My abusive mom has always said she loves babies and small kids, but cant stand it when they get older. As i got older, i realized she likes babies and small children because they have no choice but to let her control everything they do. They dont have agency to create boundaries or protect themselves. They just have to obey. Theyre harder to control as they get older, which is why she stops liking them. Its about power for these kinds of parents, not love
I have an honest question: How do you define "abuse"? And what If your stranged parent was willing to take responsability on prior inadequate behavior?
Abuse ranges based on culture and morality. Most English speaking people are considering narcissism abuse, which it is. Narc parents cannot love their children and so use friends as a cover for their evil acts against their children. This is the most widespread form of abuse especially by mothers. Ignoring basic emotional needs, vicious words and actions, crazy expectations with no reasonable understanding of them and how to get there. Some people are dealing with addicted parents, parents more interested in sex partners, money making, hobbies. These "parents" are terrifying and everywhere.
Sweet! You hit my favorite one of, "We should have treated them worse!" with the idea of they were just "too nice". Yeah... That's the opposite of why people estrange. Calling how you were (abusive) being "nice' with the tag-line of, "We could have shown them real abuse." really shows the abuser mindset out in the open.
@@goverlordit's so weird how univesal that sentence is... my mother was/is a cycle breaker and grew up with the german version of that sentence. Is their a universal handbook for horrible people somewhere?
I told my mom I might get a job that makes $60k and she said “good! Now you can pay me back pay for child support, rent, all the food you ate…” like???? I have to pay YOU CHILD SUPPORT?????? No wonder why she’s alone!!!!!!
40 yrs ago I cut contact with my father. No TikTok needed. My kids are mature, loving, successful and wonderful adults. I raised them the opposite of my father's parenting. Yeah Karma!
That’s amazing. I’m still young, and don’t plan to have kids of my own, but when I’ve watched others kids it really just helped me realize that I could have been a great parent if I wanted to. You deserve the karma of knowing you are a good parent and you did a better job than they could. ❤
Question for you: over the years did you ever get confirmations that you made the right decision going no contact? I.e. did you ever hear stories about them from years later that prove they never changed? The no contact in my case wasn’t really my choice and I’m struggling between being all alone another 8 years and beyond, or getting back on the emotional rollercoaster by begging to be taken back and then pretending nothing happened to ever hurt me
@@brendaholiday Do rhey know, how to reach out to you? If they do and do not reach out, that should be enough confirmation, that they are still the same as before and nothing has changed.
My mother cut out her abusive father in the seventies. She was glad when her mother finally had the strength to divorce him when she was a teenager and she only hung out with him until she was 18 and didn't have mandatory visits with him anymore. But yes it's probably TikTok trends making them do it...
First, thank you for going undercover so we didn't have to. Your self-control in recording some of these statements is impressive. The statements these estranged parents make are terrifying but also enlightening and freeing in a way. I worked decades trying to make things but didn't have willing partners in the endeavor. I'm an imperfect person who, like everyone, has plenty of work to do on myself but you can't keep letting people lie to you, lie about you and play ugly games with you and treat you inhumanely. Sometimes you just have to go in order to make it stop. The attitudes you revealed - without revealing anyone's identities - help me understand the intractability of what we were up against. Only they can fix it and they won't. As a psychic once intuited to me, "You have to pack up your toys and go play somewhere else."
My brother pushed me off the top bunk bed when I was 6. I broke my right arm and had to have surgery to fix it. Had to spend the night in the hospital. Alone,except for the nurses. In the morning I got a hot meal and spent the morning in the play room. I thought I was in heaven. It was the first time that I felt taken care of. My mom told me about 2 years ago (I'm 61) that when she came to the hospital to take me home she went to the play room and bent down with out stretched arms expecting me to come running to her.I didn't. She wanted me to apologize for hurting her feelings and making her feel rejected. This from someone who's edited family history taking the abuse out because it happened a long time ago and doesn't matter anymore. In reality she's taking out the abuse she and my dad committed. I went no contact shortly after that conversation. They do not like it. Anybody else have a similar story? To people who haven't experienced narcissistic abuse have a hard time believing me.
Last time I saw my mom it was with my fiancé and they were meeting for the first time. A few minutes in she brought up an extremely traumatic memory for me where basically she told me that if I wasn’t her kid she’d abandon me because she hated me. I was maybe 11. She then started laughing hysterically like me sobbing and her screaming at me that she wished she could abandon me was the funniest thing ever. I realized almost immediately that she remembers everything she did and thinks it’s funny. I’ve been no contact for 3 years since then.
After my mother kicked me and my sibling out when I was 14 she stopped by my father’s house to give us Christmas cards. She spent a good chunk of time banging on the front door (glass) and shouting for us to come out and see her. At the time I wasn’t allowed to close my door and you could see into my room from the front door so I was just curled up terrified she’d see I was home and break the door to get to me. The card itself ended up not even being signed but inside was a typed (not even hand written) note about how much she missed when I was a toddler. How cute and quiet and obedient I was. It made me sick. I used to think that my abuse only started when my parents got divorced but now I know that it started long before then. I kept the card all the way up until I moved out of my father’s in 2021. I debated bringing it with me so I could burn it sometime but ended up leaving it behind too. I figured I was bringing enough trauma with me just in my brain, I didn’t need to bring any more physical reminders of it too. I’ve been no contact with my father since I moved out in 2021 (and haven’t seen my mother since I was 14-15) and my life has improved drastically. I’m disabled both by my trauma and other things, but I’m happier and safer than I’ve ever been.
@@saltydinonuggies1841 similar story. I, too was told that I was a perfect baby and the best behaved. Of course, I'm the oldest and the daughter. My sister did the showing up at the house and going to the back door and banged on it yelling at me. A week before my b-day I got a package from Amazon. I didn't order anything. Inside was a keychain with a saying on it that I should remember that they will always love me and what a wonderful woman I've become. No gift card or birthday card. If I ever get something I didn't order I'm not going to open it. These type of people have the same pattern of behavior. I really thought it was just me. I watched a video about how narcissistic parents react when you go no contact and I swear there's a playbook. The last text my mom sent me was a picture of her standing on an empty lot. They were moving to another state and building a new house because it was cheaper to build than to buy. They're not broke. It was just bait. A test. They were thinking that I would call and ask them where they're moving to and when etc. How is that love? 🤔 they showed up twice unannounced and I didn't go to the door. I'm hoping that they give up. The holidays are around the corner and this has always been the hardest time of year for me. It's very hard seeing other people have fun and enjoying each other's company. Last year a friend committed suicide a week before Thanksgiving because she couldn't be with her family. Being estranged from your family isn't an easy road.
Almost identical experience except my ailment was the croup and when my mom approached me in the children’s play room, expecting me to happily greet her, I told her, “I don’t want to leave.” I remember I was having so much fun painting a picture on an easel that I had not done since pre school. My mom did not shame me for hurting her feelings and tell me to apologize at the time, but over the years when retelling my croup story she routinely voiced that when I gave my response she wanted to take out her feelings on me by slapping or strangling me.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one with crazy stories that make normal people look at you with horror on their faces. Those looks really helped me see how Not Normal it all was.
I spent some time with these folks, too. It is remarkable that they all say the same things and in the same ways. They insist on looking at the relationship with a child as being “equal”, as if the child has controlled them. They never seem to understand that if they’re being treated with disrespect, it’s because they have taught disrespect. They are way too immature to be in relationships with anyone, and all their happiness is faked. They fake-cry, too, then become angry when it doesn’t get them sympathy. Finally realized that I had switched from trying to save my narcissist, to going NC with her to struggling to reason with narcissists online. No more!
This weekend I found out (as did the rest of us) that the person I estranged myself from had died alone some time ago. It is strange knowing the villain of one's story has gone. Very mixed emotions.
@@marcusn.3762 Older male sibling. The villain of our story. My younger brother and I have discovered the term, 'Grief for what-is-not' - we were jubilant to know he was no longer a threat to us and then felt sad about what we effectively lost almost 40 years ago. Based on an aunt's response to my lack of obvious grief, I realise that the narrative my mother (R.I.P) shared was not my younger brother's and my reality. She made me out to be the difficult one who split the family. I guess to explain what had really happened would not have made her look so good, or capable, as a parent.
@@RobinPoe What my little brother and I were amazed with in this situation (older sibling/villain of our younger lives dying) is how we mourned "what is not". We were so excited to hear it had happened, then it hit us both over the following days. We mourned what should have been, what we should have had. This abuser should have been someone so important to us. We should have been able to say his name and to state the relationship and not have it catch in our throats.
Evil for not wanting to be hugged. Insaaane. “It’s their way of standing up and saying they have rights too” lmaoooo she thought she ate here. She doesn’t think they should stand up for themselves
In reading several comments from estranged mom Diane here on RUclips, I saw more than one parent of an estranged adult child advising others to try to see their grandchildren without their estranged child’s consent. Absolutely not! How dare you tell people to sneak to see someone’s child when that child’s parent went no contact in the first place?!
At that point it’s time to get the police involved, and to make sure there’s a safety plan in place for the child in case of an unexpected visit along with notifying every adult who supervises the child (teachers and babysitters) who is and isn’t allowed to see the child. Absolutely crazy behavior by narc parents/
Psychopaths, narcissists and borderlines do not follow rules. Rules are for “normal” people, not special people like them. They are entitled to make their own rules, on account of being supremely talented. I wish I was joking. I’m not.
Thank you for investigating this so that we don't have to. I went no contact with my parents and they turned from bad to worse. It was a rude awakening to recognise they're not just mean and immature but legitimately insane. Having done a fair bit of work on myself I'm at a point where I can laugh at the outlandish recounts of these so-called parents. For my fellow survivors- it gets worse before it gets better but never underestimate how much better life can be after a few years of committed recovery and no contact.
Oh yes. I'm so glad you picked up on the whole thing with their off-springs therapists and the need to hear 'their side'. I always ask these parents, "So if you went to a therapist and the person said, 'I can't treat you without hearing your child's side...' would you encourage and be okay with that?" It usually stops them cold. They are so used to being able to manipulate anyone their child reports their behavior to that they hate a therapist who advocates for their child. Anyone who supports their child is an enemy because they KNOW how they behave and don't want it exposed. Allergy to honesty. The fact is, these types are so predictable and use all the same tactics and language. They claim the same is true in reverse and again I laugh because why would the reactions of estranged off-spring be different when we all report the same behavior patterns emanating from our parents? Like where do they think behavior patterns in the family started? Hint - with them...
@@ellyk8834 decades ago when I first started having mental health issues I asked my mom to go to a therapy session with me. She did. However, the psychologist wanted to model how we could effectively communicate and understand each other. When we left all she said was " I don't need a stranger to tell me how to talk to my daughter ". It drives me nuts when I see podcasts about reconnecting with your adult estranged child. They don't want to reconnect. Do all of those people think we haven't already tried everything we could think of to be loved and respected?!!! Going no contact is the last resort. I have never felt loved by either of my parents. In fact, they don't even like me.
Not one. They believe that their children were put here to meet their needs, never the other way around, so the blinding resentment with which these children were raised, just continues to build.
It is really curious how whenever I talk to my abusive parents about the past I keep reminding them that they were the adults, that they took on the responsibility of parenting of their own volition etc, etc. This often kind of stumps them and stops whatever argument they were bringing up, but then 5 minutes later they will do the exact same thing in another context, and next time we talk it will also be as if I had never reminded them of these things. They legitimately block off the parts of their brain that lets them hear us in any significant way. It is quite weird to see them pressing the reset button in their mind in real time.
I spent my whole childhood afraid of my parents. I am low-contact. If I could go completely no-contact, I would. They are truly hard-hearted, controlling, manipulative people.
@@JohnSmith-wi4xo I can't afford to move out...I live in a really expensive state. Every time I get close to having enough saved, something happens and I wind up having to drain what little savings I managed to make.
It’s funny hearing how many of these related to them being upset that they lost access to their grandkids cause I’m estranged from my father but I still talk to and see my grandmother regularly. Trust me, if you were a safe person, the grandkids would be talking to you once they’re old enough to make that decision themselves. But I highly doubt that’d happen. On my mother’s side I only communicate with my cousin. They keep me up to date on big events I need to know about and I help support them through dealing with all that mess when they want my help until they can escape.
I made family life difficult because I spoke out and continued to speak out about the abuse happening from my older male sibling. I'm bad for splitting the family.
"Social media is teaching kids to act on their feelings, disgusting" 😂 oh yes how dare the kids learn to understand why they are feeling a certain way and how to process those emotions.
You're dead on from my experience regarding the adult children who got out (I am one - about 12 years ago) and having followed many of the estranged parents online. It's a continuation, but in an amplified echo chamber, of the denial, dismissal, deflection, blame shifting, insults etc. etc. etc., same as it was growing up with them, but they all cheer each other on into their delusion, pushing them deeper into denial, which is exactly where they want to be pushed.
I was in the same store as my estranged mother a couple weeks back. We haven’t talked in over 2 years. She didn’t see me and I left the store very quickly. There was absolutely no point in interacting. I knew it would be turned on me and she would become the victim in the story. I’m so tired of being the family scapegoat and I refuse to play the part for her. Please learn from your parents mistakes and don’t behave in the same way. You can only control your thoughts and your actions.
This is very valuable. Thank you for this undercover operation. The parents in the groups, from beginning to end, blame everyone but themselves for the children going NC. You see where the problem lies because of these reactions. No self reflection. It is a pity they end up in a group where self reflection is absent. They cannot really help eachother.
I feel nauseous. Several of these sound like my parents. Sure, I'm the mentally unstable, evil, spoiled brat for setting boundaries and cutting contact after my dad threatened to have my son taken away to try to control me.
Me too. I'm sorry it's come to this for us but life is much better, more peaceful without them. If they didn't want us talking about them this way, they should've treated us better.
I love your content and your investigations. Thank you so much for raising the REAL awareness! WOW, I admire your ability to endure such a toxic platform long enough to gather all this powerful information. 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
I find everything you've said fascinating! I moved out as soon as I turned 18 and never looked back. Same with my other 3 older siblings. I consider myself the "lucky one" because I watched at least two of them try time and time again to fix the relationship with our parents to no avail. And more often than not it got very violent and traumatic, but learned and prepared to go and stay gone once ties were cut.
Entitled parents want all the accolades and praise that parents receive, but none of the hard work and sacrifice that it actually takes to care for a child.
Wow. I wonder if this is the kind of stuff my mom is saying about me. This made me very sad. My mother is psychologically abusive and very intelligent which I think makes her extra dangerous. I have a good relationship with my sister in law who is married to my older brother. I am the only one who has went no contact. My SIL told me that after spending time with my mother for the weekend, both of my nieces mentioned that they were sad while they were playing. My younger niece was 6 at the time and she stopped playing and said she was sad. My SIL asked her why she was sad as she was just happily playing and it was odd. She said, “grandma told me I’m sad, so I’m sad”. Apparently my mother did this to both my nieces and they both said and did the same thing when they got back! They were with my mother separately because my mom likes to take each one for a week or weekend alone. It’s not only odd, it’s a scary psychological game. I have had depression since 2nd grade, I think I’m beginning to understand why. She must have done this to me all the time. Would this be abuse? I think it goes beyond even that. It’s so messed up and confusing. Why would anyone do that to a small child? Has anyone else heard of something like this or experienced it?
Maybe your mother behave this way because of her childhood or what she experience in her childhood. I'm not taking her part at all and I'm not excusing her behavior, I'm just saying. Do you know about her childhood and about how her mother treated her? Or about what she experienced in her childhood, including some kind of abuse? Usually, the trauma and abuse are transmitted from generation to generation. What you're doing now you're trying to break that circle of abuse, and like you said, damaging psychological game.
Yes. This is the very definition of abuse. Your mother has negative emotions she can’t process, and just holding them is painful, so she forcibly (or via manipulation) - hands them to other people- including your nieces. This is “passing the hot potato” without consent. You might CHOOSE to empathise with a friend or loved one, or to help them carry a burden- practically or emotionally- that’s fine because you CHOOSE to do it, and also to what extent you do it. Also, in a healthy relationship, there is a reasonable expectation of gratitude and reciprocation. Not so with parents like this- deep down they hover on the brink of suicide/psychosis, and they are quite willing to push you over that edge to keep themselves safe. They force you to feel bad to ease the load on themselves. It’s subconscious (mostly) - and utterly selfish and self absorbed- because fending off that suicidal/ psychotic devil on their back is all consuming.
Thanks for this fabulous video! I am so sick of parents denial about exactly what they perpetrated on their children. And they blame social media... 🙈🙈 I would never have reached any point of recovery without social media. Please make more videos 🌹🌹🌹
Honestly? The hard truth is that these kinds of parents would rather watch their child commit suicide than watch that child get therapy. Well done on recovering thus far and best wishes for your further progress and happiness.
When I first learned what boundaries were, I realized a certain relationship would have to end if I adopted this 'boundaries' wy of seeing life, because this person did not allow boundaries. That was 20 years ago.
Considering that children are the ones that need support I would not be able to stomach the overt narcissism in those groups. People who believe they are being attacked by their children are emotionally disturbed and neglecting their children and at this point grandchildren as well are most likely involved.
I have begged my narcissistic human incubator to start therapy w me to no avail. I just cannot anymore. After 49 yrs…I’m literally physically sick now because of the stress of it all. And my current relationship is w the combo of my narcissistic life giver and her enabler, the donor, rolled into one. I give up this round. Maybe my next life I’ll fig it out. ❤🕊️😢
I cut ties with the abusive parent more than 20 years ago. When the one way mail order harassment continued and then it went public, I took legal action. I only regret I didnt act in my own defense earlier. The bottom line us if you think these parents will see the light of their loss, they won't. Theyd rather destroy their own children than admit fault.
I'm finding this video at the right time, thank you so much. I have a tough question for everybody. What would you do if one parent has shown improvements and now wants to have a healthy relationship in your life but the other who they are married to is only going down the road of becoming increasingly more abusive? Do you continue to let only one in as I have been doing? It's been a year of being treated well by one and horribly by the other and it's put me in a weird position.
@@cj6814 wow, that sounds really difficult to navigate. Is it possible to have an open discussion with the healthy parent to see how they feel and come to some sort of agreement between you?
@@OneCatShortOfCrazy it's definitely what's coming next, I've been giving chances for years trying to plead with them and my mom still while I'm nearing 30 wants to have some form of control or validation from me constantly seeking it and has no control over her mouth and the things that come out of it. Dad was just as bad, but he must have realized that it's not worth it to try to be the parent still, so he just enjoys the time with us now instead of trying to manipulate the whole situation. This last visit was the final straw when they gave me a visit as I'm out of state and I warned them I'm pretty busy they insisted on coming and said it was completely fine that I'll be busy, mom ended up expecting 100% of my time and devotion to her and when I had something to go to like I said I would she acted out concluding I must not want her around. I let them come a day earlier and for a 4 day stretch I had 3 hours total without them but it wasn't good enough for my mother. This is the most simplistic of things, she doesn't believe in respecting boundaries and has told me that. So my dad is actively trying and my mother is actively defying and I know it's a matter of time till they want to give me another visit and I have to tell them dads welcomed and moms not. It's stupid hard on me because the rest of society does not understand, they think we just need to talk it out or I just need to forgive..... I'm so many times and years exceeding that doing it over and over again.
@@OneCatShortOfCrazy yeah that's probably the plan, like the video stated at one point my mom doesn't believe in boundaries either so it's not like I'll have full respect and understand from her but my dad might accept it at this point in his life. In her mind she's still the parent in control and im almost 30.
As a non-expert going through similar things: you have a right to put your own survival and wellness first. One parent has continued to choose the relationship with the toxic spouse over their own future or their relationship with you. That probably comes from a place of weakness or illness rather than some kind of malice, but the reason kind of doesn't matter when the result is the same: damage to you. If it was me? I'd tell the better parent I love them and want a relationship with them, but that I can't allow the cruelty back into my life, and that I hope they can come into that place alongside me. But until that day, I'm keeping my distance. I'm choosing me.
I'm at a point where I can't be around my mom. I'm so close to telling her to fck off. Also, my dad doesn't ask me tells me that he's going to visit me and stay with me. He tries to patent me still. He didn't try when we were kids he was a good for nothing drunk. He's borderline homeless and he still drinks. The drama that follows these people is not worth the trouble. My mom forced her way to my elopement then later told me I can do better. 🤦 She sold her house and moved in with us. I didn't have the heart to tell her to leave. She eventually did, but moved in with my sis.
In these support groups, are they actually getting any real education or understanding of WHY their children have stopped contact? Or is just validating their abusive behaviors?
I worry that maybe 1 in 10 or 1 in 20 of the parents that come to these groups might actually be more of the innocent bystander with a self destructive child who’s cutting everyone off. I would hope if such people are finding these groups that the fact they are reasonable people means that they immediately recognise these groups are not helpful to them and leave, rather than getting suckered into this toxicity.
Many of the young generation choose their traumas at their own convenience and start the estrangement when they feel they don’t need parents anymore. If you have been a good parent, and your children decide estranged you , move on and be happy don’t waste your precious life suffering from an ungrateful child, pray for them and keep moving, you will be ok!
Parents become disposable very quickly once you realize they only ever want to be abusive. No one wants old hags who are angry for no reason hanging around.
This sounds so horrible. There is one thing I wonder though: Abusive people do sometimes isolate their partners from their social network (as do cults but I guess this is a less common problem). Have you come across parents that are estranged due to their children's abusive partners? Do they quickly notice that they are a minority among these rightfully estranged parents and leave? Also, I wonder about parents that hurt their children due to mental health issues or because they are subject to abuse by their spouses. They hurt their children and so the children might distance themselves as adults (and they have every right to do so). But they were not necessarily as narcissistic and horrific as there comments sound. Would they still be so hurt or defensive that they write stuff like that? I guess I would really like to know how heterogenous the members of these groups are and how parents that were not horrible beings from the beginning behave when they have estranged children.
That’s a good question. We certainly can’t assume that everyone with an estranged child is necessarily an abusive person. I can think of two examples from people that I know.
As a non-expert going through similar things: I don't think it really matters if the abuse stemmed from a toxic spouse, mental illness, or abject cruelty. The child isn't equipped to sort all that out, and so while the child may be able to achieve clarity on it once they mature, the damage is still done, both to the child's psyche, and to the parental relationship. If the parent improves by recognizing their errors, apologizing, making amends, and truly changing their behavior (getting healthy, leaving the bad spouse, whatever), then that's great, and dialogue is possible. But if this action doesn't take place or is half-hearted (i.e. "You must forgive me because I'm the only dad you'll ever have"), then I don't think the child somehow loses their right to defend their own wellbeing. I don't have to barter away part of my sanity or peace or money or time because my parent had extenuating circumstances that they were unwilling or unable to handle. No matter what, I was the child; it was never my responsibility and it never will be, you know?
@@Fauntleroy. I explicitly wrote that the children have every right to do so. I never questioned that at any point. My question specifically asked about whether parents react to that decision of the child in this way even if their abuse or neglect was not because they are as entitled, controlling and self-centred as they come across in the comments in the video. I never said it was your responsibility, you know?
Thank you for this video! I was just looking for support groups today and shocked that the majority of them being for the parents. Thank you for this research you did and call this out. ❤
As an estranged parent, this video helped me quite a bit. I think you need to watch again with an open mind. Listening to those angry parents reinforcing each others' anger will ensure you never reconcile with your loved ones. I posted that strange Diane's video about letting go of her daughter on You Are Not Alone Facebook group as an example of what not to do and they banned me permanently. Best thing that could have happened to me
Denial is making you resistant to truth. How does narcassistic abuse make you feel? It can give you health issues and mental health issues and kids wanna kill themselves. They walk away to save themselves from disease and a sad life
No- this woman is helping adults abused as children. If the parents came to her honestly willing to collaborate in therapy, I expect she would help them, or at least assist them to find a therapist willing to take them on. But they don’t. Cluster B personality disorders do not do therapy. Why would you- when you have done nothing wrong and are perfect in every way?
My abusive mom has always said she loves babies and small kids, but cant stand it when they get older. As i got older, i realized she likes babies and small children because they have no choice but to let her control everything they do. They dont have agency to create boundaries or protect themselves. They just have to obey. Theyre harder to control as they get older, which is why she stops liking them. Its about power for these kinds of parents, not love
Sounds like my mom and dad. 😞
I have an honest question: How do you define "abuse"? And what If your stranged parent was willing to take responsability on prior inadequate behavior?
Abuse ranges based on culture and morality. Most English speaking people are considering narcissism abuse, which it is. Narc parents cannot love their children and so use friends as a cover for their evil acts against their children. This is the most widespread form of abuse especially by mothers. Ignoring basic emotional needs, vicious words and actions, crazy expectations with no reasonable understanding of them and how to get there. Some people are dealing with addicted parents, parents more interested in sex partners, money making, hobbies. These "parents" are terrifying and everywhere.
The irony of authoritarian parents screaming no one can tell them what to do. Self awareness, they've never met it.
Sweet! You hit my favorite one of, "We should have treated them worse!" with the idea of they were just "too nice". Yeah... That's the opposite of why people estrange. Calling how you were (abusive) being "nice' with the tag-line of, "We could have shown them real abuse." really shows the abuser mindset out in the open.
"I'll give you a reason to cry."
@@goverlordit's so weird how univesal that sentence is... my mother was/is a cycle breaker and grew up with the german version of that sentence. Is their a universal handbook for horrible people somewhere?
My father told me he was going to send me an itemized bill for being born. He died alone.
I’m waiting for the day my father sends me my bill. 😂
I can send that dude 1000 bucks right now 😂
That statement is POETRY. Sheer poetry. ❤
I told my mom I might get a job that makes $60k and she said “good! Now you can pay me back pay for child support, rent, all the food you ate…” like???? I have to pay YOU CHILD SUPPORT?????? No wonder why she’s alone!!!!!!
A well deserved justice!
40 yrs ago I cut contact with my father. No TikTok needed. My kids are mature, loving, successful and wonderful adults. I raised them the opposite of my father's parenting. Yeah Karma!
That’s amazing. I’m still young, and don’t plan to have kids of my own, but when I’ve watched others kids it really just helped me realize that I could have been a great parent if I wanted to. You deserve the karma of knowing you are a good parent and you did a better job than they could. ❤
Question for you: over the years did you ever get confirmations that you made the right decision going no contact? I.e. did you ever hear stories about them from years later that prove they never changed?
The no contact in my case wasn’t really my choice and I’m struggling between being all alone another 8 years and beyond, or getting back on the emotional rollercoaster by begging to be taken back and then pretending nothing happened to ever hurt me
@@brendaholiday Do rhey know, how to reach out to you? If they do and do not reach out, that should be enough confirmation, that they are still the same as before and nothing has changed.
@@stefaniebraun3319 Thank you for the voice of reason.
My mother cut out her abusive father in the seventies. She was glad when her mother finally had the strength to divorce him when she was a teenager and she only hung out with him until she was 18 and didn't have mandatory visits with him anymore.
But yes it's probably TikTok trends making them do it...
So succinctly put! These parents believe they are the victims, after ignoring their children's please for decades. Clown world!
Thank you for joining these estranged parents groups, so we don't have to.
No contact with Dad since age 16, and Mum since age 36- I’m now 55.
Never looked back for a nanosecond. Best decisions of my life.
First, thank you for going undercover so we didn't have to. Your self-control in recording some of these statements is impressive. The statements these estranged parents make are terrifying but also enlightening and freeing in a way. I worked decades trying to make things but didn't have willing partners in the endeavor. I'm an imperfect person who, like everyone, has plenty of work to do on myself but you can't keep letting people lie to you, lie about you and play ugly games with you and treat you inhumanely. Sometimes you just have to go in order to make it stop. The attitudes you revealed - without revealing anyone's identities - help me understand the intractability of what we were up against. Only they can fix it and they won't. As a psychic once intuited to me, "You have to pack up your toys and go play somewhere else."
My brother pushed me off the top bunk bed when I was 6. I broke my right arm and had to have surgery to fix it. Had to spend the night in the hospital. Alone,except for the nurses. In the morning I got a hot meal and spent the morning in the play room. I thought I was in heaven. It was the first time that I felt taken care of. My mom told me about 2 years ago (I'm 61) that when she came to the hospital to take me home she went to the play room and bent down with out stretched arms expecting me to come running to her.I didn't. She wanted me to apologize for hurting her feelings and making her feel rejected. This from someone who's edited family history taking the abuse out because it happened a long time ago and doesn't matter anymore. In reality she's taking out the abuse she and my dad committed. I went no contact shortly after that conversation. They do not like it. Anybody else have a similar story? To people who haven't experienced narcissistic abuse have a hard time believing me.
Last time I saw my mom it was with my fiancé and they were meeting for the first time. A few minutes in she brought up an extremely traumatic memory for me where basically she told me that if I wasn’t her kid she’d abandon me because she hated me. I was maybe 11. She then started laughing hysterically like me sobbing and her screaming at me that she wished she could abandon me was the funniest thing ever. I realized almost immediately that she remembers everything she did and thinks it’s funny. I’ve been no contact for 3 years since then.
After my mother kicked me and my sibling out when I was 14 she stopped by my father’s house to give us Christmas cards. She spent a good chunk of time banging on the front door (glass) and shouting for us to come out and see her. At the time I wasn’t allowed to close my door and you could see into my room from the front door so I was just curled up terrified she’d see I was home and break the door to get to me.
The card itself ended up not even being signed but inside was a typed (not even hand written) note about how much she missed when I was a toddler. How cute and quiet and obedient I was. It made me sick. I used to think that my abuse only started when my parents got divorced but now I know that it started long before then. I kept the card all the way up until I moved out of my father’s in 2021. I debated bringing it with me so I could burn it sometime but ended up leaving it behind too. I figured I was bringing enough trauma with me just in my brain, I didn’t need to bring any more physical reminders of it too.
I’ve been no contact with my father since I moved out in 2021 (and haven’t seen my mother since I was 14-15) and my life has improved drastically. I’m disabled both by my trauma and other things, but I’m happier and safer than I’ve ever been.
@@saltydinonuggies1841 similar story. I, too was told that I was a perfect baby and the best behaved. Of course, I'm the oldest and the daughter. My sister did the showing up at the house and going to the back door and banged on it yelling at me. A week before my b-day I got a package from Amazon. I didn't order anything. Inside was a keychain with a saying on it that I should remember that they will always love me and what a wonderful woman I've become. No gift card or birthday card. If I ever get something I didn't order I'm not going to open it. These type of people have the same pattern of behavior. I really thought it was just me. I watched a video about how narcissistic parents react when you go no contact and I swear there's a playbook. The last text my mom sent me was a picture of her standing on an empty lot. They were moving to another state and building a new house because it was cheaper to build than to buy. They're not broke. It was just bait. A test. They were thinking that I would call and ask them where they're moving to and when etc. How is that love? 🤔 they showed up twice unannounced and I didn't go to the door. I'm hoping that they give up. The holidays are around the corner and this has always been the hardest time of year for me. It's very hard seeing other people have fun and enjoying each other's company. Last year a friend committed suicide a week before Thanksgiving because she couldn't be with her family. Being estranged from your family isn't an easy road.
Almost identical experience except my ailment was the croup and when my mom approached me in the children’s play room, expecting me to happily greet her, I told her, “I don’t want to leave.” I remember I was having so much fun painting a picture on an easel that I had not done since pre school. My mom did not shame me for hurting her feelings and tell me to apologize at the time, but over the years when retelling my croup story she routinely voiced that when I gave my response she wanted to take out her feelings on me by slapping or strangling me.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one with crazy stories that make normal people look at you with horror on their faces. Those looks really helped me see how Not Normal it all was.
I spent some time with these folks, too. It is remarkable that they all say the same things and in the same ways. They insist on looking at the relationship with a child as being “equal”, as if the child has controlled them. They never seem to understand that if they’re being treated with disrespect, it’s because they have taught disrespect. They are way too immature to be in relationships with anyone, and all their happiness is faked. They fake-cry, too, then become angry when it doesn’t get them sympathy.
Finally realized that I had switched from trying to save my narcissist, to going NC with her to struggling to reason with narcissists online.
No more!
This weekend I found out (as did the rest of us) that the person I estranged myself from had died alone some time ago. It is strange knowing the villain of one's story has gone. Very mixed emotions.
I'm waiting for this. I wonder sometimes how I'll feel when I find out. I'm glad we're here and healing ❤
Was the estrangement from your parents or your own children?
@@marcusn.3762 Older male sibling. The villain of our story. My younger brother and I have discovered the term, 'Grief for what-is-not' - we were jubilant to know he was no longer a threat to us and then felt sad about what we effectively lost almost 40 years ago. Based on an aunt's response to my lack of obvious grief, I realise that the narrative my mother (R.I.P) shared was not my younger brother's and my reality. She made me out to be the difficult one who split the family. I guess to explain what had really happened would not have made her look so good, or capable, as a parent.
I have this scene in my mind from the Wizard of Oz: "Ding dong, the Witch is dead!" When I think of the possibility of my mother's death.
@@RobinPoe What my little brother and I were amazed with in this situation (older sibling/villain of our younger lives dying) is how we mourned "what is not". We were so excited to hear it had happened, then it hit us both over the following days. We mourned what should have been, what we should have had. This abuser should have been someone so important to us. We should have been able to say his name and to state the relationship and not have it catch in our throats.
Evil for not wanting to be hugged. Insaaane.
“It’s their way of standing up and saying they have rights too” lmaoooo she thought she ate here. She doesn’t think they should stand up for themselves
In reading several comments from estranged mom Diane here on RUclips, I saw more than one parent of an estranged adult child advising others to try to see their grandchildren without their estranged child’s consent. Absolutely not! How dare you tell people to sneak to see someone’s child when that child’s parent went no contact in the first place?!
Exactly. What kind of adult wants or encourages relationships with children, without a parent’s consent?
At that point it’s time to get the police involved, and to make sure there’s a safety plan in place for the child in case of an unexpected visit along with notifying every adult who supervises the child (teachers and babysitters) who is and isn’t allowed to see the child.
Absolutely crazy behavior by narc parents/
Psychopaths, narcissists and borderlines do not follow rules. Rules are for “normal” people, not special people like them. They are entitled to make their own rules, on account of being supremely talented.
I wish I was joking. I’m not.
Thank you for investigating this so that we don't have to. I went no contact with my parents and they turned from bad to worse. It was a rude awakening to recognise they're not just mean and immature but legitimately insane. Having done a fair bit of work on myself I'm at a point where I can laugh at the outlandish recounts of these so-called parents.
For my fellow survivors- it gets worse before it gets better but never underestimate how much better life can be after a few years of committed recovery and no contact.
They flip out! Mine tried to get me to re-engage for almost a year. It's been 2 years since I cut contact and I've never felt so peaceful ❤
Consider a restraining order
Oh yes. I'm so glad you picked up on the whole thing with their off-springs therapists and the need to hear 'their side'. I always ask these parents, "So if you went to a therapist and the person said, 'I can't treat you without hearing your child's side...' would you encourage and be okay with that?" It usually stops them cold. They are so used to being able to manipulate anyone their child reports their behavior to that they hate a therapist who advocates for their child. Anyone who supports their child is an enemy because they KNOW how they behave and don't want it exposed. Allergy to honesty.
The fact is, these types are so predictable and use all the same tactics and language. They claim the same is true in reverse and again I laugh because why would the reactions of estranged off-spring be different when we all report the same behavior patterns emanating from our parents? Like where do they think behavior patterns in the family started? Hint - with them...
@@ellyk8834 decades ago when I first started having mental health issues I asked my mom to go to a therapy session with me. She did. However, the psychologist wanted to model how we could effectively communicate and understand each other. When we left all she said was " I don't need a stranger to tell me how to talk to my daughter ". It drives me nuts when I see podcasts about reconnecting with your adult estranged child. They don't want to reconnect. Do all of those people think we haven't already tried everything we could think of to be loved and respected?!!! Going no contact is the last resort. I have never felt loved by either of my parents. In fact, they don't even like me.
Do they not realise that they were the adults? They were the ones with responsibility?
Not one. They believe that their children were put here to meet their needs, never the other way around, so the blinding resentment with which these children were raised, just continues to build.
@@KirstenAlberts well that explains the rejection when you ask for your needs to be met
And far more importantly the ones with agency
It is really curious how whenever I talk to my abusive parents about the past I keep reminding them that they were the adults, that they took on the responsibility of parenting of their own volition etc, etc.
This often kind of stumps them and stops whatever argument they were bringing up, but then 5 minutes later they will do the exact same thing in another context, and next time we talk it will also be as if I had never reminded them of these things.
They legitimately block off the parts of their brain that lets them hear us in any significant way. It is quite weird to see them pressing the reset button in their mind in real time.
@@souxcasaoh wow! That really hit home!
“My happiness or my children’s” says it all
I spent my whole childhood afraid of my parents.
I am low-contact. If I could go completely no-contact, I would.
They are truly hard-hearted, controlling, manipulative people.
Why can't you go no contact? They sound horrible.
@@JohnSmith-wi4xo I can't afford to move out...I live in a really expensive state. Every time I get close to having enough saved, something happens and I wind up having to drain what little savings I managed to make.
It’s funny hearing how many of these related to them being upset that they lost access to their grandkids cause I’m estranged from my father but I still talk to and see my grandmother regularly. Trust me, if you were a safe person, the grandkids would be talking to you once they’re old enough to make that decision themselves. But I highly doubt that’d happen. On my mother’s side I only communicate with my cousin. They keep me up to date on big events I need to know about and I help support them through dealing with all that mess when they want my help until they can escape.
That’s an amazing point!!!
I’m an evil from birth human brainwashing my siblings.
I made family life difficult because I spoke out and continued to speak out about the abuse happening from my older male sibling. I'm bad for splitting the family.
"Social media is teaching kids to act on their feelings, disgusting" 😂 oh yes how dare the kids learn to understand why they are feeling a certain way and how to process those emotions.
You're dead on from my experience regarding the adult children who got out (I am one - about 12 years ago) and having followed many of the estranged parents online.
It's a continuation, but in an amplified echo chamber, of the denial, dismissal, deflection, blame shifting, insults etc. etc. etc., same as it was growing up with them, but they all cheer each other on into their delusion, pushing them deeper into denial, which is exactly where they want to be pushed.
I was in the same store as my estranged mother a couple weeks back. We haven’t talked in over 2 years. She didn’t see me and I left the store very quickly. There was absolutely no point in interacting. I knew it would be turned on me and she would become the victim in the story. I’m so tired of being the family scapegoat and I refuse to play the part for her.
Please learn from your parents mistakes and don’t behave in the same way. You can only control your thoughts and your actions.
This is very valuable. Thank you for this undercover operation. The parents in the groups, from beginning to end, blame everyone but themselves for the children going NC. You see where the problem lies because of these reactions. No self reflection.
It is a pity they end up in a group where self reflection is absent. They cannot really help eachother.
I feel nauseous. Several of these sound like my parents. Sure, I'm the mentally unstable, evil, spoiled brat for setting boundaries and cutting contact after my dad threatened to have my son taken away to try to control me.
I’m estranged from my mother and nearly all of her family. Thank you for this very valuable insight.
Me too. Best thing I ever did.
Me too, and I hate it, but it was necessary and it was the right thing. I wish you strength and peace.
Me too. I'm sorry it's come to this for us but life is much better, more peaceful without them. If they didn't want us talking about them this way, they should've treated us better.
I love your content and your investigations. Thank you so much for raising the REAL awareness! WOW, I admire your ability to endure such a toxic platform long enough to gather all this powerful information. 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
I completely agree 😄
Thank you very much. It was quite the experience. But if it helps to alleviate some of the guesswork and misplaced guilt, it was worth it.
I find everything you've said fascinating! I moved out as soon as I turned 18 and never looked back. Same with my other 3 older siblings. I consider myself the "lucky one" because I watched at least two of them try time and time again to fix the relationship with our parents to no avail. And more often than not it got very violent and traumatic, but learned and prepared to go and stay gone once ties were cut.
This is so informative, thank you! Cool that you went 'undercover', I could never lmao
Entitled parents want all the accolades and praise that parents receive, but none of the hard work and sacrifice that it actually takes to care for a child.
Wow. I wonder if this is the kind of stuff my mom is saying about me. This made me very sad.
My mother is psychologically abusive and very intelligent which I think makes her extra dangerous. I have a good relationship with my sister in law who is married to my older brother. I am the only one who has went no contact. My SIL told me that after spending time with my mother for the weekend, both of my nieces mentioned that they were sad while they were playing. My younger niece was 6 at the time and she stopped playing and said she was sad. My SIL asked her why she was sad as she was just happily playing and it was odd. She said, “grandma told me I’m sad, so I’m sad”. Apparently my mother did this to both my nieces and they both said and did the same thing when they got back! They were with my mother separately because my mom likes to take each one for a week or weekend alone. It’s not only odd, it’s a scary psychological game. I have had depression since 2nd grade, I think I’m beginning to understand why. She must have done this to me all the time.
Would this be abuse? I think it goes beyond even that. It’s so messed up and confusing. Why would anyone do that to a small child? Has anyone else heard of something like this or experienced it?
Maybe your mother behave this way because of her childhood or what she experience in her childhood. I'm not taking her part at all and I'm not excusing her behavior, I'm just saying. Do you know about her childhood and about how her mother treated her? Or about what she experienced in her childhood, including some kind of abuse? Usually, the trauma and abuse are transmitted from generation to generation. What you're doing now you're trying to break that circle of abuse, and like you said, damaging psychological game.
Yes. This is the very definition of abuse. Your mother has negative emotions she can’t process, and just holding them is painful, so she forcibly (or via manipulation) - hands them to other people- including your nieces.
This is “passing the hot potato” without consent. You might CHOOSE to empathise with a friend or loved one, or to help them carry a burden- practically or emotionally- that’s fine because you CHOOSE to do it, and also to what extent you do it. Also, in a healthy relationship, there is a reasonable expectation of gratitude and reciprocation.
Not so with parents like this- deep down they hover on the brink of suicide/psychosis, and they are quite willing to push you over that edge to keep themselves safe. They force you to feel bad to ease the load on themselves. It’s subconscious (mostly) - and utterly selfish and self absorbed- because fending off that suicidal/ psychotic devil on their back is all consuming.
I've thought about doing this since i read The Missing Missing Reasons, but couldn't do it. Thanks for doing it for us!
Thanks for this fabulous video! I am so sick of parents denial about exactly what they perpetrated on their children. And they blame social media... 🙈🙈
I would never have reached any point of recovery without social media. Please make more videos 🌹🌹🌹
Honestly? The hard truth is that these kinds of parents would rather watch their child commit suicide than watch that child get therapy.
Well done on recovering thus far and best wishes for your further progress and happiness.
Just curious: was there ever any curiosity about what went wrong or any willingness to be accountable for hurting their children?
Have a look at: ruclips.net/video/5Tg9dfj53x4/видео.html. I answer a few of these questions in this video.
Thank you for this Kirsten. MUCH NEEDED!
You've got yourself a new subscriber. Great video--great topic and well delivered. Came along at the perfect time for me.
Wow, this insight was amazing. You've done amazing research! Very scary though!
Thank you very much
After I went no contact my mother started telling people that my therapist implanted false memories of her abuse and neglect. It’s ridiculous!
When I first learned what boundaries were, I realized a certain relationship would have to end if I adopted this 'boundaries' wy of seeing life, because this person did not allow boundaries. That was 20 years ago.
Considering that children are the ones that need support I would not be able to stomach the overt narcissism in those groups. People who believe they are being attacked by their children are emotionally disturbed and neglecting their children and at this point grandchildren as well are most likely involved.
I have begged my narcissistic human incubator to start therapy w me to no avail. I just cannot anymore. After 49 yrs…I’m literally physically sick now because of the stress of it all. And my current relationship is w the combo of my narcissistic life giver and her enabler, the donor, rolled into one. I give up this round. Maybe my next life I’ll fig it out. ❤🕊️😢
I laughed so hard at "they call every generation after theirs The Tiktok Generation"
I cut ties with the abusive parent more than 20 years ago. When the one way mail order harassment continued and then it went public, I took legal action. I only regret I didnt act in my own defense earlier. The bottom line us if you think these parents will see the light of their loss, they won't. Theyd rather destroy their own children than admit fault.
Agree. Your final sentence nails it.
I'm finding this video at the right time, thank you so much. I have a tough question for everybody.
What would you do if one parent has shown improvements and now wants to have a healthy relationship in your life but the other who they are married to is only going down the road of becoming increasingly more abusive? Do you continue to let only one in as I have been doing? It's been a year of being treated well by one and horribly by the other and it's put me in a weird position.
Excellent question, thank you. I will answer it in the upcoming videos.
@@cj6814 wow, that sounds really difficult to navigate. Is it possible to have an open discussion with the healthy parent to see how they feel and come to some sort of agreement between you?
@@OneCatShortOfCrazy it's definitely what's coming next, I've been giving chances for years trying to plead with them and my mom still while I'm nearing 30 wants to have some form of control or validation from me constantly seeking it and has no control over her mouth and the things that come out of it. Dad was just as bad, but he must have realized that it's not worth it to try to be the parent still, so he just enjoys the time with us now instead of trying to manipulate the whole situation. This last visit was the final straw when they gave me a visit as I'm out of state and I warned them I'm pretty busy they insisted on coming and said it was completely fine that I'll be busy, mom ended up expecting 100% of my time and devotion to her and when I had something to go to like I said I would she acted out concluding I must not want her around. I let them come a day earlier and for a 4 day stretch I had 3 hours total without them but it wasn't good enough for my mother. This is the most simplistic of things, she doesn't believe in respecting boundaries and has told me that. So my dad is actively trying and my mother is actively defying and I know it's a matter of time till they want to give me another visit and I have to tell them dads welcomed and moms not. It's stupid hard on me because the rest of society does not understand, they think we just need to talk it out or I just need to forgive..... I'm so many times and years exceeding that doing it over and over again.
@@OneCatShortOfCrazy yeah that's probably the plan, like the video stated at one point my mom doesn't believe in boundaries either so it's not like I'll have full respect and understand from her but my dad might accept it at this point in his life. In her mind she's still the parent in control and im almost 30.
As a non-expert going through similar things: you have a right to put your own survival and wellness first. One parent has continued to choose the relationship with the toxic spouse over their own future or their relationship with you. That probably comes from a place of weakness or illness rather than some kind of malice, but the reason kind of doesn't matter when the result is the same: damage to you. If it was me? I'd tell the better parent I love them and want a relationship with them, but that I can't allow the cruelty back into my life, and that I hope they can come into that place alongside me. But until that day, I'm keeping my distance. I'm choosing me.
Geesus Kreist this was triggering! Very interesting! Profound! Phuuuuch!
I'm at a point where I can't be around my mom. I'm so close to telling her to fck off. Also, my dad doesn't ask me tells me that he's going to visit me and stay with me. He tries to patent me still. He didn't try when we were kids he was a good for nothing drunk. He's borderline homeless and he still drinks. The drama that follows these people is not worth the trouble. My mom forced her way to my elopement then later told me I can do better. 🤦 She sold her house and moved in with us. I didn't have the heart to tell her to leave. She eventually did, but moved in with my sis.
loved this
And that’s ALL THEY ARE. Life givers.
In these support groups, are they actually getting any real education or understanding of WHY their children have stopped contact? Or is just validating their abusive behaviors?
Yep, it’s just a big fat echo chamber of rage and delusional victimhood.
I worry that maybe 1 in 10 or 1 in 20 of the parents that come to these groups might actually be more of the innocent bystander with a self destructive child who’s cutting everyone off.
I would hope if such people are finding these groups that the fact they are reasonable people means that they immediately recognise these groups are not helpful to them and leave, rather than getting suckered into this toxicity.
Many of the young generation choose their traumas at their own convenience and start the estrangement when they feel they don’t need parents anymore. If you have been a good parent, and your children decide estranged you , move on and be happy don’t waste your precious life suffering from an ungrateful child, pray for them and keep moving, you will be ok!
Parents become disposable very quickly once you realize they only ever want to be abusive. No one wants old hags who are angry for no reason hanging around.
And tonight’s “Total Inability to Read The Room” Award goes to…..
This sounds so horrible. There is one thing I wonder though: Abusive people do sometimes isolate their partners from their social network (as do cults but I guess this is a less common problem). Have you come across parents that are estranged due to their children's abusive partners? Do they quickly notice that they are a minority among these rightfully estranged parents and leave?
Also, I wonder about parents that hurt their children due to mental health issues or because they are subject to abuse by their spouses. They hurt their children and so the children might distance themselves as adults (and they have every right to do so). But they were not necessarily as narcissistic and horrific as there comments sound. Would they still be so hurt or defensive that they write stuff like that?
I guess I would really like to know how heterogenous the members of these groups are and how parents that were not horrible beings from the beginning behave when they have estranged children.
That’s a good question. We certainly can’t assume that everyone with an estranged child is necessarily an abusive person. I can think of two examples from people that I know.
Fantastic questions, thank you. I will answer them in the upcoming videos.
As a non-expert going through similar things: I don't think it really matters if the abuse stemmed from a toxic spouse, mental illness, or abject cruelty. The child isn't equipped to sort all that out, and so while the child may be able to achieve clarity on it once they mature, the damage is still done, both to the child's psyche, and to the parental relationship. If the parent improves by recognizing their errors, apologizing, making amends, and truly changing their behavior (getting healthy, leaving the bad spouse, whatever), then that's great, and dialogue is possible. But if this action doesn't take place or is half-hearted (i.e. "You must forgive me because I'm the only dad you'll ever have"), then I don't think the child somehow loses their right to defend their own wellbeing. I don't have to barter away part of my sanity or peace or money or time because my parent had extenuating circumstances that they were unwilling or unable to handle. No matter what, I was the child; it was never my responsibility and it never will be, you know?
@@Fauntleroy. I explicitly wrote that the children have every right to do so. I never questioned that at any point. My question specifically asked about whether parents react to that decision of the child in this way even if their abuse or neglect was not because they are as entitled, controlling and self-centred as they come across in the comments in the video. I never said it was your responsibility, you know?
@@kathrinbauer5358 I'm not sure why you felt the need to respond with such hostility. Thankfully, I also don't care.
My abuser is hiding from me lmao that man is afraid of me
Thank you for this video! I was just looking for support groups today and shocked that the majority of them being for the parents. Thank you for this research you did and call this out. ❤
You talk so fast, hard to absorb what you are saying. 11:35
Is this the talk of a therapist? We are doomed - both children and parents
As an estranged parent, this video helped me quite a bit. I think you need to watch again with an open mind. Listening to those angry parents reinforcing each others' anger will ensure you never reconcile with your loved ones. I posted that strange Diane's video about letting go of her daughter on You Are Not Alone Facebook group as an example of what not to do and they banned me permanently. Best thing that could have happened to me
Denial is making you resistant to truth. How does narcassistic abuse make you feel? It can give you health issues and mental health issues and kids wanna kill themselves. They walk away to save themselves from disease and a sad life
@@SusanGarvey-m2c All the best to you.
@@SusanGarvey-m2cI was kicked out of many of that groups. So this happened to me to. My Estrangement was Short but I was Looking for help too.
No- this woman is helping adults abused as children.
If the parents came to her honestly willing to collaborate in therapy, I expect she would help them, or at least assist them to find a therapist willing to take them on.
But they don’t. Cluster B personality disorders do not do therapy. Why would you- when you have done nothing wrong and are perfect in every way?