why I chose to live alone - two years in a cottage
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- Опубликовано: 26 янв 2022
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why I chose to live alone - rural cottage living
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I get questions about why I live alone quite a bit, but recently I got a new wave of messages about this after my most recent video. So, I thought I’d address it and explain that living separately from my fiancé is pretty normal in my experience. My mother is Puerto Rican, and many hispanic families I know don’t see it as strange to live with your own family as an adult or live separately from your boyfriend. I’m not saying that this is the correct way to do things: different cultures, individuals, and groups of people treat relationships differently, while this works for me it doesn’t work for everyone. For example, I always wanted to get married, which isn’t the goal for many, and I completely understand that. I will monitor comments to be sure we are respectful of lifestyle preferences different from our own. I chat about this in detail at the end of this video, hoping to share why I made the choices I did and what I gained from it. It was meaningful to reflect on why I lived this way, and to take what I’ve learned as I begin a new journey in a few months 🌸
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I get questions about why I live alone quite a bit, but recently I got a new wave of messages about this after my most recent video. So, I thought I’d address it and explain that living separately from my fiancé is pretty normal in my experience. My mother is Puerto Rican, and many hispanic families I know don’t see it as strange to live with your own family as an adult or live separately from your boyfriend. I’m not saying that this is the correct way to do things: different cultures, individuals, and groups of people treat relationships differently, while this works for me it doesn’t work for everyone. For example, I always wanted to get married, which isn’t the goal for many, and I completely understand that. I will monitor comments to be sure we are respectful of lifestyle preferences different from our own. I chat about this in detail at the end of this video, hoping to share why I made the choices I did and what I gained from it. It was meaningful to reflect on why I lived this way, and to take what I’ve learned as I begin a new journey in a few months 🌸
I don't find it strange at all that you live alone/not with your fiancé. I'm only 49, but I'm a bit old-fashioned that way.
Different cultures , lifestyle varies place to place , time to time. No worries .
I admire you and your outstanding work you put in this channel . Letting us , the viewers into your everyday life has been a bliss in this crazy world . It takes a lot of courage to address private issue and I wholeheartedly thank you for that . You setting a prime example for young women . May God bless you and guide you through the journey.♥️
I used to live alone for 11 years I'm 41 years old I am moved here in Missouri with my dad California was getting bad and it still is. And I do remember the simple things in life. But now I'm not living on my own anymore because I'm handicapped when you are mildly handicapped. You can't do much for yourself because I can't drive. But back home I took a lot of bus rides. But here in Missouri it is no buses here. And I'm fairly new to the station.
I would love to have your recipe for the beautiful cake! @thecottagefairy
I have been married for 41 years and I am 60 years old. I have never lived alone and I can tell you that living on your own before marriage will keep you a strong woman. I find myself now getting more afraid to drive and fly on my own because I have never been on my own. I am blessed to have married a great man, but now that our children are grown my favorite time is having alone time. I never had a chance to explore my own interest and now I feel like I don’t have the confidence to succeed at any hobby but I keep trying. Thank You for sharing.
You have the courage to admit your insecurities, and that's something people lack these days. You are in a successful relationship for decades which is plenty of work. So, you can do anything you want! Pick up a book, try something new, live your life for yourself.❤️
Wow glad you have such insight! I believe my mother is currently stuck in fears of being alone and getting older and never ever having lived alone. It sucks but takes some daring courage to see things as they are and she is still struggling to admit her own fears. Thanks for sharing how you are facing this! Awesome example
Trying IS succeeding !! Only time we fail is when we let fear stop us from trying.
Try meditation Pam. The best is yet to come! :) x
This is so me I'm 36 married with 2 kids. I am so afraid to drive.. Been wondering how I lost all my confidence as a single woman.
After an intense abusive relationship I chose to leave, I moved alone to another state to live alone to heal and find myself again. 5 years later I still live alone by choice. I re-established my connection with my art and writing...The peace and serenity are priceless.
Such s huge decision are not easy in Life. when you loose someone but find yourself then you loose nothing :) may God bless you 🇮🇳
Take your time💗
Same here. 3 years and not going to change anytime soon.
So proud of you
Same- Once I untangled myself from this person who thought they could treat me any old way…. I packed my bags and left the state moving to WNC. I have spent over 16 years being good to myself, living independently. No roommates. No boyfriends not even a date.What started as a “break” felt so good and I realized how little I had given to myself recently 1-year turned to 2 and before I knew it it had been over 16 years.
The me I have been working on felt comfortable and certain and I liked her-even loved her. Imperfections and all.
I met a man who is 11 years my senior whose wife had passed a couple of years prior, and we had coffee. Then after about 3 weeks I saw him again and he invited me to an outdoor cafe for lunch.
He was a different kind of man. Quiet strength, gentle and so funny.
then we would meet he brought me fresh veggies from his garden and he gave me his number. I never called though. Not because I didn’t want to. Just because I’m old fashioned. One evening he got my number from a mutual friend and he called to check on me. We talked for 2 hours. Each night he called me. Each night we’d talk for hours.
We are about to celebrate 7 months of marriage. To love another you must first love yourself. To forgive others you must first forgive yourself. I’m thankful this lady has discovered that at a much younger age than most. It makes for great success in relationships.
After a divorce I have lived alone for the past 6 years. I work full time and love my alone time. Some days I turn off my phone, put on soft music, read, take a warm bath or do yoga. I also paint. I’m alone but never lonely. It’s important to like your own company. ❤️
Same here... But sometimes I fell people who are alone like you and me , can make a world together which will be most beautiful.
You have peace from within! Someone who enjoys their own company is a string and powerful individual. Xx
There’s the truth of it, being alone is different from being lonely 👍
Your life was passing you by with ideas that weren't even yours
Keep going you are strong 💗
Most people feel pity for those living alone. I do feel.pity for those being in a relationship but unfulfilled.
*really?*
true shit ....
So true
It is true.
❤️
“A woman who is
okay with being alone
is a powerful woman.”
I am proud of you girl. ❤️
Nice words 👍
Better not to think ourselves as "alone". We live with "us"
We have "us" to live
Proud of you
She has a fiance. She’s not really alone.
She's one in a thousand
I think everyone should experience living on their own at some point in their lives.
I've always wanted to but only when I am financially stable
I never did and really wish I did.
My 29 year old daughter did finally go on her own. After two live in boyfriend situations. She said she wished she would’ve done it before. Good for you!
Yes it is important for each One of us to live alone in a safe place in life because if we live alone and experienceing our ownself for what we are actually capable for.
It's not possible where I'm from unless you have a VERY high paying job. Wages are low and rent is outrageously high.
I lived alone for 15 years and got married when I was 40 years old. You learn so much, grow, and love yourself so much. Now being married to my very best friend with the Lord being the center of our life is the greatest thing on earth. Enjoy every moment!
i also wanna do this
I sat here watching you make the chocolate and then the cake. I got very relaxed and then I was wanting to get up and make me something sweet. Yet it was almost 3 am. I knew if I had sweets then inwoukd get a sugar rush. So I will watch this video again. In a better time of day. Then I may just try to make myself something special. I love your channel. Where do you live? It's beautiful and looks so serene. I feel lonely as you speak about your Grandmother and family. I have no Grandparents or Parents. I truly miss them. You sound a lot like I used to be. I was a people pleaser. Because you want approval. As well as love. So your a very intelligent young lady. Lots of love from the US. 💕🫶💕🧚♂️
I love being alone and I will not trade for anything. I was married for a long time and have been abused physically, mentally, and emotionally. I did not know my worth for a long time. I am learning to love and take good care of myself. The best life ever.
As an introvert, I understand completely why you value living alone. The need for independence, quiet and serenity is a powerful need. I am more startled that anyone would ask why you don't live with your fiance. That's a very personal question! I guess a lot of former social filters are, sadly, no longer in place. I am proud of you that your explanations for personal decisions are polite, honest and brief. You have a lot of dignity and integrity.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
You just said everything I was feeling.
Hi could I need to get touch with a native speaker to improve language so if anyone will be interesting in this plz provide me with your e-mail. It would be too nice
@@evangeline3152 AMEN 🙏
I thought the same thing. Why are people asking such a personal thing. Manors!
I wish we lived in a world where each person could choose what makes them happy without feeling the need to defend those choices. Assuming, of course, those choices are not hurting others.
Unfortunately, we live in a world in which too many people interfere in other people's lives too much. We live in a world in which people enjoy making the lives of those a little "different" from them miserable.
👏👏👏
Perfectly said and absolutely agree!
I do live in that world the one I created for myself. As a very young girl I knew i would never be mainstream or traditional. I'm very, very LUCKY I came from parents who encouraged that. I think we all can live in that world if we all let go of fear, namaste.
No one is truly alone with a dog 🥰
So true! Pets give us unconditional love and help us never feel lonely. I love my pups! 🐾
Or a cat. Lol
Pets can never replace human interaction.
@@courtneywhitaker - and they don't grow up to be drug addicts, juvenile delinquents nor criminals.
There is a big difference between lonely and alone. Nothing is lonelier than living with the wrong person, which you pretty much quoted.
Yes, I was in a 38-year marriage, and I felt so alone in that relationship.
Now I live alone, and I feel happy, never lonely.
As an introvert, I completely understand and never once wondered why you live alone!!! Your existence looks heavenly!! And I am married to my best friend and love my life when I say that! But I totally get that overwhelming need for peace and quiet and independence. It's so healing and empowering. I think what you've accomplished living so remotely by yourself is magical and more people should learn from your example of finding happiness with oneself!
I so agree. It's blissful
Enjoying your own company is like an addiction❤
Yes!
Yess
That is so true !
I love being alone ❤️
A blessing...💚💚💚
Living in solitude is pure BLISS but a very few can handle it.
*solitude kills.*
well i do for sure agree with this, u are forced in a way to be more autonomous and self reliant even if you don t really want to.
U have the ability to do the routine the exact way u wanted to!
@@user-ry2qs7xf9k Truly.
@@user-ry2qs7xf9k No but people definitely.
I love living alone!
I travelled alone MY FIRST TIME EVER when I was 52. IT CHANGED MY LIFE. It took immense COURAGE and I ALMOST cancelled at the last minute out of fear. BE BRAVE. It Works Always.
this comment just made me cry--in a good way--i needed this encouragement, thank you
💗💗💗💗💗💗
@@chasingthesun90 I would suggest trying to go for day trips around your city, then nearby city. Explore around and experience the places. It would be easier to travel far when you learn how to do it and to enjoy it more.
I traveled Europe, alone, at 27 (except for the four days a friend flew in to see London & Paris with me!!). I got a rental car and spent several weeks going where I wanted and seeing what I wanted to see (mostly small villages-the cities were not fun!). It was wonderful getting to do it all at my own relaxed pace. Definitely an adventure! But also exhausting, and I got homesick too! And yes, I was scared before I ventured out, but I just jumped in, and it worked out great. And, there were *always* kind people around the few times I needed help. I tried to be in at night, and I stayed heads up also. Best of all, I got traveling out of my system in my 20s, ha! Now I just love being home. One of my best friends travels all the time still for fun (I’m in my 40s). It sounds exhausting to me! 😂
So proud of you!!
Your boyfriend said to you he loves you unconditionally.........embrace his heart and soul. For he will be with you always. Those loving words sealed the deal. I admire and respect you for your morals and authenticity of who you are in this world. You stand taller through your character. Many people have just settled, experimented or gone with the flow of what this world has morphed into which unfortunately leaves most people feeling lost and sad. I use to tell my daughter as a child and teen, " No one can make you cool. You make your own self cool." I have to say, you and my daughter are pretty cool. God bless and keep you always my dear.
Not to me, but thank you for this comment :-)
It’s nice to see someone sticking by their values and morals no matter what the outside world thinks. The two of you will grow together in this wonderful new chapter, blessings❤️
This is a beautiful comment. I appreciate it and it resonates with me even though it’s not for me.
I think it's ridiculous that people ask you that, as if a woman alone is a sign of something wrong. It makes perfect sense to live alone, or with family, until married. This is such a precious time in life, and it's great to see someone taking it all in and living to the fullest on their own before sharing their life and living space with someone. It'll definitely make your marriage stronger too.
100 PERCENT AGREE WITH YOU C C. PLUS SHE
Those are the same people who think k that a child liking his or her own company in shool is weird. Such people are troublemakers.
No drama, just pure devotion towards life
❤❤❤❤❤❤ this is IT!
i’ve lived alone for about 3 years as a foreign student since i was 16. it’s really something amazing but also terrifying. when you’re far away from home and everyone you know is oceans away from you, those nights when you feel completely lonely in a crowded city, when your parents call to check in and you don’t show them you’re sad because it would make them worried. but eventually, you settle down and find a routine, something to keep your sanity. eventually, you learn to take care of yourself, to perform mental first aid, to have fun while being alone. and now that i’m back home and living with others, i actually find myself yearning for the freedom and silence that living alone had. of course, having people around is great and reassuring, but being able to be completely responsible and in control of your household is also amazing.
This makes me wanna live alone
I believe healthy people need both parts. When you are a parent, you understand that you must sacrifice a bit, but other than that, this is being whole.
I have same story
Your parents likely knew you were sad and lonely but wanted you to at least have this wonderful experience. I knew my daughter was struggling when she had a semester abroad but slowly she made the best of the experience. When I visited her frankly I was a bit worried but she powered thru.
I can relate so much to this!
Thank you for voicing something I am just discovering at 75. I have been married since I was 18-to a couple of different gentlemen-and only when my beloved last husband passed away last year was I able to experience life on my own. I am absolutely astounded how much I am enjoying being the mistress of my own hearth, doing things that I love without factoring in the needs or demands of others. I loved being partnered but I believe I am more happy than I have ever been in my life as a solitary, autonomous person. Blessings on your life transition-always keep a little corner of your life just for you!
Same here. So content and happy now.
This is so refreshing to read. “Mistress of my own hearth” - love it.
Amen sister! Being alone is awesome!
Aw that's awesome! 😊😊
Enjoy your life! Am 74 yrs old living with my husband, my only daughter and her husband
It never occurred to me to question why you live alone or not with your fiancé. I value my alone time and privacy so I'm actually content. Living alone doesn't mean you don't have friends or you live a "hermit" lifestyle. It simply means my existence isn't predicated by having someone live with me. I'm very happy and feel quite normal living alone. Of course it helps not needing validation from someone else and have a strong sense of self. Folks should get to know themselves before they jump into relationships, probably lead to finding someone more compatible with who you are. Respect and love....
Yes, this. My ex needed constant validation and it was exhausting. I couldn't handle it.
Yes !
@@sandieneff1613 yes. It is a lifelong journey.
"Folks should get to know themselves before they jump into relationships, probably lead to finding someone more compatible with who you are." Words to live by.
@@sandieneff1613 that's an important observation. I quite agree. Partnerships of any kind teach us much about ourselves. As she mentioned towards the middle, what works for some does not for others. Peace and love to all. 😊
Generally I don't disclose about myself on social sites,but watching this and engulfing everything,woman who lives alone ,has pure heart,has pets ,has plants and has life alone ,she is a gem.I love being strong and independent.It is feeling that I cherish and that makes me proud of myself always.
"His love wasn't conditional."
That is the way how real love should be.
I once was blessed with such a true love, but I didn't take enough care of it and so it has changed to an unforgettable dream.
May your love never end!
Respect is better than love.
@@Emma-yg2uf you can respect a person without loving him or her but you cannot love a person without respecting him or her.
@@rosemarypadilla1141 Well you’re wrong. How many times have you heard from your parents, boyfriends, friends or other family members that they love you but there is not even an ounce of respect?
@@Emma-yg2uf so true .
@@rosemarypadilla1141
So true!! If you “truly” love someone, which means caring about them, then you’ll also respect them. ❤️
Beautiful video. My husband and I chose not to live together before our wedding, and this year we celebrate 37 years of marriage. I remember the excitement of knowing on the day of our wedding that I was starting a whole new chapter in my life. Your wedding is going to be really special, and that cake looked wonderful. You’re a very talented young woman 😊
I have been wondering about why you are not living with your fiance as well but it is also none of my business. I feel honored enough that you share your life so fully and willingly. Everybody is entitled to live their life as they want and not be questioned in their decisions. But I understand the curiosity and highly respect you for choosing to address it. 💚
I've lived alone since I was 19 years old and don't regret anything. I am in my late 20's and still discover something new every day about myself. I love it. It takes courage to live alone and is sure challenging sometimes but totally worth it, so so so much worth it.
Currently I am experiencing loneliness, sometimes I really feel unwell. Because I would want to be in a good relationship with someone who can understand me and love me the way I live and love me because of my personality. But this video really made me feel good. It is better to be alone rather than being in a wrong relationship with a wrong person.
Thank you ❤️❤️
You should marry now as it is natural system of life even animals , birds are following the system, one should has his or her own children to be busy in life, otherwise there is nothing in life and the person becomes sick to always think about him or her self, my all sincer wishes are with you I can write more but please follow the natural system.
@@anniesyed8188 What is natural life? Life and death can only come and go alone
Listen to louise hey 's teachings
You l find ur happiness for sure
Anyone can choose a wrong person whenever you give more importance to external beauty or money than internal beauty.. Life becomes most beautiful when you find that special person in life.hope for the best for you..
@@anniesyed8188 kids aren’t for everyone
to be honest, your videos are really amazing. they're not only pretty, but also comforting and mood lifting. when i feel down, i can just come here and feel so much better. i am thankful i found your channel! sending love ❤️
That is so encouraging to know, thank you very much ❤️
Feel the exact same way ❤️
I agree. Paola’s videos inspire me to enjoy the moments in my life more.
I agree, absolutely!
It’s true for me too and probably many of us, I’m sure.
Paola, you are almost at a million subscribers!!! I'm so proud of you... it is a testament to how genuine and meaningful your videos are! I am 66 and it took me until I was 46 to live alone and find out who I really am and appreciate the beauty of that experience. You are wise beyond your years! You are truly an empath I believe, as am I, and I understand the need to tune into your own experience before you share it with someone else. Thank you for your wisdom, your insights, and most of all for truly being the unique gift the universe created! Thank you for all that you share with us!
What an inspirational story. I just moved back to a tropical island with my 13 year old daughter as a single mom and attorney. I have struggles and difficulties trying to adjust after living in the United States for 37 years. Your story gives me the courage to persevere. I am learning to believe in myself again. Thank you.
Just wanted to remind you as a single mother, like me, to be always aware of protecting your daughter in that isolated environment. She is so innocent and there are people everywhere who can try to take advantage of that. I feel happy for your mother-child adventure, but please protect her. Sexual abuse and violence against women and girls are so rampant. Be strong, you have to be, for her!
There are benefits with both living alone and having people live with you. But being alone was the best feeling ever. Having your own solitude space with such peace of mind. Your home is so beautiful! Your life style and videos are so lovely. You're very inspiring and creative. I'm sure he will adore your way of life. :)
I understand what you're talking about and relate entirely. Knowing these things about yourself now may save you tons of grief over your life. I'm sixty now and my mantra is 'who am I now and what do I like'? Always a mother, though they are grown and thriving, who am I now and what do I like? Living alone for those of us who have tended to be chameleons, changing to blend with whomever is in our lives, is a way to get quiet and listen for our quiet self who longs for our attention and love. And now I must make chocolate bars because I'm so so easily influenced still:)
Aww I can relate to some of what you are saying. I always needed my family when I was younger, and unfortunately I didn’t get enough time back then to discover who I really was. Although I am so deeply grateful for my husband, grown up children and grandchild to be around me now, I never get much alone time to just be myself, alone the house. I have never had much of that in my life, and I know how important it is to have times when you can be alone even to be creative (I like to paint, bake and sew) I have needed that vital ‘alone time’ in my journey through life. Note: I am so thankful though, not to be lonely because that is the worst feeling of all.
Very wise words. I was single most of my adult life, but I still lived as the people around me wanted (a lot of that stemmed from church life). Took me until I was 39-ish to stop doing that.
Totally relate to this! I have to have time alone to reconnect with myself snd see where I want to go now and what I want to do because it changes throughout the seasons of our life.
What a wonderful mantra, thanks for sharing that. Something I want to share with my two daughters (who are still very young so I hope they grow up with this as a foundational thought), also in the hope of reminding myself regularly too.
Your comment made me cry. How poignant and beautiful and true. Here's for tender self-care for all the empaths 💖✨
I have lived alone for years (I am in my mid-50s). Even as a young child, I felt more comfortable being by myself. I am never lonely. Everybody is different and this has always worked for me. Your videos are so calming. Sometimes I just just listen to them while working. I love your channel.
Same! I have no desire to get married again, I am perfectly happy living by myself, in fact, I prefer it. My 3 boys are grown & on their own & I am really enjoying this time of my life because for the first time in many years, I only have to take care of myself:)
Me too
I love how you surround yourself with such beautiful things in your home.
I love your Lamps, candles, and homewares that show your individual style.
To me, that’s what makes a home a sanctuary of our own, to relax and feel inspired.
Hi Paola, where did you find the water-plant lightbulb you turn on at 5:56? It is so magical
This is all so beautiful. I'm grateful your channel found me. ❤🕯🙏🏿
I love living alone too and do a lot of things on my own. People feel sorry for me sometimes because they don't understand! I'm an introvert and never lonely, it's my choice, in fact it's also a need not only a choice and I love it.
I am 41 and I feel excatly te same. Te quiero!
I didn’t live with my fiancé until we got married and I loved that decision. It made getting and being married that much more special. ❤️
Yes. Beautiful
I like your decision and wish you a happy marriage😊❤
Very wise
You are an empath for sure Paola, the people pleasing is hard to understand and manage. I am empathetic too, but never reached that realization until much later in life. Good for you to realize that now and take care of yourself ❤️
If more people would live alone and do this I think we’d have a much healthier society. It’s about finding your identity and self love which is paramount for a healthy relationship
Yes
Exactly
I totally understand the "losing oneself" in a relationship. Take you with you, now that you've discovered her! ❤️❤️
I've lived alone for many years. I think most women especially need to create their own space, their own "nest", and discover what they like and approve. I pray you and Luke will always be able to give each other space to be who you are, at the same time that life will inevitably require a "dance" of bending to each other's needs at times and learning how to mesh your lives together in a new and creative way. ----And that cake! Delectable and beautiful!
Your spirit reaches out and touched me every time I watch your channel. I’m LIVING through cancer right now and you’re such a calming soul and that’s food for my soul . Thank you for all you do known and unknown. Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays and great blessings be on you and yours. 💜
Im old enough to be your mom. I grew up in the front of womens rights. My parents had other ideas. As the only girl they kept a very strict reign on me that wasnt there for the boys. I stayed at home until my wedding day. My parents never understood my desire to leave home. I wasnt running from anything. I just needed to do things my way, somewhere. My furniture, my arrangements, my routine, and I never had that at home. And I married a selfish man so I certainly didnt have it married. Time has gone by, things have changed, Im living in a very small world and I love it. 💖
I bought an 800 square foot house when I was 23 years old and lived in it for over 2 years by myself before I met the man that I married. I loved living by myself, and I think it's important for people to do. You need to be comfortable with yourself and being alone before you marry.
How funny how much has changed. Forty years ago when I married (far too young and clueless) it was rare to live together before marriage. And now people are wondering why you're not.
This is amazing and inspiration for me 🥰 i’m a singel mom, my husband past away in 2018 to cancer, a long and heartbreaking jurny now its my 11 year old kid and me. Hi from Sweden 🇸🇪👩🏻🦰
Stay well for yourself in the now, for your future, and of course for your child. Know you can be confident, And your child Will be confident knowing you, their mother Is loving and free from self doubt.
Bless you
I live with chronic pain and your videos calm me down so much-thank you 🙏
I did not understand the power of living alone until my husband passed 19 years ago. I often wonder now what skills I would have gained had I done so before I married. Very impressive choices. Thank you for sharing.
Did you remarry?
Same!
Learn skills now. Your husband didn’t hold you back. Married or not we can try new things….
I've been married almost 15 years, and I still treasure the time I had living alone before I got married. That's where I really learned who I was, what my needs and preferences are, and it's still how I measure my happiness and health. In marriage and parenthood, I've found there is still room sometimes for that solitude, in between interruptions, and that it's necessary for me to make that space.
So glad your back is feeling better, and that cake looks gorgeous!
Idk why I feel so much of satisfying in the this video , something made me feel so happy I couldn't explain what it is ,the aesthetic appearance of objects ,pleasing lights , colour , dressing , soothening and calming movements of the girl , the shades , everything is literally beautiful
I find myself drawn to the simplicity you live.
I've loved living alone, and I've loved living with my husband, children (as adults, too) and grandchild at times. My husband and I have always enjoyed our separate bedrooms (to the astonishment, questions and criticism of many). We both love having our own rooms. We both sleep better, for one thing. It has certainly not gotten in the way of good sex, and for us, improved it. We love retiring to our private thoughts, different cycles of waking and sleeping, our different tastes as to heat and cold, soft and hard, light and dark. Frankly, it feels supremely civilized in the best sense of the word. I suspect many more people live this way than admit It, and many more envy us than one might suspect. It matters not to either of us.
I want my own room too or at least my own bed . My husband snores and moves so much hahaha also I would like my own bathroom too
Wow! Thank you for writing this. I never really considered this option.
My husband and I sleep in different rooms sometimes for this reason, andour marriage is pretty good. I'm 26, we have been together since I was 15 and he was 16. We got married at 19 and 21. I've only ever lived alone when he was deployed and it was terrible. I felt like my brain was melting and I was falling apart. I never want to live alone again. We both want this cottage lifestyle together. We grew up in the woods/mountains in SW Washington (just 2 miles apart) and we really miss the quiet and the solitude. We want to buy a secluded property and build a small family home to raise our daughter and other future children.
Beginning to want my own space now. When I moved into this house, I made space for furniture and everybody's comfort. But no space for me. Strange!!!
That sounds like a really good arrangement. Being together all the time sounds romantic in theory but i feel it will only work if the couple is extremely much on the same wave-length. And i think there is a higher chance for a long lasting relationship if both have their own spaces to retreat to now and then.
"My love is unconditional ..." Beautiful, the only true love, real love, is unconditional. You are blessed to have a man in your life who knows this and I am very happy for you. 💜
I’m 38, and lived alone almost all of my life. I’ve had roommates while in college, in my 20s. I currently still thrive alone in a rural area in the country. I am by a large body of water & the woods. I’ve never experienced loneliness. Your videos are so awesome. They inspire & help others to really need to experience aloneness. It is an empowering thing, & I believe there you can only find true happiness while you are alone.
"I've never experienced loneliness..." this is a profound sentiment that I share with you. Aloneness and all of the wonders inherent to Solitude have been the building blocks of meaning and strength in my life. I very much appreciated reading what you articulated so well. 🖤
@@AvecPoesie Thank you for your response. I do choose aloneness. I enjoy it and find comfort in it. It’s always been my personality type. As a child, I preferred to play alone. Our personality types have a lot to do with what we feel we need, as far as connections. Thank you for understanding.
That wrapped chocolate is the prettiest package I’ve ever seen! ❤
you are very beautiful and sweet
Alone is place to find solitude. Proud to all girls and women who stay alone. ❤
I am so happy that you realized that you were "loosing yourself" into the dreams of others at your age... It took me 70 years to realise it! I do appreciate so much looking at your videos, it is like a breeze of fresh air!
I'm younger (45!) but can totally relate. I wish I had realized in my 20's that I was living a life that was expected from me (find a man, get married, have kids) rather than what I really wanted. Life has a way to teach you lessons when you're least expecting it and now since 5 years I've been living the single life that was obviously intended for me because I'm THRIVING! Wishing you love and good health, dear Mariette. 🥰
Im right there with you. I am just learning how NOT to get lost in other peoples worlds or ideas of what’s right. I just went through a very scary situation where I woke up and realized I was completely lost and it was unbelievable to me.
Something in me wants desperately to be fully awake and I can’t push it away anymore. At 63 I’m picking myself up and dusting off, again….
@@NelCooper not getting lost in other people's ideas.
I like the way you put it! Its exactly describes what I did the last few years of my life.
You have such a captivating warmth about you! It makes these videos so relaxing, like time with a good friend 💗
Precisely. This what draws me to her channel.
I’m a 34 year old from kc. And after my last relationship something clicked in my head and I’ve been alone now for 2 years myself! Love your channel
You are more than allowed to grieve the stage of your life that you're leaving behind! There is a weird stigma about being sad or missing your life when you are moving onto "better" things, but you are essentially leaving a whole life behind you - and in your case, one that you love! Take your time, grieve your cabin, your time in the fields, your non-married days, waking up in a bed by yourself and only worrying about your own schedule and needs. I didn't realize until recently that, it's okay to be sad to lose things, even bad things, and you don't have to justify that feeling of loss. Enjoy the journey and all the emotions that come with it, I will keep you in my thoughts!
Well said! I agree
Very wise words💕
It's the same for me: I wouldn't live with my boyfriend until we were married. It's a matter of upbringing and culture. And personal preferences. Great to see your lovely video again! Get well soon, Paola!
AGREE !
It’s also scientifically proven to be better for marriage to not fornicate and live together prior. 👍
@@bodnarova05 got any studies that prove that? :)
@@maschasikora yup. Look up Jordan Peterson talks and Google is your friend too ;)
@@maschasikora ruclips.net/video/D7v3eZWfiY0/видео.html
I live alone the last 3 years and love it! I am never lonely! Very content and work full time as a Supervisor so the quiet time coming home is wonderful.
Those who live with a dog can never be alone ❤️❤️
True👍
Funny story: When I first got married, I had that same "People pleaser" attitude about the way I decorated our apartment. So, I filled it with things I thought my husband would like. Then, when we got our first house, I decided I wanted to allow my creativity to shine. I asked my husband if it would bother him if I did that, and he said, "I just went with what you were doing before because I thought that was what you liked." 😂 Now, I have a colorful boho styled house, and rooms with different themes. Best part, my husband said he likes my actual style better than what I was doing when I was trying to please him. 🤣 I still run stuff by him before I make major changes, but overall he tends to like the same things I do. Communication, man. It makes a difference. 😅
Wow! I did the same thing in our first home together. This is our second home and it actually feels like "home" now because I'm allowing myself to buy what excites me rather than buying what is in trend.
Wow….. communication……
If I get two sentences a day from my husband of almost 40y it’s a flipping miracle 😢
@@nz-nz Have you told him that you value his opinion? Or possibly tried asking him out on date to make him feel wanted? There are board games and printable online quizzes with communication prompts for married couples. Maybe creating a date night scenario for the two of you, and playing some newlywed games could get him to open up. The games may seem silly at first, but it could lead to more meaningful conversations over time.
Communication works only if you deal with a good and understanding man.
I have both lived with people, and lived alone. In my own experience it can be difficult later on to share your space once you have lived alone for sometime.
Paola, you are so smart for taking time to live alone. You will appreciate your marriage more. I have never lived alone, was married at 18 and now 53 years later we are still together. When I discovered my love of crafting, photography and painting my husband built me a little craft room. Now I have a little place just for me. I am looking forward to you sharing your life's journey. Since you have been so open to us, I hope we will get to have a little peek at your wedding, as I know it will be amazing for your close friends and family. Love to you.
I would so love to know the journey of your relationship that started so young and has survived so many seasons of life. I certainly wouldn't expect you to answer that here, but my gosh, you must have stories to tell and wisdom to share!
My husband did as you & Luke did. We didn’t live together while dating for 2 years. We’ve been married 27 years now. I’m very in love with him & he is in love with me. We have 6 children & 1 grandchild. We’ve homeschooled most of the kids. A few of them flourished in public school, though. I have one child still here at home to teach.
This is probably my 3rd time watching this. It’s so soothing. Everything you do is so beautiful.
Your ability today to acknowledge & stand up for your personal wishes strongly suggests you've arrived emotionally at a very healthy place in life. You're ready to move on with plans in place to do just that. I can't help but think about your Motherhood and what a blessing that will be for you - but even more importantly, I can see what a tremendous blessing you will be for your children.
I agree too .
@@jennymay4720 Yours is excellent advice to anyone who is a giver, the kind of person Paola definitely is. But I think you can relax. She's marrying a giver like she is & I can't see her identity ever being stolen or overwhelmed by him. And as a giver, Luke'll make sure she gets from him what she needs & wants, the same as she will do for him. And I expect him to be a fully participating like minded partner in loving & raising their children. She is very wise. I think she's setting things up to provide for everyone involved a very happy family life. Choosing the right man, something I believe she's successfully accomplished, was the essential first step.
We all already know he's hit the jackpot with her.
Alone time is so very important. When I don’t have any time to myself I feel agitated. Always give yourself permission to have your alone time so you can continue to feed your creative self. By not living with your fiancé before marriage you are giving yourself and him a true gift. So rare in this world today.
I think everyone should live alone for some time before getting married. It is so beautiful to watch your videos. Thank you 💖
Right now, I find comfort in being alone. Seeing peers stressed about relationships makes me think solitude might be better.
There are many ways to share a life together. Some good friends that have been married 35 years live 45 miles from each other. It’s a beautiful drive down the coast so that helps. They sailed around the world for 7 years and have lived together and apart and they are very happy. They spend weekends together and are out and about together so it works for them. I’m single at the moment and have lived alone for 3 years, as well as many points in life. I think the perfect situation might be 2 small homes nearby on the same property. It is enjoyable to play house as well with someone, but I’m enjoying this time to get to know new things about me. Wish you the best my friends!
2 small homes nearby on the same property is precisely the situation my partner and I are opting for. I need alone time and privacy and have long learned that being in a relationship does not have to mean being joined at the hip.
Oh my goodness! I thought I was so weird, after 38 years of marriage, yearning to have my own space again. I don't want a divorce. I just want to be 'the lady of my own house'.
This is starting to be more common. Especially with second marriages when each person already owns a home and is wise to the ways of lifes experiences.
Hi Paola: I really enjoyed the video where you included members of your family, much like I enjoy the talk and the end of your videos where you directly address your viewers. In this newest one, early on in the filming where you are breathing in the scent of that bundle of lavender(?), you then turn your gaze directly into the camera and smile. What a lovely touch! You have superb instincts regarding how to connect to your audience, and this significantly adds to the charm of your channel. All the best to you!
I admire your editing 🌝 it is just pure talent 💜
from Japan. Nice music and beautiful images. Thank you for the wonderful time.
I love alone time, meditation morning's, peaceful evenings watching a good movie or documentary with a cup of decaf green tea or a good book. But, I too need visiting family and friends, dinners around the table, dining out at local restaurants, shopping locally. I so agree though, I'd much rather live alone in peace and comfort than with a toxic person or someone you're not compatible with. Thanks for sharing.
Feel the same
I completely understand what you mean about being excited about getting married and moving into a new home, but the sadness that comes with that, too. The home that holds us, shelters us and looks after us in our single years will always be so very treasured, but the home that allows us to build our family is a whole new adventure and type of happiness. Wishing you all the very best, you dealt with these questions with such grace.
It’s nice to have your own home, I miss the feeling... Living alone, does not mean being totally isolated from relationships and social interaction.
I think living alone is something that everyone should experience at some point in their life. For me, the experience really made me realize who I really am as a person. I’m sure your video left a thoughtful message in a lot of people 😊.
I personally have a friend where whenever I spend time with her I slowly forget who I am. I remember when I spend a whole weekend with her and she was talking a lot about her life and her struggles, I just went to the toilet for a second and I saw myself in the mirror there and just thought like "Oh yeah I totally forgot, I exist too" and that feeling is soo weird. (I often make other people's problems my own and that one friend has a lot of them)
“His love isn’t conditional” Such a lovely phrase. Love it!!!
Aloneness is a necessity for many creative people.
It is no wonder you chose to live alone.I mean the place is peaceful and mesmerising.Besides,you have got your animals around you and that's the ideal.
I once went to a wedding where they had asked everyone to bring something for tea (cakes, cookies, fruit etc). They enclosed a homemade paper flag that we should write on. Going along the trestle table, reading things like "Uncle John's lemon sponge" or "Paola's beet and raspberry shortcake" (for instance!) really broke the ice and made the Wedding feast of afternoon tea such a special occasion. I will never forget it. All the family had to do was provide the drinks which helped enormously with the cost (and lots of friends/family had contributed crockery from thrift stores).
💚💚💚
how lovely !!
That sounds so magical.
As someone who is independent and values having her own space tremendously, it made me really happy when you mentioned how respectful your fiancé was of your decision to live alone before your marriage. I really do hope I can find such an understanding person one day. I am 19 and have been living alone almost for two years now. I was very lucky to be able to rent the little space that I am so glad to call home now and I have learnt so many things and created such beautiful memories in it. It has helped me grow and develop in ways that I could not have done had I continued living with my parents. Thank you for speaking about how important it is to some of us to have a place just for ourselves, it made me realize I am not “weird” for not wanting roommates.
PS: your little chocolates and cake look absolutely beautiful and delicious!
This is the first time that I have written to you. I want to say that I have been following you in your videos for over six months now, since I decided to live on my own, after many years of travelling, writing books and having a home of my own. I so relish my home now and from this silence can discover myself again and who I am. Much appreciate your sharing of your life, it has been a very special and supportive experience for me. I live in Australia, a long way from you. I look forward to your video every week and your generous sharing.
Caroline, you sound like me, in your love of being alone and independent. I am in South Eastern Australia between Canberra and the coast, in a small town. I was born out of town on one of the Merino wool sheep farms. I like being around others and knowing so many who live here in town I love and crave the peace and quiet of being on a farm in the Australian bush. I like hearing all the animals wake up and their quiet noises as they put themselves to bed as the sky turns to night. I love watching the stars parade across the sky's, the fog or mist sneak in from the mountains, the noises of moving water when it rains or near the creeks and rivers, etc. Blessings, Dot
I'm having a morning off from work. It's the first time since ages I have some time to do anything I want, which, in my case, is nothing at all. Thank you for keeping me company with your lovely videos and calming personality and making me evaluate the path I am on.
Hello Cottage Fairy, I just discovered your channel by happenstance the other night. It gave such a sense of calm and focus, of peace and confidence to see you go through your seasonal herb and season gathering. Your spring flower gathering, your cake and candy making took me back to a time I only knew about through PBS stories of Ann of Green Gables or Little House on the Prairie. My daughter was fascinated watching those programs on TBS and PBS as a child. I respect your decision to live alone before marriage and believe that more men and women should take that step to get back to tradition of living separately before marriage and even foregoing intimacy too, if you understand where I'm coming from. I'm a senior now and what I found so refreshing was that when I met my future wife, who by chance rented a studio apartment with her brother temporarily staying with her, I found it a " breath of fresh air" to date someone who was not in a hurry for intimacy. I literally courted her for 6 months before proposing to her. We were both in our late 20s. Mine was a series of relationships throughout my 20s, and running into the same concrete wall of superficial promiscuity and false promises. Finally we got married in the church, a nuptial mass wedding. She was a Nicaraguan immigrant and me, a city boy, diverse in my mindset, bi-lingual , but barely. We actually went through a marriage preparation program and I started attendibg church with her as well. We wound up spending 35 yrs together, raised two children, a boy then a girl. Our kids were bi-cultural and learned her culture and language before English. We are now friends, although we went through a divorce through no fault of hers. I will say, observing you, you are a charming lady from anothrr era. Your fiance is a lucky man. I love your Labrador. I owned two yellow labs in my life. Our kids grew up with our family dog. It's a big step. I wish you well and pray your marriage will be a success. Two hearts, two individuals as one unit. May you have a lovely family life if you so choose that. I forgot your name, but, mine is Frank. I will be looking forward to watching your story book videos. Que Dios Te Bendiga. Congratulations, happy honeymoon time of adjustment..👏🙏🎉🕊️
Your chocolates and the cake are gorgeous and I'm sure, delicious!
It would never cross my mind to question why a person lives alone, especially a person who puts as much thought and care into their existence as you do - and I say that having NEVER lived alone! I had roommates in college, lived at home until I got married, had 3 children - and I dragged that out for many years due to an age span of 20 years between my eldest and youngest. But as an introvert, I can understand the choice of living alone completely.
You seem to be an old soul with a lot of wisdom for your age.
I applaud you for choosing to live alone for a while! I remember going grocery shopping the first time after I was divorced, walking through my front door into an empty apartment and feeling like I had just climbed a mountain. You have climbed the mountain beforehand. Well done ❤️
Hi I'm from Philippines and I've been watching your videos a lot these days, I'm suffering depressions and anxiety the whole time I don't know why but your videos is my medicines , it's really healing me and ease my mind especially when it's cooking time I really love those moments. I wanna have that life someday far away from the city out of judgements and noise, I'll support this channel as long as I'm alive❤❤❤.
Cottage Fairy, you are a good example of 'How to love yourself', something that I am learning to do myself. Thank you! Wendy from Wyoming😊
I lived alone until age 34 when I married my husband. The alone time made me stronger and more independent. I am happily married now for 22 year! I really enjoy you videos.
LOL I swiped at my screen a few times in the beginning 😄 You have a ton of wisdom at a young age. I lived w my family until I got married as well, being traditional, Catholic of Italian descent background. I did live alone for a short time ( long story) which was healthy & happy as well! I'm so excited for your wedding, you will be a beautiful bride. Glad u r getting better! 🙏 God bless you my friend ❤
Me too! And amen 💕
7:37-7:57 i can relate to that so much. growing up I've always been very introverted and wanted to live a life that's very different from the ppl that surrounded me. i was always faced w criticism, judgement, and even hate... and what hurts more is it comes from the people that i am closest w... my own family & friends. in my culture this is already kind of "normalized" but i think it's only bcz it was not addressed enough and they just let it be. but i don't want to be around that energy my entire life. I'm only 20 but i think abt wat kind of life i want to live. i live w my parents my entire life, so i have faced criticism on how i want to go abt my life.. that made me feel insecure of the things i love and what makes me comfortable. i'm not confident enough to move out bcz even if i live in a dysfunctional family, i am still family oriented. my mental health has stooped down to the lowest and sometimes it felt like it will never get better. even tho i have always been affected on what others think, i try everyday to survive and change my lifestyle, to live for myself and not how other ppl want me to live.
I'm 26 now. I am the same. I hope you change it and me too 😇
I find your videos so soothing and calming. Like a meditation 🧘🏻♀️ thank you, from Australia.
I love the elegance of your videos with the soft music, the capturing of each moment, action and beautiful image. Your videos bring me a sense of peace and ease. Way to go on your decision. Times alone can teach us so much about ourselves, a very important thing to learn in life, teaching self trust, introspection, insight, wisdom and reliance, even a sense of freedom. Know Thyself as a philosopher said - was it Socrates? You are so wonderfully artistic and creative. May you have a life full of good health, beauty, wisdom and creativity!
Luke believes in unconditional love...wow. The two of you will make a lovely life together. Paola, everything you do is an art form. I have had to isolate myself for over 2 years now and your videos have helped bring peace in my life. Thank you. Sending love to everyone.
The soft voice with the soft background music almost looks like poetry with the delicacy.