life you’d be dead. Hell if you breast fed you basically drank that woman’s blood in order to survive. Doesn’t sound like a taker to me.
I'm convinced that they are soulless and have black hearts. They hold little to no light and appear entirely disconnected from God. They are the anti-Christ beings who walk the earth.
@@KimberlyRikal-cu2cu There is nothing fragile about having to walk away from abusive parents. It is one of the hardest things that a person will ever have to do. The thing with your comment is this - you really don't see how it is a reflection of you and we do because we've lived it. I hope you heal.
I’m sure this has been said quite a few times but ANYONE who is abusive, blood related or not, is not healthy and boundaries are necessary. I personally think no contact works best.
I’m VERY low contact with my parents, especially my mom. She has not called me or text me in about 2 years. Last time I talked to her, she called my cat a slur, and insinuated that my husband was a losers for marrying me 🌝 We haven’t spoken since April.
When I went low contact with my momster, she ramped up the smear campaign. I've been no contact since 2014. She passed away last month. Golden children got my part of the inheritance.
I'm 55, I went no contact with my mom about 5 years ago. Best decision I could have made and it isn't easy. I still have a need for a mother. I grieve for a mother I actually never had. The grieving is hard but necessary so we can go on and have a life for ourselves. It's not our fault! Embrace your life with healthy people, you and I deserve healthy relationships. We can do this 😊
Let yourself grieve and know that the love you always needed is inside you. That is the lesson I learned in trying to heal from unloving parents. Looking for love outside yourself will leave a person chasing validation for a lifetime. We must learn to love ourselves in order to heal from this.
When my mother died,at first I was quite sad, it took six months to realize that I missed having A mother, not my own mother ! It's normal to at one point wish you had good parents. Anti- abortion laws forced my parents into a reluctant parenthood. My mother was bi- polar, and her own childhood was traumatic and I know it's what brought hers on. I never had the chance to go no contact, but I'd do it today if I knew what I know now !
For a long time I grieved for a father I never had. Even years after his death I find out more of his horrific behavior. May his soul rest in peace. I’ve decided to not discuss him with any family because I’m done with hearing about more of his betrayal against myself and his family.
Call me crazy, but hear me out; what's stopping you from calling somebody else your parent(s)? It will be a long time before you truly heal, and it definitely won't be easy. But it's not like you have to heal alone. If you know someone who is a parental figure to you, don't be afraid to call them your parent. Yeah, make sure there's 2 consenting parties and all that. But you get what I mean... right?
As for me I feel like anyone that makes me go into a dark place and only triggers me to feel sick is not allowed in my life. I’m no contact with my father because I choose peace and happiness over someone who have countless times shown me that I’m not important and abandoned me multiple times. I tell others if he doesn’t want me I don’t want him. I’m too grown and cried enough to fill the Nile river for someone who doesn’t want me.
@@bloodleopard3831 my aunties always try to guilt trip me but I tell them if they want there is room on the block list and their name can join their brother.
@@KimberlyRikal-cu2cu Hi Kim, the problem is we live in a world full of the weak pathetic cry babies who think their parents abuse them when they refused to let them go to a rave party.
@@elypowell6797 ALL I KNOW IS IF I DISCARDED EVERY FAMILY MEMBER THAT LECTURED OR HAVE WAY TOO MUCH ADVICE OR ALWAYS HAD TO KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON IN MY LIFE...I WOULD HAVE NO FAMILY. I REALIZE EVERY GENERATION IS DIFFERENT FROM THE LAST. I JUST ACCEPT BUT DONT ALWAYS AGREE.. COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY...PLZ THINK AND CHAT BEFORE U DISCARD. I FEEL BAD FOR THE GRANDKIDS THAT DONT UNDERSTAND WHERE GRANDMA AND GRANDPA WENT. LIFE IS TOO SHORT. SET BOUNDARIES IF NEEDED NOT JUST WALK AWAY.
You shouldn't have to explain to anyone why you chose to go no contact with one or both parents. I'm no contact with my father and have no regrets. I should have done it sooner. He honestly thought because I was his daughter that I was going to accept his abuse and manipulation tactics that he has used all of his life on other women. I don't think so. He has taken and stolen from me. I'm over and done with it. You can forgive somebody, but it doesn't mean you have to accept them back into your life.
Exactly I noticed people always get upset when i expose mine and its a reminder that everyone doesn’t have the same relationship and won’t be in your shoes. They also shouldn’t tell you to do otherwise.
My father has always treated me with discuss and anger, he never showed me love. “Everything he did for me” was out of obligation; roof and shelter. Today he yells and scolds me that I need to have respect for him and my mother who too disrespects me and gaslights me. I tried to be a good child to them, but I am now 32 and I need to choose myself.
Please choose you. I've been no contact from my parents for two years. It's been hard but easier than trying to make a relationship with them that never existed to begin with.
People need their own business. I hate when people want to dig into your family past. I don’t talk to no one and like it that way. Was sleeping on someone’s floor while getting my GED at 18. Had a graduation and my mother was mad because I didn’t invite her. Now getting my Masters without her. Live toxic people in the past.
My ex judged me harshly because I didn’t have a relationship with my family. Even though he knew I was sexually abused by father and my stepmother knew. On top of physical abuse as well. I felt so bad during the relationship because it did affect how I wasn’t able to bond with his family. Looking back he was cruel. My father ofc blamed me for it. And that is when I realized I needed to get away from them.
@@Youwish34 Yes, narcissist parents and guys like the ex will do those things. You'll need some trauma therapy to help you break the cycle of abuse from childhood. The fact that the ex judged you, instead of supporting your well-being is a red flag right there ! We often find narcissist mates, after having narcissist parents. The brain is conditioned to repeat events from childhood.
@@Youwish34One of my biggest anxieties in life is meeting a girlfriends parents and them asking me about my childhood, parents, etc. It's so embarassing. I've come an incredible way and it's still back there in my head.
I’ve tired. Over and over again for too long. I just recently went completely no contact with my biological mother. I’m 39. It was hard, but long overdue. I wouldn’t let a husband, partner, friend treat me that way. Why would I put up with abusive, gaslighting, condescending. Not to mention she was physically abused me as a child and as a teenager. I’m done with forgiveness. I cut the cord. I’m done.
I have gone no contact with pretty much my whole family besides my mom. They are messy and toxic and mad because I’m the only one that made it out. So I’m done with them and the fake love
There are so many toxic families that don't want to see anybody do better. That is so sad😢. I am so proud of you for being strong enough to choose YOU!!! 🎉🍹👏🏽👏🏽
It’s a parent’s job to raise their children and provide love and support. Once the child is grown, it’s their life to do as they please. Even if you are the best parent in the world, your children do not owe you contact. Parents, please build an after-children life for yourselves once your children are grown. They didn’t ask to be here, and it’s their life to live the way they please. Your responsibility of raising them is done and you now get to go into another phase of your life, having more time and money to do the things you enjoy.
No wonder many people have chosen to be childfree. They feel they don't owe existence to their never-born children. In light, people should not bring children into the world. People should manifest themselves into existence and manifest their human bodies into being without need for parents.
The birth rate is dropping worldwide. So, having any relationship with parents will be rare indeed. Who I do feel sorry for are the parents who have put everything in, up front and foremost for the children while raising them. Only to be left behind by self-centered children who only think of themselves. We all grow old and feeble if we live long enough. That's where grown children do come in to help their parents with the last parts of their lives. Grocery shopping for them, taking them to the doctor, fixing the gate latch that has come apart for them. It's all part of life. Kids like to say that they didn't ask to be here. But remember parents never asked to be here also. I don't think anyone living or dead has asked to be here. Tell me if I'm wrong or ask random people if they chose to be here. As I have said, the birth rates are dropping worldwide, the problem of dealing with anyone except for ourselves is becoming closer to reality. If we are good people or bad people in the world a lot of us are going to get old and feeble. Without any help from the younger diminished population. As it should be?! Good day
@@SomeOne-yv8jf Of you want to have 50 children, go on ahead. I REFUSE to subject my unborn children to this world where they can step outside and be murdered in a heartbeat. Plus having to deal with racism, sexism, misogyny, sex trafficking, rights being stripped away by government, poverty, school shootings, internet danger, climate change, bullying, and all kinds of other evil crap. I'm leaving them where they are. If you think that makes me selfish, IDGAF 🤷🏾♀️
I'm Haitian too. And my mother acts super entitled. First she didn't want me as a child. I was raised by grandparents, now I'm and adult and successful with a husband, all of the sudden, she wants back into my life saying she's still my mother and if I become rich then she's rich too. Puh-lease.
This.. I had to leave all my old friends behind bc they all also had immigrant parents. They would’ve ostracized me anyway like the way they did when I had a unique interest, or when I did not get the Covid vaccine.
It was NEVER DIFFICULT for me to make the decision to go no contact with family/blood relatives. IT WAS THE BIGGEST RELIEF EVER!! I FELT HAPPY AND RELIEVED!! NO GUILT ABOUT BEING HAPPY! Years of being abused since from birth, just because of my existence, I FELT NO WAYS/NOTHING WHEN I CUT OFF MY BLOOD RELATIVES, COLD TURKEY. FELT NOTHING BUT RELIEF ❤. now I look back and I sigh a sigh of relief that I escaped them.
I'm 40, just had to go no contact with both parents, on top of the emotional and psychological abuse, I also realised that I'll never be an adult to them
I’m 36 and I move 20hrs away from home. I feel like I was being fake for years because “that’s my family” but there is no connection, we don’t act like family, my parents weren’t parents, and nobody has never showed up for me..ever. My last straw was when everybody forgot my birthday claiming they are busy.
This morning my mom screamed at me for not telling her that the restaurant she wanted to go to was across town. It was an honest mistake on my part, but it made me realize that I cannot go home for Christmas. Angry, unpredictable, physically violent behavior has gone on for my entire life and I love my parents, but I cannot handle my mother's narcissism any more. This is an extremely hard decision for me, but I will have to drastically reduce contact and set up new boundaries. To anyone reading this who has struggled with similar issues, you are not alone; there is no need to feel shame; and you are loved, even if if the love does not come from your parents.
This was so validating. I was the scapegoated child by both my toxic parents and eventually wound up in the psych ward. Cutting contact was so heartbreaking! But I am soooooo much better. At times the grief is overwhelming but they really didn’t care about me at all. I too had given them a break because of there own toxic childhoods but they refuse to see what they did to me.
Same here, and I was just released from the ER two days ago after a severe mental health episode. In addition to psychological hell, physical sickness becomes normative due to the constant stress hormones flooding the brain/body. I have an autoimmune disease with physical manifestations all over my skin, and they all were completely healing within 24 hours of being free from the environment, and flared up worse within 24 hours of being back home with the alcoholic narc. Best of luck to you.
Yes, I really wish we would normalize the reality that it is entirely possible for parents to just not care about their children. It’s much more common than most people want to admit. And it would save a lot of kids if they could learn at an earlier age that these people DO NOT CARE ABOUT THEM.
“The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” This is an incredibly powerful proverb for those of us with deplorable parents who were raised on the alternate "Blood is thicker than water" misconstrue. Thank you. It's amazing to be in an era where narcissism education has been placed at the forefront of hot topics. This is the dawning of a new era and the beginning of a golden age, where truly decent people will eventually stop being taken for a ride by toxic trash and recognise that being self-love deficient (ala Ross Rosenberg) i.e. 'empathic' is a killer for self-care and long-term happiness. Now true empaths are receiving the education that they need to exercise boundaries to be the best version of themselves. Nail in the coffin for the manipulative, devious, calculating brain damaged (it really is a fact that narcs have less development in specific brain regions) non-humans.
My older sister still thinks it was something petty that made me leave the household and move 400 miles away. Of course she was the Golden Child who could do no wrong. I'd had enough of the abuse and gaslighting. I'd recovered so much just in the one month I was away that the 4-day Thanksgiving weekend at my parents' house was torture - but it taught me that I'd done the right thing.
I’m surprised you went to TG lol. I think I would have skipped it. I skipped it this year and Xmas and new years. I won’t be going next year either. I don’t need any of that stress
My sister is 7 years older and she was awful to me. Bullied me non-stop. She gave me so my self esteem issues, calling me ugly in front of my friends, stuff like that. And my mom thinks that she's this angel. Blows my mind. I live downtown and go out a lot and she's in some hick suburb and neverr leaves the house, the last thing she called me was an alcoholic. I don't need her. She would go crazy. I remember I followed the directions on a pizza box and it said don't use a tray put it directly on the oven grill. A pepperoni fell into the oven and burnt a little bit and she flipped out screaming at me. It never made sense to me then, doesn't make sense to me at 39. Horrible way to treat your little brother.
ive always said "if i wouldnt keep them as a friend, why would i keep them as family?" people act like its so different but if blood was really that important they wouldnt have treated me badly 🤷♂️
You know it's so funny how those enablers feel so confident and so comfortable to tell the children of the ADULT abusive parents that they need to go fix things up with them and it's their job to mend fences with their ADULT abusive parents. I emphasize ADULT on the abusive parents because that's what they are. Those enablers want to put the heavy responsibility on the children to "mend" (tolerate) their parents abuse but are they are too damn cowardly to tell the ADULTS to change their ways and try to mend their children's relationship or accept the fact that their child has made a conscious decision to no longer talk to them due to their years mistreatment and hold them accountable as adults who chose to bring their children into their mess. Instead of coddling them like they're weakminded ADULT babies who don't understand the difference between right vs wrong and how not to be cruel to your own children. You want respect as a parent, that respect needs to be earned by your children not given as an entitlement.
An recent EX told me he was taking me to see my no contact parent. I was not asked. On closer inspection of his relationship with his children it all made sense 🚩 I was in & out of that mess quickly & was met with the usual post discard behavior. Blesson learned quicker this time. I give thanks
I treat the enablers similarly to how I treat the abuser so that I can coax the enabler into being vulnerable with the abuser and suffer the abuser's true colours when they confuse me for being the oppressor and not the victim. Reverse Psychology is weirdly effective. I tell them not to be that person's friend, they become their friend, and then they are shocked when they become the new victim. I wish people critically assessed others.
That’s “your parent” ok “I’m their child” why is it we’re suppose to accept abuse that they won’t acknowledge or apologize about and that definitely doesn’t erase the experience especially when it was over and over again but that’s the bare minimum and to deny or dismiss what you went through is an insult. If you were mistreating them they’d mentioned that to you why is it wrong when the roles reversed.
Its crazy, I gave my mother one last chance to make things right with me after years of neglect and abuse and she scoffed at me. And at that point I told her to leave me alone and never contact me again. Cant lie, it hurts and I never wanted this, but the disrespect and dismisivness was driving me insane. How you treat your parents is a good measure for how you will treat other people; this meaning, if you let your parents talk to you any type of way and cross all of your boundaries, than your more than likely going to replicate that in other relationships. It’s important to take that mommy daddy filter off and see things how they truly are. Blessing to anyone going through this world without family support.
The first young man who spoke was very articulate and clearly explained some of the issues, feelings, and events of being a child of dysfunctional parents. All of the young people on this video have my respect and best wishes for the future. You have been through a lot, betrayed by those who should be protecting you. You have spent time examining the relationships and took a painful decision to cut off those who were negatively impacting your mental health. Bravo to each of you.
Auntie Destiny is almost 40. You look so young and beautiful. I am currently no contact with my parents and siblings. I got so many stories but I’ll just say when ppl show you who you are believe them, especially family. I just got to a point where I was ready to mature as a woman, and they wanted to keep treating me as a child. I sometimes felt like I couldn’t be my true self around them. I am okay now. Even more hopeful for the future.
I'm in a similar situation. I'm the youngest daughter and they belittle me, don't respect boundaries, and on I can go. Can't wait to distance from them 😢
I went no contact with my mother 25 years ago, before the internet, before I could find others in a similar situation. It was lonely. I'm glad to see this being addressed in public. My story involves physical and mental abuse, and she even went against medical advice and (when I was a preschooler) took me from the hospital, so that the perpetrator of sexual assault wouldn't be brought to justice. Because he was "faaaamily". Sometimes your family sucks. Sometimes the only path forward is to cut yourself free!
You may die before him. You don't punish the parent, GOD does ! Proverbs 30:11-14 King James Version 11 There is a generation that curseth their father, and doth not bless their mother.
This hits home for me. I always felt shameful when i didn't try to make contact with family, but it helped my mental health tremendously. Didn't even a curred to me that my family was toxic till I experienced unconditional love from strangers, who like me just as i am. Go figure!
As someone who has suffered a narcissistic abuse from a father, i would say it's so draining and triggering to maintain contact with him. I prioritize my peace over anything else.
I remember the times when I tried to just get over it! I went to the store to buy a Mother's Day card. I kept reading all of this super sweet sentimental stuff, over and over! I couldn't bring myself to buy a card that had so. much sugary stuff in it. when she is not that type of mother! She is a super abusive, with no empathy or affection. She enjoys berating and laughing at you. So I would akways just get a card finally! I would just get a card that was blank.inside, then I would write, Happy Mothers Day, and my name! Until a few years later I dont do anything, not a call, card, text etc., nothing!! She earned her treatment! You reap what you sow.
If u feel you should always talk to your parents or that you are even happy to talk to your parents, thats based off the way they treated you your whole life. Likewise, if a person feels unsafe, uneasy, abused, or unhappy to talk to their parents, that is based off the way their parents have treated them. Its cause and effect ppl. Everything has a cause. Just let it be.
It is so refreshing to see many younger people embracing the principles of no contact with toxic parents, family and relationships. You should all be proud of your choices for emotional and psychological growth and well-being. My mum is Indigenous and culturally Native mothers are honored and revered, so when i went no contact I was certain the Earth was going to open and engulf me! After a hospitalization from partial paralysis due to MS and raising a 10 year old, my family continued their behaviors and i was done. I'm now 10 years no contact with my mum and sisters, and it was the hardest and best decision I've ever made! Dont let the FOG (fear, obligations and guilt) own your thinking. Stay strong and build your own family's of choice ❤ sending you all love and light on your healing journeys. Love, auntie
It’s never the victims’ responsibility to reconcile. If a person is toxic you have every right to cut them off no matter who. I wish my mom and aunt’s went NC with my grandma their lives would have been sooo much better not perfect but better.
Love makes a family, not blood. Respect is earned not automatic. Relationships with relatives, friends, and romantic partners all have to meet each other in the middle. If the other person is not willing to meet you in the middle, it is ok to walk away. Hold everyone, including yourself, accountable. No free pass to be mean.
my mom just told me “just eat and shutup.” ok. I will….to you. no contact. that was it.. im done. ❤️ idgaf about her “tomorrow” because she never gave af about mine. ✨
This helps me feel less alone. I felt so isolated in my situation. Thank you all for speaking up. It means the world to me ❤as well as many others who feel very alone in their situations. Narcissistic families hold you back from your destiny & make you feel very abused and alone in life. And police are no help. They side with your abusers
Going no contact with my mother was like cutting off an appendage. However, I am not going to put myself through her abuse blaming me for everything that has gone wrong with her life. I'm through with her telling everyone I am a problem. I am through with her making me feel like I should not have been born. I'm through with her all together. I've done the things she told me I couldn't do without her. She can keep her miserable self far far away from me.
When the BARE minimum you could hope for in a relationship is for that person to just acknowledge that they’ve hurt you, and instead, they mock you or refuse to take any responsibility… what other choice do you have?! I’M literally a marriage and family therapist…. My communication skills are above average to say the least.. when I went to my mom and said, “this really hurt me and I don’t know if I can have a relationship with you until you understand this…” and she just tells me how ridiculous that is.. What else do I do?! I went no contact for months. It’s limited now. So much better! I felt liberated when she was blocked.
I think the people who say stuff like “that’s your mom or dad” etc just assume all parents are good parents, and that’s not the case at all. The only people who know the hurt and damage narcissistic parents cause, are the people who had to deal with them.
What most people don't understand is that it's already taken us years and often decades to break through the normalized patterns ourselves and we don't have any desire to get back on the manipulation roller coaster. Is it easy? Heck no! I am still guilt tripped by siblings and their families, cousins, relatives, even co-workers. I went no contact over a year ago but I stopped explaining myself a couple of months ago. If anyone brings up the topic, and oh they do because they love the drama, all I say is uhan and offer my silence until they change the topic. Choosing solitude was the best decision I made for my mental and emotional health. I am not afraid of being alone.
My husband and I have made a pact to not tell any one one individual who isn’t a paid mental health professional everyone our respective blood relations have done to either us or each other.
I know a man who has 3 grown children whom he has no contact with them, their choice. I can't help but wonder what did he do to drive them away from him.
Might be nothing he did. Research parental alienation. BTW... it happens to women too. You might be surprised to discover just how many on sites like this griping about abusive parents but are actually victims of a different kind of abuse, inflicted upon them by the people in their lives that they have deemed ad healthy minded
I don't have contact with my father he was neglectful, abused my mom, physically abused me as a child, emotionally abused me. Which I forgave for my own healing. He had zero contrition, zero accountability, zero apologies. So for me that equals zero relationship.
I don't have much contact with my own parents, I don't really know why I don't feel like it. We all kind of grew up distant from each other. It just feels normal.
Just because they're family doesn't give them to right to devalue you, ignore you, treat you like an object etc. They sure as hell wouldn't treat who's signing their paycheck on Friday like that.
My dad took me away from my mother at 4 years old. He hooked up with a lady that had 2 daughters figuring that she'll take care of me while he worked. That woman hated my guts. I went through so much with her and her family and didn't say a word to him about bc he treated me like I was not going to amount to anything and even voiced it to me a couple of times. I used to cry and wish he had left me with my biological mother. My dad passed away 30 years ago. I found out not so long ago that my biological mother knew where I was and never bothered to get me back. We talk once in a blue moon but I feel nothing for her.
I’m so sorry. I can relate to winning the parent lottery (note sarcasm) and then having various step parents who were also not loving and no other family living nearby to witness what my sibling and I endured.
I don't have enough information from what you have said to know but have you actually talked to your mother and asked her??? Where did you get your information about her not bothering to try from??? If it was not directly from your mother's mouth be very careful who you believe. Those who even appear to be good people, lie. I have a daughter I love more than life and have done everything in my power to have her in my life. The stepmonster has fed my daughter the most ridiculous and vile lies about me, including that I never loved her. My daughter hates my guts and believes every word from that vile woman. Not once has my daughter asked me my side or the truth. If I do get a word in I'm told not to speak bad about the evil liar posing as my daughters stepmother and screamed at by my daughter. This woman can say anything and everything about me and my daughter believes without question. I speak up for myself and I'm the liar. This woman has never even met me in the 26 years she's been verbally bashing me. My daughter actually believes she knows me and my life better than me. Again if it didn't come straight out of your mother's mouth than be very wary believing it. Talk to your mother and ask her for yourself and be prepared to actually listen to her responses, don't automatically assume she is lying just because someone said it. Investigate for yourself and learn to think critically with critical questions
Normalise going no contact with toxic parents. Being a parent doesn't give you the right to destroy an innocent life you bought into this world out of your own free will, that child owes you nothing. You owe them everything. Don't have children if you have never thought about the responsibility you will carry but selfish ideologies. Stop shaming and judging and bullying people who go no contact. Everything happens for a reason. The child doesn't teach itself to rot or born rotten it stems from its environment and people and Mainly parents.
Only people who do not understand what it's like to be relentlessly berated, criticised, invaded, attacked, tormented, character assassinated, and screamed at with demands for absolute control, well into adulthood, can talk crap about how because they're your relatives it's special rules and the responsibility is on you to put up with it or put it right, so they don't have to feel uncomfortable.
We all could write books on the things we have endured with our families and we were resilient and brave to make the decision for ourselves to go no contact. Anyone that judges you for it doesn’t belong anywhere near you!
Gods says to parents: Dont provoke your kids to wrath! Parents simetimes think they own that child and that child eill take everything they dish out! They seem to firget that you will eventually become an adult, who can maje the choice to go no contact with you! They can stand on their own two feet, and dont need you to survive! The inly thing you can be is a friend and if you can't do that! Then you're done!!
What God? The christian God? If so where in the bible does it say that? Parents think they can do whatever they please because of the commandment where it says honor your parents. Where in the bible does it talk about child abuse and to honor/ treat well your children?
@@diamondheart11 Lol Ephesians 6 1-4 and the verse after honor, your father and mother, specifically vs. 4, literally says, "ye fathers provoke not your children to wrath:..." It's very disingenuous to pick and choose which parts of the Bible to follow when it suits one side of an argument.
@@diamondheart11it says to love one another! That would include all human beings including your OWN CHILDREN!! Love doesn’t include abuse especially verbal abuse or treating children like they are property.
I cut my father off after 42 years of abuse and when I called him about my Mom’s pulmonary embolism-she was in the hospital-and he started telling me yet again how she was fat. She’s never been fat! He was such a tyrant to us all, and he refused to apologize. When I told him how much he hurt me, he said, “Go look in the mirror. Do you see any scars? I didn’t do anything to you! You should stop talking to shrinks.” I’ve never talked to a shrink. I tried for years to make things work with him, and he only cared for himself. He died this past May 9th, never apologized, and said to my sister (I wouldn’t go see him), “YOU missed most of MY life!” when she’d told him that she was upset that he’d left us when she was 11. He was pure evil to the very end. Cut them off. They don’t change.
You are right, some will never change. They will be bitter victims to the day they die. It’s best not to subject yourself to there toxic behaviors and words. You can not make people change. It can be hard to accept someone like that for who they really are. But you don’t have to accept them into your life. You just don’t!
My absentee father caused a lot of damage esp with. His inconsistent nature , false promises. I had a huge thing with rejection dnd all. I choose to walk away.
Folks don’t understand that toxic parents can hold you back from your destiny. Only those awake Will understand this. You can still love from a far period.
A word you have spoken.
Yeah. This is so true. My mom did me and my siblings real dirty after my father passed away.
Just because we share DNA doesn't mean I have to love.
exactly!!!
In my experience ppl who want you to put up with abusive parents are abusive themselves.
If you disrespect me, you're not allowed near me. I don't care who you are.
PREACH. Just because we share DNA and I slid from your vagin* doesn't mean you can cross my boundaries. If you don't respect me, you get no respect back.
Disrespect is going to happen, the difference is that people want to do better and try to correct their behaviour.
@@incognito.502 but most parents feel entitled to disrespect their children so they feel they have the right and they won’t apologize
Lmao, such a foolish statement, disrespect will happen and if your better response is to hide your head in the ground I hope no one takes the time to entertain your behavior. Respect is such a frontier concept so volatile, what respect means to you might not mean to others. Why don't you respect people first, wouldn't that be the only thing you can control? Why don't you gain your parents'respect first? Talk about hypocrisy
Weird, you seem to have no concept of having respect for ELDERS, but demand it from them.
My father called me on my birthday trying to act as if nothing happened. I told him, I was very serious about not speaking to him until he can learn, own up to his behavior, and apologize. And then I hung up. Until that day comes, I’ve washed my hands of that man.
People don’t realize, it’s not me being vindictive. It’s me setting myself free.
Of course you're being vindictive. That is exactly how you should be. I'm proud of you. 😂❤👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
I did the same with my mom. I’m standing stern on what I said .
HOPE UR KIDS SOMEDAY DON'T TREAT U LIKE THIS..IF THEY DO U WILL Understand THE OTHER SIDE ITS A TWO WAY STREET
@@KimberlyRikal-cu2cu 🙄🙄
I did the same and just blocked him. Not putting up with that.
It’s hard to talk to toxic parents when there’s no accountability.
When they relentlessly demand control over you, whining about how you won't listen to them, playing the victim if you don't comply with their determinations of what you should think, eat, how you should dress, where you should go, and yet will not even so much as listen to a single word you say about anything without screaming abuse. Oh, but it's all emotional blackmail from other people so they don't have to feel uncomfortable by having their beliefs in special family magic disrupted.
This right here is the truth!
It's not hard, it's impossible.
@@brainbomb. Yup
@@darrynreid4500how the hell do you know my in-laws so well?
It's funny that family magic extends to spouses...as in we are supposed to know every detail of their constantly changing family traditions and meet their expectations at the highest degree. Told not to bring gifts, then accused of hating them for not. Also autism is fake, adults can't have have it, and the grandkids official diagnosis is the school's attempt to trans him, and not something the nicu doctors told us was eventually going to develop because kids who had rough births tend to develop it.
Um you didn't raise me. I know only what your son can tell me about what he can decipher. And he has enough problems indicating he was raised by narcissistic parents that I have to help him unpack without professional help (we cant afford it) that I'm simply too exhausted to explain to you why your behavior is toxic. Especially when you didn't listen the first time I tried. You just yelled at me until I had a panic attack. Again. At least in wasn't in the hospital cafeteria this time.
Went no contact with two extremely narcissistic parents at the age of 40. When my parents started treating my children with the same behaviors that inflicted trauma on me as a child and adult, I knew I needed to protect my children.
Amen
Same here keep strong 💪
@@gabrielissac767 amen. God sees it all and he has heard conversation that you didn't hear. Rejection is protection
Good job 👏🏽
Good on you. It is right to protect your children.
I've had no contact with my mother for 9 years now, and I'm very much at peace with my decision. She entertained herself by breaking my spirit and belittling me.
I'm so sorry you endured such undeserved cruelty 😢so proud of you for protecting yourself ❤❤❤
I hope your doing better now
@@dylans0630 I am🙂
Yup! you did the right thing
@sryekuromi I'm sorry my love💔.
Some of the best parents have chosen to have zero children. I just came up with that. And that's a word.
👏😃 well done I see what you did there
i've heard it worded "The best thing I can do for my children is to not have any."
Amen!🎯🎯🎯
Thank you. I am going to be the best mom to my kids by doing them the favor of NOT bringing them to hell on Earth. 😢
Most childfree people had more thoughts about what it means to be a parent, especially after the cute baby phase, than people say "we will figure it out and love is enough!".
No, love is spending time to plan and think it through.
"how can you not talk to them? They're your parents?"
Yeah, exactly, why are the parents not acting like parents??
I live with my mom and see my dad every other weekend. They both never ask about my life, and will even go days without talking to me. So how can they not talk to me? I’m their kid.
@@desireesmith862 that's exactly what I mean, they're acting like you're room mates. So sorry for you, stick it out as far as you can, there are people out there who will cherish you and actually take an interest in who you are
Really?
This right here.
Why would a survivor of abuse EVER want to go hang out with their SOUL MURDERER?
Exactly. Parents destroying their children’s soul, undermining their growth, pure evil. People don’t have a clue.
Sometimes it's the fault of their own. Believe it or not, Many of us are psychologically engineered to defend our parents in one way or another, no matter how harsh they were. Some of these people had to take accountability for enabling their own Abusers & not blame everything on them.
@@Belugamale8738 it's called a TRAUMA BOND.
@@Belugamale8738 the fuck????
My mom turned 5 when I was 7..it was really weird
Exactly! If a husband takes care of a woman financially but is toxic and abusive, people will tell that woman to leave but replace that husband with a parent and suddenly people's morals and views on abuse suddenly change.
People are hypocrites.
Shit depends on what type of abuse. I swear my mom disregards everything my step dad did, cuz it wasnt all physical. And from him saying he would kill us and how n beat me (it wasnt all the time, she say). Sometimes i wish he did something, just to see if she would take it serious then.
I have always said this because so many people wonder where they learn to accept this behavior from
Some of that is religion. Obey the father and mother
@@bmoe4609 believe me, even if it was physical they would still be coming up with excuses. My parents were physically abusive as well and still justify it to this day (“we only hit you a few times, we didn’t beat you”, “you weren’t chained to a bed and starved, that’s real abuse”, “we didn’t mean it when we grabbed you and threatened to kill you so it doesn’t count”). My dad was even arrested for assaulting me and still excuses it saying “you were swearing at me, was I just supposed to take it?” (ignoring that I was swearing at him because he had been berating me for days about how much I eat etc. and had punched me just three days prior). If they don’t hit you but are still toxic it’s probably just because they know they couldn’t get away with it if they did
My mother wouldn't let me grow up. She didn't want me to become my own person ... an extremely enmeshed relationship. I would automatically regress into being a little girl around her. I started talking about being SA'd by my brother in public (which my parents didn't know about), and my mom went crazy, criticizing me, slamming me, being passive aggressive, accusing me of being the reason why people weren't talking to her (which was delusion). Later I tried to tell her that this hurt me, and she screamed at me to "STOP TALKING!" That was when she became dead to me. All the affection I had for her was gone. She just wanted to be dominant and dictate my life so I would never leave, do exactly what she said, and be her little doll who would take care of her so she wouldn't be alone.
After I went no contact I started having night terrors. I never grew up emotionally, so I had to get serious help. After 3 months I'm taking change of my finances, addressing my trauma, and finding out who I am.
I am 45.
I'm so sorry you were put through so much undeserved abuse and trauma at the hands of a parent who was meant to love, respect, protect and honour you😢😢.
I'm so incredibly proud of you for taking care of yourself, you're amazing 🎁👏🥳☀️💐🫂🙏❤❤❤❤
@@evezazzle5974Thank you for your kind words. Hugs and best wishes from across the Internet! 😊😊♥♥🤗🤗
damn what's the age gap between your parents?
@@addictedtochocolateandcoff9582There isn't an age gap, actually. I think they're 2 years apart. I know my mom was r*ped when she was a child, though, by cousins. She never got therapy or anything
Proud of you!❤
The devil won’t appear like a stranger in the street, that would be too easy.
👏🏿 👏🏿
Narcs are street angels and house devils....😈
That's a very profound and true statement
Yoooo
these parents typically are activei nthe church btw
Unless youve had a truly narcissistic parent you cannot understand. The people who think you should just shut up and put up with the constant abuse from a narcissist are usually narcissists themselves. I was my mum's parent growing up, she ruined my childhood and entire 20s. When other kids were hitting milestones i was suffering in the pits of hell trying to deal with my mother's issues and tantrums. She would instill insecurities in me intentuonally so that I wouldn't achieve anything and had no confidence, all so she could feel better about herself in comparison to me. A mother who is in competition with their child does not love that child. Narcissists are demonic spirits. We try to help them but they never change, their souls are blackened
❤
Sounds like mine too. Peace to you.
Child predators. They are evil energies. They ARE the demon in the flesh because they invite them in for the excitement and gratification they get from hurting innocence for the darkness
Yes
I relate to every word you said. Sending you so much love, light and healing ❤
“That’s your Mom, that’s your Aunt. Who am I? Do I not matter in this situation? Because if I don’t matter to you, them, I have to matter to myself like I can’t continue to put everyone ahead of me and that’s why a lot of us have chosen to go no contact.”
Said perfectly 💭
Amen.
I am 60 years old and I finally put my self first this year. So those of you who found yourself at a younger age to go no contact, I applaud you.
I’m proud of you! There are people 70 80 who woke up. I applaud you. It’s never too late to be what you might have been. ❤
I was 50 before I started to wake up.
@GabbyEsq Better late than never. ❤
I was 54 when I left 5 years ago. Far too late.
I just turned 54 and still making this decision. I know that it will be best, for me, so I am preparing to do so. Kudos to you and giving hope that it's never too late.
People act like it's ok for your parents or family to treat you any type of way just because they are relatives. No one should disrespect you, cross your boundaries and treat you badly.
That part
also since parents OWE care to their children that THEY broguth to this world the abuse is TWICE AS BAD as if it would come from a stranger
This also means adult children
We’re just the generational curse breakers.. they couldn’t do anything for us.
Facts 😢
Amen to this!! I always say this!
THISSSSS!!!
❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
Yes, the mother I was given has been: gaslighting, abusive, narcissistic , throwing temper tantrums, constantly negative, condemning, disrespectful, manipulative, playing the victim, full of belittling comments, pushing you for reaction, then telling you how horrible you are when you defend yourself. I'm about to go permanently without contact. When I don't communicate with her my life is peaceful without her.
Oh man! My mom is exactly the same way! She's 68 years old and still has toddler temper tantrums when I say I want nothing to do with her golden child, aka my older sister who is also extremely abusive. I'm trying to save up and move out and when I do, it's no contact for her. I'm at the point of debating whether I even want to go to her funeral.
I can relate to that… i’m 57 and has just gone no contact with my mon who is 82. It’s first now I’ve realized how my narcissist mother has influenced my mental health. Until then I thought everything was my fault, and that I was the bad person for reacting and trying to set boundaries. Now I know better 😅 better late than never.
I feel sorry for her, as she is older now, but it is a question of survival and choosing myself first.
@@Isnatfrdk congrats! choosing your peace should always be the priority.
My mom was the same way
same. crazy-making. I hear you and I'm with you.
If a kid cuts off their parents:
- the parent is not acknowledging their impact on the child
- the parent is not holding themselves accountable to the child, and probably never has
- the child has made MULTIPLE attempts to reconnect
It is not the responsibility of the child to manage the behavior of the parent.
People who judge others for going no contact are either 1) people with loving parents who genuinely can’t imagine how toxic and abusive other parents can be, or 2) people with toxic parents who have Stockholm syndrome and have internalized everything their parents believe
Or the Golden Child of the narc parent(s).
Or they're decent, normal people who are appalled by you ungrateful, attention-seeking crybabies.
@@reesedaniel5835 That was me, probably because I was the most naive and youngest. but when I figured out what a narc mother is and confronted her about it (specifically, about the way she was abusive to all of us), she is now trying to make my nephew - her grandson - the new golden child.
There are three of us. We perfectly fit the 3 character types to our mother (invisible child, scapegoat, golden child). When my sisters weren't staying with us she was very abusive to me when they came to live with us she was extra friendly but still abusive. I didnt think about it too much (or at least not want to think about it because I wanted the love of a mother I guess). To her, we are just pawns. The one who gives her the most validation is the favorite and it seems my older siblings figured her out early while I didn't. She'll go about badmouthing one child to the other, turning us against each other.
Until I was the last to figure it out and told my older siblings about it. Seems all of us are going no contact (one already has, not necessarily no contact but she had to get away from her) and soon will be followed by me and my oldest sibling.
Unfortunately, none of us (the kids) are close and it doesn't seem like there's any plans of being close because she has already caused so much damage to our relationship as siblings. So we'll probably all go no contact with everyone in the family, including each other.
I fkn hate her and hope she dies alone and miserable.
Or the toxic parents themselves 😂
Or people who can see Princess and the Pea crybabies for what they are.
African parents are never wrong. This stigma is so true
And this attitude came over from Africa 400+ years ago,and stayed here too, 😂!!🌍
I'm white and it's the same way. This abuse has the exact same playbook, doesn't matter about skin color.
And it's so damaging!!
White parents aren’t wrong either! Just sayin what I lived and observed!
@@JulieSevelson-nb9nj😂
Toxic parents can destroy your ability to believe in yourself. Being around them is like being knocked down every day spiritually and emotionally. My favorite memory I have growing up is when my mom tried to hit me in the neck like she normally does, I blocked her hand, pushed it aside, and went about making my breakfast. The amount of rage she had on her face as I minded my own business was palpable. That is my only good memory of her I have.
This is very very true. I had no self esteem until 10th grade, because I failed my 9th grade math class and would have to take a remedial course for it, and realized the world wasn't going to end like I was taught(Expected Straight A+, ignored everything I did if I had a B type of behavior). I gave up trying to meet their expectations, and was freed. It was a slow process, I lied here and there to hang out with friends who lifted me up, saying I missed the bus so I could hang out at a park with them since my Mom refused to drive to get any of her kids if she wasn't going to get introuble for it, the Bell at the end of the day was the only time she'd be there to get you home. They eventually caused me to feel secure in myself. I'm not 100% healed yet, but I fought with my Mom eariler this year and realized I never had respect for her. She threatened to call the police on me for testing out a survival fire in a Soda can hack without asking(I'm 20 and had a Firefighter Uncle I would go Camping with for 6 years as a Kid). I had feared her all my life, not respected her, and the moment I stopped fearing her I realized she was a complete stranger to me. I don't know her interests, I don't know what food she likes to eat, I don't even know her favorite color. I'm going No Conact when I leave, but the thing I'm afraid of is causing No Contact with my Stepdad too. He is my Dad, even if we're not blood related, and while he was completely unaware his Stay At Home Wife was abusing us, he defended us anytime she did it in front of him. She once tried telling me I couldn't have anything to drink after going on a 2.5 mile run with my Dad in 100°F heat because I forgot to do the dishes before leaving, and he immediately pulled her aside and reprimanded her. Recently told him all of what she did to us kids, and when I stopped treating her like my Mom and just some person in the house, he scolded me and said "She's the only Mother you're going to have." Despite how he is my Stepdad, and she was never a Mother to me, I was her prisoner. On top of that, she doesn't live in the same house as us and caused drama with this Co-Worker. She shows every sign of cheating on my Dad with this Coworker. The most recent offense was she calls him "Friend". A *"Friend"* was staying over at her house for a week, when she normally gives the person's full name and how she knows them(because she likes to brag about having Friends). Last time, "Friend" meant the Coworker, and she lied by ommission because for some reason, my Dad hates him. He is a super chill, laid back guy. You could punch him in the face, and he won't retaliate with any fist back. You say the Coworker's name and he becomes fully enraged and needs to go cool off.
@@glittergamer765 I may be off the mark with this, but I have a strong feeling I should tell you about this. I would look into videos on narcissistic personality disorder. I get an odd feeling it will help you a lot.
I'm so glad to see Black folk being part of this video!! As a culture, we believe that we're suppose to put up with dysfunction, see it as normal and just shut up and accept it. I had my reasons to go non contact with both parents and did not attend either on of their funerals. Now, if Blacks could do the same thing with religion, maybe . . . just maybe we'd make progress. But, we won't!! And as far as inheritance is concerned, I got 100% of nothing!! 🤪
My whole family is religious. They think you can pray away mental illness, serious diseases, sexual orientation, etc etc. They think I'm crazy because I prioritize my health and peace. Im not brave enough to go full no contact. I keep it real shallow with them now. Be Well.
It’s not a race thing…just stop bringing skin colour up, it on;y DIVIDES US. W e are all humanity against these narc demons, skin colour doesn’t MATTER
100%of what NOT to do. That’s what these toxic parents gave us…
At my fathers funeral, my cousin made a comment and I responded, no I won’t miss him, he treated me horribly. She stepped back in surprise and said, “he treated me great.” I just told her I’m very happy for you. That’s good to hear. Are you looking for Donna? She’s over there.” She left me very quickly. I also refused to speak at his funeral. Though, I tried to be more noncommittal about him. I don’t miss him, not the person he was. I do miss the person he should have been, a decent father.
I'm a white mature woman from Spain and I have the same problem you are talking about. Religion is also used as a manipulation and doctrination to be submitted to abuse. I was raised Catholic and I have read the same thing about Asians, they complain about the same thing. It's like parents can't do no wrong and they have to be adored like gods.
I think it's the same all over the world, probably it's worse in some cultures than others and in small town and villages must be Hell in comparison with big cities.
In Japan, there are a whole bunch of people who are voluntarily missing and it has to do with ill parenting.
Culture and religion like laws and traditions are hard to change. They are stone made. 😢
If we are all honest with ourselves, we know our parents brought us here for selfish reasons. It was to benefit THEMSELVES. It was not for love of us at all. They had us for the following reasons:
1) To have old age caretakers
2) To give them a purpose and make them happy
3) To carry on their name and have a so called "legacy"
4) Because their hormones were raging and they did the deed without protection
5) Because they wanted to trap a partner or spouse
6) Because they want societal acceptance/approval. They want to be like everyone else
7) To get and maintain government assistance
8) Because their culture or religion says they MUST have kids
9) Because they are bored with life and had nothing better to do
10) Because they want someone here to suffer with them that looks like them
Then these people have the nerve to think they are owed something from the offspring as a result of using their reproductive organs.
No wonder so many breeders get abandoned. No sympathy here.
Wow this is absolutely target worthy! 🎯
My mother got with my father, married him, and had my brothers and I because she saw all her friends getting married and starting families of their own, and she didn't want to be the odd one out. She did this even at the expense of the abuse and manipulation that she and us as her kids endured because she was desperate to have that nuclear family lifestyle that she was taught to strive for. I love her, but at the same time I resent her for keeping him in our lives even after she divorced him and got majority custody. Because of what I went through as a kid, I have no intentions of repeating that cycle, nor marrying and having children in general.
People really do have children for the dumbest reasons, huh?
They want an excuse for the life’s failures
They need that ‘check’
They didn’t have the money to get an ABTN
They don’t believe in abortion
Their mama wouldn’t let them give up the child for adoption
They want the love they didn’t get
They want a chance at living their failed dreams thru their children
They want to feel complete(lol)
Oh my...you entirely left out positive reasons ppl have children. I for one enjoyed every stage of my kids' lives growing up, feeling privileged and joyful seeing the world through their eyes and discovering the wonders of life with them. I had them to express unconditional full out strongest love you can ever feel for another being, all the while understanding they have their own spiritual journey and that I am only a guardian of them for a short while. I always listened to them with respect for their feelings and their own knowledge as they grew and learned perhaps knowing things that I didn't know, or perhaps just getting into a topic(s) and being enthusiastic and excited to hear each other's perspective. As individuals, we all learn, experience and know life and others through our own lens and capacity for understanding. This is another reason I'm happy to hear what my kids have to say, what they have learned or discovered. I respect them and their feelings and opinions and I hope they feel the same. Life can be very hard and at the same time, be wondrous, I feel that life/love is a gift, thus the greatest gift I could give them was why I had kids.
@traceytansley1659 There are no positive reasons people have children. You did it because YOU wanted to. Doesn't get anymore selfish than that.
No one wants to be no contact with their parents as a goal. It's always because you have no other choice for your mental health & because they prove repeatly that they are TOXIC. It's sad but necessary. It's hard to wrap your head around how your parents can not gaf about hurting you. Why does someone who doesn't care if they hurt you belong in your life?
Umm as far as tic tok.. yeh they doing it for views.
@@khasualentertainment6734 what are u talking about? that these people are lying about their parents for views?
@@Owwitsmuggyoutside Estranged parents think a lot of things and many/most of them are inaccurate. It's far easier to blame *anything* including aliens, brainwashing and the internet then look at how they treat their child.
I could have written this post myself! Thank you.
Bingo they dont
The thing that kills me is the no contact parents who act like their children went no contact for zero reason(s).
I am 53 years old. I went No Contact with my mother at age 18 and then my siblings. Best decision in my life. ❤❤❤. It’s is a wise decision and protects your mental health which is just as important as your physical well being. Choose YOU! It doesn’t mean you cannot reconcile later. But people usually do not change for the better. I am in contact with my only sister. She turned out fabulous. But I still am separated by states and I am still better being distant. It works for both of us.
@@bloodleopard3831 protect yourself. You're the only person with the responsibility to look after your heart and wellbeing. Protect it
facts!
I wish you had told me! I’m happy for you! I had to have injections in my hip cause my nerves are so bad and my muscles wouldn’t relax! I’m just now able to walk without pain. I’m 53!
‼️🎯💯
Same I don’t talk to any of my family they are all toxic
I am no contact with my entire family of origin and not talking to my parents is hard. But interacting with them is harder. I did it to break the cycle for my kids, and have no regrets.
You are a badass.
how is it with kids? i have no contact with my parents but chose not to have children because i figured they would always want to know who their grandparents are and i do not want to have to deal with crap. also i need therapy because i have no good example of a good parent... all i saw growing up was the parent i would never be and nothing about what i admired in my parents that i would want to show my kids
@@msf8297 I didn't really understand what my parents were until I had kids myself, and I realized I would NEVER treat them the way my parents have treated me. :( When I saw they were starting to treat my kids (THEIR GRANDKIDS) the way they treated me, I realized I had to go no-contact to protect them.
You did the right thing.
Just passing through to support ❤
We as a society, as a world, need to stop giving bad behavior a pass. We need to start confronting it and forcing it to explain itself only then will we get closure.
They are either not capable of that or choose not to. Gotta realize that.
@@themurraybrand3710Eventually the consequences of not doing so, rather than doing so, will become severe enough that society and family groups wont be able to enable or act like ostriches anymore. Collective rock bottom.
💯💯💯
Agreed!!
I don't tell people that I'm no contact with my parents when Christmas or family related subjects come up. I say that "we are not very close" and "every family is different" if they continue to ask why. People don't understand, and I am saving myself from their unfounded judgment or sharing drama that is nobody's business but mine and God's. The struggle of trying to put my own life together and not having a family that backs you up emotionally is hard enough. I appreciate this video, lots of truth in it.
Same here! Its harder when you have a parent and their siblings who are narcissistic. Its a hard topic to address when dating, but I've learned that a truly safe person will understand if I get to a point where I can share. I'm so glad there is more awakenings around the topic because people will make you feel guilty with the "anything could happen to them" statements. I had to work through guilt in therapy - the peace of mind feels SO much better. ❤
Wow. Everything I needed to hear right now.
I just tell them I'm an orphan!! Relatives are all dead. It is what is is. No pressure, no further need to explain anything.
@@melaninchocolate6552 I understand. I think that most of us considered that explanation at some point. I personally didn't want to ever find myself in a situation when it turns out that "your so and so is alive? why did you lie?" I wouldn't feel well with it. This is a difficult subject and everyone chooses what's best for them. Hope you're doing well.
It’s honestly better for me to tell them that my parents live far or that they moved. Every time I’m transparent I’m met with “But they’re your parents” PEOPLE NEED TO SAVE IT. Tired of people telling me to forgive people who almost drove me to suicide.
I'm 60.. Wrote the entire family off at 18...Never regretted it.
How did u do it? Did u have a job before u moved out or did u move on with a friend? Or did u save pocket money.....? I need tips i am currently 19🙏🙏
@@oleratomoile9480
Hey love are you interested in the military? It is definitely a way out.
For the humble and empathy minded people in the comment section. On the subject of defending past generations simply because (they did not have the access that we have) via the internet and phone etc.
Just remember! If your abuser was one person behind closed doors and then magically transformed their image and behavior in public. Then they were DEFINITELY aware that what they were doing was wrong!
They didn't choose to do those things because you thought that they didn't know any better. They DID those things because they knew they could get away with it and never change their ways.
Yeah they don’t view you as a person when you live under their power, only when you break away and begin to have some individuality do they resort to being nice because their actions will now come to light.
But If they’re bold enough to psychologically, financially and physically abuse then they should be able to handle the consequences 🤷🏽♀️
Exactly.
Thank you!!!
My "Christian" father to a T
some times his mask would slip and the evil will slip out in public.
also I was the scapegoat so got the quiet sneaky putdowns and insults while at my sister's graduation
Exactly 💯
The common denominator between all of these parents is narcissism. There’s no helping a narcissist. Protect yourself and keep them out of your life!
I have slowly been learning what narcissism is. And to realize that I am surrounded by them is painful. Slowly taking back control of my life. It is freeing but also very hard.
Do not be "guilted" into supporting a toxic parent. All parents are NOT the same. The gentleman was so well spoken!
Growing up with a toxic, hyper-masculine, narcissistic father, I had my first suicide attempt at the age of 6!! The attempts would continue until I was in my mid-thirties. I went no contact when he actually tried to rape me in 1984. That was the end of my efforts to get along with and please this treacherous SOB. My older sister became just like him--abusive to me (since childhood) and abusive to her own children in the same way my father abused us-- physically and with crushing verbal assaults. My father is dead now, but my sister lives on. I've been no contact with her since 2002 and her adult sons have also gone no contact with her. Don't let anyone make you feel responsible for maintaining a relationship with those who would destroy you. Save yourself, reclaim your dreams, and live the life a just God created you to live.
Wow good for you. I don't even want to imagine what your older sister probably went through too but ultimately people are grown ups and you don't need to take the abuse of someone.
Well said, well voiced!
I’m so sorry for what you went through. I wish you and your nephews all the happiness 🤍 I’m also very glad your suicidal attempts were failures and you’ve remained here with us
Sorry, that’s so hard and heavy. 6 years old, that’s a lot to feel that and that young. I know it’s hard and it hurts, I hope happiness finds you and you heal. You deserve it, you do.
Hyper masculine is great.
People think it's weird because they have parents who act like parents are supposed to.
if they are truly raised then they realize that a victims is right from the get go
I understand why you say this, and I don't think you're wrong. I just think it needs to be added that it's easier to ignore and avoid a problem, especially when it's affecting someone else. These types of people keep the issues going because they have enablers all around
My Stepdad is like this. When I came forward with my only biological sibling about what we endured(prior to him living with us as well), he was very mad and sad and hurt for us. But when we started treating our Mom how we wanted to(we treated her with our Boundaries, not like cussing her out and stuff) she'd throw a fit and he talked to me about "Not burning bridges because you'll regret it, she's the only Mother you will have." He's my Stepdad, do I need to go rekindle my Alcoholic Narc Father's relationship because he was in my life, my entire childhood with visitations? She was never a Mother to me, she was a Prison Warden and I labeled her as such since I was 10 years old. I want a Mother, I never had a Mother. I'm cutting off the person who tried to label themselves as my Mother without doing the work required.
Some parents give to their children, some parents take away from their children. My mom is taker, a narcissist, and entitled. Don’t ever let her do anything for you she will never let you forget it. I cut her off for 9 years. Had to establish my boundaries and still do to this day.
I really do understand you
WAIT TIL U HAVE KIDS OR BECOME A GRANDPARENT ITS NOT ALL ABOUT YOU. EVERYBODY JUST QUITSOR WALKS AWAY..TOO FRAGILE FOR ME
No offense but if she was a taker for your whole life you’d be dead. Hell if you breast fed you basically drank that woman’s blood in order to survive. Doesn’t sound like a taker to me.
I'm convinced that they are soulless and have black hearts. They hold little to no light and appear entirely disconnected from God. They are the anti-Christ beings who walk the earth.
@@KimberlyRikal-cu2cu There is nothing fragile about having to walk away from abusive parents. It is one of the hardest things that a person will ever have to do. The thing with your comment is this - you really don't see how it is a reflection of you and we do because we've lived it. I hope you heal.
Going no contact with a parent is never an easy decision and it is always last resort.
I’m sure this has been said quite a few times but ANYONE who is abusive, blood related or not, is not healthy and boundaries are necessary. I personally think no contact works best.
I’m VERY low contact with my parents, especially my mom. She has not called me or text me in about 2 years. Last time I talked to her, she called my cat a slur, and insinuated that my husband was a losers for marrying me 🌝
We haven’t spoken since April.
When I went low contact with my momster, she ramped up the smear campaign. I've been no contact since 2014. She passed away last month. Golden children got my part of the inheritance.
I'm 55, I went no contact with my mom about 5 years ago. Best decision I could have made and it isn't easy. I still have a need for a mother. I grieve for a mother I actually never had. The grieving is hard but necessary so we can go on and have a life for ourselves. It's not our fault! Embrace your life with healthy people, you and I deserve healthy relationships. We can do this 😊
Let yourself grieve and know that the love you always needed is inside you. That is the lesson I learned in trying to heal from unloving parents. Looking for love outside yourself will leave a person chasing validation for a lifetime. We must learn to love ourselves in order to heal from this.
When my mother died,at first I was quite sad, it took six months to realize that I missed having A mother, not my own mother ! It's normal to at one point wish you had good parents. Anti- abortion laws forced my parents into a reluctant parenthood. My mother was bi- polar, and her own childhood was traumatic and I know it's what brought hers on. I never had the chance to go no contact, but I'd do it today if I knew what I know now !
For a long time I grieved for a father I never had. Even years after his death I find out more of his horrific behavior. May his soul rest in peace. I’ve decided to not discuss him with any family because I’m done with hearing about more of his betrayal against myself and his family.
Call me crazy, but hear me out; what's stopping you from calling somebody else your parent(s)? It will be a long time before you truly heal, and it definitely won't be easy. But it's not like you have to heal alone. If you know someone who is a parental figure to you, don't be afraid to call them your parent. Yeah, make sure there's 2 consenting parties and all that. But you get what I mean... right?
@@LaMara-vv2wq , I get it totally. My soul tribe momma on the way 🌸😊🌸
28 yrs old realized I HAVE NO FAMILY
True that mothers raise daughter’s love sons
Everyone riding the thin line of tradition
I love my teen daughter. Shes my only child. Im not too proud to admit that i do everything for her. Shes spoiled.
They always ask us to mend the relationship as though we’re the ones that broke it.
I noticed that. *"You* need to make up with your parents." Um, no, they need to say sorry and change their abusive behaviors, Thank You.
As for me I feel like anyone that makes me go into a dark place and only triggers me to feel sick is not allowed in my life. I’m no contact with my father because I choose peace and happiness over someone who have countless times shown me that I’m not important and abandoned me multiple times. I tell others if he doesn’t want me I don’t want him. I’m too grown and cried enough to fill the Nile river for someone who doesn’t want me.
@@bloodleopard3831 my aunties always try to guilt trip me but I tell them if they want there is room on the block list and their name can join their brother.
IF UR LUCKY HOPEFULLY U GET THO BE A PARENT OR GRANDPARENT.. IF I WENT NO CONTACT WITH EVERYONE THAT BOTHERED ME I WOULD HAVE NO FAMILY.
Yep your dad don't love you.
@@KimberlyRikal-cu2cu Hi Kim, the problem is we live in a world full of the weak pathetic cry babies who think their parents abuse them when they refused to let them go to a rave party.
@@elypowell6797 ALL I KNOW IS IF I DISCARDED EVERY FAMILY MEMBER THAT LECTURED OR HAVE WAY TOO MUCH ADVICE OR ALWAYS HAD TO KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON IN MY LIFE...I WOULD HAVE NO FAMILY. I REALIZE EVERY GENERATION IS DIFFERENT FROM THE LAST. I JUST ACCEPT BUT DONT ALWAYS AGREE.. COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY...PLZ THINK AND CHAT BEFORE U DISCARD. I FEEL BAD FOR THE GRANDKIDS THAT DONT UNDERSTAND WHERE GRANDMA AND GRANDPA WENT. LIFE IS TOO SHORT. SET BOUNDARIES IF NEEDED NOT JUST WALK AWAY.
You shouldn't have to explain to anyone why you chose to go no contact with one or both parents. I'm no contact with my father and have no regrets. I should have done it sooner. He honestly thought because I was his daughter that I was going to accept his abuse and manipulation tactics that he has used all of his life on other women. I don't think so. He has taken and stolen from me. I'm over and done with it. You can forgive somebody, but it doesn't mean you have to accept them back into your life.
Exactly I noticed people always get upset when i expose mine and its a reminder that everyone doesn’t have the same relationship and won’t be in your shoes. They also shouldn’t tell you to do otherwise.
You are so right!
This right here!!
Damn this is my story! They truly don't see their daughters (and women in general) as humans
My father has always treated me with discuss and anger, he never showed me love. “Everything he did for me” was out of obligation; roof and shelter. Today he yells and scolds me that I need to have respect for him and my mother who too disrespects me and gaslights me. I tried to be a good child to them, but I am now 32 and I need to choose myself.
Please choose you. I've been no contact from my parents for two years. It's been hard but easier than trying to make a relationship with them that never existed to begin with.
People need their own business. I hate when people want to dig into your family past. I don’t talk to no one and like it that way. Was sleeping on someone’s floor while getting my GED at 18. Had a graduation and my mother was mad because I didn’t invite her. Now getting my Masters without her. Live toxic people in the past.
My ex judged me harshly because I didn’t have a relationship with my family. Even though he knew I was sexually abused by father and my stepmother knew. On top of physical abuse as well. I felt so bad during the relationship because it did affect how I wasn’t able to bond with his family. Looking back he was cruel. My father ofc blamed me for it. And that is when I realized I needed to get away from them.
@@Youwish34 I’m sorry that happened to you. I know how that feels.
@@Youwish34 Yes, narcissist parents and guys like the ex will do those things. You'll need some trauma therapy to help you break the cycle of abuse from childhood. The fact that the ex judged you, instead of supporting your well-being is a red flag right there ! We often find narcissist mates, after having narcissist parents. The brain is conditioned to repeat events from childhood.
Wow. That is an amazing level of perseverance in the face of adversity. Congrats on the pending Masters. We are proud of you!! 🧡
@@Youwish34One of my biggest anxieties in life is meeting a girlfriends parents and them asking me about my childhood, parents, etc. It's so embarassing. I've come an incredible way and it's still back there in my head.
I’ve tired. Over and over again for too long. I just recently went completely no contact with my biological mother. I’m 39. It was hard, but long overdue.
I wouldn’t let a husband, partner, friend treat me that way. Why would I put up with abusive, gaslighting, condescending. Not to mention she was physically abused me as a child and as a teenager. I’m done with forgiveness. I cut the cord. I’m done.
Good. For. You !!! 👏👏👏
I have gone no contact with pretty much my whole family besides my mom. They are messy and toxic and mad because I’m the only one that made it out. So I’m done with them and the fake love
There are so many toxic families that don't want to see anybody do better. That is so sad😢. I am so proud of you for being strong enough to choose YOU!!! 🎉🍹👏🏽👏🏽
@@Childfree334 thank you 💞💞💞
@@bloodleopard3831 I will thank you !! 💞
It’s a parent’s job to raise their children and provide love and support. Once the child is grown, it’s their life to do as they please. Even if you are the best parent in the world, your children do not owe you contact. Parents, please build an after-children life for yourselves once your children are grown. They didn’t ask to be here, and it’s their life to live the way they please. Your responsibility of raising them is done and you now get to go into another phase of your life, having more time and money to do the things you enjoy.
No wonder many people have chosen to be childfree. They feel they don't owe existence to their never-born children. In light, people should not bring children into the world. People should manifest themselves into existence and manifest their human bodies into being without need for parents.
The birth rate is dropping worldwide. So, having any relationship with parents will be rare indeed. Who I do feel sorry for are the parents who have put everything in, up front and foremost for the children while raising them. Only to be left behind by self-centered children who only think of themselves. We all grow old and feeble if we live long enough. That's where grown children do come in to help their parents with the last parts of their lives. Grocery shopping for them, taking them to the doctor, fixing the gate latch that has come apart for them. It's all part of life. Kids like to say that they didn't ask to be here. But remember parents never asked to be here also. I don't think anyone living or dead has asked to be here. Tell me if I'm wrong or ask random people if they chose to be here. As I have said, the birth rates are dropping worldwide, the problem of dealing with anyone except for ourselves is becoming closer to reality. If we are good people or bad people in the world a lot of us are going to get old and feeble. Without any help from the younger diminished population. As it should be?! Good day
@@SomeOne-yv8jf Of you want to have 50 children, go on ahead. I REFUSE to subject my unborn children to this world where they can step outside and be murdered in a heartbeat. Plus having to deal with racism, sexism, misogyny, sex trafficking, rights being stripped away by government, poverty, school shootings, internet danger, climate change, bullying, and all kinds of other evil crap. I'm leaving them where they are. If you think that makes me selfish, IDGAF 🤷🏾♀️
@@maco9324ood parents are always surrounded by their loved ones without even asking.
Nice take. Haven't thought of it this straight forward.
My parents are Haitian so I relate to the immigrant parent issues and finding your voice. It like they own you and you don't have a mind of your own.
As a fellow Haitian, I can relate. My parents speak to me as if I was terminally stupid.
My parents are Jamaican and Haitian and this is so true!
I'm Haitian too. And my mother acts super entitled. First she didn't want me as a child. I was raised by grandparents, now I'm and adult and successful with a husband, all of the sudden, she wants back into my life saying she's still my mother and if I become rich then she's rich too. Puh-lease.
@@user-zu8qh1ym8s That is so horrible! It is so gross after they treat you like crap and want to come back eventually being all nice.
This.. I had to leave all my old friends behind bc they all also had immigrant parents. They would’ve ostracized me anyway like the way they did when I had a unique interest, or when I did not get the Covid vaccine.
It was NEVER DIFFICULT for me to make the decision to go no contact with family/blood relatives. IT WAS THE BIGGEST RELIEF EVER!! I FELT HAPPY AND RELIEVED!! NO GUILT ABOUT BEING HAPPY! Years of being abused since from birth, just because of my existence, I FELT NO WAYS/NOTHING WHEN I CUT OFF MY BLOOD RELATIVES, COLD TURKEY. FELT NOTHING BUT RELIEF ❤. now I look back and I sigh a sigh of relief that I escaped them.
The easiest decision I ever made. I'm with you 💯
Same here, lol!
I'm 40, just had to go no contact with both parents, on top of the emotional and psychological abuse, I also realised that I'll never be an adult to them
I’m 36 and I move 20hrs away from home. I feel like I was being fake for years because “that’s my family” but there is no connection, we don’t act like family, my parents weren’t parents, and nobody has never showed up for me..ever. My last straw was when everybody forgot my birthday claiming they are busy.
No contact is the best medicine one can give themselves. Learn and do better moving forward.
This morning my mom screamed at me for not telling her that the restaurant she wanted to go to was across town. It was an honest mistake on my part, but it made me realize that I cannot go home for Christmas. Angry, unpredictable, physically violent behavior has gone on for my entire life and I love my parents, but I cannot handle my mother's narcissism any more. This is an extremely hard decision for me, but I will have to drastically reduce contact and set up new boundaries.
To anyone reading this who has struggled with similar issues, you are not alone; there is no need to feel shame; and you are loved, even if if the love does not come from your parents.
This was so validating. I was the scapegoated child by both my toxic parents and eventually wound up in the psych ward. Cutting contact was so heartbreaking! But I am soooooo much better. At times the grief is overwhelming but they really didn’t care about me at all. I too had given them a break because of there own toxic childhoods but they refuse to see what they did to me.
Same here, and I was just released from the ER two days ago after a severe mental health episode. In addition to psychological hell, physical sickness becomes normative due to the constant stress hormones flooding the brain/body. I have an autoimmune disease with physical manifestations all over my skin, and they all were completely healing within 24 hours of being free from the environment, and flared up worse within 24 hours of being back home with the alcoholic narc.
Best of luck to you.
Same. Leave them behind.
Yes! It’s heartbreaking for me too but my peace is worth more.
Yes, I really wish we would normalize the reality that it is entirely possible for parents to just not care about their children.
It’s much more common than most people want to admit.
And it would save a lot of kids if they could learn at an earlier age that these people DO NOT CARE ABOUT THEM.
Why is it always said that the child needs to make things right? Why is it never said that the parents need to make things right?
I'm so proud of us. I'm glad I'm not the only one, who did what was in their best interest. 🥰🥺
You are not alone Sis🤎🤎🤎
amen
“The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” This is an incredibly powerful proverb for those of us with deplorable parents who were raised on the alternate "Blood is thicker than water" misconstrue. Thank you. It's amazing to be in an era where narcissism education has been placed at the forefront of hot topics. This is the dawning of a new era and the beginning of a golden age, where truly decent people will eventually stop being taken for a ride by toxic trash and recognise that being self-love deficient (ala Ross Rosenberg) i.e. 'empathic' is a killer for self-care and long-term happiness. Now true empaths are receiving the education that they need to exercise boundaries to be the best version of themselves. Nail in the coffin for the manipulative, devious, calculating brain damaged (it really is a fact that narcs have less development in specific brain regions) non-humans.
Amazing comment. Completely agree.
My older sister still thinks it was something petty that made me leave the household and move 400 miles away. Of course she was the Golden Child who could do no wrong. I'd had enough of the abuse and gaslighting. I'd recovered so much just in the one month I was away that the 4-day Thanksgiving weekend at my parents' house was torture - but it taught me that I'd done the right thing.
I’m surprised you went to TG lol. I think I would have skipped it. I skipped it this year and Xmas and new years. I won’t be going next year either. I don’t need any of that stress
My sister is 7 years older and she was awful to me. Bullied me non-stop. She gave me so my self esteem issues, calling me ugly in front of my friends, stuff like that. And my mom thinks that she's this angel. Blows my mind. I live downtown and go out a lot and she's in some hick suburb and neverr leaves the house, the last thing she called me was an alcoholic. I don't need her. She would go crazy. I remember I followed the directions on a pizza box and it said don't use a tray put it directly on the oven grill. A pepperoni fell into the oven and burnt a little bit and she flipped out screaming at me. It never made sense to me then, doesn't make sense to me at 39. Horrible way to treat your little brother.
ive always said "if i wouldnt keep them as a friend, why would i keep them as family?" people act like its so different but if blood was really that important they wouldnt have treated me badly 🤷♂️
You know it's so funny how those enablers feel so confident and so comfortable to tell the children of the ADULT abusive parents that they need to go fix things up with them and it's their job to mend fences with their ADULT abusive parents. I emphasize ADULT on the abusive parents because that's what they are. Those enablers want to put the heavy responsibility on the children to "mend" (tolerate) their parents abuse but are they are too damn cowardly to tell the ADULTS to change their ways and try to mend their children's relationship or accept the fact that their child has made a conscious decision to no longer talk to them due to their years mistreatment and hold them accountable as adults who chose to bring their children into their mess. Instead of coddling them like they're weakminded ADULT babies who don't understand the difference between right vs wrong and how not to be cruel to your own children. You want respect as a parent, that respect needs to be earned by your children not given as an entitlement.
💯 PREACH !!
💚✅👏
An recent EX told me he was taking me to see my no contact parent. I was not asked. On closer inspection of his relationship with his children it all made sense 🚩 I was in & out of that mess quickly & was met with the usual post discard behavior. Blesson learned quicker this time. I give thanks
I treat the enablers similarly to how I treat the abuser so that I can coax the enabler into being vulnerable with the abuser and suffer the abuser's true colours when they confuse me for being the oppressor and not the victim. Reverse Psychology is weirdly effective. I tell them not to be that person's friend, they become their friend, and then they are shocked when they become the new victim. I wish people critically assessed others.
That’s “your parent” ok “I’m their child” why is it we’re suppose to accept abuse that they won’t acknowledge or apologize about and that definitely doesn’t erase the experience especially when it was over and over again but that’s the bare minimum and to deny or dismiss what you went through is an insult. If you were mistreating them they’d mentioned that to you why is it wrong when the roles reversed.
Its crazy,
I gave my mother one last chance to make things right with me after years of neglect and abuse and she scoffed at me. And at that point I told her to leave me alone and never contact me again.
Cant lie, it hurts and I never wanted this, but the disrespect and dismisivness was driving me insane.
How you treat your parents is a good measure for how you will treat other people; this meaning, if you let your parents talk to you any type of way and cross all of your boundaries, than your more than likely going to replicate that in other relationships.
It’s important to take that mommy daddy filter off and see things how they truly are.
Blessing to anyone going through this world without family support.
The first young man who spoke was very articulate and clearly explained some of the issues, feelings, and events of being a child of dysfunctional parents. All of the young people on this video have my respect and best wishes for the future. You have been through a lot, betrayed by those who should be protecting you. You have spent time examining the relationships and took a painful decision to cut off those who were negatively impacting your mental health. Bravo to each of you.
Agreed. I loved everything he said.
He is in target 🎯
Auntie Destiny is almost 40. You look so young and beautiful. I am currently no contact with my parents and siblings. I got so many stories but I’ll just say when ppl show you who you are believe them, especially family. I just got to a point where I was ready to mature as a woman, and they wanted to keep treating me as a child. I sometimes felt like I couldn’t be my true self around them. I am okay now. Even more hopeful for the future.
I'm in a similar situation. I'm the youngest daughter and they belittle me, don't respect boundaries, and on I can go. Can't wait to distance from them 😢
And that's why I moved out on my own when I was 25. I didn't feel I could be myself or learn anything staying under my mother's roof.
Women hit the wall at 40 and only the most desperate men will want you.
I moved to another country after university. It automatically improves the situation 😂
@@sisg.official😂😂
Everyone always blames the adult child, not a single person asks what the parents did to their child ...
Tbh I’d rather be alone for ETERNITY, then to deal with humans that treat me badly.that includes family. 😊
I went no contact with my mother 25 years ago, before the internet, before I could find others in a similar situation. It was lonely. I'm glad to see this being addressed in public. My story involves physical and mental abuse, and she even went against medical advice and (when I was a preschooler) took me from the hospital, so that the perpetrator of sexual assault wouldn't be brought to justice. Because he was "faaaamily".
Sometimes your family sucks. Sometimes the only path forward is to cut yourself free!
So sorry you had to go through this. I cannot imagine the pain. Hats off to you. ❤
@@WesenskernThank you. It's been a long, strange road.
@@anniejuan1817 gosh yeah I can imagine. A rough childhood can be very painful and hard to recover from (if at all possible).
MY FATHER IS GOING TO DIE ALONE AND THAT BRINGS ME JOY.
Amen
You may die before him. You don't punish the parent, GOD does !
Proverbs 30:11-14
King James Version
11 There is a generation that curseth their father, and doth not bless their mother.
Congratulations 🎉 I mean this sincerely and hope it happens to my father
You sound like a chip off the old block.
@@MJ-hope Her father may not die, but he certainly will be alone.
Been saying this for years and people thought I was crazy. Really glad that people are waking up.
Toxic is toxic. Does not matter if it is blood or not. It is all about respecting yourself and putting boundaries in your life.
NO one deserves contact or access to youz especially if they've been toxic or have done you dirty. Its called setting boundaries.
This hits home for me. I always felt shameful when i didn't try to make contact with family, but it helped my mental health tremendously. Didn't even a curred to me that my family was toxic till I experienced unconditional love from strangers, who like me just as i am. Go figure!
Exactly
Same ❤
As someone who has suffered a narcissistic abuse from a father, i would say it's so draining and triggering to maintain contact with him. I prioritize my peace over anything else.
Amen to that!
I remember the times when I tried to just get over it! I went to the store to buy a Mother's Day card. I kept reading all of this super sweet sentimental stuff, over and over! I couldn't bring myself to buy a card that had so. much sugary stuff in it. when she is not that type of mother! She is a super abusive, with no empathy or affection. She enjoys berating and laughing at you. So I would akways just get a card finally! I would just get a card that was blank.inside, then I would write, Happy Mothers Day, and my name! Until a few years later
I dont do anything, not a call, card, text etc., nothing!! She earned her treatment! You reap what you sow.
If u feel you should always talk to your parents or that you are even happy to talk to your parents, thats based off the way they treated you your whole life.
Likewise, if a person feels unsafe, uneasy, abused, or unhappy to talk to their parents, that is based off the way their parents have treated them. Its cause and effect ppl. Everything has a cause. Just let it be.
I always said if my mom was not my parent she would’ve been cussed out and cut off a long time ago
It is so refreshing to see many younger people embracing the principles of no contact with toxic parents, family and relationships. You should all be proud of your choices for emotional and psychological growth and well-being. My mum is Indigenous and culturally Native mothers are honored and revered, so when i went no contact I was certain the Earth was going to open and engulf me! After a hospitalization from partial paralysis due to MS and raising a 10 year old, my family continued their behaviors and i was done. I'm now 10 years no contact with my mum and sisters, and it was the hardest and best decision I've ever made! Dont let the FOG (fear, obligations and guilt) own your thinking. Stay strong and build your own family's of choice ❤ sending you all love and light on your healing journeys. Love, auntie
It’s never the victims’ responsibility to reconcile. If a person is toxic you have every right to cut them off no matter who. I wish my mom and aunt’s went NC with my grandma their lives would have been sooo much better not perfect but better.
Love makes a family, not blood. Respect is earned not automatic.
Relationships with relatives, friends, and romantic partners all have to meet each other in the middle. If the other person is not willing to meet you in the middle, it is ok to walk away.
Hold everyone, including yourself, accountable. No free pass to be mean.
my mom just told me “just eat and shutup.”
ok. I will….to you. no contact. that was it.. im done. ❤️ idgaf about her “tomorrow” because she never gave af about mine. ✨
This helps me feel less alone. I felt so isolated in my situation. Thank you all for speaking up. It means the world to me ❤as well as many others who feel very alone in their situations. Narcissistic families hold you back from your destiny & make you feel very abused and alone in life. And police are no help. They side with your abusers
It’s a spiritual battle. Stay resilient and get away when you have the chance. ❤
@@dominique7269 True. Our entire system is a narcissistic hierarchy, from the globalists who control the media/govt on down.
Going no contact with my mother was like cutting off an appendage. However, I am not going to put myself through her abuse blaming me for everything that has gone wrong with her life. I'm through with her telling everyone I am a problem. I am through with her making me feel like I should not have been born. I'm through with her all together. I've done the things she told me I couldn't do without her. She can keep her miserable self far far away from me.
When the BARE minimum you could hope for in a relationship is for that person to just acknowledge that they’ve hurt you, and instead, they mock you or refuse to take any responsibility… what other choice do you have?!
I’M literally a marriage and family therapist…. My communication skills are above average to say the least.. when I went to my mom and said, “this really hurt me and I don’t know if I can have a relationship with you until you understand this…” and she just tells me how ridiculous that is..
What else do I do?!
I went no contact for months. It’s limited now. So much better! I felt liberated when she was blocked.
I think the people who say stuff like “that’s your mom or dad” etc just assume all parents are good parents, and that’s not the case at all. The only people who know the hurt and damage narcissistic parents cause, are the people who had to deal with them.
This made me cry so much, i finally felt understood 😢
she's so right people don't understand this unless they've experienced it themselves
What most people don't understand is that it's already taken us years and often decades to break through the normalized patterns ourselves and we don't have any desire to get back on the manipulation roller coaster. Is it easy? Heck no! I am still guilt tripped by siblings and their families, cousins, relatives, even co-workers. I went no contact over a year ago but I stopped explaining myself a couple of months ago. If anyone brings up the topic, and oh they do because they love the drama, all I say is uhan and offer my silence until they change the topic. Choosing solitude was the best decision I made for my mental and emotional health. I am not afraid of being alone.
My husband and I have made a pact to not tell any one one individual who isn’t a paid mental health professional everyone our respective blood relations have done to either us or each other.
I know a man who has 3 grown children whom he has no contact with them, their choice. I can't help but wonder what did he do to drive them away from him.
Might be nothing he did. Research parental alienation. BTW... it happens to women too. You might be surprised to discover just how many on sites like this griping about abusive parents but are actually victims of a different kind of abuse, inflicted upon them by the people in their lives that they have deemed ad healthy minded
Huge red flag 🚩
I don't have contact with my father he was neglectful, abused my mom, physically abused me as a child, emotionally abused me. Which I forgave for my own healing. He had zero contrition, zero accountability, zero apologies. So for me that equals zero relationship.
@@bronwentownsend5601you think nothing? With two children having no contact? Give me a break
I don't have much contact with my own parents, I don't really know why I don't feel like it. We all kind of grew up distant from each other. It just feels normal.
Just because they're family doesn't give them to right to devalue you, ignore you, treat you like an object etc. They sure as hell wouldn't treat who's signing their paycheck on Friday like that.
I last spoke to my mother in 1998. No regrets. Toxic is toxic and everyone needs healthy boundaries
woooow ..
My dad took me away from my mother at 4 years old. He hooked up with a lady that had 2 daughters figuring that she'll take care of me while he worked. That woman hated my guts. I went through so much with her and her family and didn't say a word to him about bc he treated me like I was not going to amount to anything and even voiced it to me a couple of times. I used to cry and wish he had left me with my biological mother. My dad passed away 30 years ago. I found out not so long ago that my biological mother knew where I was and never bothered to get me back. We talk once in a blue moon but I feel nothing for her.
Sorry that you had to go through that, I hope you’re surrounded by good people now.
Hope your doing ok today x
I’m so sorry. I can relate to winning the parent lottery (note sarcasm) and then having various step parents who were also not loving and no other family living nearby to witness what my sibling and I endured.
I don't have enough information from what you have said to know but have you actually talked to your mother and asked her??? Where did you get your information about her not bothering to try from??? If it was not directly from your mother's mouth be very careful who you believe. Those who even appear to be good people, lie. I have a daughter I love more than life and have done everything in my power to have her in my life. The stepmonster has fed my daughter the most ridiculous and vile lies about me, including that I never loved her. My daughter hates my guts and believes every word from that vile woman. Not once has my daughter asked me my side or the truth. If I do get a word in I'm told not to speak bad about the evil liar posing as my daughters stepmother and screamed at by my daughter. This woman can say anything and everything about me and my daughter believes without question. I speak up for myself and I'm the liar. This woman has never even met me in the 26 years she's been verbally bashing me. My daughter actually believes she knows me and my life better than me. Again if it didn't come straight out of your mother's mouth than be very wary believing it. Talk to your mother and ask her for yourself and be prepared to actually listen to her responses, don't automatically assume she is lying just because someone said it. Investigate for yourself and learn to think critically with critical questions
BYE. @@bronwentownsend5601
Normalise going no contact with toxic parents. Being a parent doesn't give you the right to destroy an innocent life you bought into this world out of your own free will, that child owes you nothing. You owe them everything. Don't have children if you have never thought about the responsibility you will carry but selfish ideologies. Stop shaming and judging and bullying people who go no contact. Everything happens for a reason. The child doesn't teach itself to rot or born rotten it stems from its environment and people and Mainly parents.
Only people who do not understand what it's like to be relentlessly berated, criticised, invaded, attacked, tormented, character assassinated, and screamed at with demands for absolute control, well into adulthood, can talk crap about how because they're your relatives it's special rules and the responsibility is on you to put up with it or put it right, so they don't have to feel uncomfortable.
We all could write books on the things we have endured with our families and we were resilient and brave to make the decision for ourselves to go no contact. Anyone that judges you for it doesn’t belong anywhere near you!
Gods says to parents: Dont provoke your kids to wrath! Parents simetimes think they own that child and that child eill take everything they dish out! They seem to firget that you will eventually become an adult, who can maje the choice to go no contact with you! They can stand on their own two feet, and dont need you to survive! The inly thing you can be is a friend and if you can't do that! Then you're done!!
What God? The christian God? If so where in the bible does it say that? Parents think they can do whatever they please because of the commandment where it says honor your parents. Where in the bible does it talk about child abuse and to honor/ treat well your children?
@@diamondheart11 Lol Ephesians 6 1-4 and the verse after honor, your father and mother, specifically vs. 4, literally says, "ye fathers provoke not your children to wrath:..." It's very disingenuous to pick and choose which parts of the Bible to follow when it suits one side of an argument.
@simplye.l. So glad you told her! This is ridiculous! Why must we do everyone's work for them? They have Google just like us! Sigh!
@@diamondheart11it says to love one another! That would include all human beings including your OWN CHILDREN!! Love doesn’t include abuse especially verbal abuse or treating children like they are property.
@@Youwish34 amen God is good and fair...God would never say its ok to abuse children.
All of those who didn't receive enough growing up, I wish you love and joy. No shame x
I cut my father off after 42 years of abuse and when I called him about my Mom’s pulmonary embolism-she was in the hospital-and he started telling me yet again how she was fat. She’s never been fat! He was such a tyrant to us all, and he refused to apologize. When I told him how much he hurt me, he said, “Go look in the mirror. Do you see any scars? I didn’t do anything to you! You should stop talking to shrinks.” I’ve never talked to a shrink. I tried for years to make things work with him, and he only cared for himself. He died this past May 9th, never apologized, and said to my sister (I wouldn’t go see him), “YOU missed most of MY life!” when she’d told him that she was upset that he’d left us when she was 11. He was pure evil to the very end. Cut them off. They don’t change.
You are right, some will never change. They will be bitter victims to the day they die. It’s best not to subject yourself to there toxic behaviors and words. You can not make people change. It can be hard to accept someone like that for who they really are. But you don’t have to accept them into your life. You just don’t!
My absentee father caused a lot of damage esp with. His inconsistent nature , false promises. I had a huge thing with rejection dnd all. I choose to walk away.
I’m getting ready to go no cantact when I move out in a couple months and I know it’s prob gonna be a surprise to them but I need it
Good luck friend I hope your healing journey goes well