I hope this episode was able to help you heal if you have experienced a heart break in your past. If so, please hit like on this video and subscribe so you don’t miss out on some awesome episodes coming up!
Mel / Katrina - is there an update? This was such a compelling session, I am hoping Katrina has landed in a wonderful new place and is loving her life there. As a parent, you calling her on her “avoiding choice/action” because of her parents was spot on. We always want them to thrive, no matter what it takes. (And airplanes exist…) Any state in the country would welcome such an intelligent, kind, and thoughtful person.
Believe me once someone hurts you to your core you'll never feel the same way about them. Intellectually you want him back because you keep the good times you've experienced together in the forefront. I'm sure there have been bad times...red flags...that you kept ignoring because of how you felt about him. But if you look deep inside your soul, you'll realize he is not good for you. You need to take the time for finding out who you are alone and to heal your heart before entering into another relationship. I've been through the same 40 years ago and wasted too much time pinning over him when he jumped into another relationship weeks after and a year later married this person on my birthday! Put it in God's hands. I kept praying for God to send me a wonderful man who would be there for me forever. And 2 years later my husband walked into my life and we have been happily married for 33 years! It will all work out in the end if you allow everything to unfold the way it is meant to be. God bless and best wishes. 🙏
Yes indeed ❤️ I was lefted at a Christmas dinner after a 5 year..relationship Broke my heart and 15 years single now never dated or cared too 💔 I just have made my life as good as possible You could say iam a Monk 😅 actually I have been working on my spiritual side of life 🙏 ❤and as a spiritual artist it really has worked for me 🎉their is life after break ups....still to this day I wonder if I stayed I'd probably be dead. So ❤️ 💐 iam glad I found strength to carry on and find my purpose, and live my life free 🙌 🙏 ✨️ ❤️ your okay 👍 Your going to make it 🎉 Just do what you love ❤️
Diane, What a wonderful story. I am heartbroken over my husband's betrayal, abandonment, and discard after 30 years of fidelity and devotion on my part. I am 60, so I doubt the right man, a good and Godly man, will make it to my doorstep. Dabbling with so-so men in my loneliness and grief. But know that I will probably be alone. Am preparing for that. As for YOU, my dear. BRAVO!!!!!👏🥹🥲❤
Even if you hear the cold truth from him, it won’t make the hurt less. It may even leave you more angry or resentful in a long run. Silence is your closure. It means he doesn’t love you nor want to be with you any longer. What other closure is needed? It’s clear as a day. If someone loved you and cherished you, they wouldn’t leave or do what they did. Acceptance is the key. Then healing happens and then… new beginnings:)
She breaks my heart when she says “Wasn’t enough” and looks down - you will never “be enough” for the wrong person, they are empty buckets that will keep you jumping through hoops for their own pleasure - you will be more than enough for the right person ❤
I think is better, and wasnt enough really mean we want different things. If her needs whatever they were , were not met, this is not going to work. Doesn't matter what.
And as you and I know (60yo) we know the next 25 years will fly. ❤ She is lucky to get a clean slate and start fresh. Rather than starting over after 10 or 20 years later saddled with added responsibilities (kids in school) more than herself, limiting her choices in a start over. 😊
He did her a favor Mormons have weird ideas. She deserves a man with her own values who loves her and adores her. She needs to realize she is so worthwhile and amazing.
I feel for her. I spent eight years with a man who was terrified of marriage. I just turned 40. I'm done. Then I attracted another guy I dated a while back so is even more aloof. It's scary to go back to the drawing board in my 40s.
Same here age 53 Omg. My jaw is on the floor This young woman has SO much going for her. I hope focusing on her new EARNED career and making new girlfriends in her new city helps steer her in the new life. I am Mel's age and this is such awesome yet raw advice.
35:2437:53 I recently got dumped by my boyfriend of one year and I watch these parts every single day. After watching them for more than 30 times, I realized that I am still holding a slight hope that we could get back together. On top of that, he asked me to become friends from now, and I was happy thinking he still wants me to be a part of his life, but now I know how wrong it is to think like that. I will see him one last time this week to give his stuff back. When I see him, I will try to be strong and tell him that I don't wanna become friends with him and we should not see each other any more, because "I deserve better". I already miss him and it's gonna be hard, but I will do it for myself and for my future. Thank you Mel for the very important lesson❤
😊thanks for writing this. I too was ask to remain friends ,and i could not. When😊you remain friends one can never really move on and fins whay one needs.
1. Run toward something in life; not away from it. 2. Closure: you need to let go in order to close the chapter and walk toward something new. 3. Don't blame others when you hold yourself back and play small; take ownership. 4. Stop saying you're afraid to disappoint someone. Ask for their support in pursuing your dreams. 5. If someone doesn't want you anymore, don't want them. You deserve better. 6. Your intuition is always right; listen to it. Look for the signs and claim the fact that you ignored them. 7. If it's not love, it's a lesson. If something ends, it was supposed to end. 8. Rehearse what you're going to say if you might see someone again. 9. You don't need another person in order to feel complete. You can learn and move on by yourself. Claim and identify the signs that you ignored. And owe your own toxic behavior. 10. In life, there will be many things that you do that you regret. You'll regret most of all the things that you didn't do. Don't let your fears hold you back from doing the things that you know in your heart you want to do. How you feel about someone is very different from how that person or place makes you feel. Put the weight of your decision on how the person makes you feel. You must know the difference between what the right decision is in your heart and your fear of making the decision. Always find a way to make the decision that is in your heart because you will not regret it.
Thanks for this simple summary. Wow this all makes complete sense. It’s been 33 years in this relationship and I’ve been struggling for years. Now at 71 years of age I’m concerned of being alone and unwanted. Possibly because I’m already feeling that way. Ive on and off imagined it all working out in so many ways. I became obsessed with him. I Imagined he deeply loved me and I could help him and fix everything. I gave up on life at one point. I’ve been asking for direction and help. I’m getting answers and they are eye opening and dare I say exciting. I’m happy today because I know I’m not the only one in this boat and I can get out. Yep I’ve learned a lot in this relationship. At this time it’s more of a physical mental spiritual draining living in it. Any feedback is welcome. Thank you Mel you are a gift!!!!
I am going through a very similar situation, so I can definitely feel her pain. The worst part is when he cuts off all communication and goes ghost. Then you sit and wonder how someone can act as if you are their everything one minute then flip a switch and become so cold and treat you like you never meant anything to them at all, and give you absolutely no closure whatsoever. It’s so painful.
I hope that you have found strength and peace since watching this episode... I'm currently going through the same thing. My heart feels shattered and I'm in a state of confusion. Thanks for sharing. I hate that I'm not alone, but I'm glad that there are people like you who are willing to share your personal experiences...it helps❤
It makes me feel better to hear it’s okay to be angry. My husband abandoned me and filed for divorce after 27 years of marriage, because he got the chance to be with one of his high school crushes. It’s the abrupt ending, the abandonment, blaming me by throwing out a bunch of nonsense excuses, and refusing to speak to me while acting like he’s a victim, treating me like I abandoned him, seeming to hate me all the sudden.. It’s all been too much. I was fortunate to have been picked up by some dear friends who are actually relatively new friends, but they’ve become like extended family over this past year and a half. Additionally I feel like I’ve lived a fuller life during the separation (and divorce), than the 27 years with him. Of course the children we had were the light of my life, and a lot of fun. They still are. However, last summer I had the opportunity to work as a paramedic for a film set, act in production when they needed a paramedic for a scene (that was fun and unexpected), then spend two weeks forgetting the nonsense at violin camp (put on by one of those friends who helped me out of the dark 😉💕🎶🎻), and this coming summer traveling to Prague with the little orchestra directed by the same new friend who holds the summer violin camps. (Blows the hell out of church camps. 😉) While my life is mostly happy and full again, there is still the sadness of the way he CHOSE to be a coward about the way he ended our marriage and disrupted BOTH of our lives. I’ve heard two different people say if they refuse to give you closure, the way they ended the relationship is closure. When I figured that out, it helped. It’s still sad and I’m sure I actually have a trauma bond, but I feel mostly positive for my future. I’ve actually felt that way early in the separation. Mostly happy as my baseline mood, but the grief still comes in waves Keeping busy helps it stay at a healthy level, and I’m cautious to not mistake distraction from healing.
Bonnie, first and foremost, I am sorry you are going through this. I can truly relate to your story to the T, only it's been a 16-year marriage for me. And, I was born in Prague, lol. If you ever need to talk, please let me know. May your heart ache fully heals and you create a new ending to your ever-after. Blessful and blissful life!🙏🏼🤗💓👑💃
Research narcissism, gaslighting, trauma bonding. Good luck in your journey. Their are great divorce support groups online ie divorce after 25+ and divorce after 50+
This is so ironic! Here is something I had written quite awhile ago (also, true story) Based on my " bump into" a the grocery store... .I want to thank you for letting me go. I want to thank you for showing me that I wasn't the one for you. The way you went about it, as fucked-up and shitty as it was, I still want to thank you. Because if it weren’t for you disposing of me the way you did ( and without a care mind you,) I’d still be there knowing I deserve so much better Than you. So, I want to thank you From the bottom of my heart I truly do. You’ve given me the greatest gift that no one has ever given me before. And that is to discard me. You also taught me what a real man isn’t. It took some doing, but you taught me well. . Its because of you I now know what a real man is. What true intentions are, with real feelings, honest feelings . But most of all having integrity, transparency, and respect for one another without second guessing. And Its amazing . He’s amazing. What’s between he and I is amazing.
Thank you for showing me the light at the end of what could have been a very dark and lonely tunnel. So, thank you for that. Thank you for being you. Because if it weren’t for you Rejecting dumping ,then ghosting me regardless of your deceit and lies, I’d still be with you. (most likely) Because I know that I wouldn’t have ended it. And I’d be all the while waiting on pins and needles for the other shoe to drop. So, I’m ever so grateful that you did. I am happier than I’ve ever been since you dumped me. And I’m in love! real love, Reciprocated love. And it’s all because of you. Thank you for showing me the way. The way to true love and happiness. Not just with the beautiful human being that came into my life, (That just happens to be a fantastic perk!) But to know how to truly and deeply love Myself. I’m finally getting what I so long and, quite frankly, always deserved… And it’s all because of you. I’m sure this must be confusing for you. You probably can’t quite wrap your head around it. That’s o.k. I understand. But maybe someday. (well hopefully someday ) the same thing will happen to you then maybe…just maybe you just might “get it” Thank you again, take care, and God bless.
I am 53. I went through a divorce 10 years ago and more recently went through a breakup of a relationship of 10 years. The other day I heard the quote," just because he says I miss you Doesn't mean I want you"
Tell me how did u deal with that 10 years brake up I am going for simula situation but 10 years relationship 6 years married now all gone fuck it self destroying me to the ground some of it , it is my fault some not 2 kids top of it
This hit SO close to home for me. I am one and a half months out of a 2 yr relationship that ended abruptly. When he told me he was seeing someone else, he walked out and never spoke to me again. "Ghosted" me, if you will... After 2 years of showering me with adulation he just disappeared in an instant. Its the most heartbreaking thing ive experienced. What i NEEDED to hear was that it is the INJUSTICE of this that is so hard to take. Thanks Mel. And good luck and good vibes to everybody moving through grief right now.
This is a big one for me... I need to separate how i feel about him from how he makes me feel right now and NOT how he USED to make me feel.... He used to make me feel safe and valuable and beautiful. Then he went through some private emotional stuff and turned away from me, not toward me. And now its just not the same. And now he does not make time for me, works constantly and is generally dismissive of me. So... I do need to embrace Truth #1 about how I feel and stop chasing the dream of what we had, bc I deserve better, right now!!! Thx Mel!!
Please make the decision of self love 💖. People like your partner who don’t seek to communicate or get help will never change and your situation will get increasingly worse. Please seek community support and get help for yourself. Trust me I’m currently healing from a broken 12 year relationship w/someone like your partner. Don’t waste your precious time!
I resonate with this so much. As soon as Mel asked what it meant about her if he came back… I immediately said “She’ll feel she has value.” 😭😭 broke my whole heart.
She'll move on and be better for it. Her story resonates with me for sure. I was 60 years old when my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me by text! after avoiding me and lying to me for a couple of weeks. It needed to end. I was sad to lose the relationship, but what broke my heart was the way he did it. Made me lose trust and respect for him and I deserved better. A few weeks later, he wanted to get back together. I said No. I have since moved to a new town and life. She should definitely let herself move on to somewhere new.
Hi Paula, I was a 65 year old widow when my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend called me, told me she had talked to him, and asked when I had broken up with him. I hadn't broken up with him! Fast forward two years later - I still think of him way too often and even have imaginery conversations with him. He kept a few small tokens of mine that he knew I wanted but returned everything else, so I rehearse ignoring him if he tries to return them. Sounds crazy doesn't it? When will I ever get over him?
@Denise Cameron It's not crazy, and you will get over him. Sounds like his ex had some doubts about him, too, or she wouldn't have called you. I still think about my ex and just tell myself to stop it if I find myself getting aggravated or hurt and starting to wallow in it, but that happens less and less. We can't control other people's behavior. We're both too old to put up with deceit and emotional immaturity. I have been honest with myself, too. Did I overlook red flags? Yes. Did I put up with things that bothered me? Yes. I'm sorry that happened to you. I know how it feels. 🌷
When I gave my heart to a man who didn't value me, nor did he know what true love was, I realized he was a "Teacher" who showed me how little I valued/respected myself. If I had the self- worth/self-respect I do now, my INTOLERANCE would have kicked him to the curb. Lesson learned. I feel Catrina should write a "closure" letter or email so she can close her heart finally. He doesn't deserve a face-to-face conversation. Worthiness grows EVERY TIME we act on our own behalf in kind, loving, supportive, protective ways, we BUILD our self love, self worth, self respect, and self confidence!!! Some day Catrina will look back and smile knowing she graduated from being treated LESS than what she deserves. As her worthiness grows, her decisions will leave her with little to no regret. Thank you Mel for all of your unedited wisdom!!!
He did her a huge favor. Sweet, beautiful, smart girl deserves much better than he had to give. I hope she'll be able to see that someday. He doesn't deserve a second thought.
This just happened to me with my husband of 16 years. 2 young kids and I have been a stay at home mom. Yes... He told me he felt disconnected and like a roommate - and when he suddenly left, I was in complete shock. Listening to Mel, he is a boy and not a man... He never sat me down for a real heart to heart. I was lost in the fog of parenting young kids and he did little to get through to me. I'm devastated but collecting my strength. Thanks for a great video!
Single parenting is hard. This happened to me too. My child is now 19yrs old and I look back and realize even though there were some rough times, I was a different person when I married him. I was not good at recognizing my feelings like Mel is helping this client with. I pushed the feelings down so I hope you can reflect and see that his mistreatment of you was your sign. Not helping you with the kids, not being there for you. That’s not a marriage, that’s a prison. I wish you blessings and love and light in the future♥️🙏🙏
I feel Great Sadness for this gal… The unsettling fact is…. This World isnt abundant with mature individuals just waiting to be found. In fact, I suspect, she held on to this man understanding the Mormans work hard to raise respectable individuals. After he cheated on her, you can’t tell me, she wasn’t contemplating other options. Apparently, he may have been the Best she had found, to date. She’s heading into one of the Top 10 professions that narisstistic people gravitate too… She’s actually going to be incased in immaturity. Yes, she’s strong and has a Bright and probably lonely future in front of her.
@@danielaarana5624 I am feeling a million times better! It’s been 2 months since the breakup, enjoying single life and living on my own and doing what I want to do. My ex has been in touch, really wants us to get us back together, but the time apart has made me realise I no longer want that. Wishing all the best things in life for you, merry Christmas x
@@amberadams139 All is well and Im feeling good. I was with my partner for 6 years, we lived together, i moved across the world to be with him so I was properly invested. My heart has healed so much, I made daily voice memos of how I was feeling and getting all my thoughts out in an uncensored way. That really helped, and I kept busy with the gym, work, friends, making plans for my single life (joined lots of ‘female solo travel’ groups on Facebook lol!). The crying stopped by week 3, and I started to embrace single life and living alone. While my ex pulled the rug from under me in a very sudden and unexpected way (while I was off sick from work on stress leave), it turned out to be a very good thing. After a month of no contact he reached out, and has stayed in regular contact since, he is very keen for us to reunite. But my heart has healed, I feel better than I did in the relationship - and what we had is no longer what I want. Wishing you all the best if ur going thru heartbreak, you will get through it, it might well be the making of you, I’ll be rooting for you ❤️
I'm going through the same. You'd think I'd be over it, my husband left in September and it's now January. I knew it was ending months before but the actual leaving part is horrible especially since we just moved so I am essentially alone. I need podcasts like these that to help me through.
Catrina, give your self the credit you deserve!!! You’re attractive, bright, young,and healthy ❤! Bottom line: you won and HE LOST! Perhaps you don’t see it that way at the moment. Eventually and with the help from Above, you will get what you deserve which is the very best❤!
I dated someone for 10 years. We had lots of good times and lots of not so good times. I am as grateful for the not so good times because I learned so much from them. Take the lessons, experience the pain and allow it to move through you. Breakups hurt. But that’s okay because pain is a part of the human experience. Trust me, you do not want to marry someone who doesn’t truly want to be with you. HE FREED YOU!! I’ve been happily married to the love of my life for 22 years. We have had up times, we have had downtimes. Ultimately, we keep choosing each other. You want that…. You do. ❤❤❤
Katrina is so lovely. Honey you will find a man who deserves you. You are worthy Katrina. You are putting him on a pedestal. Put YOU on the pedestal. You have everything going for you. I absolutely want to hug you Katrina. You will do great things in life and you will have a man who wants to show you off! And treat you as you should be treated
Seriously, This Guy Nick… Sounds Like Such A Goofy. She’s A Successful Goddess Who Deserves Love & Respect.. Nick, If You See This; You Lost The Prize, Boss
Being a woman is the greatest feeling in the world, I feel strong and I want other women to feel the same. Work hard don’t let others push you down and never let a man make you feel like you don’t belong in this world. Be leaders, be great make a change. I did the following step below to get to the top:
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Mel, you are tremendous. This episode was better than 1.5 months of counseling I needed after I ended a year long relationship with what I now know is a narcissist. Wow-this is gold.
Study up! They’re everywhere. 1. No contact is goal #1 2. If no contact would not serve your situation, grey rock. Don’t react; keep communications short and sweet. 3. Mindfulness and therapy is not a cure-all, but will help you stay calm in intense situations. 4. Keep/start pursuing your interests.
How do you know he is a narcissist? Narcissists with full personality disorder only affects 0.5-5 % of the entire population. Are you sure he had npd or maybe just narcissistic traits which we all have?
@@mariaagosti-pm7tklol…. Why you on here questioning people’s realities? If someone is at the point where we’re in this comment section of this video, there’s a good chance that we weren’t just dumped, but we were dumped by someone who’s a “chicken shit”. There’s a good chance that person is a cluster b. Mine was a borderline. No object constancy. No object permanence. Little to no empathy. No sense of self. And on and on. It’s having been with cluster Bs that makes us desperate for answers and closure that aren’t coming.
@@Inequities People can have borderline traits and NOT be diagnosed with borderline personality, and thats just facts. You can score very high on the borderline scale but sometimes its not enough points so they can make a diagnosis so then it is often borderline traits but not a full diagnosis, I am saying to be careful because a persons behavior can be affected by a comorbidity of many other health disorders and as long the person didnt tell you they have borderline or have been diagnosed, YOU DONT KNOW. Also, it is not relevant, yes, it may explain certain behavior, but at the end you shouldnt care so much about their diagnosis, but why you stay with a person that mistreats you. I dont say it didnt happen, but what is more important is what YOU are doing with your life now, knowing this person might have a diagnosis, but you have to move forward because dwelling on this topic holds you back, yes, it helps for you to explain certain things, but at one point you have to ask yourself what you can do to not find yourself back in a similar situation and how you can move forward.
This CD has three separate relaxation/meditation sessions on it ruclips.net/user/postUgkxzpa8CIfZcihW4Z0F_ja0QF3W9KIatrsq guided by a very pleasant and direct male voice. Unlike so many other products of its type, this CD does not have bad synthesizer music, does not feature a phony or affected style of narration, and does not make any bogus claims to be subliminal or to re-train the brain or any of that balderdash. What you get is 1. a guided meditation for getting into a pleasantly relaxed state of body awareness while taking a stroll (superb for those easing back into a fitness routine slowly after an illness or injury) 2. A nice long breath-awareness relaxation session that if followed diligently can put you into very deep states of full-body relaxation and mental calmness, and 3. a buddhist-inspired meditation session designed to help you develop and maintain feelings of loving kindness toward not just yourself and your friends, but toward people you don't even like. The CD makes no claims to be designed for advanced meditators or for buddhists or hindus/yoga practitioners looking for very deep and esoteric stuff. It is geared more toward the average person who just wants to develop the habit of relaxation and stress relief through natural, healthy means. him, if you happen to be reading this, keep up the good work fella, and I love your accent. I would also like to note that I have never fallen asleep while listening to this product. I would like to kindly suggest to the reviewer who said this CD makes him fall asleep, that he might want to get checked to see if he has a sleep disorder, or if he is simply not setting aside ample time for restful sleep at night. A healthy person getting adequate rest at night should be able to go into deep states of mental relaxation without dozing off, if not all the time, then most of the time.
Its so true....its how the breakup is done. The DISRESPECT just sucks the life out of you. I had read if you never get true remorse from the violater.....it never goes away.
This is helping me so much. My story for the younger ladies: in my 20’s my then boyfriend dumped me suddenly - we didn’t have cel phones back then so at least people had to have a breakup conversation back then! I was so devastated and pined over him and (stupid I know but I was young) kept calling him and we ended up getting back together a year later. Fast forward 22 more years - we had gotten married, supported each other in growing our careers, had a child, bought a house. I thought he was my soulmate and best friend and that first year was something we worked through. Then he did THE SAME DAMN THING. I found out he had a whole girlfriend/fiancée and had it all figured out how we were getting divorced and he had this whole new life planned for himself. I literally had no clue, and it has taken a long time to work through the feelings of betrayal and hurt. She is honestly lucky he ghosted her now while she is still young enough to learn from this and find someone who will be a partner, instead of finding out many years later. The cheating early in the relationship is a big red flag 🚩 I would never take back a cheater again.
I’m hurting so bad watching this. I, too, was dumped by a boyfriend at age 25. We dated for six years, gave shitty excuses, promised he’d think things through and would come back to me. He never even said “Hey, forget that thing about me coming back”. But I waited around for years. I watch Katrina and and see a strong woman. I was a scared, co-dependent woman with narcissistic parents, little support and a huge heartbreak. 20 years later, I wish I had 1% of the guts and determination of this young woman.
Wow, this resonates. Married for 28 years and my husband left me for a heavy equipment operator at work. I was broken… I thought. Some very dark and hard times where I considered ending life for a brief time. I knew something had to change! I started therapy for about six months and I had to admit some very hard things to myself. I felt worthless when he left. But I will not be beat, ever. I learned in therapy that I am resilient and I deserve better from a partner. I have my MBA, have a well compensated job, a great group of close friends, an awesome family, and a wonderful daughter who is my best friend as a grown woman. Feeling worthless was the hardest thing to overcome. I know that he has had some very serious struggles and I would never want those things for him but I have got to move on with my life. I remember my therapist told me, stop asking him for an answer. If he gave you an answer, you wouldn’t believe him because he has proven he is a liar. I struggle with being afraid that my heart won’t be open to anyone in the future because I get upset even thinking of someone entering my life. I just am not in that place right now. I’ve lost over 100 lbs, cut my hair, and started new hobbies. Life is off in a great direction! Mel is new for me and she is awesome! Enjoying her videos.
I love how Mel states that you need to change your story… he WASNT everything you thought you wanted when he cheated and broke up like a chicken sh*t. She’s right!
When said something along the lines of “If you’re battling between how you feel about someone and how someone makes you feel, you gotta make decisions with how someone makes you feel.”
Now I know why I am still heartbroken thinking back of my first love as a teenager: because I was tossed aside like a piece of garbage, and somehow it still is hurting even 40 years later. I wished I had listened to this when I was 18. I would have understood so much more.
I was ghosted by my first love way before ghosting was a thing. He turned up like a bad penny 5 years later and I saw him again! By that time we had both been married, divorced and I had a young daughter. He figured that we could just pick up where we left off, but I was no longer in love with him, no longer attracted to him and I rejected him. I wasn't trying to hurt him or get even, that's honestly how I felt. When someone hurts me, or betrays me like that... I can forgive them but I never forget.
Teenage love and it’s been 40 years for me too and I still think about him and wonder, even though he threw me to the curb and lied and manipulated me for another 2.5 years after the “break up.” There are triggers.
Rehearsing what to say or do is crucial. When my ex showed up at work I was stunned. Never in my wildest imagination did I expect to see him again. He was a user and abuser. Instead of saying what I should have said, I went into playing the nice girl. I was so taken back I couldn’t think. Now I regret that I didn’t handle it better, because that was my chance to speak my voice.
You are worth so much more girl! Change is needed, take the jump, and never look back. What you want is waiting. Shut the door to this man, another one is waiting to truly love you.
God it’s so good to hear this from someone else. Been there done that. Girl! You’re amazing, beautiful, smart, educated, courageous woman! Go and explore life, the whole world is ahead of you. I’m 38 and I’m about to get back to exploring and enjoying, after being discarded by a man I loved ore than anything. After I found out he’s been cheating on me, living with another woman for 2 years. With her kids. At the same time asking me to move in to Norway with him, and planning marriage, kids etc. Go, girl, go, and never look back at him. His loss. You deserve better. You deserve a man who knows who’s he wants, who knows how lucky he is to have you, and who wants to spend lifetime exploring the world with you. Sending you love ❤️ ❤❤
15 mins into this video and I'm in tears. I have been holding onto emotions from a breakup for 2 years. I think about him constantly...things remind me of him daily and I'm trying so hard to get over him... Thank you Mel for this video
I have to tell you that the young lady's story is mine. Only it happened to me 35 years ago. And repeated a few more times after that. I'm currently writing a book about this, and the heartbreak was the catalyst for all that was to come next. My story takes many interesting "twists and turns", that all led me into a journey of the self, and to the realization about many unusual esoteric things. I would love to get her a copy of it when it's ready, but I can assure your listeners that there's way more to the ending of these relationships than what meets the eye, and that it's all part of the divine plan. What also strikes me is how beautiful and wonderful this young lady is - and what's happened to her is just a "closed" door. She's being re-directed into something so much better and greater. I'm "64" now, and even though we're living in a different time, these same situations have always operated. One day she'll consider herself "lucky" for this!!
10 days ago I was left by a woman in her 40's who ended the relationship because of PTSD from her first marriage when she was 19. Instead of managing her internal emotional state, she let her house fall into disarray (mouse poop everywhere in the basement, moths eating her clothes, 6 month old cat litter from a cat that passed away, etc.) and committed her entire free time to playing video games. Even knowing all that and what a bullet I dodged, I still loved her and miss her very much. In the aftermath I have fully invested in my health, eating better and exercising, and my spiritual life, reconnecting to God, and spending time with friends I long neglected. There's still a piece of me tethered to her, and I will forever feel that, like it or not. But my life goes on.
@Daniel Miller, hopefully in time, if you wish to, your ex will allow a platonic friendship. It sounds like something that could be a source of support for her, and hopefully when she is healed, can be a source of support for you as well. From your brief post, you sound like a decent guy.
My boyfriend just left me (4 days after purchasing a 10 day thailand scuba retreat for both of us and going furniture shopping for the home he just bought to start our “dreamy new life together in.” Last week i was the love of his life. This week i am disposable. He too blamed PTSD from his divorce 3 years ago. Said that was the sole reason, but it just doesn’t seem possible that anxiety would make you no longer want a future with someone you have been so adamant about moving forward with. I feel crazy. Like I hallucinated our whirlwind loving relationship. I’m heartbroken 💔
@@littlelam3691he sounds like a narcissist - look into it … they do that .. put you on the clouds and the completely ignore and reject you leaving you confused and hurt. Run away as fast as you can from this charming demons
This life is quicker than you could ever imagine. Don't wait until you're having health problems and are too tired to do things you know are right. I wish everybody reading this the absolute best life!
You’re so right… life is so short, try and not waste any of it ruminating over a lost love, try and accept it’s over and move on… don’t live in the past, I’m trying so hard to take my own advice, hopefully, one day I’ll get through it without a thought of my narc ex husband of 37 years, then I’ll know I’ve healed.
She is young, smart, with grand achievement. Drop the past dream that was never good enough for you on so many levels... is the reason he was a coward & if u hadn't been dreaming and busy with studies then u would have seen past his hesitation. Him blaming the Church is just an excuse to make him appear validated. The blessing here is now u see the truth about him, thank God u didn't marry him and find out at 45 or 50 with 3 kids... make a positive new life where ever u call home. Your parents are every proud of you for growth and positive change. Doesn't mean u will never see them again, holidays & special events are in your future with honesty for your own self Love.
What I love about Mel's interaction with this woman is the importance of holding the bad boy accountable for how he handled it. Most people wouldn't care to give this feedback. It gives him an opportunity to hear what he did wrong. I'm going through this, and will be meeting with "him" this summer.
This is what I call communication! Every woman should have a friend like Mel, who is kind and firm at the same time. I know how this girl feels, it is terrible, but the pain comes to an end eventually. Katrina, you will get through it, and I'm sure much better things are waiting for you. I wish you all the best!
It's hard when you love someone so much and they shit on you and they don't care, that's hard to deal with, I am dealing with it, you can't get it out of your mind
I found acceptance of a divorce with my husband when I really believed that I don’t want to be with someone that doesn’t want to be with me. We remain good friends because I’ve come to acceptance of it. It’s a much better relationship now. I don’t hope for getting back together as I’m now doing things I may not have done married to him.
This was right on time for me! The man in my life for seven years broke up with me very abruptly last week. He did it after he went out drinking and then hung up on me so that he didn’t have to hear how it made me feel. I did not see it coming because we had several events planned that included family. Listening to this absolutely gave me a new perspective about myself, and the relationship itself. I won’t be running into him, but I’m definitely using this for the next time he calls or send a text message. Thank you so much… God bless you!
I feel for her because I’ve been there so many times. It hurts now but she’ll look back and be sooooo amazed at her old self because she won’t feel the same!!
I can totally relate to this story, and I've only watched the first 12 minutes of it. I'm taking a leap of faith myself. From West to East. Ten days from today. I finally decided to let other " adults" manage and live their own lives. I have wasted enough time already. I also have a professional career, Aerospace/Aviation FAA Licensed and certified Engineer, 17 yrs. Those you do the most for appreciate it the least. Enough is enough,life is, too short. I'm now 62 What ta h....happened to my life? God 🙌
Don’t worry about your parents! Don’t worry about him .. practice the “let them theory ” that Mel practices! Let him leave your mind and heart! You’ll find someone else eventually!! And be happier than you ever were!! Good luck
My worst was not listening to my own voice. I journal and found that I wrote to end my relationship on 9/2020 and did not break it up till 12/2022. All because I dod not trust my gut. I promised my self to never not trust my gut again and stay focused. ❤ Thx Mel!
I did the same. Many gifts about myself I would not of looked at because I didn’t listen to my gut. Pain and grief then looking at my side of my personal issues to secure my own security with myself. Facing why I allowed myself to be in a trauma bonded relationship with a narcissist. Biggest lesson I needed to face for my own personal freedom.
hey bro It sounds like your situation was just like mine. my girlfreind dumped me before 5 months after a 2 year of relationship without any explaination. first 2 months after breakup is fells like hell because she is in my mind every minute not a minute every second she is in my mind but after 2 months its get easier and easier day by day and now i rarely miss her but that time i was thinking that I'll never get over this but time heals every thing. acceptance take time like if you had a 5 year relationship you would take 6-8 months (or more) but you have to give atleast 6 months to accept things and to get over her thoughts but one day you will. just wait tips -(1) dont get into in another relationship or looking for rebound because this rebound shit doesnot work for men in rebound we still miss that bitch. rebound might work on womens but not on us (experience) just give time to heal yourself alone (2) acceptance takes time atleast 6 months
@@abhidahiya6097 First, I like to thank you for your message and sorry for what you went through as well. You are 100% correct, the thoughts of her slowly disappearing from my mind, and more importantly, I finally can see where things went wrong. Now I've been hitting the gym hard, BJJ, boxing and so on. Never again ill allow this to happen to me, I keep telling myself that this was a blessing and painful life lesson. All of us will find someone better, as long as we improve ourselves.
I am a grown up man, and I was crying while listening to this. Mel said everything that has to say that I could not otherwise put words to. Her words truly pierces the feelings that I’ve been keeping for the last 3 years since my break up. Thank you for this!
It happened to me at 44 and I hated myself because it was my first major heart break. That was 3 years ago. It took almost 2 years for the pain to stop. But it did and I am grateful that God freed me. Looking from a distance, I realize I was slowly dying. I hope you are ok❤
Girl what can I say .. if only I could have heard this 35 yrs ago!! 10 pre marriage years and 25 now!!! Gone through a fare share and enduring with my exit plan.. I sold my self short big time . Earlier the better….LET GO! Slap on my face. Thank you Mel…❤
This remember me a Mel's short in which she says Let them If your friends doesn't invite you to an activity, let them... If your family shuns you and doesn't talk to you, let them... Let them, and reclaim your power...
This is such a great podcast for anyone in their twenties. Its an important decade of life to learn about yourself. I wish this podcast was around 20 years ago so that my younger self could hear it; but I know I am listening now and that’s what is important for me. Thank you Mel. Blessings to Katrina 🤗
Just like a lot of us women , we depend on men to give us value, but once we start educating ourselves in reference to our self worth it would be easier to walk away from those who don’t value us,
How I wish I’d had this told to me at her age. I’m 54 and going through the same thing after a 13 year relationship. Hearing that it’s not the “what” but the “how” is powerful. I was with a bonafide loser yet still gave him the keys to my worth. I won’t get over the pain today, but I’m now reframing my thought patterns and know that I will get over it in a more healthy time and way now. Thank you, Mel!
This hits home hard. My current bf of 4.5 years, didn’t know how to love, and reacted poorly in our last exchange a month ago. We did not explicitly end things, but it felt like that, feels like my world fell apart. Mel said we must let go to move on, the struggle is not being able to let go when you love someone deeply.
You can just try and let go by being courageous and have strong belief that if you are meant to be together, you will be. Universe will bring you together. And being fearless and knowing your worth and showing to a man that you are not scared of loosing him will totally reverse his way of treating you and looking at you. Ignore him for sometime, go travel somewhere, focus on you.
Same exact story with me. 6 yrs. with someone and broke up with me on vacation the last week of June. Told me I should leave. My heart sunk. 💔 I actually didn’t believe that would be the last time I saw him. There was no warning. Im devastated. I wasn’t given time to prepare for it. 😪.
I went through this my whole life since I was 18 everytime I left home something horrible would happen to my mom. I felt responsible, I felt if I left she would die. She almost did when I left multiple times. I gave up most of my life. I felt in a no win position because I wanted my mom alive, but I also wanted a life. It really screwed me up. The weight I carry on my shoulders, I felt every decision I made carried so much weight, litterly life and death. It's given me a lot of anxiety and depression.
Oh Mel you so right about self worth. 24 yrs married ,married him twice. Cheating,social media addiction, narc/addict. New supply Gold gym. Took me 6 months ,trauma based therapy,meditation. Oh my girl RUN! No closure . Heal your heart girl,he did not respect someone of your caliber. We became their caregivers that’s all. I’m 72 yo & I’ll be damned if the life I was living with him is my final story. Heal your heart & look forward to a new city. Authentic people are our there. I thank god everyday for my friends & this community.
this was the very finial kick that I needed to get over my heartbreak. This mind shift from I`m not enough to this MF er is selfish and disrespectful. It is not even my fault. I love you Mel! and thank You
Thank you. I gained the missing piece I needed to try and make sense of a situation I was so confused and conflicted about. I am 54 and a year ago my boyfriend of 14years, after treating me badly for a long time and refusing to discuss it, disgaured and ghosted me. This session has been huge for me. I no longer feel shame. I didn't deserve to be treated that way, no one does.
Dam, it really hits home to find that our situations and negative emotional experiences are so universal. I have been struggling with a seperation after 26 years, and have been hanging on to hope for someone who just gave up on me, treating me like i no longer exist, and took the cowards way out! Thanks Mel.
Me too after 16 years - dealing with the same thing. Trying to realise he didn’t treat me well, narcissistic behaviour and blamed me for everything that ever went wrong. I can’t be responsible for all of that. It’s very sad for me and I am trying to process the loss of the marriage- this podcast was actually very empowering and helpful. I hope you work through what you need to. Seek friends and try and take it a day at a time like me xx
@@dmh2780 Thank you! I appreciate your kind words. I also was blamed for everythning, but what I came to realise was all of those negative perceptions she dumped on me, were only the reality of her own insecurities. Keep your head high, you deserve to be valued and loved!
She’s so pretty and have so much going on for her. God has better for her! I know what she is going through and it sucks. I’m learning to accept it as lesson learned and ready to enjoy my life and receive what God has for me. ❤
0:20: 💔 Katrina seeks advice on making a life-changing decision after a breakup. 5:39: 💔 The speaker is considering moving away from Indianapolis after a breakup, but also feels called to leave for personal growth reasons. 11:26: 🔥 The speaker encourages X to let go of her ex-boyfriend and focus on her own growth and self-worth. 17:52: ✨ The speaker reflects on her past relationship, realizes she deserves better, and plans to confront her ex. 22:38: 😊 The speaker is grateful that the relationship ended and plans to move to a new place for personal growth. 28:06: 💪 In life, it's important to run toward something powerful rather than away from something. 33:07: 💡 Let go of what's holding you back, take ownership of your actions, communicate openly, and trust your intuition. 38:41: ✨ When something ends, it's because something better is coming. Change your story from heartache to the lesson learned. 42:53: ❤ The key to making decisions is to prioritize how someone or something makes you feel, and to choose based on what is in your heart rather than fear. Recap by Tammy AI
"You need to change your story" I have been justifying and speaking to protect someone that when I speak the truth, (its even hard to type) just isn't a good person to me, and doesn't love me as I love them and as I deserve to be loved. Thank you Mel.
I've been in the same situation. It'll be hard at first, maybe the first 2 months will be tough. But trust me, once you gain your power back, and once you realize what ur worth and value is? You will feel like ur finally getting ur freedom!😊 as Mel said, if its not love, its a lesson. 💯🔥 I actually realized too that breaking up with my ex-gf, or being rejected was actually a blessing from God. After the breakup, everything was going my way. Finances, opportunities and other blessings coming into my life.😊 and I actually said thank you to her for making that decision the last time we had a conversation.😊 her loss and not mine. 😎🔥 never chase and will never let anyone take my power back. Learned from the lesson, and will never ignore red flags moving towards new relationship.😊☝️💯🔥
I ended a 4 year engagement in December and I have done a lot of reflection. I was so good to her and was painting red flags green thinking I was being loving. What an amazing lesson and grieving process. Great video. Gotta love Mel!! 😎
When you look back on any relationship it always comes down to the difference in what happened vs what you wanted and letting go of that and accepting what is.
Mel, hearing this podcast may have given me the courage i need to end my marriage. He cheated and left me when our son was 10 months old. I was shocked and heartbroken. We had gone through 4 years of IVF. After a few months i felt like i was planning a great future for myself and our son. Then he wanted back in. I took him and things were amazing. Like the good old times. We were talking a lot and having fun. But it didnt last long and he has become distant and uncaring. I know what i need to do. But, knowing i have to give up part custody of our son breaks my heart. Im also grieving for the future i thought we had. He is different now. So am i.
I hope this episode was able to help you heal if you have experienced a heart break in your past. If so, please hit like on this video and subscribe so you don’t miss out on some awesome episodes coming up!
Mel / Katrina - is there an update? This was such a compelling session, I am hoping Katrina has landed in a wonderful new place and is loving her life there.
As a parent, you calling her on her “avoiding choice/action” because of her parents was spot on. We always want them to thrive, no matter what it takes. (And airplanes exist…)
Any state in the country would welcome such an intelligent, kind, and thoughtful person.
Thank you so much, this resonates with me so much
Like
Great video. I'm wondering how you let go of a toxic person when they're your own child?
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Believe me once someone hurts you to your core you'll never feel the same way about them. Intellectually you want him back because you keep the good times you've experienced together in the forefront. I'm sure there have been bad times...red flags...that you kept ignoring because of how you felt about him. But if you look deep inside your soul, you'll realize he is not good for you. You need to take the time for finding out who you are alone and to heal your heart before entering into another relationship. I've been through the same 40 years ago and wasted too much time pinning over him when he jumped into another relationship weeks after and a year later married this person on my birthday! Put it in God's hands. I kept praying for God to send me a wonderful man who would be there for me forever. And 2 years later my husband walked into my life and we have been happily married for 33 years! It will all work out in the end if you allow everything to unfold the way it is meant to be. God bless and best wishes. 🙏
@Diane i also needed to hear what you just saiid. Thank you
❤
Yes indeed ❤️
I was lefted at a Christmas dinner after a 5 year..relationship
Broke my heart and 15 years single now never dated or cared too 💔 I just have made my life as good as possible
You could say iam a Monk 😅 actually
I have been working on my spiritual side of life 🙏 ❤and as a spiritual artist it really has worked for me 🎉their is life after break ups....still to this day I wonder if I stayed I'd probably be dead.
So ❤️ 💐 iam glad I found strength to carry on and find my purpose, and live my life free 🙌 🙏 ✨️ ❤️ your okay 👍
Your going to make it 🎉
Just do what you love ❤️
This is so true, I was having a tough time, but once I got real, that person didn’t even deserve me. I laugh now, and would never look their way again
Diane,
What a wonderful story. I am heartbroken over my husband's betrayal, abandonment, and discard after 30 years of fidelity and devotion on my part. I am 60, so I doubt the right man, a good and Godly man, will make it to my doorstep. Dabbling with so-so men in my loneliness and grief. But know that I will probably be alone. Am preparing for that. As for YOU, my dear. BRAVO!!!!!👏🥹🥲❤
An old woman with dementia once said to me
Take good care of your self, other people won't do it 💕🌺🌷🌺🌷🌺🌷🌺🌷🌺🌷🌺🌷🌺🌷🌺🌷🌺
The lack of closure is what kills the other person. That's the part we have to accept, that the silence was the closure
Even if you hear the cold truth from him, it won’t make the hurt less. It may even leave you more angry or resentful in a long run.
Silence is your closure. It means he doesn’t love you nor want to be with you any longer. What other closure is needed? It’s clear as a day. If someone loved you and cherished you, they wouldn’t leave or do what they did.
Acceptance is the key. Then healing happens and then… new beginnings:)
Mel YOU ARE A GREAT TEACHER , YOU EMPOWER US TO BELIEVE IN OURSELVES, TO SELF RESPECT..... SO From the bottom of my heart THANK YOU ❤🙏🥰💐💝💃🥳
amen!
Beautifully said!
It’s pretty much over for me . But hopefully this doesn’t happen to anyone .
She breaks my heart when she says “Wasn’t enough” and looks down - you will never “be enough” for the wrong person, they are empty buckets that will keep you jumping through hoops for their own pleasure - you will be more than enough for the right person ❤
I think is better, and wasnt enough really mean we want different things. If her needs whatever they were , were not met, this is not going to work. Doesn't matter what.
I felt that, being feeling 'not enough', 'nothing', ugly, and more for months now, I even tried to quit from this life
Yeah don't stay there he'll come back one day some crap story to use you that's what Wicked people do to come back to use you cuz you're making it
Low life make you feel like crap about yourself leave that place
Oh my God Indiana sucks so bad
I’m 50 and I feel this woman. I wish she could see how young, beautiful and full of potential she is
And as you and I know (60yo) we know the next 25 years will fly. ❤ She is lucky to get a clean slate and start fresh. Rather than starting over after 10 or 20 years later saddled with added responsibilities (kids in school) more than herself, limiting her choices in a start over. 😊
Same here
He did her a favor Mormons have weird ideas. She deserves a man with her own values who loves her and adores her. She needs to realize she is so worthwhile and amazing.
I feel for her. I spent eight years with a man who was terrified of marriage. I just turned 40. I'm done. Then I attracted another guy I dated a while back so is even more aloof. It's scary to go back to the drawing board in my 40s.
Same here age 53
Omg. My jaw is on the floor
This young woman has SO much going for her. I hope focusing on her new EARNED career and making new girlfriends in her new city helps steer her in the new life. I am Mel's age and this is such awesome yet raw advice.
35:24 37:53
I recently got dumped by my boyfriend of one year and I watch these parts every single day. After watching them for more than 30 times, I realized that I am still holding a slight hope that we could get back together. On top of that, he asked me to become friends from now, and I was happy thinking he still wants me to be a part of his life, but now I know how wrong it is to think like that. I will see him one last time this week to give his stuff back. When I see him, I will try to be strong and tell him that I don't wanna become friends with him and we should not see each other any more, because "I deserve better". I already miss him and it's gonna be hard, but I will do it for myself and for my future. Thank you Mel for the very important lesson❤
😊thanks for writing this. I too was ask to remain friends ,and i could not. When😊you remain friends one can never really move on and fins whay one needs.
Stay strong and don’t let him suck you into “let’s be friends”. Friends don’t hurt friends. It will be a lot easier to start feeling better this way.
Any update? How's everything going? Are y'all still in contact with each other?
¿cómo te fue con él?
❤ you are strong
"When it is not love it is a lesson" 💯👏👌
POWERFUL 💯💯💯
TRUE FACTS
OH MY WORD AMEN!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you for saying what I have been thinking for YEARS. I mean seriously.
@@BluieBeth 😀
@@j.jgodismyprotection4296 😀
"I was the next target to be hit..."
"Or a captive to be released"
Bingo! Change the story. You're brilliant, Mel.
Real Talk 💯 I’m Laughing At ‘were they ALL Mormon?’ 😂 Mel’s A Total G
1. Run toward something in life; not away from it.
2. Closure: you need to let go in order to close the chapter and walk toward something new.
3. Don't blame others when you hold yourself back and play small; take ownership.
4. Stop saying you're afraid to disappoint someone. Ask for their support in pursuing your dreams.
5. If someone doesn't want you anymore, don't want them. You deserve better.
6. Your intuition is always right; listen to it. Look for the signs and claim the fact that you ignored them.
7. If it's not love, it's a lesson. If something ends, it was supposed to end.
8. Rehearse what you're going to say if you might see someone again.
9. You don't need another person in order to feel complete. You can learn and move on by yourself. Claim and identify the signs that you ignored. And owe your own toxic behavior.
10. In life, there will be many things that you do that you regret. You'll regret most of all the things that you didn't do. Don't let your fears hold you back from doing the things that you know in your heart you want to do.
How you feel about someone is very different from how that person or place makes you feel. Put the weight of your decision on how the person makes you feel. You must know the difference between what the right decision is in your heart and your fear of making the decision. Always find a way to make the decision that is in your heart because you will not regret it.
number 8 is Just the best thing ever. Boom. Being prepared is what Mastery is about.
Number 7 ❤
Thanks for this simple summary. Wow this all makes complete sense. It’s been 33 years in this relationship and I’ve been struggling for years. Now at 71 years of age I’m concerned of being alone and unwanted. Possibly because I’m already feeling that way. Ive on and off imagined it all working out in so many ways. I became obsessed with him. I Imagined he deeply loved me and I could help him and fix everything. I gave up on life at one point. I’ve been asking for direction and help. I’m getting answers and they are eye opening and dare I say exciting. I’m happy today because I know I’m not the only one in this boat and I can get out. Yep I’ve learned a lot in this relationship. At this time it’s more of a physical mental spiritual draining living in it. Any feedback is welcome. Thank you Mel you are a gift!!!!
5 years. Killing me. I'm not scared anymore... not to lose him. Scared of what's coming. I want nothing... but GOD
Hope you are in a better place now Meg. 😊
28 Year's here ! Congrats ...move on !!
"Coward-ass chicken-shit decisions"! Tell us how you really feel, Mel! Seriously, love the straight talk.
I am going through a very similar situation, so I can definitely feel her pain. The worst part is when he cuts off all communication and goes ghost. Then you sit and wonder how someone can act as if you are their everything one minute then flip a switch and become so cold and treat you like you never meant anything to them at all, and give you absolutely no closure whatsoever. It’s so painful.
I hope that you have found strength and peace since watching this episode... I'm currently going through the same thing. My heart feels shattered and I'm in a state of confusion. Thanks for sharing. I hate that I'm not alone, but I'm glad that there are people like you who are willing to share your personal experiences...it helps❤
You were with a narcissist
It makes me feel better to hear it’s okay to be angry.
My husband abandoned me and filed for divorce after 27 years of marriage, because he got the chance to be with one of his high school crushes.
It’s the abrupt ending, the abandonment, blaming me by throwing out a bunch of nonsense excuses, and refusing to speak to me while acting like he’s a victim, treating me like I abandoned him, seeming to hate me all the sudden.. It’s all been too much.
I was fortunate to have been picked up by some dear friends who are actually relatively new friends, but they’ve become like extended family over this past year and a half.
Additionally I feel like I’ve lived a fuller life during the separation (and divorce), than the 27 years with him. Of course the children we had were the light of my life, and a lot of fun. They still are. However, last summer I had the opportunity to work as a paramedic for a film set, act in production when they needed a paramedic for a scene (that was fun and unexpected), then spend two weeks forgetting the nonsense at violin camp (put on by one of those friends who helped me out of the dark 😉💕🎶🎻), and this coming summer traveling to Prague with the little orchestra directed by the same new friend who holds the summer violin camps. (Blows the hell out of church camps. 😉)
While my life is mostly happy and full again, there is still the sadness of the way he CHOSE to be a coward about the way he ended our marriage and disrupted BOTH of our lives.
I’ve heard two different people say if they refuse to give you closure, the way they ended the relationship is closure.
When I figured that out, it helped.
It’s still sad and I’m sure I actually have a trauma bond, but I feel mostly positive for my future. I’ve actually felt that way early in the separation. Mostly happy as my baseline mood, but the grief still comes in waves
Keeping busy helps it stay at a healthy level, and I’m cautious to not mistake distraction from healing.
😊😊
Sending you so much love Bonnie❤️ thank you so much for sharing.
Bonnie, first and foremost, I am sorry you are going through this. I can truly relate to your story to the T, only it's been a 16-year marriage for me. And, I was born in Prague, lol. If you ever need to talk, please let me know. May your heart ache fully heals and you create a new ending to your ever-after. Blessful and blissful life!🙏🏼🤗💓👑💃
Enjoyed reading what you wrote. I want to say good luck but from what I read you really don't need it, you are doing great. ❤
Research narcissism, gaslighting, trauma bonding. Good luck in your journey. Their are great divorce support groups online ie divorce after 25+ and divorce after 50+
This is so ironic!
Here is something I had written quite awhile ago (also, true story)
Based on my " bump into" a the grocery store...
.I want to thank you
for letting me go.
I want to thank you
for showing me that I wasn't
the one for you.
The way you went about it,
as fucked-up and shitty as it was,
I still want to thank you.
Because if it weren’t for you
disposing of me the way you did
( and without a care mind you,)
I’d still be there knowing
I deserve so much better
Than you.
So, I want to thank you
From the bottom of my heart
I truly do.
You’ve given me the greatest gift
that no one has ever given me before.
And that is to discard me.
You also taught me what a real man isn’t.
It took some doing,
but you taught me well.
.
Its because of you
I now know
what a real man is.
What true intentions are,
with real feelings, honest feelings .
But most of all
having integrity, transparency, and respect for one another
without second guessing.
And Its amazing .
He’s amazing.
What’s between he and I
is amazing.
Thank you for showing me the light
at the end of what could have been a very dark and lonely tunnel.
So, thank you for that.
Thank you for being you.
Because if it weren’t for you
Rejecting dumping ,then ghosting me
regardless of
your deceit and lies,
I’d still be with you.
(most likely)
Because I know that I wouldn’t have ended it.
And I’d be all the while waiting
on pins and needles
for the other shoe to drop.
So, I’m ever so grateful that you did.
I am happier than I’ve ever been since you dumped me.
And I’m in love!
real love,
Reciprocated love.
And it’s all because of you.
Thank you for showing me the way.
The way to true love and happiness.
Not just with the beautiful human being that came into my life,
(That just happens to be a fantastic perk!)
But to know how to truly and deeply love
Myself.
I’m finally getting what I so long and, quite frankly,
always deserved…
And it’s all because of you.
I’m sure this must be confusing for you.
You probably can’t quite wrap your head around it.
That’s o.k. I understand.
But maybe someday.
(well hopefully someday )
the same thing will happen to you
then maybe…just maybe
you just might “get it”
Thank you again,
take care,
and God bless.
I am 53. I went through a divorce 10 years ago and more recently went through a breakup of a relationship of 10 years. The other day I heard the quote," just because he says I miss you Doesn't mean I want you"
Sometimes they tell us what we want to hear, when they want something from us.
I share same experience with you. I wish you are my soulmate.
Tell me how did u deal with that 10 years brake up I am going for simula situation but 10 years relationship 6 years married now all gone fuck it self destroying me to the ground some of it , it is my fault some not 2 kids top of it
This hit SO close to home for me. I am one and a half months out of a 2 yr relationship that ended abruptly. When he told me he was seeing someone else, he walked out and never spoke to me again. "Ghosted" me, if you will...
After 2 years of showering me with adulation he just disappeared in an instant. Its the most heartbreaking thing ive experienced. What i NEEDED to hear was that it is the INJUSTICE of this that is so hard to take. Thanks Mel. And good luck and good vibes to everybody moving through grief right now.
I am sick inside and no one and nothing will fix this
Similar situation
If he treated you so harshly, he'll probably do the same to her eventually.
@@MS-ns4ki time heals.
been there done that - bet he's a narcissist
When it's not love it's a lesson......You need to change your story......wow 🤯 you have no idea how bad I needed to hear this! Thanks so much!
Me too.
This is a big one for me... I need to separate how i feel about him from how he makes me feel right now and NOT how he USED to make me feel.... He used to make me feel safe and valuable and beautiful. Then he went through some private emotional stuff and turned away from me, not toward me. And now its just not the same. And now he does not make time for me, works constantly and is generally dismissive of me. So... I do need to embrace Truth #1 about how I feel and stop chasing the dream of what we had, bc I deserve better, right now!!! Thx Mel!!
Please make the decision of self love 💖. People like your partner who don’t seek to communicate or get help will never change and your situation will get increasingly worse.
Please seek community support and get help for yourself.
Trust me I’m currently healing from a broken 12 year relationship w/someone like your partner. Don’t waste your precious time!
His big loss, what a blessing for you, have a great life. 🎉
I resonate with this so much. As soon as Mel asked what it meant about her if he came back… I immediately said “She’ll feel she has value.” 😭😭 broke my whole heart.
For real 😢❤
Yes, whilst waiting for him to leave yet again ❤️
After I heard this... I didn't go see my ex. I'm taking back my power. Thank you.
Excellent!❤
Good for you - stay strong!
HUZZAH!!! 🎉 Well done. Love you. Even if he can't or won't, you can always be the one who says "I have value and am loveable"
more power to you !!
She'll move on and be better for it. Her story resonates with me for sure. I was 60 years old when my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me by text! after avoiding me and lying to me for a couple of weeks. It needed to end. I was sad to lose the relationship, but what broke my heart was the way he did it. Made me lose trust and respect for him and I deserved better. A few weeks later, he wanted to get back together. I said No. I have since moved to a new town and life. She should definitely let herself move on to somewhere new.
Hi Paula, I was a 65 year old widow when my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend called me, told me she had talked to him, and asked when I had broken up with him. I hadn't broken up with him! Fast forward two years later - I still think of him way too often and even have imaginery conversations with him. He kept a few small tokens of mine that he knew I wanted but returned everything else, so I rehearse ignoring him if he tries to return them. Sounds crazy doesn't it? When will I ever get over him?
@Denise Cameron It's not crazy, and you will get over him. Sounds like his ex had some doubts about him, too, or she wouldn't have called you. I still think about my ex and just tell myself to stop it if I find myself getting aggravated or hurt and starting to wallow in it, but that happens less and less. We can't control other people's behavior. We're both too old to put up with deceit and emotional immaturity. I have been honest with myself, too. Did I overlook red flags? Yes. Did I put up with things that bothered me? Yes. I'm sorry that happened to you. I know how it feels. 🌷
...those red flags Paula - I dipped them in chocolate and rolled them in sprinkles!
@@paulatripodi3989glad to know I’m not the only 60-ish woman who is still dealing with world of dating and relationships! It’s exhausting
@@denisecameron3406😂😂I can definitely relate...
"It's about HOW he handled it."..
Amen!!!!
Thank you!!!!!
When I gave my heart to a man who didn't value me, nor did he know what true love was, I realized he was a "Teacher" who showed me how little I valued/respected myself. If I had the self- worth/self-respect I do now, my INTOLERANCE would have kicked him to the curb. Lesson learned. I feel Catrina should write a "closure" letter or email so she can close her heart finally. He doesn't deserve a face-to-face conversation. Worthiness grows EVERY TIME we act on our own behalf in kind, loving, supportive, protective ways, we BUILD our self love, self worth, self respect, and self confidence!!! Some day Catrina will look back and smile knowing she graduated from being treated LESS than what she deserves. As her worthiness grows, her decisions will leave her with little to no regret. Thank you Mel for all of your unedited wisdom!!!
Beautiful..your writing helped me alot..thank you❤Wow! Sending best to you..ty
He did her a huge favor. Sweet, beautiful, smart girl deserves much better than he had to give. I hope she'll be able to see that someday. He doesn't deserve a second thought.
This just happened to me with my husband of 16 years. 2 young kids and I have been a stay at home mom. Yes... He told me he felt disconnected and like a roommate - and when he suddenly left, I was in complete shock. Listening to Mel, he is a boy and not a man... He never sat me down for a real heart to heart. I was lost in the fog of parenting young kids and he did little to get through to me. I'm devastated but collecting my strength. Thanks for a great video!
Single parenting is hard. This happened to me too. My child is now 19yrs old and I look back and realize even though there were some rough times, I was a different person when I married him. I was not good at recognizing my feelings like Mel is helping this client with. I pushed the feelings down so I hope you can reflect and see that his mistreatment of you was your sign. Not helping you with the kids, not being there for you. That’s not a marriage, that’s a prison. I wish you blessings and love and light in the future♥️🙏🙏
I feel Great Sadness for this gal…
The unsettling fact is….
This World isnt abundant with mature individuals just waiting to be found.
In fact, I suspect, she held on to this man understanding the Mormans work hard to raise respectable individuals. After he cheated on her, you can’t tell me, she wasn’t contemplating other options. Apparently, he may have been the Best she had found, to date.
She’s heading into one of the Top 10 professions that narisstistic people gravitate too…
She’s actually going to be incased in immaturity. Yes, she’s strong and has a Bright and probably lonely future in front of her.
@@gretchencline5124I feel for you girls... it seems like almost being a single parent already even when the guy is around physically 😢
Your a mom, you can accomplish anything!❤
Sorry your husband was so immature.
Exactly what you said keep repeating it..he was a boy not a man!!! The maturity levels were not compatible..i wish you strength and Love❤
I’m going through a horrible breakup, my heart is so sore. Mel’s voice calms me down ❤
How are you feeling now?
@@danielaarana5624 I am feeling a million times better! It’s been 2 months since the breakup, enjoying single life and living on my own and doing what I want to do. My ex has been in touch, really wants us to get us back together, but the time apart has made me realise I no longer want that. Wishing all the best things in life for you, merry Christmas x
I’m also curious how you’re feeling now?
@@amberadams139 All is well and Im feeling good. I was with my partner for 6 years, we lived together, i moved across the world to be with him so I was properly invested. My heart has healed so much, I made daily voice memos of how I was feeling and getting all my thoughts out in an uncensored way. That really helped, and I kept busy with the gym, work, friends, making plans for my single life (joined lots of ‘female solo travel’ groups on Facebook lol!). The crying stopped by week 3, and I started to embrace single life and living alone. While my ex pulled the rug from under me in a very sudden and unexpected way (while I was off sick from work on stress leave), it turned out to be a very good thing. After a month of no contact he reached out, and has stayed in regular contact since, he is very keen for us to reunite. But my heart has healed, I feel better than I did in the relationship - and what we had is no longer what I want. Wishing you all the best if ur going thru heartbreak, you will get through it, it might well be the making of you, I’ll be rooting for you ❤️
I'm going through the same. You'd think I'd be over it, my husband left in September and it's now January. I knew it was ending months before but the actual leaving part is horrible especially since we just moved so I am essentially alone. I need podcasts like these that to help me through.
Catrina, give your self the credit you deserve!!! You’re attractive, bright, young,and healthy ❤! Bottom line: you won and HE LOST! Perhaps you don’t see it that way at the moment. Eventually and with the help from Above, you will get what you deserve which is the very best❤!
Absolutely agree. Her ex does not deserve her and I hope she moves on and stays away from him
My heart hurts and I’m treated like a POS and I don’t care anymore
I dated someone for 10 years. We had lots of good times and lots of not so good times. I am as grateful for the not so good times because I learned so much from them. Take the lessons, experience the pain and allow it to move through you. Breakups hurt. But that’s okay because pain is a part of the human experience.
Trust me, you do not want to marry someone who doesn’t truly want to be with you. HE FREED YOU!!
I’ve been happily married to the love of my life for 22 years. We have had up times, we have had downtimes. Ultimately, we keep choosing each other. You want that…. You do. ❤❤❤
Katrina is so lovely. Honey you will find a man who deserves you. You are worthy Katrina. You are putting him on a pedestal. Put YOU on the pedestal. You have everything going for you. I absolutely want to hug you Katrina. You will do great things in life and you will have a man who wants to show you off! And treat you as you should be treated
The man will find her she doesn't even have to look!
Seriously, This Guy Nick… Sounds Like Such A Goofy. She’s A Successful Goddess Who Deserves Love & Respect.. Nick, If You See This; You Lost The Prize, Boss
Mel, you have such a beautiful combination of: wisdom, compassion, hilarity, perception, heart, courage, authenticity, heart. Thank you! ❤🙏🏻
Factz
I agree Shauna!!
Being a woman is the greatest feeling in the world, I feel strong and I want other women to feel the same. Work hard don’t let others push you down and never let a man make you feel like you don’t belong in this world. Be leaders, be great make a change. I did the following step below to get to the top:
Y’all need to know this. A well-known podcast ROCHELLE DUNGCA-SCHREIBER in the US taught me how the rich don’t teach how to achieve success. They seek the ideas of Fin. Consultants to help grow their finance!
To achieve success, a Financial consultant is needed to achieve it. I engage in a variety of investments with the ideas of my consultant and have acquired great returns so far. (the amount is confidential).
The closure is something we have to find within ourselves. We cannot expect that someone who broke us will fix us with what we consider the closure.
Mel, you are tremendous. This episode was better than 1.5 months of counseling I needed after I ended a year long relationship with what I now know is a narcissist. Wow-this is gold.
I Agee ! Golden !
Study up! They’re everywhere.
1. No contact is goal #1
2. If no contact would not serve your situation, grey rock. Don’t react; keep communications short and sweet.
3. Mindfulness and therapy is not a cure-all, but will help you stay calm in intense situations.
4. Keep/start pursuing your interests.
How do you know he is a narcissist? Narcissists with full personality disorder only affects 0.5-5 % of the entire population. Are you sure he had npd or maybe just narcissistic traits which we all have?
@@mariaagosti-pm7tklol…. Why you on here questioning people’s realities? If someone is at the point where we’re in this comment section of this video, there’s a good chance that we weren’t just dumped, but we were dumped by someone who’s a “chicken shit”. There’s a good chance that person is a cluster b. Mine was a borderline. No object constancy. No object permanence. Little to no empathy. No sense of self. And on and on. It’s having been with cluster Bs that makes us desperate for answers and closure that aren’t coming.
@@Inequities People can have borderline traits and NOT be diagnosed with borderline personality, and thats just facts. You can score very high on the borderline scale but sometimes its not enough points so they can make a diagnosis so then it is often borderline traits but not a full diagnosis, I am saying to be careful because a persons behavior can be affected by a comorbidity of many other health disorders and as long the person didnt tell you they have borderline or have been diagnosed, YOU DONT KNOW. Also, it is not relevant, yes, it may explain certain behavior, but at the end you shouldnt care so much about their diagnosis, but why you stay with a person that mistreats you. I dont say it didnt happen, but what is more important is what YOU are doing with your life now, knowing this person might have a diagnosis, but you have to move forward because dwelling on this topic holds you back, yes, it helps for you to explain certain things, but at one point you have to ask yourself what you can do to not find yourself back in a similar situation and how you can move forward.
This CD has three separate relaxation/meditation sessions on it ruclips.net/user/postUgkxzpa8CIfZcihW4Z0F_ja0QF3W9KIatrsq guided by a very pleasant and direct male voice. Unlike so many other products of its type, this CD does not have bad synthesizer music, does not feature a phony or affected style of narration, and does not make any bogus claims to be subliminal or to re-train the brain or any of that balderdash. What you get is 1. a guided meditation for getting into a pleasantly relaxed state of body awareness while taking a stroll (superb for those easing back into a fitness routine slowly after an illness or injury) 2. A nice long breath-awareness relaxation session that if followed diligently can put you into very deep states of full-body relaxation and mental calmness, and 3. a buddhist-inspired meditation session designed to help you develop and maintain feelings of loving kindness toward not just yourself and your friends, but toward people you don't even like. The CD makes no claims to be designed for advanced meditators or for buddhists or hindus/yoga practitioners looking for very deep and esoteric stuff. It is geared more toward the average person who just wants to develop the habit of relaxation and stress relief through natural, healthy means. him, if you happen to be reading this, keep up the good work fella, and I love your accent. I would also like to note that I have never fallen asleep while listening to this product. I would like to kindly suggest to the reviewer who said this CD makes him fall asleep, that he might want to get checked to see if he has a sleep disorder, or if he is simply not setting aside ample time for restful sleep at night. A healthy person getting adequate rest at night should be able to go into deep states of mental relaxation without dozing off, if not all the time, then most of the time.
Its so true....its how the breakup is done. The DISRESPECT just sucks the life out of you. I had read if you never get true remorse from the violater.....it never goes away.
This is helping me so much. My story for the younger ladies: in my 20’s my then boyfriend dumped me suddenly - we didn’t have cel phones back then so at least people had to have a breakup conversation back then! I was so devastated and pined over him and (stupid I know but I was young) kept calling him and we ended up getting back together a year later.
Fast forward 22 more years - we had gotten married, supported each other in growing our careers, had a child, bought a house. I thought he was my soulmate and best friend and that first year was something we worked through. Then he did THE SAME DAMN THING. I found out he had a whole girlfriend/fiancée and had it all figured out how we were getting divorced and he had this whole new life planned for himself. I literally had no clue, and it has taken a long time to work through the feelings of betrayal and hurt.
She is honestly lucky he ghosted her now while she is still young enough to learn from this and find someone who will be a partner, instead of finding out many years later.
The cheating early in the relationship is a big red flag 🚩 I would never take back a cheater again.
I’m hurting so bad watching this. I, too, was dumped by a boyfriend at age 25. We dated for six years, gave shitty excuses, promised he’d think things through and would come back to me. He never even said “Hey, forget that thing about me coming back”. But I waited around for years. I watch Katrina and and see a strong woman. I was a scared, co-dependent woman with narcissistic parents, little support and a huge heartbreak. 20 years later, I wish I had 1% of the guts and determination of this young woman.
Wow, this resonates. Married for 28 years and my husband left me for a heavy equipment operator at work. I was broken… I thought. Some very dark and hard times where I considered ending life for a brief time. I knew something had to change! I started therapy for about six months and I had to admit some very hard things to myself. I felt worthless when he left. But I will not be beat, ever. I learned in therapy that I am resilient and I deserve better from a partner. I have my MBA, have a well compensated job, a great group of close friends, an awesome family, and a wonderful daughter who is my best friend as a grown woman. Feeling worthless was the hardest thing to overcome. I know that he has had some very serious struggles and I would never want those things for him but I have got to move on with my life. I remember my therapist told me, stop asking him for an answer. If he gave you an answer, you wouldn’t believe him because he has proven he is a liar. I struggle with being afraid that my heart won’t be open to anyone in the future because I get upset even thinking of someone entering my life. I just am not in that place right now. I’ve lost over 100 lbs, cut my hair, and started new hobbies. Life is off in a great direction! Mel is new for me and she is awesome! Enjoying her videos.
Sounds like you're thriving.
I love how Mel states that you need to change your story… he WASNT everything you thought you wanted when he cheated and broke up like a chicken sh*t. She’s right!
When said something along the lines of “If you’re battling between how you feel about someone and how someone makes you feel, you gotta make decisions with how someone makes you feel.”
Now I know why I am still heartbroken thinking back of my first love as a teenager: because I was tossed aside like a piece of garbage, and somehow it still is hurting even 40 years later. I wished I had listened to this when I was 18. I would have understood so much more.
I was ghosted by my first love way before ghosting was a thing. He turned up like a bad penny 5 years later and I saw him again! By that time we had both been married, divorced and I had a young daughter. He figured that we could just pick up where we left off, but I was no longer in love with him, no longer attracted to him and I rejected him. I wasn't trying to hurt him or get even, that's honestly how I felt. When someone hurts me, or betrays me like that... I can forgive them but I never forget.
Don't feel bad. Millions of boys and girls go through that same thing. 🤦♀️
I’m feeling the same thing Sonja,You aren’t alone.
This is my story exactly and it sounds like yours too!
Teenage love and it’s been 40 years for me too and I still think about him and wonder, even though he threw me to the curb and lied and manipulated me for another 2.5 years after the “break up.” There are triggers.
I love how her energy changed, her face changed when she took charge. Her voice and expression transformed when she owned her power. Strong!
Rehearsing what to say or do is crucial. When my ex showed up at work I was stunned. Never in my wildest imagination did I expect to see him again. He was a user and abuser. Instead of saying what I should have said, I went into playing the nice girl. I was so taken back I couldn’t think. Now I regret that I didn’t handle it better, because that was my chance to speak my voice.
What a bright, articulate and gorgeous young woman. She is a catch for sure.
She's so beautiful
You are worth so much more girl! Change is needed, take the jump, and never look back. What you want is waiting. Shut the door to this man, another one is waiting to truly love you.
Right . She romantized this relationship so much that she has to know she deserves better .
Don't throw pearls to the pigs. They won't know any better. Hugs, girl, you're a pearl ❤
Wow!! You are so right.
God it’s so good to hear this from someone else. Been there done that. Girl! You’re amazing, beautiful, smart, educated, courageous woman! Go and explore life, the whole world is ahead of you. I’m 38 and I’m about to get back to exploring and enjoying, after being discarded by a man I loved ore than anything. After I found out he’s been cheating on me, living with another woman for 2 years. With her kids. At the same time asking me to move in to Norway with him, and planning marriage, kids etc. Go, girl, go, and never look back at him. His loss. You deserve better. You deserve a man who knows who’s he wants, who knows how lucky he is to have you, and who wants to spend lifetime exploring the world with you. Sending you love ❤️ ❤❤
got my heart broken about a year and 3 months ago, healed and moved on, and now here I am again...
15 mins into this video and I'm in tears. I have been holding onto emotions from a breakup for 2 years. I think about him constantly...things remind me of him daily and I'm trying so hard to get over him...
Thank you Mel for this video
So am I. You're not alone.
you´re not missing him, you´re missing the feeling that he gave you. big difference. dont chase the fantasy
Same here. Still looking for my soulmate 😢
I have to tell you that the young lady's story is mine. Only it happened to me 35 years ago. And repeated a few more times after that. I'm currently writing a book about this, and the heartbreak was the catalyst for all that was to come next. My story takes many interesting "twists and turns", that all led me into a journey of the self, and to the realization about many unusual esoteric things. I would love to get her a copy of it when it's ready, but I can assure your listeners that there's way more to the ending of these relationships than what meets the eye, and that it's all part of the divine plan. What also strikes me is how beautiful and wonderful this young lady is - and what's happened to her is just a "closed" door. She's being re-directed into something so much better and greater. I'm "64" now, and even though we're living in a different time, these same situations have always operated. One day she'll consider herself "lucky" for this!!
I want your book! How do i find it?
10 days ago I was left by a woman in her 40's who ended the relationship because of PTSD from her first marriage when she was 19. Instead of managing her internal emotional state, she let her house fall into disarray (mouse poop everywhere in the basement, moths eating her clothes, 6 month old cat litter from a cat that passed away, etc.) and committed her entire free time to playing video games. Even knowing all that and what a bullet I dodged, I still loved her and miss her very much. In the aftermath I have fully invested in my health, eating better and exercising, and my spiritual life, reconnecting to God, and spending time with friends I long neglected. There's still a piece of me tethered to her, and I will forever feel that, like it or not. But my life goes on.
@Daniel Miller, hopefully in time, if you wish to, your ex will allow a platonic friendship. It sounds like something that could be a source of support for her, and hopefully when she is healed, can be a source of support for you as well. From your brief post, you sound like a decent guy.
My boyfriend just left me (4 days after purchasing a 10 day thailand scuba retreat for both of us and going furniture shopping for the home he just bought to start our “dreamy new life together in.” Last week i was the love of his life. This week i am disposable. He too blamed PTSD from his divorce 3 years ago. Said that was the sole reason, but it just doesn’t seem possible that anxiety would make you no longer want a future with someone you have been so adamant about moving forward with. I feel crazy. Like I hallucinated our whirlwind loving relationship. I’m heartbroken 💔
@@littlelam3691he sounds like a narcissist - look into it … they do that .. put you on the clouds and the completely ignore and reject you leaving you confused and hurt. Run away as fast as you can from this charming demons
This life is quicker than you could ever imagine. Don't wait until you're having health problems and are too tired to do things you know are right.
I wish everybody reading this the absolute best life!
❤ thank you 💕
You’re so right… life is so short, try and not waste any of it ruminating over a lost love, try and accept it’s over and move on… don’t live in the past, I’m trying so hard to take my own advice, hopefully, one day I’ll get through it without a thought of my narc ex husband of 37 years, then I’ll know I’ve healed.
She is young, smart, with grand achievement.
Drop the past dream that was never good enough for you on so many levels... is the reason he was a coward & if u hadn't been dreaming and busy with studies then u would have seen past his hesitation. Him blaming the Church is just an excuse to make him appear validated. The blessing here is now u see the truth about him, thank God u didn't marry him and find out at 45 or 50 with 3 kids... make a positive new life where ever u call home. Your parents are every proud of you for growth and positive change. Doesn't mean u will never see them again, holidays & special events are in your future with honesty for your own self Love.
Please don’t ever stop making these videos. Empowering and breaking open that shell most of us been hiding in for years. This is amazing
What I love about Mel's interaction with this woman is the importance of holding the bad boy accountable for how he handled it. Most people wouldn't care to give this feedback. It gives him an opportunity to hear what he did wrong. I'm going through this, and will be meeting with "him" this summer.
This is what I call communication! Every woman should have a friend like Mel, who is kind and firm at the same time. I know how this girl feels, it is terrible, but the pain comes to an end eventually. Katrina, you will get through it, and I'm sure much better things are waiting for you. I wish you all the best!
It's hard when you love someone so much and they shit on you and they don't care, that's hard to deal with, I am dealing with it, you can't get it out of your mind
me too
I found acceptance of a divorce with my husband when I really believed that I don’t want to be with someone that doesn’t want to be with me. We remain good friends because I’ve come to acceptance of it. It’s a much better relationship now. I don’t hope for getting back together as I’m now doing things I may not have done married to him.
This was right on time for me! The man in my life for seven years broke up with me very abruptly last week. He did it after he went out drinking and then hung up on me so that he didn’t have to hear how it made me feel. I did not see it coming because we had several events planned that included family. Listening to this absolutely gave me a new perspective about myself, and the relationship itself. I won’t be running into him, but I’m definitely using this for the next time he calls or send a text message. Thank you so much… God bless you!
I feel for her because I’ve been there so many times. It hurts now but she’ll look back and be sooooo amazed at her old self because she won’t feel the same!!
I can totally relate to this story, and I've only watched the first 12 minutes of it.
I'm taking a leap of faith myself.
From West to East. Ten days from today.
I finally decided to let other " adults" manage and live their own lives.
I have wasted enough time already. I also have a professional career, Aerospace/Aviation FAA Licensed and certified Engineer, 17 yrs. Those you do the most for appreciate it the least.
Enough is enough,life is, too short. I'm now 62
What ta h....happened to my life?
God 🙌
Don’t worry about your parents! Don’t worry about him .. practice the “let them theory ” that Mel practices! Let him leave your mind and heart! You’ll find someone else eventually!! And be happier than you ever were!! Good luck
My worst was not listening to my own voice. I journal and found that I wrote to end my relationship on 9/2020 and did not break it up till 12/2022. All because I dod not trust my gut. I promised my self to never not trust my gut again and stay focused. ❤ Thx Mel!
I did the same. Many gifts about myself I would not of looked at because I didn’t listen to my gut. Pain and grief then looking at my side of my personal issues to secure my own security with myself. Facing why I allowed myself to be in a trauma bonded relationship with a narcissist. Biggest lesson I needed to face for my own personal freedom.
The timing of this was sooooo perfect. I needed to hear this. Thank you!
I totally understand her pain, frustration, and anger. My gf dumped me 4 months ago, no explanation was given. Slowly putting myself together.
hey bro It sounds like your situation was just like mine. my girlfreind dumped me before 5 months after a 2 year of relationship without any explaination. first 2 months after breakup is fells like hell because she is in my mind every minute not a minute every second she is in my mind but after 2 months its get easier and easier day by day and now i rarely miss her but that time i was thinking that I'll never get over this but time heals every thing.
acceptance take time like if you had a 5 year relationship you would take 6-8 months (or more) but you have to give atleast 6 months to accept things and to get over her thoughts but one day you will. just wait
tips -(1) dont get into in another relationship or looking for rebound because this rebound shit doesnot work for men in rebound we still miss that bitch. rebound might work on womens but not on us (experience) just give time to heal yourself alone
(2) acceptance takes time atleast 6 months
@@abhidahiya6097 First, I like to thank you for your message and sorry for what you went through as well. You are 100% correct, the thoughts of her slowly disappearing from my mind, and more importantly, I finally can see where things went wrong. Now I've been hitting the gym hard, BJJ, boxing and so on. Never again ill allow this to happen to me, I keep telling myself that this was a blessing and painful life lesson. All of us will find someone better, as long as we improve ourselves.
Katrina’s response to her ex if she runs into him was 🔥🔥🔥. The way she worded it sounds like she is a lawyer! 💯💯💯
I'd probably just ignore him like he didn't exist. That would probably go up his a** that he wasn't as important to her as he thought.
I am a grown up man, and I was crying while listening to this. Mel said everything that has to say that I could not otherwise put words to. Her words truly pierces the feelings that I’ve been keeping for the last 3 years since my break up. Thank you for this!
❤Oh my God Mel ! I needed this !
And I'm 60 .about to make a huge move ! No regrets !😂
I’m 49 and so mad at myself for being heartbroken and betrayed like a teenager.
Saaaasame here!!
It happened to me too at 49. Sending love ❤
It happened to me at 44 and I hated myself because it was my first major heart break. That was 3 years ago. It took almost 2 years for the pain to stop. But it did and I am grateful that God freed me. Looking from a distance, I realize I was slowly dying. I hope you are ok❤
Love energy to you. I am 48 and in the same place. We have to open our minds and our hearts to the future free of someone who didn’t value us.❤
Girl what can I say .. if only I could have heard this 35 yrs ago!!
10 pre marriage years and 25 now!!!
Gone through a fare share and enduring with my exit plan..
I sold my self short big time .
Earlier the better….LET GO! Slap on my face. Thank you Mel…❤
This remember me a Mel's short in which she says Let them
If your friends doesn't invite you to an activity, let them...
If your family shuns you and doesn't talk to you, let them...
Let them, and reclaim your power...
This is such a great podcast for anyone in their twenties. Its an important decade of life to learn about yourself. I wish this podcast was around 20 years ago so that my younger self could hear it; but I know I am listening now and that’s what is important for me. Thank you Mel. Blessings to Katrina 🤗
There are several life lessons here ..not only about relationships. Trust your gut!!
Never ever have I watched any podcasts from anyone at all. Nor was I ever into them. But I’m so invested and I will continue to watch these.
Just like a lot of us women , we depend on men to give us value, but once we start educating ourselves in reference to our self worth it would be easier to walk away from those who don’t value us,
🙌🏽💯
How I wish I’d had this told to me at her age. I’m 54 and going through the same thing after a 13 year relationship. Hearing that it’s not the “what” but the “how” is powerful. I was with a bonafide loser yet still gave him the keys to my worth. I won’t get over the pain today, but I’m now reframing my thought patterns and know that I will get over it in a more healthy time and way now. Thank you, Mel!
This hits home hard. My current bf of 4.5 years, didn’t know how to love, and reacted poorly in our last exchange a month ago. We did not explicitly end things, but it felt like that, feels like my world fell apart. Mel said we must let go to move on, the struggle is not being able to let go when you love someone deeply.
You can just try and let go by being courageous and have strong belief that if you are meant to be together, you will be. Universe will bring you together.
And being fearless and knowing your worth and showing to a man that you are not scared of loosing him will totally reverse his way of treating you and looking at you.
Ignore him for sometime, go travel somewhere, focus on you.
Same exact story with me. 6 yrs. with someone and broke up with me on vacation the last week of June. Told me I should leave. My heart sunk. 💔 I actually didn’t believe that would be the last time I saw him. There was no warning. Im devastated. I wasn’t given time to prepare for it. 😪.
I went through this my whole life since I was 18 everytime I left home something horrible would happen to my mom. I felt responsible, I felt if I left she would die. She almost did when I left multiple times. I gave up most of my life. I felt in a no win position because I wanted my mom alive, but I also wanted a life. It really screwed me up. The weight I carry on my shoulders, I felt every decision I made carried so much weight, litterly life and death. It's given me a lot of anxiety and depression.
You are going to grow in ways beyond which you can imagine. Hang in there and make the move.
Oh Mel you so right about self worth. 24 yrs married ,married him twice. Cheating,social media addiction, narc/addict. New supply Gold gym.
Took me 6 months ,trauma based therapy,meditation. Oh my girl RUN! No closure . Heal your heart girl,he did not respect someone of your caliber.
We became their caregivers that’s all. I’m 72 yo & I’ll be damned if the life I was living with him is my final story.
Heal your heart & look forward to a new city. Authentic people are our there. I thank god everyday for my friends & this community.
this was the very finial kick that I needed to get over my heartbreak. This mind shift from I`m not enough to this MF er is selfish and disrespectful. It is not even my fault. I love you Mel! and thank You
Thank you. I gained the missing piece I needed to try and make sense of a situation I was so confused and conflicted about. I am 54 and a year ago my boyfriend of 14years, after treating me badly for a long time and refusing to discuss it, disgaured and ghosted me. This session has been huge for me. I no longer feel shame. I didn't deserve to be treated that way, no one does.
Dam, it really hits home to find that our situations and negative emotional experiences are so universal. I have been struggling with a seperation after 26 years, and have been hanging on to hope for someone who just gave up on me, treating me like i no longer exist, and took the cowards way out! Thanks Mel.
Me too after 16 years - dealing with the same thing. Trying to realise he didn’t treat me well, narcissistic behaviour and blamed me for everything that ever went wrong. I can’t be responsible for all of that. It’s very sad for me and I am trying to process the loss of the marriage- this podcast was actually very empowering and helpful. I hope you work through what you need to. Seek friends and try and take it a day at a time like me xx
@@dmh2780 Thank you! I appreciate your kind words. I also was blamed for everythning, but what I came to realise was all of those negative perceptions she dumped on me, were only the reality of her own insecurities. Keep your head high, you deserve to be valued and loved!
Know your worth!
She’s so pretty and have so much going on for her. God has better for her! I know what she is going through and it sucks. I’m learning to accept it as lesson learned and ready to enjoy my life and receive what God has for me. ❤
Its so sad, a broken heart later in life still feels like the 16 year old first love heartbreak..but we know what it is.
It’s hard to heal in the same place where you were broken.
Make the move while you're still single and have no children. Your a beautiful young woman.God Bless you
0:20: 💔 Katrina seeks advice on making a life-changing decision after a breakup.
5:39: 💔 The speaker is considering moving away from Indianapolis after a breakup, but also feels called to leave for personal growth reasons.
11:26: 🔥 The speaker encourages X to let go of her ex-boyfriend and focus on her own growth and self-worth.
17:52: ✨ The speaker reflects on her past relationship, realizes she deserves better, and plans to confront her ex.
22:38: 😊 The speaker is grateful that the relationship ended and plans to move to a new place for personal growth.
28:06: 💪 In life, it's important to run toward something powerful rather than away from something.
33:07: 💡 Let go of what's holding you back, take ownership of your actions, communicate openly, and trust your intuition.
38:41: ✨ When something ends, it's because something better is coming. Change your story from heartache to the lesson learned.
42:53: ❤ The key to making decisions is to prioritize how someone or something makes you feel, and to choose based on what is in your heart rather than fear.
Recap by Tammy AI
I love you too , Mel.
"You need to change your story" I have been justifying and speaking to protect someone that when I speak the truth, (its even hard to type) just isn't a good person to me, and doesn't love me as I love them and as I deserve to be loved. Thank you Mel.
I like how Mel was so raw and blunt.
I freaking love you Mel....thank you for empowering this young lady.
I love Mel. She’s the big sister I never had but I’m grateful to have discovered. Thank you for sharing your wisdom Sis ❤
I've been in the same situation. It'll be hard at first, maybe the first 2 months will be tough. But trust me, once you gain your power back, and once you realize what ur worth and value is? You will feel like ur finally getting ur freedom!😊 as Mel said, if its not love, its a lesson. 💯🔥 I actually realized too that breaking up with my ex-gf, or being rejected was actually a blessing from God. After the breakup, everything was going my way. Finances, opportunities and other blessings coming into my life.😊 and I actually said thank you to her for making that decision the last time we had a conversation.😊 her loss and not mine. 😎🔥 never chase and will never let anyone take my power back. Learned from the lesson, and will never ignore red flags moving towards new relationship.😊☝️💯🔥
This gives me hope 🙏🏻
@@crazyanimeloveable you will get over it. ☝️🙏💯
Learning about attachment styles will change your relationships and life.♥️
I ended a 4 year engagement in December and I have done a lot of reflection. I was so good to her and was painting red flags green thinking I was being loving. What an amazing lesson and grieving process. Great video. Gotta love Mel!! 😎
She is too good for him. She is not only amazing, but also beautiful.
42:50 how you feel about someone is totally different than how that person makes you feel. Focus on how they made you feel. Great advice.
She’s gonna meet some serious big boys in her new career . They will love her. Go girl! Well done Mel ! Love from a dad of 3 in uk 👌🥰
When you look back on any relationship it always comes down to the difference in what happened vs what you wanted and letting go of that and accepting what is.
Mel, hearing this podcast may have given me the courage i need to end my marriage. He cheated and left me when our son was 10 months old. I was shocked and heartbroken. We had gone through 4 years of IVF. After a few months i felt like i was planning a great future for myself and our son. Then he wanted back in. I took him and things were amazing. Like the good old times. We were talking a lot and having fun. But it didnt last long and he has become distant and uncaring. I know what i need to do. But, knowing i have to give up part custody of our son breaks my heart. Im also grieving for the future i thought we had. He is different now. So am i.