The moment you said "you dont ask for help because it never worked before." That hit me like a ton of bricks. All 3 years of middle school, I was bullied. Every. Single. Time. I asked for help from the teachers. Friends. Guidance councilors. I was never helped. I suffered. I lashed out. I was punished when I lashed out, but I never got help when I asked. Now, I'm cynical as can be and believe the only one who can help me is myself. Maybe I can try to ask for help again...
What helps me is being the helper. I am kind generous and helpful to others even strangers, within reason (still have your boundaries) (and don’t give expecting anything in return and only give to the point where you’ll still be okay with even zero gratitude from the recipient). That way when it comes your turn needing help, you definitely have a right to ask. And no is an answer too, or something you didn’t expect. If you don’t ask, no was there answer anyways. What helps me is gratitude journal. Write down one thing a day that you are grateful for, and if you can’t really think of anything, something that you saw in life or read etc that was a nice thing someone did for someone else. It can be really simple like holding a door open for someone else or a warm hello from a stranger. And challenge to be that person
In psychology that is called learned helplessness. If you put a dog in a cage-like area with a metal floor and shock the floor but he can open the door to get out he will. However, if you remove a means of escape the dog will just lay down and take it. I have a masters in neurological psychology, I only respect psychology because they are trying to account for every variable in someone's life which is an almost insurmountable task but they do employ the scientific method. I encourage you to seek other sources of relief. I don't know where you are but try your local 211. Good luck. 💜
People don't want to help you.. they only want to help themselves.. the people who's job it is to help you only do it to get paid the money.. they use you to help themselves..
I think it's definitely a "doomer mentality" / shooting yourself in the foot before your life has begun. You speak to most 30s+ & they'll say things got better post-25. You look at art and writing from teenagers across history they mostly have the same issues/angsts.
@@jaysemitchells497 Rubbish. I am 31 and life is still miserable, and the future is bleaker than ever. We are all living as wage slaves serving an evil system which kills our mind, body and soul. Meaning in life is found through connections with others and the natural world, and that's so hard to find these days when everyone is time poor and stressed out of their brains with work. Modern life is so lonely and alienating, and it is terribly sad that this is the way things are.
@@swedishZ0mBi3seriously. I’m 25 and I’ve lived in apartments with friends before, but once one lost a job and we couldn’t keep up I had to go back to my moms. And that was incredibly disheartening. Because unless you make damn 30 an hour then you ain’t living on your own. It’s like they want people to off themselves to keep the wealthier population comfortable, stg
I couldn’t even swing the dragon tail sword then my gf told me to hit the blacksmith and now I can’t talk to him so I gave up on the game… An allegory for my life…
I think it says a lot about the healthcare system, in my country; the fact that I pay $700 a month for healthcare insurance, so that I can go see doctors who don't do much at all, but I can get on RUclips and find this type of useful health information which improves my well-being, my quality of life, and my ability to cope with it.
@Riley42-03 Hey 👋 I'm all on board for the insurance is a scam train, but we are all just one major medical emergency away from insane debt. I recently went through this with my mom and had to resort to crowdfunding to save her foot (she still got all her toes amputated on the foot). Think twice before canceling.
$700 a month on insurance??? Do you have the cancer cure plan or something? I pay like $20 a month, and I don't have to pay out of pocket for most things, and it includes dental.
@@skeletor2994Haha! IKR! I have group insurance through my employer who offered two plans. One cheapy with crappy coverage, and the other one overly expensive but extensive coverage. Just one of my prescriptions by itself is $500 a month without insurance. I am a physical trauma survivor with extensive medical needs so I had to go with the higher end plan. Now that I have finally recovered enough (TBI) to start getting treatment for all the things I need, the insurance company is telling me they don't handle anything diagnostic. Well then what do most people go to the doctor for if not diagnostic? 🙄 Now I still accruing unpaid medical bills and I'm going broke paying the stupid insurance. Rip off! But as a disabled person, to not pay it would leave me in a worse situation. If you know where I can buy good insurance for $20 a month, please do tell! I'll even send you some of the savings!
Couldn’t agree more!!! Statements like that speak to certain people going through the same circular rat race daily, that’s me! Lol Or rather, that WAS me 😉👏💯🎯💪
I describe it as "everyday is Groundhog Day" referring to the movie. (Which I don't even like and wasn't even filmed in Punxy, but I digress). I have been out of an abusive household for a while now, but still have other societal things stacked against me. And I am still v much in this 'waiting till bedtime' just trying to get through the week.
Five topics to fix society via discussion: -Anti-natalism vs Natalism -The 3 basic needs/prenatal needs Three things necessary for human evolution that are provided while in the womb which are; food, shelter and medical care. -Platinum rule Do whatever makes one happier unless it interferes with another persons ability to do the same. -MBTI (research yours and connect with others) -Art (pick one and get better at it!)
The destination is just a tiny part of the equation. The very process of walking the path, learning, improving, feeling that we CAN do something about it is the MEANS with which larger and larger change is created.
Silly paradox Nothing anybody has ever accomplished has infinite steps and almost everything people have accomplished they didn’t follow some formula to get there If you could somehow put somebody who succeeded in self improvement in a room with their previous version and asked the young version to describe what specific beginning steps they think the older took to self improve they would be wrong The older version would end up with an explanation something along the lines of “I just started walking”
This describes my entire life. Sadly, I finally did something radical and pulled myself out of it. I moved two states away and was ready to thrive. Then COVID happened. Now, I have no concept of the future and my life is passing me by. I'm older than the typical HG audience. This is tragic.
But you do want to change, you voiced it over and youre watching videos lime this. Thats a huge positive! Im 41 and evolving in therapy- its never too late.
Honestly I just wish I had friends who understand what shit life syndrome does to you. I love my friends, but they all grew up middle class and in happy families, while my family was super dysfunctional and poor, and my childhood was accompanied by A LOT of trauma. I am doing relatively okay right now after therapy and being more financially stable, but god i wish people would understand how much this shit affects you in long-term. They don't understand why things that they perceive as easy are extremely difficult for us, like absolute inability to plan your future etc. It's so isolating and makes you feel very lonely and misunderstood, it sucks.
@oxanax5360 yeah totally get it, people often don’t have a good grasp on how different we can all be based on our upbringing like that and tend assume everyone had a similar upbringing to them. Hard to deal with sometimes. Best of luck!!
I feel you, it happened somewhat similar to me, I couldnt share why certain things were stopping me from going out bc most didnt get that it was a hard thing for me to deal with even though it had some alternatives
@alanbasoria5265 yeah, going out is also a challenge for me, but explaining to others why it can be hard is even more of a challenge... im using the strat of bailing on hangouts with the excuse that I'm sick or busy, but im getting tired of lying and it also makes me feel guilty. wish it was easier to explain. at least videos like this help! maybe we should try just linking this video to people lol.
Maslow's hierarchy of needs may be considered debunked, but it's a useful way of looking at the differences. Basic survival - Air, water, food, clothing, while not being actively mauled by a bear. - Surviving Security - Shelter, food security, having a job to provide income. - Surviving Social needs - Friends, family, romantic partners. - Now we're starting to thrive! Esteem: Being respected, having a sense of purpose, knowing who you are and where you are going - Thriving Self-Actualization: Being the best YOU that you can be - Thriving Someone who has Shit Life Syndrome is stuck in gears 1-2 and can't even get to third gear, let alone levels 4-5 which is where the best mental health outcomes are to be found.
I've been alive over 4 decades. THIS IS LITERALLY THE FIRST TIME I'VE HEARD SOMEONE REFER TO MENTAL ILLNESSES AS ADAPTIONS TO HORRIBLE EXTERNAL STIMULI!!! This is brilliant and I don't know if I just never had it "click" till this video or if we need to start putting this concept out there in the "mainstream" (whatever "stream" there is for mental health these days, since many people refuse to believe it's even real) 😢 Seriously, really good stuff here - the concept of mental ADAPTATIONS rather than seeing them as more of a "chronic (or even lifelong) illness" is such a monumental paradigm shift. Talk about giving someone hope to deal with the true ROOT CAUSE rather than just trying to treat something for all eternity. Maybe that's why I never heard this concept till now? Preventing and curing things rather than treating them for the lifetime of the patient isn't exactly a "good business model" 😢😢
In some ways, he also said some people are born with certain mental illnesses, so he is not talking about that. Personally I think the name if this condition is weak.
@@Brownmahfun Well, either way, it is very weird if no professionals have thoroughly or properly contextualised it as. I can't remember the literal definition of disorder but I'm pretty sure all of them are reactions to external situations. You don't have control over your conditioning as a kid and you won't think much of it and you will adapt to it, hence why so many look or inquire about your childhood when getting to the bottom of things. If something happened in adult age, then said person should be cognizant about that change. So it makes no sense to ask about anything _else_ than childhood, if the subject does not understand what has gone wrong or at least have any idea. At least this is what I think. Also, I don't think I have "shit life syndrome" but I've definitely been nihilist and most likely Dysthomic for 20 years and everyone around me keeps dying or becoming unexpectedly ill with bad stuff (not just cancer) or accidents, I've kept ruining stuff for myself, and my parents have created a whole metric crap ton of a mess for me (and my sis) but I don't feel like I can be _that_ mad at them because their hearts are good (they're not at all bad people just stupid with a lot of things) and I live in one of the richest and happiest nations in the world, however I guess that made all the contrasts worse. In regards to people that mattered around me, I can't say I have _NOT_ have an unusual amount of bad luck. But if qualifying for "shit life syndrome" is to be dissonant then I don't think I can fit in there. I _know_ I can change my life, I just never found the energy to. And realizing I can do things for _MYSELF_ (and I mean then to ONLY seek my OWN appreciation for a work well done etc) has been an epiphany. My mind was blown when I realized I can and should do stuff for myself. I guess I can still be as altruistic as I can but I think I'm able to take the first step towards caring about myself instead of always working for someone else to the core
Pretty sure it was Jorden Peterson who said something like it's not the people with anxiety and depression who have a disorder, they've stared into the abyss and recognised it's hopeless, that's a perfectly rational response.
There are actual mental illnesses that are more than that. My sister has schizophrenia and she had a perfectly normal childhood as far as anyone can tell, she just went off the deep end when she was 17 and decided she was Jesus. My mother had bipolar disorder and my father probably had ADHD (retroactively diagnosed after his death, it didn't exist when he was a kid!) and every person in my family has one or the other, so there's definitely a genetic component to those as well. But yes, for many disorders, they are trauma responses and adaptations.
Sometimes I think my life wasn’t that bad and I’m just ungrateful and then you give an example of something that would constitute a traumatic event and horrible parenting and I’m like “oh good, I’m not just an asshole with ridiculous expectations”
Hey bud. Remember your parent(s?) were liars and they called you ungrateful to gaslight you. They pointed out the bare minimum that they did do to guilt you, and you've felt plenty guilty enough for no good reason already. You don't have to feel guilty about it ever again. You more than paid already. Sincerely, Someone who had a dance party when their mother died in spite of weekly attempts to remind them that they would feel terrible when she died
Dude I can’t describe how fucking real this is, also hate that society acts like parents are perfect and you’re not allowed to hold them accountable for anything, then you have the other side of people who’ve had parents way worse than yours trynna oneup you because their experience is worse like this is the victims Olympics. It’s really tough to set your boundaries and not feel guilty when you’ve been people pleasing your whole life
The problem for me, isn't not trying, it's that when I try, when I succeed, basically all I feel is relief. "Thank God it's done." Pretty hard to talk yourself into struggling, when the only reward for the struggle, is at best, being freed from the struggle. Then on the other hand, if I don't succeed, or all along the way to the success, I suffer.
Dr. K has other videos about that side of things more directly. That's less Sh!t Life Syndrome and more Tiger Cub / Gifted Kid Syndrome. Welcome to the club! We don't have tshirts, just crippling perfectionism 🫠
Do you have a very active inner critic? It can be hard for people like that celebrate their achievements - but this is a choice you can make. Take some time to think about what you achieved and how good it is that you achieved it. Congratulate yourself for your skills and the hard work that you put into it. Enjoy the positive feelings as you focus on these thoughts. If you do this consistently it will become a habit and come naturally. The fact that you can't enjoy your successes is a learnt behavior (probably overly critical parents?) , so it can be unlearned :)
That sounds like what I was experiencing during worst burnout after which I was officially diagnosed with depression. Harsh inner critic, perfectionism, following dreams and plans that you were pressured into that aren't aligned with your true values, burnout, depression, there's many possible causes. But it does , it can get better - finding the reason *why* you feel that way gets you over half way over to the solution.
@@user255 Never heard the term before. Googled it, and I guess, it fits kinda, but only in this context. I enjoy things, just don't get any real enjoyment from accomplishing things.
A psychotherapist once told me that “if you had a normal life and suddenly felt worse for 2-3 week+, I would prescribe you antidepressants, but since your life is objectively lousy, then just go work hard, try to improve your life.” And I left with nothing, having received no help, only giving money.
Unfortunately psychotherapists are like managers and teachers....there are good ones and there are bad ones and there are ones who end up in court. Join a free men's/women's support group. I belong to a mental health support group of mixed genders of all ages....let me tell you they have saved my skin so many times more than any psychotherapist. I've been going for 10 years. Same with Anonymous groups. Your sponsor becomes your mentor and you have a lifelong community all over the world.
The RIGHT antidepressants can help a lot to get the energy and hope for working hard. "Working hard" with a shit life AND depression without any help like (good!) therapy or (good!) medicine, is just a nightmare.
60+ here. Never had goals or dreams (too many fantasies, though; what a silly girl I was), but I did uni on autopilot. It was pretty boring, but I made friends and had a rich personal life with some travel and lot of going to concerts and dancing and such. Work life sucked; in and out of jobs, unemployment, nothing of a career. Thank God, I enjoy reading a lot, working in the garden and listening to music. These have kept reminding me that life is a mystery and no two days are the same, not even two minutes. I have not done much that would have made a difference (to my knowledge at least), but I have enjoyed the experience of living.
"but I have enjoyed the experience of living" that sounds so bewildering to me. im 34 years old, and the fact that i have to live for ANOTHER 35 years more, if nothing happens, induces despair unlike anything else. im glad when its finally over and i dearly hope that there is no such a thing as an afterlife. one time with a Consciousness is certainly enough, i hope that there is at least some cosmic mercy that it will be wiped out entirely once the body decomposes.
@@jvogler_art4708 I traveled in youth, a long time ago and not nearly as frequently as people seem to do today. A rich personal life is totally possible with very little money. For a long period of time I did a lot of reading, because I was unemployed. I did experience a lot of desperation, but I adopted as a principle of life that I should experience something uplifting every day, despite all the struggles that may go on. Those positive moments were very modest, often just enjoying a cup of coffee (or listening to music), savoring it, and feeling the gratitude of living yet another peaceful moment - a moment that was totally mine and could not be destroyed by anyone.
I used to think like the poster that was featured in this video. I was underemployed, working 2 jobs and still unable to support myself and had to live in my car. I had to force myself to change my negative thinking and it was so hard, almost impossible to do. My life began to change when my thinking became more positive. Negative thoughts did and still do creep in but not as much. I stop it by visualizing attaching that negative thought to a balloon and watching it float away. I went back to school, got a better job as a result. My 2nd job is part time now. I got rid of all the toxic people in my life because I could see them now for what they are. Even though I still live in my car I'm much happier because I have a future now and know this is temporary and I will find a way to put a roof over my head. It's just not happening today. We'll see what tomorrow brings.
@@disappointedbutnotsurprised17 Thank you much! I feel like it's important to talk about these successes even if they seem small to the world. They're huge for people like us. There used to be a podcast called "Tiny Successes" I listened to and the hosts welcomed listeners' stories but they HAD to be tiny successes like for example if you're ADHD and you know you have to vacuum your room and you procrastinated and stressed for a week about it but today you brought the vacuum into your room. That's a success. I found these stories so inspiring and I can't find the link to their old content or else I'd drop that link in here. I think many would have benefitted from it. If I do find it I will. I'll keep searching but yes there are many podcasts like that one. Sometimes just being free even a little is a HUGE success for us even if it's little for the rest of the world.
32:00 My father was diagnosed with Glioblastoma out of nowhere...😢 Our life was going so great... and suddenly we had the lowest points in our lives... But he is doing a little better now... I am grateful that he is still with me🥺
I'm in my 30's, my mom got diagnosed with early (and severe) dementia and then a year later my dad also got diagnosed with dementia I'm glad it wasn't as bad as it could've been Edit: I mean, that he got a little better then... How did it all end up? Are you okay?
I had shit life syndrome. My sister had to MAKE me get up daily and luckily she knew how to get me to have fun then we would reflect on how fun it was and she gave me rules like “don’t say but after the good” and that was the first step for me. Later I had to learn “the only way to get over it is to go through it.” Now I’m in college and killing it. I had such bad learned helplessness after abuse , neglect, and homelessness in my youth and yet managed to learn how to kick my life back into shape after years of being a victim of my circumstances. This is such a great concept to discuss and I believe it can change.
you dont really have a shit life if you have family that cares about you. try getting into the mindset of someone whose family dont gives a shit about them, and you will have problems connecting with other people for life. then you are alone and lonely and only think about why you dont end it all.
@@DanielDorn-tr7tw He was lucky to have those to support him but I don't think we should minimize each other's struggles, yes it's true some people are luckier and more fortunate than others for whatever reason but this isn't a competition of who has a shittier life, one step at a time for each and all of us towards self-improvement.
@@DanielDorn-tr7tw well, i too, have caring parents but a sh*t life syndrome. it's getting better with therapy though, but i have a path to go. it's when you become adult enough to understand that your family wasnt knowledgable enough for parenting and guidance, despite their intentions.
"I've lost faith in the world, I haven't lost faith in you," I can't fully explain why, but I'm sure I will be able to after I have some time to reflect on it, but that was such an incredibly unintentionally powerful quote
i "have" this. drug addict parents, moved out at 14, abused by adults as a minor, that's just scratching the surface. it came a time where i had to choose to live my own life on my own terms and grow out of my trauma and victimhood. dr. k speaking serious wisdom with this one
also professionals seem to ignore c-ptsd, which is very different from anything else. i had a literal shit life which was like "having a syndrome," but all i needed was to have control over my own life instead of ex-family who were very controlling. in canada, they're figuring out how to implement a guaranteed livable basic income and this will change so much for so many people
@@quinnm.3127 That is good but housing and rental costs will rise. In US, there is nothing like guaranteed income, health care, education, or housing due to predatory landlords and banks. When there is free money and raises, this is what happens. With rising costs and landlords not favorable to young adults, it is difficult to start your life and especially if you come from a broken childhood and ill family like the comment above, you are just going to get sicker. Being unemployed as a young adult and continuing to live with an abusive family was what made me sick today. I cannot visit doctors due to the loopholes placed by insurance.
My problem is that I do absolutely feel like i don't have control over my life. I'm 30 and pretty much everything that's happened to me that's significant (housing, job opportunities, family, etc) has be outside of my influence, so now it's ingrained in me that I can't make any meaningful changes in my life. I can only focus on surviving day by day.
Well you're not wrong. That's basically what life is down to the very basics. Everyone has to do that regardless of their situation. No one has a choice in that aspect. We live in a free society... where no one is free. Those of us who are aware of this fact, suffer.
Van life and only fans. I left my family behind so that I could grow as a person. They were stifling as well as my home town. Oh if you are neurodivergent claim disability.
The problem is that u got ingrained in u that u have to do "meaningful" things in ur life to justify ur living as a person. U have so many standards u feel like u need to live up to instead just be content.
I'm fucking speechless with tears in my eyes. I didn't even know "shit life" was a thing, but it is EXACTLY what I've been dealing with. This man understands me better than I do. Subbed.
Traveling to a developing country and seeing how simple their lives are and how happy they are will often change your perspective and increase your gratitude
Yeah, this hits hard. At some point, I guess I gave up on trying to make plans for the future, and living my life instead of just existing. Taking care of my daughter has helped a lot - it's given me a purpose to keep doing and keep trying even when it's hard but my focus is still almost entirely on the present with little view or planning for the future.
I asked my friends and family for some assistance and across the board they said something along the lines of, "sorry, I'm busy, but good luck, I'm sure you'll figure it out." And now I've wasted my time and embarrassed myself.
A lot of people don’t know how to react when people ask for help but it doesn’t mean they don’t care. Not a waste of time at all. It’s a step in the right direction.
If anyone should be embarrassed, it's your family. I have one family member who will help me do whatever I strive for and I count myself lucky. But I see most people have no support, because people do not know how to give support. Maybe try asking for something specific that is small from the few who you actually can rely on, then maybe they will understand more what you are needing and they can invest more of themselves in supporting you. It's going to be on their minds that you asked for help and they just dropped the ball...they may be hoping to get a chance to redeem themselves. Don't give up...that's kind of the point in this video.
Maybe they stopped helping you because they know the requests will never end? Sorry for the tough love dude, but, I'm in a great situation in my life, and it always falls to me to help my messed up family members with all their problems, always at the expense of my own goals. There's a difference between asking for help and being a burden. If you're a burden... you've gotta figure out how to progress, if you're showing progress in changing your situation, people will be more giving with their help
Please don't interpret this as you embarrassing yourself. You stood up for yourself and that is something to be proud of. In my adult life I have been severely ill with a physical illness and I was forced to ask so many people for help. Most of them said no. Some of them said yes, but then they were so unreliable, and sometimes ended up not doing what they said they would do - that I concluded I could get more results just doing it by myself. I learned not to ask for help because it didn't make things better, and often made things worse... My perspective is that this is a reflection of the sad state of the word right now - most people are so overwhelmed by their own problems, they are also in survival mode and feel the need to conserve their resources all to themselves. But actually, if we take a little time and energy to help someone else, it lifts our mood and makes us feel connected - which then makes it easier to solve our own problems. I learned this lesson when I was in a life-threatening situation. Now I am once again in a life-situation that I haven't been able to solve by myself - I will have to ask for help but it's scary because I am afraid it might make things worse instead of better. But I am gathering up the courage to do it and trying to think of the best way to ask for help to get results. Trying to build up some hope.
Everytime I tried therapy, I felt like I'm talking to an agent of society, who's trying to convince me to conform and be a productive slave, instead of actually trying to help me.
@@LexaRulescaI've done a lot of psilocybin over the years. Did not give me the breakthrough. Only gave me a few hours away from the prison of my own head. Which is nice. But in reality, it did not change the circumstances that make my life shit. So Im still here.
I know that feeling of not fitting into society. But I never felt like I have to fix myself. Being well adapted to a sick society isnt a sign of mental health. Staying true to yourself is. I alawys stayed true to myself. ALWAYS. I used the waves of society that were useful for me to ride them and seize the good bits from it. I was in an identity crisis end of last year and beginning of this year. And I had an inspirational awakening in febuary. Something I thought Id lost forever came back to me. Which is writing. I havent even publiced anything, yet but it already shifted my life and identity. It gave me passion and purpose. Identity crisis is gone.
This is literally me. No vision of future, no irl friends, no love, no goals, only a desire to survive another day just to survive another day and so on
While I am not as negative as the example you’re using, I’m 100% seeing myself when you said that we can’t see the future. I’ve had so many last minute things happen to me, unexpectedly and life-changing, I stopped planning for the future and simply take things as they come which is not in a positive way.
yea. as soon as i was planning my first bday party, corona lockdown happened.. as soon as i got new friends anywhere, i had to either change or leave school/places.. same with romance: e.g. 2 weeks in and a friend of that girlfriend died, poof, romance over. Family stuff as well.. relationship with my brother became finally fun and nice, poof, shizophrenia happened.. it's definitely not me making any choice in my life. it's the life, throwing me around saying "haha" while yeeting away any of my plans. things were like that for well over half my life. i literally cannot be expected as an adult being able to plan out my future as others. i barely know how to make friends even. yea, but for my defense.. i recently figured out that host skills are literally the base for relationships. so, i got the knowledge problem solved, at last
I'm so grateful Dr. K is so passionate about this. I've consumed so much of his content, and have gained so much wisdom, however, i find myself in a pretty rough mental state right now. And im just glad he's still putting out content for us and still has hope in us. Sometimes that's all it takes. It can be so easy to give up hope in today's world, but I'm so glad things have happened in a way that allows us this information. Thank you universe and to anyone reading, i love you, the fact that you're here shows you do have some love for yourself, and we can get through this stuff together ♡
The world in general is in a very bad place: post-Covid, cost of living crisis, uncertain job futures, geopolitical and social disarray, burnout, inequality, you name it. We see more people now struggling with sh*t life syndrome, because our lives are badly impacted RN. Actually, many people were likely struggling BEFORE 2020.
Nope. We see more people struggling now because they used to not talk about it, and they were too busy to whine about it. Life has _never_ been easy for the vast majority, certainly not as easy as it is today. You don't even have to go outside in -5C weather, to a small shed in the garden, just to use the toilet. Everyone today, even the homeless, have a far more comfortable life than anyone has had throughout the whole of human history. It would server people well to recognise it, but everyone wants to whinge about "how easy the Boomers had it", like they didn't grow up with ice forming on the insides of the windows in their social housing, with no central heating.
@@fredmercury1314 Dude, the prices for RENTING even a single room flat trip in past few years in my country. What the hell are you talking about it? Boomers had it worse? But they had a future. In my country people could buy the post-communists flats they lived in (which were built with tax payers money btw) for 1/20th of their prices. Now they try to rent that one flat (after taking a loan for a new one) for a price which usually lets them pay the mortgage. And of course they are against the gov building cheaper flats now even if they directly are in better positions because of flats built by previous government (the only good thing communists here did). What about jobs? Many companies run to China or to India. Here where I live almost everyone gets paid minimum wage without possibility of earning more because you need money for courses, moving out to cities with more jobs etc. And if you want to play this game, then boomers shouldn't be crying either. Oh no, they lived without central heating? Sucks to be them. At least they had houses unlike all those millions of people who died in the I and II World War.
@@fredmercury1314 Why does it bother you so deeply that the average citizen of a wealthy country won’t have to endure the hardships their ancestors did? Complaining about the objective declination of our living standards isn’t tantamount to ingratitude for the many luxuries we do have access to. Why should anyone let the conditions of the past, of which we have no control, dictate the future?
@@n.s.3609 I fail to see how that can be placed at the feet of an entire generation who had their own hardships to contend with and their own futures to forge. You don't get to be a "boomer" anymore than I get to be an ancient Roman. Every generation has their own S to face, suck it up. It's life.
Wow I needed this analysis. I've been feeling apathetic and frustrated for a long time after my 6 years of suicidal depression and childhood trauma. Even I pulled myself out of suicide, I still fought depression and anxiety for almost 10 years now. I feel my 20s are gone. It's like I went into collage and lost consciousness, woke up 30 and confused. The "every effort is worthless" part is so real for me. I've been STARVING for positive feed back for a loooong time. I actually forgot how to feel success. I even feel empty when I win in fighting games or write a 60k words fanfic in half a year. I also feel most my problems can be fixed by financial independence, and I'm starting my own business right now. It's been 3 months and I got like...almost no income, possible small loss in fact. I'm trying a lot of things and doing small steps everyday. However the feeling of "this will be futile" haunts me as well. I deeply fear that I won't be able to feel excitement anymore, making money is not throwing a rock, it has complicated steps. No immediate feed back is but a feature I know, but I really NEED success experience to make me feel that I did something, and that something has worth. My body rejects happy feelings as well. Everytime I laugh I feel pain because I involuntarily hold it in. Congnitive bias probably is what making me feel all this. Including "no positive feed back".
The not being able to feel anything good is so familiar. If something happens that makes me happy for a split second I immediately get a random anxious thought that just kills the joy
This is your most important video. I really needed to hear this. I got a host of medical problems from being a poor, abused, neurodivergent minority that has faced so many systemic problems that negativity and cynicism just made sense. I had to process my trust problems. When I started socializing again people had all these complex dreams and ideas and I realized I stopped having dreams or plans at all. I was just drifting. I started drifting again recently and this was both validating and a wake up call to keep growing. Thank you so much for this. There are so many real problems in the world, but if anyone like me is reading this you can grow, find well meaning, growing people. Find purpose.
This is good this is like psychoanalysis. Normal therapists see being normal as the ultimate ideal. If you're a normie, you're healthy. Psychoanalysts think about things differently. They're open to the idea that our entire society is mentally unwell.
Gabor Mate is great at articulating this and thinks a lot of normal people are going around with unresolved traumas doing what they think they should be doing/ what they're told to or pressured to do by parents and friends.... even if it's well meaning. It's actually alarming at a societal level at how many people are mentally unwell IMO.
Existence itself is traumatic. Everything we do to sustain ourselves must exploit something else, and in turn we are exploited for someone else. It's the law of nature and scarcity.
@@mothdust1634 We don't live in scarcity. We live in a totalitarian merchant dystopia that make false scarcity in order to keep us slaves for the rich.
Never knew there was a word for it, majority of my life has been to me pure hell, was trapped for most of the 20 or so years with my family, drug addicts and dealers who were also hoarders. Been bullied majority of my life as well from elementary even up to the end of highschool by both students and teachers who had no interest in helping me when I reached out. My mom either hid or lost my important documents such as my birth certificate and Social Security Card, I also wasn't taught anything meaningful, wasn't allowed to learn to do anything or do it by myself, they made sure I was completely helpless. This year I finally got away from it all after being traumatized and hurt even more times by people I have chosen to stay with for a short period.
Just don't give up on hope!! It's very natural for people who have been though situations like you to not develop the ability to hope or envision a brighter future because their brain doesn't want to get more disappointed but trust me it's just a coping mechanism that your brain developed to keep you safe..now that you are out hope you chase your dreams and fulfill them!! Best wishes..
This is the first mental health video that has really ever made sense to me. I changed a bunch of things for the better and felt like I could finally see the end game. Actually ran a 10k race and made a bucket list. Let bad things happening stop me the last 6 months and have been feeling hopeless again. Up to me to react differently and control what I can. Can't let the depression win.
I have never heard of this before but youre describing me. My mother had this SLS and my moms mom as well. Moms moms parents were murder suicide, then moms dad committed suicide, then my mom committed suicide. My dad is antisocial or severely autistic with physical brain damage and has no empathy/emotions and told me he hated me. I was emancipated for neglect at 14 and moved out on my own because nobody wanted me. I spent years homeless because the system is not made to help emancipated minors and the services said they couldnt help me until 18. I still tried to go to school and work but I lived in an abandoned shed and slept on moldy seats. I experienced SA multiple times. I got in with a bad crowd and became addicted to drugs by 17. I got clean by 18 and hitch hiked the USA across the entire country. I worked my way out of poverty and found a partner, we got a house and pregnant, and then he died in an accident while I was pregnant. Every time in life that I feel like I am getting ahead and life is getting better, there is some large tragic occurrence (many more I didnt name here) that brings me back down again. At 33 I am terrified to connect to anyone due to realistic fears of abandonment. I have been diagnosed with ADHD, OCD, MDD, PTSD, GAD, and on waitlist for ASD assessment and my therapist just brought up the possibility of Bipolar or BPD. Im like well great...I guess Im just broken with every disorder. My mom was depressed most of my childhood and just laid in bed all day and I was never taught most of the basic life skills so I struggle greatly with executive functions. It's really hard to overcome not having a chance to even start life on neutral footing. My life started badly. Heck...I was the product of a one night stand. I didnt stand a chance. Im still trying anyways. Now I have my own son who I have to try to help not have SLS...but poor kid lost his dad before he was even born. We are cursed.
CPTSD can make it appear as though you have bipolar disorder. It's not likely that you have all those things you've been diagnosed with. You've experienced a lot of trauma in your life.
You have been through so much in life and despite everything, you are still trying and you are doing what you can to protect and love your own son. I'm just a random person online but I'm proud of you. your son is blessed to have someone who cares and is trying for him. I am wishing you peace and healing my dear.
I'm so sorry that these things keep on piling on top of you even when you try your best. Your son has a strong woman for a mother. Even now she still tries her best despite life kicking her down time and time again. I really hope that you get years and years and years of good things going forward, both for you and your son.
@@chrismaxwell1624 that's very common. I was misdiagnosed with bipolar spectrum disorder in my 20's and took lamotrigine for years before a different psychiatrist told me I didn't have that. I've never been diagnosed with autism but I think that's what I always had.
Excellent take. I had this feeling in high school where I was the “lowest” performer amongst the family friends’ kids. Once my parents listened to me and let me put goals on my own life, I’ve become successful because I got to CHOOSE what I wanted instead of told what I wanted.
I'm crying my eyes out watching this, and everything makes so much sense. I'm sitting here trying to figure out how all the broken fragments of my life are supposed to go.
Sounds like my life. I thought I finally clawed my way out, but Covid came along and put me right back in the hole. No strength left to fight. Nothing left worth fighting for. No friends, no family. Now I just wait for my end, as the thought of oblivion is the only comfort I have left.
This was good. Several layoffs have left me with a sense of pointlessness and just deciding to ignore the future. I appreciate Dr. K acknowledging that people have valid reasons for feeling the way they do and acknowledging that the world is unfair and unreliable, and that you may not have held yourself back to end up where you are, but we will definitely hold ourselves back from moving forward if we don't at least try.
this year is hitting me hard, so much stuff isnt working, im broke af, everything looks so doomed. I always had this thing in me, even tho im pretty depressed, that there is light at the end of the tunnel, but thats fading. starting to loose hope, realy needed this video to see whats actually going on inside me. thank you
This is exactly what I've been dealing with and It feels nice to have someone talk about, it's really hard when no one else in your life is capable of understanding.
I agree that learned helplessness and the freeze response to PTSD are reactions to chronic stressors that make a person feel powerless to change their circumstances. The problem is, if this person doesn't know the map or recipe to change, or are even unaware of alternatives, how do they get out of the situation? Children who grow up with lousy role models won't know how to conduct themselves in a successful manner. I suppose the best avenue would be to pick healthy role models and learn their behaviors and actions. It's too bad a lot of therapists/psychiatrists don't help people change their perspective and learn new ways to adapt. You're video has been very informative!
Dr. K is strumming my pain with his fingers. I’ve been caught in a constant circle that seems inescapable. I’ve been sick my entire adult life to some degree (started with a brain tumor at 17), and after fighting for disability for 4 years (and losing), I’m left to pick up the pieces and try to start a life at 36 years old. My mother is supportive, yet aging and struggling with her own mental and physical health, but I’d be literally dead without her. It’s like a mathematical equation that I can’t quite find the solution to, but in the answer is my own happiness. I keep finding hints in Dr. K’s videos, but the solution still eludes me. Maybe I’ll get there some day. Much love gamers ✌️
That letter is such a great description of what it's like. 😢 I have also lost faith in the world, that's why I wonder every day, what is even the point of living for all of us? You live a struggle, sometimes for decades, hoping that you can find happiness one day. Hoping there's a reason for everyting, as they say. Thank you for a great video. I found you by accident but I needed this today, as I was just thinking that if I can't help myself, no therapist is gonna help me. You've just explained why, and life makes that one bit more sense now.
“If I have shit life syndrome, I grow up in an environment where my intentions do not shape my circumstances” that is the realest thing I’ve heard today
I went through a very rough patch once. I got out of it by (1) recalibrating my expectations for my life, then (2) set some reasonable achievable goals that would allow me to improve my life. I've been grinding that process for over a decade and now I'm making real progress. The progress is actually snowballing lately and frankly, I'm reasonably happy and looking forward to the future.
That was me until Covid put me in debt and now I am in a position worse than at any point prior in my life. My expectations for life have always been simply getting through this shit and hopefully finding someone to make the best out of it for the second half. That’s not happening.
I spent years fighting this syndrom. I had to realize that if I take action on a circumstance that's outside my control, I'm just gonna be wasting time and energy by taking responsibility for things I'm not responsible for. But if I don't, my life's gonna get worse and I'll become apathetic. I'm in the process of finding balance between these two extreme opposites.
ADHD has many of these problems baked into the disorder. Low ability to control inhibitions, low ability to self manage emotional variance, inability to to future plan properly, and inability to resolve agency. So you need to be able to have agency in your own future and ADHD already makes that a problem, and we have empirical evidence that ADHD is a structural problem that can be diagnosed via imaging.
I suffered from what you are describing. It literally was a change of perspective that changed me. I even wrote a book about it to help others, which cuts through bs but many people with sls don't want to get better because it means taking on some sense of responsibility for their adult life as running away, hating yourself and blaming the world is so much easier.
@susanlynn6545 it's the one in my profile pic HOW TO UNFUDGE YOURSELF FROM A WORLD FILLED WITH FUDGERY. It's on Amazon, and let's just say... they were not happy with the words I wanted to use for the title 🤦♀️. The book was written with love but also honesty, too. I don't suger coat things
This is actually useful. I had a bad weekend, and after listening to about 6 of these vids I finally hit something real. A lonely, poor life is rough. It's hard to not fall into coping with substances, or bad behaviour.
Been going to therapy a year and a half now. Kinda getting into a cycle where I start with a therapist and they have a few tricks, but then realize my problems are deep going back to a horrible childhood that I parlayed into decades of failure as an adult and then they just kinda give up. None of them seem to know what to do when they realize my brain is just kinda wired for doom.
Have you tried some form of somatic therapy? I recommend Somatic Experiencing or Hakomi. Early trauma that is stored in the body can't be resolved through talking - because when we were babies we didn't have language yet.
Something I learned from The Courage to be Disliked: The past does not exist. Of course memories and the past have existed, but our brain remembers things to confirm our current situations, to complete our current objective. It's not about lamenting about what we were given, it's about working with what we have in the current moment. Easier said than done, obviously. Especially when you consider something like depression, which literally (biologically) makes your brain runinate and focus on the bad. Or anxiety, which makes you use the past to worry too much about the future so you are "stuck" in the present. If you stop sticking to the story and instead stick to the moment of "right now", things seem a lot easier. It's a process, and it's not easy, but it's simple. It's essentially what people call "ego death", as the ego is in charge of our life story and sense of self. If you spent all your life walking backwards, it's going to be hard trying to learn how to walk forwards. But everyone is capable of change at any moment. Best of luck, friend. I don't know you, but I respect you as you are, and have confidence in your ability to change and live the life you want to live.
How much are you doing to help yourself? Are you reading good books, watching and analysing quality videos on therapeutic topics (like Patrick Teahan, Crappy Childhood Fairy and so many others)? Have you tried journaling, mediation, have you committed to just being with yourself and your thoughts? Therapists are just strangers, they know us only through what we are able and willing to tell them in the allotted statement. Their role is to gently steer us into the right direction but the burden of vast majority of work lies on us. And that's terrifying, sure, but at the same time - empowering. Empowering, because it means that your success in therapy depends in big part on the amount of effort you are willing to put in. And the more effort you put in yourself, the more benefit you'll get from therapy. If you come for the sessions prepared, after having worked through content of previous ones, with prepared notes - you are far more likely to get significantly more benefit even from mediocre therapists. And, seeing as they are just ordinary people, making them see the effort you are putting in is very likely going to result in them being more committed to helping you and more willing to spend extra time and effort to help you succeed.
Look at people whove dealt woth what you went through and how they solved it. You might even make some genuine friends in the process cus they understand you the best
- belief in self-determination - jumping to conclusions - not asking for help - loss of future orientation ----> goal-setting - life isn't fair, but do not focus on things that are out of your control you have 2 options in life: - there is nothing i can do about this - i can try to do something about this
One of the best things i've learned from Dr.K is thinking more critically, questioning my thoughts, learning to not take it as a fact, obviously we are all humans and you're inevitably going to fall for some cognitive biases, but it definitely helps lessen them.
Thank you for your channel. Although I’m a 53 year old woman who has never played video games, the way you explained this makes sense. Understanding the piece around survival and it being the reason why I haven’t made goals this lifetime. Yet, I get the concept of manifesting in a conscious field! I have been on a healing path. Glad to have found your channel. Loved the debate with Dr. Mike too.
I've listened to many dozens of videos in this format on this channel and this is amongst the best. He really managed to expose the core of so many "stubborn" or "deep" problems.
This is helpful. CPTSD, major depression and childhood trauma (physically and verbally abusive father with an enabler, possibly undiagnosed BPD mother) have basically ruined my life. I was able to achieve what I should achieve in my mid 20's but had what was probably a breakdown caused by career burnout and a breakup around 30. It's taking years of struggling and experincing more trauma (back to back toxic/abusive bosses) to slowly build back trying to get back to where I was almost 10 years ago....
I know I'm 2 months too late, but your parents sound very similar to mine. By an enabler mother do you mean that she enabled your father to be abusive or did she enable you to do toxic things and didn't properly correct you? My mother did a little bit of both, she was at odds with my father and believed that it's okay for me to eat processed foods and chocolate everyday if it means I'm happy. She scolded me if I insisted on trying to clean the house and be productive "because it's her job not mine" but she would later inexplicably be mad at me when she's going through a depressive period for being too reliant on her. She very likely had BPD as well. If you experience is similar in anyway, I'm wondering how did you recover in your 20s? I'm 21 myself and I'm struggling with motivation and just getting out of the house (both parents have passed away)
I finally realized why I'm addicted to self-imposed video game challenges like "don't use items", and "don't use summons": I tremendously failed at getting into a relationship with a girl I loved, and then failed to get started with a career I always wanted, and as a result my mind was into "helplessness mode" telling me that my life sucks, and there's nothing I can do about it. I became obsessed with hard video games because that's the only place where I could exert effort and affect the outcome, and when the game was deemed "easy for me" I'd come up with random bs "oh this is OP I won't use it", and would justify saying things like "I just enjoy the challenge". If I enjoyed the challenge, I would've been hitting the gym and study to get the job I want, and date women, instead of playing a game with no summons and no flask or whatever. Instead I'm a manchild living in my mom's basement thinking that anything other than gaming is beyond my power.
This is the most uplifting video from Dr. K yet. That you can be suffering a shit life and still develop the will to change it, and still find a way out, that's the ray of hope this world needs.
My mom gave me the "shit kicked out of me syndrome", which made my shit life happen. People will never understand a broken man who has no living family, lost everything and has nothing to lose. Life has been very hard.
I love it when doctor K starts yelling and cursing at us. Like dude yes tell us we're fuckin idiots and we need to take control and be the positive influence in our own lives. Thank you for the lovely content!
Trying to understand what I am going thru and learning from this vid made me realize I no longer want to just exist, I wanna try to thrive. So empowering.
Oh my sweet summer child... you have the optimism of youth behind you. I used to fight my way out of my mental illnesses, and no matter how dire things were I had hope. But just like treading water to save one's life if stranded in the deep, deep ocean, there's only so long you can keep it up.
@@michaelbarbarich3965 hugs. I started out in the sauna/nudist spa indoors before it got warm enough to gp outdoors. I'm autistic and always did find clothing restrictive.
10:20 Today I learnt from Dr K, "The whole point of a living organism is that it interacts and is shaped by its environment. We are in a homeostatic relationship with our environment. The environment and us shape each other so it goes both ways. My physical body adapts to the circumstances around me in order to try to succeed in this scenario."
This video really made me understand some things. You know how kids have a dream job? I never had that ever. The only thing I was sure about was being a mom, but that was probably because it's what you do as a woman. One of my cousins wanted to become a doctor and did so.
I love your passion so much. This has been slowly what is getting me to finally change my life into a more positive one. I'm an incredibly rage-filled person with PTSD who struggles a lot, and I despise money and things, so honestly, money only motivates me in the idea that I could try to at least help people in my family and help other people who could use the help, while hopefully using any influence to make positive changes for the people. It's a large endgame goal, but it's the only one I have really. Still suicidal as always, still miserable as hell, but I've finally been making games with the knowledge I accumulated from audio production, art and animation, programming, etc over the course of my life. Time to be a solo dev and make some games, support charities that actually help the world and hopefully also get to share my story and weird way my brain works in a way that relates to others.
Oh man, this video hits hard. In the past year and a half, my mother died unexpectedly of a heart attack. Then I got diagnosed with pcos after weeks of hormonal torture from an ineffective bc pill. Then a close friend ghosted me and insulted me for being upset about being ghosted. Then I moved in with my partner, leaving the remainder of my mom's side of the family behind. Then I had to cut off two more friends because they began to hurt me due to their unrelated personal issues and refused to stop. Then I got gallstones and had to have my gallbladder removed. Then I got told I may have remaining stones and would have to get them removed (luckily they passed, but the news was stressful). All happened while I was going to college for a stem degree. All that to say, I definitely have shit life syndrome. And you know what's interesting about it? The most suicidal thoughts I've had have been happening during the past few months when NOTHING bad is happening. The depression and the pain is intensified because now I have nothing to "fight" but myself. No horrible event to push my stress onto. Yet, it's so easy to forget that we are victims of our circumstances even when the timing of the stressor has passed. That mental illness does not exist in us despite our circumstances, but that it exists in tandem with them. That events make our illnesses flare up, not that the flares are signals that we are "damanged goods" or "worthless". Our illnesses are part of us, but we aren't our illnesses. This video came at a very good time. Thank you, Dr. K. And I hope that anyone reading this can feel comforted. Know that this will pass. Things will get better. Even when the world and your brain tries desperately to convince you life isn't worth living, know that happiness exists even if it takes time to recognize it again. You ARE worth it.
Yes, it's only when the worst has passed and we are out of survival mode than we can process emotionally what happened before. It's actually a good sign when the feelings come, but it can be terrifying. Some people just keep themselves in survival mode all the time to avoid the feelings - but the thing is, they never go away until we process them. So when the overwhelming feelings come I remind myself that this is an unavoidable part of the process and the best I can do is just sit with them and accept them as they come, try to feel my body and my feelings - that's how they get processed. It will get better, we just need to catch up our emotional processing with the present moment. I'm done processing most of my childhood trauma, now I'm mostly processing the trauma of the last 7 years. It is hard when bad things happen one after another, but we can get through it! Take heart! :)
Just realized that I'm in the middle of the process of turning my mindset to the healthy side. Feels assuring for me to know. Thank you Dr.K and HealthyGamerGG for the content. Helped me tremendously the last few months
Three men got out of a car and one pointed a gun at my father while he was holding my baby sister when I was nine years old. 'You are lucky you have your children with you right now' They said. I remember him telling me he had to go away on a trip and to take care of my mom and sister. Stay in school he said to me. Stay sober as long as you can he said. A few months later he had a lethal over dose it was new years 1992. That ruined New Years for my sisters for a long time. I never understood what was going on I was so young. I heard the band he was in never got paid in cash. Strangers have told me he was an amazing bass player. His guitarist said he owed him lots of money. We hardly had rent or food but his guitarist tells me my father owed him so much money. Part of me hated his guitarist said that to me. Doesn't bring up any good memories just how much my father owed him while we barely had food. Thank god my grandparents tried to help us. I wouldn't say I had a s life but it's been unreasonably difficult. Especially the day nepotism told me I wasted years of my life because I was born into the wrong family according to an electrical instructor... But I won't get started on that here... Right now I need to focus on healing an injury and leave the past behind where I can. If you read this whole post I hope you are well. Enjoy what you can when you can. There will be peace for us all in the end.
This video means a whole lot to me as I haven't been able to really find why things have felt stagnant for a while. Life doesn't treat people fairly, and that's one of the mental hurdles I have recently discovered, but this video helps put it in clearer perspective! The idea unconsciously further hurts when you unfairly compare yourself to your peers who have more success in life, so I'm glad that idea is better cemented thanks to this video. Navigating life felt very blurry, with how difficult it seems to recall positive takeaways, how mentally draining it is to stand up for myself, and how indecisive my choices were, but it all seems more clear now. The least I can do for the future is to try to do things for myself. Good job, Dr. K!
(Jun 16, 2024) 15 mental diagnostics1:07. List of bad things6:44 Definition of SLS7:408:15 "No amount of therapy will help fix this"8:30 Ppl that dont know how to live life 10:03 PTSD is an adaptation to SURVIVE 11:37 Growing up in an insufficient environment 13:07 How to throw a birthday party13:40 Brain: “this is a waste of time” 15:03 Depression makes neutral interactions negative17:58 “Asking for help is useless”28:03 "Ive worked w half winners & half losers"30:04 33:47
Im a big fan of the editing of this episode, flows so much better when jumping to the pertinent parts of the discussion when in referencing the original post.
I’m not sure why, but Dr K reminding us that there’s a correct response to the shit life throws at you kind of floored me. It seems so simple, but I never really thought about it before. Reframing my experience of life, turning away from my current perception of it as a horrifying barrage of insurmountable problems, and into a perception where I can think of problems, not as insurmountable, but theoretically surmountable even if I can’t solve them and they end up killing me is shockingly empowering.
I have been waiting to here this kind of discussion about perspective and depression my whole life. I know that I'm wrong but no one ever stopped to explain to me why I was wrong, specifically what mechanisms were responsible for my bias. I even paid for and went to therapy, without insurance, living pay check to pay check because I knew I couldn't figure all of this out on my own. But any sense of okayness I got from that therapy eroded away as soon as I stopped going (due to life circumstances I couldn't change). I have been hoping against all the odds that there was some kind of way to turn my own thinking on it's head, to convert my stubborn despair into a motivation to hope and dream again. I think I got some of the answers I was looking for from this video. Sincerely, thank you.
F*ck the wine, that is for drunk heads and bored housewifes. Start training for 1 hour out of the 24 hours you have every day, Get a job that makes even a little money, got to start somewhere.
The moment you said "you dont ask for help because it never worked before."
That hit me like a ton of bricks.
All 3 years of middle school, I was bullied. Every. Single. Time. I asked for help from the teachers. Friends. Guidance councilors. I was never helped. I suffered. I lashed out. I was punished when I lashed out, but I never got help when I asked.
Now, I'm cynical as can be and believe the only one who can help me is myself.
Maybe I can try to ask for help again...
What helps me is being the helper. I am kind generous and helpful to others even strangers, within reason (still have your boundaries) (and don’t give expecting anything in return and only give to the point where you’ll still be okay with even zero gratitude from the recipient). That way when it comes your turn needing help, you definitely have a right to ask. And no is an answer too, or something you didn’t expect. If you don’t ask, no was there answer anyways.
What helps me is gratitude journal. Write down one thing a day that you are grateful for, and if you can’t really think of anything, something that you saw in life or read etc that was a nice thing someone did for someone else. It can be really simple like holding a door open for someone else or a warm hello from a stranger. And challenge to be that person
In psychology that is called learned helplessness. If you put a dog in a cage-like area with a metal floor and shock the floor but he can open the door to get out he will. However, if you remove a means of escape the dog will just lay down and take it. I have a masters in neurological psychology, I only respect psychology because they are trying to account for every variable in someone's life which is an almost insurmountable task but they do employ the scientific method. I encourage you to seek other sources of relief. I don't know where you are but try your local 211. Good luck. 💜
Tons of energy your way
People don't want to help you.. they only want to help themselves.. the people who's job it is to help you only do it to get paid the money.. they use you to help themselves..
Based honestly. Asking for help is pointless. Do what you can for yourself because other people will always let you down.
Unfortunately a lot of the youth today are suffering from Shit life syndrome especially with the lack of a future.
I think it's definitely a "doomer mentality" / shooting yourself in the foot before your life has begun. You speak to most 30s+ & they'll say things got better post-25. You look at art and writing from teenagers across history they mostly have the same issues/angsts.
@@jaysemitchells497 Rubbish. I am 31 and life is still miserable, and the future is bleaker than ever. We are all living as wage slaves serving an evil system which kills our mind, body and soul. Meaning in life is found through connections with others and the natural world, and that's so hard to find these days when everyone is time poor and stressed out of their brains with work. Modern life is so lonely and alienating, and it is terribly sad that this is the way things are.
They do what they are supposed to and do not get the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Yeah, most ppl can't even afford to move out until like 30 because getting a place to live is expensive.
@@swedishZ0mBi3seriously. I’m 25 and I’ve lived in apartments with friends before, but once one lost a job and we couldn’t keep up I had to go back to my moms. And that was incredibly disheartening. Because unless you make damn 30 an hour then you ain’t living on your own. It’s like they want people to off themselves to keep the wealthier population comfortable, stg
Dragon tail sword is like being born "smart" and having it easy in school, but then struggle as an adult. Biggest noob trap for sure!
is this a ds1 reference?
@@tralx5268 He mentions it at the end of the video
@@tralx5268 yep!
drake sword op
I couldn’t even swing the dragon tail sword then my gf told me to hit the blacksmith and now I can’t talk to him so I gave up on the game…
An allegory for my life…
@@Moto_Medics Least it wasn't the messenger
I think it says a lot about the healthcare system, in my country; the fact that I pay $700 a month for healthcare insurance, so that I can go see doctors who don't do much at all, but I can get on RUclips and find this type of useful health information which improves my well-being, my quality of life, and my ability to cope with it.
Sad really
I’m not renewing my insurance! Fuck em
@Riley42-03 Hey 👋 I'm all on board for the insurance is a scam train, but we are all just one major medical emergency away from insane debt. I recently went through this with my mom and had to resort to crowdfunding to save her foot (she still got all her toes amputated on the foot). Think twice before canceling.
$700 a month on insurance??? Do you have the cancer cure plan or something? I pay like $20 a month, and I don't have to pay out of pocket for most things, and it includes dental.
@@skeletor2994Haha! IKR! I have group insurance through my employer who offered two plans. One cheapy with crappy coverage, and the other one overly expensive but extensive coverage. Just one of my prescriptions by itself is $500 a month without insurance. I am a physical trauma survivor with extensive medical needs so I had to go with the higher end plan. Now that I have finally recovered enough (TBI) to start getting treatment for all the things I need, the insurance company is telling me they don't handle anything diagnostic. Well then what do most people go to the doctor for if not diagnostic? 🙄 Now I still accruing unpaid medical bills and I'm going broke paying the stupid insurance. Rip off! But as a disabled person, to not pay it would leave me in a worse situation. If you know where I can buy good insurance for $20 a month, please do tell! I'll even send you some of the savings!
31:00 "When all you're trying to do is survive, then every day is the same."
I'm standing on my chair applauding right now.
Couldn’t agree more!!! Statements like that speak to certain people going through the same circular rat race daily, that’s me! Lol Or rather, that WAS me 😉👏💯🎯💪
I describe it as "everyday is Groundhog Day" referring to the movie. (Which I don't even like and wasn't even filmed in Punxy, but I digress).
I have been out of an abusive household for a while now, but still have other societal things stacked against me. And I am still v much in this 'waiting till bedtime' just trying to get through the week.
Five topics to fix society via discussion:
-Anti-natalism vs Natalism
-The 3 basic needs/prenatal needs
Three things necessary for human evolution that are provided while in the womb which are; food, shelter and medical care.
-Platinum rule
Do whatever makes one happier unless it interferes with another persons ability to do the same.
-MBTI (research yours and connect with others)
-Art (pick one and get better at it!)
Zeno's Paradox for self-improvement. "If every path has infinite steps, how can I complete one? How can I even decide how to start?"
It's called faith, chico. Taking the first step whilst being unable to see the end of the staircase.
Also the destination isn’t at the end of the path it’s actually along the path somewhere.
The destination is just a tiny part of the equation. The very process of walking the path, learning, improving, feeling that we CAN do something about it is the MEANS with which larger and larger change is created.
Silly paradox
Nothing anybody has ever accomplished has infinite steps and almost everything people have accomplished they didn’t follow some formula to get there
If you could somehow put somebody who succeeded in self improvement in a room with their previous version and asked the young version to describe what specific beginning steps they think the older took to self improve they would be wrong
The older version would end up with an explanation something along the lines of “I just started walking”
Every path can be infinite, but the thing is people pave paths, and people cant pave infinitely long paths.
This describes my entire life. Sadly, I finally did something radical and pulled myself out of it. I moved two states away and was ready to thrive. Then COVID happened. Now, I have no concept of the future and my life is passing me by. I'm older than the typical HG audience. This is tragic.
*hug* I'm nearly 40 now and in much the same boat :/
:(
47 ….game over
But you do want to change, you voiced it over and youre watching videos lime this. Thats a huge positive! Im 41 and evolving in therapy- its never too late.
39 I hear you
Honestly I just wish I had friends who understand what shit life syndrome does to you. I love my friends, but they all grew up middle class and in happy families, while my family was super dysfunctional and poor, and my childhood was accompanied by A LOT of trauma. I am doing relatively okay right now after therapy and being more financially stable, but god i wish people would understand how much this shit affects you in long-term. They don't understand why things that they perceive as easy are extremely difficult for us, like absolute inability to plan your future etc. It's so isolating and makes you feel very lonely and misunderstood, it sucks.
@oxanax5360 yeah totally get it, people often don’t have a good grasp on how different we can all be based on our upbringing like that and tend assume everyone had a similar upbringing to them. Hard to deal with sometimes. Best of luck!!
I feel you, it happened somewhat similar to me, I couldnt share why certain things were stopping me from going out bc most didnt get that it was a hard thing for me to deal with even though it had some alternatives
@alanbasoria5265 yeah, going out is also a challenge for me, but explaining to others why it can be hard is even more of a challenge... im using the strat of bailing on hangouts with the excuse that I'm sick or busy, but im getting tired of lying and it also makes me feel guilty. wish it was easier to explain.
at least videos like this help! maybe we should try just linking this video to people lol.
Well spoken or written rather sir we feel you sure your friends understand a bit also.. good luck keep your head up and God bless brother.
Yeah I hear you. Certain things just can't be comprehended by people who didn't grow up in poverty.
"Surviving" and "Thriving" being different brain objectives blew my mind
Endure and persevere are also a helpful dichotomy. It's really hard to get to the persevere mindset though when you can't see any positive outcomes.
Well obviously it’s different 😂
Maslow's hierarchy of needs may be considered debunked, but it's a useful way of looking at the differences.
Basic survival - Air, water, food, clothing, while not being actively mauled by a bear. - Surviving
Security - Shelter, food security, having a job to provide income. - Surviving
Social needs - Friends, family, romantic partners. - Now we're starting to thrive!
Esteem: Being respected, having a sense of purpose, knowing who you are and where you are going - Thriving
Self-Actualization: Being the best YOU that you can be - Thriving
Someone who has Shit Life Syndrome is stuck in gears 1-2 and can't even get to third gear, let alone levels 4-5 which is where the best mental health outcomes are to be found.
I've been alive over 4 decades. THIS IS LITERALLY THE FIRST TIME I'VE HEARD SOMEONE REFER TO MENTAL ILLNESSES AS ADAPTIONS TO HORRIBLE EXTERNAL STIMULI!!!
This is brilliant and I don't know if I just never had it "click" till this video or if we need to start putting this concept out there in the "mainstream" (whatever "stream" there is for mental health these days, since many people refuse to believe it's even real) 😢
Seriously, really good stuff here - the concept of mental ADAPTATIONS rather than seeing them as more of a "chronic (or even lifelong) illness" is such a monumental paradigm shift. Talk about giving someone hope to deal with the true ROOT CAUSE rather than just trying to treat something for all eternity.
Maybe that's why I never heard this concept till now? Preventing and curing things rather than treating them for the lifetime of the patient isn't exactly a "good business model" 😢😢
In some ways, he also said some people are born with certain mental illnesses, so he is not talking about that. Personally I think the name if this condition is weak.
Pharmacy companies do it all the time
@@Brownmahfun Well, either way, it is very weird if no professionals have thoroughly or properly contextualised it as.
I can't remember the literal definition of disorder but I'm pretty sure all of them are reactions to external situations.
You don't have control over your conditioning as a kid and you won't think much of it and you will adapt to it, hence why so many look or inquire about your childhood when getting to the bottom of things. If something happened in adult age, then said person should be cognizant about that change. So it makes no sense to ask about anything _else_ than childhood, if the subject does not understand what has gone wrong or at least have any idea. At least this is what I think.
Also, I don't think I have "shit life syndrome" but I've definitely been nihilist and most likely Dysthomic for 20 years and everyone around me keeps dying or becoming unexpectedly ill with bad stuff (not just cancer) or accidents, I've kept ruining stuff for myself, and my parents have created a whole metric crap ton of a mess for me (and my sis) but I don't feel like I can be _that_ mad at them because their hearts are good (they're not at all bad people just stupid with a lot of things) and I live in one of the richest and happiest nations in the world, however I guess that made all the contrasts worse. In regards to people that mattered around me, I can't say I have _NOT_ have an unusual amount of bad luck. But if qualifying for "shit life syndrome" is to be dissonant then I don't think I can fit in there.
I _know_ I can change my life, I just never found the energy to. And realizing I can do things for _MYSELF_ (and I mean then to ONLY seek my OWN appreciation for a work well done etc) has been an epiphany. My mind was blown when I realized I can and should do stuff for myself.
I guess I can still be as altruistic as I can but I think I'm able to take the first step towards caring about myself instead of always working for someone else to the core
Pretty sure it was Jorden Peterson who said something like it's not the people with anxiety and depression who have a disorder, they've stared into the abyss and recognised it's hopeless, that's a perfectly rational response.
There are actual mental illnesses that are more than that. My sister has schizophrenia and she had a perfectly normal childhood as far as anyone can tell, she just went off the deep end when she was 17 and decided she was Jesus. My mother had bipolar disorder and my father probably had ADHD (retroactively diagnosed after his death, it didn't exist when he was a kid!) and every person in my family has one or the other, so there's definitely a genetic component to those as well.
But yes, for many disorders, they are trauma responses and adaptations.
Therapy costs money and money is one of my main issues….
Second issue, no insurance policy on it having a positive ROI.
RUclips, books, this freaking channel?! You awake?
This is so wrong but alcohol is cheaper than therapy lol
@@janedowns9958 only temporarily. A life of buying alcohol is waaaay more expensive then 1 year of therapy
@@chaizen439 I believe they would give therapy a try if they had the disposable funds.
Sometimes I think my life wasn’t that bad and I’m just ungrateful and then you give an example of something that would constitute a traumatic event and horrible parenting and I’m like “oh good, I’m not just an asshole with ridiculous expectations”
Hey bud.
Remember your parent(s?) were liars and they called you ungrateful to gaslight you. They pointed out the bare minimum that they did do to guilt you, and you've felt plenty guilty enough for no good reason already. You don't have to feel guilty about it ever again. You more than paid already.
Sincerely,
Someone who had a dance party when their mother died in spite of weekly attempts to remind them that they would feel terrible when she died
@@amberlee4536 🫶internet stranger interactions for the win
@@amberlee4536did your mother physically abuse you ?
Haha, i remember learning about trauma and ptsd shit a few years ago and it all sorta just fit in. It was like "oh, so thats why i feel this way"
Dude I can’t describe how fucking real this is, also hate that society acts like parents are perfect and you’re not allowed to hold them accountable for anything, then you have the other side of people who’ve had parents way worse than yours trynna oneup you because their experience is worse like this is the victims Olympics.
It’s really tough to set your boundaries and not feel guilty when you’ve been people pleasing your whole life
The problem for me, isn't not trying, it's that when I try, when I succeed, basically all I feel is relief.
"Thank God it's done."
Pretty hard to talk yourself into struggling, when the only reward for the struggle, is at best, being freed from the struggle. Then on the other hand, if I don't succeed, or all along the way to the success, I suffer.
Dr. K has other videos about that side of things more directly. That's less Sh!t Life Syndrome and more Tiger Cub / Gifted Kid Syndrome.
Welcome to the club! We don't have tshirts, just crippling perfectionism 🫠
Do you have a very active inner critic? It can be hard for people like that celebrate their achievements - but this is a choice you can make. Take some time to think about what you achieved and how good it is that you achieved it. Congratulate yourself for your skills and the hard work that you put into it. Enjoy the positive feelings as you focus on these thoughts. If you do this consistently it will become a habit and come naturally.
The fact that you can't enjoy your successes is a learnt behavior (probably overly critical parents?) , so it can be unlearned :)
That sounds like what I was experiencing during worst burnout after which I was officially diagnosed with depression. Harsh inner critic, perfectionism, following dreams and plans that you were pressured into that aren't aligned with your true values, burnout, depression, there's many possible causes.
But it does , it can get better - finding the reason *why* you feel that way gets you over half way over to the solution.
Interesting view. Sounds like anhedonia?
@@user255 Never heard the term before. Googled it, and I guess, it fits kinda, but only in this context.
I enjoy things, just don't get any real enjoyment from accomplishing things.
A psychotherapist once told me that “if you had a normal life and suddenly felt worse for 2-3 week+, I would prescribe you antidepressants, but since your life is objectively lousy, then just go work hard, try to improve your life.”
And I left with nothing, having received no help, only giving money.
It's good general advice but SPECIFICS would have been nice!
Unfortunately psychotherapists are like managers and teachers....there are good ones and there are bad ones and there are ones who end up in court. Join a free men's/women's support group. I belong to a mental health support group of mixed genders of all ages....let me tell you they have saved my skin so many times more than any psychotherapist. I've been going for 10 years. Same with Anonymous groups. Your sponsor becomes your mentor and you have a lifelong community all over the world.
The RIGHT antidepressants can help a lot to get the energy and hope for working hard. "Working hard" with a shit life AND depression without any help like (good!) therapy or (good!) medicine, is just a nightmare.
"But doc thats...that's why I'm here. I _cant_ do what I need to.
@@natalie_v0.0.1 You can't go for a walk or clean the house?
Really?
I've been there but you CAN go for a shower or a walk.
60+ here. Never had goals or dreams (too many fantasies, though; what a silly girl I was), but I did uni on autopilot. It was pretty boring, but I made friends and had a rich personal life with some travel and lot of going to concerts and dancing and such. Work life sucked; in and out of jobs, unemployment, nothing of a career. Thank God, I enjoy reading a lot, working in the garden and listening to music. These have kept reminding me that life is a mystery and no two days are the same, not even two minutes. I have not done much that would have made a difference (to my knowledge at least), but I have enjoyed the experience of living.
"but I have enjoyed the experience of living"
that sounds so bewildering to me. im 34 years old, and the fact that i have to live for ANOTHER 35 years more, if nothing happens, induces despair unlike anything else. im glad when its finally over and i dearly hope that there is no such a thing as an afterlife. one time with a Consciousness is certainly enough, i hope that there is at least some cosmic mercy that it will be wiped out entirely once the body decomposes.
lol if you have time to read, travel, and live a rich personal life… you’re ahead of 99% of people.
@@jvogler_art4708 I traveled in youth, a long time ago and not nearly as frequently as people seem to do today. A rich personal life is totally possible with very little money. For a long period of time I did a lot of reading, because I was unemployed. I did experience a lot of desperation, but I adopted as a principle of life that I should experience something uplifting every day, despite all the struggles that may go on. Those positive moments were very modest, often just enjoying a cup of coffee (or listening to music), savoring it, and feeling the gratitude of living yet another peaceful moment - a moment that was totally mine and could not be destroyed by anyone.
So it's an actual infinity gauntlet for mental health problems.
XD preciso
Yep and once you collect them all - you snap
@@BuffedPotato I loled
Pokemon, gotta catch them all, Pokemon
As someone who now knows a new way to describe my life this is how i feel listing my shit off lmao, it just becomes funny after enough acronyms
I used to think like the poster that was featured in this video. I was underemployed, working 2 jobs and still unable to support myself and had to live in my car. I had to force myself to change my negative thinking and it was so hard, almost impossible to do. My life began to change when my thinking became more positive. Negative thoughts did and still do creep in but not as much. I stop it by visualizing attaching that negative thought to a balloon and watching it float away.
I went back to school, got a better job as a result. My 2nd job is part time now. I got rid of all the toxic people in my life because I could see them now for what they are. Even though I still live in my car I'm much happier because I have a future now and know this is temporary and I will find a way to put a roof over my head. It's just not happening today. We'll see what tomorrow brings.
good luck brother , thank you for writing this
Bro its so nice to see some succes stories.
Happy for you! Keep going ✊
@@disappointedbutnotsurprised17 Thank you much! I feel like it's important to talk about these successes even if they seem small to the world. They're huge for people like us. There used to be a podcast called "Tiny Successes" I listened to and the hosts welcomed listeners' stories but they HAD to be tiny successes like for example if you're ADHD and you know you have to vacuum your room and you procrastinated and stressed for a week about it but today you brought the vacuum into your room. That's a success. I found these stories so inspiring and I can't find the link to their old content or else I'd drop that link in here. I think many would have benefitted from it. If I do find it I will. I'll keep searching but yes there are many podcasts like that one. Sometimes just being free even a little is a HUGE success for us even if it's little for the rest of the world.
I stg I have an inability for positive thinking. There's only negative and net neutral
@@TaldrenMGMoonGuard ❤️ I’m so happy for you getting away from toxic people is the main thing and watch how your life gets better and better.
32:00 My father was diagnosed with Glioblastoma out of nowhere...😢
Our life was going so great... and suddenly we had the lowest points in our lives...
But he is doing a little better now...
I am grateful that he is still with me🥺
Congratulations to your dad on his recovery! That is wonderful to hear. 🫶
@@heybulldog1589 Thank you 🙏🏼
I'm in my 30's, my mom got diagnosed with early (and severe) dementia and then a year later my dad also got diagnosed with dementia
I'm glad it wasn't as bad as it could've been
Edit: I mean, that he got a little better then...
How did it all end up? Are you okay?
I had shit life syndrome.
My sister had to MAKE me get up daily and luckily she knew how to get me to have fun then we would reflect on how fun it was and she gave me rules like “don’t say but after the good” and that was the first step for me. Later I had to learn “the only way to get over it is to go through it.” Now I’m in college and killing it. I had such bad learned helplessness after abuse , neglect, and homelessness in my youth and yet managed to learn how to kick my life back into shape after years of being a victim of my circumstances.
This is such a great concept to discuss and I believe it can change.
you dont really have a shit life if you have family that cares about you. try getting into the mindset of someone whose family dont gives a shit about them, and you will have problems connecting with other people for life. then you are alone and lonely and only think about why you dont end it all.
@@DanielDorn-tr7tw He was lucky to have those to support him but I don't think we should minimize each other's struggles, yes it's true some people are luckier and more fortunate than others for whatever reason but this isn't a competition of who has a shittier life, one step at a time for each and all of us towards self-improvement.
❤
@@DanielDorn-tr7tw well, i too, have caring parents but a sh*t life syndrome. it's getting better with therapy though, but i have a path to go.
it's when you become adult enough to understand that your family wasnt knowledgable enough for parenting and guidance, despite their intentions.
@cobalius Which is why we will always need mandatory parenting classes, psych assessments , and certifications.
"I've lost faith in the world, I haven't lost faith in you," I can't fully explain why, but I'm sure I will be able to after I have some time to reflect on it, but that was such an incredibly unintentionally powerful quote
i "have" this. drug addict parents, moved out at 14, abused by adults as a minor, that's just scratching the surface. it came a time where i had to choose to live my own life on my own terms and grow out of my trauma and victimhood. dr. k speaking serious wisdom with this one
also professionals seem to ignore c-ptsd, which is very different from anything else. i had a literal shit life which was like "having a syndrome," but all i needed was to have control over my own life instead of ex-family who were very controlling. in canada, they're figuring out how to implement a guaranteed livable basic income and this will change so much for so many people
What does minor mean? Is it American?
@AbCd-lw5vs a minor is someone under the age of 18.
It means you're under the legal age of majority (adulthood), in most places that's 18. @@AbCd-lw5vs
@@quinnm.3127 That is good but housing and rental costs will rise. In US, there is nothing like guaranteed income, health care, education, or housing due to predatory landlords and banks. When there is free money and raises, this is what happens. With rising costs and landlords not favorable to young adults, it is difficult to start your life and especially if you come from a broken childhood and ill family like the comment above, you are just going to get sicker. Being unemployed as a young adult and continuing to live with an abusive family was what made me sick today. I cannot visit doctors due to the loopholes placed by insurance.
My problem is that I do absolutely feel like i don't have control over my life. I'm 30 and pretty much everything that's happened to me that's significant (housing, job opportunities, family, etc) has be outside of my influence, so now it's ingrained in me that I can't make any meaningful changes in my life. I can only focus on surviving day by day.
Well you're not wrong. That's basically what life is down to the very basics. Everyone has to do that regardless of their situation. No one has a choice in that aspect. We live in a free society... where no one is free. Those of us who are aware of this fact, suffer.
Van life and only fans. I left my family behind so that I could grow as a person. They were stifling as well as my home town. Oh if you are neurodivergent claim disability.
@@wolfgangromine8341 same
The problem is that u got ingrained in u that u have to do "meaningful" things in ur life to justify ur living as a person. U have so many standards u feel like u need to live up to instead just be content.
@@DeePunterno no. You're talking about me with this one. Lol
I'm fucking speechless with tears in my eyes. I didn't even know "shit life" was a thing, but it is EXACTLY what I've been dealing with. This man understands me better than I do. Subbed.
Traveling to a developing country and seeing how simple their lives are and how happy they are will often change your perspective and increase your gratitude
Yeah, this hits hard. At some point, I guess I gave up on trying to make plans for the future, and living my life instead of just existing. Taking care of my daughter has helped a lot - it's given me a purpose to keep doing and keep trying even when it's hard but my focus is still almost entirely on the present with little view or planning for the future.
I asked my friends and family for some assistance and across the board they said something along the lines of, "sorry, I'm busy, but good luck, I'm sure you'll figure it out."
And now I've wasted my time and embarrassed myself.
A lot of people don’t know how to react when people ask for help but it doesn’t mean they don’t care. Not a waste of time at all. It’s a step in the right direction.
It is not wasted, now you have knowledge of how reliable people around you
If anyone should be embarrassed, it's your family. I have one family member who will help me do whatever I strive for and I count myself lucky. But I see most people have no support, because people do not know how to give support. Maybe try asking for something specific that is small from the few who you actually can rely on, then maybe they will understand more what you are needing and they can invest more of themselves in supporting you. It's going to be on their minds that you asked for help and they just dropped the ball...they may be hoping to get a chance to redeem themselves. Don't give up...that's kind of the point in this video.
Maybe they stopped helping you because they know the requests will never end? Sorry for the tough love dude, but, I'm in a great situation in my life, and it always falls to me to help my messed up family members with all their problems, always at the expense of my own goals. There's a difference between asking for help and being a burden. If you're a burden... you've gotta figure out how to progress, if you're showing progress in changing your situation, people will be more giving with their help
Please don't interpret this as you embarrassing yourself. You stood up for yourself and that is something to be proud of.
In my adult life I have been severely ill with a physical illness and I was forced to ask so many people for help. Most of them said no. Some of them said yes, but then they were so unreliable, and sometimes ended up not doing what they said they would do - that I concluded I could get more results just doing it by myself. I learned not to ask for help because it didn't make things better, and often made things worse...
My perspective is that this is a reflection of the sad state of the word right now - most people are so overwhelmed by their own problems, they are also in survival mode and feel the need to conserve their resources all to themselves. But actually, if we take a little time and energy to help someone else, it lifts our mood and makes us feel connected - which then makes it easier to solve our own problems. I learned this lesson when I was in a life-threatening situation.
Now I am once again in a life-situation that I haven't been able to solve by myself - I will have to ask for help but it's scary because I am afraid it might make things worse instead of better. But I am gathering up the courage to do it and trying to think of the best way to ask for help to get results. Trying to build up some hope.
Everytime I tried therapy, I felt like I'm talking to an agent of society, who's trying to convince me to conform and be a productive slave, instead of actually trying to help me.
being part of society is being a slave. Freedom is a delusion.
Psilocibin and DMT Will give you the breakthrough you need
@@LexaRulescaI've done a lot of psilocybin over the years. Did not give me the breakthrough. Only gave me a few hours away from the prison of my own head. Which is nice. But in reality, it did not change the circumstances that make my life shit. So Im still here.
they know it wont solve your problem, but keep your miserable as long as they can extract money from your pockets
I know that feeling of not fitting into society. But I never felt like I have to fix myself. Being well adapted to a sick society isnt a sign of mental health. Staying true to yourself is.
I alawys stayed true to myself. ALWAYS. I used the waves of society that were useful for me to ride them and seize the good bits from it. I was in an identity crisis end of last year and beginning of this year. And I had an inspirational awakening in febuary. Something I thought Id lost forever came back to me. Which is writing. I havent even publiced anything, yet but it already shifted my life and identity. It gave me passion and purpose. Identity crisis is gone.
"ive lost faith in the world, but i have not lost faith in you!" best quote ever!💪💪
This is literally me. No vision of future, no irl friends, no love, no goals, only a desire to survive another day just to survive another day and so on
This just might be the most important youtube video I have ever watched in my life.
Dr.K's timing is impeccable with releasing videos that perfectly encapsulate whatever situation I am going through at that moment in life
He has cameras in your house 👀
I noticed that multiple times too
He must have hacked the matrix or something
Because we're all in all these situations at all times to some extent😅
I am 65 you give me hope. Thank you so much. 😊
Dam, it’s really nice to see one so mature trying to still learn about mental health. Good on ya 💪
@@dogetaxes8893 got to keep trying, 💯
68. I know what the problem is, but I can’t do a damn thing about it.
While I am not as negative as the example you’re using, I’m 100% seeing myself when you said that we can’t see the future. I’ve had so many last minute things happen to me, unexpectedly and life-changing, I stopped planning for the future and simply take things as they come which is not in a positive way.
yea. as soon as i was planning my first bday party, corona lockdown happened.. as soon as i got new friends anywhere, i had to either change or leave school/places.. same with romance: e.g. 2 weeks in and a friend of that girlfriend died, poof, romance over.
Family stuff as well.. relationship with my brother became finally fun and nice, poof, shizophrenia happened..
it's definitely not me making any choice in my life. it's the life, throwing me around saying "haha" while yeeting away any of my plans.
things were like that for well over half my life. i literally cannot be expected as an adult being able to plan out my future as others. i barely know how to make friends even.
yea, but for my defense.. i recently figured out that host skills are literally the base for relationships. so, i got the knowledge problem solved, at last
@@cobalius I can very much relate to that! On the upside, look how thick our skin is given that we are still here, looking for answers 😊💪
@@namelessliberty9869 I agree with the worst case scenario. That’s a very good point.
I'm so grateful Dr. K is so passionate about this. I've consumed so much of his content, and have gained so much wisdom, however, i find myself in a pretty rough mental state right now. And im just glad he's still putting out content for us and still has hope in us. Sometimes that's all it takes. It can be so easy to give up hope in today's world, but I'm so glad things have happened in a way that allows us this information. Thank you universe and to anyone reading, i love you, the fact that you're here shows you do have some love for yourself, and we can get through this stuff together ♡
Well shit that just made me tear up❤
Thank you for that message and I hope this finds you with the Universe multiplying in return your love, kindness, and support.
Thank you. Love u too❤️ Wish all the best to all of us🙌
The world in general is in a very bad place: post-Covid, cost of living crisis, uncertain job futures, geopolitical and social disarray, burnout, inequality, you name it. We see more people now struggling with sh*t life syndrome, because our lives are badly impacted RN. Actually, many people were likely struggling BEFORE 2020.
Climate change too.
And the Palestinian genocide too...
Nope. We see more people struggling now because they used to not talk about it, and they were too busy to whine about it. Life has _never_ been easy for the vast majority, certainly not as easy as it is today.
You don't even have to go outside in -5C weather, to a small shed in the garden, just to use the toilet.
Everyone today, even the homeless, have a far more comfortable life than anyone has had throughout the whole of human history. It would server people well to recognise it, but everyone wants to whinge about "how easy the Boomers had it", like they didn't grow up with ice forming on the insides of the windows in their social housing, with no central heating.
@@fredmercury1314 Dude, the prices for RENTING even a single room flat trip in past few years in my country. What the hell are you talking about it? Boomers had it worse? But they had a future. In my country people could buy the post-communists flats they lived in (which were built with tax payers money btw) for 1/20th of their prices. Now they try to rent that one flat (after taking a loan for a new one) for a price which usually lets them pay the mortgage. And of course they are against the gov building cheaper flats now even if they directly are in better positions because of flats built by previous government (the only good thing communists here did).
What about jobs? Many companies run to China or to India. Here where I live almost everyone gets paid minimum wage without possibility of earning more because you need money for courses, moving out to cities with more jobs etc.
And if you want to play this game, then boomers shouldn't be crying either. Oh no, they lived without central heating? Sucks to be them. At least they had houses unlike all those millions of people who died in the I and II World War.
@@fredmercury1314 Why does it bother you so deeply that the average citizen of a wealthy country won’t have to endure the hardships their ancestors did? Complaining about the objective declination of our living standards isn’t tantamount to ingratitude for the many luxuries we do have access to. Why should anyone let the conditions of the past, of which we have no control, dictate the future?
@@n.s.3609 I fail to see how that can be placed at the feet of an entire generation who had their own hardships to contend with and their own futures to forge.
You don't get to be a "boomer" anymore than I get to be an ancient Roman.
Every generation has their own S to face, suck it up. It's life.
Wow I needed this analysis. I've been feeling apathetic and frustrated for a long time after my 6 years of suicidal depression and childhood trauma. Even I pulled myself out of suicide, I still fought depression and anxiety for almost 10 years now. I feel my 20s are gone. It's like I went into collage and lost consciousness, woke up 30 and confused.
The "every effort is worthless" part is so real for me. I've been STARVING for positive feed back for a loooong time. I actually forgot how to feel success. I even feel empty when I win in fighting games or write a 60k words fanfic in half a year. I also feel most my problems can be fixed by financial independence, and I'm starting my own business right now. It's been 3 months and I got like...almost no income, possible small loss in fact. I'm trying a lot of things and doing small steps everyday. However the feeling of "this will be futile" haunts me as well.
I deeply fear that I won't be able to feel excitement anymore, making money is not throwing a rock, it has complicated steps. No immediate feed back is but a feature I know, but I really NEED success experience to make me feel that I did something, and that something has worth. My body rejects happy feelings as well. Everytime I laugh I feel pain because I involuntarily hold it in. Congnitive bias probably is what making me feel all this. Including "no positive feed back".
The not being able to feel anything good is so familiar. If something happens that makes me happy for a split second I immediately get a random anxious thought that just kills the joy
This is your most important video. I really needed to hear this. I got a host of medical problems from being a poor, abused, neurodivergent minority that has faced so many systemic problems that negativity and cynicism just made sense. I had to process my trust problems. When I started socializing again people had all these complex dreams and ideas and I realized I stopped having dreams or plans at all. I was just drifting. I started drifting again recently and this was both validating and a wake up call to keep growing. Thank you so much for this.
There are so many real problems in the world, but if anyone like me is reading this you can grow, find well meaning, growing people. Find purpose.
I resonate with this fr though
Finding the purpose is the problem.
This is good this is like psychoanalysis. Normal therapists see being normal as the ultimate ideal. If you're a normie, you're healthy. Psychoanalysts think about things differently. They're open to the idea that our entire society is mentally unwell.
Gabor Mate is great at articulating this and thinks a lot of normal people are going around with unresolved traumas doing what they think they should be doing/ what they're told to or pressured to do by parents and friends.... even if it's well meaning. It's actually alarming at a societal level at how many people are mentally unwell IMO.
Nobody is "normal". Some are just better at hiding their issues and fitting in/playing the role.
Existence itself is traumatic. Everything we do to sustain ourselves must exploit something else, and in turn we are exploited for someone else. It's the law of nature and scarcity.
@@mothdust1634 We don't live in scarcity. We live in a totalitarian merchant dystopia that make false scarcity in order to keep us slaves for the rich.
@@Damesanglante That is capitalism for you
Never knew there was a word for it, majority of my life has been to me pure hell, was trapped for most of the 20 or so years with my family, drug addicts and dealers who were also hoarders. Been bullied majority of my life as well from elementary even up to the end of highschool by both students and teachers who had no interest in helping me when I reached out. My mom either hid or lost my important documents such as my birth certificate and Social Security Card, I also wasn't taught anything meaningful, wasn't allowed to learn to do anything or do it by myself, they made sure I was completely helpless. This year I finally got away from it all after being traumatized and hurt even more times by people I have chosen to stay with for a short period.
Just don't give up on hope!! It's very natural for people who have been though situations like you to not develop the ability to hope or envision a brighter future because their brain doesn't want to get more disappointed but trust me it's just a coping mechanism that your brain developed to keep you safe..now that you are out hope you chase your dreams and fulfill them!! Best wishes..
I'm a RUclips addict. I've seen a lot of videos and this is the best one I've ever seen. Great job!!
This is the first mental health video that has really ever made sense to me. I changed a bunch of things for the better and felt like I could finally see the end game. Actually ran a 10k race and made a bucket list. Let bad things happening stop me the last 6 months and have been feeling hopeless again. Up to me to react differently and control what I can. Can't let the depression win.
Congrats 💪
I have never heard of this before but youre describing me. My mother had this SLS and my moms mom as well. Moms moms parents were murder suicide, then moms dad committed suicide, then my mom committed suicide. My dad is antisocial or severely autistic with physical brain damage and has no empathy/emotions and told me he hated me. I was emancipated for neglect at 14 and moved out on my own because nobody wanted me. I spent years homeless because the system is not made to help emancipated minors and the services said they couldnt help me until 18. I still tried to go to school and work but I lived in an abandoned shed and slept on moldy seats. I experienced SA multiple times. I got in with a bad crowd and became addicted to drugs by 17. I got clean by 18 and hitch hiked the USA across the entire country. I worked my way out of poverty and found a partner, we got a house and pregnant, and then he died in an accident while I was pregnant. Every time in life that I feel like I am getting ahead and life is getting better, there is some large tragic occurrence (many more I didnt name here) that brings me back down again. At 33 I am terrified to connect to anyone due to realistic fears of abandonment. I have been diagnosed with ADHD, OCD, MDD, PTSD, GAD, and on waitlist for ASD assessment and my therapist just brought up the possibility of Bipolar or BPD. Im like well great...I guess Im just broken with every disorder. My mom was depressed most of my childhood and just laid in bed all day and I was never taught most of the basic life skills so I struggle greatly with executive functions. It's really hard to overcome not having a chance to even start life on neutral footing. My life started badly. Heck...I was the product of a one night stand. I didnt stand a chance. Im still trying anyways. Now I have my own son who I have to try to help not have SLS...but poor kid lost his dad before he was even born. We are cursed.
CPTSD can make it appear as though you have bipolar disorder. It's not likely that you have all those things you've been diagnosed with. You've experienced a lot of trauma in your life.
You have been through so much in life and despite everything, you are still trying and you are doing what you can to protect and love your own son. I'm just a random person online but I'm proud of you. your son is blessed to have someone who cares and is trying for him. I am wishing you peace and healing my dear.
I'm so sorry that these things keep on piling on top of you even when you try your best. Your son has a strong woman for a mother. Even now she still tries her best despite life kicking her down time and time again. I really hope that you get years and years and years of good things going forward, both for you and your son.
Bi-polar and BPD is often misdiagnosed when person is ASD or AuDHD. Then medicated for issue that don't exist.
@@chrismaxwell1624 that's very common. I was misdiagnosed with bipolar spectrum disorder in my 20's and took lamotrigine for years before a different psychiatrist told me I didn't have that. I've never been diagnosed with autism but I think that's what I always had.
Excellent take. I had this feeling in high school where I was the “lowest” performer amongst the family friends’ kids. Once my parents listened to me and let me put goals on my own life, I’ve become successful because I got to CHOOSE what I wanted instead of told what I wanted.
I'm crying my eyes out watching this, and everything makes so much sense. I'm sitting here trying to figure out how all the broken fragments of my life are supposed to go.
One small step at a time, Kay. Just one small step. Best of luck!
Sounds like my life. I thought I finally clawed my way out, but Covid came along and put me right back in the hole. No strength left to fight. Nothing left worth fighting for. No friends, no family. Now I just wait for my end, as the thought of oblivion is the only comfort I have left.
@@tek512 I am in the same situation, no family no friends it's been decades alone. I look forward to the day I no longer breathe.
Im sorry for both of your pains...
Jesus loves you.
This was good. Several layoffs have left me with a sense of pointlessness and just deciding to ignore the future. I appreciate Dr. K acknowledging that people have valid reasons for feeling the way they do and acknowledging that the world is unfair and unreliable, and that you may not have held yourself back to end up where you are, but we will definitely hold ourselves back from moving forward if we don't at least try.
this year is hitting me hard, so much stuff isnt working, im broke af, everything looks so doomed. I always had this thing in me, even tho im pretty depressed, that there is light at the end of the tunnel, but thats fading. starting to loose hope, realy needed this video to see whats actually going on inside me. thank you
This is exactly what I've been dealing with and It feels nice to have someone talk about, it's really hard when no one else in your life is capable of understanding.
This hit hard. You just helped me breakthrough on some "why am I" questions. Subbed
This is the best video on RUclips. So perfectly articulated. I hope everyone who needs to hear this, does.
I agree that learned helplessness and the freeze response to PTSD are reactions to chronic stressors that make a person feel powerless to change their circumstances. The problem is, if this person doesn't know the map or recipe to change, or are even unaware of alternatives, how do they get out of the situation? Children who grow up with lousy role models won't know how to conduct themselves in a successful manner. I suppose the best avenue would be to pick healthy role models and learn their behaviors and actions. It's too bad a lot of therapists/psychiatrists don't help people change their perspective and learn new ways to adapt. You're video has been very informative!
Dr. K is strumming my pain with his fingers.
I’ve been caught in a constant circle that seems inescapable. I’ve been sick my entire adult life to some degree (started with a brain tumor at 17), and after fighting for disability for 4 years (and losing), I’m left to pick up the pieces and try to start a life at 36 years old. My mother is supportive, yet aging and struggling with her own mental and physical health, but I’d be literally dead without her.
It’s like a mathematical equation that I can’t quite find the solution to, but in the answer is my own happiness. I keep finding hints in Dr. K’s videos, but the solution still eludes me.
Maybe I’ll get there some day. Much love gamers ✌️
That letter is such a great description of what it's like. 😢
I have also lost faith in the world, that's why I wonder every day, what is even the point of living for all of us? You live a struggle, sometimes for decades, hoping that you can find happiness one day. Hoping there's a reason for everyting, as they say.
Thank you for a great video. I found you by accident but I needed this today, as I was just thinking that if I can't help myself, no therapist is gonna help me. You've just explained why, and life makes that one bit more sense now.
“The adaptations that help us SURVIVE prevent us from THRIVING” thank you for this❤
“If I have shit life syndrome, I grow up in an environment where my intentions do not shape my circumstances”
that is the realest thing I’ve heard today
I went through a very rough patch once. I got out of it by (1) recalibrating my expectations for my life, then (2) set some reasonable achievable goals that would allow me to improve my life. I've been grinding that process for over a decade and now I'm making real progress. The progress is actually snowballing lately and frankly, I'm reasonably happy and looking forward to the future.
Good job keep carving away at that shit 😂
That was me until Covid put me in debt and now I am in a position worse than at any point prior in my life.
My expectations for life have always been simply getting through this shit and hopefully finding someone to make the best out of it for the second half. That’s not happening.
Yayy!! Gives me hope!!
For some, life is fun, enjoyable and worth living. For those precious few who are rich, attractive, healthy, and smart.
I spent years fighting this syndrom. I had to realize that if I take action on a circumstance that's outside my control, I'm just gonna be wasting time and energy by taking responsibility for things I'm not responsible for. But if I don't, my life's gonna get worse and I'll become apathetic. I'm in the process of finding balance between these two extreme opposites.
Nice to hear truth from a professional. Most of them write us off and find us to be a joke.
ADHD has many of these problems baked into the disorder.
Low ability to control inhibitions, low ability to self manage emotional variance, inability to to future plan properly, and inability to resolve agency.
So you need to be able to have agency in your own future and ADHD already makes that a problem, and we have empirical evidence that ADHD is a structural problem that can be diagnosed via imaging.
You hit the nail on the head. What is described here is charatceristic of adult ADHD.
@@Dracomandriuthus what do you mean by “agency”?
@@erikarabie Agency, here, meaning the ability to decide to do something.
I suffered from what you are describing. It literally was a change of perspective that changed me. I even wrote a book about it to help others, which cuts through bs but many people with sls don't want to get better because it means taking on some sense of responsibility for their adult life as running away, hating yourself and blaming the world is so much easier.
What's the name of the book ?
@susanlynn6545 it's the one in my profile pic
HOW TO UNFUDGE YOURSELF FROM A WORLD FILLED WITH FUDGERY. It's on Amazon, and let's just say... they were not happy with the words I wanted to use for the title 🤦♀️. The book was written with love but also honesty, too. I don't suger coat things
This is actually useful. I had a bad weekend, and after listening to about 6 of these vids I finally hit something real. A lonely, poor life is rough. It's hard to not fall into coping with substances, or bad behaviour.
Been going to therapy a year and a half now. Kinda getting into a cycle where I start with a therapist and they have a few tricks, but then realize my problems are deep going back to a horrible childhood that I parlayed into decades of failure as an adult and then they just kinda give up. None of them seem to know what to do when they realize my brain is just kinda wired for doom.
Not every therapist is as skilled as Dr. K
Have you tried some form of somatic therapy? I recommend Somatic Experiencing or Hakomi. Early trauma that is stored in the body can't be resolved through talking - because when we were babies we didn't have language yet.
Something I learned from The Courage to be Disliked: The past does not exist. Of course memories and the past have existed, but our brain remembers things to confirm our current situations, to complete our current objective. It's not about lamenting about what we were given, it's about working with what we have in the current moment. Easier said than done, obviously. Especially when you consider something like depression, which literally (biologically) makes your brain runinate and focus on the bad. Or anxiety, which makes you use the past to worry too much about the future so you are "stuck" in the present. If you stop sticking to the story and instead stick to the moment of "right now", things seem a lot easier. It's a process, and it's not easy, but it's simple. It's essentially what people call "ego death", as the ego is in charge of our life story and sense of self. If you spent all your life walking backwards, it's going to be hard trying to learn how to walk forwards. But everyone is capable of change at any moment. Best of luck, friend. I don't know you, but I respect you as you are, and have confidence in your ability to change and live the life you want to live.
How much are you doing to help yourself? Are you reading good books, watching and analysing quality videos on therapeutic topics (like Patrick Teahan, Crappy Childhood Fairy and so many others)? Have you tried journaling, mediation, have you committed to just being with yourself and your thoughts?
Therapists are just strangers, they know us only through what we are able and willing to tell them in the allotted statement. Their role is to gently steer us into the right direction but the burden of vast majority of work lies on us. And that's terrifying, sure, but at the same time - empowering. Empowering, because it means that your success in therapy depends in big part on the amount of effort you are willing to put in. And the more effort you put in yourself, the more benefit you'll get from therapy. If you come for the sessions prepared, after having worked through content of previous ones, with prepared notes - you are far more likely to get significantly more benefit even from mediocre therapists. And, seeing as they are just ordinary people, making them see the effort you are putting in is very likely going to result in them being more committed to helping you and more willing to spend extra time and effort to help you succeed.
Look at people whove dealt woth what you went through and how they solved it. You might even make some genuine friends in the process cus they understand you the best
- belief in self-determination
- jumping to conclusions
- not asking for help
- loss of future orientation
----> goal-setting
- life isn't fair, but do not focus on things that are out of your control
you have 2 options in life:
- there is nothing i can do about this
- i can try to do something about this
you can do this. i believe in you
One of the best things i've learned from Dr.K is thinking more critically, questioning my thoughts, learning to not take it as a fact, obviously we are all humans and you're inevitably going to fall for some cognitive biases, but it definitely helps lessen them.
Thank you for your channel. Although I’m a 53 year old woman who has never played video games, the way you explained this makes sense. Understanding the piece around survival and it being the reason why I haven’t made goals this lifetime. Yet, I get the concept of manifesting in a conscious field! I have been on a healing path. Glad to have found your channel. Loved the debate with Dr. Mike too.
I've listened to many dozens of videos in this format on this channel and this is amongst the best. He really managed to expose the core of so many "stubborn" or "deep" problems.
This is helpful. CPTSD, major depression and childhood trauma (physically and verbally abusive father with an enabler, possibly undiagnosed BPD mother) have basically ruined my life. I was able to achieve what I should achieve in my mid 20's but had what was probably a breakdown caused by career burnout and a breakup around 30. It's taking years of struggling and experincing more trauma (back to back toxic/abusive bosses) to slowly build back trying to get back to where I was almost 10 years ago....
I know I'm 2 months too late, but your parents sound very similar to mine. By an enabler mother do you mean that she enabled your father to be abusive or did she enable you to do toxic things and didn't properly correct you? My mother did a little bit of both, she was at odds with my father and believed that it's okay for me to eat processed foods and chocolate everyday if it means I'm happy. She scolded me if I insisted on trying to clean the house and be productive "because it's her job not mine" but she would later inexplicably be mad at me when she's going through a depressive period for being too reliant on her. She very likely had BPD as well.
If you experience is similar in anyway, I'm wondering how did you recover in your 20s? I'm 21 myself and I'm struggling with motivation and just getting out of the house (both parents have passed away)
I finally realized why I'm addicted to self-imposed video game challenges like "don't use items", and "don't use summons": I tremendously failed at getting into a relationship with a girl I loved, and then failed to get started with a career I always wanted, and as a result my mind was into "helplessness mode" telling me that my life sucks, and there's nothing I can do about it. I became obsessed with hard video games because that's the only place where I could exert effort and affect the outcome, and when the game was deemed "easy for me" I'd come up with random bs "oh this is OP I won't use it", and would justify saying things like "I just enjoy the challenge".
If I enjoyed the challenge, I would've been hitting the gym and study to get the job I want, and date women, instead of playing a game with no summons and no flask or whatever. Instead I'm a manchild living in my mom's basement thinking that anything other than gaming is beyond my power.
This is the most uplifting video from Dr. K yet. That you can be suffering a shit life and still develop the will to change it, and still find a way out, that's the ray of hope this world needs.
My mom gave me the "shit kicked out of me syndrome", which made my shit life happen. People will never understand a broken man who has no living family, lost everything and has nothing to lose. Life has been very hard.
WE LOVE YOU DR. K!!!! (and team)
You were literally describing my reaction to what you were saying-and then cut to an ad.
Smooth.
The fact you are talking about this is incredible. Thank you. I am very appreciative.
man i wish someone spoke to me about this during my teenage since I had too much of a give up attitude
I love it when doctor K starts yelling and cursing at us. Like dude yes tell us we're fuckin idiots and we need to take control and be the positive influence in our own lives. Thank you for the lovely content!
Soooo, you came here looking for a surogate dad?
Strange
But i can tell you a lot of people dont really need this
Thank you Dr. K. It is nearly ineffable to describe to people how I feel, I finally feel vindicated and have a better sense of where to go from here.
You are basically telling us to just do the thing. Got it.
Trying to understand what I am going thru and learning from this vid made me realize I no longer want to just exist, I wanna try to thrive. So empowering.
Oh my sweet summer child... you have the optimism of youth behind you. I used to fight my way out of my mental illnesses, and no matter how dire things were I had hope. But just like treading water to save one's life if stranded in the deep, deep ocean, there's only so long you can keep it up.
I'm still optimistic....I'm nearly 43...but I'm a nudist/naturist.... all we need is a warm naked backside to be happy. Lol!
@@marleyhill34good for you. I hate my body and could never be nude outdoors.
@@michaelbarbarich3965 hugs. I started out in the sauna/nudist spa indoors before it got warm enough to gp outdoors. I'm autistic and always did find clothing restrictive.
10:20 Today I learnt from Dr K,
"The whole point of a living organism is that it interacts and is shaped by its environment. We are in a homeostatic relationship with our environment. The environment and us shape each other so it goes both ways. My physical body adapts to the circumstances around me in order to try to succeed in this scenario."
Dr.k you are the saviour of entire generation. Thank you so much.we are really greatful for having you ❤.
I love how real legit doctors are online interacting with the masses with tried and true methods in bettering our lives, thank you Dr K
This video really made me understand some things. You know how kids have a dream job? I never had that ever. The only thing I was sure about was being a mom, but that was probably because it's what you do as a woman. One of my cousins wanted to become a doctor and did so.
Not me tearing up a bit when dr. K says he believes in us 🥺
I love your passion so much. This has been slowly what is getting me to finally change my life into a more positive one. I'm an incredibly rage-filled person with PTSD who struggles a lot, and I despise money and things, so honestly, money only motivates me in the idea that I could try to at least help people in my family and help other people who could use the help, while hopefully using any influence to make positive changes for the people.
It's a large endgame goal, but it's the only one I have really. Still suicidal as always, still miserable as hell, but I've finally been making games with the knowledge I accumulated from audio production, art and animation, programming, etc over the course of my life. Time to be a solo dev and make some games, support charities that actually help the world and hopefully also get to share my story and weird way my brain works in a way that relates to others.
This feels like one of THE videos that people need, a true banger. Cheers for all ur hard work Dr. K!
The most profound video on mental health and illness.
Darn... I understood that environment affects us, but not that way, that our brain stops thinking about the future!
Thanks for the video!
Oh man, this video hits hard.
In the past year and a half, my mother died unexpectedly of a heart attack. Then I got diagnosed with pcos after weeks of hormonal torture from an ineffective bc pill. Then a close friend ghosted me and insulted me for being upset about being ghosted. Then I moved in with my partner, leaving the remainder of my mom's side of the family behind. Then I had to cut off two more friends because they began to hurt me due to their unrelated personal issues and refused to stop. Then I got gallstones and had to have my gallbladder removed. Then I got told I may have remaining stones and would have to get them removed (luckily they passed, but the news was stressful). All happened while I was going to college for a stem degree.
All that to say, I definitely have shit life syndrome. And you know what's interesting about it? The most suicidal thoughts I've had have been happening during the past few months when NOTHING bad is happening. The depression and the pain is intensified because now I have nothing to "fight" but myself. No horrible event to push my stress onto.
Yet, it's so easy to forget that we are victims of our circumstances even when the timing of the stressor has passed. That mental illness does not exist in us despite our circumstances, but that it exists in tandem with them. That events make our illnesses flare up, not that the flares are signals that we are "damanged goods" or "worthless". Our illnesses are part of us, but we aren't our illnesses.
This video came at a very good time. Thank you, Dr. K. And I hope that anyone reading this can feel comforted. Know that this will pass. Things will get better. Even when the world and your brain tries desperately to convince you life isn't worth living, know that happiness exists even if it takes time to recognize it again. You ARE worth it.
Does anyone ever write an insurance policy that life gets better?
Yes, it's only when the worst has passed and we are out of survival mode than we can process emotionally what happened before. It's actually a good sign when the feelings come, but it can be terrifying. Some people just keep themselves in survival mode all the time to avoid the feelings - but the thing is, they never go away until we process them.
So when the overwhelming feelings come I remind myself that this is an unavoidable part of the process and the best I can do is just sit with them and accept them as they come, try to feel my body and my feelings - that's how they get processed.
It will get better, we just need to catch up our emotional processing with the present moment.
I'm done processing most of my childhood trauma, now I'm mostly processing the trauma of the last 7 years. It is hard when bad things happen one after another, but we can get through it! Take heart! :)
@@sara_sofia_1984 Therapy felt like telling my emotions to emote, and not getting the result.
@@skylinefever What result do you mean?
@@sara_sofia_1984now switching from survival mode to creative mode. 💞
Just realized that I'm in the middle of the process of turning my mindset to the healthy side. Feels assuring for me to know.
Thank you Dr.K and HealthyGamerGG for the content. Helped me tremendously the last few months
Three men got out of a car and one pointed a gun at my father while he was holding my baby sister when I was nine years old.
'You are lucky you have your children with you right now' They said.
I remember him telling me he had to go away on a trip and to take care of my mom and sister.
Stay in school he said to me. Stay sober as long as you can he said.
A few months later he had a lethal over dose it was new years 1992.
That ruined New Years for my sisters for a long time.
I never understood what was going on I was so young.
I heard the band he was in never got paid in cash.
Strangers have told me he was an amazing bass player.
His guitarist said he owed him lots of money.
We hardly had rent or food but his guitarist tells me my father owed him so much money.
Part of me hated his guitarist said that to me.
Doesn't bring up any good memories just how much my father owed him while we barely had food.
Thank god my grandparents tried to help us.
I wouldn't say I had a s life but it's been unreasonably difficult.
Especially the day nepotism told me I wasted years of my life because I was born into the wrong family according to an electrical instructor... But I won't get started on that here...
Right now I need to focus on healing an injury and leave the past behind where I can.
If you read this whole post I hope you are well.
Enjoy what you can when you can.
There will be peace for us all in the end.
33:21 "Either I can't do anything about it, or I can try". That's nice to hear.
This video means a whole lot to me as I haven't been able to really find why things have felt stagnant for a while. Life doesn't treat people fairly, and that's one of the mental hurdles I have recently discovered, but this video helps put it in clearer perspective! The idea unconsciously further hurts when you unfairly compare yourself to your peers who have more success in life, so I'm glad that idea is better cemented thanks to this video.
Navigating life felt very blurry, with how difficult it seems to recall positive takeaways, how mentally draining it is to stand up for myself, and how indecisive my choices were, but it all seems more clear now. The least I can do for the future is to try to do things for myself. Good job, Dr. K!
How does Dr.K upload exactly the videos I need every time? He just doesn't miss
Black magic
ikr It's like he has camera's and microphones in our homes.
He lives in your walls
Bro it just means that you are not improving (neither do I....)
@@csababeller9836 Watch the video again friend.
(Jun 16, 2024)
15 mental diagnostics1:07.
List of bad things6:44
Definition of SLS7:40 8:15
"No amount of therapy will help fix this"8:30
Ppl that dont know how to live life
10:03
PTSD is an adaptation to SURVIVE
11:37
Growing up in an insufficient environment 13:07
How to throw a birthday party13:40
Brain: “this is a waste of time”
15:03
Depression makes neutral interactions negative17:58
“Asking for help is useless”28:03
"Ive worked w half winners & half losers"30:04
33:47
Thank you ❤
Im a big fan of the editing of this episode, flows so much better when jumping to the pertinent parts of the discussion when in referencing the original post.
I’m not sure why, but Dr K reminding us that there’s a correct response to the shit life throws at you kind of floored me. It seems so simple, but I never really thought about it before. Reframing my experience of life, turning away from my current perception of it as a horrifying barrage of insurmountable problems, and into a perception where I can think of problems, not as insurmountable, but theoretically surmountable even if I can’t solve them and they end up killing me is shockingly empowering.
I have been waiting to here this kind of discussion about perspective and depression my whole life. I know that I'm wrong but no one ever stopped to explain to me why I was wrong, specifically what mechanisms were responsible for my bias. I even paid for and went to therapy, without insurance, living pay check to pay check because I knew I couldn't figure all of this out on my own. But any sense of okayness I got from that therapy eroded away as soon as I stopped going (due to life circumstances I couldn't change). I have been hoping against all the odds that there was some kind of way to turn my own thinking on it's head, to convert my stubborn despair into a motivation to hope and dream again. I think I got some of the answers I was looking for from this video. Sincerely, thank you.
No red wine, no money, no physique, no friends
:(
My dude I'm on the same boat but a boat with a bigger crew can go faster, we got this 100% 💪
I had similarly to you with some physique. Now I have no physique and no working knee. Smile. It can always get worse! :D
Those are all solvable problems
F*ck the wine, that is for drunk heads and bored housewifes. Start training for 1 hour out of the 24 hours you have every day, Get a job that makes even a little money, got to start somewhere.
Something about the order and contents of that list ... Not sure what to make of it.