Just what I needed to hear. I am only into 20 minutes and realise that you are talking to me - yes, to me! Haha - and listened to you regularly, Mel and I appreciate you so much and thank you so much for the time you give and I hope Chris and your family are able to understand how much you are giving to them where you can n I will try to do better where I can from learning from all of you who devote time for us
Mel - just wow! Thank you for showing up in such a positive, vulnerable, and relatable way. We all are struggling with one thing or another. To your point, we also are beating ourselves up over it. What a powerful moment to realize how our behavior is impacting our relationships - including the one with ourselves - and practical advice on how to channel that energy back in powerful, profound ways. Thanks for the laughs, crys, and honest come to Jesus moments. Love sharing your content to bring others joy and peace as well as the new found label of, "I'm a huge fan girl of Mel Robbins." Cheers, Sarah
@@lorivybihal5385praying for you. Sometimes (and I’m not saying this is your situation) even if you think you are the only person who can do it, you may not need to do it FOR YOU. You are important as well.
@@lorivybihal5385, you get to be uncomfortable either way. Which discomfort do you choose? Define your reasons for which discomfort you choose. And then, you can have your back with liking your reasons for the discomfort. Life is, too often, full of these "sh*t option 1 vs sh*t option 2" decisions.
Best (two part) quote I’ve ever heard in my life: “You have to meet people where they are”. The more powerful part of that is “Just because you meet people where they are, does not mean you have to surrender to how they operate”
One thing we do very poorly is supporting people with grief I hope grief is an exception to that boundary We as a society give people 2 weeks We have allot of broken hearts among us with zero support or compassion
For me, I will 100% admit that I'm done trying for my oldest sister. That I am making a choice to keep her out of my life. She's 10 years older than me and I realized I've been abused emotionally for 28 years. I realized I would climb mountains for her while she gave me crumbs. She hasn't changed, but I have and nothing got better for me in her my relationship. So when me saying "stop treating me like a punching bag." Was ignored and instead, she'd rather believe her own lies, I am now healing and accepting, I can't save people from themselves. But I did the best I was capable of at the time. My wanting to go above and beyond doesn't make me a bad person. But I do need to stop sacrificing my needs over other people's wants.
@@cko8643 Thank you! I am thankful even now. After separating with her, I finally after years of trying to get pregnant, be welcoming my baby girl in March. She won’t have to experience my sister in her childhood.
@Sara Fox I totally get it. I’m done having my feelings treated like a toy she can put on a shelf or break. That’s not how humans work. Accepting despite going against my families wants that I’m done and I’m okay they want to play her games, but I don’t and won’t anymore.
I cannot believe this post. I am going through almost exactly the same thing. My sister is also ten years older than me, and has recently gotten very sick. She seems to think that this is an out to use me as a punching bag. I have tolerated it now for thirty-five days and my patience have gone completely. Every time she gets me on the phone, I either get an insult a dig or a lie. My husband is furious, and said he cannot tolerate my change in character, which is only a reaction to her gasoline like digs. I wrote her an email telling her that I no longer want contact with her, she was making physically sick. Now I have found out that she has called all of my so called friends and told them her twisted version and of course some more lies.
@@leerubin4374 I'm sorry you're going through that. I get it in my own way. I live by this mindset now, "I want the best for everyone but it should never be at my expense." Do what's right for you. We can't help people who don't want help. Sounds like your sister just relies on the quick fix of verbally shitting on you to make herself feel better. A quick fix isn't gonna help her, but she sounds too self-absorbed to see that. You matter. Your marriage matters. We grow blood and cancer in our bodies. But we cut cancer out. Sometimes family members can be like that too, cancerous. You're not crazy nor being a bad person. You sound burnt out and at your limit. And I feel confident in saying, you probably kindly told her to stop many times and she didn't listen, so you're at your breaking point. I totally get it in my own way. It is hard, especially when dealing with enablers. Your true friends will ask your side and show their loyalty. And the people who were never truly your friend will take themselves out. It's hard and frustrating. I just want to let you know as a fellow baby sister, it is not your fault for trusting your big sister and being tortured into believing this was normal. It's not. We're people, not puppets.
If they wanted to, they would. That hit home. We want to believe someone is hurting or disappointing us because they are confused, distracted, heartbroken. Nope. They are doing exactly what they want to do.
One of my favorite things in living alone I can make decisions for myself. I met a few single guys and they told me what role they want me for. I disagreed with everything they said, and I did what i wanted without any of them.
I have ADHD & ASD (Asbergers). I just learned this about a year ago (I'm 73). Know what else I learned? I learned that most people are walking around with SOMETHING that interferes with them doing their best. I believe that people WANT to do the best they can, but often struggle to do so for any number of reasons. I learned to look at others and myself through a different lens & to stop judging & start forgiving. Excellent program, Mel. ❤
This was life changing. 1. If they wanted to they would. 2. You cant make someone else change. 3. Stop being mad because people arent being what you want them to be. Thank you Mel. I listened to this podcast intently. You said so many profound things like you changing doesnt inspire people, it confronts them. Wow! Just so you know, I too have dropped the ball on my kids and pets and forgot immunizatiins and appointments. Life happens, shit happens. You are not alone.
Susan Humphries “ Dissolving Illusions” highly recommend this book. It’s more than ok to forget those immunizations and might just have happened for a reason.
People are resistant to change because it takes courage to change. Change is scary because it’s going from the known into the unknown. Something you’ve never done before. Thank you for this honest video Mel.
"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink" Thinking about this I had to just stop trying to solve everyone's problems that they don't want to solve but just want to complain about non stop. It's exhausting but some people just don't want to change and that's their business, not yours or mine. I loved this episode. ❤️
I think, too, this is my favourite episode. I had an aha moment! I already knew this to be true but to hear it the way Mel puts it resonates with me. I am always trying to gage myself around others personalities, expectations of me, others feelings. At the end of the day I have to be responsible for me and that entails 100% Thank you Mel. I could listen to you all night. xo
In a universe that is so chaotic and meaningless, I have to thank fate for letting me experience such a bright person like you ❤ Bright may not be quite the right word to use, but you radiate calm and warmth, and you are generally such a pleasant and beautiful person to look at. You give joy and a smile. Mel Robbins take good care of yourself and your unique heart!
I completely agree. Something went my way and gave me help. I feel blessed by her. I believe in sowing and reaping. She deserves great things because I know she is helping with a pure heart
Mel - I got into the groove cleaning the garage today while listening to your videos. Just wanted to say thank you and you’ve made this guy feel so much better and secure about himself and his relationships today. 😊
I'm making positive changes for myself. I became single, not by choices I made, I lost every close relationship I used to have. Now that I'm suddenly single with an empty nest, things have changed drastically, I recently lost my job. I'm doing a side business, finding my next phase of life. Embracing things, so many people don't talk to me much anymore. Thank you for your advice and stories from your own life, for being so honesty.
Every. Time. Every time I listen to Mel Robbins, I hear what I need to hear in that moment. It's amazing, the universe is talking to me through you, Mel! I love you ❤️
Thank you for being so transparent & willing to make yourself vulnerable with specific examples as you share your content, Mel. We will not crucify you for this. Please don't beat yourself up, or let anyone here beat you up. We are all here because you offer uplift, knowledge & tools we need. Nobody here is any better than you & nobody here is entitled to b* at you or find fault with what challenges you. We each have our own challenges & faults & we're each here bc you help us. My Dad is 85 & always says, "All men have feet of clay." Thank you Mel, for being willing to show your clay to help us take hold of what you shared here today. Much love to you & your family. 💙 PS- You help me very much by being willing to speak the truth & cut through the BS.
One tip about wellness exams that my aunt taught me is to schedule them around your birthday so that you don’t forget. I am also surprised that your vet didn’t call or email to confirm your appointment. You can always ask them to send you reminders. Sometimes they send them in the mail or text.
This is awesome! And very true.. I am a trainer, I start work at 5 am , Monday thru Friday… I’m 51 years old… my husband does not usually enjoy working out… I’ve said nothing, and started going on hikes and walks on the weekends, also with our dogs, he asked to join me one morning and now we go together some Saturdays… it’s very true, you can’t change people, but you can certainly set a good example, like your channel Mel! Love your podcasts, keep them coming!..👍🙏💕❤️
@melrobbins I can't express how VALIDATING it was for me to hear you sharing publicly about your experience with your dog, how HEALING it is for me to hear your story about finding ways to make ADHD life work for you and your husband, how EMPOWERING it is for me to hear you fully own your ADHD... I have been diagnosed with ADHD at 30, after a lifetime of struggle, shame, guilt, anxiety, depression, isolation, hiding, masking.... and it is *so* important and relevant to have this in the open!! It helps people like me immensely to look at their life-long helplessness from an empowering perspective! Thank you for your honesty, truth, authenticity and bravery! ❤️
I heard this somewhere. The definition of when someone is ready to make a change is when pain of doing nothing is stronger than the fear of making a change, you know you’re ready for the change.
This podcast absolutely smacked me in the face with the “oh hell ya, it’s not me and I deserve to be in a safe and non toxic environment that I can heal and find peace in!” I got a traumatic brain injury 2 yrs ago. I was off work for a year and my life and my “new norm” has changed how I respond to my environment including to noise, stress, visual input, fatigue and having to relearn how to do my job as a realtor which takes some serious cognitive skills but I’m a bad ass boss and I’ll come out better! But daily I have to continue to learn new ways to adapt to my internal and external world I now live in and find inner peace and external quiet to be able to continue to be productive, have an effective career and heal. I’ve been begging my husband to move to another quieter and safer area of town because we live on a main road and truck route in a big homeless area and my nerves and lack of ability to distinguish sounds is making my life feel like I’m living in constant fight or flight. We own 3 homes, 2 being rentals, and absolutely have the financial ability to move but he chooses not to do anything, just avert and make excuses. Hence, if he really wanted it he’d make it happen. Thank you for confirming this. He obviously doesn’t want to support his wife in sickness and in health so I’m out! I’ll be renting a nice house that meets my needs without him and get my health, life and career back on track for me! And find the peace and happiness I deserve. This will be hard but damn it I am worth it! ❤
I was in the park walking my dog and my thoughts keep interrupting me as I listened to your words. So I kept rewinding because I identified so much with your words. Thank you. Even though my dog Shilo has helped me with my feelings of loneliness, I am so happy I listened to your inspiring words ❤
This has been one of the most valuable things I have watched it has answered questions for me , I have been depressed and frustrated by my grown children and now I feel I have some answers for what’s been going on
You may be right with alot yet us ppl who have toxic family and are single suffer by trying to connect yet we don't have a mate, kids, extra money since living alone and don't drink or smoke. I can't keep holding all my friendships UP. IT IS WEARING.
Very good points. People bein people is what it amounts to. That is why I have become as anti-social as I possibly can. My friendship circle has been closed for sometime. I miss people, but I DON'T miss them also, if that makes sense.
I love how real you are, Mel. Even if you know it could cause back lash, you still share for the betterment of the community. I think you will be surprised with how many GOOD comments you will get because you make us feel not so alone. You are relatable AF and THAT is why we keep coming back!🙌♥️
99.9% of people i know do nothing unless it serves them, without any consideration for others so I have given up and don't bother with them. This is certainly very freeing because I am not dragged down anymore even if means that I spend my time without many people around.
Mel, my sister is that person you are talking about. She “wallows” in her misery and complains to me regularly about it. My statement lately has been “Don’t tell me about it if you aren’t willing to do anything to change it. I love you, and you definitely deserve better, but you have to want things to be better and take those steps to change it. I deserve peace in my life”. She doesn’t like when I say this, and usually goes on a rant about how no one cares about her. Just like you said Mel. Waiting for the day when she makes that leap.💕💕
I want to say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for being vulnerable and sharing how you have missed appointments. I have struggled with that all my life. The people in my past have always "poked fun" at me. They also have belittled me for not being better or being more like them. Which I now know is a part of my anxiety. Thank you for all your pod casts, I listen to them daily, and I am doing the work to become the best version of myself.
1.) Change hard 2.) Not up to you to change other people. 3.) Accept them for who they are. Wait. I wasn't looking to change anyone. I guess I was just looking for how to be less peeved about intersecting with their apparently mindless actions.
Hello Mel! This topic sounds like my life. I was married for 22 years. I hold it together for everyone except for myself. I was very unhappy. I’ve now been divorced for five years and my ADHD has exploded. I didn’t know I had it in my previous life. I definitely know I have it now but I am happier. I’m dealing with it. I’m becoming a better person because I’m now aware. I allow myself to make mistakes. And some thing else. Very interesting is that I have a “Chris “in my life. He’s amazing. He has the patience of a saint. Thank you for sharing what’s going on in your life. I’ve spent my whole life trying to fix people. I’m not doing that anymore. It was a complete waste of my time and it made them angry with me.
WOW your vulnerability just blows me away. Thank you for sharing the incident with Chris. I often tell MYSELF to 'stop with the ADHD shit.' But time blindness is real. I can relate to your solution: make Chris the point person. At some point, I realize I can't fight the ADHD but I do have to address it. I think delegation is the key, but it's very hard to give up control.
A few days ago I was sharing with my therapist about the dream I had of tug of war with my adult son, and I finally let go of the rope! He is in a trauma bonded relationship with a highly abusive, narcissistic girlfriend. I have pointed this out to him, and yes I realize the courage to get out has to come from him. It took me 15 yrs. to get out of a narcissistic abusive marriage to his father. My hope is that maybe one of these days he will see the light. There is nothing more I can say or do. Thank you Mel.
My son just got discarded from his x narc girlfriend. I totally get you with this one. I hope your son sees the truth too. God bless you! My son is getting better from an addiction too. Bc he was 8 years with her. Just be there for him. It will mean a lot.❤️
I have a niece who has been wallowing in her divorce for 6 years now. I just sent her an email two months ago telling her I’d no longer be listening to her about this. She’s been unwilling to see a therapist or get any other form of help. It was so good to hear you say 6 months was plenty. I see now that I’ve been entirely too generous with my time with her but I now have an idea of what’s reasonable and I’m ready to implement that going forward. Thank you!!!
Awwwww honey. I am a professional obedience dog trainer. I work with couples. Your story means a lot to me. I advise my couple clients to SHARE the responsibilities. These things will happen. You are human. No dog owner is perfect. You and Chris can work on this together. Your dog is loved and I KNOW you BOTH will work this out. Love you and please give your dog…a 💋for me. Love Maray🐶
I never write down appointments. They go directly into the phone calender, with the time, location, phone number and a reminder the day before. Also, a little car emoji.
You are helping me change my life and finally become who I am even at 47. This episode popped in my feed a year after . Every post , podcast & book I learn what I’m capable of and deserve , and how I can treat others better. When I first listened found your podcast I thought if I just was better at everything you can imagine then I would be lovable and worthy, but now eyes are open . ❤
Oh my goodness I just love you so much Mel! I have an ADD brain also and I marvel at the fact that I didn’t miss more doctors appointments ect when my kids were small! I just have to tell you how funny the universe is, I am actually listening to this podcast after doing my workout, I have been consistently working out for a few months now and my husband because of the crappy weather, not being able to golf or bike, has been doing the opposite not really moving much and I think I irritate him when I do! So this morning he was sitting on the couch as I was walking around with my weights and he looks at me and he says to me do you really need to walk with weights if your not training for a race? II started to argue then just continued with my workout because I KNOW he isn’t feeling great about not moving a lot at the moment AND then this is the podcast I chose ha ha! Love you have a great day everyone!
I absolutely love how open you are about your struggles and issues. You are so very relatable and I only wish we could have lunch every week. Thank you for being so honest and transparent. Much love ❤
Thanks Mel, I am genuinely so grateful to you for making this podcast. It’s like I was blind and now I can see. It’s going to help me immensely in my relationship with my daughter, whom I’ve been judging, instead of loving her where she’s at. I just see the truth in all this now and I know I can change for the better. Thanks again for the work that you do. It really, really does make a difference to peoples lives. Much love, Cath X
WOW!!!! This was so valueable!!! My husband has ADHD as well and I could really relate with the yelling of your husband about the puppy... Same happppened here. We found a way to manage our daily life together. This podcast helps me A LOT! THanks so much, have a nice day everyone
I had to walk away from someone I truly cared for due to his toxic mindset and because they said they loved me but were into things that were hurting himself and how can he love me if he can't even love himself? I refuse to accept being around toxic people and their toxic behaviors.❤
What draws me to you, Mel, is your transparency! I find myself nodding in agreement with these lessons. I am coming to a better understanding of myself. Like you, I didn't learn a lot of these things until my upper 40's. I love, love this podcast!
So relatable, Mel!!! And I struggle too with ADHD!!!! I swear it has gotten worse as I've gotten older! I am soo bad to forget to calendar, etc. You are most definitely not alone friend.
I have to add on to my previous comment because I am further along in the podcast. I have had a realization that I have been wishing my mother to change for most of my life. She loves me, we talk, but only if I arrange it or my Aunt who she lives with arranges our chat times. If I didn't call, weeks would go by. I am at home this past week recovering from surgery, the inner child in me wishes she would call to check in on me. She hasn't. I am in my early 50's but still wish my mom would take the time to reach out to me. I have got to STOP wishing that my mom would change, and accept her for who she is. I need to work on this!
That is so, so tough, and I feel for you. Similar, here, my mother was always self-centered, and now she has dementia, and accepting that my issues with her will never be resolved, is a step toward resolution in itself. I just repeat "love and compassion" when I get anxious, and try to direct some love and compassion toward ME.
You were sent to me this last 2 days. Literally, first time seeing your name, and I've watched this podcast 6 times. I cried all through the first time. Part of the 2nd..all I can tell you, is thank you so sincerely, you'll not know your impact for me. Drop..the rope. 20 years of severe alcoholism in my husband and I'm just exhausted. After everything I've done and tried and said, and all I have to do is drop..the rope
Mel, thanks for not gradually leading the 3 points (forcing listeners to lengthening viewtime). Your so good and honest (and entertaining) listening to the end is naturally earned! BTW, I rarely make comments.
I don't take well to "orders" and "you should". Everyone thinks it's a character flaw and I am bull headed. It's nice to hear 97% of other people don't take to it either! Thanks Mel, and I love your books.
Mel, do you know how many people would love to be your assistant, to organize your day? Lots of retired people who need a purpose could volunteer or young people out of school who need experience and are struggling with the bs of their childhood, get someone. Ive been watching you since 2020 and you could accept help. Btw, I enjoy you and love you
You're so kind. She's just using that as another of 1 million excuses she has. First world rich people problems, oh you poor thing you had to move from your nice house in Boston to your rich house in Vermont? Call the wambulance!😫😭
Im absolutely blessed to have found you, Mel, and also Anna Runkle "The Crappy Childhood Fairy." You have both changed my life for the better. I hope you both get everything you deserve in life for the insight you're giving people ❤🎉
This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. I have been in a dark place because of little things my bf does that irritates me. Going forward, I am going to work on my happiness and not being so negative! Thank you for that. I have been asking God to give me a sign and miraculously there you are! ❤
Focusing on yourself and your self-improvement goals is not selfish or non caring towards others. It's like putting on the oxygen mask before you can be there to aid other people. Take care of you. Do not wait for permission to be granted from another human that you are worth your time. You're "worth it". You are. You are the most important person you have in your corner. Protect and improve you. Take care of you.😊❤
Mel, I stand at the counter and put the appointments in my calendar before I walk out. I set an alert on the calendar for the day before and an hour before. When it alerts me the day before, I set and alarm for an hour ahead the next day. I have had a terrible memory since I was 40. I am 73 now and this works for me.
Brilliant talk Mel---and lovely of you to be honest enough to share personal examples of the dynamics you are conveying. Remember we cannot be ace at every valuable skill. Be kind to yourself when you make attempts to change your forgetful patterns. I believe in you.....
This right here....the dog barking on q...lmfao...so my life omg. "Do better." I would have started laughing. The reason I'm writing this comment is because the puppy story you shared....explained exactly why I love this channel. ❤️
I ran to listen to this podcast as if I were being chased by a lion up a tree! I found myself (again) trying to ‘help’ my husband see the error of his ways in dealing with something that is frankly, none of my business. This always begins with me trying to assist him. And it always ends up with me insisting that he do it the ‘right’ way. I love you Mel….Once again you’ve saved me from myself. Thank you!
Hi Mel. You’re so honest, you refreshingly cut to the chase, and you share your message positively with humor. Truthfully, that’s an incredible gift as people retain 80-90% more when it’s taught with laughter- think about good comedians: the audience is attentive. Thanks for sharing your life’s lessons with Chris with us. He seems pretty cool and so are you. Great podcast. Thank you and happy holidays. 💜
I work as a in home care person. I am not a nurse. I do care for my people very much. One lady two year's later complaining the other neighbor ladies don't say Hi to her or invite her places. She complains all the time. She doesn't have mental difficulties! Sometimes it's hard to listen to. I am drained by the time I go. Thanks Mel Jennifer 😁
@@ThePossumone I am very kind to her. Yesterday I spent 4 unpaid hours at ER with her because I care. If I were to talk to her about she would be very offended. It would make things very awkward. Some days are very good. Jennifer
I love everything about this episode, and everything about the positive impact you’re creating with your podcast. I relate to you so much. Thank you Mel 💛
Chris is the owner too, he can help get dog to the vet as well. My husband is forgetful at times, but it is not intentional. He is an amazing person otherwise. So I have learned to help him to remember, but with respect and love intact. You are good person, Mel. Don't sweat it.
They already had one dog that was Chris's responsibility because no one else took care of it, Mel promised him if he would let her get another dog that she would be completely responsible for it.
Mel, thank you for having the courage and humility to show your areas of challenge in this video. I think it greatly strengthens the presentation. Certainly make you one of the few I will consider returning to and following. Don't worry about the naysayers: as you probably know, negativity is usually some form of projection by folks who are least happy with themselves.
Thank you for being so honest about yourself! You Rock! Why couldn’t he put the dogs appointments in the calendar? Why was it only your responsibility? How is it only your fault?
Because they already had one dog that Chris completely took care of in every way because nobody else would, Mel absolutely promised him if he let them get another dog, she would be completely responsible for it. That's why 😂
You sound just like me. I’ve been married for 6yrs. My 1st marriage & my husband’s 3rd. I am the queen of forgetfulness. He is great at reminding me of every appt. He has photographic memory, and I don’t. I don’t forget on purpose. He is so gentle with me. We all have our faults & none of us are perfect of coarse and I’m so glad he understands this about me with acceptance. ❤
I love and appreciate your vulnerability and real life experiences when discussing topics. Iv found you recently and really enjoy your podcasts and learn a lot. I agree with all you said, if they wanted to they would, dont try to change people and dont be angry with them for not being who you want them to be. I also believe in once you see who they are, if its an unhealthy or toxic situation its ok to live feom afar and wish them well. My peace is my highest priority. Family or otherwise. 🩷
I get this on such a deep level. I'm an alcoholic in recovery and I have friends who are struggling and I get frustrated with them even though I remember what it was like for me when I was struggling. I can't do it for them. She is highly motivated motivated but right now she is unable to change.
I really needed to hear this today! Thaaank you, Mel Thank you for sharing your real life experience with us. Don't beat yourself up about the vet faux pas... we all make mistakes.
Mel, im afraid you will go off utube. please dont. i am living by you every day. thank you from the bottom of my heart. I share them with my family Judy in MN
The Struggle is so real with my mother....i am 49 yrs old, rebuilding my life. She is content being miserable and pointing out other's faults and judging others. INCLUDING ME, her only living child. She has been like this my entire life. It's led to me never feeling 'good enough ', ever. My brother felt the same way and is no longer with us due to a 25 yr drug addiction. The loss of him and her loss of worrying constantly about him, has made her focus and judge me even more. I went through a difficult divorce 3.5 yrs ago and am working on healing from the trauma of a 20 yr marriage to a narcissist and in that, I've realized my mother is also a narcissist. I have a wonderful man in my life now but she just picks at him and points out faults to me. My dad tries to support me with non judgment but her influence sometimes gets to him and it hurts. This podcast is so helpful for me. I will never change her and i can just keep doing what I've been doing, accept her as is, love her but keep space between us. Her mother treated her coldly and i know she loves me and is doing the best she can. Her view of 'helping me' is just different than mine. TY Mel. I love you. ❤
Love your stuff. I also just wanted to say that I feel we cannot put limits on peoples healing. If they are trying it is important to help but 6 months can be short depending on the trauma the received. I can’t say I wallow but I do have hard times as I try and do better but I have bad days. There are court dates coming up that have been ongoing for almost a year and putting a time limit would be difficult for me if people in my life did this. The trauma is still happening through court. Just my thoughts
Agreed. I’m in the early stages of a traumatic divorce and I can’t imagine my closest friends placing that limit on my grief and healing. I get what she’s saying BUT… nuance. This is when knowing the person you love is important.
Your story confirms for me that when I said, "I'm trying!" and I was accused of not caring, that I was expressing the truth. It wasn't just an excuse or a deflection. What makes me sad still is that I dont have anyone in my life right now (I'm working on that, btw) that knows/cares enough to hear me say that and realize that I was asking for help. I've wasted too much time trying to get help from people helpers that aren't really people helpers. (Even though it's in or IS their job description.).
Love ❤️ love ❤️ love ❤ all these beautiful suggestions, reminders and insights! You’re too cool for words and I especially enjoy the humility and transparency you possess. God bless you ❤🎉❤
![Seungmin "그렇게, 천천히, 우리(As we are)" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kAzmhLHePqU/mqdefault.jpg)
If you got something out of this video, I’d be so grateful if you’d drop a like and subscribe!
Just what I needed to hear. I am only into 20 minutes and realise that you are talking to me - yes, to me! Haha - and listened to you regularly, Mel and I appreciate you so much and thank you so much for the time you give and I hope Chris and your family are able to understand how much you are giving to them where you can n I will try to do better where I can from learning from all of you who devote time for us
Late to this but needed every word. Thank you, Mel. 🩵
Mel - just wow! Thank you for showing up in such a positive, vulnerable, and relatable way. We all are struggling with one thing or another. To your point, we also are beating ourselves up over it. What a powerful moment to realize how our behavior is impacting our relationships - including the one with ourselves - and practical advice on how to channel that energy back in powerful, profound ways. Thanks for the laughs, crys, and honest come to Jesus moments. Love sharing your content to bring others joy and peace as well as the new found label of, "I'm a huge fan girl of Mel Robbins." Cheers, Sarah
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😅😅
But, accepting where they are doesn't mean you have to be around it. You can love but find a way to be distant for self preservation.
Not when you're living with him to take care of them. When you're the only one who will do it who can do it you're stuck doing it
@@lorivybihal5385praying for you. Sometimes (and I’m not saying this is your situation) even if you think you are the only person who can do it, you may not need to do it FOR YOU. You are important as well.
That's the "setting the boundary" part, Michael. 👍👍
@@lorivybihal5385, you get to be uncomfortable either way.
Which discomfort do you choose?
Define your reasons for which discomfort you choose.
And then, you can have your back with liking your reasons for the discomfort.
Life is, too often, full of these "sh*t option 1 vs sh*t option 2" decisions.
@@lorivybihal5385 à
Best (two part) quote I’ve ever heard in my life: “You have to meet people where they are”. The more powerful part of that is “Just because you meet people where they are, does not mean you have to surrender to how they operate”
Love it🎉 You don't have to surrender to HOW THEY operate❤
Hands down!! Words of wisdom!😊
Mind blowing!
You could go to Florida.
Yes - some people are toxic for those around them - accept them and walk away
I am in a very dark space.
Listening to you helps me so much.....the pain in my chest lessens with every word.
Thank you for all you do.
Hello glenda hope you are having a better day today &feeling better🌺👊
Sending supportive energy your way, I've been there recently, Mel is helping me greatly as well. Take care of you.
I know this is 7 months late but I hope your feeling better now. This video is helping me too.
❤
Hang in there. You’re doing well tapping in to helpful resources
One thing we do very poorly is supporting people with grief
I hope grief is an exception to that boundary
We as a society give people 2 weeks
We have allot of broken hearts among us with zero support or compassion
Thank you for this 🫂
For me, I will 100% admit that I'm done trying for my oldest sister. That I am making a choice to keep her out of my life. She's 10 years older than me and I realized I've been abused emotionally for 28 years. I realized I would climb mountains for her while she gave me crumbs. She hasn't changed, but I have and nothing got better for me in her my relationship. So when me saying "stop treating me like a punching bag." Was ignored and instead, she'd rather believe her own lies, I am now healing and accepting, I can't save people from themselves. But I did the best I was capable of at the time. My wanting to go above and beyond doesn't make me a bad person. But I do need to stop sacrificing my needs over other people's wants.
Kim R Those times eventually come. Good to recognize it. Its painful, but in a few years you'll thank yourself.
@@cko8643 Thank you! I am thankful even now. After separating with her, I finally after years of trying to get pregnant, be welcoming my baby girl in March. She won’t have to experience my sister in her childhood.
@Sara Fox I totally get it. I’m done having my feelings treated like a toy she can put on a shelf or break. That’s not how humans work. Accepting despite going against my families wants that I’m done and I’m okay they want to play her games, but I don’t and won’t anymore.
I cannot believe this post. I am going through almost exactly the same thing. My sister is also ten years older than me, and has recently gotten very sick. She seems to think that this is an out to use me as a punching bag. I have tolerated it now for thirty-five days and my
patience have gone completely. Every time she gets me on the phone, I either get an insult a dig or a lie. My husband is furious, and said he cannot tolerate my change in character, which is only a reaction to her gasoline like digs. I wrote her an email telling her that I no longer want contact with her, she was making physically sick. Now I have found out that she has called all of my so called friends and told them her twisted version and of course some more lies.
@@leerubin4374 I'm sorry you're going through that. I get it in my own way. I live by this mindset now, "I want the best for everyone but it should never be at my expense." Do what's right for you. We can't help people who don't want help. Sounds like your sister just relies on the quick fix of verbally shitting on you to make herself feel better. A quick fix isn't gonna help her, but she sounds too self-absorbed to see that. You matter. Your marriage matters. We grow blood and cancer in our bodies. But we cut cancer out. Sometimes family members can be like that too, cancerous. You're not crazy nor being a bad person. You sound burnt out and at your limit. And I feel confident in saying, you probably kindly told her to stop many times and she didn't listen, so you're at your breaking point. I totally get it in my own way. It is hard, especially when dealing with enablers. Your true friends will ask your side and show their loyalty. And the people who were never truly your friend will take themselves out. It's hard and frustrating. I just want to let you know as a fellow baby sister, it is not your fault for trusting your big sister and being tortured into believing this was normal. It's not. We're people, not puppets.
If they wanted to, they would. That hit home. We want to believe someone is hurting or disappointing us because they are confused, distracted, heartbroken. Nope. They are doing exactly what they want to do.
📢 DAMN!! "Your changes do not inspire other ppl. They confront them. " -Mel 👏
Yess!! True words!!!!
💥BOOM!! ❤
You got that right! So true and so relatable. The sooner we all figure this out, the better 😅
One of my favorite things in living alone I can make decisions for myself. I met a few single guys and they told me what role they want me for. I disagreed with everything they said, and I did what i wanted without any of them.
Hehe. Revolutionary? Back to basics. Good job.
Good on you! 👍
Truth. We CAN'T change other people. As soon as we accept that, we have peace.
I have ADHD & ASD (Asbergers). I just learned this about a year ago (I'm 73). Know what else I learned? I learned that most people are walking around with SOMETHING that interferes with them doing their best. I believe that people WANT to do the best they can, but often struggle to do so for any number of reasons. I learned to look at others and myself through a different lens & to stop judging & start forgiving.
Excellent program, Mel. ❤
I have aut- adhd too. I'm 46 self diagnosed
Hear Hear. I should do more of that...not to judge people. 🤔
Hear Hear. I should do more of that...not to judge people. 🤔
This was life changing.
1. If they wanted to they would.
2. You cant make someone else change.
3. Stop being mad because people arent being what you want them to be.
Thank you Mel. I listened to this podcast intently. You said so many profound things like you changing doesnt inspire people, it confronts them. Wow!
Just so you know, I too have dropped the ball on my kids and pets and forgot immunizatiins and appointments. Life happens, shit happens. You are not alone.
Thanks!!
Susan Humphries “ Dissolving Illusions” highly recommend this book. It’s more than ok to forget those immunizations and might just have happened for a reason.
I am protecting my energy WHETHER someone likes it or NOT in Jesus name Amen🌻
Amen
Amen!
@@insoromanoworries7923 Thank you. Blessings
@@CatharineCummings Thanks! Blessings
Agreed! There comes a point when enough is enough across the board. ❤
People are resistant to change because it takes courage to change. Change is scary because it’s going from the known into the unknown. Something you’ve never done before. Thank you for this honest video Mel.
"Letting go of the struggle, often makes the struggle go away." ~ Mel
That is genius, and is *so true*!! 💖
Amen.
Yes. What we resists persists.
"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink"
Thinking about this I had to just stop trying to solve everyone's problems that they don't want to solve but just want to complain about non stop. It's exhausting but some people just don't want to change and that's their business, not yours or mine. I loved this episode. ❤️
I think, too, this is my favourite episode. I had an aha moment! I already knew this to be true but to hear it the way Mel puts it resonates with me. I am always trying to gage myself around others personalities, expectations of me, others feelings. At the end of the day I have to be responsible for me and that entails 100% Thank you Mel. I could listen to you all night. xo
When a person repeatedly dumps on me about their sad situation, I, "What are you going to DO about it?"
In a universe that is so chaotic and meaningless, I have to thank fate for letting me experience such a bright person like you ❤ Bright may not be quite the right word to use, but you radiate calm and warmth, and you are generally such a pleasant and beautiful person to look at. You give joy and a smile. Mel Robbins take good care of yourself and your unique heart!
I completely agree. Something went my way and gave me help. I feel blessed by her. I believe in sowing and reaping. She deserves great things because I know she is helping with a pure heart
Mel is a blessing to humanity! May God bless her abundantly 😇
I love you Mel. You have helped me so much in my life. Thank you so much
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Hi I a atis
And it's made her a millionaire several times over!
Mel - I got into the groove cleaning the garage today while listening to your videos. Just wanted to say thank you and you’ve made this guy feel so much better and secure about himself and his relationships today. 😊
LOL. The best irony.... Mel is the worst at that chore. She openly admits it. I Love That SHE HELPED YOU GET CLEANING DONE !! 😂❤
I'm making positive changes for myself. I became single, not by choices I made, I lost every close relationship I used to have. Now that I'm suddenly single with an empty nest, things have changed drastically, I recently lost my job. I'm doing a side business, finding my next phase of life. Embracing things, so many people don't talk to me much anymore. Thank you for your advice and stories from your own life, for being so honesty.
My jaw dropped reading your comment. Word for word is what my life looks like today.
I get it. I understand. You're not alone, YOU GOT THIS!!❤❤
Wow I LOVE that! " if they wanted to, they would". Light bulbs going off!
Every. Time. Every time I listen to Mel Robbins, I hear what I need to hear in that moment. It's amazing, the universe is talking to me through you, Mel! I love you ❤️
Thank you for being so transparent & willing to make yourself vulnerable with specific examples as you share your content, Mel.
We will not crucify you for this. Please don't beat yourself up, or let anyone here beat you up. We are all here because you offer uplift, knowledge & tools we need. Nobody here is any better than you & nobody here is entitled to b* at you or find fault with what challenges you. We each have our own challenges & faults & we're each here bc you help us.
My Dad is 85 & always says, "All men have feet of clay."
Thank you Mel, for being willing to show your clay to help us take hold of what you shared here today.
Much love to you & your family. 💙
PS- You help me very much by being willing to speak the truth & cut through the BS.
I am so glad you clarified “they would if they could”. I also have ADHD & live a parallel life over here. I’m trying.
One tip about wellness exams that my aunt taught me is to schedule them around your birthday so that you don’t forget. I am also surprised that your vet didn’t call or email to confirm your appointment. You can always ask them to send you reminders. Sometimes they send them in the mail or text.
This is awesome! And very true.. I am a trainer, I start work at 5 am , Monday thru Friday… I’m 51 years old… my husband does not usually enjoy working out… I’ve said nothing, and started going on hikes and walks on the weekends, also with our dogs, he asked to join me one morning and now we go together some Saturdays… it’s very true, you can’t change people, but you can certainly set a good example, like your channel Mel! Love your podcasts, keep them coming!..👍🙏💕❤️
Love your story!! Next month, more Saturdays 🧡
@melrobbins I can't express how VALIDATING it was for me to hear you sharing publicly about your experience with your dog, how HEALING it is for me to hear your story about finding ways to make ADHD life work for you and your husband, how EMPOWERING it is for me to hear you fully own your ADHD... I have been diagnosed with ADHD at 30, after a lifetime of struggle, shame, guilt, anxiety, depression, isolation, hiding, masking.... and it is *so* important and relevant to have this in the open!! It helps people like me immensely to look at their life-long helplessness from an empowering perspective! Thank you for your honesty, truth, authenticity and bravery! ❤️
I heard this somewhere. The definition of when someone is ready to make a change is when pain of doing nothing is stronger than the fear of making a change, you know you’re ready for the change.
This is what I needed after so much wallowing in my past traumas. I needed too hear this today and make a change 🙏
This podcast absolutely smacked me in the face with the “oh hell ya, it’s not me and I deserve to be in a safe and non toxic environment that I can heal and find peace in!” I got a traumatic brain injury 2 yrs ago. I was off work for a year and my life and my “new norm” has changed how I respond to my environment including to noise, stress, visual input, fatigue and having to relearn how to do my job as a realtor which takes some serious cognitive skills but I’m a bad ass boss and I’ll come out better! But daily I have to continue to learn new ways to adapt to my internal and external world I now live in and find inner peace and external quiet to be able to continue to be productive, have an effective career and heal.
I’ve been begging my husband to move to another quieter and safer area of town because we live on a main road and truck route in a big homeless area and my nerves and lack of ability to distinguish sounds is making my life feel like I’m living in constant fight or flight. We own 3 homes, 2 being rentals, and absolutely have the financial ability to move but he chooses not to do anything, just avert and make excuses. Hence, if he really wanted it he’d make it happen.
Thank you for confirming this. He obviously doesn’t want to support his wife in sickness and in health so I’m out! I’ll be renting a nice house that meets my needs without him and get my health, life and career back on track for me! And find the peace and happiness I deserve. This will be hard but damn it I am worth it! ❤
I was in the park walking my dog and my thoughts keep interrupting me as I listened to your words. So I kept rewinding because I identified so much with your words. Thank you. Even though my dog Shilo has helped me with my feelings of loneliness, I am so happy I listened to your inspiring words ❤
This has been one of the most valuable things I have watched it has answered questions for me , I have been depressed and frustrated by my grown children and now I feel I have some answers for what’s been going on
You may be right with alot yet us ppl who have toxic family and are single suffer by trying to connect yet we don't have a mate, kids, extra money since living alone and don't drink or smoke. I can't keep holding all my friendships UP. IT IS WEARING.
Very good points. People bein people is what it amounts to. That is why I have become as anti-social as I possibly can. My friendship circle has been closed for sometime. I miss people, but I DON'T miss them also, if that makes sense.
I love how real you are, Mel. Even if you know it could cause back lash, you still share for the betterment of the community. I think you will be surprised with how many GOOD comments you will get because you make us feel not so alone. You are relatable AF and THAT is why we keep coming back!🙌♥️
Agree 100%!!!
99.9% of people i know do nothing unless it serves them, without any consideration for others so I have given up and don't bother with them. This is certainly very freeing because I am not dragged down anymore even if means that I spend my time without many people around.
Mel, my sister is that person you are talking about. She “wallows” in her misery and complains to me regularly about it. My statement lately has been “Don’t tell me about it if you aren’t willing to do anything to change it. I love you, and you definitely deserve better, but you have to want things to be better and take those steps to change it. I deserve peace in my life”. She doesn’t like when I say this, and usually goes on a rant about how no one cares about her. Just like you said Mel. Waiting for the day when she makes that leap.💕💕
I am going to remember this. Peace with myself first and foremost.
❤ Pray for Your Sister 🙏 God will help her ❤❤
I want to say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for being vulnerable and sharing how you have missed appointments. I have struggled with that all my life. The people in my past have always "poked fun" at me. They also have belittled me for not being better or being more like them. Which I now know is a part of my anxiety. Thank you for all your pod casts, I listen to them daily, and I am doing the work to become the best version of myself.
1.) Change hard
2.) Not up to you to change other people.
3.) Accept them for who they are.
Wait. I wasn't looking to change anyone. I guess I was just looking for how to be less peeved about intersecting with their apparently mindless actions.
Hello Mel! This topic sounds like my life. I was married for 22 years. I hold it together for everyone except for myself. I was very unhappy. I’ve now been divorced for five years and my ADHD has exploded. I didn’t know I had it in my previous life. I definitely know I have it now but I am happier. I’m dealing with it. I’m becoming a better person because I’m now aware. I allow myself to make mistakes. And some thing else. Very interesting is that I have a “Chris “in my life. He’s amazing. He has the patience of a saint. Thank you for sharing what’s going on in your life. I’ve spent my whole life trying to fix people. I’m not doing that anymore. It was a complete waste of my time and it made them angry with me.
❤ Good Bless You ❤❤
I love your honesty about your imperfections! It makes it so much easier to accept that we all have to work on ourselves. ❤
"If you want to know where somebody stands on an issue, watch their actions don't listen to their words." WOW! And it's true about me too.
WOW your vulnerability just blows me away. Thank you for sharing the incident with Chris. I often tell MYSELF to 'stop with the ADHD shit.' But time blindness is real. I can relate to your solution: make Chris the point person. At some point, I realize I can't fight the ADHD but I do have to address it. I think delegation is the key, but it's very hard to give up control.
Thank you. I regularly feel depleted and you regularly fill me back up. Ace.
A few days ago I was sharing with my therapist about the dream I had of tug of war with my adult son, and I finally let go of the rope! He is in a trauma bonded relationship with a highly abusive, narcissistic girlfriend. I have pointed this out to him, and yes I realize the courage to get out has to come from him. It took me 15 yrs. to get out of a narcissistic abusive marriage to his father. My hope is that maybe one of these days he will see the light. There is nothing more I can say or do. Thank you Mel.
My son just got discarded from his x narc girlfriend. I totally get you with this one. I hope your son sees the truth too. God bless you! My son is getting better from an addiction too. Bc he was 8 years with her. Just be there for him. It will mean a lot.❤️
I have a niece who has been wallowing in her divorce for 6 years now. I just sent her an email two months ago telling her I’d no longer be listening to her about this. She’s been unwilling to see a therapist or get any other form of help. It was so good to hear you say 6 months was plenty. I see now that I’ve been entirely too generous with my time with her but I now have an idea of what’s reasonable and I’m ready to implement that going forward. Thank you!!!
Awwwww honey. I am a professional obedience dog trainer. I work with couples. Your story means a lot to me. I advise my couple clients to SHARE the responsibilities. These things will happen. You are human. No dog owner is perfect. You and Chris can work on this together. Your dog is loved and I KNOW you BOTH will work this out. Love you and please give your dog…a 💋for me. Love Maray🐶
I am african immigrant, I approve this message. Mel you are new favorite aunty. Your RUclips podcast has been a blessing. God bless you.
I never write down appointments.
They go directly into the phone calender, with the time, location, phone number and a reminder the day before. Also, a little car emoji.
You are helping me change my life and finally become who I am even at 47. This episode popped in my feed a year after . Every post , podcast & book I learn what I’m capable of and deserve , and how I can treat others better. When I first listened found your podcast I thought if I just was better at everything you can imagine then I would be lovable and worthy, but now eyes are open . ❤
Oh my goodness I just love you so much Mel! I have an ADD brain also and I marvel at the fact that I didn’t miss more doctors appointments ect when my kids were small! I just have to tell you how funny the universe is, I am actually listening to this podcast after doing my workout, I have been consistently working out for a few months now and my husband because of the crappy weather, not being able to golf or bike, has been doing the opposite not really moving much and I think I irritate him when I do! So this morning he was sitting on the couch as I was walking around with my weights and he looks at me and he says to me do you really need to walk with weights if your not training for a race? II started to argue then just continued with my workout because I KNOW he isn’t feeling great about not moving a lot at the moment AND then this is the podcast I chose ha ha! Love you have a great day everyone!
I absolutely love how open you are about your struggles and issues. You are so very relatable and I only wish we could have lunch every week. Thank you for being so honest and transparent. Much love ❤
Thanks Mel, I am genuinely so grateful to you for making this podcast. It’s like I was blind and now I can see. It’s going to help me immensely in my relationship with my daughter, whom I’ve been judging,
instead of loving her where she’s at. I just see the truth in all this now and I know I can change for the better. Thanks again for the work that you do. It really, really does make a difference to peoples lives. Much love, Cath X
WOW!!!! This was so valueable!!! My husband has ADHD as well and I could really relate with the yelling of your husband about the puppy... Same happppened here. We found a way to manage our daily life together. This podcast helps me A LOT! THanks so much, have a nice day everyone
I had to walk away from someone I truly cared for due to his toxic mindset and because they said they loved me but were into things that were hurting himself and how can he love me if he can't even love himself? I refuse to accept being around toxic people and their toxic behaviors.❤
They won’t change BUT YOU WILL!
What draws me to you, Mel, is your transparency! I find myself nodding in agreement with these lessons. I am coming to a better understanding of myself. Like you, I didn't learn a lot of these things until my upper 40's. I love, love this podcast!
So relatable, Mel!!! And I struggle too with ADHD!!!! I swear it has gotten worse as I've gotten older! I am soo bad to forget to calendar, etc. You are most definitely not alone friend.
I have to add on to my previous comment because I am further along in the podcast. I have had a realization that I have been wishing my mother to change for most of my life. She loves me, we talk, but only if I arrange it or my Aunt who she lives with arranges our chat times. If I didn't call, weeks would go by. I am at home this past week recovering from surgery, the inner child in me wishes she would call to check in on me. She hasn't. I am in my early 50's but still wish my mom would take the time to reach out to me. I have got to STOP wishing that my mom would change, and accept her for who she is. I need to work on this!
Awww, I feel your pain. Went thru that last year with my own mother.
Really hurt. Finally let it go.
Wishing you a good recovery. Sincerely.
That is so, so tough, and I feel for you. Similar, here, my mother was always self-centered, and now she has dementia, and accepting that my issues with her will never be resolved, is a step toward resolution in itself. I just repeat "love and compassion" when I get anxious, and try to direct some love and compassion toward ME.
You were sent to me this last 2 days. Literally, first time seeing your name, and I've watched this podcast 6 times. I cried all through the first time. Part of the 2nd..all I can tell you, is thank you so sincerely, you'll not know your impact for me. Drop..the rope. 20 years of severe alcoholism in my husband and I'm just exhausted. After everything I've done and tried and said, and all I have to do is drop..the rope
Mel, thanks for not gradually leading the 3 points (forcing listeners to lengthening viewtime). Your so good and honest (and entertaining) listening to the end is naturally earned! BTW, I rarely make comments.
I don't take well to "orders" and "you should". Everyone thinks it's a character flaw and I am bull headed. It's nice to hear 97% of other people don't take to it either! Thanks Mel, and I love your books.
Mel, do you know how many people would love to be your assistant, to organize your day? Lots of retired people who need a purpose could volunteer or young people out of school who need experience and are struggling with the bs of their childhood, get someone. Ive been watching you since 2020 and you could accept help. Btw, I enjoy you and love you
You're so kind. She's just using that as another of 1 million excuses she has. First world rich people problems, oh you poor thing you had to move from your nice house in Boston to your rich house in Vermont? Call the wambulance!😫😭
I’m always complaining about the weather!!!
True that!
I LOVE YOUR PODCASTS!! WE ARE ALL HUMAN!! I recently got divorced because he was an alcoholic. Listening to you helps me!!
Thank you for being so real and open so the rest of us can feel normal and not alone. You are amazing.
Your husband is absolutely incredible. You scored in the biggest way and you deserve it! So glad you two have each other. ❤
Thank you for the transcript. I can go back and write down things that are relevant to me.
Thank you Mel, for helping me to survive
Im absolutely blessed to have found you, Mel, and also Anna Runkle "The Crappy Childhood Fairy." You have both changed my life for the better. I hope you both get everything you deserve in life for the insight you're giving people ❤🎉
you are so interesting to listen to or so relatable. im really enjoying this.
This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. I have been in a dark place because of little things my bf does that irritates me. Going forward, I am going to work on my happiness and not being so negative! Thank you for that. I have been asking God to give me a sign and miraculously there you are! ❤
Focusing on yourself and your self-improvement goals is not selfish or non caring towards others. It's like putting on the oxygen mask before you can be there to aid other people. Take care of you.
Do not wait for permission to be granted from another human that you are worth your time. You're "worth it".
You are.
You are the most important person you have in your corner. Protect and improve you. Take care of you.😊❤
Mel, I stand at the counter and put the appointments in my calendar before I walk out. I set an alert on the calendar for the day before and an hour before. When it alerts me the day before, I set and alarm for an hour ahead the next day. I have had a terrible memory since I was 40. I am 73 now and this works for me.
Brilliant talk Mel---and lovely of you to be honest enough to share personal examples of the dynamics you are conveying. Remember we cannot be ace at every valuable skill. Be kind to yourself when you make attempts to change your forgetful patterns. I believe in you.....
This right here....the dog barking on q...lmfao...so my life omg. "Do better." I would have started laughing. The reason I'm writing this comment is because the puppy story you shared....explained exactly why I love this channel. ❤️
I ran to listen to this podcast as if I were being chased by a lion up a tree! I found myself (again) trying to ‘help’ my husband see the error of his ways in dealing with something that is frankly, none of my business. This always begins with me trying to assist him. And it always ends up with me insisting that he do it the ‘right’ way. I love you Mel….Once again you’ve saved me from myself. Thank you!
Hi Mel. You’re so honest, you refreshingly cut to the chase, and you share your message positively with humor. Truthfully, that’s an incredible gift as people retain 80-90% more when it’s taught with laughter- think about good comedians: the audience is attentive. Thanks for sharing your life’s lessons with Chris with us. He seems pretty cool and so are you. Great podcast. Thank you and happy holidays. 💜
I work as a in home care person. I am not a nurse. I do care for my people very much. One lady two year's later complaining the other neighbor ladies don't say Hi to her or invite her places. She complains all the time. She doesn't have mental difficulties!
Sometimes it's hard to listen to. I am drained by the time I go. Thanks Mel Jennifer 😁
Can you tell her ? Kindly ?
@@ThePossumone I am very kind to her. Yesterday I spent 4 unpaid hours at ER with her because I care. If I were to talk to her about she would be very offended. It would make things very awkward. Some days are very good. Jennifer
I love everything about this episode, and everything about the positive impact you’re creating with your podcast. I relate to you so much. Thank you Mel 💛
Chris is the owner too, he can help get dog to the vet as well. My husband is forgetful at times, but it is not intentional. He is an amazing person otherwise. So I have learned to help him to remember, but with respect and love intact. You are good person, Mel. Don't sweat it.
They already had one dog that was Chris's responsibility because no one else took care of it, Mel promised him if he would let her get another dog that she would be completely responsible for it.
Mel, thank you for having the courage and humility to show your areas of challenge in this video.
I think it greatly strengthens the presentation. Certainly make you one of the few I will consider returning to and following.
Don't worry about the naysayers: as you probably know, negativity is usually some form of projection by folks who are least happy with themselves.
Thank you for being so honest about yourself! You Rock!
Why couldn’t he put the dogs appointments in the calendar? Why was it only your responsibility? How is it only your fault?
Because they already had one dog that Chris completely took care of in every way because nobody else would, Mel absolutely promised him if he let them get another dog, she would be completely responsible for it. That's why 😂
Thank you for being so brave and start your own podcast Mel, your words are gold in my life ❤️
You sound just like me. I’ve been married for 6yrs. My 1st marriage & my husband’s 3rd. I am the queen of forgetfulness. He is great at reminding me of every appt. He has photographic memory, and I don’t. I don’t forget on purpose. He is so gentle with me. We all have our faults & none of us are perfect of coarse and I’m so glad he understands this about me with acceptance. ❤
I love and appreciate your vulnerability and real life experiences when discussing topics. Iv found you recently and really enjoy your podcasts and learn a lot. I agree with all you said, if they wanted to they would, dont try to change people and dont be angry with them for not being who you want them to be. I also believe in once you see who they are, if its an unhealthy or toxic situation its ok to live feom afar and wish them well. My peace is my highest priority. Family or otherwise. 🩷
So powerful Mel 💪🏻 Thank you for your wisdom!
Thanks Mel for the great advice!🌻
🥰You're empowering & helping to heal lives, Mel. Thank you! ♡
Thank you!😘
Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today
I just realized at 44 , they I can't do anything about changing others permanently
I get this on such a deep level. I'm an alcoholic in recovery and I have friends who are struggling and I get frustrated with them even though I remember what it was like for me when I was struggling. I can't do it for them. She is highly motivated motivated but right now she is unable to change.
I really needed to hear this today! Thaaank you, Mel Thank you for sharing your real life experience with us. Don't beat yourself up about the vet faux pas... we all make mistakes.
Mel, im afraid you will go off utube. please dont. i am living by you every day. thank you from the bottom of my heart. I share them with my family Judy in MN
It is really hard for me… I either have to accept him or leave him. Both are hard.
Are you going to be able to stay with him and keep your sanity? I couldn’t. I left after 28 yrs of an abusive marriage.
Expectation breeds resentment. I try and keep those words in my mind whenever I feel the need to change someone for my own benefit.
Thank you your a beautiful soul and a wonderful blessing to humanity!
The Struggle is so real with my mother....i am 49 yrs old, rebuilding my life. She is content being miserable and pointing out other's faults and judging others. INCLUDING ME, her only living child. She has been like this my entire life. It's led to me never feeling 'good enough ', ever. My brother felt the same way and is no longer with us due to a 25 yr drug addiction. The loss of him and her loss of worrying constantly about him, has made her focus and judge me even more. I went through a difficult divorce 3.5 yrs ago and am working on healing from the trauma of a 20 yr marriage to a narcissist and in that, I've realized my mother is also a narcissist. I have a wonderful man in my life now but she just picks at him and points out faults to me. My dad tries to support me with non judgment but her influence sometimes gets to him and it hurts. This podcast is so helpful for me. I will never change her and i can just keep doing what I've been doing, accept her as is, love her but keep space between us. Her mother treated her coldly and i know she loves me and is doing the best she can. Her view of 'helping me' is just different than mine. TY Mel. I love you. ❤
Love your stuff. I also just wanted to say that I feel we cannot put limits on peoples healing. If they are trying it is important to help but 6 months can be short depending on the trauma the received. I can’t say I wallow but I do have hard times as I try and do better but I have bad days. There are court dates coming up that have been ongoing for almost a year and putting a time limit would be difficult for me if people in my life did this. The trauma is still happening through court. Just my thoughts
Agreed. I’m in the early stages of a traumatic divorce and I can’t imagine my closest friends placing that limit on my grief and healing. I get what she’s saying BUT… nuance. This is when knowing the person you love is important.
Your story confirms for me that when I said, "I'm trying!" and I was accused of not caring, that I was expressing the truth. It wasn't just an excuse or a deflection. What makes me sad still is that I dont have anyone in my life right now (I'm working on that, btw) that knows/cares enough to hear me say that and realize that I was asking for help. I've wasted too much time trying to get help from people helpers that aren't really people helpers. (Even though it's in or IS their job description.).
I need Mel in my ear everyday! I appreciate your podcast! ❤
Ditto!!! 👍🥰
You are inspiring,direct,clear,and to top it off, politely compassionate. Thank you kindly
Love ❤️ love ❤️ love ❤ all these beautiful suggestions, reminders and insights! You’re too cool for words and I especially enjoy the humility and transparency you possess. God bless you ❤🎉❤