What Is Emotional Abuse? | Dr. David Hawkins
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- Опубликовано: 1 июн 2024
- We are excited to share with you a new series that expands on our focus on marriage recovery. The problem of narcissistic and emotional abuse in our society has grown to epic proportions and there are so many people affected, including friends and family members, co-workers, anyone in a position of leadership and power, etc. To address the growing need and demand for information, training and resources in the field of narcissism and emotional abuse, the Marriage Recovery Center now has a sister organization, the Emotional Abuse Institute, whose mission is to bring emotional abuse out of the shadows and end what he calls “the silent epidemic” through education, empowerment, training and resources for anyone seeking to understand, confront, and end narcissistic and emotional abuse.
🟥 SUBSCRIBE: bit.ly/3Y8Wm8S
This is the first video hosted by the Emotional Abuse Institute and is an introduction and overview of what emotional abuse is. Narcissistic and emotional abuse is a complex and allusive issue that is not often talked about, and therefore not well understood. It’s hard to define, let alone recognize, even amongst professionals. This video will help you:
• Understand emotional abuse and covert emotional abuse
• Recognize the signs of emotional abuse
• Understand the psychological impact of emotional abuse on victims
• Know what steps you can take if you are in an emotionally abusive relationship
Dr. Hawkins and his team of experts offer education and professional training as well as treatment for narcissistic and emotional abuse.
🌐 WEBSITE: marriagerecoverycenter.com/
☎️ PHONE: (206) 219-0145
📧 EMAIL: info@marriagerecoverycenter.com
About
The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts about narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.
Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships. He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse.
Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship. In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, topics include covert, reactive, spiritual, secondary, relationship trauma and more.
#emotionalabuse #abuse
It’s hard to admit to yourself and others that you were stupid enough to get in so deep with an abusive person. It’s embarrassing and feels like a personal lapse in judgment. Especially if there were signs you ignored or rationalized early on.
When there is nothing else you have experienced from your family you don't recognize the signs. ! You have been brought up to be shamed, guilty, and responsible 😢
@@Ophelia100 totally true. I rised in a abusive family so I thought was normal, so when my relations. Work friends and lovers abuse me It didn't Fire on me any alarm. Now I feel like for the first time I realized that I lived like a penitent. Thanks for open my eyes. Dont let people Hurt you freely. You are no less than anyone
Yes, this is correct. And I’m really in the ringer. My own father is still trying to control me at 35. I’m honestly really sick of it all.
For sure! Its not your fault. People who have gone through abuse understand. As people get older, who never had the personal experience, have seen it happen to people they love or have somehow become less judgemental. They are more understanding.
Don't waste your time thinking how 'dumb' or whatever you were.
Be more aware of signs and things that say to you'this person isn't good for me'. Then listen to those things/thoughts. Don't let yourself be like 'no way this person is like that other one' even when the flags are up, lights are flashing, and you keep thinking they have so many similar aspects as the other person. That means get away. Or do like me and analyze them.... which didn't work because I also have them excuses for why they were how they were.
It's a terrible thing because it becomes so'normal'. Almost as if it makes you happy in some messed up way.
You are not dumb if you recognize the signs and then avoid getting into a situation with someone abusive. Even when they are'great' in the beginning. Set boundaries that they respect.
Also make sure you have a strong 'team' on your side. Have a secure place to live and regular income. Don't let anyone take that from you. Most likely if they encourage things that will put you in a situation of relying on them it's probably not a good situation. Also if they ever discourage you from having friends, regular income(job), or finding your own place to build your self-esteem and confidence. The only agenda they have is to keep you as theirs.
They have very low self-esteem themselves but are not willing to see that in themselves. They have become so in the way they are that they cannot handle looking at the ways they are. Even when you try saying things about how they are to you. They deny it and push it on you. You cannot win that argument with them, especially if they are bigger and stronger. It shouldn't really be an argument to begin with. It should be a safe place to express yourself as they can also. Then have discussion or thinking time to fugue out how to get the best outcome for both. That means sometimes changing certain things to help them and also for them to be willing to listen and agree to certain changes too.
If there is no hope you will know for sure of you start making changes but they do not. Then they will push that what you have been changing about whatever ways you are isn't enough. Then if you mention they haven't shown any changes to them they become very mad. That's when you know it's time to get out. Since the next steps are when they begin physical abuse.
“…hard to admit…” yes, I have a problem with thinking of myself as a victim, but that attitude has in part kept me from really facing the fact that her “toxic tantrums” are abusive and have me walking around on eggshells. I am not a shrinking violet, but I believe in treating someone with respect even when they are hurling abusive words or using the silent treatment on me. I envy people who have managed to extract themselves from these types of relationships. Working toward that. Exhausting.
It doesn't take 2 to tango when someone is abusing you.
My life to the letter, 15 years of it i am a shadow of my former self trying to break free.
Me too! Two years after divorce and I'm still trying to overcome
She laughs, ignores and does it again when I say something about the pain she causes
Silent treatment and gaslighting got me good…
We are not stupid these people are great actors
9:35 - never tell them what hurts you !!
Right
I felt like I was going crazy!😮
Finally realizing the effect and fact that my wife employed the devious silent treatment for YEARS…I was unaware of its affects cuz I was “saving my complaints for the “big 💩” not realizing that the silent treatment WAS THE BIG 💩
He had zero respect. Was angry and emotionally abusive. I brushed things under the carpet, tried to keep him happy, tried to please him, tried to meet his needs. While all the Tim I was losing myself.
Yes, ongoing emotional abuse results in loss of identity as this video explains: ruclips.net/video/DJkmoH9nHKA/видео.html
Very powerful. Sorry to hear that. I see it coming towards me. Don’t know what’s gonna happen
Personally aside from sexual abuse, emotional/psychological abuse is the worst form imo. Getting hit, cuts and bruises heal but the psychological effects of the insidious nature of emotional abuse lingers like a bad smell. It is rampant and my fam are stellar at it. The worst part then is when they dismiss the harm they're inflicted, that's just galling. All emotional all abusers care about is themselves again imo
When I ask him to stop, he just ignores me and keeps yelling, cursing, insulting. When I point out his abuse, then he thinks that’s an opening to insult me more by belittling my intelligence, saying “oh, are you a doctor now?” And he often brings up how I have gotten help for anxiety in the past (to try to make it seem like I’m the crazy one or I don’t know what I’m talking about).
It is impossible to reason with people like this. Consistent boundaries will send a message that you simply will not engage in the crazymaking behaviors. Please reach out to learn how we can help info@marriagerecoverycenter.com or (206) 219-0145
Avoid this person like your life depends on it
Run!!!
"Happy wife happy life", is just one form of emotional abuse.
Yes, the happiness of both individuals need to be considered, not just one.
I like “Happy spouse happy house” ❤
I wish I had seen this video in 1988 when I first was married. There was no info. on emotional abuse back then and I never really understood it. Finally, separated in 2020 (after 32 years) after our children opened my eyes to what was happening. I feel so guilty for allowing myself to be emotional abused and allowing my children to grow up in that household. I think I was in denial. So for those of you living this, please do yourself a favor and get out. I always thought, it's easier to stay to put up with this than leave. Well, now I look back and realize how wrong I was. Also, the Dr. in the video mentioned getting counseling. I did after about 30 years, but the Dr. kept focusing on dealing with an alcoholic (which he was) rather the emotional abuse. Looking back, I'm wondering if the Dr. even understood or if I even explained it. So make sure you speak up for yourself and get the support you need. I could write forever...... But, I really trying to put it behind me.
Thankyou for sharing your experiences. You are describing my situation exactly. I have known this man since 21yr old..now 72yrs married for 48yrs. Feel ashamed for my children. Am planning an exit now. Enjoy your freedom.
I hear you and in the same situation except about 10 years sooner. It sneaks up on you I think. Bit by bit gets worse and worse. Alcohol a factor here too. I tried to hide it from the kids but as time went on it became impossible. I became aware of this about 2 years ago now and implementing some of the suggestions in this video. Recognizing, naming, and making boundaries. It's all I can swing for now and has at least improved the situation a lot.
I understand. Mine was a 23 year marriage and I did leave. It was extremely hard financially and emotionally. I did get counseling. The abuse is so damaging. I am much better but I feel angry I allowed it. My husband asked for my forgiveness prior to his death last year. How I wish he would have said that years ago.
Feeling the same- how could I have been so stupid and put up with all this for so long. I too am hitting 32 years of marriage. He's probably going to leave me because I'm not allowing his abuse any longer and he doesn't like it. Getting ready to start a new life loving myself.
@@dianasmith1398 I wrote the original post. My husband passed away a year after I left him. I wonder everyday if he is sorry. I really did love him and we could have been so happy. Be thankful you were able to get that closer. When your husband apologizef, did you find it meaningful? Did he give a reason?
Wow, watching this video brought so much relief, you have no idea. I’ve been beating my head against the wall trying to rehearse the conversation about my feelings I need to have with my boyfriend and getting so anxious, trying to anticipate how he will invalidate me. Having someone articulate this and give it a name and give me some guidance that I need to confront it and just be firm with my boundaries makes me feel so much more powerful. I was feeling so powerless before. Such relief
You are your own advocate. Protect yourself above anything...do it now while you are still the girlfriend and not the wife. This strength I wish I had 40 years ago.
Another problem is that the abuser perceives all boundaries to address abusive behaviors as offensive and they claim "feeling abused", since they can no longer simply get away with their behavior, and they become "revealed". It creates an impossibly vicious and gridlocked cycle.
The so-called best friend who abused me comes across as sweet, and unassuming.
I'm 40 next year, and I've honestly only just begun to process the demons and give it a name. Wow. Thank you
❤
P
Non equal relationship describes it well. I felt like I was about 6 inches tall and he 6 foot. The ongoing covert stuff feels like being crushed under his boot. Becoming an unperson, invisible and unheard, until you stop trying.
😢😢😢 Im a victim of abusive relationship. 14 years. Greetings all the way from Republic of Ireland filipino. Emotional abusive Marriage 😢😢😢
Same here and also from ireland
I have done what has been talked about in this video and I ended up receiving a narcissistic rage and he smashed the downstairs of the house up and smashed a photo right up close to my face and I ended up gets all shards of glass in my face. He now says I provoked him and I have been abusing him for years. He’s making out now that he’s the victim because he’s so good being Jekyll and Hyde.
Boundaries are critical for creating a physical and emotional safe space where you are not continually exposed to psychological abuse. Here's a video on how you can start to pursue healing when it feels like there is nothing that can be done: ruclips.net/video/O0Q_In9nKKI/видео.html
that's the same guy I have to deal with a nut. I was actually afraid the other morning. HES CUTTING MY HAIR While I SLEEP
Oh geez, sometimes the narcissistic smear campaigns are so horrible. My father did that to my mother and his whole family thought she was the bad one and was attacking her when she finally divorced him… The physical intimidation of smashing something in your face or destroying things around you is also a unique kind of torture that I have witnessed and experienced many times. Then the narcissist (father) would pride himself on not hitting us, like he was some kind of saint. 🤦♀️ The invalidation of your feelings and gaslighting is like a knife twisting in the gut afterwards too…
Yeah. My ex wanted me to see a counselor because I had a problem. She told me to leave the problem. 😊 and I did 22 years free of that brat.
@@drdavidbhawkins Same here being bullied, mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for over 12 years. I've happened to be the top worker for 38 years and have never been suspended. These bullies are jealous and miserable people. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, I drink, I'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. The biggest mistake since they removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroyed my reputation. I will never quit to make these lazy bums ever win. If I decide to transfer to another hospital and may start mobbing once again, I don't know all the managers ect like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. I will never let bullies try to control me from quitting. Never let these low life lazy bums win ever win.
When caught lying with proof- gaslighting takes place , rage whatever needs to be done to not take responsibility. Covert abuse in marriage is unacceptable !!!
Thank you for excellent video. I was in 12 Yr relationship with emotiona and corvet abusive woman . It took me along to escape and break away . It has taken it toll on me because it has left me broken from the years of abuse . Thankfully my mum and dad took me back in and under the care of doctors with counselling and medication. I might be broken but I don't live under fear and I got my freedom.
Gaslighting, lying, financial abuse, withholding legal information and infidelity
If someone was speaking to my wife like this . I will speak up . But not when it’s directed at me I go quite .
I think withhold sex in a manipulative way is too
@@jeffreyrusselljr7713 It’s called a healthy boundary when dealing with sexual violations in marriage and relationships
@@tearthangel373What? Withholding it if you don't get your own way? That isn't healthy by any means, intimacy in all aspects including sex is an important part of a healthy relationship.
@@Adam-cs3ld Not in that department
Not many people talk about emotional abuse because it's hard to recognize sometimes. They may know that they don't like the environment they grew up in, but they can't describe why and they may think it is normal to feel that way.
It is also difficult to talk about emotional abuse openly. People may assume it is your fault or your sensitivity to misconstrue how the abusers treat you.
Very true and those that engage in it are only too happy to say you're the one with the problem
Thank you so much! You can't even recognize the abuse until you learn what is abuse!
My parents were emotionally abusive, then I married an emotional abuser which led to my 2 kids being E. Abusive and their spouses as well.
Silent Emotional Abuse. Covert Abused, oppressing, shaming, and shift blaming.
wow, your the first ever i heard this from! and i totally agree! why cant people see that it isnt always 2 to tango?? im so beaten down for decades, im confused of who i am anymore! no im not feeling sorry for myself! im 61 and sooo sick of being nocked down, belittling me almost daily! family, .friends its like they have no controlover them selves. and theres more exscuse of why they do it, i can be doing my own thing , out of no were rude remarks, insults, ect. oh yeah and oh i didnt mean any thing by it, i said something back and the reply was oh ive never had anybody say that to me before! cant get anyone to listen to you! you to cencitive, your over reacting, im out of any answers!
Is neglect emotional abuse? Being emotionally unavailable, can't rely on him for support, withdraws, does not share anything like his thoughts and feelings, his time and energy, refuses to comfort me and says he does not know how to. I feel abandoned.
If it's done as a means to control and manipulate. If that is not the intent, then it may be a case of intimacy anorexia which we talk about here: ruclips.net/video/ywOk0QenqyA/видео.html
I have dealt with this for many many, many years. . He was not like that when we were dating but the meanness, withdrawal and lack of intimacy started very quickly after marriage. When I would stop asking him to engage he may start to treat me well but if I don’t respond in kind immediately he get’s mad and threatens to leave. I have planned on leaving and he somehow figures out what to do and I end up committing to working on our marriage. His actions are always short-lived, weeks at best, then the anger and withdrawal starts again. This past year while I moved his parents into our home and later assisted them to find a home, the abuse began and intensified. I knew I was almost at the end of my rope so I tried very hard to get him to engage, communicate, be present in our marriage but that did not work. Without discussion he moved out of the bedroom the very day his parents moved . He has been sleeping at his family’s house for 5 + weeks. For 4+ months he has not spoken to me except when absolutely necessary or someone is present and he wants to keep up appearance. He does not sleep here and does not call me then shows up to do chores and leave again. He says I have not done anything to hurt him and he does not know why he behaves like this. I asked for divorce bit he suggest we should try a few months of separation. What were we doing all these months? We have been worse than separated. After so many years of this behavior I call BS. I will give him the time but I know he will not use it wisely.
@@drdavidbhawkins It could also be autism spectrum - and discerning intent can be extremely difficult.
He could be a jerk and time to get rid of him 🤢🤮🤬
I mean it could be you don't understand Intersexual Dynamics and you're trying to make a man act like a woman:
Does he pay 75% or more of the overall Financial load?
Does he keep you protected as in walking on the outside of the sidewalk to push you inward to avoid a sudden streaking car, does he has his CC permit to protect against smoke the boss aliens attacking your residency, does he has martial arts skills so he can handle his self open hand if need be??
If he's providing and protecting you, then asking more is being ungrateful in all honesty, because you could be with a man who can't financially afford to take care of you, to where he has to circumvent that liability with arbitrary attachments that you view as valuable personally versus The Wider world not
Men are not your friends, we're not your emotional sponge, what's supposed to be the rock for your emotions to crash against, and then stabilize
Hypothetically if he doesn't have the time to sit and unwind your emotions daily, and it's because of his work schedule primarily, then you should go to a counselor for your emotions and be happy he's busting his butt daily to provide for you
Sometimes definitely is better than not at all, so I agree with you in this notion slightly. If you're feeling abandoned because once a month he's there for you emotionally versus 3 to 2 maybe four times at a minimal, 12 at max, then i can understand where your coming from, I mean you do menstruate once a month which is a least 3 to 7 days he has to be there for you, but outside of that everything else is extra you should be grateful for
All of this is assuming he is financially responsible for 75% or more to start off with mixed with he's able to protect you to the degree I described:
Hypothetically do if he's not performing at the way I mentioned earlier, then I can have a lot more empathy for you and your notion, especially if it's 50-50 to where you actually have to work to pay significant bills. In that scenario that man should be single cuz he can't afford to have a girlfriend to begin with, but that's a different conversation
You have described my father who was an ordained minister who had narcissistic tendencies! I'm on my healing journey! Thank you for this video!
Great to hear you are finding healing. Here is a video you may find helpful - it gives practical tools to break free from emotional abuse: ruclips.net/video/u9XkQuHLEJY/видео.html
Thank you I'm on my healing jurney, I have been a victim , and want to come it.i now know Iknow body has the right to abuse me emotionally. Thank you.
I’m in a same-sex relationship for 7years now and everyday I felt like an emotional punching bag. I took all the verbal, physical, financial abuse & manipulation. The thing is I am aware of what he’s doing to me but I felt that he is my responsibility because without me I felt that he will be lost.
Here is a blog that we hope can help shed some light on your situation: marriagerecoverycenter.com/what-is-codependency/
In France these power differences are built into the laws such that one partner can evict the other and threaten it repeatedly.
Been going through this emotional abuse for the last 50 years. And I tried everything and nothing works. The abuse isn’t just from one person it’s everyone in my family. I am the scapegoat for 6 people. The youngest 11 i’m the grandmother. My heart and my mind is so broken. And my emotional state is so out of control but I don’t know how to deal with it.
Family scapegoating is very painful. Learn everything you can about becoming an “escaped “ goat.
Walk. Go no contact
I put up with 46 years of this and more out of our mother. She had acknowledged her problem many times but always qualified her antics as "someone else's fault". Comforting her, helping her, and confronting her only made things worse. I finally walked away after she publicly condemned me following praise I got from the prosecutor who convicted Dad's killer. She was reliably a problem as she sought being "center of the universe".
Dr. Hawkins, THANK YOU for such a supportive and informative video. You seem such a kind man, especially taking the time to respond to so many comments of those in need...again, thank you. No need to respond to me here, save for those suffering. Take care and God bless.
My this was my life for 17 years word for word. I just left, I am a shadow of my former self. I wish you could interview me as an example. You are amazing.
My husband has bipolar/ADHD and is a narcissist. Was married for seven years and then divorced in 2017. We went on our paths. Three years ago, we remarried and bought another home. Well, he drinks and smokes weed on top of taking psychotropic medication for is bipolar and adhd. He makes my life miserable, constantly telling me im cheating on him, etc. I begged him to stop. I gave him forwarding if he doesn't stop. i would move out. Well, i moved out.!!! Life is better for my dog and i. He still calls and texts, trying to control me. Thank God im in counseling for this matter. It's ok to self-love. Im on my way to healing.
Just my opinion, but telling your abuser that “there will be consequences in due time” could cause more abuse or make it more difficult for you to leave because now they may be onto you and your plans to leave. I like your idea of identifying it. By doing this each time will empower the abused to stay on track and keep motivated to keep moving forward with plans to help yourself and eventually leave.
Wanted to confront my mother about the emotional abuse but afraid I'd get cut out of the will even though I took care of my parents in their old age.
Every single time I tried to talk about something he did that hurt me, he literally broke up with me. Bringing things up in a healthy way wasn't effective and I ended up becoming highly reactive myself
I’m going through that same thing right now. Except he starts to raise his voice and speaks aggressively so I just stopped. It’s safer that way. And now I’m also receptive as well and when I do react he now makes me the bad guy and I start to wonder if I m really the problem and if maybe if I wasn’t the way I am our relationship would be better.
@@magdalena5808 Its not just you. Trust me 😅🙏🏼 you lose your power when you argue with a man. Softly say that you feel disrespected, and if he raises his voice, walk away. That lets him know the consequence for disrespect=distance. Not you trying harder to appease him. He is counting on your reaction to justify treating you badly in the first place. In my case, the only time he pleaded for forgiveness and was willing to change was when I was willing to walk away. That's the most effective way to set a boundary w him. And don't just threaten to walk away, but be willing to stay away if he doesn't change
I'm lost. This video is exactly what's been happening for years.
I've recently been diagnosed with heart failure. My husband has, if anything gotten worse & I can't even get him to stop though he's aware that stress is a major cause. I'm under weight don't smoke barely evet drink & never ever get intoxicated. But I can't sleep very well nir rest & always feel on guard & worried.
He has tantrums, yells, slams his door & breaks things (stereo systems, computers, huge tvs, furniture, holes in walls doors etc) whatevers within his reach. I know it's a form of control, like if I don't stop talking or he doesn't get his way CRASH. He has broken so so many things its insane! In 15 years together, I've never broken a thing. I've yelled but in self defense.
Tried everything, nothing works. Now I just walk out the door. Not always easy nor safe at night. I have no place to go & really why should I have to leave? I'm sick.
I used to be pretty, always happy & singing around the house. I had dreams friends family. I was an athlete & ranked #1 in woman's tennis singles in my county. A lead singer in a rock band & more...
Now I'm an old haggered burnt out looking nothing & hide in my house. I couldnt run to save my life & he's run every single person out of my life. And I feel guilty typing this but I'm lost.
When I came home from the hospital, went to bed & l hadn't even been home for a whole day, I was awakened by a man yelling at me at 5am. My husband. He yelled & yelled so loud neighbors called the police. I was too sick & bed ridden & too afraid to say anything. Police told me that unless he's done physical harm we can't do anything. But they came back 3 times to check on me.
I've had hi blood pressure continually escalating for years from his yelling & abuse. Now its congestive heart failure. Isn't that physical enough?
I don't want to hurt my husband. I don't want him in jail. I just want him to stop being so insane & stop destroying everything.
And to allow me to speak. To not hear him yell every day. To engage in civil conversation without being interrupted, & have him actually acknowledge me. Without being called names & belittled. Don't want to flinch or walk on eggshells. Have my feelings validated or at the very least be aloud to feel the way I feel without him telling how I feel or what I really meant. I want to hear the truth instead of some other version that keeps changing. The truth should not change, its based in real facts not an ever changing story. Most of all stop killing me & my cats. It affects us all.
I diagnosed him myself. He has a narcissistic personality disorder. Its so bad that he lies even if he has no reason to lie. So bad that I'm not sure I really exist. It's like I've become so insignificant & useless that why bother? And you are correct, it's embarrassing & humiliating to even admit. How in the world did this happen? I'm married to a man with a narcissistic personality disorder & now I have a heart beat disorder & it can't be cured.
I have no one... but God & thank God for my cats.
Thank you so much….I’ve experienced emotional abuse from npd sister….anytime I’ve tried to tell her ever so gently, she gets super mean & intimidating….after decades I’ve moved to very little contact of any kind
Thank you Dr Hawkins for clarifying emotional abuse
I have a meeting my pastor and his wife on the weekend
I pray that they would understand what its like living with a Christian narc husband, and that i have to separate
We have been to them for counsel twice in 12years
And now , since I've learnt about narcissm in March of this year, 2023
I now understands why nothing has changed
And what my next step has to be
You can not do anything to KEEP THEM HAPPY!!!! Nothing you do is ever enough!!!!
My son would do a lot of the things mentioned l ended up in a women's refuge. He now lives in another country. Emotional abuse is every bit as serious as physical abuse. Sadly there is not much help for me here in the UK. Despite the fact l suffer from social anxiety many assume now he is gone l ought to be ok but I am not.l am fearful of young men especially angry/aggressive ones.
We do video counseling with people from all over the world. Please reach out to learn how we can help. We also have many videos on healing from emotional abuse, here's one we hope will help: ruclips.net/video/I5N5t_mQiTA/видео.html
The ex treated me like this and it has left scars which are taking time to heal. I hope you can find help, just a thought maybe the Samaritans or a counselor. I wish you well in your healing
Hi. I had this experience for many years in academia with someone who supposed to be a mentor calling himself an eminent scholar but form many years hurt me and my friend and colleague in another school is now encouraging me to create a workshop as now I m established professor to train junior faculty how to recognise abuse in mentorship. I met that man in a junior faculty consortium and it all began there …I hurt still a lot because academic outcomes are taking more time even than a child to grow up so it is a very difficult abuse to deal with
I am dealing with it now. Like I never even said a thing and he gets up and starts in at me, screaming and yelling and calling me names and saying I will never ever find anyone like him, that none will ever want me cause I am disabled. I am crippled up with rheumatoid arthritis and use a cane and I am becoming more and more disabled and he uses that against me and says that I am faking about how much pain I am in. I just can’t take much more.
Thanks for sharing. Here are some videos that we hope will help you take some first steps towards healing:
Hope for Victims of Emotional Abuse
ruclips.net/video/u9XkQuHLEJY/видео.html
Break Free of Emotional Abuse and Heal: ruclips.net/video/u9XkQuHLEJY/видео.html
Finding Healing
ruclips.net/video/I5N5t_mQiTA/видео.html
@@drdavidbhawkins tyvm ❤️
I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. Can you get out of the situation? I was in an emotionally/verbally abusive relationship for many years. I didn't leave because it was easier to stay and I didn't want to deal with leaving because I knew he would make it so hard. Well, I finally kicked him out and it was easier than I thought. 3 years out and I'm happy. Good Luck and know you are not alone.
Thankyou for existing. I found your videos by chance...or was it fate. You've given me strength.
I'm glad you named a few of the things that are emotionally abusive. I knew for quite some time that things were not right. However, I could not put my finger on them to say that they were. My wife telling me that I'm stupid, my wife telling me that I do not know what I'm talkin about, my wife being dismissive, condescending, blame shifting, withholding affection, accusatory - especially falsely, etc etc. Thank you. What is a source that I could look to find out what other bad behaviors are emotional abuse?
You pretty much named them all, but we have many videos that talk about abusive behaviors, and they apply to both men and women. Here are a couple: ruclips.net/video/HksJxJyqpdw/видео.html
ruclips.net/video/GsteadIbJ5U/видео.html
Breaks in when you are speaking, constantly, and talking over you as if what you have say is insignificant.
Emotional abuse is often Suttle so it sneaks up tries to destroy from the inside out. If you don't feel comfortable and you question yourself or your critical of yourself ...then there is sure something wrong. That s how I started asking myself why I feel so sad and confused...when that person came home or I went out with him to a function. Now it feels good to feel normal.
I still don't know if it's me... No, I know it's not me but he denies it's "all" him and I don't "take responsibility". I'm feeling so hopeless right now.
I’m in a place right now where I also think it’s me, I’m the one what made the relationship the way it is now. I’m confused and don’t know if I should leave or not cuz what if it is me
There's an issue because so many people with 'power positions' are the ones doing it. For the victim to stand up for themselves seems impossible. They might even reach out to authorities or therapists or friends or any way they can, like hotlines. Then they are told by those places and people that it's not abuse unless they physically abuse you and leave a mark. That discredits the victim and makes them think they are 'crazy'that they need to try to make the person happier in the ways they want. That their own feelings and things happening are not worth anything.
I'm 38 and keep getting into these relationships. I have children so it makes it much easier for abusive people to get me to believe they are good. It really only shows when they have some kind of way that makes you believe your not good a decent person. Like saying your friends are not friends, your family is terrible, that you should not have a job, making rude comments when you go anywhere (oh and I'm sure you met some other person. Yeah and there were dudes there hitting on you), and so much more. Like talking to anyone... then being accused of wanting to be with them?
All very very bad stuff.
Thanks. Yes Emotional abuse is awful but people need more help understanding it. Passive aggression is a huge part of an abusers armour, yet there are few videos anywhere on the subject! Please consider this... Also Invalidation.
My words and actions match
I have been in this trouble since a toddler. And not able to move out when in my 20s. what are we even talking about? I was a slave.
I’m starting to fight back and empower myself against him now but it’s leaving me feeling like I’m the abuser now. Also when I start to realize that he’s emotionally abusing me a part of me fights against that thought. Why?? And I start feeling bad.
Thank you, Dr. Hawkins for this video.
After having been sexually assaulted by my female physician and emotionally abused afterwards, I have been learning so much on this dimension of my existence (albeit the hard way).
I’ve been taking a stand against this female doctor, but she’s not making it easy. I believe she’s a sociopath with NPD and capable of pretty much anything including engineering a patient’s suicide.
I have won some skirmishes, but unfortunately, the war in still under way. She’s not giving up.
🩺 👩🏼⚕️ 👺
Thank you so much 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
So helpful thank you🙏🏻
Thank You!
Thank You Dr. Hawkins.
True, true, true. 😮 thanks very much 🙏👍❤
Thank you.
Thank you for helping me
And they always walk in front of you ....never next to you.....
Thank you very much for this
You're so welcome, glad you found it helpful
I have also painfully suffered Malfeasance Iatrogenic manipulated Malpractices, one being intentional out ragagous Emotional Abused, Gaslighted Abused, Defamation Harrassment, and Brainwashing Duress, etc.
Thank you!
You're welcome, thanks for your comment!
Thank you
Hope you found it helpful, thanks for your feedback
Thank You 🕊🤍🕊
Hope you found it helpful, thanks for your feedback
I respond in those ways to my husband's ugliness, manipulation, lashing out, obvious gaslighting and harshness. He's very narcissistic. Because I respond like that does that make me the abuser? He pushes buttons and sits back and enjoys my responses.
Wel you’re doing what he wants really, so you’re doing the dance too..even though it’s probably defending yourself he’ll see it as you engaging.. try to judt not even engage when he acts that way and either leave the room and start on some errands or whatever to keep you busy til it’s figured out. I will say real love is like a marathon.. not a sprint. But you do have to know when you’re being treated in a way that you don’t deserve.
Thank you for this video
Hope you found it helpful, thanks for your comment
❤Thank you dr Hawkings❤
Hope you found it helpful, thank you for your feedback
How to seek help? Where? Most professionals don’t understand
Most excellent information .. Thank you.
Glad you found it helpful. For more related content, subscribe to our channel or sign up for our newsletter to get helpful tips and advice delivered directly to your Inbox: marriagerecoverycenter.com/mailing-list/
My husband loves to pretend he's paid for something that I paid for. He loves to take credit for everything I do. He's tried to financially abuse me, but I let him know I'm buying what I want. I've had to be strong emotionally & let him know what I'm gonna do & not do. He tries to make me feel guilty, but I have to look out for myself, since he won't. I laugh at him when he wants his family to think he's more man than he really is. He spends his money on stupid things & I'm very frugal. He's wasteful & I hate that. I thank GOD for giving me sense to save & taking care of myself & my offsprings!!!
Very good video, thank you! I also deal with this issue on my channel to help people.
I am married to an emotionally abusive man. There is no way that I can get help because I am not allowed to touch his money and I don't have my own income. If I need something I have to ask him for permission. I am 65. I am miserable. I never hear the words I love you... I never get a hug... He never smiles at me or listens to me. I cannot trust him at all because he has talked trash behind my back with his co-workers... One of them told me. I am lonely and I have no friends. My life consists of... I get up, I exist, I go to bed... Repeat. I don't have a car and if I did where would I go? My parents are deceased. I'm just lonely. I've always been a very affectionate person and now I am just withdrawn. He is very negative continuously and I can't stand it anymore. When he is home I am on edge. He has never physically abused me, but the mental abuse is enough.
I need help. This had been going on in my marriage for a long time. I'm losing myself.
Get out! Be strong 💪
This will affect your health. Separate to rethink and pray. God doesn't want you to be mistreated.
I loved this!
Could you please provide verbiage
On how one would set a boundary with a sulker.
I also noticed that when falsely accused I get triggered.
How can I be engaging with out being drawn into an emotional argument?
Instead of being triggered, please, just close your mouth and open your ears. There is nothing about you. Listen carefully: that person subconsciously is talking about himself. Psychologists call it “projection”.
Amen!
I was told not to contradict
After years of verbal/emotional abuse from my mother, then a co-worker I thought I was free. My mother died and I retired. Now have a friend doing the same things, a Jekyll and Hyde type. When does it end.
Thank you. The abuse is going to kill me
No! Get out!
@@janm9610 thank you
Nearly killed me..
Left... Court now for 6 years.
Will it ever end??
I have to isolate myself in my own bedroom in order to cope
I have tried to do what you recommended it just made him angryier
Emotional abuse, power, and control that benefits Cherrie, etc.
EagleOne 💚 🦅 💚 #mptajo
i watched a 12 year old emotionally abusing an elderly woman recently
Dr Hawkins - How does therapy connect with the client’s spiritual nature for healing and wholeness? Do you believe it’s necessary? What is your approach?
Healing is emotional, mental and spiritual. You cannot have health in one area without the other, they are all interconnected.
@@drdavidbhawkins Agreed.
I know a women who is always on to her husband. We use to call it hen pecked. Emotional abuse causes mental health problems. She cannot drive but she tells him how to drive. He is like an obedient child.
I'm in a difficult situation. I don't understand whether I'm being abused or not. My boyfriend says it's because of my behavior. Like, when he says something in slightly irritated manner I get offended easily. He blames me for it saying that he would never get offended at such a tiny matter. However, he would get freaked out all of a sudden when everything is calm. He would notice something bad in my intonation, the way I told him something, and I would try to reassure him I didn't mean anything bad! I feel like I'm trapped. I doubt myself a lot. What if I am to blame for real and he's right?
Emotional abuse is driven by a need to power and control over another person. Here is a resource that can help you have greater clarity about whether it is abuse or not: marriagerecoverycenter.com/is-it-abuse/
After being in an emotional abusive relationship for over 30 years, I think you should seriously re-consider if you want to continue in this relationship. It sounds like he is gaslighting you and blaming you for his behavior. It's very difficult to break up, but totally worth it.
Ask him why is he with you if he doesn’t even like the way you talk? (It doesn’t mean I agree with him)
It would be interesting to know his replay!
Run from this.. he will never change!! There is a good person for you. Trust me I’ve been fighting this demon for 30 years!! You cant tell anyone because 80% don’t care and 20% will blame you for not excepting what they see as a good person. God gave you a gut ..use it!!! I just have created a life of my own.. as far from him as possible
@@syigmdm9137You should take a break from him to pray about it.
My boyfriend dose all of them on a regular basis😢
Always Lovley to everyone else
I know that feeling…and that’s why you say nothing because you won’t be believed…you would just look like the troublemaker
What i notice was the main partber does it then others chime in...
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So if my Wife is almost yelling at me because my daughter wasn't listening to her and I end up being the one that frustrations are taken out on, it causes me the need to withdraw. She is the one that started ripping into my emotions because she was looking for blame, causing me the need to withdraw to protect myself and I'm the emotional abuser?
What to do about it if the abuser is your grandchild.
My boyfriend I belive is narcissist he has put me in a emotio al state .he has tendency of feeling void with other women whe. I separated and twice . Do narcissist even do that have a break up .I've worked on my emotional state to better myself whe. I separated
I know this is a year old but might I add he will tell me I need to sleep in the room with him during one of these episodes because I’m dragging the kids into it. Or I need to stop the “silent” treatment after he over bears my feelings because I’m dragging the kids into it. He doesn’t want the kids to know something isn’t right. Or I need to tell him good morning and good night even when we aren’t on speaking terms because of abuse. He basically needs to keep good appearances. 😑 When I try to bring it up to get help from pastor he humble brags about he’s not a perfect person, this is just normal disagreeing.
Is saying "You hit the wall" 🧱 abuse? Very common here on RUclips. Not this channel, just others I've noticed.
Yes, according to the information presented. That statement is intentionally done to lower your self-value and make you feel like you don’t deserve better, even after a certain age. Stay away from anyone who thinks that way.
If someone is saying it to you to make you feel bad then at the very least it's cruel.
"Emotional abuse is the use of power and control to overpower another individual"
So what is it called when a man has to make a decision that the woman doesn't agree with and he gives her a simple choice:
A. Choose to abstain from activities that put their relationship at risk, for example going to bars and clubs or staying in contact with men who have been inside of you
Or B. Choose to engage and said behaviors but forfeit demands commitment
Would that hypothetically be emotional abuse, a man being vocal about his standards and boundaries and letting the woman know if she Strays out of said boundaries that she is effectively breaking up with him, seeing that he made his boundaries clear before giving her commitment???
Keep in mind he made it clear he doesn't commit to women who do these activities prior to giving her the commitment, and now in this hypothetical situation months down the line she's asking for permission to go to a girls nights out which more likely than not includes a bar
Would that man be abusive just because he has a boundary that is in place to protect the sanctity of the relationship???
Because if women can go around saying men are abusive because we have standards for them to retain our commitment, then I understand some of the issues in the dating market today
It would be people like you among others with this notion that a man having standards is abusive, versus the man having the same standard but conveys it in an verbally abusive way???
Is this an issue over the wording of how information is gotten across or the actual information being given is my ultimate question 🤔
Boundaries is NOT abuse. Most people react very strongly (in a negative way) to someone putting up boundaries and even more resistance when they are enforced.
@@drdavidbhawkins
Most people are soft
Still telling Men to have and uphold standards for their relationship
Going to bars and clubs and hanging out with exes sounds like this person is not marriage material.
My boundary would be… gtfo lol