Top 10 Dating Mistakes Christians Need to Avoid!
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 25 ноя 2021
- Did you know that we have bad marriages because we have bad courtships? It's true. The better we get courtship and dating, the more successful our marriages will be. In this video I want to give you what I believe are the top 10 mistakes Christians make when dating.
Dating as a Christian can be tricky but hopefully you will be able to avoid wasting time, money and heartache by minimizing the mistakes outlined in this video. If you know someone who is dating, please send this video their way.
DATING VS. COURTSHIP
• What's The Difference ...
SHOP OUR NEW MERCH HERE!
allens-shop.fourthwall.com/
SUBSCRIBE TO THE BEAT!
/ thebeatagp
JOIN THE #1 ONLINE CHRISTIAN COMMUNITY ON THE INTERNET
letsequip.com/community
LEARN TO STUDY THE BIBLE
bit.ly/ytbsme1
REGISTER FOR OUR FREE 60-MINUTE BIBLE STUDY TRAINING CLASS
go.letsequip.com/tbaoptin
LEARN HOW TO CREATE YOUR OWN CHRISTIAN RUclips CHANNEL
bit.ly/cfccourse
DOWNLOAD YOUR FREE EBOOK
bit.ly/iybsfree
SUPPORT THIS MINISTRY FINANCIALLY
allenparr.com/support
FOLLOW ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA
Website | allenparr.com
Instagram | / allengparr
Twitter | / allengparr
Facebook | / allengparr
TO INVITE ME TO SPEAK:
Want to have Allen come and speak at your next event?
allenparr.com/speaking
Hey BEAT singles! I hope you REALLY tune in and listen to this video AND share it with someone who needs it. This is some of my best advice to singles who are dating. Enjoy and share!
Do you know where the word christian really comes from?? The ku Klux klan are christian. Do you feel comfortable referring to the same title as your oppressors? I DON'T. The MESSIAH'S name is not Jesus Christ anyways...HIS NAME IS YAHUSHUA HA'MACHIACH. HE came in HIS FATHER'S name
This is a good comprehensive list. Good stuff my brother. Despite any mistakes you made, waiting until 40 was a good move, I should have waited until later. At 34, I was still immature to an extent. Keep up the good work.
Thank You Allen, Good Advice! God Bless.
Video ideas:
Is it a sin not want to become a mother ever?
Is it bad to get married but not become a mother?
Is it a sin to be asexual?( not wanting to ever have sex and no desire to ever marry and lose virginity).
Or is it a sin to get married and have a sexual life but not have children?
Ephesians 6:12 “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”
God love ALL humans, he loathes anti-humanity organizations (Romans 1:26-32) These organizations, such as Sodom, Nazi, CCP, drug cartels, human traffickers, organ harvesters, genocide performers, are the true meanings of “men committed shameful acts with other men.”
Don’t take Romans 1:26-27 out of context and use it to attack gay people. It has nothing to do with gays.
LGBTQ+ are humans. Churches attack them are anti-humanity organizations too. Don’t be fooled by Satan’s teachings and explanations. He wants to turn churches into anti-humanity organizations for sure.
In Christianity, marriage is holy. It’s a spiritual covenant between two souls. It’s sad to see churches today define marriage as physically as a union between a male body and a female body adopted from unbelievers.
Excellent! I'd add two things: There must be a consistent (not perfect) agreement of 1) morals and 2) theology. From experience, I can tell you that to disagree with MOST things morally and theologically is not only heartbreaking, but frightening when considering raising children in the faith.
Yep, that's why I'm still single
Absolutely
Agreed! As an only child of a Roman Catholic mom and “lukewarm” LDS Mormon dad: *NO WONDER* they didn’t work out! 🤦🏻♀️
I now make sure to focus on standards first _then_ physical/personality preferences by relying on Four Foundational F’s:
1. *Faith*
(Like you said: same theologically and equally yoked so values are the same.)
2. *Family*
(more than if you agree on wanting children, do you want to _BE_ a parent? How much do you want to be actively involved with them or would you prefer to outsource parental responsibilities to strangers at some day care for us to both work?)
3. *Fitness*
(Do they treat their body as a temple or a trash can? What about what they allow their mind to consume: junk media or edifying media/books? Are they dogmatic with their diet, like a vegan vs. carnivore?)
4. *Finances*
(debt slave impulsive spender or actively investing for your financial future to hedge against inflation? Selfish or giving? Do they even have a desire to learn or do they choose to have a “poor mindset?”)
@@jessitabonita Spot on!
awesome point
There's another big mistake that I've seen a few christians make: "Moving in with your boyfriend/girlfriend before marriage". This complicates the relationship, especially if you eventually decide that you don't want to marry this person.
right before marriage? If the decision was made that the couple decided that they were looking for marriage than they practically are already engaged because they are engaging in a honeymoon faze. Personally I will move in with a women im dating to marry a year after having that discussion.
@@stevaughnwilliams467 When I said "before marriage", I was referring to any couple that isn't married, not necessarily a couple that is about to be married. There are several reasons why it's a mistake to move in with someone you're not married to:
1. The temptation to fornicate becomes exponentially higher when couples are living in the same house/room/etc.
2. Since the couple is not yet married, they are not obligated by God to stay together. They are permitted to leave the relationship at any time if one of the individuals discovers that their boyfriend/girlfriend is not a suitable partner, however, this decision may be more difficult by the thought of having to find a new place to stay.
Moving in together needs to be held off until actually married, one can leave the relationship up to saying " I do". Allen covers many of these topics in good detail as prescribed by scripture. God gave us His Word to protect us from the evil one, let us put on the Armor of God.
@@lndshrk6628 Agree!
@@lndshrk6628 Considering you will be spending quite a bit of time with that person in the future, moving in together can wait.
A huge red flag: showing disrespect or disregard to family members.
And complaining constantly
-accountability: no one outside of relationship to provide unbiased advice.
-authenticity: don't be pretentious.
-comfortability leads to complacency.
-sexualizing the relationship.
-settling below your standards
-having options.
-overlook red flags.
-not dealing with YOUR baggage.
-not defining the relationship. what are the parameters? communication 👀
-no intention.
would disagree with point 5. Unequally yoked and settling are not the same thing.
@@nishanthrajkumar8333 thanks bro
A man's gotta put his cards on the table from the get go.
I'm going to sound old school ( Skool) but stay off dating sites, it attracts Narcissists, Players, and people already in relationships. Meet people the old way from church, groups that focus on other Christians and activities. When I got transparent that I was looking for a mate, it was that it was similar to finding a job, having that level of focus.
Can't stress enough being equally yoked. Under no conditions consider anyone who isn't a Christian who practices their faith. Having their religion stated on a birth certificate is not the same as living and breathing it. Yes, it reduces the number of people one meets.
Amen!
You're so right! When you're dating the old fashioned way there's less drama.
CAN I GET AN AMEHHHNNN!!!
Narcissists and players can also be found in the church. It's the best place for them to disguise themselves as Christians while looking for vulnerable people (mostly young women) to take advantage of. It happened to me recently and it was the most traumatic experience of my life. Now I'm not too keen on finding a man even if he says that he goes to church and prays daily
@@rebeccahonabajo2529
It is true that you will find all types of the general population at church. But you will also find them at the grocery store as well. And you will definitely find them online. The advantage of fellowship at a church, is that if this individual is a Narcissist, he/she will have left some victims in their path.
The key point is not to get involved too early with them. See how they treat you at the start. They make a move fairly quickly and love bombing stage begins. You are their soul mate or ideal woman/man. They want to move in fairly soon or get married right away if they determine you are actually serious about your celibacy. This can be quite seductive to a women, who usually finds men who want to date for years on end before popping a proposal.
At the very minimum, date someone for at least a year. Make sure that you meet their family. If they don't get along with their family, that's a big warning sign. Because once you get married, you are now family. One of the key points is that a Narcissist will try to pull you away from your own family or even your church family. Ultimately they want you totally dependent on them, and when that happens things start to go downhill.
So, enjoy your church, don't put too much energy into finding " the one", develop your other interests, your education and/or career. No one has ever died from not having romantic relationships,
One of the things I enjoy the most of The BEAT and Allen's messages like this is his openness about how it also has applied to him. His transparency is very a refreshing one among pastors.
I totally agree!
Yes, True!
Yes Sir he really a special Pastor 🙏
In one video this guy says christians are suppose to be narrow minded. Now he is giving dating advice to christians? Just to remind everyone in the comments section, you can not be in a relationship with another person if you are narrow minded.
Something I see in my church a lot is single people (even when they are out of college and have stable jobs and a heathy relationship with God) just waiting for God to drop a person into their lap. People, ESPECIALLY women, if you are at an age and stability where you are ready to start looking for a marriage, you HAVE to put in effort. Be mindful and prayerful about it, but don’t expect God to do all of the work in this situation! Be prayerful in guidance when starting to go on dates, but GO ON DATES AND TALK TO THE OPPOSITE SEX.
Yes!
I agree- to a point.
_He_ who finds a wife finds a good thing, and I’ve noticed that the women who put in all the effort or do more of the hunting, initiating, and approaching than a man does are more masculine rather than _inviting_ and _approachable_ as a godly woman.
I think that the worldly ways of women being an “empowered boss lady feminist” _rather_ than learning from older Titus 2 women on how to be a godly wife, mother, and homemaker has affected a generation of women to waste our most fertile years to get in debt for college for some career that will never be as fulfilling as having a family is. (I’m not diminishing how Proverbs 31 inspires us women to not eat the bread of idleness and work with willing hands…) but I agree with Lori of the Transformed Wife that a lot of us women have been duped and that men need to be encouraged to rise up as the hunters and leaders of a wife and his family.
If only men who are at an age and stability are as encouraged as this to be the one who FINDS his wife from a biblical perspective rather than just look for a girlfriend based on outward worldly lusts.
I'm 30, been single, I have this girl whom I really want to pursue but I don't have a job now. Shall I express my feelings for her or just wait for my job first?
@@talilkr5238 If you haven’t already I think you should try to get to know her, talk to her, hang out, etc. There’s plenty of things you can do without a job to at least get the ball rolling. If it’s someone you already know well then I’d say if you wanted to inform her of how you feel, go for it. If it’s just someone you find intriguing I would personally just wait and get to know them a bit more as friends first. Ultimately the choice is up to you though, and I hope things go well either way!
@@badpiggy2403 thank you so much for your wise advice. It means a lot👍
I've always made the mistake of being unequally yoked, overlooking red flags and settling for less. I wised up by seeking God and staying alone until God is ready to send me my husband.
Me too!
A mistake I had made in the past was staying in a relationship I knew God didn’t want me to be in, with someone who wasn’t where I was spiritually. There was a point I was so convicted I had anxiety and I actually felt pain. So it’s very important to find someone who you can 100% say is Christian and has the same goals as you. Also don’t date young. I don’t want to date again until I know I can or am close to be able to provide for a family
Exactly I was in that same situation for 10 years
I just experienced the same thing. Can you share your experience with the whole process. Did you feel any form of regret afterwards? How was their reception of the breakup? Only if you feel comfortable with sharing of course
To add a few more..
*not knowing who you are before getting into a relationship with someone else.this one is so vital because you'll start losing your self little by little.
*Thinking every Christian man / woman is "the one".
* Poor communication skills.being able to communicate well is not just for marriage, it starts in the dating phase.And it can either make or break your relationship.
*Just a few things I've learned along the way.
Your second tip 👏
It's something i must learn 😂
Being able to Communicate well is being able to Comprehend well.
Which I mean is not all the time of the day you have to communicate every details every minute, like doing Video Calls or continuous calls. Especially when we are busy doing ministries/jobs/etc.
Elisabeth Eliot said, Never tell your date you love them, unless the next words are, Will you marry me?
I'm recently divorced and probably won't bother again. The Apostle Paul made being single sound pretty good
As an only child of a Roman Catholic mom and “lukewarm” LDS Mormon dad: *NO WONDER* they didn’t work out! 🤦🏻♀️
(It was obviously lust, since they fell for each other based on looks/personality.)
I now make sure to focus my attention on standards first _then_ physical/personality preferences by relying on Four Foundational F’s:
1. *Faith*
(Already theologically equally yoked so values are the same, not trying to convert them for my own desire.)
2. *Family*
(more than if you agree on wanting children, do you want to _BE_ a parent? How much do you want to be actively involved with them or would you prefer to outsource parental responsibilities to strangers at some day care for us to both work?)
3. *Fitness*
(Do they treat their body as a temple or a trash can? What about what they allow their mind to consume: junk media or edifying media/books? Are they dogmatic with their diet, like a vegan vs. carnivore?)
4. *Finances*
(debt slave impulsive spender or actively investing for your financial future to hedge against inflation? Selfish or giving? Do they even have a desire to learn/grow or do they choose to have a “poor mindset?”)
Amen
These are great!
I have the same ones, but may I add a fifth F? Freedom! Do they care about freedom and America’s founding principles? Is this person willing to stand up for their beliefs when culture or the government says otherwise? Can also be applied in a personal sense. Are they a slave to anything (porn addiction, gambling, drugs and alcohol, etc.) or have they found freedom in Jesus?
@@TheFitChemist I like it! 😄
… Wouldn’t it fit within the first F of Faith though, since Faith impacts Values impacts Politics impacts Choices impacts Habits impacts Behaviors?
🤔😉
Faith (or theology) is the core WHY we are who we are and what we do and how we do it.
As a Christian, any addictions I have I recognize as idolatry and seek God’s mercy and love, while seeking biblical counsel from pastors and trustworthy accountability from community groups. My former agnostic new age self would have selfishly indulged in such addictions, not know what the term “idolatry” means, and would feel no tug of conviction or sorrowful remorse after acting out the sin. Ah, but to be free in Christ is all the better! (Free meaning that I don’t need nor want to continue those old sinful ways *because* of what Jesus did, not “free” as in I can sin all I want and assume I’m right with God.)
You single jessita?
his wedding pictures!!!! so beautiful!!!!
Been single for life. Here WE GO!!!
Me: A single Christian with no dating experience whatsoever
Also Me: *Furiously taking notes*
He he he
Just throw yourself out there, provided you’re still relatively young. What’s the worst that can happen? I waited a long time and you might think the fear goes away with time but it doesn’t.
@@JeansiByxan Thanks for the concern but there’s a lot I need to figure out about myself before I start being in a relationship. I do want to be, but the stage in my life right now, I can’t take care of other person before I am able to take care of myself.
That’s good. Pray your first dating experience be the person you married
😂
*pops out notebook*… thanks for this Allen.
I’ve made quite a few of these in my seasons. Another thing we have to watch out for is allowing our emotions to convince us that this is what God wants… sometimes even to the point where we literally say “God told me this is the 1” etc. I’ve seen that happen before. One person was convinced this relationship was it and the other person was on a whole different wavelength.
*write that down, write that down!!*
@@noneofyourbusiness8925 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 spot on
Yes 💯
That's love though. It's irrational. You can't control who you fall in love with. Only the practival matters arround it like meeting more for example.
How can you tell god has anything to do with it?
@@2ndPigeon I get your point, but you can’t control who you fall in love with? I don’t know about that.
Quit being discouraged because something didn’t work out the way you wanted. Don’t live frustrated because somebody left that you wanted to stay, a door closed that you wanted open. God knows what He’s doing. He has your best interest at heart. You may not see it now, but one day, you’ll see what He was up to and you’ll be glad He closed the door. You’ll thank Him for not answering that prayer.
This is really good. I'm happily married, but when Iw as single in my 20's, I had a lot of issues with guys not wanting to do the Defining the Relationship. It was so hurtful and confusing. My husband was the first guy who actually defined things and was clear that he wanted marriage (as I did).
Great video! Definitely made some of these mistakes. Dating with no intention was a repeat offense. I'm nearly 40 and haven't been on a date in 5 years. I've grown to love my singleness and if that's what God wants for my life, I wouldn't be mad at Him. God bless all of you who are actively dating. I know it's not easy out here in times such as these....
Same! Like the Bible says it is better to be single it can be a blessing
I agree
Pretty woman like yourself? I'd say u chose to be single.
You should be actively dating. Why not?
@@Lakishia single means no sex
I cannot truly understand how dating can be inline with Christianity if the intention isn’t to marry. What benefit is there for high school or college student to date knowing very well they won’t get married soon? Song of Songs 8:4 says “Do not stir up or awaken love before its time has come” and Corinthians 7:32 says “The unmarried man is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord” so a person just dating for recreational reasons which will likely come with avoidable temptations by making provisions for the flesh (Rom 13:14), though not explicitly spelt out in scripture as sin, does not seem to be beneficial to our spiritual life nor is it fully consistent with the teachings of scripture. I dated before I met my wife and getting married and when I look back, I see a lot of time wasted when I could have done something beneficial to my spiritual life.
Depending on the size of the church that you attend, there may be single or under 25 aged groups. This allows one to meet others in a non dating environment but one builds fellowship with others and learns to communicate with others particularly of the opposite sex. This is definitely a more " safe" environment.
Exactly
If you don’t deal with your issues, your issues will deal with you .
Great advice!
I've decided not to get in another relationship. Definitely too much trouble.
Most people are not worth it, because they don't want to be faithful. Who can find a decent person to marry these days?
I would rather save myself the hassle, not let anyone else hurt me, and just serve the Lord.
I needed this as a single man!
Please pray for me to find a good Christian man
You listed several great points, Allen, especially the ones about settling and staying in a relationship for too long. I never want to make those mistakes again!
3:54 good point here. Even in friendships. I told myself that if I feel like someone is doing something that I don’t like, or doesn’t make me comfortable, i am going to address it idc how it makes them feel because my feelings matter and I’m not responsible for how someone reacts to what I say.
If I may add, I was watching a Dave Ramsey video, and he said something relating to this topic. You have a winner relationship if you both can agree on these 4 things. Money, How to raise the children, Religion, and how you are going to deal with the in-laws. If two people can agree on these 4 things, the both of you are headed in the right direction.
I agree! I want courtship not dating. This is so true!
I believe this is a VERY good idea. Courting, not dating to where sexuality comes into the picture, and creates issues.
It’s so easy to get discourage when there are no Godly men pursuing you. The men I meet are not saved and I don’t want to settle. Recently, however, I did meet a believer, but I since something in my Spirit wasn’t right. I found out he had been engaged twice back to back. Even before I found that out, I just knew something was off. I do trust God and I know he will bless me with a man of God. Praying that the Holy Spirit will comfort those who are lonely and seeking marriage. I also pray that God blesses each of you with a wonderful spouse.
This video came right on time! Glory to God!!! I’ve been seeing this young lady for a month or so. The past few nights, we have been having deep talks about relationship expectations and boundaries. A great reminder and way to take off the “rose colored glasses” that happen near the beginning. God bless you Bro. Allen
Relationship with future in-laws is a big one. Everything about your relationship can be great but if your future in-laws are not good people, believe me your relationship will go downhill quickly.
Loved these tips and been there with many of these mistakes 😅 One mistake I learned from in dating is not to give too much too soon. This could be information about yourself, your time, your body, etc. It’s wise to pace things out and bring up information when it’s appropriate to share with them and you’ve built a rapport. Not everyone is empathetic to what you’ve been through and could use it to your advantage, so use wisdom.
💯💯🙏🏽
As a new believer I had no “going in” intentions and no accountability! God broke it up and I was so sad…then oh so glad!!! I would not have this deep fellowship with my Jesus nor this sensitive ear to the Holy Spirit had I continued with my desires!
Hello HPrincess Bride, I hope you have a community of people around you that love God and lead godly lives. It's beautiful to have deep fellowship with God but it's even deeper when you have brethren that fight by your side. Remember what scripture says; a three fold cord cannot be easily broken.
I was literally about to give up because of my mistakes and past mistakes in dating relationships ect this video helped answer alot of questions and helped give me the opportunity clear perspective to do it right. Thank you God for this video and Thank you Allen blessings too you and your family
I feel like dating as a Christian is even harder now, due to the pandemic 😞
Especially if you dont use online
let me give you some advice
You shouldn't be dating "AS A CHRISTIAN"
Dating is dating LOL, Stop making it hard.
Dating has nothing to do with religion , it has to do with connection and love and compatibility and who will love for the rest of your life.
Religion doesn't enter into it
Now, is dating harder during the pandemic
NO IT ISN'T
but, Dating can definitely be much harder if you go around with the notion that you're dating "as a christian"
QUESTION : Why didn't you say "I feel like dating as a woman is even harder now"
why didn't you say that, since you are a woman
See... stop complicating your life
you dont' need to be a woman dating
you don't need to be a christian dating
you just need to be a PERSON dating
as for the pandemic
There actually is no pandemic and people are just stupid for the most part.
but believe what you will about it, but the point is you can still form relationships in this wordly climate
ok
the take away is... Stop complicating your life and just get out there and date someone
@@martinkuliza hello. God gave the gift of marriage to man and women on this planet. It is very important that we handle dating through the sense of understanding our faith and how our relationship with them also impacts people and relationships around us and it stays affecting the rest of our lives.
Im not sure why you are bothered by someone else trying to not sin throughout their romantic relationships. That's a good thing and it carries well the long run throughout the rest of her life and how she handles other situations. Im not sure why you want to take that freedom to persue Christ in a relationship with your partner away??
@@dellaswanson9837
LOL...... YOU'RE FUNNY MATE
Ok, First of all formalities...
How are you as well, and before we begin HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU
Now i don't know why you dont' understand me or what i said but clearly you don't
SO LET ME EXPLAIN IT OK
1. RE
" God gave the gift of marriage to man and women on this planet"
THE GIFT, you say LOL
Hey... Question ..... HAVE YOU EVER BEEN MARRIED ?
i"'ve been married 19 years, i wouldn't really say marriage is a gift, Far from it , i mean look at how many people get divorced (me , myself, i've never been divorced SO THOSE ARE MY MARRIAGE CREDENTIALS) and as such i can say this
Marriage isn't a gift, it's something you work on and if you are patient and understanding it can be really good, but i wouldn't call it a gift, a gift is something you get and it's awesome, Like..... A Lamborghini or a Pet Puppy
Marriage is completely different
2. RE THIS
"It is very important that we handle dating through the sense of understanding our faith and how our relationship with them also impacts people and relationships around us and it stays affecting the rest of our lives."
NO THAT'S INCORRECT
Marriage has nothing to do with people around you, Nor does it have anything to do with religion
MARRIAGE IS BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR PARTNER
Now, in saying that, IF YOU CHOOSE to follow rules of religion and INCORPORATE them into your marriage, well that's your choice, but it's not necessary
BRINGING ME TO THIS POINT
3. RE
"Im not sure why you are bothered by someone else trying to not sin throughout their romantic relationships."
Nor am i , BECAUSE I'M NOT BOTHERED BY IT
what gave you the impression i was bothered ?
In a nutshell all i was saying was for the O.P. to not complicate their life,
What part of that constitutes me being bothered ?
I'M NOT BOTHERED MATE, BUT YOU ARE CERTAINLY MISUNDERSTANDING ME
if anything, i wish the O.P. well through marriage, why would i not
doesn't the fact that i gave advice on marriage PROVE THAT I WANT THEM TO SUCCEED AT IT
I've been doing marriage for 19 years, the O.P. has just started
IT WOULD BE WISE OF THEM TO LISTEN TO ME
4. RE THIS
"Im not sure why you want to take that freedom to persue Christ in a relationship with your partner away??"
LOL... this is the funny part
in what universe did you get the idea that i want to take that freedom away from my partner or the O.P. LMFAO
Mate, at this point, i am honestly just answering ridiculous points
BUT I'LL HUMOUR IT
- I have no intention to take any freedom from anyone
- My intention is to help
- Again.. I'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 19 YEARS, i have a lot of experience at it, I've seen people get stressed for the dumbest reasons and then divorce
- the O.P.'s problem is not even marriage, it's dating (which is easy)
I am observing that the O.P. has a problem
I'M GIVNG THEM ADVICE
The purpose of the advice is to ease their stress so they can focus on the relationship and so it blossoms
Now......
HOW DID YOU INTERPRET THAT AS
a) Their happiness bothering me
b) Me trying to take their freedom away
LMFAO
Like i said.... YOU'RE BLOODY FUNNY
but i guess we need humour in the world don't we
I find your comment extremely weird
Why are you DATING .... "AS (ANYTHING)"
Dating as a dog
Dating as a cat
Dating a male
Dating as a female
Dating as a car
Dating as a frog
Dating as a christian
Dating as a mormom
WHY DID YOU SPECIFY THE CHRISTIAN PART ?
Why can't you just be DATING
as opposed to DATING AS A CHRISTIAN
it sounds to me like you are not finding anyone because you are complicating your own life and making your life harder
You don't see me going around (when i was single) and saying "I'm dating as a guitarist"
Stop making your life hard
if you're going to date then go out and date, Stop putting prefixes on everything
your problem is not the pandemic your problem IS YOU AND YOUR PREFIXES
you make your own life difficult and it's counterproductive and toxic to your existence
stop doing it
Just go out, Date, Have fun
SIMPLE
This was a great video. I like the practical advice.
I would be curious to hear how you became married. I am 33 and I didn’t think would be single in my 30’s so hearing from someone who got married at 40 is such a relief to hear.
Regarding settling I've been told I'm single because my standards are too high! I refuse to be with just anybody period! I find that it's hard to find men who like most things I'm interested in (art, classical music, literature, etc.). Most men I meet just can't relate to such things so I attend many of these events alone. I'm not changing my interests to accommodate any man, and I'm not going to "lower" myself to make him feel better or just to find somebody...anybody! I have a right to ask God to send me someone with shared interests/vision.
Maybe because for a lot of men they are interested in more masculine things rather than art etcc 😁
Why do you and your potential husband have to be interested in all the exact same things?
@@RuthofBoaz where did I say "all the exact same things?"
@@penttimuhli9442 Why u say that? I love music, for example. I missed many chances just because i was in my bedroom making music and ignoring those temptations. Men can love art😆😎
Thanks Allen I thought for a second you forgot about us singles. All jokes aside a much needed reminder thanks I will say that I personally feel that one needs to know who they are as an individual, so when you do get that "one" you don't lose yourself within that relationship. God first always 😊
Number #1. Find out what type of relationship the other person had with his our her children. If their relationship is not very close that speak alot to what type of person that is. Especially women looking for a good man. Also guys check to see if the lady you are dating is a woman who know how to make a home for you and your children when you do decide to marry.
GREAT TEACHING!!!!!! Few things are as painful as a lifeless, empty marriage. I encourage all Christian singles to PLEASE watch this, especially if you are in a relationship. If you feel uneasy or unsettled by any of Brother Allen's 10 points, DO NOT OVERLOOK how the very Spirit of God may be speaking to your heart.
Was literally just praying this morning for direction and wisdom with this girl I’m interested in! Thank you so much!
Thanks for the upload brother Allen. One mistake I’ve noticed many Christians make, is not healing before dating or courting. What I mean by this is not addressing previous traumatic experiences either from their childhood or later on in life and then going into romantic relationships with all that unchecked baggage and charging their romantic interests for their past pain. I think it’s so vital to prayerfully deal with pain and hurts we’ve experienced in our past and even get counselling from Christian counsellors that specialise in your specific type of trauma (if those services are available in your local church for example) before we start entertaining the idea of dating/courting. God wants us to be whole (body, mind and soul). Great content as always and congratulations on your married!🎉 🙌🏾
Thank you, Allen. I have made most of these mistakes. But I've repented and will make better decisions! Glory to God!!
Video and lighting looks so good. Not just great content, but quality production.
Right on time for me!!! Thanks Allen for your knowledge 🙏🏽 Be bless
Thank you Allen, I really needed that. Especially about equally Yoked, I've been by myself for a long time now and I don't want to settle.
Thank you for this video. I thought maybe I was going crazy thinking I’m the only person who sees number 1 as a big issue! You laid it all out clearly and that was a mic drop!
Last two points.. I have been trying for sooo long to articulate this but it’s always been jumbled up because of the confusion between dating and courting, but GOODNESS!!!!! FINALLY!! I have found someone who articulated it PERFECTLY!! So much so that i was saying what you were saying along with you!!!! It’s always been in My head but struggled to string it all together and you have done this so perfectly. THANK YOU!!! I will certainly be checking out your Dating Vs Courting video!! God bless you sir
This video literally showed up at the perfect time, thank you Allen, thank you God
“Which is really weird because we can’t even change ourselves!” You betta PREACH PASTOR!!
Thank you so much for sharing this video! A relationship I was in recently ended and I had hoped it was leading to marriage. I made a lot the mistakes you mentioned in this video. Thank you again. I really needed to hear this. God bless!
It's amazing how timely this is for me...
I like how you differentiate courtship vs dating. 💝
Thanks Allen for another insightful video 😊
Great points. I have done all 10 of these and have no intentions again. Communication is a problem most have.So I suggest keep that going from the beginning to the end. Thanks Allen!
Boy or boy listening to this talk really amplifies some of the mistakes I made🙆🏽♀️🙆🏽♀️ Listen up kiddos, save yourself from a lot heartache, drama and possibly missing the person that was meant just for you.
Where were these in VBS or church camp in my teens!! No accountability was vague. Please define accountability & authenticity and give examples of how these skills & areas of development & how it appears . I had trouble with being uneaqally yoking becuase it felt like judging & those who might be equal weren't making offers nor was i recognizing them. Didnt think i deserved it. Confused discernment with judgement. I could tecognize it for anyone else ! LOL im better now.
I started dating a woman who is much older than me. Big mistake! I later found out she had been engaged twice and her controlling behaviour made me aware I needed to get out.
I bet you realized why her 2 engagements didn't work out
Yes. It was hard though. But I didn’t want to risk making the biggest mistake of my life.
Its a good thing you got away, before the relationship got too serious
You covered it all Brother Parr! Will definitely share! Thanks
Timely message. I took notes. I made the mistake of staying too long. Hard to explain because at the time I was working on an advance degree. Saw his shenanigans, and was no longer interested. After 10 years I told him it was over. Funny because he thought I didn't know what he was doing. He tried to come back and it was a no.
Oh my brother, you did it again. Great godly advice. I see so many young women staying in relationships for years with no commitment from the man.
Brother Allen, this is a much needed video! Thank you for your transparency, very helpful! Reflecting on my past relationships, 10/10!
I had to tell a young lady that I'm not a 'Void Filler', I 'Fill Spaces'! I'm not in this for they sake of it, to say I have somebody cause I'm looking for 'SOMEONE'!🤓
This video quality is soooo good!
Thank you my brother for this video. I am a single male looking to get married. I’m a keep this video and I’m going to show it to the ladyI am Dating and this is what I’m looking for in a relationship. This is a great video thank you for the tips I hope you and your family had a happy Thanksgiving.
alvin cobbs --Ok I get your drift Thank 🦋 You for your Thanksgiving 🦃 Greeting GOD SPEED November 26,2021
I’m praying hard for God to bring me a spouse. I really hate being single, don’t get me wrong I’m living a blessed life and thank God for it everyday but it kills me seeing everyone in love and having someone to be with especially for the holidays. Please pray God brings me someone sooner rather then later.
He will my brother when you stop hating your singleness & use it as a season of spiritual & natural preparation. Allow Jesus to be your spouse in your single season & when you least expect & let go of the desire to be married then it will happen in God's Timing & Way. Blessings!
I know the feeling
Im a girl but I have been there, I know. It is really tough. Im still trying to trust and wait on God and it is really hard for me at times.
@@dellaswanson9837 I'm waiting too. But I don't think it's that hard. I'm not saying i'm not human and that i don't desire a level companionship. It's just that when you are focused on God and all the other things He may have nudged you to do, you'll find satisfaction.
Rebecca wasn't just waiting in her father's house till Eliezer came and found her, she was busy. Zipporah was a shepherdess before she met Moses e.t.c. I think the singular most important thing is to be in God's face and ask what He wants from you.
Allen, I love you. Your videos always come out at the right time ^^
Great points! Thank you 🙏🏾
Really good, allen. Just hearing you going over the reasons really focused me, as well as some of the comments. Thank you.
Great stuff. The dating and courtship definition was great.
I needed this video 4 months ago lol. I didn't even want to send this comment but the way this is much needed?? The relationship ended and a lot was learned. I hope it reaches a heart in a timely manner.
Seriously being triggered but I don't mind bc it's a reminder that there's no reason to try work on fixing things.
Thank You for this video. I needed to watch this. I have been discouraged, about ever finding that right one for me but unfortunately I still have issues to work thru. I would appreciate your prayers
Great video brother! Thanks for the advice. Very thought out and useful information to Christian courtship!
Thank you for this Allen.
This is soo needed!!!
Thank you Allen this is very helpful I'm struggling with singleness great tips
May God bless you.
Thank you for this video, Pastor Allen 😀
Amen bro!!you spittin strait fax
rlly needed this , thank u brother 🙏🏻❤️
Thanks for this video Bro. Allen
Thank you very helpful
Also it’s good not to constantly think of the past or the future too much and stay in the moment and just have a good time with the person getting to know them.
I’ve never been in a relationship, thanks for these words of advice.
Wow good points. Learned from it thank you Allen I love you, God bless you brother
Great wisdom! Technical feedback: I believe the numbering is shuffled. Don't know whether this is intentional, otherwise its something to address. Again thanks for the vid
Thanks for sharing!!
I’d say for #7, it’s best to hold your tongue in certain situations because the enemy also attacks us with deception. If you feel something is off, seek the spirit for guidance, sometimes that worry or concerns shows up unexpectedly when the other person brings it up. Act with patience and show grace.
Blessed, clear. I appreciate you 🙏🏼
You're very wise, Allen. I enjoy your content!
Your wedding pics are lovely btw!
Great info! Thanks! Keep up the great work!
Love this Allen. Need a video on how to meet new guys. Even though I have actively put myself out there for years there seems a lack of God fearing men. I've continued to work on myself and believe I would be a great supporting wife for someone, just men seem to be shy of pursuing women, and if not they are aiming way out of their league which doesn't give women any hope. Love my fellow brothers in Christ but there are few and far between to even consider dating.
This video is sooo good! I can agree with all of them
Thank you brother: I needed this
I need a video on how to actually approach a girl lol! That's my problem, getting in my head on what to say instead of walking up to her.
Build up you confidence level before approaching any woman, putting God first will help you.
Build a friendship with her first. I am a girl and usually for me if a guy really wants to know about my life and actually shows that he cares about me with good intentions, it lets me know that God might want me to build a connection with them.
Your awesome, I needed this thank you!
Date with purpose. I prefer courtship to dating.
Listening …… thank you
No kissing until marriage 😎👍🏼
Great video! I wish to hear a bit about family and dad leaving to marry someone else. Or:
- growing up having few or no relationship father/child
- how to deal with half brother and half sister knowing you having grow with all of them as they are from other unions
- how to try to start healthy relationships with dad after years of almost nothing or fight.
I have so much more questions…
I hope you’ll get to see my comments and could make some many videos about broken families and relationships.
Thank you so much for sharing about your own experience!
Very very needed topic. This is very much needed because I think so much emphasis is placed on romantic relationships when familial relationships impact us tremendously as well.. sometimes even more!
Divorcing is a sin. To God the husband and wife are still married. Neither or can divorce each other. No matter the circumstances you cannot divorce each other and remarry. If a significant other(s) were to divorce they would have to stay divorced and not remarry at all until one of the two were to be dead.
Luke 16:18
“Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.
1 Corinthians 7:10-11
To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.
Right on, great video
It’s so funny that you posted this video around the holidays.
He's trying to help us through "cuffing (to the wrong one, or at the wrong time) season". Lol.