All I do is bring things she values that are safe and what she appreciates... When I ask for something, it's very small, and if there's no effort, it's six weeks of no contact...
I asked my ex DA to call me once a day. He said he felt too much pressure and that i'm a special girl who needs a lot of communication... So he shut down and he broke up with me. (He usually call me when he had time at 12 or 1 at night... he didn't has a job but he didn't had time...) Yep...
I've been with my husband for 11yrs.... He's dismissive. I am fearful. Of course now, I'm anxious. It's horrible. I wish I had known about attachment styles years ago. I wouldn't be in the situation I am in now.... Looking back on so many things, it all makes perfect sense.....unfortunately
Spot on I put a solid boundary for my familys needs being out first and needs over what she was doing and she couldn’t handle it discarded without any closure or anything at all I was secure as now I’m anxious and stressed. Got asked back after a few weeks so went back to then a slow fade breadcrumbs monkey branched and cheated on.
Why can't we just call these DAs emotionally unstable and stop trying to sugar-coat the thing. You've got one relatively okay partner trying desperately to be with a mentally ill partner, doing all of the work because, hey, if you even try to sneak up on telling the DA that he or she has a very real problem that can be worked on, he or she just thinks you're trying to 'have them' or 'put them in a cage'. I have seen it for myself and I call them all HFCPs-Highly Functional Crazy People. They can hold jobs, pay bills, buy groceries but shucks else.
@@kevinkurgansky4479 Oh, you're welcome. It's sad. I know two avoidants. Very handsome men, mid-sixties, money in the bank, big houses, living singular, very very alone, shutdown lives thinking they're the good guys that just never found the right woman when the truth is they've met the right woman (and pushed her away) many times. One of them even gets (so sad) crushes on dead celebrities. The celebrity is either deceased or somebody that they would NEVER get a chance at meeting. I dated both of these guys at one time or another and, while I didn't learn my lesson with the one, I sure got it with the other. I understand, even witnessed how their parents put their behaviors in motion and I have empathy for that so my door of friendship is always open, but the level of cruelty these two DAs are capable of is ruthless, grossly inappropriate and just downright mean-spirited. They can love on you today and, have your phone number blocked while they're doing it. They've ghosted you in their minds while they're standing on your porch! If I didn't know from personal experience with these two DAs, it would all be hard for me to take in. I was a grown woman raising children and had no idea that human beings could be so mean. It still stuns me.
wanna know what I think is crazy? committing a lifetime of hard-earned resources to another person who is relatively okay. so much easier to meet my own needs and keep my stuff to myself.
@@WrittenMysteries If youre indeed meeting your own needs, cool. But if you're sitting around like these two guys I know, praying up dates with dead back-up singers and givin' the lil' lost lamb look at the tv talking about being alone, then I'm not buying it but, hey, I just figured out that I don't have to be 'in love'. I have a whole bunch o' folks around who simply love and appreciate me for being relatively okay, which is actually code for being a decent human being not afraid of being vulnerable, open and honest.
@@sherrymshephard-massat5929 the entire DA population is not like your two friends. many of us are quite capable of enjoying life. the problem with DA dating advice is that it only applies to DAs in the dating field. there isn't much research on celibate DAs. as for folks around you who love and appreciate you, great. none of those folks are willing to put all their money and property into your hands at the mercy of a possible divorce court. of course friendships are doable with "okay" people but domestic commitment is too much risk.
I asked my ex DA to call me once a day. He said he felt too much pressure and that i'm a special girl who needs a lot of communication... So he shut down and he broke up with me. (He usually call me when he had time at 12 or 1 at night... he didn't has a job but he didn't had time...) Yep...
It really depends on your situation. I for myself think spending the night together (if it is not too much of a hussle with commute/hobbies/whatever) is really important for me. I have so much stuff going on in my daily life that I love to spend at least 1 or maybe even 2 hours with my partner doing daily stuff (cooking, eating, watching something together). If it is not possible or the other person needs me time its also okay for me. If I see the other person only once a week or less without any specific reason, it will not work for me. Also people that think you always have to have a "real" date to see each other are not compatable with me. I can spend on average 1 night max on something like dates. I want to see my person more often than once a week. Beeing secure is not about how often you see each other. Beeing secure is knowing yourself (your wants and needs) and enforce boundaries if necessary and being able to see that you are happy with choosing yourself if your core values are not shared by the other person. (Core values are topics like children, marriage, life goals, amount of contact... It is not do you see each other 5, 6 or 7 times a week. This shouldnt be a hard boundary and more a debatable one)
So, when their Partner, NEEDS HELP getting over and healing from a SEVERE trauma....... I MEAN SEVERE TRAUMA. the DA will NOT be able to help in ANY WAY. and in fact, they will Make it 1,000 times worse !!!!!!! So, MANY years later, the Partner FINALLY wakes up, and throws this EVIL crap to the curb
Asking the DA for the bare minimum is asking for way too much to them.
Basically.
Every time
All I do is bring things she values that are safe and what she appreciates... When I ask for something, it's very small, and if there's no effort, it's six weeks of no contact...
I asked my ex DA to call me once a day. He said he felt too much pressure and that i'm a special girl who needs a lot of communication... So he shut down and he broke up with me. (He usually call me when he had time at 12 or 1 at night... he didn't has a job but he didn't had time...) Yep...
And I was told how incredibly disrespectful for even asking for the bare minimum.
❤ so dismissing when they minimize our needs. Hurts so bad.
This sounds almost like in the social skill arena of Asperger’s of some individuals.
It's like dealing with a spoiled child🙄
I've been with my husband for 11yrs....
He's dismissive. I am fearful. Of course now, I'm anxious. It's horrible.
I wish I had known about attachment styles years ago. I wouldn't be in the situation I am in now....
Looking back on so many things, it all makes perfect sense.....unfortunately
It's incredibly difficult to handle. Yet, I'm fearful, so I understand that I too am a pain in the ass to deal with....🙄😳lol
@@JenniferEckert-o9j
You’re not a PITA… you just wanted emotional connection and vulnerability from some one who does NOT have the capacity to do so…
Spot on I put a solid boundary for my familys needs being out first and needs over what she was doing and she couldn’t handle it discarded without any closure or anything at all
I was secure as now I’m anxious and stressed. Got asked back after a few weeks so went back to then a slow fade breadcrumbs monkey branched and cheated on.
Why can't we just call these DAs emotionally unstable and stop trying to sugar-coat the thing. You've got one relatively okay partner trying desperately to be with a mentally ill partner, doing all of the work because, hey, if you even try to sneak up on telling the DA that he or she has a very real problem that can be worked on, he or she just thinks you're trying to 'have them' or 'put them in a cage'. I have seen it for myself and I call them all HFCPs-Highly Functional Crazy People. They can hold jobs, pay bills, buy groceries but shucks else.
You’re not wrong. Thanks for this perspective.
@@kevinkurgansky4479 Oh, you're welcome. It's sad. I know two avoidants. Very handsome men, mid-sixties, money in the bank, big houses, living singular, very very alone, shutdown lives thinking they're the good guys that just never found the right woman when the truth is they've met the right woman (and pushed her away) many times. One of them even gets (so sad) crushes on dead celebrities. The celebrity is either deceased or somebody that they would NEVER get a chance at meeting. I dated both of these guys at one time or another and, while I didn't learn my lesson with the one, I sure got it with the other. I understand, even witnessed how their parents put their behaviors in motion and I have empathy for that so my door of friendship is always open, but the level of cruelty these two DAs are capable of is ruthless, grossly inappropriate and just downright mean-spirited. They can love on you today and, have your phone number blocked while they're doing it. They've ghosted you in their minds while they're standing on your porch! If I didn't know from personal experience with these two DAs, it would all be hard for me to take in. I was a grown woman raising children and had no idea that human beings could be so mean. It still stuns me.
wanna know what I think is crazy? committing a lifetime of hard-earned resources to another person who is relatively okay. so much easier to meet my own needs and keep my stuff to myself.
@@WrittenMysteries If youre indeed meeting your own needs, cool. But if you're sitting around like these two guys I know, praying up dates with dead back-up singers and givin' the lil' lost lamb look at the tv talking about being alone, then I'm not buying it but, hey, I just figured out that I don't have to be 'in love'. I have a whole bunch o' folks around who simply love and appreciate me for being relatively okay, which is actually code for being a decent human being not afraid of being vulnerable, open and honest.
@@sherrymshephard-massat5929 the entire DA population is not like your two friends. many of us are quite capable of enjoying life. the problem with DA dating advice is that it only applies to DAs in the dating field. there isn't much research on celibate DAs. as for folks around you who love and appreciate you, great. none of those folks are willing to put all their money and property into your hands at the mercy of a possible divorce court. of course friendships are doable with "okay" people but domestic commitment is too much risk.
I asked my ex DA to call me once a day. He said he felt too much pressure and that i'm a special girl who needs a lot of communication... So he shut down and he broke up with me. (He usually call me when he had time at 12 or 1 at night... he didn't has a job but he didn't had time...) Yep...
So when they fantasize about other women, is it not the same as limerance??
How often does a secure attachment type usually want to spend time w or see their partner if they’re not living together? On average?
It really depends on your situation. I for myself think spending the night together (if it is not too much of a hussle with commute/hobbies/whatever) is really important for me. I have so much stuff going on in my daily life that I love to spend at least 1 or maybe even 2 hours with my partner doing daily stuff (cooking, eating, watching something together). If it is not possible or the other person needs me time its also okay for me.
If I see the other person only once a week or less without any specific reason, it will not work for me. Also people that think you always have to have a "real" date to see each other are not compatable with me. I can spend on average 1 night max on something like dates. I want to see my person more often than once a week.
Beeing secure is not about how often you see each other. Beeing secure is knowing yourself (your wants and needs) and enforce boundaries if necessary and being able to see that you are happy with choosing yourself if your core values are not shared by the other person. (Core values are topics like children, marriage, life goals, amount of contact... It is not do you see each other 5, 6 or 7 times a week. This shouldnt be a hard boundary and more a debatable one)
Hey Sarah, your website keeps looping and doesn't allow to book a group coaching. Any suggestions?
FA?
So, when their Partner, NEEDS HELP getting over and healing from a SEVERE trauma....... I MEAN SEVERE TRAUMA.
the DA will NOT be able to help in ANY WAY.
and in fact, they will Make it 1,000 times worse !!!!!!!
So, MANY years later, the Partner FINALLY wakes up, and throws this EVIL crap to the curb