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What are the Dangers of Emotionally Abusive Relationships? | Dr. David Hawkins
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- Опубликовано: 18 авг 2024
- Episode 13 of Mad.In.Love podcast
In this episode of Mad.In.Love, Dr. Hawkins sits down with Christian psychologist, author and podcast host Dr. Clarke to talk about his book Enough is Enough and why he believes it’s imperative that people in abusive relationships get out and away from the abuse first and foremost before anything else can happen. Dr. Clark also talks about why he believes churches have contributed to the problem of women staying in abusive marriages by mishandling or staying silent on this issue.
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Dr. Hawkins and his team of experts offer education and professional training as well as treatment for narcissistic and emotional abuse.
🌐 WEBSITE: marriagerecove...
☎️ PHONE: (206) 219-0145
📧 EMAIL: info@marriagerecoverycenter.com
About
The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts about narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.
Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships. He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse.
Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship. In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, topics include covert, reactive, spiritual, secondary, relationship trauma and more.
#emotionalabuse #relationship #abusiverelationships
There are a huge number of women who have lived their lives in abusive relationships needlessly, and it's wonderful that men like you are ministering to them.
Just women?
@@ste6826 if you have more info you should add to the conversation. It is both men and women as proven in a Virginia court in the past year. But due to stronger physical abilities and lesser abilities between men and women, women are more in danger than a man. Unfortunately it is a fact.
There are many emotional abusive women also.
help
I am glad to see people that stop making excuses for these malignant and grandiose narcissists. Narcissists abuse and chaos ruins society. Narcissists promote lawlessness and lack of self-control. Narcissists don’t want to take accountability for their actions or apologize for how they hurt people through lies and manipulation.
Emotional abusive in the day and wanting to be intimate at night….spot on!
No way they say this? My ex would never call me until 8 PM and ask me to come stay over. We don’t have to have sex, but just sleep over. I said you had all day to hang out with me and plan some thing
Horrible!!!
Yeah no to the intimacy.
True for me until recently when he just stopped loving me period.
Men are. Ran by their sex drives a lot. Reste doesn't matter.
The phrase “ I am sorry.” is never in a narcissist’s vocabulary.
NEVER
It is, but it’s just empty words, no meaning. My personal experience.
A harrowing experience
I agree with suzanar, they will apologise but if you don't accept it, or lean toward "yeah we shall see" after many apologies yet no change in behaviour.
They see that and feel it and boy you will be punished for not accepting thier fake apologies because that is what they are fake.
Apology with no changed behaviour is no apology from the start.
Less it benefits him
Most of us cannot leave due to finances and health insurance. We are stuck! Stuck 29 yrs here with a Covert Narcissist. I’m overwhelmed, sick, and am not the happy optimist I once was.
Yes, it's not easy to just leave for many reasons. But that doesn't mean you can't heal, even if you have to remain in the relationship. Here are some videos we hope can help you start to think about how to heal regardless of your situation:
Hope for Victims of Emotional Abuse
ruclips.net/video/u9XkQuHLEJY/видео.html
Break Free of Emotional Abuse and Heal: ruclips.net/video/u9XkQuHLEJY/видео.html
Finding Healing
ruclips.net/video/I5N5t_mQiTA/видео.html
Spouse Won't Go To Counseling!
What Are My Options?
ruclips.net/video/O0Q_In9nKKI/видео.html
Thank you so much @drdavidhawkins!!
18 yrs in
I want to thank you for the videos also! Definitely trying to find some understanding. Barely holding on. Been totally isolated for the past 10 years. I have lost myself & all those I love. It's a dark place. How did I get here ....
@@michellejobeblsmillhollonf6525I’m excited how you described yourself. I’m so alone and diminished in a 29 year old marriage 😢
I’m looking forward to starting a ministry for women leaving who are financially controlled so they can find a nice, safe place to heal. Middle class women suffer silently by the thousands because we don’t want to end up homeless or in a shelter or in “the system”. I’m praying God opens the doors! 💜🙏
This is desperately needed.
Cannot leave bc of health insurance! 😢
Please, can i come?
Great idea! This is so needed.
Plz keep me in your files
I remember praying “God make me a better person”. I was trying so hard to please him. Turns out it was never me!! Going on 2years for my exit from that chaos. In the end my prayer was answered, I am a better person WITHOUT HIM😊
Glad you are in a place where you can be the person God made you to be.
I share Acts 2:38 upci
I am co-depent am just starting to realize after 30 years
Some Pastors tell you to stay. Love em and all that. NO, GET OUT.
❤
This is the best description of emotional abuse I have ever heard. This is exactly what my 18 year marriage was like.
"Enslaved" and "imprisoned" describes how many of us feel.
Agreed, I was in an abusive marriage and I felt relief the first night I was on my own.
Glad you are in a better place now and wish you the best in your healing.
i want that relief
Dr
Clark has nailed it!! I lived it for 45 yrs. Took me 25 yrs. to figure this out. And by that time childten were grown and out of the house. But I was financially tied to him with property and a home. I basically decided to emotionally detach from him. Mainly because his mother had the money to fight me in court. But there is a Silver Lining to this dark cloud.
His infidelity ( sexual addiction) finally took his life. He contracted HPV....which caused throat Cancer. And he died in 2022. So I am now free of him and free of his narcissist cult family
Selling out and moving on in N.C
GOD IS SO GOOD! He had watched over me for a long time. And has directed
My path. Thank you!! Your Wisdom is so helpful to us All. Hold on to your faith, He will see you through. Be strong and courageous !!!! Thanl you!!
Thank you for this encouraging comment! The timing could not be better.
I’m 41 years in and I’m so broken. He would never have gotten away with this without my being a committed Christian. Yet I don’t hate him, I feel
Such sorrow for him although he has totally isolated me and broken the family in pieces. I wish him no harm but I really need to be released from this pernicious malady.
@@mariehayes8213 RUN!!!
I hate to say it, but I’m hoping my ex’s sex addiction catches up to him in the same way. The world will only be a safer place - for women, when these malicious predators are finally gone.
I am so happy for you that you have freedom now. I am financially tied also and stuck. I hope God has a plan for me out of this 30+ marriage to a narc. I do not have the resources to leave. But I think it would feel so free.
I lived in this for 20 1/2 yrs and he passed away and I was RELIEVED to say the least. Financially abusive. But very generous to others! I went to many counselors and pastors and begged people to help me! They gently told him but it wasn’t strong enough!! Listening to this makes me cry. Women need help!! Thank you for your help and for your book!!
Most abusive men don’t change, even after you leave! I ended up dating the same type. I’ve been divorced for 14 years and STILL working on myself to overcome the emotional abuse of the past AND he turned my only adult child against me. 😢
That’s my worst nightmare and one reason why I haven’t seriously thought of leaving because I dated abusive before I married and if I leave I never want this type out of my life forever!
As women, we were worshipped. The Goddess.❤
Everything said is 100% correct. I married a covert narcissist and my father was an overt narcissist. I was devastated bc I felt I should have known the signs but they are different. The one common thing was the emotional abuse. My soon to be ex seemed almost perfect until we married and we started to live together. He was a totally different person. I went to therapy bc I couldn’t understand what happened. Due to the stress, gaslighting, flying monkeys, manipulation etc… I had a heart attack and extreme anxiety. One day I looked at my night stand and it was full of pills. The heart attack I survived, woke me up. And as soon as my health improved enough for me to see a lawyer, I did just that. it’s been almost 6 months since I moved out and hopefully the divorce will be final next week. I was only married to him for five years, but I can tell you it definitely impacts your emotional and physical well being. Now, I am stress-free, my nightstand is clear of the medication and I feel even better than I did before I met him. Glory to God!!!
Thanks for sharing your story of healing and freedom
That's what seems so confusing to me can a person divorce because of abuse according to scripture ?
To have two Christian men speak so strongly on a topic that resonates with so many women who feel so weak and powerless in these situations is very empowering. I pray for the relief you speak of. Thank you so much.
Thank you for your encouragement and glad you found value in it.
Men too
And it happened to my Dad ,
my Father. My Evil Malignant mother his wife BROKE HIM IN THE END . in his 80’s
he wouldn’t try anymore
She “killed” him.
I’m the daughter who she Broke. No none never Love.
So shocking when you discover LOVE never drove her actions!!!!!
Seriously shocked when I finally realized this thing NEVER LOVED. It is a no one in a human body . Alien.
Decades to realize!!!!!!!!
It happens with evil women too
"Pray for your enemies." You don't know what she went through to become what she became.
I am praying at a separate address............He bankrupted our family. and if I had not left he would have bankrupted me at age 60. I talk to him on occasion, but i am OUT. He did go through a lot. Red flags a'waving . But he did not take responsibility to get better, ever. He did not play by conventional rules.@@susankovach8927
This is my life. Two kids turned against me. Heart breaking. Divorced 9 years, but have lost two kids. Trusting God to turn it around. Thank you for speaking out about this!!!!
Me too
Unfortunately, me too, with all 3 of my adult daughters. Grievous! Heart wrenching! But, I’m too, awaiting upon God to soften and change their hearts.
Another one here. I didn't choose any better second time around. At least no children involved this time around thank goodness.
Me too. My husband is virtually “buying” my two adult children out from under me when I don’t agree with giving children money, paying for everything without making them learn the value of work & money by having to work for anything they want above & beyond their weekly chore allowance.
In the last days people will be lovers of themselves
You’re focusing on women but as a man this is EXACTLY what my marriage was like. Thank God I went to therapy and learned what covert narcissism was.
I was made to feel like I was crazy, couldn’t do anything right or enough, I got crumbs from time to time just to keep me thinking it would some day get better and only got worse.
My health started going down exactly as you said, now going through the divorce, my health bounced back almost immediately along with my emotional state.
Good for you brother in Christ.. Stay away from her at least for a few months completely
I thought I was going crazy all those years of marriage (33years) holding out “hope against hope” and yet the gaslighting, triangulation and current discard that is taking place (because I have stated that this marriage is emotionally abusive and am filing for divorce) is proof that my body physically feels sick when thinking about “sticking it out” as outside people are saying is proof that this is toxic abuse…can’t do it
It is very difficult for a woman who has been so broken down to flee this insidious situation...with some of us we are left so broken that we can barely function, much less support ourselves. A divorce costs thousands of dollars. Renting an apartment also costs thousands of dollars. We are trapped in this living hell, with no way out. We are left with extreme trama, PTSD, ANXIETY, DEPRESSION. Health care had been limited with poor mental care. I wish there were a shelters or somewhere a woman could escape to. When I was going thru all of this..there was nothing available. I along with many other women have literally seen HELL
Yes. And we're blamed for staying. Sheer he'll. These men waste and destroy .
The mental care system is horrible.. I. Was molested by a case manager and a. Doctor. I tried to get help from A so called counselor when I feared for my life. She dismissed my fear. Shortly afterwards, I was attacked and have a permanent Injury.
I was with a Covert Narcissist on and off for 4 years. Everything you talked about really resonates with me. I recently walked away from the relationship. I couldn’t take the subtle jabs, the talking down to, the invalidation, the mind games, the list goes on and on and on. He displayed every trait that a Covert Narcissist could have! I kid you not! You mentioned that when a woman leaves an abusive relationship, she has a feeling of relief. I definitely feel that. Not to mention the feeling of having my freedom back!!!
This is exactly what I'm going through right now.
Amen, Sister ❤😅
I felt very scared , very afraid , was stalked and still went through mind games and mental torture but i kept striving to get better and my health completely cleared up it took longer to build my self belief and self esteem to realise I was better than that mess. God help his new gf but I want nothing to do with him or anyone around him, his flying monkeys..
My children deserve better and now I m with a wonderful man that does nothing but support and care for me.. he says its normal but for me it's amazing..
I m.glad that I didn't end my life which I was so close to..
Amen
But how do covertds feel when they finally walk away
As a former pastors wife. You described my ex-husband to a “T“. The emotional abuse started right after we were married. On our honeymoon actually and lasted even after our 19 years of marriage. It was very hard to muster up the courage to leave him. I look back now 10 years later and I still can’t believe I did but oh how I’ve grown as a mom, woman and child of God! Giving examples of his verbal abuse would cause embarrassment and shame because not only was he to be my best friend and lover but also my Pastor and spiritual leader.
Glad to hear you are thriving now. God Bless
😢😢😢😢
Know EXACTLY what your talking about, it's HOFFIFIC HOFFIFIC what they put us through.
good for you. the church is largely a snake pit of lies and abuse. women need to learn to tell these a holes to f off. Jesus is the only friend who is trustworthy.
Yes, the same scenario - Pastor!
For 20 years I knew something wasn't right but couldn't pin point why I keep leaving and coming back. So many friends and family don't understand...I have lost my sense of identify of who I am. Thank you for the jewels of information.
I m in the same boat as you for 18!years
Yes… it sucks… I wish I didn’t get it. But you are not alone.
I am 82 years old and married a Covert Narcissist when I was just 19. We had 4 beautiful children and he died of Diabetic complications almost 4 years ago. Looking back, there were subtle signs which I did not recognize out of ignorance since the time we started dating, but he was handsome and courted me so cleverly, that I didn’t have a clue what I was getting into until years later!! Indeed, I had never even heard the word “narcissist” until the 1980’s, far less knew what it meant!! But I was disappointed in my marriage from the very beginning. There was never any togetherness, nor did I ever feel that I had a life partner. The narcissistic behavior began so subtly, that I missed it completely, until one day his health insurance bill arrived while he was out of town on a business trip, together with a flier about narcissism, and all of a sudden I realized that this was what I had been dealing with for years!! However, I knew full well, even at that early stage, that confronting him would be the worst thing to do, so I kept silent and watchful, but had no idea how, or where to get help. We did discuss divorce at one stage, but he told me I was being selfish, as the finances would then have had to have been divided in half. At that time, our only son was still quite young and at home, and I stupidly thought that a boy needed a Father, no matter what. What I did not realize was that narcissists only get worse with age, and so my son, being the youngest, really saw the worst of his Father’s narcissistic rages and shouting matches, many of which were directed at him!! The result was that he came down with a very serious mental illness at age 24, which is incurable, and has to be on medicine for the rest of his life!! In time, there were signs of my husband getting physically abusive. So much so that I had to call 911 at 2 o’clock in the morning once, because I felt so threatened. After that he was more careful, as he was told that 2 more calls of that nature and the City would file charges against him!! About ten or more years later, after he was given 6 months to live by his Drs., it was our son who drove him to dialysis 3 times a week until he passed away!! And, I am proud to say, he Is now doing much better for not having to cope with his abusive Father. As for me, I am so much happier now that I am by myself, and felt only relief when he died, as the only way I managed to survive those last few years of his life was to withdraw emotionally and physically as much as possible to save my own sanity!! I did look after his medical needs, but was just not there for him emotionally. I have also come to the realization that my own Mother was largely narcissistic as well, so a lot of the behaviors that I put up with in the early years of my marriage did not seem so unusual to me!! I am an only child and once I took my Mother into my home for the last few years of her life, so many things suddenly became clear!! My only regret in life is that I stayed as long as I did, because all I ever wanted in life was to have an affectionate partner who would love me for who I am!!
They just reel you right back in like a fish on a hook...
“trauma bond”
Sounds like you are talking about my life. I’ve been married for 41 years and I have been brought up to stay in the marriage and work it out. I feel like I’m losing my mind but I am working on myself to get the courage and strength to get out. So thank you both so much for this podcast. You are helping me get to where I need to be ❤ to leave this all behind.
Keep seeking guidance and truth. Truth will lead to clarity which will lead to courage to do what is needed. In the meantime, we have many videos on healing that we hope will help:
Hope for Victims of Emotional Abuse
ruclips.net/video/u9XkQuHLEJY/видео.html
Break Free of Emotional Abuse and Heal: ruclips.net/video/u9XkQuHLEJY/видео.html
Spouse Won't Go To Counseling!
What Are My Options?
ruclips.net/video/O0Q_In9nKKI/видео.html
Finding Healing
ruclips.net/video/I5N5t_mQiTA/видео.html
Get out, don’t waste another day of your life. Living in any abuse is not ok
You will feel a sense of relief, a peace of mind and freedom when you get out. Plan and don't tell him you are leaving.
My mother is 84 years old who stayed with a malignant narcissistic man. SHE has had 2 strokes, heart attack AND A EMPTY SHELL OF HER FORMER SELF. GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL HAVE YOUR HEALTH. Start small began cleaning and getting rid of baggage...🙏 .. DO NOT TELL HIM.
Me too, 35yrs of abuse, God does not want us crying and abused. God does not want us terrified and hurting to keep us in a sick marriage
The sad thing is that the narcissist hides their evil until AFTER the marriage, and the children are in the picture, making it difficult for the victimized spouse to leave. Like their father, Satan, they come in looking like they are all about and for you, then once they think they "got you', here comes the blows below the belt. Ugh.
Exactly!
I hate to say but that’s my situation right now!
I’ve learnt to be healthy for me.
Yeah, before the knee to the solar plexus and knives to the back, just for a warm-up
@@doreendjamoe6922, please share for those of us stuck in hell with the narc how you were able to get healthy.
😢
@denicehaley9902 I grew up in this environment, and in my.mid 40s just waking up after a few years of no contact with the abusive parent.
You're spot on Dr Clark! I struggled with many health issues over the course of my 33 year marriage, including autoimmune, arrhythmias, and migraine headaches. After leaving my covert narcissist 2 years ago, my health has improved greatly! I'm off ALL autoimmune medications, have had only one afib episode, heart palpations are now rare, as are migraine headaches. I've also put my energy into self care instead of existing to meet only his needs! With that, I have the energy to eat better and exercise. I have recently lost 25 lbs as a result.
I'm on a healing journey now. I've finally developed healthy boundaries and I'm not jeopardizing my newfound peace for anyone or anything anymore, for the first time in my life.
So glad to hear you are prioritizing yourself! Thanks for sharing your story of healing.
Praise the Lord! Keep on the road of recovery
Good for you! 🎉 Alcoholism spoiled my marriages. My first husband was a Narcissist too and one day he left me for a woman he didn't even stay together with for long. Then he wanted his position back with me and I said no way. I know what marital neglect is as well.
Thirty six years of this for me. Now, he is abusing me with the court system. Thank you David and David for helping me and women like me. The church is against me, and telling me to go home. Thank you for truly caring!!!
How do I help my daughter get a career so she can have the confidence to leave her husband. He threatens her that since he has his own business, he can hide his money and threatens her with her three kids he'll pay what he wants. She has no motivation to execute getting her career. She has illnesses and has done everything to save her marriage out of fear being in the system,and her kids will pay also being in the system, and all the fears a woman goes thru.He has never let her know any decisions are what he makes are what he has and most of all he let's her have a charge but no money to have on her He's also is sneaky and has the church thinks she is crazy. He knows her biggest fear is not being able to support herself and kids.Also afraid her kids would be damaged by her leaving.
@@sciencecreator19Her kids are being damaged by staying in the relationship. When she leaves she needs to get them into therapy immediately... The question is...will he let her hold a job? Or will he find a way to take over her income for himself as my husband has.I am trying to make my escape now that I understand things, but it is hard without money. I did it once and worked my way out of the "system and married a "nice caring g pastor" Yeah, till we were married. Didn't understand things in time to prevent this happening g. I understand now, but 1 of my 2 friends I had left has given up on me. She needs to leave now, forget worrying about the system, go for it and work with them to get trying and a job...Wishing you, her, and her kids the best of luck. God will work miracles even today if you keep your eyes and mind open. I see them everyday. Will jump when the miracle comes my way. Just went behind hubbys back and changed my money back to my name. A couple of checks u nder my belt and I will be gone. Keep working on her. Being in the system does not have to be permanent...
Oh my goodness, when a psychologist told me I was abused, I laughed and denied it. I had no fear whatsoever of my husband. He had never physically threatened or hurt me. I was married for thirty years and finally I divorced him because he was having a long-term affair and I finally had a scriptural reason to leave the marriage. (In my church adultery was the only excuse for divorce.) In retrospect I see so much. He could not be pleased no matter how I tried. Criticisms and put-downs were constant. I was a joke. He never wanted to have a conversation, so I stayed quiet except when something had to be communicated and only for practical reasons. He even to.d me to be quiet at social functions because “no one would want to hear anything you would have to say.” Once my daughter had the ‘audacity’ to ask him why he never helped around the house and he said he never does women’s or n-- work. Nice guy, huh? I have truly enjoyed living alone the last twenty years.
This type of abuse can be so painful.
Thank you both for speaking out. I honestly had no idea about what I was dealing with. Although I knew something wasn’t right, I could never quite put my finger on it. Narcissism is like a snake in the grass. Just about the time you think you’ve identified what it is, it slithers away. There are so many mind games involved and I was constantly brainwashed by my church to believe that “love believes the best when the worst is displayed”. I thank God He delivered me out of Egypt when my husband chose to discard me 5 years ago. 🙌🏼
Glad to hear you are living in freedom from the crazy making and the abuse. God bless.
take me in, tender woman, take me in for heaven's sake, take me in, tender woman, cried the snake.
What d.o. Discarded do. Be lonely forever. If we exspell all narasist than empathy Are alone
@@Ann-pn9or😥
My husband always used the God card during his abuse to me , God hates divorce, woman submit to your husband, I did. The nicer and more I gave, it got worse. I finally realize he's sick, but it still hurts cuz it's always someone else's fault. These are sick people we fell in love with. It's not OUR FAULT
To me this is ground breaking, 2 men let alone of the church speaking so passionately about something so many women suffer in silence until they cannot any more. Thank you 🙏
He is not lying! My dad was an ordained Baptist minister, mean as spit - emotionally, verbally & physically abusive! He died from COVID. When I told my codependent mother her husband was an abuser, she told me not to talk about my father like that. So glad I came across this channel.
Even though my children and I made our escape 30+ years ago, I still consider myself in healing mode. Thank you for this podcast!
It can take a long time, I know
I get that totally, sadly It stays with you. I hope we heal and put it all behind us. My kids have,so I’m happy for that.
@@wendyhannan2454 I thought I was healed until a work environment triggered old wounds that brought out CPTSD. Then my daughter became a flying monkey for her dad and stopped contact totally. Life goes on.
Even after divorce, he turns the children/teens against their mother with parental alienation. Our family is going through this right now. It’s like a horrible death and the courts do absolutely nothing. The toxic poison of these abusers knows no bounds.
Lost my handsome talented son to two abusers five mo ago. The father and his narc girl friend. Suicide. 24
@@laurieclark2456so so sorry to hear I have 3 sons, I’m afraid to lose my relationship with 2 of my sons, the third one is just like hubby and I know I will lose him, he thinks I’m the horrible one but he’s on his second wife, the 1st one left him
Yes they do
@@paulinsky53h🎉4]
@@laurieclark2456i9m
I love Dr. Clark. I got rid of my “dirt ball” over 15 years ago. Freedom and Liberty are WONDERFUL!
I've put up with this for 45years.just left my abuseer 2weeks ago I have lost all my family. Nothing less than everything. My home my children and grandchildren and great grandchildren.and I'm the bad one. But I'm a lot happier without my husband
❤
I hear you and hurt with you. My siblings sided with him when I left, also my grown sons. Praying for you 🙏
U R describing my soon to b ex-husband of 23 yrs. U couldn’t tell him anything…he was always right! Even when he knew he was dead wrong. He got more abusive as he aged. I would rather b alone than with another Narc again.
You got that right!
Remain single and heal. If you dont. You will attract another narc. You need to rest and heal. Also, you lost your identity. You got to find it with Christ's help. Jesus Christ is Lord.
I'm going through this this very minute and I have nowhere to go.have had this for 40 year's.its always my fault and I'm just like my mother and I have been estranged from my family for year's.i have noone.im in complete sadness and I have always walked on egg shells.i never get to explain anything he always talks before I get to finish thinking I've said something else.im so broken 💔😢. noone can help me.🙏
@@annelliott6653 I'm so sorry Anne. Talk to the samaritans or a police officer. Find a refuge. God bless.
Dr. Clark, Dr. Hawkins- you rock and roll. Thank you for being a voice to those of us who have been silenced by false shame.
So glad you found it helpful, thanks for your feedback.
AMEN ! ❤
❤❤The i crease if church women by these narc..the church is the resource field...they are predators.
Thanks for the information and patterns...
❤❤
Correction: the increase of church women being attacked and con by the narc is due to the church is the predators resource...field!
Here I am still in it after 40 yrs And your right about all the health problems Dead on and the panic attacks too! I feel like a bird who is in a cage The door is open but too afraid to fly out ! Mental Emotional and physical at times But the world thinks he is such a gem Such a nice guy The world gets the best of him I get the worse I feel like a fool but here I am
Leaving the relationship does not necessarily equate to healing. And you can heal even if you choose to stay. You can pursue healing either way. Here are some videos you may find helpful: ruclips.net/video/u9XkQuHLEJY/видео.html
ruclips.net/video/I5N5t_mQiTA/видео.html
He attempts to turn it all back on you, but as wise women, we can learn how to allow it all to turn back on him. God gives you wisdom. This happens every day to me, but I’m the happiest person of all of the people I know. His silence has taught me how to press in to God and achieve joy, peace, extreme happiness and so much contentment, but only from spending a lot of the time that I would have spent with him but I spent it with God. It backfired on him.
In His presence is fullness of joy!
Yes, God gives wisdom to those who ask. Thanks for sharing
Many women can't get away because of individual poverty and the system is against the one with less resources. When kids are involved it is an enormous problem it's many times hard to get away. I speak from personal experience and loss...
You are absolutely right, it's not so easy to just leave for many reasons. And a lot of women we work with are in that situation.
Some women are stupid enough and sick in the head enough to think that having another baby with men like this will make the marriage better.
Thank you so very much gentlemen for this podcast on the devastation of emotional abuse. I have unfortunately experienced this in my over 38 yrs of marriage to a narcissistic husband who I am still living with at 74 yrs old but trying to somehow become emotionally healthy even though he can be bombarding me daily with his insults and rages but then of course he will turn into Mr Nice for a day or two. But I always know his evil self with be returning. And he is definitely a wolf in sheep’s clothing , a deacon in our church and mostly Mr Charming there too. Actually though even when there is not any physical abuse you know the threat is always there that he could get very physically abusive with me and at times his sick threats at times toward me a few times I definitely know that he is capable of damage to me outward even though destroying me inside 😢. Thank you for validating my feelings. 💔
Kudos to you for striving to be your best self despite the horrible circumstances you are living in. Strength, courage and peace be with you. Here are some videos you may find helpful in your journey for healing: ruclips.net/video/u9XkQuHLEJY/видео.html
ruclips.net/video/O0Q_In9nKKI/видео.html
Dr. Ramani can help you on her RUclips channel. Also Prof. Sam Vaknin. Accept he's a loser and start healing you.
Deborah I can relate.
What phonies they can be to the outside.
I am so glad that you got out of the abuse Satan send people in our life to try and destroy us but God say not so physical abuse is just like mental abuse I been through both the abuser is angry with themselves they will try to make like we are the bad guys we are not responsible for their bad behavior we must love our self and not become a victim by staying in the abuse sign Cynthia Smith Jesus Christ in my life is healing from the hurts I chose to forgive the abuser but they will never be in my life again
Deborah thank you for sharing.
I have never felt understood like this before. I am the scapegoat, by everyone in his family, even my daughter, who has teamed up with one
Can relate sadly 🌹💕🌹
All this is so true, I have a husband exactly how you described and after 28 years I just left. Thank you for making this very important subject about emotional abuse known.
You're welcome and thank you for your comment. We hope it helps you and others.
We got married in 1955. I usually thought he was just like his dad. About two years ago I became aware that he has a problem with narcissism.
Dr. Hawkins and Dr. Clark, thank you for being champions for women! Thank you for putting clarity on scriptures that place responsibility on the man to be the lover and protector of his wife. I wish we had more men like you! I can’t speak for everyone here, but I personally would like to hear more discussions between the two of you on this topic. There is nothing worse than being in a relationship with someone who turns everything on you, never takes responsibility, turns the children against you, and leaves you feeling completely crazy. Thank you for what you’re doing!
You're very welcome and thanks for your feedback!
@@drdavidbhawkins please do not forget men suffer too
I have never heard a man depict emotional abuse in marriage in the church as well described, intensely accurate and profoundly explained as this. Y'all are pioneers. Keep bringing awareness and rescuing women! Dr. Clarke, I found you on RUclips some time ago right when I needed to hear your message. God bless you both.
Seeing emotionally mature men talking is so refreshing to me. Why are so many men like the men that they speak of?
Thank you so much for this video. I was married to a grown boy who behaved like this and thankfully got out of that marriage. That was 20 years ago. I know so many people who are dealing with this abuse and choose to stay in those relationships. I've dated a few people since my divorce and I seem to attract these types of abusers. I've decided to remain a single woman and I'm loving my peace and freedom. I have a 23 year old son (he was 2 when I left his dad, my ex-h) and he's told me numerous times that he's glad I left his dad. He knows something is seriously off about his dad.
Thank you both for speaking truth. Keep steppin on toes! People truly need to wake up to this epidemic.
32?years later. I stayed in this toxic relationship way too long and not understand egged everybody told me for years to leave. He doesn’t have the capacity to live like u loved him and he’s totally double standard she made ugly out of me. I’ve get imprisoned. Note my only way out is to seek out house and split the equity. How do i get tu that point and how do i tell him just herir the house goes in the market. Our house had to pay my way out. Divorced 7 years after the final time o was done of his cheating finding out he never divorced his previous wife and now i wouldn’t be entitled negarse I’m going to remarry. But up until the sale of the house payment, I’m afraid he’s going to stop his direct deposit and cut me off too soon. I don’t have the finances to put my stuff into storage.
Yup, the ride home from carpooling all hell breaks loose in the car about me not working enough.
???How does a wife live without finances??? Hour do we find a way out.
@@alicialavea-qt2enand if you’re 70 yrs old and sick and almost deaf ( 40% hearing in one ear only) uncontrolled diabetic, IBS insomnia but he thinks I’m lazy and don’t want to work, he wants me earning, I can’t work anymore so yeah I hear you
That was excellent, two men talking about abusive men. I’m sure their helping many women. Stay strong ladies hopefully there is away out for all of you.
@@alicialavea-qt2enI’m sorry, it’s hard and often the case. Maybe family could help you.
My family wasn’t there for me, they thought he was great. I hope you get the help you deserve, to rid yourself from the trauma and abuse. 🙏
“Greatest man in the world”. This is the problem. They do things for people that they aren’t close to to earn recognition. They are the best most loving person but geez, behind closed doors- different story. Your podcasts are helping me with the relief portion- thank you both 🙏🏻
Glad you found it helpful, thanks for your comment.
This is what I'm dealing with at home 🏡
Spot on
@@drdavidbhawkinsyes, Dr. Clark, you've helped me immensely to cope ❤😊
I'm going to subscribe to Dr. Hawkins also
Life with a narcissist is beyond anything you can imagine. It is a cancer of the soul and death by a thousand cuts. I am not a person of faith and am afraid I will never recover. This interview described it so well. At 62 I have now been abandoned after 20 years, and I am lost in ways I could never have imagined
I finally found your videos.
My husband died in our yard. I went to therapy and was feeling confident and knew my life would be different. Happy and make new friends. It was a little over a year, and I met Prince Charming in Tin Foil.
He was charming, kind, sweet spoken, caring... Everything a lady needs to feel loved.
We dated a few months (red flag), and he pushed for us to be together. I had bought a new double home and had it put on my I sister's land. Three months later, her husband told me to "get the f*** off of my land." I was moving some boxes to my shed, and he thought I told her I was moving away. He put his fist in my face and told me , "YOU NEED TO GET OVER THIS!"....My husband's death. I still cried a year later, and now I still cry 6 years later. So, I moved my home to Prince Charming's land.
As soon as my home was moved onto his land, he has his own cabin, but as s I on I moved to my house, he started with the ABUSE! I could not do that right. I was ignored. I was a ghost to his friends. I was a piece of s^*t that nobody loves. He told me my husband hated me, my dog hated me... Everyone hates you. I cried so much. I couldn't talk to him about hurtful things, happy things, good things....nothing. I was shattered. I talked to a Christian friend about this and...they went straight to him and told him what I said, that he was abusing me, emotionally, mentally and bodily. He gave me the wrath of he!! I got the silent treatment for weeks. I was dying of loneliness because, by this time, he had turned me family and everyone else against me. He had a huge smear campaign against me. I wanted to go to church and he refused to let me go. By this time, nothing mattered to me anymore. I didn't have the strength nor money to run.
I learned to walk with my head down. Walk on eggshells and do as I was told. I didn't talk. I didn't speak to anyone. I would lying and pet my puppy. She was dying of brain cancer , and I knew she knew she needed me.
My daughter will not speak to me. I am not allowed to see my 6 grandchildren. It's been 5 years since I saw them. There Are twins that she hid the pregnancy from me and gave birth to twin boys. I'll never meet them. She threatened to throw my grandson out if he ever spoke to me again.
He had been an alcoholic 20 years prior and he became a severe Alcoholic and I was afraid of him. He swore to me that he didn't drink, when I met him, and never had nor would. I get scared of him because he gets mean.
He comes to my house, 300 feet away, for one reason. I am ashamed and take a bath the scrub the nastiness off of me. I pray and pray for God to help me.
I had a mild heart attack one night, caused by him and when I called him he came to the hospital and literally, fell out of his vehicle so drunk that he couldn't get back up. I had to put him in the passenger seat and drove home in the fog and dark, which I can't see at night. I drove up, got out and left him sitting in his vehicle. I came in my house, locked the door and took nitroglycerin for my heart. The Paramedic told him he caused it because he told her that he was yelling at me.
Marriage counseling was a waste because the therapist was "a stupid woman".
There's just so much more...the women, the dating sites, the chats...that he was doing and denied all of it, even with me showing him screenshots. He said I was a liar.
I fought Spinal Cord Cancer and was given a year to live. I went from being a basic vegetable to speaking and walking again. I begged God to help me and he did.
There's so, so much more but...I have met the Devil. His eyes turn coal black in a Narcissistic rage and his face looked so contorted that it was hard to recognize him. It's awful.
I am saving to get my house off of his land and placing a restraining order on him.
He has his own bussiness and everyone thinks he is a God. He bad mouths me to his clients. Some are starting to see through him but he draws them right back again and I AM THE ABUSIVE ONE, AGAIN.
Prayering that God can help me soon. No one deserves to be treated like a sex slave.
God Bless y'all because this video let me open up and reach out....I cried too....
That’s heartbreaking 😢
@@valeriehancock1724 I will get away. I will leave everything, if I have too. A few clothes, all my cancer meds and my puppy. I don't have a destination but, away from him, far away.
He's taken my puppy away from me and takes her to his house. I cry because she's the only living thing in my life. He gave her to me but he's never getting her back. I love her. She makes me laugh and smile...life is so strange.
I never dreamed people like this existed...except in ho=or movies.
Take care of yourself and thanks for having a heart...
Oh, gosh! I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I hear you. I believe you. You don’t deserve any of this, and I hope you understand your value soon and are able to get some space so you can heal. I’m in Nebraska. Are you close? Perhaps we can work together to help you.
@@suthrnangel218they do bad things to your pets. Be smart!
@@pamelacave5515 I watch my puppy with an eagle eye. She's my heart
Yes. It’s easier to side with the guys- the old boys club… great quote.
This video made me feel seen and safe 😪. At the moment, I am setting everything in place for my exit. Both of you are God sent and I thank you so much for sharing this wisdom and knowledge with us.
We wish you the best, thank you for your feedback.
Starting at about 18:00, this fits the description of how my ex treated me. And at about 48:30, this reminds me of the time when my ex tried to convince me not to go to therapy after I told him I started to develop trauma symptoms, was struggling a lot with nightmares and that I needed help after finding out about his cheating for the second time. He told me, "You don't need therapy. You are not crazy." When I insisted on needing it, he was clearly upset. Previously, he had told me he didn't want my therapist to think he was a POS. He refused couples therapy for this reason.
Listening to these gentlemen makes me feel heard and validated while I still struggle to accept that this relationship was unhealthy and that I had done everything in my power to work it out. He didn't want to change. He didn't want to learn and grow. I know I did make my best effort and there was nothing I could have done to save it after his habitual cheating and lying. I still doubt myself. I hope I can find peace someday and heal.
My story is much like many others posts. 44 years of off and on emotional abuse, stayed because of the children and it was not constant when we were younger. Now I have a disabled 76 year old husband but he is 100% dependent on me to maintain the household because i pay ALL the bills, except internet and cable TV (things important to him).His income is paying massive debt that i had nothing to do with. You are so right, my adult children would not have anything to do with me if i left. He is somewhat nicer because he knows how much control i now have. But that doesn't stop other things he still attempts to control and I can tell he has to have some restraint because he knows i won't tolerate things like i always have. Thanks for addressing these issues that a lot of people don't know about.
Glad you found it helpful, thanks for your comment.
Women that had abusive fathers (physical, emotional, mental, sexual abuse) tend to gravitate to men that are abusive, because we don't recognize what healthy really is or looks like. The familiar is more comfortable, because that is what we are used to. We need to pray for release from all family and generational curses and bondages. God knows what we have been through, and He was with us then, and can heal us.
Thank you so much for this great information. Great vid!
Yes, unhealthy behaviors are normalized when that is all you have ever known, but generational patterns can be broken! Thanks for your comment
@turner2952
You are exactly right!!! Only in the last year did I come to this awareness. I desire a healthy relationship with a good, kind, caring man who has a healthy level of empathy. I haven't dated in years. Had a 3- month + 5-day marriage (to be exact) in my mid 20's that should not have happened in the first place! My mother controlled that, thinking that was the only chance I would ever have. Well, I wasn't homely. I was on the homecoming court and actually won but the votes were messed with. I ended that marriage after God spoke to me! I NEVER EVER REGRETTED ENDING THAT MARRIAGE, THAT DECISION THAT NEVER SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED IN THE FIRST PLACE!! Good riddens to bad rubbage, as the saying goes.
I feel like there are NO men out there that are not abusers….why do they become this way after love bombing you!!! This is absolutely horrible…i am just seeing so much more clearly that I have been in this abusive marriage for 35 years!!!!! My last child just graduated from high school and its time to make a change!!! I am reading your book ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!! My children will have to do work as well!😢
Glad you are finding clarity on how to move forward and hope you and your children find healing. God Bless
You have described every aspect of 31 years of my life. My son ,my husband , and I live together so I get it from both of them. I go months and never go outside. I'm in a prison I allowed.
All I can say is I LOVE these two men! Thanks for standing up for believing women and men who are often suffering in silence until they encounter sometime who gets it, like the two Drs. David👊👊👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Nothing ever resolved. Story of my relationship....
When i finaly left , after 21 years of being emotional abused , I didnt feel any relief . Nope, is not like carying a rock on your back and you decide to throw it down , not even into the rock example, initially you wont feel relief. You will feel FEAR, pain, exhaustion, , confusion,devastation , depression, anxiety , guilt, shame, grief,disperation, angst, dissociation , dispair, rage, , a storm of negative emotions . Its feel like the withdrawal of a drug . When you quit drinking or taking addictive substances , there is no relief there, at least to the beggining there is no relief. Its an emotional chaos that you have to detangle and put in order, lots of work to do until feeling relief . Have to be bad then to be good.
Thanks for the info. I was in an abusive marriage I was asking the pastor to contact me weekly at church. I was never contacted and I don't blame the church but I relapsed on alcohol and one day years later they knocked on my door and I was not in a good mood and told them they were too late.
I survived but the state of Wisconsin ignored my 911 calls . The police officer who responded was a abuser. It is a sprawl people and I stood up to it but its really hard. People do not want to accept reality. I push the ball up the hill every day and am in a great place in my life. I thank God every day for my life. My abuser haunts me only as far as he abused my children and they are boys so I am always on red alert for them as far as my granddaughters but they are aware of truth and so life turns out but it is work. Real hard work emotionally but well worth it.
Thank you Dr. Clarke for addressing this issue on abuse. I felt completely invisible to my sex addicted, so called Christian husband for 37 years. I finally ended up with cancer and got out of the marriage. For the first time, I feel free.
So glad to hear you feel free, as every person should. A healthy relationship is having the freedom to be yourself, while at the same time caring about the other person.
Had 28yrs of it very ABUSIVE and you don't really realise how BAD IT WAS until your out, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS, my doctor was OUTSTANDING when my marriage eventually broke down and could see his personality (he used to be his doctor too) it was GP that spoke to me and ADVISED me to stay out and get good legal advice and that was EXACTLY what I did, my ex was eventually caught out with one of his MANY WOMEN, he had affairs after affairs now don't have to put up with this ANYMORE and divorced now, sorry I spent sooo many yesrs in the marriage but didn't know anything about NPD, now so educated on the disorder that I feel could write a book on it.
I have no idea how to leave. I don’t have enough money to live on my own. I’ve looked at a few places already but we have a home with a small amount left on the mortgage.
I am dealing with profound sadness. I gave up my education, my life and after we married, moved away from my parents, sisters and friends.
I feel like a complete fool. The greatest and deepest wound is realizing that I allowed my children to live in a home where they were afraid, confused and had to stifle their emotions and put on a good show. I also bear the brunt of the anger towards me for my weakness and co dependency. I can’t go into all the details. It’s tragic.
They are almost all in therapy of some kind to deal BCt he e trauma so
@@Anonymous-wy5tkI feel your pain because I’m stuck, too. All 3 of my adult daughters have alienated me as well. Very grievous!
I’m watching this as the daughter of a mother who was abused for 25 years. I’m two years into the same kind of relationship. I can see that this man is like my father. I feel dependent, trapped, isolated, depressed. I feel doomed repeating ancestral traumas. I do not know how to live on my own in this economy even with a decent career. Mortgage, bills, things break around the house, car troubles, things I can’t do without the man I know but the man I know is a monster.
@@IamKateIsabella I believe you can figure your life out on your own. It’s terrifying and feels impossible. I hope you find your courage. Don’t dwell, reflect. You can do this!
A couple years ago after being recently born again God was telling me to leave my husband, get away from your Jonah. I did for 2 weeks and then he wanted to come back and I gave in. He had totally made me dependent on him because I raised the kids and he took care of everything else. My kids are grown and treat me ok because I do everything to help them with their children but every now and then their true feelings come out. They think I’m not worth respecting either. I was raised by a narcissist and my Mom stayed so I of course ended up marrying one. My brother is one and treats his wife abominably. What a mess.
I left 2 years ago after 9 years of a covert Narcissist husband and now I met a wonderful man that shows me how I should have always been treated. But I still have trigger words that are not meant the same as my ex said them to me, but those triggered words makes me upset and still but creates me to act dum. But each day i get a little better. Thank God
I just can't thank you bold men enough for standing for the oppressed. We need more men like you. Thank you! 💛
Thanks for your feedback and hope it was helpful.
Wow Dr Clarke doesn’t mince words….. refreshing! Dr Hawkins thank you two so much!
Love how both of you understand the abuse women go through. The churches always say the woman is the problem because she is to submit.
My church does not condone abuse.
Thank you, Thank you! I can't believe that two men actually validate what I have been through. You are saving our families and our society. I am 74 and still healing from my marital abuse!
I couldn't have said it better!!!
My stepmother was a narcissist 2 of my husband's and now both of my sons.... the only hope I have is the lord !.... I hurt and feel your pain to others who have and are going through this....
Love and prayers to all of you beautiful people who have been narcissist abuse ❤
This was absolutely amazing and very accurate!
God, we need more men like you. 😢 He made me believe that I am overly sensitive and that’s why we have problems. I have been through therapy in the past and I am looking to return again because years after I am still dealing with the same problems with him he is completely emotionally abusive and careless about when I communicate this to him using the (I’m overly sensitive person) “you need to toughen up” “Weak people don’t survive only the strong ones” as if his narcissism wasn’t a weakness- he just don’t see it.
So sorry to hear what you are going through. Here are some videos that can help you focus on your own healing regardless of what he chooses to do, or not to do:
ruclips.net/video/O0Q_In9nKKI/видео.html
ruclips.net/video/u9XkQuHLEJY/видео.html
Everything you've said about the narcissist and what they do happened to me. I am amazed at your accuracy and understanding. I stayed in a marriage for 12 years trying to make it work. It was so painful. He did go for the character assassination upon separating. But he was so harmful during my time with him that the ability to close the door at the end of the day after divorce was a relief because he was no longer there. How can anyone justify staying in such an abusive environment ever?
Thanks God for this podcast, I was in a marriage with a Narcissist for 20 years , it was hard and painful, but God release me from it and he is restoring my life , God is amazing , I’m happier and know my value , I have cero contact and is super good , (I’m also divorce for about 4 years , but the process is long and painful, but with God everything is possible, Glory to God . 🙏
You two gentlemen need to teach a course together to challenge and encourage men to understand the scriptures in proper context! Men and church leadership need to understand especially covert narcissists. God bless you both! This video has been truly life-changing! 💜🙏
So glad you found it helpful. Thanks for your feedback
God took me through a lesson in Narcissistic behavior after my husband left me once I was diagnosed with Heart disease ~ God has showed me He (God) is my Husband. ~ once I learned that my husband was a narcissist, it healed me. I finally understood why my husband acted the way he did all those years.
Pastors sadly do much more harm to women in these relationships than good. They tell us we need to basically be door mats and that our husbands salvation is our responsibility. . . my 3 children grew up in a very dysfunctional environment due mostly to advice and belittling from pastors.
Thank you! Thank you for bringing Truth into the forefront of this subject.
God bless and keep you both. It's beyond a nightmare to live in this oppression.
God be with the women and children caught in this web of deceit ~ may He set us all free!
Opens up my eyes to understand there is no way anything I do will help my husband stop being abusive and be a better husband and father. He will always blame me ubtil he realizes he is at fault and needs to confront his traumas. This codependency is enslaving, but am grateful I can get better. Praise God for leading the kids and me out of the home and away from him. May God help all of us get better. Thank you for this amazing video!
So many times this starts right after marriage and continues for years. After divorce from a man like this, how do you ever trust the charismatic man who seems great? I’m sure some are, but how do you know?
Godly discernment from the Holy Spirit will help, read and pray to God for it ASAP!
Jesus, who was perfect, was mistreated by many. Being nice and good does not change narcissists.
Dr. Hawkins it’s almost like you’ve been listening to the conversations I’ve had with my husband. You nailed it!! Thank you!!!!
So glad you found it helpful, thanks for your feedback
Dr. You have opened my eyes. I have been in several of these relationships.for years.the last one recently for 12 years. I totally have giving up on relationships. I'm done. I have lung cancer and do not have time for this crap any longer. My life is ruined. From now on I love me with what time I have left.
He said, “I didn’t say that”! I don’t know what you’re talking about.
18 years married 22 years together. Nailed it my husband is cov. Narcissist. Learned this about a year ago then realized my dad was my mom lived trying to please him. 21 years married then divorced my dad messed around on her broke her heart. It so brokeness is how we feel. Yep never about us it’s always what he wants. Yep always my fault. Not my kids cause they see it I’ve always felt and knew to teach my kids to treat others the way you want to be treated. My oldest son is before him 33. 2 kids together 19 year old daughter 10 year old son they see it is wrong cause they know I love them unconditionally and they love me that way. They see he loves conditionally. His way. His family is same way. I had spiritual awakening in 2020 he never did. I waited 2 years to see if he would. They I tried to talk to him I’m crazy but we know who is crazy. I’ve changed he isn’t happy. No amount of love and understanding can change him I’ve tried. He thinks I’m a piece of flesh to please him but I’m not. I am so much more. Thankful for you both. Yes I’ve watched a lot of videos but learning I’m working on leaving. ❤
God's word He gave me before I filed for divorce was "enough". It took me a year to act on it and move out and file for divorce. My belief in God hates divorce and church teachings kept me in the marriage for 49 years!!!! This video was confirmation to me I am doing the right thing. God bless you!
Thanks for your feedback and God Bless.
❤Dr David Clarke is a Genuine Christian who actually cares about women's lives and
happiness!
May God Continue to Bless him! ❤
💯😀🙏🏻💖
As a Christian, I am all about God. But to say we’ve taken it out of schools and singing, the national anthem ignores the fact that so many Christian men are narcissist abusers. People can have good morals and ethics and not be Christians, so the two are not related.
I also want to say that I totally support and love both of your work. You guys are incredibly helpful for us women who were in abusive marriages.
Thanks so much for your feedback and glad you found it helpful.
@@drdavidbhawkins as a women who also has black step children I am sensitive to how the national anthem and the American flag were used as deflections in the injustices happening to Black people. So I think that is why I have a new outlook on the Pledge of Allegiance being taken out of schools and singing the national anthem. But that in no way takes away from how much I appreciate what you have done for me and so many other Christian women. 🙏❤️
I have to wonder if the abusers are christians, you would think they would feel conviction at some point.
@@sh6460 I believe they can be Christians. They can just live in such denial that they would not call or think of themselves as abusers. Their guilt and shame keeps them from being truly convicted. They will have to change the narrative so that it is your fault in their mind. It is impossible for them to take ownership and feel the shame.
@@wendyfilice7274 just thinking of my situation. My ex said at one point he didn't believe the doctrine of total depravity, so I've had a lot of questions. I understand not all are the same, though.
This has by far been THE MOST impactful and empowering video on this topic. And I have watched hundreds of videos trying to find help and hope for myself. Thank you…thank you for sharing this amazing and impactful resource. I’ve just bought his book. Feeling hopeful for the first time in a long time. Thank you!
Just found your videos! It is MEN like you who are insightful and empathetic who go a looooong way in the healing of the hearts of women who have suffered years and years of emotional abuse. To know that survivors have the encouragement and support of men like you is such a gift from God. God bless you for your work.
ThIS WHOLE video was MY LIFE. He packed his things and left me yesterday and then had the audacity to text me and tell me he left. I got home to an empty closet. I was so relieved. It was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.
Sadly, my pain was his joy 😢
So very sorry to hear that.
Shadenfreude to the max!
People want to have a better understanding of the demon they are dealing with so they can see it's them.. then they can detach . It's okay to figure it out and get some clarity
Dr. Clarke thank you for holding the line on abuse. You explain it in a way that anyone could understand!!!
Wow! What an absolutely accurate and incredible video describing so many women's lives and experiences! Please continue to educate, speak openly and support healing for generations of women trapped & harmed in communal environments designed to keep women, mothers, sisters, daughters in abusive, degrading homes, families, communities, cultures while they suffer in multiple areas in silence with no refuge, acknowledgement, safety, escape or recovery.....the mighty work of God exposing truth is only path! Peace & Love to all of us! ❤
Glad to hear it resonated with you. Thanks for your feedback
They ignore boundaries and they make you pay for any confrontation
I would love for the conversation to include men who are abused by their wives.
I went and bought his book right away and he gets it! He is so understanding on what this hell is like and how us the women stuck in it are torn between God, our vows and the man who is destroying us and the fact that we still love them and hold out hope.
I lost my sanity, had two breakdowns, lost my hair, gained weight, damaged my mouth and teeth … slowly recovering, it’s taken three years, nearly four now, to recover from severe sciatica caused by tension; five years in counselling. Slowly healing but I’ll never get those 23 years back.
Thank you, thank you !
...you're telling my story everything you're saying is spot on even hearing the garage door opening and cringing.
I left 10 years ago because I didn't want my children to be influenced one more day ! I did a lot of damage control, but I can see the effects his abuse had on them.
Watching him cheat, my health, declining and all of the emotional abuse, the physical intimidations .
Grabbing, throwing things, spitting at me.
Here is the kicker that maybe you can address . I have never heard spoken about. The aftermath. The first couple years I was free and at peace it was heaven. The divorce was a nightmare. His father has money, and I lost all of my savings paying bills and attorneys while he was living large with his fathers, and having a ball with his girlfriend.
He went through three women. The first one he left me for 10 years younger of course. Moved in with him and was out within a year once he had her cornered. She was not going to tolerate abuse.
She had her own resources and house to escape back. We tried to reconcile for six months. We had been apart for five years. I thought he changed and I wanted to put my family back together. Bottom line he used me to get his self-esteem back. One week we were together, I lost my job, the next week he was dating someone else without any discussion or word.
I wasn't as devastated. Just numb.
The second one was also an abuser like him, and put him in jail. Restraining orders, court, even I had to testify to protect my children against her . I watched karma play out to the T. I felt vindicated that people could see what he said about me was not true, that he was the abuser.
OK here's the salt on the wound that I'm living with now.
Two weeks after being put in jail for domestic violence, he meets the third one.
The third one has a lot of money, her own boat, house on the water, absolutely adores him .
He was engaged within three months, told me because she loves him and he's not gonna let this one go.
Married Two years later.
Now he is happy as a pig in a pig pen he's not abusing,he's not cheating. This woman adores, sings his praises on social media. If I had to check boxes off she is everything he could dream of.
Because of her drinking, she had to stop for health reasons, and went back to church. My church !
She even got him back in church.
I encouraged my son to go with her
He wouldn't go with me, but it was the right thing to get him back into church. Whatever the Lord wanted to use, I was open for and didn't resist because of my pride.
So the three of them go to my church that my family started.
To my children, friends and family. He is being, right now the best husband you could ever want. He does everything for her and with her. She constantly boast about him being her best friend the love of her life.
This is another factor in front of my children and friends and family. It looks like he was right with his defamation and I was the psycho.
It's hard to watch him be the husband and partner that I always wanted. I was with him 22 years worked for his family I lost almost everything.
I have to say that it's very bitter sweet because this being the third woman, and we prayed for my children after the first two abusive ones. That they would have peace and stability when with their father. We have joint custody. My daughter is now 19.
I have to admit... I can't say one bad thing about this woman. she loves my children, and treats them wonderfully.
As a mother, I couldn't ask for more !
I have not been able to find anyone suitable out in the dating world, the last 10 years so I'm alone. I'd rather be alone than with another abuser so I've done a lot of work on myself, so I won't gravitate to another one. I'm 60 now I can't live out the rest of my life with another abuser. It will kill me.
My x is living a dream life.
The man that has been married three times abused multiple women is not a Christian is blessed beyond .
There in lies the rub, in the aftermath, when the Abused spouse finally is free, has to watch the abuser gift to someone else everything they wanted. It is a hard thing to watch especially when your kids and family say it shouldn't bother you get over it.
It's more abuse emotionally from a distance now watching this play out.
How many other women go through this? I know the Lord has me in the palm of his hand, and he's promised to restore the years. The locust has eaten. Nevertheless, it's feels like salt is being poured on a wound that won't heal.
If my story helps anybody else see that they are not the only one struggling in this kind of aftermath.
The reason I bothered to tell my story. Again, maybe you can do a teaching on this kind of situation.
God bless you !
Thanks for sharing! The more we shed light on this silent epidemic, the more people can recognize if they are in an abusive situation and get help.
Oh my goodness I’m so glad I’ve stumbled upon you both! True understanding thank you! I’ve subscribed and I’m tuned in completely! I’m in the process of getting educated and recovering from codependency and I’m ready to get prepared to leave him. I am very aware of how the actual leave will look. The point of the children turning against me is terrifying but I have to get out of this horrible situation! Thank you so much for scriptures!! I’ve experienced the exact thing you spoke of through the church. My husband’s father is a pastor my husband is a communal narcissist so I’ve stuck this out for 27yrs. Your work is extremely helpful thank you for sharing
Thanks for your feedback and for sharing your story of courage and hope. God bless your healing journey.
Definitely ordering the book. Wonder if it deals with abuse in the church - some pastors and church hierarchy can be very emotionally abusive especially as they influence how you feel in your relationship with God.
Dr. Clark is totally right about how abusers enjoy watching the response. It's consistent with sadism - they get joy from others' suffering.
This is the most profound video that has given me the power to confirm the reason I am in the process of leaving a 30 year marriage. Thank you for speaking directly to my heart.