Never go through with the wedding just because other people have bought tickets to the show. Everyone knows that a wedding can potentially be canceled.
@@basednwhitepilld it's not the worst excuse, the time for him to investigate was before that and it is inconsiderate to others for him and her to even get to that point and not have investigated each other's lives properly if they know there are things that they cannot deal with. Yes people should be open but things like anxiety and bipolar anxieties cannot be hidden, it is obvious something isn't right and I don't think that she is bipolar because having known someone with bipolar disorder, they don't think anything is wrong with them and she tells him to talk to her mom to understand it and tells him about it before their wedding date?? It seems like a manipulative person.
I’m a woman with C-PTSD, severe childhood trauma, depression and anxiety. I would NEVER use my mental health status to justify cheating or not disclosing and managing my condition. The problem isn’t her mental illness but her inability of taking accountability. If I was this man, I would divorce her because you can tell the guy is having PTSD from this entire marriage, she’s dragging him down with her.
I’m bipolar type 1 and I have never cheated in relationships. I think she isn’t taking accountability or responsibility either. She needs to seek help with professionals. She has to seek it herself. No amount of love will change her. I feel sorry for him. He deserves someone who is changed and loves him back. I hope he does leave her and start being loving to himself. I hope he shows up for himself and seek help too.
@@T3RM1N4llyOffl1n3 you do if you plan to spend your life with this person and it will knowingly affect their life more than they expected or that person's kids.
I have complex ptsd and adhd. One thing about living with this thing is you have to be accountable, you can’t let your illness be an excuse to treat others like crap.
I could not agree with this more!!! Chronic depression and anxiety and just recently diagnosed with ADHD. We have to do the work. It’s hard but it makes life so much better and easier.
Plus it would be bad for them to be on the look out of her kids having the same bi-polar disorder she has. I know some of hers were environmentally caused but that doesn't erase the genetics that this usually has.
The adopted child is already dealing with the trauma of being separated from their family of origin and now they're tied to to a deeply disturbed mother who is drowning in her own mental health issues and I'm sure isn't able to care for a traumatized child. That adoption should never of been allowed. It's tragic.
What I’ve learn after dealing with mentally ill loved ones: 1: People only change if they want to change. 2: You can’t love people into changing. 3: Your love can’t save anyone. 4: Protect your mental health because you matter too! 5: As much as you love someone, don’t let the love you have for them destroy you.
Amen. I had to leave my boyfriend after he survived cancer. His body was healthy again but his mental health was declining. He refused treatment. He expected me to life with this abusive behavior and I was supposed to take care of him again. Sorry but NO
Regarding "people only change if they want to change." Mental illness is not a behavior problem. It is an illness with their brain. My twin sister had severe bi-polar and treatment-resistant depression for 25 years. I was very hard on her, as if she could change herself. Then, I read a post by a person in remission from mental illness. She described what it's like, not being able to manage oneself and one's own thoughts. A light went on for me and I felt terrible. The next day my sister died.
Perfectly said Krystle. I struggle with Manic Depression/Bipolar but told my husband, you have to set and INSIST on your personal barriers and get yourself into counseling even if I don't. This is so insightful of YOU.
@@hansonallie not to give her an excuse but it is a lot easier to find a good husband (or at least one who wants to be good) then an uplifting solid group of girlfriends. He is going to be burning the candle at both ends if they don't get a solid plan in place, but I believe if he is in this for the long haul and can do it.
Maybe he feels calmer during a crisis, and so is addicted to her drama. Maybe it's not about "saving her", but about keeping around a constant source of crises.
She can’t use the excuse of her mental illness for cheating . He’s trying to keep it together but don’t set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
You may not realize how common that is in bipolar relationships. It’s a really challenging mental illness loaded with awful compulsions and loads of shame. Hence the suicidal ideations. It’s not an excuse. It’s part of the illness and it’s really freaking hard
It’s not an excuse. Risky behavior IS part of the disease. Many times with bipolar, the person is subconsciously seeking dopamine rushes to avoid the inevitable depression for as long as possible. You’re unable to think clearly and don’t understand the gravity of your actions until later on. Similar to behavior of an addict. 😢
As a RN, it is not an excuse. A person with Bipolar is very prone to doing things they would not normally do, such as cheating, unalive attempts, etc. A newly diagnosed bipolar person not on meds or on the wrong meds or dosage, or has stopped taking their meds (very common) will be hypersexual.
My best friend, who was the salt of the Earth, developed Bipolar Disorder. Seeing what mental illness did to him was brutal, tragic, heartbreaking, and absolute mental torture. His father committed suicide when we were 24 with the same diagnosis. I pray the treatment and his compliance get’s better with time, I hung on as long as I could- I travel for my job, so that strained what relationship was left, but he was literally one of my favorite human beings, lost to what was unrecognizable. I saw it twist and distort who he was before the onset. It’s like coping with a death. Mental Illness robbed me of my best friend in the World. The Anger and Sadness resulting are beyond words. He saved my life when my only sibling, my brother, was killed at 17 in a car accident- I was 15. He used to get up to be at my house by 6:45am to threaten a bucket of ice water if I didn’t get up and go to school. He was my backbone. Me at 6’4” and him at 5’11”😂 But, I couldn’t save him. I didn’t know the first thing to do to ease his pain. Mental Illness impacts are beyond the English Language’s ability to describe the Universal impacts on the patient, and their family and friends. My prayers tonight for EVERYONE who is suffering in that Universe.
My heart goes out to both of them and their children, but adopting/bringing another child into that chaos is absolutely wreckless and selfish! The husband should have known better unless he is suffering from delusions. Bipolar is a lifetime disease and it can be managed with diligence and self awareness. Hopefully as this woman learns about her disease and ages, she will be able to self identify when she is struggling and stay on top of letting people around her know. Life happens and it can be a good one, even with bipolar. It just takes longer to get there sometimes. Hopefully they can truck through the muck and get to a good place in their marriage.
My ex husband kept his mental illness (schizophrenia) a secret until we got married. He completely turned into a different person after we got married. And when he told me about it three months into marriage after I asked what was going on, he told me about it but said it was a misdiagnosis, he felt he was actually a sociopath 😳. So yea, he’s not my husband anymore.
I’m in the same boat. Three months into marriage he goes into a psychotic break and I find out. We are now separated but now he’s talking to me telling me he is working on getting himself back to normal but I love him I just don’t know if I can put up with someone with a psychosis and schizophrenia.
@@SexyJ1991 No. You won’t have the tools until your able to work with him and his medical supports. No other health condition is kept private, especially from those who are part of the team. He is not healthy enough to keep promises for conditions he is not treating. That’s like a diabetic saying I’m not going to pee on myself yet they ain’t taking any meds, eating all the wrong stuff and not complying with treatment. That’s the thing, it’s a choice to manage any health condition. This health condition is not something your being made apart of to know if it’s being managed. The choice is to manage it or it will manage him. How you measure if treatment is working if you don’t know what the treatment plan is supposed to be? How would you know. Being fully transparent, 20 some years and 3 kids in, I wasn’t even told.
@@SexyJ1991 My wife of 23 that I love who I've had 3 children to also has chronic schizophrenia, I would not wish this life on my worst enemy. PLEASE take it from me, if you go back to him, he might stabilise for awhile but he will never be cured, any moment anything could set him off your life will be 100% miserable. I'm sorry for him and for you.
Well it didn’t help that he went and adopted a child with an unwell woman who already had 2 kids, he had two kids and they were barely married or knew each other a few years….
I would also just say that looking up your local NAMI --National Alliance for the Mentally Ill -- resources can also help a lot for family members. They have a lot of groups for people who love someone with mental illness. It really helps to have others that get what you are going through.
This relationship will never make it! Two years in and she’s lied about her mental health, cheated twice, attempted suicide among other things. Forget it. Love yourself first and break it off and love her from a distance. You can still be her rock and help her navigate her life. Save yourself.
This is a great YT channel.. I learn so much from every call. Many times I have a similar storyline from somewhere in my almost 70yrs of life. Love and hope are such powerful emotions, it was definitely hard for me to ever put my well being first. I was born into the , divorce is a no no and you stay and work things out. Be a good woman n wife.. cook n serve n clean house n be a good mother...definitely dont complain! So glad the world has changed for woman n men alike to feel ok about expressing hardships, fear , abuse. Religion as control was a huge part of my bio family n brainwashing as a kid. I learned late ,, but I learned, it's OK to say, no more ! Appreciate this channel so much and the brave people who share!
Agree this won't end well but as he is solely focused on neglecting his needs I don't think he will separate but suffer through a horrible marriage. Cheating and dishonesty is not linked to bipolar it's her character. Feel sorry for the kids
Im an ICU nurse and im sure I only experience a fraction of the stress a paramedic/firefoghter experiences. He needs somewhere to rest his head and to feel at peace. People who are in helping professions need someone to refill their cup and be stable. I cant imagine how drained he feels.
People will lie or ignore red flags to tick off the box of getting married or have kids. They ruin their lives. He was a perfectly healthy man and he’s now in therapy himself. He needs to participate in his own rescue.
Being a firefighter might prove he likes putting out fires. Perhaps he feels most alive during a crisis, and chose a partner who would constantly be in crisis.
@@carolsimpson4422No he chose a woman who needed to be saved at the time and that is his issue. It’s the issue with majority of men who get sucked into this sht. My mom raised 4 boys to be gentlemen and all they do is attract the psychos full of drama who try to use them.
Save yourself before she emotionally drowns you. She cheated on you twice and did not provide full disclosure before you got married. That’s called “fraud “.
She's mentally ill--what do you want from this woman??? Not exactly fraud.... It's not something she can control. It *may* be managed, but it's not the same thing as controlled.
👌🏾As a woman who has been married for 15 years with bipolar 2 disorder, anxiety . I never hid this from my husband when we were dating , he meet me on medication with this diagnoses and we dated for 2 and a half years and then he asked me to marry him and we moved into together 3 months after meeting . She should not have hid this for you , it’s their choice to choose ; I’m sorry dude ; because I was already doing councling etc I feel so bad for you because she did this on purpose
I agree. She needs to take care of herself and her kids before she dates. It's crazy that she was dating in the first place. He should focus on his kids and get some codependency therapy.
My friend was bipolar. She was badly abused as a child by a step brother. [Not SA, just beat up and bullied] Her boyfriend was clueless because he was the one thing in her life that made her happy. He didn't really believe the warnings that she and friends and family gave him. After they married, he got the whole picture. His solution was for them to move away since the family insisted the bully step brother remain in the family. After that, along with meditation, she is pretty close to normal. Its so important to recognized the triggers if possible and remove them.
“My friend WAS bipolar” Yea none of this is adding up you can’t be FORMERLY bipolar and removing triggers won’t stop a bipolar episode from coming around every now and then That man is definitely dealing with some sh! That u just aren’t aware of😬
@@notreallyafamousartist695 I didn't mean she stopped, just that her crazy family made it worse. Once she moved away, she got better as long as she kept on her meds. Not saying this works for everyone, just what worked for her.
@notreallyafamousartist695 we don't have the full picture. I'm saying that because I'm Bipolar, and yes removing the triggers can be ONE of the things you should do. But it's a combination of that, medication, usually different type of therapy. He probably just wrote the short version to explain that triggers can be a big thing with BP indeed.
@waynepolo6193 if he had no idea of the severity...its up to her to fully inform and explain. Many have no clue about any of this or how extreme it can get. And the fact that many use the illness as an excuse for horrible behavior.
@@stevenashwood1090 are we that dense as a people that we can't hold two truths at the same time? She could have had a horrible traumatic childhood and he could still leave with his head held high. We can have compassion for people and still say "not for me."
She and her family lied to him implicitly about something really major. He has EVERY right to file for divorce. It was also VERY irresponsible of both of them to bring children into this mess. I wish this man and his kids a fab future. He sounds like a really moral dude! She took advantage of him terribly.
bringing their own biological children into this mess is one diabolical thing. he as a man of the community letting himself take in a vulnerable child in this rocky situation? unforgivable. him letting not only her but himself use this child as a pawn to hopefully keep someone only hyperfixated happy is unforgivable. & yes, that’s exactly what you can & need to label this as as someone in this situation with this diagnosis thinking they are in any position to be a safe place for a vulnerable child.
Married to bi polar guy. Long story short , he blamed me for his mood swings . I was suicidal after 18 yrs. Only after leaving him did I and my family realize just how I’ll he was. I drastically improved. He really went downhill emotionally.
You don’t want that. I grew up with a mom that is undiagnosed borderline and it was hell. She’s still alive. It takes strong boundaries to deal with her.
Same here. I love that she raised us three, but at the same time despise how she gaslights us and tries to not take accountability for what she did by lying and attempting to play with our memories. Never sincerely apologized for her abusive moments.
Anytime you harm a child, you are setting them up for a nightmare life for themselves, their spouse, and their kids and grandkids. Protect all children there is nothing you can do more to help the world than that.
Mental illness of this type is destructive to everyone and never goes away. The biggest hole in this universal problem is lack of education. As a veteran teacher I can tell you students are bludgeoned with all kinds of useless "education" topics", but the ones all of them need are the most ignored: personal economic education and how to recognize mental health problems. Young adults no nothing about how to manage money so it doesn't destroy them or how to recognize the red flags of mental illness in potential friends and partners and their families. So many lives destroyed by this ignorance!
Than you shouldn’t be working in mental health with an opinion like that if you have no empathy towards ppl suffering you should not work in that area they would do better with someone who believes they can get the help and be set up to live a better life with the right tools,
He will defend his wife until the bitter end. As debilitating as her mental illnesses are, she seems to still be able to manipulate well. If it was her idea to adopt a child while battling such severe mental illness, shame on her. If it was his idea, stop trying to rescue the world. If you need to be a hero, you have 2 bio kids from your first marriage who are now swimming in this muck with your new wife. Be their hero please. Thank you for your service as a first responder. Use those skills to recognize who truly needs saving within your own family. Kids take it ALL on, but will pretend like they don't. May God watch over you all.
This!!! I’m shocked no one is getting on his case for putting his children in harms way. Having a suicidal adult in the home is traumatizing for kids. I think he’s a fool, she’s manipulative as hell and no one is thinking of the well being of all these kids. Shame.
This is just too much to take, affair, suicidal, lies. I’m not sure about this one. Why did she hold the truth until two weeks to get married before telling him the truth. She is and was wrong and she had the nerve to have an affair. Kudos to this guy.
I don’t think anyone should stick in a relationship that is unhealthy and keeping their partner unhappy, but to answer your question (not condoning her actions), a lot of people don’t disclose mental illnesses because it often comes with severe stigma.
There were MORE than enough red flags. He should have never married her in the first place. This is what happens when men act stupidity and play the role of the white knight.
@@BryanBalak his wife clearly strung her now husband along until he was totally invested in the relationship and it was hard to leave. She obviously manipulated the whole outcome, down to planning a destination wedding and not disclosing anything to her now husband until the entire family had purchased plane tickets to the wedding location.
@@texan903 sorry, but that's not what I heard at the start of the call. There were PLENTY of red flags that told this guy to run away. He probably figured he could white knight all of her problems away. You don't fix mental issues with marriage and children.
You don’t have to stay. My sister is Bipolar Depression and cheated on husband a few times. She doesn’t do what she is supppsed to do and take her meds correctly. If you are miserable get out. You only live once.
That can make it worse for the person suffering from the mental illness because then she will believe that everyone that she cares about is going to leave her. And the next attempt at suicide is going to be soon and won't be an attempt. Cheating isn't okay at all, though it is also telling that she needs to take her meds and get a solid support system that isn't going to abandon her when she needs them most and prove it.
Bipolar sucks. I had to drop a friend who has bipolar because she also refused to take her meds. She said the meds would chill her out too much and she felt like a zombie. It's awful because when she's medicated she is the sweetest person. Unmedicated she's impulsive, aggressive, hypersexual, and so toxic. I had to leave her for my own mental health. It still hurts but it was for the best.
@@perezismaray we need to find better medications. I don't think it is an acceptable situation to have to feel like a zombie or not be able to have a life within societal expectations.
Don’t you ever underestimate mental illness. I had a fiance that was bipolar and a narc. He almost killed me. Also, if he or she have mental illness and still drink or/an use drugs, RUN!
Disagree people with mental illness are not all the same. And you CAN have very limited alcohol while taking it. So please stop enforcing the stigma. Tgats why people commit suicide.
@@ashleyhess6461 Try to live with a man that has Bipolar disorder, abuses drugs and has a personality disorder and let me know. People should heal or go through medical treatment before starting a family. It reckless to say otherwise
This hit close to home. At 20 I met a cute redhead in a folk dance class at the Junior College we attended. We dated for a year, and she treated me great. She got into arguments with her family, my family, and my friends, and my friends tried to warn me, but I figured as long as she treated me well it would work out. That changed the day we got married, it was like a switch flipped inside her. I realized I had made a terrible mistake while we were still on our honeymoon. Whatever her problem was, she was fine for about 2 weeks out of the month, and then she was in a blind rage for about 2 weeks. I mean a screaming, breaking things, throwing things, scratching my face blind rage. I often spent a few nights in a motel just to get away. I tried, we went to counseling, but we seperated after 2 years, and I divorced her when she started going out with other men. Thank God we didn't have children. It took me 15 years to get married again, and it has been great. We have 2 grown sons, and are about to celebrate our 30th anniversary. My wife is the love of my life. People can be severely mentally ill, but manage to hide it long enough to get what they want. Be careful out there. Watch how people treat others, it will tell you a lot about them. I would rather be alone forever than with a psychotic, violent, woman.
@@TheSunshinefee Men aren’t intimidated by successful women like yourself. It’s that many women choose to be too masculine and make themselves undatable. Modern women have…become the men they wanted to date.
I was never married to the person I was with that was mentally ill and untreated and undiagnosed when we were together. Things were going well for about a year and then a switch flipped and he was a completely different person. After seeing that side of him, I broke it off. About 6 months later, he was hospitalized against his will for 5 days and diagnosed with Bipolar 1 with psychotic features.
@@amandaforrester7636my ex had some mental issues. I don’t know the extent but to top it off she got into hard drugs. I managed to leave the situation, but I am definitely scarred. Couldn’t imagine being this guy right now.
This man got finessed. Two emotional affairs? What a joke. No excuse for that. This guy is a treasure to society for not only being a fighter fighter but dealing with her
I’ve had an ex like this. I agree with you, it can change if signs are caught ahead of time. But this person should learn themself before allowing themselves in a situation to tear someone’s heart out. Totally agree with you.
That people even coined something as emotional affair when people are out there left and right cheating with their private parts is the joke to me. It means to me that someone had the chance to cheat and had enough self control and respect for their spouse not to do it. And that is a lot more than all those supposedly sane cheaters who are regularly forgiven offer as their input in a marriage.
I have most of the same issues as she does. If it were not for my husband who keeps showing up for me, i dont know where i would be. I hope this man never quits on her. The love she is receiving from him will eventually smooth her out. I am 55 now, life is not so chaotic. I am not so chaotic. I am sober. I take my meds. Its because of the love i recieve from my husband. I love him very much. God bless you John.
I also have bipolar, medicated and doing well. This comment section is brutal with the stigma from people who clearly know of someone with bipolar who is abusive too, or just abusive with the wrong DX. I'm doing well, partner loves me and he gives me my meds each night. I don't think I would have stayed on them this long without his support and literally giving them to me
@@Coco-ny5wh I am the most abusive on myself. 🤪🥰. I had the hardest time accepting help from my husband. I was taught to be the caregiver, the housewife. Once I graciously put the people pleaser away and allowed my husband to tend to me too, life got a lot easier. Strange that accepting love actually heals. 🥰. Many comments can be downright cruel. It's hard to read some of them.
@@Iam...--- yes me also ! Abuse to myself, not others ! The pain I've put myself threw has broken people's hearts around me during my lows, as in their words, I don't deserve it and they can see how cruel this illness is. The uneducated comments are hard to read. Many greats minds have bipolar. I feel because of my illness, As hard as its Been, its given me alot aswell as taken.
@@Coco-ny5wh absolutely. I'm beginning to enjoy life now that I'm relaxing more. I've got less stressors. I find I swing more the more stressed I am. I hope your life is not too stressful. Here's to a peaceful life!
Bipolar is absolutely thrown around a lot but coming from someone who's ex is Bipolar, this call hurt. My kids suffered and will for the rest of their lives. This hurt.
I feel like it's over diagnosed you have to be careful with that for sure. I was abused as a child by my mother who went through sexual abuse as a child. It's very true that it damages you and makes you not be able to get close to anyone. And makes you emotionally unstable. You could be falsely diagnosed with bipolar
@@evaschroeder4614as someone with Bipolar, I wouldn't say over diagnosed. Is the term "bipolar" used for everything and anything ? Totally! But in term of diagnosis, there's something shared by a lot of people with BP. It is very very long to actually get the diagnosis (we actually know that it takes around 10 years to actually get the diagnosis, which is incredibly long especially when you don't know what is going on). Also, finding the right treatment makes you test your patience because doctors know what type of medication they should u give you (mood stabilisers, anti depressants, anti psychotic sometimes also) but they don't know which combination works for you. So you usually end up trying many many drugs, experiencing the different side effects ect... Last point that I find interesting and can explain that it can look as over diagnosed is the fact that we are still doing a lot of research on it ( I participated in a program as a patient). When my dad was diagnosed it wasn't even called Bipolar yet. Now we know there are 3 types of Bipolar: 1, 2, and cyclothymia. But psychiatrists and neurologists are actually working on the fact that there could actually be 5 types of BP.
I have stood by my soul mate for 30 years. 28 years of mental illness. 5 months ago a new doctor we met agreed with both us that perhaps she didn't need the heavy meds she was taking for 2o years after 2 years in a psychiatric hospital while I cared for our 2 children. Now she is completely stopped her meds. Each tapering I have noticed more negative personality traits. And now it is heartbreaking to see the cold-hearted demeanor she has for me. She doesn't have memory of any of her past. Doesn't even remember the love we ever had or how her two adult children came to be. My pain is beyond explanation as the last threads of hope are near breaking. She is adamant that there is and was nothing wrong with her. And Doesn't need to follow up or be truthful with any doctors. I am sorry for your callers pain. True love is true love even when it's only one sided. You only wish for them too be okay. And feel some happiness. I would give my life for her to find peace, I already have tried 3 decades. To no avail. She is a wonderful innocent victim of horrible disease in her thoughts. I understand " in sickness and in health" and take a vow to God as sacred oath. There is no advise any can give me the circumstance are to many and too complex to ever describe. I'm just venting for the first time, after hearing the caller. I'm not sure it helps him to know he's not alone.
I’m so very sorry. I understand that the circumstances are too many and too complex. I have 2 sons with Bipolar II. Both on drug cocktails for many years. Relatively stable with a few blips. Youngest has more severe depression that isn’t well treated with drugs. Here’s what I’m getting to: about 5 years ago his dr suggested we try Ketamine infusion therapy and it has worked miracles! 3 infusions per week for one week and for him it’s every 90 days, we do it again. These are IV infusions that last about 1 1/2 hrs each time. These are performed in ketamine clinics by anesthesiologists. It is also used for anxiety, pain and other conditions. They’re springing up all over the country. We happen to be in So CA. Please research this and ask your drs. Perhaps she’d be open to trying this! After 20 years I feel like the son I remember is back! He is 40.
My ex-husband is bipolar 1, schizoeffective disorder and PPD. We divorced after 6 years. He refused to take his medication and maintain his counseling and self care. I had to leave because the situation became too unsafe and unstable too many times 💔💔💔
No matter what you have in your history, (emotional/ philosophical/ financial/ disease/ ) you owe it to yourself and your loved one to be cooperatively honest before any commitment.
Much love for you man, but I'd have to move on if she can't pull it together in the next few months. Infidelity is never okay, bipolar or not. You are worth more than this.
PS: I hope she behaves herself in front of your children! I'd be out tomorrow if she acts up in front of your children and is causing chaos in front of them. You have to put the children first in those cases. I've been in a similar scenario and John's advice is terrific. Definitely set some boundaries and follow John's advice. I hope it works out for you.!
I spent 13 with a man I loved deeply who is also bipolar. Drop by drop our relationship changed my role from wife to caregiver, and that is not sustainable. It took so much effort from my part to simply keep the relationship going while he continued to use his mental condition as an excuse to argue and engage in bad behavior. In the end, I had to file for divorce because I simply could not continue taking care of an adult that behaves irresponsibly. This woman chose to hide this from him on purpose … what an awful thing to do to another human being.
I've been married to my wife for 23 years, I did not know she had chronic schizophrenia when I married her. I can not begin to tell you my nightmare. Its a very lonely walk, so All I can say well done for the 13 years you gave your husband, know one will ever understand how extraordinarily hard it is.
Divorce is absolutely an option if there was false advertising involved. They aren't the person you married. That being said, if you're determined to be in it for the long haul, therapy for everyone, especially the kids, is a must. Almost the same situation happened to my dad and i begged him, begged him!, to divorce my mom. Hopefully this woman actually takes her meds and tries to get better.
Same with my Dad... we BEGGED him to leave my Mother... bc of his generation... and vows... he never did... and its sad... he is MISERABLE... and I have very little contact with them... due to my Mother's behavior... unfortunately MY SON is in a similar situation with our DIL... it is breaking our hearts...
Clearly, he’s in it for the long haul. He said during the call, “I’m looking for *encouragement.”* Huge fkn shout out to this guy for not being a quitter. It takes a damn SAINT to be in this dude’s shoes. I wish I could just give him the biggest hug and thank him! What a beautiful man ♥️ need more like him in this world.
@@kasapbandy1776 right?? So much respect! Reading those top two comments do put it into perspective tho 😓 and you know what..? It was the same for my dad 🥺 my mom was an addict.. probably had some undiagnosed personality disorder. He really struggled. She walked all over him. But then she COMPLETELY turned her life around. They had another b*by (my 7 year younger sister, the only planned one lol) and then unfortunately, when my sister was four years old and my mom had completely changed - she was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer 😔 passed within a year. It took her SO fast. Ugh. So heartbreaking and my dad’s strength is something I’ll forever admire for what he’s been through.
@Don’t come for me unless I send for you 🤷 I’m sureeeee the deceitfulness didn’t end there 🙃 that’s all part of the illness. And in fact.. he said she cheated twice. So clearly it didn’t end there 😭 poor guy. I hope a cure for these horribly destructive diseases is created 🥺
I'm a mental health therapist. I listen to John Delony's podcast often. I find him incredibly insightful, non judgemental, encouraging others to remain proactive, accountable and highly teachable in all areas of their lives. So refreshing to listen. I learn volumes.
bipolar is also genetic, from what I learned so either one or more of his kids or grandkids will have issues. Running away would not resolve all his issues with the mom or their family issues, medication does help. She has to make sure she's taking them every day. Sometimes they may need hospitalization, the kids may need diagnosis if there are symptoms that they are bipolar. I just wish him well whatever he decides to do.
that's true and then you worry about keeping them safe because they will go with the other on visitation it's extremely hard to prove a mom's unfit for visitation and when they're unstable it's scary
I'm also wondering about the approach the ending of this call went to. Yes, the kids are old enough to help out in the house. Yes, dad is overworked and probably going through caretaker fatigue. But what about these children? They go through this every day aswell, having to witness mum be mentally unstable, probably not being able to meet their needs. And dad being overworked. And now on top of this the kids are also getting a shared responsibility to the household and "dad needs to be out an evening, and mum is feeling unwell." I mean, I get that the dad needs help and outs, but why put it on children that are barely 10+, some even under 10?
I knew 6 months after marrying my husband that he had a mental illness but he wasn't able to admit it. Sixteen years down the line he has left me again and told me this time it's for good. He says he loves and cares about me but can't be with me. I am trying to get on with my life with love and support from friends and family. I tried so hard but it didn't work, I hope that one day he will get the help but I can no longer be his emotional punch bag because of his paranoia that sees me as a threat.
Amen, I was told that my ex gf was cheating on me, I stayed but I didn’t have the trust and lived in constant fear and paranoia. After many back and forths, I just had to end it for the better. Sorry you had to go through this as well.🙏
I feel like I'm hearing my life... My husband .2 suicide attempts in his youth, unbeknownst to me. He was diagnosed at 48, Bipolar2, Borderline Personality disorder. Chaos, anger, cheating. I feel for you..💛
@@rachelgooden9981 I'm in therapy. He takes med, exercises and strict bedtime, has therapy. It's the only few strings that keep me hanging on. It's like Jekyll and Hyde. He's back to the person we were when we dated BUT how do you let all that pain go away? Our couples therapist said, "you've gotta realize he was a different person. So hard for me to understand. Thank you for asking
@@kimberlymorrison4880 I worked as a therapist with this common diagnosis. BPD is challenging. Be sure he’s taking DBT courses that are available through your local CMH. Research says it’s the best chance for someone with this precarious disorder. Glad to see you’re in therapy. That’s where it all begins for us.
I feel you sister. Not the same diagnosis as yours, but I can relate. My husband has anxiety and alcoholism with a side of self-harm. He is slowly getting better. I used to go outside and cry on the curb bc I had no where to go. I tell my daughter “daddy’s brain is bothering him” so that she doesn’t take his mean outbursts personally. No cheating, he doesn’t interact with anyone outside of work. People literally think I’m a single mom.
His kids did not win the lottery with this dad. He put his biological kids at severe risk with his mistake. His kids will forever be impacted with his poor decision.
Thank you! I second that! Ppl. are selfish and never think what they put kids through. I can't see how he didn't notice, probably bc he was thinking with his other head.
Yeah he is screwing over his biological kids to keep them apart of a family with a mom that isn't their mom. Like if I was h8s ex wife I would be going to court to get my kids out of that house.
That switch being flipped is because the mentally ill person has stopped trying to conceal their true self, because they figure they have you trapped. Been there, done that.
I was a classic case of Borderline Personality Disorder. By the time I met my husband, I had many years of therapy and doing much better in life. I was honest from the get go. It was hard atvthe beggining for us both but we worked on it and today, I am married to someone who is amazing. I bring out the best in him and hes does the best with me. ❤❤❤❤ Honesty is crucial.
Hello, I am also bipolar type 1 with depression and anxiety. I got teary eye listening to this because I am sure my boyfriend felt the same way because of my uncontrollable behavior. But, I just want to say it gets better. I have been on meds for 2 years, finally am back at school, and I work a full time job. Yes, it will always be hard to manage, but it's not impossible. It would be selfish of me to say to you to stay with her and give her a chance to be her actual self, but I know it can be so difficult loving someone who can't find it in their mind to want to live. I just want you to know, life gets better, especially if we ourselves want it to be.
People with bipolar also need love and a chance to live a normal life. I’m glad you are doing well. By the way, my daughter was just diagnosed and it breaks my heart but she’s trying hard to be as normal.
@@oliviaacosta6239 yes they do need love like anybody else. I have bi polar myself so I fully get you. Where I draw the line is lying even if by omission or seriously downplaying a situation to get married as happened with the caller’s wife as it effectively robs their partner of choice and shows a wanton disregard for the rights and interests of that unwitting partner.
But it only gets better when you want it to get better. If the wife of the caller isn't aiming for that, the caller will still be like this in 20-30 years. I'm really glad it got better for you though, wishing you all thr best.
NEVER go to your spouse's parents when you and your spouse are arguing...whether they tell you to or not. It crosses so many boundaries and breaks trust. And it's weird.
Your advice for people/ couples dealing with bipolar disorder is spot on. I wish the best for this guy and his wife. She is an incredibly lucky lady to have him.
I’ve gone through all of this with a family member that has been living with me. These diagnoses are so incredibly damaging to the “caregiver” it’s miserable, and hiding the misery to want to not trigger that person is so challenging. I can’t imagine being in a marriage situation with this.
The person I knew with it was the most kind, smart, funny friend who would give you the last dollar she had to her name. It’s so sad that they ruin their lives constantly.🥺
I have 3 siblings and a mom with schizophrenia. One is married and has a great life with a son who is top notch. My other has a great relationship and only one sister has issues only in medication change. My mom is sweet as a button. I think if you have people who love you who surround you with the support that's needed you can have a very good life. We have 4 in my family and it came down from grampa. People need to stop freaking out they need to love and care for human beings. I've had a kid with cancer and a kid with a brain injury and my dad and I have talks about our stresses in life and we are still so grateful for everything we have. People have illnesses and disabilities. It's ok if you are willing to love.
I have experienced mental illness in my bio family, and as a kid, I was expected to pick up the pieces. I had to turn over entire paychecks to a family that that seemed outwardly middle class and educated, while in high school. Our house was always filthy, and I could never clean it fast enough. Here is *my* experience: Yes, mental illness exists. However, some of the people like this guy’s wife and folks in my family refuse to fully address it and instead make it someone else’s issue. She didn’t disclose everything and she instead makes him deal with the stress of her issue. When my own loved one was given an ultimatum, they started working again and being an adult. No, mental illness is not a choice. However, how a person chooses to handle it is a choice.
I’m bad about feeling debilitated and not cleaning. What did they do to fix it? I will dork my ass off and I keep my work area OCD clean so I don’t understand MYSELF
@@weekendnomad5038 I’m dealing with some of this myself, and believe it or not watching cleaning videos helps a ton. The biggest thing is HAVING TOO MUCH STUFF and I have pared down everything to just the bare necessities so I have less work! It sounds stupid but it works for me. Im a working single mom of 2 and do most everything. I was just so overwhelmed and felt like always doing sink full of dishes, had mountains of laundry, etc. So my fix (maybe temporary) is I donated most of our clothes, shoes, bedding, unneeded furniture etc. I’ve benefitted from thrifting in the past so I decided someone else can enjoy the extra heels I never wear, coats and pairs of jeans when 2 is more than enough for us. It helps having a washer too but when I didn’t I would pack everything up and knock it out on sat am. I keep a hamper in the bathroom and all dirty clothes MUST go in there (we usually change in the bathroom after shower so it’s just easy). My poor mom would have a fit if she knew but I DONT sort by color anymore, just wash everything when the hamper is full, on cold together to make it easier and (brace yourself) I don’t fold!!! Most of our clothes are perm press so they don’t really wrinkle, I hang up things that do. My girls like to fold some of their stuff but they can do it after things just get INTO the drawers! My strategy right now at rock bottom is just to get it freaking done, from start to finish, not perfect! Got rid of my coffee table bc it was just a mess magnet. Have a little sofa cup holder and We only eat at the kitchen counter (also sold the table/chair set that collected clutter) so I don’t end up finding food all over the house. Reduces spills too (which was always happening and we have carpetin most rooms which was getting disgusting😩) I literally got down to ONE set of dinner ware per person, the rest is stored in an airtight box in the carport: a single plastic dinner plate/bowl type dish that can handle anything from cereal to stew to chicken, just 4 sets silverware. Different color bowls so everyone knows which one is theirs and must wash after each meal! Same with cups- ONE specific mug and ONE plastic cup per person. It’s cute and it’s functional. You could also do disposable but I can’t really afford that plus our city trash can is tiny. And yes call me crazy but I reduced down to 1 big pot, 1 big pan, 1 sheet pan, 1 glass casserole dish, 1 mixing bowl, 1 silicone spatula etc. It’s awkward but I can do everything I would in a tiny saucepan or whatever. Gave away a bunch and the rest are stored out of the house. This way I never end up with a massive sink of dishes and it forces me to quickly clean out after using! Maybe one day I’ll have the capacity to use all my lovely kitchen ware but it’s just a hassle now. I use my instant pot and air fryer for most meals, got rid of my cast iron (which I couldn’t keep clean🙄) toaster, crockpot and rice cooker bc those two appliances do it all. For easy meals I watch Julie Pacheco and other creators as well as using mostly frozen veggies, chicken, fruit etc (less spoilage), including individual cooked rice! I put different sized dollar tree bins all over the fridge to contain messes so that if anything spills I can just throw the thing in the sink Got rid of a ton of their toys and books and so on. I spend a little time cleaning every day and involve my kids (little one loves vacuuming, oldest takes out trash). We quickly clean toilet, sinks, kitchen counter, vacuum, and take out the trash every single day. It seems silly but it’s pretty quick and guarantees I won’t forget or let it pile up. The house always smells good and is company ready. I used to not even want to call service or repair ppl bc the house was such a disaster! We have way less clothes than the average American but everything fits and looks good on, 4 pair of shoes per person (not including a couple pairs of rain boots and special occasion shoes which are put away). If you really look at your closet you wear mostly the same stuff anyhow. I kept 4 ‘fancy’ outfits, most of my wardrobe is maxi dresses bc they are easy and I can look put together without trying 😂. Only need a couple hoodies, leggings, jeans, work pants. We keep 2 towels, blankets and sheet sets TOTAL per person so one is always on hand and one is in reserve. Underbed bins for out of season stuff. I wash and dry a load of clothes every few days, we have so little that the kids put it away in a few mins! I got so desperate that I even got rid of most socks. I went to Ross and bought a few sets of black ankle socks that are all the same and now it’s no trouble at all to match 🤣 Best tips I found were to do it NOW if it takes 5 min or less, get rid of all excess crap, and have a clear designated place for everything. Baskets and bins and underbed boxes are my best friends in a small apartment lol. Maybe one day I can live like normal ppl but for now this extreme works for us, my kids are happier and our quality of life has actually improved. I have literally cried and prayed to God for help getting my ish together when I was just surrounded by mess, in the thick of depression and worthlessness, and didn’t know where to start. I grew up in chaos and wanted to break the cycle. Medication may also help but you still need a strategy to go from a total mess to clean and tidy. Ofc it won’t fix everything but you WILL feel better in a clean space!!! And being able to make (and sustain) a change helps me feel less worthless and terrible as a parent bc my kids are stepping over a ton of unneeded products in the bathroom, or dirty laundry or stinky mountain of dishes and trash or molding food in the fridge. I don’t have to yell all day at them to clean up after themselves and I set rules for where they can have certain items. This may be crazy but my kids are older, I tell them “if you want it keep it out of the floor!!! That means EVERYTHING so after a warning or two I throw almost anything in the trash that doesn’t get picked up- barbie shoes, hair clips, crayons, etc. now they know mom is nuts and they manage it themselves. I had to get extreme bc I had trained them to be slobs! So after I did all the work to clean house I let them know we are ALL responsible to keep it this way. Now that my kitchen stays clean, I can make home cooked meals for them every day and not resort to take out or freezer box meals (which you shouldn’t feel guilty for but is not ideal every day) again to simplify my life I created a schedule so I don’t have to think about it, rotating the same types of meals and either batch cooking or keeping it 30 min or less so they don’t have to eat dinner at 830😳. I know this is a lot, sorry for the book but I really hope it helps someone!
@@weekendnomad5038 In my situation, the house was absolutely filthy. I mean, disgusting. Dishes filled the sink and then spilled into the counter, the kitchen island, and so on. Laundry stacked to the point you could run the machine all weekend non stop and it still wouldn't be done. I was so overwhelmed, because I was just a teen girl. I was still in high school! I had to go to school, and then I would often work an entire shift at the fast food restaurant that night, and then study. I would bring home food from closing (they let us take it instead of throwing it away), and my family would descend on it like starving locusts because there was no real food in the house, and the place was too disgusting to cook in anyways. Every other pay period, my family needed all my earned money. I could never save anything. Then, on my days off, I would try to clean the place. Keep in mind I was a young high school girl who was barely old enough to drive. I was massively depressed. I am not some clean freak at all, but I make sure the dishes are always done in my house. The trash is taken out. I don't let laundry just pile up to eternity. It is a point of pride to me, as an adult, that people can walk into my house at any time, without warning, and it is safe and sanitary. I am never embarrassed about how my home looks, and I get compliments all the time about how clean it is. It may sound silly to people who didn't grow up like that, but I am so proud of myself for being on top of my finances, keeping my house clean, and working consistently. I know those are things people who didn't grow up in a bad environment just naturally do, but for me, it took a lot of work and I really had to make it my priority.
He sounds like a sweet, loving human being, which is unfortunately why she recognized him as an easy target. She's manipulative asf and she knew 10000% he wasn't going to cancel that wedding. She's a piece of work, and the kids are gonna pay the price.
Yes, and he's clearly co-dependent himself. He should be in therapy about that as he's sacrificing his own kids' mental health to her and has brought yet another child into a marriage with a bipolar woman who cheats on him and stages suicide attempts. He's a terrible mess himself!
I am absolutely appalled that they knowingly brought an adopted child into this mess. They had to have lied on their application. They cost that child the chance to get a loving, stable family, and instead brought them into a house on fire.
He is so respectful saying "Yes, sir," to Dr. D. He's so committed to his wife and willing to work through the pain. This is an amazing man and his wife is lucky af to have him as most men would bail and take off. This caller is a good man.
Dr. You forgot a very important part... He needs to set boundaries. And she needs to know and understand those boundaries. You must love somone who is mentally ill UNCONDITIONALLY but he must set boundaries clearly to protect his own heart and his children.
I have a loved one who was MURDERED at his after-school job by a schizophrenic off his meds. Bullet in the head. My family will never be the same. John is right. Someone needs to hold them accountable to take their medication.
I'm so sorry for your loss, out of all the mental illnesses I think that is probably the most dangerous one. Anyone who has it should be kept away from society.
I had s neighbor who had schizo and we think that he sent someone to run his car through our house which would’ve killed all three of us siblings. He seemed paranoid and bitter always around my parents for no reason. These people can be dangerous. I survived the event and so did my siblings because my sisters car managed to maneuver the car a certain angle causing the car to only take out a piece of our house not run through the house as planned.
Damn I feel bad for him. I have severe depression/anxiety/CPTSD but would never even consider being official with someone unless they knew the ins and outs of my issues and were okay with it. Mental illness is not impossible to manage but it can be a LOT for a partner to deal with. Definitely not a good thing to "surprise" a potential spouse with. 😬 Edit: Oh my god they have 5 kids too?!
The 5 kids might have made her illness worse. Having 5 kids messes with your hormones and mental health. Post pardam depression is a thing. Also why have 5 kids?!
When I was dating my now-wife, I told her all of my diagnoses and showed her my pills and she told me all about her messed up past and her debt. We were honest with each other from the start. It sucks that his wife has this diagnosis, but it is NOT OKAY that she didn’t tell him!!! That is lying by omission! Terrible!
How early in a relationship would you say is a good time to disclose information about personal/family medical issues and life struggles?Obviously not before you hit it off but you don't want to wait too long.
My ex didn’t tell me he was bipolar. He did tell me he was in recovery (alcohol) and so I attributed his wild mood swings to brain damage from years of excessive drinking. It was like living with someone who adored me and who hated me, and I never knew which one I was going to be with from hour to hour. When he was taking his meds he was ok, but whenever he felt ok he’d stop taking the meds. It was one of the most awful experiences of my life.
I'm a mental health nurse and after reading the comment thread now I understand why more people stay hidden about their biposr diagnosis. Trust your doctor foremost. Trust your spouse. 💓 Trust your closest support people which are probably very very few. No one else. Because people will use it against you one day.
Thank you so much for being one of the good ones. I’ve had to be hospitalized for my mental health twice and my heart is breaking at reading these comments. I appreciate you speaking up. ❤
thank you for your understanding. i have my bipolar under control but the comments make me lose hope about finding love one day. i’m not dangerous. i’m not abusive. i’m not violent. i don’t want anyone to fear me
@@supermodelatlanta1354 before marriage, when everything is supposed to be laid out on the table for both to see. Which he had asked her directly as to how severe her mental health was, she deflected, he gave in and stopped asking. Both made a mistake, however the woman was far more in the wrong. A healthy relationship requires strong communication. She lacks that. Oh and yes, i have told my girlfriend all about my mental health concerns, the meds i take, the lows ill experience and she in turn told me about hers.
I believe he mentioned she also has a personality disorder. Borderline Personality Disorder? She really needs DBT therapy. If she has BPD I am sure one of the reasons she did not tell him is individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder have an intense fear of abandonment and rejection. She was fearful he would leave her as well as the rest of her symptoms, but that is no reason for her to lie by omission and not disclose to him about her mental health earlier in the relationship. That was so totally wrong and inappropriate. He should have been given the choice earlier if he wanted to continue the relationship. Telling him two weeks before the wedding is wrong.
@@Prometheuspredator John, You are a good soul. My experience with the Bipolar Stamp/Banner Is different. My Parents were controlled and dominated for the last years of Life. They were a lovely harmonious couple until the friend commandeered the caregiver $chedule. From psyche ward, Kept her funds coming, While out of commission for weeks. She had total immunity. Dad didn't want to rock her boat. The friend who became a home care Aide, coordinator.... Key player. Health care representative. All passwords and access codes. Masterful at manipulation. Adept Game of Domination. ALL members of her family lived under the threat that ANY OPPOSITION She would flip. Multiple Psyche Ward stays. Controlled by her, To get her disability check reinstated. Materially greedy. Reckless. Demanding. Shirks debt. The Banners of Bipolar was worn with pride and entitlement. Bipolar. Her declaration of total entitlement was Her self proclaimed exemption of any accountability. She wreaked havoc as best she could orchestrate. Triggered my Dad. Their bond shredded under her scissors. Bipolar. Like the proudly draped Sash of a beauty queen. ALWAYS had been warned by two trusted friends. I trusted her good intentions. I was Wrong in downplaying the seriousness of the power she wielded. Dad was affected by every encounter with her. She was Persistent calling him at hospital and nursing home. His mood would be altered Emulating her same issues. Snarky. Bizarre. She deeply affected him, but didn't bring out the best in him. Truly sorry for your predicament. Our experience was harrowing. Her conduct was brazen. Defiant. Crass. Police called by her neighbor for loud fighting... We're scared off her porch by her threats to strip naked and writhe like a snake unless they left. They Ran. The whole family seems to enable her, and be under her vise. Demands money from her Mom. This is something I had no awareness of. My two friends who knew her longer said that Her sheer will and ability to impose her drama and instill fear is the issue. But her Banner of immunity is the Popular Bipolar Card. It became her symbolic Platinum limitless credit card for which she never had to pay the bill. Everyone around her was sized up, used, depleted. He had 4 kids School age from a first common law union. She won't allow him to see his kids unless she goes with him. He isn't permitted. They live lavishly. He owes thousands in back support. He donated a KIDNEY to her son. (She had three older kids from two fathers.) She MOCKED her husband afterwards,... That he was a whiny wimp to complain he wasn't feeling well. Sorry to extol on this. It can elicit darts. If you see any parallel, Please get your kids in a safe place. In our disastrous experience with her hijacking my parents life It seems that Personality is 95% Mental is 5%. Heart crushing for us to navigate the roadblocks she set in place Then dared anyone to get around. I agree now, It was more likely an iron will run amok After she wreaked havoc and created a rift between my parents Demanding to be number One. I regret having been as trusting, cooperative compassionate compliant with her antics, And NOT 🚫 banning her. I feel deeply for you, John. Hope and pray you can shield yourself and these children.
The adoption idea probably came about on a manic episode ….. the entire relationship is probably basic on his enjoyment during the mania, and when she’s depressed he gets to help her. He must have enjoyed being the hero too. It’s reciprocal. When it’s this severe, I doubt there were no signs at all before they got married… he must have been just too in love and felt needed to see it. But the adoption agencies don’t look at that. She’s on medication and seems to have good enough insight into her illness. That’s good enough for adoption agencies I think.
I would have given a lot to be able to warn my husband about me. My mental illness didn’t onset until after we got married. I’ve tried to tell him that this isn’t what he signed up for and I’ve told him he is free to go, but he stays. Part of me has debated being the one to go so he can move on, but he’s asked me not to do that and I will respect his wishes. He says it’s because he loves me and I don’t doubt that but nobody deserves to be saddled with that. Don’t ever lie about your diagnosis. Even with my not knowing what would happen I still feel guilty every day for my husband being trapped with me
He isn't trapped with you though. He has made and continues to make the conscious choice to stay with you despite your mental illness. I know that you probably think that maybe he could have made a different choice if you had both known about your mental illness beforehand, but everything happens for a reason. Each day that he is with you he is choosing to stay. And each day you also have the choice to honor him and yourself by taking the absolute best care of yourself and your mental health that you can so that you can show up as the best version of yourself in your life and in your marriage. He also needs to take the best care he can of himself for the same reasons. As someone who has had moderate to severe depression and anxiety, I know that mental illness can make you feel like an absolute burden on those you love. But please realize, as I've had to come to realize over time, that your presence isn't just a burden. You are NOT your mental illness. Yes, you have a mental illness. BUT you also have so many other characteristics, ones that are wonderful, unique, precious, and bring hope and happiness into other's lives. You are worthy of love. Do you know Jesus Christ? He loves you unconditionally, dear. If you don't already know Him, please seek Him. Accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior changes everything❤ May God bless you and be with you and your husband.
You will never live with someone with a mental illness...ooookayyy. You realise that all mental illnesses aren't the same? that not everyone with a specific mental illness experiences the same symptoms ? that many many people with mental illnesses are actually thriving in life ? that surely many people with mental illnesses have more success in life than you do ? Oh and I forgot ! Many many people with mental illnesses actually live a pretty normal, chlling life.
Until you've lived with someone with severe mental illness, you just can't understand. This guy is more locked in than that. I can't imagine. This also isn't like living with someone with a serious physical illness. Unless, that person was also abusing and manipulating you at the same time.
@@metalraccoon2259held hostage is exactly what it was like. I was in a 4.5 year relationship with a bipolar mom and son (from 18-23). The mom (my ex girlfriend) took her meds religiously, while the son did not. That ultimately resulted in a mom who focused on her son’s health, as she should have. We limped along for years, but the son’s mental health only got worse (type 1) and he couldn’t maintain college or working. Mom became more devoted to her son, as she should have. Sadly for me, it felt a lot like their ride, instead of our ride. Bipolar was too much for me, but only with the son. I would still be in the relationship if it was just the mom that had bipolar.
Oh man, life doesn’t have to be this hard. Divorce this woman now and don’t feel guilty about it because she hid the truth from you. What else is she hiding? My grandfather came from a family riddled with depression. He struggled himself with both severe depression and alcoholism. Both his mother and brother committed suicide, when that happened my grandmother sat his family down and told them they had a problem and needed to face this issue or the next generation would be in the same situation. I give my grandmother so much credit for having the gumption to have that conversation with her in-laws in the 1960s when mental health wasn’t even really a thing. I grew up knowing full well about my grandfather’s (and other family member’s) mental issues and treatment, it was never a secret. It was never considered shameful to admit to having a hard time or going to counseling or getting on medications to help mental issues. My grandfather continues to struggle with those issues to this day. My grandmother, now deceased, was a wonderful woman who truly deserved a better marriage and a better life than what she had. She never divorced my grandfather I think because she was a religious person and came from that generation that didn’t believe in divorce but I’ll never forget her telling me, “If I had known about the family’s mental issues before I married your grandfather I would have run the other direction. I would have never married him.” Buddy, three years with someone is nothing in a lifetime, run the other direction now before your entire life ends in misery.
that's insane, if anyone divorced because of treatable mental illness in the families only 0.01% of the population would stay married. Depression is highly treatable, and it is not genetic.
@@comment_account2343 it’s not the depression… bipolar is a whole different ball game that will never go away. Depression can go away. And this lady has both and much more. This guy has gone through so much the last 2 years that she can bring him down emotionally and physically as well as is own biological children, it’s a really tough on him.
@@comment_account2343 did you not listen to the rest? She has bipolar among many other other things. Bipolar is not curable. If they only been married for 2 years and she’s already bringing him down mentally and emotionally, he should definitely call it quits before his life goes down spiral.
@@comment_account2343 lies, you came up with that ridiculous statistic yourself. Life is too short for this much crazy. They need intensive treatment as opposed to being in a relationship pulling someone down with them.
You can also have manic episodes and be out of control. not saying it excuses cheating at all. You can have morals and also be unwell and make bad decisions that you don't agree with when you're better
I have bipolar. If you are unmedicated and in the throes of a manic episode you will act out sexually, gamble do drugs ect. The acting out is in a desperate search of relief from not sleeping for days and acting crazy. It’s really hard. I’ve cheated when I had no intention on doing so. So now I don’t date long term. I’m up front that I don’t want a serious relationship. When I get pressed harder about it as most women do I disclose that have bi polar although medicated I tend to be verbally abusive and tend to cheat. If you want non comital fun I’m cool with that I just know myself enough that I will hurt someone I’m in a committed relationship with. Some will want to keep dating thinking they can change me. Some will walk. I just know I will never seek a relationship or marriage. It’s not for me. I can’t deal with it. I don’t want to keep hurting people.
@@Confession_AnonTrue I was Dx’d at age 42 w/Bi-Polar II have managed it w/ongoing check-ins w/Psychiatrist & Therapists, medications, strong strong strong religious faith w/prayer and active Catholic sacramental life, 6:50 and 12 Step Recovery- I’m now 74- so 32 years of managing it-no infidelity-because I’m an RN, I knew it was very serious and my responsibility to manage it on a daily basis. In a way, getting the Dx mid-life was advantageous. Accepting & dealing with this illness when in teens/twenties is so much more difficult, IMHO
@@ErnieBert-eg8kd I totally understand-Bi-Polar II for 32 years Dx’d age 42-now 74. childhood sexual abuse survivor. Married x1-mid-30’s. Abuse memories flooded back when married. Divorced Two 30 day Treatment Center stints( voluntary) 25 yrs of 12 Step Recovery, 32 years of regular Psychiatric & Therapeutic care, meds meds and more/different meds STRONG Catholic Faith/Prayer/Sacramental life, Many Pilgrimages & retreats, on SSDI for a decade, no relationship w/family-(split apart over tellinG about abuse) able to return to work as RN after 25 yr hiatus. Just like you, I know and don’t want a male relationship. Have some arms-length friendships w/married men-always in presence of their spouses and make sure everyone knows ( subtly) that I honor marriage/admire them as a couple so there is zero mis-understanding. It can be lonely-that’s when I pray, call someone, make gratitude lists etc. I just want you to know that I understand and respect your decision. We’re kindred spirits. And that’s for today And I’m STILL recovering! Recently did deeper work forgiving my abuser ( deceased)And that’s a good thing-greater peace & serenity. ODAT ONE DAY AT A TIME GOD BLESS YOU
I tried to tell my brother that you can't save anyone. He is attracted to these drama filled girls. He feels like it's his job to help these girls. I told him the wrong girl will ruin his life😩
Savior complexes can be tricky! My old beau loved being looked upon as a knight in shining armor. Turns out narcs often have low self esteem & are drawn to empathic emotionally damaged partners.People are complicated & we don't know our siblings 100%. Too much hypocrisy & dishonesty because of the biases. Doesn't help anyone to enable them
Yup, that's the way to do it: tell your fiancé' something intense when it would be difficult for them to bolt. Poor guy. She saw him coming. You cannot get full disclosure from someone who withholds information. Again, poor guy. He sounds like a decent man who cannot fully accept that he was lied to and cheated on by the very sick woman he loves.
This is where me and my therapist really don't see eye to eye. I have two serious mental illnesses and I am up front with who I am dating it is on the table. She says it's none of their business but I believe it is. I am mostly stable and the biggest threat to myself and I am careful of how I treat people. It's up to that person if they want to stay or not. To me that is fair! I am getting sterilized by the end of the year I refuse to bring a child into this world and not be present for them.
I had a tubal at 30. I was still so sick. I thank God every day I didn't bring precious,sacred life into this world. Very few of us have the love,brains,strength,$$ to be a great parent!
Yes Victor you sound very emotionally mature and stable and you sound like a good natured person and you know people should not stereotype mentally ill people and say that they're all dangerous and bad and people shouldn't get involved with them because that's not true there are people like you who take their medication as prescribed work with medical professionals are honest with themselves and other people who live very productive and healthy lives are good citizens and grape fronds and Good marriage partners and good parents SO IT'S NOT CORRECT TO STEREOTYPE PEOPLE WITH MENTAL ILLNESS AND SAY THEY'RE ALL DYSFUNCTIONAL THEY'RE ALL DANGEROUS AND NO ONE SHOULD GET IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM BECAUSE THAT'S NOT TRUE AT ALL AND YOU ARE AN EXAMPLE OF THAT AND THERE ARE MULTI-MILLIONS OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU RIGHT. THANK YOU FOR SHARING BECAUSE YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION TO PEOPLE WHO ARE STRUGGLING WITH MENTAL ILLNESS AND FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE INVOLVED WITH PEOPLE WITH MENTAL ILLNESS AND THERE IS HOPE AND THERE IS A LOT OF HELP PEOPLE JUST NEED TO ACCEPT THEIR MENTAL ILLNESS AND WORK WITH THE MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS IN THE OUTCOME CAN BE VERY GOOD 😊
Such a powerful call and reality call. Mental illness is serious. I’ve come from a family riddled with mental health issues . My mom specifically. Growing up with her being bipolar in poverty . Almost sent me to an early grave . I stated getting migraines at the age of four. And my health just started declining. Having to deal with my moms untreated bipolar, depression, anxiety, issues. Burned me out . I love my mom deeply. But her mental health….. I have to protect my self
I hurt for him until he said they adopted a child. WTH? Why would he agree to this when as an adult, he is struggling with her mental illnesses after only 2 years! Dear Lord!
Bro!!!! Don't remarry unless you learn to love yourself. Stop divorcing, then rushing to the next woman. Dr. D, just just be honest and tell him to leave. Take her 2 kids and go, take his 2 and adopted one and go. He is miserable! She will keep cheating.
You just can't judge people like that! You don't know their future and how they will end up! He married her, knowing beforehand, allthough shortly before, and marriage means in sickness and in health. What's marriage worth if those values would be compromised, allthough it's hard?
I think the word for personality disorders and bipolar is although they are incurable, they can /need to be managed- life long. So if u r hoping a day when all of this will go away- yeah- cut ur losses.
Wow wee. She has alot of baggage. He doesn't know what to do at all. He wants to have her but doesn't need all the things she has. I think its too much for him to handle.
To deficlt your wife bipolar she every time crying fighting lots of demanding this and that no need but wants things waste of money buy rach Android everything but not happy telling this tipe wife by by and go had enjoy u life
This man is giving himself up completely to be a hero for everyone around him. He didn't crash because he was simply on a call. He crashed because he had an appointment for a call that he needed so bad and his concentration just went. It wasn't something to laugh about. He sounds like a beautiful man and I hope he finds peace.
You can hear the love in this man's voice and that he's fully committed and dedicated to his wife and family. I don't know about bipolar but I do know about mental illness. This woman is so blessed to have this man stand by her side. What a woman wouldn't do to be with a man like that. ❤
I had a man like this and it was wonderful. Due to certain events happening my depression became cptsd and my behaviour changed. I’d have emotional outbursts. I pushed him away. I regret it every single day and it’s been four years now
Never go through with the wedding just because other people have bought tickets to the show. Everyone knows that a wedding can potentially be canceled.
It’s a huge inconvenience but remember people can still fly out and make other plans if there’s no wedding.
And yet, people go thru with it.
@L Cam Count me as guilty!
My heart broke for him when I heard that. It's the worst excuse
@@basednwhitepilld it's not the worst excuse, the time for him to investigate was before that and it is inconsiderate to others for him and her to even get to that point and not have investigated each other's lives properly if they know there are things that they cannot deal with. Yes people should be open but things like anxiety and bipolar anxieties cannot be hidden, it is obvious something isn't right and I don't think that she is bipolar because having known someone with bipolar disorder, they don't think anything is wrong with them and she tells him to talk to her mom to understand it and tells him about it before their wedding date?? It seems like a manipulative person.
Do not set yourself on fire to keep someone warm.
Wise words. And don’t set yourself on fire when you have children that depend on you.
This caller not only set himself on fire to keep his wife warm. He also set his kids on fire.
Powerful ❤ I've never been in therapy but I feel like I've just had my first hour with your one comment lol
Especially poignant considering he's a firefighter 🚒
I like that. Did you make that up❓️🤔
I’m a woman with C-PTSD, severe childhood trauma, depression and anxiety. I would NEVER use my mental health status to justify cheating or not disclosing and managing my condition. The problem isn’t her mental illness but her inability of taking accountability. If I was this man, I would divorce her because you can tell the guy is having PTSD from this entire marriage, she’s dragging him down with her.
I’m bipolar type 1 and I have never cheated in relationships. I think she isn’t taking accountability or responsibility either. She needs to seek help with professionals. She has to seek it herself. No amount of love will change her. I feel sorry for him. He deserves someone who is changed and loves him back. I hope he does leave her and start being loving to himself. I hope he shows up for himself and seek help too.
Ngl you dont rly owe anyone an explanation about your health status
I have C-PTSD and BPD. I'm polyamorous because I know monogamy just isn't for me but I'm honestly and open about what's going on
Hello this man lord wow what a good heart
@@T3RM1N4llyOffl1n3 you do if you plan to spend your life with this person and it will knowingly affect their life more than they expected or that person's kids.
I also was a Firefighter/EMS for 15 years... its difficult to be a rescuer who cant rescue themselves from their own hell.
I hope this guy leaves ,he can only carry so much and obviously hes a born fixer and rescuer.
Very true
I have complex ptsd and adhd. One thing about living with this thing is you have to be accountable, you can’t let your illness be an excuse to treat others like crap.
I could not agree with this more!!! Chronic depression and anxiety and just recently diagnosed with ADHD. We have to do the work. It’s hard but it makes life so much better and easier.
So nice to hear that from another person’s mouth.😅
Yes indeed! I have CPTSD and PMDD and after a really bad episode , it was a no for me. I’m doing the work
True.
Absolutely. I always say though “that’s not an excuse. I was responsible for going to therapy and taking meds but it’s just an explanation”
As a child who had suicidal parents, I highly recommend counselling for the kids.
Plus it would be bad for them to be on the look out of her kids having the same bi-polar disorder she has. I know some of hers were environmentally caused but that doesn't erase the genetics that this usually has.
@@lydialukes522 Yes.
Same my friend…both parents.❤️
The adopted child is already dealing with the trauma of being separated from their family of origin and now they're tied to to a deeply disturbed mother who is drowning in her own mental health issues and I'm sure isn't able to care for a traumatized child. That adoption should never of been allowed. It's tragic.
@@Milkymommy09I guess they don't look into mental health history for people looking to adopt
What I’ve learn after dealing with mentally ill loved ones:
1: People only change if they want to change.
2: You can’t love people into changing.
3: Your love can’t save anyone.
4: Protect your mental health because you matter too!
5: As much as you love someone, don’t let the love you have for them destroy you.
I've learned these 2 after having a sibling with mental illness
Amen. I had to leave my boyfriend after he survived cancer. His body was healthy again but his mental health was declining. He refused treatment. He expected me to life with this abusive behavior and I was supposed to take care of him again. Sorry but NO
Regarding "people only change if they want to change." Mental illness is not a behavior problem. It is an illness with their brain. My twin sister had severe bi-polar and treatment-resistant depression for 25 years. I was very hard on her, as if she could change herself. Then, I read a post by a person in remission from mental illness. She described what it's like, not being able to manage oneself and one's own thoughts. A light went on for me and I felt terrible. The next day my sister died.
Thank you 😢
Perfectly said Krystle. I struggle with Manic Depression/Bipolar but told my husband, you have to set and INSIST on your personal barriers and get yourself into counseling even if I don't. This is so insightful of YOU.
He wants to "rescue" everyone AND HE CAN'T. NO ONE CAN. He is climbing a steep hill. Prayers for you and your family.
She may have done better w/ a solid group of girlfriends rather than a rescuer hubby - at least for a solid few years.
@@hansonallie not to give her an excuse but it is a lot easier to find a good husband (or at least one who wants to be good) then an uplifting solid group of girlfriends.
He is going to be burning the candle at both ends if they don't get a solid plan in place, but I believe if he is in this for the long haul and can do it.
Maybe he feels calmer during a crisis, and so is addicted to her drama. Maybe it's not about "saving her", but about keeping around a constant source of crises.
Playing a hero in a relationship actually isn't very normal either that might be what she is subconsciously wanting but you don't have to play along
@@lydialukes522 She completely lied to him to snag to get him to marry her. I don’t believe having a good husband is the solution to her problems.
She can’t use the excuse of her mental illness for cheating . He’s trying to keep it together but don’t set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
Especially poignant considering he's a firefighter 🚒
You may not realize how common that is in bipolar relationships. It’s a really challenging mental illness loaded with awful compulsions and loads of shame. Hence the suicidal ideations. It’s not an excuse. It’s part of the illness and it’s really freaking hard
It’s not an excuse. Risky behavior IS part of the disease. Many times with bipolar, the person is subconsciously seeking dopamine rushes to avoid the inevitable depression for as long as possible. You’re unable to think clearly and don’t understand the gravity of your actions until later on. Similar to behavior of an addict. 😢
As a RN, it is not an excuse. A person with Bipolar is very prone to doing things they would not normally do, such as cheating, unalive attempts, etc.
A newly diagnosed bipolar person not on meds or on the wrong meds or dosage, or has stopped taking their meds (very common) will be hypersexual.
My best friend, who was the salt of the Earth, developed Bipolar Disorder. Seeing what mental illness did to him was brutal, tragic, heartbreaking, and absolute mental torture.
His father committed suicide when we were 24 with the same diagnosis.
I pray the treatment and his compliance get’s better with time, I hung on as long as I could- I travel for my job, so that strained what relationship was left, but he was literally one of my favorite human beings, lost to what was unrecognizable. I saw it twist and distort who he was before the onset.
It’s like coping with a death. Mental Illness robbed me of my best friend in the World. The Anger and Sadness resulting are beyond words.
He saved my life when my only sibling, my brother, was killed at 17 in a car accident- I was 15. He used to get up to be at my house by 6:45am to threaten a bucket of ice water if I didn’t get up and go to school. He was my backbone. Me at 6’4” and him at 5’11”😂
But, I couldn’t save him. I didn’t know the first thing to do to ease his pain. Mental Illness impacts are beyond the English Language’s ability to describe the Universal impacts on the patient, and their family and friends.
My prayers tonight for EVERYONE who is suffering in that Universe.
I pray for you. This is familiar. Sweet Jesus.
My heart goes out to both of them and their children, but adopting/bringing another child into that chaos is absolutely wreckless and selfish! The husband should have known better unless he is suffering from delusions.
Bipolar is a lifetime disease and it can be managed with diligence and self awareness. Hopefully as this woman learns about her disease and ages, she will be able to self identify when she is struggling and stay on top of letting people around her know. Life happens and it can be a good one, even with bipolar. It just takes longer to get there sometimes. Hopefully they can truck through the muck and get to a good place in their marriage.
You may not be able to save him, but you could still be there for him.
Life’s not fair brother. Prayers for you.
@@Bbuzzin5Yes but she has multiple diagnoses and one of them is a personality disorder, good luck with anything getting better ever.
My ex husband kept his mental illness (schizophrenia) a secret until we got married. He completely turned into a different person after we got married. And when he told me about it three months into marriage after I asked what was going on, he told me about it but said it was a misdiagnosis, he felt he was actually a sociopath 😳. So yea, he’s not my husband anymore.
I don't understand how those two illnesses could be confused.
Wow that is scary stuff.
I’m in the same boat. Three months into marriage he goes into a psychotic break and I find out. We are now separated but now he’s talking to me telling me he is working on getting himself back to normal but I love him I just don’t know if I can put up with someone with a psychosis and schizophrenia.
@@SexyJ1991 No. You won’t have the tools until your able to work with him and his medical supports. No other health condition is kept private, especially from those who are part of the team. He is not healthy enough to keep promises for conditions he is not treating. That’s like a diabetic saying I’m not going to pee on myself yet they ain’t taking any meds, eating all the wrong stuff and not complying with treatment. That’s the thing, it’s a choice to manage any health condition. This health condition is not something your being made apart of to know if it’s being managed. The choice is to manage it or it will manage him. How you measure if treatment is working if you don’t know what the treatment plan is supposed to be? How would you know. Being fully transparent, 20 some years and 3 kids in, I wasn’t even told.
@@SexyJ1991 My wife of 23 that I love who I've had 3 children to also has chronic schizophrenia, I would not wish this life on my worst enemy.
PLEASE take it from me, if you go back to him, he might stabilise for awhile but he will never be cured, any moment anything could set him off
your life will be 100% miserable. I'm sorry for him and for you.
This is a drowning man calling out for help. I think he needs way more support in daily life than he’s getting
Yep.
I was shocked when he said they adopted a child.
Well it didn’t help that he went and adopted a child with an unwell woman who already had 2 kids, he had two kids and they were barely married or knew each other a few years….
Absolutely ❤❤❤
I would also just say that looking up your local NAMI --National Alliance for the Mentally Ill -- resources can also help a lot for family members. They have a lot of groups for people who love someone with mental illness. It really helps to have others that get what you are going through.
Should disclose all health conditions well prior to marriage. And yes you can cancel the wedding even if guests have flown in.
She was counting on him not doing that. That’s why she waited. I think she’s sneaky and knew full well what she was doing.
This relationship will never make it! Two years in and she’s lied about her mental health, cheated twice, attempted suicide among other things. Forget it. Love yourself first and break it off and love her from a distance. You can still be her rock and help her navigate her life. Save yourself.
This is a great YT channel.. I learn so much from every call. Many times I have a similar storyline from somewhere in my almost 70yrs of life. Love and hope are such powerful emotions, it was definitely hard for me to ever put my well being first. I was born into the , divorce is a no no and you stay and work things out. Be a good woman n wife.. cook n serve n clean house n be a good mother...definitely dont complain! So glad the world has changed for woman n men alike to feel ok about expressing hardships, fear , abuse. Religion as control was a huge part of my bio family n brainwashing as a kid. I learned late ,, but I learned, it's OK to say, no more ! Appreciate this channel so much and the brave people who share!
Agree this won't end well but as he is solely focused on neglecting his needs I don't think he will separate but suffer through a horrible marriage.
Cheating and dishonesty is not linked to bipolar it's her character. Feel sorry for the kids
I'm currently listening, a few minutes in, and I think this already
Im an ICU nurse and im sure I only experience a fraction of the stress a paramedic/firefoghter experiences. He needs somewhere to rest his head and to feel at peace. People who are in helping professions need someone to refill their cup and be stable. I cant imagine how drained he feels.
Excellent point
This woman effectively lied by omissions in order to get this guy to want to marry her, how can you trust someone after something like that
People will lie or ignore red flags to tick off the box of getting married or have kids. They ruin their lives. He was a perfectly healthy man and he’s now in therapy himself. He needs to participate in his own rescue.
You can’t unfortunately. What else has she failed to disclose? X
For him not to notice the severity she must have been controlling herself then let loose after she "trapped" him.
@@V.E.R.O. yes, very true, it means she can put on a good mask
Exactly he needs to get away from her in order to try to save himself!
The husband sounds like such a good person
He sounds like a fool.
He sounds like a codependent mess and his children are suffering
@@pinkpugginz accurate
@@ReemTahir you are cruel
@@pinkpugginz And you are cruel too
I can tell this guys a kind soul, the fact that he’s a firefighter proves he’s a helper. This woman’s gonna drag down to her depths
Yep... He is in the caring profession.
Yeah, he needs to get out ASAP!
Being a firefighter might prove he likes putting out fires. Perhaps he feels most alive during a crisis, and chose a partner who would constantly be in crisis.
Yeah, but he CHOSE to be with crazy, and "be a good guy" what a waste tbh.
@@carolsimpson4422No he chose a woman who needed to be saved at the time and that is his issue. It’s the issue with majority of men who get sucked into this sht. My mom raised 4 boys to be gentlemen and all they do is attract the psychos full of drama who try to use them.
Save yourself before she emotionally drowns you. She cheated on you twice and did not provide full disclosure before you got married. That’s called “fraud “.
💯
She's mentally ill--what do you want from this woman??? Not exactly fraud.... It's not something she can control. It *may* be managed, but it's not the same thing as controlled.
Lies by omission are the worst kind
👌🏾As a woman who has been married for 15 years with bipolar 2 disorder, anxiety . I never hid this from my husband when we were dating , he meet me on medication with this diagnoses and we dated for 2 and a half years and then he asked me to marry him and we moved into together 3 months after meeting . She should not have hid this for you , it’s their choice to choose ; I’m sorry dude ; because I was already doing councling etc I feel so bad for you because she did this on purpose
I agree. She needs to take care of herself and her kids before she dates. It's crazy that she was dating in the first place. He should focus on his kids and get some codependency therapy.
My friend was bipolar. She was badly abused as a child by a step brother. [Not SA, just beat up and bullied] Her boyfriend was clueless because he was the one thing in her life that made her happy. He didn't really believe the warnings that she and friends and family gave him. After they married, he got the whole picture. His solution was for them to move away since the family insisted the bully step brother remain in the family. After that, along with meditation, she is pretty close to normal. Its so important to recognized the triggers if possible and remove them.
“My friend WAS bipolar”
Yea none of this is adding up you can’t be FORMERLY bipolar and removing triggers won’t stop a bipolar episode from coming around every now and then
That man is definitely dealing with some sh! That u just aren’t aware of😬
@@notreallyafamousartist695 I didn't mean she stopped, just that her crazy family made it worse. Once she moved away, she got better as long as she kept on her meds. Not saying this works for everyone, just what worked for her.
@notreallyafamousartist695 we don't have the full picture. I'm saying that because I'm Bipolar, and yes removing the triggers can be ONE of the things you should do. But it's a combination of that, medication, usually different type of therapy.
He probably just wrote the short version to explain that triggers can be a big thing with BP indeed.
@@notreallyafamousartist695She has bipolar, is medicated and stable. Hope that helps
Solid advice ❤
This man was led into landmines blindfolded. I feel for him, hard to leave, but even harder to stay.
He should definitely leave.
Blindfolded? He was told different times about that, he was just too much in love, or lust, to act more wisely.
As many are deceived.
She told him things that they _both_ wanted to believe. There’s a lot of truth that they have both diligently been avoiding.
@waynepolo6193 if he had no idea of the severity...its up to her to fully inform and explain. Many have no clue about any of this or how extreme it can get. And the fact that many use the illness as an excuse for horrible behavior.
He’s a rescuer and this marriage is going to completely deplete him to his own demise.
Very unfortunate to bring another child into the mix.
He should run while he can. She is going to destroy his life
@Lady Wharton no doubt she was abused and had had terrible things happen. I'm just saying this mental illness drowns the people around you
@@Mitchmyoutube that’s just an excuse
@@stevenashwood1090 are we that dense as a people that we can't hold two truths at the same time? She could have had a horrible traumatic childhood and he could still leave with his head held high. We can have compassion for people and still say "not for me."
@@omowhanre yes!! I had a comment earlier stating pretty much the same. I am mentally Ill and wouldn't burden another with marriage.
It broke my heart when he started crying.
Mine too bc im bipolar and no one will stay or understand and wants to do both
Agreed!!
@@supermodelatlanta1354 the inconsideration and selfcenteredness is unbelievable isn't it?
I feel it for him ❤
I am a grandma - I have the uncontrollable desire to give him a big hug & make him a steak dinner.🥩
She and her family lied to him implicitly about something really major. He has EVERY right to file for divorce. It was also VERY irresponsible of both of them to bring children into this mess. I wish this man and his kids a fab future. He sounds like a really moral dude! She took advantage of him terribly.
bringing their own biological children into this mess is one diabolical thing. he as a man of the community letting himself take in a vulnerable child in this rocky situation? unforgivable. him letting not only her but himself use this child as a pawn to hopefully keep someone only hyperfixated happy is unforgivable. & yes, that’s exactly what you can & need to label this as as someone in this situation with this diagnosis thinking they are in any position to be a safe place for a vulnerable child.
Married to bi polar guy. Long story short , he blamed me for his mood swings . I was suicidal after 18 yrs. Only after leaving him did I and my family realize just how I’ll he was.
I drastically improved. He really went downhill emotionally.
This spoke to me directly.
You don’t want that. I grew up with a mom that is undiagnosed borderline and it was hell. She’s still alive. It takes strong boundaries to deal with her.
*virtual hug*
@@davisholman8149 Thank you
Thank for sharing your story.
@@maam-yj8ph 👌🏾
Same here. I love that she raised us three, but at the same time despise how she gaslights us and tries to not take accountability for what she did by lying and attempting to play with our memories. Never sincerely apologized for her abusive moments.
Why would you adopt a child when you’ve already got 4 and your wife is unwell😬
They probably adopted the child when she was manic 😬
Most people, in care giving occupations including volunteers, often times have a tendency to be codependent.
@@Katie-t1bwell he’s apparently manic too then.
She shouldn’t have had kids to begin with! I’m sure she is causing mental harm to her kids also if she doing it to her husband!
He's letting the mentally unstable one steer the ship 😬
Anytime you harm a child, you are setting them up for a nightmare life for themselves, their spouse, and their kids and grandkids. Protect all children there is nothing you can do more to help the world than that.
In my state it's a grounds for divorce if you conceal the fact that you are alcoholic or have been diagnosed with mental illness.
Exactly. Not to mention that if this was a man the judge would throw out the prenup and consider it coercion
Mental illness of this type is destructive to everyone and never goes away. The biggest hole in this universal problem is lack of education. As a veteran teacher I can tell you students are bludgeoned with all kinds of useless "education" topics", but the ones all of them need are the most ignored: personal economic education and how to recognize mental health problems. Young adults no nothing about how to manage money so it doesn't destroy them or how to recognize the red flags of mental illness in potential friends and partners and their families. So many lives destroyed by this ignorance!
Which state?
Please tell me what state you are in.
I would assume you are not a Christian.
I work in mental health and I would recommend that you get out.
can you explain why? People with mental health problems are also humans!
That's harsh.
I agree. As sad as it is, there is something called self-preservation.
Absolutely!
Than you shouldn’t be working in mental health with an opinion like that if you have no empathy towards ppl suffering you should not work in that area they would do better with someone who believes they can get the help and be set up to live a better life with the right tools,
He will defend his wife until the bitter end. As debilitating as her mental illnesses are, she seems to still be able to manipulate well. If it was her idea to adopt a child while battling such severe mental illness, shame on her. If it was his idea, stop trying to rescue the world. If you need to be a hero, you have 2 bio kids from your first marriage who are now swimming in this muck with your new wife. Be their hero please. Thank you for your service as a first responder. Use those skills to recognize who truly needs saving within your own family. Kids take it ALL on, but will pretend like they don't. May God watch over you all.
This!!! I’m shocked no one is getting on his case for putting his children in harms way. Having a suicidal adult in the home is traumatizing for kids. I think he’s a fool, she’s manipulative as hell and no one is thinking of the well being of all these kids. Shame.
how the hell did the adoption agency allow them to take a kid with all her mental problems
Right two cheatings. Plus how about protect his children from this chaos
@@ReemTahiryeah men with white knight complex fall for it. Possibly even manipulated suicide so he never leaves.
@pinkpugginsz she probably lied to them too
This is just too much to take, affair, suicidal, lies. I’m not sure about this one. Why did she hold the truth until two weeks to get married before telling him the truth. She is and was wrong and she had the nerve to have an affair. Kudos to this guy.
I don’t think anyone should stick in a relationship that is unhealthy and keeping their partner unhappy, but to answer your question (not condoning her actions), a lot of people don’t disclose mental illnesses because it often comes with severe stigma.
There were MORE than enough red flags. He should have never married her in the first place. This is what happens when men act stupidity and play the role of the white knight.
@@BryanBalak his wife clearly strung her now husband along until he was totally invested in the relationship and it was hard to leave. She obviously manipulated the whole outcome, down to planning a destination wedding and not disclosing anything to her now husband until the entire family had purchased plane tickets to the wedding location.
This marriage is on a fast track to divorce. The wife made big decisions for the husband without giving him any options.
@@texan903 sorry, but that's not what I heard at the start of the call. There were PLENTY of red flags that told this guy to run away. He probably figured he could white knight all of her problems away. You don't fix mental issues with marriage and children.
You don’t have to stay. My sister is Bipolar Depression and cheated on husband a few times. She doesn’t do what she is supppsed to do and take her meds correctly.
If you are miserable get out. You only live once.
I agree.
I agree.
That can make it worse for the person suffering from the mental illness because then she will believe that everyone that she cares about is going to leave her. And the next attempt at suicide is going to be soon and won't be an attempt.
Cheating isn't okay at all, though it is also telling that she needs to take her meds and get a solid support system that isn't going to abandon her when she needs them most and prove it.
Bipolar sucks. I had to drop a friend who has bipolar because she also refused to take her meds. She said the meds would chill her out too much and she felt like a zombie. It's awful because when she's medicated she is the sweetest person. Unmedicated she's impulsive, aggressive, hypersexual, and so toxic. I had to leave her for my own mental health. It still hurts but it was for the best.
@@perezismaray we need to find better medications. I don't think it is an acceptable situation to have to feel like a zombie or not be able to have a life within societal expectations.
Don’t you ever underestimate mental illness. I had a fiance that was bipolar and a narc. He almost killed me. Also, if he or she have mental illness and still drink or/an use drugs, RUN!
Sorry you went through that. But your story isn’t everyone else’s story. Not all people with trauma are intentionally hurting others.
Disagree people with mental illness are not all the same. And you CAN have very limited alcohol while taking it. So please stop enforcing the stigma. Tgats why people commit suicide.
@@ashleyhess6461 Try to live with a man that has Bipolar disorder, abuses drugs and has a personality disorder and let me know. People should heal or go through medical treatment before starting a family. It reckless to say otherwise
Marriage under false pretense is grounds for annulment.
That was not the case.
This hit close to home. At 20 I met a cute redhead in a folk dance class at the Junior College we attended. We dated for a year, and she treated me great.
She got into arguments with her family, my family, and my friends, and my friends tried to warn me, but I figured as long as she treated me well it would work out. That changed the day we got married, it was like a switch flipped inside her.
I realized I had made a terrible mistake while we were still on our honeymoon. Whatever her problem was, she was fine for about 2 weeks out of the month, and then she was in a blind rage for about 2 weeks. I mean a screaming, breaking things, throwing things, scratching my face blind rage. I often spent a few nights in a motel just to get away. I tried, we went to counseling, but we seperated after 2 years, and I divorced her when she started going out with other men. Thank God we didn't have children.
It took me 15 years to get married again, and it has been great. We have 2 grown sons, and are about to celebrate our 30th anniversary. My wife is the love of my life.
People can be severely mentally ill, but manage to hide it long enough to get what they want. Be careful out there. Watch how people treat others, it will tell you a lot about them. I would rather be alone forever than with a psychotic, violent, woman.
you fell for her because of her looks and i bet you overlooked healthy, well-educated women because they were 'too much' for you.
@@TheSunshinefee Men aren’t intimidated by successful women like yourself. It’s that many women choose to be too masculine and make themselves undatable. Modern women have…become the men they wanted to date.
@@TheSunshinefee Victim blaming I see.
@@pinkkfloydd nah not looking one way or another doesn’t make someone a victim.
I was never married to the person I was with that was mentally ill and untreated and undiagnosed when we were together. Things were going well for about a year and then a switch flipped and he was a completely different person. After seeing that side of him, I broke it off. About 6 months later, he was hospitalized against his will for 5 days and diagnosed with Bipolar 1 with psychotic features.
I hope that lady knows how blessed she is. This guy is a real catch.
Sadly, it will probably not work out, and he will be permanently damaged.
@@amandaforrester7636 There are *no* guarantees in life....
@@amandaforrester7636my ex had some mental issues. I don’t know the extent but to top it off she got into hard drugs. I managed to leave the situation, but I am definitely scarred. Couldn’t imagine being this guy right now.
He's destroying his life thru rescue.u can't love her to health.u need counsel n divorce
This guy is a simp being taken advantage of
This man got finessed. Two emotional affairs? What a joke. No excuse for that. This guy is a treasure to society for not only being a fighter fighter but dealing with her
@Lady Wharton Sadly, your cynicism is probably warranted.
I’ve had an ex like this. I agree with you, it can change if signs are caught ahead of time. But this person should learn themself before allowing themselves in a situation to tear someone’s heart out. Totally agree with you.
That people even coined something as emotional affair when people are out there left and right cheating with their private parts is the joke to me. It means to me that someone had the chance to cheat and had enough self control and respect for their spouse not to do it. And that is a lot more than all those supposedly sane cheaters who are regularly forgiven offer as their input in a marriage.
If I were him I would have let one of those two guys take the burden and leave with the kids!
He needs to get out. I wish Dr. John gave him that option.
Trauma informed therapist is a must!
I have most of the same issues as she does. If it were not for my husband who keeps showing up for me, i dont know where i would be. I hope this man never quits on her. The love she is receiving from him will eventually smooth her out. I am 55 now, life is not so chaotic. I am not so chaotic. I am sober. I take my meds. Its because of the love i recieve from my husband. I love him very much. God bless you John.
I also have bipolar, medicated and doing well. This comment section is brutal with the stigma from people who clearly know of someone with bipolar who is abusive too, or just abusive with the wrong DX. I'm doing well, partner loves me and he gives me my meds each night. I don't think I would have stayed on them this long without his support and literally giving them to me
@@Coco-ny5wh I am the most abusive on myself. 🤪🥰. I had the hardest time accepting help from my husband. I was taught to be the caregiver, the housewife. Once I graciously put the people pleaser away and allowed my husband to tend to me too, life got a lot easier. Strange that accepting love actually heals. 🥰.
Many comments can be downright cruel. It's hard to read some of them.
@@Iam...--- yes me also ! Abuse to myself, not others ! The pain I've put myself threw has broken people's hearts around me during my lows, as in their words, I don't deserve it and they can see how cruel this illness is. The uneducated comments are hard to read. Many greats minds have bipolar. I feel because of my illness, As hard as its Been, its given me alot aswell as taken.
@@Coco-ny5wh absolutely. I'm beginning to enjoy life now that I'm relaxing more. I've got less stressors. I find I swing more the more stressed I am. I hope your life is not too stressful. Here's to a peaceful life!
Same here. Thank you God for my husband 🙏❤️
Bipolar is absolutely thrown around a lot but coming from someone who's ex is Bipolar, this call hurt. My kids suffered and will for the rest of their lives. This hurt.
I’m so sorry to hear that! Jesus will heal and take care of your kids 🙏🙏
I feel like it's over diagnosed you have to be careful with that for sure. I was abused as a child by my mother who went through sexual abuse as a child. It's very true that it damages you and makes you not be able to get close to anyone. And makes you emotionally unstable. You could be falsely diagnosed with bipolar
@@evaschroeder4614as someone with Bipolar, I wouldn't say over diagnosed. Is the term "bipolar" used for everything and anything ? Totally!
But in term of diagnosis, there's something shared by a lot of people with BP. It is very very long to actually get the diagnosis (we actually know that it takes around 10 years to actually get the diagnosis, which is incredibly long especially when you don't know what is going on).
Also, finding the right treatment makes you test your patience because doctors know what type of medication they should u
give you (mood stabilisers, anti depressants, anti psychotic sometimes also) but they don't know which combination works for you. So you usually end up trying many many drugs, experiencing the different side effects ect...
Last point that I find interesting and can explain that it can look as over diagnosed is the fact that we are still doing a lot of research on it ( I participated in a program as a
patient). When my dad was diagnosed it wasn't even called Bipolar yet. Now we know there are 3 types of Bipolar: 1, 2, and cyclothymia. But psychiatrists and neurologists are actually working on the fact that there could actually be 5 types of BP.
I have stood by my soul mate for 30 years. 28 years of mental illness. 5 months ago a new doctor we met agreed with both us that perhaps she didn't need the heavy meds she was taking for 2o years after 2 years in a psychiatric hospital while I cared for our 2 children. Now she is completely stopped her meds. Each tapering I have noticed more negative personality traits. And now it is heartbreaking to see the cold-hearted demeanor she has for me. She doesn't have memory of any of her past. Doesn't even remember the love we ever had or how her two adult children came to be. My pain is beyond explanation as the last threads of hope are near breaking. She is adamant that there is and was nothing wrong with her. And Doesn't need to follow up or be truthful with any doctors. I am sorry for your callers pain. True love is true love even when it's only one sided. You only wish for them too be okay. And feel some happiness. I would give my life for her to find peace, I already have tried 3 decades. To no avail. She is a wonderful innocent victim of horrible disease in her thoughts. I understand " in sickness and in health" and take a vow to God as sacred oath. There is no advise any can give me the circumstance are to many and too complex to ever describe. I'm just venting for the first time, after hearing the caller. I'm not sure it helps him to know he's not alone.
You are in my prayers 🙏🏾
I’m so very sorry. I understand that the circumstances are too many and too complex. I have 2 sons with Bipolar II. Both on drug cocktails for many years. Relatively stable with a few blips. Youngest has more severe depression that isn’t well treated with drugs. Here’s what I’m getting to: about 5 years ago his dr suggested we try Ketamine infusion therapy and it has worked miracles! 3 infusions per week for one week and for him it’s every 90 days, we do it again. These are IV infusions that last about 1 1/2 hrs each time. These are performed in ketamine clinics by anesthesiologists. It is also used for anxiety, pain and other conditions. They’re springing up all over the country. We happen to be in So CA. Please research this and ask your drs. Perhaps she’d be open to trying this! After 20 years I feel like the son I remember is back! He is 40.
Prayers. I am sorry to hear of the pain you, her, your children have suffered. I am certain your story does bring comfort to others.
Bless you and your wife. I'm so sorry 😔
@@malloryjines5050 look for amy shah videos on youtube. Her book f××king hungry. You will be hopeful. You can help them get better.
My ex-husband is bipolar 1, schizoeffective disorder and PPD. We divorced after 6 years. He refused to take his medication and maintain his counseling and self care. I had to leave because the situation became too unsafe and unstable too many times 💔💔💔
I am so sorry. Was he upfront about any of his mental struggles or were there any warning signs prior to marriage?
I'm glad you saved yourself. You cannot drink or pour from an empty cup.
No matter what you have in your history, (emotional/ philosophical/ financial/ disease/ ) you owe it to yourself and your loved one to be cooperatively honest before any commitment.
This woman has trapped this poor man, he is such a good one too. So sad.
She told him...he still married her. He didn't ask for more questions he said ok well get through This
Much love for you man, but I'd have to move on if she can't pull it together in the next few months. Infidelity is never okay, bipolar or not. You are worth more than this.
Agree
Agree
PS: I hope she behaves herself in front of your children! I'd be out tomorrow if she acts up in front of your children and is causing chaos in front of them. You have to put the children first in those cases.
I've been in a similar scenario and John's advice is terrific. Definitely set some boundaries and follow John's advice. I hope it works out for you.!
He's probably dreading the twice divorced label. I imagine that's a very toxic label in the dating world.
You’re conflating your trust issues with worth or value…
I spent 13 with a man I loved deeply who is also bipolar. Drop by drop our relationship changed my role from wife to caregiver, and that is not sustainable. It took so much effort from my part to simply keep the relationship going while he continued to use his mental condition as an excuse to argue and engage in bad behavior. In the end, I had to file for divorce because I simply could not continue taking care of an adult that behaves irresponsibly. This woman chose to hide this from him on purpose … what an awful thing to do to another human being.
I've been married to my wife for 23 years, I did not know she had chronic schizophrenia when I married her.
I can not begin to tell you my nightmare. Its a very lonely walk, so All I can say well done for the 13 years you gave your husband,
know one will ever understand how extraordinarily hard it is.
@@danielsimpson6885 Did she know she had chronic schizophrenia when you married her?
Divorce is absolutely an option if there was false advertising involved. They aren't the person you married. That being said, if you're determined to be in it for the long haul, therapy for everyone, especially the kids, is a must. Almost the same situation happened to my dad and i begged him, begged him!, to divorce my mom. Hopefully this woman actually takes her meds and tries to get better.
Same with my Dad... we BEGGED him to leave my Mother... bc of his generation... and vows... he never did... and its sad... he is MISERABLE... and I have very little contact with them... due to my Mother's behavior... unfortunately MY SON is in a similar situation with our DIL... it is breaking our hearts...
He’s treating it, in his words, as a physical illness. For better or worse. I have to give respect for his tenacity where it’s due
Clearly, he’s in it for the long haul. He said during the call, “I’m looking for *encouragement.”*
Huge fkn shout out to this guy for not being a quitter. It takes a damn SAINT to be in this dude’s shoes. I wish I could just give him the biggest hug and thank him! What a beautiful man ♥️ need more like him in this world.
@@kasapbandy1776 right?? So much respect! Reading those top two comments do put it into perspective tho 😓 and you know what..? It was the same for my dad 🥺 my mom was an addict.. probably had some undiagnosed personality disorder. He really struggled. She walked all over him. But then she COMPLETELY turned her life around. They had another b*by (my 7 year younger sister, the only planned one lol) and then unfortunately, when my sister was four years old and my mom had completely changed - she was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer 😔 passed within a year. It took her SO fast. Ugh. So heartbreaking and my dad’s strength is something I’ll forever admire for what he’s been through.
@Don’t come for me unless I send for you 🤷
I’m sureeeee the deceitfulness didn’t end there 🙃 that’s all part of the illness. And in fact.. he said she cheated twice. So clearly it didn’t end there 😭 poor guy. I hope a cure for these horribly destructive diseases is created 🥺
I'm a mental health therapist. I listen to John Delony's podcast often. I find him incredibly insightful, non judgemental, encouraging others to remain proactive, accountable and highly teachable in all areas of their lives. So refreshing to listen. I learn volumes.
You can't save her, you have to save youself.
If this guy cares about the mental health of his own kids he'd get out.
bipolar is also genetic, from what I learned so either one or more of his kids or grandkids will have issues. Running away would not resolve all his issues with the mom or their family issues, medication does help. She has to make sure she's taking them every day. Sometimes they may need hospitalization, the kids may need diagnosis if there are symptoms that they are bipolar. I just wish him well whatever he decides to do.
*mom of his kids, I mean
@@Diamondraw4Realhis kids have a different mother
that's true and then you worry about keeping them safe because they will go with the other on visitation it's extremely hard to prove a mom's unfit for visitation and when they're unstable it's scary
I'm also wondering about the approach the ending of this call went to. Yes, the kids are old enough to help out in the house. Yes, dad is overworked and probably going through caretaker fatigue. But what about these children? They go through this every day aswell, having to witness mum be mentally unstable, probably not being able to meet their needs. And dad being overworked. And now on top of this the kids are also getting a shared responsibility to the household and "dad needs to be out an evening, and mum is feeling unwell." I mean, I get that the dad needs help and outs, but why put it on children that are barely 10+, some even under 10?
I knew 6 months after marrying my husband that he had a mental illness but he wasn't able to admit it. Sixteen years down the line he has left me again and told me this time it's for good. He says he loves and cares about me but can't be with me. I am trying to get on with my life with love and support from friends and family. I tried so hard but it didn't work, I hope that one day he will get the help but I can no longer be his emotional punch bag because of his paranoia that sees me as a threat.
You deserve to be happy and not have to be his caregiver anymore!!! Deep breaths and big hugs!!!!
Amen, I was told that my ex gf was cheating on me, I stayed but I didn’t have the trust and lived in constant fear and paranoia. After many back and forths, I just had to end it for the better. Sorry you had to go through this as well.🙏
This man has a heart of gold. I am praying for healing for this family.
Moral of the story...dont hesitate or be afraid to ask the awkward uncomfortable weird questions before u get in too deep.
Thel just get offended they never take accountability
Any kind of lying shows you a person is 1.dishonest 2.selfish 3.weak 4.immature
Run don't walk.
I feel like I'm hearing my life... My husband .2 suicide attempts in his youth, unbeknownst to me. He was diagnosed at 48, Bipolar2, Borderline Personality disorder. Chaos, anger, cheating. I feel for you..💛
Oh no. How are you? Hugs
@@rachelgooden9981 I'm in therapy. He takes med, exercises and strict bedtime, has therapy. It's the only few strings that keep me hanging on. It's like Jekyll and Hyde. He's back to the person we were when we dated BUT how do you let all that pain go away? Our couples therapist said, "you've gotta realize he was a different person. So hard for me to understand. Thank you for asking
@@kimberlymorrison4880 I worked as a therapist with this common diagnosis. BPD is challenging. Be sure he’s taking DBT courses that are available through your local CMH. Research says it’s the best chance for someone with this precarious disorder. Glad to see you’re in therapy. That’s where it all begins for us.
I feel you sister. Not the same diagnosis as yours, but I can relate. My husband has anxiety and alcoholism with a side of self-harm. He is slowly getting better. I used to go outside and cry on the curb bc I had no where to go. I tell my daughter “daddy’s brain is bothering him” so that she doesn’t take his mean outbursts personally. No cheating, he doesn’t interact with anyone outside of work. People literally think I’m a single mom.
Thanks for not leaving
His kids did not win the lottery with this dad. He put his biological kids at severe risk with his mistake. His kids will forever be impacted with his poor decision.
Thank you! I second that! Ppl. are selfish and never think what they put kids through. I can't see how he didn't notice, probably bc he was thinking with his other head.
I third this!!!
Thank you for making sense. I’m so irritated with adults that put their drama before the kids wellbeing.
Yeah he is screwing over his biological kids to keep them apart of a family with a mom that isn't their mom. Like if I was h8s ex wife I would be going to court to get my kids out of that house.
Thank you. What passes for good parenting is scary.
That switch being flipped is because the mentally ill person has stopped trying to conceal their true self, because they figure they have you trapped. Been there, done that.
I was a classic case of Borderline Personality Disorder. By the time I met my husband, I had many years of therapy and doing much better in life. I was honest from the get go. It was hard atvthe beggining for us both but we worked on it and today, I am married to someone who is amazing. I bring out the best in him and hes does the best with me. ❤❤❤❤ Honesty is crucial.
I wonder where he is today and how things are going. He sounds like a really good guy. I feel for him.
I wish we got an update. I have so many mixed feelings about this.
Hello, I am also bipolar type 1 with depression and anxiety. I got teary eye listening to this because I am sure my boyfriend felt the same way because of my uncontrollable behavior. But, I just want to say it gets better. I have been on meds for 2 years, finally am back at school, and I work a full time job. Yes, it will always be hard to manage, but it's not impossible. It would be selfish of me to say to you to stay with her and give her a chance to be her actual self, but I know it can be so difficult loving someone who can't find it in their mind to want to live. I just want you to know, life gets better, especially if we ourselves want it to be.
People with bipolar also need love and a chance to live a normal life. I’m glad you are doing well. By the way, my daughter was just diagnosed and it breaks my heart but she’s trying hard to be as normal.
@@oliviaacosta6239 yes they do need love like anybody else. I have bi polar myself so I fully get you. Where I draw the line is lying even if by omission or seriously downplaying a situation to get married as happened with the caller’s wife as it effectively robs their partner of choice and shows a wanton disregard for the rights and interests of that unwitting partner.
Thank you for posting, I have a son with mental challenges, I hope he makes it through to a future.
The problem with this woman is that she lied. She had a film diagnosis and didn't share with her future husband. Sounds deceitful.
But it only gets better when you want it to get better. If the wife of the caller isn't aiming for that, the caller will still be like this in 20-30 years. I'm really glad it got better for you though, wishing you all thr best.
He's asking what he already knows. Do you want to put yourself through several more miserable years or leave now. It'll end the same way.
Now this is deep
This is the best advice from anyone yet--including the doctor.
P(
You can tell this dude is solid. More power to him.
He is not solid. He is weak.
NEVER go to your spouse's parents when you and your spouse are arguing...whether they tell you to or not. It crosses so many boundaries and breaks trust. And it's weird.
For people reading this, it is ABSOLUTELY okay to be selfish if the people you are dealing with are toxic.
I like your user name
No one’s talking about that poor adopted child. That is horrible! He is no hero, he should have saved that poor kid by not adopting.
Exactly.
Your advice for people/ couples dealing with bipolar disorder is spot on. I wish the best for this guy and his wife. She is an incredibly lucky lady to have him.
She's a fraud.
@@GUITARTIME2024 She has type 1 bipolar disorder. Have a heart.
@@haleytruslow7200 she kept a major diagnosis from him. That's fraud.
I’ve gone through all of this with a family member that has been living with me. These diagnoses are so incredibly damaging to the “caregiver” it’s miserable, and hiding the misery to want to not trigger that person is so challenging. I can’t imagine being in a marriage situation with this.
It's like standing in front of a grizly bear at all times. That feeling in your body. Not a fun experience. My heart goes out to you.
The person I knew with it was the most kind, smart, funny friend who would give you the last dollar she had to her name. It’s so sad that they ruin their lives constantly.🥺
I have 3 siblings and a mom with schizophrenia. One is married and has a great life with a son who is top notch. My other has a great relationship and only one sister has issues only in medication change. My mom is sweet as a button. I think if you have people who love you who surround you with the support that's needed you can have a very good life. We have 4 in my family and it came down from grampa. People need to stop freaking out they need to love and care for human beings. I've had a kid with cancer and a kid with a brain injury and my dad and I have talks about our stresses in life and we are still so grateful for everything we have. People have illnesses and disabilities. It's ok if you are willing to love.
What about the mental health of your poor kids! Be a hero on your own time, dude!
I have experienced mental illness in my bio family, and as a kid, I was expected to pick up the pieces. I had to turn over entire paychecks to a family that that seemed outwardly middle class and educated, while in high school. Our house was always filthy, and I could never clean it fast enough.
Here is *my* experience: Yes, mental illness exists. However, some of the people like this guy’s wife and folks in my family refuse to fully address it and instead make it someone else’s issue.
She didn’t disclose everything and she instead makes him deal with the stress of her issue.
When my own loved one was given an ultimatum, they started working again and being an adult. No, mental illness is not a choice. However, how a person chooses to handle it is a choice.
I’m bad about feeling debilitated and not cleaning. What did they do to fix it? I will dork my ass off and I keep my work area OCD clean so I don’t understand MYSELF
WOW I love that phrase: the illness is not a choice but how you handle it IS
@@weekendnomad5038 I’m dealing with some of this myself, and believe it or not watching cleaning videos helps a ton. The biggest thing is HAVING TOO MUCH STUFF and I have pared down everything to just the bare necessities so I have less work! It sounds stupid but it works for me. Im a working single mom of 2 and do most everything. I was just so overwhelmed and felt like always doing sink full of dishes, had mountains of laundry, etc.
So my fix (maybe temporary) is I donated most of our clothes, shoes, bedding, unneeded furniture etc. I’ve benefitted from thrifting in the past so I decided someone else can enjoy the extra heels I never wear, coats and pairs of jeans when 2 is more than enough for us. It helps having a washer too but when I didn’t I would pack everything up and knock it out on sat am.
I keep a hamper in the bathroom and all dirty clothes MUST go in there (we usually change in the bathroom after shower so it’s just easy). My poor mom would have a fit if she knew but I DONT sort by color anymore, just wash everything when the hamper is full, on cold together to make it easier and (brace yourself) I don’t fold!!! Most of our clothes are perm press so they don’t really wrinkle, I hang up things that do. My girls like to fold some of their stuff but they can do it after things just get INTO the drawers! My strategy right now at rock bottom is just to get it freaking done, from start to finish, not perfect!
Got rid of my coffee table bc it was just a mess magnet. Have a little sofa cup holder and We only eat at the kitchen counter (also sold the table/chair set that collected clutter) so I don’t end up finding food all over the house. Reduces spills too (which was always happening and we have carpetin most rooms which was getting disgusting😩)
I literally got down to ONE set of dinner ware per person, the rest is stored in an airtight box in the carport: a single plastic dinner plate/bowl type dish that can handle anything from cereal to stew to chicken, just 4 sets silverware. Different color bowls so everyone knows which one is theirs and must wash after each meal! Same with cups- ONE specific mug and ONE plastic cup per person. It’s cute and it’s functional. You could also do disposable but I can’t really afford that plus our city trash can is tiny.
And yes call me crazy but I reduced down to 1 big pot, 1 big pan, 1 sheet pan, 1 glass casserole dish, 1 mixing bowl, 1 silicone spatula etc. It’s awkward but I can do everything I would in a tiny saucepan or whatever. Gave away a bunch and the rest are stored out of the house. This way I never end up with a massive sink of dishes and it forces me to quickly clean out after using! Maybe one day I’ll have the capacity to use all my lovely kitchen ware but it’s just a hassle now.
I use my instant pot and air fryer for most meals, got rid of my cast iron (which I couldn’t keep clean🙄) toaster, crockpot and rice cooker bc those two appliances do it all. For easy meals I watch Julie Pacheco and other creators as well as using mostly frozen veggies, chicken, fruit etc (less spoilage), including individual cooked rice! I put different sized dollar tree bins all over the fridge to contain messes so that if anything spills I can just throw the thing in the sink
Got rid of a ton of their toys and books and so on. I spend a little time cleaning every day and involve my kids (little one loves vacuuming, oldest takes out trash). We quickly clean toilet, sinks, kitchen counter, vacuum, and take out the trash every single day. It seems silly but it’s pretty quick and guarantees I won’t forget or let it pile up. The house always smells good and is company ready. I used to not even want to call service or repair ppl bc the house was such a disaster!
We have way less clothes than the average American but everything fits and looks good on, 4 pair of shoes per person (not including a couple pairs of rain boots and special occasion shoes which are put away). If you really look at your closet you wear mostly the same stuff anyhow. I kept 4 ‘fancy’ outfits, most of my wardrobe is maxi dresses bc they are easy and I can look put together without trying 😂. Only need a couple hoodies, leggings, jeans, work pants. We keep 2 towels, blankets and sheet sets TOTAL per person so one is always on hand and one is in reserve. Underbed bins for out of season stuff. I wash and dry a load of clothes every few days, we have so little that the kids put it away in a few mins!
I got so desperate that I even got rid of most socks. I went to Ross and bought a few sets of black ankle socks that are all the same and now it’s no trouble at all to match 🤣
Best tips I found were to do it NOW if it takes 5 min or less, get rid of all excess crap, and have a clear designated place for everything. Baskets and bins and underbed boxes are my best friends in a small apartment lol.
Maybe one day I can live like normal ppl but for now this extreme works for us, my kids are happier and our quality of life has actually improved. I have literally cried and prayed to God for help getting my ish together when I was just surrounded by mess, in the thick of depression and worthlessness, and didn’t know where to start. I grew up in chaos and wanted to break the cycle. Medication may also help but you still need a strategy to go from a total mess to clean and tidy.
Ofc it won’t fix everything but you WILL feel better in a clean space!!! And being able to make (and sustain) a change helps me feel less worthless and terrible as a parent bc my kids are stepping over a ton of unneeded products in the bathroom, or dirty laundry or stinky mountain of dishes and trash or molding food in the fridge. I don’t have to yell all day at them to clean up after themselves and I set rules for where they can have certain items.
This may be crazy but my kids are older, I tell them “if you want it keep it out of the floor!!! That means EVERYTHING so after a warning or two I throw almost anything in the trash that doesn’t get picked up- barbie shoes, hair clips, crayons, etc. now they know mom is nuts and they manage it themselves. I had to get extreme bc I had trained them to be slobs! So after I did all the work to clean house I let them know we are ALL responsible to keep it this way. Now that my kitchen stays clean, I can make home cooked meals for them every day and not resort to take out or freezer box meals (which you shouldn’t feel guilty for but is not ideal every day) again to simplify my life I created a schedule so I don’t have to think about it, rotating the same types of meals and either batch cooking or keeping it 30 min or less so they don’t have to eat dinner at 830😳.
I know this is a lot, sorry for the book but I really hope it helps someone!
@@mamat1213 thank you 💕
@@weekendnomad5038 In my situation, the house was absolutely filthy. I mean, disgusting. Dishes filled the sink and then spilled into the counter, the kitchen island, and so on. Laundry stacked to the point you could run the machine all weekend non stop and it still wouldn't be done. I was so overwhelmed, because I was just a teen girl. I was still in high school! I had to go to school, and then I would often work an entire shift at the fast food restaurant that night, and then study. I would bring home food from closing (they let us take it instead of throwing it away), and my family would descend on it like starving locusts because there was no real food in the house, and the place was too disgusting to cook in anyways. Every other pay period, my family needed all my earned money. I could never save anything. Then, on my days off, I would try to clean the place. Keep in mind I was a young high school girl who was barely old enough to drive. I was massively depressed.
I am not some clean freak at all, but I make sure the dishes are always done in my house. The trash is taken out. I don't let laundry just pile up to eternity. It is a point of pride to me, as an adult, that people can walk into my house at any time, without warning, and it is safe and sanitary. I am never embarrassed about how my home looks, and I get compliments all the time about how clean it is.
It may sound silly to people who didn't grow up like that, but I am so proud of myself for being on top of my finances, keeping my house clean, and working consistently. I know those are things people who didn't grow up in a bad environment just naturally do, but for me, it took a lot of work and I really had to make it my priority.
My girlfriend knew about my ocd two weeks in. No way you should keep that from someone you could potentially spend the rest of your life with
She’s 💯 traumatizing him. It’s sad to hear that happening to him.
He sounds like a sweet, loving human being, which is unfortunately why she recognized him as an easy target. She's manipulative asf and she knew 10000% he wasn't going to cancel that wedding. She's a piece of work, and the kids are gonna pay the price.
She has NPD
Yeah he got caught up smh
@@tranquilrabieshe should save his sweetness for his kids, not this evil succubus traumatizing everyone in the house with her shenanigans
Yes, and he's clearly co-dependent himself. He should be in therapy about that as he's sacrificing his own kids' mental health to her and has brought yet another child into a marriage with a bipolar woman who cheats on him and stages suicide attempts. He's a terrible mess himself!
I am absolutely appalled that they knowingly brought an adopted child into this mess. They had to have lied on their application. They cost that child the chance to get a loving, stable family, and instead brought them into a house on fire.
I agree with you. How did this adoption get approved and how dare them for bring a child into this mess.
He is so respectful saying "Yes, sir," to Dr. D. He's so committed to his wife and willing to work through the pain. This is an amazing man and his wife is lucky af to have him as most men would bail and take off. This caller is a good man.
Dr. You forgot a very important part... He needs to set boundaries. And she needs to know and understand those boundaries.
You must love somone who is mentally ill UNCONDITIONALLY but he must set boundaries clearly to protect his own heart and his children.
I have a loved one who was MURDERED at his after-school job by a schizophrenic off his meds. Bullet in the head. My family will never be the same.
John is right. Someone needs to hold them accountable to take their medication.
I'm so sorry for your loss, out of all the mental illnesses I think that is probably the most dangerous one. Anyone who has it should be kept away from society.
@@V.E.R.O. Thank you for your kind note. In rereading my post I see that listening to that call really triggered my pain! Feeling better today.
I had s neighbor who had schizo and we think that he sent someone to run his car through our house which would’ve killed all three of us siblings. He seemed paranoid and bitter always around my parents for no reason. These people can be dangerous. I survived the event and so did my siblings because my sisters car managed to maneuver the car a certain angle causing the car to only take out a piece of our house not run through the house as planned.
Damn I feel bad for him. I have severe depression/anxiety/CPTSD but would never even consider being official with someone unless they knew the ins and outs of my issues and were okay with it. Mental illness is not impossible to manage but it can be a LOT for a partner to deal with. Definitely not a good thing to "surprise" a potential spouse with. 😬 Edit: Oh my god they have 5 kids too?!
Yeah he got finessed
The 5 kids might have made her illness worse. Having 5 kids messes with your hormones and mental health. Post pardam depression is a thing. Also why have 5 kids?!
When I was dating my now-wife, I told her all of my diagnoses and showed her my pills and she told me all about her messed up past and her debt. We were honest with each other from the start.
It sucks that his wife has this diagnosis, but it is NOT OKAY that she didn’t tell him!!! That is lying by omission! Terrible!
@@nostalgia545 Seriously!!
Then her kids could have her mental issues on top of all this.
How early in a relationship would you say is a good time to disclose information about personal/family medical issues and life struggles?Obviously not before you hit it off but you don't want to wait too long.
My ex didn’t tell me he was bipolar. He did tell me he was in recovery (alcohol) and so I attributed his wild mood swings to brain damage from years of excessive drinking.
It was like living with someone who adored me and who hated me, and I never knew which one I was going to be with from hour to hour.
When he was taking his meds he was ok, but whenever he felt ok he’d stop taking the meds.
It was one of the most awful experiences of my life.
I'm a mental health nurse and after reading the comment thread now I understand why more people stay hidden about their biposr diagnosis.
Trust your doctor foremost. Trust your spouse. 💓 Trust your closest support people which are probably very very few. No one else. Because people will use it against you one day.
Right?! Jesus H Christ…
Thank you so much for being one of the good ones. I’ve had to be hospitalized for my mental health twice and my heart is breaking at reading these comments. I appreciate you speaking up. ❤
You can be bipolar and not treat people like crap. And not bring a child into the insanity. These people are selfish. The wife and the husband.
@@Michadoo She's only wrong for cheating
thank you for your understanding. i have my bipolar under control but the comments make me lose hope about finding love one day. i’m not dangerous. i’m not abusive. i’m not violent. i don’t want anyone to fear me
Very unfair to keep such a secret from a man that loves her......
She told him. Would you tell some one you cut you self pull out you hair or flip out for nothing?
@@supermodelatlanta1354 before marriage, when everything is supposed to be laid out on the table for both to see. Which he had asked her directly as to how severe her mental health was, she deflected, he gave in and stopped asking. Both made a mistake, however the woman was far more in the wrong. A healthy relationship requires strong communication. She lacks that.
Oh and yes, i have told my girlfriend all about my mental health concerns, the meds i take, the lows ill experience and she in turn told me about hers.
@@supermodelatlanta1354I told men about my past mental health issues a couple weeks into dating.
I believe he mentioned she also has a personality disorder. Borderline Personality Disorder? She really needs DBT therapy. If she has BPD I am sure one of the reasons she did not tell him is individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder have an intense fear of abandonment and rejection. She was fearful he would leave her as well as the rest of her symptoms, but that is no reason for her to lie by omission and not disclose to him about her mental health earlier in the relationship. That was so totally wrong and inappropriate. He should have been given the choice earlier if he wanted to continue the relationship. Telling him two weeks before the wedding is wrong.
@@Prometheuspredator
John,
You are a good soul.
My experience with the
Bipolar Stamp/Banner
Is different.
My
Parents were controlled and dominated for the last years of Life.
They were a lovely harmonious couple until the friend commandeered the caregiver $chedule.
From psyche ward,
Kept her funds coming,
While out of commission for weeks.
She had total immunity.
Dad didn't want to rock her boat.
The friend who became a home care Aide, coordinator....
Key player.
Health care representative.
All passwords and access codes.
Masterful at manipulation.
Adept
Game of
Domination.
ALL members of her family lived under the threat that
ANY OPPOSITION
She would flip.
Multiple
Psyche Ward stays.
Controlled by her,
To get her disability check reinstated.
Materially greedy.
Reckless.
Demanding.
Shirks debt.
The Banners of Bipolar was worn with pride and entitlement.
Bipolar.
Her declaration of total entitlement was
Her self proclaimed exemption of any accountability.
She wreaked havoc as best she could orchestrate.
Triggered my Dad.
Their bond shredded under her scissors.
Bipolar.
Like the proudly draped Sash of a beauty queen.
ALWAYS had been warned by two trusted friends.
I trusted her good intentions.
I was Wrong in downplaying the seriousness of the power she wielded.
Dad was affected by every encounter with her.
She was
Persistent calling him at hospital and nursing home.
His mood would be altered
Emulating her same issues.
Snarky.
Bizarre.
She deeply affected him, but didn't bring out the best in him.
Truly sorry for your predicament.
Our experience was harrowing.
Her conduct was brazen.
Defiant.
Crass.
Police called by her neighbor for loud fighting...
We're scared off her porch by her threats to strip naked and writhe like a snake unless they left.
They
Ran.
The whole family seems to enable her, and be under her vise.
Demands money from her Mom.
This is something I had no awareness of.
My two friends who knew her longer said that
Her sheer will and ability to impose her drama and instill fear is the issue.
But her Banner of immunity is the Popular Bipolar Card.
It became her symbolic
Platinum limitless credit card for which she never had to pay the bill.
Everyone around her was sized up, used, depleted.
He had 4 kids
School age from a first common law union.
She won't allow him to see his kids unless she goes with him.
He isn't permitted.
They live lavishly.
He owes thousands in back support.
He donated a KIDNEY to her son.
(She had three older kids from two fathers.)
She MOCKED her husband afterwards,...
That he was a whiny wimp to complain he wasn't feeling well.
Sorry to extol on this.
It can elicit darts.
If you see any parallel,
Please get your kids in a safe place.
In our disastrous experience with her hijacking my parents life
It seems that
Personality is 95%
Mental is 5%.
Heart crushing for us to navigate the roadblocks she set in place
Then dared anyone to get around.
I agree now,
It was more likely an iron will run amok
After she wreaked havoc and created a rift between my parents
Demanding to be number One.
I regret having been as trusting, cooperative compassionate compliant with her antics,
And NOT 🚫 banning her.
I feel deeply for you,
John.
Hope and pray you can shield yourself and these children.
Man his life seriously sucks. I feel so bad for him
Divorce this woman, me can’t do it.WHY WILL YOU BRING ANOTHER CHILD INTO THIS? who is approving this
💯💯💯💯💯
I would not have any kids with her, but his life and his decisions
I was scrolling through to find someone who said this. it's my first thought and the most important one. adopted?!?!?!?!?!
I was scrolling through to find someone who said this. it's my first thought and the most important one.
The adoption idea probably came about on a manic episode ….. the entire relationship is probably basic on his enjoyment during the mania, and when she’s depressed he gets to help her. He must have enjoyed being the hero too. It’s reciprocal.
When it’s this severe, I doubt there were no signs at all before they got married… he must have been just too in love and felt needed to see it.
But the adoption agencies don’t look at that. She’s on medication and seems to have good enough insight into her illness. That’s good enough for adoption agencies I think.
I would have given a lot to be able to warn my husband about me. My mental illness didn’t onset until after we got married. I’ve tried to tell him that this isn’t what he signed up for and I’ve told him he is free to go, but he stays. Part of me has debated being the one to go so he can move on, but he’s asked me not to do that and I will respect his wishes. He says it’s because he loves me and I don’t doubt that but nobody deserves to be saddled with that. Don’t ever lie about your diagnosis. Even with my not knowing what would happen I still feel guilty every day for my husband being trapped with me
He isn't trapped with you though. He has made and continues to make the conscious choice to stay with you despite your mental illness. I know that you probably think that maybe he could have made a different choice if you had both known about your mental illness beforehand, but everything happens for a reason. Each day that he is with you he is choosing to stay. And each day you also have the choice to honor him and yourself by taking the absolute best care of yourself and your mental health that you can so that you can show up as the best version of yourself in your life and in your marriage. He also needs to take the best care he can of himself for the same reasons. As someone who has had moderate to severe depression and anxiety, I know that mental illness can make you feel like an absolute burden on those you love. But please realize, as I've had to come to realize over time, that your presence isn't just a burden. You are NOT your mental illness. Yes, you have a mental illness. BUT you also have so many other characteristics, ones that are wonderful, unique, precious, and bring hope and happiness into other's lives. You are worthy of love. Do you know Jesus Christ? He loves you unconditionally, dear. If you don't already know Him, please seek Him. Accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior changes everything❤ May God bless you and be with you and your husband.
@@lilacscoffee9360❤🙏💯
I would rather live with someone who has physical injury than mental illness. It's really hard. I feel for you man :(, it's really hard...
Nice ableist comment...
You will never live with someone with a mental illness...ooookayyy.
You realise that all mental illnesses aren't the same?
that not everyone with a specific mental illness experiences the same symptoms ?
that many many people with mental illnesses are actually thriving in life ?
that surely many people with mental illnesses have more success in life than you do ?
Oh and I forgot ! Many many people with mental illnesses actually live a pretty normal, chlling life.
I agree.
Bummer, plenty of people with mental illness are great loving people
Not everyone with a mental illness are horrible.
Until you've lived with someone with severe mental illness, you just can't understand. This guy is more locked in than that. I can't imagine. This also isn't like living with someone with a serious physical illness. Unless, that person was also abusing and manipulating you at the same time.
Couldn’t agree more. In all honesty he needs to get out and get custody of the adopted daughter.
Poor dude is probably being held hostage.
Absolutely!
@@metalraccoon2259held hostage is exactly what it was like. I was in a 4.5 year relationship with a bipolar mom and son (from 18-23). The mom (my ex girlfriend) took her meds religiously, while the son did not. That ultimately resulted in a mom who focused on her son’s health, as she should have. We limped along for years, but the son’s mental health only got worse (type 1) and he couldn’t maintain college or working. Mom became more devoted to her son, as she should have. Sadly for me, it felt a lot like their ride, instead of our ride. Bipolar was too much for me, but only with the son. I would still be in the relationship if it was just the mom that had bipolar.
You can have bipolar and be abusive and also have bipolar and not be abusive.
My heart goes out to this guy.
Oh man, life doesn’t have to be this hard. Divorce this woman now and don’t feel guilty about it because she hid the truth from you. What else is she hiding? My grandfather came from a family riddled with depression. He struggled himself with both severe depression and alcoholism. Both his mother and brother committed suicide, when that happened my grandmother sat his family down and told them they had a problem and needed to face this issue or the next generation would be in the same situation. I give my grandmother so much credit for having the gumption to have that conversation with her in-laws in the 1960s when mental health wasn’t even really a thing. I grew up knowing full well about my grandfather’s (and other family member’s) mental issues and treatment, it was never a secret. It was never considered shameful to admit to having a hard time or going to counseling or getting on medications to help mental issues. My grandfather continues to struggle with those issues to this day. My grandmother, now deceased, was a wonderful woman who truly deserved a better marriage and a better life than what she had. She never divorced my grandfather I think because she was a religious person and came from that generation that didn’t believe in divorce but I’ll never forget her telling me, “If I had known about the family’s mental issues before I married your grandfather I would have run the other direction. I would have never married him.” Buddy, three years with someone is nothing in a lifetime, run the other direction now before your entire life ends in misery.
that's insane, if anyone divorced because of treatable mental illness in the families only 0.01% of the population would stay married. Depression is highly treatable, and it is not genetic.
@@comment_account2343 it’s not the depression… bipolar is a whole different ball game that will never go away. Depression can go away. And this lady has both and much more. This guy has gone through so much the last 2 years that she can bring him down emotionally and physically as well as is own biological children, it’s a really tough on him.
@@comment_account2343 did you not listen to the rest? She has bipolar among many other other things. Bipolar is not curable. If they only been married for 2 years and she’s already bringing him down mentally and emotionally, he should definitely call it quits before his life goes down spiral.
@@Hamyhamster24 I was replying to Jackie(depression), not the caller's situation (bipolar).
@@comment_account2343 lies, you came up with that ridiculous statistic yourself. Life is too short for this much crazy. They need intensive treatment as opposed to being in a relationship pulling someone down with them.
Bipolar doesn’t make you cheat. You can have mental health issues and have morals.
You can also have manic episodes and be out of control. not saying it excuses cheating at all. You can have morals and also be unwell and make bad decisions that you don't agree with when you're better
I have bipolar. If you are unmedicated and in the throes of a manic episode you will act out sexually, gamble do drugs ect. The acting out is in a desperate search of relief from not sleeping for days and acting crazy. It’s really hard. I’ve cheated when I had no intention on doing so. So now I don’t date long term. I’m up front that I don’t want a serious relationship. When I get pressed harder about it as most women do I disclose that have bi polar although medicated I tend to be verbally abusive and tend to cheat. If you want non comital fun I’m cool with that I just know myself enough that I will hurt someone I’m in a committed relationship with. Some will want to keep dating thinking they can change me. Some will walk. I just know I will never seek a relationship or marriage. It’s not for me. I can’t deal with it. I don’t want to keep hurting people.
@@Confession_AnonTrue I was Dx’d at age 42 w/Bi-Polar II have managed it w/ongoing check-ins w/Psychiatrist & Therapists, medications, strong strong strong religious faith w/prayer and active Catholic sacramental life, 6:50 and 12 Step Recovery- I’m now 74- so 32 years of managing it-no infidelity-because I’m an RN, I knew it was very serious and my responsibility to manage it on a daily basis. In a way, getting the Dx mid-life was advantageous. Accepting & dealing with this illness when in teens/twenties is so much more difficult, IMHO
@@ErnieBert-eg8kd I totally understand-Bi-Polar II for 32 years Dx’d age 42-now 74. childhood sexual abuse survivor. Married x1-mid-30’s. Abuse memories flooded back when married. Divorced Two 30 day Treatment Center stints( voluntary)
25 yrs of 12 Step Recovery, 32 years of regular Psychiatric & Therapeutic care, meds meds and more/different meds STRONG Catholic Faith/Prayer/Sacramental life, Many Pilgrimages & retreats, on SSDI for a decade, no relationship w/family-(split apart over tellinG about abuse) able to return to work as RN after 25 yr hiatus. Just like you, I know and don’t want a male relationship. Have some arms-length friendships w/married men-always in presence of their spouses and make sure everyone knows ( subtly) that I honor marriage/admire them as a couple so there is zero mis-understanding. It can be lonely-that’s when I pray, call someone, make gratitude lists etc. I just want you to know that I understand and respect your decision. We’re kindred spirits. And that’s for today And I’m STILL recovering! Recently did deeper work forgiving my abuser ( deceased)And that’s a good thing-greater peace & serenity.
ODAT ONE DAY AT A TIME
GOD BLESS YOU
@@ErnieBert-eg8kd wow! I just can say that you are a kind,conscious person❤.I pray that you trust yourself when not well to ask for help when needed.
It's an incredible man who honors his wedding vows despite the difficulties of mental illness. I wish him peace and strength.
I tried to tell my brother that you can't save anyone. He is attracted to these drama filled girls. He feels like it's his job to help these girls. I told him the wrong girl will ruin his life😩
U just described my brother 😅
Yes Being the white knight is the way for a man to lose his life for nothing
100 %
Savior complexes can be tricky! My old beau loved being looked upon as a knight in shining armor. Turns out narcs often have low self esteem & are drawn to empathic emotionally damaged partners.People are complicated & we don't know our siblings 100%. Too much hypocrisy & dishonesty because of the biases. Doesn't help anyone to enable them
What is your mom drama? That’s usually the cause.
Yup, that's the way to do it: tell your fiancé' something intense when it would be difficult for them to bolt. Poor guy. She saw him coming. You cannot get full disclosure from someone who withholds information. Again, poor guy. He sounds like a decent man who cannot fully accept that he was lied to and cheated on by the very sick woman he loves.
He loves an illusion.
@@cabayern9416yes, an illusion at the expense of his kids
This is where me and my therapist really don't see eye to eye. I have two serious mental illnesses and I am up front with who I am dating it is on the table. She says it's none of their business but I believe it is. I am mostly stable and the biggest threat to myself and I am careful of how I treat people. It's up to that person if they want to stay or not. To me that is fair! I am getting sterilized by the end of the year I refuse to bring a child into this world and not be present for them.
Props to you.
Your therapist is sketchy AF
I had a tubal at 30. I was still so sick. I thank God every day I didn't bring precious,sacred life into this world. Very few of us have the love,brains,strength,$$ to be a great parent!
Yes Victor you sound very emotionally mature and stable and you sound like a good natured person and you know people should not stereotype mentally ill people and say that they're all dangerous and bad and people shouldn't get involved with them because that's not true there are people like you who take their medication as prescribed work with medical professionals are honest with themselves and other people who live very productive and healthy lives are good citizens and grape fronds and Good marriage partners and good parents
SO IT'S NOT CORRECT TO STEREOTYPE PEOPLE WITH MENTAL ILLNESS AND SAY THEY'RE ALL DYSFUNCTIONAL THEY'RE ALL DANGEROUS AND NO ONE SHOULD GET IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM BECAUSE THAT'S NOT TRUE AT ALL AND YOU ARE AN EXAMPLE OF THAT AND THERE ARE MULTI-MILLIONS OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU RIGHT.
THANK YOU FOR SHARING BECAUSE YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION TO PEOPLE WHO ARE STRUGGLING WITH MENTAL ILLNESS AND FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE INVOLVED WITH PEOPLE WITH MENTAL ILLNESS AND THERE IS HOPE AND THERE IS A LOT OF HELP PEOPLE JUST NEED TO ACCEPT THEIR MENTAL ILLNESS AND WORK WITH THE MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS IN THE OUTCOME CAN BE VERY GOOD 😊
Such a powerful call and reality call. Mental illness is serious. I’ve come from a family riddled with mental health issues . My mom specifically. Growing up with her being bipolar in poverty . Almost sent me to an early grave . I stated getting migraines at the age of four. And my health just started declining. Having to deal with my moms untreated bipolar, depression, anxiety, issues. Burned me out . I love my mom deeply. But her mental health….. I have to protect my self
I hurt for him until he said they adopted a child. WTH? Why would he agree to this when as an adult, he is struggling with her mental illnesses after only 2 years! Dear Lord!
Bro!!!! Don't remarry unless you learn to love yourself. Stop divorcing, then rushing to the next woman. Dr. D, just just be honest and tell him to leave. Take her 2 kids and go, take his 2 and adopted one and go. He is miserable! She will keep cheating.
Exactly 💯
You just can't judge people like that! You don't know their future and how they will end up! He married her, knowing beforehand, allthough shortly before, and marriage means in sickness and in health. What's marriage worth if those values would be compromised, allthough it's hard?
Personality disorders overwhelmingly do not improve. Cut your losses
Bipolar disorder is a mood disorder.
@@RepentImmediatelyhe also said she had a dissociative personality disorder
That's incorrect. Personality disorders get better with therapy. Bipolar actually gets worse without medication. I have both
I think the word for personality disorders and bipolar is although they are incurable, they can /need to be managed- life long.
So if u r hoping a day when all of this will go away- yeah- cut ur losses.
They won't improve if the person who has it doesn't try and help themselves
Wow wee. She has alot of baggage. He doesn't know what to do at all. He wants to have her but doesn't need all the things she has. I think its too much for him to handle.
It’s too much for anyone to handle, including her
He'll ultimately have no choice but to divorce her because she is only going to get worse, especially with infidelity in the mix.
@@marcusarelius true
@@texan903 true
To deficlt your wife bipolar she every time crying fighting lots of demanding this and that no need but wants things waste of money buy rach Android everything but not happy telling this tipe wife by by and go had enjoy u life
This man is giving himself up completely to be a hero for everyone around him. He didn't crash because he was simply on a call. He crashed because he had an appointment for a call that he needed so bad and his concentration just went. It wasn't something to laugh about. He sounds like a beautiful man and I hope he finds peace.
Agreed!
Hes not a beautiful man. He is bringing children into this.
@@NatalieS-kh3ck What do your think he should do with his children?
You can hear the love in this man's voice and that he's fully committed and dedicated to his wife and family.
I don't know about bipolar but I do know about mental illness. This woman is so blessed to have this man stand by her side.
What a woman wouldn't do to be with a man like that. ❤
I had a man like this and it was wonderful. Due to certain events happening my depression became cptsd and my behaviour changed. I’d have emotional outbursts. I pushed him away. I regret it every single day and it’s been four years now