I spent 35 years in this exact relationship that the doctor speaks about..all 10 apply to me. My husband passed away but I'm still reeling from it. But one thing I can say, I will NEVER remarry..freedom is sweet
Sad, but all ten describes my marriage. After 44 years I woke up and left. It's been almost four months now and I feel much better. I thank God everyday for people like you who shed light on a situation that was difficult to explain to others without feeling like I was the crazy one. Now I know. It wasn't me ❤❤❤
@@bd7628 so glad you are getting out before your health is completely destroyed. I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue 22 years ago with no light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm in an abusive marriage, when we go out he flirts with young girls. right in front of me. I told him please he can go. I can't cop with those insults. Honestly, I ignore him Dr, you describe my relationship. I got sick and tired of him. I'm glad because I found this channel in English. Thanks Dr, for your program.
You’re exactly right. That’s the hard part for those of us who have been stay at home moms. Even if you can leave the hard part is paying for a divorce, making sure you get a lawyer who knows how to fight for your half of the income…if you’ve been married for a certain length of time, sometimes you’ll be awarded half the income, or spousal support depending on state laws. Use your time to research those things in your state.
There are scissors & when guided in the right direction they slice. After living in misery for 18yrs & suffering thru recovery 10yrs, believe you me, it was like walking away from a hanging. I am free to be the person God CREATED ME TO BE
1. I do not feel safe. 2. Never talk about issues. 3. My opinion or choices not respected 4. Feel disregarded, voiceless, unheard in this relationship. 5. Person become enraged if I questioned anything, can’t disagree. 6. Care very little about my likes, hopes, things I value. 7. Always walking on eggshells. 8. Cause you to feel 9. Feel isolated and alone (still your joy and happiness) 10. Cause chronic stress and fatigue. 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ ⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️
I shut off too, there was never any point in raising any questions just to be met with flipping it back on me as if I had done it to him. When your in a position where your unable to work have no financial back up of your own. He is all over everything monitoring your every move your trapped until he decides otherwise and even then he still controls your life from afar. The system is all wrong for those with controlling husbands.
Dr. Hawkins, everything you say is true. I'm age 80, married over 50 years, dismissed red flags before the marriage, persisted in trying to please him, never gave up hope. Eventually, my body broke down. Now, I live with crippling autoimmune disorder that attacks my skin with horrible itchy blisters. I cannot live alone anymore and have nowhere to go. Please continue to educate people about the severe consequences of living with emotional abuse.
I am so sorry to hear this. I pray you find comfort and peace and healing. Seek the most high and he will help you. He is with the broken hearted. I have gone almost 10 yrs not giving up hope even tho I should’ve left and stayed gone so many times. It has become insanity thinking this marriage is going to work. He has not changed, he just does this manipulation in a different way now. Tonight I packed my stuff and left. I am very sad, scared of what I’m going to do, live etc.. But I have support and will lean on those that I know truly love me. I pray you have even at least one person to lean on.
Mary I feel awfull what you have endured. I understand the pain of it all that it has caused you. I've also had issues with my skin, that all of a sudden showed up. I managed to clear it up with natural remedies, but I know with the stress of it all it could come back. The stress we endure is the route of health issues, because it comprimises the immune system. You should try seeing a Natropathic Doctor because they asses the whole body and your life. I pray for God to guide you in your steps and to direct a caring and knowledgeable person to help you with your health. God Bless you Mary. Wish you good health and a way out for you....✝️💟🙏
You nailed it. My marriage in a nutshell. My anxiety has even almost killed me. I am now divorcing him.29 years of it. Am starting over for peace and serenity.
You know you have two choices, which i learned 20 years ago. There issues with Drinking are not your issues unless it Messes with Finances... or getting angry. You'll blame that other person. Or death. And thankyou to God the Officer pointed that out to me, because i would'nt have been here to enjoy my Grandsons. They mean more to me Than a stupid Drink.😊
All 10 describe my 53 yrs of marriage. I felt so alone and nervous and lost my voice for 3 yrs and could not speak a word. Speech therapy for 3 yrs because of a man who was controlling me . I did not enjoy going any where with him, in fear of being shot down if I spoke. It was not a relationship. He was such a miserable man to be with.
@@Hope-cz4fg So sorry about your heartache..a long time to be in a loveless marriage. Hope you gain your confidence,strength & love back. Tbh, the best love we can have is the love of Jesus Christ. Wishing you all the best. ❤️
I was married 23 years and i blamed myself and tried to please. Wrong move cause he got worse. I wondered why i felt stupid and nervous all the time. It was affecting my memory, my self esteem and i had pains in my back. I was going crazy , i didnt want to be near him and i went out often. I met a man who listened and understood me. I went for counseling and i left my marriage. It has been a journey to recover and feel worthy. Glad to be away from the crazy making.
You know what’s absolutely sad, you don’t even realize it until after you get out. While you’re in it, you know something is off, but for me, I didn’t understand it was emotional abuse. I didn’t know my craziness and lash outs were reactive abuse either. I was always blamed for how I responded, but he never took accountability (unless it benefited him) for what he did to cause my reaction. Looking back, it saddens me that I didn’t love myself and my self esteem was extremely low to tolerate that dynamic for almost 13 years. (Off and on) After 5 years, I got out and made it almost a year and then went back because he claimed he had changed and of course I didn’t understand what was happening, all to go thru the same things again and then bring a child in the mix. It’s like he felt in control at that point and I really started to see his true colors. He was so mean to me and dismissive and I could not understand how someone who claimed they loved me and kept coming back to me could treat me that way. It was a nightmare and I was very lost and stuck in a toxic dynamic even more because of the baby. Then again in 2021, he proclaimed change and wanting to be a better Man and all of a sudden interested in marriage. I fell for it once again, but of course it didn’t last and the break ups were always because of my “insecurities and inability to let go of the past” some of which I didn’t know was even going on behind my back until he told me. I was in such a brain fog and I truly felt stuck. I remember crying so much and just not wanting to be around anymore because of the pain and misery…of course I realize now that was the trauma bond and me being addicted to him. Had no idea that was even a thing! Just thought that intense feeling I had, had to be love and maybe it was me who needed to work on some things. Anyways…Our son is 8 now and it’s been about 9 months since the last discard and I won’t go back ever again. I understand what has happened all those years and I’m working on loving myself and rebuilding my self esteem. I’ve started working out and practicing a lot of self love. I’m very proud of myself, but I have moments of sadness because there’s still unhealed pieces and a lot to unravel. Day by day for sure!! Anyone reading this, you are enough and it’s never too late to start your journey of self love. Thank you for taking the time to read my comment.
I'm so proud of you!! You made it out!! I'm still stuck in a similar dynamic. It's been 29 years for me. I was so blind to what he was doing for so long. I feel so dumb now. I just recently started being able to see what had been going on and realize that it WASN'T my fault. So, now I need to get financial independence and then be brave enough to break free. Keep going! You're doing so well! You are an inspiration to me. Be blessed.
@@dianebarron8362I would say if you think you would like to, then I would find a way. One knows when one is ready. Sometimes one just has to take the flying leap. Into the the unknown, the uncomfortable and the unusual for while to see that they can look back one day and say Holy Cow! I got through it.
My heart is absolutely breaking for all of these beautiful people who have suffered these things for so long! May God bless each of you and I pray that not one tear will be wasted.
I just recently exited a relationship that exhibited so many of these signs. I knew to some degree that I was being emotionally and mentally manipulated, and I had discussed it with her before, but it wasn’t until I was finally free that I realized just how bad it was. I woke up worried about her judgment, just to realize that there was no judgment raining down on me anymore, and the weight that lifted from me was so immense. I’m so glad to be away from it
Absolutely correct…at 71 I met a narcissist……I’ve never been so mentally abused. I never lived with him , I dumped him to regain my health back.❤. I cannot imagine that some people deal with this for years . I’m free and healing , and peace has been restored in my life.
I can relate to that. I remember thinking, I could be happy without this miserable, mean husband of mine! And I got divorce proceedings started & have been happy on my own ever since 😊.
This has made me cry. I knew I was emotionally unsafe, I felt it in my gut. Silent treatment for over a year and verbal abuse, he called me names. I moved out in 2021. Divorced in 2022. So grateful for my job and for being the one to make a decision. ✨✨✨🌈🌈🌈 He was nice to everyone else.....
Sadly all ten describe my marriage of 38 years. I am trapped due to financial ties. Just trying to do me and trust God. But it is very hard and painful
We understand leaving is simply not an option for many people. Here's a video that talks about what you can do when divorce or leaving is not an option: ruclips.net/video/NVT5PKBlgwc/видео.html
Wow! You nailed it! I lasted for 43 yrs in the marriage but then when all of our children grew up and moved on in life, I was the only target so I moved out also. Most people will never know the person I knew because he is different around everybody else . I called him Mr. Jolly when others were around. No matter what I did he would find offense with it. But the last straw was when he said, he was more valuable than I was as the man of the house. So I walked away and gave him the house. That was a moment of truth, when I realized that was the root to his behavior towards me. Thank you for sharing this information with us all!
I’m in an extremely abusive relationship. I’ve reached a point of total isolation and insanity dealing with the ongoing psychological abuse. Leaving the relationship becomes like navigating a minefield, where I am the bad guy and I am horrible for leaving. He also lives in my house which makes me “leaving” a LOT more difficult. These relationships are life sucking.
Pray and seek help, when you’re out of this nightmare please learned from it and beware of these warning signs! These bad relationships can suck the life out of you. Hopefully you’ll get your peace back soon…. 🙏 ❤️
Me too😓 I don’t even go to the gym anymore I live with him and I’m stuck in mountains. 3 miles to the main road. Because it’s his house for 4 yrs How do you I’ve never been able to organize my things to fix on living out of bags and tubs have a good night Resoure I was married for 22 years before him call her mom please my kids does that all the money from selling my home, no job. I don’t talk to my friends Anymore Because of the turbulence of relationship, nitpicks everything. so constantly putting me down. I go to my Instagram or Facebook see how happy I was. You need to be strong and remember what you brought when you enter and hang onto until you can leave, that’s what I’m doing
He is jealous and envious of your house. He wants and needs what you have and won’t easily let it go. He will either eventually drive you mad or drive you out of your own house. Just got out of this situation. The quicker and sooner you can leave the better. He won’t go, ever…even if it is your house.
When you’re finally ready to get rid of him you’ll know. It’s not easy at all but you will be ready. Until then, don’t make any premature moves that will tip him off to you separating from him. It’s dangerous. Play it off like everything is as normal and make your plan. Don’t tell anyone that you even have a plan. I’d leave my house and everything else to get away from him.
This is my life. I pretend to myself that it’s ok. I go to work and pretend to myself I have a normal home life. I need to get out of this. It’s taken over me and I’m alone with this empty angry nightmare of a man. I don’t talk at all because he will rubbish what I say. He doesn’t talk because he is an empty shell. He waits for me to break the silence so that he can rubbish what ever I say. He’s so defensive and acts like he’s under attack every time I speak to him. I’m very lonely and fed up. He’s horrible and I’ve had enough. He had a difficult childhood and I believe he’s stuck in his ways. I need to get out of this relationship.
I know how you feel it’s easy to say leave him and that’s what you know you should do but I’m in the same position a nightmare that you can’t get away from day after day I hope you are stronger than I am and get your life back to something calm and peaceful it only gets worse the longer it goes on believe me I know .
Sounds just like my husband, you can’t say anything without him being defensive. We went to a therapist and the therapist asked him why are you so defensive when I ask you a question, it caught my husband off guard and he said I don’t know? I sat there and couldn’t believe he noticed that and I wasn’t delusional, I actually was validated. I never mentioned it once to the therapist either.
A lot of people have hard childhoods and don't become abusive. No excuses. Work on healing you, especially codependency to avoid repeating the situation. Don't stay. You're so much more valuable than that. Your life is priceless. It's hard, but God hears every cry and He will deliver you in His timing. 💛
It’s sad but it’s kinda comforting to know that the mistakes I made in my relationship of 45 years through trying hard to make it work and finally leaving. The price I paid was the options, attitudes and cruel behaviour of 2 adult children. I lost my whole family but I found peace.
You can pray to God to help your children see the truth. At least for all the sacrifice you deserve their love. Importantly hold on to God's love, it doesn't fail even when all else does. So develop a steady walk with Him and with His peace expect your safe harbor. Cheers!
I’m proud of you. It takes tremendous courage to choose a better life , especially after being in that relationship for so long. I’m so happy you chose yourself.
My ex boyfriend just stared blankly at me when I expressed a concern about us- I asked him do you have anything to say? He calmly said No, then I asked”what are you thinking?” His answer- “I’m thinking I want to bend your fingers backwards!” And laughed saying “I’m joking!!” I knew then I was dealing with a person I knew nothing about. It was scary!!
My exN once laid on top of me (smotheringly) to keep me from leaving. I knew I was dealing with a cuckoo at that point. The more I tried, the worse he got...so I pretended it didn't bother me and it got boring to him. It was MY house, MY property and I wanted to leave, not fair. I had to scheme to escape him. Finally got him away for good less than a month later. Miserable short marriage. Abusive.
Yup, the Silent Treatment, two weeks at a time....The De-value....." You need to get a job to support yourself", after being a stay-At-Home Mom,, raking, shoveling, mowing, cleaning, cooking, and finally the "Discard" ......there's the DOOR, go!!!
True, I was always on the hamster wheel.. sometimes, I felt like Sisyphus.. rolling the rock up only to do it again and again. I don't have to sleep with one eye open anymore. I will never cohabitate or marry ever again.
That is exactly how I feel when i visit my mother. There is always something I could do better. She told me constantly I could use my sister as an example. My clothes, my hair, my makeup, what I say, my household, my children , my husband, everything. The day i come out of hospital after my child was born, she told me to put on a stepping to keep my stomach in place, I have a lot of stitches, but she dont care. I am so stressed when I visit her. There was no time in my life I don't cry when I leave there.
This describes my whole life of mental and emotional abuse from the people who are supposed to care, love and nurture me My Parents. I have lived on antidepressants and a string of counsellors been hospitalised because of their abusive behaviour which lasted until the day each of them died. The day each of them died was more relief than grief. It set me free to work through the unhealthy effects of their ignorance and Nieves lack of parenting skills. It’s worth the pain and suffering to be healed.
I feel that if anyone including family continues to be abusive is perfectly fine to estrange for the sake of your emotional, spiritual and mental health. I hope you are finding your happiness and peace within. ❤
Pretty much describes how my husband was heading. I started to stand up for myself and was seriously thinking about leaving. Then he got diagnosed with stage 4 colorectal cancer. Turned out to be terminal. I threatened to leave him when he was screaming at me. He tried to blame the medicine he was on. I told him it wasn't. I stayed with him to the end. He wasn't like this when we got married. But, he started to drink and it changed him. I don't miss the man he became, but I miss the man I married.
@@elizabethwilk9615 he started drinking well before he was diagnosed with cancer. That's what changed him. He became an alcoholic and was a mean drunk. I begged him for months to go to the doctor before he finally went to the ER. They kept him for 11 days and he came home with a colostomy bag. When he first went to change it on his own, he became very frustrated and was taking it out on me. I refused to let him. I was willing to help him, but was NOT willing to be verbally abused. He had me in tears before I fought back.
Sadly, this describes my marriage with my husband. He grew up in a very dysfunctional family and his father is narcissistic, controlling, manipulative, and abusive-emotionally, verbally, financially, borderline physically with his spouse and family members. So my husband's model for marriage and family relations is based on this, it's his "copy & paste" for his life as an adult. He never went to therapy/counseling or had healing from this. He didn't get along with his dad and when I met him he seemed the complete opposite of his dad (very caring, kind, generous, sweet and wanted to be anything but his dad), but when he began behaving more like his dad and I became more and more unhappy in our marriage, he would gaslight me and minimize any problems, saying the problem was my expectations of marriage are very idealistic. Well, after 9 years, I've had enough. A counselor at church asked me why I wanted to stay in the marriage and told me it's abusive and recommended a good lawyer, in short. I've finally realized it's never going to get any better and my husband will never even take responsibility.
What on earth? I could have written this as well! Every bit-including the 9 years. Unbelievable! Thank you for your comments, it does help to know I’m not alone, however it would be much better if you didn’t have to go through it all.
I hope everyone here dealing with emotional abuse finds the courage to leave, heal and grow again ❤ Doctor, you described it very accurately "a pattern of constant devaluing". You seem very empathetic and understanding, I'm subscribing ✨
I am in one for 43 years I feel like I am on another planet, I still am amazed at the crazy that comes out of his mouth. It's not a relationship exactly.
I have been searching RUclips for exactly this. I listened to several channels about narcissism, but they didn’t fit the description of my husband. Yours does. You have described my life to a T. I have been married to my “roommate” for over 28 years and have wanted to leave since my son was born. My life outside of my house is rich…. My school is my save haven… I am loved (truly loved) respected, and very successful there. I am going to watch all your videos a d learn so much more for myself and how to cope with my husband. Thanks for such enriching content.
He loves to pretend to care and then, if you share a need, taunting you over it and using it to manipulate. What's worse is running into people like this at work, it brings back so many bad memories.
I always thought that maybe I was reading into it and maybe he wasn’t emotionally abusive. After this video all but one of the 10 was a definite yes. So nice to feel like I know what is happening for sure.
I recognise all ten in my 35 years relationship. I have a paralysing fear: all ten are often what i am being accused of. When i listen to these ten things, i have a warning that says: as soon as i would express this, it will be turned around and thrown at me. Second huge fear: losing my three adult sons, since the smart way of hiding it and also the loyalty and personal pain of our three sons. Thank you so much for putting out these video's. God bless
After 34 years of marriage, I have all 10 PLUS occasional physical abuse, and I’m certain I have complex PTSD. I left for 6 mos. back in 2006, came back, things got worse, then I asked him for a separation months ago, and he laughed it off. The last time I got something thrown at me that hit me I called the police got a restraining order and now we’re headed to divorce finally. Now, I’m finally going to be completely free, but my kids aren’t happy about the restraining order because it limits the grandkids from seeing both grandma and grandpa at their events. I’m struggling with their disapproval.😢
They will truly understand one day .as longest you show them your love and time it’s all the matters . They will grow and do their own life’s so do you ❤
Let your loved ones appreciate your need for safety and love as they do. Importantly seek help over their understanding in Jesus by praying about it. Your safety matters to love increasingly
So glad it resonated with you. Hope you are getting the help you need to heal. Here are some videos you may find helpful: Healing From Emotional Abuse playlist: ruclips.net/p/PLzb_gedZa6y5VGEhh3V4Qt_Ksb0CNFdIz
Yep,10...but this year we had a lot of breakthrough! The pastor that he came to respect was able to speak to our issue- Im starting to be very very happy after years of more and more sorrow. I GIVE ALL THE GLORY TO JESUS!
coming to terms with the fact that it wasn't just toxic or unhealthy it was straight up emotional abuse that really explains why i am the way i am today :/
These abusers know who they are abusing, what they’re trying to keep in check: a rare gem, something they admire and resent because they could never be, a beautiful and powerful soul that has the capacity to wreck them. They just don’t want their victims to see it, or anybody else. Stay strong if you’re going through this and remember who you are, and how invaluable you’d be to the right partner.
Oddly I'm grieving for the loss of a relationship i was in, yet he ticks every box of these behaviours and made me feel so irrelevant and worthless. I hope i find my path to healing so i can show up as the best mum i can be. Thanks for sharing your knowledge.
Very well presented. I can really appreciate the emotionally abusive angle, instead of talking about narcissistic behavior. This all fits my life and I am on the cusp of putting an end to it. The one thing you should mention, if you do this video again, is that for most people the emotionally abusive person works hard to establish how much they can get away with and is often very intermittent with the worst of their behavior, so that the one being abused doesn't completely figure it out and leave before the abuser wants them to. In fact, they often want to be the one who discards since they are, paradoxically, afraid you'll leave them.
You’re so right! This is my experience right now. The hot n’ cold, intermittent reinforcement, spontaneous love bombing gets me every time and convinces me that the relationship is so wonderful that the bad stuff will never happen again. In fact, I forget all the bad stuff and tell myself I was just being a drama queen for thinking I was being mistreated. Anyway, I have a good friend who “woke me up” to the fact that this is an emotionally abusive relationship and with the help of videos like this I have educated myself and I feel so much stronger. I “came clean” to my mum this week and she reassured me. So now I think I am almost strong enough to be able to leave. The sad part is that I have suffered physical health symptoms as a result of all this, so I’m angered that I have sacrificed my health for this BS - but anger is a very useful energy for fuelling decisive action! 😉 Wishing you and everyone who may be reading this comment strength, healing and lots of love xxx
I was literally saying the questions word for word with you. And yes, I’ve been dealing with chronic stress, major depressive disorder and anxiety for years and so much so that my mental faculties, my brain function, is so low that when I’m in social situations I can barely string two sentences together intelligently. Sometimes I speak nonsense and people look at me like I’m weird. My husband says that I DON’T THINK but I CAN’T think because of the constant brain fog and stress. And I’m stuck in this.
This is exactly how I am. He calls me stupid and that I don't think . Yet when he met me he told me I was the smartest person he has ever been with. I was an athlete and smart and now I'm in pain and sick and brain fog and miserable. He has destroyed me in every way .
It shatters my heart to know I put up with all ten of these for almost two years, and I had myself convinced he could be better over and over and over again. I’ll never abandon myself again.
Please find a way to leave as soon as you can. He sounds like a narcissist. They are charming to the outside world. Don’t stay, they never get better. Save yourself, you’re the only one who can.
Looking for patterns, occurrences over and over again. 1. I do not feel safe bringing a concern to him/her. 2. Cannot talk about issues without him/her becoming extremely angry. 3. My opinions, feelings, and choices are not respected or heard. 4. I feel disregarded, worthless, voiceless, and invisible in this relationship. 5. He/she becomes enraged if i question or contradict anything they do. 6. They know and care very little about my likes and dislikes, my values, hopes, and desires. 7. I feel as if i am always walking on egg shells. (Always guarding against their disapproval). 8. I often feel anxious when i am around this person. 9. It is difficult to put into words what it is like to be with this person, therefore, i feel extremely isolated and alone. 10. Because of all of this, i have chronic stress, fatigue, insomnia, signs of PTSD, possibly complex PTSD. There is No free exchange of thoughts, feelings, or information. (True communication)
This describes my life clearly. I wish I could physically remove myself from the situation. I do everything I can to have healthy connections and support away from home. I don't know how to change the environment at home. It feels defeating.
Describes my childhood perfectly! I have PTSD from my childhood: Emotional and physical abuse. I’ve been working with a counselor for 8 years. I called my dad for Father’s Day . If you don’t show up, you’d better call! My anxiety skyrocketed and I was shaking so bad!! I have a fatal brain disease. My parents live 3 streets away, my sister and her husband rent the house next door (my parents own it), and another brother lives 15 minutes away. I have not seen them in 8 years!! Another brother lives about 15-20 minutes away and brings his 4 year old grandson to see me every week I am up to a visit.
All of this is a description of my feelings in my last relationship. I checked out because of a deep despair of hopelessness and starving of security, affection and perspective. I was totally at my limits. The 11th question is: How can I let go the feeling that I'm the problem and I am an unlovable person?
Rember it's not your fault, you are a better person than them, and you can start over, and do one nice thing for yourself every day. Doesn't have too be a big thing, just for you
Great video. 1. I do not feel safe to express my concerns; I am met with aggression, retribution or stonewalling. 2. I can never talk about issues without him or her becoming extremely defensive and angry and shutting down. They are going to flip it back on me with blame-shifting, stonewalling, denial, minimization, rationalization, justification, excuse making, playing the victim. 3. My opinion, feelings and choices not respected or heard. 4. I feel disregarded, worthless, voiceless and invisible, unheard in this relationship. I don’t really exist in this relationship, I am just here but I am not asked about my day and how I think. I dare not disagree in any form. 5. The person becomes enraged if I question or contradict anything that they say or do. They are so thin skinned if I disagree or challenge them in any way. 6. They know and care very little about my likes, my dislikes, my values, my hopes and my desires. People who value us care about those things. 7. I feel like I am always walking on eggshells, nothing I do is right. I am always guarding against getting their disapproval. Summary: Emotional abuse is a pattern of feeling devalued and dominated. It is pervasive. 8. I often feel anxious around this person for fear of disapproval. There is no free exchange of information and feelings. 9. I feel extremely isolated and alone. It is not really a relationship, it is two people living in the same home or working together or doing life together in some regard. 10. I experience chronic stress, fatigue and insomnia. In some instances a person develops PTSD or CPTSD.
I recently ended a 15 year long friendship and this list was spot on for me. After ending it I suddenly felt all this anxiety leave my body. So much stress and fear that I wasn’t even consciously aware I was carrying. In the months since our “break up” my depression is gone, my mood is stable and my overall quality of life is so much better! (For the record, this former “friend” has been officially diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder, refuses to go to therapy and self medicates by smoking weed…)
This has been my experience the past 3 years. It was hard leaving since he kept promising me things he was going to do but noting was materializing but finally he ghosted me after I started detaching from the relationship and I stopped caring too. I have so far gone no contact, deleted his contacts and I do not look forward to ever talking to him again. He was also manipulative, gaslighting, refuses to be accountable and constantly lying. He was jealous that I have my own apartment and he had nothing. I refused to co-sign a loan facility and he became so enraged and bitter. He never supported my goals. He refused to attend my graduation, claiming he got stomach problems which was a lie, he ignored my birthdays. I am happy I left
I sat down next to him and played this. It would be the only way he would hear, but I don’t think it’s registering. I know what he would say. ‘If you don’t like it, you can leave.’
Yr not alone, you are describing my life, never been so unhappy and this stupid housing crisis got me stuck. Marrying him was the biggest mistake of my life.
All, except the anxiety, apply to me. My father- the abuser- enjoyed verbally fighting with me while drinking. Until I was 18 years of age, I was stupid enough to enjoy fighting with him. The slander; threats; purposeful misinterpretation of me; and false accusations that I received from him - even after I stopped fighting with him - was almost unbelievable. Why would anyone be so destructive towards ones own son? I guess the pleasure of fighting with him was the main reason why I wasn't overly anxious around him as he was drinking. However, I seriously avoided acting or speaking in any way in which he could cast judgement on me when ever he was sober. Whenever he was sober, I'd try not to act in any way or say anything around him. Intoxication seemed to be his only avenue of communication.
Thank you for this! I have encountered all of these things with the narcissist family members. They ask you if you are alright and then act bored and completely unconcerned when you tell them what you are going through. It is as if they wanted information but not for the purpose of showing empathy. In fact, I think they asked so they have an opportunity to subtly put us down for our trial, as though it is not important to them at all. The narcissists always judge us in ways that are not true but we can't clear it up because they say we are "complaining." Everything we say and do is treated as though we are doing something foolish. Since I have removed myself the peace in my soul has increased, but is disrupted every time I know they are coming to visit. I pray and depend on the Lord to give me the words and reactions only He wants.
The biggest red flag in my situation was he would not agree to disagree. He would belittle me for having and owning my own opinion and would not stop until he humiliated me.
Oh I so understand. Married 53 years. Left me for a week right before our 7th anniversary. Lied to me about where he went for 42yrs. He went to a coworkers home 6 hrs away and cheated on me. He had a massive stroke 31 years ago. I stood by his side taking care of him keeping a job and everything else. Just found out the truth 4yrs ago. He says I don't understand that he can no longer talk very well. I don't understand how that has anything to do with what he did. He wants the old me back. I have told him she died when hearing the delayed truth. Am I in the wrong for feeling angry and betrayed. He repeatedly says he just made a mistake.
This describes my relationship. Less than a year so not as bad as others but he is the *only* person i have in my life, no friends, no family and so it's now co-dependant and i'm worried about beingn totally alone wothout him. Started therapy today so hopefully after a while i'll feel strong enough to return to the workforce and be alone. Thank you for this.
@michaellopez4018 i don't believe in Jesus. But i did find my strength, the ex left over 6 weeks ago and i started a new job just over 4 weeks ago. Things are looking up 😊
I've been married to an extreme narcissist but only came to understand this term and see it. However, the last 30 plus years has slowly become worse and worse, that now I'm lost, isolated trapped and confused, all these 10 points are overwhelming me, and I'm constantly feeling like I'm suffocating. I'm a deeply sensitive empath, but find no energy or power to do anything...
I truly can check off all 10 things you said repeatedly. I even do it, but I wasn’t supposed to do and came to him and told him he’s being emotionally abusive and I think he’s a narcissist. Because I’m such a superior empath, I attracted one of the most worst narcissist I ever could. It’s not just emotional abuse. I could tell everyone so many stories that are horrifying. He’s done to me that literally shouldn’t even be legal. It’s bringing me down and he’s currently sleep depriving me. When I told him how I felt, I expected him to give me some of that temporary trauma bond. Nope he said he agrees this is crazy.
@@cc3822 oh I would’ve been gone long ago but they don’t show the side so you have . I have four young children the childcare would be $75 a day for each when you add up five days a week this $6000 a month. No one has this kind of money.. and if I did, I would definitely leave. Just commenting that emotional abuse is real and narcissist are very good at what they do and I can tell it’s his natural nature because he knows nothing else.. one day I will leave. a few more years and my children can stay home alone then it will be a different ball game. It’s really sad but I’m definitely trapped. I agree with what you’re saying to leave but it’s not as easy as taking a accountability for my life. I do take accountability for my life. I spend one day a week with him.
This explains how my brother and mother perfectly and how they have treated me for over 40 yrs. The problem is they can never accept the word "NO" and have to have everything their way but when I don't go along with what they want they cut me out of the family. On Christmas Eve when they family got together my brother walk in the door and says: "What are you doing here?" When I was in my late teens my mom said to me: "Why can't you be more like your brother?" I went out on my own, never asked for help or money, worked over 35 yrs. and retired and then I get yelled at.
This is my life. All those points are him. My husband has ASD, professionally he is worshipped but at home he feels he needs to attack any hurt I have over anything. He has to be right. He even told the DV counsellor he was required to see, he would prefer to be right than to be happy. But nothing changed. They didnt do anything for me. Any any hurt I have, is offensive to him. 35 years. Im trapped, no income of my own, no family support, and now I have early stages of heart faillure and advanced CVD. Im almost glad I might not have too many years now to put up with this. I dont want to live thur this much llonger. Thankyou for not making me feel its me at faultt.
Here are some videos that we hope can help you take some first steps towards healing: Healing From Emotional Abuse playlist: ruclips.net/p/PLzb_gedZa6y5VGEhh3V4Qt_Ksb0CNFdIz
Thank you, Dr Hawkins. All 10 of these were true of my marriage of 30 years. When she died four years, I felt like a monkey was off my back. There were 600 people at her funeral and I felt so alone among them. Nobody knew who she was, her abuse of alcohol, her abuse of me and our kids. I’m still dealing with the trauma of her heartless behavior. Truth like this helps me remember that I’m not crazy. Thank you for this affirmation.
All ten of those was definitely in my short marriage. I got out before he could or would have killed me. Be careful if you start learning who these people are and standing up to them because they go into a narcissistic rage. It's almost like some demon overtakes them. It's really creepy and a very huge evil presence. Don't get physically close. Sometimes when you feel terror it's not time to confront but to hide and protect yourself. Then fight back legally etc.
You are so right. The rage was like a rabid animal, literally foaming at the mouth. He would never cross the line into physical abuse, he had very good control over that because he was a physician and he knew I would destroy his career. I would even get up in his face and challenge him to hit me, I’m sure he wanted to but never did. I truly would have destroyed him.
@@cindytrayer4279 Mine was a former officer.. so he knew as well. The problem is he was starting to lose control. He crossed over and was violent with our pet cat. This is a cat he snuggles with. I knew I was next so had to leave. My second attempt to leave was successful because I left when he was at work and he thought I was waiting for him to come home. I had to pack as fast as I could and take what I could fit in the car. It's amazing cuz it was even hard to leave the region because of a snowstorm. I felt like hell was fighting against me but I was going to escape.
@@ellymayflower1762 I’m glad you got out. Thankfully, I was never married to him and we didn’t live together so it was an easy out. He was so controlling that if he was getting on my nerves and I would tell him it’s time for him to go home, he would just ignore me, wait a short time, and then when he would decide to leave he made it seem like it was his decision. And then he would jokingly say things like i know you’re going to be sad but I have to leave. He just had to have that control and could never respect my wishes and just leave when I asked him to. They’re insane.
The first point hit me hard. It's true, as are all your points. Then there is the one thing I can't overcome, that is when trying he turns everything over to that's what happens to him by me. It is a vicious circle of trying and failure. A madness inside me brain that has a hold on me.
Thank you for this channel! I came across it while looking for clinical information about trauma & ties to generational family dynamics that contain a history of domestic violence & abuse that’s been passed down. Between my childhood & 2 marriages that include 3 children, I have been the most vocal on healing my own patterns & becoming more trauma informed. Our society still has some sort of an aversion to facing the perpetual cycle of abuse and so it continues. It makes things especially hard when churches end up being another unsafe place to go because leaders deny or excuse or ignore what goes on, sometimes inside their walls, and that only ends up protecting predators or abusers while further traumatizing the ones seeking refuge. Love wasn’t ever meant to harm our lives. Religion is suppose to help our human nature become more humane, but abuse continues to prevail both in personal and professional relationships because we don’t talk about the issue on a larger scale. I’ve spent my life holding on to Hope as an anchor of strength to continue becoming informed & speaking out about the negative impact that can occur when silence & shame are used to accommodate human abuse & violence from generation to generation. 😢💔🙌🏻
Quite shocking when you hear it from a professional... ALL of these things fit my 25 year marriage also...except that he "cares very little" about my likes, hopes,desires and feelings... no, he does not care AT ALL! It is isolating (and many times I do feel alone) because to EVERYONE ELSE my spouse is a "great guy"...but I have to experience his other side, the side that no one else gets to see or experience. But, I have come to appreciate that I am married to a grandiose or overt narcissist. I wish I could find a counselor who is educated in helping people who are dealing with narcissistic abuse in their life.
It's so sad to hear all these gut-wrenching stories. Including yours, friend . I find my peace and counsel in all of these videos and subscriptions. I don't need therapy. These subscriptions are my God sent therapy. It's from people who live it. And counselors and therapist who understand this mental illness. No one will understand, unless they've lived it, like we do. It's not something we can explain. Because there are no physical scars to show for it. No-one will believe us. The wounds are below the surface
This is my son’s marriage and it breaks my heart. He almost left her 10 years ago but then she got pregnant and he felt obliged to stay. She’s made sure everything is in joint names. Recently my son had a stroke and is now totally dependent on her as he can’t drive, shop etc. He’s so beaten down. For example she flies into a rage if he doesn’t like what she’s cooked or that he doesn’t do enough household chores while she’s at work. And he’s only weeks out from 6 weeks of hospitalisation for the stroke. My hope is that he’ll be able to leave when their child becomes independent and hopefully have some happiness.
I know between my ASD spouse, my golden child brother, my gradiose dad and my covert mom, I have definitely been feeling these for a while. Work is a big one too. I was honestly surprised when you finally hit 10 because you describing these was like listening to the ABCs. Or breathing. I had no idea how emotionally abused I am. It’s leaving me wondering if there is even any hope for me left. Thank you for confirming what I already know to be true. Life has screwed me over, time and time again.
Unfortunately this applies to my youngest daughter whom last January had to completely cut out of my life … for years she would rob my home of many items when confronted blame me I was crazy …she withheld my grandchildren from us … last time was 8 years… of no contact because I confronted her with more home theft….we missed the most important development of our grandsons lives… I just can’t have this in my life any longer..@ 70 years old I’m focused on MY mental well being… no more making excuses for others…🙏Amen
As long as I don’t share anything going on with me and just listen to my mother’s issues, then everything goes fine. I wish I had learned this a few decades ago. She gave birth to me, but doesn’t want me to actually exist except to satisfy her psychological needs. One time she actually asked me how things were going with my business. I said about two sentences and she quickly tuned out. In the past that would have really upset me. But now I realize she’s just a narcissist, so she’s no longer able to trigger me with these sleights. I don’t take the bait anymore.
This is horrifically accurate. After a domestic abuse situation happened to me over the weekend…every one of these are visible in hindsight. How could I, an educated and reasonably savvy person, have been so blind and dumb this whole time?!
All 10! All 10 describes my 10 year relationship. I have aged more in the past 8 years than 20 years prior. The stress is visible on me. I honestly don't know how much more I can take! 😢
The thing that has helped me is to realize that I don't have to figure out or name/label every single behavior in order to have the right to be free from it. If I can get clarity on just one thing as being abusive, that is enough. Also, not every one of these has to be present. One thing is enough. For me, the big one was realizing that I was truly unable to bring complaints or even just requests for changed behavior to him. That alone makes intimacy and freedom in a relationship impossible.
@@drdavidbhawkins I Am Currently Seeing A Therapist I’m Severely Depressed I’m Severely Trauma Bonded .I’m Struggling To Detach Block Delete This Person I Was Cruelly Discarded In April.
Newly married of only 2 months but been together with this man for 2 1/2 years, the abuse started a couple months after being together and I have been blindsided by his charm.etc. I started opening my eyes and this video explains how he is and it’s not only mental abuse but physical. I do love him but now fear to leave as he plays the suicidal card and has even attempted to. It’s not healthy but he isn’t going to change and says I need to.
I've reported an emotionally abusive relationship perpetuated by others in my areas via cellphone for years. I'm ready for it to end, all included keep denying it.
It is such a pity there is only one Dr David Hawkins as he has exceptional insights to share on this horrific pathology. An absolutely brilliant educator.
I spent 35 years in this exact relationship that the doctor speaks about..all 10 apply to me. My husband passed away but I'm still reeling from it. But one thing I can say, I will NEVER remarry..freedom is sweet
Yeah, it’s better on the other side, but takes a while to,get used to,
I am glad you feel free.
Me too, i couldn’t have said it better. I had 31… God bless you!!❤
@@eugenia-divinecasey2755 God bless you also!! 💕
One of my friend is suffering the same but he won’t give proper divorce
Sad, but all ten describes my marriage. After 44 years I woke up and left. It's been almost four months now and I feel much better. I thank God everyday for people like you who shed light on a situation that was difficult to explain to others without feeling like I was the crazy one. Now I know. It wasn't me ❤❤❤
Glad to hear you are free and hope you find healing for your heart.
So glad you are free. I left my 18 year marriage 5 years ago. Contentment is so underrated!
I'm getting a divorce also after 11 years of this..It is destroying my health..
@@bd7628 so glad you are getting out before your health is completely destroyed. I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue 22 years ago with no light at the end of the tunnel.
Me too...only I stayed for 49 years and left...been out about 5 months and filed for divorce. Gotta work on getting me back now. God bless you!
We are often trapped by finances
I'm in an abusive marriage, when we go out he flirts with young girls. right in front of me. I told him please he can go. I can't cop with those insults. Honestly, I ignore him Dr, you describe my relationship. I got sick and tired of him. I'm glad because I found this channel in English. Thanks Dr, for your program.
You’re exactly right. That’s the hard part for those of us who have been stay at home moms.
Even if you can leave the hard part is paying for a divorce, making sure you get a lawyer who knows how to fight for your half of the income…if you’ve been married for a certain length of time, sometimes you’ll be awarded half the income, or spousal support depending on state laws. Use your time to research those things in your state.
There are scissors & when guided in the right direction they slice. After living in misery for 18yrs & suffering thru recovery 10yrs, believe you me, it was like walking away from a hanging. I am free to be the person God CREATED ME TO BE
I have my own income, always had.
my sister, laura sacks is rapped in an ED relationship due to finances!
1st sign watching a video about emotional abuse
Yep
Valid!
💔
Whomp.
So accurate. I needed to read that. May save my life.
1. I do not feel safe. 2. Never talk about issues. 3. My opinion or choices not respected 4. Feel disregarded, voiceless, unheard in this relationship. 5. Person become enraged if I questioned anything, can’t disagree. 6. Care very little about my likes, hopes, things I value. 7. Always walking on eggshells. 8. Cause you to feel 9. Feel isolated and alone (still your joy and happiness) 10. Cause chronic stress and fatigue. 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ ⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️
That's toxic family to be honest.
My marriage has all 10
8. Cause you to feel anxious
@@metalbarbie7226mine too..😂
All of them in a 16 year marriage
He flips everything back on me. It’s got to the stage I just shut down.
Yes me too
Yes!!
That is their point ... to shut us down.
I shut off too, there was never any point in raising any questions just to be met with flipping it back on me as if I had done it to him. When your in a position where your unable to work have no financial back up of your own. He is all over everything monitoring your every move your trapped until he decides otherwise and even then he still controls your life from afar.
The system is all wrong for those with controlling husbands.
It's so frustrating! I've never dealt with that type of person before. Thank God we only dated for a little while.
46 years of not being able to put my finger on it & you've nailed it in under 8 minutes! Thank you!!
Dr. Hawkins, everything you say is true. I'm age 80, married over 50 years, dismissed red flags before the marriage, persisted in trying to please him, never gave up hope. Eventually, my body broke down. Now, I live with crippling autoimmune disorder that attacks my skin with horrible itchy blisters. I cannot live alone anymore and have nowhere to go. Please continue to educate people about the severe consequences of living with emotional abuse.
I am so sorry to hear this. I pray you find comfort and peace and healing. Seek the most high and he will help you. He is with the broken hearted. I have gone almost 10 yrs not giving up hope even tho I should’ve left and stayed gone so many times. It has become insanity thinking this marriage is going to work. He has not changed, he just does this manipulation in a different way now. Tonight I packed my stuff and left. I am very sad, scared of what I’m going to do, live etc.. But I have support and will lean on those that I know truly love me. I pray you have even at least one person to lean on.
Mary I feel awfull what you have endured. I understand the pain of it all that it has caused you. I've also had issues with my skin, that all of a sudden showed up. I managed to clear it up with natural remedies, but I know with the stress of it all it could come back. The stress we endure is the route of health issues, because it comprimises the immune system. You should try seeing a Natropathic Doctor because they asses the whole body and your life. I pray for God to guide you in your steps and to direct a caring and knowledgeable person to help you with your health.
God Bless you Mary. Wish you good health and a way out for you....✝️💟🙏
Your story has touched me deeply. I pray sincerely for you. Lots of love to you!
There were no warning signs before marriage. Everything started after we got married. We just had our 28th anniversary. I'm stuck in this marriage
Herem,nothing
You nailed it. My marriage in a nutshell. My anxiety has even almost killed me. I am now divorcing him.29 years of it. Am starting over for peace and serenity.
Peace sounds lovely
You know you have two choices, which i learned 20 years ago. There issues with Drinking are not your issues unless it Messes with Finances... or getting angry. You'll blame that other person. Or death. And thankyou to God the Officer pointed that out to me, because i would'nt have been here to enjoy my Grandsons. They mean more to me Than a stupid Drink.😊
Amen!!!! Thank GOD you are delivered.
Freedom! And I'd never look back!
29 years here as well.
All 10 describe my 53 yrs of marriage. I felt so alone and nervous and lost my voice for 3 yrs and could not speak a word. Speech therapy for 3 yrs because of a man who was controlling me . I did not enjoy going any where with him, in fear of being shot down if I spoke. It was not a relationship. He was such a miserable man to be with.
@@Hope-cz4fg So sorry about your heartache..a long time to be in a loveless marriage. Hope you gain your confidence,strength & love back. Tbh, the best love we can have is the love of Jesus Christ. Wishing you all the best. ❤️
I was married 23 years and i blamed myself and tried to please. Wrong move cause he got worse. I wondered why i felt stupid and nervous all the time. It was affecting my memory, my self esteem and i had pains in my back. I was going crazy , i didnt want to be near him and i went out often. I met a man who listened and understood me. I went for counseling and i left my marriage. It has been a journey to recover and feel worthy. Glad to be away from the crazy making.
You know what’s absolutely sad, you don’t even realize it until after you get out. While you’re in it, you know something is off, but for me, I didn’t understand it was emotional abuse. I didn’t know my craziness and lash outs were reactive abuse either. I was always blamed for how I responded, but he never took accountability (unless it benefited him) for what he did to cause my reaction. Looking back, it saddens me that I didn’t love myself and my self esteem was extremely low to tolerate that dynamic for almost 13 years. (Off and on) After 5 years, I got out and made it almost a year and then went back because he claimed he had changed and of course I didn’t understand what was happening, all to go thru the same things again and then bring a child in the mix. It’s like he felt in control at that point and I really started to see his true colors. He was so mean to me and dismissive and I could not understand how someone who claimed they loved me and kept coming back to me could treat me that way. It was a nightmare and I was very lost and stuck in a toxic dynamic even more because of the baby. Then again in 2021, he proclaimed change and wanting to be a better Man and all of a sudden interested in marriage. I fell for it once again, but of course it didn’t last and the break ups were always because of my “insecurities and inability to let go of the past” some of which I didn’t know was even going on behind my back until he told me. I was in such a brain fog and I truly felt stuck. I remember crying so much and just not wanting to be around anymore because of the pain and misery…of course I realize now that was the trauma bond and me being addicted to him. Had no idea that was even a thing! Just thought that intense feeling I had, had to be love and maybe it was me who needed to work on some things. Anyways…Our son is 8 now and it’s been about 9 months since the last discard and I won’t go back ever again. I understand what has happened all those years and I’m working on loving myself and rebuilding my self esteem. I’ve started working out and practicing a lot of self love. I’m very proud of myself, but I have moments of sadness because there’s still unhealed pieces and a lot to unravel. Day by day for sure!! Anyone reading this, you are enough and it’s never too late to start your journey of self love. Thank you for taking the time to read my comment.
I'm so proud of you!! You made it out!! I'm still stuck in a similar dynamic. It's been 29 years for me. I was so blind to what he was doing for so long. I feel so dumb now. I just recently started being able to see what had been going on and realize that it WASN'T my fault. So, now I need to get financial independence and then be brave enough to break free. Keep going! You're doing so well! You are an inspiration to me. Be blessed.
I admire your courage. May you find your way to true happiness❤️❤️❤️
My life exactly. We know better and do better. Margaret Watt from Auckland
New Zealand
Love is blind but narcissistic is something else, love & peace to keep healing & moving forward ❤
@@wingandaprayer935, I left after 35 years, you can too.
Cost of living is too crazy, makes it hard to leave but I rather give up everything and having my peace 🎉
same here so do I leave at 70 years old?????
@@dianebarron8362I would say if you think you would like to, then I would find a way. One knows when one is ready. Sometimes one just has to take the flying leap. Into the the unknown, the uncomfortable and the unusual for while to see that they can look back one day and say Holy Cow! I got through it.
The older you get, the worse they treat you.
Try to find someone who needs a roommate that way it can help lower costs.
I'm thinking the Same Thing!!!
"There's no free exchange of information" hit hard for me. So true. Thank you.
We don't have conversations . He lectures.
😊
I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. Thank God, no longer!
My heart is absolutely breaking for all of these beautiful people who have suffered these things for so long! May God bless each of you and I pray that not one tear will be wasted.
I just recently exited a relationship that exhibited so many of these signs. I knew to some degree that I was being emotionally and mentally manipulated, and I had discussed it with her before, but it wasn’t until I was finally free that I realized just how bad it was. I woke up worried about her judgment, just to realize that there was no judgment raining down on me anymore, and the weight that lifted from me was so immense. I’m so glad to be away from it
Absolutely correct…at 71 I met a narcissist……I’ve never been so mentally abused. I never lived with him , I dumped him to regain my health back.❤. I cannot imagine that some people deal with this for years . I’m free and healing , and peace has been restored in my life.
It's so horrible. I call it NO LAUGHING NO TALKING AND NO FUN!!!!
I can relate to that. I remember thinking, I could be happy without this miserable, mean husband of mine! And I got divorce proceedings started & have been happy on my own ever since 😊.
I was abused most of my life, by my Father, So traumatized till this day! Lot's of work to do@@BalletShoes-c1k
This has made me cry. I knew I was emotionally unsafe, I felt it in my gut. Silent treatment for over a year and verbal abuse, he called me names. I moved out in 2021. Divorced in 2022. So grateful for my job and for being the one to make a decision. ✨✨✨🌈🌈🌈 He was nice to everyone else.....
Same here. Sibling and mother.
His family is like him. All indifferent.
Oh yes, they are always the 'nice' guy outside the home.
I doubt he was nice to everybody else. They could see through the facade!
Sadly all ten describe my marriage of 38 years. I am trapped due to financial ties. Just trying to do me and trust God. But it is very hard and painful
We understand leaving is simply not an option for many people. Here's a video that talks about what you can do when divorce or leaving is not an option: ruclips.net/video/NVT5PKBlgwc/видео.html
I am in the same boat. I am sorry.
I am in the same situation. Married 32 years.
Yes,folks and Dr's will suggest get out but many of us haven't the means ,truly, or family .
This is the same for me .16 years
Wow! You nailed it!
I lasted for 43 yrs in the marriage but then when all of our children grew up and moved on in life, I was the only target so I moved out also.
Most people will never know the person I knew because he is different around everybody else . I called him Mr. Jolly when others were around. No matter what I did he would find offense with it. But the last straw was when he said, he was more valuable than I was as the man of the house. So I walked away and gave him the house. That was a moment of truth, when I realized that was the root to his behavior towards me. Thank you for sharing this information with us all!
Laid on my sofa 3 hours into my silent treatment in tears. Broken and exhasuted. Exactly this and its hit me harder than any video before.
I hear you sister. You're not alone. It's unbelievably difficult.
I’m in an extremely abusive relationship. I’ve reached a point of total isolation and insanity dealing with the ongoing psychological abuse. Leaving the relationship becomes like navigating a minefield, where I am the bad guy and I am horrible for leaving. He also lives in my house which makes me “leaving” a LOT more difficult.
These relationships are life sucking.
Pray and seek help, when you’re out of this nightmare please learned from it and beware of these warning signs! These bad relationships can suck the life out of you. Hopefully you’ll get your peace back soon…. 🙏 ❤️
Same 😢
Me too😓 I don’t even go to the gym anymore I live with him and I’m stuck in mountains. 3 miles to the main road. Because it’s his house for 4 yrs How do you I’ve never been able to organize my things to fix on living out of bags and tubs have a good night Resoure I was married for 22 years before him call her mom please my kids does that all the money from selling my home, no job. I don’t talk to my friends Anymore Because of the turbulence of relationship, nitpicks everything. so constantly putting me down. I go to my Instagram or Facebook see how happy I was. You need to be strong and remember what you brought when you enter and hang onto until you can leave, that’s what I’m doing
He is jealous and envious of your house. He wants and needs what you have and won’t easily let it go. He will either eventually drive you mad or drive you out of your own house. Just got out of this situation. The quicker and sooner you can leave the better. He won’t go, ever…even if it is your house.
When you’re finally ready to get rid of him you’ll know. It’s not easy at all but you will be ready. Until then, don’t make any premature moves that will tip him off to you separating from him. It’s dangerous. Play it off like everything is as normal and make your plan. Don’t tell anyone that you even have a plan. I’d leave my house and everything else to get away from him.
This is my life. I pretend to myself that it’s ok. I go to work and pretend to myself I have a normal home life. I need to get out of this. It’s taken over me and I’m alone with this empty angry nightmare of a man. I don’t talk at all because he will rubbish what I say. He doesn’t talk because he is an empty shell. He waits for me to break the silence so that he can rubbish what ever I say. He’s so defensive and acts like he’s under attack every time I speak to him. I’m very lonely and fed up. He’s horrible and I’ve had enough. He had a difficult childhood and I believe he’s stuck in his ways. I need to get out of this relationship.
Run!
I know how you feel it’s easy to say leave him and that’s what you know you should do but I’m in the same position a nightmare that you can’t get away from day after day I hope you are stronger than I am and get your life back to something calm and peaceful it only gets worse the longer it goes on believe me I know .
Sounds just like my husband, you can’t say anything without him being defensive. We went to a therapist and the therapist asked him why are you so defensive when I ask you a question, it caught my husband off guard and he said I don’t know? I sat there and couldn’t believe he noticed that and I wasn’t delusional, I actually was validated. I never mentioned it once to the therapist either.
A lot of people have hard childhoods and don't become abusive. No excuses. Work on healing you, especially codependency to avoid repeating the situation. Don't stay. You're so much more valuable than that. Your life is priceless. It's hard, but God hears every cry and He will deliver you in His timing. 💛
I can feel your pain! Make a plan and follow through. Surround yourself with good people who will understand and supprt you! It can get better!
It’s sad but it’s kinda comforting to know that the mistakes I made in my relationship of 45 years through trying hard to make it work and finally leaving. The price I paid was the options, attitudes and cruel behaviour of 2 adult children. I lost my whole family but I found peace.
You can pray to God to help your children see the truth. At least for all the sacrifice you deserve their love. Importantly hold on to God's love, it doesn't fail even when all else does. So develop a steady walk with Him and with His peace expect your safe harbor. Cheers!
I’m proud of you. It takes tremendous courage to choose a better life , especially after being in that relationship for so long. I’m so happy you chose yourself.
My ex boyfriend just stared blankly at me when I expressed a concern about us- I asked him do you have anything to say? He calmly said No, then I asked”what are you thinking?” His answer- “I’m thinking I want to bend your fingers backwards!” And laughed saying “I’m joking!!” I knew then I was dealing with a person I knew nothing about. It was scary!!
That's annoying
My exN once laid on top of me (smotheringly) to keep me from leaving. I knew I was dealing with a cuckoo at that point. The more I tried, the worse he got...so I pretended it didn't bother me and it got boring to him. It was MY house, MY property and I wanted to leave, not fair. I had to scheme to escape him. Finally got him away for good less than a month later. Miserable short marriage. Abusive.
Narc
The blank stare is a HUGE red flag, friends.
@natural3362 not scary?
Yup, the Silent Treatment, two weeks at a time....The De-value....." You need to get a job to support yourself", after being a stay-At-Home Mom,, raking, shoveling, mowing, cleaning, cooking, and finally the "Discard" ......there's the DOOR, go!!!
😢
Yup, 45 years. At least once a year.
Me too!
True, I was always on the hamster wheel.. sometimes, I felt like Sisyphus.. rolling the rock up only to do it again and again. I don't have to sleep with one eye open anymore. I will never cohabitate or marry ever again.
That is exactly how I feel when i visit my mother. There is always something I could do better. She told me constantly I could use my sister as an example. My clothes, my hair, my makeup, what I say, my household, my children , my husband, everything. The day i come out of hospital after my child was born, she told me to put on a stepping to keep my stomach in place, I have a lot of stitches, but she dont care. I am so stressed when I visit her. There was no time in my life I don't cry when I leave there.
This describes my whole life of mental and emotional abuse from the people who are supposed to care, love and nurture me My Parents. I have lived on antidepressants and a string of counsellors been hospitalised because of their abusive behaviour which lasted until the day each of them died. The day each of them died was more relief than grief. It set me free to work through the unhealthy effects of their ignorance and Nieves lack of parenting skills. It’s worth the pain and suffering to be healed.
So glad to hear you found healing. Thanks for sharing.
I feel that if anyone including family continues to be abusive is perfectly fine to estrange for the sake of your emotional, spiritual and mental health. I hope you are finding your happiness and peace within. ❤
Pretty much describes how my husband was heading. I started to stand up for myself and was seriously thinking about leaving.
Then he got diagnosed with stage 4 colorectal cancer. Turned out to be terminal. I threatened to leave him when he was screaming at me. He tried to blame the medicine he was on. I told him it wasn't.
I stayed with him to the end. He wasn't like this when we got married. But, he started to drink and it changed him.
I don't miss the man he became, but I miss the man I married.
Thanks for sharing your story and hope you have found healing.
@@drdavidbhawkins I have through God.
Yes chemo or pain can cause changes in personality
@@elizabethwilk9615 he started drinking well before he was diagnosed with cancer. That's what changed him. He became an alcoholic and was a mean drunk.
I begged him for months to go to the doctor before he finally went to the ER. They kept him for 11 days and he came home with a colostomy bag.
When he first went to change it on his own, he became very frustrated and was taking it out on me. I refused to let him. I was willing to help him, but was NOT willing to be verbally abused. He had me in tears before I fought back.
Sounds like you're the abuser. Threatening to leave him is abuse
All 10 already left but thought of returning. No way grateful for the clarity
Stay strong. Please don’t go back! It will only be worse if you do. You got this! Hang in there. Blessings to you
Please dont go back, they will be mad because you left, and punish you.
Sadly, this describes my marriage with my husband. He grew up in a very dysfunctional family and his father is narcissistic, controlling, manipulative, and abusive-emotionally, verbally, financially, borderline physically with his spouse and family members. So my husband's model for marriage and family relations is based on this, it's his "copy & paste" for his life as an adult. He never went to therapy/counseling or had healing from this. He didn't get along with his dad and when I met him he seemed the complete opposite of his dad (very caring, kind, generous, sweet and wanted to be anything but his dad), but when he began behaving more like his dad and I became more and more unhappy in our marriage, he would gaslight me and minimize any problems, saying the problem was my expectations of marriage are very idealistic. Well, after 9 years, I've had enough. A counselor at church asked me why I wanted to stay in the marriage and told me it's abusive and recommended a good lawyer, in short. I've finally realized it's never going to get any better and my husband will never even take responsibility.
What on earth? I could have written this as well! Every bit-including the 9 years. Unbelievable! Thank you for your comments, it does help to know I’m not alone, however it would be much better if you didn’t have to go through it all.
10 / 10 - Out now for 3.5 Months - Recovering slowly
Praise be to GOD!!!!
I certainly have all too. I am stuck because I have no one and I can't afford to leave ❤
I hear you! I'm in the same boat. 😢
I hope everyone here dealing with emotional abuse finds the courage to leave, heal and grow again ❤ Doctor, you described it very accurately "a pattern of constant devaluing". You seem very empathetic and understanding, I'm subscribing ✨
Glad you found it helpful, thank you for your feedback
I agree
It's painful considering how many of us are actually going through this or have already gone through it. May God intervene and help us ❤
I am in one for 43 years I feel like I am on another planet, I still am amazed at the crazy that comes out of his mouth. It's not a relationship exactly.
Excellent. Thank you for the clarification. I'm 72, still hurting, still angry but at last I see the whole picture.
I have been searching RUclips for exactly this. I listened to several channels about narcissism, but they didn’t fit the description of my husband. Yours does. You have described my life to a T. I have been married to my “roommate” for over 28 years and have wanted to leave since my son was born.
My life outside of my house is rich…. My school is my save haven… I am loved (truly loved) respected, and very successful there.
I am going to watch all your videos a d learn so much more for myself and how to cope with my husband. Thanks for such enriching content.
Cope? Leave!
Get out as you can. The child will feel it and see it.
He loves to pretend to care and then, if you share a need, taunting you over it and using it to manipulate.
What's worse is running into people like this at work, it brings back so many bad memories.
I always thought that maybe I was reading into it and maybe he wasn’t emotionally abusive. After this video all but one of the 10 was a definite yes. So nice to feel like I know what is happening for sure.
I recognise all ten in my 35 years relationship. I have a paralysing fear: all ten are often what i am being accused of. When i listen to these ten things, i have a warning that says: as soon as i would express this, it will be turned around and thrown at me. Second huge fear: losing my three adult sons, since the smart way of hiding it and also the loyalty and personal pain of our three sons. Thank you so much for putting out these video's. God bless
I have all 10 but if I said anything my partner would say I am making it all up and I am not grateful for anything he has done for me
Same here 😢
Very true.
After 34 years of marriage, I have all 10 PLUS occasional physical abuse, and I’m certain I have complex PTSD. I left for 6 mos. back in 2006, came back, things got worse, then I asked him for a separation months ago, and he laughed it off. The last time I got something thrown at me that hit me I called the police got a restraining order and now we’re headed to divorce finally. Now, I’m finally going to be completely free, but my kids aren’t happy about the restraining order because it limits the grandkids from seeing both grandma and grandpa at their events. I’m struggling with their disapproval.😢
The wife/mother get blamed for everything that went wrong in the family even though we did the most ...Clutch your pearls and keep it moving. 💯
They will truly understand one day .as longest you show them your love and time it’s all the matters . They will grow and do their own life’s so do you ❤
Let your loved ones appreciate your need for safety and love as they do. Importantly seek help over their understanding in Jesus by praying about it. Your safety matters to love increasingly
I’m so sorry. The children and grandchildren are the hard part. No easy answers…but your safety and well being need to be protected.
Hang in there…..
Wow! Thank you. Feels good to have someone get it. I’ve felt so alone for so long. Appreciate this.
So glad it resonated with you. Hope you are getting the help you need to heal. Here are some videos you may find helpful: Healing From Emotional Abuse playlist:
ruclips.net/p/PLzb_gedZa6y5VGEhh3V4Qt_Ksb0CNFdIz
I have felt the same way...
Yep,10...but this year we had a lot of breakthrough!
The pastor that he came to respect was able to speak to our issue- Im starting to be very very happy after years of more and more sorrow. I GIVE ALL THE GLORY TO JESUS!
coming to terms with the fact that it wasn't just toxic or unhealthy it was straight up emotional abuse that really explains why i am the way i am today :/
These abusers know who they are abusing, what they’re trying to keep in check: a rare gem, something they admire and resent because they could never be, a beautiful and powerful soul that has the capacity to wreck them. They just don’t want their victims to see it, or anybody else. Stay strong if you’re going through this and remember who you are, and how invaluable you’d be to the right partner.
Oddly I'm grieving for the loss of a relationship i was in, yet he ticks every box of these behaviours and made me feel so irrelevant and worthless. I hope i find my path to healing so i can show up as the best mum i can be. Thanks for sharing your knowledge.
Very well presented. I can really appreciate the emotionally abusive angle, instead of talking about narcissistic behavior. This all fits my life and I am on the cusp of putting an end to it. The one thing you should mention, if you do this video again, is that for most people the emotionally abusive person works hard to establish how much they can get away with and is often very intermittent with the worst of their behavior, so that the one being abused doesn't completely figure it out and leave before the abuser wants them to. In fact, they often want to be the one who discards since they are, paradoxically, afraid you'll leave them.
You’re so right! This is my experience right now. The hot n’ cold, intermittent reinforcement, spontaneous love bombing gets me every time and convinces me that the relationship is so wonderful that the bad stuff will never happen again. In fact, I forget all the bad stuff and tell myself I was just being a drama queen for thinking I was being mistreated. Anyway, I have a good friend who “woke me up” to the fact that this is an emotionally abusive relationship and with the help of videos like this I have educated myself and I feel so much stronger. I “came clean” to my mum this week and she reassured me. So now I think I am almost strong enough to be able to leave. The sad part is that I have suffered physical health symptoms as a result of all this, so I’m angered that I have sacrificed my health for this BS - but anger is a very useful energy for fuelling decisive action! 😉
Wishing you and everyone who may be reading this comment strength, healing and lots of love xxx
"I Do Not Feel Safe"💔
I was literally saying the questions word for word with you. And yes, I’ve been dealing with chronic stress, major depressive disorder and anxiety for years and so much so that my mental faculties, my brain function, is so low that when I’m in social situations I can barely string two sentences together intelligently. Sometimes I speak nonsense and people look at me like I’m weird. My husband says that I DON’T THINK but I CAN’T think because of the constant brain fog and stress. And I’m stuck in this.
Thank you. I'm writing these down.
This is exactly how I am. He calls me stupid and that I don't think . Yet when he met me he told me I was the smartest person he has ever been with. I was an athlete and smart and now I'm in pain and sick and brain fog and miserable. He has destroyed me in every way .
It shatters my heart to know I put up with all ten of these for almost two years, and I had myself convinced he could be better over and over and over again. I’ll never abandon myself again.
Thank God, I have gotten free of this. May we all be free of emotional abuse.
I appreciate videos like this so that my children actually understand that this kind of “relationship “ isn’t normal. Beyond that, it is indeed abuse.
This video is sobering. This video has finally put into words my experience in the last 15 years in my marriage. God bless you, sir. 😢😢
Sounds like my husband but everyone loves him. He has charm.
I get it!
Please find a way to leave as soon as you can. He sounds like a narcissist. They are charming to the outside world. Don’t stay, they never get better. Save yourself, you’re the only one who can.
Ditto...been there and am glad I divorced him. I am alone and happy to be so for now.
Yes they are charmingly decietful 😢
Same!!
Looking for patterns, occurrences over and over again.
1. I do not feel safe bringing a concern to him/her. 2. Cannot talk about issues without him/her becoming extremely angry. 3. My opinions, feelings, and choices are not respected or heard. 4. I feel disregarded, worthless, voiceless, and invisible in this relationship. 5. He/she becomes enraged if i question or contradict anything they do. 6. They know and care very little about my likes and dislikes, my values, hopes, and desires. 7. I feel as if i am always walking on egg shells. (Always guarding against their disapproval). 8. I often feel anxious when i am around this person. 9. It is difficult to put into words what it is like to be with this person, therefore, i feel extremely isolated and alone. 10. Because of all of this, i have chronic stress, fatigue, insomnia, signs of PTSD, possibly complex PTSD.
There is
No free exchange of thoughts, feelings, or information.
(True communication)
I'm in the same boat as you. Why I'm planning on leaving soon.
Yes
Thanks for the summary!
Yup can relate
This describes my life clearly. I wish I could physically remove myself from the situation. I do everything I can to have healthy connections and support away from home. I don't know how to change the environment at home. It feels defeating.
It really freaking hurts when it's your own child.
Hi are you talking about a parent being abusive to their child? Because if you are...I get it, BOY do I get it.😔
Yes makes your heart bleed.
@@mary-louisemifsud30no not what they meant. A child abusing the parent! Happens a lot but still taboo because of how society programs everyone
cut ties🤔. Grown folk need their own. Unless a child is unsafe, let go.
Dependent children need boundaries all of the time🥰
Yes but you can change it.
The real hard part is that the family don’t see half of the misery and loss of inclusion and the loneliness’s of just existing!
Yes
Yes. They love him
Describes my childhood perfectly! I have PTSD from my childhood: Emotional and physical abuse. I’ve been working with a counselor for 8 years. I called my dad for Father’s Day . If you don’t show up, you’d better call! My anxiety skyrocketed and I was shaking so bad!! I have a fatal brain disease. My parents live 3 streets away, my sister and her husband rent the house next door (my parents own it), and another brother lives 15 minutes away. I have not seen them in 8 years!! Another brother lives about 15-20 minutes away and brings his 4 year old grandson to see me every week I am up to a visit.
Not rage but silent rage where there was vengeance
Yes, the silent rage is just as bad as the overt.
All of this is a description of my feelings in my last relationship. I checked out because of a deep despair of hopelessness and starving of security, affection and perspective.
I was totally at my limits.
The 11th question is:
How can I let go the feeling that I'm the problem and I am an unlovable person?
Rember it's not your fault, you are a better person than them, and you can start over, and do one nice thing for yourself every day. Doesn't have too be a big thing, just for you
Great video.
1. I do not feel safe to express my concerns; I am met with aggression, retribution or stonewalling.
2. I can never talk about issues without him or her becoming extremely defensive and angry and shutting down. They are going to flip it back on me with blame-shifting, stonewalling, denial, minimization, rationalization, justification, excuse making, playing the victim.
3. My opinion, feelings and choices not respected or heard.
4. I feel disregarded, worthless, voiceless and invisible, unheard in this relationship. I don’t really exist in this relationship, I am just here but I am not asked about my day and how I think. I dare not disagree in any form.
5. The person becomes enraged if I question or contradict anything that they say or do. They are so thin skinned if I disagree or challenge them in any way.
6. They know and care very little about my likes, my dislikes, my values, my hopes and my desires. People who value us care about those things.
7. I feel like I am always walking on eggshells, nothing I do is right. I am always guarding against getting their disapproval.
Summary: Emotional abuse is a pattern of feeling devalued and dominated. It is pervasive.
8. I often feel anxious around this person for fear of disapproval. There is no free exchange of information and feelings.
9. I feel extremely isolated and alone. It is not really a relationship, it is two people living in the same home or working together or doing life together in some regard.
10. I experience chronic stress, fatigue and insomnia. In some instances a person develops PTSD or CPTSD.
Feel so lost
I recently ended a 15 year long friendship and this list was spot on for me. After ending it I suddenly felt all this anxiety leave my body. So much stress and fear that I wasn’t even consciously aware I was carrying. In the months since our “break up” my depression is gone, my mood is stable and my overall quality of life is so much better!
(For the record, this former “friend” has been officially diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder, refuses to go to therapy and self medicates by smoking weed…)
This has been my experience the past 3 years. It was hard leaving since he kept promising me things he was going to do but noting was materializing but finally he ghosted me after I started detaching from the relationship and I stopped caring too. I have so far gone no contact, deleted his contacts and I do not look forward to ever talking to him again. He was also manipulative, gaslighting, refuses to be accountable and constantly lying. He was jealous that I have my own apartment and he had nothing. I refused to co-sign a loan facility and he became so enraged and bitter. He never supported my goals. He refused to attend my graduation, claiming he got stomach problems which was a lie, he ignored my birthdays. I am happy I left
I sat down next to him and played this. It would be the only way he would hear, but I don’t think it’s registering.
I know what he would say. ‘If you don’t like it, you can leave.’
What happened? Did you leave?
Then leave
Exactly what mine says to me. But financially I'm constrained.
@@theplantbasedsaffer6235 can you get a job and save money?
I would do just that.
All 10 describe my marriage. I’m so miserable and lonely
Yr not alone, you are describing my life, never been so unhappy and this stupid housing crisis got me stuck. Marrying him was the biggest mistake of my life.
Me too. All alone
All, except the anxiety, apply to me. My father- the abuser- enjoyed verbally fighting with me while drinking. Until I was 18 years of age, I was stupid enough to enjoy fighting with him. The slander; threats; purposeful misinterpretation of me; and false accusations that I received from him - even after I stopped fighting with him - was almost unbelievable. Why would anyone be so destructive towards ones own son?
I guess the pleasure of fighting with him was the main reason why I wasn't overly anxious around him as he was drinking.
However, I seriously avoided acting or speaking in any way in which he could cast judgement on me when ever he was sober. Whenever he was sober, I'd try not to act in any way or say anything around him.
Intoxication seemed to be his only avenue of communication.
Thank you for this! I have encountered all of these things with the narcissist family members. They ask you if you are alright and then act bored and completely unconcerned when you tell them what you are going through. It is as if they wanted information but not for the purpose of showing empathy. In fact, I think they asked so they have an opportunity to subtly put us down for our trial, as though it is not important to them at all. The narcissists always judge us in ways that are not true but we can't clear it up because they say we are "complaining." Everything we say and do is treated as though we are doing something foolish. Since I have removed myself the peace in my soul has increased, but is disrupted every time I know they are coming to visit. I pray and depend on the Lord to give me the words and reactions only He wants.
We must be related because that sounds like my family.
Yes, I see this too. It's like you're being baited to talk, drawn out, a trap set up, just so he can be nasty about it.
hum yes I see it too
The biggest red flag in my situation was he would not agree to disagree. He would belittle me for having and owning my own opinion and would not stop until he humiliated me.
52 years of this. All so true. Wish I had left.
58 years here! We barely speak now! I can't look at his face. I'm afraid!😢
Oh I so understand. Married 53 years. Left me for a week right before our 7th anniversary. Lied to me about where he went for 42yrs. He went to a coworkers home 6 hrs away and cheated on me. He had a massive stroke 31 years ago. I stood by his side taking care of him keeping a job and everything else. Just found out the truth 4yrs ago. He says I don't understand that he can no longer talk very well. I don't understand how that has anything to do with what he did. He wants the old me back. I have told him she died when hearing the delayed truth. Am I in the wrong for feeling angry and betrayed. He repeatedly says he just made a mistake.
50 years married & 51 yrs together this month of May. His idea of a good marriage is quantity.
Guess he got it. All 10 for me.
This describes my relationship. Less than a year so not as bad as others but he is the *only* person i have in my life, no friends, no family and so it's now co-dependant and i'm worried about beingn totally alone wothout him. Started therapy today so hopefully after a while i'll feel strong enough to return to the workforce and be alone. Thank you for this.
Be strong, look to Jesus Christ, HE will set you free!
@michaellopez4018 i don't believe in Jesus. But i did find my strength, the ex left over 6 weeks ago and i started a new job just over 4 weeks ago. Things are looking up 😊
@@michaellopez4018Amen
@@georgiewatson8688Believe in Jesus he is real and loves more than you know
I've been married to an extreme narcissist but only came to understand this term and see it. However, the last 30 plus years has slowly become worse and worse, that now I'm lost, isolated trapped and confused, all these 10 points are overwhelming me, and I'm constantly feeling like I'm suffocating. I'm a deeply sensitive empath, but find no energy or power to do anything...
I truly can check off all 10 things you said repeatedly. I even do it, but I wasn’t supposed to do and came to him and told him he’s being emotionally abusive and I think he’s a narcissist. Because I’m such a superior empath, I attracted one of the most worst narcissist I ever could. It’s not just emotional abuse. I could tell everyone so many stories that are horrifying. He’s done to me that literally shouldn’t even be legal. It’s bringing me down and he’s currently sleep depriving me. When I told him how I felt, I expected him to give me some of that temporary trauma bond. Nope he said he agrees this is crazy.
Leave and take accountability for life.
@@cc3822 oh I would’ve been gone long ago but they don’t show the side so you have . I have four young children the childcare would be $75 a day for each when you add up five days a week this $6000 a month. No one has this kind of money.. and if I did, I would definitely leave. Just commenting that emotional abuse is real and narcissist are very good at what they do and I can tell it’s his natural nature because he knows nothing else.. one day I will leave. a few more years and my children can stay home alone then it will be a different ball game. It’s really sad but I’m definitely trapped. I agree with what you’re saying to leave but it’s not as easy as taking a accountability for my life. I do take accountability for my life. I spend one day a week with him.
This explains how my brother and mother perfectly and how they have treated me for over 40 yrs. The problem is they can never accept
the word "NO" and have to have everything their way but when I don't go along with what they want they cut me out of the family. On
Christmas Eve when they family got together my brother walk in the door and says: "What are you doing here?" When I was in my late teens
my mom said to me: "Why can't you be more like your brother?" I went out on my own, never asked for help or money, worked over 35 yrs.
and retired and then I get yelled at.
This is my life. All those points are him. My husband has ASD, professionally he is worshipped but at home he feels he needs to attack any hurt I have over anything. He has to be right. He even told the DV counsellor he was required to see, he would prefer to be right than to be happy. But nothing changed. They didnt do anything for me. Any any hurt I have, is offensive to him. 35 years. Im trapped, no income of my own, no family support, and now I have early stages of heart faillure and advanced CVD. Im almost glad I might not have too many years now to put up with this. I dont want to live thur this much llonger. Thankyou for not making me feel its me at faultt.
Here are some videos that we hope can help you take some first steps towards healing:
Healing From Emotional Abuse playlist:
ruclips.net/p/PLzb_gedZa6y5VGEhh3V4Qt_Ksb0CNFdIz
Thank you, Dr Hawkins.
All 10 of these were true of my marriage of 30 years. When she died four years, I felt like a monkey was off my back. There were 600 people at her funeral and I felt so alone among them. Nobody knew who she was, her abuse of alcohol, her abuse of me and our kids. I’m still dealing with the trauma of her heartless behavior. Truth like this helps me remember that I’m not crazy.
Thank you for this affirmation.
All ten of those was definitely in my short marriage. I got out before he could or would have killed me. Be careful if you start learning who these people are and standing up to them because they go into a narcissistic rage. It's almost like some demon overtakes them. It's really creepy and a very huge evil presence. Don't get physically close. Sometimes when you feel terror it's not time to confront but to hide and protect yourself. Then fight back legally etc.
Thanks for your input
Correct!
You are so right. The rage was like a rabid animal, literally foaming at the mouth. He would never cross the line into physical abuse, he had very good control over that because he was a physician and he knew I would destroy his career. I would even get up in his face and challenge him to hit me, I’m sure he wanted to but never did. I truly would have destroyed him.
@@cindytrayer4279 Mine was a former officer.. so he knew as well. The problem is he was starting to lose control. He crossed over and was violent with our pet cat. This is a cat he snuggles with. I knew I was next so had to leave. My second attempt to leave was successful because I left when he was at work and he thought I was waiting for him to come home. I had to pack as fast as I could and take what I could fit in the car. It's amazing cuz it was even hard to leave the region because of a snowstorm. I felt like hell was fighting against me but I was going to escape.
@@ellymayflower1762 I’m glad you got out. Thankfully, I was never married to him and we didn’t live together so it was an easy out. He was so controlling that if he was getting on my nerves and I would tell him it’s time for him to go home, he would just ignore me, wait a short time, and then when he would decide to leave he made it seem like it was his decision. And then he would jokingly say things like i know you’re going to be sad but I have to leave. He just had to have that control and could never respect my wishes and just leave when I asked him to. They’re insane.
The first point hit me hard. It's true, as are all your points. Then there is the one thing I can't overcome, that is when trying he turns everything over to that's what happens to him by me. It is a vicious circle of trying and failure. A madness inside me brain that has a hold on me.
Yep, all ten. Left after 15 years and felt it was life or death. Al
Most two years out. Love my peace and freedom
Thank you for this channel! I came across it while looking for clinical information about trauma & ties to generational family dynamics that contain a history of domestic violence & abuse that’s been passed down. Between my childhood & 2 marriages that include 3 children, I have been the most vocal on healing my own patterns & becoming more trauma informed. Our society still has some sort of an aversion to facing the perpetual cycle of abuse and so it continues. It makes things especially hard when churches end up being another unsafe place to go because leaders deny or excuse or ignore what goes on, sometimes inside their walls, and that only ends up protecting predators or abusers while further traumatizing the ones seeking refuge. Love wasn’t ever meant to harm our lives. Religion is suppose to help our human nature become more humane, but abuse continues to prevail both in personal and professional relationships because we don’t talk about the issue on a larger scale. I’ve spent my life holding on to Hope as an anchor of strength to continue becoming informed & speaking out about the negative impact that can occur when silence & shame are used to accommodate human abuse & violence from generation to generation. 😢💔🙌🏻
Quite shocking when you hear it from a professional... ALL of these things fit my 25 year marriage also...except that he "cares very little" about my likes, hopes,desires and feelings... no, he does not care AT ALL!
It is isolating (and many times I do feel alone) because to EVERYONE ELSE my spouse is a "great guy"...but I have to experience his other side, the side that no one else gets to see or experience.
But, I have come to appreciate that I am married to a grandiose or overt narcissist.
I wish I could find a counselor who is educated in helping people who are dealing with narcissistic abuse in their life.
It's so sad to hear all these gut-wrenching stories. Including yours, friend .
I find my peace and counsel in all of these videos and subscriptions.
I don't need therapy.
These subscriptions are my God sent therapy. It's from people who live it. And counselors and therapist who understand this mental illness.
No one will understand, unless they've lived it, like we do. It's not something we can explain. Because there are no physical scars to show for it. No-one will believe us.
The wounds are below the surface
@@bronwynsimons7028 Very nice comment. I appreciate your input!
Thank you so much!
Best wishes to you! 💕
This is spot on, Dr. David!
This is my son’s marriage and it breaks my heart. He almost left her 10 years ago but then she got pregnant and he felt obliged to stay. She’s made sure everything is in joint names. Recently my son had a stroke and is now totally dependent on her as he can’t drive, shop etc. He’s so beaten down. For example she flies into a rage if he doesn’t like what she’s cooked or that he doesn’t do enough household chores while she’s at work. And he’s only weeks out from 6 weeks of hospitalisation for the stroke. My hope is that he’ll be able to leave when their child becomes independent and hopefully have some happiness.
I know between my ASD spouse, my golden child brother, my gradiose dad and my covert mom, I have definitely been feeling these for a while. Work is a big one too. I was honestly surprised when you finally hit 10 because you describing these was like listening to the ABCs. Or breathing.
I had no idea how emotionally abused I am.
It’s leaving me wondering if there is even any hope for me left. Thank you for confirming what I already know to be true.
Life has screwed me over, time and time again.
My Ex did all ten. Freedom reigns left and divorced. Gos is good all of the time!!!✝️🙏
Unfortunately this applies to my youngest daughter whom last January had to completely cut out of my life … for years she would rob my home of many items when confronted blame me I was crazy …she withheld my grandchildren from us … last time was 8 years… of no contact because I confronted her with more home theft….we missed the most important development of our grandsons lives… I just can’t have this in my life any longer..@ 70 years old I’m focused on MY mental well being… no more making excuses for others…🙏Amen
As long as I don’t share anything going on with me and just listen to my mother’s issues, then everything goes fine. I wish I had learned this a few decades ago. She gave birth to me, but doesn’t want me to actually exist except to satisfy her psychological needs. One time she actually asked me how things were going with my business. I said about two sentences and she quickly tuned out. In the past that would have really upset me. But now I realize she’s just a narcissist, so she’s no longer able to trigger me with these sleights. I don’t take the bait anymore.
This is horrifically accurate. After a domestic abuse situation happened to me over the weekend…every one of these are visible in hindsight. How could I, an educated and reasonably savvy person, have been so blind and dumb this whole time?!
All 10! All 10 describes my 10 year relationship. I have aged more in the past 8 years than 20 years prior. The stress is visible on me. I honestly don't know how much more I can take! 😢
The thing that has helped me is to realize that I don't have to figure out or name/label every single behavior in order to have the right to be free from it. If I can get clarity on just one thing as being abusive, that is enough. Also, not every one of these has to be present. One thing is enough. For me, the big one was realizing that I was truly unable to bring complaints or even just requests for changed behavior to him. That alone makes intimacy and freedom in a relationship impossible.
Thank You For Sharing This You Are Absolutely Right I Am Going Through This Know.With An Overt Malignant Narcissist.
I'm.also Been Financially Abused.
Hope you are getting the help you need to heal
@@drdavidbhawkins
I Am Currently Seeing A Therapist I’m Severely Depressed
I’m Severely Trauma Bonded .I’m Struggling To Detach Block Delete This Person
I Was Cruelly Discarded In April.
Newly married of only 2 months but been together with this man for 2 1/2 years, the abuse started a couple months after being together and I have been blindsided by his charm.etc. I started opening my eyes and this video explains how he is and it’s not only mental abuse but physical. I do love him but now fear to leave as he plays the suicidal card and has even attempted to. It’s not healthy but he isn’t going to change and says I need to.
Leave. It will only get worse. Trust me.
I've reported an emotionally abusive relationship perpetuated by others in my areas via cellphone for years. I'm ready for it to end, all included keep denying it.
It is such a pity there is only one Dr David Hawkins as he has exceptional insights to share on this horrific pathology. An absolutely brilliant educator.
All ten unfortunately are how I feel in my marriage.
Here are some videos on healing that we hope you find helpful: Healing From Emotional Abuse playlist:
ruclips.net/p/PLzb_gedZa6y5VGEhh3V4Qt_Ksb0CNFdIz
I thought I was crazy or alone in all of this. Jesus, help me.