This must be why I rarely find people who have a desire to connect. Perhaps they have no desire to meet themselves, perhaps they don't even realize that they should.
@@wingit7335what does it mean to meet oneself? And the quote also stresses me out a bit, because what if the reason I always feel boring is because I’m the one who haven’t fully ’met’ myself, and most other people know themselves better, and that’s why I can’t connect with anyone? As opposed to the other way around, that the reason I can’t connect is because the people I meet haven’t done the same introspection. What can you do if the problem lays within you? (sorry you don’t have to answer but this is something that scares me)
@@wingit7335 I feel I have "lost a kind of bliss that came with the ignorance and lack of introspection." I operate on logic, reality, evidence, hyper-awareness.....which has greatly reduce the "ignorance is bliss" factor in my life. My partner sees it in me, too, sometimes he tells me I'm TOO grounded.
@@ellililooh you little cutie 🤗 this surely isn't the reason for you. But without knowing you, just by reading your comment, I feel like you might lack some insight in the way that you judge yourself to negatively
Here are some key takeaways from the Video: 1. There is a large variance in how much we feel we have to say about ourselves depending on who we are talking to. Some people make us feel boring, while others draw out our stories and observations. 2. This happens because our unconscious minds are continuously evaluating how much the other person understands, appreciates, and can accept about what we are saying. Based on this, we conclude how much of ourselves we can safely reveal. 3. People who make us feel we have a lot to say open many rooms in their own minds. They have explored complex, sad, dark, or potentially shameful parts of themselves. By being at ease with these things internally, they signal they will be at ease hearing about those things from others as well. 4. We can become more interesting to others by traveling widely within our own psyches, opening doors to parts of ourselves we usually keep hidden. This shows others we will be a safe, receptive audience for their observations and stories too. 5. By saying a lot to ourselves internally, we ready ourselves to have much to say in conversation with others. Self-examination builds capacity for intimacy.
i've hears this from someone "in order to be a good storyteller, you have to have stories to tell". so do journal, jot down your days, your emotions, your thoughts etc
Yes, you have to DO interesting things to BE interesting and entertaining and engaging to others. And the converse is true because it is me: someone who does nothing is not interesting because I don't fulfill the "what's in it for me" question that others ask. I struggle to find interesting things to do, in order to have interesting things to say, in order to engage people enough that they see value in me. Typically, I'm ignored. I'm learning to focus on accepting life the way it is.
@@AA-wc3tw Write down what you are deeply interested in. Take your time to think about it. I bet, you are really amazed by at least one thing. It could be something you did in the past or you want to do in future. No matter what others think about this, it's your own personality, that this thing fulfills you. And if you are really good at that one thing, some people might get interested in it as well and will listen to you what you say about it. So, go get started and don't think about the opinion of others.
@@marioberlusconi3261 That's the problem. I'm not interested in something ENOUGH to feel ENOUGH desire to purse it. I don't know what fulfills me or what it's supposed to feel like when something fulfills me. I've tried many hobbies and wasn't interested enough or good enough to continue. And some, I did continue, but even after decades of practice, I am still not happy with the results, so I finally "take the hint" and quit. For example, I knitted for many many years but I was constantly unhappy with the plethora of mistakes and the end results, despite having a LOT of time and experience invested. So I finally gave up, sold all my supplies, and quit knitting. I don't want to spend 5, 10 years practicing something before I can be happy with the results...or NEVER be happy with the results. What's the point in practicing if you never improve enough to the point where you can feel happy and fulfilled? I typically don't start something because I already know beforehand that it's just going to cause me more stress and I'm not going to be happy or fulfilled or whatever. The opinion of others matters in this case because I'm lonely for connection and I have to BE an interesting person and DO interesting things in order to ATTRACT people who find me interesting and subsequently want to connect with me over the longterm. I want friends, but I have nothing to offer, as I described above. (I have all the typical friendship traits to offer: good person, honest, reliable, etc. but that's not enough, people want to be engaged and entertained.) Currently, that is missing from my life because I don't do anything interesting enough to attract others' interest. Plus, people typically stare blankly at me when I speak, looking at me like I have two heads. So I quit trying because it wasn't fulfilling me, but rather making me feel worse.
I had a friend who would regularly respond to people asking how he's doing by saying "Do you really want to know or are you just asking?" While that's a very overt and confrontational way of asking, it's a question we all ask in one way or another. If we believe a person really cares, we will open up more. If we think they're just asking to be polite, we will close off. By the way, some people would answer my friend by saying that they're just asking. I thought that was an interesting outcome.
It's a very good question to ask, and who gives a crap if it comes off confrontational? It's a great way to separate the people who want to know you, from those that are just doing it because it's the 'socially acceptable thing to ask'
Anyone else find these kinds of safe people rare in their usual social settings? Work, school, etc. Everyone seems to be so caught up in their own issues to hold space for another. I suppose we can start by being available to ourselves.
Yes. Most people want to be engaged/entertained but don't want to reciprocate or connect. Most want to take, most don't want to give. It's unusual to find people who have the desire, lack of selfishness, and capacity to hold space for others.
To me, everyone seems to not have aka connect on any issues or quirky thoughts at all. Everyone seems to be only focused on everyday life or else you'll catch weird reactions.
@wingit7335 I think that few people are exposed to an healthy environment that fosters those emotional and intellectual qualities that are necessary to live a truly intense, fulfilling life.
Absolutely. The way that I try to cope with it, is to not withdraw (but that’s very tempting!)….. but by interacting with as many people as possible (individually) to increase my chances of meeting a kindred soul. I just refuse to give up. But, admittedly, I feel points of despair at times.
But there is the other side of the coin though I live by those words too and yet people don’t want me to be that open or care if I’m curious That has happened every avenue I have gone down
People tend to open up to me, but they rarely listen to what I have to say. I feel like 'interesting' people are those who have cool stories to tell. People like me are just like a soft couch for people to sit on.
I can relate to this people say I’m a good listener and they tell me all sorts of things from casual interaction but I find it hard to speak to people about things I find interesting because most lack the interest or background info to engage on those topics. The irony is I upload videos and podcast to the internet where I feel more unfiltered because I don’t have to consider the listener just the message I want to share. Maybe you should consider a passion to share those thoughts. Just some random advice on the internet. Cheers
I agree, people who talk a lot about themselves rarely have any interest in listening to other people, and are usually actually very boring people.@@THETONESHOW
i think that people who have captivating stories but are bad listeners, they are bot interesting (for me imho) interesting person is not only about stories and facts, its about the art of conversation too
The animation in this is just absolutely incredible. So simple yet so meaningful, cute and heartwarming. Truly amazing, hats of to the people involving in bringing this video to life.
Totally agree with your assessment of the animation truly fascinating and combine with clear articulated practical advice to understand ourselves, l love this pot.
I was literally thinking about this this morning before watching the video. There are certain people with whom I feel safe to share my weirdness, my shameful feelings, my lows. And there are others who make it feel painful talking to them. With the latter people it feels like what I have to say is never interesting enough. Never good enough to catch their attention. They really make me feel like a shell of person. They are the people you feel like you have to go to a big fancy vacation or have something extraordinary happen to you, in order to have their respect. I try to avoid these people as much as possible
I had an adventurous life with a lot of emotional roller-coaster trips and now I'm in the beginning of my 30s and I really love and appreciate boredom and calmness. I indeed see a beauty in those because we live in a toxic, fast life world with too much aggressive overstimulation. It's a wonderful gift to have spare time for being able to being lazy and doing nothing. 😌♥️
A question I like to often ask people (at work or socially) is "What's your biggest challenge right now?". They always are keen to answer and then also seem more interested in continuing the conversation.
The Midnight Library is an interesting book, that covers broadly a lot of the same topics covered in this video, introspection, self analysis, but most of all self acceptance...being accept our own flaws, and move on from them, so that we can become better for it.
3:21 "What they have felt safe exploring in themselves, we will be able to safely unpack around them" That is true, but there's a "game theory" problem here in that no one wants to be the first in a group to show vulnerability that way (since they don't know if they're unpacking something they will be rejected for). In turn, that makes us all cautious of each other, making it harder to make meaningful connections with people.
The thing that's helped me a little is realizing that that line is relative, to myself and to every single person I interact with. What's interesting to me might be straight up crazy to someone else, or incredibly boring to another, and I won't know until I try talking with them. On the other hand, working on how to better communicate in general has also helped a lot. Starting small-ish with what I share, being able to frame an event in different perspectives, confidence in general in myself, reading the room a little. All difficult skills to learn, but skills that can be learned. We got this, let's all become better versions of ourselves.
Some people you met just immediately feel safe to you. Can't even pinpoint why? Just instinctive feeling I can rely on, and I'm seldom wrong. I don't think we will ever treat or engage with everybody the same way. Because different people just make us respond differently and the same happen to them the other way round.
Those people feel safe to you because they are similar to you, that could be because they wear the same type of clothes as you, or because you both have hobbies in common or maybe because they listen to the same type of music. this stems from our evolutionary past, where being attracted to people who are similar to you was a great trait to have, as forming alliances and cooperating with others was critical for ensuring survival, and one way to have a higher probability of someone helping you was being from the same tribe, hence similairty
Concise key takeaways: 1. The more receptive someone is as determined by your subliminal judgments, the more readily you will disclose and dispense the authentic feelings and ideas you keep to yourself so often. 2. As it goes with the general idea that one must love oneself to availably love others one must engage in deep and consistent introspection, and be well-versed in all domains of personal emotions and experiences to connect to others in a charismatic way.
Thank you. That encourages me to continue introspection. Sometimes I get too much absorbed by my own struggles and cannot really listen to others. A diary seems to be a good way for me to lay my problems aside. When I'm asked how I am, I try to be honest, but I don't want to pull the other person in the hole I am in. This is why I might seem a bit reserved. Greetings:)
when i was 14 i met my friend who talked about things in this over detailed but not boring way, and i loved that and started doing as well. anything could be a topic of interest if you talk about it in a smart and curt way. then i met another friend who years later told me she started talking like that because i talk like that. i wonder if this has influenced more people. nowadays i often see people pointing out little things in this whimsical manner that is neither boring neither annoying but only on the internet, like tweets, tiktok videos, etc and never in real life. idk if all the people i met in real life are just really fond of small talk or if im too unapproachable or if you gotta build trust first
My friend who is a writer talks that way. It seems difficult tbh. You have to read, have the vocabulary and talk without being rushed to finish your sentence
@@khushilchaturvedi9583 i really dont know how to explain 😭 specially because English is not my first language. It's kinda like when you ramble a bit about something more personal when making small talk, depending on the person, that can lead to chatting about a lot other things. like, idk, instead of complaining about the rainy weather, you complain and also say you dont like it because the wet asphalt reminds you of the gross sensation of stepping on dirty wet flipflops. that can lead to conversations in a very stream of consciousness kind of way, i guess. i remember that the time my other friend said she liked the way i described things was when we talked about ice skating. it was just a mundane chat but i said i really liked the sounds of the skates sliding on ice and that they made me feel very fresh like drinking ice cold water when youre super thirsty and hot. i wasnt trying to be pretentious about it, i just described something in a more personal way, then she said she really enjoyed talking to me because i make mundane observations seem more interesting than they are. then we talked about things that made us feel very refreshed like that, then we talked about sensory memory and our experiences with it, then we talked about a lot other things that sprouted from this small talk. i felt great when she told me that, as sometimes i can be very annoying because i tend to specially ramble on things im passionate about lol
So go to a hobby club, a local gathering, get off the damn internet if you want real connection. I imagine most of your hobbyist pursuits are endlessly browsing the internet, RUclips, forums, whatever else? I'm sorry if I'm mistaken in my assumption but try something new in person, related to your interests.
This is an interesting perspective that I have never thought about. Eventhough I have travelled to 50+ countries, speak 4 languages lived in 3 countries, always try new activities: comunication courses, sailing, singing, public speaking, creative writting etc and have been doing self development for years now, I feel like a boring person. Think I am not so interesting to date. I have met people that we have the most interesting conversations about life,history, science, art in one word super fascinating conversation. And at the same time I meet people and I clam up and can't think of how can I keep the conversation running. Think it takes 2 people to tango....
I think some people are great at creating stories and are creating them as they go about their lives. They tend to be emotional and emotive and great at embellishing the things they experience. While others tend to see the world at face value as a mostly mundane series of events.
tell me more about theese activities as even i wNT TOdo these things (travel, creative activites etc) after my student life , share ur experiences and how did u earned while travelling(freelancer?) its intresting to know about something u wannna do by someone who has done it
Seems the point is to know thyself. Being interesting isn't so much aout marching to a different drummer, it's more about not falling prey to the Siren"s song and being awake enough to speak and listen well.
first i gotta say, i adore the animation. second, i strive to be there for other people, but I see to be able to be there for other people, I have to explore my own thoughts too, so I can be able to understand and empathize with someone else.
In essence, self awareness and vulnerability are key to being able to connect with others, so they feel comfortable to reciprocate that vulnerability. If they can't, they have not yet done the self exploration into the depths of their own psyche, or they have but have not yet accepted it enough to feel comfortable to share that with another.
I once heard that the best way to be interesting, is to be interested in others, ask their opinion, invite them to talk about themselves. They'll feel free to share with someone who'll be willing to listen
Interest between people happens long before the first words. The question of connection is down the road a piece, and may have more to do with timing and availability.
"People are traumatic if you aren't in a position to harm them for they listen to pain when without love and must know destruction as proven by their willing unwillingness to transform for the better"
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:05 🤔 *Our perceived level of interestingness around others varies significantly.* 01:00 🧠 *Unconsciously, we assess how much others understand and appreciate what we say.* 02:51 🚪 *Becoming a more interesting person involves exploring and being comfortable with the depth of our own thoughts and emotions.* 03:32 🗝️ *Opening up to ourselves allows us to become better listeners and more receptive to others' thoughts and feelings.*
He actually says a lot in many words. His language is very flowery, his typical sentence structure is very complex. I can see how his videos are very difficult for some people to understand linguistically. IMO he could be more clear and concise and reach more people. But whatever, no one cares what I think. LMAO
That’s amazing in theory, but not so much in practice. „Yours” people will always find you and hardly ever u will have problems being interesting among them. The question is, how to manipulate strangers into feeling themselves closer to you
experienced this today and was thinking this over this whole time until i opened RUclips and it recommended this video which was posted 15mins ago. crazy.
I wonder how it is enough that we "say a lot to ourselves"? I mean how will others know, I'm at ease with my mind and everything that's going in in there without me telling them in one way or another? Like for example don't I have to share stories of my own in order to make them realize what kind of person I am?
If you don’t “know yourself” you can’t share yourself and your very limited to just sharing information (i.e. other people’s thoughts and ideas) To me that’s boring because I have access to google and Siri. Not being boring also requires humility and willingness to make yourself vulnerable.
According to this video, I should be highly interesting. I guess I need to find where in the world those people are hiding, who would find me interesting.
As usual, this is brilliant. Thank you. Having said that, I usually agree 100 percent with the conclusions drawn in these excellent posts. I agree with almost all of this except for the part about all people becoming more open and forthcoming in the presence of open and forthcoming people. As a person who is quite open and forthcoming, it is my experience that this is true of most but not all people. Some people seem to be in a constant state of competition with others and the world from the moment their eyes open every day, and this sort of person is threatened by individuals who are open and forthcoming. I can only attribute this phenomenon to people being on the more extreme spectrum of the narcissistic scale. I was raised by someone who is an extreme narcissist, and I have been more or less peacefully estranged from my mother for about 20 years. I will be 60 next month, and whatever peace I currently enjoy is definitely the result of a lot of introspection, including the opening of a lot of doors that hold sad, painful, agonizing, sometimes terrifying things. I think that people who are mostly peaceful with others are people who are mostly peaceful with themselves. In fact, I think that a person's ability and inability to interact well with others is a direct reflection of how well they know themselves, i.e., how many "forbidden" doors that they have opened many times and ultimately made peace with inside of themselves. Jacques Lacan, a French philosopher (?), talks about "the mirror stage" as a critical period in the life of a developing human. Lacan's theory is that infants experience the world as though they are the world, as though the world is merely an extension of themselves. They do not yet understand that they are a "self" and that there are "others" in the world. In a healthy, nurturing mother/child dyad, the infant views the mother who feeds and comforts and sooths it as though the mother is a part of the infant self. This dynamic accounts for why when toddlers put their hands over their eyes when they are playing, they actually believe that if they can't see you, you can't see them. : ) Lacan describes "the mirror stage" as a time at some point during toddlerhood when the toddler glances into a mirror and sees both itself and its mother and perceives 2 separate individuals, which act "plunges" the toddler into "existential anxiety" resulting from the apprehension of "duality." The toddler forever more understands subject versus object, self and other. The toddler can never return to the actual womb, nor can the toddler return to the figurative womb prior to "the mirror stage" where they "are the world." To return to the matter at hand, sometimes I run across an individual who obviously did not pass successfully through Lacan's "mirror stage" and who, therefore, thinks that they "are the world." It is probably important to point out that this stage is conceptualized as a "moment" when the infant witnesses "self" and "other" in the metaphorical "mirror." But as is true of all developmental stages, the realization and the absorbing of and synthesizing this new, startling information happens over time. Lacan describes the stage as radical and terrifying. Edward Munch's "The Scream" comes to mind. : ) Anyhoo, there are some people in the world who are effectively unformed, half-formed, deformed toddlers, regardless of age. Actual toddlers are selfish, obnoxious, interesting, rude, demanding, curious, funny, and often charming. : ) "Adult" toddlers are awful and can be downright terrifying. The Orange guy who, unfortunately, formerly occupied the White House in the United States of America is, I think, a case in point. On that note, I have the great fortune of living in Hawaii. Fun fact: it turns out that Hawaii is an actual state in the USA. Huh. Go figure. : ) Arrested emotional and psychological toddlers are tyrannical, selfish, vain for no discernible reason, domineering, dictatorial, vicious, and otherwise gross. These types of people live in a world that is completely devoid of reality, which is actually entirely subjective but which they insist is actually objective. These people are threatened by open, interesting people, especially by open, interesting people who see through their masks into their own dark hearts. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life where I misread one of these extreme narcissists as a "sympathetic" figure who I would attempt to "help" or "save" or whatever. But because these folks do not like to share, do not actually appreciate anything truly valuable like friendship, kindness, beauty, art, literature, friendship, humor, love, creativity, intellectual and emotional intelligence, the latter being more important for a social creature on planet Earth, and who "want it all," they always tried to possess me fully or whatever. When I would sense this and begin to withdraw or even draw a "healthy boundary," the person would turn angry, vicious, cruel, and often violent and destructive. I now only have sympathy for these folks "in the abstract." In the immediate, thank God, I now sense that someone is like this and beat a hasty retreat before investing any time or energy in something that is not going to go anywhere good for anyone involved. I recognize that was a lot, but getting all of that out felt good. Truth be told, I am probably still reeling a bit from the last time something like this happened more than a year ago. I still see this individual sometimes and use those passing interactions as opportunities for me to check in with myself about "recovering" from having been raised by an extreme narcissist. The guilt that I experienced from withdrawing from my mother's energetic, narcissistic "tendrils" almost killed me at the time, but that is in the past now, thank goodness. The last point I wanted to make is that when I used to teach English Literature and Academic Writing at an American university, I often emphasized the "rhetorical triangle." In every human social interaction there are 3 components that are equally important: speaker, audience, and subject. I liked how this post began by emphasizing how we modify our mode and manner of communication depending on our audience. So interesting. I really appreciate the consistent excellence of the School of Life. Aloha. : )
We have to accept that we the way we are-the result of everything that has happened. it's just is. You like me, like all of us, are human. That means were pretty complex. You come fully loaded with desires, anguish, sins pettiness at times, mistakes, iIl tempered, ruthless, deviation, hesitation a repetition. That's what makes us human and ridiculous. So be kind to others, and to yourself.
This video is about hot to become interesting people. There are different types of people who are surrounding us . Some of them have tendency to fill our life with colorful and interesting memories and joy. Vice versa some becomes as blank paper so boring , nothing about them can stay on our mind. Because they give repetitive and unnecessary questions throughout the communication. In some situations our brain urge us to being a silent. In contrast some situations we would like to tell anything that we feel, especially for ourselves. While talking with people we carefully choose clues to answer. We may hide them. Also it depends people how they listen. Some people would like to use several rooms to interact easily. By becoming best travellers in our inside we could become more interesting people and good cooperative. We should control grief, stress , anger. We should be able to explore ourselves firstly.
I understand the principle, but in the end I always close myself off (even after fully deciding and accepting most parts of my psyche or what makes me me) due to a lack of trust, ultimately creating a cycle of not being able to be open because of the lack of trust from the start of the interaction, thus not making the other person want to open up or make me trust them!
In my experience, some people are unwilling and/or unable to hold, grapple, and/or accept certain things you say outloud. 🙃 For example, I can tell a person an awful experience I had because the recipient had told me a story about their adversity, but the malevolence I have experienced doesn't go over well with quessy stomachs. 🤢
The question what have you been upto lately in a phenomenon explains that " our brain is judgy and let the brain do that don't get offended but you can always think and say(: "
I'm not gonna act smart, I did not understand a thing from this one. Like, can you give me few real life examples? I'm staring blank at these animations.
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 🔄 People *vary in how much they share based on their comfort level with others.* 🤔 Evaluating *others' interestingness misses the point; it's about how interesting they make us feel.* 🧠 Unconscious *cues determine how much others understand and appreciate what we say.* 🗣️ The *more someone understands and accepts us, the more we share with them.* 💬 Becoming *an interesting person involves exploring and accepting the complex aspects of our minds.* 🚪 Opening *many doors in our minds signals to others that we're open to their observations and feelings.* 🌐 Reciprocity: *People will share more once they sense we've explored and accepted our own thoughts and emotions.* 🌟 To *be interesting, be a brave and relaxed wanderer inside your own mind; others will follow suit.* Made with HARPA AI
so to be a more interesting person is to listen to others talk about themselves? and therefore they think you're interesting because they're interested in themselves?
I haven't found many interesting people in my life to me other than those who are comfortable with expressing themselves in social situations and don't need a topic of interest to talk about to be interesting. They just make anything interesting by being different
I kind of hate this one- im more open with a friend from work than i am with my girlfriend. I worry so much that im not good enough for her or that she wont like what ive been up to that my mind skips a step and turns into a blank etch-a-sketch when she asks me how my week has been
there is some problem with this video, if we are to understand ourselves very well and that is the key to being interesting, everyone would find us interesting, the first half of the video and second half dont have a continnum
"people can meet you as deeply as they have met themselves"
This must be why I rarely find people who have a desire to connect. Perhaps they have no desire to meet themselves, perhaps they don't even realize that they should.
@@wingit7335what does it mean to meet oneself? And the quote also stresses me out a bit, because what if the reason I always feel boring is because I’m the one who haven’t fully ’met’ myself, and most other people know themselves better, and that’s why I can’t connect with anyone? As opposed to the other way around, that the reason I can’t connect is because the people I meet haven’t done the same introspection. What can you do if the problem lays within you?
(sorry you don’t have to answer but this is something that scares me)
@@wingit7335 I feel I have "lost a kind of bliss that came with the ignorance and lack of introspection." I operate on logic, reality, evidence, hyper-awareness.....which has greatly reduce the "ignorance is bliss" factor in my life. My partner sees it in me, too, sometimes he tells me I'm TOO grounded.
Schommel got it too, I think both of you got it from book
@@ellililooh you little cutie 🤗 this surely isn't the reason for you. But without knowing you, just by reading your comment, I feel like you might lack some insight in the way that you judge yourself to negatively
Here are some key takeaways from the Video:
1. There is a large variance in how much we feel we have to say about ourselves depending on who we are talking to. Some people make us feel boring, while others draw out our stories and observations.
2. This happens because our unconscious minds are continuously evaluating how much the other person understands, appreciates, and can accept about what we are saying. Based on this, we conclude how much of ourselves we can safely reveal.
3. People who make us feel we have a lot to say open many rooms in their own minds. They have explored complex, sad, dark, or potentially shameful parts of themselves. By being at ease with these things internally, they signal they will be at ease hearing about those things from others as well.
4. We can become more interesting to others by traveling widely within our own psyches, opening doors to parts of ourselves we usually keep hidden. This shows others we will be a safe, receptive audience for their observations and stories too.
5. By saying a lot to ourselves internally, we ready ourselves to have much to say in conversation with others. Self-examination builds capacity for intimacy.
thanks!
How do we actually do 4 and 5?
thanks for the summary I got lost
Thanks for this!
Thank you!
i've hears this from someone "in order to be a good storyteller, you have to have stories to tell". so do journal, jot down your days, your emotions, your thoughts etc
Yes, you have to DO interesting things to BE interesting and entertaining and engaging to others. And the converse is true because it is me: someone who does nothing is not interesting because I don't fulfill the "what's in it for me" question that others ask. I struggle to find interesting things to do, in order to have interesting things to say, in order to engage people enough that they see value in me. Typically, I'm ignored. I'm learning to focus on accepting life the way it is.
Look up AskVihn, he has a video on being a good storyteller
@@AA-wc3tw Write down what you are deeply interested in. Take your time to think about it. I bet, you are really amazed by at least one thing. It could be something you did in the past or you want to do in future. No matter what others think about this, it's your own personality, that this thing fulfills you. And if you are really good at that one thing, some people might get interested in it as well and will listen to you what you say about it. So, go get started and don't think about the opinion of others.
@@marioberlusconi3261 That's the problem. I'm not interested in something ENOUGH to feel ENOUGH desire to purse it. I don't know what fulfills me or what it's supposed to feel like when something fulfills me. I've tried many hobbies and wasn't interested enough or good enough to continue. And some, I did continue, but even after decades of practice, I am still not happy with the results, so I finally "take the hint" and quit. For example, I knitted for many many years but I was constantly unhappy with the plethora of mistakes and the end results, despite having a LOT of time and experience invested. So I finally gave up, sold all my supplies, and quit knitting. I don't want to spend 5, 10 years practicing something before I can be happy with the results...or NEVER be happy with the results. What's the point in practicing if you never improve enough to the point where you can feel happy and fulfilled? I typically don't start something because I already know beforehand that it's just going to cause me more stress and I'm not going to be happy or fulfilled or whatever.
The opinion of others matters in this case because I'm lonely for connection and I have to BE an interesting person and DO interesting things in order to ATTRACT people who find me interesting and subsequently want to connect with me over the longterm. I want friends, but I have nothing to offer, as I described above. (I have all the typical friendship traits to offer: good person, honest, reliable, etc. but that's not enough, people want to be engaged and entertained.) Currently, that is missing from my life because I don't do anything interesting enough to attract others' interest. Plus, people typically stare blankly at me when I speak, looking at me like I have two heads. So I quit trying because it wasn't fulfilling me, but rather making me feel worse.
I'll try this one
Thank you@@marioberlusconi3261
I had a friend who would regularly respond to people asking how he's doing by saying "Do you really want to know or are you just asking?" While that's a very overt and confrontational way of asking, it's a question we all ask in one way or another. If we believe a person really cares, we will open up more. If we think they're just asking to be polite, we will close off. By the way, some people would answer my friend by saying that they're just asking. I thought that was an interesting outcome.
Interesting
I have a friend that always asks "How are you doing?", followed by "And how are you really doing?".
@@TimMer1981Just a little advice, dont lose it
@@chamsakizicobanarmagani why?
It's a very good question to ask, and who gives a crap if it comes off confrontational? It's a great way to separate the people who want to know you, from those that are just doing it because it's the 'socially acceptable thing to ask'
Anyone else find these kinds of safe people rare in their usual social settings? Work, school, etc. Everyone seems to be so caught up in their own issues to hold space for another. I suppose we can start by being available to ourselves.
Yes. Most people want to be engaged/entertained but don't want to reciprocate or connect. Most want to take, most don't want to give. It's unusual to find people who have the desire, lack of selfishness, and capacity to hold space for others.
To me, everyone seems to not have aka connect on any issues or quirky thoughts at all. Everyone seems to be only focused on everyday life or else you'll catch weird reactions.
@wingit7335 I think that few people are exposed to an healthy environment that fosters those emotional and intellectual qualities that are necessary to live a truly intense, fulfilling life.
Absolutely. The way that I try to cope with it, is to not withdraw (but that’s very tempting!)….. but by interacting with as many people as possible (individually) to increase my chances of meeting a kindred soul. I just refuse to give up. But, admittedly, I feel points of despair at times.
world is selfish, deal with it.
My key to being interesting in is to be curious, to listen, and to be open-minded.
YESSSSSS, people are interested in you, when you are interested in them
But there is the other side of the coin though
I live by those words too and yet people don’t want me to be that open or care if I’m curious
That has happened every avenue I have gone down
People tend to open up to me, but they rarely listen to what I have to say. I feel like 'interesting' people are those who have cool stories to tell. People like me are just like a soft couch for people to sit on.
I can relate to this people say I’m a good listener and they tell me all sorts of things from casual interaction but I find it hard to speak to people about things I find interesting because most lack the interest or background info to engage on those topics. The irony is I upload videos and podcast to the internet where I feel more unfiltered because I don’t have to consider the listener just the message I want to share. Maybe you should consider a passion to share those thoughts. Just some random advice on the internet. Cheers
I agree, people who talk a lot about themselves rarely have any interest in listening to other people, and are usually actually very boring people.@@THETONESHOW
i think that people who have captivating stories but are bad listeners, they are bot interesting (for me imho)
interesting person is not only about stories and facts, its about the art of conversation too
The animation in this is just absolutely incredible. So simple yet so meaningful, cute and heartwarming. Truly amazing, hats of to the people involving in bringing this video to life.
Totally agree with your assessment of the animation truly fascinating and combine with clear articulated practical advice to understand ourselves, l love this pot.
Agreed. Lovely animation for this video ❤😊
Indeed, hats off to the amazing people who created this animation.
I was literally thinking about this this morning before watching the video. There are certain people with whom I feel safe to share my weirdness, my shameful feelings, my lows. And there are others who make it feel painful talking to them. With the latter people it feels like what I have to say is never interesting enough. Never good enough to catch their attention. They really make me feel like a shell of person. They are the people you feel like you have to go to a big fancy vacation or have something extraordinary happen to you, in order to have their respect.
I try to avoid these people as much as possible
I had an adventurous life with a lot of emotional roller-coaster trips and now I'm in the beginning of my 30s and I really love and appreciate boredom and calmness. I indeed see a beauty in those because we live in a toxic, fast life world with too much aggressive overstimulation. It's a wonderful gift to have spare time for being able to being lazy and doing nothing. 😌♥️
thats really wonderful ma'am but i don't think its in anyway relates to the video
Good going 👍
Well doing!
Hmmm, ok
in praise of doing nothing!
A question I like to often ask people (at work or socially) is "What's your biggest challenge right now?". They always are keen to answer and then also seem more interested in continuing the conversation.
The Midnight Library is an interesting book, that covers broadly a lot of the same topics covered in this video, introspection, self analysis, but most of all self acceptance...being accept our own flaws, and move on from them, so that we can become better for it.
Hi, I would love to hear more about similar books to the topic above.
i loved the midnight library
3:21 "What they have felt safe exploring in themselves, we will be able to safely unpack around them" That is true, but there's a "game theory" problem here in that no one wants to be the first in a group to show vulnerability that way (since they don't know if they're unpacking something they will be rejected for). In turn, that makes us all cautious of each other, making it harder to make meaningful connections with people.
Best of luck.
There's a fine line between "interesting" and "weird" and there's not much I can express of myself without looking weird.
The thing that's helped me a little is realizing that that line is relative, to myself and to every single person I interact with. What's interesting to me might be straight up crazy to someone else, or incredibly boring to another, and I won't know until I try talking with them.
On the other hand, working on how to better communicate in general has also helped a lot. Starting small-ish with what I share, being able to frame an event in different perspectives, confidence in general in myself, reading the room a little. All difficult skills to learn, but skills that can be learned.
We got this, let's all become better versions of ourselves.
I like weird a lot better than "normal".
weird IS interesting!!
Some people you met just immediately feel safe to you. Can't even pinpoint why? Just instinctive feeling I can rely on, and I'm seldom wrong.
I don't think we will ever treat or engage with everybody the same way. Because different people just make us respond differently and the same happen to them the other way round.
Those people feel safe to you because they are similar to you, that could be because they wear the same type of clothes as you, or because you both have hobbies in common or maybe because they listen to the same type of music.
this stems from our evolutionary past, where being attracted to people who are similar to you was a great trait to have, as forming alliances and cooperating with others was critical for ensuring survival, and one way to have a higher probability of someone helping you was being from the same tribe, hence similairty
Concise key takeaways:
1. The more receptive someone is as determined by your subliminal judgments, the more readily you will disclose and dispense the authentic feelings and ideas you keep to yourself so often.
2. As it goes with the general idea that one must love oneself to availably love others one must engage in deep and consistent introspection, and be well-versed in all domains of personal emotions and experiences to connect to others in a charismatic way.
Grazie.
Thank you. That encourages me to continue introspection. Sometimes I get too much absorbed by my own struggles and cannot really listen to others. A diary seems to be a good way for me to lay my problems aside. When I'm asked how I am, I try to be honest, but I don't want to pull the other person in the hole I am in. This is why I might seem a bit reserved. Greetings:)
when i was 14 i met my friend who talked about things in this over detailed but not boring way, and i loved that and started doing as well. anything could be a topic of interest if you talk about it in a smart and curt way. then i met another friend who years later told me she started talking like that because i talk like that. i wonder if this has influenced more people.
nowadays i often see people pointing out little things in this whimsical manner that is neither boring neither annoying but only on the internet, like tweets, tiktok videos, etc and never in real life. idk if all the people i met in real life are just really fond of small talk or if im too unapproachable or if you gotta build trust first
can u please describe how to talk that "over detailed but not boring way" and "smart and curt way"
My friend who is a writer talks that way. It seems difficult tbh. You have to read, have the vocabulary and talk without being rushed to finish your sentence
@@khushilchaturvedi9583 i really dont know how to explain 😭 specially because English is not my first language. It's kinda like when you ramble a bit about something more personal when making small talk, depending on the person, that can lead to chatting about a lot other things. like, idk, instead of complaining about the rainy weather, you complain and also say you dont like it because the wet asphalt reminds you of the gross sensation of stepping on dirty wet flipflops. that can lead to conversations in a very stream of consciousness kind of way, i guess.
i remember that the time my other friend said she liked the way i described things was when we talked about ice skating. it was just a mundane chat but i said i really liked the sounds of the skates sliding on ice and that they made me feel very fresh like drinking ice cold water when youre super thirsty and hot. i wasnt trying to be pretentious about it, i just described something in a more personal way, then she said she really enjoyed talking to me because i make mundane observations seem more interesting than they are. then we talked about things that made us feel very refreshed like that, then we talked about sensory memory and our experiences with it, then we talked about a lot other things that sprouted from this small talk.
i felt great when she told me that, as sometimes i can be very annoying because i tend to specially ramble on things im passionate about lol
thank you so much for sharing. I am learning to communicate better and you describing your way of speaking really helps🧡
2:48 Be brave and relaxed such that everything inside is interesting to others.
It just happens that people generally are interested in whole other things and topics than those inspiring me.
Doesn't mean those topics that inspire you aren't interesting.
So go to a hobby club, a local gathering, get off the damn internet if you want real connection. I imagine most of your hobbyist pursuits are endlessly browsing the internet, RUclips, forums, whatever else? I'm sorry if I'm mistaken in my assumption but try something new in person, related to your interests.
Always amazing! Remember validation seeking is damaging! Be yourself you don't need anyones approval!
This is an interesting perspective that I have never thought about.
Eventhough I have travelled to 50+ countries, speak 4 languages lived in 3 countries, always try new activities: comunication courses, sailing, singing, public speaking, creative writting etc and have been doing self development for years now, I feel like a boring person. Think I am not so interesting to date.
I have met people that we have the most interesting conversations about life,history, science, art in one word super fascinating conversation. And at the same time I meet people and I clam up and can't think of how can I keep the conversation running.
Think it takes 2 people to tango....
I think some people are great at creating stories and are creating them as they go about their lives. They tend to be emotional and emotive and great at embellishing the things they experience. While others tend to see the world at face value as a mostly mundane series of events.
tell me more about theese activities as even i wNT TOdo these things (travel, creative activites etc) after my student life , share ur experiences and how did u earned while travelling(freelancer?) its intresting to know about something u wannna do by someone who has done it
Seems the point is to know thyself. Being interesting isn't so much aout marching to a different drummer, it's more about not falling prey to the Siren"s song and being awake enough to speak and listen well.
So true, & I've been doing this more over the past decade or so. As a result I've found more individuals confiding in me about what they're feeling!
first i gotta say, i adore the animation.
second, i strive to be there for other people, but I see to be able to be there for other people, I have to explore my own thoughts too, so I can be able to understand and empathize with someone else.
I finally have an answer to something I’ve struggled to understand’ thanks so much
In essence, self awareness and vulnerability are key to being able to connect with others, so they feel comfortable to reciprocate that vulnerability. If they can't, they have not yet done the self exploration into the depths of their own psyche, or they have but have not yet accepted it enough to feel comfortable to share that with another.
I once heard that the best way to be interesting, is to be interested in others, ask their opinion, invite them to talk about themselves. They'll feel free to share with someone who'll be willing to listen
No need to become interesting. We are all interesting in our own ways.❤😃
Did you even watch the video? 😂
Even stupid comments can be interesting you right
What about the uninteresting ones?
Nah no me vengas con esas generalidades hay personas aburridas
Tu kyun beizzati karwa raha hain?
Interest between people happens long before the first words. The question of connection is down the road a piece, and may have more to do with timing and availability.
There is a big decision I have been thinking about with no answer, this video has answered that for me. Thank you
"People are traumatic if you aren't in a position to harm them for they listen to pain when without love and must know destruction as proven by their willing unwillingness to transform for the better"
This channel deserves an Oscar.
You mean to say that more other person finds us open minded, the more they'll be open to us.
Its a good way to explain vulnerability
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation:
00:05 🤔 *Our perceived level of interestingness around others varies significantly.*
01:00 🧠 *Unconsciously, we assess how much others understand and appreciate what we say.*
02:51 🚪 *Becoming a more interesting person involves exploring and being comfortable with the depth of our own thoughts and emotions.*
03:32 🗝️ *Opening up to ourselves allows us to become better listeners and more receptive to others' thoughts and feelings.*
Alain de Boton has mastered the art of saying a lot without saying a lot.
He actually says a lot in many words. His language is very flowery, his typical sentence structure is very complex. I can see how his videos are very difficult for some people to understand linguistically. IMO he could be more clear and concise and reach more people. But whatever, no one cares what I think. LMAO
That’s amazing in theory, but not so much in practice. „Yours” people will always find you and hardly ever u will have problems being interesting among them. The question is, how to manipulate strangers into feeling themselves closer to you
Thank you for the free therapy I am continuously discovering that I desperately need❤
as i often like to say people can only meet you as much as they have met themselves ;))
experienced this today and was thinking this over this whole time until i opened RUclips and it recommended this video which was posted 15mins ago. crazy.
first video i can say that I have this skill instead of willing myself to develop whats covered. feels good
can you please elaborate about this video?
I wonder how it is enough that we "say a lot to ourselves"? I mean how will others know, I'm at ease with my mind and everything that's going in in there without me telling them in one way or another? Like for example don't I have to share stories of my own in order to make them realize what kind of person I am?
The animation is so so good. They always are.
If you don’t “know yourself” you can’t share yourself and your very limited to just sharing information (i.e. other people’s thoughts and ideas)
To me that’s boring because I have access to google and Siri. Not being boring also requires humility and willingness to make yourself vulnerable.
According to this video, I should be highly interesting. I guess I need to find where in the world those people are hiding, who would find me interesting.
As usual, this is brilliant. Thank you. Having said that, I usually agree 100 percent with the conclusions drawn in these excellent posts. I agree with almost all of this except for the part about all people becoming more open and forthcoming in the presence of open and forthcoming people. As a person who is quite open and forthcoming, it is my experience that this is true of most but not all people. Some people seem to be in a constant state of competition with others and the world from the moment their eyes open every day, and this sort of person is threatened by individuals who are open and forthcoming. I can only attribute this phenomenon to people being on the more extreme spectrum of the narcissistic scale. I was raised by someone who is an extreme narcissist, and I have been more or less peacefully estranged from my mother for about 20 years. I will be 60 next month, and whatever peace I currently enjoy is definitely the result of a lot of introspection, including the opening of a lot of doors that hold sad, painful, agonizing, sometimes terrifying things. I think that people who are mostly peaceful with others are people who are mostly peaceful with themselves. In fact, I think that a person's ability and inability to interact well with others is a direct reflection of how well they know themselves, i.e., how many "forbidden" doors that they have opened many times and ultimately made peace with inside of themselves. Jacques Lacan, a French philosopher (?), talks about "the mirror stage" as a critical period in the life of a developing human. Lacan's theory is that infants experience the world as though they are the world, as though the world is merely an extension of themselves. They do not yet understand that they are a "self" and that there are "others" in the world. In a healthy, nurturing mother/child dyad, the infant views the mother who feeds and comforts and sooths it as though the mother is a part of the infant self. This dynamic accounts for why when toddlers put their hands over their eyes when they are playing, they actually believe that if they can't see you, you can't see them. : ) Lacan describes "the mirror stage" as a time at some point during toddlerhood when the toddler glances into a mirror and sees both itself and its mother and perceives 2 separate individuals, which act "plunges" the toddler into "existential anxiety" resulting from the apprehension of "duality." The toddler forever more understands subject versus object, self and other. The toddler can never return to the actual womb, nor can the toddler return to the figurative womb prior to "the mirror stage" where they "are the world." To return to the matter at hand, sometimes I run across an individual who obviously did not pass successfully through Lacan's "mirror stage" and who, therefore, thinks that they "are the world." It is probably important to point out that this stage is conceptualized as a "moment" when the infant witnesses "self" and "other" in the metaphorical "mirror." But as is true of all developmental stages, the realization and the absorbing of and synthesizing this new, startling information happens over time. Lacan describes the stage as radical and terrifying. Edward Munch's "The Scream" comes to mind. : ) Anyhoo, there are some people in the world who are effectively unformed, half-formed, deformed toddlers, regardless of age. Actual toddlers are selfish, obnoxious, interesting, rude, demanding, curious, funny, and often charming. : ) "Adult" toddlers are awful and can be downright terrifying. The Orange guy who, unfortunately, formerly occupied the White House in the United States of America is, I think, a case in point. On that note, I have the great fortune of living in Hawaii. Fun fact: it turns out that Hawaii is an actual state in the USA. Huh. Go figure. : ) Arrested emotional and psychological toddlers are tyrannical, selfish, vain for no discernible reason, domineering, dictatorial, vicious, and otherwise gross. These types of people live in a world that is completely devoid of reality, which is actually entirely subjective but which they insist is actually objective. These people are threatened by open, interesting people, especially by open, interesting people who see through their masks into their own dark hearts. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life where I misread one of these extreme narcissists as a "sympathetic" figure who I would attempt to "help" or "save" or whatever. But because these folks do not like to share, do not actually appreciate anything truly valuable like friendship, kindness, beauty, art, literature, friendship, humor, love, creativity, intellectual and emotional intelligence, the latter being more important for a social creature on planet Earth, and who "want it all," they always tried to possess me fully or whatever. When I would sense this and begin to withdraw or even draw a "healthy boundary," the person would turn angry, vicious, cruel, and often violent and destructive. I now only have sympathy for these folks "in the abstract." In the immediate, thank God, I now sense that someone is like this and beat a hasty retreat before investing any time or energy in something that is not going to go anywhere good for anyone involved. I recognize that was a lot, but getting all of that out felt good. Truth be told, I am probably still reeling a bit from the last time something like this happened more than a year ago. I still see this individual sometimes and use those passing interactions as opportunities for me to check in with myself about "recovering" from having been raised by an extreme narcissist. The guilt that I experienced from withdrawing from my mother's energetic, narcissistic "tendrils" almost killed me at the time, but that is in the past now, thank goodness. The last point I wanted to make is that when I used to teach English Literature and Academic Writing at an American university, I often emphasized the "rhetorical triangle." In every human social interaction there are 3 components that are equally important: speaker, audience, and subject. I liked how this post began by emphasizing how we modify our mode and manner of communication depending on our audience. So interesting. I really appreciate the consistent excellence of the School of Life. Aloha. : )
well, thats confirms it. Back to the couch to lie down and be interesting...
This is a really insightful video that I very, very much relate too.
Beautifully animated ☘️
心情似乎唔錯 乜事咁高興 感覺您在偷偷笑 😌 請保持開心笑 我喜歡 真有趣 😃
Thank you!
Sweet!! So I'm already on the right path
The more I comment on RUclips videos,the more interesting I feel 👍
This is fascinating and makes so much sense.
👏🏼very well phrased and conveyed
We have to accept that we the way we are-the result of everything that has happened. it's just is. You like me, like all of us, are human. That means were pretty complex. You come fully loaded with desires, anguish, sins pettiness at times, mistakes, iIl tempered, ruthless, deviation, hesitation a repetition. That's what makes us human and ridiculous. So be kind to others, and to yourself.
This video is about hot to become interesting people. There are different types of people who are surrounding us . Some of them have tendency to fill our life with colorful and interesting memories and joy. Vice versa some becomes as blank paper so boring , nothing about them can stay on our mind. Because they give repetitive and unnecessary questions throughout the communication. In some situations our brain urge us to being a silent. In contrast some situations we would like to tell anything that we feel, especially for ourselves. While talking with people we carefully choose clues to answer. We may hide them. Also it depends people how they listen. Some people would like to use several rooms to interact easily. By becoming best travellers in our inside we could become more interesting people and good cooperative. We should control grief, stress , anger. We should be able to explore ourselves firstly.
I understand the principle, but in the end I always close myself off (even after fully deciding and accepting most parts of my psyche or what makes me me) due to a lack of trust, ultimately creating a cycle of not being able to be open because of the lack of trust from the start of the interaction, thus not making the other person want to open up or make me trust them!
I think you have given the best advise possible. My friend needed to hear this!
Why we remain quiet in some companies? Why does it benefit us?
one of the best nugget of wisdom!
THIS HAD ME ON MY MIND
What an interesting take on this! 🥺🌺
This is brilliantly done. Thank you for creating this piece!
The more interested you are in others, the more interesting you become.
Appreciate your content
Thank you !
Just hang out with different people. Interesting is an interaction
really helpful
HOW SPOT ON!!👍
Insightful!
wonderful and very true
I think people find others interesting when they don't have the quality that the other one has.
In my experience, some people are unwilling and/or unable to hold, grapple, and/or accept certain things you say outloud. 🙃 For example, I can tell a person an awful experience I had because the recipient had told me a story about their adversity, but the malevolence I have experienced doesn't go over well with quessy stomachs. 🤢
Be intresting in next video ..
I still cant get the how...
If you don't think you're an interesting person, you couldn't be more wrong. Everyone is fascinating, even the purportedly mundane.
cool✨✨
thanks for the sharing video😊
looking forward to the next video👍🌈🌈
🙂
this helped
The question what have you been upto lately in a phenomenon explains that " our brain is judgy and let the brain do that don't get offended but you can always think and say(: "
I'm not gonna act smart, I did not understand a thing from this one.
Like, can you give me few real life examples?
I'm staring blank at these animations.
what happened to "be yourself"? Now its become interesting
Fascinating truth
In short, being interested = being interesting?
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation:
🔄 People *vary in how much they share based on their comfort level with others.*
🤔 Evaluating *others' interestingness misses the point; it's about how interesting they make us feel.*
🧠 Unconscious *cues determine how much others understand and appreciate what we say.*
🗣️ The *more someone understands and accepts us, the more we share with them.*
💬 Becoming *an interesting person involves exploring and accepting the complex aspects of our minds.*
🚪 Opening *many doors in our minds signals to others that we're open to their observations and feelings.*
🌐 Reciprocity: *People will share more once they sense we've explored and accepted our own thoughts and emotions.*
🌟 To *be interesting, be a brave and relaxed wanderer inside your own mind; others will follow suit.*
Made with HARPA AI
Be yourself.
i'm only interesting once i let my guard down, but that takes months...damaged goods lol
what if it doesn't fill you with stories with anyone at all ?
so to be a more interesting person is to listen to others talk about themselves? and therefore they think you're interesting because they're interested in themselves?
I haven't found many interesting people in my life to me other than those who are comfortable with expressing themselves in social situations and don't need a topic of interest to talk about to be interesting. They just make anything interesting by being different
I kind of hate this one- im more open with a friend from work than i am with my girlfriend. I worry so much that im not good enough for her or that she wont like what ive been up to that my mind skips a step and turns into a blank etch-a-sketch when she asks me how my week has been
So after I've done this I might not care about being interesting to others.
So basically, you must know thyself in order to be interesting?
The most interesting blob in the universe just wants nirvana i guess
there is some problem with this video, if we are to understand ourselves very well and that is the key to being interesting, everyone would find us interesting,
the first half of the video and second half dont have a continnum
Just become better looking. People take more interest in better looking people by default
why i dont understand nothing, its so hard to grasp
How to face fear when it gets bigger everyday?
Whoo is the narrator?