My GOD !!! I’m blown away… . You just described her to a T ! To anyone out there with a DA partner … Please please run now ! Run as fast as you can! I’ve never been so damaged in my life because I truly loved my exgirlfriend . I still do love her from afar after 8 years and she ghosted . I hope she finds healing . To anyone who is a DA… Please get help before destroying someone who really loves you. Please get help .
The first few months!!!!!!!!!! The DA I dealt with felt like he was sent from heaven. I was fooled, but I’m so glad I didn’t run after the DA when they showed me who they really are. A few weeks later is when I was strategically introduced to Attachment styles videos on YT. Those videos opened my eyes and answered all of the puzzling questions I had. Trust me, if you’re dealing with a DA, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN.
what you described is so horrible and wow, so 100% accurate, and it all happened to me. if hell on earth exists it's dating a severe avoidant. i recorded this video in case it was ever deleted from youtube because it's so so good and I re-listen to it from time to time to never ever again allow this BS in my life.
And then your question to ask yourself is why are you attracted to someone who can not be reached. The answer is most probably bc that’s the interpretation of ”love” your caregivers taught you - avoidance. This is not specifically about you, it is generalizing but I’m saying it bc if you are here believing your ex is the problem you specifically picked out that problem. It’s your preference. Being conscious about it is the first step to healing ourselves.
@@yrgarcon no, I left because it was incredibly immature way to behave. I don't have that much time to waste. I have a life to live and I'm not wasting it on someone not willing to even have a conversation. I grew up with a very loving mom and she taught me what love is, I won't accept any less. My ex started out a lot more loving and then it faded
@@Lancea1ot Good to hear that you are not drawn to this behaviour! I mean those of us who avtually is, stay, confused. In those cases the dynamic is on us too, we are conditioned to it. It is sad but can be healed :)
The thing about dismissive avoidants. They are usually in a relationship with an anxious attachment person. Because a healthy person will see the red flags and not put up with the avoidants behavior and exit the relationship. The anxious attachment person doesn't know they are dysfunctional and can't see that they're both torturing themselves out of fear from a spirit of rejection they received when they were younger.
I'm FA and can relate to some of the "get overwhelmed by feelings/don't understand them/my nervous system torments me until I remove myself" vibe, but I think the difference is how the DA USES the breadcrumbing and distance and vagueness, while the FA jumps in and has strong "breaks." However, this gives more of a hot and cold effect that makes everyone feel crazy by the end. DAs always made me feel like I was slowly starving to death and they pretended not to notice.
@@AlbertBalbastreMorte Fearful avoidant. We share many traits with DAs, but instead of being hyperindependent and fearing losing our autonomy so we "take space with no explanation," we usually go hot and cold. We want the deep emotional connections so we jump all in, but if we get a trauma trigger, we tend to "run away or shut down" because we're so scared. Many of us don't take space to preserve autonomy, we FLEE like a deer until we calm down, then we come back. It still has a pretty damaging effect because taking space erratically obstructs intimacy. DAs tend to take it in ORDER to keep imtimacy at arm's length. FAs take it because they dive into the intimacy and then get terrified and panic, but they crave the intimacy. We have a lot of trouble regulating around intimacy.
@@Sidera17 thanks. I've seen a video on that, explaining the differences, and I think I'm a DA. As I write this, I'm going to meet my gf to break up things with her. We've been hurting each other for a year. I'm a DA and she has been the most anxious woman I've ever been with as a response. Most likely we need to separate and heal accordingly before engaging in a new relationship.
@@Sidera17 pretty good description. I'm also an FA.. my pattern was over-giving and not asking for anything and then feeling taken advantage of...or being attracted to people so emotionally reserved I have no idea if they actually want me or not. I feel like we play the game of relationships on "hard mode" xD
This video scared me because I have recently realized that I’m the DA. And I have never known anything about psychology and subconscious until I finally listened to my wife about it, after dismissing her for like ten years. So the end of this video scares me as if I’m not going to be able to change even for the benefit of my family…….
It's very much possible for DA's to work through their inner wounds, it's just seldom DA's do. They tend to dismiss that there is anything "wrong" with them. Also, working through your wounds means opening up and allowing yourself to start feeling feelings, which is very scary. You've suppressed everything for so long, that when you start to feel emotions, you'll want to go back into hiding, where it's "safe". All you need to do is just put in the work and it will take effort. If your wife and family are important to you, I'd highly recommend to start following people on youtube that also have some type of practice and are skilled in healing people with attachment wounds. There are loads of programs you can follow online, but you need to find the right person/course for you. The information you find on youtube won't heal you, but will make it clear that you have trauma and how it shows up. Acknowledgment is the first step, then the will to actually do something about it. Hope you find the courage to heal.
Dang 😮. I think all the APs were hoping we could love them enough and they’d come around/want to change for themselves. I’m really starting to see that this is not going to happen. Sad and somewhat freeing all at the same time 😮💨🙃.
Damn, her words are like a dream come true. What I always wish my partner had said to me. Her bad behavior "inspired" me to improve my life to the point that I could see behind "the wall" as she described it. How disappointing it was to find that there was nothing behind there all along.
It is very helpful to confront and express ones fears namely to oneself, when that feels safe then expressing to others can feel more ok when we know ourselves better. Everyone needs to confront their fears, since we all have them, left in the dark ignored they control us more than we care to admit.
Heartbreaking and an insanely accurate revelation. I have continue to say I was pushed to push her away and her indifference and coldness and gaslighting and blaming, taking no accountability for the healthy boundaries we agreed on were blatantly and purposely disregarded. And then the revelation of the new supply (multiple exes) that was around THE ENTIRE TIME, shattered the person I thought is who I was fighting so hard for.
The most horrible part is the confusion you go through after the break up, that is why videos like this really help. You are flabbergasted after the break up an if it was a severe avoidant they probably left by blaming you but you deep down feel like you didnt do anything wrong but you were blamed so much throughout the relationship for trying to set boundries that you don't even know if you are a horrible person or a victim of an egoist...
Painfully accurate. This is me but I am working on myself. It’s too late for my last relationship which is heartbreaking but I will be in a better place moving forward. I am doing the work.
the third way of discarding is what they've chosen - intermittent reinforcement and then make me break up with them to make me the bad person so they don't have to feel guilty for dumping me because they lost feelings. How emotionally immature to do such a thing to someone. No respect. What a fool I was to take them back the second time round. Had I known about AT before hand I wouldn't have gone through this whole thing all over again and its worse the second time. I should have just kept them out of my life like I had done the last 20 years before then. I have to start all over again. There won't be any opportunity for them to reach out again anyway and I am doubtful they would try again for a third time anyway. Just by the way they've slow faded and crumbed. They are rewriting history in their head as we speak. Good luck to the person they already monkey branched to (they did that last time they discarded me so I assume they did it again now) because they will be the poor victim that gets dumped by them as they will never change. They are looking for the golden unicorn.
Avoidants aren't cowards. They were simply let down emotionally as children. They witnessed their parents fighting a lot, and so there was never room for their emotions. To survive they had to suppress their emotions. They often fear emotions because it reminds them of past turmoil. They want peace at any cost, and if they leave before you do, it is probably because they are afraid of you leaving them emotionally first.
@@yaraabboud7926 spare me your sad delusions,I have no respect for none y'all. Playing with people emotions and feelings like it's a video game,foh,DA's are nothing but convert narcissistic individuals that always wanna be play the victim,be real with yourself.
@@yaraabboud7926they are cowards if they are grown adults that should be aware of their harmful behaviour not just on others but to themselves. They rob themselves of open and beautiful experiences. Therapy is there. Tools are there. Behaving like this in your 30+ years is actually pathetic. So yes, to some degree, avoidants are sad cowards that can’t face themselves and others but act big and strong. Give me a break. The true loser here is them.
Then they got the nerve to ask for sympathy, SMH, they are emotionless robots that play with people's feelings and emotions,they consciously feed our illusions,but at the same time we feeding their delusions,I have no respect for DA's,they are nothing but convert narcs.
@@nandiphakhemese3940how about no one is a loser except judgmental assholes? No one's perfect everyone has their issues, no one's trauma makes them a loser. Judging them as a loser automatically makes you more of a loser.
accurate. reminds me of my ex, she abruptly ended it labeling me bad. all I did was suggest ways how to improve our connection and help each other grow, she lashed out completely. a month later she monkey branched into a new rel all lovey dovey hopeful and inlove doing everything for the new person. imagine how the discarded one feels.. thanks avoidants.
I literally had this happen to me with someone I was recently involved with and the way you described it was pretty much exactly how it went. Thank you for making it make sense
Yeah, and as much as their Mind Games and Bull Malarkey hurts Us, always remember, although we can't save them, keep in mind they're hurting inside and that's why they have a pattern with Relationships.
Totally Describes my "Particular Someone I'm currently Dealing With"..... everything.....right down to her Bossy, Controlling Parents, and how She uses Little Things as Huge Deal Breakers, and Breadcrumbs & Slowly Ghosting Me...........Damn it, this. Hurts.......
I'm so sorry to hear this. Im going through a similar situation leaving me all confused, sad and angry all at once. As a cherry on top I've got an anxious attachment style and whenever he reaches out it's so hard not to reply. Sometimes I wish I could just ignore him like how he does w me but it feels almost impossible I really hope u find healing and completely move on from this certain someone. U deserve happiness and peace in a relationship. Dont blame urself for what went wrong.. it was tend to happen anyway
2 месяца назад
100% what happened to me. Ghosted and replaced in 24hrs after 18 months.
Well Knowing who I am. Explaning up front. Trying to stand the pain. I have seen a lot of carcrashes on less difficult roads. I live I learn. Have a Nice day.
This is too real. Happened in the range of a few days. Things started spiraling down when I communicated with him why I felt frustrated with his action.
Thank You for talking openly about this and giving those of us who have experienced it the confirmation that it might not always be The Man. The Human condition needs a lot of Understanding. 💜✌🏻💯😳
Fellas, you probably dont want her to come back if shes like this, but if you *do* just give her the same treatment back, but be better at it. It's what her parents did when she was a kid, and she was/is desperate for their love, attention, and approval. There's a pretty good chance she will come crawling back if you become dismissive of her.
As a DA, I can confirm this works. I can also confirm that this tactic will destroy you both Explanation why it works: We're just not used to lovey dovey people and having someone loving us without condition or boundaries. We're used to walking on eggshells, and we often go back to the things that nearly destroyed us
Wow........ I'm speechless. You nailed it. Thank you.The real question is... Who is it that I am being to attract this into my life? And if they act right in the beginning, how can you identify this in someone before you invest time and emotions into them? It sounds like the ultimate trap. It feels like narcissistic abuse.
Yes. His mother was an alcoholic who shamed him relentlessly as a child. Conflict terrified him. He ghosted me twice five years apart. Thankful I dodged a bullet of someone with such poor relational skills.
This video singlehandedly gave me the explanation and closure (that ive realized many times over i will never get) from my ex of 5.5 years and this is literally 1:1 exactly what happened to a T....it ended in #2 until verbally proven to be false based on high level commitments from both of us and then, eventually, ended in #3.....damn this sucks, but thank you!
Thank you for this. I have been wondering if perhaps I am dismissive avoidant and this description has really shown I'm not. I have work to do, but I'm not starting with quite the uphill battle ahead I'd been dreading. Appreciate this.
Fucking hell. Exactly what I'm going through. But there's one difference. When i used to set boundaries he would leave. But this time he's trying to keep me from leaving. Which is weird and i don't understand. But it's maybe because this time he feels I'm really ready to leave.
IAM A dismissive avoidant and I find it really really difficult to find any helpful videos because all the videos concerning this subject make the dismissive avoidant out to be some kind of horrible person that is worse than a narcissist.. I recognize my problem and I am trying my best to work through it
Try Heidi Preibe's channel on attachment theory and Tim fletcher for CPTSD. And a therapist that specializes in cptsd. The reason you are seeing so many negative videos is because the negative coping methods DAs develop for relationships are so destructive and damaging to even securely attached people. Add to that the lack of so many seeing themselves as problematic, the chances of them deciding to heal are very low. You're doing good in recognizing you need help, but part of that healing process is going to be becoming aware of how much damage you've caused to others with the negative coping skills you developed through trauma. It's hard. It's hard to see how damaging it's been to others through the 1000s of videos and comments about destroyed mental health, and it IS as damaging as what narcissists do, even though it comes from a place of fear and not...whatever narcissists draw from. Dont let it destroy you and give up; use it to confirm how important it is for you to heal and work harder to do so so you can escape the cycle that harms both you and others. Good luck and good work.
As a DA, I can tell you that we ARE normal. We’ve gone through painful childhoods into painful lives, and are doing our best to navigate that while hopefully giving you as much of what you want from us as we can. The thing is that we do seem to attract very needy types, and they need more and more to the point that they spend their time desperately trying to extract it from us. And after X amount of that, we have nothing left in the tank to give. And so we withdraw, desperately seeking to recharge a bit so we have something to give to this needy person who chose us (we rarely seek companions; we get chosen). Apologies that we cannot be what it is that you need.
Actually I was chosen twice and discarded both times. Telling someone you love them today as they play chess with their son and never speaking to them again the next day isn’t normal. I’m sorry to offend you I’m sure every case is different
My GOD !!!
I’m blown away… . You just described her to a T !
To anyone out there with a DA partner …
Please please run now ! Run as fast as you can!
I’ve never been so damaged in my life because I truly loved my exgirlfriend . I still do love her from afar after 8 years and she ghosted . I hope she finds healing .
To anyone who is a DA…
Please get help before destroying someone who really loves you. Please get help .
I was just bawling over my breakup, now I’m actually laughing. Thank you for your helpful and humorous video.
The first few months!!!!!!!!!! The DA I dealt with felt like he was sent from heaven. I was fooled, but I’m so glad I didn’t run after the DA when they showed me who they really are. A few weeks later is when I was strategically introduced to Attachment styles videos on YT. Those videos opened my eyes and answered all of the puzzling questions I had. Trust me, if you’re dealing with a DA, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN.
Ditto!!!
what you described is so horrible and wow, so 100% accurate, and it all happened to me. if hell on earth exists it's dating a severe avoidant. i recorded this video in case it was ever deleted from youtube because it's so so good and I re-listen to it from time to time to never ever again allow this BS in my life.
I hate how accurate this is. Especially that last part, described my last gf to a tee
And then your question to ask yourself is why are you attracted to someone who can not be reached. The answer is most probably bc that’s the interpretation of ”love” your caregivers taught you - avoidance. This is not specifically about you, it is generalizing but I’m saying it bc if you are here believing your ex is the problem you specifically picked out that problem. It’s your preference. Being conscious about it is the first step to healing ourselves.
@@yrgarcon no, I left because it was incredibly immature way to behave. I don't have that much time to waste. I have a life to live and I'm not wasting it on someone not willing to even have a conversation. I grew up with a very loving mom and she taught me what love is, I won't accept any less. My ex started out a lot more loving and then it faded
@@Lancea1ot Good to hear that you are not drawn to this behaviour! I mean those of us who avtually is, stay, confused. In those cases the dynamic is on us too, we are conditioned to it. It is sad but can be healed :)
The intermittent reinforcement and being addicted is on point. Devastating for both parties.
Hot and cold is narcissistic abuse.
The thing about dismissive avoidants. They are usually in a relationship with an anxious attachment person. Because a healthy person will see the red flags and not put up with the avoidants behavior and exit the relationship. The anxious attachment person doesn't know they are dysfunctional and can't see that they're both torturing themselves out of fear from a spirit of rejection they received when they were younger.
I'm FA and can relate to some of the "get overwhelmed by feelings/don't understand them/my nervous system torments me until I remove myself" vibe, but I think the difference is how the DA USES the breadcrumbing and distance and vagueness, while the FA jumps in and has strong "breaks." However, this gives more of a hot and cold effect that makes everyone feel crazy by the end.
DAs always made me feel like I was slowly starving to death and they pretended not to notice.
FA?
@@AlbertBalbastreMorte Fearful avoidant. We share many traits with DAs, but instead of being hyperindependent and fearing losing our autonomy so we "take space with no explanation," we usually go hot and cold. We want the deep emotional connections so we jump all in, but if we get a trauma trigger, we tend to "run away or shut down" because we're so scared. Many of us don't take space to preserve autonomy, we FLEE like a deer until we calm down, then we come back.
It still has a pretty damaging effect because taking space erratically obstructs intimacy. DAs tend to take it in ORDER to keep imtimacy at arm's length. FAs take it because they dive into the intimacy and then get terrified and panic, but they crave the intimacy. We have a lot of trouble regulating around intimacy.
@@Sidera17 thanks. I've seen a video on that, explaining the differences, and I think I'm a DA. As I write this, I'm going to meet my gf to break up things with her. We've been hurting each other for a year. I'm a DA and she has been the most anxious woman I've ever been with as a response. Most likely we need to separate and heal accordingly before engaging in a new relationship.
@@Sidera17 pretty good description. I'm also an FA.. my pattern was over-giving and not asking for anything and then feeling taken advantage of...or being attracted to people so emotionally reserved I have no idea if they actually want me or not. I feel like we play the game of relationships on "hard mode" xD
This video scared me because I have recently realized that I’m the DA. And I have never known anything about psychology and subconscious until I finally listened to my wife about it, after dismissing her for like ten years. So the end of this video scares me as if I’m not going to be able to change even for the benefit of my family…….
It's very much possible for DA's to work through their inner wounds, it's just seldom DA's do. They tend to dismiss that there is anything "wrong" with them. Also, working through your wounds means opening up and allowing yourself to start feeling feelings, which is very scary. You've suppressed everything for so long, that when you start to feel emotions, you'll want to go back into hiding, where it's "safe". All you need to do is just put in the work and it will take effort. If your wife and family are important to you, I'd highly recommend to start following people on youtube that also have some type of practice and are skilled in healing people with attachment wounds. There are loads of programs you can follow online, but you need to find the right person/course for you. The information you find on youtube won't heal you, but will make it clear that you have trauma and how it shows up. Acknowledgment is the first step, then the will to actually do something about it. Hope you find the courage to heal.
Dang 😮. I think all the APs were hoping we could love them enough and they’d come around/want to change for themselves. I’m really starting to see that this is not going to happen. Sad and somewhat freeing all at the same time 😮💨🙃.
Damn, her words are like a dream come true. What I always wish my partner had said to me. Her bad behavior "inspired" me to improve my life to the point that I could see behind "the wall" as she described it. How disappointing it was to find that there was nothing behind there all along.
Exactly. How is it that we anxiously attached improve so much with these people, but they almost don't
Wow. Breaker of Hearts. Therapists must see a lot of what they leave behind.
They see all the blood and pieces of shredded hearts
Dismissive avoidant's + people with BPD who split/devalue and ghost...Emotional trauma factories. $$$$ for therapists.
I have never felt so seen or validated. This is exactly who I’ve been dealing with and trying to functionally love for 5 years.
"I was not allowed to have emotions, so now they scare and confuse me."
Yup. Me to a tee.
"I'm scared"
saying that
would help
a lot
Seriously? Read through the comments all saying how avoidants are pathetic and scum of the earth. Yeah great crowd to be vulnerable with.
Who should say that tho
It is very helpful to confront and express ones fears namely to oneself, when that feels safe then expressing to others can feel more ok when we know ourselves better.
Everyone needs to confront their fears, since we all have them, left in the dark ignored they control us more than we care to admit.
Best brief detailed description of a DA on RUclips
My thoughts exactly ‼️🤝🏾
Truthful
🙌This is a BOMB!!!!!! I wonder how the DA and FAs feel about having their ugly behaviors displayed openly.
I am thinking the next time this happens, might be the last time I tolerate it.
I think I said that last time too 😢
Then the DA crosses an FA who ends all relationships. That must make them feel real weird lol
Damn this hurts. I wasted four years of my life over an extremely avoidant person.
Mine was 8 years
I can relate .
Let’s not say wasted , because we learned and now know to run away from a DA
🍺 here....this one is on me, we both spent the same time on this....🍻
@@walkertranger5746 damn. That’s a long time, my friend. Yes, let’s heal from this mess those people put us through.
@@supersnake9634 Cheers, my friend. I hope you heal well from the trauma too. 🍻
@KAYEscl0sed likewise....oh BTW alot of times they come back. #forewarned
Heartbreaking and an insanely accurate revelation. I have continue to say I was pushed to push her away and her indifference and coldness and gaslighting and blaming, taking no accountability for the healthy boundaries we agreed on were blatantly and purposely disregarded. And then the revelation of the new supply (multiple exes) that was around THE ENTIRE TIME, shattered the person I thought is who I was fighting so hard for.
Wow 🥺
What you've just described is 100% accurate.
The most horrible part is the confusion you go through after the break up, that is why videos like this really help. You are flabbergasted after the break up an if it was a severe avoidant they probably left by blaming you but you deep down feel like you didnt do anything wrong but you were blamed so much throughout the relationship for trying to set boundries that you don't even know if you are a horrible person or a victim of an egoist...
Truly is heartbreaking. I hope we all heal from our attachment styles
Painfully accurate. This is me but I am working on myself. It’s too late for my last relationship which is heartbreaking but I will be in a better place moving forward. I am doing the work.
Wow! 😢 relationships shouldn't be this complicated. I hate playing these games.
Don't personalise any of it. Most of it is projecting. If you personalise any of it you will be damaged too. 🙏
I could swear you're talking about my situation
Me 2 🤪
Like seriously 😮🤯
Nailed it.
This is painful to hear and 💯 percent correct. It hurts but there is love out there that is easier.
God, this is so accurate, this explains so much! Wow.
the third way of discarding is what they've chosen - intermittent reinforcement and then make me break up with them to make me the bad person so they don't have to feel guilty for dumping me because they lost feelings. How emotionally immature to do such a thing to someone. No respect. What a fool I was to take them back the second time round. Had I known about AT before hand I wouldn't have gone through this whole thing all over again and its worse the second time. I should have just kept them out of my life like I had done the last 20 years before then.
I have to start all over again. There won't be any opportunity for them to reach out again anyway and I am doubtful they would try again for a third time anyway. Just by the way they've slow faded and crumbed. They are rewriting history in their head as we speak.
Good luck to the person they already monkey branched to (they did that last time they discarded me so I assume they did it again now) because they will be the poor victim that gets dumped by them as they will never change.
They are looking for the golden unicorn.
Dont date these cowards,choose your mental health over false illusions that you see through rose colored glasses.
Avoidants aren't cowards. They were simply let down emotionally as children. They witnessed their parents fighting a lot, and so there was never room for their emotions. To survive they had to suppress their emotions. They often fear emotions because it reminds them of past turmoil. They want peace at any cost, and if they leave before you do, it is probably because they are afraid of you leaving them emotionally first.
@@yaraabboud7926 spare me your sad delusions,I have no respect for none y'all. Playing with people emotions and feelings like it's a video game,foh,DA's are nothing but convert narcissistic individuals that always wanna be play the victim,be real with yourself.
@@yaraabboud7926they are cowards if they are grown adults that should be aware of their harmful behaviour not just on others but to themselves. They rob themselves of open and beautiful experiences. Therapy is there. Tools are there. Behaving like this in your 30+ years is actually pathetic. So yes, to some degree, avoidants are sad cowards that can’t face themselves and others but act big and strong. Give me a break. The true loser here is them.
Then they got the nerve to ask for sympathy, SMH, they are emotionless robots that play with people's feelings and emotions,they consciously feed our illusions,but at the same time we feeding their delusions,I have no respect for DA's,they are nothing but convert narcs.
@@nandiphakhemese3940how about no one is a loser except judgmental assholes? No one's perfect everyone has their issues, no one's trauma makes them a loser. Judging them as a loser automatically makes you more of a loser.
That last line 🎤
This just summarised my previous relationship to my DA exwife. Well put together.
thats the devil talking .
accurate. reminds me of my ex, she abruptly ended it labeling me bad. all I did was suggest ways how to improve our connection and help each other grow, she lashed out completely. a month later she monkey branched into a new rel all lovey dovey hopeful and inlove doing everything for the new person.
imagine how the discarded one feels.. thanks avoidants.
"The worst of us are walking confessions
The best of us are geniuses of compression"
Dr Hensley you're the second category. That was IN VA LUA BLE
Exactly right this is my qualifier. She is off to the next man.
I literally had this happen to me with someone I was recently involved with and the way you described it was pretty much exactly how it went. Thank you for making it make sense
Its similar tothe narcissistic abuse cycle.
Nailed it!!! Actually saw my ex in this!!!
Yeah, and as much as their Mind Games and Bull Malarkey hurts Us, always remember, although we can't save them, keep in mind they're hurting inside and that's why they have a pattern with Relationships.
Totally Describes my "Particular Someone I'm currently Dealing With"..... everything.....right down to her Bossy, Controlling Parents, and how She uses Little Things as Huge Deal Breakers, and Breadcrumbs & Slowly Ghosting Me...........Damn it, this. Hurts.......
I'm so sorry to hear this. Im going through a similar situation leaving me all confused, sad and angry all at once. As a cherry on top I've got an anxious attachment style and whenever he reaches out it's so hard not to reply. Sometimes I wish I could just ignore him like how he does w me but it feels almost impossible
I really hope u find healing and completely move on from this certain someone. U deserve happiness and peace in a relationship. Dont blame urself for what went wrong.. it was tend to happen anyway
100% what happened to me.
Ghosted and replaced in 24hrs after 18 months.
Wow. Sickening.
Great video 👏🏻
Well Knowing who I am. Explaning up front. Trying to stand the pain. I have seen a lot of carcrashes on less difficult roads. I live I learn. Have a Nice day.
So good this explains a lot to what I experienced wow.
Wow. It’s not that I heard something new, but I feel like your video allowed me to find some answers to questions in my head. Thanks.
Why is this so accurate and painful to watch 😭😭😭😭
Right😂
Only a man with self love and kindness is born free
Spot on His loss. Thank you.
You just described my wife. 🥺 I love her and hope the tides of her heart change for the better. ❤
14 yrs i endured it. Then theres all the fun narky headgames during the divorce.
Wow 😢
Absolutely brilliant ❤
This is too real. Happened in the range of a few days. Things started spiraling down when I communicated with him why I felt frustrated with his action.
Truth! ❤
Thank You for talking openly about this and giving those of us who have experienced it the confirmation that it might not always be The Man. The Human condition needs a lot of Understanding. 💜✌🏻💯😳
Fellas, you probably dont want her to come back if shes like this, but if you *do* just give her the same treatment back, but be better at it. It's what her parents did when she was a kid, and she was/is desperate for their love, attention, and approval. There's a pretty good chance she will come crawling back if you become dismissive of her.
How to become dismissive of someone you love
..
As a DA, I can confirm this works. I can also confirm that this tactic will destroy you both
Explanation why it works: We're just not used to lovey dovey people and having someone loving us without condition or boundaries. We're used to walking on eggshells, and we often go back to the things that nearly destroyed us
Wow........ I'm speechless. You nailed it. Thank you.The real question is... Who is it that I am being to attract this into my life? And if they act right in the beginning, how can you identify this in someone before you invest time and emotions into them? It sounds like the ultimate trap. It feels like narcissistic abuse.
Divorced from a narcissist, dumped after 6 months (the day before my birthday) from a DA 🙋🏼♀️😓😓😓
A dismissive avoidant can make everyone feel anxious. Don't buy it. Just take your precious emotions and leeeave
Like the great theologian, Marshall Mathers one said you can’t put your heart in a head case.
100% accurate. He took the second option. The break up phase is just as confusing 🤦🏻♀️ lol
Wow this is my son's father to a tee
5 months no contact. Feel great. Stay in no contact folks and move on. It gets easier.
Yes. His mother was an alcoholic who shamed him relentlessly as a child. Conflict terrified him. He ghosted me twice five years apart. Thankful I dodged a bullet of someone with such poor relational skills.
Well I am glad I never met someone like you :)
This video singlehandedly gave me the explanation and closure (that ive realized many times over i will never get) from my ex of 5.5 years and this is literally 1:1 exactly what happened to a T....it ended in #2 until verbally proven to be false based on high level commitments from both of us and then, eventually, ended in #3.....damn this sucks, but thank you!
😮😮😮😮that was spot on about “my-guy”. 😮
Thank you for this. I have been wondering if perhaps I am dismissive avoidant and this description has really shown I'm not. I have work to do, but I'm not starting with quite the uphill battle ahead I'd been dreading. Appreciate this.
💯💯💯💯💯
Fucking hell. Exactly what I'm going through. But there's one difference. When i used to set boundaries he would leave. But this time he's trying to keep me from leaving. Which is weird and i don't understand. But it's maybe because this time he feels I'm really ready to leave.
This is horribly accurate. OMG.
Ooof, brutal, but also valid.
Lol. So accurate 😂
If they are da make sure they dont have npd, if they do just run as fast as you can, its the definition of toxic and fake.
Run if they are a DA or a NARC
NPD?
@walkertranger5746 NARC?
To the point.
The dysfunction is God's protection.
Do you tell them that they are DA while breaking up?
🎯
This. You've really captured it. Te salute.
It's so ACCURATE! As if u got a PhD on this.. hat's off girl,, thanks!❤
OMG!
Thank you
IAM A dismissive avoidant and I find it really really difficult to find any helpful videos because all the videos concerning this subject make the dismissive avoidant out to be some kind of horrible person that is worse than a narcissist.. I recognize my problem and I am trying my best to work through it
At least you acknowledge it and are getting help
Try Heidi Preibe's channel on attachment theory and Tim fletcher for CPTSD. And a therapist that specializes in cptsd.
The reason you are seeing so many negative videos is because the negative coping methods DAs develop for relationships are so destructive and damaging to even securely attached people. Add to that the lack of so many seeing themselves as problematic, the chances of them deciding to heal are very low. You're doing good in recognizing you need help, but part of that healing process is going to be becoming aware of how much damage you've caused to others with the negative coping skills you developed through trauma. It's hard. It's hard to see how damaging it's been to others through the 1000s of videos and comments about destroyed mental health, and it IS as damaging as what narcissists do, even though it comes from a place of fear and not...whatever narcissists draw from. Dont let it destroy you and give up; use it to confirm how important it is for you to heal and work harder to do so so you can escape the cycle that harms both you and others.
Good luck and good work.
Dude. If you're trying to get help you already are not in this category. So don't feel offended
I gave the guy i loved the we are not compatible speech. Been 2 years.
So, fall out of a child abuse epidemic that cannot be allowed to end. The guilty would have to be held accountable.
Don't send this woman any money. It's a scam. She ripped me off for $130.
Wow, word for word, verbatim what happened to me. 😢
Killer timing
Abusive AF
1000%
This doesn't just sound like DA.
WE NEED THE FEARFUL AVOIDANT VERSION OF THIS PLEEEEEEAAAASE🙏
😢
What happens when she has kids? Does she love them one day and then send them to grandma the next day because she's confused about what love is?
Holy crap this is literally my ex.
Needed this like 6months ago
Lol sheesh
It is so toxic
I wish they could just be normal.
As a DA, I can tell you that we ARE normal. We’ve gone through painful childhoods into painful lives, and are doing our best to navigate that while hopefully giving you as much of what you want from us as we can. The thing is that we do seem to attract very needy types, and they need more and more to the point that they spend their time desperately trying to extract it from us. And after X amount of that, we have nothing left in the tank to give. And so we withdraw, desperately seeking to recharge a bit so we have something to give to this needy person who chose us (we rarely seek companions; we get chosen). Apologies that we cannot be what it is that you need.
Actually I was chosen twice and discarded both times. Telling someone you love them today as they play chess with their son and never speaking to them again the next day isn’t normal. I’m sorry to offend you I’m sure every case is different
@@scottmiller9374 that’s not DA. That’s schizophrenia.