How to Be a Good Friend
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- Опубликовано: 31 окт 2018
- We all know how lovely friendship can be, but we seldom focus properly on what a good friend should actually be like. As a result, we miss out on opportunities to become precisely that sort of friend - and enrich the social lives of all those we meet. A short masterclass in the art of friendship.
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FURTHER READING
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“Some of the reason why we aren’t, collectively, so good at friendship, is that we don’t have a clear idea of what a really good friend might be like. It may therefore be worth trying to draw up a list of an ideal candidate, so as to focus our desires and spur us on to acquire the sort of character we would want to find in others…”
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What are the qualities you value most in a friend? Let us know in the comments below. Be sure to subscribe and ring the bell to turn on notifications so you don't miss future discussions.
not stabbing you in the back
Trust
Someone who will explore the world, and be open to new experiences, by your side. And if they make a "date" to meet you, they will show up and on time.
Actually being there and do stuff was also strangely absent from the list.
You can tell right away who ranks you as a decent priority over other worldy issues when they show up (or don't) at your doorstep to keep you company on a crappy week. Even if sometimes the "doorstep" is a chatbox, they try.
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Good Friends are rare, treasure them.
People who piss in your sink are even rarer, abandon them.
saganist True, but don't give up looking, there are great people out there
Very good advice
Marijn Pater and then there is me trying to be a good friend but I mess up everything
i have one, and hses crying so much rn, idk what to do
My best friends are the ones I can sit in a room completely silent with and still feel comfortable.
Derek Stark exactly! I hate when people are uncomfortable in silence, like we don’t have to talk during this car ride or on this short walk. It’s ok. Ok don’t have to have something to say in every moment of silence.
Truth.
fuck shit sorry tourrets
Fr
I was silently in a room with my friend and I was okay with it, I didn't even feel like it was awkward nor did the thought pop up in my mind. But then she was like, "well... This is really awkward... Haha..." And I honestly kind of felt triggered by that. The same girl also doesn't like to understand me enough, I tell her my problems and all she can say is "it'll be fiiiiinnnneee!" Maybe she isn't good at comforting, but at the same time I try to explain that things won't be fine and she can only say "just breathe in, breathe out. Okay, feeling better?" Also, when I tell her I don't want to go to a public place with her because I'm scared and might have a panic attack from how many people there will be, she just says "I just ask you to try. Come on pllleeeeeaaasseee!? You'll be fine just breathe and you're okay! Plus, they're really nice people, trust me." I can't take it anymore, I'm getting tired of things like this! When people don't try to understand your side of view, it's the worse.
Good stuff always!
1. Knows how to show weakness
2. Genuinely interested in our sorrows and difficulties
3. Reassuring
4. Help build a self-understanding
5. Help us think
6. Help us like ourselves
Thanks bro>
so my bestie not jokingly calling me fat is bad noted! 😢
Thanks !
The most important thing is not to judge. Not just our friends but people everywhere. A true friend for me is the person I can be exactly who I am with and he likes me that way and encourages me to be even more authentic.
I will not be supportive of you if you are pissing in sinks. If that is authentically who you are, I will be insistent that you can do better, and that this is an unhygienic and shameful thing to do.
@@S.Lowell.Soderman
Exactly. I want my friends to call me out on my shortcomings and when I'm rationalizing my failures/mistakes with BS like 'hey that's who I am' they should tell me that I can and should do/be better, certainly not let me be indulgent with my faults.
@@S.Lowell.Soderman
There's nothing wrong with carefully pissing in the sink with flowing water while the toilet is occupied if it's an emergency though LOL, hey I'd argue that because of the height you don't get the urine droplets splashing back out unlike when pissing in the toilet bowl standing up
A friend is someone who is also supportive. I understand that a friend should not judge, but that doesn't mean they should be an enabler either
I’m fiercely loyal and supportive to anyone, not just my friends, if they have good moral values. If they act like idiots then of course I will be judgemental. Always give someone a chance to be good, but if they aren’t then at least you tried
The good friend sounds like a psychologists
Ive been reading psychology for almost two years now, and it helped immensly to being better friend and to better recognition on reciveing love.
This comment! True!
no friend need to be logotherapist in current perspective since existentialism is dominating the mind ofr the people.
1:52
This is exactly what I've been thinking
Treating your friend as you want to be treated is a great way of being a good friend.
I agree. The Golden rule applies to many aspects of life.
Ya...but some ppl take it for granted😢
True
Yeah i agree
It's still not entirely true. Basically, you should not treat your friend poorly because you don't want to be treated poorly, but you should criticize him honestly, yet kindly, even tho most people doesn't enjoy being criticized.
PS: Sorry if my english is not too good.
Friends let you be yourself... and are cool with being derps around you too!
I'm not cool with you pissing in my sink.
S. Lowell Soderman sorry bro I just really had to go and u only got that one bathroom and the toilet was clogged up with what looked like the f’n swamp thing covered in shit...
Truth 😂
basically this. Did not connect with the video lol. My friends and I just talk about nonsense and do mostly nonsense and I wouldn't want it any other way.
yuwe dewp
“A good friend is always with us” that made me cry
The fact I'm so deeply touched by this just comes to confirm how much I adore friendship, this most endearing of human connections.
Georgiana, I totaly felt that way too. I'm just overwhelmed whenever I think about it, I'm willing to write a book on the topic! If you haven't read CS Lewis, the Four Loves, you have to!
María Del Rincón Yohn oh that sounds interesting, thank you for the suggestion :)
💙absolutely
Georgiana Bere please explain to me how you got to the poiint where you adore friendship. Because I am baffled by this.
@@Douglas77755 Friendships have been the most profound and long lasting relationships in my life.
A good friendship can be the only place where you can truly open up about all your vulnerabilities and fears and have them met with sympathy and consolation.
In romantic relationships I don't feel that freedom because there's always a pressure to keep alive the spark, the admiration, the attraction. Friendship is so beautiful exactly because it's founded on nothing else than mutual sympathy and in fact it thrives on vulnerability, silliness and all the good stuff about life.
True friends make time for you and they take a genuine interest in your life. Be wary of people who tell you what a great friend you are and how wonderful you are, but their actions don't match their words.
But true friends are there for each other in many ways. Being understanding when your friend is going through a busy part of their life where they can't hang out much is also what a good, lasting friendship is about.
@Rahvi yes, true, but a good friend will find ways to make time for you and let you know they are apart of your lives. A bad friend will leave you not knowing what is going on.
Good friends help each other out through dark times
lovely, lovely video! to all the people who think they have no friends: expand your range, don't be agist. maybe your next-door neighbour, who's 70, could become your best friend. open your eyes, because there's way more potential for friendship than for romantic relations.
Nadia Fernandez 👏🏼❤️❤️❤️
It is unacceptable for my neighbour to piss in my sink. I have discriminating tastes, and will refuse to be friends with someone who pisses in my sink.
It can be hard to be really close with someone if there's a huge age gap though. Though maybe I use that as an excuse not to try. =/
I don't think a big age gap is an obstacle to being close, just think of children and their parents or children and their grandparents. to me it's more about having a real interest in another person, no matter what their age. When I was 25, 18 felt like quite young and 50 like totally old, but I had friends in both age groups and when I was with them I just forgot about their age. it was all about the person. give it a try ;)
I think people put romantic relationships in pedestals too much, when friends are just as, if not more, important and fulfilling. You can and should love people you're not sexually attracted (nor related) to.
The "friendzone" is not a consolation prize, it's it's own, slight different, reward.
This might be the best and most important video on the internet.
I've lost a few good friends by living the life of a lonewolf. Now I'm trying to relearn how to be a good friend to others.
You know when someone is a good friend when you are perfectly contempt sitting next to them without saying anything, just enjoying each others company.
When we are young, friends help us grow. As we grow, we learn from them as well. Sometimes we might end up with bad friends who will influece us negatively, turning us into someone unlikeable.
Others might have grown up without a friend, that alone will greatly impact themselves as they get older and try to socialize. Things will be a tad difficult and awkward.
Friendship is the most wonderful thing a human can develop with others. It's pretty important. Even if we are not socializing everyday...Its always good to have a friend.
Why is no one talking about 3:02? That part was so funny hahahaha
faithizzlezz I focused on that just now and loled!
I didn't notice that before but now I'm dying so hard 😂😂😂😂
That part was hilarious hahaha
I didn't get it
@@shamanthks7218 neither did I
A true friend is someone who knows all about you but loves you just the same.
Mutual likes, acceptance , vulnerability, fun, patience, connection, respect, similar interests, and doesn't take themselves or me to seriously
A true friend to me is someone who is honest, loyal, caring, loving, and they help me gt through really hard times without leaving me to cope with it myself. Someone who acts the same around me wherever, whenever, and with different people. Someone who values time together. Someone who gives me advice and lets me talk to them and get deep in the conversation. Someone who I can hang out with, even when it is quiet between us it wouldn’t get awkward. Someone that can be real with me, and won’t care about my ‘flaws’ and someone that I consider my *family*
Yes I have a best friend that has almost all these traits 💕
Comfort, trust, openness, encourage and genuine joy when you have good friends
The older you are the less friends you have.
Facts
Pinoy keyboard warrior
Why’s that?
@@TimotheosFraser
You want to be alone more often.
@@TimotheosFraser Because people have more responsabilities to atend, less time to share, we are worried about our own problems, also it's not like in school/high school/uni where you tend to befriend people around you and are open to new groups of friends. When you reach certain age, some groups are closed and it's difficult to join, or the people around you are only your workmates/colleages who aren't in the office to make friends but to make money so it's hard to intimate... It's a mix of lifestyle and context IMO. I read somewhere that by the age of 25 you have already reached the highest number of friends you will ever have and it will only mantain or decrease from this point
Hakuna your tatas
That’s a bit sad. A part of me hopes that isn’t true, but I guess I’ll make the most of it while I still can.
A good friend is like healthy bacteria in your gut
I'm going to tell my best friend that next time I see him lmao
@@Kroitk ha the good shit lollie plop
gatric arcid
That's such a sweet thing to say
Beautiful 😁
I wish I could be this kind of friend. I try to listen, accept and reassure, but I'm just garbage at it no matter how hard I try.
@danielle ward I can't speak for sylen but I put this down to the frequency at which others claim to enjoy my friendship - to the frequency at which my friends wish to repeat the experience... which is almost never... I only ever happen to be at the same events of people I know or have met... In my case it feels like no matter how hard I try... I'm not achieving what I'm setting out to do coz I just don't know how
Maybe it's not you or your words that are garbage, but rather it's your 'friends' who don't understand this 'garbage' which leads them to exclude or ostracize you.
yep fak you bhave no frend in india sirsir thank you sir
Okay now all I need to do is actually find some friends
Hello !
X2 😂
A little birdie told me you need a friend
I ate him
@@scibrew2922 howd he taste ?
We can be friends?
I’m so comfortable with myself
no fak shit sorry sir im inian
Truly listen to what your friend needs to say, most of the times people just seek to be listened to and be understood, if you can provide this to your friends your relationship will grow in a healthy way. :)
It takes an awesome human being to be a good friend - honest, tolerant, supporting, warm, and inspiring.
Perfect timing. I trusted someone who wasn't honest and now I'm loosing all my friends. It doesn't feel good when someone takes advantage of your vulnerability. Neither when people you trust favour
I have a lot to reconsider now.
*favours a liar and become tools to their cruel plans.
Love the two friends just chillaxing in the living room. Ah, how joyful it is to just "be" with someone...
my friend died last year on April 7th 2018.
seeing this makes me think about it again.
Use your intuition about friends and not who you "want" them to be
But what if I really don't want them to piss in my sink?
@@S.Lowell.Soderman then when you tell them not to, and they just go ahead and keeping doing it... then ask them why they must continue to piss in your sink... if they answer something like.... i dunno? then say reeeaaallly? you don't know? and if they answer with something like... "you know all that other irreverent behaviour you enjoy about me" if you answer "no" then you gonna have to explain to them the more complex reasons why you love them, and then politely let them know your bathroom is off limits... this being a problem to me really seems to suggest these "sink pissing(?) persons" were raised paperless and I don't mean in the "pure digital native" sense I mean basically the same thing but with regards new fangled toilet tech... if this bahaviour is unavoidable you'll need to work out how to get a super dunny
@@leonblythe5109 You just wrote an essay on how to stop people from pissing in a sink
Honestly what a great video. I watch it everytime I feel like I'm not doing my job as a friend. Made me realize I've got to change some of my habits and appreciate those that really care for me. Thanks school of life!
Me too!
I’m so lucky to have a friend like this
In my early years, I took on the idea that as a matter of gracious civility in conversation, one should ask the other person questions about their personal history and ideas; I ask such questions with sincere curiosity. My friends/acquaintances respond eagerly to this habit of mine. One friend said that she liked me, "because you ask me questions." But I have never in my life encountered anyone who took the cue to return the favor. No one has ever asked me about my history and opinions.
Dear The School of Life, please consider making a podcast. Your videos regarding the Self are amazing as they are full of wisdom. You’re helping many people. Thank you so much.
i need friends. :(
Hi I'm a Muslim :) let's be friends.
I can be your friend
I want friends with benefits ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
@George Atkinson ;)
For starters, don't be pissing in my sink if you want to be friends.
A true friend know how to keep secret and know how to respect your privacy , know how to listen and they put method of understanding . know their boundaries toward others, and they dont judge you without a sense of thought.
This is great, for the first time in my life I have found a real friend. I come from a reaaally small town so the "selection" wasn't too vast and I never realised how toxic enviroment I come from before I moved abroad for a year, found some alright friends and then back to my home country again to be greeted with a fricking angel of a person purely by chance. I used to struggle alot about how to maintain palotinc relationships but this person showed if it works it just works. Now I'm just practising basic tricks how to make them happier and be better like they so effortlessy are to me😊 (never usually comment, sorry for the lenght, also English isn't my native language)
I love the ending words “a good friend is always with us”❤
It's really clear, thank you. Sol, you teach me so many things, you are like a father to me.
damn. at this point all i want is for them to return my texts. sad.
The song "he ain't heavy, he's my brother " reminds me of the importance of true friends in our lives and how we're all in need of them
The Hollies ... fine selection!!!✌🎼
Today I found out my true friends and some relief from anxiety, they just genuinely cured me from my anxiety and made my day and life better, now i will give them all the care i can , i can't forget how much trust a few moments had built. for the first time today I felt like growing up is actually amazing.
I try to be there for my friends in time of need and push them to better themselves!!
The ideal friend is understanding, non-judgmental, and reassuring - qualities that can be hard to find, but worth striving for.
Loved the ending! And overall this video. True/good friends are hard to find these days. So if you got them, keep them.
When you don't have any friends : #CantRelate
Zenchii G. Same😞
Zenchii G. Same😞
“A good friend is always with us”
I'm so grateful that i have one kind of them in my life 👭
This video is so, so raw. It is also so, so accurate.
i don't have a close friend. but i strongly believe one day i'll meet someone who i can trust. Betrayal and unfaithfulness seem to be very hurtful and negative. but after that there's a true friend alleviating these pains and energize you.
This video puts into perspective just how rare it can be to have "true" friendship with another soul - I don't say that sarcastically but sympathetically because I too consider those around me and, perhaps in bouts of pessimism, see just how little, how detached, how uninvolved those are to myself. I try to embody each facet mentioned in this video - that is to say, there was wisdom contained that I was already aware, internalized, and actively act upon daily to the best of my own measure - but notice, all the more, how it isn't returned. Perhaps to be a true friend involves an emotional maturity that is reserved for those that have the inner strength to see past the drudgery of life, their pain, hardships, to put someone else instead ahead of themselves. A rare feat indeed
This is so cute! As someone who often move to new countries, the idea that good friends are always with us really speak to my heart. It's true. The special ones is always there in your memory when you need them. Like, it would be helpful, and most probably pleasant, to have them with us physically. But... Even if that can't happen, we will be alright. Each good friend has planted a seed within our soul and that plant continue to grow, even if the planter has been long gone. This video reminds me of the beauty of good friendship I do have but sometimes forget about them. Thank you. This is such a sweet reminder. :)
Ps. The concepts listed here can also be applied to what kind of friend we should become for ourselves!
Im a messed up dude ,i tend to mess up every relationship i make . I appear to be judgemental and stubborn ,i am a low ass guy who has an inulting tone.i care the people i talk to but as time passes i become complicated as it is.this video has absolutely moved me and makes me feel how wrong of a person i am.i want to change but how? Im fucked
ali abbas kazmi at least you see problems within yourself and you’re willing to make changes. just start with simple things like working on your tone towards people and reactions towards situations. learning how to be more positive will have a better reflection of you and your relationships with people. just believe that you can change and make it known you want to be a better version of yourself.
I'm so happy, my best friend is all of this! I definitely made the best choice...
Good friend is that person who doesn’t judge us in whatever situation. Advice us honestly. Genuinely concerned for us. We can share everything with them without inhibition.
PS I haven’t found one till now.
I love how im just watching a tutorial to see if im a good friend
0:40
*DEMONITIZATION INTENSIFIES*
Small peni
I really like the topics The School of Life talks about, the problem is, his voice makes me feel so relaxed, that I nearly fall asleep.
Beautiful and poignant. Good friends is family we choose, so choose wisely. Good friends love unconditionally and are there for each other.
3. Reassuring
Understood the way we panic or look for ideas to cope
4. Right friend listens
5.good answers to possible questions
6.they have a good way to make you like yourself 💖
it's really heartbreaking when you lose a good friend
Having a friend who’s concerned about being a good friend is probably something a good friend would do. Someone who’s a bad friend wouldn’t care
Appreciate a good friend. Yes they will get you super mad but sure enough you’ll feel super loved. A good friend will make the best times with you without having to have any money..a good friend will protect you. A good friend will be in your thoughts 💭 when not near them a good friend will make you laugh your ass off.. you will spend the best & worst times together R.I.P Omar the best friend I could ever have 04-09-1998 03-22-2019
Sorry for your loss, Charlie.
Honestly its been hard for me to be a good friend,I somehow end up making conversations about myself or i think i am just a really toxic friend,When i was still a kid i never even got friends because i was too introverted,For me its hard to socialize with people because im not the type of person that talk's allot,But i am trying my best to be supportive,This video help me allot thank you very much.
All of my best friends are what could be called “the right friend”. Due to my mental illness i can only get very close to people that fully understand me and offer help.
what mental illness?
I am a real good friend. Just need to find some friends to show them my talent of friendship.
I can't be myself around my current friends and I'm sick of acting.
In these situations, it's better to be alone rather than having bad friends.
i know right
I screwed up by being a manipulative liar to my friends, but this will help. Thanks guy!
I needed this, thank you.
Yes, that's how a true friend should be :) This perspective changes in different cultures, though. In South America for example it seems to be that everyone is called a friend who comes out for a drink and/or partying. When you need a true friend there, you are left alone. There are exceptions, like always, of course.
Never had a friend its true that I wouldn’t no 1 or what to expect , great video
Un verdadero amigo te comprende , te estima , te acepta como eres y te quiere mucho
It's also important to know that all those things have to apply to us! Am I like that? Am I that good friend I want the others to be? But, yeah... I love that last part of "friends inhabit our brain"! They sure do!
I wish there were more school of life videos on how to be a good friend, like how to help the people you love without sacrificing your own wellbeing, etc.
U know ur super close to someone when u both just stare at eachother but it's not awkward and the complete opposite
the person who comes to watch this video they're real friends so be happy about yourself you should deserve respect from our society
You've got friends, good friends... best friends- even bad friends I grow up around this concept of types of friends where I'll actually put them in ranks where certain friends are higher than some and I wonder to myself sometimes if this is a selfish thing to do or the right thing to do. Am I not trying to be a "good" friend with people when I don't show my weaknesses to them; because I feel like they will exploit my weakness against me- share it with others or even use my weakness for their benefit? For me the quality I value most in a friend is trust.
For myself, the term "Friend" is inadequate to cover the range of relationships that claim that name. I have had many "friends" but few that I would regard as fitting the bill as TSOL lays out. So, having researched the topic I found a book that used the analogy of a archery target. Our genuine friendship stands at the centre and we want people we like to hit the Gold bullseye for 10 points. Few have the skill: many hit the target and score lower, or even some miss the target. Some don't even compete. This analogy made me feel better. I can only strive to be the best friend I can be. I won't always succeed, as their target isn't defined by me. Other's needs and wants define theirs, and I must define my own. So, I don't think it is wrong to manage one's friendships in this way. Life is short and why waste time with unfitting company? Find your tribe, and let others do the same.
@@BigHenFor Would you happen to still know the name of that book?
0:36 wtf! Lol. That was wierd.
_ LUNI _ loved that part
What a penis? All men have one didnt you knew it?
Haha it really caught me off guard too.
Who was that? Kinda looked like Louie CK . . . oops!
Shit needs to be tagged NSFW lol
a true friend will have things they don`t like about you but they embrace and accept you the way you are .............
I really needed this thank you❤️
I try to be a good friend, and in fact, I am most of these. It’s just my “friend” who makes me feel like I’m a bad friend.
This would also accurately describe what to look for in a partner.
I'm really amazed that more people in the comments don't think this too.
But maybe we are missing something that would be important for a partner to have (besides love of course).
I found it hard to agree with The School of Life's view on fame and wanted to impress as many people as possible and have a lot of friends.
However, within the last year, I have realized that I don't need many people, but only a few genuinely supportive, honest and humorous friends, who offer a contrast to bad things with a sometines cunning and sarcastic, yet very funny way of walking through life and it's challlenges.
This video makes me want to socialize and I'm all for it
Wow, I needed this today.
SO TRUE!
This was very insightful School of Life. Loved this video!
Throughout my journey I realized something when we get into arguments with friends its not them, but its us we have to change the behavior and how you treat them and yes there are times where its their fault as well, if they just outright refuse to do anything you say its not your fault, it's theirs at this point
I don’t hang out with any of my HS friends anymore but I see them hanging out together..I get invited but idk 😐 I just don’t wanna go 😪
I know im late but you just missed a opportunity
health and safety
I haven’t been around my friends for a while bc of quarantine but before that I really wasn’t a good friend. Next year is my last year of high school and I’m determined to make things right
I love this channel.
Came here for some simple tips on being better friends. Now i have had to make notes, pie charts and algorithms to understand and implement these things you taught xD
This 4 min video answered everything i needed and why am i such a trash, thank you
I wish Blue Guy was my friend...
I just lost a friend a couple hours ago, summarizing it I was selfish and she didn’t get anything out of it but my problems. I care about her so much but I lost her and now I need to accept live with it and be a better person.
“You babe” - good friend
I'm in that situation where im a good friend to all but others just backstabbed me instead of being good friend back.😢