Pretty much. Here are some practical examples from my life. A typical Nerdy Gamer: 1. I was unemployed, got a shit job, got stuck there for 3 years. Finally grew a pair and went to study German (more like brush up on it). Fate rewarded me as Soon as I did that and a few months later I upgrade from a shit Blue Collar job (Paying like 300 Dollars) to a white Collar job (Paying more like 900). I live in Bosnia so it's like upgrading from 1000 bucks to 3000 in monthly income. 2. I was a lonely Virgin forever, until recently. I grew a pair again and got into online dating. Now I met a bunch of cuties and am cruising through my romantic life with plenty of options, feeling way more confident, wanted and like much more of a "typical Man" 3. I could go on and on, but here are maybe some more relatable examples: Finally learning to swim and taking that plunge, finally learning to ride a bicycle as a kid. First time asking a girl out etc. etc.... The point is, folks, you're not meant to know all the answers right away. Jump in and start flailing around, you'll figure it out along the way
For those who feel lost in their 20s, don't give up hope. You still have plenty of time and you never know what will come around the corner. I didn't start dating until my 30s, started performing improv comedy in my 30s, started traveling more in my 30s. I believe in you.
appreciate the kind words, was lost for most of my 20s and im starting to finally gain a footing at 28. it wasnt an overnight shift but it happened. but theres still a long way to go
I don’t know why I’m crying because this video is one of the advice I’ve longed for that no ones have told me. I believe there’s not only me hesitating and feeling lost in the way, at the age of 20s
@@warning2246 yeah it was the same for me, in fact, I'm in medical school as he was, my parents were strict about it, I finished my first year, and didn't do well. But I think I'm going through the process he is talking about, i should do the timeout stage and learn more about myself, i love everything about psychiatry, i feel my story is the same story as his
The song Time by Pink Floyd really helped me come to grips with this struggle: “Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day You fritter and waste the hours in an off-hand way Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town Waiting for someone or something to show you the way Tired of lying in the sunshine, staying home to watch the rain And you are young and life is long, and there is time to kill today And then one day you find ten years have got behind you No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking Racing around to come up behind you again Sun is the same, in a relative way, but you're older Shorter of breath and one day closer to death Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time Plans that either come to naught, or half a page of scribbled lines”
@onetowelperguest That's one of my favorite Pink Floyd songs... Except for all the clocks going off at the beginning, which usually catches me off guard when it plays. I personally feel many of those lyrics.
I’ve noticed that quarter/mid life crises, nervous breakdowns, major depressive periods etc. usually happen to people with stronger than average thoughts, emotions and values (stronger personalities) because their internal world is much more likely to clash with their external circumstances
And other people too! I’ve noticed how shallow everyone is and I’m always wondering why they’ve woken up yet. It took a traumatic event to make me start questioning everything and that’s probably what some people need .
22 turning 23 and every single day for the past 3-4 years I've been stressing about navigating the world, navigating myself, understanding myself, worrying about my future. Every single day
@@pier4962 That’s probably what’s keeping you there, no? Feels like that for me, the more distraction I engage in the less time I have to actually progress and do things in life.
My man started with reading a study and ended with an inspiring speech. "But as long as you are looking for a guarantee, you will never believe in yourself" - that quote is just so perfect. This jumping into the unknown and surviving is what builds that belief in yourself, as Dr. K says. Because confidence is knowing that YOU ARE THE GUARANTEE. Because you don't need to know what will happen, you have all the guarantee you need. Yourself.
i'm 19, for the last few years i've been doing youtube content creation because social media has told me that this is what i should do/need to do as it's the easiest and best way to make money and i did enjoy it for some time. i quit content creation and posting on social media a few months ago because i was burnt out and no longer enjoyed it, which puts me in stage 3, exploration. it's been tough, i've felt lonely and very stuck... honestly i have been playing videos games and other activities to cop which bothers me. i don't know where to go from here and it scares me, i don't want to fall into the trap of finding something then end up not enjoying it in 5 years or just being unhappy with my life, or never even finding the thing that gives me purpose. But seeing other people going through the same experiences as me and being fine as well as scientific reason on this process gives me so much hope. thank you so much for this video, it might literally change my life for the better.
The fact that I listened to the beginning of this-- and felt terror at REMEMBERING feeling this way every day--- proves how far I've really come from that crappy place. Damn. I totally forgot how hopeless that felt. Stick with Dr. K. folks, exercise, meditate, do yoga, chill out.
@@peeteri95in my experience, it felt like I was cured for about a week. I was happy, content, fulfilled, felt like I could almost tell the future. The world was tangeable and anything was possible. Over time that went away completely. The peak lasted a week, and then the feeling was totally gone by the end of 2 months. (it's important to note, I stopped meditating after feeling that. Had I had a continued, I might not have stopped.. Who knows 🤷♂️) Now I'm feeling lost and on autopilot and useless and all the things Dr k talks about. Basically I'm more or less back where I was a yr prior to finding Dr k. Thr big difference for me, is that this time I understand more and know more of what to do, so it's easier to navigate my life despite being sort of in a fog and on autopilot. Hope that made sense and helps
@@cordestian9296oh yeah I also think it’s completely normal to feel that way. I know it seems like Dr. K is saying once you go through phase 4 everything is gonna be amazing but we all have our ups and downs and that’s a part of what uncertainty might turn out to be. You just gotta remember that you’ve beaten it already and follow your protocol to break out of it. I doubt you’re the only person feeling that way so keep going but be kind to yourself!!
@astrotrain3332 yea me too, like had flashbacks of the feelings I had, feeing trapped in a very unhappy relationship, coming up on two years, we love eachother but she has some anger issues and I feel so trapped, but I can tell I’ve been moving through my crisis! All love for Dr. K🫶🫶🫶
The main issue is that hard work used to get you somewhere. School used to guarantee a good job, which would guarantee a house, a family, and stability. Now school puts you in massive debt, jobs dont pay enough for even rent, a loaf of bread costs 10 bucks, the world is on fire, and getting a date is impossible. We've been separated from the value of our passion and labor by the sociopathic greed of the people who already own 99.99% of the world.
I find that it is difficult to explore and find yourself because the associated cost is so high. The education and experience requirements for jobs these days expect so much up front before you can even start, so making changes are so risky. I have interest in tech, but am I ready to give up 4 years of school + 6 years of professional experience in engineering, with a pretty good career outlook for it? In exchange I have to spend 50k to go back to school, spend the next 1-2 years without income and at the end graduate and be potentially unemployed, fighting for an entry level position. The total cost and loss of income, assuming I am successful, easily exceeds 200k. In this economy that's potentially the difference between owning a house and having a shot at leading a decent life vs renting and struggling for majority of my adult life. And after all that I may find that tech is better, or I may find that I was just too hopeful that the grass isn't greener on the other side.
What you described is simply not true. Job never guaranteed you a family. School more or less guaranteed a good job, but it's also the case today. And good jobs definitely give enough to pay for rent and more, seeing as the standard of living is steadily rising. The world is on fire, but it always has been. And about getting a date - it's completely on you. People date everywhere all the time, so clearly something works. The world is shit in a lot of aspects, but don't put all the blame on it, take some responsibility as well
@@iluxa-4000I feel like what "guaranteed a family" was at best arranged marriages, but that often didn't end up well. So yeah, there's no universal law that job=family. 30% of ppl in my country did neet their SO at work, but the relationship happened because of proactivity from the actors involved.
@@shadowstrlkeMight sound dumb, but I know there's a lot of tech certifications you can get if you're willing to study in your free time, as opposed to quitting your career and returning to college. Since you already have a stem degree with work experience, just supplementing your resume with tech certs, you'd probably have a good chance at landing some kind of intro job and working your way up.
quarter-life crisis 1. locked in (u find yourself trapped in a life you don't want) an outward identity that conforms to adapt to the outside world, compulsive activities 2. physically or mentally check out of a relationship (oscillation between confidence and shame) "i worked rly hard but i feel rly empty" / false id that is no longer working, ppl get stuck after having lost their extrinsic / 2b. timeout (u try to move back into life, make you old life work) =>intentionally move away from your old life =>travels, goes to a different physical location =>take a step out of your life => sit with the uncertainty of " intentional evidence of the past and of the future """"im done w my old life"""" 3. figuring things out =>explore ur id =>create urself 4. rebuilding =>craft your external life to fit who you are on the inside takeaway: if your life is not what you want, you need to change it
For me when i was 16 i had an existential crisis. And almost died due to covid. I had no identity (because i was so young) it felt like an ego death. Dropped out of high school. After that my purpose was to improve health and later that decision snowballed into a better life
im 20 and 3 days ago was my second time i failed to get into med school. The first time i felt hopeless and went through a pretty bad depression. Now, compared to how i was, i feel so much better. Your videos helped me a lot regain my motivation and feel worthy of it and i am so grateful for that. Even though i failed for the second time now i feel the most motivated, confident and happy with my progress. I ve started not focusing on the result, but on my evolution. And if anyone is feeling like this just know you are not alone and things will get better with time and patience.
If you died right now are you a 100% sure you’d go to heaven? All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Due to our sin. Hell is the punishment .“But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.” Revelation 21:8 KJV but Jesus who is God. Came down to earth as a man lived a perfect life never sinned people got jealous of him got him convicted on false charges then he died buried and resurrected Remember how I said our sin is why we can’t go to heaven? The only thing that can wash away your sins in the blood of Jesus “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him.” Roman’s 5:8-9 KJV So to get saved is super easy “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9 KJV Salvation is a free gift by faith alone. You can’t earn it by going to church, getting water baptized, or by any good thing you do. “For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.” 2 Corinthians 7:10 KJV Then you just have to feel guilty and sorry for being a sinner and repent for being a sinner. Do you feel guilty for being a sinner? If you do then there’s just one final step. “that if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.” Romans 10:9 KJV Pretty much all you have to do is tell God out loud with your mouth that you believe the gospel. That’s it super simple. You MUST mean it from your heart to work. You can pray something like this “dear God i repent as a sinner. i believe jesus is God, who died, buried, and ressurected, so his blood can wash away my sins. so i only trust in the blood alone to save me not my good works. Save me from hell in jesus name i pray amen” If you meant it your saved!
I felt like this heavily in my early 20s (I’m 28 now). If you need any advice, here’s what I can offer - find a goal that you genuinely want, a fulfilled dream, put as much detail as you can to it, and then do everything you can to get there. Don’t make it general like “get rich”, but specific, like “perform this job” or “have this skill”. It doesn’t solve your problems, but overtime, it helps align you. Trust yourself, you’ll figure it out along the way. “If a man knows not to which port he sails, no wind is favorable”
Didn't realize I was having a quarter life crisis until I watched this. I think we are better off having a quarter life crisis than a mid-life one, we have less responsibilities and in most cases no family to take care of, we have less to lose when we fail unlike someone in their 40s who has already built a life and probably has a house and kids. My dad stayed in his crappy job for us but he tells me I don't have to do that, he is one of the few people who doesn't wear it like a badge of honor saying how much he sacrificed, calling me privileged etc and making me feel guilty for having the freedom to change my life but rather as an undesirable burden he took so his kids won't have to. I turn 29 in 2 days, talk about the crisis timing.
I'm 25 years, each word that was said in this video hit me, i'm feeling each stage. I don't want to given up, you that can be reading this shouldn't given up too!
I don't know whether Dr. K is getting better over time or I'm just understanding more. I've been watching this channel for exactly 2 years (and I watched A LOT of stuff), but this video was something else. Half way in the video I just like a epiphany, it clicked for me, this is actually the describstion of my life and I already knew what he was going to say later. It was my experience for the last 2 years. Thanks for everything you do at HG, it is truly life changing. There is hope guys.
I lowkey stood up and paused the video never paid atention to anything more in my life felt like he was talking to my soul lmao ye gotta go to the unknown i guees giving myself 2 months then ima press the button (probably)
i literally recognized the exact period of my life when this started and ended i could never explain it but now im sitting here thankful and in disbelief cause i finally understand.
WOW. This video is unbelievably well timed. I’m 22 and this PERFECTLY describes the last couple years of my life. I have recently been in the stage of struggling to let go (of my college life that I checked out of, despite “patching it up” multiple times). But now, knowing that letting go is an integral part of the process, I can finally move on and give myself permission to explore without certainty or expectation. Thanks Dr. K.
I'm 34, single and $50,000 in debt. Finally just starting to take a college course to get out of this factory job. It can always be worse man, 22 is young as hell..
Same. Didn’t realize I would be so attached to college life but I am lol😅 it was just so much simpler lol, and college wasn’t an easy time for me either so that’s saying something lol.
Dr. K, without exaggeration - you've saved my life. You helped me to better understand myself, the world around me, other people and more. Something other psychologists and therapists failed miserably to do. Thank you for your work
This is the single greatest explanation of what I've been experiencing. Hands down. I encourage everyone to listen VERY closely. This truly felt therapeutic.
It's hard for me to describe the relief I feel in hearing that my journey and feelings of being lost are a normal and somehow healthy part of growing up... Thank you so much Dr.K
If you're feeling like this, don't run from that feeling! It's scary and difficult to face these kind of emotions, but they're telling you something important. They are your catalyst for change if you acknowledge them and take action.
I usually never comment on videos, but this one really did hit hard. I‘m 26, soon 27, and full on crashed into this crisis - broke up with my partner, quit my job, noticed that I want to live life differently. Now I feel very insecure about many things, but there are also many opportunities. I want to go on my first solo trip in August and I think it will be worth it. A big advice for everyone: You are never too old to explore yourself, there will always be people somewhere in the same boat at the same time & age. Getting yourself out there is hard but I think it‘s one of the only ways to build stable confidence.
The end was so intense... I was taking notes and literally did not write a single word as he finished the conclusion. This was such a great episode... I think for me, I might be on the exploration stage of the crisis. Or I can be in a weird limbo 2B stage, where I'm making small changes, but not taking the plunge to radically change my life. I've always been very risk-averse and fearful. Each time I change the goalpost of my life, I scramble to sketch out a road to get me there. More than likely, I've limited where I set my goalpost to places that I feel like i can build a safety net beneath in case of failure. Maybe this is a sign for me to admit that I don't know what I want. And that I need to start doing things without knowing if it will be worth it.
Same, it was a supportive kick in the behind to wake up that some people like me need to hear... even if we don't want to hear it since I've been wallowing in my depression, massive burnout pursuing a life I thought I "should" live (heavily influenced by society's view of what "success" is), the fact that I had to move back in with my parents, past childhood trauma, analysis paralysis, lack of a career direction and honestly not doing much to change my situation (combo of learned helplessness and freeze reaction) except for watching videos of experts, gurus and such telling me what to do. The thing is no one real knows what they're doing or has all the answers, even experts. Looking for all the "right" answers of what to do for my career and with my life just makes me feel more lost and sends me trying to do 10 different things. When the answer is to changing is to get out there and do something that I'm interested in and working towards the kind of life I want. If the thing I'm interested in doesn't work out, yes it sucks but that's life, try something else, reflect and adjust accordingly. But keep going. Don't stop and give up even in the face of stebacks and think your life is over at 25 (or 35) that's how to get unstuck. This being stuck in a rut has gone on so long that I have no other option but to do something for myself, anything at this point. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Behavioral activation will help jump start getting unstuck. "There is no certainity in life. Everyone is looking for 100% certainty and gauranteed outcomes - that's not life how it works."
I think we need to start embracing risks and so called “failure”. There is no failure, there is only the process of learning what you need and want. I’m 35 and still I struggle to figure out “how to live” and I feel like if I wasn’t afraid to try things out out of curiosity, my life would at least have a direction to go to.
I started thinking about a big "identity" for what I wanted to be when I grow up when I was 12-13. Now at 25, I struggle to let go of that successful identity to start working/exploring in "normal people jobs"(which I am not supposed to be a part of). I think I can get used to being a "average worker" and family/ peers can all "witness" my downfall, if it is what I have to go through to be happy.
22:22 I have felt resonance with “there is a perfect career out there for me”. I don’t feel it anymore, although I wish the work I enjoy would simply pay more, but paving my own way has felt significantly more satisfying.
I’m 20. this is the video that really holds a mirror up I think. A lot of the other videos helped me in little ways but I know now: You are here 📍(probably somewhere amongst stage 1-2)
Dr. K once again reading me like a book. I graduated top of my class in Engineering, and already started feeling the crisis, unsure that this route was one I enjoyed. I landed a starting position at a company some of my peers could only wish for. Comfortably making money, found the love of my life, yet I’ve been stuck in stage 2A with my career for the past 2 years. I’ve been waiting for that guarantee instead of taking the leap into stage 2B, worried about losing my ability to afford a future I desire. This is a wake up call for me. Instead of trying to check back in, it’s time for me to join my mental and physical state together and craft my identity. And the craziest part is my partner and I have been talking about moving overseas, thanks for showing me I’m not alone, HealthyGG community.
Dude. I’m literally in the exact same situation, down to the job (except switch out Eng for sales lol), finding the one, and potentially moving overseas. Hit me up would love to meet ya
This video came at the exact right time for me! I've just quit my job and will be moving away from the UK after five years and back to Denmark and my parents, because it will allow me to spend a year where I don't have to do a full time job and can focus on exploring different paths, working on my mental health, and figuring out what I want now. I'm feeling the exact things Dr. K describes of being lost in the mundane routine and not knowing what I want anymore because the plan I followed didn't get me to the place I thought it would. I'm completely burnt out. And choosing to leave this country, my friends, and the path I thought I needed to be on is absolutely terrifying, but hearing Dr. K validate the need for a time-out was such a relief, that I started crying on the overground. I am fully accepting that this is a emotionally tumultuous time, but that it's still the right thing to do, instead of trying to continue to push through! It would be helpful with some videos on ideas for that phase 3 looks like in practice or different ways you can approach exploring who you are now.
I’m about to turn 29 and have been experiencing this problem since 2019. I feel like I finally know what’s wrong with me and I really needed to hear this. I just kept getting worse and worse and now it feels hard to function, but I kept looking for what was wrong with my motivation and not with my life and my personal alignment. I think I’ve been starting to actively check out, which has been hard, but I’m glad to hear I’m on the right track.
Out of all videos I have ever seen on this channel, I think this one is by far the most impactful. I think so many people (including me) try to solve their problems in their mind, what this video has made me realize is that what I'm going through currently is a normal part of the process. Thank you so much for this.
I went through my quarter life crisis in the years following the 2008 financial crisis and as hard as that was, 20-somethings now have it so much harder, not the least of which coming of age during a pandemic. I’m glad people like you are around, Dr. K. Hopefully we can make the world better for the young adults inheriting it now.
yeah i graduated a month or two before the pandemic and I'm literally. I don't know what the fuck is going on. I'm doing all the things I'm "supposed" to do to get better, and after another year and a half wifh the mosr recent therapist and more and more useless meds my psychiatrist throws at me, I'm realizing it's all bullshit. Maybe therapy and meds work for some people, but not for me who's been doing it on and off since I was six because my fucking family was abusive and I was constantlt crying as a kid. And they wondered why I had anxiety! I don't have friends. I hate my jobs and they make me more sad. I come fucking home from my stupid job after an hour commute and then have about three hours before i go to sleep and do it all over again. And I don't even sleep for 8 hours during the week, because falling asleep and staying asleep is hard even with meds. Fuck being an adult, imagine this the rest of my life and not even saving money for a house like my parents could. People treat me like a failure because god forbid I wanted to be an actor, someone who caught Broadway in Chicago's attention in high school. And yet, I'm too tired to pursue it like people with money because my stuoid fucking job makes me sad and drains me so much I go home and crash in bed. Meanwhile, other people who can afford to live at home or work part time or whatever can actually take more classes and audition/take gigs whenever they need to. I'm too broken to date anyone with my PTSD too. I hate myself. So much.
Dr K finding you is life changing. You are sensitive and empathetic yet realistic and real with what you are talking about. I am a 22 year old with no college degree after having thought of been in the nurse in the past snd realizing it wasnt for me. I want to be a boxing coach and help people and make it more accessible to everybody. I want to be kinder and more empathetic to people while giving them an inner compass of strength as you have to hundreds of millions of people. Now is my time to take the leap of faith and hope that all the work ive put in behind the scenese while finding myself will pay off and this video has given me clarity.. thank you Dr. K
As a 20 year old who felt lost, this video has literally described my life so far and I’m already on stage 3. I was burnt out and exhausted living a life that I didn’t choose. Now I’m taking time to reflect on things and hopefully be able to move forward. It’s nice knowing that you truly aren’t alone in this situation. THANK YOU DR K
This is exactly where I'm at. I feel like I went through *a* crisis 3 years ago and I'm on the precipice of another one, maybe to a lesser extent this time
Im 23 and in phase 3 at the moment. I cant tell how much this video hit me. It feels like you know more about me than myself. Thank you for your content!!
24 here but same, although im about to start a masters in my pre-crisis career path. I recently realised ive checked out of what im doing and considered dropping the masters bc I don't want to continue this path but bc im unsure the next steps my parents want me to at least do the masters and I can see benefits to it but fuck, after watching this idk anymore
I ended up taking the masters bc of parental pressure tbh, if I truly truly listened to myself I wouldnt have done it but also don’t want to lose my parents support in other parts of life so doing smth that they see as stupid for my career when im not 100% sure what im doing I thought it better to just go with it. I’ll at least be able to meet people and network that way. It was a slow start and ultimately I still think I want to to get out of this industry but 6 weeks in while in uni I’ve joined some student society committees and campus working groups in the area I want to transition to and building connections and gaining experience that way and just getting involved in extra curricular activities that support what I want to do while progressing with the masters it’s a lot of work but I think it’s the best thing I can do with my time right now: explore my desired industry through taking advantage of the student resources and amenities at hand while still progressing my current career path as a safety net, maybe I’m lying to myself not committing to it fully but I guess still being young I want to have something to fall back on, hence the caution
I don’t know the “right” answer but all I can suggest based on what I’m doing right now is take advantage of the resources and connections in your college to explore your options while you can. It’s a lot harder once you start working or at least for me it was (I worked for 2 years between my BEng and MEng)
I just quit my job today, and found this video, it hits so hard to hear you describe this process and realizing that is like hearing you describe my life for the past 5 years. Your job is incredible. I just jumped of the clif, i'm going back to university, i don't know what the hell is going to happen, but as you said, there is something inside me that tells me that I have to do this, or i'll be traped in this awful life forever. Again, thank you so much for all that aoe healing. Just wanted to share my thoughts
I've done the same thing! Graduated quite some time ago, accepted onto a masters last week, moving city too. We're getting moving, we gotta get stuck in. Best of luck :) !
This is probably one of the most impactful videos I’ve watched, and one I really needed. I feel like I always thought I knew what I wanted my whole life, I had a plan and a dream. So being lost later in life feels weird because I was so responsible, certain and ambitious when I was younger. I am now reasonably “successful” on paper, but not doing what I want to. I love owning a home, and not having to worry about $ making decent money at 26. I still don’t feel on track with my life at all, I feel burned out and incredibly sad. I have been chasing the way I felt when I felt on track when I realize that’s not me anymore. I can tell there’s a huge gap between what I do for $ and ME. But I feel like I have to have my whole future planned out like I used to, so knowing that’s not the phase I’m in is really helpful. It gives me a sense of relief, although I get scared I’m “wasting time” and “wasting youth” without chasing after the life I “want” or I guess the identity that I feel aligned with. I am trying to be okay with not feeling a sense of certainty.
18:32 Wow, this perfectly describes my current situation! Thank you. I think I swing between phases 2 and 3. While exploring new things, I experience joy, excitement, and comfort, alongside anxiety, self-doubt, and fear of failure. (I graduated with a degree in chemical engineering. At that time I felt like I was being tortured. Every day seemed to drag by without any relief. Then I realized this career path wasn't for me. So after graduating, I explored various fields such as sales, online handmade crafts, novel writing, and project coordination. Now I'm exploring a career in UX design.)
Holy, what an immaculate video! You perfectly opened up my thoughts as to what's going on in the early stage of my life, I'm 23 but already feeling these strange emotions and you named them which to me fees VERY accurate! Praying for all my brothers who are in the same situation, trust the process and fuck around and find out! 🎉🎉🎉
This is so damn eye-opening, thank you so much Dr. K. This video made me realize that I'm currently in the 2B stage but going about it the wrong way because I keep reading endless books and watching videos and taking tests and talking to career counselors trying to make the perfect career decision, when I just need to give myself a time-out and take time to process and self-reflect. I genuinely don't know who I am right now and my focus should be on figuring that out, not trying to figure out the "perfect" career plan.
41 and I’m still lost. I have an MBA from a top school and I work in a grocery store just to barely financially survive. I know who I am and what I want and it still doesn’t matter because nothing I do ever moves me closer to that.
If you died right now are you a 100% sure you’d go to heaven? All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Due to our sin. Hell is the punishment .“But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.” Revelation 21:8 KJV but Jesus who is God. Came down to earth as a man lived a perfect life never sinned people got jealous of him got him convicted on false charges then he died buried and resurrected Remember how I said our sin is why we can’t go to heaven? The only thing that can wash away your sins in the blood of Jesus “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him.” Roman’s 5:8-9 KJV So to get saved is super easy “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9 KJV Salvation is a free gift by faith alone. You can’t earn it by going to church, getting water baptized, or by any good thing you do. “For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.” 2 Corinthians 7:10 KJV Then you just have to feel guilty and sorry for being a sinner and repent for being a sinner. Do you feel guilty for being a sinner? If you do then there’s just one final step. “that if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.” Romans 10:9 KJV Pretty much all you have to do is tell God out loud with your mouth that you believe the gospel. That’s it super simple. You MUST mean it from your heart to work. You can pray something like this “dear God i repent as a sinner. i believe jesus is God, who died, buried, and ressurected, so his blood can wash away my sins. so i only trust in the blood alone to save me not my good works. Save me from hell in jesus name i pray amen” If you meant it your saved!
Rule number 1: you are not your ego. You need to forget who you are and what you want in order to truly find it. Trust me. I'm a stranger on the internet.
Sounds like you would benefit from doing something else. If the things you are doing is not getting you to your goals, then there are something that you are not doing right. I would recommend trying to find someone that is further along the route where you want to be, and tell them the same thing you just wrote. They can give you a more nuanced advice, which sounds like just the thing you need
I was literally able to follow the events and experiences and feelings and decisions I’ve made from 23 to now being 28 finally moving into phase 4….ive been and felt so ready for so long now for this phase but let myself get stuck for far longer than I deserved to give myself. My body, my mental wellness my soul all screaming at me for years just destroying myself from the inside out but continuing to fight and fight fucking hard for something that was actually destroying me and preventing me from moving forward to find my real self. I’m happy say I’ve disconnected from the last thing holding me back from my true future and true self, for the first time in many many years I see a future I’m not stuck in but a future I can build… Much love brother ❤ thank you for your video
I’m 27 years and this is what I’ve been struggling with for around 10 years now. That feeling of not knowing what to do with life, who I am.. everything you say is what happened. The parties, the travels, distractions.. But I came to realise this is also a story I have been holding unto for so many years, playing this character that doesn’t know what to do with her life, and now it is enough. I can create the life that aligns with my true me. And after all, all there is is this present moment. The happiness I sought for was always there within me.
I am a 24 woman, finished college, moved to another country for a government job, I make a lot of money and I am still stressed, burned out and not happy. I thought once I change the environment my worries would change but I realized It is ME. If the behaviour and mindset doesn't change, I will not change. I know what should I do to change but I don't have motivation to do it.
I'm 20, I'm brazilian, and I'm finishing my 3rd year of medical school in Italy (here we dont have premed, we go straight into med school which lasts 6 years). I had a major crisis last year and I really thought I was going to quit and go back to Brazil because I was missing home a lot and I started to look at all that I was missing by living abroad. I decided to take a pause from the decision-making process (which had gotten me in a spiral of anxiety and depression) and just finish the semester normally here, trying to enjoy my routine, my friends and my life in general. After that semester, the decision was made naturally. I was feeling so much better, even if my life hadn't changed, only my perspective about it. Now I'm happy I decided to stay. But still sometimes I doubt why I chose medicine, not only because I doubt myself a lot (even if my exams go way better than I expect each time - I've got a pattern hahah), but also because I don't really see myself specializing in the common medical fields such as internal medicine. Cardiology was the only one of the major clinical subjects that got me excited, but I still don't think it's the best fit. However, I am really passionate about Psychiatry, since I was a teenager. The possibility of not liking it when I get to experience it myself scares me though, but psychiatry is the main reason why I'm still in med school. In that sense, you inspire me a lot, Dr K. Not only as a psychiatrist, but also as a person who is deeply connected to their spirituality and to their own purpose. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom with us!
This video might have just been what ive been needing. Been watching Dr.k for years now and all of his videos are great and help in some way. But to me personally this is what i needed to hear all along. Its not about me needing to quit my addictions and figure all this crap out, its that i need a new life, to restart. Thank you Dr.k hope i can meet you one day to thank you.
Literally turned 25 yesterday and the panic just hit me. As an Asian living with his parents in Europe the external pressures are insane, from carrier to marriage. I think i am going to on phase 2(a) and find a spot for myself. Try to rent a small studio or cohousing after i start working in a few months. I agree so much on not moving because i wanted stability but i finally understand that it's only going to come after i take a step in the dark... Fuck not expected to go through this shit in the morning
I really don't know what to say after this amazing video... Thanks a lot because it's really the answer I was looking for. I'm 23, going through this process. I think I'm on phase 2B. I plan to move to another destination. I really want to live the life of my dreams, I want to lie on my last bed smiling and telling myself : "what an uncertain yet amazing life it has been"
28 wishing I heard this when I was 23….Holy…fuck…..this shit is a game changer in understanding where I am on this path and really helps me feel not so lost, confused and fearful about my next steps. Literally described my experiences and emotions and decisions I’ve made in the past and paved the road in understanding what comes next. Thank you for making this video, algo gods you’re fucking wizards
Going through a quarter-life crisis is one thing, undergoing it with depression on top of that is a totally different thing. Some may even become hikikomoris because of it, so the scale is not the same for everyone. I say this because I read a comment saying "I want to experience a quarter-life crisis" and I instantly thought "No you don't ... ".
Going through the same thing + the physical health issues since 2013(since the death of my father). It takes the process longer. Without external support (financially) from mother. You are basically stuck without any financial support. The pandemic gave me time to transition to phase 2-3.(leaving friends and the college degree my father wants for me) Almost become a hikikimori after the pandemic. Discovering Dr.K help me started to crawl.
I just wanna say this video has fundamentally changed my mentality for the better. My life is this process, textbook. The solutions given are helpful and supportive and affirming. Thank you so much Dr K.
I'm 32 now and I felt the desire to leave home and travel 12 years ago. Sick parents completely muted my desire to leave home, and when one of them died I scrambled to make just enough money to be able to live in that home. Fastforward to today I'm in the same place with a worse job, horrible mental health, feeling just as stuck as ever. My loved ones and friends say I have great potential for this or that but I don't feel anything strongly and I don't care anymore. I want to leave but I feel obliged to the people I love and who are counting on me to stay. I'm swirling down the drain and I feel I'm about to drown.
27 right now, and I relate so damn hard to the "living on auto-pilot" and "momentum" bits, 12 minutes into the video. Three whole years of NEET life and counting, got myself a freelance project by joining up with a former classmate, yet I still haven't been really gripping on that rope to climb and get out of this rut, despite being so aware of this current situation I put myself into. I need to get an upward momentum going again and hug it tight...
Im 27. 4 years ago i decided to move out. Was kinda impulsive cause ADHD. But needed distance from my dad who felt really controlling. 2 years ago i stopped doing warehouse work and applied for jobs with paid training for actual skills, because I wanted to eventually run my own business. I didn't plan the move out. Didn't plan to be in pest control. But now I'm here I have more paths forward. Gonna fix my financial situation and then TRY running a pest control business. It may not fit. Im also practicing programming. Maybe I'll make an app. I'm not aiming for external goals. Its about what I really want, financial freedom and control over my own day, where and when I i work.
Single handedly the most impactful and relatable video that has contextualised and validated my experience. Most young men and women need to see this to understand these phase of life and gather the tools necessary to navigate through it (usually it’s a lonely one but you always come out stronger than you walked in). Without the knowledge/experience it can be distractive and lead to worse mental issues and confusion if you are unaware. I wish I saw this video 3 years ago
It's incredible this video talks about my struggles to the T. I'm 29 and struggled throughout my 20s trying to figure out who I am and what I want in life. I worked 3 different professions in 6 years after graduating university. Just this year I sold my things and moved from the US to China. Throughout my years I went through each stage: Spending years in a profession I thought would make me happy but I didn't like it. Then I jumped to a new one and the same thing happened. Suddenly I'm scared to try anything new and wasted a year of my life contemplating on the next move. It took a while for me to learn about myself such as my wants and values. Eventually I got out of my paralysis and gave myself permission to experiment. As I approach 30, I still struggle. But since I've focused on my health (physically and mentally) and learned more about myself, I'm in a much better head space. These four steps indeed work. You just need to give yourself time and permission to go through them.
I want to leave the state I've been stuck in for over a 13 years, but I have nowhere near the money or support I need to actually get out. I turn 27 this week and still feel completely trapped by money a boss who doesn't give two shits about me. I do everything I can to save; I don't drink, don't smoke, I try to buy food intelligently, I rarely ever buy a game and struggle to even start playing the ones I have. I tried to do school twice, five years apart, and both times I crashed and burned. One minor car emergency after another has kept me from even being in the black. I'm so tired.
Try to get another job, mate. The moment you do not feel that your current compensation package reflects your job market value, you need to apply to some other jobs. I'm saying that as a guy who would rather fight lions than go through the job search process and hyperventillates during interviews. You can also try to apply to jobs in other states. When I was 20 I applied to a job on the other side of the country, and once I got it, I just picked up a backpack and left without even having a place to sleep, lol. Back then I had to use a paper map and ask people for directions as smartphones weren't a thing. Anyways, good luck.
God, did i write this?? 🥺 So, so sorry you're experiencing your own version of what reminds me of my life. I empathize heavily with this... Course the difference between us is I didn't even try any school after High School, and I wish I could ever say I can fully relate, but obviously, I dont know you enough to. But we can always try, eh? I was always so bad at tracking my finances and many small-but-detrimental spending [working on that rn, lol] and I am currently just starting to make progress on my couple credit debts. Then I need to save an emergency fund, cutting even MORE to start hopefully saving for a house, and start finding a way to put enough in a Roth IRA in order to begin belatedly saving for my supposed "retirement" [that's for sure being hopeful, lol] About to be 27 as well, working 10-11 hour work days 6 days a week to make just around 30k a year, spending very little most of the time, [although who's perfect, huh?] and struggling with my ADHD, depression and issues. guess that's the trifecta surrounding my low intelligence. But blah blah blah, you know, this is all the usual for people, these days. I dont mean to sound like I think I'm apecial, sorry 😅 all I mean to say is? I can relate hard to your feelings on this for real! Depsite what some people say, I'm not really meant for anything other than warehouse work [trust me, I've truly tried lol anything I've not tried was simply not something I found remotely interesting, and i unfortunately can't learn new things without SOME kind of true interest] and what little I have almost achieved physically/career-wise simply wasn't within my longterm abilities. I've adjusted to reality. Now? My parents helped me find my first job I can manage to kind of function [mostly because it's pretty simple and easy per the pay, and with really relaxed rules/times for the most part. Just don't call OSHA, okay? XD] and now i'm TRAPPED in my state. Well, that and my awesome parents, they just know so much more and are capable adults lol i need them, and even if I didn't I love them and am extremely close.
4 years ago at 24 years old I tried ending my life. I was hospitalised and was diagnosed with BPD (I'd been previously misdiagnosed with Bipolar II). I stunted my healing by trying to go back to my old life and it took 2 years for me to accept that it's not working and start allowing myself to properly go through stage 2a, 2b and stage 3. Now I'm at stage 4, rebuilding, and I could never have dreamed of my mind being where it's at now. I've been here for a while and I can definitely say, everything in this video is true, it really is the story of my life. The resistance and attempts keep parts of my old life, the overwhelming anxiety of deciding to separate, the limbo of taking time out to look within and figure things out, the uncertainty of EXPLORING...it's all facts. So as you read this, if you're struggling in any of those stages, know this, eventually you do get to REBUILDING and it's insanely beautiful. I'm in film school at 28 and loving it. I've not had a depressive episode in over a year, BPD has beeeeen remission, even anxiety can eventually be manageable apparently (shocker). I eventually managed to quit alcohol a year ago, then weed 6 months ago and finally nicotine 3 months ago. I also have ADHD so of course I was addicted to substances. With the ADHD though, it's now become one of my favourite things about my mind because I've learnt to thrive with it (shamelessly plugging Dr K's guide for that one). From the lens of the darkness I was in 4 years ago, I never thought this would be me EVER. You might be in that darkness right now. Trust me, you can get out. It takes time, and people can try help you, but it's going to have to come from within you. You may not see how but eventually, if you take yourself through this process, everything (even the darkness) turns out to be worth it. Like Dr. K said, it's amazing...give it a shot and you'll see😉 p.s. shoutout to you Dr. K and your entire HG team
I'm 22. I went through a mix of depression and early life crisis which was absolutely painful and torture and now I'm on that other side. I've never felt better, he's so right!
Im 20 majoring in graphic design and I just want to say thank you for choosing to become a psychiatrist. Your work have inspired and untangled so many of my mental problems and not even realize that i was having.
Just watched this video and it made me realise that I have been going through a quarter life crisis for almost a year now and still am very much in it. I've realised that the trigger was when I learned the job I dreamed of wasn't a guarantee, followed by an exam at my uni that was a bit of a showcase of what that job entailed which made me realise that that was something I didn't want to do - at least that specific part - and so that lead me to getting anxiety and seeking a therapist so I could get a handle on it during this summer and now autumn. During this time I have been going through the first two stages and probably still am in the second. That's what the video has also helped me with, realising that I am on the right path. That I am slowly accepting that my dream job maybe wasn't my dream job after all and that my degree instead can give me acees to other jobs that I would actually like as well if not even love, which is something I am already planning on testing out by by volunteering. I also guess this video is telling me that I should listen to my urges of going on an impulsive trip to The Faroe Islands and/or Iceland and just drive around in my car and see, what there is to be discovered on those island countries. To remove myself to another location and just be. So thank you for this video.
I already went through my quarter life crisis, I am more confident and mentally stable than I have ever been. Things came crushing down after I graduated. My mother shames me for taking 10 year between finishing high school and college. Feeling like a failure all over again from the pressure she puts on me and a refusal to help so there is fear of not knowing how I will pay my bills.
I never had a quarter life crysis. Because I am so smart, I just worked on my career, and now I am retiring at 32 with 2 million net worth to travel the world.
@@BigSmonk420 yeah, real. I am travelling in Croatia right now. There are even more successful people than me, people who have sold their startups and retired with 10 million at 35.
This is me. I'm a 26 year old part-time shop assistant. I'm a DJ, an actor and a writer in my spare time. I'm trying to change my career to something a bit more vocational, or at least something that doesn't suck arse, but there are ZERO opportunities anywhere.
@@phonixMAM Do you not realize how many fine arts people are multitalented? How about the directors who write part of the script and also play a role in the same movie, for one? Yikes, and double yikes for being rude to someone on this video of all videos.
@@liu3chan Reading comprehension. I was replying to the person talking about "low tier" talent. I'm well aware of the difference. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ In addition, one person's definition of success in the arts is different from another's. A working actor for example-most of us aren't multimillionaires, but many of us either juggle jobs and enjoy the gigs we get, or we make about the same as we would working one blue or white collar job. For some people, that's enough. For others, they crave only fame and may or may not be setting themselves up for disappointment. Capische?
All I need is this: Something I enjoy doing & can keep doing, an income that allows me to have what I want, time to do what I want, and a partner. There's literally nothing else that could possibly satisfy me.
You didn’t need most of those things when you were 3. Seems premature to know for sure they won’t change again, no? Not saying it’s a bad list, it’s quite aligned with mine, but just… why the surety? Seems a bit extreme.
I don’t normally comment but usually I watch videos and get what feels like arbitrary/ambiguous info, but this was so well-made, informative, and genuinely made me pause to think of how you just broke down everything I’m going through well and made it so much easier to put things into perspective. Thank you so much❤️
I'm really glad to have found this video when I did. I turned 25 two months ago and felt like this was almost a personal therapy session. I can tell I'm at the breaking point between Stage 2 (B) and Stage 3, but I am making changes to advance towards a new life and not go back to the life I had before. Thank you, Dr. K!
I'm 25. This video was the push I needed to finally drop out of college and begin seriously pursuing game development as a hobby. The las two weeks have been great, I've been feeling happier and I'm also performing better at my day job as a programmer. If I was able to do it then so can you, start living a life that makes you happy! I believe in you!!!
This process, that you describe is good for those who don't have obligations. Imagine a man in his mid thirties, who has wife and children, going through crisis. Should he check out physically and leave his family, because he is in crisis? What happens with the children he leaves behind? How to handle this type of crisis?
The point about physical separation is interesting, I used to be really into reading fantasy, and a common narrative trope is travel, the character generally leaves home to go on some hero's journey, and I assumed that it's mostly a useful narrative tool, it's easier to convey character change with there having literally been significant external changes. But, for financial and/or personal reasons, the "hero's journey" isn't available to everyone. How can one develop while staying in place?
Because there isnt enough substantial change happening to them around them at home. Nothing changes fast enough you will always be surrounded by the same people, the same buildings, maybe a new business pops up... Travel is an immediate way to experience change
My guess would be variety? If you like libraries, go to a different library. Try different music, different parks, etc. Read on the back porch instead of in your room. Idk if that'll really be enough, but it costs very little to try.
I'm also wondering about this. For me, it's not just about money but also because I like my city (knew since I was young but my family only moved here a few years ago) and don't really want to leave it behind. I'm not sure if it'll be as effective, but I think a good part is about trying new things and meeting different people. You could try some new hobbies and maybe join a community about them; Like a sports team, a literature club or a makerspace. You could also try to visit nearby cities and do things there, if you have a decent way to get there it could save you the cost of moving and the risk of losing your local connections. If you can afford it, just taking a vacation in a different country can also broaden your cultural horizon and maybe give you new ideas and inspiration.
More often than not, the "Hero's Journey" is one we DON'T want to go on. That's part of what makes it a Hero's Journey. Bilbo didn't jump at the chance to go with Gandalf and the Dwarves, nor did Luke when Obi-Wan offered to take him to Alderaan. Even the OG Odysseus had this problem. The trip home was only supposed to take a few days... not the high side of a decade of being bobbed about ocean like a toy losing his ship and men in the process because he unknowingly pissed off the wrong God. However, it's important to remember that the "Hero's Journey" is a myth not meant to be taken literally but internalized spiritually, psychologically. Think about the stages you've been in your life, you proudest triumphs, your darkest nights... you're most likely already on the journey.
Holy shit, this is genuinely the best advice/self-help video I've ever seen on this platform. I'm 24, feeling exactly as described at the beginning of the video: stuck and restless and angry. Just watching this gave me hope, the conviction you speak with at the end of the video reminded me that anything can happen. Thanks for making this, I hope everyone that feels like this gets to see this video.
im 33 and i just now (couple of weeks ago) entered phase 3.. It feels good knowing whats "wrong" with me. I'm so glad i got to hear these words and this explanation. ngl i cried.. but ima go and explore myself more now and I know now that its going to be ok. Time to swim!
I did a speedrun of my quarter life crisis. After graduating university, I found a shitty entry-level job. Went from unhappy at a job to checking out, to quitting, to flying to Europe, to exploring my intrinsic wants, to finding a new and better job in a new city that is more in line with what I want. This crisis started around 23 years old, and I'll be turning 25 next month. I'm still in the rebuilding phase, but it's a much better place to be than where I was at the start. This was such a cool piece of research. Thanks Dr. K for finding and sharing it!
Most companies ghost job applicants. Some of the ghosting will actually result in a much later callback. The vast majority of job applications fail. This is almost certainly not a testament to your qualities. It is just how the system works. I'm a superduper smartypants top IT wizard, and most of my job applications get ghosted, most of my interviews do not result in a job offer. I know it is difficult even for me to take my own advice, but: Don't sweat it. Keep rolling the dice.
@@txdmsk a month after I applied. I got a call back from Sam's club. Seems they wanted a moron after all lol. Can't take it personally from big companies. They really don't like to put in any effort on their end.
Just relax and focus on a thing you're interested. Take it from someone in his mid 30s. You still have so much time, but don't let this cause complacency - you have to put effort. I don't mean to offend you, but at 20 you are barely not a child anymore, your life is starting, please just relax. Things that help me: exercise, yoga, meditation, avoid alcohol, focus on eating healthy food, but still having some junk food, let's say 5-10% of your daily calories can come from junk food. DO NOT watch porn, just don't! Take it from someone who was basically addicted to it, it gives you nothing good. Avoid drugs, but sometimes they can help, you must have a healthy relationship with them, which is extremely hard to do, especially avoid alcohol, it's by far the most dangerous thing out there. Studying, learning is the best thing you can do to yourself, but do not abandon your body, it's impossible to live a fulfilled life if your body is a junkyard rather than a temple... disabled people have it differently with this, but even they should look after what they got. For me the best thing about training my body is that it improves my mind. I have many mental issues, and all of them get improved by exercise. Anyway, sorry for the possibly unwanted advice, but it's done in good will. "Take it easy dude, but take it!" - Terrence McKenna
If you died right now are you a 100% sure you’d go to heaven? All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Due to our sin. Hell is the punishment .“But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.” Revelation 21:8 KJV but Jesus who is God. Came down to earth as a man lived a perfect life never sinned people got jealous of him got him convicted on false charges then he died buried and resurrected Remember how I said our sin is why we can’t go to heaven? The only thing that can wash away your sins in the blood of Jesus “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him.” Roman’s 5:8-9 KJV So to get saved is super easy “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9 KJV Salvation is a free gift by faith alone. You can’t earn it by going to church, getting water baptized, or by any good thing you do. “For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.” 2 Corinthians 7:10 KJV Then you just have to feel guilty and sorry for being a sinner and repent for being a sinner. Do you feel guilty for being a sinner? If you do then there’s just one final step. “that if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.” Romans 10:9 KJV Pretty much all you have to do is tell God out loud with your mouth that you believe the gospel. That’s it super simple. You MUST mean it from your heart to work. You can pray something like this “dear God i repent as a sinner. i believe jesus is God, who died, buried, and ressurected, so his blood can wash away my sins. so i only trust in the blood alone to save me not my good works. Save me from hell in jesus name i pray amen” If you meant it your saved!
Im 24, graduated in economics in a top notch uni and have been working in finance for 2 years. Since last year really have felt just as that this is not me and its not who i want to be. This year I’ve been working on an exit and in spending some time out… by chance just found this video. I must say: oh god how good it feels now knowing that im not alone or that im not “broken”. Many many many thanks doctor.
I am 27 and I can definitely see what parts of my life fit in to what category. The difficult part is that I feel like I am in different stages for different aspects of my life. Career wise, I feel like I am in the rebuilding stage. However relationship wise, I am still in the seperation to time-out phase. So I have been feeling the rough aspects of the early stages for a while now and for different reasons. This shit's rough...
I’m 22 and feel the same. Career wise I think I am in the separation stage but dating wise I’m already in exploration stage. Think the concept of being in different stages regarding different parts of your life is possible
28 and living at home still (thanks COV!D, thanks economy, thanks government etc) and this video hits me right in my guts. I feel physically sick when I look at the proverbial clock and watch it tick my life away while I have to just sit here and wait for arbitrary things to happen.
same. age 27. Graduated then pandemic happens. Got Addicted to watching series,movies, and playing games, etc. during the pandemic. Still unemployed because I realize I don't really like it. Felt like I wasted years in the university for something I do not want to do. What works for me is instead of finding/indulging on things that will make me happy. I removed or fix what makes me sad(ex. friends, social media, messy room, gaming etc.) It is not overnight change(3 years) but it somewhat help me to look forward for the future. Now I'm on phase 3. Trying to explore my identity.
Hang in there. I'm 28 too and was living at home 6 months ago. I really strapped in and got my life together (atleaset more than previously). We all got this!
@@Katniss0000 I am currently in the same position. I got a degree in computer engineering and I got a job right out of college and I got let go because I could not perform and fell into a deep depression that I am still dealing with today. I have thought that I could not be happy if I didn't get a job using my degree, but I just feel awful and overwhelmed when I try to go back and look at software development or programming. I have been trying to figure out if that is because I actually don't like it and don't want to do it, or if that is because of my self esteem issues making me not believe I can do it. I don't want to feel like I just gave up on it, but at this point I already have given up on it. I can't make myself look at it.
This literally was my quarterly crises. I had a complete break down. Abandoned my career of 10 years. Moved to the other side of the world to go to medical school. Graduating this summer! Absolutely terrifying to to give up that old identity but so worth it.
Uff. It's interesting to find out so many people went through the same thing. I gave up a lucrative career in IT, and figured fck med school, I would be able to make the world a better place if I managed to improve education instead. So I went to study bio / science teaching. My fiancé broke up with me out of the blue, saying that she will not marry a broke teacher. Family and friends around me treated me in a similar fashion to my fiancé. After a year in school I went back to IT. I'm earning 20x the national average in home office, but I always wonder what I could have accomplished if society actually valued that kind of stuff.
DAMN. This just organised and vocalised exactly what I knew I needed to do. For context: I’m 22, working a job finance which I no longer enjoy and which I find incredibly stressful. It was as though this video just accurately mapped out exactly how I’ve felt the last few years. I’m currently at the “checked out” stage… I’ve been trying to work up the courage to leave. This video validated what I’ve been experiencing and gave me a lot of courage to do what I knew deep down I need to do. Thank you.
This video has been so helpful. This was honestly stuff I needed to hear. I'm 28, been through the first few stages of locking in, checking out, getting stuck because I tried to get back into my old life, which didn't work (surprise surprise) and then checking back out. About a year ago I dropped out of uni and put myself in timeout. I still struggle sometimes to let go of the anxiety for the future even though I've started doing some exploring, and I think I need to be very careful of not falling back in that same old traps. This video made me aware of that, and I think that might be what I needed to prevent that. It's been a very small steps so far and there's a lot for me to discover, a lot of exploring ahead of me, and there's still lingering anxiety. But whatever, I'm in the water now so we just ball, whatever happens happens. To everyone else swimming in these waters too (or anyone about to jump in), genuinely wishing you the best. Even if it might not look like it right now, we got this I'm sure!
Im 25, I dont have a job. im not a student anymore, I dont have a lot of friends I feel so lost so lonely so stupid im just wasting my days
same dude, same
Dawg literally same. I _just_ dropped out of school
@@s.ivainesu yo sian is a dope ass name
@@jonathonthomas1255 thank you - that made me smile
same
In other words, there are 2 mottos one in their mid 20s should go by:
1- "fuck around and find out"
2- "fuck it we ball"
Pretty much. Here are some practical examples from my life. A typical Nerdy Gamer:
1. I was unemployed, got a shit job, got stuck there for 3 years. Finally grew a pair and went to study German (more like brush up on it). Fate rewarded me as Soon as I did that and a few months later I upgrade from a shit Blue Collar job (Paying like 300 Dollars) to a white Collar job (Paying more like 900).
I live in Bosnia so it's like upgrading from 1000 bucks to 3000 in monthly income.
2. I was a lonely Virgin forever, until recently. I grew a pair again and got into online dating. Now I met a bunch of cuties and am cruising through my romantic life with plenty of options, feeling way more confident, wanted and like much more of a "typical Man"
3. I could go on and on, but here are maybe some more relatable examples: Finally learning to swim and taking that plunge, finally learning to ride a bicycle as a kid. First time asking a girl out etc. etc....
The point is, folks, you're not meant to know all the answers right away. Jump in and start flailing around, you'll figure it out along the way
So I was on the right track with my motto being “fuck”
Rush B ?
We ball!
3.Nah, I'd win
For those who feel lost in their 20s, don't give up hope. You still have plenty of time and you never know what will come around the corner. I didn't start dating until my 30s, started performing improv comedy in my 30s, started traveling more in my 30s. I believe in you.
bro im 34 and am still lost... in fact more lost than ever..
appreciate the kind words, was lost for most of my 20s and im starting to finally gain a footing at 28. it wasnt an overnight shift but it happened. but theres still a long way to go
What he means is, there's no expiring time for changing, if you want to write a best seller at 70 you can, and you wouldn't be the first one oen
Hell yeah bro :)!
I promise I won't give up!
That's so encouraging.
I don’t know why
I’m crying because this video is one of the advice I’ve longed for that no ones have told me. I believe there’s not only me hesitating and feeling lost in the way, at the age of 20s
and to be honest, you probably didn’t need the advice of others. I think you would naturally discover your true self
Same here man. And Im crying also
I also cried
@@warning2246 yeah it was the same for me, in fact, I'm in medical school as he was, my parents were strict about it, I finished my first year, and didn't do well.
But I think I'm going through the process he is talking about, i should do the timeout stage and learn more about myself, i love everything about psychiatry, i feel my story is the same story as his
also cried here, it's the first time feel a people can trully feel me in deep
The song Time by Pink Floyd really helped me come to grips with this struggle:
“Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an off-hand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way
Tired of lying in the sunshine, staying home to watch the rain
And you are young and life is long, and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun
And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
Sun is the same, in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death
Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught, or half a page of scribbled lines”
@onetowelperguest That's one of my favorite Pink Floyd songs... Except for all the clocks going off at the beginning, which usually catches me off guard when it plays. I personally feel many of those lyrics.
Yes!!!! I felt this all the way back in highschool and now I'm 27 and freaking out
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English [human] way
The time is gone, the song is over, thought I'd something more to say
I’ve noticed that quarter/mid life crises, nervous breakdowns, major depressive periods etc. usually happen to people with stronger than average thoughts, emotions and values (stronger personalities) because their internal world is much more likely to clash with their external circumstances
I think you were looking for the word "deeper", not "stronger".
@@Hexanitrobenzene totally agree, deeper is the right term here.
And other people too! I’ve noticed how shallow everyone is and I’m always wondering why they’ve woken up yet. It took a traumatic event to make me start questioning everything and that’s probably what some people need .
anime watchers
you are one foot stepped down the antisocial rabbit hole. Other people are not shallow, you just have a shallow understanding of them.
22 turning 23 and every single day for the past 3-4 years I've been stressing about navigating the world, navigating myself, understanding myself, worrying about my future. Every single day
Same, man. It's scaring me.
yeah i am coping with video games to empty my mind
@@pier4962 I can't even play games anymore, it gives me anxiety
@@pier4962 That’s probably what’s keeping you there, no? Feels like that for me, the more distraction I engage in the less time I have to actually progress and do things in life.
@@gavinp214 actually what is keeping me from progress is that whenever i want to study i have to have a youtube video or a stream play in background
My man started with reading a study and ended with an inspiring speech.
"But as long as you are looking for a guarantee, you will never believe in yourself" - that quote is just so perfect. This jumping into the unknown and surviving is what builds that belief in yourself, as Dr. K says. Because confidence is knowing that YOU ARE THE GUARANTEE. Because you don't need to know what will happen, you have all the guarantee you need. Yourself.
Amazing comment! Thank you, I needed this!
@@janny.p me too for real
Best comment! ❤
@@Mactav3 bro i was watching this at the gym and holy shit that end gave me couple more reps
Leap and the net will appear!
"As long as you're looking for a guarantee, you will never believe in yourself." A little highlight for me
i'm 19, for the last few years i've been doing youtube content creation because social media has told me that this is what i should do/need to do as it's the easiest and best way to make money and i did enjoy it for some time. i quit content creation and posting on social media a few months ago because i was burnt out and no longer enjoyed it, which puts me in stage 3, exploration. it's been tough, i've felt lonely and very stuck... honestly i have been playing videos games and other activities to cop which bothers me. i don't know where to go from here and it scares me, i don't want to fall into the trap of finding something then end up not enjoying it in 5 years or just being unhappy with my life, or never even finding the thing that gives me purpose. But seeing other people going through the same experiences as me and being fine as well as scientific reason on this process gives me so much hope. thank you so much for this video, it might literally change my life for the better.
The fact that I listened to the beginning of this-- and felt terror at REMEMBERING feeling this way every day--- proves how far I've really come from that crappy place. Damn. I totally forgot how hopeless that felt. Stick with Dr. K. folks, exercise, meditate, do yoga, chill out.
Did self care got you out of the hole, or did it aid you in it?
@@peeteri95in my experience, it felt like I was cured for about a week. I was happy, content, fulfilled, felt like I could almost tell the future. The world was tangeable and anything was possible.
Over time that went away completely. The peak lasted a week, and then the feeling was totally gone by the end of 2 months. (it's important to note, I stopped meditating after feeling that. Had I had a continued, I might not have stopped.. Who knows 🤷♂️)
Now I'm feeling lost and on autopilot and useless and all the things Dr k talks about. Basically I'm more or less back where I was a yr prior to finding Dr k.
Thr big difference for me, is that this time I understand more and know more of what to do, so it's easier to navigate my life despite being sort of in a fog and on autopilot.
Hope that made sense and helps
BUY $KENDU
@@cordestian9296oh yeah I also think it’s completely normal to feel that way. I know it seems like Dr. K is saying once you go through phase 4 everything is gonna be amazing but we all have our ups and downs and that’s a part of what uncertainty might turn out to be. You just gotta remember that you’ve beaten it already and follow your protocol to break out of it. I doubt you’re the only person feeling that way so keep going but be kind to yourself!!
@astrotrain3332 yea me too, like had flashbacks of the feelings I had, feeing trapped in a very unhappy relationship, coming up on two years, we love eachother but she has some anger issues and I feel so trapped, but I can tell I’ve been moving through my crisis! All love for Dr. K🫶🫶🫶
The main issue is that hard work used to get you somewhere. School used to guarantee a good job, which would guarantee a house, a family, and stability. Now school puts you in massive debt, jobs dont pay enough for even rent, a loaf of bread costs 10 bucks, the world is on fire, and getting a date is impossible. We've been separated from the value of our passion and labor by the sociopathic greed of the people who already own 99.99% of the world.
I find that it is difficult to explore and find yourself because the associated cost is so high. The education and experience requirements for jobs these days expect so much up front before you can even start, so making changes are so risky.
I have interest in tech, but am I ready to give up 4 years of school + 6 years of professional experience in engineering, with a pretty good career outlook for it? In exchange I have to spend 50k to go back to school, spend the next 1-2 years without income and at the end graduate and be potentially unemployed, fighting for an entry level position. The total cost and loss of income, assuming I am successful, easily exceeds 200k. In this economy that's potentially the difference between owning a house and having a shot at leading a decent life vs renting and struggling for majority of my adult life.
And after all that I may find that tech is better, or I may find that I was just too hopeful that the grass isn't greener on the other side.
What you described is simply not true. Job never guaranteed you a family. School more or less guaranteed a good job, but it's also the case today. And good jobs definitely give enough to pay for rent and more, seeing as the standard of living is steadily rising. The world is on fire, but it always has been. And about getting a date - it's completely on you. People date everywhere all the time, so clearly something works. The world is shit in a lot of aspects, but don't put all the blame on it, take some responsibility as well
@@iluxa-4000I feel like what "guaranteed a family" was at best arranged marriages, but that often didn't end up well. So yeah, there's no universal law that job=family. 30% of ppl in my country did neet their SO at work, but the relationship happened because of proactivity from the actors involved.
@@shadowstrlkeMight sound dumb, but I know there's a lot of tech certifications you can get if you're willing to study in your free time, as opposed to quitting your career and returning to college. Since you already have a stem degree with work experience, just supplementing your resume with tech certs, you'd probably have a good chance at landing some kind of intro job and working your way up.
Saving this
quarter-life crisis
1. locked in (u find yourself trapped in a life you don't want)
an outward identity that conforms to adapt to the outside world, compulsive activities
2. physically or mentally check out of a relationship (oscillation between confidence and shame)
"i worked rly hard but i feel rly empty"
/ false id that is no longer working, ppl get stuck after having lost their extrinsic /
2b. timeout (u try to move back into life, make you old life work)
=>intentionally move away from your old life
=>travels, goes to a different physical location
=>take a step out of your life
=> sit with the uncertainty of "
intentional evidence of the past and of the future
""""im done w my old life""""
3. figuring things out
=>explore ur id
=>create urself
4. rebuilding
=>craft your external life to fit who you are on the inside
takeaway: if your life is not what you want, you need to change it
Thank you
what, im not the only one taking notes here?
Feels good. But it need lot of courage to leave your job... Everything and move to some other place...
For me when i was 16 i had an existential crisis. And almost died due to covid. I had no identity (because i was so young) it felt like an ego death. Dropped out of high school. After that my purpose was to improve health and later that decision snowballed into a better life
The problem with this is where do you start? How do you go to another country when your past follows you
im 20 and 3 days ago was my second time i failed to get into med school. The first time i felt hopeless and went through a pretty bad depression. Now, compared to how i was, i feel so much better. Your videos helped me a lot regain my motivation and feel worthy of it and i am so grateful for that. Even though i failed for the second time now i feel the most motivated, confident and happy with my progress. I ve started not focusing on the result, but on my evolution. And if anyone is feeling like this just know you are not alone and things will get better with time and patience.
@@bashiresuku I'm sorry to hear that - but there's always next year! You got this man💪
The fact that you know you’re not special is exactly why I think you’re so famous. You’re humble.
Mid 20's? In a few months I will turn 30 and I have no freaking clue what is going on.
try being 50 and feeling the same... 😅
That is easy: yous imply drink to much. Am i wrong?
If you died right now are you a 100% sure you’d go to heaven?
All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Due to our sin. Hell is the punishment
.“But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.”
Revelation 21:8 KJV
but Jesus who is God. Came down to earth as a man lived a perfect life never sinned people got jealous of him got him convicted on false charges then he died buried and resurrected
Remember how I said our sin is why we can’t go to heaven? The only thing that can wash away your sins in the blood of Jesus
“But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him.” Roman’s 5:8-9 KJV
So to get saved is super easy
“For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast.”
Ephesians 2:8-9 KJV
Salvation is a free gift by faith alone. You can’t earn it by going to church, getting water baptized, or by any good thing you do.
“For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.”
2 Corinthians 7:10 KJV
Then you just have to feel guilty and sorry for being a sinner and repent for being a sinner. Do you feel guilty for being a sinner? If you do then there’s just one final step.
“that if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.”
Romans 10:9 KJV
Pretty much all you have to do is tell God out loud with your mouth that you believe the gospel. That’s it super simple. You MUST mean it from your heart to work.
You can pray something like this
“dear God i repent as a sinner. i believe jesus is God, who died, buried, and ressurected, so his blood can wash away my sins. so i only trust in the blood alone to save me not my good works. Save me from hell in jesus name i pray amen”
If you meant it your saved!
Don’t worry it doesn’t get any easier lol. Still feel that way at 40
@@Sh0n0ngmi
I felt like this heavily in my early 20s (I’m 28 now). If you need any advice, here’s what I can offer - find a goal that you genuinely want, a fulfilled dream, put as much detail as you can to it, and then do everything you can to get there. Don’t make it general like “get rich”, but specific, like “perform this job” or “have this skill”. It doesn’t solve your problems, but overtime, it helps align you. Trust yourself, you’ll figure it out along the way. “If a man knows not to which port he sails, no wind is favorable”
Didn't realize I was having a quarter life crisis until I watched this. I think we are better off having a quarter life crisis than a mid-life one, we have less responsibilities and in most cases no family to take care of, we have less to lose when we fail unlike someone in their 40s who has already built a life and probably has a house and kids. My dad stayed in his crappy job for us but he tells me I don't have to do that, he is one of the few people who doesn't wear it like a badge of honor saying how much he sacrificed, calling me privileged etc and making me feel guilty for having the freedom to change my life but rather as an undesirable burden he took so his kids won't have to. I turn 29 in 2 days, talk about the crisis timing.
that's beautiful!
Me having a quarter-life crisis doesn't mean I can't have a mid-life one too😄.
(also your father must be an amazing person)
@@akos-szeret-hus well then take action now to reduce chances of having another one
5:59 Basically, stop believing how things are "supposed to be" and deal with how they actually are
I'm 25 years, each word that was said in this video hit me, i'm feeling each stage. I don't want to given up, you that can be reading this shouldn't given up too!
I don't know whether Dr. K is getting better over time or I'm just understanding more. I've been watching this channel for exactly 2 years (and I watched A LOT of stuff), but this video was something else. Half way in the video I just like a epiphany, it clicked for me, this is actually the describstion of my life and I already knew what he was going to say later. It was my experience for the last 2 years. Thanks for everything you do at HG, it is truly life changing. There is hope guys.
tl;dr believe in yourself
I second this
Same
I lowkey stood up and paused the video never paid atention to anything more in my life felt like he was talking to my soul lmao ye gotta go to the unknown i guees giving myself 2 months then ima press the button (probably)
i literally recognized the exact period of my life when this started and ended i could never explain it but now im sitting here thankful and in disbelief cause i finally understand.
WOW. This video is unbelievably well timed. I’m 22 and this PERFECTLY describes the last couple years of my life. I have recently been in the stage of struggling to let go (of my college life that I checked out of, despite “patching it up” multiple times). But now, knowing that letting go is an integral part of the process, I can finally move on and give myself permission to explore without certainty or expectation. Thanks Dr. K.
@@HOBS_21 what would you like to explore?
same same brother
Wdym checking out of and patching up?
I'm 34, single and $50,000 in debt. Finally just starting to take a college course to get out of this factory job. It can always be worse man, 22 is young as hell..
Same. Didn’t realize I would be so attached to college life but I am lol😅 it was just so much simpler lol, and college wasn’t an easy time for me either so that’s saying something lol.
Dr. K, without exaggeration - you've saved my life. You helped me to better understand myself, the world around me, other people and more. Something other psychologists and therapists failed miserably to do. Thank you for your work
I feel your words ❤
That's great 😊👍🏾
This is the single greatest explanation of what I've been experiencing. Hands down. I encourage everyone to listen VERY closely. This truly felt therapeutic.
It's hard for me to describe the relief I feel in hearing that my journey and feelings of being lost are a normal and somehow healthy part of growing up... Thank you so much Dr.K
If you're feeling like this, don't run from that feeling! It's scary and difficult to face these kind of emotions, but they're telling you something important. They are your catalyst for change if you acknowledge them and take action.
I usually never comment on videos, but this one really did hit hard. I‘m 26, soon 27, and full on crashed into this crisis - broke up with my partner, quit my job, noticed that I want to live life differently. Now I feel very insecure about many things, but there are also many opportunities. I want to go on my first solo trip in August and I think it will be worth it. A big advice for everyone: You are never too old to explore yourself, there will always be people somewhere in the same boat at the same time & age. Getting yourself out there is hard but I think it‘s one of the only ways to build stable confidence.
The end was so intense... I was taking notes and literally did not write a single word as he finished the conclusion. This was such a great episode... I think for me, I might be on the exploration stage of the crisis. Or I can be in a weird limbo 2B stage, where I'm making small changes, but not taking the plunge to radically change my life.
I've always been very risk-averse and fearful. Each time I change the goalpost of my life, I scramble to sketch out a road to get me there. More than likely, I've limited where I set my goalpost to places that I feel like i can build a safety net beneath in case of failure.
Maybe this is a sign for me to admit that I don't know what I want. And that I need to start doing things without knowing if it will be worth it.
Same, it was a supportive kick in the behind to wake up that some people like me need to hear... even if we don't want to hear it since I've been wallowing in my depression, massive burnout pursuing a life I thought I "should" live (heavily influenced by society's view of what "success" is), the fact that I had to move back in with my parents, past childhood trauma, analysis paralysis, lack of a career direction and honestly not doing much to change my situation (combo of learned helplessness and freeze reaction) except for watching videos of experts, gurus and such telling me what to do. The thing is no one real knows what they're doing or has all the answers, even experts.
Looking for all the "right" answers of what to do for my career and with my life just makes me feel more lost and sends me trying to do 10 different things. When the answer is to changing is to get out there and do something that I'm interested in and working towards the kind of life I want. If the thing I'm interested in doesn't work out, yes it sucks but that's life, try something else, reflect and adjust accordingly. But keep going. Don't stop and give up even in the face of stebacks and think your life is over at 25 (or 35) that's how to get unstuck. This being stuck in a rut has gone on so long that I have no other option but to do something for myself, anything at this point. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Behavioral activation will help jump start getting unstuck.
"There is no certainity in life. Everyone is looking for 100% certainty and gauranteed outcomes - that's not life how it works."
I think we need to start embracing risks and so called “failure”. There is no failure, there is only the process of learning what you need and want. I’m 35 and still I struggle to figure out “how to live” and I feel like if I wasn’t afraid to try things out out of curiosity, my life would at least have a direction to go to.
I started thinking about a big "identity" for what I wanted to be when I grow up when I was 12-13. Now at 25, I struggle to let go of that successful identity to start working/exploring in "normal people jobs"(which I am not supposed to be a part of). I think I can get used to being a "average worker" and family/ peers can all "witness" my downfall, if it is what I have to go through to be happy.
22:22 I have felt resonance with “there is a perfect career out there for me”. I don’t feel it anymore, although I wish the work I enjoy would simply pay more, but paving my own way has felt significantly more satisfying.
I’m 20. this is the video that really holds a mirror up I think. A lot of the other videos helped me in little ways but I know now: You are here 📍(probably somewhere amongst stage 1-2)
Dr. K once again reading me like a book. I graduated top of my class in Engineering, and already started feeling the crisis, unsure that this route was one I enjoyed. I landed a starting position at a company some of my peers could only wish for. Comfortably making money, found the love of my life, yet I’ve been stuck in stage 2A with my career for the past 2 years. I’ve been waiting for that guarantee instead of taking the leap into stage 2B, worried about losing my ability to afford a future I desire. This is a wake up call for me. Instead of trying to check back in, it’s time for me to join my mental and physical state together and craft my identity. And the craziest part is my partner and I have been talking about moving overseas, thanks for showing me I’m not alone, HealthyGG community.
Dude. I’m literally in the exact same situation, down to the job (except switch out Eng for sales lol), finding the one, and potentially moving overseas. Hit me up would love to meet ya
This video feels much more inspired than many of the previous ones.
I wouldn’t say inspired but more like this one was him speaking about his own life to us and it felt real and passionate rather than just a study
This video came at the exact right time for me! I've just quit my job and will be moving away from the UK after five years and back to Denmark and my parents, because it will allow me to spend a year where I don't have to do a full time job and can focus on exploring different paths, working on my mental health, and figuring out what I want now.
I'm feeling the exact things Dr. K describes of being lost in the mundane routine and not knowing what I want anymore because the plan I followed didn't get me to the place I thought it would. I'm completely burnt out. And choosing to leave this country, my friends, and the path I thought I needed to be on is absolutely terrifying, but hearing Dr. K validate the need for a time-out was such a relief, that I started crying on the overground.
I am fully accepting that this is a emotionally tumultuous time, but that it's still the right thing to do, instead of trying to continue to push through!
It would be helpful with some videos on ideas for that phase 3 looks like in practice or different ways you can approach exploring who you are now.
I’m about to turn 29 and have been experiencing this problem since 2019. I feel like I finally know what’s wrong with me and I really needed to hear this. I just kept getting worse and worse and now it feels hard to function, but I kept looking for what was wrong with my motivation and not with my life and my personal alignment. I think I’ve been starting to actively check out, which has been hard, but I’m glad to hear I’m on the right track.
you're so aggressively passionate about the 1/4 life crisis...its intriguing and i love it
I think we can all relate to him. Plus, he's very eloquent and precise with his words :' )
You are so right 😊😁
Videos like these relate to people in their 30's as well. It can feel even more crushing in the 30's, but the principle for fixing it remains the same
Amen friend 🧡
Out of all videos I have ever seen on this channel, I think this one is by far the most impactful. I think so many people (including me) try to solve their problems in their mind, what this video has made me realize is that what I'm going through currently is a normal part of the process. Thank you so much for this.
Ye i lowkey feel normal again after watching this damn
I went through my quarter life crisis in the years following the 2008 financial crisis and as hard as that was, 20-somethings now have it so much harder, not the least of which coming of age during a pandemic. I’m glad people like you are around, Dr. K. Hopefully we can make the world better for the young adults inheriting it now.
Saving this
yeah i graduated a month or two before the pandemic and I'm literally. I don't know what the fuck is going on. I'm doing all the things I'm "supposed" to do to get better, and after another year and a half wifh the mosr recent therapist and more and more useless meds my psychiatrist throws at me, I'm realizing it's all bullshit. Maybe therapy and meds work for some people, but not for me who's been doing it on and off since I was six because my fucking family was abusive and I was constantlt crying as a kid. And they wondered why I had anxiety!
I don't have friends. I hate my jobs and they make me more sad. I come fucking home from my stupid job after an hour commute and then have about three hours before i go to sleep and do it all over again. And I don't even sleep for 8 hours during the week, because falling asleep and staying asleep is hard even with meds. Fuck being an adult, imagine this the rest of my life and not even saving money for a house like my parents could. People treat me like a failure because god forbid I wanted to be an actor, someone who caught Broadway in Chicago's attention in high school. And yet, I'm too tired to pursue it like people with money because my stuoid fucking job makes me sad and drains me so much I go home and crash in bed. Meanwhile, other people who can afford to live at home or work part time or whatever can actually take more classes and audition/take gigs whenever they need to.
I'm too broken to date anyone with my PTSD too. I hate myself. So much.
Dr K finding you is life changing. You are sensitive and empathetic yet realistic and real with what you are talking about. I am a 22 year old with no college degree after having thought of been in the nurse in the past snd realizing it wasnt for me. I want to be a boxing coach and help people and make it more accessible to everybody. I want to be kinder and more empathetic to people while giving them an inner compass of strength as you have to hundreds of millions of people. Now is my time to take the leap of faith and hope that all the work ive put in behind the scenese while finding myself will pay off and this video has given me clarity.. thank you Dr. K
As a 20 year old who felt lost, this video has literally described my life so far and I’m already on stage 3. I was burnt out and exhausted living a life that I didn’t choose. Now I’m taking time to reflect on things and hopefully be able to move forward. It’s nice knowing that you truly aren’t alone in this situation.
THANK YOU DR K
I felt lost with 26, figured something out by 28, now I feel lost again with 31.
About the same part of your life?
I was lost as recently as 6 months ago and I'm 33, but my toolkit is more robust now and I'm better at understanding my needs. It happens!
I don't know if you're familiar with manga solo leveling, but you are now officially double awakened
Congrats man
This is exactly where I'm at. I feel like I went through *a* crisis 3 years ago and I'm on the precipice of another one, maybe to a lesser extent this time
Me
Im 23 and in phase 3 at the moment. I cant tell how much this video hit me. It feels like you know more about me than myself. Thank you for your content!!
24 here but same, although im about to start a masters in my pre-crisis career path. I recently realised ive checked out of what im doing and considered dropping the masters bc I don't want to continue this path but bc im unsure the next steps my parents want me to at least do the masters and I can see benefits to it but fuck, after watching this idk anymore
@@piercelowe999 22. I'm in a masters program too and wondering if this is what I want as well lol, what did you end up doing?
I ended up taking the masters bc of parental pressure tbh, if I truly truly listened to myself I wouldnt have done it but also don’t want to lose my parents support in other parts of life so doing smth that they see as stupid for my career when im not 100% sure what im doing I thought it better to just go with it. I’ll at least be able to meet people and network that way. It was a slow start and ultimately I still think I want to to get out of this industry but 6 weeks in while in uni I’ve joined some student society committees and campus working groups in the area I want to transition to and building connections and gaining experience that way and just getting involved in extra curricular activities that support what I want to do while progressing with the masters it’s a lot of work but I think it’s the best thing I can do with my time right now: explore my desired industry through taking advantage of the student resources and amenities at hand while still progressing my current career path as a safety net, maybe I’m lying to myself not committing to it fully but I guess still being young I want to have something to fall back on, hence the caution
I don’t know the “right” answer but all I can suggest based on what I’m doing right now is take advantage of the resources and connections in your college to explore your options while you can. It’s a lot harder once you start working or at least for me it was (I worked for 2 years between my BEng and MEng)
I just quit my job today, and found this video, it hits so hard to hear you describe this process and realizing that is like hearing you describe my life for the past 5 years. Your job is incredible.
I just jumped of the clif, i'm going back to university, i don't know what the hell is going to happen, but as you said, there is something inside me that tells me that I have to do this, or i'll be traped in this awful life forever. Again, thank you so much for all that aoe healing. Just wanted to share my thoughts
I've done the same thing! Graduated quite some time ago, accepted onto a masters last week, moving city too. We're getting moving, we gotta get stuck in. Best of luck :) !
Good luck you two🎉.
If you could just quit your job that you didn't like why didn't you do that sooner? I would quit my job but I would starve to death.
@@liu3chan for the exact same reason
@@liu3chanyou quit the job once you save enough of money to get down to the next step
I'm 23 and I just got out of a 4 year relationship that wasn't good for me in the long run. Looking forward to the future. Thank you Dr. K & Chat
I’m almost in tears bc of how accurate this video is to how I feel and how much you have helped me. Thank you, sincerely.
This is probably one of the most impactful videos I’ve watched, and one I really needed. I feel like I always thought I knew what I wanted my whole life, I had a plan and a dream. So being lost later in life feels weird because I was so responsible, certain and ambitious when I was younger. I am now reasonably “successful” on paper, but not doing what I want to. I love owning a home, and not having to worry about $ making decent money at 26. I still don’t feel on track with my life at all, I feel burned out and incredibly sad. I have been chasing the way I felt when I felt on track when I realize that’s not me anymore. I can tell there’s a huge gap between what I do for $ and ME. But I feel like I have to have my whole future planned out like I used to, so knowing that’s not the phase I’m in is really helpful. It gives me a sense of relief, although I get scared I’m “wasting time” and “wasting youth” without chasing after the life I “want” or I guess the identity that I feel aligned with. I am trying to be okay with not feeling a sense of certainty.
I feel like this happens in 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s... whenever it's time for a new "season" of life
Also new catch phrase idea: "Thank you for coming to my Head Talk" cause it's... mental.. health stuff... ya.
18:32 Wow, this perfectly describes my current situation! Thank you. I think I swing between phases 2 and 3. While exploring new things, I experience joy, excitement, and comfort, alongside anxiety, self-doubt, and fear of failure. (I graduated with a degree in chemical engineering. At that time I felt like I was being tortured. Every day seemed to drag by without any relief. Then I realized this career path wasn't for me. So after graduating, I explored various fields such as sales, online handmade crafts, novel writing, and project coordination. Now I'm exploring a career in UX design.)
man... this one brought me to tears. I needed this today. This is lifechanging stuff. thank you for making it accessable and free
Holy, what an immaculate video! You perfectly opened up my thoughts as to what's going on in the early stage of my life, I'm 23 but already feeling these strange emotions and you named them which to me fees VERY accurate! Praying for all my brothers who are in the same situation, trust the process and fuck around and find out! 🎉🎉🎉
This is so damn eye-opening, thank you so much Dr. K. This video made me realize that I'm currently in the 2B stage but going about it the wrong way because I keep reading endless books and watching videos and taking tests and talking to career counselors trying to make the perfect career decision, when I just need to give myself a time-out and take time to process and self-reflect. I genuinely don't know who I am right now and my focus should be on figuring that out, not trying to figure out the "perfect" career plan.
The last part feels so reassuring and powerful. Definitely will come back and listen to it when feeling hopeless in the future
41 and I’m still lost. I have an MBA from a top school and I work in a grocery store just to barely financially survive. I know who I am and what I want and it still doesn’t matter because nothing I do ever moves me closer to that.
If you died right now are you a 100% sure you’d go to heaven?
All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Due to our sin. Hell is the punishment
.“But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.”
Revelation 21:8 KJV
but Jesus who is God. Came down to earth as a man lived a perfect life never sinned people got jealous of him got him convicted on false charges then he died buried and resurrected
Remember how I said our sin is why we can’t go to heaven? The only thing that can wash away your sins in the blood of Jesus
“But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him.” Roman’s 5:8-9 KJV
So to get saved is super easy
“For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast.”
Ephesians 2:8-9 KJV
Salvation is a free gift by faith alone. You can’t earn it by going to church, getting water baptized, or by any good thing you do.
“For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.”
2 Corinthians 7:10 KJV
Then you just have to feel guilty and sorry for being a sinner and repent for being a sinner. Do you feel guilty for being a sinner? If you do then there’s just one final step.
“that if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.”
Romans 10:9 KJV
Pretty much all you have to do is tell God out loud with your mouth that you believe the gospel. That’s it super simple. You MUST mean it from your heart to work.
You can pray something like this
“dear God i repent as a sinner. i believe jesus is God, who died, buried, and ressurected, so his blood can wash away my sins. so i only trust in the blood alone to save me not my good works. Save me from hell in jesus name i pray amen”
If you meant it your saved!
capitalism fucking sucks
Rule number 1: you are not your ego. You need to forget who you are and what you want in order to truly find it. Trust me. I'm a stranger on the internet.
Sounds like you would benefit from doing something else. If the things you are doing is not getting you to your goals, then there are something that you are not doing right. I would recommend trying to find someone that is further along the route where you want to be, and tell them the same thing you just wrote. They can give you a more nuanced advice, which sounds like just the thing you need
do you think your expectations from the world and society are holding you back?
I was literally able to follow the events and experiences and feelings and decisions I’ve made from 23 to now being 28 finally moving into phase 4….ive been and felt so ready for so long now for this phase but let myself get stuck for far longer than I deserved to give myself. My body, my mental wellness my soul all screaming at me for years just destroying myself from the inside out but continuing to fight and fight fucking hard for something that was actually destroying me and preventing me from moving forward to find my real self.
I’m happy say I’ve disconnected from the last thing holding me back from my true future and true self, for the first time in many many years I see a future I’m not stuck in but a future I can build…
Much love brother ❤ thank you for your video
I’m 27 years and this is what I’ve been struggling with for around 10 years now. That feeling of not knowing what to do with life, who I am.. everything you say is what happened. The parties, the travels, distractions..
But I came to realise this is also a story I have been holding unto for so many years, playing this character that doesn’t know what to do with her life, and now it is enough. I can create the life that aligns with my true me. And after all, all there is is this present moment. The happiness I sought for was always there within me.
I am a 24 woman, finished college, moved to another country for a government job, I make a lot of money and I am still stressed, burned out and not happy. I thought once I change the environment my worries would change but I realized It is ME. If the behaviour and mindset doesn't change, I will not change. I know what should I do to change but I don't have motivation to do it.
I'm 20, I'm brazilian, and I'm finishing my 3rd year of medical school in Italy (here we dont have premed, we go straight into med school which lasts 6 years). I had a major crisis last year and I really thought I was going to quit and go back to Brazil because I was missing home a lot and I started to look at all that I was missing by living abroad. I decided to take a pause from the decision-making process (which had gotten me in a spiral of anxiety and depression) and just finish the semester normally here, trying to enjoy my routine, my friends and my life in general. After that semester, the decision was made naturally. I was feeling so much better, even if my life hadn't changed, only my perspective about it. Now I'm happy I decided to stay. But still sometimes I doubt why I chose medicine, not only because I doubt myself a lot (even if my exams go way better than I expect each time - I've got a pattern hahah), but also because I don't really see myself specializing in the common medical fields such as internal medicine. Cardiology was the only one of the major clinical subjects that got me excited, but I still don't think it's the best fit. However, I am really passionate about Psychiatry, since I was a teenager. The possibility of not liking it when I get to experience it myself scares me though, but psychiatry is the main reason why I'm still in med school. In that sense, you inspire me a lot, Dr K. Not only as a psychiatrist, but also as a person who is deeply connected to their spirituality and to their own purpose. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom with us!
This video might have just been what ive been needing. Been watching Dr.k for years now and all of his videos are great and help in some way. But to me personally this is what i needed to hear all along.
Its not about me needing to quit my addictions and figure all this crap out, its that i need a new life, to restart. Thank you Dr.k hope i can meet you one day to thank you.
Literally turned 25 yesterday and the panic just hit me. As an Asian living with his parents in Europe the external pressures are insane, from carrier to marriage. I think i am going to on phase 2(a) and find a spot for myself. Try to rent a small studio or cohousing after i start working in a few months. I agree so much on not moving because i wanted stability but i finally understand that it's only going to come after i take a step in the dark... Fuck not expected to go through this shit in the morning
I really don't know what to say after this amazing video... Thanks a lot because it's really the answer I was looking for.
I'm 23, going through this process. I think I'm on phase 2B. I plan to move to another destination.
I really want to live the life of my dreams, I want to lie on my last bed smiling and telling myself : "what an uncertain yet amazing life it has been"
28 wishing I heard this when I was 23….Holy…fuck…..this shit is a game changer in understanding where I am on this path and really helps me feel not so lost, confused and fearful about my next steps. Literally described my experiences and emotions and decisions I’ve made in the past and paved the road in understanding what comes next. Thank you for making this video, algo gods you’re fucking wizards
Going through a quarter-life crisis is one thing, undergoing it with depression on top of that is a totally different thing.
Some may even become hikikomoris because of it, so the scale is not the same for everyone.
I say this because I read a comment saying "I want to experience a quarter-life crisis" and I instantly thought "No you don't ... ".
Can relate I think I’m going through both at the same time and it’s scary
Going through the same thing + the physical health issues since 2013(since the death of my father). It takes the process longer. Without external support (financially) from mother. You are basically stuck without any financial support.
The pandemic gave me time to transition to phase 2-3.(leaving friends and the college degree my father wants for me)
Almost become a hikikimori after the pandemic. Discovering Dr.K help me started to crawl.
I love the way he pulls a lot of things together here with this high overview of the situation. Your videos just keep getting better and better Dr K!
Dr K is really just so on point all the time i wish there were more people like him hes doing great work
I just wanna say this video has fundamentally changed my mentality for the better. My life is this process, textbook. The solutions given are helpful and supportive and affirming. Thank you so much Dr K.
I'm 32 now and I felt the desire to leave home and travel 12 years ago. Sick parents completely muted my desire to leave home, and when one of them died I scrambled to make just enough money to be able to live in that home.
Fastforward to today I'm in the same place with a worse job, horrible mental health, feeling just as stuck as ever. My loved ones and friends say I have great potential for this or that but I don't feel anything strongly and I don't care anymore. I want to leave but I feel obliged to the people I love and who are counting on me to stay. I'm swirling down the drain and I feel I'm about to drown.
Stay strong brother
Which stage would you say that you're in?
27 right now, and I relate so damn hard to the "living on auto-pilot" and "momentum" bits, 12 minutes into the video. Three whole years of NEET life and counting, got myself a freelance project by joining up with a former classmate, yet I still haven't been really gripping on that rope to climb and get out of this rut, despite being so aware of this current situation I put myself into. I need to get an upward momentum going again and hug it tight...
Im 27. 4 years ago i decided to move out. Was kinda impulsive cause ADHD. But needed distance from my dad who felt really controlling. 2 years ago i stopped doing warehouse work and applied for jobs with paid training for actual skills, because I wanted to eventually run my own business. I didn't plan the move out. Didn't plan to be in pest control. But now I'm here I have more paths forward. Gonna fix my financial situation and then TRY running a pest control business. It may not fit. Im also practicing programming. Maybe I'll make an app. I'm not aiming for external goals. Its about what I really want, financial freedom and control over my own day, where and when I i work.
Good luck, mate!
@@xCCflierx what kind of jobs did you try?
Single handedly the most impactful and relatable video that has contextualised and validated my experience. Most young men and women need to see this to understand these phase of life and gather the tools necessary to navigate through it (usually it’s a lonely one but you always come out stronger than you walked in). Without the knowledge/experience it can be distractive and lead to worse mental issues and confusion if you are unaware. I wish I saw this video 3 years ago
It's incredible this video talks about my struggles to the T. I'm 29 and struggled throughout my 20s trying to figure out who I am and what I want in life. I worked 3 different professions in 6 years after graduating university. Just this year I sold my things and moved from the US to China.
Throughout my years I went through each stage: Spending years in a profession I thought would make me happy but I didn't like it. Then I jumped to a new one and the same thing happened. Suddenly I'm scared to try anything new and wasted a year of my life contemplating on the next move.
It took a while for me to learn about myself such as my wants and values. Eventually I got out of my paralysis and gave myself permission to experiment.
As I approach 30, I still struggle. But since I've focused on my health (physically and mentally) and learned more about myself, I'm in a much better head space.
These four steps indeed work. You just need to give yourself time and permission to go through them.
I want to leave the state I've been stuck in for over a 13 years, but I have nowhere near the money or support I need to actually get out. I turn 27 this week and still feel completely trapped by money a boss who doesn't give two shits about me. I do everything I can to save; I don't drink, don't smoke, I try to buy food intelligently, I rarely ever buy a game and struggle to even start playing the ones I have. I tried to do school twice, five years apart, and both times I crashed and burned. One minor car emergency after another has kept me from even being in the black. I'm so tired.
Try to get another job, mate. The moment you do not feel that your current compensation package reflects your job market value, you need to apply to some other jobs.
I'm saying that as a guy who would rather fight lions than go through the job search process and hyperventillates during interviews.
You can also try to apply to jobs in other states.
When I was 20 I applied to a job on the other side of the country, and once I got it, I just picked up a backpack and left without even having a place to sleep, lol.
Back then I had to use a paper map and ask people for directions as smartphones weren't a thing.
Anyways, good luck.
God, did i write this?? 🥺
So, so sorry you're experiencing your own version of what reminds me of my life. I empathize heavily with this...
Course the difference between us is I didn't even try any school after High School, and I wish I could ever say I can fully relate, but obviously, I dont know you enough to. But we can always try, eh?
I was always so bad at tracking my finances and many small-but-detrimental spending [working on that rn, lol] and I am currently just starting to make progress on my couple credit debts. Then I need to save an emergency fund, cutting even MORE to start hopefully saving for a house, and start finding a way to put enough in a Roth IRA in order to begin belatedly saving for my supposed "retirement" [that's for sure being hopeful, lol]
About to be 27 as well, working 10-11 hour work days 6 days a week to make just around 30k a year, spending very little most of the time, [although who's perfect, huh?] and struggling with my ADHD, depression and issues. guess that's the trifecta surrounding my low intelligence. But blah blah blah, you know, this is all the usual for people, these days. I dont mean to sound like I think I'm apecial, sorry 😅 all I mean to say is? I can relate hard to your feelings on this for real!
Depsite what some people say, I'm not really meant for anything other than warehouse work [trust me, I've truly tried lol anything I've not tried was simply not something I found remotely interesting, and i unfortunately can't learn new things without SOME kind of true interest] and what little I have almost achieved physically/career-wise simply wasn't within my longterm abilities. I've adjusted to reality.
Now? My parents helped me find my first job I can manage to kind of function [mostly because it's pretty simple and easy per the pay, and with really relaxed rules/times for the most part. Just don't call OSHA, okay? XD] and now i'm TRAPPED in my state. Well, that and my awesome parents, they just know so much more and are capable adults lol i need them, and even if I didn't I love them and am extremely close.
4 years ago at 24 years old I tried ending my life. I was hospitalised and was diagnosed with BPD (I'd been previously misdiagnosed with Bipolar II). I stunted my healing by trying to go back to my old life and it took 2 years for me to accept that it's not working and start allowing myself to properly go through stage 2a, 2b and stage 3. Now I'm at stage 4, rebuilding, and I could never have dreamed of my mind being where it's at now. I've been here for a while and I can definitely say, everything in this video is true, it really is the story of my life. The resistance and attempts keep parts of my old life, the overwhelming anxiety of deciding to separate, the limbo of taking time out to look within and figure things out, the uncertainty of EXPLORING...it's all facts. So as you read this, if you're struggling in any of those stages, know this, eventually you do get to REBUILDING and it's insanely beautiful. I'm in film school at 28 and loving it. I've not had a depressive episode in over a year, BPD has beeeeen remission, even anxiety can eventually be manageable apparently (shocker). I eventually managed to quit alcohol a year ago, then weed 6 months ago and finally nicotine 3 months ago. I also have ADHD so of course I was addicted to substances. With the ADHD though, it's now become one of my favourite things about my mind because I've learnt to thrive with it (shamelessly plugging Dr K's guide for that one). From the lens of the darkness I was in 4 years ago, I never thought this would be me EVER. You might be in that darkness right now. Trust me, you can get out. It takes time, and people can try help you, but it's going to have to come from within you. You may not see how but eventually, if you take yourself through this process, everything (even the darkness) turns out to be worth it. Like Dr. K said, it's amazing...give it a shot and you'll see😉 p.s. shoutout to you Dr. K and your entire HG team
That's a very hopeful and cool story. Congratulations.
We need more people like you sharing these kinds of stories
I'm 22. I went through a mix of depression and early life crisis which was absolutely painful and torture and now I'm on that other side. I've never felt better, he's so right!
At 22? Bullshit lmao
@@colbyboucher6391 Why would I lie...?
Lol 22
Im 20 majoring in graphic design and I just want to say thank you for choosing to become a psychiatrist. Your work have inspired and untangled so many of my mental problems and not even realize that i was having.
Just watched this video and it made me realise that I have been going through a quarter life crisis for almost a year now and still am very much in it.
I've realised that the trigger was when I learned the job I dreamed of wasn't a guarantee, followed by an exam at my uni that was a bit of a showcase of what that job entailed which made me realise that that was something I didn't want to do - at least that specific part - and so that lead me to getting anxiety and seeking a therapist so I could get a handle on it during this summer and now autumn.
During this time I have been going through the first two stages and probably still am in the second. That's what the video has also helped me with, realising that I am on the right path. That I am slowly accepting that my dream job maybe wasn't my dream job after all and that my degree instead can give me acees to other jobs that I would actually like as well if not even love, which is something I am already planning on testing out by by volunteering.
I also guess this video is telling me that I should listen to my urges of going on an impulsive trip to The Faroe Islands and/or Iceland and just drive around in my car and see, what there is to be discovered on those island countries. To remove myself to another location and just be.
So thank you for this video.
I already went through my quarter life crisis, I am more confident and mentally stable than I have ever been. Things came crushing down after I graduated. My mother shames me for taking 10 year between finishing high school and college. Feeling like a failure all over again from the pressure she puts on me and a refusal to help so there is fear of not knowing how I will pay my bills.
I never had a quarter life crysis. Because I am so smart, I just worked on my career, and now I am retiring at 32 with 2 million net worth to travel the world.
20 yo haven't completed my high school yet. I think it'll take me same as u. Idk what exactly is going on in my head.
@ZelenoJabko yeah right buddy 😂 I'm sure you're real
@@BigSmonk420 yeah, real. I am travelling in Croatia right now. There are even more successful people than me, people who have sold their startups and retired with 10 million at 35.
@@ZelenoJabko only 2 million? You can do better
This is me. I'm a 26 year old part-time shop assistant. I'm a DJ, an actor and a writer in my spare time. I'm trying to change my career to something a bit more vocational, or at least something that doesn't suck arse, but there are ZERO opportunities anywhere.
i mean who needs a low tier dj, actor or writer lol. pick one and go all in or drop all of it and pivot into one thing all in.
@@phonixMAM Id argue one person can master all of those things Id also say youre unnecessarily condescending but you got your reasons I guess
@@phonixMAM Do you not realize how many fine arts people are multitalented? How about the directors who write part of the script and also play a role in the same movie, for one? Yikes, and double yikes for being rude to someone on this video of all videos.
@@Thealvita Having talent and being successful is so much far away from each other you shouldn't even put it in one sentence.
@@liu3chan Reading comprehension. I was replying to the person talking about "low tier" talent. I'm well aware of the difference. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ In addition, one person's definition of success in the arts is different from another's. A working actor for example-most of us aren't multimillionaires, but many of us either juggle jobs and enjoy the gigs we get, or we make about the same as we would working one blue or white collar job. For some people, that's enough. For others, they crave only fame and may or may not be setting themselves up for disappointment. Capische?
All I need is this: Something I enjoy doing & can keep doing, an income that allows me to have what I want, time to do what I want, and a partner. There's literally nothing else that could possibly satisfy me.
Commenting so i can come back to this.
You do realize a partner is a time committment too right?
@@DeadpoolX9 I really dont see your point man
You didn’t need most of those things when you were 3. Seems premature to know for sure they won’t change again, no?
Not saying it’s a bad list, it’s quite aligned with mine, but just… why the surety? Seems a bit extreme.
@@khaledyasser8293 to be fair, he didn’t say that its all he would ever need. I see your point though
I don’t normally comment but usually I watch videos and get what feels like arbitrary/ambiguous info, but this was so well-made, informative, and genuinely made me pause to think of how you just broke down everything I’m going through well and made it so much easier to put things into perspective. Thank you so much❤️
I'm really glad to have found this video when I did. I turned 25 two months ago and felt like this was almost a personal therapy session. I can tell I'm at the breaking point between Stage 2 (B) and Stage 3, but I am making changes to advance towards a new life and not go back to the life I had before. Thank you, Dr. K!
I'm 25. This video was the push I needed to finally drop out of college and begin seriously pursuing game development as a hobby. The las two weeks have been great, I've been feeling happier and I'm also performing better at my day job as a programmer. If I was able to do it then so can you, start living a life that makes you happy! I believe in you!!!
This process, that you describe is good for those who don't have obligations. Imagine a man in his mid thirties, who has wife and children, going through crisis. Should he check out physically and leave his family, because he is in crisis? What happens with the children he leaves behind? How to handle this type of crisis?
The point about physical separation is interesting, I used to be really into reading fantasy, and a common narrative trope is travel, the character generally leaves home to go on some hero's journey, and I assumed that it's mostly a useful narrative tool, it's easier to convey character change with there having literally been significant external changes. But, for financial and/or personal reasons, the "hero's journey" isn't available to everyone. How can one develop while staying in place?
Great comment. I echo this fully.
Because there isnt enough substantial change happening to them around them at home. Nothing changes fast enough you will always be surrounded by the same people, the same buildings, maybe a new business pops up... Travel is an immediate way to experience change
My guess would be variety? If you like libraries, go to a different library. Try different music, different parks, etc. Read on the back porch instead of in your room. Idk if that'll really be enough, but it costs very little to try.
I'm also wondering about this. For me, it's not just about money but also because I like my city (knew since I was young but my family only moved here a few years ago) and don't really want to leave it behind.
I'm not sure if it'll be as effective, but I think a good part is about trying new things and meeting different people. You could try some new hobbies and maybe join a community about them; Like a sports team, a literature club or a makerspace. You could also try to visit nearby cities and do things there, if you have a decent way to get there it could save you the cost of moving and the risk of losing your local connections.
If you can afford it, just taking a vacation in a different country can also broaden your cultural horizon and maybe give you new ideas and inspiration.
More often than not, the "Hero's Journey" is one we DON'T want to go on. That's part of what makes it a Hero's Journey.
Bilbo didn't jump at the chance to go with Gandalf and the Dwarves, nor did Luke when Obi-Wan offered to take him to Alderaan. Even the OG Odysseus had this problem. The trip home was only supposed to take a few days... not the high side of a decade of being bobbed about ocean like a toy losing his ship and men in the process because he unknowingly pissed off the wrong God.
However, it's important to remember that the "Hero's Journey" is a myth not meant to be taken literally but internalized spiritually, psychologically. Think about the stages you've been in your life, you proudest triumphs, your darkest nights... you're most likely already on the journey.
Holy shit, this is genuinely the best advice/self-help video I've ever seen on this platform. I'm 24, feeling exactly as described at the beginning of the video: stuck and restless and angry. Just watching this gave me hope, the conviction you speak with at the end of the video reminded me that anything can happen. Thanks for making this, I hope everyone that feels like this gets to see this video.
im 33 and i just now (couple of weeks ago) entered phase 3.. It feels good knowing whats "wrong" with me. I'm so glad i got to hear these words and this explanation. ngl i cried.. but ima go and explore myself more now and I know now that its going to be ok. Time to swim!
I did a speedrun of my quarter life crisis.
After graduating university, I found a shitty entry-level job. Went from unhappy at a job to checking out, to quitting, to flying to Europe, to exploring my intrinsic wants, to finding a new and better job in a new city that is more in line with what I want. This crisis started around 23 years old, and I'll be turning 25 next month. I'm still in the rebuilding phase, but it's a much better place to be than where I was at the start.
This was such a cool piece of research. Thanks Dr. K for finding and sharing it!
I got ghosted by Walmart during a job hunt. Let's just say that was a blow to my ego LOL. I don't see how people their twenties don't feel lost today.
Most companies ghost job applicants.
Some of the ghosting will actually result in a much later callback.
The vast majority of job applications fail.
This is almost certainly not a testament to your qualities. It is just how the system works.
I'm a superduper smartypants top IT wizard, and most of my job applications get ghosted, most of my interviews do not result in a job offer.
I know it is difficult even for me to take my own advice, but: Don't sweat it. Keep rolling the dice.
@@txdmsk a month after I applied. I got a call back from Sam's club. Seems they wanted a moron after all lol. Can't take it personally from big companies. They really don't like to put in any effort on their end.
@@redstoneactive6589
You sounds like a person of decent intellect. Don't undervalue yourself, mate.
Good luck with the job!
Such a timing I was thinking I feel lost and I'm 20
Just relax and focus on a thing you're interested. Take it from someone in his mid 30s. You still have so much time, but don't let this cause complacency - you have to put effort.
I don't mean to offend you, but at 20 you are barely not a child anymore, your life is starting, please just relax.
Things that help me: exercise, yoga, meditation, avoid alcohol, focus on eating healthy food, but still having some junk food, let's say 5-10% of your daily calories can come from junk food.
DO NOT watch porn, just don't! Take it from someone who was basically addicted to it, it gives you nothing good. Avoid drugs, but sometimes they can help, you must have a healthy relationship with them, which is extremely hard to do, especially avoid alcohol, it's by far the most dangerous thing out there.
Studying, learning is the best thing you can do to yourself, but do not abandon your body, it's impossible to live a fulfilled life if your body is a junkyard rather than a temple... disabled people have it differently with this, but even they should look after what they got.
For me the best thing about training my body is that it improves my mind. I have many mental issues, and all of them get improved by exercise.
Anyway, sorry for the possibly unwanted advice, but it's done in good will.
"Take it easy dude, but take it!" - Terrence McKenna
If you died right now are you a 100% sure you’d go to heaven?
All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Due to our sin. Hell is the punishment
.“But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.”
Revelation 21:8 KJV
but Jesus who is God. Came down to earth as a man lived a perfect life never sinned people got jealous of him got him convicted on false charges then he died buried and resurrected
Remember how I said our sin is why we can’t go to heaven? The only thing that can wash away your sins in the blood of Jesus
“But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him.” Roman’s 5:8-9 KJV
So to get saved is super easy
“For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast.”
Ephesians 2:8-9 KJV
Salvation is a free gift by faith alone. You can’t earn it by going to church, getting water baptized, or by any good thing you do.
“For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.”
2 Corinthians 7:10 KJV
Then you just have to feel guilty and sorry for being a sinner and repent for being a sinner. Do you feel guilty for being a sinner? If you do then there’s just one final step.
“that if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.”
Romans 10:9 KJV
Pretty much all you have to do is tell God out loud with your mouth that you believe the gospel. That’s it super simple. You MUST mean it from your heart to work.
You can pray something like this
“dear God i repent as a sinner. i believe jesus is God, who died, buried, and ressurected, so his blood can wash away my sins. so i only trust in the blood alone to save me not my good works. Save me from hell in jesus name i pray amen”
If you meant it your saved!
Also 20 (i dropped out of collage 1st year), don't know what i wanna do or how to find out what i wanna do.
Same here guys! I'm also currently 20 years old
lol
I'm speechless, this is so accurate for me right now, it brought me to tears
Im 24, graduated in economics in a top notch uni and have been working in finance for 2 years. Since last year really have felt just as that this is not me and its not who i want to be. This year I’ve been working on an exit and in spending some time out… by chance just found this video. I must say: oh god how good it feels now knowing that im not alone or that im not “broken”. Many many many thanks doctor.
This was the best video i have ever watched of Dr.K and for my life personaly.
Loved the passion with which you delivered this concept 💥
Hearing these insights helps validate my feelings and reminds me that it’s okay to explore different directions.
This video was so insightful. Thank you Dr K!
I am 27 and I can definitely see what parts of my life fit in to what category. The difficult part is that I feel like I am in different stages for different aspects of my life. Career wise, I feel like I am in the rebuilding stage. However relationship wise, I am still in the seperation to time-out phase. So I have been feeling the rough aspects of the early stages for a while now and for different reasons. This shit's rough...
I’m 22 and feel the same. Career wise I think I am in the separation stage but dating wise I’m already in exploration stage. Think the concept of being in different stages regarding different parts of your life is possible
28 and living at home still (thanks COV!D, thanks economy, thanks government etc) and this video hits me right in my guts. I feel physically sick when I look at the proverbial clock and watch it tick my life away while I have to just sit here and wait for arbitrary things to happen.
29 here, same situation with added bonus of addiction (now resolved) and trust issues due to failed 10 year relationship
same. age 27.
Graduated then pandemic happens. Got Addicted to watching series,movies, and playing games, etc. during the pandemic. Still unemployed because I realize I don't really like it. Felt like I wasted years in the university for something I do not want to do.
What works for me is instead of finding/indulging on things that will make me happy. I removed or fix what makes me sad(ex. friends, social media, messy room, gaming etc.)
It is not overnight change(3 years) but it somewhat help me to look forward for the future. Now I'm on phase 3. Trying to explore my identity.
Hang in there. I'm 28 too and was living at home 6 months ago. I really strapped in and got my life together (atleaset more than previously). We all got this!
@@Katniss0000 I am currently in the same position. I got a degree in computer engineering and I got a job right out of college and I got let go because I could not perform and fell into a deep depression that I am still dealing with today. I have thought that I could not be happy if I didn't get a job using my degree, but I just feel awful and overwhelmed when I try to go back and look at software development or programming. I have been trying to figure out if that is because I actually don't like it and don't want to do it, or if that is because of my self esteem issues making me not believe I can do it. I don't want to feel like I just gave up on it, but at this point I already have given up on it. I can't make myself look at it.
This literally was my quarterly crises. I had a complete break down. Abandoned my career of 10 years. Moved to the other side of the world to go to medical school. Graduating this summer! Absolutely terrifying to to give up that old identity but so worth it.
Uff. It's interesting to find out so many people went through the same thing.
I gave up a lucrative career in IT, and figured fck med school, I would be able to make the world a better place if I managed to improve education instead. So I went to study bio / science teaching. My fiancé broke up with me out of the blue, saying that she will not marry a broke teacher. Family and friends around me treated me in a similar fashion to my fiancé.
After a year in school I went back to IT. I'm earning 20x the national average in home office, but I always wonder what I could have accomplished if society actually valued that kind of stuff.
DAMN. This just organised and vocalised exactly what I knew I needed to do.
For context: I’m 22, working a job finance which I no longer enjoy and which I find incredibly stressful. It was as though this video just accurately mapped out exactly how I’ve felt the last few years. I’m currently at the “checked out” stage… I’ve been trying to work up the courage to leave. This video validated what I’ve been experiencing and gave me a lot of courage to do what I knew deep down I need to do. Thank you.
This video has been so helpful. This was honestly stuff I needed to hear. I'm 28, been through the first few stages of locking in, checking out, getting stuck because I tried to get back into my old life, which didn't work (surprise surprise) and then checking back out. About a year ago I dropped out of uni and put myself in timeout. I still struggle sometimes to let go of the anxiety for the future even though I've started doing some exploring, and I think I need to be very careful of not falling back in that same old traps. This video made me aware of that, and I think that might be what I needed to prevent that.
It's been a very small steps so far and there's a lot for me to discover, a lot of exploring ahead of me, and there's still lingering anxiety. But whatever, I'm in the water now so we just ball, whatever happens happens.
To everyone else swimming in these waters too (or anyone about to jump in), genuinely wishing you the best. Even if it might not look like it right now, we got this I'm sure!
That was a great video, I am certainly in one of these phases. Your education has been invaluable Dr. K. Enjoy your vacation!