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If SHE does these to the man bringing up an issue....it is also a red flag, yes?

👏🏻👏🏻 I've NEVER received a genuine apology. Closest i received was "I'm sorry you feel that way" LOL.

What you should be talking about is women using tears to manipulate their partner. That's why men don't care when women cry, we know better.

I've cried in front of both my last partners (women). You can see the disgust form in their eyes in real time. Men are expected to carry their emotions. They WILL NOT carry yours. Stay safe men.

Oof, huge red flag that this entire video is couched as a man co-regulating a woman when she's emotional, without any discussion of the other way around.

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Seems to me the understanding and pouring of love only goes in one direction. Last i checked a relationship is two people who give to each other. It's utterly EXHAUSTING being the one who's constantly filling their cups which has a hole in the bottom of it! I finally realized no matter how much effort i put in, that hole keeps draining everything i poured in. 😮‍💨 I tried. Im sorry, but after years of trying, and gave up! I have no more to give 😞

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I❤u!!!! The words I’ve been needing for my 20 yr DA relationship . It’s been hard and I’ve figured this crap out on my own. No help from him. If I try explaining this mess to others,theywould know I was absolutely off my rocker. I am a no nonsense type of girl. I’ve kicked all sorts of ppl out of my life-friends, family, colleagues, jobs, doctors, stores, potential love interests. This DA I can not live without even though we have had a thousand breakups because he runs so much. I need therapy at this point.

On the 1st date I showed up full of love and affection, she did too. A week later she was ghosting me and breadcrumbing then on after. I tried to tie her down to a 2nd date, but she kept me at arms length making all kinds of excuses not to see me. 3 weeks went by and I decided yo nake my way down to her on the train forca proper heart to heart, you guessed it, she would not show up even though she lived 2 mins from the bar. Just shows, I meant nothing to her. It hurt me a lo, as I thought she really liked me from her reaction on the 1st date. 😢

Wouldn’t an FA be more people pleasing/squishy?

BRAVO 🏆🏆🏆

I was always baffled when my ex would say “I’m so sorry!” and I would say “What exactly are you sorry for?” and she would say, “I don’t know, it just feels like what I’m supposed to say” I would try to calmly explain that when >>I<< say I’m sorry, it means: 1. I recognize what I did wrong and how I hurt you 2. I take responsibility for hurting you, and 3. I will put forth effort in the future to avoid repeating my problematic behavior Otherwise, “sorry” is empty and meaningless - or worse, a deception. Even after years of saying this, it was like she didn’t understand what I meant. If I could go back in time I’d show her this video. I feel like she would VERY STRONGLY relate to the fawning DA description. Would she actually want to “fix” anything? Hard to say. She liked to spend a lot of time (and presumably still does) reinforcing her fears that the world is against her.

OMG you have no idea what this just did for me! I am currently trapped in an abusive relationship with an undeniable cluster b personality, after he expertly and covertly disassembled my personal independence and facilitated my full financial reliance on him, and I've been entirely alone with no one to help me get out. I've begged family, I've contacted DV services, and no one has been willing/able to get me out of here. The powerlessness of not being able to have agency over my own life, and being trapped in danger I'm not able to stop or protect myself from, has sunk me into profound suicidality. If my choices are to go on living with this man any longer or to end it all, I choose to end it... Except that would leave my babies unprotected with him and I would almost assuredly be killing them too. So because of them, I'm well and truly trapped here, I don't even have the power to give up! This has caused me to resent them so much for the love I feel for them and the shame of having that feeling has caused so much self loathing! Because of that, I've been trying so hard to shove it down and convince myself I don't feel it, misdirecting and wasting so much energy in this futile endeavor. I've never heard another person admit this and I've just been sitting on it as my dirty little secret, suffering it in silence. It has done so much for me to hear another person feel the same thing, it's given me the permission to admit to myself that I actually have this feeling so I can actually allow myself to address it instead of just carrying that invisible burden around with me! Thank you so much for being so candid and transparent, it's done so much for me to hear your story!

My ex was definitely the fawning DA type. I think this type is the most dangerous one, as they like to pretend that everything is fine, only to break up with you an hour later.

Regardless of the attachment wounding that's behind it, or any of the ways it may potentially deviate from another person's self focus, no matter what semantics you want to use to describe it, the fact of the matter is that their behavior is STILL fundamentally selfish. It just is. Whether it's because they actually think they're more important than everyone else or not, it's honestly wholly irrelevant because it doesn't change the fact that they're entirely self focused at the expense of others. And that's all selfishness is! Selfishness doesn't presume to know the cause or motive behind anything, it's simply the definition for egoistic, self focused behavior. In fact, the actual definition is: 1. concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others. 2. arising from concern with one's own welfare or advantage in disregard of others. Which is EXACTLY what you just described! Whatever childhood conditioning may have caused it, the bottom line is that their actions are selfish, full stop.

The fawning DA is exactly what my ex was like. I could tell she was just telling me what she “thought” was the right thing to say as her responses were so cognitive, never any emotion, depth, vulnerability. Made it even worse when I wouldn’t accept the cognitive responses and asked how she felt about us and herself. To which I was met with silence. Pure inability to look inwards, reflect, feel and share. It was then my hopelessness for the relationship set in, as I knew this person was unable to be vulnerable with themselves, anyone or me.

Ooooooooooof…. You pegged me! 😥😅😆

My boyfriend is the people-pleasing one

Extravert and introvert DAs is another way to show different DA types.

I was having this issue with my wife, but I continue to love her and respect her, I also looked in the mirror and took a good look at my self and I was not dressing like I use to and to be honest I looked like I didn't care what I looked like, so I changed and started dating my wife again, I would have her meet me somewhere and when i would show up i would start hitting on her and flirting, "She loved it and at the end of the night I would say your place or mine...well this changed things for me for the better, so ya might want to try it and not give up on her so soon. Also pray together it will make a difference.

Wow. Sickening. Great video 👏🏻

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Same no difference

That's not attachment style, that plain narcissistic abuse from a woman. Tolerating this requires low self esteem from a man

What about the ones where there's no argument or problems? What about the ones that avoid feelings of love? What thoughts push them into avoidance?

I had a mega bust ip with mine. Only knew her for 3 weeks. I told her to go get some help and told her she could possibly be a dismissive avoidant. She ranted at me via txt calling me controlling and a Narcissist. She's now blocked me. I'd be interested to know if she will own her issues and seek help, or hate me like the devil ? Our 1st date was amazing, we hit it off amazingly, but a week later I'm getting ghosted, i tried to tie her down to a 2nd date but she was always busy. I'm not sure what will happen from here, do I move on, or give her time to reflect and maybe reach out ?

God is so good. There is absolute power in the name of Jesus. I myself have been delivered and have seen deliverance. I have had a dream where God spoke directly to me. Your testimony is awesome to hear. I have been on my own walk with Jesus recently and came across your videos for attachment style. It’s cool to hear this. Jesus is the truth, the way, and the life. Love and sacrifice. We’re here for a reason guys.

I feel like there is a healthier version of the F/A. What is being described about F/A's on these channels sounds more like Borderline Personality. (I hate you don't leave me) Someone can be F/A because of childhood trauma but leaning more towards secure style because of healing and therapy but might still struggle with feelings and not act on them in unhealthy ways like what's described.

Brains and Beauty. Thanks for your help in letting me see the problem. Met a girl, got on amazingly, then ghosted a week later saying she could not cope with how I felt about her. No 2nd date as she was always making excuses not to be available. I've now walked away after calling her out for pushing me away. Definitely a DA. Another semi broken heart after a completely shattered one from a Narcissist 4 years ago. Keep up the good work x

So, basically, it's about unlearning learned helplessness.

Omg

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First of all I'm really sorry for being Snarky about the avoidant for so long - i love you and wish you the best -- Truly Ive lost soooo much in life - i empathize grievously

Praise God - he is Good Laughter KILLS Fear Cain & Hevel is not about murder per say Hebrew text gives us a clue : Ka-yin He killed the Yang kept the Yin We also are NOT told who's sacrifice was more "abundant" - only more "pleasing" to GOD Able was a Question mark - sometimes known as "Hevel" - he was a myst or mystery - we know nothing of his "ability" - he was just like me and you - not knowing what to do - he only tried his best and forgot all the rest - he should have realized the hate in Kayins eyes , but what you gonna do when they all hate tr"u"th - truth has a rinnnnnng - 🎉😂❤ All we know is he didn't question God - only existed and tried his best I picture him giving "All" of everything instead of "Half of More" We all waffle between DOUBT (Fear) EMBARRASSMENT (hidden) JEALOUSY (overwritten with a single word - Anger and Mad)

I always hear this but what if it’s all you know…. It seems unhelpful for me to sit and dream about something that has never happened and may never happen…. It’s so confusing

Amen! Hell is the absence of God. Very simple explanation of what hell is. Thank you!

Your knowledge is valuable. The way you describe your knowledge in a way that’s really easy to understand is even better.

If they say they forgive you, but shut you out and bring up the past at a conflict. They said I got papers you to sign. This is a pain I fear daily. Because of the past. You are forgiven, but any tiny issue they unload everything on you, from the past. This feels like an undoing of any healing. I’m still weak and need in my healing, but it seems useless when the guilt is hung over your head. Is a spouse truly forgiven? Will you ever be good enough? Measure up enough? I can say for a fact. You are never truly forgiven ever. Only God can forgive the past truly

I really like your videos and insight but I have to call B.S. on this one.. Anyone can build a house if they learn the tools and techniques .. The overwhelming majority of Dismissive Avoidants don't see anything wrong with their behavior and will truly never change..

What changed for me is i STOPPED pointing out anything disappointing -- sure enough even that was seen as passive aggression I had to do that for a few months - it went from Anger Aggrevation Frustration Tooooo Cheezy (That's when they leave 9 times outta 10) Came back once the nervous system settled down It seems they process "cheeziness" as "aggravation" at the drop of a hat - "I'm not embarrassed- that's just stupid" That's the blindspot i was missing - now i manage the cheese and reduce it to just slightly embarrassing 🎉🎉🎉 No one likes to stay embarrassed for long Now I ONLY do the tiniest suggestions - no more aggravation just frustration I see it I the forehead and eyes now 😂❤ My work is done - for now ..... breadcrumbs for life 😂😂

lol… as an secure leaning fearful avoidant, I can confirm. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I recently dated one of these. So Loving, and then the discard. But then she reeled me back in, once again, so loving but another discard. yeah I think I'm better off out of that..

❤i agree

Wow, like I’m laughing… at myself and thinking. Why am I wanting to be with this person, damn it sounds so toxic and impossible. And here we are, the gathering of strangers who want to learn about their FA partner or ex partner. 😂

Nice. What, if any, homework can you assign to the avoidant? There's too many videos (not just on your channel) about how anxious people cam dance around an avoidant.

My husband sends me this… but his behavior is far worse than this. He’s also using videos like this to justify his actions… he’s 30… it’s been almost seven years and he’s mentally and emotionally abusive..he is the most selfish person I’ve ever met and can never hold himself accountable.. his communication perfectly describes narcissism… he has so many symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder….. even if he’s not and this is what describes his behavior these avoidants need to get it together.. seek help and stop victimizing themselves! Especially when they’re legitimately abusive and destroying others mental health around them. I have very little hope for people like this and only because they stand on that blame game to the point it’s even hurting themselves. Anyone reading this… do not let people like this destroy your future… your health… if you’ve shown more patience and understanding than they even deserve and they’re not taking an ounce of responsibility..f their goal posts! And do what’s best for you.

What is wrong wit detecting inconsistencies?

You should have titled it, “If an extreme UNHEALED FA were honest.” To make a sweeping statement that all FA’s are on this level of dysfunction seems disingenuous.

It all sounds legit