Why I Don't Like Dating
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 4 июл 2024
- Thank you to Storyblocks for sponsoring us today. Try out storyblocks here - www.storyblocks.com/LanaBlakely #storyblocks #ad
What are your thoughts on modern dating and relationships?
This is where I get all my music and sound effects - geni.us/lanablakelymusic (get a 30 day free trial)
Sign up to my newsletter here - www.lanablakely.com
For access to more videos, blog posts and the book club, go here - / lanablakely
My Instagram - / lanablakely
My Facebook page - / lanablakelys
My Twitter - / lanablakelys
Our Reddit community - / lana_blakely
My website - www.lanablakely.com
Books I recommend - www.lanablakely.com/bookclub
What camera, lens and mic I use - www.lanablakely.com/filmmaking
Business mail -hello@lanablakely.com
Tags 
Хобби
Please give the video a thumbs up if you enjoyed it. It helps me out a lot. Thank you!
Dear i want to talk to you ...plz which knd of social media are you using apart frm instagram..i will wait yr response
He really wants your 👻 🤦♂️😂
@@sayyid5869 Am agirl bro..stp negativity plz😂😂😂
You live quality life and living with nature amazing life dear❤️🌿
You are so beautiful 👋
“Relationships tend to work when two people have the same intention to grow together.”
so true!!
Hey Ice cold JT!
Everywhere bro
Well said
You are everywhere, man! 😂😂
I don't even want to use dating apps because I don't want to be considered and to consider someone, as an object from a huge catalog.
So true!
I never wanted to either... but sadly there is no other way now.
I agree with this.
Yesss! I don't use em either.. keep it up, you'll find someone for sure..
I agree, I also want to ask/get asked out by someone I’ve had the chance to meet before, that I trust and not some random person on an app
To me it’s important
“There’s no quick way to meaningful human connection, no matter how technologically advanced society becomes” Very true
ruclips.net/video/JgmqPIsCrt0/видео.html
Let's try for 5 minutes. Just believe in me for 5 minutes. Either we win or nothing will happen.
Only Fanz
@@DZ-cl1iu looking at a stranger naked and wishing:pretending you’re having sex with them is almost the furthest from meaningful human connection that you can get.
@@Pyonghwaa Yeah, I was just trolling. But with that being said, my big question, what is "meaningful connection" to each person. The answers will vary dramatically from person to person. Also, what does that connection mean at the end of the day? Like the youtuber mentioned, is it more of a selfish thing where the person WANTS a meaningful connection with someone? What if one doesn't achieve that and never gets it? So many questions.....
Oh goodness I will not get tired reading Lana Blakely's comment section. I feel like learning from different professors because of these different perspectives and opinions. it's amazing.
Same here
Same I enjoy the comment section. Different perspective and experiences uwu
Same Same
You must be an ENFP lol
And that’s a great way to approach it rather than judging or criticizing as many do.
As somebody who needs to feel emotionally close to a person before becoming physically intimate with them, I find it really difficult to date in today's hookup culture. People seem too scared of making themselves vulnerable by opening up emotionally, so they turn to instant physical gratification instead.
Same, I consider myself demisexual. I need to know your heart before I let you enter the sacred gates of my queendom.
So nice to see I am not alone 😻
Yeah, me too
I recently learned I am demisexual.
Good to know that the emotions I had and have are valid.
i feel you
Most relationships don't end well, because it started with a facade, both sides pretending to be someone else, and eventually they show their true colors. Relationships work if both sides are honest from the start, and are willing to accept each other's decisions.
I’d say it could be 50/50 50% of what you said & 50% of a woman trying to change a man, changing him then eventually dumping him cause “he’s changed” lmao
In practice it is very difficult and there I believe that the online space can serve us well. In real life many of us are so afraid to be judged by other people for who we are, so "naturally" we put up a facade not to break taboos within our culture and social class. Online we can avoid that for better or worse, and we have the ability to be honest from the start. There is one question though, is the other part honest? I do think it is more difficult than that, but the honestly aspect makes it easier in the long-term perspective.
Well said!
Yes. Exactly this is so true. This world is so fucked up that you can't really get anything in your life without predending to be someone. No one wants to wait 15 years to find that person so you have to build the facade to be the best out of others. It's like a market everyone wants the best product.
@Seven R. it's about acceptance, but also about honesty....
If you're not reasonably quick in revealing to the other person what your flaws are, how you are trying your best to struggle with them & improve yourself, you'll just be living in a nervous (but happy) lie, for a while... until the lie is revealed & things go wrong.
To build a lasting love, you need to risk it all. Be brave, learn to be vulnerable. Admit your flaws to yourself, admit them to your partner.
If he/she still loves your, then you're on a good path & good luck to you
I’m super lonely but I’m tired of having to sell myself and trying so hard to find someone that passes the bare minimum. I don’t want to settle for what is easy and convenient. I’ve kind of accepted that I’m not going to have the kind of love I dreamed about.
You will. Just don’t look for it, let it find you. Continue living your life and making yourself happy and when it’s meant to happen it will. You’ll attract it without even realizing it.
ruclips.net/video/aV4tMvr7xZY/видео.html
You are just superficial and think you are something better than others.
@@ceooflonelinessinc.267 whoa, harsh words. I just said I didn’t want to settle out of convenience. That’s not thinking I’m better than anyone, it’s just knowing the worth of my time and love.
@@cass465 I meant it seriously. You are probably one of those womem who think she deserves something "special".
There are thousands of men who would be ready to commit themselves to a serious realationship. They are nice, trustworthy and committed. But they still get rejected by women probably like you.
If you are saying, there are no men, who are worthy your love and time, you are for sure delusional and entitled.
A woman who thinks of themselves like that, is just arrogant.
The longest relationship you are going to have is the one with yourself. Make sure you treat yourself kindly and in a sweet manner. Once you become comfortable with loneliness, your relationships become healthy, productive and funnier. I would recommend Aristotle, Eudemian Ethics. I thinks it is book 5 in which Aristotle taught about virtue in friendships and relationships. 2500 yesrs ago and it still is relevant, at least to me it was :))
I been lonely my whole life 🙃
Thanks for the reading recommendation, I was meaning to read some Aristotle for a while and forgot :)
Hey do is the eudemian ethics a 5 part book?
@@luv4songsonly it's a group of notes for classes that Aristotle wrote to teach. It's not even a book, since his writings were rescued by "Eudemo from Rodas" (spanish translation) and passed from generation to generation until it became a book.
@@Hugex97 oh thank you! I wanna get into reading it!
I believe that you do not fall in love, I believe that you build love. You build a bond and a strong feeling of belonging on trust, passion, safety, attraction, chemistry, fun, happiness and clarity.I strongly believe that navigation through life together is what strengthens a relationship. If you know how to resolve conflicts, compromise and listen to one and other your relationship will grow stronger :)
Mind spaces This is perfectly put and I agree with you wholeheartedly.
well said!
@@camilagenevieve3390
@@anastasismauriac8052
This correlates a lot to this speech I saw where guy breaks down that we are all terribly hard to live with in one way or another and that it’s very crazy to think there’s a perfect person when we obviously aren’t gonna be perfect for anyone either. Then compares long relationships as how Lana says 4 person boat situation where we should just pick the option we least hate or bother us since that’s how everything else in life is
I find in today’s world people don’t date for the right reason. Ghosting and cheating is becoming prevalent and the dating culture has becoming even more toxic as the days goes by.
Well said
In yesterday’s world things weren’t much better
i think the right reason is because you both care about each other, want to learn together, and want to help each other grow as individuals
Right? I mean I'm sure these things have existed way before but all the couples around me seem to have these issues.
And the breaking up and divorce ratio is that it´s firstly done by women 80% of the time and men are tired of it...
I have a theory that online dating is circumventing some sort of natural process we aren’t supposed to control. Online dating made me feel hollow and empty. Every time I stopped “trying”’to date and focused on bettering myself and letting go of outcomes I’ve naturally attracted love into my life. I’d love to hear others thoughts on this.
I've noticed this in my past too. Any time I wasnt looking bc I just didnt care something would pop up magically. But unfortunately I was never ready nor were those ppl right for me
True.
Yes. When you dont look for it, it comes to you when you least expect it.
I have gone through a very long time without dating just because I have decided to focus on myself. No, love did not find me right there and then when I stopped focusing on it. I have just remained single and have not met anybody. Because in my generation it’s all online or through friend groups.
However, I have started building love within myself, it is a long journey, but it has made a great difference in my life already.
Online dating is very disingenuous. It feels so wrong to evaluate somebody completely based off an image they portray on the internet
It really resonated with me when she said some people don’t want to overcome obstacles because they think there are so many options out there that they want to find the obstacle free option. Good things don’t come free.
People give up to easily and treat others as objects (disposability). Everyone has become too narcissistic about themselves.
This is sadly the truth... Social media is degrading a lot.
...as opposed to being narcissistic about someone else?
And ghosting is just the new norm.
@@mchatouille what I’m trying to say is that everyone thinks they’re the most important person in the world. People should learn to compromise for the sake of the bigger picture
Guys dont usually have this straight as often because they have a harder time finding partners
I've never dated but it kinda remind me of some line in a movie.
“Women, they have minds, and souls as well as just hearts, and they've got ambition, and talent, as well as just beauty and I'm so sick of people saying that love is just all a woman is fit for. But I'm so lonely,” - Little Women
I'd like to be a nest if you were a little bird
If you were a song, I'd be an ear
If you were the sky, I'd be the sun and I'd never set
If you were the sea, I'd be the rocks
And if you were still the sea,
I’d be a fish, and I’d swim in you.
If you were a foot, I'd be the soft grass
If I were a piece of bagel, you'd be honey or butter
If you were a flower, I'd be your nectar
If you were a tree, I'd be your sap
And I’d course through your arms like blood.
And if you were a dream,
I’d live in your heart forever 💖
❤❤
humans are lonely..but its very much traced to women..
Yess I love that ... it's by Jo March... ❤️😍✨
@@highdopamine29 Because women are still told that they are incomplete without a men, that they are lacking if they are not someones partner.
I think that’s the problem, we are so selfish, we get bored quickly, people don’t want to sacrifice their time on someone else. Most of the people prefer having fun for a while than having a serious relationship. That’s so sad 😞 I’m losing hope.
ruclips.net/video/aV4tMvr7xZY/видео.html. It's much worse
Y las expectativas de las mujeres aumentan cada año haciéndolas imposibles de alcanzar, yo creo que nos espera la extinción jajaj.
U get bored tk quickly
Truth
I like having fun... is that so bad
Meeting someone that you truly love and being truly loved by that person is something that is magical. It's such a bummer that a lot of young people in this generation are losing that part of their lives.
This is something that was never common in the first place or guaranteed to any of us. It's not in our control and there is little anyone can do about it. It is what it is.
fate
Maybe the people in this comment section should date each other. Seems like everyone here's on the same page on dating haha
😆😆😆yea they all seem to be understandable....
what up nick young, how's iggy doin?
LOL
Hahahahha
Not really...
I’ve had all my social media deleted for over a month now and in this time I’ve realized how much instant gratification has destroyed my ability to appreciate the gradual flow of life. I’m slowly bringing that back but I see how I’m easily not satisfied when it comes to dating and have unrealistic expectations. I don’t believe humans were ever meant to be exposed this much to the entire world. Your mind can only process so much and with the whole world at our fingertips - finding the enjoyment is difficult. I think it’s important to take time away , in solitude and learn parts about yourself that you’d love to share with another human. Life isn’t meant to be lived totally alone, and finding a partner is a beautiful experience. But it shouldn’t be someone’s whole life!! :-)
Well said
Love this
I feel learning to have a lovely relationship with our own self is key!
You look like an ex girlfriend of mine whom I loved dearly, and it didn’t work out because I wanted to grow together and resolve things like adults. But she simply wanted to just have fun and suppress everything.
Anyways, taking the time the last couple months of solitude and growing by myself did a lot for my own health.
It takes knowing yourself and skills in communication and good character.
Once the "honeymoon" period is over it's the mutual respect, and shared goals in life that endure. 💁🏼♂️ 🙆🏼♀️ 😊
no it isn't. it is about selflessness, sacrifice. you must die to self to have true love, there is no way around this. pride, self love and madness of the world has destroyed anything beautiful
@@adenise__122 geez... alot of heartbroken nerds on here. Stop reading twilight and go live. Go on some adventures. Fail. Find some wisdom. Learn about yourself and then all that dating shit will be easy
That "honeymoon period is over" kinda sounds weird to me lol
Everyone is too busy trying to find “love” or “the one” when in actuality they should be finding themselves first!
Maybe this shows you variety isn't always the spice of life. Maybe sometimes too many choices can water down your tastebuds, making you forget you had more than enough flavor at home already.
Amen!
Totally. Always seeking variety or thrill will just leave one unsatisfied, because we will never be able to experience everything.
@@rachildalal perception is what makes you not need variety. I recommend you read Viktor Frankl’s book.
@@rachildalal just increasing your scope of awareness, being more mindful instead of running on autopilot. Mindful of your day to day routine, of your small decisions. I have been able to achieve contentment without the company of others, without coffee, coke, sex...by just simply being more appreciative of what really matters in life. When depressed for example, it becomes an emotional need and that need can be filled temporarily by buying stuff, with food or sex, or it can be filled by changing your definition of life, by having a change of values.
The fact that people are just realizing this is astonishing to me.
"We seemed to overlook the fact that there is no quick way to meaningful human connection no matter how technologically advanced the society becomes." - Lana Blakely, 2021
"technologically advanced" is the root of the problem.
Truly
I'm happy enough being alone, but sometimes I feel pressured about it because others ask me why I'm alone. Being in a relationship is wonderful thing if you can find a good person. it's disaster otherwise.
Right !!! It's really wonderful to be the right person and exactly it's a disaster if u get in a wrong place with that certain person or by whatever reasons
I feel like I’m okay with being alone than to force a fake relationship, women come and go. I’m learning to love myself and be the best I can be.
Dating is so frustrating because many people aren’t the best at communication and ghosting has become so prevalent. I wish people would be upfront with what they want. Honestly it’s more exhausting than anything and I choose to go on friend dates now and have put a pause on dating apps
I think tinder has a filter for that.
Most men dont wanna waste on time on women who want friends. For very good reason
I feel the same, some people think that not showing interest or care is “cool” and I think that most people don’t say what they mean or feel and oh god ghosting 😒
Ghosting is really annoying and it happens so often. For me what really put me off online dating now is that I feel like the men there are simply not interested in me as a person. To them I am just a women before I am a human being and that annoys me so much. I can not really put it into words but its like whenever I start to show a little personality and especially opinions, they leave because they are looking for someone that simply tells them what they like to hear.
Amen sistah 🤷🏻♀️😁
be stoic ladies & gents, it's okay to be alone. learn to be alone.
Thank you chris 🙂
Lol! Yes! It can actually be fun ✨
Thanks a bunch, it was helpful
I agree!
ruclips.net/video/aV4tMvr7xZY/видео.html
"I thought it was quite funny. Not like funny funny. But you know, funny." - Lana Blakely
The problem is no one is willing to actually work on a relationship when you have too many options. There's always gonna be someone hotter and cooler.
I‘ve only dated a little but never had a relationship. Sometimes I crave the feeling of being wanted. That one person sees me as “the one”. As someone special, beautiful, smart, cute, sexy. But in the end all that should come from within, no need for external validation. Self-love is a journey.
Its true that it self love is important, but wanting to be wanted is human its craving for connection! Its totally fine to want to feel wanted and to go out and trying to find someone who can give it to you. The only thing you should not do is base your entire selfworth on this feeling and the other person.
@@Laura-gd4ku so true. But sometimes during this pandemic I feel so lonely and almost desperate for that external attention. And I don‘t think that creates a healthy mindset of craving love due to desperation.
@@Star-tf3xi Yes I understand, I feel the same sometimes! I think want I wanted to say was: don't beat yourself up for these feelings, because its normal, its part of life and its part of your journey to actual self love. So self love also means to accept these feelings and give them space, so you can grow from them :)
For me it’s difficult when that someone sees all that within you but when you can’t see it yourself
Take a dog! Never disappointed!
It’s tough finding people who are whole with themselves in such a fractured society and expect relationships to be “healthy”
It's though to be whole in this society
This is so true.
Yeeees
@Jennifer healing can be a life time process.. And we can never find a perfect partner
But how about supporting each other on our healing journey
Yes and people who are healthy often don't look for relationships because of the same reason
I always find myself falling for a guy that doesn't want kids in the future nor marriage. I should take notes that it's a red flag but I just continue to give them a chance. Then I end up getting heart broken because no matter if you both like the same things or are sweet to each other. Even if he changes his mind about having a family, it doesn't feel like it's their real feelings. It is best to find someone pointing the same direction as you in the future, which is hard to find.
No kids? Men want legacy. Why are you ruining another man's legacy? You can go back to the street and ride the CC.
marriage is a construct tho by greedy people to take more wealth by making these companies to spend on weddings
@@pt6731 Haha what???
you're going after the wrong guys... how can you know ? look at what is common btwn the guys you tend to prefer.... watch Kevin Samuels channel, he clarifies it better.
I m S eriousely love u I like u I want toeet u
I m really make u do do happy always 👧👧❤❤😍😍🌷🌷🌷
6:53 "If the results that we are seeking, are matching the effort that we are putting in..." absolutely remarkable quote omg
Is anyone else in awe of how relatable Lana is? Maybe it’s just her personality, but I feel like she’s reading my mind sometimes.
Yes! same I tried to watch other RUclipsrs who's content similar to Lana's but didn't find them relatable as much.
Mee
Yes :) a thoughtful being indeed!
That's because she's INFJ 👌🏻
@@salmaa3801 Ahhhhh it's all making sense now...
From my perspective those points are big issues:
1. People don't know what they want / need
2. Because People don't take time to reflect and find love in themselves
3. So they seek (impatient) in the endless ocean of possible partners (Disposability) for a person who brings love and happiness to their lives instead of themselves (selfishness)
Yes indeed, when your focus on how does a partner make me feel, then you are in trouble. Because you are focused only on taking and not giving.
ruclips.net/video/aV4tMvr7xZY/видео.html
Those are the kind of people you want to avoid dating.
Totally agree with all this. My ex was old school, despite being younger than me, yet she had a far better mindset and approach to life. I struggled with all these false "needs", things I hadn't done with my life and everything I didn't have. Now I have to start again, finally on my ex's level, but without her. She was one in a million, I'm (now) certain. She wasn't perfect, but she was a damn sight better person than I was.
Also, it’s easy to romanticise the past when women were basically bound to their partner forever because freedoms like birth control, divorce and domestic abuse laws did not exist or were not easily obtained.
this is so true, everything these days is a bit more transparent and people do not put up with nonsense that is negatively affecting them physically or mentally, or even both.
@@pearlcnrd Whenever I see internet comments blaming "feminism" for the situation, I recognize nostalgia for the deprecation, manipulation and abuse of the past, and rejection of self-examination and improvement.
@@hektor6766 This 💯
Real love is not something you fall into. Real love is something you create.
So true
"Without struggle there is no character", this saying applies to relationships as well as individuals personalities.
I see stories of people getting dumped because "they have an annoying laugh" or similar silly minutia and I just think the person doing the dumping will be alone forever. Real relationships require solid choices, effort and yes REAL compromises.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,
does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,
does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;
bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.
If it's none of above then it's not love.
So I should continue dating people I don‘t love?
@@Lotschi No.
My friend. Love is also a decision!
If you love someone, you must decide to love that person! And if you've decided to love someone, you must love that person!
It's better to love consciously rather than being dependent to that uncertain feeling of ours. To love consciously, it will make yourself easier to do anything in life.
Everyone has a different life journey. For me I married when I was 26, a lady who I knew from schooldays. As the years went by we both changed (as everyone does) and unfortunately for me my wife decided to divorce me (amicably) after 32 years. I was content to live together in love and companionship "until death do us part" but my wife wasn't. I do remember when I was younger that there was only one route, find someone to love, marry them, get a house, have children and grow old together. We managed the first four parts but failed on the last. I don't think you can generalise about relationships because everyone is different. There may be an element of luck in a long lasting relationship and of course occasional hard work when thinks go wrong and we have to work to fix it. There are ups and downs but it may be when one or both partner doesn't work hard enough to fix the problem when break ups may happen.
Indeed, I must say every word is correct here
Sorry to hear that. Sending heart healing vibes 💗
@@beebsblue Thank you so much, it is very sad for me, as I am sure it is for my ex-wife too. Not the way I planned my twilight years to be but that's life isn't it.
Your story doesn't feel sad to me at all. I am grateful to learn by your experience about love and marriage.
To me you didn't fail to "grow old together" since you shared 26+ years of life. Your life. Maybe half or more? So you both DID share a lot together 😊.
Also I partly disagree with the statement "we have to work to fix it". Partly because there are few things you can't fix by "work" or by staying together nomater what. I think of trust issues. When you don't love your partner anymore, what should you do? force the love to reappear?
Well, the other possible scenario here is that you are just very difficult to live with, and she tolerated it as long as humanly possible, first in hope that you'd learn to listen, and then "for the children"... But it just got to be too much to bear. People are naturally selfish, so unless BOTH parties feel like they are doing MOST of the work, that means probably NEITHER of them is doing enough.
I’ve tried dating for years, but I found that I was never really happy or content in any relationship I had. My best friend is the one I’m closest to, we’ve been inseparable for about 10 years now, and we figured out that we’re happiest when we’re together. So neither of us are planning on having a relationship, we’re gonna get a farm together when we’re older and live out our days together instead :) I really think that’s something that should be normalized, to have a platonic partnership!
As an ace, this is the best case scenario. Hope I can get there one day.
The beauty of life is you can do whatever you want regardless of social expectations and norms. Long as you're not hurting anyone, do you.
That sounds lovely! 💖
Wow, amazing. I wish I had a best friend like that. I do have a handful of best friends but none of whom I feel a spiritual bond with.
@@tacosays Hey there fellow ace, I can relate. Anyway best wishes to you.
Lana, I just found your blog while looking for "life purpose" and I just want to thank you for your blog! Your work is priceless! I don't think people appreciate enough this blog. You just make content based on all millennials problems and you're so motivating. I love your soothing voice, way of speech and accent. I would like to watch more videos from your blog. This blog is exactly what I was looking for! You're so educated and wise! Your blog is nothing but music to my ears, food for my brain, candy for my eyes, perfect safe space with, a place of peace and harmony. From the depth of my broken heart, I'd like to say thank you! I can't think of anything you forgot to mention about those 21 century problems. It is so deep I didn't even mind the advertisements. Thank you very much! I literally dropped a tear or two.
In a world where pretty faces are in demand, I'm still in search of a pretty Soul.
Ditto
Well said man, same here
Maybe not imply that everyone with a pretty face has an ugly soul?
Beautiful! Thank you.
But I’m willing to bet that most people would not care to even talk to a pretty soul if they did not have a pretty face.
I’ve been lucky. I’ve been married 30 years now. The trick is we have a lot in common. We both like to try new things and get out of our comfort zone so we push each other all the time. With that said, I don’t think marriage and dating is for everyone and I’m not sure why we tend to push people in the same box. We are all individuals. Awesome video as usual, Lana!
Wow that's great. Thanks so much for sharing! :)
@@LanaBlakely anytime!
wow, thats good! the universe seems to like u, not everybody gets to experience that..
@@highdopamine29 I feel pretty lucky that generally I'm pretty happy - not always, but most of the time! We should all strive to be as happy as we can, we all deserve it! I hope the very best for you - whatever it is that you wish for!
@@ChrisGaultHealthyLiving Im sure you mean; marriage and dating dont have to be something everyone does, people should be free, and are free to make their own live, but everyone could have those if they wanted... right ?
Lana’s “I don’t know” feel relieving. I find myself asking questions which then later I find an answer to. Although I don’t know what they fully mean right now, I don’t lose my sh*t; I embrace it and keep on living while I keep learning about life.
All the dates that I got from dating apps felt more like interviews to me. Stopped using them a year ago.
I really don’t like dating culture or crush culture. I’m 18 and I’ve never dated anyone but whenever I crush on someone I wanna be perfect to get noticed and I start to judge myself so cruelly and even end up hating myself. I mean, why is this gotta be this hard? Can’t we just spend time together with the people we love?
( I also want to say that I am at peace with myself normally. I have no problem with my body. What I mean with this comment is that when I crush on someone I change a lot and start stressing about my looks and this is a very energy consuming situation for me. )
Thank you for your comment, i really understand you.
Dont be to hard for yourself, you are good enough
@@blossomtree4452 you are so sweet, thank you so much 💜💜
By the time you will learn how precious you are. You are still not aware how beautiful, worthy, and precious you are. Time will show you. Just work on yourself for yourself 😉💖
@@adadad216 thank you for taking time to write this, it means a lot! ❣️❣️
@@sura8517 you are welcome dear 💖💖💖💖
I'm finally in peace with the idea that I'm not dating because relationships takes a lot of effort, commitment and patience and I'm too lazy for that.. Lol
The thing we are lacking today is just that, commitment. For a relationship to work, for life to work in general, we have to be committed, and patience is crucial for that. I see too many people lose hope and just giving up. We have to be strong in this life by being committed, patient and remain hopeful. You will meet the right person, just focus on who and where you want be in life and good things will come your way.
@@melinamorina516 Jack Nicholson was committed in the movie "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" and it didn't work out for him.
Looking at your pic, I'm in love with your eye...no strings attached! ... Lol
@@mchatouille Well, it's all about balance. You have to be committed whilst keeping your health in mind.
Same I am 23 and have been single and celibate for more than a year and honestly mentally I have been doing so well. Mental peace is REALLY underrated, i'm protecting it.
Dating has been a constant thing in my head. I'm not sure if I ever wanted it anymore after my recent break up. Jusy the thought of going out there is really exhausting. The many options are overwhelming yet not even one managed to really get a hold to me. I just kind of let things flow for now.
I'm 65. You are correct that people didn't stay together because of unconditional love. Legal constraints on divorce was one reason. Financial reasons was another. What most people don't realize though is that up until relatively recently, marriage was a survival mechanism. At the very least, a person knew that if they had an accident of some sort out on the farm, there was someone to go to town and get the doctor. The traditional masculine and feminine roles were also about survival. Men gathered today while women prepared what was gathered yesterday. Life could be very much hand to mouth. You are also correct that traditional masculine and feminine roles today are no longer as necessary in western civilization. As such, they will gradually wither away and life will go on. As for relationships that work more often than not, the cosmos will provide it when you are ready, and for as long as it is necessary.
I agree. That's why the 80s had the massive divorce boom. Now it's leveled out.
@@sonderexpeditions 😁
I can't help but think as I read this in agreement, that essentially human beings are no longer fit for purpose, and how nature sorts something like this out...Birth rates are collapsing,
This is comforting to watch when it's 100% relatable.. I find it funny how I was craving to have a girlfriend, it was on my mind all the time.. now I'm almost 26, still single, and the way I look at it changed so much. These days it's really hard to have any hopes of finding someone who hasn't been poisoned by the modern times and that is sad because I don't wanna give up but I feel like I am.
please don't give up on hope of finding someone who hasn't been corrupted by the modern times of dating. as cliche as it is, there are 7 billion people on this planet. i can confirm, you are not the only one. i think the majority of the people in the comments feel the same!!
Me too .
@@darthvader1793 yeah, this attitude is a problem. It’s not ‘most of the girls’ it’s the girls YOU follow and interact with. They can live the way they want to, you don’t HAVE to date them.
It’s fine to be single and dissappointed sometimes in who crosses your path but reflecting this issue is a problem. Since you’re blaming it on other people
@@douloureux. That's right, every individual chooses the way they wanna live, no one should be blamed for this. Something regarding what the other person said in the comments before you - many guys who struggle to find someone of value think that they have to get down to the 'modern dating' level otherwise they'll remain single forever therefore they do that and that is another thing that's sad, the world is losing guys of real value, kinda like if you're not "modern" you don't belong. Personally, I had my share of "modern dating", 2 months into it I got cheated on and I never saw it coming, everything seemed really fine, that's how scary "modern dating" can be. Having said that, i'm still more or less at peace because if someone of value comes into my life - great! If not - that is okay too, like you said, it's fine to be single, way better than becoming "modern" imo.
@@Protoject I understand what you mean but I really dont like the way you talk about "value". Just because women are sleeping around and liking to post their bodies on social media does not mean they have no value.
Lana, you are absolutely gorgeous. And the fact you're so genuine makes your channel amazing. Merry christmas btw!
“Why are you all making it so difficult?”
Why do we? It’s like we love creating problems for each other instead of accepting one another.
Understanding them.
Being empathetic.
People get selfish with their wants and their needs so they put their partner in hell because they’re not getting what they want.
I feel like people can go through life being insecure or being misunderstood or hurt by people so what they want is a partner to compensate all of that, to be the one person who won’t do that to them. At all. Ever. And they get angry “why haven’t you stood by me.”
I never get this.
I go through life seeing the other side of my story. I understand that people can go through things.
So I don’t get it when people get angry with me or guilt me or give me loyalty tests just because I wanted to just be by myself and process things and go deep in my own thoughts.
Being in a relationship isn’t about wants and needs, nor is it about compromise, it’s about companionship, to go through life and help each other out but it’s not about taking and giving. It’s about giving without expecting things in return.
Independence is also so important and respecting this independence is not something everyone does.
interesting... made me wonder if marriage works best for those who know they dont need it to be happy.
Thats a beautiful thought.
I think so yes, because if you need marriage to be happy, this is happiness that is not coming from within, and I personally believe real happiness is the one that comes from within. It also means that you need marriage rather than wanting it and needing snth is a dangerous territory
@@arukhan4446 its a good point with need vs want. i experienced my own mind becoming toxic when i was pursuing things with a feeling of need. its like, when need is the driving force, you tap into the destructive motivation system of the mind(anger, hate, etc). i havent tried pursuing things often with want, but my guess is if you want something without feeling need for it, it might create space for compassion, understanding and even true love. right now its just a speculation of mine though..
I wish you a good day, thank you for sharing your perspective :)
It is pretty paradoxical in that way yes. You should be with some you want who wants you. Not someone you need who needs you.
@@ReedProCreed I think it's important yes. But also, pursuing something you want when it doesn't align with ur needs is also not very fulfilling. It's hard to get this all “right” now that I think about it😔
aww, ur so sweet have a good day too🤍🤍
That intro was so calm and soothing. Great insights with this video!
Your all content teaches me so much about lifestyle, mindset, growth and relationship , these are so important but are not being taught in schools or universities sadly !
Thanks a ton for Working Hard ! Keep Growing and Glowing ❤️
These days dating and romance have just become synonyms for fun and time pass.
ruclips.net/video/aV4tMvr7xZY/видео.html
I find dating so hard. Online dating is so frustrating as sometimes you don't know what they actually want. Some people just want one thing:(
So true
I despise online dating. Once the summer hits I'm just gonna talk to people I'm attracted to in person. My thumbs hurt from swiping lol. Can't stand it. Feel like I'm objectifying people.
ruclips.net/video/aV4tMvr7xZY/видео.html
that is why people need to do a mass exodus to dating sites or mass exodus vote 3rd parties or like now mass exodus in shitty jobs
I love how calmly you talk. Makes me feel calm..... Thumbs up.
You’re relatable on a whole other level . Like you’re a beautiful human being inside and out 😭💕
The saddest thing now is that there are very few people who truly seek love or a true and meaningful relationship. Not just pleasure but a true connection.
How do you know that? Are you not also assuming things about people just by their looks? Do you belive that people who are the typical instagram girls dont have feelings or want human connections?
Love entails devotion, and current society only sees that as a fool's bargain, not as a fulfilling investment.
@@Laura-gd4ku yes gotta get them true stats and not experiences
That’s not true at all. It’s just a matter of where you’re looking. The difference is now we are seeing so many more people through social media. And as with anything the good ones dwarf in comparison to the rest.
It always has been like that, always will be. I used to search for a true and meaningful relationship, after some people I just gave up. Now I get what I can, don't care much about connections anymore and don't care if I end up alone. It is better than hoping and seeing how vile people can be.
I dislike modern dating. It's already hard to meet people and then to meet someone who I want to get to know only to be disappointed that there's a dozen other women he's talking to is draining. Online dating feels so toxic. I feel like more people are wanting hookups than commitment. How do you really know someone just by looking at profiles and then meeting up a few times? Or most of the people I've met on apps just throw out a few sentences and then disappear. It's a waste of time. In the past, it was a no no that the guy you're interested in or dating is also dating or talking to other girls. Now days, people say: well it's not like you guys are exclusive. Well how many hoops is there to jump through till the other person wants to settle? Yes, meeting strangers on apps makes you feel like there are plenty of fish in the sea, but in reality, it takes time to get to know someone and make a relationship grow. No one is slowing down to do that anymore. I feel less stressed being by myself.
If you’re worried about a guy talking to multiple girls then consider how a girl has exponentially more guys she could be talking to without even having to lift a finger. Literally.
Knowing what you want, stating what you want and actually taking an initiative is a good start. The apps definitely won’t help if you aren’t at least doing that.
@@Vladyyy people can be straightforward about what they want, but some ppl don’t know what they want and goes in with Fomo. Or ppl can straight up lie or string others along. A mix of everything. Either way, there are challenges for both men and women.
@@Enchanteralle more like a lot of people don’t know what they want. Surely, but it definitely cuts down on that and the majority of girls don’t have more than a irrelevant sentence in their bios so it’s far from common practice. Of course but to complain about that when you have the better end of the stick. I just found it interesting. A fair complaint nonetheless.
80% of men aren't dating multiple women. So there's plenty of men that fit what you want but you're just not interested in them. Also every single women i know is talking to multiple guys.
Dating apps are for teenagers. Don't need to generalize, there are plenty of people who slow down to get to know someone.
Spinning off your boat analogy reminded me of Maggie's relationship with Glen in The Walking Dead. Had the options not been so limited, Maggie would have never given Glen the chance, admittedly, both are considerable opposites; however, given the circumstances, the chance was given, and it materialized into an incredible love story.
Very interesting discussion, Lana. So much grey area with modern dating. For example: I do not think Dating Apps are all bad or all good. I believe there are pros and cons depending on your values, goals, preferences, etc. For example, for lgbtq+ individuals feeling isolated in tiny towns, it can be a wonderful thing to be able to connect with people from the town over.
I’m not on any of these apps atm, but my previous experiences taught me that it’s important to a) know what I want (serious partnership? Hookup? Casual dating? Open to see where it goes?) and b) communicate it right upfront and respectfully with my matches.
If I get ghosted for my honesty, then clearly we weren’t aligned. 🤷🏻♀️
It's really hard to find the right one. I am 29, and I have never had a relationship, but some dates in the last couple of years. I've finally reached that point when I am fine. Alone. It’s a thing that you don’t have to force.
Yeah I’m 29 aswell and I’ve never had a relationship. I remember getting upset about it in my teens while seeing other guys my age having one and me not having one. But after I graduated from university at age 22 I just became ok with it. I don’t know how but I just did naturally I guess. If I get one I get one, but if I don’t I don’t and either way is good with me. Throughout my 20s I’ve come to realise that I don’t need another person to fulfill my happiness. I’ve got a job that I love, I go the gym, I have great friends I’ve had many great experiences that haven’t involved anything romantic. If I do get into romantic relationships by all means I’ll let it happen, but if I don’t that’s ok too. There’s more to life than romance.
@@Ross-ve9ww amen
@@Ross-ve9ww Totally agree. We just have to ignore the "social expectations".
@@gigiiski7521 saying that though, you don’t have to throw the desire of having one out the window. Just don’t beat yourself up about not having one
Agreed.
Right when I was thinking about getting into a relationship..my feed got blessed. A little backstory - I'm 18 and I've never been in relationship I don't like dating apps or online dating either. And all the boys I know think I'm boring or they don't really know me. I have hard time opening up my thoughts in front of guys. But I think it's good to be young, 18 and ambitious and hard working. But having the love of your life next to you at this young age is a different kind of feeling. I'm unknowingly longing for it. A poet had once said love is just a chance circumstance. Will I never be able to have that kind of chance or circumstance???
The way i see it being boring isn't a bad thing, everyone is different and everyone thinks differently, for some people being boring is bad, for others good but in the end it's never a negative quality, i've been boring my whole life yet i still found good friends and had good moments that i will keep with me to the day i die. I know what it's like to want to be in a relationship, the need to try this thing others talk about so well but i think there's no point in looking for one actively, as love is something that comes slowly and no matter how much you rush it, it will still take its time to arrive. I also get why you don't like online dating as it means you won't be able to be close to the other person in the time of need, and dating apps are more often than not used by people who have no interest in anything real or are there just to get some compliments, some even use it just to laugh. I turned 18 not long ago so i don't know if you should listen to me at all but what i think is best is to just live your life not caring about dating much as one day you'll come across someone you really connect with and it will all work out as if it was meant to go like that, don't live your life for that person instead live your life with that person, walking your own paths together. I like to think everyone will find a person they'll truly loved and be truly loved by sooner or later so just wait, i'm sure there is one for you too!
P.S. damn i was expecting more boys having this issue lol
@@bowadmissions9981 Well said!
Agree with you but I think we gotta remember all the love stories real life situations we correlate with that are very much just one perspective of relationship. As someone who wants to be a creator of stories and content I see lots of people while amazing they get rly invested into great or complex stories they are also made to try and be as perfect to tell whatever the author wants to get across. Wether that be a lesson & or a feeling etc it’s not real life no matte how much we try and make it come to life.
It’s the same when you save a while for something you rly need and want and then years after you have used it have seen how it breaks down or what it’s flaws are there’s no perfect product that will always last you gotta maintain it, rebuild it or start over with a new version or a completely new device at times.
@@BrianZuma indeed, it is not just a matter of whether you love that person or not, it is way more complex and requires a lot of hard work but as long as both sides are willing to work for it then they will be able to keep that relationship going while if either of the two is not willing to commit then it is as good as over, as they say "love is in small things" basically just means that love isn't created trough one great action but rather a large quantity of small ones, things like just talking everyday even for only a few minutes or just helping whenever possible and of course working hard to fix any problem that may present itself along the way. In short: there is love for anyone as long as you're willing to work for it. Also another important part of finding love is remembering that the stories we've been shown in movies or books are more often than not just recreations of most people's dream relationship and by no means will your experience be the same, in fact most long lasting relationships seen from outside can be described as boring and tedious however if both sides are happy enough in that relationship and both work hard to keep it going then by no means should it be ended. As a disclaimer i really have no experience in dating, this is all just things i believe people should know when kt comes to finding true love.
I’ve recently turned 20 and I can so relate to this. Never been in a relationship and it’s not even that I don’t like being single, I just want to taste it, feel it, I want someone to be there for me no matter what and who would cuddle me, laugh with me, hold my hand and just...love me. Although, don’t feel like you’re obliged to fall in love asap, or meet someone especially now in the pandemic. There’s no harm in trying online dating but from my experience you’re not going to right away open up to strangers. Just wait, I still believe in love even tho I’m 2 years older and in the same situation, there is someone waiting for us :))
Whenever I watch any of your videos, I get a zen feeling and it makes me slow down my busy thoughts, schedule and activities in a good way :) your vibes overall is just so calming
I like your energy because it resonates with me. You're not overconfident and seemingly content and fully happy like many women I see on here on RUclips. They make it like they are perfect invincible creatures. You're coming off as genuine and natural. I appreciate that.
I'm almost 32 and STILL single. I'm still a virgin and have not had a girlfriend yet in part due to my religious upbringing and my shyness, but other times it's because the people I have tried to date were so mean and would assume I'm gay and not "man" enough for being a softer and gentle personality. A lot of people overlook the nice guys and often won't even respond or ghost after awhile, and most of the time we're never noticed at all
I am happy those girls who did that to you didn't waste much of your time. Keep being true to who you are, you will find someone great. Don't be afraid to be forward with someone if you like them. Nice guys don't always finish last. I have picked wrong in the past but have learned from those guys who exactly to chose and fell in love with a guy who is genuine, nice, caring and he has completely changed my perspective on being able to trust men again. People like that restore hope, love and it is an honorable way to live, stay true to your morals.
@@chanelghostin6060 You see this predetermined guilt Rusty? This is the red flag in women to lookout for. No tact, no trying to understand your situation, only predetermined guilt. They don't even have to affirm you, just bracket knowledge and have a conversation.
Man up then ffs
@@joewedg3703 stfu
Most guys have a harder time dating so its expected that you see more 30 year old male virgins
Super wholesome comment section (as you usually have on this channel).
All the people that are chill with having been single all their lives make me feel more at peace with it myself.
Best of luck to everyone!
I love your your voice Lana. your voice is so calm and sounded like a therapist
You're stunning, Lana! And the perspective you never fail to bring is just as eye-opening!
“The existence of multiple alternatives makes it easy for us to imagine alternatives that don’t exist - alternatives that combine the attractive features of the ones that do exist.
And to the extent that we engage our imagination in this way, we will be even less satisfied with the alternative we end up choosing. So, once again, a greater variety of choices actually makes us feel worse.” - The Paradox of Choice
I believe, that in this world of almost 8 billion people, each person is compatible with many people (simmilar values, intentions, where we wanna go in life) and could have a long, healthy and happy relationship with many of those people that we're compatible with. But, we have to meet some of those and make a conscious decision to staying with one person, despite of that.
Also,i don't believe love should be the center of someone's life: Many aspects together are what makes a life good, such as a job that is meaningful to you, being healthy, being able to be yourself, having a good relationship with family, some few good friends and maybe, a life partner/romantic love, if you want it.
"Compatibility" is bunk. Notice that nobody ever breaks up because their partner is too tall, too good looking, too emotionally intelligent, or too good at listening. We all want the same thing.
Completely Agree 🙌🙌🙌
@@penultimateh766 I don't get your point
I think romantic relationships are an optional extra in life, not necessarily needed
ruclips.net/video/aV4tMvr7xZY/видео.html
Great conversation!!
this video is basically me, a person who believed in true love and connection and growth is a natural feeling that may happen with someone at any point of life, and when I got to see people who are in this dating thing and treat this as new normal, i felt so hollow about am I alone feeling what love means to me. This video basically held me like a blanket with the feeling that I am not wrong about the natural love and everything I had ever felt about love if I ever have in my life in future. The old man's words in the beginning, that's what I will always say
I have never been in a relationship. Everyone around me I s in one and they look down on me for not being in one. It makes me feel like an outsider that’s incapable of being in love. In reality, I feel most of them aren’t happy with themselves and can’t stay a second alone so they need someone else’s gratification to feel whole. I am trying to be whole on my own before I am ready to be in a relationship, and it has been a difficult but beautiful journey.
You definitely talk a lot of sense.
I have never been on a date, at age 31. I guess sometimes that's pretty embarrassing, but then we all have our own paths.
How many people have you asked out, if I may ask? That seems improbable if you’ve been trying.
@@Lucy-dd7mx the latest stats say 80% of women go for 20% of men. And that 80% of women cycle through those 20%. Hence making women think all men are cheaters. Those guys don’t want to settle because they have so many options. It’s the reason why many men are incels. It’s really sad at the end of the day.
@@stephanechouinard5867 women actually have no idea how hard men have it, and they think they're struggling to find love psshhh
@@Lucy-dd7mx Zero. I haven't been trying, it just didn't come naturally when I was younger and I thought it might become more comfortable as time went on, it didn't, and now we're here many years later.
@@memosaico9685 Oh thank you so much kind sir.. I bet it makes you feel special calling other people names on the internet 🥱
I couldn't agree more. Your points are well thought through. Most people seem to be on automatic and assume there will always be the next one, and the next one.
"Swiping our way to confusion" wow! Too accurate 👍
Dating is like getting into a new world of somebody else life.
Beautifully said
👏🏼
As for a 25 year old living in today's world, there will be no replacing a good and spontaneous in-person conversation and/or interaction. There's this incomprehensible feeling of satisfaction and fulfillment knowing you've had (or still having) a genuine connection with an individual or a group in general. Also, you can totally see the raw and unfiltered reaction and social nuance of a person that is somewhat "hidden" outside the four corners of a phone/computer.
Lana and montell fish speak what my ego struggles to express. Working on it everyday, and self acceptance and healing of past.
Love and light on everyone's path
Thanks for articulating this. Having just started online dating, all these points resonate clearly. 🙏🏼
I just got married (23) and my friends ask me: But why? You're young.
Yes! I'm young and happy by myself, but when you know who is the person you want to spent the rest of your life with, you want to start right away.
Do what floats your boat.
You did the right thing 👍
It will be an uphill battle if you are not financially stable.
all the best to you
When Harry Met Sally
@@jackfavvv0280 true, it is..that's why now we live 1000 miles away caz of my job, at least while we can afford something else
I have been single for 14 years and have given up dating a long time ago due to selfishness, drama, irresponsibility, immaturity, and one-sided relationship.. It makes me to realize that I don’t deserve the same patterned dating cycle that I have decided to end it there. After doing so, I have more freedom to do what I love doing in life and am able to focus more on what I want to achieve in life. Any relationship requires two people to compromise on anything and it is very time consuming. Sometimes the relationship can pull you back from achieving something that you love to do in life. I have been there many times and it is hard. I find it more successfully when I am single to focus on what I want to accomplish in life. I have to agree on all three things that you have talked about. I am with you on that.
So true
I think as you focus on your dreams you will naturally attract people around you who do the same
@@intentionalliving7326 I agreed
Wow, so well explained! I always look forward to your videos and each one has so much depth.
I needed and have wanted to have this talk for ever. I feel connected to you and feel happy.
I have been married for 16 years and we have faced many challenges but also some very beautiful moments. If you throw someone away that easily then you will miss these beautiful moments because you have gone through the struggles and come out the other side. If you have the maturity to stick with another person and have a great connection with them then fight for it!
I’m just so sad that your videos are not translated to other languages. I just want the world to acknowledge this different perspective. It’s so beautiful.
this video hit me hard. thanks lana for inspiring me to keep making content during covid. sending love from LA 💖
This was the best 10 mins about dating ever.
This video makes me feel a little better about this whole thing.
I'm 27 and genuinely stopped caring at around 19 or 20 years old. Even the thought of joining Tinder and other dating apps make me feel physically nauseous.
The whole dating scene has turned in to this chaotic, sickening game. Unfortunately I don't see a future where it gets better - especially not with the virus situation.
Insightful remarks. The problem with internet dating is that it totally decontextualises potential partners. They will need to fit into your life, your work, your leisure, your family, friends and society but, by meeting them online, we treat them as separate from all that - and we are then surprised they don’t fit in. That wasn’t a problem in the premodern marriages Lana mentions, where they were already embedded in your way of life and you could judge them on that basis.
You expressed this concept so clearly and thoughtfully. This is something I’ve always felt, but have struggled to put into words. Thank you! :)
Well said
This is so insightful and definitely explains some of why online dating is meet with such a lack of commitment.
This is so true. I always have to feeling online dating is so artifical its an unnatural situation and it seems so forced from the beging, its not casual or spontanous.
It still existed in premodern marriages, that´s why they have those stories of the mail man , milk man etc...It existed, it just wasn´t on the net
You hit the nail right on the head! !
Ur content is very different, love your calm voice all of your videos I have seen so far have been great to watch. Thank you for the effort
I think at some point the definition of a "relationship" will need to be redefined.
Exactly
How would you define it?
I feel like in several centuries from from now marriage as a label and institution will be dissolved in human society. Think about how marriage was just for practical and financial reasons 200 years ago. People are slowly becoming more progressive and less strict about these rules and obligatary norms. I called it here first future folks y'all can frame this comment
"theres no quick way to meaningful human connection" love it ✨
I agree. Thanks for talking on this topic Lana 💖
This is so relevant today. Thank you!
I wouldn’t do it again. Learn to love being single & if you’re lonely get a pet, they’ll love you forever
Its a sad reality but most people will waste your time, energy & money
Lol amen!! 😁
“Forever” in a pet’s life is about 15-20 yrs though
@@shobisyd5762 Can always get another pet.
@@taoist32 can always get another date