I didn't have friends most of my life - being ‘unsocial’ and finding belonging
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 7 дек 2022
- I didn't have friends most of my life - being unsocial and finding belonging
🦊MY ETSY SHOP: thecottagefairyart.etsy.com
🍄My Patreon: / bythecottagefairy
I don’t think I’d be able to work on my little Etsy shop, or do a lot of things I love if I wasn’t comfortable with being in my own company for long periods at a time. But that has also come from accepting many years of being a sort of ‘loner’. I didn’t have trouble socializing so much as I just really valued my hobbies, most of which involved being alone. I eventually found my way and a community I connect with, but it took a long time. I hope this video offers some comfort or insight, and that you enjoy my obvious candle obsession throughout this video lol 😂 so many candles featured in this one!
My Book - The Cottage Fairy Companion
Amazon: amzn.to/3wUuaKA
Also available at my local bookstore, Trail’s End Books: www.trailsendbookstore.com/bo...
Other purchase options (including international) available on my linktree: linktr.ee/the_cottage_fairy
Books mentioned:
The Highly Sensitive Person: amzn.to/3YqrjWH
Quiet: amzn.to/3Pz09sQ
❤️No obligation whatsoever, but if you would like to donate to support this channel $8 will get a thank you postcard (my own art) from me in the mail (please note: you must include address in your note so I can send it!). It is much appreciated: www.paypal.com/donate?hosted_...
(Now and then a postcard has been returned to me or lost in the mail. If you have not received a postcard e-mail me at endymionmerrill@gmail.com! I send them out once a month, so definitely don’t be too worried if it has been a couple weeks but do contact me if you have any concerns. )
Thank you!
🦋Instagram: / the_cottage_fairy
📚Do you love audiobooks? If so, I would love to refer you (as a former bookseller) to an alternative to Audible that supports small local bookshops and communities! Learn more here: libro.fm/referral?rf_code=lfm...
Business e-mail: endymionmerrill@gmail.com
Information and conservation efforts in the beautiful Okanogan County: methowconservancy.org
🌎 Take action to protect our lands (no donations necessary): www.audubon.org/takeaction
🌙 My favorite charity: www.nrdc.org
☀️Take Action: www.sierraclub.org/take-action
Additional music found at @
artlist.io/Rohan-78230
and
www.epidemicsound.com/referra...
(Get a month free with my referral code)
Sometimes I use affiliate links, allowing a purchase to give me a small comission! Thank you!
Thank you for all the birthday wishes last week! I clearly leaned into my candle obsession in this video 😅 so many candles lol winter always gets me feeling cozy and wanting to create a comforting space and welcome in the light. Take care ❤
Love the candles and the advent calendars ♥️ your videos bring a sense of coziness to my life that I myself haven't been able to cultivate yet. Thanks so much for sharing your perspective on friendships and belonging, I feel like a lot of us need to just remember there are different ways to find connection and that it's okay to be on your own unique path.
Happy Birthday! ♐
Sorry I missed it! Happy belated! 🎈
I have often felt like I don't belong anywhere with anyone, except in my imagination lands..., but here, on this channel I have discovered that there are more people who haven't felt that they belong, so now we can feel that we belong ...
Thank you for allowing yourself to rethink and renew your relationship with your videos! It is healthy!
A late happy birthday to you, dear Paola!!
ENJOYED every second of this video, glad U had a memorable birthday! 💝😊👍🏽🎂☃️🎄Short and sweet.
Introverts can find peace with their own company and still make space for others.
Ditto
I am an introvert to
I refuse
true😺👍🏻
Yo right. I have no friend but friendly to everyone😅
And we're quick to say 'Its Ok' coz we cant stand an an argument. No friends no enemies!😅😅😅
I am 72 yrs old and just now accepting the reality that it’s OK to be alone and not lonely. Thank you for validation !
Proud of you :)
People are created for relationships, .we are not always really lonely, and being alone to much can be selfish
There's a lot of people in the world that do not choose to be alone, and sometimes once you are, it can be so incredibly difficult to encourage yourself to seek company even if you are lonely. So no, it isn't selfish at all. Some people just prefer a quiet life in this increasingly aggressive and loud ratrace of a world. Having the mindset that you always must have company, or be in a relationship can make you feel less of a person or like you haven't 'achieved'. It's an unnecessary social pressure.
Some people thrive with company, but for others it can be very draining. We aren't 'created' for any purpose other than to experience life, in whatever capacity that is right for that person.
@@MeggsFilms Amen 🙏
@@adrianar4260 Is it really selfish to want to be alone and enjoy either nature or solace I think not?
I don't have friends in my life..
Sometimes, I felt lonely about it.
I'm glad to know that there are many people who are similar to me in this world😊
I love my own company, enjoy being alone
me too, i always feel not comfortable to be in a group of people, and i have no friends
You are not alone with that feeling :D
I feel the same way 💕
Yeah I was surprised to find so many people. Everyone around me tell me that I crazy... But I feel OK to be alone most of time.
I am a 61 year old man. My experience is that most friends come and go as you pass through different seasons of your life. I have only 2 close friends in my life spanning more that 40 years, but they are true friends. Quality matters more than quantity for sure.
You’re lucky. Most of us don’t even have one.
This has been my history too. People have come into my life, served their purpose, and disappeared from my life. I now don't expect so much to keep disappointments from overwhelming me. Seems to be the plan for my life. Had I known this sooner, it would have saved me from a good amount of hurt caused by the losses.
Make me the third 🥉
❤ God bless you !
Exactly my situation also 61 and only two close friends
I'd rather be alone than being in groups or relationships where I FEEL alone. Thank you Paola for being you ❤
So well said 💕
Same..#ihavebeencalledaloaner
same here. i think 90% of my life i have been alone, i am contented
So true. In groups, I am invisible anyway, but the energy around me is so loud and fatiguing. Still, there is some loneliness to being alone. For once it would be grand to have someone understand....
@@jjjackson5183 Yes, loneliness and being alone can co-exist. But I find myself even more lonely when I'm surrounded by people who don't get me and sticking to them, because I 'should' have a (large) group of friends.
I can actually pinpoint the times in my life when I've had no friends , and let me tell you something , id rather be alone than have the wrong friends in life.
💯👍
@@toyeshverma2299very true
Surprisingly, the points in my life where I have been the happiest were when I had close to no or a small circle of friends. I could focus on myself and not other people’s drama. It was very peaceful.
There is nothing called as wrong friends as such broski. It's self contradicting.
Probably they were just some bunch of people who came into your life to teach you what not to be friends with and how not to live your life.
I also have had quite similar experience. Sometimes finding people outside turns out to be a total disappointment. But just be in terms with that, accept and move forward without any resistance.
Agreed
This is so relatable. I used to try so hard to have friends just to avoid loneliness. Now I see I was lonelier when I tried to fit into groups I didn't belong in.
Yes it's a horrible feeling being around people you can't be yourself and comfortable with. That alone in a crowd feeling is miserable.
People often confuse solitude with loneliness and boredom when in reality it's quite the opposite 💜
If you don't have friends just know, you're not missing anything. I've had all types of friends & 95% of them turn out to be a disappointment.
Yep
And takes time and effort to maintain. Sometimes you don’t feel necessarily “recharged”, conversations turn repetitive or you engage in behaviors that are not in your best interest (talk about other people, stay up late, drink).
Im glad you acknowledged this , social media tends to glorify friendships a lot and it makes you feel like scum when you don't have the same things to share.
@@anacorona2527
For me too many conversations feel one way. You’re talked at vs with. IMHO bc so many are suffering and lonely they’ll overshare too soon too often. I try to be aware we all have issues to deal with. Time and place. If I walk away knowing some more about the other person I feel like I actually listened. Did I contribute? I do own I’m very private and dont trust easy so a bit hard to get close to. I’m 55 and don’t have close trusted friends but some was by choice. My husb is the opposite and agrees with this video. Peace and health.
@@anacorona2527Couldn't agree more. I started to wonder if there is such thing as a "friend cycle". Lol.
True friendship is rare. You find out who your friends are when you need them most.
I’m losing my sight til i have surgery..I have lost family that can’t deal with it..I can’t drive anymore..I miss sewing,creating,painting and looking at my home..but I have my husband of 40 years..thank God everyday for him..I love these videos🥰Becca M
So true... I found out who were my true friends during Covid....
@@carolinelawrie7142 ❤️
Correct.
I found out who my true friends (and family) when I was diagnosed with cancer.
I'm 29 years old. I live with my mom. She is 49 years. I love her so much. ❤ Love you mom 💞
Incest is wrong.
She is a young Mum x
Same here
So lucky
God bless you and your mum 🙏😇❤
I always thought it would be amazing to experience a best friend, at least once in life.
I found one in a game
A good dog could be your best friend. They love you unconditionally, will never tell your secrets or pains of your heart and they don’t judge you. ❤ My doggie is my best friend!
expectations > reality (You always have the rest of the Toxic/ 0 remorse Normies to ruin ur life in secs) staying alone seems the best option these days
I have the same deep wish of having one true soulmate, that values the same things as I do.
I always wanted a best friend. I thought I had one when I got married. But she left after 18 years because I wasn't social enough.
Its better to be alone than with wrong people, less people less drama, it works for me
Edit: omg ive never had so many likes tysm guys
Same here.
Very true , lots of love from India.
Same 😊
'Less people less drama' great words.
@@nothing_is_over thank you ❤️❤️
As a child I remember daydreaming about finding a friend just as quiet and introspective as myself. Someone who would also connect with me on a deep and peaceful level.
Wish I could know you
I think you found that friend within YOU; in all others we unconsciously seek ourselves.
@@writerforlifeify oh that's deep
You sound just like me
I hope you found your people.
❤At the age of 45, after going through very critical moments, choosing your journey well and staying away from toxic people who do not share your good intentions towards nature is essential. I chose to live in a world I created. I talked so much that I couldn't hear myself; Today, I talk less, I have almost no friends to trust. but I trust myself! in my choices! and I know I'm not alone. I'm a great person for myself.
Your comment brings me comfort
Love this.
Love your comment
Sometimes we’re our own best friends and that’s perfectly okay
Great comment is your health good to
Idk why but i am enjoying so much by sitting on my chair of my room and doing my stuffs rather than hanging out with friends
Congratulations you 😊 understood the reality
Same here🥰
I am mostly friendless, the exception being the constant companionship of my cat. I consider all of you fellow viewers and Paola as friendly spirits that touch mine. ❤
That is so sweet!
I can SO relate to the love and companionship of your cat… I too had a special cat who lived 18.5 years; I threw Sweet 16 birthday 🎉 party for him, much to my husb & daughter’s amusement! He’s been in Cat Heaven for many years but I still hang his collar on my Christmas tree 🎄
@@rrhines3151 18 1/2 years is amazing bless your heart
This is beautiful! 💛
❤
It's better to have no friends than to have friends taking advantage of our goodness😊
true
🛑🛑🛑 Please PRAY FOR THE WORLD .KJV 🙏🙏🙏
Да в наше времялудше дружить только с животными .кошка тебя больше поймет чем подруга .
Yes sir ☺️😺
So true
I’m living alone in my medical college hostel since past 3 years since I discovered what a toxic group of batchmates I’ve got…and believe it…being alone is sooo peaceful 🍀
I feel the same as you. I've been in the military for 30+ years and honestly might have one person I can honestly call a true friend. Mainly because the people I've met over those years were not even closely like minded, they drank, smoked, and just had their own lives they were consumed with. It is so much better being alone because I've been able to solely focus on my own personal and professional development as a leader in my organization and I am totally happy with where I am.
I spend my first year medical college trying to make new friends but it was all not worth it i got hurt ,deceived,made fun of because of who I am ...it taught me so much and living alone peacefully is better then hanging out with people who torture and bring metal distress
When I was in my 10's and 20's I had friends who I always hung out. Now nearing my late 30's, I only have severals cats and I feel having the best of friends.
There are more of us like you Paola than you think. ❄️ 🐿 🐇 🦌✨🤍✨
X2
💐
😊
I'm one too! Just need a few, close bosom-buddies for life.
✌️
This was so comforting. I’ve always been called “the quiet one,” and I’ve felt out of place at school. It’s like any of the friendships I’ve had had withered away. I’m almost 30 and still feel like I haven’t found “my people.” I’m trying to be patient and to just go towards what brings me joy, even if I am doing most things alone.
Literally same. I’ll be 29 next year and I always wonder if I’ll ever find my tribe. & It seems harder to find the older you get. But I also try doing hobbies & find that focusing on my own happiness & growth brings me so much peace. I’m sure I’ll make that connection somewhere along the way :)
Absolutely nothing wrong with that
Embrace your introverted nature
I remember reading a quote by a famous pianist (Mitsuko Uchida) once who said that she ‘finds socialising tedious’
And the comfort I derived from that I can not begin to tell you
It is perfectly ok to enjoy one’s solitude, to be more comfortable alone or in v small intimate settings
Embrace it and do what makes you feel good! Nothing wrong with you at all!!!
Same here
I'll be 30 this year, and while I accept myself for who I truly am I don't believe I fit in anywhere. And I'll never find a 'group' I belong to.
Maybe you will never find this tribe of yours or your people. But maybe it's because you are not of this world but something else. I think this sometimes earth is not our home but heaven is which brings me comfort. If you ever need a friend or someone to talk to I am also alone with autism and people have hurt me so much because of this so now I am shutting myself away from it all.
Being likethatmyself I realized that somepeople are just meant to be alone. It's a lifetime learning process.
I am 18 years old and I always see my classmates at school having fun with their friends and ignoring me No one wants to accompany me since the first day of school which made me feel strange I feel like I feel like I belong here because so many people like me It was and still is very difficult I don't like loneliness 💔
I feel you 💜
People are easily swayed by confidence.. if you act happy, act like you don’t care, chat to people but keep it light, don’t even look for conversations, just quick simple stuff.. you’ll find things will improve. Don’t wait to be chosen. Choose yourself. Decide to try have a bit of fun or enjoyment or just relaxation every day and people will start to want to be around that.
Also what looks like alot of fun from the outside.. is often just other people trying to belong and it may not be as fun as it looks.
Good luck! 🍀 ✨
I am the same age as you. When we enter university, we feel really lonely, and we discover that our social skills are not perfect, but what I concluded in the end is that this is a necessary stage for us to get to know ourselves more. I hope you will not be sad.
I am sorry to hear that .I wish I could tell you " Be more positive ,smile more" ,"Be confident and talk some more" and etc,but it doesn't always work that way,does it ?Maybe sometime in the future someone will see you for who you are and if they truly appreciate you will stand by you until the end(which I wish happens for you),or maybe it won't happen at all.If it makes you feel better you aren't the only one who feels that way. I am not saying that your feelings aren't valued,I am just telling you that there are people who feel like you
Hallo zorun4, ich habe soeben schon mal ausführlich einer jungen Frau geschrieben. Bitte suche unter den folgenden Stichworten:" Bindungsstörung und Sozialphobie". Da gibt es viel Wissenswertes zu erfahren; für mich leider 65 Jahre zu spät. 🤔Tschüss zoran4.
When I tell people I’m an introvert they always try to “help” me. “Why don’t you try this or that” they say… as if being an introvert is wrong.
I love that I’m a kind gentle old soul who loves being surrounded by animals and nature. ❤❤❤ The world is too loud for me.
Where are you from, if you don’t mind me asking. Because introverts being forced to be more social is a very American view
@@rachel_espinoza I’m from the states
Glad to know I am not the only one like that
Omg you described me
@@cherishedcatlover2943 I think being introvert is only a part of feeling comfortable with someone, and then there are other qualities too. I suppose some people who are introverts do like being in social settings or having more things going on even if they do need quiet time afterwards - I used to try being friends with people who seemed calm but I then discovered they actually like going out and doing stuff with people, and had different qualities too. So it might be about 'seeing value in peace and calm "
Oh, Paola, this video really hit home for me. I am 48 and have felt much the same all my life and am content to only have couple of close friends, most of whom are of an older generation. I have seeked out a quiet life in the woods as well, working with plants and nature and am happy to surround myself with animals companions and focus on my home life. It took me decades to realize there was nothing wrong with me, I'm just an introvert and highly sensitive person. Much Love ❤️
I feel the same way. I am never happier than I when I am all alone in my little cabin in the woods. People think I am an extrovert because I am a public speaker who loves to share my historical research with interested others, and I do enjoy meeting new people and going to new places, but I also find it exhausting and am glad to get away from it. It's good to hear from others who aren't ashamed to say they prefer to be alone. Why are we taught that being alone means being lonely?
Me too ❤.
Eu também busco uma vida tranquila.
Wow you and I are so much alike. I'm 46. I am just learning about myself that there's nothing wrong with me, this is the only kind of life that makes me happy.
Oh, Paola, me too! I'm 77, retired from art licensing (which was an at-home job), and I also had a needlework and framing shop years ago, as well as doing many art and craft shows. When I had my shop and when my husband and I did shows, it was so much easier to meet people. I have friends, but only a couple of very close ones, plus a dear friend from across the country who is a kindred spirit and we both wish we lived closer to one another. I'm alone much of the time now, I still work at designing needlework, so I am busy and fulfilled. But now it is harder to meet friends in my community, as I also have a lot of physical issues that make it difficult for me to get around. I know people because we have lived here for almost 30 years, but given my circumstances, I'm glad I have my designing since I don't get out much. You are so blessed to also have your art and all of the creative things you do. Believe me, they will sustain you throughout your life. They are such gifts to cherish. Mine have gotten me through cancer, as well as my husband's passing a little over 2 years ago. I too am an introvert who loves people, but my mind is like a sponge and having too much activity can be draining for me, resulting in sleeplessness. Finding other kindred spirits is truly a blessing, although a rare one. I so enjoy your videos. Your gentle way of approaching life and sharing it with us is so NEEDED today. Your videos are a respite from the banality of what's "out there" on offer today. Keep on keeping on because you and your creative spirit are appreciated. Diane
You are so beautiful and well spoken. People have made me nervous my whole life. Always in fight or flight. I retired from health care at 55, and I discovered I love being with cats. So I have three boy cats, and I am hoping to adopt a girl older dog soon. I do feel love for people and every life I find interesting, Very nice soothing channel. Thank you.
Have you found anyway to get out of fight or flight
나쁜 친구들과 함께 있는 것보다 혼자 있는 것이 낫다
well said 👍🏼
ABSOLUTELY!!! ❤
Yes. That's true. If you haven't Good friends your lives, live alone.
But there are many good people who can be your best friend ...
@@Nimabuuif we could find them, we wouldn’t choose to be alone. We just failed too many times and got hurt too much trying to find them.
I love it that all of us introverts can come to this channel and be “alone together”!!! ❤️🥰
It is so peaceful and quiet here....being understood and accepted...you put such beautiful words to how we feel...thank you and bless you Paola...you are such a gift!☺️❤️
I love that thought. :) haha We can all come & be alone together. :)
Best comment! Such a sweet sentiment. Wishing everybody a very wonderful, magical and cosy holiday season!❤🌲❄
@@mirisucree4163 gracias!! lo mismo deseamos para ti
Alone, together. Nice!
I know a wonderful couple that shared they “don’t get out much/don’t socialize much”.
I suggested we start a “social” group…..and never meet.
HA! We all had a good laugh! 🕊
Being alone together… exactly 🙏🏼 Paola, the Voice of introvert people ❤
To me, being alone - not lonely - is the purest form of being in touch with reality and life. When I'm alone, I feel like I'm truly living my life; and anything else I do, is for making these alone times more high quality and longer.
I love how you said that, Hamid.
Alone is very calming and soothing. One can learn a lot about oneself when alone.
🎉❤😊
Thanks for motivating that's why I deleted my statement 🙏
Alone, al one, all one.
It is lonely without my best friend, I just lost her in June, I don’t know what lay ahead for a 70 year old. I rarely make friends and don’t know where to start. Keep safe CF, thanks for your channel. Glad you had a great birthday.
I agree with most of the things you say here: Good friends are irreplaceable. Sometimes, it takes a long time and a lot of failures to find true friends. Do not forget, good ones always show up along the way.
Being alone is not as bad as others think, being alone allows you to do your own thing, learn new things and reach new heights in your spiritual growth.
Great comment. People unfortunately have let me down many times
Needed that reminder, especially today.
I’d far rather spend time creating art or carving wood. In my 81 years I’ve had many acquaintances, but few that I’d call friends. I find true joy in solitude. You’re certainly not alone Paola. While we may not be friends, there are more than a million of us who enjoy our visits with you! Gracias🙏🏼
Perfectly expressed 💫
I'm in my 70s and feel the same.Best Wishes to you !
the one thing about loneliness is that you are never alone in that.
@@stellajohnson5301 well said 💕
This video has the most wholesome comment section I’ve ever seen. This channel has clearly cultivated an amazing fanbase. As an INFJ it brings me comfort to know that there are others like me out there - lonely but never alone. Befriending yourself is the best relationship you’ll ever have. Stay true to yourself and I wish you all the best for 2024! ❤
Hello fellow INFJ ❤
Сейчас мне 33 и у меня только в этом году появились новые друзья спустя долгие годы. Но я не чувствовала себя одиноко. Лучше одной, чем с теми, кто тебя постоянно разочаровывает. Мне всегда есть чем себя занять. Я занимаюсь каллиграфией, учу иностранные языки, вышиваю, тренируюсь, бегаю, иногда путешествую и тд. Я много смотрю аниме, фильмов, сериалов, читаю и сделала дома целую библиотеку и мне никогда не бывает скучно одной. У меня никогда не было апатии иди депрессии из-за того, что я провожу время одна. Как можно скучать и грустить, когда мир такой огромный и в нём столько интересного. ❤
мне тоже 33, но пока что новых друзей не нашла.. где вы познакомились с новыми людьми? Интровертам тяжело..
@@12oqиз какого вы города?
I haven't had a single friend for over 30 years. I am not shy, I'm sociable, but I abhor superficial communications. I've not been able to find a woman of intelligence and emotional depth for a long time so I forego friendships. I'm just not interested in wine Wednesday, Girlz Nite Out at the club, or group spa dates. So it's just me and my dog.
sounds like my kind of people. unfortunately I don’t think we’ll ever meet 😢
Same here. Where I live people are always at the bar and I'd much rather be with my dogs and my cats.
Con người chỉ làm bạn hoặc kết nối với người họ cảm thấy thích hoặc có lợi gì đó cho họ
I can relate, especially to the "wine Wednesday, Girlz Nite Out at the club...". Not that there's anything wrong with those activities, I just find them tiring and overwhelming, rather than enjoyable. I'm glad to know there are other people who feel the same. I have a parent and grandparent who either try to pressure me into these activities or belittle me for not being "the life of the party" like they were at my age.
Same! I’m 52 and I’ve never had a best friend, never did a girls night out or weekend getaway, never been in someone’s wedding.. I’m single and I have my dog.. peaceful quiet life
One of my favorite quotes that has always stuck with me has been "As we grow older, we realize it's less important to have lots of friends and more important to have real friends."
This comes like a gift to me. I can so much relate on that! And oh my god, what did I struggle, until today to accept that side of me. I say often "I don't know anybody like me", and Im serious with that, and it's not said in a proud or funny way. It was always that sad feeling of "not being like others, not being normal, being a-social, being too sensitive". I really don't know anyone like me in "real life". I often felt such a huge, urgent need of being alone after being a lot with people that it was overwhelming. I almost flew into loneliness and I just refound my inner calm when I found myself surrounded by the whispering of tree leaves trembling in the wind. When I am in Natur, I often have this feeling "hello, my friend!!", The feeling of finally being welcomed and understood, a feeling of deep connection. I often was mocked at by others "oh,you are such a romantic dreamer ", as if they reproached me that I had no connection to reality or as if I didn't know the real struggles of life and as if in would not accept them. It hurt me so many times and still today (42 years old) I have these moments where I think that I am not okay as I am , but thank to people like you I feel that I am.bot alone and that I am.not "unnormal", just very different from the big mass. Thank you so much!
I've been alone for a really long time but my society makes me think there's something missing in my life.
Society is just a bunch of made up rules and ideas other ms created as “normal”. I’ve never cares about most of that. But it is hard to break the sort of brainwashing. That’s why it’s nice to see videos like this. I also love watching slow living videos.
Agreed
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you; it is a society that is missing the point. Your solitude is your strength and no amount of society can replace or provide you the strength you need in life.
Sounds like they are the one who are codependent. And don't even see it. That's how far robotic they become.
I'm a shy, HSP introvert who always struggled to make and keep friends and always felt that no one understood me. I love being alone. It is nice to see more people like me. It seems there are more introverts than we think. Cheers to all my fellow introverts. Thanks for this lovely video.
Cheers!
Same brother
We're many HSPs here seemingly xD sending you much love!
I'm a HSP introvert as well. I've been seen as shy and quiet. Cheers to my feel HSPs!
Are you me?
I enjoy being alone. I like socializing but being alone is the best time. People have hurt me along the way and when I try to have a friendship it all happen again. Then, I realize that being alone is the best choice even thought some people see me as weird, depressed, antisocial, etc...they judge without knowing the reasons why I prefer to be alone ..
I , too, have been hurt by people in my life , but then I shifted my perspective and spent time with myself, with my sweet solitude and now i have a brand new perspective of finding and tracing my own kindred spirits, my own tribe ...
I wish you all the best ahead in your journey and may you find your kindred spirits:")
Totally related
I find people that are extra social don't understand and tell me to be sociable. I don't justify myself to them. They think they are right.
a9
…totally relate
I’m 27 and I only had one friend growing up but eventually we drifted apart so now I have no friends at this point in life. But my one only friend was kind of toxic so I am happy to let this person go. I’ve never been treated nicely my entire life when trying to make friends. The “friends” that I met tend to only use me as a rag or as a convenient friend and I hated it and I knew. I was aware of how much each person I met in life all
Just used me. So I stopped making friends. I’m such a vulnerable person yet at the same time I know it wasn’t for the good but it’s just because this was the only way I ever felt somewhat accepted even though I’m being made fun of or used.
This is my story too. It is ok to let those people go. Just know you have “friends” like me out in the world that are also vulnerable and easily taken advantage of so you are not alone!! 😊
I basically have no friends now. I used to have a few friends, but in the past two years, we have long been out of the same life circle. They want to stay in China and work all the time, while I want to go to the western world to explore life. Our lives have not intersected since then. I am a 20-year-old Chinese boy. I am very happy to meet all foreign friends. I like the culture and ideas of Europe and America very much, and I hate the rubbish society of China where people oppress people. I hate my motherland (China), he is simply terrible, he is not worth my life, I intend to fly away and say goodbye to all my relatives, friends and family to the United States or Western countries alone.
All the things you write about are very close to my heart. I'm almost 50 and it's only now that I've realised what friendship and close people are all about. It's taken a complete change of environment. Only now I realise that those who I thought were friends were not...I also realise that you can't be close to many people...if you are close to 2-3 people, you are very lucky.
I love this video. I don't call myself introverted. I call myself inward, contemplative and reflective. I don''t call myself anti-social. I call myself deeply social, because i love a good conversation with another person but not aimless chitchat at a party, so much. LIke-minded souls and kindred-spirits are gifts along the way, whom i treasure dearly.
Flowergirl this is me 100%.
Its me
That is my personality also
My reflection
Your username fits well with the kind of person you are 🌸🌺
I prefer to be a lone wolf than be surrounded by ‘friends’ who betray or try to use me. There is immense strength in being comfortable alone
Story of my life, story of my life, I've attracted the some of the worst ppl.
Same story.. different author
Facts
Yeah I always yearned for true friends. Sadly, I ended up used. Now I just vibe alone, or with someone who feels like they're ok with me
There's a difference between loneliness and solitude. Solitude is good and should be encouraged, loneliness is just bad. However, wallowing in one's introverted nature reminds me of people who are proud of some spurious psychosomatic 'illness', it makes them feel as though they belong.
Hello, I live in Vietnam, I also live alone, I receive sympathy through your videos, I really like them. Thanks ❤
As someone who requires lots of alone time to feel at ease, this video is incredibly reassuring.
Paola, this video made me cry. I am 25 and very introverted. Despite that, most of my childhood I had a lot of friends and the fondest memories playing and creating fantasy worlds with others. But when I became a teen and into my early 20, while everyone around me was partying and clubbing, I struggled to make friends because that wasn't who I was. From 18 to 24 I was very depressed, wondering what was wrong with me and how I could get that sense of childhood camaraderie back. Thank you for this lovely video that shows how there are beautiful souls out there who also value quality over quantity and who value being alone. Today, I am comfortable with myself and I consider my pets, partner, family, and 2 others my closest friends and I am quite content. Books are also great friends :)
Hello ! I love your comment, it really describes what I exactly feel. I am a 19 years old university student who is currently living in the campus dorm and I struggle with making friends because I am not the type to just hang out, I crave something deeper. A connection that lasts a life time maybe, I know that sounds so hard to find yet I can’t stop myself from yearning. I am also a introvert who likes to spend her time in quiet and peace preferably in nature. Growing up I had lots of friends and was a very social child but all my friendships were very superficial, couldn’t really make a connection with anyone. I never felt alone by myself until I stated university 2 months ago, I see people going out and clubbing yet I cant bring myself to enjoy that no matter how hard I try. I see people hanging with their friends or their partners and it makes me question myself whether there is something wrong with me. I don’t like small talk or superficial conversations, I want a friend and a partner where I could truly open myself up and expect the same in return yet I struggle a lot these days. I am also struggling with mental illness issues since I was 14 and they don’t really help my situation as well. I truly don’t know what to do, I tried to be more like everyone else yet I don’t feel comfortable when I pretend. Your comment made me think maybe there is a hope for me. Would you mind sharing your thoughts on this matter, I really would like your opinions and advices on this matter. Thank you so much. I wish you a beautiful day ! ☺️
Tears came running my cheeks reading your comment. I am 30 and i really understand your words and feel them very close to my own experience. I had lot of friends but the years passed and i struggle to maintain friendships or find people that I can connect with. So books have been my friends and two close friends that live in a different city. But it's good to see we are not "alone" in our way of life. Thank you 🙏🌼
Me too 😢
Very relatable, me too
Just wanted to say that scrolling through these comments is like looking at one beautiful flower after another. You are a group of amazing souls. Thank you for sharing your stories. I feel less alone tonight.
We have millions of cells in our own body to communicate with - how can I feel lonely? 😀
It’s so nice, isn’t it? I had no idea there were so many of us out there 😌
Such a lovely comment! 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸
@@kimlangenderfer7493 I agree
@@SonetLandman 😊
I'm loving your book, it came into my life at a much needed time. Thanks!
Dear Paola. It’s is almost a year later since you posted this. And your story mirrors my own. Thank you for sharing your truth. It is beautiful to be validated by your story.
Knowing that I am not alone, that I am not the only introvert in the whole world, makes me feel good
Isn't it the greatest feeling in the world to know we're normal and there is a whole world out there that feels the same way we do.
In my experience, it is very hard to find real friendship and once you find it, sometimes is hard to stay close.
It’s my first time in your channel and I found out that you are very relatable for me. I also grew up in a military family, moving from place to place and I’m super socially awkward since childhood. Now living in the mountains as yourself, with a very similar lifestyle. Thank you for making me feel validated!💕
I’m an introvert and I much prefer spending time alone than with people I don’t even know or like. When I’m alone, I can appreciate the quiet, peaceful moments more than with a room full of loud, annoying strangers.
It always feels good to hear that others feel the same way. Especially when we're young we often tend to think that we have to adhere to societal standards, that we have to go clubbing and partying because that's what you do in your 20s. I caught myself telling someone once: "I'm so glad I'm past 30 now, now I don't have to pretend to like clubbing anymore." People will often ask me why I go hiking in the woods by myself and think that I must be very lonely when in reality, this is when I am most at peace. Channels like yours are an important contribution to reaching people and showing them that there are more people like us out there who just enjoy other things in life and that this is perfectly okay. Sending much love 💕
I so relate, love!!
I agree completely!
I totally agree. Plus I also like to hike alone. 🌲🌳🦌
@@bonniebinsky6666 It's the best, isn't it? Glad to hear there are kindred spirits out there 🥰
I'm 30 now i love it ❤
I can totally identify. Being alone most of the time allowed me to create a safer, healthier and peaceful space for myself. I connect a lot through reading literature, music and watching entertainment programs (operas, RUclips videos, & etc ).
You are so wonderful! You sieve new people, not letting those who might be a big disappointment get closer to your heart. Thanks for being different and happy!
Omg you speak out of my heart.
I'm on a path to find back to that initial me, who loves people, but loves alone time and the quiet just as much.💗☀️🐞
It’s better to be alone than to be with people who make you feel alone. I’d rather have no friends than ones that are fake.
Amen.
you are right
My cat Imogene is my solid rock. No matter the struggles I'm going through, even in the hardest times when friends and family feel distant and the relationships strained, my little kitty is there for me. I think human friends are important, but an animal friend who's always there for you is a priceless gift.
Kitties 🐈⬛ and dogs 🐕 are the best.
I also had a pet cockatiel. 💕
Bless and keep lovely Cottage Lady, I enjoy your moments of sharing with all of us..
Your vibe is so calming and peaceful!✨🌸
I am 53yrs old. Moved to a small town in southeast Texas. I can relate to so much of what you are saying. I dont have any friends still after living here for 10-1/2yrs. Nobody has time for deep relationship. People talk about transparency and they are anything but transparent. Society says you need a tribe yet I dont have one and I have felt like there is something wrong with me because I do not want one nor desire one. I have gone to events and have felt very alone in a room full of people. I do not have time for these surface level relationships that most people have the time for. I would rather be alone.
I am ok with it. In this stage of my life. I have embraced it. My husband is my best friend and I am grateful for him. The Lord is my strength. He is always with me and I am never alone.
Thank you for telling us about yourself
Amen.
Omg you have described my life down to a T!
I'm 34 and live in the U.K.
Ive felt this way since I was 15 years old.
I'm always alone, no matter where life takes me.
I tried my best to have a fun happy life, but the whole of my 20's where filled with loneliness, sadness and bad company literally wherever I went.
I learnt and understood my fate and into my 30's I've learnt to embrace being alone whether I like it or not.
I thought that is something wrong with me... Thank you for sharing your eksperience. I know whatbare you talking about. Sometimes its dificult, to be honest...Greetings:)
Very true. Superficial friendship is a waste of time. We all can cultivate cultivate friendship with nature and animals.
You just described my entire life...introverted, needing deep connections, animals and plants give me more connection than humans, feeling more at home in nature than most other areas, in my golden years and haven't met my people. Alone time is healing ☺
Are you Turkish just curious
Sometimes we need a real connection as a humans being 🙌✨
Can’t express enough how much better I feel after watching your video, knowing that I am not the only person who prefers solitude, peace and close circle of people that are important to me to many, often superficial relationships. Thank you!
Everything you've said in this video has been very helpful to me. I also cherish the lovely, sweet and whimsical objects you share with us! 🥀🐞
I'm one of those quiet people on the Internet that rarely talk to anyone here but recently my therapist told me that I am a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) and now everything that made me that "broken" person makes so much sense and I'm just so happy to share it with this channel's community as I think that there are so many more fellows like me here. This channel of yours it's a safe space for me to feel understood and I love to hear your thoughts on being sensitive during my new journey to know more about myself. Thank you so much Paola!!❤❤❤
I relate 100%! I used to think that everything I feel was the result of trauma that I had to heal, until I started reading about HSPs. It blew my mind to realize that there's nothing wrong with me; I just naturally experience life a bit differently than many others. Love and support from one HSP to another!
@@autumnidle5412 I had to wait until I was over 70 to make this discovery.- since then my life had become better and better. I feel we are so fortunate to know what sort of people we are. I love and admire Paolo so much for having the courage to share her HSP reality with a RUclips audience. She's an inspiration. Also as a huge change agent without trying to be that.
I have been a lone wolf my entire life, and until the age of 23 I was constantly depressed because I knew that I am socially awkward and people just tend to avoid me. However, now that I come close to my 30's, I have a wife and just couple friends that I keep close to me and that's all I need. After I managed to build my house, buy my dream car and make myself more visible among others, people that hated me somehow started to like me because I am financially stable now. I feel sad for them, and happy for myself that I learned to live alone, and now I have absolutely no problems spending time with only my wife, or alone when she is gone somewhere.
I pray i have that kind of life, solitude and harmony
How did you make friends? People keep saying join clubs... college life is lonely
Happy for you!
@@ldive you dont. Thats the thing. Either way it shouldn't bother you, you live your life how you want, make yourself happy not others. You will soon find those who actually care about you, they will be their for you when you least expected it but once you do that when you make friends.
Am very proud of you :) i hope my life turns out that way am 16
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this topic, this video was so timely for me. I was just having a tearful conversation with my husband about this very thing, and many of the points you made. Thank you for your beautiful contribution to this space.
I loved this video. It really spoke to me. I've had periods of little to no friends and periods of abundant friends. I believe myself to be selectively social. As I get older, I appreciate my alone time as well as meaningful time with special friends. Society tells us we should have lots of friends and be social all the time. In reality, it doesn't fill my bucket and most of the interactions are superficial. Thanks for the videos. I'm a new subscriber, so I'm very much looking forward to watching more of your videos!
Dear Paola...this comment is a bit irrelevant. My grandmother has breast cancer and a risky surgery next week. I have important exams too. Altogether, the stress, fear and anxiety is overwhelming. My friends, quite justifiably, can't quite understand what I'm feeling and I just find it hard to pretend everything is normal. In the midst of this, your video today brought me peace..and connection. Thanks a lot for that. Sending love ❤️
Dear Alma,
My Grammy Josie noticed a lump in her breast while visiting us in Hawaii, and I was the one she chose to share the news with. She ended up needing a radical mastectomy. My heart goes out to you at this difficult time. Please know that I will be praying for you & her as the days & weeks ago by. Grammy Josie lived through her ordeal and for many years afterwards.
Aloha, Sue🌺💜🦋
Prayers and blessings to you and your grandmother...🙏🏻❤️
I am praying for thee and thy grandmother. May God bless you both. ❤
Sending prayers 🙏🏼🤍
Just prayed for you both.
I have never had, nor still don't really have friends. I've always been a very solitary, anti-social person who finds their peace alone. I have never felt lonely, nor do I experience feelings of loneliness. Even when I moved to the other side of the world to a country I had never been to, and a place where I knew absolutely NO ONE, I felt perfectly at peace. I had one friend who I saw maybe a couple of times per month, but other than that, had almost zero social interactions other than the market and restaurants I went to. I honestly feel like it's a bit of a superpower. 😊 Could have to do with being autistic, but I feel happy being my own best friend. I have found belonging within myself.
I'd still like to have a small group of close friends and a community one day, of course, but I'm perfectly fine being my hermit self. 🥰
Thanks for another lovely video, Paola!
I think you are right: the capacity to be happy, all by yourself, is a power many people do not have. Good for you! And thanks for speaking up about it.
I love your description, being your own best friend, being your superpower ❤️🎄❤️ Blessings from Ireland ☘️
My son has high functioning autism and has no friends. He went to college and never made one friend. It is so hard as a mother to watch that. I worry he is lonely.
@@wildflowerwind6941 Have that conversation, maybe he needs to connect with others like minded people. Blessings to you 🎄❤️🎄
Your solitude will be a support and a home for you, even in the midst of very unfamiliar circumstances, and from it you will find all your paths.
I just found your channel, you wonderful fairy.
And I feel, something is relaxing in me. Minute to minute something gets in freedom. Your silent video - with so much content. I love your being. I feel it helps me to love my being as well. So long I felt alone and different. But this channel shows me - no. So many people there. Thank you all.
Being our own friend is something i never forgot about
There's nothing wrong with enjoying solitude in nature. It's an innate need for artists and philosophers who need to connect with beauty.
Well said 👏👏👏
Amen, well said!
This video was so needed for me today. Being introverted while also craving social connection is both wonderful and difficult. Some days I worry I am not enough, but I am. And so are you and all of the lovelies in the comments here. ♥
It's interesting- that thing about social connection & being introverted. I find that when I do get to have a good, deep heart-to-heart conversation, it's so fulfilling! But more shallow social situations are very draining.
@@sincerelyheatherlynne Thank you Heather, very well said, I feel that way too about social connection and being introverted
Your openness and honesty is so admirable. I have to write to myself to be this open. Insightful post. Thank you. 💐💐💐
I found this was at the right time. Thank you so much for making this video!!! Growing up I didn't have any kind of spirits to call my friends and in a situation where I was mentally and emotionally abused for my teachers growing up and abused by my dad at home. When I wasn't at my mom's house, it took a lot out of me to try to be in normal kid and still think well of myself enough that I can make friends and maintain things even though i didn't really even know what I enjoyed for myself until I got out of public school when I was in high school. Back then I was also taking care of my grandmother at my mom's house and I was a huge responsibility that most people didn't understand and thought I was lying to get out of hanging out and social situations which was not true. I just had a responsibility that most people my age couldn't understand yet.
That being said, for a long time when I was in elementary school for example, I had to believe that I had to earn my friends and I had to be friends with people who constantly bullied me, I felt like it was a rite of passage almost until I could be accepted and they were just horrible talks with people but they were literally all I had.
A middle school I realized that I wasn't going to take that treatment anymore. I was so tired of being treated so negatively by everyone except for my mom and trying to defend my siblings when they were mistreated for any limitations they might have. The others simply did not understand.
In middle school I really didn't have any real friends. Some acquaintances perhaps but no one that I could really trust. And for the longest time I didn't have anyone who would ask me first how I was doing. Never mind shared interests.
When my grandma passed away in first year of high school, a man that had to move from my childhood home and when we moved to a completely different state I knew no one and then covet hit and quarantine affected us in a major way. Not only could I not meet new people or try new things, I was stuck in a place that I'd never been to before. Limited to nothing and being able to share and find spaces with a family who was just on an emotional roller coaster. It was a lot and though I'm finishing high school this year, and figure out when next steps. I still haven't made any friends my own age and I had to accept that. This is a time for me to learn about myself and grow and figure out what I like for myself without the world's consent or pressure, and I learned really love to read and it doesn't mean that I'm non-sociable or an outcast or recluse. It just means that I value my self-time and then being alone does not mean lonely, Yes, I miss having friends and I really want to make meaningful connections with people that I would in a heart be agreed to go on an adventure with or to have the conversations into the night but until I reach that stage in my life and I'm just not there yet. I know that when I find those right friends that they're going to be the kind that come once in a lifetime and it'll be worth the wait for. But until then this video has really helped me know that I'm not alone because so often especially in today's world with or without social media, meeting the angle that society is built for us is stressful and hard, but everyone in their own way whether they voice it or not feels the same way either traps and just trying to make ends meet or realizing the peace within themselves making room to be vulnerable for the time to come when things will happen for them and ways that they never expected, but will fall in love with.
There is a reason so many of us gravitate to your channel. You bring hope, peace and gratitude to this unsettling world. Merry Christmas to you and yours.
Your video is beautiful! I'm 69 and don't have friends. Acquaintances, maybe. I love animals, books and art. I cherish being alone. I provide positive behavior support to children who have suffered trauma and struggle in school. I live in a small coastal village where there is way too much gossip. Being alone is amazing. Thank you for your videos.
I am in my 40's and alone also with no true friends. I was an artist and sold my art all over the world including my self published books but I realize now nothing is more cherished than being able to be alone and content with one self as I get closer to the earth through helping it with feeding the animals and planting trees and native plants I find solace through this and comfort in God and my faith. I live on an Island and yet I wish to travel far away one day. If you ever need a friend please reach out to me but I wish you all the best in life.
it’s universal that every small town or tiny village has nothing but gossip… 😂
Same here. 60, Lincolnshire, England. X
Have you read books by Thich Nhat Hanh? If you haven't yet,do take time to read them, they are amazing.
Hello friends
No you not alone. you have us watching you rooting for you and wishing you all the best ❤
We all want to be friends with you, in some way. Being alone gives you more time to reflect and learn more about yourself on a deeper level.
I'd argue that being around people does the same! It allows you to find out what you think and how you react to certain people and situations
I must note down your words into my dairy book..I am also introvert person. 'Being alone gives you more time to reflect n learn more than yourself on a deeper level'.
If you want to be friends with a stranger on the internet, you don t know what friendship is
@@Karincl7 online friendships exist too. Are you really gatekeeping something so simple as friendship?
Yup, nothing equals some quality time with one's self 💙
I was emotionally neglected as a child, so it has taken me a long time to figure out who I am and realize that there is nothing "wrong" with me, and it is still a continuing journey (at 30 years old), so videos such as yours are so encouraging and beautiful. Thank you!
Im 29! And feel the exact same way
I didnt realise till about a year ago that i was an introvert , I always just thought there's something wrong with me not wanting to spend time with people 24/7
You are blessed to have realised this fairly early in life. I am 57 and carried this burden on my back for a very, very long time, but finally the light came on and it changed everything for me. Everything.
I can feel peace, ease of mind. How comforting..
I deeply resonate. I love listening and know people’s stories, but struggle to receive the same attentive listening I long to have reciprocated, and the reciprocal intimacy and vulnerability. At times, being with people drains. There are times, though seldom, being with people is easy - when I feel guess work and guard can be put aside. Your video is very soothing to me.
Your videos always make me feel like I could cry. This one feels very familiar. My teen daughter is the same way. The most sweet, thoughtful, talented and deep little soul who has a hard time in the friend department. She said to me recently, "mom I just want a friend who I can talk about life with." 🥺 That kind of friend is a rare find and I hope that it happens for her one day, she truly deserves it.
Maybe, thats a conversation she can share with U. At least U have each other. 🙂
Oh, I feel the same way she does! (but I'm 40) haha
It's not easy to find a friend like that, but they're sooo valuable when you come across them!
I hope so for her as well. My first close friend happened for me at 23. It is so difficult to experience as a teenager.
@@esthersanchez2264 oh yes! We are best friends 😊
@@jrbracy That's so special, wonder what thats like. Glad to know U are related to Ur close friend. 😊
Thank you for showing that it is possible to be happy and fulfilled without being "popular," as in part of the in-crowd. I have always been somewhat ashamed of not having many close friends. People do assume that if you don't have a circle of best friends around you at all times that something is wrong with you. Being alone does not necessarily mean you are lonely, or unhappy.
Yes I have always felt shame too. So pleased I am not alone in that. I’ve felt that there’s something wrong with me for years and I’m learning it’s not true. Such internal conflict which can be so uncomfortable. The fact is I like my own company and I think that’s a gift. You can never be lonely then.
So happy RUclips suggested your channel. Everything you've talked about goes back to exactly who I feel I am and who I know I am. My third-grade teacher once told my parents that I'd be just as happy sitting at the edge of the woods daydreaming. I know that nature is my place, and for years, I have been away from the thing that renews my soul. I have six more years before I retire from the military and can officially get back into nature. Additionally, I have a few people I can call friends, but like yourself, most of the people I know and work with outside of family are mere acquaintances. Thank you again for your words, as they certainly struck a chord with me and the acceptance of who I am as a person.
I've come to accept that I may not easily find a close friendship, as you mentioned, someone with whom I can comfortably share my feelings without feeling awkward. I've discovered that I enjoy engaging in deep conversations with individuals who are significantly older than me, and I find solace in those connections. The reason I started my RUclips channel was simply because I've been feeling a bit lonely with no one in my real life to discuss gaming with.
It's been wonderful to have a platform where people are eager to engage with me about my gameplay and the game's storyline. It has made life feel less lonely now. By the way your videos are so beautiful and calming. Good for the soul
I feel comfortable by myself. I don't like the loud noise and chatter that comes with friends and I've just accepted it. I don't like small talk and gossip that most people do to fill in the silence and I don't like that people can think of nasty things to say about each other but never to their faces. It's annoying.
uggh ... small talk.
After 40 years of struggling with accepting myself, I have realized that the only friendship that we truly need is with our true Self. If we can love dearly who we are without compromise, we will never feel alone and all else will fall into place in any way it must.✨🕊️🎶☀️🙏
Totally connect with you
This page gives me so much peace.
What a lovely charming video!... so glad I found it...your story is one I can relate to on every level. Thank you for sharing!😊
I have often wondered if I were 'broken ' or 'inferior ' somehow but after watching your videos I have come to realize that I am just my own version of 'normal ' and that's alright. Thank you for that.
I am like you. I just want one friend to call and meet once a week for a meal. A good true friend. Why is it that sometimes society tells us we are not normal or healthy ? I think that’s more the issue than being by oneself if one is comfortable being that way I say leave it. The Lord made us all different to His perfection. This is a beautiful and festive video ❤
I want to be your friend.. because I also want one friend that I can rely on. too bad, we both love faraway :')))
I’m glad to see you have found a community that you can share your thoughts and loves. I don’t have many friends either, and enjoy alone time creating digital arts. We should comfortable who we are and enjoy life. Love your vlogs. ❤❤
I say to myself: "nobody is my friend/everybody is my friend". It's like a zen koan and makes me feel better.