Jordan Peterson: how to spot good friends
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- Опубликовано: 24 июл 2020
- jordan peterson talks about how important good friends are and how you can spot them.
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If you can't share this video with your friends, this video is especially for you
Prolly helped wake a lot of people up. Nice comment
I've only got one friend and this video is why
♥️♥️
Underrated comment, I just realized that I couldn’t send this to any of my so called friends.
If you don't have a friend whom you can send this, you don't have a friend.
Instead of trying to search such friends, try to be one.
I like that
You can do both!
That’s actually really good advice
My first thought too.
Who in the hell search for some friends anyways 😂
After watching this, I found out that I have no friends. Thank you. I need to walk away and find friends
be happy that it happened sooner rather than later bro.
You always have a friend in Jesus...He came that we might have life...He is a friend that will be closer than a dear brother if you were so blessed...some brothers are not so special. God's Shalom
I found out how few friends I really have in the most brutal way.
Being alone temporarily beats being with bad company
And ofcourse you also have to be that good friend to your new friends.
When others realize that they don't have friends, I realized that I'm not a good friend.
You probably are or could become one, because most folks will only find flaws in others and never themselves. A person who can reflect upon his own flaws will always strive to become a better individual. That's rare, and valuable.
Yup and Idk y but I truly cried my heart out today I lost my one of a dear friend of mine because of dis and I just hate myself because of dis well lesson learnt the hard way . Gonna strive for better now.
It seems it isn't worth trying to be a good friend with the absolute majority of people. They won't appreciate anyway, so what is the point?
@@alexmash1353 you are a pessimist
@@sililtatchu did that sound like a constructive response in your head?
I'd rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.
- Al Capone
That line is suprisingly potent
A typical friend that I’ve noticed is that generally, they want what’s best for you...
just as long as it’s not better than what they have.
Yep
You are your best friend. Sounds scary,it isn't. Its relieving
Simple solution for that is to stop comparing yourself to others. Your only competition is you, strive to be better than before.
I just realised that sounds like me.
That's what I found too. Consequently those were not real friends then. If you end up doing better in life and they are envious of it, that doesn't seem like people who truly want what's best for you
I’m 27. I’ve had the same 5 friends since I was a young teenager. They’re like my brothers. I’m lucky
You’re 27
@@seanbrent8294 yes I am
You're very lucky, the group I knew from growing up were scumbags and it took me way too long to realise. I cut off everyone that wasn't good for me, family included, and now it's pretty much me, the dog and dirt bike...
@@Jason-im3pz thats all you need sometimes. It’s better than having people that lead you to trouble. you can always find people worthy of having around
@@mexicanakinskywalker6762 easier said than done, I'm not much of a fan of socializing.
But yeah, definitely still an improvement
Quality over quantity
I'll always take more real friends 🤗
Anytime!
Always a good rule of thumb
I realized I haven’t been a good friend to some. Then I realized how someone I considered a best friend wasn’t really a friend...over the last year has even turned into a bit of a stranger. I can’t deny it hurts but I need to learn to let go
My dad told me when I was young that I'd be lucky in life to have 2 or 3 real friends. I thought that was ridiculous, because I thought I was popular, and I thought I had hundreds of friends. Fast forwards to today when I'm 40 years old, and I only really have 4 friends who I can talk to about anything, anytime and ask for any favor. And my dad was right, I do feel really lucky to have them as friends. As the years go by, you start to realize how valuable those few real friendships are.
No comments on it because so damn on spot
I literally have no close friends i can talk to at any time lol
@@izaakgregory3525 Same, it’s very lonely but it gives us time to work on ourself and better ourself, i wish you luck my friend 😊
Yes!!
You are on a good point
Quit panicking, i will help you out. But I am not drowning with you
This also goes the other way: Do YOU feel bad if your friend feels bad? Would you go to the rescue to your friend if they're in trouble? If something good happens to your friend, do you feel happy for them? Good friends are empathetic.
There's a difference between a friend and a best friend. If you've met their family, spent time at their house, know their personality, and if they're willing to help you in your time of needs, they're your best friend.
@Friendly Koala while i disagree with your way. But...
its ok but average if it is what you want
Its ok to do normal things if it is what you want
Its ok to do what most people do if it is what you want
Its ok to not good friends if it is what you want
The weird thing is, people go for quantity over quality, when it comes to friends.
You forgot to add some people, istead of people. I have two good friends and that’s it
Why you state this as a fact? Because its not true, at all.
There's a name for that: the social media syndrome
Jordan peterson doessnt need those cheesy motivational musics to enhance its effect, it is not 2012
You got that right. I been clicking on videos with his name a lot here lately.
The author of the video is pianist.
I tried to quit smoking and a number of people would try to give me cigarettes. I won lol.
Good job, f*** em!
@@parabola1212 I'm a very stubborn bugger 😂
fuck yeah man!!
Congrats ❤
This is me with vapes! Not quite there but nearly lol. At least it's only a puff everyone now and then, but still that's no excuse is it
Definitely! I've had "friends" who only wanted the best for themselves and try to use me to that end. Gotta keep eyes open.
Iam 40 years old and I had only one friend that traveled to another country 15 years ago and iam only able to see him once every 4-5 years
Not easy life
Need to join groups of some kind like a sport team or do a class.
Get a hobby. People meet like minded people through their hobbies.
The metaphor with the life guard was really good
That's a true thing....... Not just a metaphor
I loved it!
I trained as a lifeguard as soon as I was old enough after twice almost drowning as a child.
He is absolutely correct in how lifeguards are trained.
I’m 52. I’m still a lifeguard, though I’ve not been watching people in water. ☯️
I'm a current lifeguard wonderingabout the friends in my life, this resonates
In fact-the video is amazing and friendly and the only bad thing about it I didn't like was the life guard analogy!!
I'm only 18 but I already have three friends like this.
may your friends think the same and work towards the same goal
WOW SAME. I'm 17 (almost 18) and I have at least 3 true friends
I feel really lucky
@@rosabel8453 Bro me2 almost 18 and 3 true Friends
Damn, if you guys are 18 and listening to Peterson (and hopefully reading his books) then you’re way ahead of the game.
why is it so hard to find real people with non-mediocre mindset and interests
Because people who do hard things are busy.
What Noneya said is true, and most people are average, by definition, and there are some who are good, and very few who are great. That's how it is. Also, people who are not mediocre have to give up quite a lot to be that way and many people just choose not to, and fair enough
Its not .. maybe you should leave the mediocer path yourself more
If you follow this line of thought you'll inevitably get into conspiratorial history. Basically the 1st world economy is rooted in addiction. We've lost our virtue and only consequences will teach us.
@@bradspitt3896 that's exactly what our culture is almost all about, consumption wich to a great extension is addiction.
"If you're offering words of wisdom to someone in the genuine attempt to help, and they treat that with contempt then SHUT UP. Because you're throwing away your words by offering it to someone that does nothing but reject it."😍 love that
I got rid of my old ''friends'' I've been with.. for almost for 10-20 years. Finally realized to accept these Guys were never been my friends. I was delusional enough to accept how they treated me. It was weird,but they was my closest people i grew up with. At the End there was betrayal and talkin smack behind my back. I threw them away and they still wondered why i get rid off them..
Weird Times..
After watching this, I realized that ending a long friendship was long overdue.
Same for me
It is truly astounding to see the amount of hate this man gets when his main message is to encourage people to take more responsibility for themselves.
There's that word -responsibility.
They don't want to take responsibility, so they attack the person saying they need to.
Nailed it!
Professional Children, all of them. Their combined value to society is irrelevant compared to what Dr. JP brings to the table.
He is awesome
Very knowledgeable and Badassman
@@VentureHolly Who said anything about "More than any other public figure"?
Jordan speaks responsibility to men and women who's lives are not what they could be. That has nothing to do with "systemic issues", which obviously he'd have a different opinion about.
You're obviously just one of the people that hate this man.
The worst is when you finally realize your close friends are just using you, it hurts, you become jaded.
I hear you.. something about the solitude tho, but lonely for sure
Friends who are only around for the good times.
@@annaeverette8960 Or do everything in their power to keep you down, because they dont want you to succeed past them.
Set boundaries even in friendship
This man is a true gem
💯
Its easy to want this kind of friend but its hard to be this kind of friend.
Now, i realize that i was never a Friend while I have Good Friends, Thanks Jordan 🔥💜
i felt bad spending more time with my boyfriend than my best friend. now i realize he’s my tru best friend. he pushes my goals & success. he’s a tru friend unlike who i thought was my best friend. it’s okay to grow distant with others and come vulnerably close with someone who actually helps u & u help them
Thats a classic ... good that you realise this..
This happened with my sister and my husband. It’s a good realization but it’s also very sad. I hope you are in a better place
That's how it should be, tbh! All the best to you both ❤️
This advice really helped me last year when I was really down and depressed, it made me realise who my real friends are. My friends are the people who are happy to see me happy and who hate to see me sad or upset, I may have learned the hard way that some frienda aren't those people at all, but that doesn't mean I was alone I still have friends who want me to be happy and I always will. And I will always be the friend who wants mine to be happy as well. Jordan Peterson, thank you for giving us hope when we begin to lose it
I cannot get enough of Dr. Peterson's videos!
I am so very thankful for Dr. Jordan Peterson. Thank you for sharing all your amazing work with us. God bless you, sir.
love the way Jordan explains things
I’ve been searching for this wisdom.
Thank you for posting this.
Some "Friends" are Stupid, they don't recognize you are the real Friend but they choose to be ignored
If they fail to realize you are a good friend after so long, walk away; but before you do so, communicate with them ❤
I am So happy to watch this and know that I am surrounded by not Only Good friends, but great parents! God Bless!
I love the friends I’ve met I used this as a way to treat them better thank you
I can’t find anyone with these qualities.
All of my friends kicked me when I was down.
And I am not weak.
I am better than them.
Which is actually what makes life difficult.
Everybody goes for the throat of the alpha. Everybody wants the status without the work.
@@playingcasual2024 God bless you.
I was drunk when I wrote that ☝🏻
This is so true, I've noticed that when I changed the group of people who I was associated with I was doing better .
Thank you so so much for this 🙏
Watched this hopefully to avoid toxic people/frends. Then recognized elements of toxicity in myself ! Glad I watched!
Thanks for the reminder...may you find friends in this life that point you to Heaven and the strength to say no to the friends that point you to Hell. Shalom
0/10 would not use this to find friends.
Love the beginning, so real!
in conclusion: i have no friends.
I’ll be your friend I don’t have many either by choice
@@lonewolf3776 sure thing
@@hannahs6379 as an extrovert. Sometimes it is literally that easy to make a friend. Doesn't mean they will stay, but at least it's a start.
@@jbirdwis oh its easy to make friends. the hard part is finding good people.
@@hannahs6379 couldn't agree more 😀
Yeah i have have experienced this.. Till 1 year back, i was around toxic people and consistently declining in my life.. But today i find myself much more valuable and working upon my goals..due to good and aspiring people around me!! Literally, Your 5 best friends around you decide your future.. It's right..as someone said-- Show me your friends and I'll show you your future.. ❤❤ All the best to everyone who is hustling to become someone that no one has ever imagined ✨✨
I love that thing about the lifeguard, it's bloody awesome 🙂
Thank you Dr. Peterson
Valuable "LIFE'S LESSON"
I learned a valuable lesson when I watched and listened to this video.
Is there a version without sentimental music and images?
Yeah go watch the Jocko Willink interview this is where most of the clips are from... I like Jocko...
Here's the first part at least: ruclips.net/video/cO3ELeIQpSk/видео.html
Stupid song
Its cheesy .. but it works generaly ..
Rubin Report Jordan Peterson
This is so damn deep!!!! He meant that not only you can but you HAVE TO !
I have a term for people I grew up with. I call them legacy friends. They remain in my life because they have always been there. But sometimes they are not close. I remember being hesitant to tell some of them I had bought a house, and sure enough a couple didn’t really want to know about it. It says something about them and about our relationship. I have no illusions.
This is what we wanted. All support. No hidden jealous. Real words.
The idea goes both ways: of course you have to learn how to be a better friend, but if you try and there is no reciprocity at all then try moving on. Finding the right friendships is a long journey only few are willing to take. Knowing which bridges to keep or to build and which to burn tells a lot about your personality. Every friend you have (be it good or bad or anything in between) is like a mirror to your own psyche. A friend is either showing who they are, or, consciously or not, who you are. Figuring out which case it is, is essential for your self-worth. If you start believing the things bad friends say about you, your self-worth will crumble.
the problem is that I have friends who can be there for me but they wont listen to me much and revert the conversation back to them and I put up with it ignoring it or even text my friends or speak louder to cover their voice . the issue is that once I paid attention and shut up , no one let me talk. Most of my new friends wont listen to me long enough but in the past I had friends that would listen to me and all I feel is like im listening to them more but now I stopped listening long because they dont do the same to me. I think its hard to find people who truly want to listen and I find it hard to even speak .
I learned something about myself today
Wise words, from s man who knows more about what makes us tick than we do...it's his job. Happily I have a bunch of such friends, and I cannot think of any that are arounds that do the opposite. I try to be such a friend to those people too, and I hope that I succeed in that... I think I do a lot of the time. My friends are a treasure in my life and I love them.....
One of the ones I had to walk away from was one of my children...that hurt a lot, but for my own sake I had to do it...
One of my favorite quotes relating to Peterson’s first points in the video is “You can’t help someone who isn’t willing to help themselves.”
If they’re not at all willing to help themselves become any better in life, will your help have any drastic non-temporary effect that they’ll learn and advance themselves off of? What about you? If they’re not willing to help themselves or react to your help, then how likely is it that they’ll turn around and help you? Surround yourself with people that want the best for the both of you.
99.9% of people can count on one hand how many of these types of people are in their lives.
Jordan, Mr. Peterson, Thank you.
Thank you for this video
You’re welcome 🙂
I had to listen very well, cause if i want good friends i have to learn how to be one.
After watching this, I found out I actually have good friends. Not that I doubted them to begin with.
Happy New Year to every beautiful soul in this comment section. If you are here like me because you have no real friends I hope 2021 brings you happiness in yourself and hopefully we will all get the real friend we deserve.
I completely agree with Jordan here.
I had to walk away from all of my friends because I wanted to be a healthier, more spiritually aligned person. Now all I have is my family - but it feels more genuine and real ✌🏻
I've found the good news thing to be the most significant part. I've found it's often pretty easy to find people who will help you when you're down - at a cost. The cost is their having to broadcast to you and the world what a fabulous superior person they are to take pity on poor wretched you. What is much harder to find is the person Dr. Peterson is talking about who will genuinely share in your joys. That is how you know you have a real friend.
A friend is not just someone you like or spend time with. Its someone that you made a part of your life because you love them and want to do whats best for them
This is something that I wanted to hear.
I had a great friend from 5 years old. I'm 43 now. His marriage broke up. We were there for him. We spent every weekend with him and did our absolute best to help him. He got back with his wife and never answered my calls ever since. That was almost 5 years ago. He even blocked us on social media. Never a cross word. Life's strange.
Ouch man.
Sounds like his wife is threatened by him having any emotional support besides her.
That's not a good sign. Not good at all.
He's embarrassed by what you both know and just can't bare to face you. Stay a true person, do not become bitter. You did the right thing helping, what a TRUE friend/person you both are...there is a lesson in this for the person you helped.
Very emotional videos. Real friends = real actions
I learnt this late in my teens and that's why too this day in my thirties I still don't have friends I've got colleagues and acquaintances but no real friends.
Jordan Peterson is a hero
2 the people of the world
He is making people's lives
Better
A timely message to me.
I needed to hear this. It helped me see both sides of the coin.
Recently I had an interaction with two of my best and wisest friends and left in turmoil. Now I see that I took the harsh, constructive criticism the wrong way
2nd time listening: THIS IS SO GOOD
This man is truly wise and decent human
I watching this to find out how I can be a good friend to my friends 💕
Echo Charles popped up and I was like 👀 god bless those two!
u re 100% right from my experience .
Gotta be confident in yourself to know how to walk away. The fear of loneliness can keep you in the clutches of bad people.
Be the person that you want to meet!
I guess I’m binge watching Mr. Peterson again
There’s a lot of people in the comment section with no friends or their admitting to being a bad friend. Let’s hope this video helps those people
I cared so much for a friend that he thought I was judging him. Pity I became an enemy and not someone who cared enough to tell him the truth. Ty
People cant handle the truth, thats why I rather keep my mouth shut. Let them find out for themselves the hard way. It costs me far too much energy and for what?
I would be lucky,if I
someone actually gave me the bitter truth.
I love my dad but I wish this guy was my dad just for the knowledge I needed that I had to learn way to hard
This way you get both tho (:
Don't think I've ever met someone that hasn't tried to mention their own experiences when you have a negative/positive yourself
I’m not use to being social, I’ve been quiet all my life, but now that I far away from other antisocial people in my life, I have moments of loving talking to people. Sometimes I want them to watch me, so maybe I can make them laugh. Sometimes, I feel like taking that step to make a new friend is a big and bigger for me because I still have got my life fully sorted out yet. My social battery doesn’t really last that long either. I don’t know if I should just go out throw caution to the wind or if maybe that’s dumb and I might get myself killed.
Maybe stop using drugs is a good starting point.
Links to sources/ url to original videos would be great
‘You want to surround yourself with people who want the best for you”. I understand what Dr Peterson is saying, but for me anyway that is a hard goal to attain. Many people have friends who are really good acquaintances then true friends, and it’s not always clear they want the best for you.
I’ve been the one on the downward spiral. Finally went to hospital last night and getting help. I want to be better. I haven’t been a good friend or partner for a while now. Lost myself somehow over the years sadly.
Hang in there Hannah! 💜
Favourite NEW video.
I told one of my friends that I wanted to join the army . I was really expecting them to support me. He helped through a nasty breakup and showed me what it meant to have fun again after going through depression. I was surprised and disheartened when he couldn’t see how big of a decision this could be for me. He’s been there for me and yet he couldn’t support me on this. I really am puzzled and not sure how to cope with this
U love them for who they are. And good luck! Sounds like you are on a path forward!
A true friend will tell you what you need to hear, not necessarily what you want to hear
I agree with most of this except for the part about if you tell someone bad news and they tell you something bad that happened to them. If it stops there then yeah they’re not listening but if it starts there it works a lot of the time. In the military privates would view you as infallible and wouldn’t want to open up about personal issues so you had to lead with relating to them to get them to open up. With soldiers you had to start the conversation with it’s ok to feel feelings, I feel them to. I know that sounds strange but most vets will get what I’m saying.
It is not about searching for friends, it's about knowing which one is worth investing your time and energy in. Never has it been so easy to meet new people as it is now...say you find a new job and moved to another town...how is going to be a good friend help you there? People don't know you and you don't know them...Miss Popular from the office may love you or hate you. You'll be the it girl for the first few weeks untill someone else comes along. A lot of people have an agenda and you're not going to see it written on their faces. It's not because you're authentic, others are the same? Friends get traded in like phones. Not because they're not adequate anymore but because the new one has more features and of what so & so might think...when it use to be you only bought one if the old one gave up on you. Really getting to know people takes time and time is a rare commodity these days.
THIS IS GOOD
In case anyone need some courage to walk away from toxic people - I personally walk away from my mother who though wanted good, but ultimately did many harmful actions instead, not only to me but also to my siblings. It's understood that she herself had problems and gone through her fair share of problem. But what tipped it over was that she refuse to listen to anyone, even though she claimed she isn't self-righteous.
It was a tough and hard decision as I left with nothing but some money I earned hard working before I was even 18. And yes I had to work hard and can't go on holidays like many of my peers who do while staying with their own parents, spending so much time having "fun" and parties. Do not wonder about how unfair it is to you compare to others. Rather, accept the cold hard fact that life is never fair to anyone, that you were disadvantaged and more on. Don't think anymore than that as it'll drag your mental state down and hinder your focus.
As shown in the video - if you feel it's the right thing to walk away from your family I'd say do so after a good and long thought, with a solid plan. Have a plan and stick by it til you are fully independent and come out as a full-fledged adult. You'll end up more mature than your peers and most likely, ahead. It's not impossible to come out the otherside looking like anyone else even you had such a background. No one knew what I had done except very few close friends whom I trust over the years. Everyone else just assume I had a normal childhood life and family.
I’ve heard another good tip for this. “Two beers and a puppy”. Genuinely decide if you’d enjoy having a beer with someone, and then if you’d trust them to care for a puppy over the weekend.
Beer+puppy people are keepers, try to be one. People who are neither should be avoided. Beer people are fun to have around, but be cautious of them. Puppy people are important, as they take responsibility.
What if you don't drink beer and are allergic to puppies? Does it still count?
@@weneedmoreconsideratepeopl4006 two margaritas and a ferret?
It sucks to be around someone who constantly sucks the life out of you especially if it seems unintentional. 😕