Just what I needed to hear. I am only into 20 minutes and realise that you are talking to me - yes, to me! Haha - and listened to you regularly, Mel and I appreciate you so much and thank you so much for the time you give and I hope Chris and your family are able to understand how much you are giving to them where you can n I will try to do better where I can from learning from all of you who devote time for us
Mel - just wow! Thank you for showing up in such a positive, vulnerable, and relatable way. We all are struggling with one thing or another. To your point, we also are beating ourselves up over it. What a powerful moment to realize how our behavior is impacting our relationships - including the one with ourselves - and practical advice on how to channel that energy back in powerful, profound ways. Thanks for the laughs, crys, and honest come to Jesus moments. Love sharing your content to bring others joy and peace as well as the new found label of, "I'm a huge fan girl of Mel Robbins." Cheers, Sarah
If they wanted to, they would. That hit home. We want to believe someone is hurting or disappointing us because they are confused, distracted, heartbroken. Nope. They are doing exactly what they want to do.
@@lorivybihal5385praying for you. Sometimes (and I’m not saying this is your situation) even if you think you are the only person who can do it, you may not need to do it FOR YOU. You are important as well.
@@lorivybihal5385, you get to be uncomfortable either way. Which discomfort do you choose? Define your reasons for which discomfort you choose. And then, you can have your back with liking your reasons for the discomfort. Life is, too often, full of these "sh*t option 1 vs sh*t option 2" decisions.
Best (two part) quote I’ve ever heard in my life: “You have to meet people where they are”. The more powerful part of that is “Just because you meet people where they are, does not mean you have to surrender to how they operate”
For me, I will 100% admit that I'm done trying for my oldest sister. That I am making a choice to keep her out of my life. She's 10 years older than me and I realized I've been abused emotionally for 28 years. I realized I would climb mountains for her while she gave me crumbs. She hasn't changed, but I have and nothing got better for me in her my relationship. So when me saying "stop treating me like a punching bag." Was ignored and instead, she'd rather believe her own lies, I am now healing and accepting, I can't save people from themselves. But I did the best I was capable of at the time. My wanting to go above and beyond doesn't make me a bad person. But I do need to stop sacrificing my needs over other people's wants.
@@cko8643 Thank you! I am thankful even now. After separating with her, I finally after years of trying to get pregnant, be welcoming my baby girl in March. She won’t have to experience my sister in her childhood.
@Sara Fox I totally get it. I’m done having my feelings treated like a toy she can put on a shelf or break. That’s not how humans work. Accepting despite going against my families wants that I’m done and I’m okay they want to play her games, but I don’t and won’t anymore.
I cannot believe this post. I am going through almost exactly the same thing. My sister is also ten years older than me, and has recently gotten very sick. She seems to think that this is an out to use me as a punching bag. I have tolerated it now for thirty-five days and my patience have gone completely. Every time she gets me on the phone, I either get an insult a dig or a lie. My husband is furious, and said he cannot tolerate my change in character, which is only a reaction to her gasoline like digs. I wrote her an email telling her that I no longer want contact with her, she was making physically sick. Now I have found out that she has called all of my so called friends and told them her twisted version and of course some more lies.
@@leerubin4374 I'm sorry you're going through that. I get it in my own way. I live by this mindset now, "I want the best for everyone but it should never be at my expense." Do what's right for you. We can't help people who don't want help. Sounds like your sister just relies on the quick fix of verbally shitting on you to make herself feel better. A quick fix isn't gonna help her, but she sounds too self-absorbed to see that. You matter. Your marriage matters. We grow blood and cancer in our bodies. But we cut cancer out. Sometimes family members can be like that too, cancerous. You're not crazy nor being a bad person. You sound burnt out and at your limit. And I feel confident in saying, you probably kindly told her to stop many times and she didn't listen, so you're at your breaking point. I totally get it in my own way. It is hard, especially when dealing with enablers. Your true friends will ask your side and show their loyalty. And the people who were never truly your friend will take themselves out. It's hard and frustrating. I just want to let you know as a fellow baby sister, it is not your fault for trusting your big sister and being tortured into believing this was normal. It's not. We're people, not puppets.
One thing we do very poorly is supporting people with grief I hope grief is an exception to that boundary We as a society give people 2 weeks We have allot of broken hearts among us with zero support or compassion
One of my favorite things in living alone I can make decisions for myself. I met a few single guys and they told me what role they want me for. I disagreed with everything they said, and I did what i wanted without any of them.
I have ADHD & ASD (Asbergers). I just learned this about a year ago (I'm 73). Know what else I learned? I learned that most people are walking around with SOMETHING that interferes with them doing their best. I believe that people WANT to do the best they can, but often struggle to do so for any number of reasons. I learned to look at others and myself through a different lens & to stop judging & start forgiving. Excellent program, Mel. ❤
"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink" Thinking about this I had to just stop trying to solve everyone's problems that they don't want to solve but just want to complain about non stop. It's exhausting but some people just don't want to change and that's their business, not yours or mine. I loved this episode. ❤️
I think, too, this is my favourite episode. I had an aha moment! I already knew this to be true but to hear it the way Mel puts it resonates with me. I am always trying to gage myself around others personalities, expectations of me, others feelings. At the end of the day I have to be responsible for me and that entails 100% Thank you Mel. I could listen to you all night. xo
I'm making positive changes for myself. I became single, not by choices I made, I lost every close relationship I used to have. Now that I'm suddenly single with an empty nest, things have changed drastically, I recently lost my job. I'm doing a side business, finding my next phase of life. Embracing things, so many people don't talk to me much anymore. Thank you for your advice and stories from your own life, for being so honesty.
Every. Time. Every time I listen to Mel Robbins, I hear what I need to hear in that moment. It's amazing, the universe is talking to me through you, Mel! I love you ❤️
@melrobbins I can't express how VALIDATING it was for me to hear you sharing publicly about your experience with your dog, how HEALING it is for me to hear your story about finding ways to make ADHD life work for you and your husband, how EMPOWERING it is for me to hear you fully own your ADHD... I have been diagnosed with ADHD at 30, after a lifetime of struggle, shame, guilt, anxiety, depression, isolation, hiding, masking.... and it is *so* important and relevant to have this in the open!! It helps people like me immensely to look at their life-long helplessness from an empowering perspective! Thank you for your honesty, truth, authenticity and bravery! ❤️
One tip about wellness exams that my aunt taught me is to schedule them around your birthday so that you don’t forget. I am also surprised that your vet didn’t call or email to confirm your appointment. You can always ask them to send you reminders. Sometimes they send them in the mail or text.
I was in the park walking my dog and my thoughts keep interrupting me as I listened to your words. So I kept rewinding because I identified so much with your words. Thank you. Even though my dog Shilo has helped me with my feelings of loneliness, I am so happy I listened to your inspiring words ❤
This is awesome! And very true.. I am a trainer, I start work at 5 am , Monday thru Friday… I’m 51 years old… my husband does not usually enjoy working out… I’ve said nothing, and started going on hikes and walks on the weekends, also with our dogs, he asked to join me one morning and now we go together some Saturdays… it’s very true, you can’t change people, but you can certainly set a good example, like your channel Mel! Love your podcasts, keep them coming!..👍🙏💕❤️
I want to say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for being vulnerable and sharing how you have missed appointments. I have struggled with that all my life. The people in my past have always "poked fun" at me. They also have belittled me for not being better or being more like them. Which I now know is a part of my anxiety. Thank you for all your pod casts, I listen to them daily, and I am doing the work to become the best version of myself.
1.) Change hard 2.) Not up to you to change other people. 3.) Accept them for who they are. Wait. I wasn't looking to change anyone. I guess I was just looking for how to be less peeved about intersecting with their apparently mindless actions.
I love how real you are, Mel. Even if you know it could cause back lash, you still share for the betterment of the community. I think you will be surprised with how many GOOD comments you will get because you make us feel not so alone. You are relatable AF and THAT is why we keep coming back!🙌♥️
I absolutely love how open you are about your struggles and issues. You are so very relatable and I only wish we could have lunch every week. Thank you for being so honest and transparent. Much love ❤
Very good points. People bein people is what it amounts to. That is why I have become as anti-social as I possibly can. My friendship circle has been closed for sometime. I miss people, but I DON'T miss them also, if that makes sense.
This podcast absolutely smacked me in the face with the “oh hell ya, it’s not me and I deserve to be in a safe and non toxic environment that I can heal and find peace in!” I got a traumatic brain injury 2 yrs ago. I was off work for a year and my life and my “new norm” has changed how I respond to my environment including to noise, stress, visual input, fatigue and having to relearn how to do my job as a realtor which takes some serious cognitive skills but I’m a bad ass boss and I’ll come out better! But daily I have to continue to learn new ways to adapt to my internal and external world I now live in and find inner peace and external quiet to be able to continue to be productive, have an effective career and heal. I’ve been begging my husband to move to another quieter and safer area of town because we live on a main road and truck route in a big homeless area and my nerves and lack of ability to distinguish sounds is making my life feel like I’m living in constant fight or flight. We own 3 homes, 2 being rentals, and absolutely have the financial ability to move but he chooses not to do anything, just avert and make excuses. Hence, if he really wanted it he’d make it happen. Thank you for confirming this. He obviously doesn’t want to support his wife in sickness and in health so I’m out! I’ll be renting a nice house that meets my needs without him and get my health, life and career back on track for me! And find the peace and happiness I deserve. This will be hard but damn it I am worth it! ❤
WOW your vulnerability just blows me away. Thank you for sharing the incident with Chris. I often tell MYSELF to 'stop with the ADHD shit.' But time blindness is real. I can relate to your solution: make Chris the point person. At some point, I realize I can't fight the ADHD but I do have to address it. I think delegation is the key, but it's very hard to give up control.
You may be right with alot yet us ppl who have toxic family and are single suffer by trying to connect yet we don't have a mate, kids, extra money since living alone and don't drink or smoke. I can't keep holding all my friendships UP. IT IS WEARING.
Hello Mel! This topic sounds like my life. I was married for 22 years. I hold it together for everyone except for myself. I was very unhappy. I’ve now been divorced for five years and my ADHD has exploded. I didn’t know I had it in my previous life. I definitely know I have it now but I am happier. I’m dealing with it. I’m becoming a better person because I’m now aware. I allow myself to make mistakes. And some thing else. Very interesting is that I have a “Chris “in my life. He’s amazing. He has the patience of a saint. Thank you for sharing what’s going on in your life. I’ve spent my whole life trying to fix people. I’m not doing that anymore. It was a complete waste of my time and it made them angry with me.
WOW!!!! This was so valueable!!! My husband has ADHD as well and I could really relate with the yelling of your husband about the puppy... Same happppened here. We found a way to manage our daily life together. This podcast helps me A LOT! THanks so much, have a nice day everyone
Oh my goodness I just love you so much Mel! I have an ADD brain also and I marvel at the fact that I didn’t miss more doctors appointments ect when my kids were small! I just have to tell you how funny the universe is, I am actually listening to this podcast after doing my workout, I have been consistently working out for a few months now and my husband because of the crappy weather, not being able to golf or bike, has been doing the opposite not really moving much and I think I irritate him when I do! So this morning he was sitting on the couch as I was walking around with my weights and he looks at me and he says to me do you really need to walk with weights if your not training for a race? II started to argue then just continued with my workout because I KNOW he isn’t feeling great about not moving a lot at the moment AND then this is the podcast I chose ha ha! Love you have a great day everyone!
What draws me to you, Mel, is your transparency! I find myself nodding in agreement with these lessons. I am coming to a better understanding of myself. Like you, I didn't learn a lot of these things until my upper 40's. I love, love this podcast!
Mel, do you know how many people would love to be your assistant, to organize your day? Lots of retired people who need a purpose could volunteer or young people out of school who need experience and are struggling with the bs of their childhood, get someone. Ive been watching you since 2020 and you could accept help. Btw, I enjoy you and love you
You're so kind. She's just using that as another of 1 million excuses she has. First world rich people problems, oh you poor thing you had to move from your nice house in Boston to your rich house in Vermont? Call the wambulance!😫😭
Mel, thanks for not gradually leading the 3 points (forcing listeners to lengthening viewtime). Your so good and honest (and entertaining) listening to the end is naturally earned! BTW, I rarely make comments.
Mel, my sister is that person you are talking about. She “wallows” in her misery and complains to me regularly about it. My statement lately has been “Don’t tell me about it if you aren’t willing to do anything to change it. I love you, and you definitely deserve better, but you have to want things to be better and take those steps to change it. I deserve peace in my life”. She doesn’t like when I say this, and usually goes on a rant about how no one cares about her. Just like you said Mel. Waiting for the day when she makes that leap.💕💕
So relatable, Mel!!! And I struggle too with ADHD!!!! I swear it has gotten worse as I've gotten older! I am soo bad to forget to calendar, etc. You are most definitely not alone friend.
I have to add on to my previous comment because I am further along in the podcast. I have had a realization that I have been wishing my mother to change for most of my life. She loves me, we talk, but only if I arrange it or my Aunt who she lives with arranges our chat times. If I didn't call, weeks would go by. I am at home this past week recovering from surgery, the inner child in me wishes she would call to check in on me. She hasn't. I am in my early 50's but still wish my mom would take the time to reach out to me. I have got to STOP wishing that my mom would change, and accept her for who she is. I need to work on this!
That is so, so tough, and I feel for you. Similar, here, my mother was always self-centered, and now she has dementia, and accepting that my issues with her will never be resolved, is a step toward resolution in itself. I just repeat "love and compassion" when I get anxious, and try to direct some love and compassion toward ME.
Focusing on yourself and your self-improvement goals is not selfish or non caring towards others. It's like putting on the oxygen mask before you can be there to aid other people. Take care of you. Do not wait for permission to be granted from another human that you are worth your time. You're "worth it". You are. You are the most important person you have in your corner. Protect and improve you. Take care of you.😊❤
Thanks Mel, I am genuinely so grateful to you for making this podcast. It’s like I was blind and now I can see. It’s going to help me immensely in my relationship with my daughter, whom I’ve been judging, instead of loving her where she’s at. I just see the truth in all this now and I know I can change for the better. Thanks again for the work that you do. It really, really does make a difference to peoples lives. Much love, Cath X
Great video Mel. What a lovely busy life. Family, house, kids, pets, and this Pod Casts is full time. The things we go thru in life is messy and remembering everything that builds up and becomes overwhelming in life and simply life happens! You are such a great therapist, inspirational speaker who shares with us REAL life problems and gives us tools to use when we need them. We love and respect you. You show us just how normal you are. In life when tryng to be your best self things happen. Your heart ♥ is loving & kind and open and your Doggie knows your love. You gave us life long lessons today. You met this situation head on with character & intregrity. Thank You Mel. You demonstrated by example how to have compassion and approach a conversation with an open mind albiet a wounded heart, you showed us how with intent and your wisdom just how those tools work. Awesome!❤
Im absolutely blessed to have found you, Mel, and also Anna Runkle "The Crappy Childhood Fairy." You have both changed my life for the better. I hope you both get everything you deserve in life for the insight you're giving people ❤🎉
I love everything about this episode, and everything about the positive impact you’re creating with your podcast. I relate to you so much. Thank you Mel 💛
This right here....the dog barking on q...lmfao...so my life omg. "Do better." I would have started laughing. The reason I'm writing this comment is because the puppy story you shared....explained exactly why I love this channel. ❤️
I work as a in home care person. I am not a nurse. I do care for my people very much. One lady two year's later complaining the other neighbor ladies don't say Hi to her or invite her places. She complains all the time. She doesn't have mental difficulties! Sometimes it's hard to listen to. I am drained by the time I go. Thanks Mel Jennifer 😁
@@ThePossumone I am very kind to her. Yesterday I spent 4 unpaid hours at ER with her because I care. If I were to talk to her about she would be very offended. It would make things very awkward. Some days are very good. Jennifer
Hi Mel. You’re so honest, you refreshingly cut to the chase, and you share your message positively with humor. Truthfully, that’s an incredible gift as people retain 80-90% more when it’s taught with laughter- think about good comedians: the audience is attentive. Thanks for sharing your life’s lessons with Chris with us. He seems pretty cool and so are you. Great podcast. Thank you and happy holidays. 💜
Mel… the only thing that I have for you is immense love and gratitude. I love your shows! I love everything that you teach me. But most of all, I really love you, since the first time I came across you. You and I sound to be so similar in so many ways. I dropped the ball, I forget…I also have A.D.D My husband’s family doesn’t like me and calls me lazy. My husband’s family said that I have changed my husband. My husband laughs about that, knowing the rule that you cannot change anyone. I only want to share, love and kindness, and good intentions with this world. I am HUMAN! I make mistakes like every single person. Forgive yourself, my dearest darling, Mel. You are a whole, perfect, and so wonderful in God’s eyes. Thank you for sharing all the messages you do with us. But your message here really struck a chord in me and I am only 34 minutes in😂😂😂 I need to clean my house now because I’ve kind of dropped the ball on that one. But I will do better. Promise 😂😂😂🎉🎉
Chris is the owner too, he can help get dog to the vet as well. My husband is forgetful at times, but it is not intentional. He is an amazing person otherwise. So I have learned to help him to remember, but with respect and love intact. You are good person, Mel. Don't sweat it.
They already had one dog that was Chris's responsibility because no one else took care of it, Mel promised him if he would let her get another dog that she would be completely responsible for it.
Hey, Mel. I'm not sure you have the time to read all the comments, as there are so many people trying to connect with you. My message to you is...... Your FRICKEN Brilliant and your gift is affecting me and helping move forward. My life is pretty OK but now It's becoming even better. A genuine heartfelt thank you. I love your openness, authenticity and the way you communicate. x
I don't take well to "orders" and "you should". Everyone thinks it's a character flaw and I am bull headed. It's nice to hear 97% of other people don't take to it either! Thanks Mel, and I love your books.
Love your stuff. I also just wanted to say that I feel we cannot put limits on peoples healing. If they are trying it is important to help but 6 months can be short depending on the trauma the received. I can’t say I wallow but I do have hard times as I try and do better but I have bad days. There are court dates coming up that have been ongoing for almost a year and putting a time limit would be difficult for me if people in my life did this. The trauma is still happening through court. Just my thoughts
Agreed. I’m in the early stages of a traumatic divorce and I can’t imagine my closest friends placing that limit on my grief and healing. I get what she’s saying BUT… nuance. This is when knowing the person you love is important.
Love ❤️ love ❤️ love ❤ all these beautiful suggestions, reminders and insights! You’re too cool for words and I especially enjoy the humility and transparency you possess. God bless you ❤🎉❤
I’m sending this to my husband! I’ve done a lot of work on myself and I’m at a place where I can let things go, I need reminding sometimes, but I accept people for who they are and I’m able to understand that not everyone sees life as I do. I can see that my husband judging and not accepting and wanting to change everyone holds him back so much and it consumes him. I hope that this helps in his journey of self discovery, if not … then I tried x thank you x
Mel, I stand at the counter and put the appointments in my calendar before I walk out. I set an alert on the calendar for the day before and an hour before. When it alerts me the day before, I set and alarm for an hour ahead the next day. I have had a terrible memory since I was 40. I am 73 now and this works for me.
I really needed to hear this today! Thaaank you, Mel Thank you for sharing your real life experience with us. Don't beat yourself up about the vet faux pas... we all make mistakes.
The Struggle is so real with my mother....i am 49 yrs old, rebuilding my life. She is content being miserable and pointing out other's faults and judging others. INCLUDING ME, her only living child. She has been like this my entire life. It's led to me never feeling 'good enough ', ever. My brother felt the same way and is no longer with us due to a 25 yr drug addiction. The loss of him and her loss of worrying constantly about him, has made her focus and judge me even more. I went through a difficult divorce 3.5 yrs ago and am working on healing from the trauma of a 20 yr marriage to a narcissist and in that, I've realized my mother is also a narcissist. I have a wonderful man in my life now but she just picks at him and points out faults to me. My dad tries to support me with non judgment but her influence sometimes gets to him and it hurts. This podcast is so helpful for me. I will never change her and i can just keep doing what I've been doing, accept her as is, love her but keep space between us. Her mother treated her coldly and i know she loves me and is doing the best she can. Her view of 'helping me' is just different than mine. TY Mel. I love you. ❤
I find that frustration towards others actually stems from a frustration with ourselves. We project our frustration with our own failings onto others. We must accept ourselves before we can accept others. We must be empathetic with ourselves before we can empathize with others. Where are you hating yourself? Where are you judging yourself?
Mel just started your podcast.You are so inspiring.How did you go from a lawyer to a self help guru.You are so real and unpretentious.You are so knowledgable.Thank-you so much for what you do for humanity 🙏🏼❤️
Absolutely love you, Mel. I'm so, so grateful for your honest and vulnerability. You are not a bad puppy mummy. Being imperfect doesn't mean you love them less. You're amazing, not just the puppy thing, you're amazing all round. xoxo
Mel, thank you for having the courage and humility to show your areas of challenge in this video. I think it greatly strengthens the presentation. Certainly make you one of the few I will consider returning to and following. Don't worry about the naysayers: as you probably know, negativity is usually some form of projection by folks who are least happy with themselves.
I ran to listen to this podcast as if I were being chased by a lion up a tree! I found myself (again) trying to ‘help’ my husband see the error of his ways in dealing with something that is frankly, none of my business. This always begins with me trying to assist him. And it always ends up with me insisting that he do it the ‘right’ way. I love you Mel….Once again you’ve saved me from myself. Thank you!
You sound just like me. I’ve been married for 6yrs. My 1st marriage & my husband’s 3rd. I am the queen of forgetfulness. He is great at reminding me of every appt. He has photographic memory, and I don’t. I don’t forget on purpose. He is so gentle with me. We all have our faults & none of us are perfect of coarse and I’m so glad he understands this about me with acceptance. ❤
This entire episode felt like it was just for me. I have changed a lot and it took some time to realize that I’m the one who is making changes and all my party friends are the same. I guess I was just so shook to see people stay the same and double down when something like the pandemic happened. Many never stopped partying and I did. I wanted them to do better and care about others. Now I remember that we met under the influence of many substances and it made me question every relationship I made during those times. It made me question my entire identity and with that comes growth and change. After this episode I realize I’ve been lecturing people and upset that they are the same then I try mad that I changed but I realize my energy and are so important to me and lectures on ppl who feel like brick walls not only pushed them away but made me lose respect for them due to my side bias. Thank you for this
I LOVED this! Like I've loved every episode! Thank you for showing up for us all! If you need some help with the calendar-issue, I am a ninja to make everything happen 💖
Your story confirms for me that when I said, "I'm trying!" and I was accused of not caring, that I was expressing the truth. It wasn't just an excuse or a deflection. What makes me sad still is that I dont have anyone in my life right now (I'm working on that, btw) that knows/cares enough to hear me say that and realize that I was asking for help. I've wasted too much time trying to get help from people helpers that aren't really people helpers. (Even though it's in or IS their job description.).
Wow. I really needed to hear this. I have been in the process of a lot of changes, one being my relationship to cannabis and alcohol. My husband is not currently in the same space as I am with it, as much as he claims to be. His actions and choices do not reflect it. I waste a lot of my energy pushing him to make the same changes, even though I claim I want him to make them for himself, not me. This podcast has given me so much to reflect on. My language and my boundaries, mostly. I am so grateful for this reflection. Thank you Mel! ❤️😊🙏🏻
I’ve been the enabler all life…set up as a kid to caretaker. My spouse just died, took care of him for 3 years. Now, I listen & letting GOOOOO of folks ejim I tolerated like a dump site. FREEDOM, SELFISH, SELF CARE, stop judging myself for not being like others & letting THEM BE. Trauma, yes, ran my show.
You probably already have this totally figured out, but if you have an iPhone, I'm sure there's a way to do it with a smart phone/Google as well, you can just say, "hey Siri, add cocktails with friends to my calendar on this date at this time at this location" and it will automatically add it to your calendar. It's literally faster than taking a screenshot and sending it to your husband. Which I would do as well just as a back up. I have created a family calendar that is shared with our son who still lives at home and my husband, so we can all see What's going on and help each other remember. It's an absolute lifesaver for me. My phone is my external hard drive as I also have ADHD and time is pretty much nonexistent.
As you often say, figuratively, when you interview someone, “Hold On! Let’s stop for a second, What you said was important. Let’s repeat that and let this sink in!” Thank you for your advice. :)
I recently told my elderly dad who has been behaving very poorly for several weeks (punishing everyone around him because being spiteful is fun🤬)”You’re not abusing me today.” And I left. And then I came back home a few hours later. He changed his tune. He was more grateful when I returned.
![DDG & G Herbo - Nosey [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/I9Ra0Zc2NlQ/mqdefault.jpg)
If you got something out of this video, I’d be so grateful if you’d drop a like and subscribe!
Just what I needed to hear. I am only into 20 minutes and realise that you are talking to me - yes, to me! Haha - and listened to you regularly, Mel and I appreciate you so much and thank you so much for the time you give and I hope Chris and your family are able to understand how much you are giving to them where you can n I will try to do better where I can from learning from all of you who devote time for us
Late to this but needed every word. Thank you, Mel. 🩵
Mel - just wow! Thank you for showing up in such a positive, vulnerable, and relatable way. We all are struggling with one thing or another. To your point, we also are beating ourselves up over it. What a powerful moment to realize how our behavior is impacting our relationships - including the one with ourselves - and practical advice on how to channel that energy back in powerful, profound ways. Thanks for the laughs, crys, and honest come to Jesus moments. Love sharing your content to bring others joy and peace as well as the new found label of, "I'm a huge fan girl of Mel Robbins." Cheers, Sarah
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If they wanted to, they would. That hit home. We want to believe someone is hurting or disappointing us because they are confused, distracted, heartbroken. Nope. They are doing exactly what they want to do.
But, accepting where they are doesn't mean you have to be around it. You can love but find a way to be distant for self preservation.
Not when you're living with him to take care of them. When you're the only one who will do it who can do it you're stuck doing it
@@lorivybihal5385praying for you. Sometimes (and I’m not saying this is your situation) even if you think you are the only person who can do it, you may not need to do it FOR YOU. You are important as well.
That's the "setting the boundary" part, Michael. 👍👍
@@lorivybihal5385, you get to be uncomfortable either way.
Which discomfort do you choose?
Define your reasons for which discomfort you choose.
And then, you can have your back with liking your reasons for the discomfort.
Life is, too often, full of these "sh*t option 1 vs sh*t option 2" decisions.
@@lorivybihal5385 à
Best (two part) quote I’ve ever heard in my life: “You have to meet people where they are”. The more powerful part of that is “Just because you meet people where they are, does not mean you have to surrender to how they operate”
Love it🎉 You don't have to surrender to HOW THEY operate❤
Hands down!! Words of wisdom!😊
Mind blowing!
You could go to Florida.
Yes - some people are toxic for those around them - accept them and walk away
I am in a very dark space.
Listening to you helps me so much.....the pain in my chest lessens with every word.
Thank you for all you do.
Hello glenda hope you are having a better day today &feeling better🌺👊
Sending supportive energy your way, I've been there recently, Mel is helping me greatly as well. Take care of you.
I know this is 7 months late but I hope your feeling better now. This video is helping me too.
❤
Hang in there. You’re doing well tapping in to helpful resources
For me, I will 100% admit that I'm done trying for my oldest sister. That I am making a choice to keep her out of my life. She's 10 years older than me and I realized I've been abused emotionally for 28 years. I realized I would climb mountains for her while she gave me crumbs. She hasn't changed, but I have and nothing got better for me in her my relationship. So when me saying "stop treating me like a punching bag." Was ignored and instead, she'd rather believe her own lies, I am now healing and accepting, I can't save people from themselves. But I did the best I was capable of at the time. My wanting to go above and beyond doesn't make me a bad person. But I do need to stop sacrificing my needs over other people's wants.
Kim R Those times eventually come. Good to recognize it. Its painful, but in a few years you'll thank yourself.
@@cko8643 Thank you! I am thankful even now. After separating with her, I finally after years of trying to get pregnant, be welcoming my baby girl in March. She won’t have to experience my sister in her childhood.
@Sara Fox I totally get it. I’m done having my feelings treated like a toy she can put on a shelf or break. That’s not how humans work. Accepting despite going against my families wants that I’m done and I’m okay they want to play her games, but I don’t and won’t anymore.
I cannot believe this post. I am going through almost exactly the same thing. My sister is also ten years older than me, and has recently gotten very sick. She seems to think that this is an out to use me as a punching bag. I have tolerated it now for thirty-five days and my
patience have gone completely. Every time she gets me on the phone, I either get an insult a dig or a lie. My husband is furious, and said he cannot tolerate my change in character, which is only a reaction to her gasoline like digs. I wrote her an email telling her that I no longer want contact with her, she was making physically sick. Now I have found out that she has called all of my so called friends and told them her twisted version and of course some more lies.
@@leerubin4374 I'm sorry you're going through that. I get it in my own way. I live by this mindset now, "I want the best for everyone but it should never be at my expense." Do what's right for you. We can't help people who don't want help. Sounds like your sister just relies on the quick fix of verbally shitting on you to make herself feel better. A quick fix isn't gonna help her, but she sounds too self-absorbed to see that. You matter. Your marriage matters. We grow blood and cancer in our bodies. But we cut cancer out. Sometimes family members can be like that too, cancerous. You're not crazy nor being a bad person. You sound burnt out and at your limit. And I feel confident in saying, you probably kindly told her to stop many times and she didn't listen, so you're at your breaking point. I totally get it in my own way. It is hard, especially when dealing with enablers. Your true friends will ask your side and show their loyalty. And the people who were never truly your friend will take themselves out. It's hard and frustrating. I just want to let you know as a fellow baby sister, it is not your fault for trusting your big sister and being tortured into believing this was normal. It's not. We're people, not puppets.
One thing we do very poorly is supporting people with grief
I hope grief is an exception to that boundary
We as a society give people 2 weeks
We have allot of broken hearts among us with zero support or compassion
Thank you for this 🫂
One of my favorite things in living alone I can make decisions for myself. I met a few single guys and they told me what role they want me for. I disagreed with everything they said, and I did what i wanted without any of them.
Hehe. Revolutionary? Back to basics. Good job.
Good on you! 👍
I have ADHD & ASD (Asbergers). I just learned this about a year ago (I'm 73). Know what else I learned? I learned that most people are walking around with SOMETHING that interferes with them doing their best. I believe that people WANT to do the best they can, but often struggle to do so for any number of reasons. I learned to look at others and myself through a different lens & to stop judging & start forgiving.
Excellent program, Mel. ❤
I have aut- adhd too. I'm 46 self diagnosed
Hear Hear. I should do more of that...not to judge people. 🤔
Hear Hear. I should do more of that...not to judge people. 🤔
"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink"
Thinking about this I had to just stop trying to solve everyone's problems that they don't want to solve but just want to complain about non stop. It's exhausting but some people just don't want to change and that's their business, not yours or mine. I loved this episode. ❤️
I think, too, this is my favourite episode. I had an aha moment! I already knew this to be true but to hear it the way Mel puts it resonates with me. I am always trying to gage myself around others personalities, expectations of me, others feelings. At the end of the day I have to be responsible for me and that entails 100% Thank you Mel. I could listen to you all night. xo
When a person repeatedly dumps on me about their sad situation, I, "What are you going to DO about it?"
Truth. We CAN'T change other people. As soon as we accept that, we have peace.
I'm making positive changes for myself. I became single, not by choices I made, I lost every close relationship I used to have. Now that I'm suddenly single with an empty nest, things have changed drastically, I recently lost my job. I'm doing a side business, finding my next phase of life. Embracing things, so many people don't talk to me much anymore. Thank you for your advice and stories from your own life, for being so honesty.
My jaw dropped reading your comment. Word for word is what my life looks like today.
I get it. I understand. You're not alone, YOU GOT THIS!!❤❤
Every. Time. Every time I listen to Mel Robbins, I hear what I need to hear in that moment. It's amazing, the universe is talking to me through you, Mel! I love you ❤️
@melrobbins I can't express how VALIDATING it was for me to hear you sharing publicly about your experience with your dog, how HEALING it is for me to hear your story about finding ways to make ADHD life work for you and your husband, how EMPOWERING it is for me to hear you fully own your ADHD... I have been diagnosed with ADHD at 30, after a lifetime of struggle, shame, guilt, anxiety, depression, isolation, hiding, masking.... and it is *so* important and relevant to have this in the open!! It helps people like me immensely to look at their life-long helplessness from an empowering perspective! Thank you for your honesty, truth, authenticity and bravery! ❤️
One tip about wellness exams that my aunt taught me is to schedule them around your birthday so that you don’t forget. I am also surprised that your vet didn’t call or email to confirm your appointment. You can always ask them to send you reminders. Sometimes they send them in the mail or text.
Wow I LOVE that! " if they wanted to, they would". Light bulbs going off!
I was in the park walking my dog and my thoughts keep interrupting me as I listened to your words. So I kept rewinding because I identified so much with your words. Thank you. Even though my dog Shilo has helped me with my feelings of loneliness, I am so happy I listened to your inspiring words ❤
This is awesome! And very true.. I am a trainer, I start work at 5 am , Monday thru Friday… I’m 51 years old… my husband does not usually enjoy working out… I’ve said nothing, and started going on hikes and walks on the weekends, also with our dogs, he asked to join me one morning and now we go together some Saturdays… it’s very true, you can’t change people, but you can certainly set a good example, like your channel Mel! Love your podcasts, keep them coming!..👍🙏💕❤️
Love your story!! Next month, more Saturdays 🧡
This is what I needed after so much wallowing in my past traumas. I needed too hear this today and make a change 🙏
I want to say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for being vulnerable and sharing how you have missed appointments. I have struggled with that all my life. The people in my past have always "poked fun" at me. They also have belittled me for not being better or being more like them. Which I now know is a part of my anxiety. Thank you for all your pod casts, I listen to them daily, and I am doing the work to become the best version of myself.
1.) Change hard
2.) Not up to you to change other people.
3.) Accept them for who they are.
Wait. I wasn't looking to change anyone. I guess I was just looking for how to be less peeved about intersecting with their apparently mindless actions.
I love how real you are, Mel. Even if you know it could cause back lash, you still share for the betterment of the community. I think you will be surprised with how many GOOD comments you will get because you make us feel not so alone. You are relatable AF and THAT is why we keep coming back!🙌♥️
Agree 100%!!!
I love your honesty about your imperfections! It makes it so much easier to accept that we all have to work on ourselves. ❤
I absolutely love how open you are about your struggles and issues. You are so very relatable and I only wish we could have lunch every week. Thank you for being so honest and transparent. Much love ❤
Very good points. People bein people is what it amounts to. That is why I have become as anti-social as I possibly can. My friendship circle has been closed for sometime. I miss people, but I DON'T miss them also, if that makes sense.
"If you want to know where somebody stands on an issue, watch their actions don't listen to their words." WOW! And it's true about me too.
This podcast absolutely smacked me in the face with the “oh hell ya, it’s not me and I deserve to be in a safe and non toxic environment that I can heal and find peace in!” I got a traumatic brain injury 2 yrs ago. I was off work for a year and my life and my “new norm” has changed how I respond to my environment including to noise, stress, visual input, fatigue and having to relearn how to do my job as a realtor which takes some serious cognitive skills but I’m a bad ass boss and I’ll come out better! But daily I have to continue to learn new ways to adapt to my internal and external world I now live in and find inner peace and external quiet to be able to continue to be productive, have an effective career and heal.
I’ve been begging my husband to move to another quieter and safer area of town because we live on a main road and truck route in a big homeless area and my nerves and lack of ability to distinguish sounds is making my life feel like I’m living in constant fight or flight. We own 3 homes, 2 being rentals, and absolutely have the financial ability to move but he chooses not to do anything, just avert and make excuses. Hence, if he really wanted it he’d make it happen.
Thank you for confirming this. He obviously doesn’t want to support his wife in sickness and in health so I’m out! I’ll be renting a nice house that meets my needs without him and get my health, life and career back on track for me! And find the peace and happiness I deserve. This will be hard but damn it I am worth it! ❤
WOW your vulnerability just blows me away. Thank you for sharing the incident with Chris. I often tell MYSELF to 'stop with the ADHD shit.' But time blindness is real. I can relate to your solution: make Chris the point person. At some point, I realize I can't fight the ADHD but I do have to address it. I think delegation is the key, but it's very hard to give up control.
You may be right with alot yet us ppl who have toxic family and are single suffer by trying to connect yet we don't have a mate, kids, extra money since living alone and don't drink or smoke. I can't keep holding all my friendships UP. IT IS WEARING.
Hello Mel! This topic sounds like my life. I was married for 22 years. I hold it together for everyone except for myself. I was very unhappy. I’ve now been divorced for five years and my ADHD has exploded. I didn’t know I had it in my previous life. I definitely know I have it now but I am happier. I’m dealing with it. I’m becoming a better person because I’m now aware. I allow myself to make mistakes. And some thing else. Very interesting is that I have a “Chris “in my life. He’s amazing. He has the patience of a saint. Thank you for sharing what’s going on in your life. I’ve spent my whole life trying to fix people. I’m not doing that anymore. It was a complete waste of my time and it made them angry with me.
❤ Good Bless You ❤❤
WOW!!!! This was so valueable!!! My husband has ADHD as well and I could really relate with the yelling of your husband about the puppy... Same happppened here. We found a way to manage our daily life together. This podcast helps me A LOT! THanks so much, have a nice day everyone
Oh my goodness I just love you so much Mel! I have an ADD brain also and I marvel at the fact that I didn’t miss more doctors appointments ect when my kids were small! I just have to tell you how funny the universe is, I am actually listening to this podcast after doing my workout, I have been consistently working out for a few months now and my husband because of the crappy weather, not being able to golf or bike, has been doing the opposite not really moving much and I think I irritate him when I do! So this morning he was sitting on the couch as I was walking around with my weights and he looks at me and he says to me do you really need to walk with weights if your not training for a race? II started to argue then just continued with my workout because I KNOW he isn’t feeling great about not moving a lot at the moment AND then this is the podcast I chose ha ha! Love you have a great day everyone!
I am african immigrant, I approve this message. Mel you are new favorite aunty. Your RUclips podcast has been a blessing. God bless you.
Thank you. I regularly feel depleted and you regularly fill me back up. Ace.
What draws me to you, Mel, is your transparency! I find myself nodding in agreement with these lessons. I am coming to a better understanding of myself. Like you, I didn't learn a lot of these things until my upper 40's. I love, love this podcast!
Mel, do you know how many people would love to be your assistant, to organize your day? Lots of retired people who need a purpose could volunteer or young people out of school who need experience and are struggling with the bs of their childhood, get someone. Ive been watching you since 2020 and you could accept help. Btw, I enjoy you and love you
You're so kind. She's just using that as another of 1 million excuses she has. First world rich people problems, oh you poor thing you had to move from your nice house in Boston to your rich house in Vermont? Call the wambulance!😫😭
I’m always complaining about the weather!!!
True that!
Mel, thanks for not gradually leading the 3 points (forcing listeners to lengthening viewtime). Your so good and honest (and entertaining) listening to the end is naturally earned! BTW, I rarely make comments.
Mel, my sister is that person you are talking about. She “wallows” in her misery and complains to me regularly about it. My statement lately has been “Don’t tell me about it if you aren’t willing to do anything to change it. I love you, and you definitely deserve better, but you have to want things to be better and take those steps to change it. I deserve peace in my life”. She doesn’t like when I say this, and usually goes on a rant about how no one cares about her. Just like you said Mel. Waiting for the day when she makes that leap.💕💕
I am going to remember this. Peace with myself first and foremost.
❤ Pray for Your Sister 🙏 God will help her ❤❤
So relatable, Mel!!! And I struggle too with ADHD!!!! I swear it has gotten worse as I've gotten older! I am soo bad to forget to calendar, etc. You are most definitely not alone friend.
I am protecting my energy WHETHER someone likes it or NOT in Jesus name Amen🌻
Amen
Amen!
@@insoromanoworries7923 Thank you. Blessings
@@CatharineCummings Thanks! Blessings
Agreed! There comes a point when enough is enough across the board. ❤
I have to add on to my previous comment because I am further along in the podcast. I have had a realization that I have been wishing my mother to change for most of my life. She loves me, we talk, but only if I arrange it or my Aunt who she lives with arranges our chat times. If I didn't call, weeks would go by. I am at home this past week recovering from surgery, the inner child in me wishes she would call to check in on me. She hasn't. I am in my early 50's but still wish my mom would take the time to reach out to me. I have got to STOP wishing that my mom would change, and accept her for who she is. I need to work on this!
Awww, I feel your pain. Went thru that last year with my own mother.
Really hurt. Finally let it go.
Wishing you a good recovery. Sincerely.
That is so, so tough, and I feel for you. Similar, here, my mother was always self-centered, and now she has dementia, and accepting that my issues with her will never be resolved, is a step toward resolution in itself. I just repeat "love and compassion" when I get anxious, and try to direct some love and compassion toward ME.
Focusing on yourself and your self-improvement goals is not selfish or non caring towards others. It's like putting on the oxygen mask before you can be there to aid other people. Take care of you.
Do not wait for permission to be granted from another human that you are worth your time. You're "worth it".
You are.
You are the most important person you have in your corner. Protect and improve you. Take care of you.😊❤
Thank you for the transcript. I can go back and write down things that are relevant to me.
Thank you Mel, for helping me to survive
Thanks Mel, I am genuinely so grateful to you for making this podcast. It’s like I was blind and now I can see. It’s going to help me immensely in my relationship with my daughter, whom I’ve been judging,
instead of loving her where she’s at. I just see the truth in all this now and I know I can change for the better. Thanks again for the work that you do. It really, really does make a difference to peoples lives. Much love, Cath X
you are so interesting to listen to or so relatable. im really enjoying this.
Great video Mel. What a lovely busy life. Family, house, kids, pets, and this Pod Casts is full time. The things we go thru in life is messy and remembering everything that builds up and becomes overwhelming in life and simply life happens! You are such a great therapist, inspirational speaker who shares with us REAL life problems and gives us tools to use when we need them. We love and respect you. You show us just how normal you are. In life when tryng to be your best self things happen. Your heart ♥ is loving & kind and open and your Doggie knows your love. You gave us life long lessons today. You met this situation head on with character & intregrity. Thank You Mel. You demonstrated by example how to have compassion and approach a conversation with an open mind albiet a wounded heart, you showed us how with intent and your wisdom just how those tools work. Awesome!❤
Im absolutely blessed to have found you, Mel, and also Anna Runkle "The Crappy Childhood Fairy." You have both changed my life for the better. I hope you both get everything you deserve in life for the insight you're giving people ❤🎉
I love everything about this episode, and everything about the positive impact you’re creating with your podcast. I relate to you so much. Thank you Mel 💛
This right here....the dog barking on q...lmfao...so my life omg. "Do better." I would have started laughing. The reason I'm writing this comment is because the puppy story you shared....explained exactly why I love this channel. ❤️
Your husband is absolutely incredible. You scored in the biggest way and you deserve it! So glad you two have each other. ❤
Thank you for being so real and open so the rest of us can feel normal and not alone. You are amazing.
I work as a in home care person. I am not a nurse. I do care for my people very much. One lady two year's later complaining the other neighbor ladies don't say Hi to her or invite her places. She complains all the time. She doesn't have mental difficulties!
Sometimes it's hard to listen to. I am drained by the time I go. Thanks Mel Jennifer 😁
Can you tell her ? Kindly ?
@@ThePossumone I am very kind to her. Yesterday I spent 4 unpaid hours at ER with her because I care. If I were to talk to her about she would be very offended. It would make things very awkward. Some days are very good. Jennifer
Hi Mel. You’re so honest, you refreshingly cut to the chase, and you share your message positively with humor. Truthfully, that’s an incredible gift as people retain 80-90% more when it’s taught with laughter- think about good comedians: the audience is attentive. Thanks for sharing your life’s lessons with Chris with us. He seems pretty cool and so are you. Great podcast. Thank you and happy holidays. 💜
Confronting vs Inspiring was my 🤯🤯🤯 moment ❤️🙏
It is really hard for me… I either have to accept him or leave him. Both are hard.
Are you going to be able to stay with him and keep your sanity? I couldn’t. I left after 28 yrs of an abusive marriage.
Mel… the only thing that I have for you is immense love and gratitude.
I love your shows! I love everything that you teach me.
But most of all, I really love you, since the first time I came across you. You and I sound to be so similar in so many ways. I dropped the ball, I forget…I also have A.D.D
My husband’s family doesn’t like me and calls me lazy. My husband’s family said that I have changed my husband. My husband laughs about that, knowing the rule that you cannot change anyone.
I only want to share, love and kindness, and good intentions with this world. I am HUMAN! I make mistakes like every single person. Forgive yourself, my dearest darling, Mel.
You are a whole, perfect, and so wonderful in God’s eyes.
Thank you for sharing all the messages you do with us.
But your message here really struck a chord in me and I am only 34 minutes in😂😂😂
I need to clean my house now because I’ve kind of dropped the ball on that one. But I will do better.
Promise 😂😂😂🎉🎉
I need Mel in my ear everyday! I appreciate your podcast! ❤
Ditto!!! 👍🥰
Every one should hear this.
🥰You're empowering & helping to heal lives, Mel. Thank you! ♡
Thank you!😘
Chris is the owner too, he can help get dog to the vet as well. My husband is forgetful at times, but it is not intentional. He is an amazing person otherwise. So I have learned to help him to remember, but with respect and love intact. You are good person, Mel. Don't sweat it.
They already had one dog that was Chris's responsibility because no one else took care of it, Mel promised him if he would let her get another dog that she would be completely responsible for it.
Thank you for being so brave and start your own podcast Mel, your words are gold in my life ❤️
Hey, Mel. I'm not sure you have the time to read all the comments, as there are so many people trying to connect with you. My message to you is...... Your FRICKEN Brilliant and your gift is affecting me and helping move forward. My life is pretty OK but now It's becoming even better. A genuine heartfelt thank you. I love your openness, authenticity and the way you communicate. x
Thank you your a beautiful soul and a wonderful blessing to humanity!
I don't take well to "orders" and "you should". Everyone thinks it's a character flaw and I am bull headed. It's nice to hear 97% of other people don't take to it either! Thanks Mel, and I love your books.
Love your stuff. I also just wanted to say that I feel we cannot put limits on peoples healing. If they are trying it is important to help but 6 months can be short depending on the trauma the received. I can’t say I wallow but I do have hard times as I try and do better but I have bad days. There are court dates coming up that have been ongoing for almost a year and putting a time limit would be difficult for me if people in my life did this. The trauma is still happening through court. Just my thoughts
Agreed. I’m in the early stages of a traumatic divorce and I can’t imagine my closest friends placing that limit on my grief and healing. I get what she’s saying BUT… nuance. This is when knowing the person you love is important.
You can’t make other change! That is so true, and the fact that you can make boundaries that helped me so much! Thank Mal for this great episode ❤️
Love ❤️ love ❤️ love ❤ all these beautiful suggestions, reminders and insights! You’re too cool for words and I especially enjoy the humility and transparency you possess. God bless you ❤🎉❤
I agree with the lady from the deli!! This podcast has changed my mindset about my life!!! 5 second rule is my new go to!!
I’m sending this to my husband! I’ve done a lot of work on myself and I’m at a place where I can let things go, I need reminding sometimes, but I accept people for who they are and I’m able to understand that not everyone sees life as I do. I can see that my husband judging and not accepting and wanting to change everyone holds him back so much and it consumes him. I hope that this helps in his journey of self discovery, if not … then I tried x thank you x
I just realized at 44 , they I can't do anything about changing others permanently
Mel, I stand at the counter and put the appointments in my calendar before I walk out. I set an alert on the calendar for the day before and an hour before. When it alerts me the day before, I set and alarm for an hour ahead the next day. I have had a terrible memory since I was 40. I am 73 now and this works for me.
I really needed to hear this today! Thaaank you, Mel Thank you for sharing your real life experience with us. Don't beat yourself up about the vet faux pas... we all make mistakes.
The Struggle is so real with my mother....i am 49 yrs old, rebuilding my life. She is content being miserable and pointing out other's faults and judging others. INCLUDING ME, her only living child. She has been like this my entire life. It's led to me never feeling 'good enough ', ever. My brother felt the same way and is no longer with us due to a 25 yr drug addiction. The loss of him and her loss of worrying constantly about him, has made her focus and judge me even more. I went through a difficult divorce 3.5 yrs ago and am working on healing from the trauma of a 20 yr marriage to a narcissist and in that, I've realized my mother is also a narcissist. I have a wonderful man in my life now but she just picks at him and points out faults to me. My dad tries to support me with non judgment but her influence sometimes gets to him and it hurts. This podcast is so helpful for me. I will never change her and i can just keep doing what I've been doing, accept her as is, love her but keep space between us. Her mother treated her coldly and i know she loves me and is doing the best she can. Her view of 'helping me' is just different than mine. TY Mel. I love you. ❤
I find that frustration towards others actually stems from a frustration with ourselves. We project our frustration with our own failings onto others. We must accept ourselves before we can accept others. We must be empathetic with ourselves before we can empathize with others. Where are you hating yourself? Where are you judging yourself?
Mel just started your podcast.You are so inspiring.How did you go from a lawyer to a self help guru.You are so real and unpretentious.You are so knowledgable.Thank-you so much for what you do for humanity 🙏🏼❤️
Absolutely love you, Mel.
I'm so, so grateful for your honest and vulnerability. You are not a bad puppy mummy. Being imperfect doesn't mean you love them less.
You're amazing, not just the puppy thing, you're amazing all round. xoxo
Mel, thank you for having the courage and humility to show your areas of challenge in this video.
I think it greatly strengthens the presentation. Certainly make you one of the few I will consider returning to and following.
Don't worry about the naysayers: as you probably know, negativity is usually some form of projection by folks who are least happy with themselves.
I am enjoying all of your podcasts!! Thanks for sharing your knowledge!!
I am not even half way done and this episode is in my saved playlist! This is by far the best episode of a podcast I've ever heard.
I ran to listen to this podcast as if I were being chased by a lion up a tree! I found myself (again) trying to ‘help’ my husband see the error of his ways in dealing with something that is frankly, none of my business. This always begins with me trying to assist him. And it always ends up with me insisting that he do it the ‘right’ way. I love you Mel….Once again you’ve saved me from myself. Thank you!
Admitting ,putting sincere efforts to change is a Nice virtue
Great podcast- very relevant to my life with my husband, who is a lot like you! I am getting a better understanding of him through you.
I will replay over & over. 🙏🏻
You sound just like me. I’ve been married for 6yrs. My 1st marriage & my husband’s 3rd. I am the queen of forgetfulness. He is great at reminding me of every appt. He has photographic memory, and I don’t. I don’t forget on purpose. He is so gentle with me. We all have our faults & none of us are perfect of coarse and I’m so glad he understands this about me with acceptance. ❤
You are very clear when you talk. I love your way of communicating.
Thank you
"Chris it the winner." I laughed so hard, spit my coffee everywhere!
If you are in a relationship that is a lot of work,
It's a sign that you are in a relationship that is no longer working for you.
31 min
This entire episode felt like it was just for me. I have changed a lot and it took some time to realize that I’m the one who is making changes and all my party friends are the same. I guess I was just so shook to see people stay the same and double down when something like the pandemic happened. Many never stopped partying and I did. I wanted them to do better and care about others. Now I remember that we met under the influence of many substances and it made me question every relationship I made during those times. It made me question my entire identity and with that comes growth and change.
After this episode I realize I’ve been lecturing people and upset that they are the same then I try mad that I changed but I realize my energy and are so important to me and lectures on ppl who feel like brick walls not only pushed them away but made me lose respect for them due to my side bias. Thank you for this
I LOVED this! Like I've loved every episode! Thank you for showing up for us all! If you need some help with the calendar-issue, I am a ninja to make everything happen 💖
I need help on calendar issue
@@barbaraszakacs5674 shoot me a message and we'll see if I'm able to help you :)
Thank you for being so vulnerable with us 💖
Thank you Mel. Again brilliant.
Your story confirms for me that when I said, "I'm trying!" and I was accused of not caring, that I was expressing the truth. It wasn't just an excuse or a deflection. What makes me sad still is that I dont have anyone in my life right now (I'm working on that, btw) that knows/cares enough to hear me say that and realize that I was asking for help. I've wasted too much time trying to get help from people helpers that aren't really people helpers. (Even though it's in or IS their job description.).
Wow. I really needed to hear this. I have been in the process of a lot of changes, one being my relationship to cannabis and alcohol. My husband is not currently in the same space as I am with it, as much as he claims to be. His actions and choices do not reflect it. I waste a lot of my energy pushing him to make the same changes, even though I claim I want him to make them for himself, not me.
This podcast has given me so much to reflect on. My language and my boundaries, mostly. I am so grateful for this reflection. Thank you Mel! ❤️😊🙏🏻
1. If they wanted to, they will
2. You can’t make somebody else change
3. Stop being mad that people aren’t who you want them to be
I was looking for this, thanks!
👍Finally found your comment. Thank you.
We ALL need some mental health in today’s world!!! I thank you for this podcast.❤ 🙏🏻 ❤
I’ve been the enabler all life…set up as a kid to caretaker. My spouse just died, took care of him for 3 years. Now, I listen & letting GOOOOO of folks ejim I tolerated like a dump site. FREEDOM, SELFISH, SELF CARE, stop judging myself for not being like others & letting THEM BE. Trauma, yes, ran my show.
You probably already have this totally figured out, but if you have an iPhone, I'm sure there's a way to do it with a smart phone/Google as well, you can just say, "hey Siri, add cocktails with friends to my calendar on this date at this time at this location" and it will automatically add it to your calendar. It's literally faster than taking a screenshot and sending it to your husband. Which I would do as well just as a back up. I have created a family calendar that is shared with our son who still lives at home and my husband, so we can all see What's going on and help each other remember.
It's an absolute lifesaver for me. My phone is my external hard drive as I also have ADHD and time is pretty much nonexistent.
46:15 This is SO important.
As you often say, figuratively, when you interview someone, “Hold On! Let’s stop for a second, What you said was important. Let’s repeat that and let this sink in!”
Thank you for your advice. :)
I recently told my elderly dad who has been behaving very poorly for several weeks (punishing everyone around him because being spiteful is fun🤬)”You’re not abusing me today.” And I left. And then I came back home a few hours later. He changed his tune. He was more grateful when I returned.